Chapter Text
Don't make me sad, don't make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough
(Lana Del Rey, Born to die)
When she was eleven, Sam wanted to be like her dad.
To the question that all adults sooner or later ask children about what they would like to be when they grow up, she, with all the seriousness and practical sense of her already venerable age, said, "When I grow up, I want to be like my dad."
For Sam, it made sense. Her dad was the best man in the world. He was kind, which she had never been very good at; he was good, he comforted her when she had nightmares, he had taught her how to take care of animals, and he didn't scold her if she did something stupid, but he tried to understand her.
Why wouldn't she want to be like him?
But then one of the children in her class laughed, saying, "So you want to be a failure," and then everyone laughed with him.
Sam, in response, threw the chair at him, breaking his hand and a tooth. From her point of view, that idiot had deserved it.
But apparently, she was the one with attitude problems and antisocial behaviour, and she was suspended. Not the one who had provoked her, oh no, he was an innocent victim of Sam's temperament, not an asshole who shot zero at other people's parents.
The worst thing was that everyone thought the same way. No one seemed to be able to see her dad for the extraordinary person he was, and the fault was all that man on TV.
Auntie Acxa had said he was an old friend of dad's, but Sam didn't believe it. She didn't have any friends, but she had an Allie, and she would never dream of saying such things about her, because then Allie would cry, and Sam hated making his sister cry.
That man was therefore not a friend of his dad. He didn't care about making him sad, or making fun of him by other people, or answering any of Sam's father's calls.
Sam remembered her dad's frustration every time the line dropped. Allie was too young, but Sam remembered.
She remembered everything.
After his death, she swore that she would prove to the world what kind of man he was and that she was his father's daughter.
No one would have laughed at him anymore.
In the end, Sam had become like her father, in a way: that's how she ended up at the far reaches of the universe, where infinity had suffered an abrupt halt giving rise to a rift similar to the Northern Lights but yellowish peach-pink, in a building floating in the void while her sister and her team fought against the druids, and she and Kenai had to prevent a mad Galra general from rewriting the Universe at his whim.
Saving the Universe was a family business, as was being a paladin of Voltron.
The Anihirāgu, one of the last artifacts of old Altea, so powerful that King Alfor had to hide it, intending to destroy it as soon as possible, but who never had the chance to do so, pulsed with reddish light, helping to give General Caribok an eerie Victorian vampire air.
He was smiling, all teeth and canines, and Sam wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face to make the smile go away.
"Paladins," he greeted them, his voice drawling, "even if I see that there are only two of you. Are the others already dead?"
"They're taking care of the garbage," she replied, almost stepping forward, and being stopped by a nod from Kenai.
Right, the plan. She couldn't afford to be impulsive, even though there was the man who had made Earth a light horror version of Jurassic Park.
Not with a universe-annihilating device ready to explode and extremely delicate.
"And do you think that two of you can fight on an equal footing with me?" the general asked, almost amused, "I survived Zarkon, the witch, Sendak... Do you know why you have to be careful about the old man in a profession where men usually die young? Because old wolves did not get old by accident; they got old by being wise, dangerous, and stronger than their enemies. Not that you can understand it, Red Paladin. Your father was certainly not that kind of man."
Sam saw red with rage. How dare that bastard? Her grip on the hilt of the sword made her knuckles white; all her blood throbbed, it sang to the desire to slit the throat of that man to wash away the offence.
She felt the Red Lion vibrate in agreement with her in her mind, both united by an equal desire to make him pay.
"He's provoking you," Kenai reminded her, in a gentle but firm tone, interrupting her fantasies of heads rolling and used as soccer balls, "Don't let him. He wants us to attack first. We must get him away from the Anihirāgu. Remember the plan."
That would have been the perfect time for some catchphrases. Of course, I remember the plan: I attack, and then jump in to get Caribok kicking ass.
Unfortunately for her, the worst possible person stole her moment at the Avengers: Caribok gracefully avoided a stab wound inflicted on his side, and a member of the Blade of Marmora appeared in the room, the invisibility device disabled.
Sam gritted her teeth, "You!"
The man lowered his mask, showing the face marked by precocious wrinkles of the forty-year-old leader of the Blade of Marmora. The man Sam hated more than Caribok.
"Kogane, what are you doing here?" she yelled at the newcomer, "That wasn't the plan."
Yes, she was a hypocrite, but she didn't want his help. Call it a stupid matter of principle, but Sam had no intention of feeling indebted to that man, despite Kogane continuing to get in the way when there was no need at all.
She knew why he did it. She could read it in his eyes, every time he looked at her or Allie, thinking they didn't notice. He looked at them, but he saw a man who had been dead for twelve years, and he did everything in his power to protect what remained of him.
But it was too little, too late.
Where was that worry when Sam's dad called him for help, and Kogane did nothing but tell him to go and disturb someone else?
Where was it?
"The plan has changed," the man said nonchalantly, acting as if he had the right to pull out shit like that, "You leave. I will destroy the Anihirāgu."
"Hell, no!"
It wasn't the plan. The plan was to keep the general busy, while Dr. Holt was to hack the Anihirāgu and deactivate it. Destroying it would have meant the destruction of that place within a radius of... she wasn't even sure, let alone someone like Kogane.
Caribok knew this too, "Do you want to kill everyone so badly, Keith Kogane? Do you think this is redemption for your sins?"
"Not everyone," Kogane said calmly, and Sam knew he was bluffing, "Just you and me. Kanai, Sam, go away. Now."
"I don't take orders from you. You are no longer the black paladin."
Kanai was, and he was the only person besides Allie that Sam listened to. And the black paladin did not hesitate for a moment to activate his bayard, and to attack the general, who nevertheless responded to the blow with an ion shield that was activated by his mechanical arm, and to grin, "You are pathetic. You can't even work together to save the Universe."
Kogane wasn't even listening to him. He was turning towards the Anihirāgu, with every intention of destroying it.
Sam wouldn't let him.
She threw herself forward, but Kogane parried the blow of her sword. She didn't back down, "You're crazy. Do you have any idea how powerful that thing is? Even if we left, we would still die."
"You won't die," Kogane growled, increasing his strength to make her retreat, but Sam wouldn't let him. "I know what I'm doing."
"Oh yes, you always know what you're doing, don't you? You are such a capable leader, such a good friend, you are always there for the paladins!"
A flash of pain crossed Kogane's gaze. Behind, Sam could hear the sounds of the fight between Kanai and the general, but all her attention was at that moment turned to the man in front of her.
"Sam... I've made a lot of mistakes, I know you don't trust me. But the Quintessence brought me here..."
"Bullshit," the young woman snapped, trying to advance, but the middle-Galra continued to resist, "Do you think I don't know of your martyr tendencies? It's not the first time you've done something like this. You pose as the tragic hero of the story, but Kogane... Your tragedy is self-imposed. “
"I do it so that you are not the ones to do it..."
"There was a plan! You were there when we were discussing it! What you want to do is madness! We don't need you to blow yourself up!"
"If Pidge could do it too... the Anihirāgu cannot continue to exist... it must be destroyed..."
Sam growled, "Who says that?"
"Allura."
Now Sam was sure that the guy was full of shit. Justifying himself by putting a person who had been dead for years in the middle was a new level of baseness even for him.
But Kogane was about to surprise her: he gave her a push, which made her back and let her guard down, and with the expression of a beaten dog, he told her, "I have to do what is necessary. I'm sorry, Sam. I hope you will understand me."
Then, he stabbed her in the side.
She thought she heard Kenai screaming her name in the distance, and then a loud bang.
Sam lowered her head towards the affected area. Nothing vital on the surface, but it fucking hurt.
Kogane drew his weapon, and Sam was ready to swear, but felt her legs become soft as jelly.
She fell, but was grabbed just in time by Kenai, who looked at Kogane with such fury that anyone else would have taken off.
Not Kogane, though, but he doubted that this man so ready to die could be frightened by anything else.
"Take her away, Kenai," he just said, again with that damned sad, contrite expression. Dude, needless to look like that, you're the one who stabbed me." Take her to the Atlas, and bring the blue paladin. She will heal her."
He had given the order as one who was used to being obeyed. Perhaps, once, Kenai would have listened without saying a word, out of respect for his mentor. There was very little respect at that moment, and a bayard ready to be used.
"Why did you do it? You could have killed her. You could have killed your friend's daughter, and you don't even care. What kind of monster are you?"
Kogane hesitated, for a long, imperceptible moment, until he could say, "A monster that does what is necessary for the mission. This is the only way. She is too stubborn to listen. I had to do it."
"You stabbed her."
"Yes, and if you don't take her away right away, she'll bleed away," his voice trembled just as he said it, the hypocrite, "The Anihirāgu or the red paladin, Kenai. What do you choose?"
Kenai didn't even need to think about it: he picked up Sam and ran away from there.
Sam tried to punch him, but all she achieved was to leave her handprint on his armour.
"Idiot... we will all die anyway..."
"If Keith wants to die, I don't care," he said, holding her close to him as if he feared Sam might slip from his fingers like sand, "But you're not going to die here. Not you, not Allie, not Rex, not Noelle... None. We're leaving."
"You're a fool," she muttered, hissing in pain from the wound.
She will make Kogane pay for it. She didn't know how, but she would find a way to make him pay.
It was a silly thought, considering what he was going to do, but Sam had always been good at holding grudges.
Well, dad, in the end, maybe I'll really become like you, and even thanks to Keith Kogane... what a fucking joke...
Sam's blood dripped from his sword. Keith looked at it blankly, as if he didn't quite register its presence.
It was the only way, he told himself. Sam and Kenai would not have left if he hadn't done it.
Sometimes, being cruel was a necessity.
You could have killed her anyway, a voice whispered to him relentlessly, the one that had tormented his waking hours for twelve years now, It is not certain that they will arrive at his sister in time, or that he will not bleed himself to death arriving at the Altas. You're not even sure where you stab her. Do you think Lance will welcome you with open arms, knowing what you did to his daughter?
No, but Keith had never expected anything from the beginning. He was not entitled to it.
General Caribok tried to leverage his elbows to get up, but ended up on the ground again. Kenai had made a number about him, without even realising it. His main concern was for the red paladin.
At least, he had priorities in the right place. Maybe Keith had at least done something right, raising that boy.
"It's all useless, Keith Kogane. The Anihirāgu is almost loaded. You will never be able to destroy it in time."
Keith didn't deign to answer him. He walked toward the artifact, surrounded by red quintessence that reminded him of Red Lion. He wasn't surprised: after all, Anihirāgu was made of the same material that lions were made of.
Kenai and the others must have been safe by now. The time had come.
"Allura, you guided me this far... Help me one last time," he prayed, clutching his sword. That was the ultimate sacrifice.
After that, the paladins will have to deal with the rest.
He raised his sword, ready to strike. He lowered it.
Time in those few seconds seemed to dilate to infinity.
It was said that just before dying, you spend your whole life in front of you, the good, the bad and the mediocre. Keith didn't see anything - and a selfish part of him wished the last thing he saw was Lance's face - as if his life wasn't worth remembering.
But for an instant, too brief for him to be sure, he seemed to see the elusive and luminous form of a white lion.
Perhaps it was Allura's last blessing. It didn't matter.
Keith no longer needed blessings.
He cut the Anihirāgu cleanly, and the world around him disappeared in a blaze of light.
Theoretically, Keith's plan should have worked: Kenai would catch up with the other paladins, bring everyone back to the Atlas, and leave as far away as possible to escape the explosion of the Anihirāgu.
The problem was that Allie was nowhere to be found. The druids left to defend the general were all dead, but the blue paladin was as if she were gone, and neither Rex nor Noelle knew where she had gone.
Kenai would never have left there without her. Not knowing how much Sam would suffer.
"Take Sam to the Atlas. I'll look for Allie."
"Are you crazy? Keith Kogane is about to destroy the Anihirāgu. There's no more time," Noelle reminded him, as Rex pressed Sam's wound to slow the bleeding.
"Black will help me," Kenai declared confidently, "You go. Take the Red Lion. It's the fastest."
"But..."
However, whatever protests the green paladin had, it was covered by the roar of the lions and the light that swallowed everything. There was no time to do anything, not even to warn those who were still on the Atlas.
It all ended like this, in a new Big Bang that perhaps saved the Universe, but left it without its paladins and with the Earth still in danger.
A very disappointing ending... If everything had really ended like this.
Sam imagined death so much it felt more like a memory. The psychiatrists to whom aunt Veronica had taken her said that it was a response to trauma, and that it was a phase common to all children who had had a first contact with death.
That might have been true if your hamster had died, Jeremy, not if you had seen your father being slaughtered and you could do nothing.
She had seen so many people die. She knew death with familiarity. Ever since the Red Lion had come for her, she was ready to die if it meant the safety of her family.
But in the end, because of Kogane, she can neither protect Allie nor save the Earth.
What a pathetic excuse of a red paladin she was.
“…saw...something..."
She groaned. The voice was familiar. Why was it familiar? Where had she heard it before? The voice belonged to a young man; it was quite young and seemed worried.
"Hey...can you listen to me? Are you..."
She made a titanic effort to open her eyes: she was lying in the cockpit of one of the Lions, in too much pain to be dead. But she had to be dead. It was the only logical conclusion. Because, above her, there was, younger, a face that she had not seen for twelve years.
"Dad..."