Archive of Our Own

“What size shall I get for you?” Gyeongsu asks, for the fifth time. Each time Namgyu has shamelessly ignored him.

“I’m not wearing a girl's costume,” he states. It’s a fact. He simply will not do it.

Gyeongsu sighs, and groans into his hands. “For the last time it’s not a girl's costume! It’s just a slightly cropped top! It’ll rest above your hips and that’s it, man.”

The desperation is strong on his face, Namgyu doesn’t understand why. It’s not as if any of this affects Gyeongsu in the slightest.

“Why the fuck do you care so much?” Namgyu spits. Walking over to throw himself on the couch.

Originally, Namgyu was supposed to be promoting a local event. A small concert with a few somewhat famous guests. It’s in a couple days, and Namgyu was just about to receive his juicy paycheck until-

“Because the Thanos the legend has asked you to dance with him!”

Namgyu pouts. That’s not exactly what happened at all. Gyeongsu returns to his begging.

“If you get to work with Thanos, then I’ll get to meet him! You’re being selfish dude, what if I got to work with, I don’t know. Who do you even like?” He ponders for a moment. “What if I find you a new dealer?”

Namgyu’s eyes widen. His last dealer moved away, and he’s had to stay sober for this job as his higher ups say it’s ‘bad publicity’ to have him coked up on shift. It’s not as if he’s the one on camera. But whatever, he complied.

It’s not as if this would make up for the utter embarrassment of dancing, on stage, with professionals. This won’t weigh out the sheer stage fright Namgyu has. He’d have to be offered like, a shit load of money. Right?

“Get me a medium.”

Gyeongsu squeals, all girly and shit, as he runs off to his room. Clicking and typing echos through the hall and Gyeongsu shouts done, before Namgyu can process what he’s agreed to.

How the fuck has he been dragged into this mess?

——

He’s a fucking dumbass that’s how.

Quite literally a whole twenty four hours ago, Namgyu had been getting short videos and photos to edit, ready for promotional content. Most days, he records snippets of dances as small sneak peaks into the event. Thanos, of course, insists on being in them all.

In fact, Thanos is the one who got him this job. Begging him in the middle of club pentagon, seven drinks down, pawing at his shoulder like a stray puppy. Stupidly, Namgyu had agreed. In his defence he just wanted Thanos to leave him alone, assuming he’d forget about the whole conversation by the time he wakes up the next day, hungover as shit hopefully.

Thanos

Namsu. Expect a phone call soon, they wanna make sure you’re legit.

They don’t trust me after last time.

Namgyu isn’t quite sure what ‘last time’ was. But he had no choice but to answer the phone call, unwillingly do an interview before they finally offered him the job.

The phone speaker crackled into his ear, “honestly, Thanos has pulled this stunt before where he begs and begs us to hire one of his friends. But you actually have the experience we need for this position. We’ll even pay double whatever you’re earning now since it’s only temporary, and give you VIP access to the shows, sound good?”

Sounds amazing actually, which is exactly why Namgyu sent his bank details over and got his equipment together in a heartbeat.

He’s done this kind of thing before anyway, worked with all kinds of famous people. Been disrespected by said famous people. But Thanos was never like that, so he had hope that this time would be better.

And for the first part, it was. The studio was gorgeous, freshly painted and polished for the dancers to practice in, large enough to fit his camera and tripod. New songs which were exclusive to the event pounded in each room, Namgyu getting early access to each one, as if he were someone important. A couple of the dancers and performers even followed him on his socials, thankful for his work as a promoter. After all, he’d made the ticket sales skyrocket.

Some dancers were a bit … pretentious.

Mina. A snobby girl, with blue braids dangling from her ponytail. Swishing in her step as she, for some fucking reason, catwalks everywhere.

Bring me a coffee. No not that size, ugh are you all incompetent or something? Ew that move is cringe, I’m not doing that in the show. I’ve just done my makeup so I can’t practice today, I don’t want it to get all sweaty.

Actual words that have fallen from her filler injected lips.

Namgyu, admittedly, while editing the pictures to upload has purposefully cropped her out. Or made her look fatter than she is. She’s also too pretentious to even follow him, so she’ll never know either way.

The first mistake Namgyu made was admitting, bragging actually, that he knows the choreography.

“That bitch isn’t even doing the moves right,” he scoffed, gossiping with the shy, sound technician. “I mean, she isn’t even close to being in the right space. Thanos is supposed to grab onto her hips but she’s too far away. I could do it better honestly.”

Minsu, the technician, let out a breathy laugh. “She’s missed too many rehearsals. I don’t think I could do better than her though, she’s still very talented. Thanos is very lucky to be dancing with her.”

That set something off deep inside Namgyu. She should be grateful that she gets to dance with Thanos. His songs have more streams than hers, his posts get more likes and he even has more followers. Not that Namgyu was checking. It’s a fact, he’s more famous, therefore she’s the lucky one. Not him.

“Talented? You’ve got to be kidding me. Minsu I’m telling you, I know this dance inside out and she is not doing it right. In fact, I don’t think she’s even trying to.” He blurts out.

“I guess you have watched them rehearse for days on end now,” Minsu hums, “I don’t understand why she isn’t trying though.” He goes off to toggle with some of the speakers, adjusting switches and returning to Namgyu’s side. “Maybe it has something to do with her boyfriend.”

Namgyu smirks, oh yeah she got cheated on. “I hope she’s fucking miserable.”

He senses Minsu stiffen next to him, but he stands by what he said. People like her make these kinds of jobs awful, an unspoken hierarchy looms over him at all times. More important people surround the corners of the building, paychecks higher than his inheritance. And he can see it on their faces, the sympathy. He’s just a pathetic promoter to them, and nothing more.

To Mina, he’s filth.

And just when he’s about to continue smack talking her, when he overhears a heated discussion behind him.

“I said I don’t want to be in the performance anymore,” Mina struts off to her belongings with a very confused Thanos following after her. All eyes are on them, the other dancers turn over their shoulder and the backstage crew pretend to busy themselves to eavesdrop.

“What do you mean? Mina the performance is in a couple days, you can't drop out now,” Thanos pleads, trying to keep his voice hush but the acoustics do him no favour.

“I can and I will,” her head turns away from him, nose upturned.

“Mina, please this song means so much to me. How am I supposed to perform without a dance partner?”

The exclusive song, we belong together, was made to help gain attraction from younger audiences. Thanos is a small feature on the track and, as Namgyu has casually noticed, has worked his ass off to make this performance perfect. The other feature on the song, MGcoin, has also been invited to perform to the track alongside his dance partner Junhee.

It was supposed to be a simple dance, the two men serenading their dance partners as the female singer has her own spotlight. But without Mina, it’ll throw off the balance.

As thrilled as Namgyu is that he won’t have to see her again, he could also kill her on the spot for fucking up this whole thing for Thanos.

“Find a new one, it’s not my problem anymore,” Heels clack against the studio tiles, and she slams the door behind her. Namgyu wishes her braids got stuck.

It’s eerie. There’s a bustle of coughs and awkward rustles from people not knowing if they should move or not.

Thanos glared at Myunggi, who insists on never going by his stage name, and scoffs. “This ruins your performance too,” it wipes the smirk off the other boy's face. If Thanos can't perform, neither can Myunggi.

“Just find another dancer, Junhee can teach them the part. It’s the same moves,” Myunggi mumbles. Avid to never helping anyone.

Thanos scans the room. All the other dancers will be having a costume change during this specific performance. Sweat beads on Thanos’ forehead, his lip is tucked between his teeth as he panics.

“We’ll have to call it off,” Thanos sighs. Whipping his phone from his pocket. “We can’t re-choreograph the dance without the girl's part, it’s too late.”

Unless they want to be grinding their hips against thin air then, yeah, it’ll look equally as strange as having no one.

“Namgyu can do it,” a girl's voice pipes up. One he recognises all too well.

Semi.

“What? No I can’t. I’m not a dancer,” he feels the heat from everyone staring at him, up and down. Analysing how he’d fit into the dance.

“Really? I overheard you saying to Minsu how you know the dance, what was it, inside and out?” Her lip piercing twinkles and hugs her grin. She goes back to altering a costume for another dancer. “Or did I hear wrong, Minsu?”

And of fucking course, the shyest boy in the planet cannot lie to a room full of strangers. He turns beat red and hysterically shakes his head. “N-no you didn’t hear wrong. He said that.”

Namgyu has to get out of this, and fast. “Well yeah I know the dance, but only because I’ve been trapped in here with them for weeks.”

Thanos’ eyes burn the most, Namgyu swears he hasn’t blinked once. The phone is still clutched in his palm, ready to dial, ready to call this whole thing off.

“So what’s the problem? Do you not want to help Thanos?” Semi sneers.

Namgyu has to awkwardly laugh, otherwise he thinks he might throw up. “It’s not that, it’s just- shouldn’t you get a girl to do it instead? The song is about chasing after a girl.”

That has to do the trick right?

Semi looks at him once over, “you look girly enough to me.”

“What the fuck-”

“Namgyu,” Thanos pulls his attention from Semi, “do you really know the dance?”

He chokes on his words, “yes but-”

“Semi as the costume designer, you can make him look like a girl right?” Thanos interrupts.

“You bet.”

Thanos beams wide, “Please, Namgyu?”

Now Namgyu is the one who’s beat red. There’s no way he’s getting up and dancing in front of a crowd, let alone play the girl part. This is obscene!

But who is Namgyu to decline Thanos? The one and only person who treats him nicely at work, who sometimes invites him over to get high. If he says no, is he throwing all of that away?

He doesn’t have much of a life, but if there’s one person who’s made it even an ounce better - it’s Thanos.

He’s nodding before he realises it.

———

The outfit arrives promptly. A small black top that does in fact rest nicely above his hips. What? It shows off your waist! Gyeongsu had said when questioned about the size of the top. The bottoms, low waisted and also black, sit snuggly around his hips too. Calligraphy, which Namgyu can’t decipher, is spread down each leg of the baggy sweatpants.

It’s more of a street wear look, assumingly to match the baggy attire Thanos often goes for. But also not to wash him out, he can picture Thanos’ outfit being an eyesore - all the wrong shades of green and purple.

He has an hour before he’s supposed to set off for the dress rehearsal. The actual performance lies just a day away, and the stress is eating him up.

Consciousness was stolen by the steps of the dance, his brain refusing to shut off until he knew the dance through and through from memory alone. No music, no Thanos.

“You nervous?” Gyeongsu, unhelpful as ever, asks.

Black coffee stares back at Namgyu, his reflection and his eye bags mutilate in the drink. God he hopes the makeup artist can get rid of those.

“I guess,” it’s not as if he doesn’t know the dance. He is ultimately better than Mina. It’s just, he’s never been perceived so intensely before. Real people will be watching in real time. And after that? They can watch it again and again. It’ll be out there forever, Thanos and new dance partner mess up performance.

Fuck. He needs a pill so badly.

“Don’t worry! I’ll be there watching tomorrow, backstage and everything,” his roommate grins, blushes even. Is the thought of Thanos that appealing to him? “So I’ll be there to support you if anything goes wrong.”

“Thanks man,” he offers a smile. Out of character for Namgyu but the sleep deprivation is getting to him.

“And you look super cool in your outfit,” Gyeongsu says while adding a heapful of sugar to his coffee. “You totally pass off as a girl. Especially once they add the makeup onto you, like all the blush and shit.”

“I don’t want any of that shit on my face,” he only wants his eye bags covered and that’s it. No one said anything about blush!

“No can do man, stage lights require loads of makeup. Thanos has worn eyeliner before in some of his performances,” he smirks. As if he’s getting a kick out of the idea of Namgyu caked in powders and glitter.

Namgyu stands up, snatching his keys and walks to the door. “If you mention this to anyone I’ll revoke your VIP access, got it?”

A small, panicked got it rings through the crack of the door as Namgyu slams it.

Time for his first and last rehearsal.

———

Junhee has the same outfit on as him, the calligraphy on her leg shimmers under the stage lights as she warms up. It’s odd, seeing all the workers in this environment rather than in the practice studio.

And it's even weirder, that Namgyu suddenly notices how many seats there are.

“Are these all fully booked?” He asks, Junhee shoots him a confused look.

“Weren’t you the one who sold them?” She asks. And, yeah he was. Fair play.

And since he was the one who managed to sell them all, he’s very certain that every seat will have a person in it. Watching, judging. Waiting for him to mess up. Praying he misses a step, or starts too late.

Surely they’ll find an actual dancer to take his position, in the end this will all be one massive joke. Something he and Thanos can laugh about later. Ha ha remember the time you almost made me dance with you on stage? And how we had to pretend I was a girl because Mina is a fucking loser and dropped out last minute?

He’s not so sure Thanos will find the last part so funny.

“Thanos and Myunggi will be here soon, do you have any questions in the meantime?” Junhee asks, “you should probably stretch as well.”

First he’s being made to dance and now he has to stretch? What is this, yoga?

Whatever Junhee is doing, Namgyu copies. Prying his brain for any questions before the others arrive. “Oh I do have one question.”

“Ask away,” she says, reaching her toes as she stretches out her spine.

“How do you guys make it look like you’re actually touching?”

“What?” Her eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“Well, like when Myunggi’s grabbing onto your hips. It really does look like he’s grinding on you,” he tries to explain.

“That’s because he is.”

What.

“What? I thought it was just the angle, are you sure he’s actually, you know, rubbing up on you?” He needs clarification because no way is he getting dry humped on stage.

“You better get used to the idea because that’s exactly what Thanos has to do to you,” Junhee returns back to her stretches as if it’s nothing.

That can't be right. Maybe for Myunggi and Junhee they can dance that closely, but Thanos wouldn’t want to do that. He’d have to be caught dead getting this close to a man.

And of course, Namgyu doesn’t want to do that either. Obviously.

“Are you two… together?” He can’t help but ask.

“Fuck no,” she pulls an arm over her chest and slowly relaxes into the stretch, Namgyu copies. “I already have a girlfriend. And he’s way too annoying. Always on about crypto currency.”

So they’re not together…but they’re comfortable dancing so closely. This doesn’t make sense to Namgyu at all. Why would anyone want to do this?

“So how does this work then? Does your girlfriend not get mad at you?”

“Semi? No she hates Myunggi too,” Junhee moves to sip from her water, unbothered by the question “and it’s all acting, it’s part of the job.”

Right. The job that Namgyu accidentally signed up for.

God there’s just so many new things that Namgyu has to get used to in such a short amount of time. Maybe it would have been a small price to pay by having Thanos never speak to him again if he’d said no, but at least he wouldn’t have to be doing this.

He’s only ever observed the dance, practiced alone or momentarily forced Gyeongsu to help. He had no idea that they were actually dancing and grinding at the same time.

And there is a lot. Of grinding, that is. Thrusting, dare he say.

A shudder goes down his spine.

Well there’s no turning back now! Especially when Thanos arrives and is very adamant they rehearse immediately, he even goes as far as to chug his energy drink on the spot to be more ‘time efficient’.

Firstly, he demands they practice without music, just to focus on the moves being accurate without worrying about pacing. Myunggi and Junhee step into place, and the other two wait behind the curtain.

“At least we come on later, Namsu. Our part is shorter,” Thanos whispers. Something about the phrase ‘our part’ sends a chill down Namgyu’s spine. It’s their dance. Not Mina’s, not some random girl. But Namgyu’s.

Odd. Must be the adrenaline kicking in.

In the empty crowd, the choreographer counts down and the pair on stage shoot off into their dance. Slower than normal, calmer. Myunggi does his best to sing his part without music, causing Thanos to scoff.

“He’s such a fucking loser, can’t even sing his own song right,” purple hair shifts as Thanos shakes his head in disappointment. “Namsu,”

“It’s Namgyu,” he knows Thanos does it on purpose. But he can’t help himself, the feeling of being forgettable makes him sick to his stomach.

“That’s what I said, anyway, we gotta out do these two on stage,” Thanos continues, getting into position before it’s their cue. “Myunggi is trying to get me kicked off my contract, I can sense it.”

Thanos doesn't have a good track record of having an accurate intuition. But there is also something so snidey about the other boy, he’s seen the glares sent his way. The pout on his lips at all times, the fake character he puts on for the camera and the camera only. It reminds him all too much of the rich, boozy snobs at club pentagon.

The two waltz onto the stage, Thanos bursting into his part of the song as he jumps into character. Shit, Namgyu should do that too, be in character.

He’s supposed to be some, hard to get girl? Turning Thanos down, but also keeping him wrapped around his finger. Okay, he can try and channel that.

As instructed, Namgyu has to walk in front of Thanos as he spews his lyrics. He makes sure to be sassy, swaying his hips before it’s time to actually dance.

It’s warm, scorching even, when Thanos first grabs onto him. It’s a simple move, only clutching onto Namgyu’s wrist. But the contact was sudden and different, this doesn't feel like dancing with Thanos, this feels like… an actual scene.

It’s so believable. The look in his eyes, and the proximity of the two as Thanos pulls him closer to the imaginary beat. He’s an amazing performer, he’s selling this whole dance, Namgyu would believe they actually had something going on if he wasn’t so aware that they most definitely, do not.

His heart twangs, is it really true that the only time Namgyu feels wanted is when someone is pretending? A scene between two characters, false and predetermined. After two minutes it’ll all be over. But Namgyu can’t help but enjoy himself.

And suddenly, that contact turns into something more. The hand previously on his wrist, snakes around his hips. And something presses up behind him. When they start to move into a rhythmic sway, his skin burns deeper and deeper. It feels almost inappropriate, and there’s barely anyone watching. But it’s the idea that Thanos, just like right now, will be grinding against Namgyu in front of thousands of people. On camera, photos, reports, a crowd.

His skin settles, and underneath exhilaration bubbles.

He’s no longer embarrassed by the idea, not even when it’s time for him to arch his back as he bends over, Thanos still clutching onto his hips while he and Myunggi share the next few verses. He can see Junhee is doing the same, but it doesn’t feel that way. And he also knows he’s been told to do these moves, and yet he can’t help but lean into how natural it all is. How the large, tattooed hands grasp at his hips and sometimes move to shift his top up, revealing ribs and goosebumps.

He’s just trying to overshadow Myunggi, right? Make their performance more captivating, encouraging people to like Thanos more.

The two separate, implying the girls had enough. Adding to the whole ‘will they won’t they’ fiasco. Thanos goes back to his chase, as he sings his adlibs in tune with Myunggi’s. Automatically, Namgyu’s body moves to the counts from the choreographer, walking over to Thanos on time, circling his chest and-

Woah.

It’s tough, built from muscle and determination. A small heartbeat thumps beneath his palm, speeding up at the contact. Namgyu knows he’s supposed to move his palm to Thanos’ neck for their ending position, but wouldn’t it be so nice if they stayed like this? A warm heat on his waist, their hips colliding. Namgyu has a sudden urge to lean into the touch. But he can’t. None of this is real. It’s an act.

But wouldn’t it sell the performance?

He shifts his hips, arguably his body moves without thinking. And Thanos chokes out a surprised grunt. At some point, their ending position was completed, but the two didn't move. In fact, the hand on Namgyu’s waist prevents him from doing so. Until, that is, he’s forcefully pushed away. Not rudely, simply just because the dance is over. They have no need to share the same breaths, or have their fabric mingle with their proximity.

Hot breaths fill the stage as the dancers depart. There’s fire in Thanos’ eyes which Namgyu can't quite name.

“That was sick, man!” He exclaims, slapping him on the shoulder. “I completely forgot it wasn’t a girl I was dancing with.”

Myunggi grumbles something under his breath, Junhee sending Namgyu a help me look. This rivalry is fueling the performance. That’s all Thanos cares about. It’s the only reason he wanted Namgyu to help him, to use him as a pawn for revenge. Of course no one would ever be thankful for Namgyu’s sacrifices.

“Thank you though, seriously.”

Oh.

“For what?” He finds himself asking, needing to hear the words directly.

Thanos scoffs light heartedly. “For doing all this? Learning the dance, performing with us, helping me. You’re a lifesaver!”

Redness prickles at Namgyu’s cheeks, he can feel blood rise and his lips turn into a small smile.

“It’s no problem,” he says, despite the fact it really is a massive hassle. He’s having nightmares about being called señorita at work!

Thanos goes to reply but the choreographer hops over. Another girl with short hair, Jiyeong, was it?

“I’m really impressed Namgyu! Honestly that Mina girl was getting under my skin,” she begins. “I do have a few notes though.”

Whatever was left of the blush on Namgyu’s face vanishes. He was terrible wasn’t he. He was terrible and it’ll bring down Thanos’ reputation. He knows it.

“For the part where you drop to your knees, it needs to be more synchronised with Junhee,” she beckons the other two dancers over. “We can just try it again, it’s nothing to stress about.”

All four of them get into position again, the two men stand tall with a hand on their partner's shoulder.

Jiyeong huffs, “okay I think the issue was the speed.”

Namgyu could’ve sworn he had done the move right, sure his heart was jackhammering in his chest as he lowered himself in front of Thanos as he sang to the yet-to-be-crowd. But he managed to get to the floor on time, and return to Thanos’ side for the next move.

“I’m just being picky, but Namgyu, maybe just go down a little slower,” she suggests. “And Thanos you need to look at him, you and Myunggi should also be synchronised.”

Namgyu doesn’t need to look at Myunggi to see the prideful smirk on his face. Thanos nods, and averts his eyes to Namgyu.

“Okay I’ll give you the counts, get ready.”

And right on cue, Namgyu moves his body lower and lower before Thanos. He sinks to his knees, with Thanos’ hand caressing his shoulder and neck, just like before. But this time, deep brown eyes stare at him, getting further and further away as Namgyu is basically face to face with his crotch. As told, Namgyu has to run his hands along Thanos’ thigh, up and down and up and down again.

He jolts as he feels fingers thread in his hair. That wasn’t part of the dance. Why is Thanos improvising? Namgyu’s face burns too hot to think about it. It’s like he’s watching himself from a different perspective, an out of body experience.

Thanos, with his strong hands curled around the deep black strands of Namgyu’s hair. Petting, almost. Friendly, and delicate. Namgyu can’t help it, as it’s time to get back up from his knees, he slowly inches part of his hand underneath Thanos’ graphic tee. Just teasing, just improvising.

Thanos almost stutters over his words, but luckily Jiyeong shouts over him.

“Much better this time, take a break and we’ll do a full rehearsal with the music and lights, got it?”

A break is well needed, Namgyu feels lightheaded.

————

What was he doing? Running his hands under Thanos’ top like that, he’s getting way too comfortable. As nice as his smooth, inked up skin felt on Namgyu’s fingertips, Thanos doesn’t want him feeling him up on stage. He needs to get a grip.

Ice cold water trickles down Namgyu’s throat as he refreshes himself, mainly needing something to fidget with before he spirals any further.

He’s not used to people relying on him. Sure, for his promotional content they have expectations - but the bottom line is that he’s still replaceable. His skills aren’t unique to him, his knowledge can be topped and most of all, he can be thrown away at any second.

And maybe that feeling is comfortable. It’s mutual, even. It’s an unspoken agreement, thick in the air but veiled behind fake courtesy. He’s used to broken systems, the instability of it all.

Blinding his irises, the stage lights shine and cascade the room. It’s pretty, Namgyu finds himself staring and how the metallic walls reflect the colours, creating crystals and pockets of vibrancy all around.

And it’s all for him. All to show off the dance, sell the song and steal the attention.

“You ready?” Thanos calls out, now fixing his mic. A new addition to the rehearsal. Namgyu nods and joins him backstage, ready for the music to start. “It’ll be faster this time, but don’t worry man, I’ll help you keep up,” he reassures.

“Well, let’s see if Myunggi tries to upstage you first,” Namgyu jokes, but it sends a jolt of frustration through the man next to him.

“You notice it too? I swear he keeps adding moves, it’s pissing me off man,” he tuts, “but whatever he does, I’ll copy. I won’t lose out on my contract just because he’s trying to throw me off my balance.”

“Can’t we just tell him to follow the choreography? I really can't memorise any more steps,” he sees Junhee and Myunggi move into place on stage, Namgyu shifts closer ready for their entrance.

“Nah don’t worry about memorising shit, you’re doing great. I’ll be the one to add the improv. As long as you and Junhee are in sync it’s fine, I just need to out do Myunggi somehow…”

The music blares through the speakers, and Myunggi’s voice echoes back and forth with the backing track. He’s… okay. Thanos is obviously more talented, vocally. And he’s definitely more charismatic on stage, Namgyu would know, he’s helped him perform at club pentagon countless times.

“And,” Thanos begins, “I noticed you added extra moves to your part anyway.”

Namgyu stills, oh god is this it? Is he confronting him about being a total weirdo back there? He needs to apologise immediately before he gets given a restraining order, “I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to—”

“I liked it,” Thanos smiles softly, “it felt right. For the dance, of course.”

“Oh, yeah,” Namgyu whispers, seconds away from stepping onto the stage. “I’ll…keep it up then.” That’s not how he expected Thanos to react. But for someone as unpredictable as him, Namgyu can't say he’s surprised.

Thanos sends him a reassuring thumbs up before they hop into action. And despite how it’s now sped up, in tune to the music, Namgyu finds it easier to get into the dance this way.

It’s smooth, and flows perfectly. Thanos grabbing onto his wrist before he pulls away. He circles Namgyu, reaching for his waist momentarily before they both pull together. Grinding, gently of course, into a shared body roll. But not as gentle as the breath on his neck as Thanos sings his lines behind him.

His voice is hoarse, deep and grounding. And it sends goosebumps down his spine, nothing he’d ever experience with Myunggi’s voice. Thanos sounds effortless, like he was born to do this.

He’s heard him sing before, mainly rap and also mainly at a distance. Usually while Namgyu stays in the VIP section as Thanos hogs the stage, captivating the club goers. But this is entirely different.

For instance, the song is slow and seductive, nothing like Thanos’ solo music. Where he prioritises shock value with obscene lyrics and speed of his delivery. Always talking about his newest fuck, or claiming how he’s the best of the best. It’s not that Namgyu doesn't like his solo work, it’s just, this feels so much more real.

Despite what people say, Thanos is delicate, is caring, and is weirdly romantic. The way he talks to girls, buys them a drink and respects their rejection. He’s worked hard for his career too, a real passionate soul.

And honestly? The more he thinks of it, the more he thinks Myunggi doesn’t deserve to share the track with such a great person.

As the beat continues, Namgyu’s brain powers on. Myunggi, a nepo baby from a conglomerate family obsessed with finance. He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, bathed in cash and greed. It’s all too familiar, the hatred that Namgyu’s feeling.

It’s when he’s on his knees again, a hand shoved in his hair, that he has the urge to help Thanos. Help him throw Myunggi off his game, gathering the eyes of the non existent audience their way instead.

Denim itches the palm of Namgyu’s hand as he glides it up and down Thanos’ thigh. He’s slowly rising, and slowly shifting his palm. And he just can’t help himself. It’s to help, of course. Sex sells.

Namgyu palms at Thanos’ crotch for a small beat before resuming his position. Thanos doesn't falter, but he notices. The hand, previously tangled in his hair, digs his nails into the nape of his neck before releasing. A reflex. Unexpected, but not unwelcome.

It seems they have more chemistry than he realises. Something he’d never have known if Mina had been the one in this position.

Maybe this side of the industry isn’t too bad after all.

———

“And then she said her boyfriend doesn’t want her to dance with me, something about me making moves on her. It’s stupid as hell man, I’m just trying to promote my music.” Thanos huffs. The two exit the building side by side.

The rest of the rehearsal went by, as Jiyeong said, perfectly. Maybe her hatred towards Mina and her flaky behaviour made her all the more thankful for Namgyu. But either way, perfect is perfect.

They experimented with staging, seeing if the dance would look better if Namgyu and Thanos began on stage. But ultimately, Thanos was ‘giving too many dirty looks to Myunggi’. So backstage they stayed. To which, Namgyu is thankful for. Less time in the public eye is less time to mess up.

“He’s just projecting. He’s scared she’ll leave him for you dude.” Namgyu laughs, mainly at Mina’s misfortune but partly at the whole situation in general.

If he’d never taken the promoter job for the event, he’d never have spent the past two days with Thanos. Even Junhee, he’s starting to get fond of her. Although, he doesn’t understand what she sees in Semi… that’s an issue he’ll have to work on later. Some sort of breakup plan.

“But after all that, she still stayed with him! He’s cheated on her a bunch of times and she never leaves. Pisses me off man, I’m always being dragged into some bullshit.”

The air is crisp, but cooling on his skin. He’s worked up a sweat from repeating the dance over and over until he’s satisfied. Thanos cheering him on, Junhee watching his accuracy.

“Well you won’t have to see her again at least,” Namgyu’s phone rings to tell him his ride is nearby. “Unless she shows up tomorrow to sabotage me.”

Thanos snickers and puffs on his vape. Disgusting and far too sweet. Namgyu doesn’t understand why he won’t just smoke a cigarette like a normal adult. If he had one, he’d offer to share. Feeling the need to indulge in his people pleaser tendencies.

But that’s just where the two differ. Thanos, always with a sugary cocktail at hand while Namgyu sips on his bitter glass of whiskey. Thick smoke clings to all of his clothes, staying after each wash and after dousing himself in perfume. Their styles oppose, too. Black on black against a wash of neon, hiding Namgyu in the club lights while Thanos stands out.

Speech, too. His tongue moves before he does, spills apologies, taking commands and hiding what he’s truly thinking. But not the other man, he’s boisterous and loud. Purposeful as well, he’s aware he’s making a scene because that’s exactly what he wants. For everyone to look at him.

“Which way you heading?” Smoke pours from Thanos’ mouth as he speaks.

“That way, my ride is nearly here actually,” Namgyu glances at his phone, it’s still five minutes away. Traffic, probably.

“Ride? Nah I’ll walk you home. I’m going that way too.”

Namgyu’s eyes flicker between Thanos and his phone, the car still isn’t moving and he has time to cancel and get a refund. “But you don’t know where I live?”

Thanos smirks, full of himself but as charming as usual. “Then show me.”

He hits cancel without looking.

The walk isn’t too far, Namgyu just isn’t much of a walker. He’d rather wake up five minutes before he has to be somewhere and hop into an uber. Instead of, one would argue, actually being organised. Setting an alarm, slowly collecting yourself in the morning and strolling to the location.

That’s simply too much hassle.

But Thanos seems to make up for that. He’s far too distracting for Namgyu to even notice how long it’s been.

“It’s a shame you weren’t working that day, that fight was fucking crazy man!”

Namgyu’s phone lights up, undoubtedly from Gyeongsu.

Gyeongsu

Try and get a pic of Thanos for me. Pls pls pls.

I just can’t hold off until tomorrow.

Ty for the vip acces btw.

A pic of Thanos would go real nice with the ticket though…

Namgyu can’t believe he was worried about creeping Thanos out, when Gyeongsu is a top tier stalker.

Namgyu

I’m not doing that.

I’ll be home soon, order something so it gets there when I arrive.

“I hate working when a fight breaks out,” Namgyu groans and slips his phone back into his pocket, “protocol says I have to break it up. To protect the image of the club or some dumb shit like that.”

“Ah but you can’t fight for shit can you?” Thanos teases.

“Piss off,” he defends. “I can, I just don’t want to.”

“That’s what they all say.”

Namgyu rolls his eyes, “be careful what you say, I can make sure you never perform at pentagon again. How’s that sound?”

“That shithole? Go ahead,” he chuckles. “I only go there for you, anyway.”

Huh? Thanos. Goes to club pentagon. Just to see Namgyu?

A nervous laugh barks its way out of Namgyu’s mouth. “What do you mean?”

He shrugs, and Namgyu thinks it’s the first time he’s ever seen Thanos so timid. Insecure, even. “You’re chill. I liked hanging out with you.”

“You mean you liked the free drinks,” Namgyu shoots back, keeping his voice playful.

“Well who would turn down a free drink?” He grins, wide enough to make his eyes squint. “You’re different from my other friends though.”

“How so?” Namgyu asks without even processing. “Don’t you have other, rich clubs to go to, with your other, rich friends?”

“That’s the issue,” he inhales his vape, blowing it away from Namgyu’s face. “They’re stuck up. But you’re … real.”

“Real?” His voice has reached a whisper. Their paces have slowed down.

Thanos nods. “There’s no fake shit with you, I like it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Namgyu’s body is warm and fuzzy, deflecting the chill of the air around them. His chest pumps with something new. Contentment? Gratitude?

He blurts out, “I don’t have many friends.” Is he warning Thanos? That people don't tend to hang around with Namgyu, don't tend to like him? He can never let a compliment go without retaliation. He always has to prove it wrong.

“I have too many,” Thanos replies instantly. “It seems we have opposing problems, huh?”

Namgyu hums in agreement, no matter what, he’s always reminded of how they don’t need to be the same to understand each other.

Because loneliness comes in many forms, for Namgyu it’s when he’s alone in an empty room. Nights spent in the dark, a routine he was forced into. But for Thanos, being surrounded by too many people, especially those who can’t stand you, would feel insanely isolating. Both are miserable ways to live.

Namgyu stops in his tracks. “Oh.” His disappointment slips out.

“Oh, what?”

His apartment glooms over him, flickering lights and bashed bricks face the pair.

“We’re here,” he turns to face Thanos. “Thank you… for walking me back.”

A hard thump hits his shoulder as Thanos shoves him. “It’s no problem, man.”

Even under the moonlit sky, shadows brushing over his face, Namgyu can still see a small fire in his eyes. One that he recognises on stage, when Thanos performs, when he’s getting attention, it’s that same ignited energy.

Namgyu feels it too. Buried under his chest.

“Namgyu,” his tone shifts. “Call me if you’re having any doubts, yeah?”

“O-okay,” the sudden seriousness catches him off guard.

“Just say the word and I’ll call it all off.”

Namgyu can’t speak. Instead he lets out a forced uh huh.

“I know we’re asking a lot from you, but trust me I won’t be mad if you don’t want to do it. Myunggi can go fuck himself if he cares that much,” Thanos continues.

“I will, don’t worry,” he reassures. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Thanos.”

“See you tomorrow,” Thanos waves him off as he lets himself into the complex.

The elevator buzzes, and Namgyu never would have known he was smiling to himself if he hadn’t got a glimpse of his reflection in the metallic shine of the elevator walls. Huh.

124, his apartment door reads. Footsteps muffle from the other side, swinging the door open without making Namgyu lay a finger on the handle.

“Namgyu!” Gyeongsu exclaims, “how do you feel about Chinese food? I saved you plenty!”

This time, Namgyu is aware of his smile. Especially how it’s widening into a toothy grin.

“Thank you, Gyeongsu. That’s a great choice,” he trudges into his apartment and the pressure eases off of him for a brief moment.

Namgyu, who has dreamed of being bowed down to, the same person who envied the VIPs and their close relationships, is all of a sudden, whole heartedly content with only having two friends.

——

It’s been forty five minutes and Namgyu is still standing, motionless under the hot stream of the shower. His playlist on repeat, muffled under the patter of water droplets. Wash and wash, he scrubs at his scalp and nearly empties his conditioner bottle.

He caught a glimpse of his disheveled appearance early on this morning, insecurity rising deep within his stomach. His hair is too long, it frames his face weirdly. And he’s constantly squinting due to his refusal to admit he needs glasses. Boring, he thinks, I look … boring.

Not someone who belongs on stage, who will be on stage later this evening. Not someone who has the talent nor the looks. These things don’t matter when you’re behind the camera, something he’s never been too fussed about. Why would he be?

A sudden chill splashes down his back, the hot water no longer flowing. Probably a sign to get out.

Ragged towel, blotchy skin, track marks, tattoos. It all stares back at him in the mirror, fuzzy from the steam. What changed overnight? He was so confident during the rehearsals, and even got a whole eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Whatever is wrong, needs to be fixed before he’s on stage. If he fucks this up, he’s positive Thanos won’t forgive him.

And he cannot go back to only having Gyeongsu as his only friend. Oh god will he have to call him his best friend?

Piles of clothes litter his room, he sighs. Does Thanos live in such filth? How do rich people even live, routine wise? He’s sure Thanos wakes up, orders himself something expensive to eat and sits on his balcony to puff on his vape. Every morning, without a doubt.

Namgyu’s been over to his apartment a few times, always refusing to let him see the state of his own. It’s fancy, and very extravagant. The pills they shared were also very fancy. A kind Namgyu has never tried, never been able to afford to, until Thanos offered him the chance to hang out.

I liked hanging out with you. Thanos’ words ring in his mind, bringing back the warmth in his chest as he recalls last night.

It’s sweet, but Namgyu can’t wrap his head around it. Thanos could be friends with anyone, and yet he chooses to keep Namgyu at his side?

Namgyu is lucky, that must be it. For once in his life, he’s lucked out. Having someone desperately want to get closer to him, giving him the opportunity to grow his career as a promoter and even allowing him to dance with him. To get so close, to pull him in further as their bodies move on muscle memory alone. To feel so comfortable with him, he’s fine breathing down the neck of his friend as he sings and grinds into the small of Namgyu’s back.

Well, that’s not so normal is it? Would Namgyu want to do that with Gyeongsu? He almost gags at the idea.

Would Thanos want to be doing this with anybody else? He’s not sure he wants the answer to that.

A bang at his door makes him jump, he’s still half dressed and staring into space. What is with him today?

“You want leftovers for lunch Namgyu?” Gyeongsu asks on the other side of the door. “Or I can cook you some ramen as a thank you for the vip ticket!”

Namgyu rolls his eyes, he didn’t even do anything for the ticket. There’s no need for Gyeongsu to owe him anything. “Leftovers is fine.”

“On it!” Gyeongsu’s footsteps echo from further away as he scuttles off to their kitchen.

Namgyu has no appetite but he’d sure as hell rather die than pass out on stage.

——-

“Have you mentioned me to Thanos yet? That your amazing roommate is coming to see him, backstage and everything,” Gyeongsu says, his mouth full of rice and chicken.

“You haven’t exactly come up in conversation,” Namgyu forces another mouthful down. Half way through his plate, and his stomach is churning.

Gyeongsu tuts, disappointment appearing on his face. He looks down at his outfit, “is this too much?”

Is the Thanos merch top too much? Namgyu stifles a laugh. “I actually think Thanos would love it, how old is that anyway?”

Thanos still has blue hair in the image, alongside some tour dates in smaller venues. Must be before his comeback, before his needed rebrand.

“Five years ago I snatched this baby off of a fan girl!” He grins. "They threw T-shirts into the crowd so it was fine. It was basically a free for all.”

“Except that she caught it, and you didn’t.” Namgyu points out.

“It was a free for all!”

Namgyu shakes his head, embarrassed on behalf of Gyeongsu’s actions. “Well either way, Thanos will love it. Especially since he’s like, competing with Myunggi.”

“MGcoin?”

Namgyu nods in agreement. “Says he’s trying to get him kicked off his contract or something. It’s just jealousy, Myunggi has no talent anyway.”

“How come they’re on the same song together?” Every three bites Gyeongsu takes, Namgyu forces himself to take one.

“I don’t know, they’re under the same label. They’re a similar age. Probably trying to appeal them both to a similar demographic at the same time, but too lazy to actually promote them separately.”

Or, Myunggi has paid his way to feature on this song. He decides against mentioning this.

“Can he really get Thanos kicked off his contract?”

“Probably not, but it still puts Thanos at a disadvantage I guess.” Namgyu prods at his meal. “And I hate Myunggi, so I don’t wanna risk anything.”

“What exactly would you be risking? You’re not Thanos.”

Namgyu stares at him, no shit I’m not Thanos. “I’m still his dance partner, and I still need to help our performance be better than Myunggi’s.”

He briefly wonders who will be in the crowd, maybe more record labels that can offer to take Thanos under their wing. Casual listeners that will be turned into super fans after the whole event.

“He probably buys half his listeners anyway,” Gyeongsu scoffs.

There’s one more bite left on Namgyu’s plate, if he puts it off maybe he won’t have to do the dance. If he busies himself for long enough, perhaps he’ll forget to show up. In the end, Thanos and Myunggi will both lose out on this performance, there’s no need to compete for who’s better when you’re both at rock bottom, right?

That way, they’ll both get to experience what it’s like to be Namgyu. To feel lost. To have nothing. To wake up to the same alarm everyday and force yourself to go into work, knowing you’ll get shouted at, bossed around, spat on. He doesn’t know why he bothers.

Some days, he lies in bed awake with the alarm ringing in his ears. Wondering what would happen if he never went to work again. He’d spend his money, and it would eventually hit zero. It’s not fair. Thanos gets to live his dream job. He gets flown out to Japan, America, the UK all the time. Myunggi too, paycheck after paycheck hits his bank account. Girls fawn over the two, drool at the sight. At the small chance that they might look their way.

He resents them, in an odd specific way.

Because Thanos has never made Namgyu feel small, not on purpose. He never flaunts his money, or his designer clothes. Never brags about all the fucks he’s had that week, or the attention he’s getting online.

For anything, it’s jealousy. Namgyu’s own brain turns on him, in the dead of night, when it’s too silent to fight back. And it whispers to him, how he’s useless, a nobody, there’s a reason he’ll be lonely forever. Eventually, Gyeongsu will want to move out and he’ll have to start all over again. Alone once more. Unlovable.

But, as usual, the next day rolls around and Thanos smiles so nicely at him and talks to him all throughout his shift that the small voice in the back of his head, for a brief couple of hours, gets pushed down. He’ll drag him to his VIP booth, offer to go out for a smoke with him on his break, and many times insists that he comes back to his apartment. On the odd occasion, he’ll even turn girls down just to continue talking to Namgyu.

That’s nice but I’m already seeing someone.

You’re cute and all, how about another time?

Sorry I don’t date fans.

The last one Namgyu knows to be extremely false, if Thanos’ anecdotes are true at least.

The point is, he can’t be too mad. Because Thanos is strangely humble. Supportive in an aggressive kind of way. Always finding him new opportunities and tipping him at least fifty percent on his tab. (Or slipping cash into his pocket)

He decides to eat the last bite, wash away the sickness in his body, and calm his nerves. He needs to set off soon, bare faced for the stage makeup to be plastered on and dressed up like a doll.

“Before I forget,” Gyeongsu begins. “I want to wish you good luck!”

Namgyu lets out a deep sigh, resettling his nervous system. “Thank you man, I need it.”

His reminder goes off, event day, written in bold.

“I really need it.” Namgyu says to himself more than anything.

————-

Holy fuck.

The queue to the building is insane, Namgyu can’t even see the end of the line. Wristbands light up the outdoors, determining which package they’ve bought. Silver access, gold access, or platinum. All far too expensive for Namgyu’s taste, which is why he’s so surprised he managed to sell them all.

He has to remind himself not everyone is here for Thanos, out of the abundance of performers tonight Thanos is only on a feature track. He doesn’t even get a whole song to himself. Additionally, some people aren’t even here for the singers. There’s live instrumental music, comedy shows, and Q&A’s to fill up everyone’s time.

So really, no one will even notice Namgyu. Piece of cake.

Although, being let through the ‘Artist’ section really didn’t help the subtle vibe he was going for. But! His hood is up, he has on his baggiest hoodie and jeans on, and even snagged some of Gyeongsu’s sunglasses. No way on earth will anyone recognise him now or on stage.

It doesn’t take long before Thanos’ voice is sounding nearer as Namgyu is escorted to his dressing room.

Oh. Their dressing room. And holy fuck is it fancy.

It’s large enough to fit a couch, a mini fridge filled with all sorts, a snack tray, two separate mirrors and vanities, and a rack of clothes behind them.

“Yo Namgyu!” Thanos interrupts his own conversation with his stylist. “Sick right?”

During his walk to the dressing room he’d stripped himself of his hood and sunglasses, he takes in the sight around him.

This is the kind of room that Namgyu would have to serve people in. Yet today, just for a few hours, he gets to feel what that’s like.

“Shouldn’t you be sharing with Myunggi or something?” Namgyu asks, he can’t possibly believe that he isn’t just being shoved into a cupboard and told to dress himself. This is like being royalty to Namgyu.

“I’m not dancing with Myunggi though, I’m dancing with you,” Thanos states, bewildered at the question. His eyes saying who else would I be with?

“Right. Of course,” he has to nervously laugh, has to try and hide the shock in his voice.

The stylist moves to flick through the selection of clothes on the rack, switching from jackets, graphic tees, and jeans. She hums at some, mutters to herself at the others. Until she goes ah!

“I really think you should wear this, everyone tonight has gone so minimalistic and it’s driving me insane,” she holds up a washy grey jacket and a pair of jeans, with a more detailed scribble down the side, swirls that look like fireworks curl up the legs.

“Looks good, and what shirt?” Thanos swivels round on his chair. Reminding Namgyu that he’s standing there like a headless chicken. He moves to his own seat,

“You won’t be wearing a shirt,”

Namgyu almost misses his chair as he bends down. Muttering an apology to the room.

“Oh so like, shirtless under the jacket? That could be cool,” Thanos hums, taking a sleeve of the jacket in his hand and running it between his fingers. “Don’t let Myunggi know about the costume change. It’ll stress him out.” He winks to the stylist as he lies through his teeth. She giggles anyway, probably not caring whether Thanos told her to disintegrate Myunggi’s outfit all together.

“And for your dance partner, I found this,” she rummages further on the rack.

“Me? I thought I already had an outfit sorted,” he looks between the stylist and Thanos, anticipatingly.

“I know but this was just too cute to not take,” she has a genuine smile on her face as she holds up a new pair of sweatpants, dark grey to match Thanos’ jacket, with stripes and colours lining the side of each leg. She throws them his way as she holds up the top.

It’s kind of like a jumper, except it’s skin tight and also doesn’t have a hood. And by the looks of it, not full coverage either. Metallic studs and rhinestones decorate the back of the top, shining against the black fabric. The zipper is even silver and Namgyu suddenly wonders if it’ll even fit around his body due to how small it looks.

“My idea is, it’ll cinch in your waist and make you look more feminine, and the long sleeves will cover your tattoos as well to make you more anonymous. Thanos and Myunggi are meant to be the secondary spotlights after the main singer so don't worry about standing out too much anyway,” she keeps her smile on her face. And Namgyu is oddly thankful for the new outfit. Huh.

“It looks, uh, good. Thank you,” he shocks himself with his own gratitude. Despite his slight annoyance at the fact they need to make him look more feminine, it could definitely be a worse outfit.

“Thanos bring your outfit with me, you need to get your mic sorted. Namgyu I’ll send a makeup artist your way okay? Just get dressed in the meantime.”

She waves him off and Thanos flashes him a toothy grin before they both exit the room.

He can hear the soundchecks taking place, and the rumble of repeating footsteps in the rooms surrounding him. People, practicing their dancing, walking through their performances, everyone is so busy. But for now, while he has the room to himself Namgyu allows the calmness to overtake his body-

“I gotta be quick so you better be dressed,”

She’s his makeup artist?

Namgyu scrounges around for the clothes, shoving his feet through the pant legs and arms through the sleeves. The door handle creaks as he forcefully yanks his zipper up, and holy fuck is it tight.

Semi manages to open the door, her hands full of products and brushes. She halts.

“Oh my god,” she stifles a laugh, sending a wave of embarrassment through Namgyu. His skin prickles. This really isn’t what he needs right now. He tries to pull his top down, to at least lay over the waistband of the bottoms, but it springs back up to leave a sliver of his skin visible. It suddenly feels so cold in here.

“Can you just hurry up?” He snaps.

Semi still giggles as she sets up her materials on his vanity. He needs to find a way to avoid looking like a fucking clown on stage.

“You can just, like, cover my eye bags and leave it at that,” he suggests, but the seriousness washes off his face as Semi turns around and scoffs right at him. God, is she getting paid to make him feel so insecure?

“Dude, you’ll look like a ghost under those lights. Trust me, you’ll want the full thing.”

———

Brushes tickle his face, powders float on his skin. Semi refuses to let him look in the mirror, saying he needs to have more faith in her. As if she wasn’t the one who put him up to this mess.

“What the fuck is that?” He jolts his head back. Another, much smaller, brush nears his eye. “You’ve already put so much shit on my face.”

“It’s eyeshadow, I’m going to slightly line your eyes with it. Otherwise you’ll look like a faceless mannequin," she moves in with the brush, but he jolts again. “Dude.”

“You’re not adding, like, fake eye lashes or whatever are you?” Namgyu can feel the redness on his skin burn, thankful it’s underneath whatever makeup is stacked on his face.

“Not if you don’t want it,” her voice softens. It’s an odd expression to see on her face, something akin to empathy. “It’s only subtle, what I’m adding to you. You should see Junhee, she has a red lip and everything. Looks crazy up close.”

Namgyu grimaces, if she even thinks of going near his lips—

“But you can’t tell from the audience, you need to chill. I bet no one even knows you’re doing this right?”

“My roommate does,” he feels the need to add a snarky comment. Childish, but natural. To him, anyway.

“Right, other than your roommate?” She continues, and Namgyu barely felt it when she began working on his eyelid, when had she done that? Small, delicate strokes. Back and forth.

Namgyu doesn't reply, and isn't really sure how to. He’s aware he’s cautious for no reason, he has like two minutes of stage presence and he isn’t even the main event. No one will notice, let alone care.

“For the record,” Semi sighs as if this pains her to say, “you look kind of good.”

Huh?

“What?”

She pulls away from his other eye, looking between the two, checking if they’re even. “Namgyu. You’re obviously somewhat embarrassed.”

“Well no shit. I didn’t exactly ask to be here,” she did. She made him do this.

“Oh please, you’d probably suck Thanos off if he asked you to. You hardly put up a fight,” she packages up her products and moves behind Namgyu.

He slips as the chair turns around, face to face with himself in the mirror.

“But if you let me finish, I was going to say there’s no need to be embarrassed,” the soft look returns.

It’s subtle, but the difference is there. His skin is evened out, and his eye bags are certainly not there. Tones have been added, darker on his cheekbones, hitting the light perfectly where a small ounce of glitter lies atop the skin. No pinkness, no clown makeup. Just adding to what was already naturally there.

The eyeshadow too, doesn't look too prominent. It brings out the brown orbs of his pupils, outlining a smokey trail around his eye. Simple. Effective.

“You look good,” she adds once more. “Thanks to me of course.”

For once Namgyu doesn’t exactly hate what he sees. No longer revolted at his reflection.

He gets a full view of his outfit as he stands up. The bottoms are normal, somewhat close to the fit of his jeans or sweatpants at home. It’s the top he isn’t sure about. Namgyu doesn’t know if he even owns any tight fitting shirts. He doesn’t really like to show off his body, thinks he’s too skinny. But the stylist is right, it certainly cinches in his waist, clings to all the right curves.

Confidence isn’t something he’s used to feeling, he’s not quite sure if that’s even what he’s feeling right now. But the self hatred has lifted, for a minuscule moment. It’ll return later, when he’s in bed back in his normal ragged clothes.

But for now, he can live in this character he’s created. Escape himself for one night.

——-

Namgyu returns to the winding backstage halls as he makes his way to the stage. Cheering and shouts sound closer with each footstep, supporting whoever’s currently on stage performing.

It’s frantic, backstage crew are constantly running around, sorting props or broken mics. Namgyu’s never uttered so many apologies in his life, he’s also never had so many people bump into him either.

He plays with the sleeves of his, skin-tight-jacket-thing, letting his nerves play out. He’s doing this for Thanos. He’s doing this with Thanos. Together. Maybe afterwards, they’ll go get high somewhere like they used to. Something Namgyu’s missed, and been craving these upcoming weeks. A fix, a hit.

Purple hair reaches his eyeline, close to the curtain. Myunggi and Junhee aren’t there, just Thanos standing and mumbling his lyrics to himself.

“No Myunggi or Junhee?” Namgyu asks, breaking Thanos from his thoughts.

“No they—woah,” Thanos’ eyes gloss over, taking in Namgyu’s look. Thanos looks awfully fancy too, finally styled up in his jeans and jacket. And to Namgyu’s surprise, Thanos being shirtless under the jacket isn’t the distraction, it’s the way his jeans are sitting.

So low on his hipbone he swears he can almost see his happy trail. The curvature from his hip creates a V looking shadow on his, what Namgyu can only describe to be his womb. Fuck, he can’t stop staring.

He’s seen Thanos shirtless before, it’s nothing new. He knows the way his back tattoo curves with each movement and how his muscles tighten under the layer of skin. But this? This is new, and borderline hot.

Thanos coughs, something they both needed to shake their thoughts away. “They both come on from the other side of the stage,” he finishes.

Namgyu peers over, and two blurry figures look back at him from the other curtain.

“You feeling nervous?” Thanos asks, caring as ever when it comes to Namgyu. He nods in response, letting a soft smile break out on his face.

“I’m excited actually,” he admits. The confidence from earlier was exhilarating, this is his one and only chance to do something so out of the ordinary. He may as well make the most of it. “How many people get to say they’ve performed with Thanos the legend?”

On stage, the lights go black and a scurry of dancers exit. The crowd roars for them, whistling and screaming fan chants.

It takes a few minutes for the stage to fully clear, and for the crowd to quiet down. Namgyu can’t make himself look, it was intimidating enough looking back at the empty seats, but the fact that they’re all full out there is what makes his heartbeat double. Some things are better left unknown.

Fabric rubs against his fingertips as he mindlessly grasps at his sleeves. He tries to distract his mind, thinking of how Gyeongsu will be in the VIP area, cheering him on. Or how once this is all over, he’ll have access to a new dealer. If he’s lucky enough, and it all goes well he will actually have something to his name. A time in his life where he isn’t looking back in regret or shame.

The seconds tick by, agonising and torturous. He’s sure his mind has gone blank, nothing looks familiar anymore. The stage widens the longer he stares and the steps jumble in his mind. In fact, he can’t even recall what song they’re dancing to. Thanos’ soft spoken voice doesn’t ring a bell, not even the memory of when he was singing on the back of Namgyu's neck, it’s all simply a blur.

He jumps at the intro singing its way through the arena. A slow, steady beat winding up to Myunggi’s first lyric. Fans synchronise immediately into a chant, both Myunggi’s stage name and Thanos being called out.

A gentle smile makes its way onto Thanos’ face, peeking at the corner of his lips. Namgyu finds it endearing, after all this time he still gets excited to perform. He truly must love his job.

The other two dancers hop onto the stage, charismatic and self contained. Neither flinches at the howls from the crowd nor acknowledges that they’re even performing for one.

It’s enticing and the audience feeds into it. But it’s nothing compared to Thanos. And Namgyu is ready to show that. To show him off.

A prize, a trophy, a reward. Namgyu wants everyone to look at Thanos like he’s unattainable but, inevitably, in Namgyu's hands. Not a possession, more so something he’s earned, something he deserves.

For once, he deserves to be in charge.

Thanos gives him a nod, a short cue to get ready. And Namgyu is, of course, more than ready.

The first thing he notices is that it is warm under the spotlight. Quite literally, humid on his skin as he steps onto the stage. He still can’t bring himself to look at crowd, so he won’t.

This show is for Namgyu and Thanos only. It’s just them two, storytelling, entertaining.

He struts, the sliver of skin exposing more as his shirt occasionally lifts up with each passing step. A cooling graze brushes past.

Thanos bursts into his section, spilling his lyrics into his mic. Energetic and powerful. Namgyu knows the audience is screaming, yet his ears block it out. He only listens to Thanos, keeping him calm and in character.

As expected, a hand reaches his wrist and pulls him flush to Thanos’ back. The two lean on each other, moving and rolling into the heat. A strong hand keeps him pressed further into Thanos’ front.

But the moment can’t last long, their section is short and Namgyu has to pull away. His hair swirls as he shifts, he gets into his place a little further from Thanos.

The female singer, who is meant to be the main attraction, is placed behind the dancers. Her vocals siren loud and gorgeous. He’s only ever heard her on the backing track, but in person it’s heavenly. He leans into the song, letting his muscles relax while he dances in place.

The chase continues, Thanos moves to circle Namgyu, ad-libbing alongside Myunggi and the main singer. He notices how Thanos will glance at Myunggi, but never for too long. Eyes always return to his, intense but caring.

It’s time for Namgyu to kneel again, an odd buzz builds in his abdomen as Thanos grasps at his scalp. Is it the fact they’re being watched, or is he being rougher than usual? He can’t tell. But he kneels, lowers down and caresses Thanos’ thigh while doing so.

This time, alongside being face to face with Thanos’ crotch, Namgyu also gets a face full of his happy trail. Eyes glued to how low his jeans sit, how his boxers stick out from the waist band and how Namgyu has an urge to slip his fingers under. It’s the music, he tells himself.

He lets his palm move to his inner thigh as he’s pulled back up. By the hair that is. And he grinds again. He has to. Something in him needs to. Show him off, push him to his limits. He palms harder this time, teeth sinking into his bottom lip from the adrenaline.

It’s mesmerising, the way Thanos’ eyes widen. In interest and shock. He holds back a choke, but Namgyu partly wishes his mic was still on, capturing his grunt for the camera to see and the crowd to hear.

But again, it’s a passing moment in time. They have to move on. Thanos’ hand finds Namgyu’s cheek, this time his thumb caresses at Namgyu’s bottom lip, opening it for a split second before Namgyu has to push him away, dragging him by the belt.

It’s a hungry dance, passionate and raunchy. The skin on his lips still tingles from Thanos’ thumb print. He yanks his belt harder, Thanos inches closer to his face. A quick tease as Namgyu faces away. What would Thanos do if he didn’t move his head?

Warmth builds up in him, it’s nearing the end of the dance now. He returns to facing his back against the audience, and shifts slightly to the side of Thanos. A hand resting on his bare shoulder, replacing where the jacket has slipped down. Sharp. He circles his nails, the audience won’t see but to Namgyu, it's part of the dance.

Leading up to the their last moments, Thanos has to reach his hand to the small of Namgyus' back, his final few lyrics shared with Myunggi.

But the contact is lower down, a palm flat on his ass cheek and this time, Namgyu is almost the one who chokes. As always, he complies, does his own thing. Works with what’s given to him.

Namgyu takes this moment as a chance to pull Thanos’ head to face him. The hand on his shoulder now slides up to his neck and then cheek, delicately twisting as the two stare each other down.

If there were a timer above his head he’s sure the last few seconds would be flashing a bright red light. A reminder to hurry it up, finish it off.

An echo. The music cuts off and the singer ends her last note naturally. Their ending position automatically forms.

Both pairs of dancers face to face, on opposite sides of the stage. The male singers with their hands on their partners waist and cheek. An end to the romance, closure with a teasing finish.

But Thanos doesn’t look fulfilled at all, his eyes aren’t on Namgyu’s and for once he looks frustrated. The cheers and applause don’t even bring him out of his head, strange for the most attention seeking person ever.

Namgyu turns his head slightly, curious to what Thanos is so furious about and—

Myunggi, lips attached to Junhees. Pulling her closer as he’s chasing her taste. She stills. But shoves off as soon as she can.

The audience is loving it.

It was only a quick peck, and if the crowd knew how Junhee isn’t even single he’s sure they’d quit screaming so much. Forcing yourself on someone is hardly gentlemen-like.

Namgyu turns back to Thanos, disgusted at the other dancer, expecting to meet the same furious eyes.

Instead, they’re almost pleading. Downturned and furrowed. The darkness is enough for Namgyu to drown in.

The fire is back.

In a heartbeat, the hand tightens on Namgyu’s cheek and lips are on his, hot, wet, and fast.

Namgyu’s body freezes. But Thanos keeps kissing him like his life depends on it. Like his career depends on it.

And in a way, it does.

Namgyu moves his lips, capturing Thanos’ in a desperate hurry. Teeth almost clack as the two instinctively move closer and harder.

He tugs at the man’s jacket, smoothing his hands down it before reaching to his bare chest. Mouth opening wider to let his tongue in.

Just like before, Namgyu knows the crowd is yelling. Names and such, camera flashes, gasps. But it doesn’t register.

All that he can focus on is Thanos’ mouth on his.

It’ll be over soon, it has to be. Once the curtains close he’ll pull away.

So for now, Namgyu leans forward. Even if it’s just for a second, even if it’s just for the cameras. He needs this moment to last.

His hands roam on Thanos’ chest and eventually reach his hair. It’s messier now, the two losing their breaths while they wait.

What are they waiting for?

For someone to tell then to stop? For their cue to leave? The applause to end?

It’s Thanos who pulls away first, lips plump and pink from the kiss. Half lidded eyes and shaky breaths.

And for someone who thrives on attention, his eyes remain on Namgyu until the main singer makes her exit. Their cue to leave. Not once does he acknowledge his own fans.

Wiping your saliva slicked lips in front of an audience is very humbling to say the least. And Namgyu cringes at the fact this whole event is recorded.

He can’t decide whether he’s thankful for that or not. One day he’s sure he’ll be convinced this was all a fever dream, if not for the everlasting evidence.

———

Backstage is quiet. Other members of the event whisper and throw strange looks their way. Maybe the fact that Namgyu isn’t a girl is more obvious up close, or simply the fact it’s Namgyu who Thanos chose to kiss.

Jealousy or disgust, Namgyu doesn’t want to know.

He needs to get out of his outfit and makeup before it drives him insane.

“Namgyu,” a deep voice calls from behind him.

He stops in front of his dressing room. Hand on the door. Why does Thanos sound so concerned?

He opens the door and doesn’t turn around when he says, “What’s up?”

Thanos rushes to close and lock the door behind the two. “I’m sorry man, I shouldn’t have forced myself on you like that.”

The apology sends a wave of shame through Namgyu. Of course, it was all for show and of course, all Namgyu is useful for is being a pawn.

He knew this already, but acknowledging it somehow stings much worse.

He shrugs, “it’s whatever man. Myunggi started it.”

Shift the blame, give Thanos an out. Go back to how they used to be. That’s what he wants right now.

Instead of knowing the taste of Thanos’ lips, how he sighs into a kiss or pulls at the soft strands of Namgyu’s hair.

“Well—yeah but,” Thanos stutters over words. “You’re not mad are you?”

Namgyu turns and chews on the inside of his cheek. “Why would I be?”

“Because I kissed you on live TV?”

Okay, well Namgyu didn’t know it was live. He can deal with that later.

“It’s just for your career right?” Namgyu raises an eyebrow.

Thanos pouts. “Namgyu, I thought—”

He stops himself from continuing. Sighing instead. But Namgyu doesn’t force him, he never will.

The words eventually come. A whisper in the shared room.

“I thought, I don’t know, we had something going on,” his head slinks down, staring at the brightly coloured shoes completing his outfit. The mic no longer taped to his cheek.

Namgyu’s breath hitches. A bead of sweat falling down his forehead. He stares. He must’ve misheard him, right? He must be joking. Or, continuing his competition with Myunggi and he’s stringing Namgyu along to help—

“You know, like walking you home, rehearsing together, I just thought that was us, getting closer I guess.”

The words sit in the air. Namgyu’s brain short circuits. The whole time, Thanos thought…

“You’ve been flirting with me this whole time?” Namgyu’s voice was higher than he intended it to be.

The other man nods, nervous to admit it. Insecure, even.

“I didn’t know you were…” Namgyu can’t finish the sentence, his own self hatred bubbles up. He didn’t know Thanos felt the same, or had even experienced the same feelings for other men.

He shrugs, casual and unbothered. “You’re hot,” his eyes flicker all over the room. The confidence of his words don’t match his demeanour. It’s honestly such an absurd side of him. He flushes red nevertheless.

“How come you never said anything?” Namgyu’s far from anyone Thanos has been into before, perhaps he’s just finally gotten desperate.

“I didn’t want to ruin what we had,” his eyes finally reach Namgyu’s. “That’s why I’m sorry, for … doing that… back there.”

Namgyu has to laugh at the irony.

“What’s so funny?”

Namgyu can’t stop, it pours out of him, all the laughter and stupidity of it all. He keels over and covers his mouth as giggles continue to spill.

“Dude! What are you laughing at?” Thanos steps closer, shoving at Namgyu’s shoulder.

It keeps coming, he keeps giggling and losing his breath at the same time.

This whole time, Namgyu has been pushing Thanos away. Assuming the worst. Returning to his old habits of self sabotage.

That cycle has to end eventually, right?

He slows his laughter down, his eyes watering and cheeks aching already.

Thanos looms over him, a pout on his lips and his eyebrows raised. Namgyu thinks he looks offended, but he doesn’t look for too long before he surges forward to kiss the other man.

A muffled grunt escapes Thanos’ throat before he immediately reciprocates. Wilder and needier than on stage. His mouth opens on command and lets Namgyu lick at his tongue and teeth. Gross and infesting.

Namgyu shoves forward harder, causing Thanos to topple onto the couch in the middle of the dressing room. Namgyu doesn’t break the contact for one second, he’s straddling the man with ease.

Fingers grip at his hair pulling his head to the side for more access, Thanos’ tongue is dripping in his mouth and Namgyu laps it all up.

The two groan in tandem, affected by just the taste of each other and nothing more.

But Namgyu wants more.

He moves his hips. A slow grind on Thanos’ crotch. Testing the waters. His answer is given immediately by Thanos’ hand rocking his hips down once more. His own moving upwards into the touch.

They pause for a second, gasping in open mouths as Namgyu keeps grinding. A pool of heat rises in his stomach, reaching his groin.

Thanos takes initiative as Namgyu gasps again at the contact. Moving to connect his lips to Namgyu’s neck, sucking and licking at the skin.

He whimpers at the touch, ignoring how Thanos is most definitely tasting pure sweat and salt.

The hand on his waist squeezes, grasping at the little skin Namgyu is showing, goosebumps rising at the touch. He shivers as a pair of teeth graze his collarbone, a small whine making its way out of his throat. He rocks down again.

“Is this okay?” Thanos pulls away from his neck, puppy eyes staring at Namgyu’s.

He pants and nods. “Keep going, please.”

He’s not usually one to beg, but with Thanos underneath him like this, he’d do anything to draw this out.

Lips latch onto his neck once more and keep sucking at the thin layer of skin, the paleness bruising and tarnishing.

Namgyu’s nearly fully hard, and with each grind he can tell Thanos is too. He chases the momentum as he grinds a bit faster.

A hum from Thanos vibrates on his neck, sending a thrill down Namgyu’s body. He keeps up his pace. Maintaining the friction.

“Thanos,” he whines. Not sure what he wants, just tasting the name on his tongue.

The other man jolts at the sound, grinding upwards into Namgyu. The fabric between them rustling. Getting wetter with each shift as Namgyu’s cock leaks.

His head goes limp for a moment, his nails dig into the other man's shoulders.

Thanos pulls away from his neck. “You like that? Is it good?”

Namgyu’s flush and half awake on pleasure, his head nestles between Thanos’ shoulder and neck. He doesn’t reply, instead he shows how he’s feeling, his spine arching with each movement, curving with a moan.

Their cocks collide in the barrier of their clothes, two opposing sounds pounce around the room. Thanos, low and visceral in Namgyu’s ear. Quiet for only him to hear, followed by shallow breaths. Namgyu, higher pitched and whinier. Involuntarily, and loud enough for those outside the door to capture the noise.

He doesn’t care, he just wants to get closer.

They hump and grind like wild animals in heat, building up speed and finding different angles to move against one another.

Namgyu’s body moves on its own, desperate to reach his end from this alone. Exploring what he can as of right now, and leaving the rest up to imagination.

How Thanos would sound under him, as he rides him for real. In the privacy of his apartment, would he open up and be loud? Namgyu needs to hear it.

What does he look like when he finishes?

The pressure on his cock pulsates, and he shivers. The sensation goes through him and he has to moan, it’s the only way to express this feeling.

“Fuck,” Thanos grunts. “You’re so pretty like this, my Namsu.”

Namgyu’s too fucked out to correct him. He moves again and again. Rolling his hips on end.

Somewhere outside the room, the next performer has started. The bass rackets the ground, pounding and thrumming through the whole building. Namgyu briefly forgets where they even are, a posh dressing room with every amenity you could ask for. A rich event, with Thanos groaning under his lap and begging for more.

Thanos reaches up Namgyu’s body, feeling his ribs and spine as he gently rocks up into his movements. Frantic. Chasing.

Namgyu’s whimpering speeds up, he nestles further into the crook of Thanos’ neck as his grinding grows weaker. Pleasure growing too much for him to focus. Thanos pulls his head back, and Namgyu meets a dazed expression, slick with sweat and want.

“Let me see you, please,” Thanos whispers.

Namgyu’s turning hotter by the second, not sure for how much longer he can hold off. And with a few more grinds of his cock pressing harder against Thanos, he stills. Thanos holds him as he spills into his boxers, stickiness spreading through the fabric.

He slumps on the other man, eyes fuzzy and panting through the aftershocks. He hadn’t realised he was still moving his hips until Thanos grabs them to hold them in place as he shoves his own up and lets out a malicious groan.

Namgyu immediately pulls back, needing to see his face as he comes. It’s a mess, Thanos’ eyes are clamped shut with his mouth wide open as his groan turns into a selection of gasps. This is what Namgyu wishes were recorded.

The pair stare at one another. Heavy breathing fills the room. Namgyu doesn’t even want to think about what state he’s in right now, his hair is most definitely a mess and his makeup must have smudged by now.

And the costume, it’s not even his. Yet he’s covered it in his own cum. Great.

He doesn’t move, finding a weird comfort in sitting in his filth while Thanos strokes his back. It’s tender and foreign. But Namgyu’s aware enough that he’s been craving this.

“Want to, um,” Namgyu begins, still out of breath, “want to come back to mine?”

Suddenly, the tiredness wipes off of Thanos’ face, replaced by an eager grin and an immediate reply. “Yeah, of course man.”

Namgyu’s smiling too, giddy, he leans in to capture his lips once more. A chaste kiss, he doesn’t want to get too heated just yet. And it’s obvious Thanos can’t wait with how he follows his lips, not wanting to break apart.

And neither does Namgyu, really. Especially when he removes himself from him, the stickiness in his boxers turning colder against his skin as he moves to collect his phone.

The notifications flood the screen, all from the same person. All saying the same thing.

Gyeongsu

You and Thanos?!

You kissed Thanos!!

Is this a prank Namgyu? Was that actually you?!

Missed call (17)

Bro you better answer me.

Namgyu in fact, doesn't answer any of those questions. His message is short and sweet.

Namgyu

Find somewhere else to stay tonight, I'm bringing someone over.

His phone is discarded for the rest of the evening. The occasional buzz jolts the phone on his nightstand, but within the tangled sheets and mixture of whispers and moans, Namgyu doesn’t notice a thing.