Chapter Text
"Excuse me?" Valjean barely managed to avoid spitting out his tea.
"You should be my date for the department's holiday party," Javert repeated calmly, not even looking up from his laptop. Even when he accepted Valjean's invitations to dinner he still brought his laptop. Valjean used to protest but has long since accepted that Javert was inseparable from his work. That didn't stop him from telling Javert that he worked too hard.
"What?" Valjean asked again, strangled. Javert sighed, glancing at him.
"As friends, obviously, although the commissioner doesn't need to know that," Javert said, irritated that he had to explain at all. "He's vocally homophobic and an idiot to boot. Watching him try not to insult his best officer in front of everyone in the department would be immensely satisfying." Javert looked entirely too pleased about this.
"Why me?" Valjean asked, this time more or less in control of his voice. "I'm a convicted felon, Javert, in case you forgot about that."
"You were pardoned, or are you forgetting how much work I did to clear your name?" Javert shot back. "Honestly, your ex-convict status only makes it better. You don't exactly look like the stereotypical queer man that he's always insulting and you could probably intimidate him simply by walking in the door."
Valjean was slightly disappointed that Javert was only using him to make his horrible boss uncomfortable, but what had he been expecting? Javert to seriously ask him out on a date? It was almost laughable. Although they had become almost inseparable friends in the last two years, that did not mean that Javert returned Valjean's feelings. Javert was still the stubborn workaholic Valjean had always known him to be.
"If it makes you uncomfortable you can always say no," Javert said after he did not respond. The blue glow of the screen made his face hard to read.
"It's not that," Valjean said quickly. "I just... did not think that you were the kind of person who went to office parties."
Javert glowered at his keyboard. "Attendance is mandatory. If there is one thing I like less than socializing with the people I work with, it is seeing them make fools out of themselves after drinking too much free wine and eggnog." His fingers were hitting the keys with more force than necessary. "It is my least favorite event of the year."
"When is it?" he asked, diverting Javert's attention.
"It's at the end of the month. I just got the email." He sighed, rubbing a hand across his face. "I regret teaching the new officers the basics of HTML," he muttered. "It hurts to read."
"Let me see," Valjean asked. Javert turned his laptop to face Valjean without protest.
COME TO THE 14TH PRECINCT HOLIDAY PARTY! the email stated in large, bold, alternating green and white letters on a blindingly red background. On either side of it, animated candy canes danced in a flurry of sparkles.
FREE WINE AND EGGNOG! it proclaimed, this line surrounded by spinning snowflakes and poorly edited clip art of wine bottles. COME CELEBRATE ANOTHER YEAR OF HARD WORK DECEMBER 22ND FROM 7-10PM!!
At the very bottom, underneath what might be the saddest jpeg of a Christmas tree Valjean had ever seen, (ATTENDANCE IS MANDATORY) was added on in small text, as if not to be noticed.
The entire thing was bordered in animated sparkling tinsel and the font style changed with every line.
"That certainly is... something," Valjean said.
“My eyes are burning," Javert groaned. "I hate these people."
"It can't be that bad," Valjean tried to console him.
"I did tell you about that time Roux locked himself inside the evidence room, right?" Javert's head was in his hands. "Or when Hanon totaled her own patrol car? Or when Marques managed to fuck up a drug bust so badly that he was assumed to be one of the drug dealers he was busting and got himself arrested instead?" He sunk further onto the table with every example until his head was laying on the wood.
Valjean patted his shoulder in consolation. "I'm sorry your coworkers are idiots."
Javert made a noise of despair that was half muffled by the table. "The commissioner won't do anything about it. If anything, he's worse than the junior officers because he doesn't know he's an idiot." He sat up, tugging his bangs back with one hand. The end result had them sticking up in an unholy mess. "His blatant sexist, racist and homophobic comments have been going unchecked for years, even before I was transferred. There were several good officers who have transferred away on request because they refused to put up with his bullshit and all I am left with are incompetent morons." His head dropped back into his hands. "I was hoping to bait him enough to get him fired," Javert muttered.
"You want me to pretend to date you so you can get your boss fired on harassment charges?" Valjean asked incredulously.
"That was the plan, yes," Javert admitted, not raising his head from his hands.
"Oh," Valjean said simply. "Then yes, of course I'll go with you." He couldn't just let Javert suffer. Going with him had nothing to do with his pathetic crush on Javert, he told himself firmly. It was simply what a friend would do. Javert often ended up pacing in Valjean's kitchen ranting to him about some officer or another doing something moronic and how now he had even more paperwork since clearly they couldn't be trusted to do it correctly. It would be good for Javert's blood pressure if he no longer had to worry about them mucking up.
"Are you sure?" Javert asked, his head snapping up. "I know you get anxious around crowds and policemen. This will have both," he warned.
Valjean waved him off. "As you said, I was pardoned. Besides, you'll be there." He said it as a joke, but he caught the slight jerk of Javert's hands.
---
The month passed in a blur of holiday shopping and planning. Cosette and Marius were coming to visit and Valjean took extra care in decorating his home to welcome them. He was a simple man, so it was no hard task. An extra candle here and there, some pictures of Cosette and himself from past Christmas's brought out, his silver candlesticks on his mantle polished blindingly bright. He had even bought a tree and convinced Javert to help him set it up in his living room. Javert had protested but came anyway, complaining the entire time.
"Stop pouting Javert," Valjean told him.
"I'm not pouting," said Javert. Valjean had put him on tinsel duty and he was glaring at the box as if it personally offended him. He was careful not to touch too much of it at once as to keep it from getting everywhere and held it at arm’s length. Even so, there were a couple of strands of gold on his clothes and in his hair. Valjean had snapped a picture earlier when Javert hadn't been looking.
"Yes you are," Valjean said, hanging an ornament shaped like an angel that Cosette had bought him the year before. "Are you worried about your party?"
Javert frowned. "Yes. The Commissioner made Hanon cry today." He glanced at Valjean. "I mean, it's not like making Hanon cry is hard, but still. He's an awful man, far worse than I ever was. I don't think he's taking bribes or anything but..." Javert huffed. "I just would rather keep you away from him."
"Aww that's sweet of you," Valjean said. Javert glowered at him. It would have had more effect if there hadn't been strands of gold foil in his sideburns.
"Don't be an idiot," said Javert. "Seriously Valjean, if there was anyone who could somehow overturn your pardon, it would be him. He knows I filed it. He's called me all sorts of racist slurs so I don't know what he'll do to you. Probably worse."
"Shouldn't that be enough to launch a complaint about him?" Valjean said, distracted. He had started on the box that held all of Cosette's handmade ornaments since she had first come into Valjean's life.
"Apparently, it's not enough. I have to 'feel threatened in the workplace'," he sneered at the words. "Damn city council. Like that'll ever happen. I've been called so many names growing up in the foster system that they don't even bother me anymore. I don't think he would ever physically threaten me either; he's been off active duty for too long for that. The only thing I can hope for is for him to threaten my job security."
"You think that bringing me along will really make him go that far?
"I hope so. It the only thing I haven't tried yet," said Javert. "You should hear him go on about 'The Gays' and how they're 'ruining society'." He snorted. "God, you would think in this day and age people would have gotten a clue. Then again, racism is still alive and well so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised."
Valjean had only been listening with half an ear, too distracted by the ornaments Cosette had made him as a child.
"You are too sentimental," said Javert, interrupting his thoughts. At that moment, Valjean was cradling a wooden star crudely painted gold and silver by a twelve-year-old girl. He tore his eyes away, instead smiling at Javert.
"Yes I am. Is that really such a bad thing?" Valjean asked.
Javert huffed, rolling his eyes, but did not correct him. "Your candles are getting low. I can't believe you kept those candlesticks. By all rights they should have been confiscated as stolen property."
"Those were a gift. And you know very well why they're important to me." Valjean would never forget about the bishop who had given him those silver candlesticks that changed his life.
A quick, small smile flashed across Javert's face. Valjean didn't know why Javert constantly liked to start these petty discussions that they've had tens of times already, but he found he could never resist responding to him anyway.
"Are you sure you want to help me with this?" he asked a while later, after Valjean had declared his tree adequately decorated.
"Of course," said Valjean. "I've spent over a year hearing you complain about your boss. I'm happy to help." Valjean was also willing to take any opportunity to even pretend like they were dating. Even if it was just for a night. It was pathetic, even to him, but he couldn't let himself let this opportunity slip through his fingers.
Javert stared at him for long moments, as if waiting for him to take it back.
"You have tinsel in your hair," Valjean finally pointed out. Javert scowled, swearing under his breath.
---
"Aww Papa I'm so proud of you!" Cosette practically yelled over the phone. "You're finally going on a date with Javert!"
"It's not a date," Valjean told her, blushing furiously. Once she had learned of his crush on Javert, she had thrown herself into trying to get him to admit his feelings. He never should have told her, but she probably would have figured it out anyway with the amount of time Valjean spent talking about him.
"What do you mean it's not a date," Cosette demanded. "Of course it is. You're his plus one. To a party. At his workplace."
"Attendance is mandatory. Believe me, he would rather not go. I'm simply moral support." He paused." ...and he's kind of only bringing me so we can pretend to be dating so he can get his homophobic boss fired on harassment charges?"
"Oh my God," she groaned. "Seriously?"
"You should hear about how awful he is Cosette," said Valjean. "He's terrible. He's called Javert some horrible things, which apparently aren't enough on their own. He's so bad that any other competent officer applies to be transferred out immediately. The turnover rate is so bad that Javert hardly ever has the same partner for even a couple of months and all of his officers are, I quote, 'incompetent fools'."
"He should just leave then," said Cosette.
"You know he wouldn't. He's too stubborn for that."
Of course, that was one of the things he loved about him. Javert was the most stubborn man he had ever met, but he was incredibly loyal and once he had found a worthy cause he would throw himself into upholding it with everything he had regardless of his own wellbeing. Of course he wouldn't leave. That would mean a whole section of the city wouldn't have any actually competent officers to protect it and Javert wouldn't let that happen.
"Papa your little crush on Javert is cute and all, but this is ridiculous," Cosette said. "I can't believe you're going to fake-date Javert. You should just tell him and date him for real."
"And have him freak out? I can't do that. This is important to him." He wouldn't risk Javert's job over this. Valjean had been in love with him for over a year; he could wait until after this.
Or never. Never sounded just fine with him. If Javert didn't know the he wouldn't leave him. Or try to let him down gently but being awful at it. Or make their friendship weird. Valjean didn't know which was worse.
"Ugh, fine. If you're so intent on suffering through that party, then I can't stop you. You have to tell me everything when I come visit!"
Valjean wondered where she had gotten her endless curiosity from. It couldn't possibly be from him.
---
The day before Javert's party, Valjean was suddenly anxious. They had not really discussed what they were going to do, besides agreeing that they should pretend to be dating.
[Text from Jean Valjean, 10:36 am] How long have we been dating?
Valjean stared blankly at the message even after his phone alerted him the message had sent. That sounded like they were actually dating.
[Text from Jean Valjean, 10:36 am] Or fake-dating, as it is? What should I wear? I don't own anything that is obviously gay except for that pin with the bisexual flag on it that Cosette gave me for that Pride event. Do we call each other pet names? Hold hands in public? What are you comfortable with?
Javert didn't seem like the kind of person to use pet names. He even flat out refused to be called his given name. Valjean only knew what it was because Javert had programmed it into his phone with the rest of his contact information, then stared Valjean dead in the eye and threatened him with arrest if he ever called him that.
Valjean put his phone back in his pocket, the temptation to spam Javert with questions was too great and would only annoy him. Javert would answer when he took a coffee break.
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:02 am] christ vj stop freaking out
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:02 am] idk, a few months?
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:02 am] i have no idea wtf im doing
Valjean's hands hovered over the tiny keyboard. The icon that meant Javert was texting appeared then disappeared at random intervals.
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:07 am] just wear that ugly sweater w/ the moose on it and your awful yllw coat
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:07 am] i cant believe you hvnt taken my advice & burned that thing already
[Text from Jean Valjean, 11:07 am] They're reindeer, Javert. And I like that sweater. It's festive.
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:07 am] absolutely no pet names. if you call me anything other than javert youre not getting your gift and youll have to walk home
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:07 am] its ugly as sin thats what it is
[Text from Jean Valjean, 11:08 am] Not even Tomasis? And you got me a gift?? You didn't have to do that.
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:08 am] you know i hate that name the deal stands
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:08 am] if you dont want your gift then you dont have to accept it
[Text from Jean Valjean, 11:08 am] You can call me Jean. I've told you before you can do that anyway. Of course I want your gift. I got you something too. :) :)
When Javert did not immediately respond he put his phone away and went back to building a website for Marius's friends. Three of them, Combeferre, Courfeyac and Enjolras, were starting their own law firm and had asked Valjean to help them out since he was working freelance now. He couldn't focus, the same line of HTML staring him in the face without it even registering.
Javert had never answered his question about how much physical closeness he was comfortable with, which was arguably the most important part about this. It was also the part that Valjean knew he was going to have the most trouble with. He sighed, giving up on his work for now and pulled out his phone again.
[Text from Jean Valjean, 11:13 am] What about behavior? If you want to piss off your boss then we should be affectionate with each other, but I don't know what you're comfortable with.
He had wanted to touch Javert casually for months and having this opportunity now was both exciting and excruciating. It was only for one night. It wasn't real. Javert had never shown any interest in him beyond being friends and Valjean couldn't bring himself to ask for any more than that.
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:20 am] ..there is more planning to this than i expected
[Text from Jean Valjean, 11:20 am] It has to be convincing if you want this to work.
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:20 am] i am aware
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:20 am] idk
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:20 am] pda usually makes me uncomfortable but obvsly we have to make it clear that were a couple
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:20 am] we should hold hands? stand close together??
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:20 am] i have literally no fking idea
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:22 am] vj you do realize i have never been in a romantic relationship in my life
Valjean was unsurprised. Javert had enough trouble adjusting to being friends with him. Part of that may have been their history or Javert's sudden and violent onset of depression following his moral dilemma or any number of things. Valjean suspected he had never had many friends in his life.
[Text from Jean Valjean, 11:23 am] OK. Are you panicking? Stop that. It's fine.
[Text from Jean Valjean, 11:24 am] How comfortable are you with casual touching then? I wouldn't expect it from you, although I would be fine with it, but me touching your arm or shoulder? Putting my arm around your back? I don't want to make you uncomfortable.
[Text from Jean Valjean, 11:24 am] To be honest, I don't have much experience either. I'm mostly taking things from what Cosette and Marius do.
He had been on a few dates, but never anything serious. It had been hard enough avoiding the law and then he was raising Cosette. He had never had time for any kind of serious relationship and he had never desired one outside of the occasional feeling of loneliness.
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:25 am] thats probably fine?
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:25 am] idk what im comfortable with
[Text from Jean Valjean, 11:25 am] Should we play it by ear then?
[Text from Jean Valjean, 11:27 am] Are you aromantic? You don't have to answer that if it's too personal. I'm just curious.
He couldn't help but ask. He had been wondering for a long time if that played a part in why Javert only saw them as friends. Then again, he could just be straight. Or Valjean wasn't his type. Or maybe he preferred them to be just friends. If he was aromantic, it could explain why he wasn't comfortable with public displays of affection. Then again, Javert was a private person. He could just simply not like being so open.
Valjean had spent far too long thinking about this.
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:31 am] that seems like the best course of action
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:31 am] i had to google that
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:31 am] ive nvr really labeled myself but aromantic is basically what thought i was for most of my life but now i think demiromantic fits me better
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:31 am] if the definition on this website is correct
Demiromantic meant that it was a possibility. Demiromantic meant that Javert could possibly return his feelings. Demiromantic made Valjean's heart leap. He quickly reminded himself that he didn't know who else Javert interacted with, if he had grown closer to anyone else in his life other than Valjean.
He had spent enough time reminding himself in the past of all the reasons that Javert had to not like him romantically that it was easy to bring them to the forefront of his mind. Javert had seen him at his worst and was disgusted at the very idea. Javert had a very fixed idea of him for many years and even a breakdown like the one Javert had suffered was maybe not enough to change that. Javert had seen how selfish he could be, how Valjean had refused to let Cosette go until the last possible second and didn't want someone who could be so possessive.
He couldn't let himself get his hopes up in case he was wrong. That would hurt more than he was prepared to think about.
[Text from Jean Valjean, 11:32 am] Thank you for telling me. When and where will meet up tomorrow?
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:32 am] i was thinking i could just pick you up @ your house at 730? it starts @ 7 but i would rather miss as much of it as possible
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 11:32 am] theres only so much drunken idiotic stupidity that i can take
[Text from Jean Valjean, 11:32 am] That's fine with me. I will see you tomorrow then.
Much later, Valjean was surprised by a text alert from Javert.
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 2:56 pm] btw will you be ok w/ the cruiser? its more convenient but i dont want to make you anxious
[Text from Jean Valjean, 2:56 pm] You don't have to be so careful with me. I'll be fine.
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 3:01 pm] ty for this. im sorry for asking so much from you
[Text from Jean Valjean, 3:02 pm] You're welcome. It's no problem. I'll gladly help you get rid of your shitty boss.
[Text from Jean Valjean, 3:05 pm] Maybe then you won't have to work so hard when there's other competent officers. :) Less paperwork for you!
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 4:13 pm] doubtful
[Text from Tomašis Javert, 4:13 pm] there is always paperwork. you should know this by now vj.