Archive of Our Own

As the world faded around him, Severus Snape looked into the anguished eyes of a boy he’d treated terribly. The son of his closest childhood friend, all because of a father the boy had never even known. Severus knew he deserved this end: pain and bitter regret. He gave the boy his memories, hoping he’d understand why he’d acted as he had. He deserved no forgiveness, but a desperate part of him hoped the boy would understand. That was his final thought as the blackness swallowed him whole.

That sweet abyss didn't last. What felt like seconds later, Severus was rudely thrust back into awareness. Had he survived, Morgana, he hoped not; there was nothing left for him after all. He had been ready to embrace death like an old friend. When he finally worked up the courage to open his eyes, Severus was met with the sight of the hospital wing. He also felt thick bandages round his neck. He must have survived, he thought bitterly as he looked around to see who else was receiving treatment after the battle.

He was surprised to see the place empty and in a much better condition than he’d believed possible after the recent destruction. Had he been out for that long? He was brought out of his musings by the sight of Poppy Pomfrey bustling towards him, a very young Poppy Pomfrey. Severus was confused, though he hid it behind his occlumency barriers.

“Mr Snape! I’m glad to see you’re finally awake. How are you feeling? Try not to worry, my dear, your injuries are on the mend, and you won't have any lasting impact on your health.” Pomfrey kept talking; however, Severus had tuned her out as he considered her words. The emphasis she had put on the word ‘lasting’, as though Severus should know why that was important but didn't want to state it outright; the fact she’d referred to him as ‘Mr Snape ’, not Professor or by his given name.

He looked down and froze as he took in his too-small body; what was going on!  Severus turned back in time to hear, “Headmaster Dumbledore asked me to inform him when you awoke, Mr Snape; he wishes to speak to you regarding this latest incident between you and your classmates.” He could see her disapproval at such a request; Poppy had always taken the care of her patients very seriously and disliked any interference she perceived as going against her charges' healing.

Not quite knowing what was going on but knowing better than to voice this, Severus merely nodded in understanding, trying to process just what had happened to him. He winced as his movement pulled at the now obvious wound on his neck. Why was he back in his teenage body? With all of his adult memories at that. Was he in a post-death hallucination, his own personal hell? Why did he have an injury exactly where Nagini had bitten him? What was going on?

As he considered his approximate age, the hidden implication of Poppy's words and the fact that the headmaster wanted to speak with him, Severus came to a horrifying conclusion. The incident Poppy referred to must have been Black’s murder attempt via a snarling werewolf, and her emphasis on there being no lasting effects must have been her way of informing him that he had not received his injuries from Lupin himself. He knew what was coming. Dumbledore was going to come and force him into a vow not to reveal Lupin's secret, as well as excuse all of the Gryffindors' actions as boys being boys.

Severus gritted his teeth. If this were his version of hell, then he’d be unable to change anything; if, however, he had somehow been magically thrust into the body of his teenage self, then there was no way Severus was going to allow things to play out as they had done originally. What could Dumbledore even do if he refused? Expelling him would only draw more attention to recent events, the opposite of what Dumbledore wanted. There was also the problem of the life debt he now owed Potter; he refused to have such a thing hanging over his head, if he could help it. As he thought it through, he decided on his next course of action.

Just in time, too, as at that moment Dumbledore entered the wing “Ah, Mr Snape, I am glad to see you awake. Tell me, what do you remember of the events that led to your stay in the hospital wing, my boy?” His false genial tone set Severus’s teeth on edge, as he knew the man only truly cared about how he could use any situation to his advantage, no matter the collateral damage. With forced calm, he dryly replied, “Black tried to kill me, betraying his friends' trust in the process by trying to use him as the murder weapon. To protect his friends from the consequences of Black's actions, Potter then arrived to prevent said murder attempt.” Dumbledore’s eyes had gradually lost their twinkle as Severus spoke, his mouth thinning into a tight line

“Now, my boy, Sirius made a mistake. It's true, but as you said, James valiantly stopped him. I have spoken to them, and rest assured they are aware they went too far. However, you should have known better than to go out after curfew. The Whomping Willow is there for a reason; you know it has always been off limits. Furthermore, James is now owed a life debt for his actions that night,” he spoke, trying to convey an air of reproach and finality.

Severus had known, of course, that Dumbledore would downplay the severity of the Marauders' actions and lay the blame at Severus' feet. It was the same song and dance that had been happening since they became students. He shouldn't have felt disappointed; he’d known the outcome before it had even been said, but he was. For someone quick to spout about love and forgiveness, Dumbledore had never extended such an attitude to the house of snakes. Oh no, to Dumbledore you were unworthy of such things the second the hat sealed your fate. The only thing that protected the snakes was that most of them had powerful families who would back them should anything arise. Severus didn't have that, however, and it meant he had no power; as a student, he was at the headmaster's tender mercy.

Severus remained silent, knowing nothing he said would change what was about to happen. With a sigh, Dumbledore continued, “Young Remus does not deserve to have his secret outed, my boy. Therefore I must ask you to make a vow that you will not disclose his condition to anyone.”

Poppy, who had been listening in and who had been getting increasingly displeased at the headmaster's actions, gasped, “Albus! The boy has suffered greatly, and you’re demanding a magical vow? He’s still healing; he needs his rest!” Dumbledore ignored her outrage, his eyes still fixed on the young snake. This was his chance to see if he could make changes, and so, after ensuring his shields were impenetrable, Severus looked back into Dumbledore's eyes and calmly replied, “No.”

Dumbledore appeared momentarily startled “You have no choice, Mr Snape; your vow is mandatory”, he pressed, losing all pretence of geniality. Severus, as calm as ever, stated, “What will you do if I refuse, Headmaster? Expel me? It would only draw unwanted attention to the events that transpired.” Dumbledore’s eyes glinted dangerously as Severus continued, as calm as ever, “You cannot force me into a vow of your choosing; I won't do it. I would be willing to reconsider, however, on one condition." The older man seemed to relax upon these words; the twinkle in his eyes started to reappear, no doubt believing the boy's request would be something juvenile and easy to fulfil. He was a teenager after all.

At the headmaster's nod, Severus continued, “ I will make a vow not to reveal Lupin’s condition to anyone, on the stipulation that by doing this I will be fulfilling the life debt owed to Potter. If Potter comes here and formally accepts that my vow of silence will fulfil the life debt, then I will gladly make it. If not, then I refuse to make any such vow.”

Dumbledore silently fumed; Severus knew he’d wanted the boy to be indebted. To leverage that debt against him in the future to keep him in line, Severus would not give him the opportunity. He said nothing after that and just waited; either option was an improvement for him compared to last time: either he wouldn't have to make any vow, or he’d rid himself of the life debt. Severus would be happy at either outcome, though he knew which he’d prefer and was not scared of expulsion. Without saying another word to Severus, the older man called for a house-elf to inform Potter of the need for his presence.

They waited in tense silence until the door opened. Three boys came through: Potter, Black and Lupin. Lupin had frozen upon seeing the state of him, though Severus could not fathom why; surely he knew about the events of the last full moon. Black looked at him with his usual sneer, while Potter ignored his presence and made his way over to the older man “Headmaster, an elf said you needed to see me?” he questioned.

“Indeed, my boy, upon speaking to Mr Snape here, I was informing him of the importance of keeping young Remus’s condition a secret. However, Mr Snape has refused to make the appropriate vow” The reaction was immediate; Lupin paled, looking between Severus and Dumbledore in fear, while Black and Potter levelled him with hateful glares, the promise of vengeance in their eyes.

“That's not entirely true now, is it, Headmaster?” Poppy interrupted, unwilling to allow her ward to be ganged up on even by the head of school.

“As he said, he is more than willing to make a vow on one condition. I think that's more than reasonable after what these boys have put him through.” Poppy continued, levelling her best glare at the Gryffindors, who wilted slightly at the sight. Lupin pales even further at the open disapproval and judgement coming from the woman who was always so kind to him after the full moon.

“Indeed, as I have stated, I will make a vow if Potter accepts this as fulfilment of the life debt owed”, Severus drawled while continuing his staring match with the headmaster, elaborating, “After all, I can hardly blame Lupin. It isn't his fault one of his closest friends outed him and turned him and his condition into a murder weapon.” Lupin flinched at the words, shrinking into himself as he heard the facts that had likely been plaguing his mind, being spoken by the very boy he’d been used as a weapon to try to kill.

“Potter did not intervene to truly help me, but rather to stop one friend from causing a murder and the other friend from being the murderer, my vow would solidify what he was trying to achieve when he ‘saved my life’. I believe this is a fair exchange.” the boy had continued.

Looking to the others in the room, Severus saw Poppy’s approval for standing up for himself, remaining perfectly composed even though he was still healing. Black had at first looked murderous at his words before he too paled, refusing to meet anyone's eyes as he stared down at his feet, unsure of himself. Potter was looking at the headmaster, waiting for him to force the issue and demand a vow without any compromise. Instead, he found the older man still staring at Severus so harshly that it visibly shocked the boy, who had only ever seen the man with twinkling eyes and a kind smile.

Finally, Dumbledore stopped glaring at Severus to turn to the three other boys, speaking through gritted teeth, “James, you must say that the life debt you're owed will be completed by Mr Snape making a vow of secrecy regarding Remus's condition to keep him safe. Do you understand?”.

“But sir!” Potter and Black exclaimed, the latter's uncertainty vanishing upon realising the snake was going to get his way. “It is the only way to protect your friend. I cannot force Mr Snape to make the vow; punishing him will only draw unwanted attention.” Focusing on Potter, he continued, “If you will, Mr Potter.”.

With a clenched jaw, Potter looked back to Severus, only now taking in his clearly still injured state with some surprise. “Wait, why is he still in the hospital wing anyway? Surely he’s fine!” At this, Poppy became angry again and, in a tone of disbelief, said, “While Mr Snape’s health is none of your business, Mr Potter, he is far from fine. It has been days since the incident, and he has only just woken and will be required to remain in my care for several more days due to the severity of his injuries. While Mr Snape was lucky not to be injured by Mr Lupin, it was you, Mr Potter, who punctured his neck, causing a nearly fatal injury when you threw him away from Mr Lupin.”  The boys all looked shocked; Dumbledore, however, looked unaffected, a sight which didn’t go unnoticed by any of the other occupants. This shocked the three boys further. Clearly not used to the older wizard being so uncaring towards a student, even if that student was himself.

After quietly asking if Snape had a middle name, Potter began to speak, “The life debt owed to me, James Fleamont Potter, Heir of the Ancient house of Potter by Sni- Severus Tobias Snape will be considered fulfilled on the condition of Severus Tobias Snape performing a vow of secrecy regarding Remus John Lupin's condition as a werewolf.”

Due to his experience as an adult Severus could feel the magic accepting this waiting for Severus to complete his side of the bargain “I Severus Tobias Snape vow that I will not inform anyone by any means about Remus John Lupin's condition as a werewolf on the condition that with this vow the life debt I owe to James Fleamont Potter Heir to the Ancient house of Potter will be fulfilled.” There was a flash of light as the magical vow was sealed. Without another word, Dumbledore stalked out of the infirmary while Poppy came back to fuss over Severus, making sure the magic needed for the vow had not negatively affected him.

As the three other boys stood there, Remus stepped forward, head bowed “Sni-Snape, I, I wanted to apologise for my actions last full moon. I’m so, so sorry. You could’ve died, and it would’ve been my fault.”

Potter and Black started to voice their objections, but Lupin ignored them, staring intently at Severus, who was surprised at this turn of events, as not one of them had apologised the first time. He supposed he was visibly injured this time, and Dumbledore hadn’t been able to brush it under the carpet quite so easily as before, forcing Lupin to see the consequence of that night more obviously. While contemplating how to respond, Potter and Black had not stopped trying to convince Lupin he had nothing to apologise for, receiving a glare so harsh in return it brought them up short. Seeing this, Severus knew how best to respond for maximum impact: “They're right, Lupin,” he stated to the other three's shock.

“What happened that night wasn't your fault. There are many other things you could rightfully apologise to me for, but not for that. You cannot help your condition. Your only mistake, it seems, was trusting your friends not to expose you and use you as nothing more than a tool to inflict violence on someone they don’t like. But if your closeness on entering was any indication, it seems you are still the coward I know you to be. Too scared of rejection or maybe even being turned on to stand up for yourself. Though I suppose I can now understand such concerns better, you didnt even need to do anything for your secret to be exposed in the cruelest of ways.” Lupin was shaking under the truth of his words. Severus knew he couldn't deny a single one of them; he was a coward, and he was scared of what would happen if he truly stood up to Potter and Black.

Before anything more could be said, Poppy interrupted, stating her patient's need for rest, forcing the three boys to leave if they didn't want to face her wrath. Severus let out a breath he hadn't known he’d been holding when they were finally gone, slumping in his bed as he realised what it meant that he’d managed to change the outcome of that night's events so thoroughly. This couldn't be a hallucination or a personal hell, which meant he was really back as a teenager. He had the sudden urge to laugh hysterically but managed to curb such an action when he remembered he was not alone. After another checkup in which Poppy commanded him to rest, Severus got as comfortable as possible with a healing neck wound and drifted off into a restless sleep.