Chapter Text
It was a normal day, like any other.
Sebek woke up, got ready, ate breakfast, went to class, had lunch, went back to class, after class he went to the equestrian club, went back to Diasomnia and went to sleep.
And he repeated that, over and over, again and again
He was tired of all these repeating actions, he just wanted to give it all up and sleep and never wake up.
But, did he actually want that?
He had friends, a family, along with very supporting brother figures and mentor
Was he actually tired of all that?
He shouldn’t be. At least for him, he shouldn’t, there are people that go through way worse than him
He should even be grateful for his life
He had so many opportunities in his life: being a guard for Malleus, getting the chance to train under Lilia’s care, getting into NRC
Some people would give out their lives for only one of those chances
Sebek really didn’t deserve them..
Maybe he should just k–
BIP-BIP-BIP—
. . .
He got interrupted by his alarm
“Huh.. It’s morning already?”
The half-fae sighed to himself, he hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep in the last days, looked like he’ll be tired the whole day again.
The boy silently got up, his roommate was still asleep, as always. He was a heavy sleeper, but not as heavy as Silver, of course
He got his uniform and personal items and headed to the bathroom to change and do his hair.
. ݁⋆ ۶ৎ ݁˖ . ݁
He hated his scars.
The ones that covered his whole thighs, his right one having more scars, of course, he’s left-handed, of course his right one will have more..
He pressed his hand against them, there were a bunch of different ones
You could find some bumpy, some white, some pink, and some that weren’t even healed yet
While the crocodile boy hated them, there were times he loved them, they made him feel real, valid
Made him feel like he was himself again, and not just someone watching from outside
Maybe he should do it again
He had been clean for 6 days until now, he felt like that was too much,,
He should relapse again, he NEEDS to
Lucky him, he always kept a razor with him.
. ݁⋆ ۶ৎ ݁˖ . ݁
He had a grin when the crimson red blood fell on the floor, it was warm, grounding, it was everything he needed, he swiped again, and again, and again, and ag—
maybe he should stop.. he was already light headed and he would get late to school, but oops, these ones are quite deep to just press paper towels against them and hope they last the whole day..
Some were in the dermis layer— he was lying to himself at this point— most were in the dermis, but there were some in the fat layer, of how he loved these yellow beans red from his blood
He just presses paper towels, gets dressed and hopes for the best
. ݁⋆ ۶ৎ ݁˖ . ݁
Malleus, Lilia and Silver were looking at him weird, did he do something? Did he forget something? Did he—
“Sebek, dear.. Did you forget to gel your hair?”
Lilia asked while tilting his head, the old fae always did this when worried with something, Sebek was the something at this case
“O-OH UM, I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE GOOD TO CHANGE MY STYLE ONCE IN A WHILE, LILIA-SAMA!” He quickly answered, he didn’t them to worry, that would only make things worse
“Sebek.. you know that you can always tell us anything, right?”
Even Malleus-sama?! wow he must be looking like shit then
Sebek only nodded his head, then quickly added
“YES, WAKA-SAMA!”
It would be weird for him to be quiet, Sebek Zigvolt is never quiet.
. . .
Maybe he can be quiet indeed
The crocodile boy was in history of magic class, he was almost falling asleep from the professor’s lulling voice, to make the matters worse, he was feeling light headed again
he touched the area of the cuts and that’s when he felt his whole soul leave his body
His pants were humid, from blood, the blood from self inflicted cuts, his blood.
Jack poked his arm, the beastman seemed worried, he probably felt like something was smelling fishy.. well, of course there is something, Sebek was this something one again, with his pants soaked in blood, it was obvious Jack would notice
“Hey man, is everything okay?”
The wolf seemed worried for Sebek, and once again, Sebek didn’t need their pity, he could deal with this himself!
“Yes.”
Sebek whispered, he didn’t need Mr. Trein telling him to be quiet
Jack didn’t seem to believe the half-fae, but he also didn’t press for more, for Sebek’s luck
. ݁⋆ ۶ৎ ݁˖ . ݁
Sebek was exhausted, he couldn’t run for even another second
Mr. Vargas was— once again— exhausting his students to the bone, Sebek being one of them
But he couldn’t stop, he didn’t need Ace teasing him again for not running all the percourse, so he didn’t
But then he started feeling even more light headed than before, and also had a tingling sensation all over his arms
he stopped, he was breathing heavily and then suddenly— everything went black
. ݁⋆ ۶ৎ ݁˖ . ݁
The green haired boy woke up in the infirmary, and he, once again, felt his soul leave his body
If he was here, that meant only one thing..
He fainted and they saw his cuts
He bites his lips hard enough to bleed, and again, the pain is grounding for him
“You shouldn’t be doing that..”
He froze again, he recognizes that voice very well, the voice he had known since he was a child
It was Malleus
He turns his head slowly, his lord is looking at him with a pitiful expression on his face, it was obvious he was sad, or worse, disappointed..
“M-Malleus–sama…”
The horned one sighed and looked at Sebek, really looked at him
“I thought we told you can tell us anything..”
Sebek whispered very quietly his answer, almost like he didn’t want his young master to hear, which he probably did want
“Y-You did—”
“So why, Sebby? why? please, we can’t keep let you do such things to yourself.”
“...Uh, I don’t wanna tell”
“Why?”
“Because.. because—uhh.. I don't know..”
He can hear the fae sigh, Sebek felt like a burden once again, he always made things worse, didn’t he?
“They gave you stitches. Said you had gone too deep.. You could have died, you know?”
“...Oops?”
“sigh.. Lilia talked with your grandfather, it will probably take some time to convince your family that you can take care yourself without being sent to a mental ward”
what
A mental hospital?
“... you’re serious?”
“Yes sebek, of course I am, do you have any idea how worried I was with being told that you got stitches and was in the infirmary resting?”
“..sorry”
“Do you want to explain yourself to why you did this now?”
“... I-.. I felt like everything was getting too repetitive..”
The green haired boy took a deep breath
“All the days were the same thing and I was starting to feel.. empty.. like nothing mattered anymore, like I didn’t matter anymore..”
Malleus looked at Sebek for a second and hugged him, slowly caressing his hair
“You don’t need to worry anymore.. Everything will be alright..”
That’s when he broke, Sebek let out everything he was feeling, broken sobs and tears left the boy
And while some minutes passed by while he was getting everything out, he started to feel how tired he was, so he decided one thing.
It was finally time for him to rest, he fell asleep in Malleus’ arms right there.
The end maybe — author ig