Chapter Text
Back on the ship the next day, neither of them moved to bring up their interaction. They danced carefully around each other, not touching and barely speaking. Keith kept planning to say something, but could not help but worry that maybe Lance forgot. Maybe the kiss did not mean much to him, despite what he had said…
Keith’s head was swimming and he found his way to the training room like he did when he could not think straight. He drifted through the first few levels of the simulator expertly, but once he got to level four and could feel his muscles burning from the exertion, he gave up.
“End training sequence,” he panted, leaning over with hands on his knees.
Slowing clapping from across the room caused him to jerk his head up.
Lance smirked at him as he said, “Done so soon? I bet I could even beat you today.”
Keith did not point out that Lance just admitted to generally being weaker than him because the look in Lance's eyes suggested that there was something hanging under the surface of those words. So Keith just quirked up a curious eyebrow.
“Spar with me?” Lance asked with a small hopefully smile.
Instead of responding, Keith got into position. But, taking note of Lance's lazy stance, he loosened his own hesitantly. Lance quirked up the side of his mouth and halfheartedly threw a predictable punch that Keith ducked out of. But instead of aiming to punch Lance's gut like he would in a real fight, he moved to shove Lance's shoulder. Lance seemed to predict this, grabbed his wrist, and pulled him forward.
He stumbled along without much resistance. Lance pulled him to his body and it felt a lot like the dance they had in the kitchen. Keith realized just how far away that seemed now.
This time they did not fall. Lance pulled Keith’s back against his chest, grabbing his other wrist. Keith knew exactly how to get out of this hold, but he did not. Lance's grip was weak anyway, and he knew that this had never been a real match.
After a careful pause, Lance buried his face in Keith's neck, his breath sending shivers down Keith's spine. His nose ghosted over his skin but Lance did not move to kiss him. He dragged the tip of his nose up Keith's neck to his ear then down his jaw.
Other than the flutters and fluffy feeling that came with intimacy with Lance, the strongest emotion he felt then was relief.
Keith moved his hands from Lance's loose grasp, took his right hand in Lance's left and laced their fingers as he turned around.
Lance’s head dipped and he looked steadily at the floor. Keith tugged him forward by the hand and took the small half step forward that put their bodies only inches away.
“I thought maybe you'd forgotten again,” Keith said.
Lance looked up, awakened, into Keith's eyes, “I thought maybe you did. You were the drunk one.”
“I was the drunk one? You threw space money at the DJ!”
“And you danced in front of that whole bar like you were trying to get in my pants!”
“Well, I kind of was,” Keith said, “trying to ‘get in your pants’, I mean.”
Lance’s jaw dropped at that and Keith smirked at the speechlessness. Then Lance huffed a laugh and Keith smiled at the sound.
“So,” Lance tried unsuccessfully to clear his throat, “Does this- what does this mean?”
“Uh,” started Keith, “I don't - aren't you the one always bragging about being the best at this stuff?”
“I- well I mean- I definitely have a way with flirting but I've only just had one time things, and not even that often. I haven't even- I don't- I've never really had a, um, long-term…” his face flushed deeply, “ - or I don't know if that's what you want. I mean, I don't know what you're thinking but I think I'd like to, well, um-”
Somewhere in Lance's rambling Keith started laughing, and Lance stopped and pulled a frustrated frown.
“What? Don't laugh at me! You don't know what you're doing either!”
“I'm not laughing at you,” Keith smiled.
“Yes, you are!”
“Okay, I am-”
“Keith!”
“It's just that we may be the two worst people in the universe at figuring this kind of thing out.”
“Oh,” Lance said, looking down at his feet.
“Let's just not talk about it. That has seemed to be doing well so far.”
Lance bit his bottom lip pensively. Keith tracked the motion.
“I- I don't want to mess this up, Keith. My abuela always said there is no healthy, um-” his already reddened face turned a shade darker, “relationship without communication and I know there're some things you don't want to talk about and I get that but could we at least talk about us? If there is going to be an, uh, us, I mean.”
Keith opened his mouth to say something, but did not know what. He wanted to tell Lance that he wanted their to be an “us” between them more than he wanted almost anything else. He wanted to tell him that this meant just as much to him as it did to Lance. He wanted to tell him that every time he was with him, or Blue for that matter, that it felt like coming home. He wanted to tell him how beautiful his eyes looked right then. He wanted to kiss away the uncertainty, but he could not.
Instead he said, “I'm scared.”
And he said it so softly that he was not sure Lance could hear it. He would never have thought he would admit to being afraid of anything to anyone, especially Lance. He had always kept his fears close and buried. Now, he found himself saying things he had not even allowed himself to think before.
Lance sensed this, and instead of smirking and teasing the mighty Keith for being scared of him, he rubbed his thumb over Keith's knuckles on their still joined hands. He smiled a genuine smile, almost identical to the one from the sacred “bonding moment”: reassuring, supportive, filled with care.
“Don't be scared of me,” Lance said, “I won't hurt you.”
“It's not me I'm scared for.”
He could see Lance physically soften, his shoulders slacken and eyes reaching toward him.
“Keith,” he said pleadingly, certainty in his voice, “I trust you.”
“I don't want to hurt you… Again,” Keith said, “I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm still not-”
He was surprised by his own honesty. He felt like he was ripping his chest open. He felt bare and raw and he wondered if this was what people like Lance felt everyday. He did not think he could survive feeling this vulnerable all the time, but then again, that may just be because of the barriers he had been living behind. The ones that Lance had frozen and shattered.
“It's okay, I know you're still figuring this out. Just, let me be there with you.”
And just like that, Keith felt his insides crumble. He reached up and pulled Lance down. He wrapped both arms around his head and buried his face in the dip between Lance's neck and shoulder and breathed in.
Under the sweet mix of sweat and soap, he still distantly smelled of the wind and sand of earth. Keith was reminded of the night he spent in the cave where they found Blue. The tug he felt from the lion was all too familiar as he held Lance tight in his arms.
He was so lost then. He was closed and defensive. He was living for himself with only Shiro to care about. He never thought he would care about someone like this. But he found Blue and he felt a pull, like there could be more if he let it in. He felt for the first time that he had potential to be more than just a soldier.
Now, as Lance tentatively wrapped his arms around his waist, slowly strengthening his hold, Keith was sure he could do it. Unlike the Keith from the desert shack, he knew he could open up for Lance.
But as he felt Lance rest his chin on his shoulder, he realized another thing he had not let himself think about. He already had opened up.
It was not and would never be a rush of emotion, an explosion, a collapse of walls like he had expected. As he thought of Hunk and Pidge and Coran and Shiro and Allura, he realized how much they too wormed their way into the cracks in his walls. How now before he acted, he did not just think of strategy and the fight, but each one of them. Another thing Keith from the desert house would never have done.
He realized that the disappearance of this defence was a long time coming. It did not just fallen down. Rather, each time he had opened up to Allura, laughed with Hunk, talked with Coran, conspired with Pidge, trained with Shiro, and, yeah, flirted with Lance, they each took one brick down off the top until he was left open and free.
Sure he was still scared because this was all new to him. He was not used to balancing judgement and reason with his feelings because he had not let himself care before. And in turn, he was not used to people caring for him either. But he was growing with it.
He thought he finally understood what Shiro had said all that time ago about the past. He did not mean to push it away, block it, ignore it; he meant to accept it and build his way from there.
He smiled to himself and pulled away from Lance just enough to rest their foreheads together. Lance slowly mirrored the smile that was surely showing on Keith's mouth.
He had not been this attached to anything or anyone since the acci- since his family died. And he was ready to feel it all again. Maybe not everything in that moment, and not all at once, but definitely slowly, letting the feelings settle down and rest in him.
“So, does this mean you'll let me…”
“Just shut up and bésame,” Keith whispered.
So he did, but this was more gentle and less unsure. It was not an attack or a desperation or a question like their last kiss; it was a promise.
Keith exhaled into it, melting, and for the first time in years, he was ready to let someone else have a little control over him, and, to start, he was ready for that person to be Lance.
“Honestly, I can't believe this is happening.”
“Mmm,” Keith replied, kissing the corner of Lance's mouth.
“All that time I spent chasing after you at the Garrison and you hadn't noticed me-”
Keith scattered kisses along Lance's jaw.
“And now here we are. In space. And, damn, you're kissing me and this is so crazy-”
“Lance,” Keith drawled, kissing lines down Lance's neck. He let his hands drift under the hem of Lance's shirt.
Lance sucked in a gasp and threw his head toward the ceiling.
“It's just- this is unbelievable. And you've been pining for me too, right? This isn't just some spur of the moment thing? I mean, I know that's what you said, but-”
“Lance,” Keith said a little louder, pulling his mouth away from Lance's necks to look in his eyes, “Can you please shut up.”
Lance smiled at Keith who looked up at him through heavy eyelids from a few inches below.
Then Lance broke the moment and said, “I think we have a really good height difference.”
Keith rolled his eyes and dropped his forehead to rest on Lance's collar bone.
“Really, Lance? I just told you to shut up.”
“No, I'm serious. You're, like, just short enough for me to wrap my arms around but just tall enough for my neck not to ache leaning down.”
Keith pulled his head up to smirk at Lance.
“You've put a lot of thought into this, I see. Now who's keeping count?”
Lance’s smile grew, “I have. I've thought about you quite a lot.”
“Ugh, shut up.”
“No, I'm serious. Those eyes, those lips,” Lance leaned forward and brushed his lips on Keith's, not quite a kiss but enough to send a chill down Keith's spine.
Lance hummed, “Your skin, your hair,” he reached out and pushed a loose lock of hair from Keith's face before dropping his hands to cover Keith's on his waist.
“These hands,” he leaned in and whispered by Keith's ear, “How they would feel on my skin. Touching me. Holding me.”
“Lance,” Keith breathed. His skin was burning and his heart thrumming.
“What, Keith?” he teased, “Haven't you thought about me?”
“Shut. Up,” he gasped as he threw his arms around Lance's neck, pulling him down.
He tugged at Lance's lips and moved his hands to hold his head in place. The way he worked his lips with Lance's was in accordance with how he had always imagined he would kiss him. He had played this out in his head a hundred times and with every movement he aimed to get that idea into Lance's head. Yes, I have thought about you.
Lance gently pulled away to look at Keith, “God, you’re so beautiful.”
He tried to kiss his words away. Why wouldn't he just-
“You drive me crazy.’
Kiss.
-stop-
“I still can't believe-”
Kiss.
-talking.
“-that you really-”
“Lance,” Keith whisper yelled, “Why won't you just stop talking?”
“What? I have a lot to say. This has been a pretty eventful day.”
“We can talk about it later.”
“Oh? When? Tonight?”
“Lance,” Keith warned half-heartedly with a laughs.
Lance continued anyway.
“In my bed? I don't know if you remember last time, but-”
Keith’s cheeks reddened of their own accord, “Actually…”
Lance stopped and his smile dropped. Keith shuffled his feet a little, realizing what he just admitted to.
“Wait. What?”
Keith cleared his throat.
“What do you remember?” Lance gaped at him.
“Well, I actually woke up before you and-”
“What!?”
Lance's jaw hung heavy and his dark skin was tinting bright red. Keith could not help feeling endeared by the fact, but still mostly embarrassed from hiding this.
“I wasn't going to tell you, but since you brought it up...”
“Keith! And you just let me think I had taken advantage of you while you slept when really-”
“Okay, you are making it sound much more scandalous than it was.”
“I was cuddling you like a teddy bear!”
“You were asleep! And so was I for the most part!”
“But you didn't even wake me…”
Keith looked away, he felt like Lance was calling him out.
“Aww, Keith,” Lance expression suddenly clicked into place, “You liked it.”
“Leave me alone.”
“Are you sure you don't want to sleep over tonight. I promise I'll hold you again.”
“Stop looking at me like that,” Keith grumbled, trying desperately to bite back an embarrassed smile, “I hate you.”
“Mmhm, we both know that's not true.”
Lance was slowly leaning forward and they started stumbling back until Keith's back was pressed against the wall.
“Not after you pretended to be asleep just so I would hold you a little bit longer.”
Keith swallowed.
“If you spend the night again tonight, we could do it all again. But this time you could let me-”
Lance's voice trailed off and his hands drifted down around the hem of Keith's pants where his shirt was tucked in.
Keith sucked in a breath. His thoughts shifted and wondered until-
“No,” Keith breathed.
Lance pulled his hands away, “Sorry, I-”
“No, uh,” Keith said, grabbing Lance's hand and lacing their fingers, trying to smile at him reassuringly, “Don't be. I just- let's not rush, okay?”
Lance relaxed a bit, “Said the guy who was begging me to stop talking so he could put his tongue down my throat.”
Keith wrinkled his nose, “Ugh, Lance,” he rolled his eyes, “I just mean- I'll spend the night with you-”
“Wait, really?”
“But I'm not gonna sleep with you, not tonight at least.”
Lance softened, “Of course. I was just, I don't know, messing with you. Or flirting with you. Whatever. I don't want to do anything you're not comfortable with,” Lance seemed to think for a moment, “Or anything I'm not comfortable with. I've never actually-”
“You're a virgin? You?”
“What? Does everybody think I just sleep around?”
“I mean, the way you talk-”
“Have you?” Lance interrupted, “Slept with anyone, I mean.”
Keith nodded but did not meet Lance's eyes.
“Really? I thought you said you hadn't had a relationship with anyone before.”
“I haven't.”
“Oh,” Lance said, “Oh, wait. God, did somebody-”
“No, no. Nothing like that.”
“Good, somebody was about to have something coming for them.”
“But I have had quite a few guys. It's never really meant anything before, but- I don't want it to be like that with you.”
“I don't want that either.”
Keith nodded, “I was wondering- I'm not ashamed of you or anything! But, could we maybe just keep this between us, for a little. Just until you know for sure...”
Lance smiled reassuringly, “Of course,” he bumped his shoulder on Keith's who smiled comfortably back, “But just so you know, I do know for sure.”
Much more carefully this time, Lance tilted his head down and paused a centimetre away, letting Keith close the gap. Which he did.
As their lips touched, they both started smiling too big they had to pull apart.
Maybe half an hour or so later, Keith and Lance made their way out of the training room and into the dining room where Pidge and Hunk were already waiting for dinner. Lance was trailing at a carefully measured distance behind Keith. They sat in their usual spots at the table, Keith's chair angled slightly towards Lance.
“Howdy, everybody.”
Neither replied but Pidge looked up from her tablet with her eyebrows drawn together.
Keith was studying Lance from the corner of his eye while he fiddled with his hands on the table. A smile kept tugging on the corner of Keith's mouth as Lance looked around the room.
“Oh my god, Hunk, you owe me ten.”
Hunk looked up confused, but then his eyes settle on Keith then Lance and said, “Dammit.”
Keith watched as Lance hunched forward, “What? Why does Hunk owe you money?”
“I bet you guys would get together by the end of the month and he thought you guys wouldn't confess until at least one of you nearly died. Obviously I was right and he owes me ten.”
“What!? How could you possibly know by just looking at us? We didn't even do anything!?” Lance threw up his arms.
Keith smirked and shook his head. So much for keeping it between them, but, honestly, Lance wasn't very good at hiding things.
Pidge smirked, “Were you guys even trying to hide it?”
“Yeah, it's all over Keith's face.”
Keith's smile dropped, “My face?”
“Yeah,” Hunk said, “You’re, like, smiling, which is not normal, and your heart eyes are, like, screaming Ed Sheeran lyrics.”
Keith dropped his jaw and it was Lance's turn to smirk at him.
“Awe, wanna come cover me up and cuddle me in, babe?”
“Ew.” and “Gross.” sounded from Pidge and Hunk on the other side of the table, but Keith now had his eyes fixed on Lance, scowling.
“Did you just call me ‘babe’,” he said disgustedly.
“Honey? Dear? Mi amor?”
“Stop,” he said, deepening his scowl at Lance's smiling face to push away his own smile.
Then Shiro walked in and took one look at them and said, “Well, Hunk. Looks like you owe Pidge some money.”
Keith threw his arms in the air and Lance laughed.
Allura and Coran walked in and Pidge grinned, “You guys hear the news? Keith and Lance finally did the do.”
“We did not do anything like that,” Keith's face burned bright red and Hunk laughed. Great, so now everybody was laughing at him.
Lance put his hand on Keith's leg, “Come on guys, give the guy a break. He's already been flustered enough for one day.”
“Lance,” the room groaned.
“Wait, were you two not already courting?” asked Coran.
“I'm happy for you Keith,” Allura smiled warmly at him. He smiled back.
Shiro walked past Keith's chair and gave him a brotherly noogy. Hunk leaned across the table to give Lance a friendly high five. They soon shifted the conversation away from them but Lance kept his hand resting on Keith's leg.
Maybe them knowing was not so bad. Besides, he could deal with a little vulnerability.