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remembered, if outlived

Summary:

Tony stood with tears in his eyes and told the world that Peter Parker was dead.

Seven months later, a routine raid offers an agonizing mercy: a room, a bed, and a familiar-looking kid beaten, battered, and barely hanging on.

Peter isn't dead, but the boy who came back isn't sure he survived, either.

Notes:

Please check the tags and content warnings before diving in—this is a very dark story, and all major triggers are explicitly tagged. If any of these topics are difficult or harmful for you to read, please take care of yourself and skip this one. Stay safe first and foremost.

Note on characters: Original and comic/canon characters (such as Lonnie Lincoln / Tombstone) are utilized in this story, but their characterizations, histories, and personalities are heavily adapted for this AU and do not reflect any specific media adaptation or canon portrayal.

 

Title from Emily Dickinson’s After a great pain, a formal feeling comes—

Chapter 1: a formal feeling comes

Notes:

Day 2 fills: Bear Trap | Lost in the Woods

Chapter Text

“You know, I thought I wasn’t going to like being Spider-Man anywhere outside a city. I tried webbing through a suburban neighborhood once, and it sucked. There was nothing to web onto. But these trees are awesome.” 

“You know, I miss the good ole days when Spider-Kid had classes all the way in Boston to attend,” Sam said. “Why we didn’t encourage MIT to keep him for a few more years?” 

Tony rolled his eyes as the team continued to banter through the comms. He couldn’t see them from his aerial view above the trees, but every so often he got a glimpse through the foliage of red and blue swinging.

“I missed New York!” Peter replied. “I missed the pizza, the angry yelling in the streets— oh, don’t even get me started on the bagels.” 

“I’ll mail them to you,” Sam promised.  

“It’s just not the same,” Peter sighed. “And besides, I’ve got a great job offer I can’t turn down.” 

“Remind me to kill that man,” Sam groaned. “Who gives a freshly graduated Spider-Baby the top spot in Stark Industries R&D? I’m calling HR and complaining of nepotism.” 

Tony laughed. He couldn’t help it. “You sound like the guy that Peter beat out for the spot.” 

“It’s not nepotism!” Peter argued, his voice rising slightly. “I earned my position!” 

“Sounds like someone hit a sore spot,” Bucky joked, voice low. 

“It’s not a sore spot.” Although it definitely sounded like one. 

“You earned it, kid,” Tony promised him, knowing how it felt to grow up with people thinking of him as an extension of Howard. “Some people are just jealous.” 

“Jealous of the Bieber wannabe?” Sam scoffed. “Yeah, right.” 

“You sound a little bitter, Gramps. Maybe you need to get laid a little,” Peter snarked, causing a few snorts from the others on the comms. Tony had to bite his lip to not make a sound. “I had no issue with that in Boston, so maybe I could give you some advice.” 

Bucky howled with laughter. “Kid got you there, man.” 

“This is not a conversation we need to have right now,” Steve cut in. Tony wondered how long it would take for Steve to ruin their good fun. 

Sam was too flustered to say anything back, and Peter laughed triumphantly. “Get wrecked, Bird Boy.” 

Tony made a face, though no one could see it behind the mask. “What did they do to you in college, Underoos?”

“You’re one to talk, Tones,” Rhodey flew next to him. “You weren’t exactly a saint back in your college days.”

Tony’s tone shifted, dropping the lighthearted edge for just a second. “Yeah, well... half of those situations weren't exactly consensual on my end either, honeybear.”

Peter’s concerned voice filled the comms immediately. Kids these days were so much better at recognizing this shit, and Tony was secretly proud of him for it. “Mr. Stark... that’s really not okay.”

“I know, Underoos. I’m just saying, learn from my mistakes,” Tony said, voice softening. “Make sure everything you do is on your terms—”

Then Peter shushed him.

“What the hell, Parker?”

“Do you hear that?”

Tony couldn’t hear anything out of the ordinary, even with the enhanced receptors of his suit. He had FRIDAY filter out all surrounding sounds. Still, there was nothing. 

“Uh, I hear birds,” Sam offered, though he didn’t sound concerned. 

Bucky laughed under his breath. “You would.” 

“Seriously, guys!” Peter shouted. “It sounds like crying— like a baby crying.” 

“A baby lost in the woods?” Sam questioned. “Seems kinda strange.” 

“We don’t know what the distress signal is for,” Steve said, always focused on the mission. He took these extra seriously ever since the fight they’d lost to Thanos all those years ago. “We have no idea what we’re going to find. Maybe a child.” 

“Could be just an animal,” Bucky guessed. 

“Then it still needs my help,” Peter said with that stupid determined voice he used when Tony wanted him to not do something, but he had some moral obligation to disobey every one of Tony’s wishes. “It’s definitely a baby— and it’s crying.” 

“Spider-Man, slow down,” Steve directed through the comms. 

But before Peter could even respond, there was a crack of metal through the trees. 

Then, a second later, Peter screamed. It wasn’t the usual fall off a roof mid swing scream; it was guttural and raw. 

It broke just for a moment as Peter sucked in a breath and let out an agonizing shriek. It pierced through the trees, Tony’s suit, and his chest right into his heart. Tony couldn’t breathe. What the hell was going on? 

“Peter!” Tony yelled, looking around in panic. Where was he? Where did he go? 

“It’s— a trap,” Peter gasped, and it sounded wet. “Mr. Stark— my leg.” 

“I’m coming, kid. I’m coming,” Tony said. “FRIDAY, fire the thrusters. Where is he?” 

Peter whimpered, and Tony put more power into the suit. “M-Mr. S-Stark, no. It’s a trap.” 

There were bullets ripping through the air around them now. Alarms were blaring and screeching. “I know, kid. I know it’s a trap.” 

“I-I’m in— Mr. Stark, I’m in a trap.” Peter’s voice broke in the middle of Tony’s name, and he had to finish the rest of the sentence in a sob. 

“I’m coming, kid. I’ll be there in a sec—” 

The forest in front of him shook just before an explosion ripped through the air. The blast sent Tony flying backward until FRIDAY regained control. 

“Jesus Christ.” Rhodey sounded just as winded as Tony felt from the sudden surge. 

Tony could only stare at the fire devouring the trees. On the comms, he heard Steve running through a roll call to check statuses. Tony really didn’t give a shit about anyone except for one person. 

“Spider-Man, status!” Tony shouted, barely able to hear himself over the sound of flames raging. “Peter!” 

Nothing. No screaming. No crying. No whimpering. Nothing. 

“Does anyone have eyes on Spider-Man?” Tony roared louder than the fire. He needed to drown out FRIDAY’s voice telling him that Karen wasn’t relaying any signs of vitals. “Peter!” 

“We can’t see anything down here,” Sam reported. 

Tony flew through the rising smoke and flames. He didn’t care about the warnings he was getting from his HUD. He was going to take his suit to her limits. He needed to find Peter. “Scan for any signs of Peter.” 

FRIDAY was quiet for a moment, though it felt more like an hour to Tony. Then she announced, “I have no signs of Peter, but I have located the epicenter of the blast.” 

Tony glanced around until he saw where FRIDAY was highlighting the heat signatures. He flew lower, aiming for the blast center. He wasn’t sure what he was going to find, but he couldn’t see any Peter shape, so he hoped this spot had nothing to do with him. 

He hit the ground hard, stumbling a few feet as he landed. He felt his chest rise and fall in a way he hadn’t felt since Thanos. There was something in his head telling him to stop and never close the distance. If he didn’t look, he wouldn’t know, and if he never knew, he could always hope for the best. 

But there was red ahead of him. Spider-Man red. 

Tony knew the only thing keeping him on his feet was his armor. His body was shaking with each step. When he was close enough to identify the red spot, nothing couldn’t hold him up anymore. He fell to his knees, reaching for the piece of ruined cloth with slow hands. “No,” Tony whispered. “No. No. No.” 

Around him, the world continued to spin. Fire burned, clouds drifted, and the sun shone relentlessly.

He couldn’t pay any of it any mind. All he could focus on was the destroyed Spider-Man mask in his hands. It was half of it; Tony didn’t know where the rest had gone. The surrounding area had nothing left but ashes and soot. 

How could Tony let it happen again? 

“Fuck,” a voice said, sounding uncharacteristically scared. 

Tony looked back over his shoulder and saw Bucky staring at the bloody and charred trap with wide eyes. Immediately, Tony begged, “Find him. He’s not— this is just his mask. Find him.” 

Bucky usually kept every feeling of his buried deep, deep down. It annoyed Tony most of the time, but now, Tony wished he would just keep it all to himself. He hated the ways Bucky hesitated, the way he looked down at the melted metal that the mask was tangled in, the way he wasn’t running to go find Peter immediately. He hated everything about this moment. 

“Find him!” Tony screamed, squeezing the mask in his hand. He had to be here somewhere. This was just a little fire from a tiny explosion. Peter had dealt with him worse in his life. He wasn’t letting this take him out. Peter was here somewhere, and Tony had to find him before it was too late. 

“I think this was the trap,” Bucky commented softly, kneeling down next to Tony. 

Tony blinked a few times as his eyes burned. The smoke must have really been irritating him.  “Where’s Peter?” 

“He was stuck in the trap,” Bucky explained quietly. “And then it blew.”

Tony knew what he was hinting at and refused to believe it. Peter was not gone. He wasn't trapped at the epicenter when it went off. That would mean Peter was gone, leaving only ashes behind him. 

Tony had lived through that hell once, and he vowed to never let it happen again.