Woe like velvet, tears like jewels
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The first time they hooked up, Rozanov had kissed him before Shane got on his knees. They kissed when Scott Hunter was in the room next-door. And they kissed slowly and sweetly, on his apartment stairway, after Rozanov had taken his world apart and put him back together again. Hell, even in that bathroom, where he felt as if the Russian was trampling on his bared soul, Rozanov had kissed him.
So why was it different this time? What did he do wrong?
Shane aches with how much he wants—needs the other man. There is a hollow numbness in his chest every time he thinks about those golden curls and ocean eyes, and he hates himself for wishing he could have more.
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Wanting Hollander is dangerous, because Ilya is wanting more than he’s allowed to have. But Ilya keeps wanting more and more, because he is vain, selfish, undisciplined. He wants to have Hollander in his arms, sweet, warm, and gorgeous.
And he will always regret it later, in the quiet moments that come in the aftermath, in the small and lingering ache that follows him once they are apart.
Or: Shane spirals and avoids Ilya post-Vegas. Ilya chases after him, and they talk.
Series
- Part 1 of Woe like velvet, tears like jewels
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Seen. That small, clinical word beneath his text feels heavier than it should. Rozanov has read his message, has processed that information, so by this time he must have made a conscious decision to not reply to Shane. He doesn’t know why this is bothering him so much. He has no right to be upset, he is not entitled to Rozanov’s time nor constant attention. They are not… together, he isn’t even sure if they count as close—as friends.
And yet, he keeps staring at his phone, feeling the familiar and prickling discomfort under his skin. Why isn’t Rozanov replying?
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He hasn’t prepared for any of this—for the tenderness that follows the storm, only for the storm to sweep away everything again. He doesn’t know how to deal with Rozanov’s confusing words and contradicting actions, with both fire and ice, both closeness and distance, all at the same time.
Every time Shane feels like he manages to understand Rozanov a little, the pattern shifts, and he is once again left with splintered pieces that don’t make sense.
Or: All the messages Shane sent to Ilya during the six long months between Sochi and Vegas, and the ones he did not send.
Series
- Part 2 of Woe like velvet, tears like jewels