Chapter Text
"Love is composed of a single soul
inhabiting two bodies. "
- Aristotle
I learned how to swim in the summer of 1987.
I was just another lonely fifteen year old, trying and failing to find his way in the world, in the sky, in the desert, but never really belonging anywhere.
Until he was taught to swim.
"My name's Dante," he said, and I started to laugh.
"Sorry," I said, smiling at him though he did not quite know why. He thought I was making fun of him, but it wasn't that. Not at all.
"It's okay. People laugh at my name." He pretended as if that didn't hurt him, and I knew that he thought I was going to be like the others, the ones who only cared about being more hombre and macho and didn't care about anyone no matter how badly you hurt them.
"No, no," I said, coming closer to where he sat by the edge of the pool. "See, it's just that my name's Aristotle."
Dante's eyes suddenly became like stars, bright and glorious and true. A part of me understood this was the beginning of something I couldn't quite name then.
"Aristotle," I repeated, and we doubled over from our laughter, my stomach cramping and my cheeks aching from the smile on my face. Dante had tears in his eyes.
That moment, neither of us quite knew it, but our summers were going to be different.
That day, I learned more than just how to swim.
I learned how to love in the summer of 1987.
"Love is composed of a single soul
inhabiting two bodies. "
One night, I wrote Bernardo a letter.
The longest, most vulnerable letter I had ever written to him.
In those pages, I told him how I fell in love with someone who made me love being alive, someone who taught me to always look in every little corner of the world, someone who gazes at the stars and makes the stars gaze back.
Someone who taught me how to swim.
Someone who finally saw me.
I told him how his name is Dante.
Before sending the letter, I sat with my parents, my mom nursing a glass of wine, my dad and I a bottle of beer.
I told them how I was ready to tell Bernardo everything, but I would understand if they didn't want me to send that letter yet, in fear that Bernardo will never respond again.
My chest felt tight when I thought of how I didn't want to lose my brother so soon after having him back, but every time I wrote "my friend" just before Dante's name, it felt wrong.
Almost as if I was dishonoring the beautiful thing that existed between us.
"No, Ari," my mom shook her head, grabbing my hand gently. She glanced at my dad, both staring at me. "Whatever way Bernardo reacts has nothing to do with you and Dante, okay?"
"I know, but-"
"Ari," my dad's voice was stern, and I looked down, taking another gulp of the beer. "If Bernardo doesn't understand what love truly is, then he doesn't deserve to have your letters."
Their faces were solemn, but determined.
I loved them so much.
"Okay." My voice was a whisper, but I cleared my throat and spoke louder. "Okay."
The next day, I mailed the letter with shaky hands, and did not receive a response until a week later.
His letter was the shortest he had ever sent, only three words.
Te amo, Ari.
Inside was another drawing.
It was two women, with fireworks in the background, smiling at each other gently and beautifully.
Dante had been with me when I opened the letter, and he hugged me from behind when I began to cry.
When he saw the drawing, he kissed my neck, and hugged me tighter.
I felt Dante start to cry too, his tears falling into my skin, but I was smiling. He was smiling.
I showed my mom the drawing, and we framed it, putting it in the living room with the other pictures of the whole family.
Before I mailed my next letter, Dante gave me a folded paper to include along.
It was a drawing of the desert, with my truck a bit off into the distance. If you looked closely enough, you could see two figures laying in the back of the truck, side by side.
In the corner of the paper was a small signature. Dante Q.
I kissed him, and he put his arms around me, pulling me close and holding me tight. I looked up at his eyes and smiled.
The great thing about brothers- even if they have made mistakes in the past, they still understand the meaning of family.
And they will never forget the meaning of love.
"Love is composed of a single soul
inhabiting two bodies. "
On the last day of school, Gina, Susie and I stood side by side as we watched everyone pour out of the school, ready for summer to start, ready for the next step in their lives.
"I still remember our first class together," Gina said suddenly, her eyes a little teary as she looked at the school fondly. I looked at the doors I had walked through a million times before, then at the tree just in front of the parking garage that continued to survive even after a few crashes here and there. I turned a little to look at the football field to the side, the field I had never visit. "8th grade, right?"
I remembered the class Gina was talking about, and judging by Susie's hum, she remembered too.
It was Algebra, and I still remember how walking into that classroom always gave me headaches. I remember the teacher, Mr. Montes, who always screamed until his neck veins were in plain view and threw books at our desks to make us pay attention. I remember Gina sitting in the back with me, chewing gum loudly and fixing the heavy makeup that she still didn't quite know how to use. I remember how that was the first time we met Susie, the quiet girl who started to cry at the teacher's screams, then promptly wiped the tears away once the teacher got in trouble.
"I still hate Montes." I muttered under my breath, but Susie heard me and chuckled.
Gina nodded in agreement, and muttered, "good riddance."
I grinned. We went quiet again.
This somehow felt different than our graduation, even though graduation was supposed to be the big event everyone remembered. But graduation had been for a thousand seniors, our names lost in the wave of an entire generation. This moment was just for us.
"Is this really it?" Susie asked, her voice small, and Gina sighed. I swallowed the sudden knot in my throat, and turned to look at the benches where I used to sit while I waited for my mom to pick me up. But now we were going to be gone, and once summer ended, the new generation will sit there while we sat in our college classes.
"This is it." I turned to look at the girls, and wasn't surprised to see Gina rubbing the corners of her eyes carefully while Susie sniffled. I looked away, and rubbed at my own eyes. "Are you guys ready?"
Neither of them said anything, and before I could regret it, I grabbed Susie and Gina and pulled them into a hug. They hugged me back, hugged each other, and we stayed there for a while.
"I think I'm ready."
"Let's go, then."
Waving at them, I climbed into my truck while they got into Gina's Beetle.
I turned the ignition, and stayed there as I breathed in and out.
It felt strange, staring at the building where I always used to be so miserable at. I was never one of the top kids in the class, nor was I an athlete or a popular guy. But I liked to read during boring classes, loved to write even more, and I could not help but feel a fond attachment at the school that saw the Ari-before-Dante turn into the Ari-after-Dante.
I wiped the tears that fell from my eyes, and gave the school I had grown up in one last smile.
Let's go.
I pulled out of the parking lot, and drove away for the last time.
"Love is composed of a single soul
inhabiting two bodies. "
Summer was here again, and along with summer came the promises of days filled with breathy laughter, of starry nights together in the desert. It came with the promise of blistering kisses under the unforgiving sun, of drinking icy Coca Cola's in the steps leading towards the house, of pool chlorine on our skin, of creaking spines of classical poetry books, of remembering how it felt to be back in our youth, when two boys began to learn to love.
Summer came with promises never meant to be broken.
"Love is composed of a single soul
inhabiting two bodies. "
A week before Dante's birthday, the Quintana's decided to take a trip to Austin.
Before I could even open my mouth, Mrs. Quintana looked at me from the corner of her eye. "Of course, you're coming too, Ari."
When I got home, I found out that my parents already knew.
"It's good to get used to the school," my mom said, and promised that we would go together someday later.
On Thursday, Dante came over after he finished packing, and laid in my bed while I put enough clothes for the three-day trip in my old school backpack. Although I could not see him since I was hunched over a pile of clothes on the floor, Dante's voice had an excited tilt that made me grin from his contagious happiness.
“—and then the bats at night." Dante said, and I hummed as I closed the bag. I stretched my back, and threw myself next to Dante, both of us looking at the plain ceiling. Dante sighed quietly. "So many things to see."
"We'll have time." I said and closed my eyes, thinking of everything that could happen between now and then. "Four years."
We fell quiet after that, and after pushing off my shoes, I got more comfortable in the bed. I expected Dante to come towards me, like he always did, but instead, he kept his gaze on the ceiling.
”I don’t want this summer to end.” His voice was quiet, his eyes drawing paintings all over the ceiling.
I smiled. “It just started, Dante. We still have time.”
”I know, but–”
”I know.”
There was something different about this summer.
And it wasn’t just because we were going to college as soon as it ended, no. It felt different because we were stuck in this middle ground, not quite adults, no longer teenagers. It felt like we were supposed to rediscover ourselves all over again.
Dante turned on his side, facing me, and I did the same. His eyes were a little red, and I ran my thumb over his cheeks softly, moving a little closer until our legs crossed and twisted with each others.
"Ari?"
"Hm?"
"Remember that night in the desert?"
"I think you'll have to be a little more specific than that—"
"Fuck off," he pinched my arm, and I smiled against his neck. "When we got high, and then it rained?"
"And we got naked for the first time."
"Yeah," Dante nodded, laughing a little, and I closed my eyes. "Can you believe it's already been more than two years since then?"
I couldn't believe that, because I could still feel the rain on my skin, wearing only shoes, having a hazy mind, all of it as if it had been yesterday. I shook my head, and Dante went quiet.
That day had felt different, I realize now. Maybe because it was the first time I truly bared myself, in every way, in front of Dante, or maybe because that was the first time I felt an inexplicable urge to touch him, to burn in his embrace.
I hesitated a little, but I broke the silence that had begun to grow. "When we were there, I was scared."
"Of what?"
"Of what I would do if you had touched me." I admitted, and pulled back slightly so I could see his face. His lips were parted, and his eyes were wide. "Sorry, I-"
I don't know what I would have said after, because he brought me closer again, and kissed me desperately. I pulled him closer, grabbing his neck, his shoulders, the curve of his chin. He pulled back a little, just enough that I could feel his breathing against my lips. "I'm touching you now."
"Yeah."
"Are you still scared?"
I pulled him towards me again, pushing and pulling until we were gasping for air, my lungs burning as if we had smoked pot again. I ran my fingers through his hair, kissing my way up his neck and towards his ear. "Not anymore."
He smiled and I felt the droplets of rain on my skin when he kissed me again.
"Love is composed of a single soul
inhabiting two bodies. "
By the time I finished putting my stuff in their car, Dante and the Quintana’s were hugging my parents goodbye. Baby Emanuele giggled when my mom tickled his stomach, and when he left her arms, she grabbed me next.
“Remember to call us as soon as you get there.” My mom told me, finishing the safety speech she had given me throughout the morning. “And be careful, alright.”
She kissed my forehead, and I kissed her cheek. “We’ll be okay, mom. Don’t worry.”
My dad hadn't left for work yet, and he patted my back with a small smile on his face. "Enjoy everything, alright?"
“Alright.” I said, smiling at him, and before I could hesitate, I hugged him. “Los amo.”
"Nosotros te amamos mas." My mom said, and we waved at them from the car.
"Ready, boys?" Sam asked, looking at Dante and I from the rearview window.
Dante and I looked at each other, grinning. "Ready."
The trip was around 600 miles, but it felt longer than that.
Dante immediately fell asleep against the window in the first hour, since it was still early in the morning. Mrs. Quintana and Sam were talking quietly to each other, and baby Emanuele was cooing at everything he saw out the window. With nothing to do, I grabbed a book I brought with me, and started to read.
By the time I got to the eight chapter, Dante leaned against me, and I had to shuffle us around until I could use my arms to flip the pages of the book again. I heard Sam laughing softly, and I looked up, our eyes meeting on the rearview window. I grinned, shook my head, and went back to the book.
Our first stop was at a small town called Banhorn, and I had to shake Dante for a solid minute to get him to wake up long enough to go outside. We trudged together to a restaurant called Chuy's, where all four of us ordered some breakfast while baby Emanuele was content with his milk bottle, and then we were off on the road again.
With Dante awake, I stopped reading, and we played some games like we were kids again.
He punched my arm whenever we saw a red car, and I hit his hand whenever I saw a white one. We drew a truce when he got overexcited and sent me towards the car door, making Mrs. Quintana gasp in horror even though we were laughing.
Before we knew it, the road that seemed endless began to stretch wider, buildings appearing in the distance.
Dante and I shared grins.
We had arrived.
"Love is composed of a single soul
inhabiting two bodies. "
Austin was different than El Paso.
Of course, I knew it was going to be different, but actually seeing the city with my own eyes made me realize that this was going to be my new home next year. I would walk these streets everyday with Dante, eat in these restaurants, smile and laugh at every little weird thing we would find.
It was strange, but in a good way.
We parked the car in the hotel, and after very little convincing, managed to get two rooms, one for Sam and Mrs. Quintana with the baby, and another for Dante and I.
Dante wiggled his eyebrows at me, waving the key in his hand, and I snorted. But then I outright laughed my head off when Mrs. Quintana saw Dante, threw him a glare, and hissed under her breath, "we will be right next door, don't get any ideas."
After throwing our backpacks on the floor, Dante threw himself on the bed, and I opened the curtains. "Dante, look!"
We didn't necessarily have a good view, but we managed to see the see a good part of the street, and in the distance, we could see the UT Tower.
Dante gasped and grabbed my hand, pulling me outside. "Let's go!"
"Wait!" I grabbed the key to our room, and let him pull me down to the hall, towards the next room.
"Mom, dad!" Dante screamed, and I looked around warily, hoping the other neighbors don't come out and scream at us. "Hurry up!"
The door swung open, and the rest of the family poured out.
"Dante!" Sam exclaimed, his eyes never leaving Dante's. "Patience is-"
"-a virtue I don't have, I know." Dante finished, and I grinned, "c'mon!"
In the end, we decided to leave the car in the hotel, choosing to walk the streets and enjoy the sights.
Dante would often gasp, grabbing my arm and pointing at things his eyes would catch, and my own breath was often stolen at the new wonderland we stumbled upon.
"Remind me of that one." He would say every time a new mural stood in our path, and I would nod, even though the rest of the art he had pointed out was already fading from my mind.
But it was okay. We had time to remember every detail of our new home.
Then our steps faltered, and I felt my heart beat faster once we stood in front of the school. Dante grabbed my hand, and I held him tightly.
"There it is." I could barely hear my own voice, but Dante hummed in response.
"C'mon, boys!" Sam said, his smile wide as he looked at us, though I could see that his eyes were a little sad.
It made me nervous again, to think of moving away from home, away from my family, right into a new life.
A tug in my hand reminded me of where I was, and I looked at Dante, who smiled back at me. "Let's go."
I smiled. "Let's go."
"Love is composed of a single soul
inhabiting two bodies. "
That night, Dante and I groaned as our bodies fell together onto the bed, limbs aching from walking all day, skin still damp from the shower.
We shuffled around until we could get under the covers, and I turned on my side, hugging Dante as he moved closer until he was leaning his head against my chest.
"What do you think?" His words were spoken softly, almost a whisper though we were alone.
I leaned my chin on the top of his head, closing my eyes, letting his quiet breathing lull me to sleep. "I think we're going to be really happy here."
I felt his smile against my skin, and I smiled too.
Because today, when Dante held my hand while walking around the city, no one gave us a second glance. When I leaned forward to kiss his cheek, no one even muttered a word.
Because today, while we were walking through the downtown of the city, we saw a girl in a yellow jacket holding hands with a girl in pink shorts. Because today, Dante gripped my hand tighter when one girl kissed the other, and we both smiled at each other when no one said anything then.
Mrs. Quintana, Sam, and baby Emanuele were a few ways ahead of us when we stopped. I turned to Dante, and he looked at me, eyes bright and a grin on his face. "Kiss me."
"No," I said, smiling. "You kiss me."
And he kissed me. And he kissed me. And he kissed me.
And I kissed him back, smiling and laughing in between because for the first time, strangers saw us as two people in love kissing, not just two boys kissing.
"I love you," I whispered, staying awake long enough to hear him breathe out the same three words before we fell asleep in each others arms.
"Love is composed of a single soul
inhabiting two bodies. "
When I opened my eyes in the morning Dante was still sleeping, his arm loose over me, his breathing heavy and even.
I softly ran my fingers through his hair, and smiled as he sighed in his sleep. I yawned again, and a quick glance at the window told me it was still early.
Moving carefully, I stood up from the bed, stretching as I took the hotel phone with me to the bathroom.
"Ari!" My dad exclaimed once he heard my voice. I grinned when I heard him speak to my mom. "Lilly! Ari's on the phone!"
"Ari!"
We talked on the phone for a while, with my parents (mostly my mom) asking me about how everything looked and how the school was. I told them of how vibrant the city is, with its infinite murals and colorful streets, and how the school is not as big as it sounds.
Before hanging up, my mom made me promise to call her again when Dante woke up, to talk with him too, and I agreed.
By the time it was 9 A.M, I was bored out of my mind.
"Dante."
No response.
"Dante."
Nothing.
"Dante!"
A groan, and then a hand slapping my arm. "What?"
I pushed myself on top of him, hugging him tightly. "Happy birthday!"
"Huh?" I hold in my laugh as Dante looks around through squinted eyes. He looks at me for five straight seconds, then lets his face fall against the pillow again. "Not my birthday yet."
A laugh escapes me this time, and I move until I am laying by his side again. Only his hair is peeking out from under the blanket, and I carefully pull it down until I can see him again. I kiss his forehead, then his cheek, his nose, his chin, his lips.
"Happy birthday, mi viejito."
That made his eyes snap wide open.
"Who the fuck are you calling 'viejito'?" He demands, and my stomach hurt from cackling at the disbelief on his face. Under his breath, he murmurs something that sounds like, "the audacity."
He takes advantage of my defenseless state by pushing me against the bed, and then we were off, trying to beat each other in an impromptu tickling war.
Since it was his birthday, I let Dante win, of course. But then a knock on the door made Dante push harder than usual, making me fall off the bed, tangled in the sheets. "Ow, fucker!"
Dante looked at me and snorted, making me laugh until we were both red in the face again. I still don't understand why these moments happen sometimes, when nothing in particular happens, but we laugh because of each other nonetheless.
Opening the door, I see Dante grinning at his parents and baby Emanuele, taking the cake that was in their hands with an awed expression.
He turned to me, his eyes shining. "Tres leches, Ari. Tres leches."
I smiled, and after saying good morning to the rest of the Quintana's, we sat down on the couch with the tv turned low. I called my parents again, and all together, we sang Dante Happy Birthday. He pretended to blow out the candles, since lighters were not allowed on the hotel, and then we ate.
Dante talked with my parents for a while, telling them basically the same thing I told them, but everything sounded more special with his words. They hung up by the time we finished our pieces of cake.
Sam and Mrs. Quintana passed Dante a gift bag they had brought that was full of clothes, a new backpack, and unfortunately for him, a new pair of shoes.
"For college." Mrs. Quintana said, and Dante threw himself at them, making me grin behind my fork.
"Thank you." He kissed each of their cheeks, and rubbed baby Emanuele's cheek with the back of his finger. "Los amo."
Sam ruffled Dante's hair, and patted his back. Then, he cut more slices and made us eat until our stomachs were on the point of bursting.
With a sigh, I leaned back, and huffed a laugh when baby Emanuele burped his cake onto the sofa, making Sam and Mrs. Quintana panic at the stain. Dante snorted again, and when our eyes met, he bit his lip to stop the laughter from coming out.
"Get ready, boys." Mrs. Quintana said, sighing before making soft noises to get baby Emanuele to eat more cake. She turned back to us with a tired but excited smile. "We're going out soon."
They left soon after, and just as Dante stood up to get changed, I grabbed his arm. "Wait."
He looked at me, and I pulled him towards the couch again, waiting until he was sitting down before going to my backpack and looking for his present.
"I got you some canvases and watercolors and stuff," I threw over my shoulder as I got out the gift. "But I left those at your house."
"You didn't have to get me anything," Dante said, eyes following me until I was back beside him. "Having you is more than enough."
His words almost made me blush, but I shook myself before I would get too distracted. I pushed the other part of his present towards him.
"It's not much, but—" I shrugged, and smiled when he grinned at me, tenderly grabbing the lithe package. "It's just for you."
I watched as he carefully peeled the tape off the edges, pulling the parcel paper back and taking out the notebook inside. With a soft touch, he opened the first page, and read the words I tried to write as nicely as I could. Then he kept flipping the pages, his eyes almost shinning with hunger as he took in every metaphor and rhyme that decorated the pages of a leather journal.
Finally, he looked at me, his expression almost lost. "They're—"
"—poems." I nodded, rubbing the back of my neck. I tried to smile at him, but I barely started to realize in that moment how nervous I felt as I waited for his reaction. I added, "they reminded me of you."
He looked back at the journal, thumbing through each page, probably noticing the names of writers in the bottom right of every page, and how the occasional page had a blank corner.
"And these?" He asked, but I knew that he knew what they meant because his lips were pulled into a soft smile, the smile that makes me want to kiss him every time I see it.
"You already know." I tried to cover my embarrassment with a laugh, but Dante stopped me when he scooted closer to me until our bodies were almost on top of each others.
"Tell me anyway."
I swallowed, my eyes flickering from his bright eyes to his messy hair to his inviting lips. I ran my hands over his sides, settling one hand on his waist, another on the curve of his cheek. My voice came out as a whisper. "I wrote those."
With a nod, he put the notebook on the coffee table next to us, and turned back to me with glistening eyes. Before I could say anything, he leaned towards me and kissed me.
And then I was on fire, and could do nothing more but embrace the heat he always made me feel.
"Love is composed of a single soul
inhabiting two bodies. "
The rest of his birthday was spend visiting everything that caught our eye.
We went inside hidden bookstores with dusty shelves and rickety floors, buying at least one book in every store.
After we ate at a small outdoor restaurant, Mrs. Quintana and Sam told us how they got entrance tickets for Mexic-Arte Museum, where we spend more than two hours gazing at masterpieces of our culture that reminded me of a home I never had. While looking at a painting of la Virgen de Guadalupe, Dante got this strange look in his eye, the one he gets when he suddenly wants something.
I looked all around us, noticing the silver plaques besides each work, all with different and unique names belonging to an individual who bared their soul for the world to see. I grabbed Dante's hand.
"One day, we'll come back here," I started, pulling on his arm until he turned to face me, "and your paintings will be on these walls, your name on these."
I pointed at the special stones that certain artists got, commemorating the impact they had on the artistic world of Mexicans. Dante worked his bottom lip with his teeth, only stopping when I gently pulled it away. He smiled at me, something vulnerable and unsure. "You think so?"
"No, I know." I said, pulling him into a hug, right there in the middle of the museum. I kissed his forehead. "You'll see Dante. You're gonna make history."
When we left the museum, Dante threw one last glance at the building that held countless of stories, a glance that said a million things- wait for me, you'll see, I'll make it, I'll do it.
Sam was waving at us from where he and Mrs. Quintana were a few ways ahead of us. I waved back, and turned towards Dante. He looked at me, and smiled.
We kept walking through whatever part of Austin we could reach, stopping frequently to take some pictures with Sam's instant camera.
Then before we knew it, the sky was beginning to darken, and the Quintana's left us alone in a park near the hotel after extensively promising them we'll be careful on our own and that we would be fine.
Dante and I sat on a bench, our arms pressed together as we held hands without caring who saw.
“That's pure art,” Dante whispered, gazing at the sky fondly, reaching out his right hand as if he could feel the fire that was painting our surroundings. I looked at the sky, at the scattering reds and oranges and broken pink pieces that looked like a beautiful rain of fire.
Then I turned towards Dante, saw all those colors reflected in his eyes, in his smile, and I felt my lips curling up as I turned to look back at the sky.
Maybe it was in that moment, or maybe it was something I gradually came to understand, but I realized that every secret of the universe lived inside Dante Quintana.
And in that moment (or maybe somewhere along the lines of what had become our story), a part of me realized that I would love Dante until the end of the world.
"Love is composed of a single soul
inhabiting two bodies. "
Summer meant days of dry heat and cold glasses of lemonade under the shade. It meant closing your eyes, breathing in the wind, and letting everything fall off your shoulders in the wake of having nothing to do. It meant cleaning our rooms, drawing and writing something new, falling asleep together every night.
Summer meant trips to the desert, dancing in the rain, swimming in public pools, kissing in the night. Summer meant running with Legs until our chests hurt, boarding public buses with no destination in mind, reading Neruda while the sun began to set. It meant smiling and not worrying about anything else for those moments.
Boys like us belonged in the summer.
But summer also meant saying goodbye.
"Love is composed of a single soul
inhabiting two bodies. "
A week before classes began, Dante and I were in his room, packing his things.
“This one?” I asked, holding up a hardcover of The Alchemist. Dante looked back, and immediately nodded. I added it to the box of random things he was planning to take, already full with other books, including a biography of Gericault with a printed Raft of Medusa, with it's pages soft from constantly being read, and closed it with packing tape.
Dante was putting his clothes away in plastic bags, and I noticed how he hadn’t packed any shoes yet, making me grin.
“Dante,” I said, and he turned to look at me with a raised eyebrow. I pointed at the pile of shoes in the bottom of his closet, “Shoes.”
He sighed, reluctantly standing up, and put two pairs into the plastic bags before closing them.
I helped him put his paints and brushes away in a smaller box, and Dante told me which sketchbooks to pack and which ones to leave.
Eventually, in an hour or two, his room looked almost like mine, neatly empty, and so unlike Dante that it hit me again how I was no longer going to see him everyday when the summer ended.
Dante grabbed my hand and pulled me close, sighing as we took in his room, looking at the cardboard boxes.
“I always used to be so excited for college,” Dante admits, his voice small as he stares at the boxes on the floor, “but now, it’s almost like I dread going.”
I hugged him from the side, nodding at his words. “It's because we wanted to grow up, and now—”
I trailed off, but he nodded. I kissed his jaw, and he hugged me. We stayed there, swaying to the silence.
“Everything’s going to be okay, Dante.” I whispered, and he smiled against my neck. “We’re going to have a great life.”
He pulled back just enough to look into my eyes, and the way he looked at me made me feel beautiful—loved.
“Any life with you in it is going to be beautiful,” he murmured, and we kissed each other again and again.
Kissing Dante was like finding the perfect word that rhymed for a poem, like looking at the sky and seeing an endless horizon, like breathing and living a life that was worth living. Kissing Dante made me feel like I was standing under the rain, no longer alone, no longer sad.
It made my fingers ache to write, to compose a lyrical poem that perfectly described the curve of his smile, to mix and match metaphors and similes that would never do justice to the light inside his eyes, to the fire of his being.
I wanted to write to him, for him.
I just wanted to write.
"Love is composed of a single soul
inhabiting two bodies. "
"Ari?" Dante's voice came from the top of the stairs. "Can you come for a second?"
Mrs. Quintana took baby Mani from me, and nodded towards the stairs. "Go ahead. We'll be leaving in a few."
I nodded at her, waving at Mani, before climbing the stairs, the notebook I had grabbed from my house digging into my skin from where I had tucked it into my pants.
When I got to Dante's room, he was sitting in his bed, his knees tucked into his chest. I sat next to him, and he grabbed my hand. I kissed his knuckles.
We were quiet for a while, simply soaking each other's presence. I put my hand against his cheek, and he looked at me the way that makes me lose my breath sometimes. Closing my eyes, I kissed him softly, afraid that I was going to cry at any moment. He was just so beautiful—beautiful the way flowers are when they begin to bloom. Beautiful the way books are, with cracked spines and tender pages from ages of being read and loved. Beautiful the way some things are simply beautiful, without hurting and without trying.
"Dante," I whispered, my voice on the verge of breaking from the tears that wanted to fall from my eyes. God, how I loved him. I took out my notebook from the waistband of my jeans, and held it tightly in my hand. Years of my life were engraved in these pages. Words straight from my heart were written all over, bleeding from the wounds I used to have. And I was going to give them all away to the boy who managed to fix me by simply showing me I needed no fixing because I was never broken. "I wanted to give you this."
Dante looked at me with wide eyes, his hand reaching for the notebook he had seen me write a couple of times. He hesitated, and instead put his hand above mine. "Ari?"
I swallowed, and put his palm on top of the notebook. "I've written in it for so long. Even from before I met you, but I barely finished it."
He kept looking at me, his eyes shiny with tears. I felt one slide down my cheek, and he wiped it with his thumb.
"And I want you to have it."
"Thank you." He whispered, and laid his hand above my heart, kissing me again, just a brush of lips.
I pulled him more towards me, both of us falling into each other like we always have, like we always will.
"It'll go by fast," I whispered, scared that if I spoke any louder my voice would break. "You'll see."
A part of me knew that we would be fine, that this was just a normal step of growing up and that we would be okay. But another part of me was nervous at starting college, at being away from Dante, at going back to the way I used to be.
Dante leaned his forehead against mine, and gave me a smile.
"I'm completely and entirely in love with you," he whispered, and I kissed him again and again.
"Dante, you drive me crazy." I hugged him, putting my head against his neck. I kissed whatever spot I could reach. His fingers ran through my hair. "Te amo, te amo, te amo."
Eventually, we had to let go of each other, but we didn't say goodbye.
We didn't have to, because this wasn't the end of our story.
"Love is composed of a single soul
inhabiting two bodies. "
I didn't see Dante for over three months.
We talked on the phone every week, nearly every other day.
He told me stories about his new friends, about the shy Maria that reminded him of Susie, and the pale Brandon that listened to the loudest of songs. He talked about his classes, how he hates the prerequisite Statistics they make everyone take, but is incredibly interested in Philosophy. He mentioned how weird the city is, and how he unexpectedly loves UT Austin.
He tells me that he loves me.
In return, I tell him about UTEP and baby Emanuele, who I've started calling Mani, which always makes him giggle. I tell him about Gina and her constant whines about still being single, and how Susie never once forgets to call Gina constantly. I tell him that I still don't know what I will major in, although by the next time we would talk, I would have already decided.
I tell him that I love him.
Before he had left, we had agreed to send letters to each other for old time's sake, even though we talked on the phone very frequently.
This time, I refused to let anything remain unspoken between us.
Dear Ari,
I love you, and I miss you so much.
Did you know that Austin is one of the few places left that still use moonlight towers? At night, instead of the moon we would see in our spot, I can see ten other little moons too! It's weird, honestly, and it kind of makes me wish I could go back to the desert.
God, I can't wait for next year.
But anyway, I read another book that I think you'll like. It's called "Flowers For Algernon." It's about this man that has a surgery to make him smarter, but so many things happen. But Ari, the book is amazing. Very humane.
Have you read any new books lately?
There’s still nothing new to report on my roommate, although I found out he loves ramen noddles. They're okay, but nothing compared to the tacos de cabeza from Chico's. Just thinking about it makes me hungry.
Write to me soon. Or call me when you read this letter. I don't know when you'll get this, but I want to hear your voice whenever that is.
Love,
Dante.
Dear Dante,
You would not believe what happened with Gina.
When I saw her today, after class, she was panicking and almost crying. After we sat in silence for a whole hour, she finally told me what was bothering her.
Dante, she kissed a girl.
Apparently, she got drunk at a sorority party (and you know how wild those can get), and she ended up making out with a girl she never met.
I thought she was going to go back to how she used to be, with us, but she was panicking more because, to be honest, I think she actually liked it.
When Susie found out, she laughed and told us how she wished she could have seen that.
Anyway.
Legs learned another trick yesterday, and now she can dance to La Bamba! She told me to tell you that she cannot wait until you come back to show you. And I promised her you would bring her treats directly from Austin. Oops.
For my class, we had to read the Iliad, and I have to say, I actually liked it. Your dad lend me his copy, and it was so interesting to read while looking at his comments on everything happening. It made me think that maybe writing on books is not that bad...
How are you liking graphic design? Have you thought of getting a minor? My philosophy class is surprisingly very interesting, and it's making me want to study more about that, but I'm still not sure.
And my parents say hello!
I miss you.
Love,
Ari.
Dear Ari,
I admit, when I read your last letter, I could not believe what you told me about Gina. In a way, I understand why she must have been scared. After all, we both were.
Tell her I'm sending her my biggest hug, okay? I hope everything turns out okay.
On another topic, I decided to change my major (again, I know, I know, but this time, I think this is the one), but I’ll leave it up to you to guess. One hint, it has Art in the name.
Speaking of art, f or one of my classes, we had to paint a moment where our lives changed, and I tried to do it justice. I'm sending you the painting. I hope you like it.
I miss you more and more every day. I can't wait to see you.
I love you.
Dante.
Dear Dante,
Right after we ended our call yesterday, I checked the mail and noticed I got a letter from Bernardo.
Dante, he asked about us.
I know that he probably does not approve. After all, he's been living with those beliefs his entire life, but like my parents said, at least he's trying.
I still don't really know what to write back.
And before I forget, Susie told me to tell you that you guys should meet up one day, since you're both closer to each other. Maybe Gina and I can join you guys halfway? We can't let you guys have all the fun.
I miss you too. More than I thought I could miss you.
Can't wait for Thanksgiving.
I love you.
Ari.
Dear Ari,
Yesterday, I was reading your journal, and I wanted to say that nothing about you could ever make me hate you. You would not believe the relief I felt when you said how I was your first friend, because you were mine too. The more I read your words, the more I understand you, and the more I love you. Thank you for trusting me with all of your thoughts. I promise I will keep them safe.
Can you believe that there's just one more week, and then Thanksgiving break? Just one more week until I can see you again. I miss you so much. How am I supposed to survive another semester like this?
Isn't it funny how now I can't wait for next year, whereas before I used to never want summer to end? And it's all because of you, Ari. It's always been you.
God, I want to kiss you and leave as many stars on your body as there are in the universe.
One more week.
I love you,
Dante.
Dear Dante,
By the time you receive this letter, you will already be back home, but I wanted to write it either way so you have one to read as soon as you get back.
It still feels weird to go to the desert without you. Don’t get me wrong, the desert is calm, and the sky is beautiful, the stars bright, but (and I know how cursi it sounds) you're not with me, and I think that’s why everything feels different.
I turned around, about to tell you something, and you weren’t there.
You said you wanted to kiss me and leave stars on my body, but Dante, I need to kiss you and make you understand just how much you've changed me.
Before I met you, I used to be scared of swimming. I used to look at the stars and see nothing more but specks in the sky. I used to read books and hope the ending would come soon.
Then you came into my life and I fell in love with the rain, with the night sky, with poetry and deserts and you.
I fell for you, and I don't regret a single thing.
When you read this letter, do me a favor.
Go outside. Look at the sky. See the moon? I'll also be looking at it.
We might be miles apart, but nothing can ever really separate us.
I love you. I love you. I'll always love you.
Ari
Dante came home the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, tired and sore from the bus ride, but happy to see everyone again.
When I saw him, I kissed him until we had to pull away to breathe.
He leaned his forehead against mine, and spoke against my lips. "God, I missed you."
"I missed you, too," I whispered, and then we were kissing again.
He slept over at my house that night, after saying goodnight to his parents and baby Mani, and sneaking out of the house were I was waiting for him.
That night, we laid together in the darkness of the room, only illuminated by the open window that let the soft shine of the moon inside.
Dante was tracing my jaw. Then my lips. Then he kissed me and started to go lower, embracing every part of me he could reach.
Our bare skin touched, and it felt like we had a fever, like we were standing in the middle of the desert in the day, pressed against each other, looking into the sun.
I closed my eyes.
I was scared that when I opened them, he would be gone.
But he wasn't. He was still here.
And I kissed him everywhere to remind me that he is real, this is real.
"I love you," his lips touched mine, and I brought his body closer to mine, looking at his face for a moment.
He was divine.
"I love you," I told him, and I kissed him again and again, trying to engrave my touch onto his body for him to remember once he leaves again.
We fell asleep entangled in a mess of limbs, our hands gripping one another as every other part of our body refused to be separated.
And I could do nothing but watch with a helpless smile as I fell harder and harder in love with Dante every day.
"Love is composed of a single soul
inhabiting two bodies. "
Dante was still asleep by my side when Legs woke me up, ready for her morning run.
I stood from the bed as quietly as I could, changing into some shorts and a shirt. While I was putting on my shoes, Dante's voice rang out from behind me, drowsy and heavy with sleep. "Where you going?"
"Taking Legs for a run," I murmured, going towards the bed to kiss the top of his head. He smiled a little, and seemed to be about to burrow back into the blankets when his eyes cracked open again.
He yawned and stood up, picking up his shirt from where it had fallen on the floor. I stared at him.
When he was reluctantly putting on his shoes, I remembered how to speak. "Where are you going?"
"With you." He stared at me as I was the weird one and yawned again. I shook my head, laughing a little at the sleep that was still hiding behind his eyes.
"Why? Go back to sleep more." I tried to push him gently towards the bed, but he spun us around until we were just spinning in my room, giggling into each other. "C'mon, sleep some more. We'll be back soon."
Dante shook his head, and grinned at my direction. "Let's go."
I huffed out a laugh, and walked with him downstairs, where Legs impatiently waited for us by the door. The door to my parents room was still closed, making us hold our breath until we were outside the house.
Before we started to run, I turned to Dante again. "You sure? You can still back out."
"Ari, Ari, Ari," he said, wrapping his arms around my waist. I held him closer. "I want to spend every moment with you, even in the damning hours of the morning."
I looked at him, and he looked at me.
We laughed.
While we were running with Legs that Saturday morning, I couldn't help but be a little more distracted than usual by the blinding shine of Dante's smile.
He took my hand, and pulled me along, both of us chasing Legs while she chased a pigeon off the street.
When she jumped at the poor bird and howled sadly when it escaped her grip, we started to laugh again.
He might not remember that moment, just another memory between us, but for me, that day would forever be ingrained into my mind.
Looking at the way the sun shone against Dante's skin, the way his smile grew every time he watched Legs do something, and hearing the sound of his contagious and loud laughter made me feel like the luckiest person in the entire universe.
I decided what words to say at our wedding that day.
"Love is composed of a single soul
inhabiting two bodies. "
"I leave tomorrow," he murmured against the hollow of my throat, his breath warm against my skin. He came closer to me, and I wrapped my arms tighter around him.
"I know." I whispered against the top of his head, and then we were quiet again. The air around us was cold, but underneath the blankets, and with our bare bodies touching at every centimeter, I had never felt warmer before.
When we came down the next morning, we ate breakfast with my parents, who kept the conversation light when they must have noticed our low spirits.
After helping with the dishes and the table, it was time to leave.
"Take care, Dante." My mom hugged Dante tightly, and my dad patted his shoulder. "Give us a call once in a while."
"I will." He smiled at my parents, and then kneeled to give Legs one last hug and kiss. He cooed at her, "who's a good girl? Legs. Legs is the best girl."
She nuzzled into his embrace, and he laughed, hugging her tighter.
Then he took my hand, and we left to go to his house.
I never wanted to let go.
Before we knew it, we got to his house. I greeted Mrs. Quintana and Sam, and watched fondly as Dante grabbed little Mani, bouncing him in his arms while Sam put the last of his stuff in their car. Mrs. Quintana asked me about my parents and how they were doing, even though they had just seen each other yesterday when we met for a lunch.
"Good," I grinned at her, then turned to make a face to Mani that made him laugh giddily, leaning more into Dante who smiled at his baby brother. "Everyone's good."
“I’m glad,” She smiled at me, and was about to say something else when Sam called her name. She took baby Mani from Dante, gave us a pointed look, and walked outside.
Then it was just us.
I turned to look at him, and he grabbed my waist, pulling me closer.
We kissed desperately, and I tried to memorize the shape of his lips, the soft sounds he made, the way his body molded so perfectly with mine.
I put my hand gently on his cheek, and pulled back to look into his eyes.
They were like stars.
Everything went by in a blur, and I could only watch hopelessly as Sam stood outside the car while Dante hugged and kissed Mrs. Quintana, nodding at everything she was saying. With gentle hands, he grabbed baby Mani, and spun him in circles until there were giggles in the air. Then Dante hugged me tightly again, and gave me another chaste kiss.
When the car came to life, I leaned down to give Dante one last kiss through the open window while Sam talked with Mrs. Quintana on the other side.
"I hate every time I have to leave." He muttered, looking at me as if he were drinking me in, though I guessed I was doing the same thing.
"I hate it too." I grabbed his hand and pressed a kiss on his knuckles. "Just two more weeks, then Christmas break—"
"And then one more semester."
"One more semester," I repeated.
Dante gazed at me with a wistful expression, as if I was already gone, but I leaned down to kiss his forehead to make him smile instead.
He did.
"See you soon."
"I love you."
"I love you."
Standing next to Mrs. Quintana and baby Mani by the side of the road, we waved goodbye to our boys as they drove away.
Eventually, when the car was no longer visible, I hugged Mrs. Quintana, waved at baby Mani, and drove away too.
The seat next to me felt empty, like it always does when Dante's no longer here.
But as I drove to the desert, alone for the first time since I met Dante, I would look occasionally steal a glance at the little tennis shoes hanging from the rear-view mirror that bounced along the uneven path, and I would smiled.
And when I laid by myself in the back of the truck, staring at the stars, I hoped this semester would go by quickly.
I hated having to say goodbye to him again.
I hated watching him leave.
But I love him for doing what he loves.
I love him for his pride and ambition.
I love him for always taking off his shoes, for running with Legs endlessly, for being by my side in the middle of the desert.
I love him because he’s never afraid to get what he wants.
I love him because he's beautiful, in ways that make even the stars and moon pale in comparison.
I love him because he's Dante, my Dante.
And maybe this summer went by faster than I expected.
Maybe it's true that this summer is already gone.
Maybe it's true that I won't get to see Dante again until a few months ahead.
But it was okay.
We had all the time in the world.
I looked at the stars and smiled.
There will be other summers.
"Love is composed of a single soul
inhabiting two bodies. "
And you and I,
we are one with each other
and the universe is one with us.
fin