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“Hey Cap,” Hal called over to Captain Marvel. They were on monitor duty but it was the middle of the night and he was bored out of his mind. “How old are you?”
“Why?” Captain Marvel asked with a large grin, head tilted like a curious dog. Geez, Hal thought, you already look like a golden retriever, no need to go overboard.
“Uh, just curious,” He said.
“Meaning a bet, then,” Captain Marvel said.
“Yeah.”
“Okay, what’s the odds?”
“What?” Hal asked, shocked. Captain Marvel never gave out personal information. Or took part in bets.
“What’s the odds?” Captain Marvel repeated.
“Well, uh, honestly, quite a lot of things were bet on this. I’ll show you.” Hal pulled out his phone and quickly opened the excel sheet where everything was written down. He hoped that Captain Marvel didn’t see all the other excel sheets with the other bets on him.
How Old Is Captain Marvel?????
Better Bet Betted
Batman 3,000 years One Favor to the Winner
Wonder Woman 24 years One Petty Use of Lasso
Superman 12-18 months Two Weeks of Monitor Duty
Green Lantern (JOHN) 500,000 years Two Weeks of Monitor Duty
Green Lantern (HAL) 21 years One Week of Homemade Meals
Black Canary 50 years Two Weeks of Monitor Duty
Martian Manhunter 10 years One Favor to Winner
Green Arrow 35 years One Routine of Trickshots
“Wow, that’s a lot of people. And favors.” Captain Marvel looked mystified.
Hal politely didn’t tell him that he could scroll down and see that almost everyone in the League was in on this particular bet.
“Yeah. So which one’s the closest?” Hal said, leaning forward eagerly.
“Hmm,” Captain Marvel gave a hum that could mean anything and everything.
“The suspense is killing me here, come one, give me this one. I need all of these favors if I don’t want to get stuck on midnight monitor duty ever again—uh, no offense.” He added that because it seemed like Captain Marvel volunteered for every midnight monitor duty.
“Technically,” The captain started and Hal groaned. Captain Marvel smiled at him, this one a bit more smug than usual. “Technically, Batman is correct.”
“Ugh, of course Spooky is.” Hal groaned in despair. “He’d never bet a favor if he didn’t know he was going to win.”
“I wasn’t finished,” Captain Marvel said in an amused voice. “Technically, Superman and the Martian Manhunter and Green Arrow are also correct.”
“Now you’re just fucking with me.” Hal accused.
“I’m not.” Captain Marvel shrugged. “It’s complicated.”
“Uncomplicate it, then.”
“Hmm, sure but only if you cook me three weeks of food,” Captain Marvel smiled widely at Hal, who groaned because he was too curious not to do that but also he didn’t want to cook that much food. That was a lot of work.
“Sure,” He agreed anyway.
“Well, okay, so the first Wizards created Captain Marvel three thousand years ago, meaning that Batman is correct. However, I am not that Captain Marvel—”
“You’ve already lost me,” Hal interrupted.
“I’m getting there,” Captain Marvel sighed, rolling his eyes like an annoyed teenager. “So, the way the whole Champion of Magic thing works is that every generation someone is chosen to be Captain Marvel—or at least that’s how it should be but Black Adam messed the whole system up when he went rogue. But I also am that Captain Marvel, the first one and the subsequent ones. And also Black Adam technically, but that’s only if he ever actually dies. But he’s not me. Don’t worry about that.” Captain Marvel reassured.
“And you’ve lost me again.” Hal had a headache already.
“I can access every single memory that I have, that Captain Marvel has had, and what’s life but memories?”
“Please don’t say things like that, you’ll give someone an existential crisis.” Hal pleaded, knowing that he’d go home and think about the last part of that sentence for a few hours while staring at the ceiling of his bedroom. “And please, please, explain what you mean by that you’re Black Adam.”
“Well, he’s my previous incarnation. So he’s also the Champion of Magic, which means that he’s me, but he’s a jerk and I hate thinking about that.”
“How can such a nice guy like you be a fuckwad like him?” Hal asked incredulously.
“Oh, our personalities are influenced by our civilian lives. The Champion of Magic thing actually enhances our personalities. He was, uh, technically a serial killer but things were thought of differently back then, so…” Captain Marvel shrugged.
“Weird.” Hal declared and then tried to push the knowledge that Captain Marvel and Black Adam were the same person out of his mind. It, unfortunately, was something he could never un-know now. “So that explains how you’re three thousand, what about the other ages?”
“Superman is correct because I’ve been Captain Marvel for about fifteen months, I as in this incarnation. That fight between me and Black Adam that destroyed a whole mountain? I was created about four hours before that fight.”
“This is so strange to think about. You’re over three thousand but also an infant.”
“Yeah, it’s hilarious.” Captain Marvel agreed with no sarcasm in his voice. “And the Martian Manhunter is correct too because that was when I got my magic and since Captain Marvel is the Champion of Magic, it could be argued that that was my birth.”
“Aren’t wizards born with magic? I could swear I’ve heard Zatara embarrassing Zatanna about some of the things she did magically when she was a toddler.” Hal asked.
“Some are, some aren’t. Constantine wasn’t.” Captain Marvel said.
“I still don’t get how you’re friends with him.” Hal muttered.
“Anyway,” Captain Marvel rolled his eyes again, “I think, it’s rather obvious why Green Arrow’s right,” He gestured at himself.
“So you’re actually 35?” Hal asked.
“I just explained that to you, I’m not doing it again.”
“No, like your civilian identity,” Hal clarified.
“I just told you how old I was,” Captain Marvel said again.
Hal sighed. “I know that you’re doing your best to be confusing.”
“Is it working?”
“It is, I’m much more confused than I was at the beginning of this conversation.” Hal admitted.
“Good—but you will cook me that food?” Captain Marvel asked hopefully, transforming into a giant puppy again.
“Yeah, yeah, I will, don’t worry about it.” Hal sighed, giving in like a wet tissue.
“Thank you!” Captain Marvel hugged him. Hal’s ribs protested—and so did his mouth.
“Hey! Put me down! I’m not Superman or a teddybear!” He huffed as he was put down, “You could have just told me that you liked my food, Cap.
*****
Billy huddled as close as possible to the warmth of his shitty space heater. Icy wind whistled through the cracks in his window, what part wasn’t covered by snow. It was one of the worst snowstorms in the century and the snows in Fawcett reached four and a half feet high.
That's insane, wasn’t it?
He spooned some of the half-frozen extra-spicy chili that Hal made him a few days ago and was so, so glad that he got the Green Lantern to make him enough food to last almost forever. Billy’d probably die as soon as he stepped outside. It was just that horrible out there.
Of course, he’d leave to be Captain Marvel and help people but it wasn’t like he could shop as the hero. Or get a job, though there were none (he checked), so he could shop.
The spiciness of the chili combined with the seven blankets and the space heater warmed him up even as even more wind came through the window.
Yes, fucking with Hal and giving out some personal information was worth this, he decided.