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Midoriya Izuku is used to making mistakes.
Accidentally dozing off in class, breaking almost all of the bones in his hand during the sports festival, agreeing to prank Kacchan with the Bakusquad…
Yes.
Izuku is used to making mistakes.
But he's not used to making mistakes that jeopardize friendships.
It really was an accident.
As far as Izuku had known, up until about two weeks ago, he wasn't romantically interested in anyone.
Sure, he would get flustered by how cute Uraraka could get sometimes, but that's more of a, like… Like when a little sister does something cute!
Uraraka was like a sister that Izuku had never gotten, despite how often he'd beg his mom.
But he'd never been romantically attracted to anyone.
Platonically, yeah, tons of times!
But never, never romantically.
Until Shinsou Hitoshi.
At first Izuku didn't understand why his stomach fluttered when, after he got comfortable enough around the 'Dekusquad', Shinsou laughed out loud. Or when he smirked. Or when he light-heartedly teased anyone and everyone.
He had thought that it was like how he liked Uraraka, kind of like a brother.
But he still didn't understand why his stomach rolled when he saw Shinsou flirt back with Kaminari, or Monoma from 1-B.
He didn't realise that he liked Shinsou, romantically, until Uraraka had pointed out how Izuku had been staring at Shinsou as he ate with the 'Bakusquad'.
"Awww~ Look at Deku-kun staring at his boyfriend~." Uraraka teased.
Izuku blinked and looked at her with furrowed eyebrows. "What boyfriend?"
The girl snickered and shared a look with Tsuyu. "Don't worry, Deku-kun, you can be straightforward with your feelings around us, we won't tease..." A pause. "Much."
"Ochako-san, I hate to correct you, *kero*, but it wouldn't be too 'straightforward', if you know what I mean, *kero*." Tsuyu croaked, only making the dip between Izuku's brows deeper.
"Huh?" Izuku was confused. What were they talking about?
Uraraka giggled, giving a pointed head nod in Shinsou's direction. "Your feelings for Shinsou-kun, of course!"
Izuku tilts his head, confusion growing even more. "What are you talking about, exactly?" Izuku chuckles a bit. "I'm kinda very confused?"
Uraraka quirks a brow and smirks. "Oh, c'mon, Deku-kun! I've seen the way you look at him."
"Uh. Right. And… How, uh. How exactly 'do I look at him'?"
This time, it's Uraraka's turn to tilt her head. "Deku-kun, you look at him like he hung the stars for you! It's actually really sweet! I'm kind of surprised that you haven't asked him out yet!"
Oh.
Now he gets it.
Uraraka thinks Izuku likes Shinsou…
Romantically.
"Uraraka-san, I think you're confused…" Uraraka blinks and her eyebrows furrow. "Yeah, I admire Shinsou, he's gonna be an amazing hero! But I don't like him like that, sorry."
Uraraka blinked, then went red.
"Oh. Oh. I'm really sorry, then, I was under the impression that you liked liked him!" The girl squeaked, her hands flying to cover her face.
Izuku laughed and shook his head, speaking around his amusement. "It's fine, Uraraka-san, really!"
The girl nodded, still red, but dropped it and switched the subject as fast as she could.
Izuku, however, did not drop it.
For some reason, what Uraraka had said stayed at the forefront of his mind all day.
He couldn't help but let his mind wander.
And wander.
And wander.
Did he like Shinsou like that?
Like, sure, he enjoyed his company, and his sarcastic sense of humour, and his fascination with cats.
But Izuku enjoyed a lot of things about all of his friends.
He liked how Uraraka would squeal whenever Koda brought his bunny downstairs in the dorms, and the happy noises she would make when munching on one of Satou's cookies, and her blush whenever Iida did something stupidly adorable.
He liked how Iida was the voice of reason in their friend group, and how he would gently scold Izuku when he forgot to sleep, and how he would smile fondly whenever Uraraka would blush when he did something stupidly adorable.
He liked how Todoroki would furrow his eyebrows whenever he concentrated on something, and how he would turn to Izuku whenever Mina or Kaminari used slang he didn't understand, and how Todoroki would never hesitate to give Izuku a hug whenever he noticed how strained the boy's smile would get.
He liked how Tsuyu would constantly steal anyone and everyone's hoodies when she got cold, and how she would 'discretely' steal someone's food with her tongue when they weren't looking, and how she would smile at how oblivious Uraraka and Iida were to each other's feelings.
So yes. He had things that he liked about all of his friends.
Shinsou wasn't any different.
Besides, Izuku's pretty sure Shinsou likes Kaminari, so even if he did like the insomniac like that, he'd just have to deal with it.
And he's confused as to why the thought makes his chest clench. He ignores the feeling, anyway.
Okay.
So…
So maybe Izuku does like him as a little bit more than a friend.
The thought hits him when he looks back up from his notebook during a ramble, only to see Shinsou staring at him intensely, nodding to show he was paying attention.
Izuku's first reaction was to squeak at the attention he didn't know he had gathered.
His second reaction was, Holy Kami, he looks hot.
His third reaction was to freeze at the intrusive thought.
Hot?
Did Izuku think he looks hot?
Izuku blinks and looks back at Shinsou.
He was leaning forward on the couch, his chin propped up on his fist with a few stray hairs falling into his face.
But his expression is what made that stupid fluttering in his torso come back.
His eyes were relaxed, like they normally are around their friend group, shining with genuine curiosity and interest. His mouth was pulled into a small, easy grin, a tiny dimple showing on his left cheek.
His eyebrows, however, were pulled together slightly in, what looks like, a bit of concern.
"You good, dude?" Shinsou asks slowly, an eyebrow raising at the same time and that does not help Izuku's internal crisis, dammit.
"You're really pretty."
It slipped out without Izuku even thinking about it, and he registered what he said at the same time that Shinsou's eyebrows shot up and Uraraka started cackling, slapping her hand on the table behind him.
Shinsou was silent and Izuku felt his face go up in flames, wishing that Todoroki was just setting his face on fire.
A quick glance at the taller boy showed that he wasn't, in fact using his quirk. But he was watching the scene with amusement shining through his eyes, a small smile playing on his face.
A glance to Tsu and Iida showed the same situation and Izuku wanted nothing more than to sink into the floor at that very moment.
"I'm what?"
Izuku barely heard Shinsou's question over the blood roaring in his ears.
"I- I just- I didn't mean to say that!!" Shinsou frowned and Izuku cursed himself silently. "I-I mean I did!! I swear I did! You are very pretty, but I didn't mean to say that outloud! It must be pretty weird having me say that all of a sudden, and I didn't mean to make things awkward, it's just that your dimple was showing and you looked really pretty and I wasn't expecting to see that so suddenly and I couldn't stop it from coming out-" Izuku heard a vague 'That's what she said' come from Uraraka, prompting him to snap his mouth shut, biting his tongue because of it.
Izuku whimpered and his hand flew to his mouth, cradling his jaw and bouncing in place - because that's the only way his current state of mind knows how to soothe the pain on his bleeding tongue, apparently - as Uraraka laughed even harder.
Izuku whined, a hand whipping out blindly behind him, smacking something that he hoped was his traitor of a best friend.
A chuckle from in front of him made Izuku stop and glance up to Shinsou.
The boy was smirking, his dimple peeking out, and his eyes scrunched up slightly in silent laughter.
Beautiful.
Izuku bounced again at the thought, hoping that the movement would banish the thought from his mind completely.
There was a snort from behind him - TODOROKI??? - which prompted the rest of the group to start laughing at his misery, including the beautiful insomniac in front of him.
The thought never did leave.
Fuck.
Okay.
Maybe a bit more than a little.
Maybe Izuku had a bit more than a little bit of feelings for Shinsou.
The teen doesn't understand why all of these realizations keep sprouting up out of nowhere!!
Shinsou will do the smallest thing, then BOOM.
Izuku will be panicking for the next few minutes about how he likes one of his best friends.
Shinsou had just sat down.
That's it!
That's all he did!
And Izuku's brain decided, "Hey that's pretty fuckin hot."
Izuku groaned unto the pillow currently shoved against his face.
His brain was so unfair.
And stupid, too.
Yes, he likes Shinsou, he'll admit it now.
But he can't just tell him.
Shinsou likes Kaminari, Izuku knows it.
And even if he didn't…
Izuku doesn't want to make things in the friend group awkward if he did confess.
Because if he confessed, Shinsou would 100% reject him.
And then it'd be awkward between him and Shinsou, which would make things awkward throughout the whole group.
So no, either way, he can't say anything about the fluttering he gets in his chest when the insomniac grins.
He won't let anyone see that he likes Shinsou.
For the sake of the friend group, if nothing else.
Iida chopped his hand through the air as he lectured both Shinsou and Izuku about their less-than-stellar sleep schedules.
Shinsou groans , and Izuku expertly ignores how his ears perk up at the sound, and tilts his head back.
"Iida, you know that I think that you're a good friend." Shinsou interrupts, "But Kami, all this Shinsou, Shinsou, Shinsou, is really starting to get on my already short nerves."
To the side of Iida, Todoroki tilts his head, a - dare Izuku say it - mischievous look in the stoic boy's eye.
"Is that you giving us permission to call you Hitoshi?"
Shinsou jolts in place and stands up straight.
"T-Todoroki-kun!! You shouldn't say that! Shinsou-kun just meant that he was getting tired of Iida-san's lecture and-"
"Lectures are extremely important, Midoriya-kun!" Iida interrupted, a scandalized look on his face.
"No, that's not what I mean, Iida-kun, I was just saying-"
"If you want to."
Izuku stops talking abruptly and he sees Iida blink and Todoroki smile a bit.
"I never said you couldn't in the first place." Shinsou tilted his head and met both Iida and Todoroki's eyes.
"I… think that would be slightly unprofessional, Shin- Ah, Hitosh-" Iida trailed off, a helplessly confused look crossing his face.
"If Hitoshi-kun says it's okay, then I don't see why it's unprofessional!" Uraraka says, bouncing up to Iida's other side, having apparently been listening to the conversation even though she was sitting over with Tsuyu, Jirou, Mina, and Hagakure.
Todoroki nods, tilting his head just slightly to look at Iida through the corner of his eye. "I agree with Uraraka-san."
"Ooo! You all should call me Ochako if we're gonna start going by first names!!"
"Of course Ochako-kun!" Unlike with Shinsou, Iida didn't hesitate to embrace Uraraka's request, a child-like blush high on his cheekbones.
Izuku sees Shinsou smirk out of the corner of his eye, that beautiful dimple ghosting over his cheek.
"Then I want to be called Shoto." Todoroki added, a hopeful look in his eye.
"Of course, Shoto-kun!!" Uraraka bounces slightly on the balls of her feet.
"Then… I shall become Tenya!"
Izuku grinned, listening to his friends get comfortable with each other's names. Eventually, Tsuyu wanders over and accepts calling everyone by their first names.
"Midoriya-kun, too? *kero*"
Izuku blinks and feels his fingers twitch at his side. "Hah?"
"Yeah!" Uraraka gasps. "Can we call you Izuku, Deku-kun??"
Izuku feels himself grimace slightly. The first - and only - time he gave anyone permission to call him Izuku, it blew up in his face.
…Literally.
"U-Uhm." Izuku hesitates, fingers itching to pop themselves - a nervous tick he's had since primary school.
Then Shinsou bumps into him gently, making Izuku look up at him with slightly wide eyes.
"If he doesn't feel comfortable with us calling him his first name yet, it's cool." His gaze was on the three in front of them, but Izuku was pretty sure he was aiming the words at him.
Uraraka hummed and nodded, already switching the subject, and Izuku couldn't help but be grateful for the girl.
Todoroki ended up leaving to sit at his desk, which prompted Iida and Uraraka to go sit at theirs, Tsuyu following behind them. Izuku sighed quietly and sat at his own desk, Shinsou taking the one behind him.
"You don't have to…" Shinsou started, making Izuku blink and turn to look at him. "But can I ask why?"
Izuku blinked and tilted his head. "Why… Why what?"
"Why you don't feel comfortable with your first name, I mean." Shinsou clarified and Izuku bit the inside of his lip.
He was quiet for a minute, debating on what to tell him.
"Like I said, you don't have to feel obligated to tell me why. I was jus-"
"Primary school." Izuku interrupted. At Shinsou's raised eyebrow, Izuku hurried to explain. "In primary school I had told Kacchan and some of his friends that they should call me by my first name. They didn't like me, and I guess it's just some remaining anxiety over that happening again."
Shinsou's brows furrowed and he frowned. "You know that wouldn't happen here, right?"
"Logically, yeah…"
Shinsou was quiet for a moment, seemingly trying to decide whether or not to say something. "If you end up giving someone the permission to use your first name and they do anything, will you tell me?"
Izuku felt his stomach flutter as Shinsou, Mr. Eye Contact Is The Bane Of My Existence, held his gaze before sticking out his pinky finger.
"Promise me? 'Cause if anyone does, I won't hesitate to make them eat dirt."
"Oh. O-Okay... Yeah, sure. I promise." Izuku carefully hooked his pinky with Shinsou's. Then, as an afterthought, added in barely a whisper, "Hitoshi-kun."
The grin that Izuku got in turn made his head spin, and Izuku will be eternally grateful for Aizawa dropping into class via the vent in the front of the room.
A little a lot.
That's. Yeah.
That's a thing, right?
You can like someone a little a lot, right?
Because, damn, if it wasn't a thing, it is now.
Because Hitoshi?
That boy makes Izuku want to scream with how beautiful he is without even trying.
Uraraka had mentioned that she needed some new socks, in which Todoroki responded by popping out of Kami knows where, holding Endeavour's credit card.
So, Izuku had been dragged to the mall alongside Iida, Tsuyu, and Hitoshi.
(And no one had mentioned that Izuku called Hitoshi by his first name but no one else. It made him love his friends that much more.)
And for some reason.
For some reason, the universe decided that it's torture Izuku day today.
Because Hitoshi.
Brilliant, beautiful, perfect Hitoshi.
Had decided to 'actually try to look decent for this'.
So now, Izuku is trying to act like everything is normal as he walks through the mall side by side with this beautiful man.
He had decided to wear a black t-shirt that hugged his arms so well. Every single muscle that Hitoshi had on his biceps were visible.
And that's not even the best part.
He was wearing black ripped jeans.
BUT WAIT.
HE'S WEARING FISHNETS UNDER THE JEANS.
Izuku coughs into his hand as a weird whistle noise tries to find its way out of his throat.
"You okay?"
It was an innocent question.
But Hitoshi had turned to him just so that he could see that adorable little dimple denting his cheek as he smirked.
It took all of Izuku's willpower to not tell Hitoshi right then and there that he had feelings for him and that he was just simping over how absolutely beautiful he looked.
Instead, Izuku nodded and hummed, the sound broken and changing pitches.
Hitoshi's lips twitched, as if he wanted to laugh and Izuku felt his cheeks darken.
"I just-" Izuku's voice cracks and he clears his throat. "Uhm. I just wasn't expecting you to wear f-fishnets, Hitoshi-kun."
Hitoshi smirked and looked at his legs. "Yeah. Mina practically shoved them at me the other day and I thought they looked halfway decent." He side eyes Izuku and smirks. "Is it distracting?"
Izuku promptly trips over his own feet.
Izuku was right.
He knew it.
He knew it.
And yet he had let himself hope.
And now that was biting him in the ass.
They're dating.
Kaminari and Hitoshi.
Apparently Hitoshi had asked Kaminari out right after they had gotten back from the mall.
Hitoshi had probably worn the fishnets for Kaminari, then.
He wore them for the occasion of asking Kaminari out.
Right.
Izuku blinked.
Then blinked again.
But the tears wouldn't stop.
The grip that his lungs have on his heart won't let up.
Because he had really, really liked Hitoshi.
No, he still does.
But he shouldn't.
Because Hitoshi is dating someone someone that's not him now, so these feelings are wrong.
Izuku shouldn't be jealous that he had been holding Kaminari's hand.
Uraraka shouldn't have looked at Izuku in concern when the couple had walked into class, holding hands and laughing that beautiful, perfect dimple deep in Hitoshi's cheek.
Izuku sobs into his pillow again, hand clutching at his chest.
He should have known better.
He shouldn't have kept poking and poking at his brain until his feelings just grew and grew to protect itself against the prodding.
Izuku shoves his face further into his pillow as he sobs again.
Afterall, Hitoshi was in the room next door, hanging out with Kaminari.
He didn't want to worry them.
He wanted to be happy for them.
For Hitoshi.
But his mind keeps swirling with thoughts that he didn't ask for and questions and bites and everything that just tears away at Izuku's mind and heart.
He hears Hitoshi laugh loudly and it's like his tears start anew.
Izuku was never able to get him to laugh that loudly.
It's fine.
At least Hitoshi still hangs out with them.
He still laughs and jokes and makes sarcastic remarks.
But it feels like it's not the same.
Because Uraraka continues to shoot him worried looks when Hitoshi brings Kaminari with him to hang out.
But it's fine! Really!
Izuku genuinely likes him!
He's funny and confident and loud and everything that Izuku just isn't.
But it's fine!
Izuku can sit through watching Hitoshi kiss Kaminari like it's the best thing in the world.
He can watch Hitoshi look at Kaminari as if the boy had hung the stars for him.
It's funny.
That's how Uraraka had described how Izuku looked at Hitoshi.
Hitoshi laughs, loudly always loud around Kaminari, and Izuku laughs too.
It's fine.
He can wait until nearly everyone is asleep.
Then he'll just take his pillow and go into the shower attached to his room, the point furthest from the wall connecting his room with Hitoshi's, and cry.
Then he'll do the same the next day.
They're graduating.
It felt like forever. But they got here.
Eventually Izuku learned to just live with the weight in his heart.
He learned that it wasn't that different. The only thing that had changed was Hitoshi's availability.
So Izuku got better.
The pain that racked his heart when Hitoshi told Kaminari that he loved him lessened with time.
His feelings never did, though.
It seemed they only ever got stronger the more he saw how Hitoshi acted in a relationship. The more he saw what he was missing.
But he never felt bad towards Kaminari. He got himself an amazing boyfriend.
"Will you please, please marry me, Denks?"
It felt like Izuku's heart stopped altogether.
The graduation after party went silent.
Everyone stopped moving.
Izuku's head whipped around to stare at the scene.
Hitoshi on one knee with a box extended to Kaminari, tears in his eyes and a hopelessly in love smile tugging at his lips.
And Kaminari had slowly sunk to his knees in front of him, nodding. He reached his hands out to cup Hitoshi's face, nodding quicker, tears falling down his cheeks almost gracefully.
And Izuku turned and slowly walked out.
He needed some air.
He was happy for Hitoshi, he really, really was.
But his heart felt like it was just run over. Like it shattered. He knows that's cliché.
But it just…
It hurts.
But when Hitoshi approaches him a few weeks later and asks him to be his best man…
Izuku can't not say yes.
Can't not plaster on the biggest smile he can as he watches Kaminari, looking absolutely dazzling in a crisp white suit and adorning a yellow, white, and purple flower crown, walk down the aisle.
Can't not plaster on the biggest smile as they say their vows.
Can't not plaster on the biggest smile as Hitoshi kisses his new husband, tears running down his face happily, wedding ring glinting in the sunlight.
And he can't not cry when he gets home.
Can't help the familiar feeling of his heart being wrenched out of his chest.
Because it hurts.
Because love just doesn't fade.