Chapter Text
Billy was grateful for having one Steve Harrington in his life, he did not deserve an angel like Steve but he was blessed with a miracle, he will damn well accept it with open arms. The kids and Robin had questions, it was obvious, and their urge to bother him was clear too but it seems Steve had forbade them for now- a smart move since they themselves haven’t talked about it yet. He is just glad they aren’t behaving differently even after knowing… about them. It’s been a week since Neil was sent away with a restraint order, Hopper, true to his word took care of the whole ordeal, Steve and he told whatever took place and that was all, the next day Steve informed that Neil wouldn’t be able to step foot in Hawkins, not if he wanted to live.
He's definitely better now, all thanks to Steve, and the bothersome Max of course. He knows it's time, he had been a coward for too long, he loves the beautiful brunet and he’s done pretending there’s nothing more to them. Steve turned his life around, more than once, he made him better, did more for him than anyone he knows, and he will spend the rest of his life being grateful to Steve if he allows him to.
Their tradition of movie nights was the perfect choice to confess, Billy is just scared to come on too strong, like how he’s already thinking about their future together, till they grow old. Ah fuck. He makes sure to tell Robin about his plan, in hopes that nobody disturbs them, he just plans to chill, drink a little, watch a movie of Steve’s choice and break out the topic. What can go wrong, yeah?
“Yeah… no, I don’t think I was meant to be loved” It’s spoken with just conviction, such belief that it devastates Billy. He doesn’t think a confession could ever break his heart like this and doesn’t remember how they got to this point. He suggested drinking some from Senior Harrington’s stash, after all, he really liked drinking, what was supposed to be a little drink and movie, kind of turned into just getting drunk (it was his fault, the alcohol was too delicious) and a while later, they talked about everything except the kiss. He doesn’t know how they got to this… topic, but when Steve uttered those words, Billy’s heart snapped.
“Why… why would you say that?” Steve laughs, it's not the beautiful one Billy is so used to, this grates on his nerves, this was a stranger’s laugh.
“Come on, I- it’s all bullshit, right?” Ah. “I am bullshit” Steve chuckles, “Nobody needs me, I don’t matter all that much, I am stupid, I will probably be stuck here while everyone will get out of this wasteland and live happily, maybe they wouldn’t even remember me- I have never been enough for anyone, not even for myself, how can I be loved? It makes sense, doesn’t it? I was a jerk, I was a bad person- and I don’t… I don’t think… I deserve happiness sometimes… but I still want it, is that selfish? I want- I- shit- what am I saying? Idiot. Haha. You must be bored listening to King Steve gushing about his perfect life. I am so tired, Billy…”
“T-Then sleep, pretty boy” His voice is raspy, he’s too stunned to say anything, to think anything. Steve nods off as if he was waiting for his approval, his head resting on his shoulder, soft snores filling his ears as he repeated everything Steve just… said. He doesn’t want to believe that it's how Steve sees himself, it's how he thinks about himself, fuck, how? Why?
It's astonishingly unthinkable that someone like Steve could even think such impossible things as the truth, someone so beautiful inside out, so ready to forgive, to help, to change, to give and give and give, not even holding his hand out to receive, placing himself last- it was unacceptable. Billy cussed at himself, how could nobody know? How did they not notice this bullshit? Nobody appreciated Steve how he was meant to be appreciated, how he was supposed to be loved and cared for.
He could feel the anger boiling in the pits of his stomach, it was a fury unlike any other, this was an anger that was merged with extreme sadness and disappointment in himself. This was the kind that didn’t deserve Steve’s kisses. Something has to change. And it will if Billy has any say in it.
-
So Steve is worried, Billy hasn’t really talked to him for the past two days, he’s been normal to everyone except him, unlike that time in the club, Billy was angry but not because of him, at him. He doesn’t recall the stupid things he must’ve blurted out while drunk, he was a lightweight but it’s not like… right, he doesn’t drink or smoke often nowadays, he’s been drunk only a few times since he and Billy became friends, shit, he must have messed up, as usual. But he knows, he knows Billy’s not the kind to stay put when someone gives him shit. Robin doesn’t know either why he’s acting in such a way, Steve almost thinks it’s a sign, maybe the universe doesn’t want them to be together or something, which receives a hit from Robin who just scolds him for being so negative. He finally gets his chance to corner Billy one fine evening, Joyce has asked Billy to look at her car, and he agreed to do some check-up and modification to make her right, that’s when Steve sneaked in- he knew through Will that Billy was going to come in the evening.
“Alright, Hargrove, fess up, what the hell? Again? How many times will you keep avoiding me before it gets old?” Now that he gets a chance to look, Billy looks really attractive in his work attire, a black tank top, and old black sweats, his hands, and face are covered with grease, he didn’t think he’d have a thing for mechanics. Oh shit, he cannot get distracted.
Billy looks taken aback, not expecting to Steve to barge in while he was working, he was very adamant about giving space.
“Technically, I wasn’t avoiding you”
“Don’t get smart with me, Hargrove” Steve frowns, there’s that anger again but it's not like before, not the one with thundering eyes which… Steve won’t lie, he finds it a little hot, this is a different shade of red, a shade Steve’s not aware of.
“Sorry” He finally sees a small sincere smile, it's only been two days but god, he missed it. “Give me a little time, I swear we will talk”
“What? I don’t get it- what do you-”
“I need to sort some things out, that’s all”
“Okay, no, this isn’t how it works, you can’t just pull away whenever you want and- and- wh-what are you doing?” Billy catches Steve’s wrist with his least-stained hand, dragging him close, he does an action very similar to sniffing at his neck, then he’s staring into his eyes.
“We will talk but I need to get my head straight, you always have to deal with an angry dumbass, give me time?” It’s spoken with grit and some fondness, Steve doesn’t know how to answer that, he has no idea what the hell Billy means, what time? What does he need time for? “It’s killing me too, but wait for me?” Steve gulps, cannot stare into the eyes burning with such clear want, nods wordlessly, and misses the touch as soon as Billy lets go of his hand. Damn it, he can never say no to Billy.
-
Steve knows there is a meeting taking place with everyone except him, they were trying to keep it a secret but Dustin is really bad at it- the kid didn’t even realize he slipped in front of Steve. He doesn’t want to feel… excluded, but, it just- what else can it be? How can everyone be invited except him? it doesn’t make sense. Unless it's about him, which kind of just makes it even worse. So he sulks in his house, there’s some romcom movie playing on his TV, and leftover pizza from the night before, he’s even opened a bottle from his father’s cabin- but without Billy, he doesn’t even feel like drinking. Oh yeah. Billy hadn’t talked to him either, it's been four days now, so basically, Steve Harrington is lonely as fuck. It’s around ten pm that he gets a call from Robin, she seems a little worried about something, he doesn’t understand but he answers her weird sets of questions, he can hear kids arguing in the background and suddenly it feels too awful for him to stay neutral. God, why did he have to be so clingy? He mistakenly bids her goodbye by adding ‘have fun with everyone’, it’s not until he’s cleaning the mess he created that he realizes what he said, sighing miserably for the umpteenth time that day.
Great, now he made Robin feel bad. Why does he even bother? He’s a waste of sp-
God, not again.
He is in the middle of sweeping the plate he accidentally broke because he was busy thinking how useless he was, the bell rung, Steve was definitely not expecting anyone at this time of night. Cursing himself for only wearing shorts and a tee, he hurries to open the door when the ringing is insistent, which is a sign that Billy is on the door- but this late?
“Ah god, have some patience, would you!?”
“Hey there, pretty boy” Billy starts with a sheepish smile, it doesn’t look like he went home at all today, there were grease stains over his clothes and hands, Steve beckoned him to come inside, already making his way to the kitchen.
“What are you doing here? Did you eat? Did you not go home? Do you-”
“Shh, you gotta breathe, darling” Steve’s taken aback at the nicknames, that should mean Billy’s back to normal, does this mean… it's time? “We will do all that later, first I have something to say, can we go to your room? Well, here is fine too b-”
“Alright… let me just take care of the mess and I will be upstairs”
“What…” Billy’s attention snapped to the broken plate on the floor “What happened?”
“Ah nothing, it just slipped, don’t worry about it”
“Hell no, you will cut yourself, let me clean this up and I will see you upstairs”
“Billy, it’s fine, I can-”
“Steve”
“How do you manage to say my actual name with such scariness?”
“It’s a talent, now go away before I carry you to your room” The smack was worth the gorgeous shade of red on Steve’s face, Billy grinned.
“Let’s talk”
“Sure” Steve shrugs, pretending like he doesn’t care if they talk or not, he is sitting on the bed while the blonde was on the floor, he had asked Billy to just get up but the man refused, cracking the stupid joke about being a peasant. Billy didn’t speak for a few minutes, both of them sitting in silence- though it was more like he was fuming in silence, he could see Billy was struggling to string the words- he always had trouble in that regard, not that Steve was any better, just a little more than him. So he decided to give him a head start.
“… why did you need time? I didn’t get it, did I do something? Because you were angry, at me- exactly like that! Look at your face!”
“Of course, I was angry! I was furious! You were talking so badly about the man I love! Who wouldn’t get angry!?” Steve flinches a little at the sudden outburst, he doesn’t remember talking badly about anyone, let alone some Billy loves. Wait, did Billy ever tell him he loved someone? He would have remembered if that was the case given his pining. The only person he ever talked down to was hims-
Oh.
“You love me?” Steve parroted back in astonishment, barely a whisper, but Billy seemed to be on a roll after that, not registering anything else.
“You know how angry I got? I was gonna shake you awake and sober and drill into you how morbidly wrong you were, about every fucking thing! I mean how could you even think something so- so- fuck, stupid! Like it doesn’t make any sense! And-”
“When did I-” Of course, when he was drunk, his self-deprecation must have been enjoying a day out “…right”
Billy seemed to continue his shouting/reprimanding, Steve couldn’t really catch any words, he was still stuck on what Billy said, finding it hard to believe that Billy loves him, that he wants more than just those stolen kisses under the veil, he feels his heart beating loudly- he is sure this time it’s with excitement. His heart fills with warmth, seeing how angry Billy got on his behalf, that this time he was angry for Steve, how genuine he looked, his eyes might have filled up too.
“-And I hated feeling so helpless- they don’t get in my lap and fucking distract me!” Steve ignored his warning and wrapped his hands around Billy’s neck, settling comfortably into his lap, the blond mumbled something about how he was taking advantage of the situation but still begrudgingly grabbed his waist and nuzzled into his neck.
“I am sorry… I- I never felt enough, Billy… it’s not-”
“Well, you’re fucking enough for me! More than enough!”
“Why are you getting so angry?” He whined, “Should I kiss you aga-” This time it was Billy who kissed him in irritation, and unlike him, Billy’s hand grabbed the back of his neck, his commanding lips clashing forcefully against Steve’s, he made a sound in surprise, before smiling into the kiss- Billy was angry with him and his first response was to kiss him, he could live by that. Steve took Billy’s face in his hands, gently pushing forward, helping him calm down and it works just like every other time.
“I am sorry for being a jerk, I needed time to sort my feelings so that I can tell you in words about how truly I feel, I cannot expect you to- just- get it from my… actions or clues… you know better than anyone how much I despise it- but mostly because I suck at this, Steve, I am awful at this vulnerable shit. But it was you, and I had to do it for you, just so you would know how much you mean to me”
“I- uhm- o-okay…” Steve felt wrong-footed, it had been a while since someone wanted to talk about their feelings, someone who wanted to tell Steve how much he mattered, he doesn’t know how to take it, how to respond to something like this.
“Here we go” Billy takes a deep breath “I love you, Steve, fuck, maybe from the moment I saw you but I knew after the hospital, you were it. I couldn’t manage to talk to you- thought I didn’t deserve to have someone so goddamn amazing like you in my life, it wasn’t until Robs told me that I hurt you- and you know. I finally found the courage. You- man- I don’t think I can ever tell you how much you truly mean to me, all those kisses have been driving me crazy- each time you kissed me, I short-circuited, how could Steve, the hero, the savior could ever… even think about kissing me? But you did, each time I lost control you were there to manage me, to save me, and I fell so hard, so fast, I don’t think I will ever get over you- we are young and stupid, maybe whatever I say doesn’t mean much but for this moment, believe me, for I love you, Steve Harrington. Fuck, this feels so cringe- but I- you are loved, by so many people, you have no idea what you mean to others, maybe that’s our fault, we don’t tell you enough but you have changed all of our life for the better, you’ve been there for Max more than I ever could, you take care of those geeky kids, would give your life to protect them- hell, for each of us- I don’t know if we truly deserve that kind of selflessness, Steve, at least I for sure know I don’t. You ain’t no saint, you don’t need to be, because however you are, it’s more than perfect- I don’t want any other type of Steve.”
“Wow, okay, umm I am gonna need a minute because uh- that- umm- that was-”
“You know you can take your time and let me know, right? I don’t need a reply right now. I just fucking love you so much. I tried not to be too intense about it but it is what it is. I can’t not be, not when it’s you, not when I know if I don’t tell you, show you, you would never let yourself be loved. And that hurts, Steve. Because if there’s anyone undeserving, it’s me- no don’t say anything, but to think you could ever believe that- that you are not meant to be loved- shit, it fucked me up, Steve. And to think, people like me, assholes like me made you believe that bullshit- I just didn’t know how to confront you, if I should. How do I tell you I love you? And to have you believe it? But I am selfish too. I want you. Every single thing there is to have, I want it, so I am not gonna hold back- I won’t let you go once you accept me too. I will make it my life’s purpose to make you happy, to love you like you deserve to be. I might not be the perfect guy for you… it’s obvious, but- I want to be, Steve”
Shit. There were tears in his eyes now, Steve sniffled, trying hard to not cry in front of Billy, but his lips wobbled on their own, tears escaping without constraint, Steve hid his face immediately. There was so much he wanted to say back, to reply but he couldn’t, his brain repeating everything Billy said, engraving it inside to remember again later, to obsess over each word said- fuck. Billy gently took his hand and removed them from his face, not letting him hide, then he kissed softly on each bone of the knuckle, it was so… tender… Steve couldn’t help a few more tears dripping down his cheeks.
“I-I love you too, Billy” Steve replied, voice breaking as he whispered those words, Billy smiled in return when he heard those words. He looked content with just a single sentence, Steve felt his heart constrict again, he wanted to say more, reply to all the things Billy told him but this was all he could manage, being choked by so many emotions.
“Thank you” Billy mumbles into his hair, Steve’s face is buried in the crook of his neck this time, comforting warm hands wrapped around him, “Thank you for loving me, even when I am broken beyond repair”
“Billy” Steve raises his head “You are no-”
“But I am. We all are, but I have been- beyond repair, beyond redemption, it’s just you who fixed me up even if everybody said you couldn’t. It’s just you breathed life into me. For you, it’s nothing, because that’s what you do. You bring life back to people, you heal and you lighten every space you occupy so you don’t know how… how hard it is for everyone to be kind. So thank you for loving me, and it’s okay if you can’t say more than a few words, this is enough for me. I am happy with just your presence.” Fucking hell, Steve knew Billy was damn good in literature, he was brilliant, but to be at the end of his articulated words, to hear them coming out of his lips so smoothly- it was obviously a lie when the blond said he was bad at wording emotions. Obviously.
“I love you,” Steve says again in response, having nothing else to say, he will just have to shower Billy with more affection after this, right now- he just wants to soak up all the words and relax in Billy’s embrace.
After a while, Steve calmed down and Billy regretted his word vomit, not that he told how he felt but how he was so cringe-worthy instead of being cool. Steve smacked him on the head and assured him it was exactly what he needed.
“So… what was the meeting about?”
“You knew, huh?”
“Dustin isn’t good at keeping secrets, at least not from me” Steve chuckles, the kid has no idea how much bullshit he has told Steve. Including all the embarrassing parts.
“After you gave me a scare, I assembled all the shitheads and-” Billy stopped abruptly, looking anywhere except at Steve.
“You didn’t”
“… I panicked, okay? And- and it’s sad that the person you care about is affected by your words, your actions, they needed to know to do better by you, and I will not apologize for knocking some sense into them.”
“Is that why Robin called?” Steve shook his head, finally understanding what she might mean with all those weird and out-of-the-blue questions.
“Uh yeah, so a heads up, you might need to talk to them” Billy smiled weakly, Steve sighed, it will be a tough week. “I wasn’t going to come today, had more of a grand plan in place, but then Robin said you knew we were having a meeting- and I know how your brain works, I came running to you”
“I am- I am glad you did” After a few seconds of silence, Steve let out a soft laugh “It must be my lucky day, Billy Hargrove wanted to talk about emotions and on purpose? Wow, didn’t think I would see the day” Billy just groans at that, nipping sharply at the column of his throat in retaliation but his hands were fastened tightly around his waist, if not squeezing even more.
“Shut up” He grumbles, “You are not getting rid of me, ever”
“Oh no, however shall I live?” Steve mocks, then he gasps, his hand grabbing Billy’s golden curls and pushing him against his throat on instinct when a particular bite runs deeper than a simple playful nip. “Don’t- not the throat! Billy, those had just faded!”
“Exactly” There is a mischievous look in his eyes, as he pulls away with a grin, knowing very well what he did. Steve sighs in complete exasperation, he flicks Billy’s forehead who seemed far more smug than needed, murmuring a way too fond ‘jackass’ under his breath. “You look absolutely ravishing with my marks on you” He whispers in his deep voice, the kind of voice Steve had named ‘sexiest sound ever to exist’ and Billy knows how easily it affects him. The way his cheeks just redden and the flush spreading down his chest, Billy knows he has won, knows Steve would let him mark his entire body if he asked, knows he can ask anything and Steve wouldn’t deny. But he doesn’t. Because for the first time ever, he wanted to wait, he wanted Steve to take the first step, wanted him to set the pace and he’d follow, no matter how slow, how fast, but it has to be Steve’s decision.
“You’re gonna make me ask, huh?” Steve says, with so much love in his red puffy eyes that it turns his stomach upside down, Billy nods slowly, his gaze is stuck at the bitten red lips and how gorgeous he looks disheveled, the way his bambi eyes are still wet from the tears, the way Billy wants to see them shed in pleasure. “Take me to bed, Billy”
“Looking like that, asking like that, you’d make me do anything for you, love”
It's later that Steve finds out Billy had banned the use of words like idiot, stupid, dumb, and alike when addressing Steve, and if anybody makes that mistake, there's a 'for being an asshole ash-hole' jar that will be filled with pennies and sacred objects of the offender. There are a lot more changes carried out but more so, and the most important one is to say and show their appreciation for Steve who kind of saves their lives on daily bases at this point. This has caused a lot of disruption but one thing that it definitely did was, make Billy accepted in the truest way possible by the party. Steve protested that nobody needed to do whatever Billy had threatened them to, but these were now the official rule stated in the doctrine of the party law book.
So yes, Steve is a little bit in love. Just a little.