Chapter Text
The sun is setting.
Izuku noticed how the sunlight waned as he made his way aimlessly through the streets. He had no goal other than to find a tall enough building, hopefully the one All Might landed on just hours before. Izuku secretly enjoyed irony and drama.
He’d been thinking all day. First about the hero fight he saw on the way to school. Then about how fucked he was when his homeroom teacher outed his application to UA. Then about how Kacchan told him to kill himself.
He thought about that a lot.
Then he was being suffocated by a person made of sludge. He felt the liquid filling his lungs. He remembered wishing someone would come to save him, but as his vision blackened and his mind became filled with haze he felt relief. He wouldn’t be in pain anymore. Wouldn’t regret waking up in the morning. Wouldn’t be afraid on his way to school and during his classes and while he was being berated and humiliated and when he smelled smoke and burnt sugar and when he came home to an empty apartment.
He thought about that relief a lot too.
He though about All Might, and his words to Izuku on that rooftop. He thought about the desperation and fear in Kacchan’s face, how Izuku must’ve looked the same. He thought about his legs running without his brain’s command. He thought about the heroes on the scene scolding him afterwards.
He thought about Kacchan’s words and All Might’s words and the vile slime that he could still feel in his chest and throat.
What the kid wasn’t thinking about was his actions at the moment. He felt like he was acting impulsively, but in the recesses of his mind was the knowledge that if he dwelled on his actions any more, the rational part of his mind would stop him. It would ask what the fuck he’s doing here.
Izuku didn’t really know why he was walking toward that same tall building instead of going home to his bed. Or maybe he did know, and just didn’t feel like facing it head on.
These impulses and ill-advised acts of self destruction weren’t new to him. He was familiar with the burn of alcohol down his throat, the warmth it gave to his stomach. He was familiar with the suffocation of cigarette smoke down his lungs and the taste of it in his mouth. He was familiar with his reflection in a blade and knew what his skin looked like beneath the first few layers.
It was surprisingly, stupidly easy to access the roof. That building had no security systems in place.
He made his way to the ledge of the roof, the same spot where All Might had stood to face him.
As he looked over the edge, his stomach lurched. He took an involuntary step back. It felt much taller from the top than it looked from the bottom.
The boy knew he wasn’t going to do anything. He was too much of a coward. Too hopeful and maybe even delusional, thinking that his mom would care and that it would affect Kacchan’s life too much if he let himself fall of this rooftop.
Instead, he sat down. About a foot away from the ledge.
Izuku imagined himself at the bottom, lying in a puddle of crimson.
It wasn’t the first time he’d done this. He’d envisioned his wrists slit open in the bathtub or shower, or even the school bathrooms. His corpse floating in a river. His body hanging by a rope. His crumpled mass in the middle of a busy street, some poor person or family in a wrecked car nearby.
He imagined his mother finding out, being told by some stranger that her son had killed himself. Would she be relieved to not have him ruining her life anymore? Would she be devastated? Consumed by grief? Would she move on quickly?
What about Kacchan? Izuku thought back to earlier that day again. Would he feel guilty? Did he really mean what he said? Would he be happy to have the thorn in his side gone?
Izuku imagined Katsuki smiling, going to UA, moving on and becoming a Hero. Something dark twisted in his gut.
He should feel happy at the thought of Kacchan finally getting what he wanted, but why did it make him feel anger and disgust instead?
He thought giving Kacchan that satisfaction wasn’t his style. He’s stayed true to his beliefs all these years, stubborn as it was. Why would he change now?
The fear he felt going to school was matched by the high he felt inspecting his burns and bruises later at home.
Even if the events of this day left him questioning whether he really wanted to be a hero now, would he want to give Katsuki Bakugou the satisfaction of being the cause of his death?
No.
Izuku though about All Might. His idol, his hero. The man Izuku had looked up to all of his life. The symbol of not only Japan’s peace but Izuku’s own hopes for his future. To save people with a smile—a smile like All Might’s.
He thought about those words spoken to a child on that same rooftop. He thought about how All Might had signed his notebook while he was passed out with fluid in his lungs and the wind knocked out of his breath.
He realized, All Might didn’t know his name. That hero didn’t know the name of the child he’d saved, told to give up on his dreams, left on a rooftop alone, then met again in a crowd of useless bystanders.
This was unacceptable.
A new feeling graced Izuku’s heart. He couldn’t name it, but it was angry. It was angry and hungry and wild.
It filled his veins with a fire he’d never felt before.
He kind of liked it.
All Might had to know Izuku Midoriya’s name.
Katsuki had to know that his torment wouldn’t drive this quirkless Deku to give up.
His mother had to know that Izuku would save people, no matter how sorry she was about him being powerless in a world of power abound.
Izuku rose to his feet, and turned to leave the rooftop.
He would let them all know.