Archive of Our Own

The hunger has gotten worse. The headaches are more intense and frequent. His stomach cramps every few hours. To Yoongi’s dismay, he has noticed the shakes have started and he knows he can't go on any longer or he will snap. He promised to himself that he would never let it reach that point again. Not after what happened back when Yoongi was recently turned.

It has been two months since Yoongi last fed. It has been almost two months since the last time Yoongi saw Namjoon.

Reluctantly, Yoongi leaves his apartment to find someone to feed on. At this point he doesn’t care who it is. He just needs to feed. With his eyes fitting from one stranger to another and mind working overtime to not snap someone's neck where everyone can see, he makes his way through the streets. It’s still way too crowded, the night too young.

By the time Yoongi reaches the more secluded areas of the city, the shakes have gotten so bad Yoongi can’t keep it under control. His hands are vibrating by his sides despite his clenched fists. His irritation is growing by the minute. Someone almost walks straight into him while looking at their phone, dodging at the last minute and brushing their shoulder against Yoongi's. It takes everything in him to not kill the person right then and there. Too risky.

Finally, Yoongi spots the perfect prey. Standing outside an apartment building is a person smoking a cigarette. All alone. Yoongi looks around him to make sure the road is clear. There are a few cars passing him by but they won't remember him so Yoongi feels safe to approach the person. As he walks closer it becomes clear that the person is a small woman and Yoongi curses under his breath. He prefers men, mostly for the reason that they have more blood.

Yoongi forces all the irritation, anger and disappointment to the back burner to put on his best flattering smile. He shoves his hands in his pockets to hide how trembling they are. “Have an extra cigarette for me?” Yoongi asks the woman.

She's clearly taken back by Yoongi, her eyes shifting to the apartment building door before coming back to Yoongi.

You’re right. You should run away at this moment. Yoongi thinks but he needs this. He says, “I left mine home and… you know how it is.”

Yoongi leans a little closer and lowers down to her level to hold eye contact. She hesitates for a moment, looking around as if looking for a witness to a crime about to happen but she makes the mistake of looking back at Yoongi. There he feels it. That invisible thread that connects to her mind and Yoongi pulls.

“You wouldn’t mind giving me some of your own,” Yoongi says in a sweet tone. He isn’t speaking of cigarettes anymore. “Would you?”

The woman replies with an even tone, a blank expression on her face. “No, I don't mind.”

“You live here? By yourself?” Yoongi would really prefer the privacy of an apartment and no one wondering where she disappeared to.

The woman nods slowly. “Yes, on the sixth floor.”

“Then why don't you let me in?”

The woman drops what’s left of her cigarette on the ground. She doesn’t even stomp it out, too enchanted by Yoongi. The woman opens the door to the apartment building and lets him into her apartment. Yoongi doesn’t even think about closing the apartment door before he has the woman in his grip and teeth on her neck. Yoongi can hear her pulse like white noise thumping in his ears.

Without a second thought he sinks his sharp teeth into the artery, puncturing the skin and letting the blood flow out of the wounds. The woman screams, the mesmer broken by the pain but it doesn’t last long. Soon, the venom takes effect and the woman goes lax in his arms. Yoongi hears and feels nothing of it. He only tastes the iron of her blood on his tongue as he drinks up. He feels the warmth of her seep into him. He drinks and drinks, lapping up any droplets of blood that trickle from the two punctures on her neck, letting none of it go to waste.

As his hunger is slowly being quenched, a faint voice reaches him from the deepest pits of his consciousness. Don’t kill her. The voice pleads. He doesn’t listen to the voice. Not when his hunger still overpowers it.

It's only an outside noise that breaks him out of it. He hears a door being opened and that's when Yoongi notices the door to the woman's apartment is still open. He drags the woman's unconscious body with him closer to the door so he can reach out and pull it closed.

Yoongi listens. Footsteps pass by the door and continue down to the stairwell. He was too careless. That person could have walked by earlier and seen him and he would have been too deep in a feeding frenzy to even notice.

Yoongi directs his attention back to the woman. She lies limp in his arms and her head lolls back on his chest. Dread seeps into Yoongi's system. He took too much. He brings his fingers to her neck and feels. He feels the quick pulse just barely audible to him and he feels immense relief. There is enough pressure to circulate the blood. She will survive. She will suffer the symptoms of blood loss but she will make it.

Now that the immediate threats are dealt with, Yoongi needs to get the woman to lie down. It isn’t difficult to find her bed in the rundown apartment. He can see the bed in one corner, tv in the other and a sad excuse for a kitchen along the left wall. If Yoongi is honest, it's not much different from his current apartment. He lays the woman on her bed and covers her with a blanket. There isn’t much he can do so he just finds a glass, fills it with water and leaves it on her bedside table before leaving the apartment.

[ Darkness Settles In - Five Finger Death Punch ]

There is still plenty of time before the sunrise so Yoongi decides to wander the streets while he still can. There is no point in rotting away in his apartment now that he got out for once.

The two weeks after Namjoon kicked him out were spent inside in the dark. Yoongi didn’t do anything but lie in his bed. He might as well have been actually dead. In the third week, Yoongi went outside for the first time. He intended to feed but once he got to a new bar filled with people his mind kept going back to a man who spoke so passionately and had aspirations.

Yoongi couldn’t bring himself to seduce someone to drink their blood and instead kept drinking until the barkeep didn’t give him any more. Yoongi wasn’t too drunk, alcohol affecting him much slower than humans but if he had still been alive he would have been at the edge of severe alcohol poisoning. It really isn’t fair that vampires can’t drown their sorrows into substances.

If Yoongi could, he’d take it all back. For once he had a good thing going for him and he ruined it all. If he hadn’t kept erasing Namjoon’s memories, if he hadn’t fed on him, if he had done one thing differently. So many what ifs gnaw at his insides. It’s the only thing moving inside him anymore. No beating heart, no breath flowing in his lungs and the cold feels worse than ever. All the pain he tried to bury comes to the forefront now that the immediate hunger wasn’t drowning out everything else, screaming in his mind for attention.

Yoongi walks aimlessly until he’s genuinely lost. None of the streets look familiar to him and he isn’t sure which part of the city he’s in. It’s funny how he would have been scared in the past. Now the worst thing that could happen is he will have to find a shady alleyway to spend the day in. It will hurt but no more than he already is hurting. Yoongi looks around to try and spot any landmarks over in the horizon but he can’t see past the highrise buildings. Defeated, he starts walking back where he came from but he knows he has taken so many turns that he might as well be walking the wrong direction.

When Yoongi notices the horizon shifting to a lighter hue he knows his time is almost up. Only a few hours left until it will become unbearable to be out in the open. With the sunrise approaching, the previously empty streets start filling with more people and Yoongi could stop someone and ask for directions. He spots someone around his age, a man dressed in a puffy jacket and he looks way too happy to be outside at this hour. When their eyes meet, the gentle smile on the man’s face turns into something akin to shock.

Yoongi is just about to stop the guy when the man says, “Hey man, you alright?”

Yoongi knows he looks fine, his vampirism makes his skin flawless and even the endless mournful days couldn’t cause eyebags to appear under his eyes. Unless it’s not about his deathly tired nature but… Yoongi looks down at his clothes. Dried blood sticks to the collar of his shirt and splashes of it stain the front. Instinctively, Yoongi wipes at his mouth only to feel some dried flakes sticking to his hand.

“Shit,” Yoongi curses, “I’m alright, it’s fine.” Now the guy probably thinks he’s a murderer. He wouldn't be wrong, his mind supplies. “Do you know what direction the catholic church is?”

It's the best landmark around Yoongi’s district and he should be able to get home if he could just see it on the horizon. Its towers rise high above everything else and loom over the houses like waiting for doomsday to come.

“That would be in that direction,” The man points at the direction Yoongi came from. “If you walk straight ahead, you should come to a highway. You can go under it either on the left or the right. I think it will be faster if you go right.”

“Thank you,” Yoongi turns to continue on his way. He stops when he hears the man speak.

“Are you sure you don’t need to go to the hospital,” the man asks, “or call the police?”

Yoongi turns to look at the man over his shoulder. He has his phone out in his hand, his thumb hovering over it. “That won’t be necessary,” Yoongi says and continues on his way.

He picks up his pace, the sunlight starting to feel hot on his skin. The church comes into view and there is not much distance left until he’s home. The sky is red in the horizon and the heat turns into burn. He doesn’t start running just yet, the pain isn’t too bad. At least he's feeling something.

The first blisters start forming when the apartment building he's residing in comes into view, a few rays of sunlight reaching him. He stops at the front entrance and lets the sun burn him for a moment longer before entering the building. He takes the stairs. The elevator hasn’t been functional the entire time he has lived here. He hurries up, knowing he looks horrible with dried blood and burns on his skin. Only after he gets inside his apartment, he slows down and stops.

🩸🩸🩸

This new club Yoongi has started to frequent is farther away from his apartment building than he would like but it’s big and the lights are dim. It makes it easy to hide in. He has made it a habit to feed at least once a month so that his hunger won’t get the better of him.

What an awful way to live, Yoongi thinks to himself as he enters the club on his scheduled feeding day.

The club is full of people even though it's a Thursday. Yoongi has to wait to get the bartender's attention to order a double whiskey before moving to the sidelines to watch the people. Ignoring the need to feed, this is Yoongi’s favorite part of the night. He gets to watch people talking and interacting. He doesn't mean to eavesdrop on purpose but his sensitive hearing picks up on bits of conversations. In a way, he's imagining what it would be like to live in that person’s shoes.

As he finishes up his whiskey, he focuses his attention into finding suitable people for feeding. People who are easy to mesmerize, people who are alone and people who are already drunk enough to forget the night without the aid of his venom. Yoongi spots a guy with a half empty pitcher of beer. He's tall and muscular and maybe he distantly reminds Yoongi of someone but he wouldn't admit that to himself. Yoongi watches him drink with his friends. He's clearly enjoying the night, talking loudly over the music.

It isn't long after when the guy gets up and leaves his friends to go to the toilet. Yoongi goes after him, keeping his distance but not far enough to lose sight of him. The man enters the toilets and Yoongi slips in before the door has time to close. He stands back and counts two other guys relieving themselves in addition to him and the one he was following. He pretends to preen himself in the mirror despite not being able to see his reflection until the two guys leave the toilet. Without washing their hands. It grosses him out but at least the third guy comes to the hand washing station and starts washing up.

Now that they are alone, Yoongi steps closer and says, “You look like you work out a lot.”

The man glances at him and focuses on drying his hands. “Thanks man.”

Debating what would be the best way to seduce the man, he decides to try to come on a little too strong. “I'd love for a strong man like you to hold me down,” he says. It might make mesmerizing him even more difficult but if he got it right, it will be a walk in the park.

This time the man looks at him. “I'm not gay,” he slurs.

“Aren't you curious to try? Nobody would know if I went down on you.” Yoongi watches the man's reaction. He can tell he's curious but distrustful and Yoongi finds it hard to make a connection.

“How much?” he asks.

This time, Yoongi knows he got him. He leans in close and whispers, “It’s all free for you.”

Yoongi manages to pull on the thread and make the man under his influence. He beacons the man into a stall where he can drink his blood more privately. The man is already unbuckling his trousers but Yoongi forces him to sit down on the toilet seat and he holds him still as he leans in. The man tries to struggle in Yoongi's hold but it's no use. Yoongi sinks his teeth in and drains the life force out of him in gulps. He lets the toxins do their work and the man relaxes. He can spot the hard-on that's crudely jutting in his boxers and the man lets out a high pitched moan that Yoongi is sure the man would be embarrassed about if he was lucid enough.

Finally, Yoongi has had his fill and he knows he will survive one more month without snapping. He lets the venom into the man's bloodstream to make him forget his face before he abandons the unconscious man in the stall and gets out. Feeling grossed out, he wipes the blood on his face on the back of his hand and spits into the sink. It's not enough so Yoongi flushes his mouth with tap water and spits out again.

Feeding used to make him feel awful when he was first turned. He’d agonize over it for days and blame himself for being a monster. As the years passed, he started growing numb. It didn't matter who he bit as long as he got a warm body to sink his teeth in. By the time he met Namjoon, feeding had become methodical. Find a prey, mesmerize them, drink their blood and poison them so that they won't have a single recollection of the events.

When he met Namjoon though, he felt something. Not only was the sex good but feeding on him felt heavenly. He never should have gone back to him after the first time but Namjoon became an addiction. Then he saw the hurt in Namjoon's eyes. He came face to face with all the pain he had caused throughout his undead life. A monster. No matter what he said to Namjoon, that's all he is. Yet he had felt something. Something he thought he had lost on a dark night in the shadowy streets of a city far away from here.

Yoongi goes back to the bar to order another double whiskey. He will flush away the tang of iron still lingering on his tongue with strong alcohol and waste the night hiding in the shadows of the club.

🩸🩸🩸

For once, Yoongi is out of the apartment on a day he hadn't scheduled. Laying down on the bed for days straight has done him nothing good and the days have passed by slowly even though normally a day is merely a flash in his nearly hundred years old life. He chose to go to a new club this time to see what else is around his neighborhood before he skips cities.

The new club he chose is packed with people. The line to get inside was long enough for Yoongi to consider leaving and going to his usual place. Inside, he is met with a wall of people, all of them shouting and whooping at some rap music playing loudly. Yoongi weasels his way through the people to find a bar and get a drink. Only then he sees that the rap music isn’t played from the speakers but there are two people on stage engaged in a rap battle.

Yoongi is hit with a wave of sadness. He wonders what Namjoon is doing and if he's doing well. He hopes so. He wishes that all the pain he caused has healed but he knows that won’t be the case. Curious, he moves closer to the stage to see it. During one of the nights Yoongi spent laying in bed with Namjoon, Namjoon had told him about his career in rap. He imagines what Namjoon is like on stage.

Yoongi manages to push through the crowd and get to the front. Here he can see clearly the two men dressed in baggy clothes with gold chains draped over their necks. They throw insults at each other and the crowd cheers louder with every burn.

The two men hype up the crowd for the next performance before exiting the stage. Yoongi turns around to leave but there are even more people now and there is no way he will be able to get through them when everyone is trying to be closer to the stage.

The next rapper enters the stage in loose white sweatpants and a loose white tee. There are no gold chains on him but he wears a white cap. Yoongi already knows who it is before he looks up from under the cap and starts rapping. If Yoongi could breathe, his breath would be knocked away.

Namjoon keeps his head bowed down as he paces the stage back and forth. He raps fast and angrily, every word spat out like the whole world was against him. When the beat shifts, he comes to stand in the center of the stage and he faces the crowd that erupts in cheers. Yoongi watches all of it frozen in place.

As the song ends, Namjoon finally looks at the audience and introduces himself. He welcomes everyone and makes them cheer loudly. When his eyes meet Yoongi’s, he pauses. They look at each other for what feels like a small eternity and it's Namjoon who recovers first. Namjoon tears his eyes away and asks the audience if they want to get this party started and a new beat starts playing.

There is nowhere to go for Yoongi. He can only stand and listen as Namjoon performs one song after another. His lyrics are spiteful. He raps off beat and the song structure is nothing but unconventional but the crowd eats it all up. It's for a reason too because every single element is carefully thought out and intentionally jazzy. Namjoon's delivery is perfect and he is confident on stage. Yoongi would enjoy the songs if he didn't feel like the lyrics were about him.

[ DiE4u - Bring Me The Horizon ]

Yoongi hates that even though Namjoon is cursing him out on stage to a club full of people, he still wants him. He wants to apologize and make things right even though he knows Namjoon wants nothing to do with him. As soon as Namjoon exits the stage with the crowd chanting for more, Yoongi forces his way through to get to the exit.

It was a mistake to come. All the feelings he tried to bury and all the feelings that have haunted him day after day crash into him and he's feeling so much at once, he starts to cry. The feelings are so intense he has to gasp in a breath. He hasn’t breathed since the last time he was with Namjoon and he hasn't cried in decades. He pushes through the people and the exit is right in his sight.

“Yoongi,” a voice says from behind him.

Yoongi freezes again. Hearing Namjoon actually say his name makes everything real.

“Is it really you?” Namjoon asks, closer to him. Yoongi turns around to look at him. “Fuck.”

Yoongi can’t say anything. All the apologies he has thought of die on his tongue as he finally sees the man he never thought he would see again. Namjoon takes a few determined steps toward him and Yoongi is prepared to be punched or at least slapped. Namjoon grips his collar tightly and crashes their lips together. Namjoon kisses him with force and pulls back only a second later. Instantly, Yoongi wants those warm lips back on him.

“I missed you,” Yoongi says. Those three words do nothing to convey the loss he has felt.

“Shut up unless you want to stop,” Namjoon says.

Yoongi kisses Namjoon this time with just as much force. Namjoon’s hold on him tightens but he melts into Yoongi instead of the previous fight. He opens his mouth for Yoongi like he's asking for Yoongi to enter his tongue and fuck it into his mouth. Yoongi complies and he tastes Namjoon on his tongue. His ears are ringing with the way Namjoon’s blood is thumping in his veins and Yoongi can hear it all clearly. It's beaconing him to sink his teeth into Namjoon even though it's not long ago when he last fed.

Namjoon pulls off and gasps in a breath. “I fucking hate you.”

Yoongi pulls Namjoon back, farther into the corridor. He has no idea where he's going but there are less people and a wall he can push Namjoon against. “I hate me too,” Yoongi says and kisses Namjoon again.

Namjoon’s hold on him is almost desperate but so is Yoongi. He holds Namjoon against the wall and explores his mouth as if this was the first and the last time he gets to do it.

“Sorry,” Namjoon gasps when he can finally breathe again.

“Shut up,” Yoongi says. He won't take an apology from Namjoon.

“I want you,” Namjoon says instead.

“You’re not thinking straight,” Yoongi counters.

“I missed you,” Namjoon insists.

Yoongi gives up. He can't stop touching Namjoon because he's afraid he will vanish into thin air if he lets go.

“Why do you do this to me?” Namjoon asks. He sounds breathless but the crease between his eyebrows speaks of confusion, irritation.

“I'm not doing anything,” Yoongi says.

Namjoon frowns deeper. “I haven't been able to stop thinking about you and now that you’re here, I want you more than anything.”

“I swear I'm not doing anything,” Yoongi promises. He lets go of Namjoon and steps back but Namjoon’s hand is instantly on his wrist pulling him back. “I haven't done anything to manipulate you after the last time I bit you.”

Namjoon lifts his chin up a little and stands a little more straight. “How do I know?”

“Have you woken up with amnesia?” Yoongi asks and Namjoon shakes his head. “Have you found bitemarks anywhere on your body?” Namjoon shakes his head again. “There you have it.”

Namjoon sighs out and slumps. He hangs his head down. “This isn't the place for this conversation,” Namjoon mumbles then lifts his head up and asks, “Can you come to my apartment?”

“I don't think that’s a good idea,” Yoongi says. After the last time, Yoongi doesn't want to be kicked out again. And if they were somewhere private, Yoongi couldn’t keep his hands off him.

“Then can we go to yours?” Namjoon asks.

There is no way Yoongi will bring Namjoon to his ratty apartment that doesn't even have a lamp. “No.”

“Can we go anywhere, please?” Namjoon pleads.

For the first time Yoongi has been with Namjoon, Yoongi feels his fear. Namjoon is scared. Of what? Yoongi isn't sure.

“The church.” Yoongi determines.

Namjoon’s eyes widen almost comically. “The… church?” Namjoon repeats.

“The graveyard more specifically,” Yoongi says.

Namjoon looks stunned but he's not afraid anymore. It takes a while before Namjoon manages to speak again. “I know you're a vampire but why the graveyard?”

There are plenty of reasons why the graveyard is on the list of places he frequents but he's not ready to share those with anyone. Instead he opts to saying, “Because that’s where I belong.”

🩸🩸🩸

The reason Yoongi chose the club was because it was close to his apartment which means it’s close to the church. They walked out of the club, not quite knowing what to say to each other, not until the church towers came into view.

“We're going to have to do some trespassing so I hope you're not against breaking the law,” Yoongi tells Namjoon.

“Will only boost my street cred as a rapper,” Namjoon says rather humorlessly.

Yoongi leads Namjoon behind the church building and walks along the wrought iron fence. He finds the rock he uses as a stepping stone to climb over the fence. He has bent the spikes horizontally to act as a foothold to make climbing over the fence easier.

“Follow me,” Yoongi says and steps on the stone. He takes a hold of the fence and climbs up, hopping down to the other side.

Namjoon follows suit. He climbs over the fence easily thanks to his height. “Now what?” Namjoon asks when he hops down.

“We talk to the dead,” Yoongi says and starts walking in between the gravestones.

“Wait, for real?” Namjoon asks when he catches up with Yoongi.

“They are the perfect audience. Never complaining.” Yoongi says and runs his fingers along one long gravestone. It's deafening how quiet it is. Not even the sound of cars can be heard here.

“I think it might be too late to say but you're starting to creep me out.”

“You agreed to go to a graveyard with a vampire voluntarily. I'm a little worried.” Yoongi says and finds the toolshed. He opens the door and picks up a pair of gardening gloves and a watering can. He hands the pair to Namjoon. “Don’t worry. There aren't any ghosts here.”

“I still don’t understand. Why come here?” Namjoon asks.

“Apart from the doom and gloom? It's quiet. Nobody else comes here at night.” Yoongi fills the watering can and starts carrying it to the other side of the graveyard. “You can speak your mind here. The dead won’t tell tales.”

“I'm sorry, Yoongi,” Namjoon says somberly. “I shouldn't have used you and thrown you out.”

“You shouldn't be. I treated you like shit first.” Yoongi says. He's glad he doesn't have to look Namjoon in the eye as he leads the way through the rows of black stones.

“But I am. I regretted it the moment you walked away. It doesn't matter that you hurt me first. Two wrongs don’t make a right.” Namjoon says.

Yoongi stops and turns around. He looks up at Namjoon’s pained expression. It looks like this is something that has been weighing on him for a long time. “You’re forgiven.” Yoongi really means it. He never blamed Namjoon in the first place.

Namjoon relaxes and they continue down the narrow paths between the graves. They reach the edge of the graveyard and the fence that wraps around it. Yoongi opens the gate to another fenced area. There are no big stones with golden engravings here. Most of the graves are unmarked and overgrown. Yoongi places the watering can down and kneels in front of the first grave.

Namjoon comes to kneel next to him and Yoongi says, “These graves are for people who didn’t have anyone when they died. Maybe they weren't part of the church or they had been excluded from it for any reason. These are outcasts. All of these graves are older than a hundred years, most two.”

Yoongi picks off some of the weeds from the grave. Namjoon puts on the gloves and follows Yoongi’s actions. “So you come here,” Namjoon asks, “and tend to these graves?”

Yoongi nods. “Not that one,” Yoongi warns when Namjoon reaches out for a stem, “That’s a flower. It will start blooming when the sun rises.”

Namjoon pauses then looks at Yoongi. “You won't see it bloom,” he whispers.

“No, no I won't,” Yoongi says.

They move through the graves, picking out weeds. As Yoongi works with his hands, he organizes his thoughts. “I never meant to hurt you more than just one bite. I always hurt people when I bite them but that was supposed to be it. I was going to feed on you and never see you again. But you kept coming back to me and I couldn’t say no. I couldn't let you remember me either because you would have found out I'm a vampire and left me. I couldn’t say no to you even tonight even though the rational thing would have been to do it. You’re the only one I want and how can I say no when my body aches to be close to you.”

“I feel the exact same way,” Namjoon says. He has stopped plucking out the weeds and looks down at the graves, his eyes glassy.

Yoongi gives up trying to clean up the flowerbeds and starts to water them instead. Namjoon gets up too and follows Yoongi as he steps between the graves and flowers.

“When you left, it felt like a part of me died. Every night, I wished I saw you back at Reflections but you were never there.” Namjoon says.

“I respected your wishes,” Yoongi says. It killed Yoongi to know he could never go back to Reflections and find Namjoon there, to meet his eyes across the room and know the pull they felt was mutual. It hurts even more knowing that Namjoon wanted him there even though he said he didn’t. The watering can is empty so Yoongi starts the walk back.

Namjoon follows Yoongi out of the smaller fenced area and then jogs in front of him to stop him. “I don’t want to lose you again.”

“I never wanted to lose you in the first place.”

“I missed you so fucking much,” Namjoon says. He tosses the gardening gloves and threads his fingers in Yoongi's hair to pull him closer into a deep kiss. It’s slow but Namjoon kisses him like he has been starving.

Yoongi drops the watering can to hold onto Namjoon. He grabs his waist tightly and closes his eyes. As their lips slide against each other, Yoongi tastes the salt from Namjoon’s tears and he feels the warmth of him heat his cold body up.

Yoongi’s fingers dance along Namjoon's sides and back to feel every single bit of him. He wants to memorize every curve of Namjoon’s muscles and how they tense when Yoongi runs his tongue along the roof of Namjoon’s mouth. Namjoon’s tears dry as the kiss deepens and it seems like there is no end to it. Namjoon kisses him back like he's trying to melt into Yoongi, to become one with him.

“I still want more,” Namjoon whispers against Yoongi's lips. “I want all of you.”

Yoongi is ready to give Namjoon anything he wants but his skin is starting to heat up unpleasantly. When Yoongi finally looks up, he notices the sky turning to a lighter color beyond the graveyard. He didn’t realize how long they stayed there. The sun rises way too early in the summer. “The sun is rising.”

“Come back to my place,” Namjoon pleads. “Don’t leave me.”

“I have to go,” Yoongi says. He reluctantly lets go of Namjoon.

“Please,” Namjoon whispers. “I have to see you again. Come back tomorrow night.”

“Okay,” Yoongi agrees way too easily.

“I'll be in my apartment when the sun sets.”

“I'll be there,” Yoongi promises. He takes off running before he gets burned. He leaps over the fence and leaves Namjoon behind with the promise that they will see each other again.

🩸🩸🩸

Yoongi managed to get home before he got any burn marks. He heals fast but whenever the sun burns him, it takes weeks to heal from it. He thinks he’s lucky this time and he doesn’t have to hide the scorched skin from Namjoon when he reaches his apartment at sunset.

Namjoon invites him in and there are almost no words exchanged between them before they both latch onto each other. Yoongi spent the whole day thinking about what Namjoon said to him. How much he wants him and how much Namjoon wants him back. He wondered if what Namjoon felt was purely physical but his actions at the graveyard told a different story.

They stumble through Namjoon’s apartment in a choreography that has become familiar to Yoongi. When they reach Namjoon’s bedroom, Yoongi breaks their kiss to pull off Namjoon’s shirt and finally gets his hands on Namjoon’s naked skin. Namjoon shivers when Yoongi's cold hands come into contact with him.

Yoongi connects their lips again and bites on Namjoon’s lower lip. He's careful not to break skin but Namjoon sighs when Yoongi tugs on the lower lip. They fall onto Namjoon’s bed with Yoongi lying on top of him.

[ Adrenalize - In This Moment ]

Yoongi can barely pull himself off Namjoon to ask him, “What do you want?” He doesn’t give Namjoon a chance to reply before he’s back biting his lips.

Namjoon already looks ravished when Yoongi finally gives him a moment to breathe. He draws in heavy breaths but he manages to say, “Fuck me.” His eyes look black in the dim room but despite it Yoongi can see how his cheeks have gotten color to them and his lips are bitten red. He can hear the way Namjoon’s heart beats rapidly and the blood courses through his veins. “Fuck me until I don’t remember my name,” Namjoon says.

Yoongi frowns at the wording but it’s all the incentive Yoongi needs to rip the rest of Namjoon’s clothes off and push him back down on the bed. He wants him too much for him to think about anything else. Namjoon already looks so affected and Yoongi feels no different. He needs to be inside him soon. Yoongi finds the bottle of lube where Namjoon used to keep it and Namjoon watches him cover his fingers in the substance before crawling over him. Yoongi would tease him, maybe make him beg for his fingers, but it’s been too long so with only a few circles to his rim, Yoongi slips the first finger in. Namjoon sighs and lets him in easily enough so Yoongi adds another to scissor him open.

“I need you so bad,” Namjoon says. He groans as Yoongi’s fingers explore deeper.

Yoongi leans over Namjoon to kiss him until Namjoon is out of breath. He trails lower leaving kisses down his jaw and neck, biting but being careful to not cut his skin. Yoongi can feel the way blood rushes in his arteries. It sounds so loud this close to him, the low thrum like a river. He adds a third finger while he moves to Namjoon’s chest. Namjoon writhes underneath him as he sucks more red spots on his chest and rubs his fingers on Namjoon’s prostate.

“Please,” Namjoon says with a strained voice. He arches so beautifully closer to Yoongi, chasing the touch. “Fuck me.”

Namjoon’s wrecked voice goes straight to Yoongi’s dick and he needs it just as bad. With a few more pleas from Namjoon, Yoongi removes his fingers from him and finds the lube again. He quickly rids himself of his pants and underwear revealing his hard throbbing cock. He shivers as he spreads the lube up and down his length. It feels so good to relieve some pressure but it’s not enough. His eyes find Namjoon’s which are fixated on watching his hand move.

“Careful not to drool,” Yoongi says, amused. That snaps Namjoon from his trance and he quickly glances at Yoongi’s eyes before looking away embarrassed. He looks back at him as soon as he settles between his legs though. Yoongi lines himself up and slowly sinks into the heat. He bottoms out with a moan.

Namjoon gasps and grips the bedsheets. “Move,” he rasps.

“Brat. Who gave you permission to talk like that?” Yoongi asks. “I shouldn’t let you come at all for that.”

Fear flashes on Namjoon’s face as he understands his mistake. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to! Please, I’ll be good.” Namjoon pleads.

“Watch your tongue,” is all Yoongi comments before pulling back and bucking his hips back in.

They moan in unison at finally getting what they need. Yoongi gathers Namjoon’s legs in his hands to push them up and reach deeper. Namjoon makes the most beautiful sounds as Yoongi fucks him in a steady rhythm, reaching so deep. It doesn’t take long for Namjoon to show his telltale signs of an impending orgasm, his breath hitching up and heart pounding loudly in Yoongi’s ears.

“Come since you wanted it so bad,” Yoongi urges Namjoon to tip over the edge. He makes sure each thrust hits his sensitive spot which has Namjoon panting. Soon, Namjoon’s body seizes up and he spurts come as Yoongi fucks him through it.

Yoongi feels Namjoon jolt as he tips over to oversensitivity. He grips Namjoon’s thighs tighter, surely leaving bruises, and keeps pistoning his hips. Namjoon feels so tight around him and he keeps mewling incoherently, making Yoongi’s stomach twist hotly. Yoongi is approaching his own release way too soon. He wants to draw it out but there is no way he’ll last like this. He gives in and just chases the high, pounding recklessly, making Namjoon come again and shake with the force of it. It pushes Yoongi over the edge too and he spills inside fucking messily into him until he comes down from the high and he stills.

“Fuck,” Yoongi breathes out. He closes his eyes and just feels it. The air entering his lungs and his diaphragm swelling with it before flowing out. It’s the only time he doesn’t have to consciously think about breathing so for a moment he feels a little more human again. As he opens his eyes he sees Namjoon looking back at him dazed. “Are you okay?” Yoongi asks and pulls out.

Namjoon winces but he nods. “Kiss me,” he whispers in a deep voice.

Yoongi complies and he curls up on his side next to Namjoon before taking his lips. He kisses him with softness that was nowhere to be found earlier and it makes Yoongi feel everything he has tried to push down. “There’s a mess,” Yoongi comments, trying to distract himself.

“Yeah,” Namjoon sighs. He starts to get up but Yoongi stops him.

“Let me,” Yoongi insists and Namjoon leans back again so Yoongi goes to get a towel to wipe him clean.

In Namjoon’s toilet, Yoongi wets a washcloth with warm water. He tries to be fast so that Namjoon doesn’t get cold but he can’t help but feel the weight of everything slowing him down, trying to avoid the inevitable. It was a bad idea to fall into bed without talking first and even a worse idea for Yoongi when he feels all those feelings bubble up again when all he has done these past few months is to bury them.

Yoongi finds Namjoon just as he left him. He’s lying there on his back with his eyes closed. He opens them as Yoongi climbs on the bed and Yoongi just wants to unload everything to him. He wants to tell him how these moments were his favorite and how he fell deeper with every discussion they had. Instead, he keeps his mouth shut. With gentle hands he wipes down Namjoon’s stomach and cleans him up. By the time he’s done, Namjoon has closed his eyes again but he isn’t asleep yet, his breathing still too heavy.

“We should talk,” Yoongi finally says when the silence has stretched out too long.

“I know,” Namjoon replies, “but I’m tired. Can we do it later?”

Yoongi feels relieved that he gets to put this off a little while longer even though he knows talking would be better. “Yeah,” Yoongi agrees. He starts to get up but he feels Namjoon’s hand on his wrist so he turns back to look at him.

“Stay,” Namjoon says, his hold on his wrist loose and twitchy.

It pulls at Yoongi’s still heart. He lets Namjoon pull him back onto his side on the bed and cover them with a blanket.

“Are you cold?” Namjoon looks at him with something unreadable.

“Always.”

Namjoon hesitates but he moves closer and when Yoongi does nothing to stop him, he wraps his arms around him and pulls him flush to his chest. The heat from Namjoon’s body seeps in and he can hear the steady rhythm of his heart pulsing and circulating that warmth. Eventually it slows down as Namjoon falls asleep and Yoongi closes his eyes too. He doesn’t sleep but falls instead deep into thought, where his mind wanders.

🩸🩸🩸

Yoongi has been just listening to Namjoon breathe for an hour or two when Namjoon wakes up. At some point in the night Namjoon had gotten turned around so Yoongi was lying on his side, watching him.

“You're still here,” Namjoon says as he opens his eyes.

“You told me to stay,” Yoongi replies. He hates how his mind goes back to the last time where Namjoon had told him to leave.

“I guess this is where we're supposed to talk,” Namjoon says and sits up.

Yoongi scoots back on the bed too. The moonlight that fills the small room makes Namjoon look like a mirage. His naked skin is painted in the blue light but he radiates life, everything Yoongi lost.

“What are we?” Namjoon asks.

“I don’t know,” Yoongi replies. For a while, Namjoon was dead to him. Something he could never have again.

“Will you come back?” Namjoon asks next.

“Only if you want,” Yoongi says. No matter how much Yoongi wants him, he won't do anything to manipulate Namjoon again.“I’m sorry for hurting you,” Yoongi says again.

“You could keep hurting me in the way we both enjoy,” Namjoon hints.

“You want to keep seeing me?” Hope crops up inside Yoongi. If he just can keep seeing Namjoon, he thinks he’ll be a lot happier, even if all Namjoon wants is a Dom/sub relationship. Yoongi could settle for that as long as he gets to see him.

“You can’t deny how well we fit together sexually so if it’s okay with you, I’d like to keep seeing you,” Namjoon says. “But that's not all. I think I want to learn more about you as a person too. I don’t remember much but I have fragments of you telling me little things about yourself. I’d like to learn more if you just let me.”

Yoongi would carve his dead heart out of his chest if Namjoon asked. He’s morbidly curious if he could actually do it. He shakes off the thought. He won’t let Namjoon slip away again now that he’s inviting him to his life again. “I’d like that a lot.”

🩸🩸🩸

This week, Yoongi has been feeling lighter than he has in years. He got Namjoon back in his life and this time he’s in it for real and not just odd nights here and there that leave Yoongi feeling guilty. Having officially negotiated a Dom/sub relationship makes Yoongi feel better about having kinky sex with Namjoon and it makes him feel secure. He hopes this will be a fulfilling relationship for both of them, even though he wishes they could be lovers too. He'll settle for dates and getting to know each other. He feels like nothing could go wrong tonight until he gets to his door and a red envelope is sticking out of his mail hatch.

Yoongi snatches it out and rips it open to read that he’s being evicted and he has 24 hours to move out. His light mood dissipates like it was never there in the first place. He crushes the paper and tosses it away. He should have kept paying his rent and not fantasize about leaving the city and leaving all the hurt behind.

Taking a look at his apartment just proves how empty his life has been. The apartment came furnished so there is nothing personal about the decoration. The little Yoongi owns is just the necessities to appear like a living person. It makes hopping between cities every year easy.

Back when Yoongi first got turned, he really tried to keep seeing his friends and family. It just became increasingly difficult when he couldn’t go outside during the day and they drifted apart when the constant lies became too tangled. Yoongi tried working graveyard shifts but eventually it became evident that he couldn’t keep his old place. He sold most of his things and moved to a smaller apartment and ever since he hasn’t owned anything that wasn’t necessary.

The city hopping started when Yoongi realized there was nothing for him in his hometown anymore, all his old friends estranged and odd jobs making it difficult to make new ones. It started getting more and more difficult to hide that there was something wrong with him. Every mirror, every request for a group photo, was a threat to expose him. When he couldn’t go outside during the day, the only places open were fast food places and bars. The dark clubs and drunken people made it easy for him to find people to feed on without being discovered. When he felt like too many people started to notice him at one place, he’d move onto the next one. He moved through the shadows and stayed invisible until a handsome face started noticing him and flirting with him consistently.

Yoongi gathers the little he has into a backpack and a duffel bag. Nothing really changed in the apartment from when Yoongi first entered it. Now, he waits until nightfall to close the door behind him to leave it in his past for good. He can get a motel room until he finds some other place to stay. Not paying the rent for several months has left him with enough cash to last him a while.

🩸🩸🩸

The motel Yoongi moves into is in worse condition than his previous apartment. He drops his bag on a chair and looks around. The room has only one bed, a night stand and a chair. The one window looking out to the back of the motel has faded curtains that most likely used to be yellow. He wanders into the bathroom and flicks on the light. He sees bugs scatter to the drains to hide from the light. The lamp has an annoying flicker so Yoongi closes the light again. He won't be going in there unless absolutely necessary.

He gets changed. He dresses up a little and wears the finer clothes he has. Then he combs his hair and brushes his teeth before heading out again.

He had promised Namjoon that he'd visit him again at nightfall but this detour stole precious hours from him. He jogs through the streets to get to Namjoon faster.

“I thought you wouldn't come,” Namjoon says once Yoongi steps into his apartment.

“Sorry, I had to do something first.” Yoongi kicks off his shoes and moves into the apartment.

🩸🩸🩸

Yoongi holds onto Namjoon's waist so tight he knows there will be bruises. The older bruises have turned yellow-green. He meets Namjoon’s hips in brutal thrusts while Namjoon bounces on top of him. Namjoon feels so tight around him and by the sounds of his moans Yoongi can tell it won't take long for Namjoon to come. The sight of his muscled body being jostled up and down on his cock has Yoongi creeping closer to the edge too.

Namjoon leans back and holds onto Yoongi's knees. “Deep,” he slurs.

Yoongi looks up at Namjoon with hooded eyes. He only needs to get Namjoon to come, to feel his tightness, to hear his moans for him to go over the edge and spill into him. “You look gorgeous like this,” Yoongi praises. He has to gasp in a breath when Namjoon’s cock twitches, spilling more pre down his shaft and Namjoon clenches. “Come. I want to see you come.”

Like on command Namjoon grunts and whines, coming around Yoongi. It makes Yoongi pull Namjoon’s hips flush against his and cum deep, his dick twitching. For a moment he takes in deep breaths before his breathing calms down. He helps Namjoon gently lie down on top of him. The heat of his body engulfs him and Yoongi listens to the rapid rush of blood.

He runs his palm over Namjoon’s back. “Are you up for a shower?”

“Yeah,” Namjoon mumbles into Yoongi's neck.

Yoongi maneuvers them up and off the bed. He carries Namjoon still wrapped around him in a koala hug out of the bedroom and to the shower. When he lets Namjoon down there is a fresh blush dusting Namjoon’s cheeks. Yoongi turns the water on and steps into the warm heat with Namjoon. Yoongi is guilty of taking long hot showers more frequently than he should but feeling the warm water wash over him feels strangely comforting.

This time Yoongi doesn't have to seek comfort from the water. He rises to the balls of his feet to shampoo Namjoon’s hair and massage his scalp. Namjoon has that dazed look on him that says he's quite not back here yet. With deft fingers, Yoongi soaps Namjoon up and washes him while massaging his sore muscles. Namjoon is clingy and keeps touching him back, running his hands everywhere.

Yoongi quickly washes up after Namjoon and they change the sheets together. By the time they are back under the covers, Namjoon is much more talkative but he still takes every opportunity to touch him. His hair still wet, lying on his side, Yoongi looks across at Namjoon.

“Are there other vampires?” Namjoon asks. His hand is under the blanket holding onto Yoongi's waist.

“Yes,” Yoongi replies.

“You seem so lonely. You’re not in contact with them.” Namjoon says.

“They are awful people and difficult to find. The only way to do so is to pass them on the street and not hear their pulse. I wouldn't want to find them anyway.”

“I feel lonely too,” Namjoon says, ignoring Yoongi’s attempt to divert the topic. “Even when there are people around me, I feel like an outsider, like I don’t belong. I only have one true friend in addition to you.”

Yoongi wonders what went wrong in Namjoon's life for him to end up with an abusive vampire as one of his only two friends. “I'm an outsider everywhere I go. I shouldn’t even be alive.”

“You are not an outsider here. And I'm glad you're here with me.” Namjoon says. The way he says it feels so childlike and trusting that Yoongi has a hard time not believing him. For a moment, he feels like he truly belongs in Namjoon's bed. “How did you die?” Namjoon asks, carefully looking back at Yoongi, ready to retract his question.

“I was out one night,” Yoongi starts. “It was the 80s. I met this really handsome and stunning man and I couldn’t resist him. He offered to take me home but we barely made it out of the bar when he bit me. I should have died there on the street but I didn't. By some twisted miracle, I came back to consciousness and…” Yoongi tails off. He doesn't want to think about the months after he was turned. “Then I became this.”

“It’s not much different from how we met. Only you didn’t try to kill me.” Namjoon points out.

“Turns out the easiest way to seduce people forty years later is still dark and dingy bars,” Yoongi says sarcastically.

Namjoon scrunches his eyebrows together in a thoughtful frown. “How old are you?”

“Does it matter?” Yoongi asks. He is not fond of thinking about how much older he is than Namjoon. Not that the life he has lived can really be called living.

“I never thought of it that way,” Namjoon says, “but I guess I'm curious.”

“I was born in 1963,” Yoongi answers. “How old does that make me?”

“Fifty-eight or nine,” Namjoon says, counting in his head quickly.

“Fifty-nine,” Yoongi confirms. “My birthday is in March.”

“Happy late birthday,” Namjoon says and smiles.

Yoongi smiles back. “It was months ago,” he protests.

“I can't believe I'm dating a sixty-year-old grandpa,” Namjoon exclaims mischievously. “Can I still say I bagged myself a DILF even though you're so old?”

“A what?” Yoongi asks with amused confusion.

“Daddy I'd Like to Fuck,” Namjoon says.

“I swear if you call me daddy again I will end our relationship right there,” Yoongi laughs. It feels good to laugh. He's been doing more of that as of late.

“It’s good that I prefer being a toy for my Master then,” Namjoon says.

“Shut up,” Yoongi says and kisses Namjoon to make him, “I'm not going to fuck you again. You need to sleep before work.”

Namjoon reluctantly agrees and shifts to settle down. He closes his eyes and says goodnight and Yoongi stays watching him for a while longer. When Namjoon’s breathing slows down and Yoongi is sure Namjoon is fast asleep he quietly puts on his clothes and slips out of the apartment.

🩸🩸🩸

The days in the motel feel long when Yoongi's sights are only on meeting Namjoon again when the sun sets and gives way to the moon that's currently shining brightly from the clear night sky. He bought a packet of cigarettes to have an excuse to linger on the second floor corridor outside and wait for an unsuspecting person to pass him by. He won't be seeing Namjoon tonight so that he can feed and Namjoon gets to have a break from him. It's not like they have fucked every night. Yoongi has found himself enjoying peaceful nights at Namjoon’s apartment or when they have gone out to sit at a quiet bar on a weekday.

Yoongi inhales the warm smoke into his dead lungs. It has no effect on him. It doesn’t come with coughing or lightheadedness. There is no rush of feel-good hormones. No black tar will collect in his lungs until he drowns. The smoke only reminds him of the old times and it leaves him feeling bitter.

Yoongi hears footsteps long before the person shows up on the second floor. Stumping out his cigarette, Yoongi turns to the person. “I'm sorry to bother you,” Yoongi says and has their attention immediately. “I lost my keys and I was wondering if I could borrow your phone to call the reception.”

The person looks kind and they turn out to be helpful. “I think somebody was down there. You can just go ask.”

“Oh okay. Thank you.” Yoongi says and smiles a close lipped smile. As the person looks back at Yoongi, he focuses on the connection and slips in a suggestion. “You’re really kind. I'm a little lonely and could use some company.”

The suggestion takes effect and the person replies, “Would you like to come in? I might have a bottle of wine to share.”

“I'd love that,” Yoongi says.

They move into the motel room and the person doesn’t even have time to set down their bag before Yoongi sinks his teeth into their neck. When he leaves the room, he feels nauseous. He tries his best to ignore it and lay down for a while.

🩸🩸🩸

“Do you still want to do what we talked about?”

“Yes,” Namjoon says. “I want to do it.”

“Then I'll be Master tonight. Tell me your safeword.” Yoongi says.

Namjoon talks over the traffic light system they have in use and Yoongi is satisfied with the reply. Their scene can start.

Yoongi orders Namjoon to undress in front of him and Namjoon complies. He starts off with his shirt and moves on to his pants. Yoongi lets his eyes linger on the revealed skin and he wants to touch him already. He holds back though, waiting to drag this out. There will be time to touch him everywhere later. Namjoon discards his boxes as the last item, leaving him completely exposed to Yoongi.

“Follow me,” Yoongi says and walks over to Namjoon’s bedroom.

He opens the drawer that holds Namjoon’s toys. First, he picks out two bundles of rope and places them on the bed. He chooses a slim dildo and places it next to the ropes. Then he takes out a cock ring and turns to face Namjoon. He's pleased to see Namjoon standing obediently next to him. He monitors Namjoon’s expressions as he takes his cock in his hand and slips the ring on. Namjoon sucks in a breath when Yoongi begins to stroke Namjoon into hardness. Yoongi glances at the alarm clock by the bed and memorizes the time.

Yoongi asks him, “What is your role tonight?”

Namjoon hesitates a moment before answering, “I am your toy, Master.”

“Good,” Yoongi says. He decides to reward him by getting down on his knees. “Don’t move a muscle.”

Yoongi can hear Namjoon's heart rate picking up. He licks up Namjoon’s cock and lets his canines graze the vein. Namjoon shudders and Yoongi takes the opportunity to take the cock in his mouth. 

Namjoon breathes in sharply at first and then bites his lip to keep from making a noise. Yoongi bobs his head up and down while stroking the base with his hand. Namjoon does well and he doesn’t move or make any noises even though it's clearly hard for him. Once Namjoon is fully hard, Yoongi swirls his tongue around the tip before he pulls off and stands up. Namjoon breathes in a muffled whine.

“You're so well behaved, my pretty toy,” Yoongi praises.

“Thank you, Master,” Namjoon says.

“Get on the bed,” Yoongi orders, “On your back.”

Namjoon follows the order and lays down. Yoongi picks up the first bundle of rope and goes to the side of the bed. He takes Namjoon’s hand and with practiced fingers he ties Namjoon’s wrist to the headboard. He rounds the bed and picks up the second rope to tie Namjoon’s other arm.

“Color?” Yoongi asks.

“Green,” Namjoon replies.

“Are the ropes okay?”

Namjoon tugs a little and nods. “They are.”

With the confirmation, Yoongi undresses himself quickly. As much as he wants to drag this out, he really wants to touch Namjoon and he can’t keep the ring on Namjoon forever. He sees Namjoon watch him so he deliberately snakes his hand down his stomach and strokes himself a few times bringing him to full hardness too.

Yoongi takes out a bottle of lube and climbs on the bed. He pries Namjoon's legs open and sits between them. He wets his fingers, makes a show of it and relishes in the way Namjoon is fixated on everything he does. Instead of touching Namjoon, he brings the fingers behind him and pushes two fingers into his own hole. There is a flash of disappointment on Namjoon’s face.

[ Desire - Meg Myers ]

“What? Did my toy think it would be touched?” Yoongi says with the most mocking voice he can muster.

Namjoon hesitates to answer, clearly debating if it’s meant to be a rhetorical question or not. In the end, Namjoon only bites his lip.

“That's what I thought,” Yoongi says, “toys don't think.”

He has to hold back a moan when his fingers reach his prostate. He's so tight but the burn isn't too bad so he adds a third finger. He rocks his hips in time with his fingers and doesn't break eye contact with Namjoon. After a few stifled moans, he finally lets himself sigh contently. He wants Namjoon to know exactly what he's missing.

He spends only minutes opening himself, glancing at the alarm clock and deeming the time is better spent fucking Namjoon. The pain isn’t bad anyway and it will soon turn to pure pleasure. He pulls the fingers out and takes the bottle of lube in his hand. He squirts it straight on top of Namjoon’s hard on and Namjoon hisses. He squirms when Yoongi spreads it around and breathes heavily.

“I'm going to use you,” Yoongi says and crawls on top of Namjoon, “I don't care about your pleasure,” he takes Namjoon's cock in his hand and lines it up, “I'll fuck you until I'm satisfied.”

Yoongi sinks down on Namjoon’s cock. Namjoon moans loudly and Yoongi can feel Namjoon’s thick length pulse inside of him. Namjoon isn't too long but he's thick and it burns a little but it feels incredible to be connected like this, Yoongi's ass flush against Namjoon's hips. Yoongi doesn’t waste time and starts rolling his hips slowly. The drag is torturous but it hits all the right places and Yoongi lets out a low moan.

Yoongi picks up his pace and starts bouncing up and down. Namjoon lets small moans and gasps out each time Yoongi brings his hips down and it sounds beautiful to Yoongi’s ears. The burn subsides and Yoongi manages to angle his hips so that Namjoon’s cock brushes against his prostate on each bounce. It makes him want to fuck himself down even harder and lift completely off at the same time, the feeling so intense. He feels Namjoon twitch inside of him and he notices how tightly Namjoon holds onto the knots he tied Namjoon’s hands in. His heart is beating wildly.

“That's it,” Yoongi says, “You can’t come. No matter how much you want.”

Namjoon whines and he shakes underneath him. Yoongi loves how Namjoon lets himself be used, not able to get off himself. Yoongi slows down his pace and glances at the clock. He brings his hips to a halt.

“What is your color?” Yoongi asks.

Namjoon breathes heavily, scrunching his eyes shut. When he opens them, they are clouded with tears. “I'm green,” Namjoon says when he has calmed down enough to talk. “We can keep going.”

Yoongi lifts off only to turn around and sit back down. He covers his fingers in lube and starts circling Namjoon’s rim while he grinds his hips deeply.

“Fuck,” Namjoon curses. Yoongi inserts a finger and starts fucking it in and out to the rhythm of his hips. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Namjoon chants. He moans when Yoongi inserts another finger right after.

Namjoon opens up nicely for him and Yoongi starts bouncing up and down again but he keeps it deliberately slow. He's aching himself and desperate to touch his cock but he wants Namjoon to be overwhelmed with sensations. He wants to see Namjoon cry because of him. He wants Namjoon to feel the euphoria that comes with it.

Once Namjoon is stretched enough, Yoongi stops. He wets the dildo and slowly inserts it while watching Namjoon carefully. Namjoon breathes in and moans. He checks the time and sees there is enough time to try and get Namjoon close to the climax again.

Yoongi starts bouncing with more force than before. He supports one hand on Namjoon’s thigh while the other works the dildo in and out of Namjoon. He focuses on the heat radiating off Namjoon and the rush of his blood and he feels so close to Namjoon he can imagine that they are both alive and breathing with the same lungs.

Yoongi feels Namjoon trash underneath him and Namjoon cries out. Namjoon pulses and twitches inside of him, he bucks his hips up but Yoongi pushes him down again, not stopping no matter how much Namjoon wants to come. He too wants to come badly but he's never been able to come untouched. He slows down again, pulling off Namjoon entirely but leaving the dildo in so that it presses against Namjoon's sweet spot.

As Yoongi turns to look at Namjoon, his cheeks are streaked with tears and his eyes are glassy. He lets the orgasm wash away while listening to Namjoon’s sniffles. He takes off the ring carefully, avoiding stimulating Namjoon as much as he can.

“Color?” Yoongi asks again.

Namjoon takes a couple of deep breaths. “Yellow,” Namjoon says.

“What do you need?” Yoongi asks, instantly alert.

“A moment,” Namjoon says. He breathes heavily and closes his eyes. “Give me a moment.”

“Do you want the dildo out?” Yoongi asks. Namjoon tells him he doesn't. “What about the ties? Do you want them off?”

“No,” Namjoon says simply and shakes his head weakly.

Yoongi sits and waits. He lets Namjoon breathe and come back to him when he's ready. The only sounds in the bedroom are Namjoon’s breathing and heartbeat.

When Namjoon’s heartbeat has calmed down a little, he says, “We can continue.”

“Are you sure?” Yoongi asks and shifts to look at Namjoon better.

“Yes. Don’t edge me again. I think I will die.” Namjoon says.

“Okay.” Yoongi smiles softly and then kisses Namjoon's cheek. He slips back into his role. Yoongi comes to sit between Namjoon’s legs and he leans over him, placing his hands on either side of Namjoon’s head. Namjoon’s eyes are wide and they flick between Yoongi’s. “My toy hasn’t satisfied me yet,” Yoongi states, bringing them back into the scene. “Do you think that’s acceptable?”

“No, Master,” Namjoon says.

Yoongi grabs Namjoon’s chin and pries his mouth open. He lets spit drip down into Namjoons mouth before he lets go. “Swallow.”

Namjoon swallows it. Yoongi lifts his eyebrow expectantly and Namjoon rushes to say, “Thank you, Master.”

“Would you look at that, it has manners,” Yoongi mocks and Namjoon flushes even more than he already is.

Yoongi eases out the dildo and Namjoon whines but it’s soon replaced with Yoongi’s lubed up cock. Yoongi doesn’t waste time teasing or building up his speed. He only chases his own orgasm and Namjoon moans in short gasps underneath him.

It takes no time for Namjoon to come. He tightens up around Yoongi so deliciously he comes too. He watches Namjoon's cock twitch and spill for a long time, the pool of white on his stomach widening. He's beautiful like this, his body at Yoongi's mercy, surrendering his pleasure to him.

Yoongi is careful in his movements as he pulls out and brushes a hair strand off Namjoon’s face. Yoongi murmurs praises to him as he unties him and cleans up the worst of the mess. Namjoon keeps his eyes closed and his breathing is heavy.

“Will you kiss me?” Namjoon asks weakly, still not opening his eyes.

Yoongi does so, leaning over Namjoon and kissing him softly on his lips. Namjoon only opens his eyes enough to pull Yoongi against him into a hug.

“Let's stay like this,” Namjoon says, “We don't have to be anywhere or do anything.”

Yoongi lets Namjoon hold him and he even closes his eyes to fall into a trance to the rhythm of Namjoon’s body. The familiar sounds of his breathing and heartbeat make up melodies Yoongi has grown attached to. Yoongi is warm and satiated and everything feels a little bit lighter, like he could breathe without having to think about it. He knows Namjoon needs this too. He needs the assurance that Yoongi is really there for him and not just to beat him and leave.

After a while, they have gathered enough strength to get out of the bed and shower. When they are under fresh sheets, Yoongi asks Namjoon, “Do you want to talk about that safe word?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Namjoon assures, always thinking about Yoongi first. “It all felt so overwhelming in the moment that I had to pause and figure out how I was feeling. I just had to catch my breath.”

Yoongi takes Namjoon’s hand in his and squeezes it. “It’s good that you did.”

“You always check on me when I need it,” Namjoon says, “but I will tell you if I want to stop even if you don't ask.”

“What about the scene? Was it too much? Should I tone it down?” Yoongi asks next.

“I think it was just right. I don't think I've ever come so hard.” Namjoon says a little playfully before he grows serious again. “I think that’s my limit. We shouldn't go past that and I don’t want to go there every time. It's a lot.”

Yoongi nods.

“Was it good for you?” Namjoon asks.

“It was. You’re perfect.” Yoongi affirms. “I really just want you to feel good and I'm grateful that you trust me to do that.”

Namjoon yawns. “Sorry,” he says, “I do trust you. Is there anything else that bothers you?”

“No, I just wanted to make sure you are okay. You’re clearly tired.”

“Do you want to,” Namjoon says with hesitation, “stay the night? It's just that you always leave and it's okay but I would like for you to stay longer.”

“You understand that if I stay the night I have to stay the day too? I can't go out after sunrise.” Yoongi says. It's an excuse but it’s a valid one.

“You don’t have to if you don't want to,” Namjoon says, a little defeated. He whispers, “I would like to have breakfast with you.”

Yoongi gives in. It feels like a big step in their relationship but Yoongi doesn't dare to hope that Namjoon feels the same butterflies he does. “I'll stay.”

Namjoon smiles and gets comfortable. He pulls Yoongi in and falls asleep just like that. In the dead of night, Yoongi takes the time to observe Namjoon and think about what he's feeling. This thing he has with Namjoon feels so much more than an exclusively BDSM relationship. He knows he fell for Namjoon somewhere in those dark nights where they stayed in bed and talked in the afterglow. He has no idea what Namjoon feels for him. He has made it clear that they are friends and that they are dating but where does Yoongi actually fall on the scale of a friend and a lover?

🩸🩸🩸

“Morning,” Yoongi says, breaking the silence. He can’t help but feel anxious now that it’s morning and Namjoon is awake.

“Morning,” Namjoon replies and before Yoongi gets to say anything else he adds, “I’m hungry. Let's get breakfast.”

Yoongi agrees and they get up and find clothes, Yoongi slipping into his pants from yesterday and Namjoon finding a fresh tee and sweatpants. As he finds his shirt, he tries to think of anything to say to Namjoon, how he should absolutely not tell him about his feelings.

“Do you eat anything?” Namjoon asks but he leaves the obvious out.

“I don’t have to. Sometimes I eat just for the taste.” Yoongi explains. He quickly figured normal food didn’t give him any energy or take away his hunger. Some things still taste nice but he’s found that his taste has changed too.

“I have eggs and bacon if you want to eat that,” Namjoon suggests as they move to Namjoon’s kitchen.

Yoongi hasn’t taken a good look at the kitchen before but now looking at it, it is bare and looks like Namjoon rarely cooks here. “If you have coffee, I’d like a cup,” Yoongi declines.

It’s uncomfortable as Namjoon makes coffee and breakfast. Yoongi doesn’t remember when was the last time he had experienced something so normal like eating breakfast with another person. He just sits there and waits, watches Namjoon load the coffee machine and turn on the stove.

“Will you open the curtains?” Yoongi asks just to say something and it is kind of dark and depressing in the small kitchen.

“Won’t that hurt you?” Namjoon turns to look at him.

“Not unless it’s direct sunlight. It’s not like the movies.”

Namjoon opens the curtain to let in the light. The sun is already high and it doesn’t shine directly at this window. “What is it like?” Namjoon asks as he plates his bacon and eggs and pours two mugs of coffee.

“It burns. I get blisters in direct sunlight, a little bit like putting your hand in boiling water.” Namjoon winces at the comparison. It doesn’t hurt as bad as Yoongi made it seem. He doesn’t feel pain like he used to. It’s a more distant dull ache now when something like that would have left him gasping for breath before. It seems like the longer he's been dead the less he feels. Only his hunger makes him feel things. “My eyes are sensitive to bright lights and I don’t see well during the day without sunglasses.”

Namjoon finishes chewing the bacon before he replies, “It must be difficult.”

Yoongi wants to say that he's adapted, that he manages fine now but the truth is that even after decades, he hasn’t gotten used to his changed body. “It is,” Yoongi ends up admitting. “I can see really well in the dark though and I don’t feel pain as intensely as I used to.” Yoongi doesn’t know why he finds opening up about it to Namjoon easy. Maybe it's the way Namjoon listens. Maybe Yoongi has just spent too long trying to hide it that finally the dam is breaking.

“What about the-” Namjoon pauses, tries to find words, “memory erasing?”

So, the conversation has come to that now. Yoongi buys himself some time by drinking coffee. It tastes bitter but the familiarity makes it better. “It’s a venom that causes amnesia after I bite someone.” It is the best explanation Yoongi can give.

“Does that happen every time you bite?” Namjoon asks. He stopped eating the eggs left on his plate.

“No, I control it.”

“Then did you stop doing it at some point? Why do I remember?” Namjoon speaks slowly, like it’s painful for him. Yoongi hates himself for being the cause of that.

“I gave you the venom every time I bit you.” Yoongi’s eyes wander to Namjoon’s neck. He can still see the faint scars of his bites. “I don’t know why it stopped working.”

Yoongi can feel Namjoon’s heart rate pick up the more he talks. “Would you have ever stopped if it had kept working?”

Yoongi wants to say yes, the lie at the tip of his tongue but he knows that he has lied more than enough to Namjoon and more lies won’t help fix what he has broken. They need to have this conversation if Yoongi wants to be invited for breakfast again, If he wants to have Namjoon’s trust again. “No. I would have kept you from remembering me. But I want to believe that I would have left you alone eventually. I really am sorry for what I did and it shouldn’t have lasted as long as it did.” Every time Yoongi came home from Namjoon’s he swore to himself that it would be the last time but every time he found himself weak and gave in to his desires. Honestly, Yoongi was weak and a coward. He didn’t have to feed on him every time but he chose to make him forget out of fear.

Namjoon doesn’t say anything. He pushes the eggs back and forth, clearly having lost his appetite. Eventually, he sets the fork down and says, “I want to forgive you. I’m not sure if I can.” The last sentence is quiet and strained and so raw with emotion that Yoongi starts to believe maybe there is more to it than just him.

“That's fair,” Yoongi says even though it hurts. The person he's fallen in love with resents him and for a good reason.

“So, when you bite someone,” Namjoon starts, “How does it happen?”

It's a personal question but Yoongi forgives Namjoon for asking it. It makes sense for him to be curious but Yoongi isn't sure if he wants to reveal Namjoon that monstrous part of him. But he wants Namjoon to know him wholly so he decides to be honest. “When I bite someone, I have to puncture the skin somewhere with a big artery. A flesh wound will close too quickly. I have some kind of other venom that makes the bite feel good after a while. That prevents them from running away.”

Them, his victims. Yoongi feels the coffee churning in his stomach. It was easier to see them as means to an end when he didn’t feel a slightest bit human. Now he has spent enough time with Namjoon that it’s getting harder and harder to distance himself. Somehow, Namjoon makes him more human. Explaining this to Namjoon makes him feel awful. His body is designed to kill. Every single function serves a purpose to make him an apex predator. Someone to be afraid of. Someone not human.

“You did that to me,” Namjoon states and lifts his hand to his neck.

“I do it to keep myself from killing,” Yoongi says factually. “I should have left it at one time.”

“Why? You said it feels good.” Namjoon asks rather innocently.

“Because it's still violence even if it feels good. Nothing about me is meant for pleasure. I'm meant to kill.” Yoongi says. His voice is strained and he doesn’t know why he's so determined to push Namjoon away.

“You should have asked for my consent. You've slapped me, edged me until I've felt nothing but pain and done all sorts of humiliating things to me. But it was all okay because we agreed to it. You should have known better.” Namjoon says firmly.

Namjoon is right. Yoongi should have asked but at the same time he knows he couldn’t have. There is no way he could ask someone if he could bite them and drink their blood and make them addicted to it. It’s the same as asking for consent to inject heroin in their veins.

The moment stretches until Namjoon asks quietly, “Have you killed someone?”

The tone of Namjoon's voice tells him he already knows the answer. Regardless, Yoongi replies, “I have.” It's not a time he wants to remember but it’s essential for him to not forget.

“I suppose I don’t want to know,” Namjoon says.

“No,” Yoongi agrees, “But it was decades ago. I haven't killed anyone since.”

“Can you promise you won’t kill anyone again?” Namjoon asks.

Yoongi doesn’t know why Namjoon even bothers. There is no way for him to know if he will kill again. But it's a promise he made to himself long ago and he can make it again for Namjoon. “I promise.”

“And you won’t bite me without asking first,” Namjoon says.

“I won’t bite you,” Yoongi says with finality.

“I'm not hungry anymore,” Namjoon says and gets up. He throws away the leftover bacon and eggs he had. Wordlessly, he picks up the empty coffee mug and puts it in the dishwasher.

“Nothing like unloading all your personal baggage for breakfast,” Yoongi grumbles.

“Do you want to do normal people things? We can’t go out but we could, I don’t know, watch the tv?” Namjoon says.

“You don’t have a television,” Yoongi points out.

“I have a laptop.”

Not having a tv in his apartment, Yoongi has only watched the tv in sports bars. Which means he's only seen football for the past couple of years he's lived in this city. He finds himself curious about watching television with Namjoon.

🩸🩸🩸

Spending days at Namjoon’s apartment becomes more common after that. Whenever Namjoon doesn’t go to the studio, Yoongi stays the day. He loves to hear how well Namjoon’s newest album was received and how it has brought new opportunities for him, like the show Yoongi accidentally attended.

He has another show at a different club and asks Yoongi to attend. Yoongi is reluctant to do so when he remembers how harsh the lyrics were.

“I want to but,” Yoongi starts.

“But?” Namjoon encourages him to continue even when he looks hurt at the pending rejection.

“Your lyrics,” Yoongi manages to say, “Are they about me?”

Namjoon cringes. “Well, yeah. I was sad and angry at you but mostly just sad. I don’t truly mean any of it, I exaggerated a lot and drew inspiration from what happened. I'm sorry if you felt attacked. It wasn't my intention.”

Yoongi smiles, then chuckles. “You really put me in my place in those songs.”

“If you want to put me in my place though…” Namjoon says flirtatiously.

“I might just have the thing for that,” Yoongi says as the scene starts to form in his head. It’s something Namjoon said he wants to do but they haven't done yet in a scene.

🩸🩸🩸

Namjoon transforms almost into someone else when he steps on the stage. It’s still him at the core but his charm and confidence are on another level. He has the audience eating straight out of his palm.

This time Yoongi can enjoy the music and how Namjoon’s rap flows without worrying. This time he notices the nuances in the lyrics and how not everything is about him. Namjoon is angry but it’s at many other things in addition to him.

New to the rap scene, Yoongi looks around the audience. He mimics them when they wave their hands to the beat. He wishes he knew the song well enough to sing with the crowd when they join Namjoon in the chorus of his single. Yoongi watches in awe. Namjoon truly is amazing at what he does.

When the gig ends Yoongi meets him at the bar. Namjoon whispers to him and brings him behind the stage so that they are shielded from the eyes of the curious and Yoongi gets to kiss him feverishly.

“You were amazing on stage,” Yoongi compliments. He presses their lips together again.

“I always wanted to see my boyfriend in the audience,” Namjoon says when they break apart for him to breathe. Yoongi pauses, looks Namjoon in the eyes not quite taking in what he said. Namjoon, too, notices what he let slip. “I mean,” he quickly adds, “if you want to be my boyfriend.”

Something akin to joy moves inside Yoongi. Did his heart move? “I'd like that a lot.”

Namjoon gives him a relieved smile and kisses him again. Yoongi licks Namjoon’s lips and pries them open with his tongue. He deepens the kiss. They keep making out in the shadows of the backstage for what feels like hours but only minutes at the same time.

🩸🩸🩸

Yoongi pushes Namjoon down to sit on the bed. He traces Namjoon’s abs with his palms and slides his hands down to pull Namjoon’s shirt up and off him. “I'm going to spank you and I'm going to choke you. How does that sound?”

“Good. I want that.” Namjoon says.

He pushes Namjoon again to make him lie down and slides his palms up Namjoon’s strong thighs. He opens Namjoon’s belt and unbuttons his jeans to pull them off. “How hard do you want it?”

“I don't want to be able to sit tomorrow. Go easy on the choking.” Namjoon explains. “Like we tried earlier.”

“Okay,” Yoongi confirms. He leans down to kiss Namjoon sweetly, to let him know that he is in loving hands. “Is there anything else I should know?”

“No. I'm ready.” Namjoon confirms.

Yoongi pulls off the rest of Namjoon’s clothing. He reaches into his pocket to pull out a thin black ribbon. “Do you want to wear a collar? I'd like it if you wore it.” Yoongi never feels insecure when he's domming but this question makes him nervous. Even though Namjoon has been his submissive for a while now and even though they are officially boyfriends, he feels vulnerable while offering the collar for him.

“I'd like that a lot too,” Namjoon says and Yoongi pulls him back up to sit at the edge of the bed. “What does this mean for you?”

Yoongi carefully wraps the ribbon around Namjoon’s neck and clasps it. It fits snugly but there is enough space for it to move around and it will snap easily if there ever is an emergency. The thin stripe of black on otherwize completely naked Namjoon looks perfect on him. “It means that you trust me enough to let me hurt you and give you the high that comes with it. It means that you are mine to take care of and make sure you're safe. You’re mine.”

Namjoon nods. “My pleasure and pain are yours.”

Yoongi kisses Namjoon again, pressing their lips together in a searing kiss, claiming him. The thought of claiming Namjoon to himself, even if symbolic, feels amazing. He kisses the corner of Namjoon’s mouth, his cheek, trailing kisses until his lips suck on Namjoon’s earlobe and he whispers, “I have to show you where you belong.”

When Yoongi pulls back he sees Namjoon has closed his eyes. He opens them and looks up at Yoongi who is looming over him. “You are the hottest man I've ever met,” he says with a raspy tone.

Yoongi stands up to his full height and looks down at Namjoon. He runs his palm down Namjoon’s cheek and rubs his thumb back and forth. He loves the adoring look Namjoon has, ready to accept everything Yoongi will give him. “Get on my lap.”

Yoongi sits down on the bed and Namjoon lays himself across Yoongi’s thighs. Yoongi pets Namjoon’s back, letting him get comfortable first before suddenly slapping his ass, catching him off guard. Namjoon winces and lets out a small cry more of surprise than of pain. Yoongi massages the spot where he hit first and hits him again with more force this time. He watches Namjoon’s muscles flex on impact and relax again. He can hear his heartbeat pick up.

Yoongi continues altering between massaging and spanking, never spending too long on the former. He strikes Namjoon on one cheek and then the other. The globes of his ass bloom beautifully, slightly red from the abuse. Namjoon moans when Yoongi roughly squeezes his ass. He deems it good enough for now and lifts him off his lap and back onto the bed.

“Hands and knees,” Yoongi instructs.

Namjoon obediently does as he's told while Yoongi goes over to Namjoon’s drawer to pull out a paddle. He takes out the lube from the nightstand too and makes sure Namjoon sees them both before hiding them behind his back, holding them in both of his hands.

“Which hand?” Yoongi asks Namjoon. The hesitation in Namjoon's eyes is delicious.

“Left,” Namjoon says with uncertainty.

Yoongi lets go of the paddle from his right hand, leaving it in his left and shows it to Namjoon. He smirks. “Too bad.”

Yoongi tosses the bottle of lube right in front of Namjoon as a reminder of what could have been but in reality was never an option. Yoongi moves behind Namjoon and makes him spread his knees wider. Namjoon’s hard and leaking cock dangles uselessly between his legs.

Yoongi lightly taps Namjoon’s cheek with the paddle and Namjoon flinches. As soon as he relaxes again, Yoongi hits him hard. Namjoon hisses as the sound of the impact echoes in the room. Yoongi hits him right away again on his other cheek. Namjoon’s ass ripples with the hit and the paddle leaves angry red marks on Namjoon’s skin. Yoongi gets into a flow with each strike, hitting with precision each time. He loves this feeling of knowing where to hit Namjoon and how hard, knowing Namjoon loves this as much as him, maybe even more.

As Yoongi keeps hitting Namjoon, Namjoon’s cries grow louder. He moves his hips away from Yoongi to try and escape but when Yoongi asks him for a color, he says it is green. Briefly Yoongi wonders if Namjoon would be willing to find his limit for impact play. Yoongi is curious to find it but it will have to be a discussion for another day.

Yoongi pulls Namjoon’s hips back to him and strikes him a couple more times until he is sure Namjoon will still feel this tomorrow. Namjoon’s ass and parts of his thighs are blooming red and droplets of precome pool on the sheet underneath him when Yoongi puts the paddle away.

Yoongi rubs the sore spots carefully and kisses the small of Namjoon’s back. “You did so well baby. I'll give you a reward for it and you get to come.”

“Thank you, Master,” Namjoon says. His hands are shaking with the effort to keep himself up.

Yoongi presses his palm between Namjoon’s shoulder blades and takes hold of Namjoon’s neck with the other. He presses him down and doesn't have to use any force as Namjoon molds to his will and lowers himself on his elbows, his head resting on a pillow. He grabs the lube from the bed. Yoongi feels Namjoon shiver as he moves his hands down his sides to his hips.

Yoongi parts Namjoon’s cheeks to reveal his hole. He spits on it and Namjoon clenches. “You can come as long as you are in this position. If I decide I've had enough and move you on your back, you’re not allowed to come anymore and I have to punish you if you do.”

“Yes, Master,” Namjoon says, “Thank you, Master.”

Yoongi leans down and licks a stripe over Namjoon’s hole. Namjoon sighs and moans as Yoongi licks his rim, finally entering his tongue and fucking him with it. Namjoon makes the most beautiful sounds while Yoongi alternates between fucking his tongue in and licking him in long stripes. When Namjoon’s rim gives way, Yoongi adds in a lubed finger to stretch him out and to reach for his prostate.

Yoongi loves making Namjoon feel like this. He hears how Namjoon’s body thrums, his heartbeat and breaths louder by the second. Yoongi focuses on rubbing Namjoon’s sweet spot to push Namjoon over the edge and Namjoon comes. His hole pulses and he shakes when he stops coming so Yoongi takes his fingers out and flips Namjoon around.

Yoongi strokes Namjoon's sides and brushes his nipple with his thumb. He brings his palm to Namjoon’s cheek and presses his thumb on Namjoon's lips. He takes it into his mouth and sucks. “You are the perfect plaything for me,” Yoongi compliments.

Yoongi pulls his thumb off with a pop. He gets off the bed to undress and finally wraps his hand around where he has been tenting in his pants. As much as he tried to push his need aside, he still feels it loud and urgent. Watching Namjoon writhing in pain and pleasure made him throb.

Yoongi pulls Namjoon down the bed by his legs and climbs up to straddle his chest. He gathers Namjoon’s arms in his hands and pulls them up and pins them down over Namjoon’s head. With his other hand, he jerks himself off.

Namjoon looks up at him expectantly. “Please.”

“Open up,” Yoongi tells him.

Namjoon opens his mouth and sticks out his tongue. Yoongi takes a moment to rub his tip around his plump lips and on his tongue. It feels good but it’s nothing compared to the feeling of sinking into the wet heat. Namjoon sucks and swirls his tongue around him and it makes him moan.

Yoongi starts rocking his hips slowly and shallowly feeding Namjoon a little bit more of his length each time. Namjoon looks so sinful with his lips wrapped around him and his eyes focused on him. When his cock hits the back of Namjoon’s throat, he gags. Yoongi pulls back but he tightens his hold around Namjoon’s wrists to keep him in place and fucks back into his mouth.

The thought of coming down Namjoon’s throat makes him groan and he gasps when Namjoon sucks on his tip. He has to pull out and gather himself back together. He still wants to fuck Namjoon even though he likes the idea of seeing Namjoon’s face covered in his cum.

Reluctantly, Yoongi lets Namjoon’s hands go and he climbs off him to sit in between his legs instead. To his delight, Namjoon is already chubbing back up. He loves the way Namjoon shudders when he wraps his hand around him and strokes him back to full hardness.

“You love sucking my cock that much?” Yoongi says with a mocking tone. “Tell me how much you like it.”

“Love your cock,” Namjoon moans, “Love having you in me.”

Yoongi can tell how much Namjoon really means it. He lets go of Namjoon in favor of lubing himself up and aligning himself with Namjoon’s hole. He pushes past the tight rim and does it slowly so Namjoon has time to adjust.

“You feel so good around me,” Yoongi says while listening to Namjoon moan. “I'll choke you now. Do you still want to do it?”

“Yes,” Namjoon says and breathes heavily while trying to adjust to Yoongi's length in him.

“And you remember what you need to do if you want to stop?” Yoongi asks.

“Tap you,” Namjoon says.

“Yes. Are you ready?” Yoongi makes sure.

“Fuck me,” Namjoon begs, “please.”

Yoongi snaps his hips once forcefully. Namjoon cries when his hips meet his sore ass. He leans over Namjoon and cages his head between his hands. “I'll show you your place.”

Yoongi fucks into Namjoon with long, slow and deep thrusts. He wants to drag this out as long as he can, taking his time choking Namjoon. Yoongi leans his weight on one of his hands and traces Namjoon’s features with the other. He slides the pads of his fingers from Namjoon’s cheek to his lips and down his chin to his neck. It's easy to find his arteries that rush with blood. Namjoon sucks in a sharp breath as Yoongi places his hand there around the thin ribbon, not applying any pressure yet, just the feeling of his hand around his throat is enough to get a reaction out of him.

Yoongi presses down very lightly and Namjoon tenses and clenches around Yoongi. He holds him there, counting the seconds before easing his hold. Namjoon breathes out a shaky breath.

For a moment, Yoongi is saddened by the thought that Namjoon is breathing, his heart is beating and circulating that oxygen to his brain, when Yoongi won't ever feel that again. He lifts his hand up to Namjoon’s cheek. His face is flushed from all the spanking and fucking, his lips are red. Namjoon looks so beautiful as he looks back at Yoongi with hooded eyes, mouth parted as Yoongi fucks him.

Yoongi shifts his hand down again and finds the arteries with ease. He presses down, applying light pressure and counting the seconds, making sure Namjoon won’t be harmed. Namjoon sighs blissfully when Yoongi lets go.

“How do you feel?” Yoongi asks, slowing down.

“Light,” Namjoon says.

“Color?”

“Green,” Namjoon affirms.

Yoongi picks up his pace and aims his thrusts to Namjoon’s prostate. Namjoon’s back arches with the stimulation and a dribble of precome spurts out of his dick. Yoongi presses again on Namjoon’s throat, choking him and holding him longer this time. He feels great and the control he has makes him feel high. He lets go when his count reaches the maximum and Namjoon’s chest rises and falls rapidly with his breaths.

Yoongi feels pressure building in his groin. He fucks Namjoon a little faster and he moans as Namjoon clenches down on him. Once more he chokes Namjoon for a shorter time this time. Namjoon whimpers and squirms when Yoongi eases the pressure and Yoongi feels his balls draw up. He comes in Namjoon with his hand still on his throat. He moves it down to jerk Namjoon off while his dick still twitches and he fucks Namjoon through his orgasm.

Yoongi pulls out when the stimulation becomes too much for him and he replaces his cock with his fingers. Come gushes out of Namjoon's hole as he fingers him and rubs his prostate, focused on making Namjoon come.

“Come for me, pretty,” Yoongi growls. Namjoon only mewls incoherently in reply, clutching the sheets with his hands.

Yoongi digs his thumb onto Namjoon’s tip and Namjoon writhes and moans. With a few strokes, Namjoon comes in his hands for the second time tonight, spilling his release on Yoongi's hand and clenching around his fingers. The high pitched whines sound heavenly to Yoongi’s ears.

“That's it,” Yoongi says, “Give me everything.”

Namjoon shivers so Yoongi eases his fingers out and wipes them off on the sheets. He moves up to Namjoon and places both of his hands on his cheeks, rubbing his thumbs back and forth affectionately. Namjoon opens his eyes to look at him, his heartbeat still loud in Yoongi's ears.

“Hey,” Yoongi says, “How are you?”

Namjoon blinks slowly. “I'm good. That was really good for me.” He replies, his words slurred and sounding dazed.

Yoongi kisses Namjoon briefly. “I'll take care of you.”

“Yoongi?” Namjoon says. “Was it good for you?”

“Really good,” Yoongi replies. “We can talk about it later. Let me patch you up.” Yoongi knows Namjoon prefers gentle touch after a scene rather than talking.

Yoongi starts with wiping Namjoon down with a wet cloth. He makes sure to pet Namjoon gently as he makes his way down. Yoongi loves this part. It's so intimate to put Namjoon back together, piece by piece, listening to Namjoon relax in his gentle touch. Yoongi picks up the bottle of lotion he brought here for Namjoon and carefully spreads it on Namjoon’s reddened skin. Namjoon hisses. A couple of bruises have started forming, blossoming like flowers on Namjoon’s skin.

“I will change the sheets so you can sleep,” Yoongi says before picking Namjoon up and bringing him to the living room to lay him on the couch with a kiss.

With fresh sheets in place, Yoongi moves Namjoon back. His heartbeat is slowing down with sleep approaching him. Yoongi tucks Namjoon in on his side and he slips into bed with him. He slots himself behind Namjoon and wraps an arm around him, holding him gently. He wants Namjoon to be safe. Leaving a kiss at Namjoon’s nape, Yoongi thinks about how much he loves him.

🩸🩸🩸

Yoongi arrives at the motel after another night at Namjoon’s. He left early this time to let Namjoon sleep. As he walks over to the rooms, his most recent neighbor is going up too. He climbs the stairs behind her and to his luck the woman drops her keys as she's at her door. Yoongi is fast enough to pick them up before her.

“You dropped these,” Yoongi holds the keys out to her.

The woman doesn’t say anything. She tries to quickly grab the keys and go in but Yoongi doesn’t let go of them. Yoongi can hear the rush of her blood loud in his ears. The woman is absolutely terrified of him and it won't be easy to mesmer her. There is nothing he can say to her to ease her mind. The only thing that would make her calm down would be to leave but that would make Yoongi’s goal impossible.

The woman's dark eyes fit from his eyes to his hand and to the door. “What do you want?” she asks in a hushed voice.

“Your blood,” Yongi says. There is no point in charming her with words. She fights. Mentally, she's strong and Yoongi has to struggle to get her under his will. Eventually, she succumbs and he can control her like a puppet. “Invite me in.”

“Please, come in,” she says and Yoongi lets her open the door.

Yoongi follows after her and doesn't waste time before getting her to bed after making sure the door is closed. He makes her sit at the edge of the bed while he sinks his teeth into her artery. It makes blood flow out of her steadily along with her rapid pulse. She sighs blissfully when Yoongi laps up the blood that's trickling out. It tastes horrible. The warm iron taste doesn’t fill him up with new life. Without caring about the taste, Yoongi drinks it up until he’s had his monthly fill and lets the wound close sealing in the venom.

He lays her down on the bed and leaves her. He nearly doesn’t make it out of the motel room when his insides turn upside down and he has to bend over the railing to empty his stomach in the bushes below.

His stomach still feels upset but it has nothing more to give so Yoongi stumbles into his own motel room. There, he lies face down on the bed to fight off the cramps in his stomach. They ease up slowly and fade away leaving only the hunger behind.

🩸🩸🩸

Blue flashing stirs Yoongi from his coma and he hears knocking outside. It’s not on his door but in the neighboring room. Yoongi peers in through the eyehole on the door and sees uniformed officers standing not too far from his door.

“The resident is not answering the door, we are moving to the next one,” a voice says.

That's his room and he has no intention to talk to them. Officially, he went missing in the 1980s and is presumed dead. There will be no record of him and no way to explain that he is that guy who disappeared from the other side of the country and hasn’t aged a day since.

Yoongi hopes that the only officers here are the ones he saw through the eyehole. He picks up his stash of money, iPod and his lighter and puts them in a small bag. He climbs out of the window on the opposite side after checking no other officers are looking at the back of the motel. As he drops down the two floors and lands, he feels a sharp sting on his foot. Something must have broken as he hit the ground. With a slight limp he flees from whatever the police are here for.

The sun has just started to rise and Yoongi needs to quickly make his way through the city or he will be in more pain than he's been all day and night. He can only think of one place where he can hide away from the sun.

By the time he reaches Namjoon’s and ducks into the door alcove, his hands are splotchy red and a couple of small blisters have formed on the backs of his hands. It hurts and his foot throbs and he's grateful to be let in. He's met with a worried Namjoon.

“Why were you out at this time? Why did you come back?” Namjoon asks. He looks shocked.

“Does my face look bad?” Yoongi asks.

“Why– yes. You look like you were burned badly.” Namjoon frowns, reaches out and withdraws his hand.

“It’s okay. I just need to lie down.” Yoongi says. He winces as he pulls off his shoe on the broken foot. As he walks through Namjoon's apartment, he feels woozy. The sun did a number on him in such a short time and it hasn't even risen properly.

“How hurt are you?” Namjoon asks, his voice sounding like it's on the edge of a panic.

“It will be fine,” Yoongi insists. He's made it so far. He lies down on the bed and darkness takes him as he is pulled into unconsciousness.

🩸🩸🩸

“Yoongi,” Namjoon’s worried voice cuts through.

Yoongi twists around. He opens his eyes and meets Namjoon looking down at him. Namjoon looks tired with bags under his eyes and the whites of his eyes are red. He feels Namjoon’s hands on his shoulders. He moves his foot and it feels fine. Looking down at his hands he still sees redness on them but no blisters. He's been out for at least a day to heal his foot and the blisters.

“Are you okay? What was that?” Namjoon asks in a panic. “Fuck, you scared me.”

“I'm okay. I feel fine.” Yoongi says. He really does feel fine now apart from slight irritation on his skin.

“What the fuck Yoongi,” Namjoon says, his tone turning angry instead of worried, “I thought you were actually dead. Do you have any idea what it is like to have someone lie still without breathing and without a pulse for two days on your bed?”

“Two days?” Yoongi asks. All he felt after passing out was a darkness that lasted merely a few moments. He sits up. “I'm sorry. I don’t know what happened.”

Namjoon’s expression softens and he looks sad. He breathes out heavily and comes to sit down next to Yoongi. “Has this happened before?” Namjoon asks.

“No, not like this,” Yoongi says. There is something wrong with him that much is clear.

“Fuck, I really thought you wouldn't wake up,” Namjoon says, “and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t call anyone for help either.”

Namjoon’s voice strains and breaks at the end. He sniffles and wipes his eyes. Yoongi cradles Namjoon carefully in his arms. He gently rubs Namjoon’s arm until he slides his hand down his forearm and takes his hand in his.

“I'm not dead,” Yoongi whispers, “you don’t have to worry.”

He presses his face into Namjoon’s neck and feels the warmth and the pulse that rushes so loud underneath the delicate and bruised skin. Namjoon still breathes in labored breaths as Yoongi whispers sweet nothings in his ear. Namjoon’s breathing calms down slowly in Yoongi’s cold embrace.

“I love you,” Namjoon says in a quiet whisper. His voice is rough and it sounds like it’s at the brink of breaking.

Why? Why would you love a monster? Is the first thought in Yoongi’s head when he hears the confession. It scares him and he can't bring himself to say anything. He only holds Namjoon tighter.

“Please don’t die on me,” Namjoon continues, “I think I'll die too.”

Yoongi has been dead for several decades yet he couldn’t die even when he wanted to. It would be cruel for him to pass on from this world right after he started to feel alive again. Would it be cruel for Namjoon to lose him too?

“You can’t depend on me,” Yoongi says even though he depends on Namjoon for everything.

Namjoon shakes his head. “I don’t,” he says with conviction, “I love you. Losing you would feel like dying. It’s true that you make my nights better and without you I’d be much more miserable. But I feel like we have a connection that goes much deeper than any friendship or a fling I've had. I hope you feel that too.”

It's true. Yoongi can feel Namjoon’s emotions like they were his own. He's been in love with Namjoon long enough to know what it feels like to lose someone he loves. “I can feel it. I love you. Even if our relationship is fucked up.” Yoongi says and sees Namjoon smile a little. “I fell for you when we first met and you were lying in bed talking about your plans for your next song. I thought I couldn’t feel like that anymore but at that moment I thought maybe I hadn't lost it all.”

“I hated you back then. I was attracted to you physically but I hated you because you weren't honest with me. I think the distance was good for us even if it tore me apart. I really feel like I can trust you again.” Namjoon says.

Those words mean the world to Yoongi. “Thank you.”

“So don’t go dying on me when we have a good thing between us,” Namjoon says.

“I'll do my best.” Yoongi promises. He thinks about the reason why he came here. “There is something going on at the motel I'm staying at. Can I stay here for a few days?” Yoongi says now that they have both calmed down.

“You've been staying at a motel this whole time?” Namjoon asks, astonished.

“Not the whole time. Just a few months.” Yoongi says.

“You should have said something earlier. Of course you can stay here.” Namjoon says. “I want you to stay here with me,” he adds a little more bashfully.

“Can I borrow your laptop too?”

🩸🩸🩸

There was almost no news about the incident at the motel. Yoongi managed to find one local newspaper that stated there had been a police investigation. The woman whose blood was found on the motel pavement remembered nothing and there were no signs of foul play so the investigation was put on hold in the absence of no new leads.

Yoongi is relieved to know that the woman is okay but that his venom worked. He's also glad the police won't be on his tail about it. His healing has been slow, slower than normal with the absence of fresh blood. He feels hungry.

“I have to go out tonight,” Yoongi says to Namjoon who is about to leave to the studio. It took a lot of convincing that Namjoon won’t find him in a coma when he comes back.

“Where are we going?” Namjoon asks.

“Not you. I have to go alone.” Yoongi says.

Namjoon thinks for a moment. Then he looks distraught. “You’re going to bite someone.”

“Yes.”

“Why not bite me? If you need to eat, you could bite me and not some stranger.” Namjoon tries to reason.

“I promised I won’t,” Yoongi says.

“I'm giving you permission. You can bite me.” Namjoon insists.

“Don’t say that,” Yoongi snaps. It’s hard enough to keep himself in check without Namjoon offering him his blood when he's starting to show signs of starvation. He adds more softly, “I'm sorry. You don’t know what you're signing up for.”

“Then tell me,” Namjoon says, matching the gentle tone of Yoongi’s voice.

“The toxins that make the bite feel good are addicting,” Yoongi explains, “It's like heroin. You will keep wanting more and more until you become a husk of your old self. I can't wipe your memory either so there is no way to prevent it from happening. The other vampires I told you about keep humans as pets. The humans are so addicted that even if they were allowed to escape, they wouldn't.”

The explanation renders Namjoon silent. He looks mildly horrified but Yoongi holds his ground. Namjoon needs to know what is at stake.

After a moment, Namjoon says, “I don’t think I want that.”

“Good because I'm not letting that happen to you.”

“I have to go. I wish I didn’t.” Namjoon turns to look at the door.

“You've been away from the studio for days because of me. Just go.” Yoongi tells Namjoon.

Namjoon doesn’t leave just yet. Instead, he steps closer and wraps his arms around Yoongi. He kisses him with intent, with the kind of desperation that tells Yoongi how much Namjoon wants to stay and lay in bed with him all day, taking care of him. Yoongi kisses Namjoon back and then pushes Namjoon back.

“You’re already late,” Yoongi says.

“One more?”

Yoongi gives in. He can't resist kissing Namjoon so he takes Namjoon’s lips between his and sucks on it. Namjoon melts and follows Yoongi’s lead.

🩸🩸🩸

Yoongi hesitates. He can hear the blood rushing through the vein and can feel the pulse on his lips. Still, he doesn’t pierce the skin with his sharp canines. What if the blood won't satisfy him this time either?

The need to feed overpowers his worries and he bites. The smell of iron hits him before the taste. It’s repulsive. He tries to drink but he can’t. As soon as it hits the bottom of his stomach, it threatens to spill back up.

Yoongi gives up. Something is horribly wrong with him when he can't drink blood and it's the only thing keeping him sane. Yoongi bites again, intending only to poison this time.

He leaves, furiously wiping his mouth clean. He's pissed off. His hunger nags in his ear constantly but he can’t quench it. Like an addict whose kick was taken away, Yoongi storms out. What the fuck is wrong with him? He thinks. He's always been able to drink blood from the day he was turned.

It had repulsed him the first time too but it had felt good. He had felt stronger, more alive with every drop that he lapped up from the skin of his first victim. He hadn't known how to stop, couldn’t. The first ever person he bit had died in his arms and Yoongi had mourned them for weeks.

“Hey,” Namjoon greets him at the door. He sounds careful but he's not running away from this. “Did you… feed?”

Yoongi almost slams the door shut with enough force to break it off the hinges. He manages to slow down but not enough. He slams it shut loudly enough to alert the neighbors. He regrets it instantly. It’s not like him. “I couldn’t.”

“Oh,” Namjoon says. He takes a tentative step closer.

Yoongi’s shoulders sag, releasing the tension. He keeps his head bowed. Namjoon closes the distance and wraps his arms around Yoongi, engulfing him in a hug. Yoongi takes a deep breath to breathe in the scent of Namjoon's soap and his warmth. He relaxes and takes a hold of Namjoon’s waist.

“I'm sorry for being so snappy lately,” Yoongi says.

Namjoon pets Yoongi’s back and says with a voice that rumbles deep from his chest, “It's okay to have bad days.”

“I know. It’s a little different. I'm hungry and it makes me act out. I'm not normally like this.” Yoongi explains.

“You'll try again and it will get better,” Namjoon says affirmingly.

🩸🩸🩸

Yoongi doesn’t try again. Instead, they live together like everything is normal. Yoongi even brings his things from the motel back to Namjoon’s instead when he was supposed to pay for more nights. It’s kind of idyllic to play house with Namjoon. The only thing disrupting it is the intense headaches that keep growing in frequency and the increased irritation. Namjoon manages to calm the latter down.

Namjoon has been trying to cook more and he's cooking right now. Yoongi tries to help but he's forgotten nearly everything he knows about it so they are both equally helpless in the kitchen.

Yoongi reads the online recipe from Namjoon's phone, “The recipe tells you to–”

“Ow!” Namjoon cries out and drops the knife he was using to cut vegetables.

The knife clatters on the floor loudly but it goes past Yoongi’s ears. His senses are clouded with the scent of Namjoon's blood trickling from the cut on his finger.

“Shit,” Namjoon curses and tries to hold his finger to stop it from bleeding.

[ Hypnosis - Sleep Token ]

In a daze, Yoongi gets up and goes over to Namjoon. He takes hold of Namjoon’s hands and Namjoon lets him take them apart to reveal the cut. It’s only a surface level cut but it bleeds a lot. Yoongi is hyper focused on the red flowing down Namjoon’s finger and he brings it to his mouth.

Namjoon tastes good like the sweetest nectar from fresh fruits. Yoongi sucks on the finger to drink the blood and swirls his tongue around it to catch every drop. His saliva takes effect and the wound closes, stopping the bleeding. Yoongi pulls the finger out and snaps his head up to look at Namjoon. The constant thump Yoongi has grown to love doesn’t feel soothing anymore. It calls to him and his hunger answers, not satiated by the few droplets he got.

Namjoon doesn’t have time to react as Yoongi takes a hold of Namjoon’s head and his shoulder. He only manages to take a half step back when Yoongi has his teeth on his neck and he bites. Namjoon cries out in pain and tries to push Yoongi back in a futile effort. Yoongi holds Namjoon in place, tasting the sweet blood that pulses out of him. He closes his eyes as he savors the taste and quenches his hunger.

Namjoon lets out a pained whine and struggles weakly for a moment before his body becomes slack. Yoongi lets Namjoon down on the floor without detaching himself from his artery. His head is clouded with the high that comes from drinking the blood. He feels alive, like Namjoon’s blood is coursing through his own veins.

As the hunger subsides and quiets down, Yoongi regains a sense of self again. The world comes into focus and his thoughts are not solely on getting more blood anymore. It's when his thoughts drift to Namjoon, he realizes how bad it is. He can't hear the thrum of Namjoon’s blood anymore and when he goes to feel for a pulse, he can't find it.

“Fuck, Namjoon,” Yoongi curses in his attempt to feel for any sign of life. Images of the first ever person he killed surface, him holding the body until it becomes cold and stiff, only it’s Namjoon’s face on the body this time. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Namjoon’s limbs feel cool to touch, the warmth he radiated is nowhere to be felt. It’s only when he lays his head on Namjoon's chest and presses his ear down on it when he can hear the rapid heartbeat. It’s like that of a hummingbird's but it’s there.

With shaking hands Yoongi goes back to pick up Namjoon’s phone. He calls the emergency number and tells them Namjoon’s address.

“He's lost a lot of blood. I can't feel his pulse anymore.” Yoongi says desperately on the phone. “His blood type is O plus. Hurry.”

The operator assures him that emergency responders are on their way and Yoongi ends the call before the operator gives him permission to do so. He places the phone in Namjoon's pocket and leaves him there. There is nothing he can help to do before the emergency responders arrive. He takes a couple of books off Namjoon’s shelf and places one on the floor to hold Namjoon’s apartment door open. He does the same at the apartment entrance and hides away to watch the door.

It takes forever for someone to arrive and instead of the ambulance, an unmarked police car pulls up to the apartment complex. Yoongi watches two officers in uniform exit the vehicle and enter the building. The ambulance arrives a moment later and Yoongi curses them all out in his mind. For all he knows, Namjoon could be already dead.

The next moments feel like an eternity. He goes through all possible scenarios but they all end the same. Yoongi can’t live with himself whether Namjoon makes it or not. The EMTs come out of the building carrying Namjoon on a par. They load him into the ambulance and speed off, lights flashing. There is still hope.

Yoongi waits for the officers to exit the apartment before he sneaks back in. He enters the apartment with heavy steps. Everything feels empty and hollow now that Namjoon is not here but fighting for his life in a cramped ambulance. Yoongi feels physically better than he's ever felt but mentally he has hit rock bottom. For a while he thought he knew what rock bottom felt like but that was a false bottom that gave way to an even more oppressing darkness. Yoongi lays down on Namjoon’s bed and curls on his side clutching the sheets. He cries endlessly into the night.

🩸🩸🩸

Yoongi hasn’t moved from the bed for days. He stayed there, on his side, breathing in Namjoon's scent. He's not exactly sure how many days it has been but it must be two weeks at most. He should have gotten up and gone to look for Namjoon but he couldn’t. The thought of finding out that Namjoon died is so awful that he can’t try and find out.

During the day, the door to the apartment opens. Frozen in place, Yoongi listens to the familiar shuffling that comes from the entrance. He hears the heartbeat that he thought he would never hear again, permanently silenced by him.

“Yoongi!” Namjoon yells.

Stuck between wanting to rush to Namjoon and run away, Yoongi doesn't reply.

“Yoongi!” Namjoon yells again, this time with more urgency. “Yoongi are you here?”

“Namjoon,” Yoongi whispers.

He forces his limbs to move and gets off the bed. Footsteps rush into the bedroom and Yoongi has just gotten up when Namjoon appears at the door. Yoongi takes a step away from Namjoon when he tries to run up to him. Namjoon falters seeing Yoongi’s reaction. He takes another step forwards to try and reach him but he stumbles and almost trips. Yoongi is instantly there to save him from falling.

“Why are you here?” Yoongi asks. “You should be at the hospital.”

“They let me go after signing a bunch of forms,” Namjoon says, leaning his weight on Yoongi for support. “I wanted to come back to you. Why didn’t you visit?”

“I shouldn’t be near you,” Yoongi says. He didn’t want to find out what happened to him. He leads Namjoon to lie down on the bed.

“I sent Hoseok to ask you to come. He said nobody answered.” Namjoon says.

Yoongi vaguely remembers hearing the doorphone ring and the knocks on the apartment door. He couldn’t get up from where he was when he knew it wasn't Namjoon on the other side of that door.

“Yoongi…” Namjoon reaches his hand out to him but Yoongi flinches away.

“I almost killed you,” Yoongi says, not looking back at Namjoon. “I broke my promise to not bite you and it almost cost you your life.”

“I didn’t die. I'm fine.” Namjoon says and tries to ease Yoongi's worries.

“No, you're not!” Yoongi yells. He has never yelled at anyone even when he's been starving. “You just almost crashed right in front of my eyes. You should be back at the hospital and I should be as far away from here as possible.”

Namjoon looks hurt. “Don’t you get it?” Namjoon asks and sits up abruptly. He closes his eyes and instantly lays back down again.

“Namjoon?” Yoongi comes closer to hold Namjoon’s cheek in his palm.

“I'm just feeling faint.”

Yoongi leaves to the kitchen and pours Namjoon a glass of orange juice. When he comes back he asks gently, “How are you feeling? Can you sit up?”

“I can. I just need to do it slowly.”

Yoongi helps Namjoon sit up and rest his back against the headboard. "Drink. You need to drink a lot and eat foods with iron.”

“I didn’t know you were my doctor.” Namjoon gives Yoongi a smile and drinks the juice. Yoongi helps Namjoon lie back down again and he tucks him underneath a blanket.

“You need rest too,” Yoongi says.

“Come here,” Namjoon beacons and lifts the blanket. Yoongi doesn’t move, wanting to stay away from Namjoon. “Please.”

Yoongi's resolve breaks and he crawls underneath the blanket. It’s warm there, lying next to Namjoon. Namjoon turns on his side to hold Yoongi in his arms and closes his eyes.

🩸🩸🩸

Yoongi stays to help Namjoon while Namjoon should still be on bed rest. He cooks for him with varying success but mostly he just gets takeout and ready to eat meals with groceries. He avoids talking about the bite to not argue with Namjoon and Namjoon seems content to have Yoongi stay with him.

When Namjoon has gained enough strength, Yoongi takes Namjoon out for a short midnight walk. They only stroll through a couple of blocks before coming back to not put too much strain on Namjoon too soon. Yoongi can tell Namjoon is already enthusiastic to return to normal life but Yoongi wants to err on the side of caution. If only to stay with Namjoon longer.

Namjoon reaches out to him while lying on the bed. Yoongi has tried to keep distance. Whenever Namjoon has tried to kiss him, Yoongi has turned his head away but he's never been able to tell him no. This time, too, Yoongi comes to lie next to him and he lets Namjoon kiss his neck.

Yoongi knows he needs to leave soon. He shouldn't stay with Namjoon after what he did. He can't stay with Namjoon because he might do it again. Yoongi hasn’t been feeling hungry for a month now but it’s starting to come back. Usually, he'd be craving blood at this point. He assumes it stayed away as long as it did because of the amount of blood he took. He needs to leave before the hunger gets stronger and when Namjoon no longer needs him.

🩸🩸🩸

“I'm leaving,” Yoongi says when he's sure Namjoon will be able to get his own groceries and carry them home. His hunger is still quiet but it’s better to get away before it's too late.

“Where?” Namjoon asks casually.

“I'm leaving for good Namjoon,” Yoongi says.

“What?” Namjoon says, like he doesn't believe what he’s hearing.

“I'm not coming back,” Yoongi says with finality. So far he's held himself together but when he sees the panic in Namjoon he starts to break.

“You can’t do that!” Namjoon says. He rushes to hold Yoongi by his side like Yoongi will leave right then and there if he doesn't. “You can't leave me like this!”

Yoongi pries Namjoon’s hands off him. He wants nothing more than to lean into Namjoon’s embrace. “I have to go or I'll hurt you again. Goodbye.” He says and turns away before Namjoon convinces him to stay. He needs to leave before he makes up an excuse to stay.

“No, don’t do this to me,” Namjoon pleads with tears in his voice, “please don’t leave me. I love you. Don’t leave me.”

“I love you too,” Yoongi says. He won't kill the only person in the world he loves.

Yoongi steps out of the apartment but Namjoon follows him.

“We can make it work! You can drink my blood and you won’t be hungry. Just don’t go.” Namjoon bargains.

Yoongi picks up his pace and strides down the stairs. He can't keep listening to him. Namjoon only stops begging when Yoongi is out the door and takes off running, tears streaming down his face.

🩸🩸🩸

The graveyard is peaceful at night. No matter Yoongi’s inner turmoil, the environment around him is quiet and still. Only the wind moves about as Yoongi sits on top of a gravestone, a knife in one hand and an old broom in the other.

Leaving Namjoon was the hardest thing he has done in his life. It made the first couple of days difficult to bear while lying still in the mortuary. All he could think about was how Namjoon always radiated life and how he could almost feel it himself and it made him want to cry. He misses Namjoon so terribly that he aches everywhere like his whole body is broken without him.

Yoongi manages to saw the broom into three pieces and he takes the first stick. He starts to carve wood off the blunt end, sharpening it. He won't be able to shove the stake through his own heart but maybe he might be able to compel someone. It would be easy to charm a person and give them the suggestion to pierce his unbeating heart. The person would have to be strong.

It's not the first time he has tried. After he killed for the first time, he realized he had become a monster. He learned to bite people without killing them but it wasn’t enough. He still hurt them, took something from them. He put off feeding for longer and longer periods until he decided he wouldn't feed again. He starved himself until the hunger took over. He doesn’t remember anything after that moment. The first memory he has of the events is later when bodies were strewn around, all of them drained of blood while he was soaked in it. He made a promise then to never get to that point again.

The first stake is as sharp as he can get it with the knife. The tip is tapered in a low angle that should make it easy to push into his chest. He picks up the second stick and starts carving.

[ THE DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND - Bad Omens ]

Loving Namjoon was the best thing in his undead life. As he thinks about it more thoroughly, he comes to the conclusion it was the best thing in his life too. He never thought he'd get to love someone and have that love recuperated. He thought he was doomed to random SM encounters and cruising until he caught some disease that would kill him slowly. Meeting Namjoon was the best thing that happened to him and it was the one thing that would finally kill him. If he can’t drink anyone's blood but Namjoon’s, then there is only one option left.

He looks at the three stakes in his hands and the wood shavings that have piled up at his feet. It feels strangely right to have his life ended by a wooden stake. A silver bullet is too extravagant. He likes the simplicity of natural wood.

The distant sound of footsteps is carried to him with the wind. Nobody is supposed to be here except him at this hour and nobody is supposed to come from the direction of the bent iron fence. Yoongi waits silently as the footsteps wander the graveyard, stop and then start walking toward him with intent breaking off to a jog.

“You’re hard to find,” Namjoon says when the footsteps have reached him.

“It’s meant to be so,” Yoongi says grimly as Namjoon rounds him.

“Too bad I know your secrets,” Namjoon says, not showing any sign of distress, sadness or anger just a little out of breath. He keeps his face neutral, hiding whatever he’s feeling. “I'm not letting you leave like this. I deserve at least a proper explanation.”

“If I stay with you, I'll kill you. That's all there is to it.” Yoongi says. He twists the stake in his hand. It would be too cruel to ask Namjoon to do it.

“That's not an explanation!” Namjoon shouts. “You've drunk my blood multiple times and I'm still here. Why are you running away from me?”

“I'm a monster Namjoon. You shouldn't love a monster who only hurts you time and time again.” Yoongi explains passively.

“You still don’t understand,” Namjoon says, exasperated, “I want to be with you, not because you're a monster, not because you fuck be better than anyone else but because I love who you are as a person. You've only ever shown me kindness when you haven't been pushed to the edge by your hunger and even then you try your best. You understand me like nobody else does.”

Yoongi doesn’t look up at Namjoon. He clutches the stakes tighter.

“What are you doing?” Namjoon asks as he finally takes note of the broken broom.

“Nothing,” Yoongi says.

Namjoon kneels in front of him. He wraps his hands around his. He says with a gentle tone, “Yoongi, tell me what you're thinking.”

“I can't live,” Yoongi says in a tired whisper.

“Oh, Yoongi,” Namjoon says, his eyes shiny with tears.

“There is no other way. I have to die or I'll keep hurting everyone.” Yoongi says, his voice turning more desperate with each word. “When I don’t drink blood for a long time, I snap and I can't stop myself from killing. I haven't been able to drink blood for months now. It's only a matter of time before I snap again.”

“You drank my blood. You stopped before killing me.” Namjoon says and clutches Yoongi's hands tighter.

“Barely,” Yoongi points out.

“There is a way to keep living. You won't ever hurt anyone again.” Namjoon says. For the first time Yoongi meets Namjoon’s eyes. He looks at Namjoon skeptically but Namjoon keeps talking. “You only have to ask me, Yoongi.”

“No,” Yoongi says, horrified, “I won’t.”

“You don’t have to die. You only need to ask.” Namjoon says calmly.

Yoongi shakes his head. Namjoon looks next to Yoongi and sees the knife on the gravestone. He picks it up before Yoongi has the chance to stop him.

Namjoon stands up and holds the knife blade against his palm. “If you die, I'll die too. So I won’t let you give up so easily. I'll prove that you have another way out.” Namjoon stalls. He takes a few deep breaths and Yoongi doesn’t dare to move in case it will cause Namjoon to cut himself. Namjoon does it anyway.

Namjoon winces when the blade breaks his skin and he hisses. Blood starts dripping down the blade and it slips between Namjoon’s fingers. The smell of it is intoxicating. Yoongi jumps up from the stone, the stakes clattering down on the ground as Yoongi backs away from Namjoon. Namjoon drops the blade and holds his hand closed in a fist to keep blood from pouring out. It still drips down on the ground, beckoning Yoongi to him.

Namjoon holds his fist out to Yoongi and says, “Ask me. Ask if you can drink my blood.”

Yoongi wants to sprint up to him and lick his palm. It takes everything in him not to.

“You can stop. I know you've done it before. It won't be different this time.” Namjoon says a little more gently this time.

Yoongi looks down at the ground where the stakes lie. He walks over to them, closer to Namjoon and closer to the scent that draws him in. “I will only do it if you promise me one thing,” Yoongi says and bends down to pick up one of the three pieces of wood.

“What is it?” Namjoon asks.

Yoongi walks up to Namjoon, not even looking at the bloody hand. He takes Namjoon’s other hand and places the stake in it and lifts the pointy end up to his chest. “If I can't stop, if I try to bite you or if you think I've lost control, you push this stake through my heart. You have to do it before it's too late. You can’t hesitate. I'm much stronger than you so if you are not sure, I will kill you. Promise me.”

Namjoon hesitates. “I promise.”

Yoongi lets go of the stake and Namjoon’s hand. He sits down on the ground on a grassy patch that used to be for flowers and lies down on his back. “Come sit on top of me. It will be easier to use your body weight to push through my sternum.”

Namjoon follows and straddles Yoongi’s waist, his strong thighs on both sides of him. Yoongi drags his hand down Namjoon’s forearm and takes hold of the stake. He positions it correctly, the tip pressed firmly against his chest.

“Namjoon,” Yoongi says. He takes a deep breath, inhaling the sweet smell coming from the wound. “Can I drink your blood?”

“You can,” Namjoon replies and he opens his fist, offering his hand to Yoongi.

Yoongi takes the hand and brings it closer to his mouth. This close, Yoongi can hear the elevated heartbeat in Namjoon's chest clearly and the thrum of his blood sounds overwhelming, like rushing river rapids. A droplet of blood falls and hits the corner of his mouth and Yoongi licks it off. Namjoon tastes just as good as always. Not able to hold back longer, Yoongi brings the palm down and licks the blood off straight from its source.

Yoongi savors the taste and licks greedily at the wound. He hears Namjoon hiss and feels him press the stake against his chest a little harder. It’s overwhelming. The blood he drinks makes him feel everything much more vividly, like he's been living under a cloud for decades and now it's finally parting. Yoongi drinks up every droplet of blood that escapes as the wound starts to close. It was large and deep enough to take a while but after it no longer bleeds, Yoongi licks Namjoon’s palm clean of any blood.

He lets Namjoon’s hand go and Namjoon watches him for a minute. Then he drops the stake and bends down to kiss Yoongi. Their lips crash together and Namjoon kisses him with hunger, sucking on Yoongi’s lips.

“See,” Namjoon says softly, his lips still ghosting Yoongi's, “You could do it.”

Yoongi tries to see any sign that his toxins are clouding Namjoon’s mind but he doesn't look dazed or needy and Yoongi knows what that looks like. He himself is feeling a little fuzzy. He feels warm.

“I'm not letting you go. You're safe with me.” Namjoon says. He presses one more kiss to the corner of Yoongi's mouth, this time much more softly. “How do you feel?”

“Weird,” Yoongi says.

“Talk to me,” Namjoon encourages.

“I'm worried about you,” Yoongi says, “But I feel good. Drinking your blood makes me feel good. How did it feel just now and when I bit you?”

“It hurt when you licked my wounds both times. The bite too. Then it started to feel good like you said.” Namjoon explains. “But it wasn’t amazing and I didn’t feel high or anything. It felt good in the way kissing you feels good.”

Something connects in Yoongi's brain. “My venom doesn’t work on you.”

“I don’t think it does.”

Yoongi bursts into tears. Gasping for breath without conscious effort feels weird but it happens again and again as the tears keep flowing. Namjoon lifts him up into a hug. Yoongi wraps his arms around Namjoon and hugs him tightly, shaking with his cries.

“I don’t want to leave you,” Yoongi cries into Namjoon’s neck, “I don’t want to die.”

Namjoon shushes him and rocks him back and forth. “You don’t have to. It's okay. I'm right here.”

“I'm sorry,” Yoongi cries, his shoulders shaking.

“Don’t be. I forgive you.” Namjoon says. He holds Yoongi tightly, enveloping him in his arms. “It’s all forgiven.”

It only makes Yoongi cry harder. Namjoon patiently waits for Yoongi to cry it all out. He whispers sweet things in his ear until Yoongi manages to stop breathing again. Yoongi pulls back enough to look at Namjoon but he doesn't let go. Namjoon’s eyes are red and his cheeks are streaked with tears. It makes new tears form in Yoongi's eyes.

Namjoon wipes tears away from Yoongi’s cheek. “I'm with you until the end and I'm not allowing you to end this prematurely. I need you to understand that. I love you.”

Yoongi nods. “I love you too. Thank you for saving me.”

“I'd do it again a thousand times. Don’t you ever scare me again like that.”

“I won’t,” Yoongi says.

“You’re keeping this promise,” Namjoon insists.

“I will.” Yoongi has kept his promise not to kill anyone for almost half a century. He intends to keep it and this time it includes himself.

“Then can we go home? This graveyard is really fucking creepy.” Namjoon asks.

“We have to stop by the mortuary,” Yoongi says and Namjoon makes a face. “I'm sorry but my iPod is there and it has all of the music I like. It was the only thing I took with me.”

“Okay but I'm waiting outside.”

🩸🩸🩸

They take their time to get up from the ground, not quite ready to let the other go yet. They make their way over to the mortuary in slow steps leaving the stakes behind. Once Yoongi is about to climb into the building through the window, Namjoon stops him.

“I want to go with you,” Namjoon says, changing his mind, “I feel safer with you than out here.”

Yoongi hops back down. “You can’t go in. There are cameras inside and you'll get arrested for trespassing.” Yoongi says and holds Namjoon by his sides, soothing him with slow up and down motions. “I can leave it there. We can go home.”

“No, I'll be fine. Just be quick.” Namjoon says.

“Are you sure?” Yoongi asks.

“I am. It’s important to you and it would be a shame to lose it.” Namjoon says, nodding.

Yoongi nods too and after a quick hug he lets go and climbs up again. “I'll be quick,” he says and hops down through the small window.

The memories of being surrounded by death for days rush back as Yoongi skips down the stairs to the basement floor. He spent the days recounting the mistakes he made with Namjoon, wishing he had never met him and then regretted thinking that. It's a wonder Namjoon came to the cemetery the moment he did. He was drowning and Namjoon dove right in to save him without caring about the consequences.

Yoongi takes his iPod out from the place he stashed it in and puts it into his pocket. He decides he will hold onto Namjoon and not push him away again. He should have known what it felt like to be abandoned like that. Yoongi climbs the stairs back up, leaving the death behind. He hurriedly climbs up and out the window out from the mortuary.

“I'm sorry for pushing you away,” Yoongi says.

“And I'm sorry for pushing you into drinking my blood. I told you, I've forgiven you. I know it's the vampirism that makes you crave blood and you struggle each day to keep it under control.” Namjoon says. “I want to help you with it. Now, can we go home and cuddle?”

“Yeah, we can,” Yoongi says, finally letting go of the apologies he wants to flood Namjoon with.

“The only thing I'm upset about is that you haven't kissed me in like a month.” Namjoon says but his tone is light.

“That's easy to fix,” Yoongi replies and raises the balls of his feet to leave a quick kiss on Namjoon’s lips. “Let's go home.”

They walk together in the dead of the night, lamp posts lighting their way. There will be a lot of rebuilding to do and baggage to unload but this time they will do it together. For once, Yoongi has something to live for instead of staying in an undead limbo to the ends of earth.

🩸🩸🩸

Epilogue

The king sized four poster bed has been one of the best purchases Namjoon has made. The new apartment is nice too. The walls are a lovely gray color with a dark forest green accent on one of the walls. There are exposed wooden elements and plants and it all feels like home. Namjoon’s old apartment was a home too but this time it feels like they moved in together instead of Yoongi bunking at Namjoon’s.

The drilled hooks hidden in the bed and a few on the ceiling have been a delightful new addition too. The perks of not having to sleep mean lots of time to learn new things. Tying Namjoon up in twenty different ways has been one of them.

Yoongi runs his palm along Namjoon's thigh. He moves it up so that his calf meets the thigh and he wraps the rope around the leg. Carefully, he makes a knot on the rope before wrapping it around again. He moves up the leg until it is tied securely. He repeats the tie on the other leg while Namjoon observes his fingers work.

“How do you feel?” Yoongi asks.

“I'm good. It's not too tight.” Namjoon replies.

Namjoon is not too affected yet even though he's fully hard already. Yoongi knows it's only a matter of time before Namjoon starts slipping into subspace. It’s easy for him to reach while bound for longer periods.

Yoongi places a kiss on Namjoon’s thigh and checks the rope once more. He does the same on the other leg before he lifts Namjoon up and places a pillow behind him to prop him up. Yoongi takes another rope to start tying Namjoon’s chest. He carefully listens to Namjoon’s breathing and heartbeat as he creates a harness that frames Namjoon’s chest beautifully. On his neck, lies a thin black choker with a golden letter Y in the middle of it. Namjoon is breathing calmly but his heart rate tells about excitement.

“Is the chest harness okay?” Yoongi asks to keep Namjoon alert and to make sure his ties are not too tight.

“Yes,” Namjoon replies.

Yoongi lets his hand wander for a moment, just to feel Namjoon’s muscles. It makes Namjoon sigh. Yoongi continues to lift Namjoon properly up and tie his arms behind his back, fully restraining him.

Yoongi turns to look at Namjoon in the eye and he asks, “Are you ready to be lifted?”

Namjoon nods and says he is. He's starting to slip towards the fuzzy headspace but he's not fully there yet.

Yoongi threads the rope through the ring on the ceiling and lifts Namjoon so that his upper body is lifted and his knees still support some of his weight on the bed. He moves on to thread the rope on his legs through the ring and pull him up, fully lifted off the bed. Yoongi makes another check on all of the knots and wraps and makes sure Namjoon’s body weight is distributed evenly as he is suspended horizontally in the air.

“How do you feel?” Yoongi asks again.

“Good,” Namjoon replies.

“Do you feel any pain?” Yoongi makes sure.

“No,” Namjoon replies.

Yoongi can tell Namjoon’s heartbeat is more elevated now that he’s in the air but there are no signs of distress. Yoongi rounds Namjoon to admire his beauty. Every curve of his muscles look amazing next to the red rope. He checks the time and takes a seat next to the bed to keep watching Namjoon before he needs to be taken down.

Namjoon's breathing slows down as he relaxes and his heartbeat slows down with it, back to normal. Namjoon is a vision suspended like this. He looks gorgeous with the rope squeezing his thick thighs, his cock hard and leaking and his lips parted slightly.

Yoongi checks on Namjoon a couple of times and once the time is up, he starts by untying the rope that holds his legs up. He lets him down slowly and makes sure he's balanced before he unties the second rope. He lays Namjoon on his back and asks him to check his fingers for any sign of numbness or pain.

“They are fine,” Namjoon says slowly.

Yoongi unties the knots around Namjoon’s legs and takes the rope off. It has left marks around the thighs and they wrap around in beautiful blooming patterns. Yoongi helps Namjoon stretch his legs out and massages them to help the blood flow. He starts from the ankles and Namjoon closes his eyes, enjoying the sensation, still floating on the clouds of a fuzzy headspace.

Yoongi makes his way up and when he reaches the junction between the leg and the groin, he lets his fingers dance up and tease Namjoon’s erection. Namjoon moans, finally touched where he is hard and leaky. Yoongi stokes him in languid motions and Namjoon responds by pushing his hips up and arching his back. It takes almost no time before Namjoon shudders and twitches in Yoongi's hold. He spurts out come while moaning beautifully and Yoongi strokes him through it. He lets go when the stream of white stops.

“You've been so good for me,” Yoongi says. Namjoon looks back at him with glassy eyes.

Yoongi cleans up Namjoon’s come before he lifts Namjoon up to a seated position and starts untying the knots around his chest. As he frees Namjoon from the wraps, he keeps repeating affirmations. Namjoon doesn’t respond to them but he keeps touching Yoongi with every opportunity. With the rope gone, Yoongi gathers Namjoon in his arms and holds him close. He lets Namjoon’s head loll on his shoulder while he keeps talking to him in a hushed voice.

“I love you,” Yoongi says, “You’re safe here.”

Slowly Namjoon rouses back from the trance and he brings Yoongi even closer.

“I'm right here,” Yoongi whispers.

“I love you,” Namjoon says. He breathes slowly and evenly. It makes Yoongi relax too, listening to the steady heartbeat and feeling Namjoon’s warmth so close.

“Let's take a bath,” Yoongi says and when Namjoon nods he gets up from the bed and carries Namjoon to the bathroom in his arms.

He places Namjoon down onto the fluffy rug next to the bathtub. He opens the tap, running the water and sits down on the floor with Namjoon. He starts massaging Namjoon’s hands with gentle fingers.

“Thank you,” Namjoon says.

When the bathtub is filled, Yoongi undresses and lifts Namjoon into the tub. He climbs in, sitting behind him and wrapping his legs around him. Namjoon rests his back against his chest.

Yoongi starts by washing Namjoon’s hair. “You looked really beautiful up there.”

“I felt good,” Namjoon says and leans back as Yoongi massages his scalp. “I love when you tie me up and make me look pretty.”

Yoongi rinses the soap off and takes a sponge to clean up the rest of him.

“I trust you,” Namjoon says and he holds onto Yoongi's ankle, rubbing his thumb back and forth, “and I love you.”

“You too,” Yoongi says.

“It’s dinnertime after we get out,” Namjoon says and cranes his neck to look at Yoongi. “Then I'm going to take care of you.”

Yoongi licks his teeth, his sharp canines ready to pierce the skin. He hasn’t felt hungry in years. Namjoon’s blood keeps him sated for longer than anyone's and Namjoon makes sure Yoongi feeds frequently.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” Yoongi says, “Thank you for giving me life.”