Chapter Text
7 years ago, Uzi Doorman’s life was flipped around.
She knew her mother was sick. That she was dying. Despite her insisting that she was okay, Uzi could see the way she struggled to so much as get up sometimes. How pale she was. The blood she would cough up when she thought Uzi wasn’t paying attention.
Her mother had told her, “If I die, remember i’ll always love you.”
Uzi thought she would get better. She knew her mom was strong, hell she was one of the strongest people she’s ever met.
But she ended up succumbing to her sickness in the hospital bed, while Uzi held her hand and begged her not to go. She passed away with her daughters hand in hers, leaving Uzi more alone than ever.
Her father was obviously devastated. He threw himself into his work to avoid the pain, which meant poor little 12 year old Uzi was left alone. At first she was sad. Sad that the world took away the only one who knew her for who she was, leaving her alone.
That sadness turned into anger. She blew up at people far more often, got into fights, arguments, and that effectively isolated her from everyone around her.
Or, well..isolated her more than she already was. At school, she used to just get weird stares and everything. And she’s still not quite sure if she’s just gotten weirder, or if kids have just gotten crueler.
But it got a lot worse after her mothers death.
People didn’t bother hiding that she didn’t fit in any more. Graffiti on her desk, notes with insults on them, hell they even broke her stuff!
She expected her dad to at least try to be there for her, but you wanna know what he freakin did?
He ignored her. Ignored her struggles, her attempts at attention turned down by a practiced “I’m busy Uzi.”
Of course, this angered her. The one person who is supposed to be there to support her unconditionally just ignored her struggles! He was just like the ones who ignored her tormentors at school. The ones who watched as she was ridiculed and harrassed for being ‘different.’
And the worst part was that when he was paying attention to her, he was just yelling at her.
“Uzi, you can’t punch innocent girls for simply looking at you wrong!” They dumped milk on her head.
“Uzi, why did you yell at the teacher? Respect your elders!” The teacher had said that maybe if she toned down the weirdness, she wouldn’t be hated by her peers.
I swear it caused a ringing in her frickin ears. There was a lot of things he did that really set her off. Like how he refused to look at her!
It would always be in the car after she got into a fight or argument again.
He’d look in the mirror, at the steering wheel, at the other cars, out the window, anywhere!
Anywhere but her face! How stupid is that?
One day, she got sick of it.
Uzi Doorman
It was lunch time. All I was doing was quietly eating my lunch at my lonesome lunch table. Obviously, the universe hates my guts so it couldn’t resist tormenting me with the existence of the school cheerleaders.
While I hate all of them, Rebecca is the worst. She’ll go out of her way to make me feel like shit. While I’m pretty sure it’s just because she’s extremely insecure, it still really sucks to be the laughing stock all the time.
Rebecca had purposely poured her disgusting school milk on my bag, and did the usual, and extremely freakin annoying, “Oops! My bad!” phrase before attempting to stomp on my bag. So before her foot could meet my bag, I docked her in the face.
Okay, so maybe it wasn’t entirely warranted. But dude, sue me! You’re telling me I’m supposed to just let her do that??
…
If I said this to anyone but my internal dialogue they’d probably tell me “Just tell an adult!”
But they can suck it! Lizzy’s dad is a freakin teacher, so if I say anything, she’ll play the victim and he’ll take her side!
Sometimes violence is the answer.
As I run down the stairs to the bathroom to avoid the person chasing me, I’m assuming one of Rebeccas boyfriends, I debate if that’s really true.
Anyway! After absolutely rocking Rebecca's shit, I had ran out of the lunch room and into the bathrooms, turning my headphones up to the max and playing nightcore.
I already know that I’m about to get the monthly “Uzi Doorman report to the office immediately” Intercom message, but I’m deciding to ignore it because if I don’t hear it then it’s not my problem!
Amazing logic, I know.
Unfortunately, I apparently do this far too often and the only friend I have in this shit hole finds me every time. I pray that he’s busy today.
As if he heard my pleas for him to be busy today, Thad jumps up onto the top of the stall, one arm hanging over the door with his other one pushing him up. His eyes are squeezed shut tightly.
I stare at him for a second before realizing he was making sure I wasn’t taking a fat dump. I was originally gonna fuck with him and act like I was, but decided against it. “I’m not shitting. You can open your eyes.”
His eyes snap open, breathing a sigh of relief. “Oh thank god- Anyway! You’re being called up to the office. Teacher sent me to go find you. Again.” He gives me a concerned look.
“What’d they do this time?” I stare at him for a second, debating if I should really tell him or not.
“…I decked Rebecca in the face.” His eyes widened and he opened his mouth to, presumably, scold me.
“Before you say anything!” I cut his assumed scolding off. He snaps his mouth shut and glared at me, but let me continue regardless. “She deserved it. She spilt the nasty school milk on my bag! On purpose!” I almost yell the last part, quickly going wide eyed and putting my hands over my mouth.
“Okay, first off, that was extremely loud.” I scoff. “Yeah, I noticed-“ He cuts me off.
“Second off! You promised me you wouldn’t get in trouble for at least a month!” His mouth forms into a pout.
“I know she started it, but that’s not an excuse zi..” I tune him out as he scolds me. I look down in shame. I did promise that, but she just..ugh. She just knows how to push my buttons!
My mouth opens and closes a couple times. “I know. I’m sorry.” I feel ashamed.
He looks at me somberly for a moment. “I forgive you. But I'm afraid you are still gonna need to come to the office with me. Your dad’s already there.” I groan loudly at that.
“Yeah, because that’s super convincing ya dork.” He chuckles and attempts a shrug, although it looks kinda stupid since he’s still hanging on the stall door. I sigh. I really don’t want to, but I know I have to. “But..I guess you’re right. Let’s go.” I huff in defeat. He pumps his fist in accomplishment before opening the stall and dragging me out to the hallway in the direction of the office.
“Also, Thad, this is your reminder that you can’t keep coming into the women’s bathroom just to look for me. Some girl’s gonna end up slapping you.” I elbow his arm playfully.
“Probably true…I know that some of you can throw a punch too, considering Rebecca was crying in the office. I would not want to be on the receiving end of that.” He chuckles, his face turning serious when he realizes we’re in front of the office.
I notice my dad sitting in one of the chairs, his gaze down before snapping up when he hears me and Thad’s footsteps. He looks at me for a split second, before he begins to sit up. “Uzi, we’re leaving.”
And yet…he’s still only looking at Thad. My eyebrows furrow in frustration. “Thank you Thad. You are free to go now.” He storms out of the office, grabbing me by the shoulder and walking me out of the school.
We walk back to the car in tense silence. I look at his face for a second. His eyebrows are furrowed, his mouth twisted into a tight frown. He looks..disappointed.
…I stop looking after that.
We get into the car, and he starts it. We drive, neither of us saying anything, until we finally reach home. We sit in silence in the parking lot before he finally clears his throat. “…What happened this time, Uzi?” His voice is shaken and angry.
I hesitate. Telling him and telling Thad feels..different. Thad would at the very least try to understand. He just wants to be able to go back to acting like I don’t exist.
“I-..she started it.” I turn to look at him to catch his reaction. He’s turned away from me, but his shoulders are tense.
“Did she throw the first punch?” He sounds suspicious.
My lips part in surprise at the question. I shake my head in disbelief. “Well, no, but..”
His voice cuts into my retaliation. “Then she didn’t start it.”
The air is thick with tension. I turn to him fully, and he turns away more than before, his back to me.
I decide that I’ve had enough. Enough of acting like this doesn’t bother me. Enough of acting like I don’t miss my father and who he was before everything happened. “Will you at least look at me while you lecture me?” He tenses up. Bingo.
Instead of turning to look at me, he reaches for the car door handle and attempts to exit the car. “Let’s just go inside. You’re grounded.”
He dismissed me. Again. I’m tired of this bullshit.
My actions and words mirror my thoughts as my mouth subconsciously spits out words that I hadn’t expected to ever say out loud. “No- Dad look at me! For once in your goddamn life!” I grab his shoulder, shaking it a bit before he shrugs me off roughly.
“Uzi, stop.” He’s shaking. I don’t notice in my own anger, and continue to yell.
“What? Do I hurt to look at? Do you only see a reflection of your own mistakes when you look at me? Look at me!” I rant. After years of him not so much as looking at me, this is the first time I’ve addressed it straight up. It seemed like a sensitive subject, but honestly? I don’t care anymore.
He snaps his head around to look me in the eyes. His eyes are tearing up. I immediately tense up at this reveal. I..wasn’t expecting him to actually look at me. I was expecting him to just slap my hand away and leave. Like last time. And the time before that.
As I stare into his eyes, I realize that this is the first time he’s looked me in my eyes since I held my mothers hand and begged her to not go.
“…You look so much like her.”
…
Oh.