Chapter Text
A few days later, Severus climbed the steps leading up to the Gryffindor common room.
Lily and he had arranged to do homework and study together after their last Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson, and he had promised to come and fetch her.
When he reached the common room, he swallowed and took a deep breath.
Hopefully James, Sirius, Remus and Peter weren’t there.
Hopefully—
“Password?” the Fat Lady interrupted him.
He looked up at her in confusion. How was he supposed to know the Gryffindor password?
“I’m a Slytherin,” he said.
Didn’t she notice his uniform at all?
But before he could even attempt to knock, the portrait swung open and Lily slipped out, carrying a stack of books and her school bag.
“Hello, Sev,” she greeted him with a bright smile.
“Hello, Lily,” he replied, and immediately felt his heart beat a little faster — just as it always did at Lily’s smile. It made him feel as though he wasn’t a mistake.
The two of them walked side by side to the library.
“Sh-Should I carry your books?” Severus asked after a few metres, feeling uncomfortable that Lily was carrying everything herself.
Lily handed him the books. “Thanks, Sev.”
Once they arrived in the library, Severus noted with relief that no one else was there.
It was simply most pleasant when it was quiet and empty and he did not constantly have the feeling that everyone present was eavesdropping on them.
Severus took a short, deep breath. He liked the smell of the library.
It smelled of parchment, leather-bound books, and a faint hint of ink.
The schoolbooks, parchment, both of their quills and the inkwells were soon piled up on the table.
Lily sat down and Severus slipped in beside her.
Since Lily made no move to pick up any of the books, he finally wanted to know, “What do you want to start with?”
Lily thought for a moment and then said, “With the thing I feel least like doing.”
“So, History of Magic?”
“Exactly,” Lily said with a crooked grin. “Goblin rebellions… I don’t know whether we still have that topic or already have it again.”
“Again. In between we had giant wars,” Severus replied, straightening his parchment.
Lily shook her head, grinning. “That was meant more as a joke.”
“Oh…” Severus hurriedly lowered his head over the parchment, slightly embarrassed, and began to write.
Then it was quiet for a while.
Severus was just writing the last sentence when Lily let her head sink onto the tabletop with a groan. “This is so boring…”
He looked up and offered, somewhat unsure whether she would even want it, “You can copy from me… if you want.”
“Thanks, Sev, but my honesty and my pride won’t allow that.”
He nodded.
Once again, it was quiet for a while.
Severus waited patiently until Lily had finished her essay as well.
“Ten inches,” she muttered quietly to herself. “Ten… What are we even supposed to write that we haven’t already written dozens of times? At least we’re starting a different topic next week.”
Severus nodded. “The founding of Hogwarts sounds exciting.”
The Gryffindor nodded and neatly packed the essay for Professor Binns into her bag.
“Defence Against the Dark Arts now?” Lily asked, blowing one of her red strands of hair out of her face.
Severus nodded immediately, eager, and began to write.
For a while, the only sound was the soft scratch of their quills dipping into the ink.
“I don’t like our new teacher,” Lily said at some point.
Severus looked over at her, a little confused. “Why?”
Lily stared at the parchment she had been writing on and twirled her quill between her fingers. “I don’t even know. It’s just… a weird feeling. I-I don’t like how he talks about the Dark Arts. It’s… well, too positive. DADA should focus on defence, not the Dark Arts themselves, shouldn’t it?”
Severus didn’t really understand what Lily meant. He liked their new teacher’s lessons and didn’t see what she had against him. “Positive?”
It seemed that was the trigger for Lily. She nodded emphatically. “Yes, positive! All those speeches about how it brings out the best in you, that you can only rely on yourself, how it helps you prove yourself and earn respect. How much control it gives you. That’s pure manipulation. What was Professor Dumbledore thinking when he hired Parkinson… I don’t know… probably nothing. It’s a miracle, really, that Professor Parkinson hasn’t also told us how brilliant it is to use forbidden and dangerous spells on other people.”
Severus looked over at her somewhat shocked.
It was the first time he had ever seen Lily so worked up, and it was also the first time he had heard her say something against a teacher.
“What?” Lily’s green eyes sparkled up at him.
“N-Nothing… I’ve just never seen you so upset… And you’ve never said anything against a teacher before,” Severus replied, still not fully grasping Lily’s anger.
After all, Professor Parkinson was also his teacher, and he himself could see nothing manipulative in his teaching style—and he said so to Lily.
She rolled her eyes and said almost accusingly, “Don’t tell me you’re falling for him too… Why does everyone like him? He hasn’t mentioned once how much harm the Dark Arts cause, and how people get humiliated, injured, and killed in the process, Severus.”
“Finding Dark Magic interesting doesn’t mean you want to kill people,” he said, trying to defend both the teacher and himself.
Severus found Lily’s hasty judgment a little unfair, but he didn’t dare say so.
He had already read many books on the Dark Arts.
As a child, he had poured over his mother’s old texts, simply because it gave him the sense of having at least some control over the small part of life that concerned him.
It was like organizing his clothes in his wardrobe—he could decide exactly how and where to place each item.
He was constantly pushed around and belittled. Others made decisions for him and acted as they pleased, without considering him or his feelings. First his father, and now James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter.
But when he practiced magic and brewed potions, he had control. Then—and only then—did he feel that no one else could dictate to him.
Another, smaller yet still significant reason was that he was simply talented at it, and it felt good to be recognized and appreciated for his skill.
Lily, who had no idea about his thoughts, his inner restlessness, or his desire for self-determination, just snorted. “I beg you, Severus. Why else would anyone think the Dark Arts are great, if not to hurt others?”
“I—” Severus began, trying to explain his perspective, but broke off when Lily made an impatient gesture and said, “Change of subject, please. I hate this Dark Arts talk.”
He just nodded and, trying to bring up a neutral topic, asked, “How far are you with the essay?”
“Almost done,” Lily replied, brushing a strand of hair from her face.
Severus watched as the strand slowly slipped back and fell into her eyes again.
He was about to dip his quill into the inkwell to finish his own essay, but it slid to the side. Somewhat confused, he looked at the inkwell and tried again. Once more, it slid sideways.
Frowning and narrowing his eyes, he looked around. There was nothing to be seen.
And yet he was certain that James and Sirius were behind it. But how on earth were they doing it?
He tried once more to dip his quill—and again, the inkwell slid, this time toward the edge of the table.
“Lily…” Severus said, about to point at his inkwell as it moved on its own, when it fell off the table with a clattering crash.
Severus flinched. The noise reminded him of his father, who, in fits of rage, used to throw bottles of beer against the living room walls.
The Gryffindor, who was lost in thought over her essay and muttering inwardly about Professor Parkinson, jumped as well. “What was that?”
Severus pointed to the broken inkwell and drew his wand.
A quietly muttered “Reparo” later, he hastily picked up the repaired bottle and held it firmly in his hand. It had originally belonged to his mother, and he had promised himself he would always take good care of her things.
“You’re not usually this clumsy,” Lily frowned.
“I wasn’t,” Severus said. “It fell on its own.” He realized, as he spoke, how ridiculous it sounded.
The Gryffindor only laughed. “Sure. It fell on its own. Come on, Sev.”
Severus said nothing. Lily wouldn’t believe him anyway.
Instead, he muttered another quiet spell, and the ink blot on the floor disappeared.
Lily placed her inkwell in the center of the table, and Severus dipped his quill with a grateful smile in her direction.
But Lily’s inkwell began moving suspiciously slowly toward the edge of the table, fell off, and shattered with a clatter.
Both Lily and Severus jerked upright at the same time.
“What—” Lily began, glancing around suspiciously.
Severus looked around as well. “I told you so!”
“But things don’t just fall on their own,” Lily said, rolling her eyes.
Severus repaired her inkwell as well and placed it carefully back in front of her.
“Well, great,” Lily sighed quietly. “Now I’ll have to borrow ink from Marlene again and write the essay tonight.”
She began packing up her things.
Severus, who didn’t have any spare ink either and hadn’t finished his own essay yet, packed up his things as well. He, too, was irritated at being interrupted—both in his homework and in his time with Lily.
As he did so, the Slytherin kept glancing around.
He felt watched, and he didn’t like it at all.
What he liked even less was the feeling that James and Sirius were watching him—that they could attack and hex him at any moment.
On the way to the library door, Severus suddenly stumbled, crashed into Lily, and pulled her down with him.
Her schoolbag burst open, its contents spilling across the floor.
“Are you hurt?” he asked, trying to get up—but he lost his balance again and fell back down.
Panicked, his hands trembling, he reached for his wand.
Now he was absolutely certain that James and Sirius were behind it.
He had distinctly felt a shove.
“What are you doing, Severus?” Lily had already gotten back to her feet with ease and was looking at him skeptically.
“I was pushed,” he said, helping her gather her things.
Lily sighed again—this time with a note of irritation.
“But there’s no one here, Severus. You just tripped. It’s fine. Just admit it.”
Her gaze fell on his wand. “And put that away. There’s nothing here—and no one—who wants to hurt you.”
“It was Potter and Black,” Severus insisted, still looking around angrily, alert.
His panic was slowly turning into anger.
“This is starting to get ridiculous, Severus,” Lily said, her tone now sounding very much like McGonagall’s whenever someone offered an exceptionally stupid excuse for not having done their homework.
Severus pressed his lips together so tightly it hurt.
Why didn’t she believe him?
He knew it didn’t sound particularly realistic, but it had to have been the two of them.
There was simply no other explanation. He wasn’t a clumsy person—and he certainly wasn’t imagining things.
The opening library door spared him from having to justify himself any further. He wouldn’t have known what else to say anyway.
He was even more relieved when he saw that it was Lucius who had entered.
Severus slipped his wand back into his robes, which he had been gripping tensely in his hand.
“Severus,” Lucius greeted him with a friendly nod.
The older Slytherin immediately noticed the tense atmosphere.
“Has something happened here?” he asked Severus, casting a disdainful glance at Lily.
Lily had just opened her mouth to reply, but Lucius cut her off. “I have been speaking with Severus—mudblood,” he said, addressing Lily.
Both Lily and Severus gasped at the same time.
“What did you just call me?” Lily’s green eyes flashed.
She remembered all too well the encounter with Sirius and his parents back in Diagon Alley. They had called her the same thing, and Severus and Professor McGonagall had explained that it was a severe insult to muggleborn witches and wizards.
Severus also stared at the older Slytherin in disbelief. “Lucius.”
The blond seemed completely unaware of any wrongdoing. He merely raised an eyebrow and looked disdainfully at Lily again. “If you would excuse us… I would like to speak with Severus. Alone.”
Lily snorted. “Don’t worry. I’m going willingly. I’d rather not spend time in the company of people like you.”
She glanced at Severus one last time and nodded briefly before turning sharply.
Her red hair whipped through the air.
Severus flinched as the door slammed shut behind her.