Chapter Text
He's… lying down. On a hard surface. He can hear frantic voices somewhere nearby, but he doesn't recognize them. Where… is he?
He opens his eyes to see a glitching screen above him.
He blinks.
No, wait– it's not a screen, it's just a weird, colorful blob of glitches. Or, maybe it is a screen, and it's 3D?
He feels his face for 3D glasses. Nothing.
The headset, he suddenly remembers, grabbing at his face again to see if it's still on. It's not, of course—if it was he would have felt it when checking for the glasses.
Then he sees his hands.
His hands are… what? What?
“What the [BLEEP]?”
He flinches at the loud censor noise, but he has bigger concerns. These aren't his hands.
But they are. When he flexes his fingers, the yellow gloved hands move. They are attached to spindly purple arms, and is that… fur?
What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck–
The glitches disappear with a painfully loud pop, and suddenly it's dark. He covers his head on instinct and immediately restarts his internal mantra.
–what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck– Is that–?
He moves his hands over them frantically, hoping he's mistaken.
Bunny ears?
And he can—feel them. He can feel himself touching them. They're part of his body.
He's gasping for breath now. Where is he? How did he get here? His eyes aren't adjusting to the darkness—is it really pitch black in here? Where is here!?
A voice—closer than others—calls out.
“Is everyone alright? Pomni? Gangle?” It's a woman's voice. He wracks his brain, hoping it's someone he knows, but he swears he's never heard it before.
A couple more voices answer affirmatively, though they both sound a bit shaky.
“Kinger? …Jax?” The first voice calls.
“Huh? What?” A voice responds. Only one voice, this time, even though she called two names.
“Are you okay, Kinger?” the voice repeats.
“Oh! Yes, I'm fine.”
“Um… where's… Jax?” A nervous voice asks—another woman.
“Jax? Are you here?” the first voice asks.
Nobody answers.
He covers his mouth to stifle the sound of his breathing. Do they know he's here? Who are they? What the fuck is happening?
He pins is weird fucking rabbit ears to his head and covers his head defensively. He curls up, small as he can and tries to hold his breath. But he's still hyperventilating, and he– he can't. Why is it so dark? Where is he? What's happening? Who are these people? What the fuck is happening?
The voices say more things but he can't make out the words, he can't listen, he can't– fucking– breathe.
He gasps for air, far too loudly, then quickly moves his hands to cover his mouth again.
With his ears uncovered, their voices are loud enough he couldn't ignore them if he tried.
“Did– did anyone else hear that?” A voice—painfully high pitched—squeaks.
“It's– it's probably nothing,” the first voice says reassuringly. He picks up a slight country twang this time. He doesn't know why, but he fixates on that. Something, anything familiar.
“Um… it sounded like a person,” the second voice says.
“It came from over here,” country girl replies. “Let me just, uh…” the voice gets a little closer. “Is… is someone there?”
“H-hey, Kinger, could you hold your breath for a minute?”
“Oh! Sure, I can do that,” the male voice—the only one of the group, Jax vaguely registers—responds.
Wait… huh?
It's such a strange request, it breaks through his panic a bit. Why would this ‘Kinger’ fellow need to hold his breath?
“Good idea, Pomni! Then we'll be able to see,” the first voice says.
He's missing something. How does that connect? But then he realizes he doesn't care. He scrambles to sit up. He doesn't care how dark it is anymore, he just needs to get away.
Almost as soon as he does, a piercing light shatters the darkness. He flinches back, trying desperately to block the light with his hands. His eyes water at the effort to keep them open, and he can barely see despite his best efforts.
“Oh, jeez, I forgot how bright that is,” country girl says.
He blinks rapidly, desperate to see. Someone is walking towards him, shielding their own eyes.
It's—
A… ragdoll?
“What the [BLEEP],” he says, suddenly more dumbfounded than anything.
“Jax!” country girl—the ragdoll—says. “Why didn't you say anything earlier?”
His eyes flick back and forth. He doesn't know what she's talking about. Is she talking to him? He is so fucking confused.
“Y-yeah, you… scared me…” the high pitched voice trails off. Off to the side he sees… some sort of weird… red… skeleton…? Or is that… ribbon…? With a mask?
“Jax?” the second voice says. His eyes snap toward her voice, and he sees a strange, cartoonish jester. She's looking at him with a furrowed brow and worried eyes. “Are you… okay?”
It clicks into place. They are talking to him. Jax is him.
“Why are you calling me…” he starts to say, then trails off when he realizes.
He can't remember his name.
What the absolute ever living fuck?
“Jax?” the country girl says, looking straight at him. She's folded her arms and looks… really annoyed.
He laughs nervously before he can stop himself. These people are acting like they know him. They think his name is Jax—hell, maybe it is. It's not like he can remember.
“So, uh… where are we…?” he asks hesitantly.
Maybe… Maybe this is the headset? Some… weird, immersive video game…?
That… that doesn't make sense, he knows that makes so sense (this is real he can feel it and he doesn't know how he got here ) but he clings to that thought. If this is some sort of tutorial, then, then they should answer his questions, right?
The light goes out as suddenly as it came on. “Hoo. Give me a minute,” Kinger(?) says.
With the darkness returned, the panic starts creeping in again.
“You're the one who got us here,” country girl says, sounding cross.
“But…” He wants to scream.
Clearly she has some idea what's happening, because she thinks they know each other.
…And since they know each other, she assumes he knows the same information she does. And, apparently, she thinks this is his fault, so she's not about to start explaining whatever the fuck she thinks he did. Fucking christ this is a shitty tutorial.
Because this is a game. Just some really advanced VR that feels… real. And he doesn't remember starting. And he can't remember his name inside of.
Yeah, great, really convincing theory he has going there.
His mind blinks over to Sword Art Online, and he quickly shoves that away. This is real life, not some anime. He needs to be realistic.
“Jax,” Kinger says, his voice much closer than before. “Do you remember how we got here?”
He spins to face Kinger, but it doesn't make a difference in the darkness.
“No I, uh, must've hit my head or something,” he says, the words spilling instinctively from his mouth.
Maybe he really did hit his head. (Except his head doesn't hurt—though it will soon with the tension building behind his eyes.)
Or maybe he’s having a really bad trip. (Except he doesn't feel high. In fact, he feels all too sober.)
“Are you sure you're okay?” the voice belonging to that cartoonish little jester
“Ah, yep. All good here,” he says, voice shaky. He's an excellent liar, but circumstances this insane were enough to knock anyone off their game.
“Um, how– how are we going to get out of here?” Ribbons asks.
“We might just have to wait for Caine to get us—I've never seen one of his adventures break like that,” Ragdoll says with a sigh.
“Y–yeah, I didn't see any walls or anything while Kinger was glowing,” Jester says. “It was just… black.”
“So we're– we're trapped?” Ribbons asks, getting even squeakier, somehow.
He wants to tell them all to shut up, they're talking too loud, but he's… scared. Sue him—even he has a right to be scared in a wacked out situation like this.
The light comes back on.
His eyes ache as they adjust, but he's able to see much faster this time.
The jester girl is right—when he glances around there is nothing. It's just an endless black space. If there is anything out there, it's too far from the light to see it.
He squints at the light, trying to figure out what it is. It's… tall, and pretty big, but it's too bright to make out anything else about it.
“C'mon everyone, let's stick close together so Kinger can stop holding his breath,” Ragdoll says.
Ribbons and Jester are already moving towards her, but he takes a step back. He's torn. On one hand, he should probably stick with them, for now at least. On the other, he kind of wants to stay where he is until this nightmare ends.
Jester looks over at him, then diverts her path toward him instead. Her face is openly worried.
“Jax? What's wrong?” she asks.
His entire brain feels like it's shutting down, and it takes him too long to answer. Her concern grows.
“Jax?”
“Nothing. I'm– I'm fine,” he finally says, instinct kicking in.
She doesn't look convinced, but she holds out a hand. He stares at it, confused.
“When Kinger runs out of breath I'd like to know where you are,” she explains with a small, hopeful smile.
“Jax, what are you just standing there for?” Ragdoll asks.
Jax, that's him. He's Jax. And he's drawing attention to himself. He loves attention, of course, but only when he's in control. He feels the farthest thing from ‘in control’ right now.
He doesn't want to hold anyone's hand, but…
Jax makes up his mind quickly, and grabs onto the Jester's hand. He doesn't waste any more time standing there, and starts walking toward where Ragdoll and Ribbins are waiting. Jester's legs are much shorter than his, so she has to jog to keep up with his brisk pace.
The light has also moved towards them, and up close it's blinding. Once they're all grouped together, the light ends up next to him.
Then something grabs his other hand.
He jolts– tries to look at the light– he can't, it's too bright– but what's holding his hand?
Then the light is out, and he can't see anything.
He's trying not to panic. He really, really is.
But his breathing is short and fast, and he can't stop it.
Whatever is holding his left hand moves closer. He keeps himself rooted to the spot. Don't freak out, he tells himself. Stay cool.
“Jax? What's wrong?” Kinger quietly asks, right by his ear.
Jax forces his breathing to slow. Kinger is the one who grabbed his hand. Wait… was Kinger glowing before? That made a strange amount of sense, actually. As much sense as anything.
“Nothing. I'm all good,” he says. His voice is steadier now, but still not very convincing to his own ears.
“Are you sure?” Jester asks from his other side. “You seem…” she trails off.
He grits his teeth. “Yep. Fantastic.”
“Aaah!” Jester lets out a startled shout beside him. Jax flinches, trying to back away from the overwhelming noise but neither she nor Kinger let go.
“Sorry, Pomni!” Ragdoll says. “It's just me. You okay?”
Jester (Pomni?) lets out a sharp exhale. “Y-yeah, I'm okay.”
“Are Gangle and Zooble here?” Kinger asks.
“I'm here,” Ribbons (Gangle?) says. “And Zooble stayed behind again, remember?”
“Oh! Right, I remember now.”
Jax takes a deep breath and swallows his fear. He needs answers. “Why… are we here?”
“Um… what do you mean?” Gangle asks.
Jax hesitates, unsure how to continue without sounding like a fucking nutjob. This situation is nuts, but he wants to blend in.
“Don't play dumb, Jax. This is your fault,” Ragdoll says.
Jax really, really wants to scream. He's not playing dumb! He really doesn't know!!
He glares in her direction, but it's too dark to matter. Jax wishes his hands were free so he could shake her until she told him. Maybe get a punch in for good measure if she keeps acting like a bitch.
A colorful swirling circle suddenly appears several yards away from them.
“Hey! Looks like Caine figured something out,” Ragdoll says.
A soft light emanates from it; he can finally see again. Jax sags in relief. The fight isn't completely gone from him, but it's easier to keep his cool without the absolute nothing of the darkness.
Kinger (who is apparently a living chess piece) releases his hand and shuffles forward, disappearing through the portal (...he's not even shocked at this point) after Ragdoll and Gangle.
Pomni doesn't let go. She looks up at him with a smile, but there's still a worried air to her expression.
“C'mon, let's go,” she says, giving his hand a soft tug.
Jax follows her to the portal without resistance.
When they step through, Jax flattens his (ridiculous) bunny ears against his skull. The room they've entered is huge and bright—not as blindingly bright as Kinger was, but enough to make him squint against it. There are vast, empty swaths of white interspersed with areas of garish color. It looks—childish. Like a kids room. Or maybe some kind of fucked up kids’ mansion, considering the size and scale of it all.
The worst part is the booming voice speaking only a few feet away, coming from…
“What the actual [bleep],” Jax says.
The pair of eyeballs inside the floating dentures fix on him.
“Now, now, Jax,” it (he?) says. “You know I don't appreciate that kind of language.”
It floats toward him and Jax stumbles back, ripping his hand away from Pomni's.
The teeth tilt and—it has a humanoid body attached holy shit—raises a hand to its… chin?
Jax has no idea how to parse what's happening.
“What's that look for!? We just had some small technical difficulties, but it's all sorted!” Teeth says.
“The whole adventure crashed,” Gangle says. Is she always on the verge of tears? Jax wonders, feeling a little hysterical.
“Like I said! Small technical difficulties!!” Teeth turns his attention to Ribbon, but Jax can't take his eyes off him. He can feel a pounding headache forming behind his eyes.
“H-hey, um, Caine? Are you… sure you fixed it?” Pomni asks nervously.
“Of course I am, my dear Pomni!” Teeth practically shouts. He zooms over to her (holy shit the teeth are so close to him they're right there) “Why do you ask?”
“Just, uh…” Pomni's eyes flick between Jax and Caine. “Jax has been acting kind of… weird.”
Someone sighs. “He's probably just messing with you or something,” a new voice says.
Jax doesn't take his eyes off Caine as the teeth slowly turn to face him.
“Hmmm,” Caine rubs his chin(??) thoughtfully. “Let me check!”
Caine is in Jax's space before he can react. Jax tries to back away, but Caine grabs hold of his arm.
Jax freezes, heart pounding as Caine's eyes glaze over with indecipherable walls of scrolling text. He barely dares to breathe.
Ding. Caine's eyes return to normal.
Caine lets go of him, and Jax rubs his arm where he was holding.
“Tell me, Jax… what's the last thing you remember?” Caine asks. He fiddles with his hands like he's nervous.
“Uh…” Jax flicks his eyes back and forth, trying to escape the intense stare, trying to decide if he should lie… His eyes catch on Pomni. She gives him an encouraging thumbs up.
He doesn't feel encouraged, but he isn't willing to risk indecision. If he wants answers, he should start with the truth. “I was… with some friends. They dared me to put this… headset on…”
Caine stares at him for a moment. Jax tries to look anywhere but the teeth hanging in front of his face.
Finally, finally, Caine puts some distance between them, as he floats up higher to address everyone.
“It would seem the… error… corrupted Jax's memory,” Caine says. Jax thinks he's going for authoritative, but he's falling a bit short.
Ragdoll covers her mouth and looks at Jax with wide eyes. There's a new, abstract art sort of person standing next to her who's raising a skeptical brow.
“Th-that can happen?” Gangle asks, dismayed.
“W-wait, so he doesn't remember anything?” Pomni asks.
“This is a very unusual set of circumstances so, no, this cannot typically happen. HOWEVER, it seems that it has! He has lost all memory of his years at the circus.”
Nervous mutterings arise from the others, but Jax isn't listening anymore.
“Hang on– did you just say years?”
Everyone goes quiet. He looks between all of them. Their expressions and their silence speaks volumes.
The only one not caught in the tension is Caine. He swoops toward Jax. “Now, I know this must be shocking for you, but–”
“Don't [BLEEP]ing touch me!” Jax slaps away Caine's hand.
Everyone is still staring at him. Jax folds his arms and backs away, trying to keep all of them in his sight.
Ragdoll moves first.
“O-okay, it's gonna be okay, Jax.”
Jax stares at her. Is that stupid platitude supposed to make him feel better?
“Right. And you are?” she looks shocked by the question. Jax narrows his eyes instead of rolling them. “Sorry, dolly, but I haven't caught your name yet.”
“Oh, um, of course. I'm Ragatha!” she smiles and it screams fake fake fake.
The name is pretty on the nose, but frankly Jax has bigger problems.
“This is Pomni, Gangle, Zooble, and over there is Kinger,” she lists off, motioning to each of them in turn.
Pomni looks on the verge of tears; Gangle and Zooble have gone from shocked to nervous and suspicious respectively; and Kinger is currently crawling inside a pillow fort.
“And I'm Caine, your ringmaster here at the AMAZING Digital Circus! This is Bubble, and–”
“Digital? So is this a game?” Jax interrupts.
Caine seems disturbed for a moment, but quickly regains his footing. “We do have many fun activities and games here at the circus! Seeing as you've done this once before, I can say with confidence you'll have a blast with them!”
Jax's head feels like it's about to pop from the pressure building inside it. He rubs above his forehead, trying to think, but his brain is turning into molasses.
“It's not… really a game, no,” Pomni says. He opens his eyes to see she's approached him. “We’re in a digital world, but there's not any sort of objective or story. We just… live here.”
Jax stares, brain running on overdrive.
Live here.
Years.
It actually fucking is Sword Art Online, isn't it?
“Let me guess,” he says wearily, even though he's not sure he wants to know the answer. “We're trapped in here?”
Pomni grimaces, but Caine cuts in before she can answer.
“I wouldn't call it trapped, but you will indeed spend the rest of your days enjoying the WONDERS the Amazing Digital Circus has to offer.”
Jax stares, but he's hardly seeing anymore.
He takes a deep breath. Then another. He doesn't trust these people, he reminds himself. He has no reason to believe them.
After another deep breath he looks around again.
…Even if he doesn't believe it, he needs to clarify.
“And you're saying… I've been here for years. And I forgot?” His voice is unsteady but goddammit he's earned that much.
“Correctamundo!” Caine says, accompanied by a winning slot machine sound.
Jax presses his ears to his head again. Does Caine have to be so loud?
And god, he's always hated loud noises but was it always this bad? Is it because of these giant fucking ears on his head?
He wants to ask why he's apparently a fucking rabbit, but he already feels sickly full of information. He thinks he'll explode if he hears any more. Besides, if this really is what it seems to be… he's going to have plenty of time to figure out the answers.
Jax is pretty sure he's never wanted answers less in his life.
“Can you get his memories back?” Pomni asks Caine. “Like, fix the glitch or something?”
“I have no ability to affect your memories or thoughts whatsoever!” Caine says all too cheerfully. He sees Pomni's big, sad eyes and hesitates. “I will… see what I can do. But don't get your hopes up! I'm not promising anything.”
“Thanks, Caine,” she says with a grateful smile.
Jax feels sick. He doesn't want anyone fucking around inside his mind.
“I live to serve!” Caine says with a bow. “But for now…” he stops, like he's thinking. Or… loading? Is he a person? Are any of them people?
“He needs a tour,” the strangely menacing looking Bubble says, popping up beside Caine.
“Gadzoinks you're right, Bubble!!” Caine shouts.
Caine zooms toward him again and Jax barely gets out of the way.
“What part of ‘don't [BLEEP]ing touch me’ did you not understand!?” Jax yells.
Jax is afraid Caine will grab him anyway, but his words actually make Caine pause.
Caine clears his non-existent throat. “Well, in that case, I will give you the tour tomorrow! Follow me! I'll show you your room.”
Jax does not want to follow Caine anywhere.
“Actually, Caine, how about I show him?” Pomni speaks up. Jax glances over, she's standing beside him again.
Caine's head(?) turns around like an owl, then his body follows.
“You want to show him?” he asks Pomni, sounding confused.
“Y-yeah. That way you can make sure nothing else is going to, um, break. And see what you can do about his memories.”
Caine stares for a long moment. Pomni looks hopefully back. Jax shifts his gaze between the two of them.
“Excellent idea, Pomni!” Caine exclaims. “Make sure our brand new Jax gets settled in!”
Then he's gone. He just disappears, like he was never there in the first place.
Jax looks around. “Where did he go?”
“Oh, he'll be back eventually,” Ragatha says, smiling.
Does she think that's comforting, or…?
Triangle-head (What did Ragatha say their name was? Zooble?) narrows their eyes at him, then looks around to the others. “Are we sure Jax isn't just [BLEEP]ing with us?”
Jax stares at them, bewildered, and a little offended, though he's trying not to show it.
“You heard Caine,” Pomni says. Jax looks down at her. She's really sticking up for him.
He wonders what she's thinking.
“I'm just asking.” They look at him again, and their judgemental stare makes him want to scream. “It's not like Caine's the most reliable guy.”
“What the [BLEEP] is your problem?” he asks.
They roll their eyes, like this is exactly what they expected from him. Despite being the tallest one in the room, it makes him feel strangely small.
“My problem is that this is the exact kind of [BLEEP] you pull all the time!”
“Th-that's not true!” Pomni jumps to his defense again. Her eyes flicker toward Jax, and for a split second she looks unsure. It makes him feel sick.
The doubt is gone in an instant, and she soldiers on like it was never there. “Just look at him, Zooble! Do you really think he's faking it?”
Zooble does look at him. In fact, everyone is looking at him. Jax wants to punch every one of them in their stupid cartoon faces.
“[BLEEP] off,” he chokes out, baking away.
He's outnumbered and overwhelmed. His head is pounding and it's all too bright and he still doesn't understand what's happening.
He doesn't trust them. Why should he believe what these people say? Maybe they're the ones pulling some sick joke on him.
“Okay, everyone, let's just calm down,” Ragatha says, holding her hands up placatingly towards both him and Zooble…
But she's looking at him, not Zooble. Like he's the problem here.
“Jax,” Pomni says beside him. He snaps his gaze to lock with hers. She looks anxious, smiles kindly at him anyway. “Let's go. I'll show you your room.”
It takes him a moment to actually process what she's said, but when he does he gives a nod. He doesn't trust his voice right now.
Pomni starts walking, so he follows. He can feel the other's stares boring into his back, but he refuses to look back.
Pomni leads him over to a set of stairs. Once they're out of sight from the others, she glances at him, nervous. She looks like she wants to say something, but she doesn't.
While they're climbing the stairs she glances at him again.
Then again.
“Will you just spit it out?”
She startles at his question, and he feels a twinge of regret. He's trying not to be hostile toward the only person who seems to be on his side here, really he’s trying, but why is she looking at him like that?
“Oh, um… I'm– worried, I guess. Are you… okay?”
He stops and stares at her. “[BLEEP]ing fantastic,” he says, completely deadpan.
She laughs nervously. “Right, uh… stupid question.”
She keeps giving him a look as they climb the stairs, but he bites his tongue. He folds his arms tight against his body and looks away, wishing she'd leave him alone—his side or not.
“Aren't you going to ask about the censor?” she blurts out when they reach the top. He looks at her. She continues, flustered. “I-I mean, when I first got here it really freaked me out.”
He swears his brain is fucking melting out of his ears. All he can do is stare at her for a long moment as she grows increasingly uncomfortable.
“Gonna be honest, shorty,” he eventually replies. “That's pretty far down on my list right now.”
“Right! Yeah, no, of course. Makes sense.”
It doesn't seem like she'll keep walking, so he starts moving first. The long hallway is lined with doors, each one with a crossed out picture on it. Despite everything else that's happened today, he finds it in himself to be disturbed.
“You're handling this pretty well.”
He really doesn't have anything to say to that, so his only response is a glance. She tugs on one side of her jester hat.
“I mean, you're handling way better than I did when I first got here,” she continues, seeming unsure of herself.
Jax narrows his eyes, but he doesn't stop moving, and doesn't stop scanning the hallway doors.
“You're… feeling pretty quiet, huh?” she says. She's slowed down—probably hoping he will too, but he walks steadily onward.
They've finally reached some pictures that aren't crossed off, and Jax slows to a stop in front of one…
He stops and stares at the purple bunny with a Cheshire grin. Is that what he looks like…?
“Do you… have any questions? I could try to answer them,” Pomni says behind him.
Something inside Jax, sharp and brittle, snaps. He whirls around.
“Do you ever shut up!?” he snarls.
She steps back, eyes wide. Then her hurt expression turns to pity. It's absolutely insufferable.
“Sorry,” she says, and her understanding enrages him. “This must be really overwhelming. I'll go.” She takes a step back, then turns with a little wave. “I'll be around. My door is uh, right across the hall,” she points. “So if you need anything, let me know, okay?”
He wishes she'd fight back. Why the fuck is she just taking this? The others seem to hate him already, so why doesn't she?
“God, just– leave me alone,” he says, rubbing his arms.
She nods, waves again, then walks back the way she came.
He feels cold in the empty hallway. It feels so big and empty, nothing like the cramped spaces and small rooms he's so used to.
Pomni glances over her shoulder at him, and he immediately turns to face the door. His door.
When he tries it, it's locked. He glances around, then checks his pocket.
He finds a key, and sure enough, it fits. There's a click as he unlocks the door, and he steps inside.