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Mike Wheeler has not been a lot of things lately.
He hadn't been the best boyfriend to El, so things were sort of awkward between them since they came back. He could sense it, when El barely met up with him after they got back from Lenora.
They could attempt to blast the elephant out of the room if they could. But she looked at him now just the same way as any of their friends. She said she wanted to focus on training with Hopper, to defeat Henry once and for all. And it's good that she did. Really. Mike had no issues about that. It's just El didn't need him anymore like she used to.
And as for him? He… didn't know what he wanted. And when El stopped relying on him, he didn't know what to do anymore.
‘Do you have no plans on talking about it at all?’ Will once asked him. The Byers lived with them now, albeit temporarily, but his parents had no idea how long. Mike didn't care anyhow. It helped in some ways that the Byers were back in Hawkins.
There was some semblance of normalcy now that he could talk again with Will face to face. Talking with Will has always been easy. Probably the most natural thing in his sixteen year life.
So it was true when he told Will that it felt like he lost him when they moved. If Eddie Munson didn't gather such lost sheep like him, he probably didn't know what else to do in high school. Now, just thinking about Eddie...
So he joined Hellfire because at least it made him feel like he's closer to what he once was. Closer to Will.
El told him in her letter that Will might have found someone he liked and something about it just twisted his stomach inside out. He tried his best not to pay attention to it, so the week before he was bound to California, he bought flowers. And bought new clothes that no one would think he was being suspicious, other than just channeling springtime in California.
But suspicions about what, Mike? asked Nancy.
When they buried that agent, it was like burying a part of himself, too.
He knew he had been awkward with Will since he got there. And he was more interested in that painting. But why? Why Mike? He needed to turn off his internal thoughts, because if the demogorgons didn't kill him, his father would.
Mike Wheeler had not been a lot of things lately, and he was certainly not being Mike The Brave at all.
❯❯❯❯
Then Will told everyone he didn't like girls. I like them, just not like you guys did.
When Will killed that demogorgon in front of him, he thought he found the second best thing that ever happened in his life. Will, his best friend, his number one supporter, just killed a fucking demo with his mind.
And as Mike watched him from afar— really watched him— he felt it. The electricity. Not the one Mr. Clarke had thought of them before. A different kind of buzz and it tickled the neurons in his brain. Before he knew it, he was on his feet and he was hugging Will so tightly despite himself.
And then his mind went back to the words of his father.
Somehow it was easier, not showing any emotions. Not showing interest in anything. El couldn't help with that anymore and she knew. Mike couldn't stay with her knowing it would fully hurt her.
There were much more important things to focus on. Holly is in grave danger, his parents are injured. If they find out what I think of Will, will they even accept me as a son?
And then he witnessed how everyone accepted Will quickly. He tried to make sure no one noticed. That while Will was telling everyone how he felt, it definitely did not open a Pandora's box within himself.
But Mike could see how it truly hurt him, saying all that while in fear that noseless bastard would use it against him. He wished he could talk to him about it. That no matter what, even if everyone had left, that he would always be there for Will. No matter what.
He wished they had more time.
Mike thought it was his fault. That Will couldn't find it in himself to talk about it even with his mom or his brother. That he was scared now, because Mike made him feel so alone that summer.
He thought of what happened in their garage. He wanted to apologize, but this Upside Down shit was kept being thrown at them even though this wasn't the burden they had to endure.
He thought of what Will said in the pizza van. He definitely knew what he was talking about. He knew it in his heart.
His cowardice could not even confront Will, who was literally living with him, about the painting. Is there even an easy way when there are too many expectations on you?
Who would he talk about all of these? Nancy? El? Lucas?
And if he started dwelling on these thoughts, what would happen next?
When Will told everyone his truth, Mike tried his best to act normal. He was happy. He was sad. He was pissed. Who was his Tammy? Was it not me— No. Impossible. Maybe he's moved on. He didn't know what to think or feel. He didn't have time to think of them when shit was thrown at them again.
Maybe it was better to be a coward forever.
❯❯❯❯
There was a certain itch in his brain as they tried to infiltrate the gate for the last time. The itch became uncontrollable as they moved closer to the lab. Somehow, he didn't want to team up with anyone else other than Will.
He didn't want to leave Will alone in case he planned to do something stupid like sacrificing himself to the Abyss.
It was like an unspoken agreement with everyone that his position in this mission was beside Will. Just underneath the exotic matter. Most perfect place where he could tap into the hive mind easily. Well why not? He was the best friend. But Nancy was eyeing him as if knowingly.
Take care of Will, okay? I know you can, Mike.
Jonathan Byers was certainly threatening him even if his tone was gentle and worried.
He nodded. That earned a small smile and pat on the shoulder from Jonathan. Nancy gave him a hug.
When everyone else had gone to their position, it was only him and Will who were left waiting for their signal.
They sit silently on the melted white cement, face to face. For all the times that they talk with ease, this is the only time that they do not speak at all. The entire place looks like a room with unfinished white paint, all melted and abandoned. Just like—
“Hey.” It is Will who broke the silence. “Did you ever think that we'd ever get to this point?”
“Like find out that a wormhole is our neighbor?” Mike attempts, pointing at it.
Will laughs. “That, and many other things.”
Oh. The cement in this room is not the only thing that has melted.
He fucking misses that laugh.
“Mr. Clarke would definitely kill to be here, but he has to babysit Erica.”
“I wish we could take pictures of it. You know? Souvenir.”
“Yeah.” Says Mike. Fuck, the conversation cannot just end right there. “Um, Will—”
“I kind of want to touch it. It doesn't look like it could kill. It didn't hurt Hol—”
“Will?”
“Yeah?”
“I just— Um— I just want to say that— Shit—” He squeezes his eyes shut. Mike is so not good at the feelings department and he fucking knows it now. This is why El broke up with him. He couldn't even tell her he loved her. He is so full of shit for thinking—
“Mike?” A soft whisper. When he opens his eyes, Will is right in front of him. Hands on his knees. “What's the matter? Don't say the matter is above us I will literally kill you—”
“What, no!” Then Mike bursts out laughing. He feels Will’s palms on his knees and all of a sudden, he is hyper-aware that Will might also feel that he has been buzzing, shaking inside. “I just want to say that you are… braver than anyone I have ever known. Well, mom is close to a second but—"
Fuck, he's blabbering. Then Will takes his hands off his knees. No, no, no, no. Come back. “Is it because of what I did earlier?”
“That, and many other things.” He smiles. Mike knows for sure he looks like an idiot right now.
“It feels much better now that I've said it. I was planning to say it to Mom only, then Jonathan, then you, but like we're all probably going to die and I figured—”
Me? He was going to let me know alone?
“First of all, don't say that. Second, I'm glad you felt safe telling everyone.”
“Thanks.”
Then it's quiet again. Mike takes a deep breath through his mouth.
“Hey, are you really okay?” Will asks.
He is far from okay. In fact, he has so many questions. But with the time that they have right now, any second, they will have to face the battle again. And Mike will be left with all these questions in his heart again. His heart.
“Uh, Will. Do you remember when you said I was the heart?” Will nods. “I just think it seems far-fetched.”
“What? Why? El saved Max last year because of what you told her—”
“I know, but, El and I had a talk. This was before we broke up officially. She remembered relaxing herself to get out of the vines, but in the end she couldn't save Max in time. It wasn't my words. But it helped hearing something from the real word. My voice connected her to the physical world. That's what she said.”
“But—”
“I just think you're wrong about me. That's all. I think I've been disappointing everyone for the past year.”
“Mike.”
“No, listen. I just wished I paid more attention to Holly, but I didn't. Fuck.” He looks away from Will, glances at something else other than those hazel eyes. “I could've told Mom about the Upside Down, but I didn't.”
“Mike.”
“Like what kind of fucking heart am I?” His eyes are blurry. His cheeks are wet. Is he seriously fucking crying in the Upside Down right now?
“Mike. Look at me.” Then Will grabs him by the shoulders. “Hey.”
Now that he is looking at Will, he feels that electricity again. It is not as sharp as an electric shock, but it sends deep, deep solace into his body. Now if he could just bathe in it, it would be... better. But...
“What I am about to say right now, I hope you don't hate me for it. I really hope to God that you don't.”
There are tears in Will's eyes again. Just like in the van. Just like in the radio station. Shit. Shit, shit, shit—
“You're the heart, because without you— without those memories of you, I wouldn't have come back from the dead. I wouldn't have been able to kill those demos. All of it was possible because of our memories together."
Together. Will...
"My happy memories, you know what? Most of them were with you. And sometimes it hurts thinking about it, but you were really one of the best things that ever happened to me, Mike.”
“Will—”
“So don't ever think you're not the heart. You have always been. And if you're not, then who do I give mine to?”
“T-Tammy? I am.. I was…”
“You were…”
“Were?" So he really moved on? He's too late. He's too late. And Will is still crying. Why is he—? “Will, what… what makes you think I'm not like you?”
“Mike… what…?”
“And if you don't like me anymore," he has no idea where is this bravery coming from right now. Guess, here fucking goes nothing for Mike Wheeler, who were once brave, "I'll make you like me again."
“You, what..?”
Will looks at him like he's seen a ghost. “I’m—”
“Team Wormhole, do you copy? TEAM WORMHOLE, DO YOU COPY?”
Perfect time to recall they are on a mission.
“Fuck it to hell, Dustin Henderson!” Mike Wheeler grabs the walkie and screams, “I fucking copy, you ass!"
“What the hell is your problem, asshole?” Dustin’s robotic voice blares through the walkie. Mike drops the walkie and rolls his eyes. They both stand up. Or he grabs Will to stand, because he is still looking at him like he just personally murdered Vecna in his sleep. Well if he happens to help Will stand up with arms around his waist as he wipes his tears from his cheeks, then no one is ever going to know.
“Are you ready?” Mike asks.
“What?”
“Think you can squeeze in another happy memory to kick Vecna’s ass?”
“What?”
Screw Vecna’s ass. He grabs Will by the collar of his jacket.
“Mike, are you sure right now?”
“Never been sure.” He leans in.
The kiss is chaste. Their lips aren't moving exactly. They know that time is of the essence. But Will’s face is soft against the skin of his palms. Then he feels arms around his waist, pulling him in. That's it. His answer.
Ah, this is easy. Everything with Will is.
And Will breaks away. “We… should go.”
“Yep, we should.”
They both smile. If Will is inherently shy, he is red and shier now. Mike isn’t any better, his cheeks are hotter than their summer sauna test. He tries to steal a glance, even if they should be focusing on the exotic matter. Is it melting him now? Who the fuck cares.
Before Will steps forward to tap into the hive mind, Mike pulls him by the hand.
"Hey, Will. If anything turns for worse, I am right here, okay? Just feel me. I am right here."
Will squeezes his hand, "I know."
When he goes into a trance, he never lets go of Mike's hand.
And Mike does not plan on letting go ever.