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El shivered as she delicately stepped off the cabin porch into the pale moonlight. The early June night was not particularly cold, but she always felt a wave of apprehension disobeying Hop’s orders to sneak away. If he knew what she and Mike had been up to the last month or so, he’d probably have both their heads on a spike. Quietly and quickly, she moved across the lawn to the shed which hid the entrance to their underground tunnels, throwing one last glance behind her as she reached it just to make sure he wasn’t stirring. She had accidentally disturbed the balloons left at the entrance to her room on her way out, but thankfully Hop was a heavy sleeper. She opened the door and slipped inside without any more noise.
Butterflies took flight now as she hurried through the dark, the light from her lamp casting long shadows against the rock walls. For over a year she and Mike had only been able to see each other at crawls, and even then a few moments of intimacy were all that could be spared before Mike sped away on his bike to the lookout. It was agony, with everything else going on, not being able to see or touch him. Their need for closeness boiled over seven weeks prior when Joyce interrupted Mike and her behind the bookcase at the Squawk, just as they were about to kiss for first time in weeks.
“Sorry kids,” she’d said awkwardly. “Hop says it’s time to start, and really, you should know better, sneaking off like that.”
It was fury El had felt then, not embarrassment. Tensions were already growing between her and Hopper regarding her banishment from crawl participation, and Joyce too had pricked at El’s nerves lately. When she agreed with Hop a year prior that El and Mike should remain separated while the military occupied Hawkins, El had felt betrayed. To say it was unfair that Joyce and Hop could have alone time on off days, while she and Mike could not, was an understatement. But that evening at the Squawk Mike had come up with a plan for them to sneak out, using the tunnels to ensure both their safety, and El had heartily agreed. Tonight would be their fourth meeting now, and a special one on account of it being her 16th birthday.
She had actually been able to see Mike and a few of the others earlier that afternoon for a modest celebration at the cabin. Murry had smuggled in cake, balloons and even a few gifts for the occasion. Most girls her age would have elegant parties with nice dresses and a mountain of gifts but El had been satisfied with her box of waffle mix and new sets of gym clothes for workouts. She was loved, surrounded by her family (who were safe for the time being), so she couldn’t ask for much more. Or at least, she could, but Vecna’s severed head and the disappearance of the military from Hawkins were a bit too steep. Maybe next year, she thought.
She rounded the corner, her breathes even and strong as she quickened the pace, anxious to meet Mike so they could have as much time together as possible. With her new training, running felt easy and her body stronger, able to withstand long journeysthrough the underground of Hawkins with ease. She had to hand it to Hopper, feeling physically strong and not simply relying on her powers did provide a sense of security and confidence she never imagined. And she was willing to bet he never imagined her using that new confidence for secret rendezvous with Mike. She laughed to herself, the butterflies increasing as each step brought her closer to him.
At last she arrived at the entrance that led to the Squawk, but she did not venture above ground. Mike was to take a different tunnel entrance and meet her here, where they’d stay safely out of sight. She sat and waited a moment, suddenly feeling too light and empty handed. Should she have brought something? Something romantic? She was in the middle of chastising herself when Mike’s quiet voice broke through her thoughts.
“El, hey!”
She ran to him and his reciprocated embrace felt like home, and sunshine, and all things good. “Mike,” she breathed. “You made it.”
“Of course I did. Sorry if I’m late, my dad almost caught me. I guess he wasn’t totally asleep in the recliner… But I brought us some things, here,” he slipped his old pack off his shoulders and opened to display a wrapped gift, some drinks, and a tightly folded blanket.
“You always think of everything,” she said, kissing him on the cheek. “But I already got presents today, remember?”
“Who says you can’t have more?” He teased, but then blushed. “Hey, but uh, it’s not really much. It was all I could afford. You deserve so much more.”
El shook her head. “All I need is you.”
He pulled her in for a kiss then, gentle but steady and she clung to him, reveling in his warmth and he in hers. The world disappeared around them, transformed from dark caves, alternate dimensions and evil incarnate villains to one of beauty, light and peace. She had never been so sure of anything as she was about Mike. The love they shared wrapped around her in divine comfort, stronger than any psychic power or magic spell, any grenade, firearm or bomb. He was the air she breathed, the sun that kept her warm, and the roof that kept her dry, and she was the same for him. They didn’t need anything in this moment except each other, and El was content to let time and space melt away so she and Mike could collide.
“It’s perfect, Mike. Adorable,” she said as she unwrapped his gifts. It was a set of bandanas to use as headbands while she trained, and a small framed picture of the two of them together. She would have to keep it a secret - they were technically not allowed to take pictures together, but Jonathan had snuck a polaroid for them anyway and Lucas had helped pay for the frame. It meant more to her than they could understand, this small collaboration to provide her with normalcy. She would cherish it always.
“I’m glad you like it. One day we’ll be able to afford real gifts, and I can get you the diamond earrings you deserve, along with anything else you want.” He kissed the side of her head and she giggled.
“My ears aren’t pierced, but our own place with a wall full of pictures would be nice.”
“Oh,” Mike chuckled, thumbing her ears. “Right, well, I’ll stillget you those diamonds anyhow.”
She smiled and snuggled closer to him. They were wrapped tightly in his blanket on the floor of the tunnel, using their discarded jackets and Mike’s backpack as cushions. The air felt strange against her bare skin but she did not feel any less exposed or vulnerable than Mike who lay curled around her, his outer shirt gone to be used as a pillow. Time had returned to them, but she was unwilling to let him go, not for another hour at least. It was cathartic playing pretend with him, like they were a normal teenaged couple, doing normal rebellious things. The dream of their future was real though, one that she guarded closely, especially when Mike spoke of it.
“I have an idea,” he whispered suddenly. “It’s late enough, Robin should be gone from the Squawk. Let’s go up and look at the stars, just for a little while. We don’t have to leave the tree line if you don’t want to.”
El considered it. It was risky, but Hopper designed the entrances of the tunnels expertly, camouflaging them well even to eyes that knew what to look for. She made up her mind.
“Let’s do it.”
A few minutes later they were sprawled out on Mike’s blanket looking up at the night sky in between the branches of the trees. A fine mist had settled among the greenery and was stretching its translucent fingers toward the grass covered hilltop of the Squawk’s tower. If El tipped her head all the way back she could see the radio tower reaching steadily into space, its light blinking like usual against the black sky. It always reminded her of the satellites and blinking devices on the roof of the lab, their uses a nefarious mystery to her. Instead she pressed her chin against Mike’s head, which rested snugly in the curveof her neck, his arms and legs coiling around her as he got comfortable.
“You’ve been quieter than usual tonight,” he said into her shoulder, and then looked up into her eyes. “Something on your mind?”
She bit her lip before responding. “So many things that I could think about. Much of the same that we’ve talked about before.”
“Say them again. Maybe a new thought will come to us.”
She sighed. “I… am worried about Hopper. And the crawls,” she decided. “Nothing ever happens, but still, he acts weird.”
Mike nodded. “Weird how? Like he’s hiding something?”
“Sometimes I think Russia… It might’ve changed him. He’s so protective of me and Joyce, but he never lets me talk to him. I don’t understand.” She shifted slightly as she gathered her thoughts. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe he is hiding something. Maybe he’s seeing something down there and not telling us.”Hop always seemed avoidant after emerging from the tunnels after a crawl. It bothered El. The more distance that grew between them, the more she felt overwhelmed by their situation in Hawkins.
“We’re all tense right now. Hop, he’s probably just worried, afraid there’s something out there he can’t protect us from. He loves you, I know that for sure, and he’s doing the best he can to see this thing through with everyone in one piece.” Mike said, moving his free hand around for emphasis. “We have to trust each other if we’re gonna beat this.”
“I know, Mike.” She caressed his face. “But there is something out there he can’t protect me from. Henry. I should be with him on those crawls. I’m ready. I know I am.” Her voice was strong as she spoke, her worry transforming into urgency.
“I know you are too, El. I know it. But first we have to find him, and we can’t risk you being seen by the military in the meantime.” As he spoke she felt his grasp on her tighten. Hop wasn’t the only one worried for her. She understood their protectiveness was a form of love, but she also knew they couldn’t bend the world to their will, no matter how strong their love was.
“You’re right. But I wish this could be over. Henry, the Upside Down, the soldiers… All of it.” Tears welled in her eyes. “I’m glad everyone is safe for now. But we won’t be safe forever. He’s planning something, I know it… I,” a short sob escaped her, but she signaled Mike to let her finish. He brushed a tear away from her cheek and waited patiently. “I know it’s my fault. All of it. I should’ve stopped him sooner and none of this would be happening right now.”
“No, El. It isn’t. Don’t say that,” Mike refuted her quickly. “You couldn’t have known what was going to happen, you did the very best you could. You saved us. And you’re going to do it again, this time with backup.” Mike’s certainty was a fire she wished could keep her warm forever. But doubt dampened everything.
“I can’t lose anyone else, Mike. Your friend is gone, Max may never wake up. All the people of Hawkins are in danger, and I… I just can’t let him win.”
The tears came freely now. El never met Eddie but nevertheless shouldered the blame for his loss, in addition to the earthquakes and the military occupation in Hawkins. Most of the time those failures were what motivated her to get out of bed, what fueled her during training, but they were also crushing in moments like these. The others were adamant their circumstances were not her fault, but she never wholly believed them. She would never risk losing another loved one again. She couldn’t bear it. She could see Mike’s face before her, tight with concern. He clearly wanted to protest, shower her with more praise, but instead he embraced her until the wave of emotion passed. When he pulled back, he looked even more determined.
“He won’t win. I know it. But whatever happens El, promise me you’ll take care of yourself too. I know that you want to protect us, but we can’t lose you either. Even after Vecna is dead and Hawkins is healed, we’re gonna need you here and in one piece too. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be worth it. Okay?” His voice was confident, but his eyes were pleading.
“I promise,” she whispered, and leaned her forehead against his. “I promise to take care of myself.”
“Good.” And with that, he nestled himself back into the nook of her shoulder. She gladly wrapped her arms around him.
The crickets were noisy now, a constant ambiance of calls and creaks that surrounded them along with the thin fog. She listened as her breathing returned to normal and the tears dried, allowing gentle silence to rest between her and Mike. The wind was quieter here, with the hill perhaps blocking most of it. Back at the cabin she would fall asleep most nights listening to it whistle through the trees, the old cabin boards groaning against it. She pondered Mike’s words while absently toying with his hair. She intended to keep her promise to the best of her ability – but what if she couldn’t? The world seemed peaceful now, but she knew beyond their patch of heaven lurked monsters, waiting to sink their teeth into her. For all her strength and power, El knew she was not immune to pain, or death. The thought came to her then, as it often did in quiet moments of the night when she lay awake. The thought of dying. The finality of it frightened her, more than she would ever admit out loud. Love, light and life suddenly ceasing to exist, with no knowledge of what happens after to comfort her. But the fear of losing her friends outweighed the fear for herself every time. If it came down to it, El knew she would always choose to put herself in harm’s way, whether it be Vecna, the military, or some other unseen villain who threatened them. It would be a difficult, terrifying, but ultimately noble choice. Wouldn’t it?
Despite the windless night, she shivered. With Mike in her arms a new thought suddenly formed, and it pierced her heart, turning her cold all over. What would become of him after this noble sacrifice? And Hopper, could he withstand losing another daughter? Tears threatened to spill out again at the very notion, imagining the two of them in the wake of her loss, utterly devastated. She then thought of the others, Dr. Owens who sacrificed his safety and reputation for her, Joyce and the Byers family who uprooted their lives to move halfway across the country. Benny, who lost his life just for sheltering her and giving her food. Everyone she encountered after the lab did more than inconvenience themselves for her – they made sacrifices so that she could survive. If she dies in combat, no one could deny she did her best. But if she dies needlessly, sacrifices herself…. Wouldn’t that be a betrayal to all who’ve loved and protected her all this time? El’s stomach twisted in on itself and she jerked involuntarily. It was too much for her to consider, to weigh on her own. Death, sacrifice, betrayal. It suddenly made her feel small, powerless to the will of the world and might of the monsters who endlessly pursued her. Was there room for such a victory for her and her friends?
Mike stirred, roused by her unsettled movements. He checked his watch, then relaxed into her again.
“Watcha thinking about?” He asked sleepily.
“Nothing.” She answered too quickly. He turned to look at her with on raised eyebrow. “I’m… thinking about the future,” she confessed generically. Mike’s expression was one of empathy. She was grateful when he changed the subject.
“Do you know any constellations, El?” His breath was warm against her collarbone.
“Constellations?”
He shifted slightly to point his finger in the air. “They’re like, shapes, patterns in the stars that have been in the sky for… well, forever I think. People use them to tell stories and legends.”
She hummed into his hair, drawing little circles with her fingers on his skin as she spoke. “I don’t know any, I don’t think.”
“Well, I’m not an expert, but look,” he took her hand and pointed up until their fingers aligned with one of the brighter stars, then gently moved in a bent line. As he did, her eyes detected what he was pointing at, a little shape like a ladle. “They call it the Big Dipper. There’s another one just like it, called the Little Dipper. And, it’s a little blocked by the trees but, over there… that’s Orion.” He traced each one with her finger, as if he held the power of starlight in his touch. The sky came alive with significance she’d never thought possible.
“Who named them?” She asked in wonder.
“No one person did, they’ve taken on different names to different people. Those are the names I know them by.” His voice was so gentle as he spoke, El wish she could melt into it. “Some people say the stars tell us our fates, our destinies. They believe each constellation holds power that can influence us.”
“Is that what you believe?” She whispered. There were hundreds of tiny lights above them like eyes watching, blinking indifferently. Did they know something she didn’t?
He turned his head back into her and squeezed tighter. “I believe we write our own stories, make our own destinies.”
She smiled, kissing the top of his head and squeezing him back. Now they really were like normal teenagers, staring up at the same stars that humanity had watched for generations. Just for a moment she felt a part of something bigger than herself, the never-ending story of love that cycles through each generation. She let Mike’s words embrace her like an unquenchable light, its warmth replenishing all the energy she’d lost to despair just a few moments earlier. We make our own destinies. This was their love story, and the stars were watching, maybe even cheering them on.
Eventually they had to rise and descend back into the tunnels with promises to plan their next outing soon. Despite her protests, Mike walked with her all the way back to the cabin, even though it meant another hour’s journey for himself. As she snuck back into bed that night, El felt a new resilience fueling her, the promise she made to Mike to take care of herself making a seal around her heart. Backed by the stars, she was determined to find a way out for them – all of them – she just had some monsters to slay first.