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“Come on, you got to give me something, man. Does she have a last name? What does she look like? Hair color? Eye color? Height? How did you meet? Where in Boston does she live? She does live in Boston, right?”
Hayden and Shane each laid on their respective beds, Hayden staring at Shane while Shane stared at his phone.
Hayden had been pestering Shane for the past half hour in their shared hotel room about the secret Boston Lily. Without fail, every time the team had a game in Boston for as long as Hayden had known Shane, he would spend the hours leading up to the game blushing and smiling at his phone, and end the night away from the hotel. Hayden had seen the constant notifications from Lily (including one or two explicit texts he had not needed to see) but he had never been able to get Shane to share a single thing about her. Shane even tried denying her existence, which only spiked Hayden’s curiosity. Hayden would usually let it go, but he had never seen Shane be like this with anyone else and he was desperate to know more. He knew his best friend was private, but Shane had to know he didn’t have to hide anything from Hayden, right?
“How old is she? How long have you known her? What do you guys do together? Does she have an apartment or a house? Or do you meet her at a hotel?”
Usually, Shane and Hayden would sit in companionable silence when sharing a room, but Hayden had cracked his screen earlier that morning and was left with no entertainment. He couldn’t even text Jackie. So he really had no choice but to bother Shane.
“Is she a hockey fan? She better be a Voyageurs fan, right? What are you guys talking about? What does she do for a living?”
Shane steadfastly ignored Hayden. Time to pull out the big guns and take inspiration from his children.
“You have to tell me something about her! Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me-”
“Lily is a Bear, okay? Now please shut up.” As soon as Shane said it, he dropped his phone on his chest like it burned him and slowly turned to stare at Hayden. Shane’s eyes were wide and his mouth agape, looking as shocked as Hayden felt. “I don’t know why I said that, oh my god, please forget I said anything.” He looked like he was going to cry.
“Lily… is a bear?” Hayden struggled to comprehend what that meant for a moment, when it suddenly hit him.
Hayden considered himself to be fairly progressive and cultured. He wasn’t exposed to queer people often, spending most of his time around hockey players who wore toxic masculinity like a badge of honor, but Jackie had one gay friend Hayden had hung out with a number of times. The friend, Andrew, had called Hayden a “twunk” after a couple of deceptively strong margaritas at the end of a game night. After Jackie had finished howling with laughter, Hayden had demanded to know the meaning of the word. From there, he made Andrew tell him all of the other types of gay men there were. Turns out there were all sorts of labels: twunks, twinks, queens, otters, baby gays, gym rats, wolves…
Bears.
Hayden couldn’t remember exactly what it meant, but he was fairly certain it was gay slang for a large, hairy man, which, apparently, was very attractive to many gay men.
And apparently Shane was one of said gay men.
“OH. Oh. Okay. So… Lily is a he?”
“Um. Yeah,” Shane exhaled. He looked more like a man being led to his execution than a guy who was opening up with his best friend. Hayden rushed to rectify that.
They were both sitting up now, and Hayden hopped over to Shane’s bed, wrapping his arms around Shane before he could resist. “Thank you for telling me.”
Shane sniffled, and Hayden pointedly ignored the tears welling up in his eyes. “I can’t believe I just blurted that out. It’s supposed to be a secret.”
Hayden shushed him and rubbed his back. “It’s okay, dude. You can tell me anything. You know I would never judge you for anything. Especially for something like this.”
“But it’s so crazy! And I’ve been lying to you for years!”
“It’s not that crazy. And what’s the point of love if it’s not a little bit crazy, anyway. Plus, I understand why you’ve kept it a secret. I mean, with how things are with the league… I get why you would feel like you had to hide this.” And wasn’t that an understatement. There had never been an out player in the NHL before, and the players made their homophobia well known on the ice and in the locker rooms. With how much Shane cared about his career and his image, Hayden was not surprised he wouldn’t want anyone to know about this relationship.
“You’re taking this so much better than I thought you would. I was so scared,” Shane laughed, finally relaxing and hugging Hayden back. Hayden was a bit offended that Shane had so little faith in him, but he knew that wasn’t what this moment was about.
Hayden eventually moved back to his own bed, after it seemed like Shane had really and truly calmed down.
“So… I’m guessing Lily is not his real name…?” Hayden prompted, hoping to get Shane to spill some more information.
Shane rolled his eyes. “Obviously not. But, well, I probably shouldn’t say anything else. I mean, no doubt you’ll figure it out eventually, if you haven’t already, but this really is supposed to be a secret. Neither of us are out yet. I’m grateful you’re being so supportive, but I’d appreciate it if we could pretend this conversation never happened.”
Hayden was bummed he wouldn’t be getting anymore information, but he understood. It wasn’t like he knew the guy who Shane was dating, so he couldn’t expect to be privy to any of his personal information.
Or maybe he did know the guy. Shane had said it was possible he had already figured it out. Hayden couldn’t think of any large and hairy mutual friends they had that lived in Boston, so he had no idea what Shane meant by that comment, but it wasn’t his place to pry anyway.
“Of course, dude. I mean, if you ever do want to talk about it, I’m all ears. But otherwise, this conversation is already forgotten.”
~~~
For awhile, it seemed that things with Boston Lily weren’t meant to be.
Shane had come back to their joint Boston hotel one morning, wearing new clothes and breathing heavily. Hayden tried to ask why he wasn’t with Lily and Shane snapped at him that there was no Lily and he didn’t want to talk. Hayden’s gentle prying was met with a cold disposition he had never seen on his friend’s face before, so he let it go.
Shortly after, Shane started dating Rose Landry of all people. Hayden was happy for his friend. Shane had never said he was gay, so Hayden assumed he must be bisexual. Rose Landry seemed like the ideal candidate to get over a breakup.
Hayden thought it would just take some time for Shane to fall for Rose, but over time, he realized that Shane never smiled at his phone the way he used to with Lily. He didn’t come back relaxed and loose the way he always had after a night with Lily. He wasn’t happy the way he had been with Lily.
And then suddenly he was.
Faster than Hayden could keep up with, Rose Landry was out of the picture and Lily was back. Around the time of Shane’s all stars weekend game, Shane must have gotten in touch with Lily, because he was suddenly back to his former self. Actually, he was better than his former self.
Shane came back from off-season a whole new man. Hayden was used to a Shane who looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Who calculated every move like he was playing jenga and a single mistake could send his whole life crashing to the floor.
That season, it was like Shane was a whole new man. He laughed with his teammates and smiled coyly when they asked who he was texting. He was still private, he still kept to his routine, he still wouldn’t stay out late and only stuck to ginger ale. But Hayden realized it was the first time he had ever seen Shane look comfortable in his own skin. He was heartbroken that he hadn’t realized how much Shane had been suffering in silence before, but he was so grateful to whoever it was that made Shane feel like he was allowed to be himself.
Hayden tried to give Shane space, but he eventually caved and asked if Shane had gotten back together with Lily. Shane confirmed that he had, and he admitted that Lily had actually come over to his cottage. During the trip, they had become official and exclusive. Shane had confessed his love to Lily. Lily had confessed his love back. Hayden was almost brought to tears by the lovesick look on his best friend’s face. He was just so happy for him.
“So when do I get to meet the guy?” Hayden finally asked the question he had been dying to ask for months, after Shane finished recounting his romantic cottage getaway.
Shane looked at him strangely. “You mean, like, meet him as my boyfriend?”
Wow, boyfriends. He was thrilled his friend finally felt comfortable enough to use that label. Hayden remembered when he first started dating Jackie, and he understood the desire to shove that designation into any conversation possible. “Yes! C’mon, you guys could come over for dinner and Jackie can make that weird macro shit you like. And I can give a toast to the man who stole my friend’s heart.”
Shane smiled shyly. “That does sound fun. I don’t know that either of us are quite ready for that, but I’ll talk with him. I promise, you and Jackie will be the first couple we double date with.”
Hayden fist bumped. He would take what he could get. He was so excited to meet the guy who had his best friend so enamored. Once Hayden met “Lily,” he was buying him a beer and welcoming him to the family. Hell, Hayden didn’t even know the guy’s real name, but he was practically family already. Anyone who could make Shane this happy always had a place at the Pike home.
~~~
Months later, Hayden found himself furiously knocking on Shane’s front door for the third time, waiting for a response. He had also tried calling and texting with no luck.
Hayden, Jackie, and the kids were taking their first family vacation since Arthur had been born, and their flight was in a few hours. Jackie had been planning meticulously for weeks and everything seemed perfect until Ruby came running into their room, crying because she couldn’t find Monty.
Monty was Ruby’s stuffed bear with a Montreal Voyageurs jersey, custom-made with Pike’s name and number. Any time she spent the night somewhere other than home, whether it was a sleepover at a friend’s or a week long vacation, she had to bring Monty. Hayden had once tried to convince her that she would be okay without the bear, and she had responded with big teary eyes that she could only sleep if she was at home or had a piece of home with her. Hayden had never tried arguing again (he had also bought her ice cream and then sobbed uncontrollably the rest of the night after she went to bed, much to Jackie’s amusement).
Hayden loved that his daughter loved the bear so much, but it was putting him in a difficult position. He had spent all morning searching every nook and cranny in the house for Monty before having to admit defeat. He realized that Monty must be at the last place where Ruby had spent the night, which was Shane’s place a couple weeks before when he had graciously babysat the kids so Hayden and Jackie could celebrate their anniversary.
They were cutting it close on time, but Hayden would do anything for his little girl. He agreed to go to Shane’s to get the bear while Jackie finished packing for the kids. As soon as he got Monty, he would rush back and take the family to the airport, and pray they made their flight in time.
Hayden had spent the whole drive to Shane’s repeatedly calling him and sending frantic texts at every red light with no luck. After knocking on the front door a fourth time and peeking through the windows, he had to accept that Shane was not home and was not looking at his phone. Hayden assumed he was practicing on the ice, in which case it could be hours before Shane checked his phone.
The key Shane had given Hayden for his home was technically only for emergencies. But Hayden was sure Shane would agree this constituted an emergency. He was just as weak to Ruby’s big, tearful eyes as Hayden was.
Hayden unlocked the front door and entered the apartment, shouting out “Shane?” When he got no response, he proceeded to the guest room, where he was certain Monty would be. He checked the closet and behind the pillows on the guest bed with no luck, before finally checking under the bed. Sure enough, the bear had somehow fallen under the bed, pushed about as far under as possible, putting it just out of reach. Hayden had to lay down on his stomach to try to grab it. After some stretching, maneuvering, and a brief moment of panic where he thought he was stuck, Hayden finally emerged victorious from under the bed. Hayden rolled onto his back to savor the victory, feeling the type of pride he only felt when he knew he had done something that would make his kids smile, when he heard a noise coming from the living room.
Hayden realized Shane must have arrived home while Hayden was grabbing the bear, and he rolled his eyes at his friend’s terrible timing. At least now he had a chance to say bye to Shane before he left for his family vacation. He got up (ignoring the way his joints creaked—fuck, maybe Shane was right about needing to stay on top of his regiment during the off season) and strolled to the living room, ready to show off the fruits of his labor.
Hayden shot a quick text to Jackie, letting her know of his success and that he would be home soon. She responded with a congratulatory emoji, followed by a less sweet text reminding him to hurry his ass up.
“Hey, Shane, I’m-” Hayden cut himself off with a (very manly) shriek when he entered the living room and realized Shane was home, but he was not alone. Rather, he was lying on his couch, covered by a naked man who was either kissing him or attempting to eat his face. With the ferocity of his actions, it was hard to tell.
Hayden was simultaneously impressed with the speed Shane and his man managed to get into this position (were they literally stripping as they entered the apartment?), excited he was about to meet the elusive Boston Lily, and scarred that he had now seen his usually prim and proper best friend getting down and dirty.
“Oh my god, Hayden, what are you doing here?” Shane shouted, sitting up and pushing the man off of him. The man barely budged at Shane’s push, instead leisurely rolling off of him to the opposite side of the couch like some sort of big cat, evidently immune to the immense mortification Shane and Hayden were both currently experiencing. The mortification worsened when this change in position not only revealed Shane’s erect dick (which Hayden could have happily gone his whole life without ever seeing), and, even worse, Ilya Rozanov’s erect dick.
Hayden’s brain took a moment to fully process what he was seeing.
That wasn’t just Ilya Rozanov’s dick–that was Ilya Rozanov! Shane’s biggest rival, Hayden’s least favorite player in the NHL, and certainly not a bear.
Shane grabbed a throw pillow to cover his junk, but Rozanov just widened his legs, utterly shameless. Hayden couldn’t say he was surprised by Rozanov’s behavior, but he was certainly enraged. And more than that, he was surprised by Shane. Rozanov had no shame, but Hayden had never thought sweet, loyal Shane would be the type to cheat, and especially not with someone as vile as Rozanov.
Hayden stared up at the ceiling, already desperately trying to erase that image of the two naked men out of his mind. “I had to get Ruby’s bear! You wouldn’t answer my texts or calls and we are meant to fly out in a few hours. I didn’t know you would be showing up and doing… this,” he waved his arms wildly in the general direction of Rozanov, still refusing to look. “Which, by the way, what the fuck are you doing?”
“What does it look like he is doing, Pike? You have children, you know what sex is, yes?”
“Shut the fuck up, Rozanov, I’m not talking to you. Shane, what are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking this is my home and I wasn’t expecting company. Clearly I didn’t know you were here or I wouldn’t have been doing this.”
“Really? My presence is the only thing that would have stopped you? Are you being serious right now?”
Shane gaped. “Dude, what is your problem?”
“What is my problem? What is your problem? What the fuck are you thinking? How could you do this?”
Shane looked at Hayden like he was the one doing something wrong. “What do you mean? You knew about this! You said you didn’t judge me!” Shane got the glassy look in his eye he always had when he was trying not to cry. Usually Hayden would fold under that look, but he was too angry on Boston Lily’s behalf. His best friend had a type of love most people only dreamed of and he was squandering it for Ilya Rozanov of all people.
Rozanov leaned over and rubbed the back of Shane’s neck, quietly shushing him, as if he had the right to be the one to comfort Shane. It only made Hayden angrier.
Hayden scoffed, “Obviously I didn’t know about this. I would never condone this!”
Shane’s shoulders hunched and his head fell. Good, he should feel ashamed.
“This is sick.” Rozanov had always made his disdain for Hayden clear, but Hayden had never been at the end of such a hate-filled look from him. He honestly didn’t think he had ever seen Rozanov look like that, and his self-preservation instincts reared for him to stop. Hayden bulldozed on regardless, motivated by his morality and investment in his friend’s love life. “I just don’t understand, I thought you were more loyal than that.”
Shane’s head snapped back up, eyes blazing. Apparently today everyone was looking at Hayden with looks of previously unseen levels of rage. “I have always been loyal to the Voyageurs, don’t you dare doubt that.”
“I’m not talking about that! This is bigger than hockey. I’m talking about the love of your life. How could you do this to Boston Lily?”
Shane’s rage melted away, his brow softening in confusion. “Huh? What? But… Ilya is Boston Lily. I thought you knew for months “Lily” was actually a man.”
Hayden looked up and down at Rozanov’s body (and quickly looked away with a blush when he realized he still had his dick on display), then shook his head. “Nice try, but I know Rozanov can’t be Boston Lily. You said Boston Lily is a bear, and no way is Rozanov a bear. He does not have enough hair.”
Shane looked genuinely concerned at this point and Rozanov was staring at Hayden like he had grown a second head. “Hayden… When I said Lily was a bear, did you think I meant an actual bear? Did… did you think I was in a relationship with a literal animal?” This was maybe the most distressed and disgusted Hayden had ever seen Shane.
“No! Obviously that’s not what I thought. Don’t try to gaslight me,” that was another term Andrew had taught him, “I know what a bear is. Rozanov does not have the body type or the body hair to be a bear.” He waved around Ruby’s bear as a visual reminder of the term’s origin. “Dude doesn’t even have chest hair. He would have to be a gym rat. Maybe a wolf. Or would a bull be more accurate? I can’t really remember the difference off the top of my head. I would have to consult with Andrew…”
Shane looked like he was about to have a stroke. Rozanov looked like he thought Hayden was having a stroke. “Why are you saying I am animals? I do not understand,” he turned to Shane, “What does this mean? These are English terms I do not know?”
Shane shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know either. I have no idea what is going on right now. Hayden, did you get a concussion when Kent hit you on the ice? Should we get a doctor?”
“Don’t play dumb! I may be straight but I am well-versed in gay slang and I know all of the different body types.”
“Well I don’t! Care to enlighten us as to what the fuck you are talking about?”
“No, you do know, because otherwise why would you call Boston Lily a bear- oh fuck,” Hayden cut himself off with a curse.
Shane wasn’t dating a bear from Boston.
He was dating a Boston Bear.
Lily was Ilya.
Hayden’s best friend was in love with the biggest asshole in the league and Hayden had been unintentionally approving of it for months. But if he suddenly stopped being accepting after he had promised he would never judge Shane, then Hayden himself would earn that title of biggest asshole in the league (or at least second). And he’d have to admit he was an idiot.
This was the worst moment of Hayden’s life.
Hayden smiled and hoped it didn't look as manic as he felt. “Ha! I’m just messing with you guys. Obviously I knew Rozanov, I mean Ilya, is Lily. Lily… Lily yuhhhhh. Ilya. I mean duh. What other bear would you be dating? Obviously it’s your rival from the Boston Bears. Obviously I knew that. And obviously I support you. I have such normal feelings about you being in love with,” he swallowed down a gag, “Ilya Rozanov, the person we spent the last decade hating. Or at least one of us did. HA. I was just messing around. A little hazing for the new boyfriend. Just a little revenge for always insulting me. And my hockey skills. And my team. And my appearance. And my mother. And my wife. All things I am totally chill with now because I have, obviously, known about this for months and am so cool with it. Happy even. Thrilled. I could almost cry. Tears of joy, of course. Ha. Ha. Ha.”
Shane and Ilya both gave Hayden a flat stare. “You had no idea Lily was Ilya, did you?” Shane asked.
Hayden gasped, “That’s crazy. Absurd. Of course I knew.”
“You didn’t even realize I was dating someone on the Bears, did you? You thought bear was some sort of gay slang? Really?”
“I- Shane, you are actually being so homophobic right now.”
Ilya snorted and Shane’s jaw dropped. “What?! How can I be homophobic, I’m literally gay!”
“Okay, well you’re clearly not that good at it if you don’t even know what a bear is.”
“He is actually very good at being gay,” Ilya interrupted with a smirk.
“Oh my god, I’m not listening to this. I am taking Monty and we are out of here. I am going to go pour bleach on my eyes, go on vacation with my family, and we are all going to forget this ever happened or I actually will start telling people you are dating a bear. A real one, like Monty.” Hayden turned and stomped away, his head held high. His dignity was in tatters and his worldview was shattered, but at least he had his daughter’s bear and the knowledge of Lily’s identity.
He heard laughter and a quiet Russian voice as he exited. “So, Lily is love of your life…?”
God, he really needed this vacation.