Chapter Text
song:
The Truth Untold - BTS
Yoongi had spent the last eight hours completely lost in a bubble of experimentation and mixing music in his home studio, barely remembering to breathe, never mind stopping to eat. The low growl of his stomach rumbling like a baby bear in a cave brought him back to reality and he realised not only was he starving hungry, but he was also desperate to urinate.
He picked up his phone from the mixing desk and softly padded out of the studio and down the hall to the bathroom. After relieving himself, he checked the notifications on his phone. 11 missed calls as well as countless text messages from various members of Bangtan, and his mother checking to see if he was still planning to visit next weekend. He sighed and decided he'd respond later.
The person he knew he needed to respond to was Hobi. Hobi had tried to call him three times that day and had sent 4 text messages, each one sounding more desperate than the last.
Yoongi and Hobi had had a weird encounter the day before and Yoongi was still reeling from it. They enjoyed spending time together and had been best friends ever since the beginning of BTS’s formation. Hobi had always been Yoongi’s comfort person.
Yoongi wasn't much of a one for opening up to people and was an introvert by nature. He preferred his own company most of the time and used music as his outlet. But he'd always had a soft spot for Hobi. Hobi made him laugh. He protected him even though Yoongi was older.
When Yoongi avoided physical contact with the other band members, he always had open arms for hugs with Hobi. And when he wanted to be alone and tucked away from the world, Hobi was the only one that was allowed to enter his sphere. The rest of the world drained Yoongi's energy most of the time, and solitude was the only thing that allowed him to re energise. Hobi was the one exception to that rule though. When the rest of the world was shut out, Hobi was allowed in.
His kind, loving and effervescent energy made Yoongi feel happy. He couldn't imagine a time when he wouldn't want to be around him. When he wouldn't smile just by thinking of him. Where he wouldn't light up the moment he heard his voice or his infectious cackle. Hobi really was the light of his life.
A lot had changed in the last 24 hours though. Actually, a lot had changed in the last few months and if he was completely honest with himself, Yoongi didn't know what to do about any of it. He was lost.
They met up the day before as they often did. Even with their busy schedules, they always made time to meet for dinner, or to watch a film and eat snacks. Yesterday was no different. Yoongi had driven to Hobi's house and Hobi had cooked them a delicious meal. They talked and laughed and felt at home in one another's company.
Yoongi even played Hobi some new music he'd been working on for his solo album. He rarely did that with anybody. He didn’t mind with Hobi though. If anything, he was too much his champion. Too much his cheerleader. He regularly gave Yoongi so much encouragement that the older man's cheeks would burn and he would lower his head and eyes with quiet embarrassment.
As they relaxed on the sofa, Hobi asked Yoongi how his music had been progressing.
“Really well actually thanks Hoba!” Yoongi said, smiling broadly to his friend.
“I have some samples on my phone actually if you want to listen?” he asked eagerly.
“This is the track I’m most excited about,” he said still smiling widely. “I still need to do some work on the hook and the ending, but that won't take me long”
As Hobi listened, his eyes shone and he smiled proudly.
“It's brilliant Yoongi-ah!” he exclaimed whilst clapping and dancing animatedly in his chair. “My little Yoongi is so talented! You never fail to impress me Hyung.” Hobi’s smile and kind words made Yoongi’s heart beat faster and he felt a little discombobulated again.
That had been happening to him a lot recently, any time Hobi complimented him or smiled at him. It happened about 6 months ago for the first time when they had shared two whole bottles of wine after a meal. They hadn’t meant to, but they were having such a good time, and the conversation flowed so effortlessly that before they knew it they were drunk.
Hobi got sentimental, telling Yoongi how much he cared about him and thanked him for being such a good friend. And something changed in Yoongi that night. Something cracked wide open that he couldn’t close.
An avalanche of strange, electric feelings bubbled up for his friend. He noticed how good-looking he was, how pretty his eyes were. How graceful he was when he moved. His slender but athletic frame. On an objective level he'd always thought Hobi was handsome. But this feeling was different. He started to become attracted to him in a very non platonic way.
He would watch him apply lip balm and marvel at how full and red his lips were; wondering what they feel like against his. He swooned at his friend’s smooth caramel skin, dreaming about what it would feel like to touch, to stroke.
And then there was the insane jealousy he felt when Hobi had a romance with one of his dancers during his tour back in the summer. It was only a fling really, nothing serious at all. She was a nice girl. Sweet. American. They’d hooked up several times while Hobi was on tour. Both of them knew it was just a bit of fun and was never meant to be anything more. And God knows Hobi deserved it. Yoongi knew that.
All the members had worked their asses off for years and had hardly ever dated. Yoongi knew deep down that he shouldn’t begrudge his friend some closeness, some intimacy. But it had killed him when he’d gone to support Hobi and saw him with her. The kisses they shared, the giggles, the hugs.
Yoongi had even accidentally walked in on them in bed together at their hotel in Bangkok. He saw them in the throes of passion. Her on top of him, tanned, toned, and arched back, moaning and grinding on him, with her long red hair cascading like a waterfall around her shoulders. How could Yoongi compete with that? He couldn’t. And it killed him.
He felt a dull stabbing ache of jealousy forming in his chest and it only got bigger as the tour went on. It got to the point where he actively avoided social media updates about it because he couldn’t bear to read fans comments about the chemistry between Hobi and her. When the tour eventually finished and Hobi came back home to Seoul, Yoongi almost cried with relief.
The feelings he harboured had become so strong they were driving him absolutely crazy. He had tried his best to suppress them and told himself he was being silly. That he wasn't really attracted to his friend at all and that he was just lonely. Tried to convince himself that it was his brain playing tricks on him and that he was just projecting romantic feelings onto Hobi because he felt so comfortable with him.
He figured that maybe it was time to get out there and date, something that he’d never really done in his life. Jungkook had told him loads of times that he should live a little more and get himself out there. He even offered to set him up with someone.
Then last night when Hobi started complimenting him again about his music and smiling that dazzling smile of his, all of Yoongi’s strange feelings surfaced again, only this time they were stronger.
The flutter in his chest, the dryness on his tongue, it all came back with full force. He laughed it off, pretended he was just embarrassed from the compliments, but deep down he knew that he was falling for his friend in a big way and was completely powerless to stop it.
“Hyung!” Hobi shouted from the kitchen a little later on in the evening.
“I got us the most amazing chocolate cheesecake from that French patisserie you like. Do you want a slice?”
He walked into the living room with two plates, handing one to Yoongi.
“I know we're supposed to be watching our weight for the tour, but I couldn't resist it,” Hobi smiled widely.
As they sat eating their cheesecake, Hobi suddenly moved his hand towards Yoongi’s face. His graceful fingers moved slowly in the direction of Yoongi’s mouth, and he gently wiped away some chocolate whilst joking:
“Can't take you anywhere Yoongi-ah! Such a mucky pup!”
But in the moment that Hobi had touched Yoongi’s face, Yoongi had come undone. The months’ worth of quietly being attracted to his friend and attempting to hide it had been torturous for him. Now as he saw Hobi's hand moving towards his face, a million thoughts raced through his mind all at once.
What's he about to do?! Oh my God, is he about to kiss me?!
Yoongi lost the ability to hide his feelings. His eyes widened in fear and his cheeks turned so red they looked like they'd been burnished with fire. His ears thrummed dully as blood rushed to his head, and his heart pounded like someone was inside his chest with a jackhammer.
Hobi saw him turn red and immediately panicked.
“Yoongi-ah, what's wrong? Are you OK?”
Yoongi didn't even have the capacity to pretend and brush it off. He had become so unravelled by Hobi’s hand touching his mouth, he couldn't even think straight. He rose from his chair, grabbed his phone and car keys, mumbled something about needing to leave and poof, he was gone.
Hobi sat in shock and bemusement about why his Hyung had suddenly run out. Two minutes ago, they were in the throes of an enjoyable evening, and now he was sat alone, brain still trying to catch up with what the hell had just happened.
He picked up his phone and composed a text:
“Yoongi Hyung, are you OK? Please let me know you're home safely” :-)
He waited 15 minutes, ample enough time for Yoongi to have made it home. After all, they only lived a five-minute drive from each other.
Feeling antsy, he composed another text message:
“Hyung , are you OK? You left pretty quickly…..Did I do something to upset you? :-( ”
Yoongi opened Hobi’s message and left it on read. He felt like a complete idiot. He kicked himself now that he was home. He couldn't believe he'd had such a strong reaction. After all, they'd been friends and bandmates for almost 15 years and had been in close physical contact with each other countless times before. It's just that it was different this time.
What the hell was he going to do?!
Instead of texting Hobi back, he sloped off to his bedroom and screamed into his pillow. After an hour of lying there beating himself up and feeling like a fool, he finally fell into a restless and frustrating sleep.
When he woke up early the next morning, he saw two missed calls from Hobi and a text message:
“Yoongi Hyung, I hope you're OK. Please can you text me when you get this so that I know you're ok. I’m worried about you (hug emoji) x”
He gritted his teeth and text him back:
“Sorry Hoba. I wasn't feeling well last night. I'm fine.”
Hobi had spent most of the night tossing and turning, going over the events of last night in his head, feeling more and more confused and worried about Yoongi. He was sitting at his kitchen table that morning feeling like a zombie, when Yoongi’s text came through. He leapt on his phone immediately.
When he read Yoongi’s text, he knew that something was wrong. That wasn't the normal way he texted. Usually, they sent emojis on every message. Even if it was a message about something really mundane, they would include a rainbow, or a sun, or a puppy. It was their ‘thing’, and they'd been doing it for years. It was cute and it cheered them both up.
Seeing Yoongi’s basic message with no smiley or kiss set panic off in Hobi’s stomach.
Shit, did I do something to upset him? Hobi wondered.
He texted straight back:
“I've been worried about you all night Hyung. Are you OK now? Do you need me to bring anything over? Medicine? :) x”
It was at that point that Yoongi made a cup of coffee, grabbed a tangerine and sloped off to his studio. He always went there when he wanted to clear his mind or hide from his problems. That's how he ended up in there for 8 hours, trying not to think about his feelings for Hobi.
But it was evening time now, and he'd been in there all day. It was time to face the world again and come back to reality. And to read the 4 text messages Hobi had sent him throughout the day.
“Hyung. Are you ok?x”
“Yoongi-ah. Did you need me to bring medicine? I don’t mind, honestly x”
“Have I done something to upset you? I’m really starting to worry about you now Hyung. Please let me know you’re ok…. Xx”
“Yoongi-ah, if you don’t respond to me in the next half an hour, I’m going to get the rest of the guys and we’re gonna come over. This isn’t like you xx”
Yoongi read Hobi’s messages and felt awful for making him worry like this, but he wasn’t sure what else to do.
He composed a message:
“I'm really sorry about last night Hoba. I've had some things on my mind. I hope you can forgive me. I haven't been feeling myself :-( ”
He hit send, feeling relieved that he had finally replied and at least been somewhat honest. Hobi deserved that after all. He certainly didn't deserve the silence that Yoongi had given him all day.
Hobi text back within 20 seconds:
“Hey Hyung. Don't worry about that. I hope you know you can always speak to me. I'm always here for you. Do you want to chat? <3”
Yoongi read it and dithered. Did he want to chat? He actually did. He desperately wanted to speak to Hobi, but he just didn't know how he was going to explain his weird behaviour over the past 20 hours since he ran out of Hobi’s house. Before he had a chance to think about it anymore though, his phone lit up in his hand.
Hobi calling 📞……….
He winced. Before hesitating too much, he answered.
“Hey Hoba.” he said quietly.
“Hey yourself. Are you OK Yoongi-ah?” Hobi asked tentatively. “I've been worried about you Hyung. You rushed out of here pretty quickly last night.”
Yoongi sat in silence, internally kicking himself for his idiotic behaviour, and for not knowing how to even explain it.
“It's because you didn't want to help me wash the dishes, isn't it?” Hobi laughed nervously.
His silly joke lightened the mood slightly, and Yoongi smiled.
“You got me Hoba.” he joked back, smiling thinly.
“Seriously though Yoongi-ah, you know you can speak to me about anything. We're best buddies after all….”
Yoongi hesitated, his silence through the phone was deafening.
“Yoongi-ah?”
“Yes, I know Hoba…… But maybe…….”, he stopped and took a sharp intake of breath.
“Maybe what Hyung?” Hobi quizzed. “What’s wrong?”
Yoongi took a deep breath again.
“Maybe – well, maybe there are some things I can’t even talk to you about. Maybe I just have to, I don’t know, figure them out for myself….” he trailed off.
Hobi felt hurt. The idea that his best friend in the whole world couldn't talk to him felt a bit upsetting. He sat in silence for a moment.
“Hobi, are you still there?”
“Oh, yes, I’m here,” he responded. “I guess I always thought you could talk to me about anything. Sorry if I’ve made you feel like you can’t….” His voice got quieter, and they both fell silent again.
Yoongi could tell from the tone of Hobi’s voice that he felt hurt.
“Hoba listen,” he said. “Don’t worry. After all, we are both grown men. We don’t need to tell each other everything. I mean, we’re not 16 anymore. It’s no big deal. I’m fine. Just--” he sighed.
“Just, what Hyung?” Hobi asked quietly.
“Well, just worry about yourself instead of poking your nose in my life for fucks sake.” Yoongi could hear himself as he was saying this stuff, and knew it sounded horrible, mean spirited, nasty even. But he couldn’t stop himself.
Rather than tell the truth, his confused brain seemed to make him go on the attack. He didn’t even mean it.
Hobi gasped. Perhaps it was from shock at Yoongi’s blatant change in character. He had never been this standoffish in his life.
“Hyung….,” he choked. “I’m not trying to poke my nose into your life. I’m just worried about you, that’s all…”
“Well, there’s no need!” Yoongi snapped. “Seriously Hoba, just fucking get off of my case!”
Hobi felt his stomach lurch. He was shocked and sad that Yoongi had snapped at him and was dumbfounded for a few seconds. Then, his voice sounding like it was about to break, responded:
“Ok, well…. If that’s how you feel...... I guess, you know where I am if you need me…”
With that, the line went dead.
Yoongi sat stunned as the realisation set in that he’d hurt Hobi’s feelings. He sounded utterly dejected. Like the air had been sucked out of his chest. Like he might’ve been holding back tears.
Fuck
In truth, Hobi was dejected. After Yoongi had left his house the night before and not replied to any of his messages, he’d spent all night tossing and turning and worrying with his heart in his throat.
Then, when Yoongi had spent most of that day avoiding him and ignoring his calls he was a nervous wreck. He had been worried to the pit of his stomach.
Now to hear from Yoongi’s own mouth that he didn't want to discuss the reason with him hurt his feelings even more. He needed to go and clear his head for a while.
He fell into the sofa and hugged a cushion to his chest, trying to get some comfort. After some time feeling sorry for himself, he dialled Namjoon.
“Hobi! What’s good?!” Namjoon answered.
“Hey Joonie.”
“You sound miserable. Everything OK?”
“I'm not sure to be honest.” Hobi responded, sounding defeated.
“Why, what do you mean? Has something happened?” Namjoon sounded concerned.
“Well, have you spoken to Yoongi lately?” Hobi asked.
“Er, not for about 3 or 4 days….. Why? Is he ok?”
Hobi proceeded to tell Namjoon all about what happened last night after dinner and how Yoongi practically ran out of his house for no obvious reason.
“Then he literally ignored all my calls and texts. Like- literally ignored me and left me on read. Then today, when he finally responded to me he said he didn't want to talk to me, and to take my nose out of his business.”
“And you guys haven’t fallen out?” Namjoon quizzed.
“No! I told you! It's weird. I'm starting to worry that he is distancing himself from me. He's been acting really weird over the last few months…….” Hobi sighed. “I don't know, maybe he doesn't want to be my friend anymore….”
“Oh, come on Hoba! We’re not 5 years old anymore. This isn’t the school playground.” Namjoon joked. “Come on, I mean- I'm sure it's nothing. You know how Yoongi gets. He shuts himself away from time to time. He's a loner dude….”
“Yes, but he doesn't do that with me! Why has he suddenly changed?! He told me to ‘get off of his fucking case.’ His words, not mine.” Hobi’s voice cracked.
“Hey,” Namjoon said, his voice softening. “I'm sure there's no reason to worry. Just give him a little bit of space, and I'm sure he'll be back to his old self in no time. Hmmm?”
Hobi hesitated and took a shaky breath.
“Yeah….. I mean….. I suppose so. I hope so anyway….”
“Come over here and watch a movie with us if you fancy it?” Namjoon offered.
“When you say ‘us’, who do you mean?” Hobi asked
“Me and Eunsa. She’s on her way over now with snacks.”
“Joonie, thanks but no thanks. The last thing I need right now is to be a third wheel while you and her try to swallow each other’s faces.” Hobi chuckled dejectedly.
“Fair enough! Stop worrying. See you soon ok!”
“Bye Joonie.”