Chapter Text
2008
Gojo
“You need to get help, Toji.”
“I don’t need you telling me shit about how to live my life, just give me back my kid.”
Gojo used all of his strength to hold the door steady as the man in the hallway tried to shove through into the apartment.
“Toji, just calm down.”
“Don’t use that condescending tone with me," he scoffed. "Just because Yui liked you doesn’t mean I ever did.”
“Sober up, and then I’ll reconsider,” Gojo countered in a dangerously calm voice.
“Sober up,” he scoffed. “Do you know how much trouble I could get you in with both of our families?”
“You know I don’t care about that. Besides, it's not like they'd believe what you had to say anyways.”
“I can’t believe she ever associated with someone like you.” He spit at Gojo’s feet. “Fucking pathetic.”
Gojo didn't miss a beat. “Well, I never knew how someone as good as her could put up with someone as narrow minded and dense as you.”
“Fuck you Gojo.”
He swung at Gojo’s head, the white-haired man dodging at just the right time for Toji to lose his balance, giving Gojo an opening to shove him and shoulder the door closed.
As soon as the lock clicked, Gojo rushed to the guest bedroom, ignoring Toji’s pounding and shouting at his door. His neighbors could gossip all they wanted, hell if he cared.
He slipped into the bedroom where Megumi had been staying. Posters that Gojo had put to make him feel more at home lined the walls, and there were stuffed animals all over the bed. It looked lived in. It looked like someone belonged there.
But Megumi was nowhere to be seen.
Gojo sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He was nineteen years old and in no position to do what he knew he needed to. But he could try his damndest.
The pounding suddenly stopped, surely not a good sign, but in the silence left, he could hear small sniffles coming from inside the closet.
Of course that's where he was. Gojo’s chest tightened. Megumi hadn’t hid there since the first couple of weeks he had been staying with him, but now all of the progress Gojo hoped he had made was thrown out the window when that sorry excuse of a human being had showed up with no notice.
As if Megumi having lost his mom wasn’t enough.
Gojo sat beside the closet door, back against the wall, and lightly knocked.
“Hey buddy, it’s just me. You okay?” He asked through the small crack that appeared.
The door opened more, revealing a trembling boy with jet black hair and deep blue eyes, red rimmed with more tears welling up in them.
Gojo’s heart broke. He didn’t think he had seen the boy look this timid and unsure since the funeral, and he hated it with everything in his being. He had thought Megumi staying with him for a bit would be good for everyone involved. Toji could have space to heal and grieve, and Megumi could do the same while having someone who could give him their full attention watch over over him. And Gojo. Gojo would have Megumi. He would have someone to look after and build a connection with, however hard that proved to be in the beginning. He would have something to distract him from the constant gnawing in his chest. The feeling that had lingered ever since he had lost someone else. Lost him while he was still alive.
Megumi poked his head out, scanning the room.
“It’s just me, I promise. You’re safe,” Gojo said as earnestly as he was able.
Megumi’s lip trembled and his breathing stuttered as he tried to suppress his tears. Gojo just reached out to him, wishing more than anything that he could do something, anything, to take his pain and give him a normal childhood. A childhood that Gojo himself had sorely lacked.
“Come here Megs.”
Megumi shuffled over, closing the small space in between them as Gojo pulled the boy into his lap, wrapping his arms around him and gently rocking him from side to side as the boy began to cry.
“I know baby,” Gojo whispered, pressing his lips to the top of Megumi’s head.
“Don’t let him take me please,” Megumi cried out.
Gojo didn’t know what to say, so he just held Megumi tighter, holding his still too small body to his chest as he continued to cry.
“Can’t I- can’t I stay- please, Gojo please,” Megumi begged in between gasping breaths and sobs.
Gojo’s own tears slipped through his eyelashes.
“Megumi, it’s not up to me, I'm so sorry. Believe me I wish it was. If it was up to me you could stay as long as you wanted. But your dad misses you.”
“I want my mom,” Megumi sobbed.
Gojo’s shirt was covered in snot and tears, but he held onto Megumi impossibly tighter, rubbing his thumb back and forth in the kids hair and hoping to give him some illusion of comfort, even if only for a minute.
“I know Megs. I miss her too.”
“I want to see her, please.”
“Gumi, we talked about this, remember?” Gojo said softly.
Gojo was worried about the kid. Don’t misunderstand, he missed Yui too, she had been his first and only friend in childhood. The only other slightly sane one at all of the events his parents used to drag him to. But Megumi still seemed to be having difficulty acknowledging to himself that she was gone, even after four months.
And Gojo had no idea if this was normal or not. They had been to see a grief counselor, which seemed to help a little, but Gojo was completely out of his depth here.
Megumi held onto Gojo’s shirt with a vice grip, leaning into him even more.
“I don’t think my dad likes me very much,” he admitted softly.
Gojo's heart broke. “Megumi that’s not true, he just misses your mom and he’s hurting.”
“I wish you were my dad,” he whispered at a volume so low that Gojo had to strain to hear him. Like he was admitting a shameful secret that he had kept locked away inside of him.
Oh and how Gojo’s heart both shattered and burst at the same time.
“Megumi, I-”
What was he supposed to say to that? The truth? That he wished he was Megumi’s dad too? That Toji was a piece of shit gambling and alcohol addict? That Gojo needed Megumi just as much as Megumi needed him?
For better or worse he didn’t have much time to think about it before another knock sounded at his door.
Megumi’s head shot up to look at Gojo, his eyes wide in fear, reflecting how Gojo felt on the inside.
“Okay, okay, it’s okay,” he said, in equal parts reassuring Megumi and himself. He pulled his sleeve over his hand and wiped the tears and snot off of Megumi’s face.
After a moment, Megumi flung himself back at Gojo, arms holding around his neck and face buried in his shoulder.
“Don’t go please.”
“Megs, I’ll be right back okay, I just have to get the door.”
Megumi pulled back, looking Gojo in the eyes.
“If he takes me away will you still come visit even though my mom won’t be there?” He rushed out.
Gojo paused. How could he still think after all this time that it was only his mom that Gojo cared about.
“Oh Megumi, of course I will. You’re important to me too.”
Megumi nodded, looking down and still unsure.
“Ok Megs, just stay here for a sec alright?”
Megumi nodded as Gojo brushed his hair off of his forehead and planted a small kiss there before setting him on his bed and walking to go answer the door, steeling himself for whatever was about to come.
Another knock and two voices outside, both deep but only one he recognized.
He stood, gripping the handle, and took a deep breath before opening the door again.
Security. Tojij had got a fucking security guard from Gojo’s own building.
“Are you Mr. Gojo?”
“Yes.” He answered tightly.
“And is it true that you have Mr. Fushiguro’s son in your apartment?”
Gojo paused, unsure.
“Yes. I’m watching him.”
“Do you have any legal custody over him?”
“...no, he’s just been staying with me since his mother passed.”
“I’m sorry Mr. Gojo, but I unfortunately will have to call the police if you don’t give Mr. Fushiguro his son back.”
Oh god, this was a fucking nightmare.
Just then, he felt a small tug on his pants.
Megumi.
Toji smiled, the fakest smile Gojo had ever seen in his life. “Megumi! I missed you!”
Gojo glared at him as Megumi hid behind his leg.
“Time to go home okay, I made dinner.”
“Bullshit,” Gojo said under his breath.
“Sorry, what was that kid?” Toji feigned innocently.
Gojo laughed humorlessly.
“I said, bullshit. You haven’t cooked once in all the years I’ve known you.”
“I’m a changed man Gojo.”
“Mr. Gojo, I'm going to ask that you please just give him the kid back, I really don’t want to fill out more paperwork tonight if I have to get outside forces involved.”
The steady grip on his pant leg suddenly loosened, grabbing Gojo’s attention. The boy was looking up at him, his eyes a mix of fear and sorrow.
Gojo crouched down to his level and put both of his hands on Megumi’s arms.
“It’s okay Gojo, I’ll go.”
“Megs…”
“I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
“Megumi, I don’t mind getting in trouble if it’s for you.”
Megumi just shook his head, refusing to meet Gojo’s eyes.
Gojo wrapped him in one last hug, emotions wreaking havoc in his chest.
“I’m so sorry Megumi.”
Megumi was the first to break the hug. He looked at Gojo for what felt like forever and a millisecond at the same time. And then he walked out the door, hand in hand with Toji, eyes downcast.
The security guard closed the door behind them, leaving Gojo to stand and stare at the door.
He suddenly felt drained. He barely had the energy to make it to the couch before he collapsed, curling into fetal position.
He cried himself to sleep.
When Gojo woke up, it was pitch black outside. He felt restless, but at the same time couldn’t find the strength, physically or emotionally, to pick himself up off of the couch.
He wanted Suguru. And Gojo was a strong willed person, but not when it came to him. Never when it came to him, so with what effort he could muster, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed the number that he knew by heart. The number that he hadn't dialed for almost a year
It rang and rang for what felt like an eternity while Gojo tried to take even breaths.
Until the ringing stopped.
For a split second he thought the call had gone to voicemail, but then he heard it. Breathing. His breathing.
“Satoru?”
His voice. Suguru’s voice.
“Hey”
“Hey,” Suguru echoed unsurely. “Is everything okay?”
“I just- um,” Gojo took a deep breath. “I just wanted to hear your voice.”
There was a slight pause before he spoke again. “Satoru, I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but are you drunk?”
“No, no. I’m not drunk.”
There was a moment where neither of them talked. It wasn’t awkward, but it also wasn’t quite the familiar and comfortable silences that used to be so common between them.
Suguru was the first to break it.
“Why are you calling me?” He asked, not unkindly, just trying to piece together the puzzle that was Satoru Gojo.
“I miss you.”
“Satoru what happened?”
He could read him like a book, of course he could.
“Can you come over?” He nearly begged, voice breaking at the end.
“Satoru- I don’t know if that's a good idea.”
“Please, I need you.”
“Satoru- I hurt you.”
“I don’t care.”
He felt broken. Broken beyond repair. And only one person could give him any bit of relief. And maybe it wasn’t good for either of them, but they hadn’t talked in long time, at least in Gojo's sense of the word, so he held out hope that they were different people now. Different in a way that would let them work.
Suguru let out a long exhale. “I’m on my way.”
Gojo hung up first, clutched the phone to his chest and finally allowed himself to drift off to sleep.
When Gojo next gained consciousness, there was something different. It took him a minute to get his bearings before he remembered.
What had he done? He had caved. He had been too weak to handle his own mistakes and hardships and he had called the man he had been longing to call ever since he had walked out of Gojo’s life.
He sighed and sat up. There was a blanket draped over him and he could hear Suguru moving around in the kitchen behind him.
He dreaded the moment he would have to face him, regretting all of his decisions from the past twenty four hours.
“Satoru, you’re awake.”
He turned around. And he was there. He was really there.
His hair was pulled up into a half up half down bun and his casual outfit looked unfairly good on him. His sweatpants hugged every curve perfectly, the waistband sitting in a perfect place while his t-shirt hung off of his shoulders beautifully while still showing off his toned arms. And he had an eyebrow piercing. When had he gotten that? Last time Gojo had seen him all he had were his earrings.
Gojo felt like he had missed so much. He wondered if he had gotten any more tattoos.
He was starring.
“Uh, yeah,” Gojo said finally, clearing his throat.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay." He started. "I’m sorry I bothered you. You didn’t have to come over.”
“It’s fine,” he dismissed, grabbing a steaming mug and making his way over to the couch. “Here, I made you tea.”
He set it down on the coffee table and sat on the couch as far away from Gojo as he could.
“Thanks,” Gojo responded, taking a sip.
It was just how he liked it. Damn Suguru for remembering.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Gojo shook his head, but he was weak. Suguru could ask him for the moon and he would find a way to get it for him.
“Toji took him. He took Megumi.”
Suguru furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”
Gojo tried and failed to stop the tears from falling. “Yui, she- she’s dead.”
He broke off into poorly concealed sobs, and for the first time that night, the dynamic between the two of them returned back to what it had been like before. Before Suguru left. Before he started struggling and before they started fighting.
Suguru moved towards him and placed a hand on his back. He all but fell into the man beside him, letting Suguru gently wrap his arms around him like he had never left.
“Shhh, it’s okay.”
“She’s dead Sugu. She’s dead and I don’t know what to do. I was watching Megumi and- Toji he’s just- he’s not doing good." Gojo said, trying to keep his voice somewhat steady. "He’s in no place to care for a kid, so I took Megumi for a while. And I love him so much, like my own kid. I know it’s crazy and I’m not even twenty but you gotta believe me-”
“I believe you Satoru.”
He started again in a quieter tone. “He’s so small. And scared. He tries not to show it and puts on an act but he’s just a hurt little kid. And Toji came back today and took him. There was nothing I could do- I just felt so useless. I swear I tried to make Toji get help. I really did, but he won’t- and my priority is Megumi. But Toji took him. Oh god. Toji’s still grieving and I can’t-”
“Hey, take a breath. So are you Satoru. Have you taken any time for yourself?”
He didn’t answer that one, just leaned more into Suguru.
There were a few minutes where neither of them talked, both soaking in the other's presence, making up for lost time. They both knew a different conversation needed to take place, but that was a problem for later. Right now, in Suguru’s arms, breathing him in, the knot in Gojo’s chest eased a bit. If only for a brief amount of time, he felt safe and cared for.
“I’ll stay right here Satoru. I promise this time, okay? I’m right here.”
—----------
2009
Megumi
He sat on the couch, ignoring the girl with big brown eyes staring at him curiously from the doorway.
The TV volume was turned all the way up, blocking out the sounds coming from Toji’s bedroom. Megumi was used to all of Toji’s women at this point. He didn’t like it, but he was used to it. This time, however, was different. The woman had been here for three days. And she had brought her kid.
Megumi had made it a point to ignore everything about the situation, because ignoring it was easy. It was easier to pretend this wasn’t happening than it was to think about it too much.
But the girl who kept following him around like a shadow was making that very difficult. He just had to make it through the day and then Gojo would pick him up. As soon as the alcohol had come out Megumi had called him, knowing that neither Toji or the woman would be conscious enough to notice or care about his absence.
The girl crept closer. She slunk timidly into the room until she was standing beside the couch Megumi was sitting on. He continued staring at the tv, feeling her eyes shifting between the screen and him.
He stole another quick glance at her, playing it off as an annoyed side eye. She seemed to be a few years older than him, with brown eyes and brown hair. She wore a run down and frayed jumper and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She looked kind. So he took a chance.
“You can sit if you want,” Megumi told her, keeping his eyes focused ahead of him.
Megumi felt the couch dip next to him and finally turned his head the whole way to look at her. He had no desire to get to know her just for her to leave eventually, but the way she was sitting so politely on the couch and the soft look in her eyes drew him in.
It reminded him of his mom. He didn’t remember everything about her, which made him sad, but he did remember the way she cared and her soft demeanor that could tame even Toji.
“Your name's Megumi right?”
Megumi nodded.
“I’m Tsumiki,” she said with a small smile playing on her face.
“Oh,” Megumi said, not quite sure how to navigate this interaction.
“Um, I didn’t want to ask and be rude, but do you guys have any food? I’m kind of hungry.”
“Well… we have some cans of soup I think.”
“Do you mind if I heat them up?”
“Go for it,” Megumi responded, finally turning his head back to the show he was watching.
He heard her moving around in the kitchen. He was saving the cans for when there was no other food as a backup, but now he had given them away. And the weird thing was, he felt good. He was glad he gave them to this girl. He had a feeling she was in a similar situation to him.
Toji rarely ever went shopping, always either ordering takeout or eating out. And that's excluding when he simply disappeared for days or weeks at a time. Gojo would often bring Megumi groceries, and even more often Megumi would sleep over at his house. Most weekends Toji was gone on a bender or otherwise unaware of what Megumi was doing, so it wasn’t too hard for Gojo to slip in and out of the house.
Megumi was almost positive that Toji knew Gojo was still in his life, had seen him bringing groceries into the house or hanging out with Megumi, but he was oftentimes too drunk or out of it to comment on it or care. Which Megumi was fine with, since it meant he got to go to Gojo’s apartment whenever he wanted.
Megumi wished Toji cared as much as Gojo. He didn’t hate Toji, just resented his actions. Every once in a while, during a rare occurrence, Toji would stay home for a night. He wouldn’t talk all that much, just order food in and put on some shitty game show, pulling Megumi into his lap and holding onto him. He would sit with Megumi in his lap and drink himself to sleep.
These nights, it wasn’t like when he normally drank. He wasn’t loud or violent or stumbling around, he was quiet. Megumi remembered one time when he had cried. It was the only time Megumi had ever seen the man cry. Such a contrast to Gojo, who would cry if Megumi so much as smiled at him, pulling him into a hug and spinning him around. But Toji was different. His emotions were kept hidden, carrying a scary weight when he showed them. That night, laying incoherently drunk on the couch, Megumi still in his arms, Toji had started weeping, holding onto Megumi suffocatingly tight. And then he started apologizing. Apologizing for being a shitty father, for not being able to save his wife, for his drinking and gambling habits. Megumi didn’t know what to do, taken aback by seeing this display of emotion from him. So he just stayed still, soaking in his dad’s warmth, the rare closeness something that Megumi secretly craved.
He was broken out of his memory as Tsumiki padded back into the room, holding two bowls of soup. He watched her bewilderedly as she set a bowl down on the end table beside him.
“Here you go, do you want anything to drink?” She asked sweetly.
“Oh, um, I’m okay,” he responded. “Thanks,” he added.
She smiled at him and was soon back with two glasses of water. “Here I got you this since I was getting one anyways,” she said, her smile ever constant and genuine.
Huh. Maybe Megumi could get along with this girl.
—-----------
2010
Gojo
“There has to be something I can do.”
“I’m sorry Mr. Gojo, I wish I could help you, but the situation is currently legally sound. There are generally two options when dealing with transference of custody. You could sue Mr. Fushiguro for custody or get child protective services involved. The first option would likely not be beneficial, seeing that there is no hard evidence of abuse and neglect. All of the home checks you have called in have yielded results favorable towards Mr. Fushiguro. Furthermore, Megumi is Mr. Fushiguro’s biological child and since he had married Tsumiki’s mother before she passed, Tsumiki is also in his legal custody.”
“She overdosed.” Gojo said exasperatedley. “Right there in the house. Doesn’t that count for anything?”
“There is no tangible evidence that will count in court to prove that Mr. Fushiguro partook in those activities”
Gojo sighed and ran a hand over his face. “And what about the second option?”
“Getting social security involved would constitute an unannounced search of the house. And if all of your claims are correct, they would begin a longer process of investigations and Megumi and Tsumiki would become temporary wards of the state during said investigations.”
“And what would happen to them?”
“Mr. Gojo, while I advise that you do what you think is best for these kids, it would likely end up with them in foster care. If you truly think that foster care is a better situation than their current one, then we can reassess. However, foster care would mean no contact with you and the very high chance that they would be separated.”
Fuck.
“Thank you for your time,” Gojo said shortly as he stood up.
He walked out of the office, trying to take some steadying breaths. He couldn’t help the kids if he lost his cool. But he was stuck. This had been his last hope. Why did this have to be their reality? Fucking Toji. The least he could do was continue to look out for them and love them.
He sighed as he watched Suguru’s car pull up.
He would get in, go pick the kids up and spend the weekend with them like normal. He wouldn’t show them his worry and he would just be someone who they could rely on. Even if it wasn’t in the way that he wanted.