Chapter Text
Why am I held prisoner of your emotions;
Why take out your frustrations on me?
Why call it “talking back” when you yourself asked a question, and I just answered it;
Does my voice not matter?
What is my opinion to you?
Who am I to you?
Why me?
Why always me?
Why treat me like this?
Is this what I have to endure for the rest of my life?
I hate it.
End it for me before I end it myself,
I hate this,
I hate me,
I hate you.
Why am I ugly?
Why is my life like this?
Kill me already.
Maybe I really do deserve this.
My life is pointless.
I am pointless.
I’ll never leave my mark anywhere in this world;
I’m nobody.
Erase me.
Delete me.
Kill me.
Get rid of me.
I’m sorry..
Please don’t abandon me.
I’m scared,
Kill me.
Murder me.
Dismember me.
Ruin me.
Desecrate my corpse!
I deserve more than this,
I want to die.
Please.
I’ll never make it to heaven!
Kill me.
I hate this.
I hate me!
I hate Assmaa!
Why is my name Aysa?
Why name me Aysa in the first place?
I hate it.
Everyone makes fun of it;
No one respects it.
Curse my name!
I hate it,
I hate everything.
Change my name;
No,
Delete it.
Delete me.
Forget me and my name altogether!
Then maybe I’ll finally rest?
I’ll never be free.
I’ll never make it out alive.
I’ll never make it out whole.
I’m alone,
Everyone abandoned me.
God abandoned me.
You abandoned me.
You... hate me?
Why?
Why do you not trust me?
Why me?
What did I do to lose your trust?
Why me?
What made you treat me like this?
Why raise your hand against me?
Why touch me in the first place?
Why?
Why so violent?
What did I do to deserve this?
This is not religion.
This is not culture.
This is abuse.
I don’t want to end up like you!
I don’t want to become you!
I don’t want to continue this cycle…
I hate it.
I hate you!
I hate me!!
I’ll never be like you.
Why are you the victim?
What makes you the victim?
What makes you the victim?
Why act like a victim?
You’re not the victim;
You never were the victim here.
Am I the victim?
Or do I truly deserve this?
Kill me.
Murder me.
Choke me.
Hit me.
It wouldn’t be the first time.
You’ll never change;
Your ignorance will never fade.
Your discipline is abuse.
Your words are abuse.
Your “love” is abuse.
Your culture is abuse
You’re an abuser.
You’re not a parent;
You’re a monster.
And I’ll never forgive us for that.