Chapter Text
“I want to say something I’ve never said to you before.”
Blue locked onto blue; one set of eyes desperate and searching, the other embracing the peace they found dying in the arms of the person they loved more than anything.
Merlin’s heart already felt like it was about to be ripped from his chest at Arthur’s grunt of pain, as he had mustered all of his remaining strength to finally peel back the last careful shield over his heart before it was too late.
The sorcerer carded his fingers deeper into Arthur’s soft hair as if his touch could tether him into this life and he waited, hardly daring to breathe as he gave Arthur room to share what he needed to tell him. He felt foolish for allowing the dream he had held close to his chest for the longest time to torture him now, but then Arthur’s lips were forming the shape of the blessed words that Merlin had only ever heard in dreams and would never have dared to say first, even here at the end.
“Merlin- I-I love you.” There was the light of victory briefly in Arthur’s eyes. There, he thought as his mind slowed - it had already brushed aside everything that wasn’t Merlin - the world hadn’t suddenly come crashing down around them because he had finally used that most powerful of all words.
A gloved hand cupped around the back of Merlin’s head tried to draw his face closer, but Merlin didn’t register the attempt that was too weak, too late.
Merlin let out a choked sound of joy as the truth of the years of shared looks that had lingered for too long was finally laid bare at the end of their time together. The tiny rational part of Merlin’s brain that was left knew it was the best and worst last thing Arthur would ever say to him, as he watched Arthur fade with horror before he had a chance to tell him just how desperately he loved him too. No.
“Stay with me.” It was a whispered plea fuelled by every moment of warmth and humour they had shared together over the last eight years, the red string of shared destiny that connected them, the spark of attraction from all those years ago in the marketplace when the corners of Arthur’s eyes had crinkled at his insouciance.
His lips briefly turned upwards in hope when Arthur’s eyes forced themselves open at Merlin’s desperate call of his name, the realisation that Arthur was fighting so hard not to leave him.
It couldn’t end here like this, not now when he finally knew for sure that he meant as much to Arthur as Arthur did to him. He screamed Arthur’s name again as Arthur’s eyelids flickered, preparing to close for the last time.
Merlin’s magic hummed beneath his skin, urging him to use it. His mind that had been frozen with pain and fear, the futility of it all and the weight of his failure to get Arthur to Avalon in time was driven into action by the memory of the first time he had met Gaius. Time, he just needed a bit more time. He had slowed Gaius’ fall. If he could just reach out to that tiny fragment of Mordred’s sword on the verge of piercing Arthur’s heart, stop it from stealing away half of his very soul.
He cursed himself for not thinking to try it before, but Gaius had been so certain nothing could be done and he hadn’t wanted to make things worse, as he knew he had been doing for some time now.
The old tongue wasn’t needed -just as it had been back then when he had been a teenager not yet burdened by the weight of a kingdom, it was instinctual - his magic locked onto that cursed fragment, so much more powerful now. He was magic itself. He brought life to this world and everything in it. He focused inwards on the core of his power and fully opened himself to it. There had always been a part of him that never gave up the idea that he had been born a monster and that self-loathing had only grown under Uther’s rule, become something hard when he told Arthur there could never be a place for magic in Camelot, until the crushing realisation when he came upon Arthur’s prone body in the valley at Camlann that he had brought about the very prophecy he had betrayed himself to prevent.
He took a deep breath and reminded himself that he had power over life and Arthur yet lived. For a moment it was as if he had left his body and he was one with the blades of grass beneath their bodies, felt the age and wisdom of the trees and danced in the air around them. Then he was back in his mortal form and his magic was seeping urgently, yet gently into Arthur, hunting out the foreign entity intent on his other half’s destruction.
Merlin held the cursed fragment back at the last possible moment, Arthur’s life safely held in the loving hold of magic that recognised one of its own born from its seed. Merlin slipped his fingers further down Arthur’s neck and let out a sob as he still felt a weak pulse beneath his trembling fingers.
He wriggled out from underneath Arthur’s heavy, unconscious body and turned his head to the heavens; he roared for the great dragon, his anguished need to save Arthur overcoming the promise to leave the old and ailing creature in peace.
His magic was strong, as stubborn as he in clinging onto to that which belonged to it, but he had no idea how much time he had managed to wrangle for Arthur. They had to get to Avalon and fast. The Sidhe wouldn’t help. That had been a desperate hope Gaius had crafted thinking that this journey would only serve to help them find their way back to each other, make Arthur understand why Merlin had never shared his secret until now. But he felt an ancient being waiting for him on the shores of the lake.
Merlin's heart hammered in his chest as he heard a distant roar answering his call and he held Arthur closer, whispering into his hair: “The Triple Goddess is waiting for us Arthur. I think she will help. She has to – to see that you’ve everything good. It’s my fault you haven’t returned magic yet, I was so scared of you rejecting me. So scared of you dying that I lost sight of the great things that we can do together. Now that you truly know me, know that magic can be a force for good - things will be different. I know you won’t let me down- I-I- wish I had trusted you sooner. Please just hold on a little longer. I love you.”
On the shores of Avalon the goddess smiled with the knowledge of eons as she watched the great dragon land gracefully on the other side of the vast lake. At last she and Emrys would talk face to face, no false mouthpieces between them to twist her judgement for their own ends.