Phantom_Hare



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    “You speak Russian?” Ilya’s voice is simultaneously incredulous and thrilled, like he can’t quite believe it, but he’s excited all the same.

    Hayden shakes his head, shrugging, still rocking Amber. “Uh, not really? I only know a few words and phrases here and there from my Deda and Baba. I understand it more than I can speak it.”

    Ilya’s eyes somehow get wider. “Deda and Baba- You have Russian grandparents? You are Russian?!”

    “I guess? Technically?”

    -

    Hayden Pike never really talks about his mom's family. Ilya finds out why and decides he simply *must* fix this.

    He is going to teach Hayden Pike how to be Russian, whether Hayden likes it or not.

    AKA the Russian Hayden fic for my sister

    Series
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    23 Jun 2026

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    Here are some facts:

    Six months ago, Ilya and Shane sat on Ilyas’ couch, in Boston, and said, we want to be more, even if it has to be in secret.

    Four months ago, Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander bought new houses. If asked, they would both say it was a complete coincidence. They were not asked, because most people do not browse Zillow for fun in their free time (Shane-) and the real estate of hockey players was of very limited interest to even the most hardcore fan.

    Two hours ago, Shane Hollander was bleeding out on the ice.

    Yuna and David Hollander were at least three hours away, at the exact moment their son hit the ice. Yuna Hollander is a perceptive woman. If she enters the house, she will know her son does not live alone.

    Here is the most important fact Ilya knows right now: Shane would not want to come out to his parents like this.

    Ilya has one hour to wipe his existence from his boyfriends’ house.

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    21 Jun 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    19 Jun 2026

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    Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
    So the true way to combat the Bisexual Russian Terminator isn’t with homophobia...
    It's actually with even more gay
    ...
    You're a goddamn genius.

    ----

    The NHL rookies have joined forces to strategize now that two of the greatest hockey players of all time are on the same team and Ilya Rozanov must suffer from the unintended consequences of making hockey more woke.

    Mainly, the way everyone keeps implying that they want to fuck his husband.

    or: a group of rookies unionize and employ chirping as a form of psychological torture against a one Ilya Grigoryevich Rozanov.

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    09 Jun 2026

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    Cardiac tamponade: pressure on that heart that prevents it from filling and beating adequately.

    Shane thought he knew two things: his move to Ottawa would cause chaos, and that the Ottawa Centaurs were nice.

    As it turned out, he only knew one of those things.

    (Or: the Cens are still a team of professional hockey players. They're going to fuck up.)

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    27 May 2026