Chapter Text
There was a knock on the door to the archives, and when it opened, Rosie peeked in. Sasha stood up from her seat, being the only one facing the door. She walked over to the door, to see a man standing slightly in the back. He had long hair and was fairly tall, but stood in a way that made Sasha think he tried to appear shorter.
"Someone here to make a statement. I'm leaving them in your hands." Rosie said and left, gesturing the man towards Sasha. He nodded and gave her something that was probably meant to be a smile. He stepped into the archives.
"I'm, uhh. I'm Jordan? I was.. told to look for the head archivist?" He looked around the room and gave a polite nod to Tim and Martin.
"Yes, sure. Just a second, I'll go get him." Sasha left the man and headed to Jon's office. She knocked on the door and opened it, without waiting for an answer. "Jon? A man is here to make a statement."
Jon sighed and stood up. As if this day wasn't tiring enough already. He followed Sasha outside, and almost ran away when he saw the statement giver. Damn Ashes. Damn Ashes and their pettiness.
Except, the man looked almost as shocked as Jon felt.
"Jonny? What?—"
"Uhh, no. Nope. We are not doing this here." Jon grabs the man's arm and almost drags him into his office. Sasha looks over at Tim and Martin.
"Soo.." Tim says, as soon as the door closes behind the two. "Another 'acquaintance'? That also didn't know he works here."
Sasha shrugged. Not like it was any of their business—
"What if we steal his phone and just tell the rest of his friends so this doesn't happen every single time?"
"No, Tim."
"What on earth are you doing here?" Jon wasn't mad. Of course not. It's been ages since he saw Tim, and it was great to see him again, but.. Right, the 'but'. He didn't tell them for a reason.
"I should be the one asking asking that question, considering I came here to make a statement, and I'm told to look for the head archivist and you show up!" Tim slumps in the chair. He knew he was going to regret coming here, he just didn't think this would be the reason.
"Oh, well, excuse me for daring to get in your way." Of course Tim didn't want to see him. Why would he? The band was done, they didn't need Jon around anymore. "I can request Sasha to take your statement instead."
"Don't get all posh with me, you know what I meant." Jon didn't. But he didn't say anything. "But coming here was stressful enough on it's own and now it turns out that I have to say all this shit to you, who I haven't seen for a long time, because someone has been avoiding all his friends."
Oh. Right. Jon looked away.
"Sorry. I can actually get Sasha to take your statement, if you'd prefer that."
"Don't be. I.. actually get it. I was close to cutting myself off to. But it, uh. Doesn't help, does it?" Jon shook his head. Tim nodded in understanding. "And, uh, you don't have to do that. It's.. good to see you again."
Jon tried to smile at him. He did, but he's pretty sure it looked more like a grimace. Tim didn't seem to mind. Jon cleared his throat.
"Right, then. I'm just gonna.." He scrambled around his office for the tape recorder. Stupid, really, as it was already sitting in front of Tim, and running.
ARCHIVIST
Huh.
JORDAN
Hm?
ARCHIVIST
Did you..?
JORDAN
What?
ARCHIVIST
The tape recorder?
JORDAN
Oh, uh, no. Why do you have it?
ARCHIVIST
Well, uhm. There's certain statements that don't record digitally. And I suspect yours will be one of those.
JORDAN
..why?
ARCHIVIST
Because I know you're not insane or a liar, and those that do record digitally are mostly statements of insane people and liars.
JORDAN
..right.
ARCHIVIST
Well, uhh. (clothes shifting) Shall we?
JORDAN
Right. How, uh.. How does this work?
ARCHIVIST
Well.. I.. say some stuff like your name and date and then you just. Tell it? I guess.
JORDAN
And.. you trust my narrative flow enough for it to be comprehensible?
ARCHIVIST
It doesn't have to be.
JORDAN
Okay.
ARCHIVIST
Right, then. Statement of Tim..
JORDAN
Uh..
ARCHIVIST
What?
JORDAN
You do know Tim isn't my real name, right?
ARCHIVIST
(beat.) I forgot.
JORDAN
(mocking) Did you think Gunpowder was real too?
ARCHIVIST
I know your name isn't Tim! I just.. Nobody ever calls you Jordan!
JORDAN
Nobody calls the rest by their real names either. You're just uncreative, Jonny. Besides, 'Jordan' sucks, Tim is cool. I just.. got comfortable with Tim.
ARCHIVIST
(teasing) ..You know, there's a name for that.
JORDAN
(irritated, but joking, friendly even) I wonder if there's a name for throwing someone out the window for being a fucking prick.
ARCHIVIST
(I'm gonna ignore that) ..Right. Statement of Jordan Kennedy, regarding..?
JORDAN
Several weird things I found while working in pest control.
ARCHIVIST
Statement taken direct from subject, 3rd November, 2016. Statement begins.
ARCHIVIST
Right. Statement ends.
JORDAN
(sounding tired) Well. That was weird.
ARCHIVIST
What do you mean?
JORDAN
The, uh, narrative flow. I was joking before, but..
ARCHIVIST
..but?
JORDAN
I didn't even stutter once.
ARCHIVIST
And.. that's a bad thing? I don't get how that's got anything to do with.. narrative flow.
JORDAN
It felt like narrative flow. Don't you notice? That I.. hesitate and stuff. When I talk. When not in character.
ARCHIVIST
..No, I guess I don't. Stuff like that doesn't bother me.
JORDAN
(scoffs) of course it doesn't, you.. almost respectable man.
[CLICK]
Jon set the tape recorder aside.
"Right. Would you like tea? I can ask Martin to make one more, I'm.." He looks at the clock. "Almost certain he's about to get up to start preparing it... Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Oh, it's nothing. So, Martin?" Jon stood up and walked out of his office without a word. "Don't be like that, Jonny!" Tim followed him.
"Martin, when you go make tea, could you make one more?" Jon didn't register Martin looking at the clock and a faint look of surprise on his face. "Earl Grey, one sugar."
"Heey, you remembered!" Jon scoffed.
"Of course I did. Who do you take me for?"
"Someone who's absolutely shit at making tea?"
"…Right. Point taken. Good thing we have Martin, then." Tim choked on a laugh. "I'm going to put lemon in your precious earl grey if you dare." Sasha and assistant Tim shared a look, Tim's accompanied by a huge smirk.
"Ew, alright." He sat down on the couch. Jon shot him a look, but didn't say anything. He was glad Tim wasn't stressed anymore. Martin stood up from his seat to go make the tea.
"And.. Who am I making tea for?" It took Jon embarrassingly long to understand what Martin meant.
"Oh! Right, this is, uhh, Tim. Another.. friend from college." Jon pointed a look at Tim, hoping he'd get the hint and won't mention even a word about the band.
"Wait, didn't you say your name is Jordan?" Sasha asked, before their Tim got to say anything. Meanwhile Martin left the room.
"I mean. Yeah. But it's kinda awful, so I mostly go by Tim, because me and Jonny were—"
"It's nothing interesting. Same as Ashes. Uh, Basira. It just stuck." Jon looked at him pointedly.
"I think we're missing something, guys." Assistant Tim said and stood up.
"I don't think you are, there's nothing interesting about—"
"There's two Tims now. I have achieved it. I met another Tim. He's even almost as cool as I am."
"Excuse you, I'm plenty cool. There's videos to prove that— Wait. Wait, uh, you're Tim?" He also stands up. "Wait, yeah, that'd make sense, since the other one's Mah-tin, and you.." He looks at Sasha. "Sasha? I'm guessing?" Sasha nods.
"Is this the moment we fight for dominance to see who gets to keep the name?" Archives Tim said. "If Jon has to call us both Tim while we're in the same room, his brain will evaporate." Jon goes to protest, but is cut off before he even starts speaking.
"Uh, I've known him first. So, technically, I should get to be Tim. But I'm nice, so he can just call me Gunpowder, while you stay Tim. See cause me and Jonny.." He wasn't actually going to tell them. It was just hilarious to see Jon desperately try to keep it secret, as if there isn't so many Mechanisms related stuff online. Hell, they even had a small fan base. They have both seen the art.
"I can always call you Jordan." Jon smiled. It was petty.
"I am going to shoot myself in the head if you do that." He smiled his pettiest smile back. Though Jonny was the most petty person in the universe, so his wasn't even close.
"YOU chose the name!" Jon only teased him because he knew Tim not only didn't mind these jokes, they made him feel validated. No matter how weird that could seem.
"I'm allowed to hate it regardless, Jonny!!" They were both 'yelling' theatrically now.
"..Right… So, you're.. Gunpowder, I'm guessing, and I'm Tim." Jon was dumbfounded. Then, he was trying really hard not to laugh. And then he wasn't trying anymore, because Gunpowder did laugh, which made Jon laugh, which in turn made Gunpowder laugh even harder, and he had to sit back down.
Martin came back with three mugs. He stood in the doorway, dumbstruck. He looked at Tim and Sasha in question.
"We don't know either." Sasha said.
"Riiight.." He gave her her tea, set one down and gave the other to Tim.
"We'll go get the other ones." Jon said, trying to breathe steadily. It wasn't even funny, really. It was Tim's fault. Both of them. He drags Gunpowder off the couch.
Martin can still hear giggles from the other room. It's muffled, but he's pretty sure he heard Jon say something that sounded awfully like a death threat, but also awfully comedic?
The two men were coming back, calmer now. Martin wonders, if that's how Jon is with his friend now, at.. however old he was, how much more of that had he been in college? Martin doesn't think there's anything else he could want to know more than that. He was dying to ask, but he realized how weird a question that would be. Tim, however, had other questions.
"If you are Tim, and Basira is Ashes, why is Jon just Jonny? I mean, not that it's bad, of course.." He sits on the couch, delighted with the fact that it was time for lunch break.
"Oh, no, it is bad. And Jonny is just uncreative as fu—" Jon punched Gunpowder's arm. He almost wants to do a whole theatrically offended act, but he decides against it. Jon would probably throw him off of a roof if he did that.
"I am not!"
"Should I remind you of the Marquis de All The Knives? You're a great.." He wants to say singer, writer, performer. Damn Jon and his stupid need to keep the cool part of himself secret. "You're great, but you're terrible with names, mate."
"I'm going to sic the Admiral on you. Anyways, I should—" Jon retorted and looked at the time on his phone. "Oh. Or I guess not. It appears that it is lunchtime." He usually would ignore that fact, but he figured today was as good a day as any to do anything to spite Elias by taking his lunch break.
"Yeah, boss, you're stuck with us now, for the next half an hour.. Maybe you could tell us about the whole, uh, Marquis de All The Knives?" Tim said. Jon scrambled for an answer that didn't involve the words 'college band' or 'mechanisms'.
"Oh, uh. We did.. um—"
"RPG campaigns. Jonny is a brilliant GM, but awful at making up names." Jon could kiss him. Except, no, he couldn't, actually. Okay, maybe hug him. Instead he nodded. Tim and Sasha let out an 'ooooh' in unison. Martin didn't seem to be impressed. Oh well. It's not like Jon needed Martin to be impressed by him.
"Oh, wait. I just, uh. Remembered something. There was an infestation here, right?" Jon froze. Tim instinctively reached up to pick at his scars.
"How do you know that?"
"I was meant to be on the job. You know, pest control. But I got sick, so, uh, I wasn't." Gunpowder only faintly noticed the strained reactions. "What.. What was it?"
"Worms." Jon answered his question as if he was spitting. Martin shuddered, Tim grimaced.
"Fuck worms" Tim said, Sasha and Martin nodded.
"Fuck worms." Jon repeated, pointedly. Gunpowder looked at each of them.
"Oh. So, like my, uh.. ants." He and Jon looked at each other. He could tell Jon was thinking. Then, he was nodding.
"Yes, I suppose. Like your ants. I just.." Jon sighs. "I just hope they are not connected."
"Well, about connections, didn't Toy Soldier seem to be.. weirdly aware of this?" Jon considered him. He seemed to not put too much thought into it before now.
"I mean.. Doesn't it always do that, though? It's.. peculiar, but that's just its charm, I think. Just.. usual Toy Soldier stuff. And it said it knows Elias, so I'm guessing.." Jon hesitated. He sounded more like he was trying to convince himself about this, than it actually being a reasonable explanation.
"Maybe… But it also said it hates Elias.. I- I mean your boss. But, regardless, it doesn't talk to people it doesn't like..? I don't know, actually. Just- just thinking. Don't pay any mind to me. And also, I'm gonna get going. I did just come here to make a statement." Gunpowder pats down his pockets, presumably checking if he still has all his belongings. He turns to Jon.
"Right." Jon says, looking anywhere but him.
"Don't give me that. I better see you again soon." He points a finger in Jon's face. "Little birdie told me Nastya's gonna be visiting. We should all go out."
"Wait, what? Really? Why did I not know that?"
"Because you never read the group chat, genius. She's been talking about that for ages. Marius as well. Finally got a degree and stuff." He headed for the door. "I know your secrets, Jonny. Pity if they stopped being secrets.."
"Goodbye, Tim." Jon flipped him off, hoping none of his assistants paid enough attention to notice. Well, as they say, hope is the mother of fools.
1:26 P.M
To Dead not Gone
powdered tim: so
powdered tim: heard were going dirnking with @First mate
winged beast (a fly): really?
powdered tim: sure ;)
shipfucker: Is Jonny aware?
powdered tim: sure
powdered tim: @First mate confirm this
5:12 P.M
To Dead not Gone
First mate: tim i dont use my phone @ work
First mate: u kno this
powdered tim: confirm
First mate: ye
First mate: ive been blackmailed
powdered tim: you lvoe me ;)
First mate: p sure i dont
still not a real boy (gender neutral): How Did It Go? :o)
powdered tim: told you it knows
First mate: TS r u like
First mate: in contact w bitchard
still not a real boy (gender neutral): I Would Never Talk To Him!!
still not a real boy (gender neutral): I Don't Like His Eyes ;o(
still not a real boy (gender neutral): I Have Other Contacts :o)
First mate: ur so strange
First mate: weirdo
still not a real boy (gender neutral): Thank You!! You Don't Know The Half Of It!!
still not a real boy (gender neutral): Yet :o)
JSims set the nickname for WoodenMan to strange and unusual
First mate: (/ref)
First mate: wait wdym yet
The next day, Jon didn't even have the time to worry about Toy Soldier and the weird stuff it keeps saying recently.
On top of having to go up to Elias' office twice already and him giving the archival staff (though, really, mostly Jon) a ton of useless paperwork, Jon spilled hot tea over himself, meaning he had to either sit in wet clothes and be cold, or take the top layer off and also be cold; Martin has arrived to work late, meaning Elias had one more reason to be annoying; and Tim was awfully irritable today. Which wouldn't bother Jon half as much if it was in the mean, snappy way Jon was when irritable. No, Tim seemed to be on the verge of a breakdown since morning, and Jon—
Jon's phone was going off. He forgot to mute the notifications, and.. He accidentally looked at the messages he just got. Jon was awful at comforting people.
11:24 A.M
To Archives
(kaya)KING: fuck
(kaya)KING: fuckfuck fucfkfuckfuck
(kaya)KING: tapes unstickigng
(kaya)KING: n if that wasnt enough
(kaya)KING: cramps
(kaya)KING: great
(kaya)KING: im gna commit
SashJame: tim
(kaya)KING: can u tell boss i went on earlt lunch
(kaya)KING: i
(kaya)KING: smeone just called me miss
(kaya)KING: i need home
(kaya)KING: i need home
SashJame: tim wrong chat
(kaya)KING: sash can u tell jon if
(kaya)KING: oh
(kaya)KING: fuck
(kaya)KING: great
(kaya)KING: excatly what i need
(kaya)KING: icant deal wit hthis rn
partypooper: Breathe, Tim.
partypooper: Go home
partypooper: Take the rest of the day off
partypooper: Hydrate a lot
partypooper: And stop by my office if you need naproxen.
(kaya)KING: im
(kaya)KING: no im okay
(kaya)KING: uoure like
(kaya)KING: the vest
(kaya)KING: i srsly love u rn
(kaya)KING: thank u
(kaya)KING: but respectfully i need to leave right tf now
(kaya)KING: thank u
partypooper: You shouldn't feel the need to thank me for basic decency.
(kaya)KING: theresbasic decency and then theres whatvr you are