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Part 1 of How to fix a town, one disfunctional fanfic at a time (vampires smp fics that are connected)
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Published:
2025-10-02
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2026-03-24
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59,477
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15/15
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If it was gonna kill you boy, it would've by now.

Summary:

Pyro gets in a spot of trouble, and Scott steps in. Of course, his plan goes perfectly to work, and Pyro escapes freely.

The rest of the evening does not go to plan.

 

Meanwhile, Avid finally gets a (semi) willing test subject to develop a cure for vampirism!

Surely the moral implications of this situation won't get out of hand...

Notes:

Once, very long ago, I told myself 'you're probably never gonna write fanfic about the minecraft block people. They're neat, but they don't scratch that itch in your brain'.

Anyways, Vampires SMP hit me like a trainwreck.

I really like Scott's character. Evil vampire who plays the victim and looks good doing so. So of course, as my favourite, he must suffer.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Well, why don't we start at the beginning?

Chapter Text

Oakhurst was quiet in the evening. The sun was hidden in the wide expanse of clouds, and the crows were the only sound that graced them, aside the occasional wolf howl.

Pyro had woken, in the crypt beneath the castle, to Scott and Shelby discussing manor plans. Owen had already gone out to fall some trees, and Shelby quickly volunteered to gather food. Pyro’s sire grumbled something about being forced to do manual labour, and got to work with the renovations. Pyro, of course, offered his aid. 

And so Scott sent them to fetch their old belongings from Oakhurst. They’d done so without complaint. The prospect of sleeping with blankets again, or gifting Shelby her books back was more than promising. It made them feel useful. Valued.

They made his way to the town without issue. From the edge of the woods, he turned into a bat and flew through Shelby’s open windows. The house was as empty as he predicted, grazed with a fine layer of dust. Pyro got to work soon enough, picking up all the tomes she’d left scattered around her room. He sandwiched them between her blankets and pillows. They hesitated for a second in front of her wardrobe, and then resolved to shove everything inside into the bag without stopping to look. Shelby could riffle through later and decide what they kept and what they threw away.

His sire’s room was a lot emptier. The closet was empty, the bed looked untouched since the first time it was made. The only belonging was the skull he’d used to terrorize Avid. Pyro took it, and the bedding, and went downstairs.

There was some food in the kitchen, but nothing they could eat. He’d leave it for the humans to find and pilfer through in their time of need. They left by the back door, and sneaked their way into his own home. They had to squeeze through a window, because someone had buried a silver block somewhere near the entrance. Pyro wondered how Apo came inside, now.

Truffle was gone. Pyro wondered if Apo had eaten it. He hoped not.

They made quick work of filtering through his old belongings and deciding what to take. He wouldn’t take anything from the kitchen, Apo would need it more than him.

Just as he was stuffing his pillow into his bag, the front door opened. They froze. Apo’s voice carried up the stairs, but she wasn’t alone.

He hurried to finish picking his things, and grab the bag with Shelby’s. They couldn’t make it through the front door, but, worst comes to worst, he could break through the window bars.

Apo was making it up the stairs. Her eyes locked with his, and they froze.

“…I’m just picking up my things.” Pyro said, voice so low it could almost be called a whisper. “For the castle. You can… you can join us if you want.”

Apo took a step back. They opened their mouth.

“Please don’t–”

“Martyn!” Apo screamed.

Pyro didn’t wait to see what else they said. They threw themselves at the window, and down into the street. By the time Martyn was rushing out the main door, Pyro was already sprinting through the town. His feet ached, burning at the proximity of buried silver, but they kept going regardless. They shoved Avid away and into a berry bush, jumped over Ren and exited the town.

They were shooting arrows at him. Fearing Scott’s reaction and Shelby’s tears if he accidentally broke any of her belongings, he threw the bags, praying they would land well, into the forest. He could search for them later.

An arrow pierced their leg, and they stumbled. The mud stained their clothes as they scrambled up to keep running, crossing the forest line. Then white spores spurted from the ground, and his feet got stuck to their place.

He growled, and turned. There was Martyn, panting with effort. Quick behind, catching up, were Sausage and Ren. Ren was carrying a crossbow, so Pyro knew who to thank for the arrow in their leg.

He straightened up, and channeled his sire as much as he could. “I would suggest you let me go.” They said, clenching their fists as to not show their trembling hands. “It’s in your best interest.”

Martyn let out a short, unimpressed, laugh. “As if!”

“You were stealing from Apo!” Sausage accused.

“It was my house too.” Pyro protested.

“It stopped being when you turned to be one of them!” Martyn accused, pulling out a lantern.

Pyro barred their teeth. “I did not come here to quarrel with you.”

“No,” Ren said, “but you’ve stepped foot in lands yer not welcome in.”

Pyro tried moving his feet. Still nothing. Cursed spell. “So have you in the past. Eye for an eye, don’t you say?” He mocked.

Martyn scoffed. “That’s it, I’m done with this.”

And then there was fire.

Pyro had already felt the little trick Martyn played with before. Felt it as it burnt through Shelby’s skin and killed her. He hadn’t differentiated, at the time, between his pain and hers.

The flames spreaded out of the lantern, they lap at his skin and clothes. Pyro gritted their teeth, pulling out their sword. He threw it, knocking the lantern out of Martyn’s hands. It shattered against the dirt, but the fire didn't’t diminish around them.

At least it seemed to be burning the humans too. Sausage ignored it, silver sword raised high as he charged at him. Pyro slashed at his arms, tossing him away before he could even reach them. Another arrow hit him, this time in the stomach. They grabbed Martyn, who had committed the mistake of stepping forward, and threw him at Ren. Both tumbled to the ground.

Then Sausage tackled him down. They immediately bit at what was nearest, hissing in pain when in contact with Sausage’s silver chainmail. Sausage punched him in the face. Rude.

He kneed Sausage in the stomach, but the man remained steady. He grabbed a stake seemingly from nowhere, and held it high.

 

 

 

Sausage hadn’t really thought it through when he tackled Pyro. He could only thank he’d been wearing the chainmail he’d managed to fashion earlier that day. Pyro slashed and struggled, every lucky strike at somewhere unprotected leaving a ravine of blood behind.

He grabbed the stake at his side, rose it high, and watched as Pyro froze in fear. And for a second, Sausage stopped as well.

“What are you waiting for, end them!” Martyn screamed at him.

“Kicking a man while they’re down?” A familiarly sultry voice interrupted. “Now that’s ruthless.”

You.” Martyn seethed.

Sausage dared to take his eyes away from Pyro for a second, just to confirm. Yes, indeed, that was Scott, standing over the edge of the woods, looking unimpressed. His eyes were so unmistakably red, as they bore into him with badly hidden hatred.

“Me.” He smiled, showing his fangs. “Now, why don’t you release my fledging and we can have a nice, civilized, chat?”

Pyro wriggled underneath Sausage, and not in the fun way. Sausage’s hand wrapped around their neck, pining them in place. He cringed when he felt the puncture wounds in their skin.

“Ye have no coin to barter with, me laddie.” Ren said, from behind Sausage. He felt a bit safer with his presence at his back.

“Yeah, why shouldn’t I just kill him, and then you?” Sausage taunted.

Scott scoffed. “Go ahead. It’ll be your heads on spike around my castle.”

He took a step forward. From behind Sausage, Ren shot at him. Scott side stepped. The arrow dug into a tree. 

“One more step, and he bites it.” Sausage warned. 

Scott rose an eyebrow, but stopped. “I just wanted to offer a deal–something better than Pyro’s meager life.”

Beneath Sausage, Pyro made a wounded noise. Scott rolled his eyes.

“What’s your bargain?” Martyn asked, placing a hand on Sausage’s shoulder.

“You let Pyro go. They’re quite young, they have nothing of value to offer, and you get something better.” Scott said. He stopped to gauge their reactions, probably, before continuing. “That something being me, of course. Put that wonderful little jail Avid did to use.”

Pyro started struggling then. “No!” They squealed, trying to push Sausage off themselves. “Sire, don’t–!” The effect of Sausage’s tackle must be wearing off.

He quickly remedied that by pressing a knee against the arrow in their stomach.

“Quiet now.” Scott snapped. “The grown ups are discussing.” Pyro’s mouth closed shut.

“You’d come willingly?” Martyn questioned. “Without tricks?”

Scott gave a little bow. “I swear on my sire’s ashes.”

Sausage looked over his shoulder. Martyn and Ren seemed to be discussing quietly. They both looked at Sausage. He shook his head. They shot him a pointer look. He rolled his eyes, but nodded.

He stood, slowly, lifting Pyro as he did so. “Can you do thee freezing trick?” He whispered at Martyn.

“Not for another few minutes.” Martyn whispered back. Then, at Scott, he said. “We’re tying you up.”

Scott looked at his nails. He probably had blood on them. “Of course you are.” He said, sounding bored. “Do I get to bid my good-byes to my fledgeling?”

Sausage and the others looked at each other, but Scott was already approaching Pyro. He practically snatched him from Sausage’s hands, and turned them around to examine. An expression of hatred flashed through his face before returning to his usual apathy.

“You’ve made quite the mess.” Scott remarked, fixing Pyro’s hair. It looked oddly domestic, like a mother cleaning a stain off the cheeks of their child. “I trust you’re able to walk all the way back?”

Pyro nodded.

Scott finished fussing over Pyro and gave him a pat on the shoulder. “Then off you go. Remind Shubble to work on the bridge.”

Pyro hesitated. Then they lunged forward and captured Scott in a tight embrace. Scott seemed more startled than the three vampire hunters. His arms shot in the air, unsure of what to do with them. (Sausage lowered Ren’s crossbow, which he had raised at the sudden movement)

In the end, he gave them a quick pat on the back, before shooing him away. Pyro whispered something, and rushed off into the forest.

Scott fixed his coat. “He’s gotten mud all over me. Disgusting.” He gave up on picking the tiny specks of dirt over him, and turned towards them. “I suppose you must be so proud of yourselves.”

Martyn rolled his eyes. “Save your quips, you’ll have all the time in the world to use them once you’re rotting in jail.” He pulled out a rope from his bag–did he casually carry rope with him everywhere he went?–and approached. “Arms out.”

Scott rolled his eyes, and made a show of jointing his wrists in front of him. Martyn approached slowly.

“You truly are stupid.” Scott said, and that was all the warning they got.

His hand shot forward, grabbing Martyn by his shirt and throwing him at a tree. He dodged the arrow Ren sent his way and lunged, pulling the crossbow from him and hitting him with it over the head. Sausage was already moving to stab him. Scott moved to the side, so the sword only slashed.

Scott made an annoyed sound. “You ruined my coat.” He said.

He grabbed Sausage’s arm, and spun him to throw against Ren. They collapsed, landing on the crossbow and snapping it. 

Scott laughed. Sausage and Ren managed to detangle themselves from each other.

“You’re pathetic.” Scott said, before turning into a bat.

And then Martyn shot forward and captured him in his empty bag. He held onto it with both hands, as Scott struggled inside it and pushed and pulled. He groaned in effort, as his feet skidded atop the muddy grass.

Just as Sausage was getting up to help, Martyn yanked at the bag, and slammed it against a tree. Once, then twice, and then he was stumbling back as Scott de-transformed into a very frazzled vampire. 

He fell against the tree, clutching his head. “I’m going to rip your throat–”

Sausage didn’t know where Ren got the shovel from to hit Scott over the head with. Scott went down like a puppet without strings. Ren hesitated.

Sausage took the shovel from Ren’s hands and slammed it against Scott’s head again before he got up. And again. And once more, just in case.

“Ok, ok, enough!” Martyn said, stopping him. “If we kill him, he’ll just appear somewhere else!”

Sausage nodded, breathless. He hadn’t realized his heartbeat was that loud. 

The three of them stood there, looking down at Scott.

“…is he unconscious?” Ren asked.

Martyn hummed. “Only one way to check he’s not pulling another trick.” He said, and crouched to grab a bunch of mud. “Hey, Scott, I’m going to smear this on your hair, ok?”

Scott gave no response. Martyn threw the mud at him. Still nothing.

“Yeah, I’d gather he’s out cold.” Sausage said. He handed Ren the shovel back. “When did you think to grab a shovel?”

“I was burying more silver blocks when the attack began.” Ren explained.

Martyn grabbed one of Scott’s legs, and pulled. “Damn, he’s heavy. What do they feed these vampires?”

“Blood, mostly.” Sausage said, going to grab the other leg. “I saw him eat a garlic clove, once, though.”

They started dragging Scott back, with great effort. Ren joined in the work, trying to lift Scott by the arms. They managed to carry him to town, mostly dragging, but sometimes managing to lift him for a few steps before dropping him again.

If Scott wasn’t unconscious before, he ought’ve been by the third time Ren dropped his head over the stone steps of the path.

The moment they crossed the town borders, a small crowd was approaching. Cleo, as their newly appointed mayor-general-chief of what sorts, made their way through them, pushed a slightly hysteric Avid to the side and looked down at the unconscious vampire.

“What on Earth are you three doing?” She demanded.

Martyn dropped Scott. Ren and Sausage soon followed.

“We’ve captured a vampire.” He said, puffing his chest. “The plan was to shove him at Avid. He has a jail cell, right?”

Avid looked very close to hyperventilating. Drift patted him in the back.

“I thought you guys were chasing Pyro?” Doctor Legs asked. He was already pulling out a first aid kit, and motioned Sausage to approach.

“Aye, but Scott appeared and tricked us into releasing him.” Ren said. He kicked Scott for emphasis. 

“Ok, stop– stop kicking him.” Cleo said. “Least thing we want is to wake him up–how did you even manage to knock him out?”

“Shovel to the face.” Sausage said, pulling up his sleeves to let Legundo examine him. “Repeatedly.”

Avid made a grimace. “Ok, ok, that should– vampires recuperate quicker than humans, we should trap him before he wakes up.” He hesitated, hands fidgeting. “Can anyone help me carry him?”

Sausage opened his mouth to offer his aid, but Legundo sent him a glare to shut him up, and tightened one of the bandages. He closed it again.

“Let’s get this over with.” Cleo said. They knelt, grabbed Scott by his coat, and picked him up like a potato sack with a grunt of effort.

“Damn, it took the three of us to just get him here.” Martyn remarked. “You’re very strong.”

“Duh.” Cleo said. “I’m a farmer.” She turned to Avid. “Lead the way.”

Avid nodded, and started walking away, explaining quickly and messily how he’d constructed the cage, and what preventive measures they ought to take and Sausage stopped listening at that point.

The remaining town folk started moving to continue with their days. Legundo guided Sausage to a seat by a campfire–wasn’t that the one Scott had place down in an attempt to appear like he was collaborating?–, and continued cleaning his arms.

Martyn and Ren exchanged a few words, and started heading towards the latter’s house. Drift shook her head and followed behind Cleo. Pearl and Apo approached Sausage and the doctor. There was no sign of Abolish, he probably hadn’t even heard of the intrusion.

“Do we really think keeping a vampire is a good idea?” Pearl asked.

Sausage shrugged, accidentally making Legs’ work harder than it was. “He offered himself.”

“He did?” Apo asked. They looked tired.

“In exchange of Pyro–it was all a trick, of course.” Sausage explained. “But it backfired on him.”

Apo glanced at the direction Cleo had left in. “What are we going to do with him?”

“Treat him, of course.” Legundo said. “He’s just sick.”

“In the head, perhaps.” Apo muttered.

Pearl made a face. “I don’t think you can cure vampirism.”

“It doesn’t hurt to try.” Legundo said.

“Yeah, worst case scenario, we just kill him.” Sausage said.

Apo nodded. She sighed, trying to relax. “I’m going home– I want to see if Pyro has left any surprises in our–my house.”

“I’ll come with.” Pearl offered.

They left, biding their goodbyes. Soon the doctor was also done checking Sausage over, and he picked his things.

“I’m going to check on Ren and Martyn, as well.” He said. “Keep safe.”

“You too!” Sausage said. 

He waited until the doctor had walked away to stand. Feeling rather cheerful, he started making his way towards Avid’s Vampire Centre.

He wanted to be there when Scott woke up.