Chapter Text
Mike was feeling, well... empty would be the right word for it. He was standing in the middle of his childhood room and staring at the wall. At the, now, empty wall. In his, now, empty childhood room.
The date was September 1st of 1989. Or was it the 2nd? No, it had to be the 1st. Right? Mike wasn't sure. He had stopped counting a while ago. He had stopped caring a while ago.
Hm. Him? Not caring? That was weird of him. But, lately, weird felt more normal than it probably should.
He looked at the time. 10:20 a.m. He knows that he should get going. His mom will be up, dragging him downstairs in a while if he doesn't get down soon. But he feels like he can't move.
He physically can't make his body move. He's stuck. He feels trapped in his own mind, unable to react to anything happening around him. Unable to move.
He doesn't know how long it's been. One hour? Two? Ten minutes? He can't tell. Time has a tendency to pass differently lately. Well, for him, at least. He doesn't know if that's true for the others too. It seems like he doesn't know a lot these days.
So, he keeps standing. Unmoving. Unable. Staring at the empty blue wall, like it can give him the answers he craves so much. Like it'll tell him how he can be someone. It doesn't.
So Mike just keeps staring. And staring. And staring. And-
"Michael, come downstairs right now, I won't repeat myself again!", he heard his mom's voice echoing through the walls and through his brain.
Well, at least that managed to shake him out of his trance. He sighed and called back: "Coming, mom," keeping his voice loud enough for her to hear, but not too loud for him to yell.
He felt like he didn't have the courage to do even that today. He lowered his head and took a few steps towards the door. There, he stood for a few seconds and turned around.
His room felt unnaturally big. It was like the emptiness was consuming him. Like the blue in the walls was drowning him. Like he couldn't breathe.
He turned around and exited the room as quickly as he could, closing the door behind him. There he stood, exhaling a breath he hadn't realized was holding. He composed himself the best he could and headed downstairs.
The house was in such a rush that he hadn't seen before. His mom was walking all over, instructing the guys from the moving company, while they were putting the boxes in the truck.
Holly was trying to help, ending up being more of an annoyance than anything. But no one had the heart to tell her a thing. As much as she thought she was being subtle, they'd all heard her crying in her bed the last two nights in a row.
And Ted, well... he was watching everything from the side, standing by the kitchen counter and eating crackers out of a bowl. At least he wasn't sleeping anymore. Mike had the impression that none of them got normal sleep nowadays.
"There you are," said his mom once she saw him. She pointed at a box in the corner of the living room and asked him:
"Have you decided what you want me to do with this?"
Mike's heart sunk a bit in his chest. He knew very well what this box contained. In this box was his old D&D set, along with everyone's folders and figurines. Technically, he hadn't used it in three whole months, but he never had the heart to throw or give it away.
He knew that Holly and her friends had taken a liking in D&D lately, and they were using his stuff to play. But he already had a brand new set wrapped to give it to his sister on her birthday so that she can personalize it and make it hers.
So his set was, practically, useless at this point. But he still didn't have the heart to throw it away. For a while, he had flirted with the idea of doing so. That was a time in his life when he desperately wanted to de-attach from everything that reminded him of his past.
That was when he had ripped off half of the posters in his room's walls and thrown away most of his childhood toys. He'd even broken some of his old mixtapes. Then, he'd thrown all of his D&D related things in a box, had sealed it with as much tape as he could use, and had hidden it in the basement under the desk. And hadn't looked at it since.
His mom must've realized what he'd done, but she never mentioned it to him. She was talking to her son less and less lately. Mike wasn't sure if he or she was the one pulling away anymore. It felt mutual, most of the time.
She was trying to be a good mom and did what she thought was best by giving her son space. Mike was pulling away from everyone and everything these days, when all he really needed was for someone to pull him right back in. Not that he'd ever say that out loud, though.
Honestly, he hadn't even realized when he became so distant. Sometimes, he thought that it happened the night El disappeared, but he knew better than that. It was a slow process. A process that showed its signs from the start, even though no one noticed.
It was a process that was non-existent on some days and drowning him alive on others.
Mike might not be able to pinpoint when this whole thing started, but he knew exactly when things got worse. It was only a month ago when Will Byers moved from Hawkins to New York to attend NYU, just like his brother.
He was the last one of the party to leave (second to last, if you counted Mike), and it had made Mike miserable.
Mike had the curse of reliving some of his worst moments in real life. It was like his own trauma was being repeated, just to make him suffer even more. This exact thing happened back in the Mac-Z, and it happened again the day Will left.
He had to watch his childhood friend leave once again on better terms this time, but still. Will had hugged him so tightly that Mike thought he'd suffocate. At least, seeing Will's bright smile once they separated would have made the death sweet.
And then, he left. Just like that. And Mike had no idea when he'd see him again. It was choking him. Will left and, along with him, so did a part of his heart. Probably the best one as well.
That day, when he went back in his room, he had locked the door, laid on his bed, and cried his heart out. The next day, he'd ripped off half of his childhood like it was nothing and put all his remaining emotions in a box, just like his old D&D set.
Which was still in a corner of their living room, expecting him to make a decision.
He knows that he should throw it away. He wants a new start. He wants to move on from everything and everyone. He wants to find the courage to be someone new. But Mike has always been a coward.
"I'll keep it," he said in a low voice, knowing full well that, in this moment, he was sealing his fate. A fate he was scared of having but, also, one that seemed the most possible.
He could already picture it, the same way he had when the party had played D&D for the last time. Him, sitting alone and lonely, surrounded by memories in a suffocating way, writing about all the things he wants to leave behind.
Doesn’t it sound ideal?
He can see his whole future passing by like a movie, in front of his own two eyes. And all he sees is darkness. But he knows that he can't escape it. So the best he can do it accept it.
Time passes, and people keep moving around him, but he barely notices any of them. What he does notice, though, is his little sister's puffy eyes, which she was trying hard to hide. So, he walked towards her.
"Hey," he said, sitting down on the couch next to her. "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine," she lied, putting on one of her best fake smiles, but Mike knew her too well to be fooled by them.
"You don't have to lie to me, you know," he said in a low voice so that their conversation wouldn't be overheard.
At once, her smile disappeared, and her face fell. She was staring at the floor so that she wouldn't have to look at her brother.
"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Mike after a moment of silence.
"You're leaving today," she started after a few seconds. Mike nodded his head in acknowledgement.
"Are you going to miss me?" he asked his sister kindly.
"No, it's not about that," she said while shaking her head. "I mean, not only about that"
She took a deep breath and continued.
"It's just that... everything's changing. Everything was so different two months ago, hell, everything was so different two years ago! And it's not something that happens once and then it's done, no. This just keeps happening, it seems like there's a new thing going on every day, lately! And I... I don't know, I guess... I'm scared." she said while finally looking at her brother.
"What if things never stop changing? What if we never get a pause again? If things keep on changing in that pace, will they ever be normal again? And what even is normal? Two years ago, I thought I knew then, suddenly, BAM, my whole perception of life was changed for good. And I'm only twelve! How am I gonna survive life if things keep on going like this? Why can't we stop for a second and just enjoy life? I mean, you're leaving today for God knows where, and everyone else left too, and Nancy is away as well, and things just keep changing!" she exclaimed, with tears gathering in her eyes.
"Why can't we just stay where we are forever? Why can't we just sit in our basement and play D&D all day and watch movies and eat mom's popcorn and just have fun? Why do things have to change?" she asked for the nth time, with tears freely streaming her face, now. But she wasn't the only one.
"You have no idea how many times I've wondered the exact same thing this past year," Mike confessed. "You don't know how often I wish that things were simple again, that there was no rush, no change, no surprises. Just us, living our lives peacefully, without a thing in our minds. But that's impossible. We should all move on. We should all grow up. And everyone seems like they have. Everyone except from me."
He took a deep breath and continued.
"I never thought I had a problem with growing up. I always thought I was exactly where I was supposed to be. When I was 12, I was mature enough to go out and look for Will. When I was 14, I knew I was too grown up to play childhood games. But now I'm 17 and I feel like I haven't grown up a single day since I was 10. I feel like an idiot, because everyone is moving on and I'm falling behind. I feel stupid, because I still want to play D&D and hang out with everyone like we used to, but I know that I can't, because they're all busy with their own lives and have moved to all kinds of places which seem to be worlds away, and I'm left behind, feeling stupid and alone, ready to leave for somewhere where I'll be even more lonely, and-," he was now fully sobbing for the first time in two months, in front of his little sister, of all people.
"And I'm really scared to go. I'm really scared to leave everything I've ever known behind, I really don't want things to change even more, and I feel so helpless all the time, because I'm so fucking scared, so fucking scared," he said quietly in the end, allowing his sobs to overcome him.
Holly wiped her own tears from her eyes and surged forward to take her older brother in her arms. Mike leaned into his sister's touch and placed his head on her shoulder, finally allowing himself to break.
That's how Karen found them ten minutes later, tangled in each other's embrace, both crying while simultaneously trying to comfort the other as well. Her heart broke at the sight and that's why she moved closer to them and took both of her children in her arms. They stayed like that for a while, the children crying and Karen trying to soothe them.
Then, once their sobs subsided, the three of them slowly separated, wiping each other's wet cheeks.
"Hey," said their mom, sniffing, "it's time to go"
"I'll be out in a sec," said Mike, as his mom kissed both their temples and headed out.
Once their mom was outside, Holly trapped her brother in another bone breaking hug.
"Promise me that you'll take care of yourself," she said, her words muffled from where she was resting her head on his chest.
"I'll promise if you promise too," he responded.
"I promise," said Holly.
"I promise too," said Mike.
They separated and stood up.
"Call me whenever you feel like you want to talk to me, ok?" said Holly, her eyes still a bit wet.
"Ok. You should too," Mike told her, squeezing her hand.
Both the Wheeler siblings smiled at each other and let go of their hands. Mike waved one last time to his baby sister and headed out. He didn't look back once.