Chapter Text
Will had felt the day drag on as it was heavy. Each class and passing period pooled in his lungs until he could hardly breath. He couldn’t take any notes because his head was foggy, clouded thickly to where he could only think about himself. About his body changing, about his insides being outside, for everyone. He gripped the thighs of his pants, all of which had become mysteriously tight. He stayed quiet, locking his sight on the top of Mr. Clarke’s blackboard. He had already thrown up twice today. The first time he threw up was when he just got to school, the car ride there along brick roads throwing his stomach around and beating it down. He had just gotten outside of school and before he made it to the opening fence he bent over the trashcan and hurled. The second time he threw up was right before lunch, leaving a bad taste in his mouth. It lowered his appetite so he refrained from eating lunch. He was feeling the affects of his voluntary fast now as his stomach thundered and screamed. He was anxiously awaiting his mothers arrival.
Soon a resounding ring echoed through the room and Mr. Clarke paused his lesson. Will had already began gathering his things, placing his books and binders in his bag, Mike stared back at him with a sympathetic and fixated gaze. An apology, though Will did not know what for. Perhaps just for the misfortune of his own situation. Will slung his backpack over his shoulders, the newfound weight making him feel weaker than ever,it slumped him backwards. Mr. Clarke hung up the phone and rang out in a sing-song voice “Will- you! Are! Dismissed!” And he stamped a signed hall pass onto his desk.
Will crumpled the note into his palm and trudged down the hallway, listening to his shoes scuff over the floor on a steady beat, making his way outside, past the gate and into the dingy beaten car. Will plopped down into the sunken leather of the shotgun seat, feeling the surge of nausea at the sudden movement toss his stomach about. Will gave a soft wavering smile at his mother, before beginning “Mom, I’m hungry…” he embarrassedly admitted. He was only supposed to have eaten two hours ago but he didn’t eat, and so now he felt like he was starving.
His mom immediately responded with her wordless stare and smile of sympathy before detouring at some small Mom & Pop shop to buy him a sandwich, it had pesto smeared on the bread, tomatoes, and lunchmeat. It tasted good, although it settled awkwardly in his stomach, his skin pulled taut, his waistband digging in, and his chest radiating with heartburn. He knit his eyebrows and frowned, gripping his fingers into the pant fabric bunching over his knees. His mother expressed worry on her face but kept it silent, they were addressing everything, fretting further would only stress each other out.
The car skidded to a stop in a large parking lot, the hospital was a looming white building built on black concrete, the doors were wide and the halls were long, his stomach churned and foamed, he felt bile rise up his esophagus, he felt chunks block his throat and he hoarsely choked “I’m gonna hurl!” Before curtly doing just that. His throat was irritated, feeling swollen from the amount of times he violently abused it by vomiting. His mom pulled back his hair and bundled it into her hands, she precisely wiped his mouth and placed her hand flat on his back in a sense of warmth and consolation. She walked him into the room where he was immediately seized by a round man with silver hair and a receding hairline.
He went through all the initial assessments first, his blood pressure normal and he hadn’t grown an inch since his last check up which was six months ago. He scored the same he always did on the eye assessment, just short of needing glasses. Then came his weight in, he already felt his stomach drop to the floor because he knew he had packed on some pounds, his mother brushed it off as him being a ‘growing boy’ but he wasn’t particularly supposed to be growing now. As the sight of the number on the scale the doctor made a face, and a noise almost in amazement.
“Well Joyce, your little boy has packed on a whole seven pounds! You must be getting a head-start on the winter weight! Well this could be harmless, maybe him just getting ahead of his growth spurt, I’d keep an eye on him and what he’s eating, I would worry if this becomes a pattern” The doctor spoke as if he wasn’t there. Will was 13, old enough to understand and even be conscious about his weight. His fingers drifted down to his abdomen where he carried the extra pounds, reflecting on his eat habits, though they didn’t seem ridiculous, even seeming a bit lacking in nourishment.
His mom knit her brows and placed a steady hand on his shoulder starting “Well he’s been eating the same he has ever if he’s not too nauseous for a meal, but he’s also throwing up, so I don’t see how that could correlate to gain?” Will nodded in mild agreement, but overall he felt a growing pit of insecurity bubble up within him. The doctor took him by his forearm and lead him to change into the hospital gown and sit on the parchment paper covered table. Will noticed how the paper gown met its furthest point at his stomach, awkwardly pushing outwards. He felt it too, the discomfort of his stomach always stretched tight and always feeling like he was holding in a breath to fit a pair of jeans.
“I understand your concerns, we’re gonna start with some initial blood tests just to assess any of the simple problems, got it?” The doctor gently explained, although Will felt a harsh breathiness consistent in his tone, as if he was tired of Will and his mom. As he heard the mechanical clinking of drawers opening and a syringe being pulled out and unpacked, Will steeled himself up and balled his fists tight enough he wouldn’t be able to feel the prick. He was still afraid of shots, this one stirring something even deeper as it meant something was wrong. Will felt the slight sting and pinch and squeeze before it was quickly removed and a band-aid placed directly on, he was still young enough that they would give him the cool ones, he got a band-aid with Darth Vader on it. The doctor left the room and he was alone there with his mom.
“So Mrs. Byers, you’re telling me… your daughter, Jessica, is behaving oddly? And this leads you to believe there could be something wrong. Well, she is five, but I’d never question a mothers intuition” The doctor condescended, holding Will in his arms, taking measurements and eventually opening a drawer, mechanically clinking a syringe before pressing it into Will’s arm, he started crying immediately at the slight sting and pinch and squeeze, they slapped a band-aid on his arm, one of the princesses from the Disney movies he never bothered to pay attention to when his mom put them on. He rubbed his tiny fingers over the puncture and the doctor left the room, leaving him alone with his mom. She held him into a tight hug and whispered reassurance, he just liked her voice. They silently embraced, Will was never a talkative kid.
After what felt like forever the doctor came back in with a stack of chart and results, he sighed and started “Well, looks like your motherly intuition payed off, your little Jessy has a Y chromosome. That right there is an intersex baby.” His moms faces stirred with confusion, she’d never heard of such a thing. She stood.
“What? What does that mean? I was sure she had a vagina, I’d know! I changed her diapers when she was a baby!” His mother began, he felt scared and small,clinging to her forearm tightly, whatever this meant it made his mom confused and angry, so he knew it was a bad part of himself. He knew he had to tuck that away.
The doctor shifted, his black loafers squeaking on tile floor, he explained “Well, we’d have to do an X-ray to know for sure, but-“
“Then X-ray, I need to know the truth about my child!” His mom dramatically exclaimed,waving her hands to underscore her point. The doctor lead the way as his mom carried him gently in her arms. They placed him slotted in the machine like he was some broken toy and examined his whole body,every bone on display.
“See here Mrs. Byers, she has testicles near her lower abdomen, they may drop down after puberty but they also may not, it is just best to track these things. Her uterus will probably function properly, but she will probably look more like a boy, grow body and facial hair, speak low, it would be best to just… raise her the boy way” Wills mom clutched him in her arms tight. Will looked at the anatomical X-ray of his insides, of how they were different than everyone else’s. He studied the lump below his stomach fixedly,the thing to blame. A parasite within himself.
“Well… I guess we ought to change your name Jessy-“ his mother began, pausing for just a second before beginning to reflect on her thoughts, and pulling. “- how about William?” Will stared at her, not yet in full comprehension of the decision he eagerly nodded, letting himself be took in her arms.
Will now took in his surroundings, the parchment slipping under his thighs waxy and smooth, the hospital gown crinkling and applying pressure, a gentle pull back on his stomach. Will felt his neck craned downwards until it strained and his head placed right into the rim of the trashcan, he pressed his the pads of his fingertips into his stomach to expel any tainted fluid, his mothers hands gently pulled along his scalp and pushed his hair back. His throat felt irritated and inflamed, his stomach felt like it was being held over a stove, his head was being pulled apart by a migraine. When Will pulled his head back from the trashcan his mothers arms jolted around his waist, rubbing gentle wrinkled fingers into his stomach.
“It’s okay baby, really, I promise we’ll handle this- whatever it is.” She reassured, Will silently nodded. They waited like that, wordlessly in comfort for a while before Will’s ears perked up at the distance squeaking of loafers and he straightened his spine. His body filled with anticipation and fear. He gripped his mothers hands, tightly squeezing them as the squeaking became louder and closer.
The doctor opened the door and awkwardly shuffled into the room, combing his fingers straight through his silver hair. He had an expression of worry as he slammed down charts and test results on his desk. He spoke through a gritty filter “Mrs. Byers, I’m not sure how to tell you this, but your son is pregnant” He ripped the bandage off, metaphorically speaking. Wills entire life shifted, his stomach dropped his brain spun. He reached his hand to press flat onto his stomach, his palm feeling the heavy mass, nausea began to stir within him, but he had nothing left to vacate his body. His mouth went dry and his eyes were tight, stinging needles poked from his nose to his tear ducts and he harshly rubbed between his eyes until his fingers came back wet and gleaming in the hospital light. Before he knew it he was sobbing.
His mothers mouth was gaping, jaw slack enough to reach her chest. He took her hand again, the other drifted back to his stomach, feeling the the center of his gravitational pull. The doctor began once more “He is only ten weeks, which means he still has time to take the pill. He could also have… the invasive surgery, but considering his trauma I’m sure he wouldn’t be okay with that. There is obviously… the other option, you could see through with the pregnancy, it would be relatively low risk” his mother squeezed his fingers as if prompting him to say something. His fingers pressed his belly and he thought over his options.
He knew for a fact he didn’t want the invasive surgery, he didn’t want what looked like a massive strainer being shoved up his body and only returning with a fleshy bloody clump, in fact, he now realized he did not want to see the fleshy bloody clump at all. He considered just letting it pass through, but all the blood would make him feel queasy, and guilty. He thought of growing big, of seeing this through. It almost settled the tide of nausea within him, the thought of five fingers no bigger than an inch and a little smile with no teeth, but rather gummy instead. He certainly was ill equipped, but he’d never be able to let himself squish the baby into that red pulp of organs and blood and flesh. “I want… the alternative. I want to stay pregnant.” Will choked out awkwardly.
It seemed everyone looked at him incredulously, so much so he wanted to rub his hand along his neck to be sure he hadn’t sprouted a second head. He reached out for his mothers hand, who had the same confused and concerned expression motherhood often weaved over the muscles in her face, he held both her hands and started to ramble in his defense. “I’m giving it up for adoption, I just, I want this part to be my choice. It’s never my choice! And I guess I just couldn’t stand how it’d make me feel.” His mother nodded sympathetically, the whole room grew heavily quiet and Will returned both his hands to cradle his stomach in the best instincts his thirteen year old brain could form.
His mother and the doctors signed a series of papers and discussed in hushed voices and words too large for him to comprehend, he didn’t see why they couldn’t include him considering it was his body, his baby, and his problem. Will changed back into his normal clothes, his gentle fingers tracing over his stomach with a sense of protection and fear before buttoning his jeans, the pressure on his stomach felt choking. He watched them with a sickening curiosity, once they were done he clung to his mother’s arm like a lifeline as they walked out of the hospital, she had a small crinkling plastic bag filled with three orange pill bottles with white caps. He wanted to ask what they were for but his lips felt like they were glued shut. His mom opened the shotgun side door for him, he slid into the seat, the sandwich parchment paper below his feet. His stomach was once more growling at a volume that could raise the dead, and hunger was painfully burning into his sides. He tapped his mothers fingers and whispered lowly “Sorry, Im hungry again”
His mother nodded, she gently took his fingers into a light squeeze of reassurance. She began snaking the pads of her fingers along his spine before one palm landing on his shoulder and the other on the back of his head, she leaned forwards and pulled Will into an embrace, pressing a kiss into his forehead and wiping down an imaginary speck of dirt on his cheek. She hovered her hands away from him and took the wheel. “Whaddya want Will? We can get anything, and the doctor got you some pills to make you throw up less so maybe you can keep some of that food you eat in your stomach.” She spoke warmly and gently placed the plastic bag in his lap, he shifted through the bottles reading the labels and picking out the right one, he seized the orange plastic bottle and scanned over the label, he only needed one a day. Will screwed open the bottle and poured out a pill, taking the warm plastic water bottle that had been sitting in his moms center console for far too long and drank a sip, using it to swallow the pill.
“Maybe the pizza from Jonathan’s friends place, we could all have it for dinner? Pineapple?” Will suggested, he knew it would make his brother happy, El also liked the pizza, and Will had been craving fruit for forever. The mere thought of his (in all honesty, brilliant) plan of pineapple pizza made him even hungrier.
His mom cracked a smile that was genuine, despite her total overwhelming fear. “Pineapple? On pizza?! I guess the crazy cravings have started already” she laughed. Will had expressed his love for pizza the Hawaiian style before but he supposed it did sound a bit ridiculous now. The more they talked about it the more his mouth watered and his stomach growled. He smiled a gentle grin, his cheeks weren’t being squished, but he was smiling.
“Try before you deny, mom!” He giggled, parroting Argyle’s dumb catchphrase. He felt a weight lifted from his chest that once beat so heavily on his lungs. He knew things were bad but just for the moment they existed in a peace he hadn’t yet know. He felt the car turn down winding brick roads and his stomach was near ease, there was still a dull throbbing nausea, but he hardly minded because laughter also stung his sides. His mom pulled around into the pizza places parking lot and left him in the car.
He was alone for once, his weight sinking down into the leather seat, he leaned his head back and crossed his arms over his stomach, reclining back. He could smell the fresh smell of tomatoes and marijuana radiating around the pizza shop, his face split into a self satisfied grin.
His mom slid back into the car with two large pizzas in tow, she set them on his lap and drove home.
His mother carded her fingers through Wills long hair, brushing it out and dampening it before placing a bowl over his head. Will giggled like it was silly and his mother took the scissors to his hair. The first chop was the hardest, hacking off almost a foot of hair, but after that it was full bodied chuckles and cutting every which-way.
Will was quiet the ride home, a contented smile pressed his lips tight. He tapped his fingers over the box, the smell wafting through his nose and leaving him hungrier than before he could only wait so much longer until he tore the pizza up.