Chapter Text
The air was dull and thick with anticipation. It would have been fog at a normal height, but on top of this random ass mountain, he was high in the clouds.
The monitor on his ankle was a leaded weight that was getting harder to ignore by the minute. Cole had run away from two foster homes and a group home at this point, as well as having a history of self harming and an attempt, so it was understandable that he would be sent to a high risk group home. Though, the people he talked to hadn’t called it a group home. They called it a ‘monastery.’
Whatever that meant.
Better than the long-term mental hospital he was supposed to be in.
It had been advertised to him as a place where he would learn new meaning in his life.
In his mind his only meaning was to die a sad, early death.
He and his case manager, (a young woman who never seemed to stop smiling), finally reached the top of the seemingly never-ending staircase and she let out a long sigh.
“This is it,” Ms. Carol practically laughed out. She seemed happy even though they had literally just walked up the longest freaking staircase Cole had ever seen in his seventeen years of life.
Ms. Carol then looked around confused for a moment. Cole caught on pretty swiftly and snarked out a “now what?”
She hesitated for a moment before giving three solid knocks on the massive wooden doors of the monastery.
For a few moments, nothing happened. Cole asked “does this mean we get to leave?”
She gave him a hard glare that contrasted her peppy personality before the doors opened inward with a long creeeeaaaaaakkkkkk.
And there stood a man with a bamboo staff, a straw hat, and the longest beard Cole had ever seen. Seriously, that thing must have been sentient!
While Cole was gaping at this man who looked straight out of a cartoon, Ms. Carol stepped forward and her smile returned to her face.
“Hello, you must be Sensei Wu.”
Sensei???
“And you must be Carol,” the man responded. He had a welcoming tone that also revealed his age, (if the beard didn’t already do that.) “Welcome to the monastery.” Then, Sensei Wu looked past her and made piercing eye contact with Cole. “And you must Cole.” He smiled, and it wasn’t a large fake smile like Ms. Carol’s, but rather a genuine and soft smile.
Cole stuttered for a moment before finally forcing out words. He always started with an insult to see exactly where his new guardian lied on the spectrum of bad to evil.
“Wow you are old.”
Sensei Wu just stood there in what seemed like shock for a moment. Ms. Carol turned around with an immediate “Cole!” (She had been through this a lot, Cole had no clue why she thought this time would be different.)
He expected Wu to get upset or give an awkward chuckle, but instead he just smiled that same soft smile as if he were amused.
“With age comes wisdom.”
Cole was slightly taken aback, but this wasn’t the craziest thing that could have happened. Most likely this seemingly calm guardian would beat the shit out of him the second Ms. Carol’s ever watching eyes were off them.
Ms. Carol took a deep sigh and pinched her nose in frustration. “I am so sorry for his behavior. He is typically more polite than I promise.” She let go of her nose and let out an exhale before suggesting “shall we head inside?”
The three of them crossed a courtyard filled with large wooden posts, weights, and dulled, (but still sharp enough to hurt someone), training weapons like katanas and throwing stars. They were strewn about the courtyard as if someone had forgotten to properly put them away. Cole made a note to ask about that later.
They entered the monastery through another set of wooden doors and made a right. They eventually reached a dining room with a table large enough to comfortably seat ten people. Sensei Wu gestured for him and Ms.Carol sat on one bench and he himself sat down across the table from them on the other.
“Shall we begin?” Ms. Carol asked. She pulled out a large binder labeled Cole Brookstone and passed over several papers for Wu to sign. After about ten minutes of zoning out through the familiar process Cole zoned back in at the sound of his name. “Cole, do you have any questions?”
Cole was about to ask about the weapons in the courtyard when he saw two young faces peeking around the corner. They disappeared as quickly as they appeared but Sensei Wu noticed his distraction.
The old man whipped at a speed Cole didn’t think he was capable of just for the two faces to vanish.
He sighed. “I apologize, I told my students to remain out of sight during this process, but it’s difficult to satisfy curious minds.”
“I’m sorry, students?”
Wu seemed to perk up at this mention. “Yes, I consider all of the children living here my students and they consider me their teacher rather than child and caretaker. I’ve found it keeps my students from comparing me to previous foster parents they’ve had.”
All Cole could give in response to that was a “huh.”
“Any more questions?” Ms. Carol asked.
“Ugh ya, what’s up with the weapons in the training yard.” Cole meant this question in reference to previous experiences where blades were hidden from kids like him who just ended up self harming with them.
But Wu just chuckled and said “yes I am sorry for the mess in our training yard. We missed our opportunity to clean it this morning while preparing your room.”
Cole was so fucking confused.
-
Ms. Carol had been here before to do an inspection so she left before the tour. Sensei Wu gave him the tour personally, and surprisingly did not reprimand him for his earlier comment. He didn’t even seem to remember that Cole had insulted him to his face.
Weird.
Cole was shown around the kitchen, then shown to his bedroom. Unfortunately, there was a second bed in the room which meant he would have to share. The second bed was blue with lightning bolts running down it and had about three hundred stuffed animals neatly piled onto it. Cole turned his attention to his own bed, a plain black twin bed with one pillow.
And a gi placed neatly over top of the sheets.
“You may change the color of the sheeting if you would like.”
Cole was probably just going to leave it as is. It looked comfortable enough and he probably wouldn’t be here for long anyway.
But the gi caught his attention.
The gi was also black with silver highlights. It seemed plain enough to not draw much suspicion and yet it had his full attention.
“What’s the gi for?” He asked.
Sensei Wu turned with a smile. “We hold training lessons everyday in the courtyard. Just basic self defense and physical wellness. You may choose whether you participate or not but if you do you will wear that gi. I ask you to come to at least one session before making your decision though, as it is important to try new things.”
Cole was so confused.
It was odd for him to have options like this, especially over something that seemed so important.
“Okay,” was all he said, because that was all he could say for now.
Sensei Wu asked him if he would like to meet his fellow students now or later during dinner. He decided he may as well get it over with and meet them now, and Sensei Wu gladly led him to them.
Which led to his current situation…
…standing outside the door not wanting to interrupt what sounded like a fun time playing video games inside.
Coke reached for the door knob but hesitated, so Wu stepped in front of him and opened it for him.
The room was dark with the only light coming from the MarioKart on the big tv screen. A group of teens about Cole’s age were huddled around the screen in anticipation as the first player crossed the finish line. No one seemed to notice Cole and Wu’s presence because they were too busy focusing on the intense game at hand.
It only took two knocks on the door from Wu for the entire group to turn around and pause the game.
“Students, I would like to introduce you to your newest teammate. This is Cole.”
Sensei Wu stepped to the side to reveal an anxious Cole. He gave a soft wave and to his pleasure most of the group smiled.
It was a group of four boys and one girl, all wearing hoodies and sweatpants to combat the miserable snowy weather.
“It is a pleasure to meet you,” the one with the white hoodie said in a very monotone voice, though his face held a small smile as if he were trying to express emotion.
One guy in a red hoodie hopped on top of the back of the couch and casually asked “so what’s your problem?”
Cole was taken aback. Not because he didn’t have problems, (trust him, he had plenty of problems), but because this guy was so blunt it shocked him. “Wha- what do you mean?” He stuttered out.
The girl just put a hand over her face and muttered out “Kai, that is not the first thing you should ask people.”
“You know,” Kai continued, “you don’t just get hiked up a random mountain group home for no reason. What did you do?” His town was more inquisitive than accusatory, indicating genuine curiosity.
“Oh umm,” Cole kneeled down and pulled up his pant leg to reveal his ankle monitor.
“Yo, same!” The one with the blue hoodie shouted. He excitedly pulled up his own right pant leg to reveal an identical ankle monitor, as if they were comparing grades in class.
Cole just responded with an “oh cool.” He genuinely expected to be the only one here who was a flight risk.
Blue hoodie extended a hand. “Jay,” he said.
Cole accepted that hand. “Cole.”
Why did he say that?
They already knew his name. Sensei Wu just said it and they had to have known he was coming.
God he was so dumb—
Jay grabbed his hand without permission and dragged him out of the doorway and into the light of the tv screen.
“I can’t wait to share a room with you!” He said. Then he pulled Cole in front of the kid with the white hoodie. “This is Zane!” Zane gave another small smile before Cole was dragged to the kid on the back of the couch. “This one is Kai, and that’s his sister Nya!” He pointed to the girl. Then he dragged Cole over to the quiet kid in the corner. He wore a green hoodie and looked a few years younger than the others. “This is Lloyd!“ his voice had remained chipper the entire time. “Lloyd doesn’t technically belong to the foster care system. He’s Wu’s nephew and is staying with us until his mom finds a house for both of them and while his dad is in jail.”
Jay took a deep breath. He seemingly didn’t breathe while talking, finishing all of his words in one go.
It was a little impressive, honestly.
Wu walked fully into the room with a smile on his face. “Now that you have been introduced, would you like to play with the other kids or go rest?”
Cole didn’t have to think about it much. He didn’t want to get attached to this new group, so it was most likely better to spend less time with them.
“Can I go lie down?” He asked.
Sensei Wu nodded and showed Cole back to his room.
After finally setting his backpack down and taking a deep breath, he face-planted on his bed and closed his eyes.
This place didn’t seem too bad.
And that almost made it worse.
~
Jay wasn’t in their room when he woke up so Cole figured now was as good a time as any. He had bought a bottle of sleeping pills, (well, more like stolen from his last place,) for no reason in particular.
It wasn’t like… okay it was like he was gonna use them to kill himself. What else was he supposed to do, use them for their intended purpose??
He laid down on his bed and closed his eyes, pressing his hands over his headphones. He played some old music from a vinyl his birth parents had played for him before they died. If he was gonna go out he would go out with his favorite music looping through his head.
After a moment of letting himself vibe on his bed, he opened his eyes towards the ceiling.
Time to get this over with.
If he was being honest with himself, he wasn’t sure why he wanted to kill himself so badly. It just seemed natural to crave the sweet release of death. To feel a blade run through his skin and enjoy the sensation or love the feeling of an accidental burn.
This was his purpose. Dying was his life.
Of course he had to go get a water bottle first. He wasn’t gonna go out deep throating the 200 pill bottle dry.
So he pulled his lazy ass out of bed and moved towards the door. He entered the hallway and dragged his feet to the kitchen where he found Kai, Zane, and Lloyd arguing passionately around the island counter. None of them turned to look his way when he entered so he awkwardly cleared his throat.
Only Zane seemed to notice as Kai and Lloyd kept discussing.
“Would you like to join us Cole?”
A kind invitation but Cole had some suicide to get to first.
“Uhh, no thank you. I was gonna head to bed early but first I wanted to grab a water bottle?” He phrased it as a question so Zane would get that he didn’t know where to look.
Luckily, Zane caught on and showed him to the fridge where there was a whole shelf full of water bottles. Cole grabbed one and wished his new friends goodnight.
It had been nice knowing them.
~
Cole decided against taking the pills one at a time. He didn’t want this to be drawn out and long, just fast.
He took about 8 or 9 pills at once for efficiency. After the 7th handful he started to feel dizzy and lightheaded.
Space Song was playing in his headphones to add to the trippy experience. He tried to stand and walk over to his mirror to look at himself for one last time but found he couldn’t move his feet. Instead all he could do was slide down to the floor as the same chords played over and over again.
What was he doing again?
Sweat was beading down his forehead and the room was starting to spin. He chuckled a little to no one but himself. Sleep tugged heavy at his eyes and dragged on his loose limbs, and who was he to deny it?
Something slipped from his grip and clattered to the floor. He tried to shift his head to look at it but ended up just slumping further towards the ground. Eventually he fell over completely and pressed his face into the hardwood. It felt… nice…
…He was actually going to die like this…
…On the bedroom floor of a strange place with Space Song in his headphones and pills in his veins…
…what a wacky life he had had…
He finally let his eyes fall shut just as movement and a blur of blue appeared in his peripheral vision.
…Letting the music subtly fade into his subconscious…