Chapter Text
“I cannot apologize enough for what happened today.” Robert started stiffly, back straight and shoulders squared, as if he was preparing for a fight to break out in his own damn apartment, “I’m… I’m so sorry. It was completely unprofessional on my part, and I can’t apologize enough. You shouldn’t have been forced to listen to… all that. I couldn’t-“
“Hang on. Pause.” Victor drawled, ears pinned flat against his head despite his carefully blank expression, “Is my super sensitive and amazing hearing failing me, or is Bobert fucking apologizing for being attacked and victimized?”
“Yeah, Rob, I thought you called us here to seek comfort. You know, let us drown you in affection, reassurance.” Malevola sounded confused, and a little incredulous, “Why the fuck are you apologizing?” The rest of Z-Team looked at Robert with exasperation, like he was being difficult, which made something cold and sharp stick in his throat. Still, he swallowed around it and pressed on, unwilling to just let them break things off without knowing how embarrassed and remorseful he was about this whole thing. The meeting with Blazer had been uncomfortable enough as it was, her sympathy like bugs crawling under his skin, her insistence on him taking a few days off like a confirmation that he was broken, pitiful, damaged goods.
He couldn’t let that stand. He had to salvage this, he had to do damage control, any way he could. He had to keep them just a little longer, even if he had to simper and grovel his flat little ass off.
“That sick fuck Sims fed on trauma and fear, and mine… regretfully involved you all learning about my melodramatic childhood bullshit.” he spoke calmly, determined to get the words out, on his own terms this time, “I’m really sorry you got pulled into this, and… I sincerely hope this doesn’t affect your opinion of my leadership or me as a person-“
“Oh, stop with this corporate bullshit, bitch boy.” Chad groaned, and all of a sudden the room tilted, the temperature rising by several degrees, and between one moment and the next Robert found himself squarely in the middle of a group… snuggle pile? He was pressed firmly between Chad and Janelle, Malevola snuggled close to hold all three of them in her hell-warm arms. Victor flopped languidly over their laps while Colm and Courtney bickered over who got to hold Robert’s right hand, the one not already claimed by Alice hogging his left arm all to herself. Herm seemed content to just cling to one of Robert’s legs, eyes rimmed red with unshed tears as he dampened the sheets beneath him, and Bruno, well… he just seemed happy to be there despite taking up most of the tiny space, his massive hand curling around Robert’s free leg.
“And for the record.” Courtney said sternly, reaching over to flick his nose, “I really don’t like you calling your trauma ‘melodramatic’. Shit was real, and shit was fucked.”
“Majorly fucked.” Bruno agreed, his voice going a little soft as he added, “You didn’t deserve any of that, man.”
“What… What the fuck is this?” Robert asked faintly, overwhelmed by the sudden contact and warmth, “Guys, what are you doing?”
“Snuggles, Bobby-o.” Victor rumbled, a hand coming up to lazily pat his cheek, “Kinda par for the course after you have all your deepest traumas exposed by a weird hypnotist freakshow.”
“Yeah, babe.” Malevola’s tail wrapped around his waist, squeezing lightly, “That was some really fucked up shit that happened to you, and it really sucks that you had to spill it all to us against your will like that.”
“He… He wanted to h-hurt you.” Herm mumbled, nuzzling Robert’s knee, “And he made us-had us- h-he used us to do it…”
“The whole situation is fucked up.” Colm said succinctly, sincerely, “And I for one am so fucking sorry we couldn’t protect you, Robert.”
“I… wha-you’re sorry?” Robert asked incredulously, “I dumped all my emotional issues on you guys and you’re sorry? You have nothing to apologize for, I’m the one who-“
“How about we skip the ‘it’s all my fault’ game, just for tonight?” Courtney rolled her eyes, settling for lightly hugging his arm while Colm claimed his hand, bringing it to his mouth for a fervent little kiss, “Although personally, I blame that Sims guy for all of this.”
“I blame him too, and also Robert’s bitch dad.” Chad scowled, pressing warm lips absently to Robert’s temple, “They both deserve nothing but the worst, and oooh when I get my hands on Sims again…”
“Can’t fucking believe he gave us the slip like that.” Courtney scowled, resting her cheek against Robert’s bicep, “How does a scrawny bitch like that get himself a man? Let alone a man willing to rescue his dumb ass from a gang of angry heroes?”
“I dunno, I thought the fog guy was pretty neat.” Bruno admitted, “Fuckin’ annoying he didn’t let us kill Sims though.”
“That damp marshmallow of a man has absolutely no taste.” Colm huffed, “And if he wants to bump uglies with a tweed-wearin’ sack’a twigs in the fuckin’ Fog Dimension or wherever they went, I say let him. They can be wet blankets together in Silent Hill while we enjoy the five star full course meal that is our Bobby-o.”
“Damn straight, boy. And until we get they asses, I ain’t letting Robert out of my sight.” Alice scowled, “Fuck everybody else, LA can burn for all I fuckin’ care, I’m looking after what’s mine.” Robert’s heart fluttered a little at that, and he laced his fingers into hers with a reassuring squeeze.
“Easy, starlight.” he murmured, watching her skin glitter happily at the nickname, “I don’t think he’ll be coming after me any time soon. He uh… He got what he wanted from me. No point going back for seconds when the crockpot’s empty, you know?”
“Not taking any chances.” she chirped back, smiling sharp and vicious, “The next hoe that makes you cry is getting their eyes seared out of their skull by pure holographic light.” There were various murmurs of agreement, the others chiming in with all the creative ways they’d maim anyone who hurt him, and Robert wondered if it was possible to feel too much love for a body to contain, if it was normal for your chest to feel like it was about to burst, but in a good way. He wondered if anyone had ever died from being too in love.
“Guys…” he couldn’t help his smile, soft and sappy and terribly adoring, “I don’t… I don’t know what to say, I…”
“You don’t have to say a word.” Janelle said quietly, her hand stroking his waist like she was petting a kitten, “No one can force you to speak, not ever again.”
“You don’t have to talk about what happened now, or ever.” Colm reassured him, “Shit, you’ve probably talked about it enough for a lifetime, thanks to Sims. But you can rest assured we don’t think any less of you! Not for your past and not for that bastard involving us in your private business.”
“We see you, little love.” Malevola said softly, pressing a kiss to his hair, her lips lingering near his ear as she murmured, “We see you, and we love you still, and nothing is gonna change that, Robert.” Tears prickled at Robert’s eyes, and he rapidly blinked them away, but Janelle, observant ever-watching Janelle, noticed.
“You can cry.” she said gently, kissing just under his eye, “We will not judge you.”
“I’m so fucking sick of crying.” Robert admitted, his voice a touch hoarse, and Janelle nodded like she understood. She lifted her hand to his face, cupping his cheek, cradling him like he was something important, precious, something she wanted to keep.
“I would create a world in which you never have to cry again.” she said, low and intent, “I would ensure that you know only joy for all your days, that your smile would never fade, that you wake every day secure in the knowledge that you are loved, adored, craved, worshiped-“
“Jeez, what weird elf romance novel did you steal those lines from?” Chad rolled his eyes dramatically, and Colm chuckled.
“Cranky because you can’t romance Robert with pretty poetry the way she does?” he teased, and Chad growled a little.
“I don’t need poetry to romance Robert, I have a big dick and a fat ass and I cook the best damn food he’s ever had, what more could he ask for?” he said defensively, “Too many damn poets on this team anyway. I’ve heard Victor’s attempt at crypto-themed slam poetry, it made me want to shrivel up and die.”
“You just don’t grasp the arts the way I do.” Victor harrumphed.
“Do I count as a poet now?” Robert joked, lips upticking just slightly, “The compulsion had me getting pretty prosaic there near the end, especially the bit about my nightmares.”
“No, and speaking of that, Janelle.” Courtney flicked Janelle’s ear, “Kinda fucked up of you to choose to choke him out like right after he went on about suffocation for three straight minutes.”
“I did not wish to cause lingering pain with a blow to the head.” Janelle justified evenly, “Nor did I wish to wait the long minutes needed for a sedative to take effect.”
“I’m not upset, Janelle.” Robert assured her, “I’m just glad you shut me up.”
“Still…” Janelle shifted a touch closer to him, pressing her face into the crook of his neck, “I did not relish the feeling of you going limp in my arms. I… confess, it brought forth unpleasant memories.” And shit, Robert hadn’t even thought about that. He’d been so wrapped up in his own drama that he hadn’t even considered her feelings, that the ex-assassin might be conflicted in using her old techniques on someone she cared for. His first instinct was to apologize, but he knew now that it wouldn’t be received well, so he tamped down on the urge.
“Janelle.” he said gently, nuzzling her cheek as best he could with his arms trapped by the others, “Birdie. I know you’d never hurt me. You’re careful, you’re meticulous, your blades never even nick me-“
“Unless he asks.” Chad grinned, physically unable to help himself, and Robert would have chided him if it weren’t for the slightest uptick of Janelle’s lips, so he let it slide for now.
“Unless I ask.” he conceded, “And today, if I had been capable of speaking outside of what Sims wanted, I’d have been begging you to knock me out. On my knees, with sweat and tears and blood, it would have been pretty ugly. I mean, more so than it already wa-“
“Stop.” Bruno said firmly, “None of that. You weren’t ugly, or pathetic, or pitiful or disgusting or any of the other words I can see spiraling in that pretty head of yours.”
“Bruno, come on, I looked like a psycho, smiling and crying like some kind of-“
“Think about it this way.” Victor said idly, “If it had been one of us, would you be so judgey? Would you be calling us pathetic and coming down on us for being weak, calling our pain ugly?” Such a simple sentence, a sentiment so obvious, and yet it was like he’d socked Robert directly in the stomach, leaving him breathless. To even think about being so cruel to any of them was borderline sacrilegious, and though he knew it wasn’t the same, because they were so good and he was a placeholder at best, he could at least understand where they were coming from.
“…No.” he breathed, “No, I wouldn’t. But, it’s different, I-“
“It’s not.” Herm piped up, pretty gray eyes watery but determined, “You’re not- It’s not different, not at all. J-Just… apply that same uh… mercy- kindness… grace to yourself.”
“Guys…” Robert swallowed thickly, shoving down the instinct to insist, to argue, knowing it wouldn’t be received well, and it wouldn’t go anywhere, “I-I don’t… It’s just, I know some of the things I said were a bit… out there-“
“What, like your little delusion that we’re gonna drop you any day now?” Courtney scoffed, displeased, “Yeah. Not happening. You’re ours, tough guy.”
“Hey Court.” Alice said pointedly, “Love the energy babygirl, and totally agree with your point, but can we maybe not write off a neglect victim’s legitimate fear of abandonment as a ‘little delusion’?” Courtney winced, cheeks flushing as her eyes darted to the floor, radiating embarrassment and shame.
“Sorry.” she said sheepishly, “I uh… well, you know, still working on… being kind with my words, and all that.” Robert felt a little coddled, admittedly, and didn’t love being referred to as a victim, but it was hard to get offended when they were being so sincere about defending and reassuring him, when Courtney had come so far in her personal growth, enough to apologize for her slip ups instead of defensively doubling down.
“It’s perfectly alright, Courtney.” Robert assured her, but Chad chose that moment to snort.
“At least you got your sexual harassment issues under control.” he chuckled, “A few months ago you’d have been trying to fix his whole trauma situation with pussy.”
“Chad, remember the rule about dogpiling.” Robert reminded him idly, and Chad rolled his eyes.
“Yes, dad, I remember.” he drawled, “And I wasn’t trying to dogpile, I was giving her a compliment.”
“A backhanded one.” Robert reached up and tweaked his nose, lips twitching when it scrunched adorably, “No need to bring up unpleasant memories and past mistakes when she’s already apologized, we all slip into old habits every now and-“
“Oi, don’t think we don’t see what you’re doing, Robert.” Colm said sternly, “Distracting from your issues by trying to fix everyone else’s, you’re not slick.”
“Or maybe, just maybe, I’m trying to prevent arguments and bad feelings.” Robert said flatly, but he was caught, and the snickers around him told him everyone knew it.
“Bullshit.” Bruno said, “For someone so deprived of attention in his life, you act like you’re allergic to it.”
“Yeah, funny how that works.” Robert sighed, “It’s the same with spiders, if you’ve never seen one in your life and then one day you start getting bucketfuls dumped on you every day, it’s real jarring.”
“You paint such lovely mental pictures.” Courtney shuddered, and Robert chuckled.
“Gotta be good at something besides Mecha Man-ing.” he shrugged.
“You’re good at a lot of things, my love.” Janelle said confidently, “Things that go beyond the scope of hero work.”
“Y-Yeah.” Herm piped up, “I um.. I-I’ve listened to- heard- I’ve heard you singing in the shower, you got a real pretty- handsome! Uh, a real… nice, nice voice, a really nice voice…. you should join- uh, do karaoke with us.”
“You speak four languages, that’s fucking impressive.” Victor added, “Even myself, a literal Harvard graduate, only speaks two.”
“And you always know exactly what to say to lift our spirits, or calm us down if needed.” Malevola said, “You’re so good with people, with us, you’re like a therapy dog and we’re your group of anxious cheetahs.”
“You’re also the funniest guy I know.” Bruno said easily, “Ain’t nobody makes me laugh like you do. ‘Cept maybe Court.”
“And have we mentioned you’re insanely hot?” Courtney grinned, “Like, insanely hot. You have no idea how many assholes we have to chase away from you whenever we go out, like a stupid amount of people sniffing around you like dogs, it’s maddening.”
“I could listen to your technobabble for hours, you’re so fuckin’ smart, it’s unreal.” Colm said, “Sometimes when I’m seven pints in and you start talking about ‘hyper-conductive network something or other’ or fuckin’ ‘thermal hydraulic transient whatever’, it gets me dick hard as diamond.”
They all started talking over each other, extolling his virtues, ranging from his golden heart to his sexy voice, complimenting his talents and mannerisms and skills and apparently devastating beauty, and Robert wanted to believe them so badly, so badly, but he just… couldn’t. And he could tell that they could tell, that they were displeased about it, but they seemed to understand (however begrudgingly) that this was one problem they couldn’t just brute force their way through.
“Look, we’re not gonna convince you of your worth in a single night.” Bruno said, his thumb idly stroking the length of Robert’s leg, “It’s gonna take time, we know that. But like… you bring a lot to the table, man. That stuff you said about being nothing but a vessel for the legacy? That’s crap. It’s not true.”
“…It feels true.” Robert murmured, lowering his gaze rather than meet anyone’s eyes, “Most days I really do feel like… like I’m not… real. Robert isn’t real. Mecha Man is real, and Robert’s just… not. Sims said I was like a… role, like for an actor, and a badly written one at that-“
“And he was wrong.” Victor said firmly, but Robert shook his head.
“No, he wasn’t.” he said firmly, “I was groomed to be Mecha Man since I was born, so I didn’t get to figure out who I was outside of that. Whenever I wasn’t in the costume, I was just… playing pretend. Acting how I thought people should act. I uh…. this is so cringe but I used to set aside three or so hours every day to research what movies had realistic portrayals of people and how they act, and I’d watch those movies over and over to study the characters and try to emulate them so I’d seem like a normal person and not this… weird friendless recluse who couldn’t socialize for shit.” He waited for laughter, for teasing, but there was none to be had. They didn’t seem to find that little anecdote funny or cringeworthy, just… upsetting.
“Oh good, another sin to add to your dad’s growing list.” Malevola said idly, her hand coming up to card through his hair, sharp nails dragging along his scalp in a way that could make even the toughest man purr, “At this rate he’ll be in Super Turbo Hell with Castiel before he knows it.”
“…Is Super Turbo Hell a real place?” Robert blinked, “Actually, wait, I don’t want to know, what I’m trying to say is that-“
“-is that you have the biggest case of imposter syndrome I’ve ever seen in my life.” Chad’s warm hand found his cheek, bright eyes burning into him. He was angry, but not at Robert, which was an interesting change of pace, “Which is a complete injustice, you’re the last person who should feel like a fraud. You’re better than every hero in the world combined, present company excluded of course. You. Not Mecha Man. You, Robert Robertson, stupid name and all.”
“You’re fucking real, Robert.” Malevola said, tugging lightly at his hair, not painful, simply present, “Just because you were forced to study how to be a person instead of being taught doesn’t make you any less.” Emotion swelled in Robert’s chest, denial warring with the childish desire to believe every word they said, all mixed with the terrible knowledge that he didn’t deserve their kindness.
“…I wish I could believe you.” he whispered, “I really do, I… I’m trying. I promise I’m trying.”
“We know.” Chad said firmly, “Just like we know that you’re real, and incredible, and ours.” And then Robert was being kissed, fierce and wanting, as if Chad was trying to chase away every terrible thing that had ever happened to Robert. His lips were warm, bordering on too warm in a way that made Robert press closer, instinctively parting his lips to let Chad in, earning a pleased rumble. Chad’s tongue pushed warm and slick into his mouth, and Robert was just about to let slip a truly embarrassing moan when he was abruptly pulled away, Janelle taking her turn without waiting for Chad to finish. Chad complained loudly, but Janelle was already tipping Robert’s head back so she could claim his lips, soft and sweet and slightly chapped, her teeth pressing just so against his bottom lip, and Robert all but melted under her touch, feeling warm and secure and safe.
“No more sitting alone at night surrounded by lamps.” Courtney said sternly, stroking his bicep, “You want warmth, you come to us. You need attention, you call us and we’ll race each other to be the first to come give it to you. The man we love, that’s you by the way, won’t ever be bothering us by asking for basic affection, you fucking got that?”
“I-I uh…” he wanted to answer her, but the kisses were so distracting, words becoming a challenge, “Y-Yeah…” He was distantly aware of Alice pressing fervent little kisses up and down his arm, Herm mouthing softly at his thigh, Malevola nuzzling against his hair like an affectionate kitten, Victor and Colm and Bruno and Courtney all touching him in some way, stroking or kissing or massaging, as if they needed to be touching him, to assure themselves that he was alright, that he was with them. It was overwhelming, it was heady, it was too much but also not enough. He wanted less, he wanted more, he needed space, he needed to drown in them so he never went a second without being loved ever again-
“There is much that needs to be addressed, likely with a therapist and not us.” Janelle said softly, intently, pulling back just enough to speak, “But one thing you must be assured of is that we will never withhold our love from you, Robert. You have our unconditional love, our endless devotion, and it can never be taken from you.”
“In fact, we’re gonna drown you in love even harder now.” Chad grinned, “Just absolutely smother you in it. You’re gonna hate it, you’ll get so tired of our sick obsession with you that you’ll try to dump us and we won’t let you and it’ll be a whole thing.”
“Listen, if Robert ever tried to leave us, I feel like I’d go insane and lock him in my apartment.” Courtney teased, “But like in a cute and sexy way.”
“You would ‘cutely and sexily’ keep me prisoner?” Robert raised an eyebrow, trying to sound stern despite his flushed cheeks and kiss-red mouth and shallow breaths, and Courtney visibly let her eyes wander in a way that made no secret of what she was imagining.
“Oh, are we finally attic-wifing Robert?” Victor asked eagerly, a little too eagerly, “Not gonna lie, that’s been a fantasy of mine for like… ever.”
“We’d need an attic for that, wouldn’t we?” Alice asked, sounding like she was genuinely considering the logistics of it.
“I can do you one better.” Malevola chimed in, “I got a nice little project back home I’ve been working on, it’s this adorable cottage next to a river of… well, don’t worry about the river and its contents, but the cottage is just darling, it’ll be perfect for Robert. I’ve already set aside a workshop for him and everything.”
“Malevola, why are you building me a cottage in a hell dimension?” Robert asked, only slightly less concerned than he probably should be, still riding the high of the kisses.
“Well, you’re gonna die eventually.” she shrugged, “But that doesn’t mean I have to let you go when you do.”
“That’s… terrifying in its implications, but oddly touching.” he blinked slowly, and she laughed brightly.
“Don’t worry, there’s plenty of room in the cottage for everyone.” she assured him, “You’re all mine, every single one of you. I’m not letting any of you go, and if Death has a problem with that, I’ll eat his pussy until he doesn’t anymore.”
“H-Have you…” Herm blinked widely, “I-I-Is that something you’ve done- experienced, er… done that before?”
“Yeah.” she grinned, “Death’s real easy, especially nowadays.”
“… God I love you, Malevola.” Robert laughed, a genuine laugh that felt like taking a deep breath, and the air in the room seemed to lighten just a touch, as if his laughter had broken a tension he hadn’t been aware of.
“Love you too, Rob.” she grinned, the spade of her tail sliding under his shirt to brush his stomach, “Can I suck you off about it?”
“Sure, if you’d like.” he chuckled, and the tail tightened slightly, playfully.
“But what would you like?” she asked, casual and easy.
“Yeah, what are you in the mood for tonight, Robbo?” Colm asked chipperly, “Want us to cuddle you, keep it all snuggly for tonight? Or do you want us to fuck your clever little brains out and make you forget all about what a terrible day you had? The choice is yours.” The phrasing was deliberate, and Robert found his chest growing warmer, a smile spreading helplessly over his face. Such a little thing, and yet it felt like fireworks in his heart, like a heated blanket on a cold day, like sinking into a warm bath. And with that warm feeling permeating every part of him… he made a choice.