Chapter Text
Remus didn’t hate people. Not really. Sure he got annoyed, but he never truly hated anyone.
Well that was until a month ago. And now he could say for certain that he fucking hated Sirius Black. After a horrendous “Prank” that almost got Snape and himself killed. Sirius thought it was funny. Laughing and not understanding the damage he almost did. “It was just a joke. No one got hurt! It’s just Snivillus!”
“It’s not just a joke! I could have killed him! How are you not seeing that?”
“Jeez Pads, even I think you went too far. Way too far!”
Peter tried to mediate, but he agreed with Remus and James in the end. Sirius still didn’t understand, and was angry at them! That's the point when Remus stood up, and slammed his cane on the ground. “You are just like the rest of your rotten, horrid, sickening family! Another branch of the world's most twisted tree! A Black to the end Sirius!” He then left the room.
Remus didn’t hate people. But Sirius wasn’t just “people.” He was his best friend, the bloke he’d had a crush on since year two. And he’d thrown it all away for what? A stupid prank? There were a million less harmful ways to get back at Snape, why did he have to use Remus? That was a good way to describe how he felt. Used. Just another pawn in Sirius’s games. He was supposed to mean something to Sirius, but how could he be so important and then used in such a sickening way?
James walked beside him in the hallway now, carrying his books as he was on crutches today. Normally Sirius would be the one beside him, giggling, skipping, chatting up a storm, but Sirius and him hadn’t spoken since he last called him a horrid Black. He hadn’t bothered to show up to classes either for the past week. Or the dorm. Fine by Remus, he didn’t want to see him. Didn’t want him to try and charm his way into his good graces. He didn’t get to do that and get away with it. Not this time.
He tried to get back at them, tried to be a massive prick, but over the past two weeks he had just been… quiet. Not even talking with some of his acquaintances. He looked like shit, but if he wanted to feel better, he just had to apologize and try to make it right. But he never would.
James opened the door and Remus quickly found his seat. James sat behind him with Peter, and Remus was supposed to sit next to Sirius. McGonagall swept her eyes over the students, taking attendance. Sirius wouldn’t show up. So she skipped his seat. The Marauders were quiet. Without Sirius’s constant antagonizing, they were stoic. The whole class felt wrong. Remus was taking notes, trying to pay attention but kept drifting his eyes over to the empty seat next to him.
He hated that he still missed him. Wished so desperately that they could go back in time and just redo the whole ordeal. Just tell him not to. If only. He hadn’t been expelled, somehow! Not somehow, the threat of being sent home was too great. So where was he? Was he trying to get sent back? Was he in permanent detention?
Classes continued, potions, magical history, magical literature, care of magical creatures, muggle studies, all failing to distract him from his hurt and anger. He almost wanted to find Sirius so he could yell at him again. Although he knew deep down that he just desperately wanted him to apologize, to just smooth it over, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t let him continue to hurt the people around him and then shrug it off. But where was he?
The question kept nagging at him until he made James cough up their map. “I solemnly swear I am up to no good!” he whispered at the busy lunch table. He watched the map transform and tried to find Padfoot somewhere on the map. He searched all over, eyes scanning the parchment paper diligently. Peter and James continued eating their mashed potatoes solemnly.
He didn’t really care to find him, but he just wanted to make sure he wasn’t lurking somewhere trying to hex him. But as he searched and searched, he couldn’t find Padfoot anywhere on Hogwarts grounds. “Jamie, Peter, come look at this!” James rushed over and pushed his round glasses up his nose.
“The fuck did he do? Disappear?"
James chewed on his lip and then thought of something. “Let’s go ask Reg.” As in the younger, haughtier, sarcastic Black brother. James and Peter waited patiently for Remus to struggle to stand up, and he found himself missing the way that Sirius would wait until he stood up first. He shook his head to clear the thought. No missing him. He was a monster, worse than Remus on the full moon. Remus didn’t have any control of the wolf, but Sirius had control over himself.
He grabbed his crutches and hobbled over to the Slytherin table. Not looking forward to the stares and harsh jabs. Sirius would always temper them with crueler words or sharper remarks. He was good at hurting with words. James found his not-as-secret-as-he-thought-boyfriend sitting with a toxic green haired Barty and the blonde Evan. Across from Regulus was Dorcas Meadows, someone Remus actually quite enjoyed, and Marlene. Pandora, a ravenclaw, and Evan’s twin, was sitting with her girlfriend Lily.
Remus shuddered to remember how hard James had pinned for Lily, only to be crushed upon realizing she preferred women. And he preferred men. Regulus frowned upon seeing James approaching, while the former’s eye lit up with glee. Barty looked like he was going to make some kind of colorful comment about Remus, but Evan slapped a dark toned hand over his mouth. “Don’t even think about it, Crouch.” He then kissed him. Hard. Everyone chose to look away from the two as they basically snogged in public. Digusting.
“Hi Reggie!”
“Never say that out loud again.”
Lily rolled her eyes and waved at Remus. “Romantic right?” He nodded and stifled a laugh. James shoved Barty out of his way, and sat down next to his pale angel of grace and acidic comments. Regulus wasn’t like his brother, not at all. He kept his hair shorter, and he was generally neater. Quiter. Meaner. He walked around like he already expected you to cower from him, and even Remus could admit he was painfully stunning. He looked like a tragic painting come to life.
James propped his hand up on the table and rested his head on it. He stared at Regulus like he was his whole universe. There was a time he looked at me like that. Remus sat down miserably and watched as Regulus pretended to hate James affection, but smiled oh so slightly. James caught Remus worried stare and cleared his throat. “So, have you heard from Sirius at all?”
Barty finished making out with Evan and pulled away dramatically. “Prick sold me his entire stash of firewhisky a few days ago!” Evan grumbled something that made Barty grin and blush. Everyone immediately jumped in on making fun of him, and Barty swore viciously at all of them. The problem was, he looked far less cutting as he was basically snuggled up in Evans lap, arms wound around him like a snake.
Regulus absentmindedly adjusted James’s glasses and pulled a few of his dark curls away from his face. “Didn’t you already know?” Remus edged forward as their friends around them frowned and shook their heads.
“Know what?” he asked.