Please_Go_Away



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    “So. That’s it? Those are the rules?” Hayden asked. “Don’t go through your texts or photos, keep up with your workouts and diet, and listen to everything Yuna says, without question.”

    Shane seemed to be thinking about it, pausing a second. All of a sudden, he looked up at Hayden, again with that intense anxiety face.

    “And most importantly, do not talk to Ilya Rozanov. Ever. No matter what.” Shane said, “Avoid him. Don’t even look at him. OK?”

    Hayden nodded, and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Like he even needed to be told that. Besides, Shane had been avoiding Ilya Rozanov for his entire career. How hard could it be?

    OR a well-meaning witch bodyswaps Shane and Hayden (to teach them about the power of friendship) the day before the 2017 All Stars Game.

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    25 Jun 2026

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    Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
    So the true way to combat the Bisexual Russian Terminator isn’t with homophobia...
    It's actually with even more gay
    ...
    You're a goddamn genius.

    ----

    The NHL rookies have joined forces to strategize now that two of the greatest hockey players of all time are on the same team and Ilya Rozanov must suffer from the unintended consequences of making hockey more woke.

    Mainly, the way everyone keeps implying that they want to fuck his husband.

    or: a group of rookies unionize and employ chirping as a form of psychological torture against a one Ilya Grigoryevich Rozanov.

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    09 Jun 2026

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    "You have been playing like this?" Ilya mused. "With this? For how long?"

    Hollander's mouth was flat. "Two weeks."

    "Wow." Ilya let out a low whistle. "Pussy makes you better at hockey."

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    25 May 2026

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    "I like girls," Rozanov tells him, tuna melt still half-eaten in his hands.

    So, what they have isn’t as serious as Shane thought. That's okay. He can get over it. He can. He just… needs to get it together, first.

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    17 May 2026

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    What if the video never leaked and their relationship was still a secret when Shane joined the Ottawa Centaurs? The team wait in anticipation for Rozanov's reaction to his career-long rival joining their team... but wait a minute, they're jumping into each other's arms, giggling like a couple of schoolgirls?

     

    Aka 5 times Ilya and Shane’s 'friendship' seems really gay and the 1 time everyone realises it’s been actually gay the whole time.

     

    Cue the Ottawa Centaurs being absolutely clueless, the Montreal Metros mourning the loss of their best player, and the Centaur WAG's (+Harris) being absolutely done with their ignorant partners.

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    19 Apr 2026