Chapter Text
August 1st, 1986
Dear friend,
I hope you read all of this. There are not many people who would’ve, but I think you would. It’s not smart to assume things about people, but from the moment I saw you, I knew I had to tell you all of this. It’s not like what I have to say is this top-secret story, but I have no one else to tell.
I chose you because he said that you can understand. I just need somebody who can understand. I need somebody who won’t think I’m crazy or that I’m sick in the head. I need you.
Thank you.
Like I said, I am going to tell you everything. It’s going to be confusing, I’m aware, but I want you to know that I am not a sad person, nor am I happy. I am not mad, jealous, or disgusted with my life. I am simply here.
I’m not sure why I’m like this, but I have to assume it’s because of my parents.
When I was in eighth grade, my mom killed herself in the basement of my house. I was the one who found her. I don’t remember what happened very clearly, but I do remember seeing her hang from the rope from the ceiling, then my older sister holding me in her arms. She told me that I was screaming.
I kind of wish my mom left a note. She just died and never told us why. I asked Nancy why she didn’t leave a note, but she said I’m too young to know why.
I didn’t go to school for a while after that. My sisters did, but not me. They were lucky. After that, my brain became stupid, and I couldn’t remember anything. I had to finish the eighth grade over the summer in the hospital. I’m sure you’re thinking, “What a lucky guy! He got to skip school!”
I think my family pitied me. They haven’t looked at me the same since then. I don’t think they will forget the way I did.
My dad is a traditional guy. Even with my mom around, all he did was work and never once bothered to ask about my day. He wasn’t awful, but I wished he were more active in my life. After my mom died, he started working more and barely saw us. Even when I was sick, he would only come when the doctors forced him to.
I remember the night I got sent to the hospital, he came into the room I was staying in. I hadn’t let my sisters see me, I just wanted my dad. He came in and said a few words. He told me I reminded him too much of my mom. I feel guilty for doing that.
My older sister was never angry with me then. When she wasn’t working, she would take my younger sister to come visit me. We would either play card games or watch the TV. It was a nice way to pass the time, but Nancy always acted like there was something wrong with me, even when I told her I was perfectly fine.
Nancy, my older sister, is a few years older than me. I think it’s weird to think that she’s been there my entire life, yet I am only a portion of hers. I don’t know if she thinks like that or if it’s just me. I hope not. My worst fear is to be alone.
Nancy was going to leave for college next year, but she told me she was pushing back her plans to take care of me and Holly some more. Holly is my younger sister. She’s six.
My dad never does anything for us. Nancy makes us dinner and breakfast but never lunch. She said we’re too old to have lunch being made for us.
I want you to know that I’m not stupid. I know I sound stupid, but I’m not. I’ve gotten good grades the majority of my life. It was just that one time.
Tomorrow, I will be a sophomore. It will also be my first time in a high school since I was homeschooled for freshmen year, but Nancy tells me that it’ll be okay. There’s not much of a difference between middle and high school. She said nobody will make fun of me.
Which is good because I was worried I would get bullied again because of what happened. We moved across the state to this town called Hawkins a month after my mom died. It’s a nice place. I haven’t left the house more than a few times. I haven’t met anyone except my sister’s boyfriend.
His name is Steve. He has this big hair and a stupid grin on his face when he visits. Sometimes, he eats dinner with my family, and he’s a nice guy, but I don’t believe he truly is. He writes my sister these sappy love poems, and I tell her he’s a corny guy, but she claims he’s romantic. I do not like Steve.
He’s in my sister’s grade. I told him how I’m going back to school this year and he said he’ll look out for me.
Nancy is calling for me. I think it’s time for me to go. I’m nervous about tomorrow. Goodbye.
Love always,
Mike