PantryJesus
Fandoms
- Dead Boy Detectives (TV) (28)
- Teen Wolf (TV) (8)
- Merlin (TV) (4)
- The Sandman (TV 2022) (2)
- Jennifer's Body (2009) (1)
Recent works
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Summary
Jennifer had always been stubborn. Always had to have the last word. And god, hadn’t she managed that—sinking her teeth into Needy’s flesh and not killing her, not eating her, but shoving in the same evil that was charring her own soul from the inside out. Like she couldn’t die without making sure some part of her was stuck in Needy forever; shrapnel from the atomic explosion of their friendship.
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Summary
“This is highly unprofessional,” Edwin huffs, a few ticks after the cupboard door clicks shut behind them. “We are here on a case, Charles.”
Series
- Part 7 of Brief Moments
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An Excerpt from the Journal of Edwin Payne: Trust by PantryJesus
Fandoms: Dead Boy Detectives (TV)
13 Feb 2026
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Summary
I enjoy exposing you.
It is incredibly uncouth of me; I know this, and there is a great measure of shame in me because of it.
Series
- Part 4 of To be so Known
- Part 9 of Brief Moments
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Summary
There's another little part of Charles—a quiet, shivery, tucked-way-down-deep little part of him—that… that likes it, more than he ought to. A part of him that likes Edwin pressed against him and holding him still and clamping a hand over his mouth to keep him quiet.
All at once, he's thinking back to Hell—but not in the bad way he's been having those thoughts, lately. He's remembering how Edwin did this same thing down there: his hand over Charles's mouth, keepin' him hush.
Series
- Part 8 of Brief Moments
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Summary
Crystal’s never had anything she was this afraid of losing before. She’s never had anything—anyone—that’s tried so hard to stay. And she might have just fucked it all up for good.
Crystal blinks hard, swallowing down the knot that’s started to rise in her throat. She grabs her phone off the night stand, opens Niko’s contact, and spends a minute debating over what to say before eventually sending a single message:
Can we talk?
—
In Clue terms: Crystal palace, in the not-so-guest bedroom, with Niko Sasaki—trying to be better.
Series
- Part 2 of And They Were Roommates
Recent series
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Summary
Collected Dead Boy Detectives drabbles and ficlets, mainly but not exclusively Payneland.
- Words:
- 8,428
- Works:
- 9
- Bookmarks:
- 3
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Summary
After getting together, Charles and Edwin explore power dynamics.
OR: an unintentional deep-dive into submissive Charles and dominant Edwin.
- Words:
- 17,134
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 25
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Summary
A collection of Crystal-and-Niko-centric fics, set in miscellaneous universes in which Palasaki become roommates after Niko's return.
- Words:
- 3,308
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 1
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Summary
Or: A series of rescues conducted on Friday nights at an American university.
(A modern alive AU where Charles and Edwin meet and become friends at university in the States, along with Crystal and Niko.)
- Words:
- 3,704
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 4
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Summary
A collection of various disconnected Payneland AUs (mostly modern/alive AU, but not exclusively).
OR: Charles and Edwin finding each other in every universe.
- Words:
- 9,361
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 2
Recent bookmarks
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The recognition so richly deserved by JaneGreyTheQueen, quod_amatur_vivit
Fandom Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Heated Rivalry (TV)
15 Jun 2026
- Words:
- 43,927
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 82
Bookmarked by PantryJesus
19 Jun 2026
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Summary
He still didn't know if this was normal - asking your friends about how good they were at sucking dick. Maybe this was how friendship worked for other people, if you weren't both hockey players, if one of you wasn't married, if your friendship didn't depend so much on knowing as little about each other as possible. If you knew the other person liked sucking dick.
Maybe he just likes it when Rose looks at him like that, awestruck, like he's scored a hattrick. He doesn't know anyone else who would be this impressed by his knowledge of having sex with men, which is unfair, seeing how long he's worked to build it.
Maybe that's why he ends up where he does, one arm extended to stick two fingers in Rose's mouth, her pink lipgloss sticky, smearing around his fingers, three of her fingers pressed as far as they can go into his, both of them drooling and stifling little snorts of laughter.
Rose asks a lot of questions.
Bookmarked by PantryJesus
18 Jun 2026
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Spilling Secrets by five_ht
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
04 Apr 2026
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Summary
Rose: This is lowkey the best night of my life
Shane: The best night of my life was the first time he fucked me
Rose: I mean you've won two Stanley Cups
Rose: But sure, go off you little horndogOr: Shane, recently cleared from concussion protocol, gets tipsy at his parents' cottage and texts his new best friend.
Bookmarked by PantryJesus
18 Jun 2026
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Summary
Hayden just wanted to surprise Shane with a guy’s night in. Shane had been flat lately, and he and JJ thought it would be nice to distract him with friendship.
How they ended up stuck in a fucking closet watching Shane get dicked down harder than anyone in the history of the world has ever been dicked down, Hayden would never quite understand.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,250
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 1,261
- Kudos:
- 27,482
- Bookmarks:
- 5,254
- Hits:
- 200,813
Bookmarked by PantryJesus
17 Jun 2026
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Summary
Cliff Marleau and Ilya Rozanov are good bros. They share everything with each other. Including, apparently, their nudes.
or: texting fic where Cliff and Ilya rate each other's nudes in a totally platonic bro way of course
Series
- Part 6 of SnailyMaily HR fics
Bookmarked by PantryJesus
14 Jun 2026