Chapter Text
John stares at the picnic blanket.
JOHN: calliope? can i be honest for a second?
CALLIOPE: yes?
JOHN: no offense, but this feels really… performative?
CALLIOPE: what do yoU mean?
JOHN: i feel like you’re trying to get me to engage in some kind of metaphor i don’t have the information to understand, which is pretty frustrating considering the stakes are so high.
JOHN: can you please just tell me what you actually want?
Calliope pauses. She looks at John, almost - but not quite - confused. She frowns. She stares at the food in front of them and pokes at it briefly, avoiding John’s gaze.
CALLIOPE: yoU don’t have to do this if yoU don’t want to.
CALLIOPE: i hope it doesn’t feel like i am forcing yoU to eat something.
JOHN: uh, yeah, so that’s not really the issue i’m having. the food really isn’t the problem here.
JOHN: this feels like you’re avoiding answering my question.
He can see her start to sniffle.
CALLIOPE: i’m wasting yoUr time. i’m sorry.
ROXY: aw callie no thats not true @ all
John sighs. It is kind of true. He was supposed to make a potentially life ending decision soon. If Calliope was going to tell him not to do that, this was just about the most frustrating way to go about it. But, it’s not like he wanted to fight Lord English. He’ll hear it out.
JOHN: i mean, i’m happy to just have a picnic! again, that’s not even the problem. and now i just feel you just put a lot of weight on this and now you’re dropping it. i want to know if all my friends will die if i don’t eat this steak.
The sniffle turns to a cry and with that she’s bawling.
CALLIOPE: john yoU’re right!
CALLIOPE: i just feel so Ungrateful.
CALLIOPE: we were sUpposed to enjoy this fUn new Universe with all of our friends! It’s jUst that i feel like, and i don’t want to be rUde becaUse so many good things have happened, bUt-
CALLIOPE: it just doesn’t feel right.
Roxy puts an arm around her shoulder, and holds her as she cries. People stare, and all three of them ignore that staring. John comes in, and Calliope squeezes him so hard he knows it will leave a bruise
CALLIOPE: is it okay if i eat some of this? i just want one piece.
She says, gesturing to the candy.
ROXY: go 2 town bb
CALLIOPE: thank yoU, roxy.
John watches her unwrap one off-brand green dum dum, still sniffling. He looks at her, brows furrowed. It reminds him of being a kid again, with his dad holding a lollipop hostage as he got his flu vaccines. He always threw a tantrum about it. One time he thought his dad had caved, leaving him smug about it for weeks, but it had turned out he hadn’t even noticed the jab through his screaming. A lump formed in his throat. He wished he had just tolerated it. That he hadn’t always been such a brat. Just once...
ROXY: callie can i b real with you?
ROXY: i think i sorta agree
JOHN: wait, you do!?
ROXY: yea i just feel like all my friends r acting all weird
ROXY: and this place feels empty in a way i didnt expect
John lies back on the ground. He almost laughs in relief. Finally. Finally, Someone was putting into words what he had been feeling for years. Empty. Earth C was nothing like the planet he had left, and it wasn’t just sparse in population, it was sparse in character. Very few cultures, very few holidays, very few people worth knowing. And it wasn’t getting better. In fact, he was losing what little he had. His friends weren’t just acting weird, they were acting just as empty as the world itself. They were fading away.
JOHN: oh my god, i thought i was going insane!
JOHN: i can’t believe we all feel this way! why did none of us ever talk about this!
JOHN: honestly i’ve been sort of feeling this way since i got my powers but WOW has it been getting worse!
JOHN: like i feel like jake lost half his personality on one of his runs.
ROXY: OMG
ROXY: ok 1st of all that is really mean john dont say that
ROXY: but 2nd of all
ROXY: :(
ROXY: i wish i could tell u ur wrong
ROXY: but jane has been mean and dirk has been a total nutcase
ROXY: and jake is
ROXY: well
ROXY: the lights arent fully on upstairs in a way i find rly concerning
ROXY: he always was kind of a dipshit but i dont think he was ever THIS out of it
ROXY: there was a glint behind in eyes that made him so magnetic n fun
ROXY: i feel like that's gone now and its depressing
JOHN: right!
JOHN: and it’s not helping that all his friends are making him like, twerk all the time!!!
ROXY: ...
ROXY: twerk?
JOHN: ugh! i dont watch any of it and i don’t want to but aren’t they making him do weird sexual stuff!? on tv!? i always thought if he was going to be famous he’d do shitty b movies or some thing like that, not...what ever weird diaper fetish wrestling he’s doing with dirk.
ROXY: oh yeah
ROXY: yeah that’s weird af
ROXY: ive tried to intervene a few times but u know what trying 2 do that w/ dirk is like
ROXY: p much impossible now :(
JOHN: also, i feel like a HUGE asshole saying this too but jade! jade is acting weird! and i don’t know but she’s been really bad at interacting with people in a way she wasn’t before!
JOHN: and also she has a tail now and i don’t know why!?
JOHN: she didn’t have a tail before? she just grew one! unprompted!
JOHN: roxy, i’m not sure i can take this anymore! this is total nonsense!
Calliope frowns.
JOHN: what?
CALLIOPE: john i am not sUre there’s anything we can do. i think we jUst have to move on.
JOHN: so just ignore it?
CALLIOPE: UnfortUnately, yes. the corrUption is impossible to stop.
CALLIOPE: i jUst wish my brother never existed. i can’t shake the feeling he’s behind this somehow.
CALLIOPE: it’s impossible thoUgh, he can’t not exist. jUst as i can’t not exist.
ROXY: well do u know that 4 sure
CALLIOPE: what do yoU mean?
ROXY: do u know if its possible for ur brother to not exist
ROXY: or what if
ROXY: and mayb im fuckin crazy 4 this but hear me out
ROXY: what if LE didn’t exist!
ROXY: like we never had to fight him bc he never happened
CALLIOPE: roxy that soUnds paradoxical! we might as well erase everything at that point.
CALLIOPE: bUt...
CALLIOPE: hm, it's hard not to get caught up into imagining a Universe where we coUld have all of this and not have it slip between oUr fingers.
CALLIOPE: what do yoU think, john?
JOHN: i don’t know. i’m not a time player, i don’t really know any thing about that and no offense but neither does dave. at least, not on this level.
CALLIOPE: well, dave isn’t the only time player. the trolls had one as well. do yoU remember her?
JOHN: you mean aradia? yeah we weren’t really close, she seemed kind of weird.
ROXY: john dont b rude
JOHN: sorry! i don’t even mean it in a bad way! she just seemed really obsessed with death. she was nice, and it’s not like she was a terrible clown or a weird furry or anything.
CALLIOPE: don’t say that aboUt gamzee! he’s not all bad! i promise, he jUst had a really difficUlt life and he’s really troUbled.
JOHN: calliope, gamzee sucks. the nicest thing he ever did was raise you, and even then, he chained you to your room so your shitty brother could kill you.
CALLIOPE: well, he did that to both of us!
JOHN: that’s not better.
CALLIOPE: it was for oUr safety! besides, he didn’t know my brother woUld chew his own leg off! and gamzee only does those horrid things becaUse my brother tells him to.
JOHN: well it sure seems like he likes doing those horrible things your brother tells him to do. which still means he sucks, by the way
CALLIOPE: U∩U.
ROXY: hey guys can we pls not have this argument right now its super loaded
JOHN: you’re right. i’m sorry.
CALLIOPE: it’s okay, john. i Understand why yoU don’t like him.
CALLIOPE: i just want to believe the best in people.
JOHN: and that’s fair! i mean, i don’t know if it’s a good idea, but i guess i understand where you’re coming from.
CALLIOPE: ...
CALLIOPE: i am going to invite aradia to come over.
Calliope gets out her phone, and she’s barely even sent the text before John sees a winged figure zooming over the grass, flying low enough that her shoes nick a daisy.
ROXY: :O how did you get here so-
ROXY: o rite lol
ARADIA: you know what
ARADIA: give me one second
Aradia zaps away and returns, carrying a mug of tea in one hand and a somewhat limp rose over held up beside her via telekenesis. Roxy moves to help her onto the grass, and Calliope puts a pillow under her.
ROSE: Hello, Roxy.
ROSE: Thank you, Calliope.
ROXY: how have u been doing?
ROSE: Things have been difficult lately. We can talk more after we’re done. What’s all this about?
ROXY: we were talkin abt how everything sucks now :(
ROSE: Oh I agree, but I discussed this with John.
ROSE: Since completing the game, we’ve been drifting farther and farther away from canon.
ROSE: The changes we’ve been experiencing are a result what little teathers we have left to it fraying.
JOHN: i mean you tried to, but if i’m being honest i am not really sure what any of this means.
JOHN: i think you’re just using a bunch of fandom language, but i’m not in a fandom so i have no idea what you’re talking about, or how it relates to any of us? it’s all just word salad.
ROSE: Canon, John, is the word I’m using to describe what it was like for us to be in the game.
JOHN: that doesn’t make sense, though! why would not being in the game mean we magically change?
JOHN: and how do you know it isn’t just us changing as people?
ROSE: John, I feel like on an intuitive level you know that’s not true.
ROSE: Because we aren’t just developing, we’re going off course.
JOHN: that also doesn’t make sense!
JOHN: people don’t have “courses”. And if we do, nobody follows them.
ROSE: Oh trust me, John. I’m far past the point. I could reminisce about how my path was ripped away from me, but that would assume I haven’t already done it until I’m blue in the face.
ROSE: But it’s not that we’re doing things in an unexpected way, or that we’re backsliding. Although we are.
ROSE: It’s that we’re losing the parts of ourselves that make us interesting.
ROSE: People don’t generally become less complex.
ROSE: The only reason that I’m even using the word “canon” is because I’ve seen this before.
ROSE: Back when I used to write earthsea fanfiction, I noticed that, through either misinterpretation, lack of reading comprehension, or just bad writing skills, the characters would often seem…off.
ROSE: They aren’t just different, they’re worse. They take a complex, 3D structure and turn it into something flat and then scribble all over it.
CALLIOPE: that feels kind of Uncalled for.
John looks at calliope, brow raised. For the first time, she looks mad. Not hurt, not sad, mad. She’s usually so non confrontational and polite that seeing her defensive almost made him uneasy. Rose looks unperturbed. Roxy looks deeply uncomfortable.
ROSE: How so?
CALLIOPE: people have different interpretations of characters. it doesn’t make them bad writers.
ROSE: I disagree. I read fanfiction to see the characters I love, I don’t read fanfiction to look at people’s OC’s painted as the characters I love.
CALLIOPE: well maybe yoU don’t, bUt some people do. Some people want to take the design or concept of a character and take that somewhere different! and that’s okay! Besides, fanfiction is a good way for yoUng or inexperienced writers to practice.
CALLIOPE: shaming those people doesn’t make fandom more comfortable, it makes it more Unfriendly.
ROSE: I don’t necessarily disagree, but that’s sort of irrelevant to my point. Regardless of whether it’s intentional, or even whether it’s bad, it’s that fandom changes things.
CALLIOPE: i sUppose that is trUe, bUt how is it relevant?
ROSE: Because, Calliope, that’s what’s happening to us.
Rose pauses dramatically.
ROXY: lmao what
JOHN: yeah, okay, let me get this straight.
JOHN: so according to this “fanon”-
ROSE: I prefer to call it a “lack of canon”.
JOHN: that’s just more words for the same thing, but okay.
ROSE: There is a difference.
JOHN: sure, rose.
JOHN: so according to this “lack of canon”, i’m miserable, jade has no people skills and is obsessed with threesomes, jake is a sex object with no personality outside of talking like a 30s radio host, you’re WAY more of an ass hole-
ROSE: Thank you. It’s good to hear someone finally acknowledge it. Kanaya is far too good to me.
JOHN: you’re welcome! ANYWAYS, karkat is mopier and swears less creatively, and dirk and jane are…dictators???
ROSE: That seems to be the direction things are going.
JOHN: okay, so how do we fix it? because it SUCKS.
ROSE: Simple. We go back, and we finish our arcs.
JOHN: so you’re saying that not addressing our personal flaws has made them worse?!
JOHN: i don’t even know why you’re even bringing up this “canon” stuff when this seems like it’s pretty obviously our problem.
ROSE: It’s all connected.
ROSE: SBURB was supposed to be a collaborative game. And our solution to getting close and failing to get a cheat code in your retcon powers, and in Vriska.
ROSE: Her plans were intelligent in the short term, but in the long term they were disastrous. Our reward was tainted.
ROSE: I firmly believe we had the strategy and the ability to win that game if we genuinely wanted to. We just chose to hack and slash our way to the easiest ending possible. We are paying the price for that now.
ROSE: Lord English isn’t done with us yet. I don’t know how, or why, but his talons are reaching into this session in ways even I couldn’t have predicted.
ROXY: …
ROXY: callie u were rite :O
CALLIOPE: i was?
ROSE: I have a suspicion that Dirk is becoming his ultimate self, and if that is correct, I believe one of his alternates was a part of Doc Scratch. I’ve been seeing a slow change. I didn’t want to believe it at first, but I am familiar with the man. I know him when I see him.
ROXY: :O
ROXY: oh no!
ROXY: what about jane?
ROSE: I don’t know. From what I saw, the tiara was disabled, but she’s acting as if it wasn’t.
ARADIA: disabled by who
ROXY: uh 1 of the sprites the combo of hal n uh…
ROXY: the other voidey troll i think
ARADIA: ...
ARADIA: oh my god
ROSE: What?
ARADIA: i have a feeling that tiara might not have been fully disabled
ROXY: omg WHAT
ROXY: i mean hal was always up to his little schemes but i feel like THATS a bit of a stretch
ROXY: what motivation would he possibly have had 2 make jane a crazy dictator
ARADIA: well keep in mind its not just hal
ARADIA: and equius um
ARADIA: while he was never outright villainous he was a bit... shortsighted
ARADIA: to the point of being actively stupid and selfish at times
ARADIA: nepeta did a good job keeping him down to earth but if shes gone and hes fused with a guy people are calling a schemer thats pretty ominous
ARADIA: and equius would have had motivations to keep jane crockertier
ARADIA: ill just leave it at that
ARADIA: i feel like he deserves to keep his dignity
ARADIA: or whats left of it anyways
ROSE: A valiant sentiment. I suppose my thirst for gossip will have to remain unquenched.
ROSE: Well John, now that you know the stakes, I feel like your choice is obvious.
ARADIA: unfortunately i think so
John gapes at Aradia.
JOHN: wow, what?
JOHN: i thought you were more of a “this is just the fate of the universe” kind of a person.
ARADIA: oh i was
ARADIA: and to an extent i still am
ARADIA: but its not like ive been living under a rock for the last few years
ARADIA: so many were crushed under the fist of my home planet
ARADIA: death might be part of life
ARADIA: but to watch earth slide into becoming another alternia
ARADIA: i cant bare to see that
ARADIA: even if it goes against every fiber of my nature
ARADIA: i am willing to help you destroy lord english
ROXY: i feel like it might b 2 risky 4 john 2 leave us rn
ROXY: what with all our friends spiraling
ROSE: I don’t think we have another choice.
ROXY: r u sure?
ROSE: Well, ignoring the problem will only make it worse. If the universe is falling apart now imagine what it will be like in 20 years.
ROSE: Whatever mold is growing now will only have time and warmth to fester.
JOHN: i mean, i don’t think we have to do NOTHING...
JOHN: but i agree with roxy just going full force and fighting LE head on would take YEARS of planning.
JOHN: i mean not to pretend i don’t have a stake in all of this, but and if i die we lose our retcon powers.
JOHN: is there any third option?
ROXY: weren’t we talkin abt him not existing in the first place
ROXY: it would solve a lot of problems
The five of them exchange glances and a moment of silence.
ROSE: Would that even work?
ARADIA: i mean
ARADIA: probably not
ARADIA: his existence is paradoxical
ARADIA: but our best option would be to try and win a session without his key components and see what happens.
ROSE: Gamzee and Caliborn are impossible to kill. I know nothing about Equius or Hal, as I never met them, but stopping that combination would at least be a good place to start.
ROSE: So that would mean all sprites are prototyped. Equius being alive and Hal having a body would be helpful, but it isn’t strictly necessary.
CALLIOPE: i think that’s a good idea, he seemed so excited aboUt it.
ROXY: aw callie ur so right that he would b so happy
ROXY: and i bet that would be better 4 every1 bc all the confusion btwn him n dirk was driving jake up a gdamn wall
JOHN: so how much are we changing? i mean you guys know better than i do but it seems like we’re already really screwing with things if we’re bringing back trolls that weren’t even in the session.
ROSE: Your abilities seem to have an overriding impact on the whole doomed/alpha timeline dichotomy. I doubt this will doom whatever timeline you’re creating automatically.
ARADIA: but that doesnt mean theres no cost
ARADIA: after we do this this universe may no longer exist
ARADIA: that includes all of you
ROXY: i dont know. i would be willing to make that sacrifice but i am not sure anyone else would be
ROXY: rose?
ROSE: It’s too late.
ROSE: The fact that we’re having this conversation at all means we’ve passed the point of no return.
ROSE: There is no path forward. We either lose ourselves slowly, in an agonizing way, or our universe crashes and burns.
Rose closes her eyes, leaning back. The combination of the magic and the heaviness of the conversation clearly took a toll on her.
ROSE: I’d like to see Kanaya again. I may be destined to abandon her, but I’d like to make our last moments count. Let’s get there the old fashioned way, though. By car.
There’s a long pause. A moment of forlorn silence, before Roxy starts to solemnly pack up the picnic. Calliope seems frozen, slowly twirling the ring of life on her finger before she stops, taking a deep breath.
CALLIOPE: john, if yoU are really going to do this, i think yoU’re going to need this.
Calliope puts her hand in Roxy’s. Roxy looks confused, before it dawns on her and tears well in her eyes.
ROXY: callie no!
The cherub shakes her head, a sad, forced smile on her face.
CALLIOPE: roxy, i have to. this ring is too important, it might be the only way yoU all can make it oUt alive.
CALLIOPE: bUt john?
CALLIOPE: Can yoU promise me something?
There’s a fire in her eyes that John has never seen before. She’s resolute.
JOHN: yeah.
CALLIOPE: if yoU’re able to find that chain in my bedroom…
CALLIOPE: break it.
John nods, solemnly .
JOHN: got it.
CALLIOPE: okay, then.
CALLIOPE: goodbye roxy.
Roxy hesitates, tears overflowing now. and for a moment it seems like she won’t be able to do it. But the fire in Calliope's eyes is unmistakable. Roxy can’t resist it, she caves. She removes the ring of life from Calliope's finger. Calliope falls into her arms, lifeless, and Roxy clutches her, sobbing. But even her body doesn’t last, it fades in her arms until Roxy is clutching herself instead, practically screaming. Rose uses the last of her strength to comfort her, and they both lie together on the blanket, Rose wiping the tears from her face.
ROXY: i cant believe she’s gone
ROSE: I know.
Rose coaches Roxy through her sobs, their heads pressed together. Soon, they’re both crying.
ARADIA: john i think this is our cue to go
JOHN: alright, um.
JOHN: bye, everyone.
JOHN: i’ll see you soon.
ROSE: You probably won’t. But, still. It was nice knowing you, John. And if it’s any consolation, you’re doing the right thing.
Rose hands the ring to John. Roxy squeezes his hand, and they stay there for a moment before he pulls away. John takes it upon himself to finish packing up everything but the blanket. Roxy motions for him to take the food, and he does, leaving the basket with Roxy’s car keys on top of the empty basket. Guess it was a good thing she got her license, after all.
John exhales, and looks over Aradia, who holds her hand up for a fistbump, which John reluctantly returns. And with that, the two of them Zap on out of there.
