Yankingthechain
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Remus had been warned of the Second Coming of Christ.
Remus hadn't expected him to appear in St. Jude's on a ridiculously wet Sunday morning. Dressed in a green chasuble with subtle gold trim, over an alb and plain white stole, he had the book of Gospels in one hand, and a wooden cross in the other.
The Son of Man looked already bored off his tits.
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Remus's mother is pushing him towards the priesthood to save his soul from damnation. But Father Black makes him feel like he wouldn't mind burning.
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James was trying to “find himself” whatever-the-fuck that means. And Sirius, as his long-exasperated best friend, was dragged along with him, finding themselves in Kerry, Ireland.
Luckily, Sirius had Moony: his anonymous online confidant, his late-night constant, his almost-something, to keep him sane in the face of his (second) brother losing the plot. Only, Moony has no interest in taking things further than that. But it's enough for Sirius.
Or, it had been, right up until he and James broke down on the side of the road, and were saved by a good-looking local, Remus.
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Robby couldn’t help but touch; he knew he shouldn’t, but his hands were already reaching, sliding down the curve of the other man’s spine, “Hello-”
Robby paused, recognising the girl.
He frowned, “Santos?”
She frowned right back at him, “Doctor Robby?”
The man- who Robby was still touching- spun in his arms, “Doctor Robby?”
Fucking. Whitaker.
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Jack insisted Robby needed to get laid, Robby had agreed with him, but how the fuck had he gotten here?
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Dennis was hoping, pleading, that Trinity would laugh off his plight and tell him he was going mental, that there was no way he’d done what he’d done. What his phone was suggesting he’d done.
She picked up his phone and her jaw dropped. “You texted Doctor Robby?”
“No!” Dennis pleaded, “Please, tell me I didn’t, tell me-”
“You texted Doctor Robby that you’d fuck him till he cried?”
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Dennis sends a drunk text after a messy work night out. He doesn't mind the consequences.
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“Historically, Hogwarts has been known for its balls-”
Peter let out a high chirp of laughter, which he tried to muffle with one hand in his fist, “McGonagall said balls.” He wheezed through his hand, his cheeks bright red and his eyes streaming with tears.
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Remus has his first girlfriend, and Hogwarts is having a ball. Sirius is handling the whole thing really well.
If very well meant - getting absolute pissed, acquiring a (fake) girlfriend, and somehow convincing Remus to cheat on his girlfriend with him? Then yeah, he's doing fine.
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Several months into playing house, Amy finally makes clear what she wants from Dennis. His reaction to her desire—or lack thereof—sends him spiraling about his failure to be the man she needs. Naturally, Dennis does what anyone would do in that situation: holes up in his boss’ bachelor pad, calls said boss on sabbatical, and speed-runs a sexuality crisis over the phone.
Oh, and he also has life-changing phone sex with his boss while he’s outside a roadside bar in Fargo, North Dakota. It’s an eventful evening, to say the least.
Or: A thesis on Dennis Whitaker, masculinity, and compulsory heterosexuality.
Bookmarked by Yankingthechain
17 Apr 2026
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“Please don’t tell me the first person who ever touched your dick was Dr. Robby.”
“Um.” He coughs.
“Oh my god I’m gonna fucking die.”
Santos tries to solve Whitaker’s sexual hangups. Whitaker tries to save Robby’s soul. Neither initiative goes exactly to plan.
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Bookmarked by Yankingthechain
08 Apr 2026
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Harry has had quite enough of sharing his mind with someone else, thankyouverymuch. A miscast Legilimecy spell says otherwise.
(Fic from 2010 FF archive being uploaded here.)
AND FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, STOP REPOSTING THIS ON WATTPAD. I DO NOT WANT IT ON WATTPAD. YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO POST THIS ON WATTPAD.
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- English
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- 186,678
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- 32/32
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- 25
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Bookmarked by Yankingthechain
29 Dec 2025
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The change was in the soft breeze, the smell of fresh, clean cotton, it was in the shift of weight from one hip to the other, in the glint of the hazy late-summer sunlight turning a light-brown half-curl auburn. It was in the involuntary curling of his own toes in his shoes.
Oh, he thought. Turns out I've missed you.
Five years ago, four boys stepped into their dorm at Gryffindor tower, all nervous, some hiding it better than others.
Five years later, there's nothing that makes Sirius Black nervous anymore.
Except. When he steps onto Platform 9 3⁄4, he realises that after summer, something about Remus Lupin is... different. And suddenly, Sirius has no clue what to do with his hands, how to sit right, or how he usually acts.
A coming of age, friends-to-lovers story set during the Marauders' sixth year at Hogwarts. Banter, friendship, crushes, pining and first loves. Canon timeline, hopeful ending.
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- English
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- 138,028
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- 29/37
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Bookmarked by Yankingthechain
11 Sep 2025
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When he's seven years old, Sirius Black has a brief encounter with a strange boy in the woods, who, in their short exchange, teaches him an important lesson about the nature of the Universe, only to then disappear without a trace.
Nine years later, Sirius, along with his two best friends, is a student away at boarding school, with a brand new transfer student as his roommmate--a foul-mouthed, astronomy nerd named Remus Lupin.
Between school, hormones, relationships, and the fact that he is keeping a (magical) secret away from everyone--Sirius' year starts to go a little off the rails.
Not to mention, there's something familiar about that Remus Lupin kid that he just can't seem to shake...
- Language:
- English
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- 44,297
- Chapters:
- 11/11
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- 414
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Bookmarked by Yankingthechain
27 Aug 2025