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he who wields the knife by jaimescotts for everayy
Fandoms: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
23 Nov 2025
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Summary
He dressed simply, in whatever his mother and the septa picked for him, and never complained. Lady Cassana looked at him with unbearably piteous affection whenever he would pull on yet another black dress, accented with the slightest bit of gold, trying not to step on it.
He never told her, of course. And now he never could.
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Lee is just trying to do an honest day's work. I mean, mostly. The point is, he never asked for this.
Series
- Part 16 of two flints
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“The dead do not give up their secrets.”
“You're not dying here,” says Bard, with such conviction it nearly makes Thranduil recoil. “We’ll outlast the orcs, get you to the healers’ tent.”
“So I can meet my end there, instead? Your optimism is… astonishing."
“You can't die, Thranduil.”
Thranduil almost laughs again in his pain-hazed delirium. He is speaking with all the clarity of a drunkard, now— a comparison more apt than he'd like to admit. “Does this look like a healthy wound to you? Every minute the contaminant remains in my body, the poison spreads. It will kill me, Dragonslayer, it does not need your permission for that.”
or: Thranduil has sex again. Bard is just trying to save his life.
OR: The (accidental) wound fingering & elf marriage fic, take it or leave it.Bookmarked by WormMerchant
12 Apr 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
Good lord 😳 I wish I was shot in the leg... who said that
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On sexual dimorphism in C. urophasianus by Moorishflower
Fandoms: The Sandman (Comics), The Sandman (TV 2022)
09 May 2023
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Summary
"I must court you," Dream pronounces, and Hob drags his attention away from the flowers. Grimaces slightly.
"You don't have to," he says. "This will only last a week or two, and then we can go back to being, you know. Normal boyfriends who aren't being driven insane by the urge to put every shiny object in the flat in the bloody bed with me."
Hob has gone into heat, but an omega's instincts demand that Dream make himself an appealing partner before he will be allowed to touch his lover. This calls for drastic measures. This calls for courtship.
Bookmarked by WormMerchant
21 Feb 2026
Bookmarker's Collections:
Bookmarker's Notes
Bird like courting rituals, instincts that actively hinder immediate shagging
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Ridden Hard by Moorishflower
Fandoms: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms (TV), A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms
20 Feb 2026
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Summary
"Are you nose-blind, man?" Ser Manfred asked. The old refrain came to Dunk's lips – thick as a castle wall, slow as an aurochs – but he held it back with an effort. "Haven't you seen a heat come on before?"
Series
- Part 1 of Battle Cries
Bookmarked by WormMerchant
21 Feb 2026
Bookmarker's Collections:
Bookmarker's Notes
WESTEROS SPECIFIC FAITH OF THE SEVEN OMEGAVERSE
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In which Eddie finds himself unprepared for the realities of Klyntar sexuality, and Venom considers the potential merits of Viagra.
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After a life dominated by a strange form of sickness, Thorin is sent to the Shire to seek a cure only Bilbo Baggins can offer.
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When Edmund Blackadder, bloodied from shrapnel and ears ringing from the shelling, stumbled over Captain Darling's body caught in a tangle of barbed wire, he did not, despite many assurances towards it over the years, laugh, clap, and dance.
Instead, Blackadder took in the dark-wet definitely-not-mud stain spread all over Darling's uniformed chest, the pistol lax in his grip, his unseeing eyes turned up towards the overcast sky, and said, "oh, bloody buggering hell.""Quite," agreed Darling, squinting down at his own corpse; and, despite the unfortunate circumstances, took great pleasure in hearing Blackadder scream like a little girl.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 83,914
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 75
- Kudos:
- 95
- Bookmarks:
- 31
- Hits:
- 2,007
Bookmarked by WormMerchant
01 Nov 2025
Bookmarker's Collections:
Bookmarker's Notes
Genuinely cried. Excellent
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Summary
Blackadder's latest plan to escape back to England causes him to take an interest in the contents of Darling's drawers.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,473
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 53
- Kudos:
- 239
- Bookmarks:
- 26
- Hits:
- 2,253
Bookmarked by WormMerchant
01 Nov 2025
Bookmarker's Collections:
Bookmarker's Notes
Does not fit the collection title but who gives a shit. Probably the best blackadder fic to ever blackadder
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Waste Not by gunstreet for CampySpaceSlime
Fandoms: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
22 Sep 2025
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Summary
McCoy has gotten to know Spock pretty well over their years of service together. But whenever he starts feeling comfortable, the universe likes to force him to learn something new about Vulcans.
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“Do you understand what it is, precisely, that you’re offering?”
Bond smirked, eyes narrow with humor. “A nightcap,” he supplied, and then added wryly, “after a fashion.”
Q snorted, eyes sparkling, but there was a dark edge of menace under his light tone as he warned, “If you’re expecting it to be all fun and games, I’m afraid you’ve been watching far too much biter porn. Do you know how long it takes to bleed out from an unattended wound to the jugular vein?”
Bond opened his mouth to provide an appropriately pithy response referencing the mandatory training in basic field medicine he’d undergone during his tenure with the Royal Navy, but Q cut him off.
“Five minutes,” he supplied, brisk but casual, like he was reprimanding a tiresome junior agent in the middle of any standard agency debriefing, “at an optimistic maximum. Sever the carotid, and you’re looking at potential seconds. Even werewolves don’t heal fast enough to repair that kind of damage.”
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Summary
Tasha didn’t think she’d ever get to have this. Although, to be fair, before this she hadn’t thought much about sex at all, besides a vague notion that sex was something that she probably shouldn’t have. But Data had seen her, black sludge and bleeding eyes and all. And he liked her anyway.
Series
- Part 2 of The Children of Turkana
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gift of life by Anonymous
Fandoms: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
03 Dec 2022
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Summary
“She screamed in ecstasy as her destiny was fulfilled, and the crowd rejoiced, for they knew it meant they were safe.”
“I assume they don’t mean spiritual ecstasy,” Obi-Wan grumbled from his seat. He, too, was keeping his gaze fixed straight ahead, avoiding Anakin’s eyes.
“No, I don’t imagine they do,” Madame Jocasta said dryly.
Anakin felt like he was missing a very important detail that would explain why the Council was gravely listening to an old lady reading ancient erotica.Anakin is forced to face his destiny when an ancient entity threatens to destroy the world. That destiny involves getting fucked by the entire Jedi order.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 24,924
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 53
- Kudos:
- 590
- Bookmarks:
- 85
- Hits:
- 17,213
Bookmarked by WormMerchant
10 Jul 2025
Bookmarker's Collections:
Bookmarker's Notes
gurl wait until the end
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Aliens made them do it, but they also kinda wanted to by Twelfthtimesthecharm
Fandoms: Doctor Who (2005)
21 Dec 2022
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Summary
‘We'll be fine’ were always famous last words when it came to The Doctor. but even she hadn’t expected this. Not in a million years. The way they say it is almost casual, like asking someone for a favour. As horrified as she is as she soon comes to realise their intention, Clara does laugh slightly at the timelord’s fumbling. At that moment, this ancient, powerful alien reminds her of a flustered schoolboy.
Or
Clara and the doctor hope for a casual day at an alien market and things go exactly as well as you’d expect
Bookmarked by WormMerchant
06 Jun 2025
Bookmarker's Collections:
Bookmarker's Notes
aliens made them do it
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In light of recent events... by iiscos
Fandoms: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
10 Apr 2020
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Summary
After nearly a year of rehabilitation, Graves returns to MACUSA, adamant on restoring his rightful position as Director of Magical Security and proving to his detractors that he is still the best man for the job. His newly-found, ungovernable ability to read minds is a distraction at best, especially when someone, somewhere is thinking wildly, inappropriate thoughts about him.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 16,659
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 83
- Kudos:
- 1,170
- Bookmarks:
- 184
- Hits:
- 12,701
Bookmarked by WormMerchant
09 May 2025
Bookmarker's Collections:
Bookmarker's Notes
love me some mind reading
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Maria vs The Jedi Cult by IzzyMRDB
Fandoms: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
16 Jul 2024
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Summary
Reborn just in time to join the rest of the younglings in asking Master Skywalker what they were going to do because there were too many of them.
Oh well, she had future knowledge, a tendency to be overlooked and forgotten about by the Creche Master, and the reckless abandonment of someone who knows when they die.AKA
Maria, a fan from our world, wakes up in GFFA and decides that she isn't here for a long time, but a good time. She's not here for the whole cult thing of the Jedi, but she will annoy the Sith whenever she can. Though if the Coruscant Guard could be a bit less good at spotting the unaccompanied Jedi child wandering the Senate, that would be appreciated.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 35,354
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Collections:
- 86
- Comments:
- 3,135
- Kudos:
- 14,621
- Bookmarks:
- 5,288
- Hits:
- 335,774
Bookmarked by WormMerchant
19 Apr 2025
Bookmarker's Collections:
Bookmarker's Notes
I love when the Self insert is actively prevented from helping
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Summary
"Her name is...Hermione," Lucius pronounces the name very carefully, watching Voldemort as if for some reaction. He has none to offer. "She's in my son's year. And she claims to be your daughter."
Crack!AU where Lord Voldemort thinks Hermione Granger is his daughter.
Series
- Part 2 of and several bad jokes later
- Part 2 of all plates are cracked by mr nobody
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,757
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 31
- Comments:
- 786
- Kudos:
- 13,129
- Bookmarks:
- 3,536
- Hits:
- 147,963
Bookmarked by WormMerchant
12 Apr 2025
Bookmarker's Collections:
Bookmarker's Notes
slytherin Hermione that isn't chronic self insertion. also aroace swag
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In the name of love! by iiscos
Fandoms: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
15 Aug 2016
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Summary
The cruiser carrying Ventress has crashed among the densest canopies of the Felucian jungle, and no aphrodisiacal flower is going to deter Anakin and Obi-Wan in their pursuit of the Sith apprentice.
Or the one where Obi-Wan falls into a toxic flowerbed resulting in unforeseen consequences, and Anakin frustratingly is the only one immune.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,890
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 189
- Kudos:
- 2,839
- Bookmarks:
- 365
- Hits:
- 33,569
Bookmarked by WormMerchant
26 Oct 2024
Bookmarker's Collections:
Bookmarker's Notes
sorta reverse pollen.. good 4 gay poeple i wish they were real
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Endeavor you need to leave or I'm going to... by FlameTiddies
Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
19 Nov 2018
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Summary
"You have to leave, right now. I can't explain till the end of the weekend at least, but you have to go," Hawks voice was edging a bit on panicked as he tried to shoo Endeavor towards the door.
An annoyed scoff escaped Enji's mouth. He folded his arms, looking uncharacteristically paternal- and that really shouldn’t do it even more for Hawks but gods it does.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,721
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Comments:
- 113
- Kudos:
- 3,660
- Bookmarks:
- 506
- Hits:
- 44,297
Bookmarked by WormMerchant
26 Oct 2024
Bookmarker's Collections:
Bookmarker's Notes
wasnt expecting the dynamic to slay so hard good 4 them.
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Summary
Ed is picking up the pieces. Literally.
Series
- Part 1 of Invasive
Bookmarked by WormMerchant
16 Sep 2024
Bookmarker's Collections:
Bookmarker's Notes
very very creative introduction to sex pollen