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Chapter Text

The air was almost too thick, suffocating. Cold, curling in bone deep. Stinging and burning his lungs as he breathed in - forming mist as he exhaled. And yet he couldn't really feel it, not really - it was there, there like a reminder - making him aware of the chill. Something he couldn't push away, no matter how much he tried, the cold kept chasing him.

The breeze ruffled through his hair, hair that was too long now - hiding his face, a face that no longer had the sweetness and innocence of youth. Gone was the smiling, happy boy he'd once been. The light that once shone behind his eyes was dimmed, replaced with shadow and pain. The weight of those shadows, casting darkness, a piece of him was gone, lost forever.

The darkness was pain; it had shaped and re-moulded him into something else. Time had slowed down, the world around him moving in slow motion - while everyone else was moving too fast, a strange mixture - and it was too much for him to keep up with it all. It was like moving through quicksand, no foundation to hold onto - nothing to rebuild from. He had been fighting to make it out, or at first, he had been fighting - trying to claw his way back out. Pulled down further into the darkness, trying to claw his way back out of hell. 

Life had stabbed him in the back. He had tried to pull the knife out of his back, but being beaten down and dragged through Hell - he could still feel the knife there, digging deeper - stealing away his breath, digging in and churning deep. And Dustin wasn't sure when he'd realized - that he was broken. That he wasn't a Savior.

That he couldn't save himself - he hadn't been able to save Him. He could feel the air being sucked from his lungs, the tears on his face blurring his vision. He didn't even realize that he'd started crying. Letting out a shaky - heavy exhale, he wiped furiously at his face.

Tugging at his hair a little, Dustin took another swig from the bottle in his hand - the alcohol burning as he swallowed. He wanted to feel numb, to push any and all feeling away. He'd been chasing it - the emptiness. He craved it, either that or a different type of pain. If he pushed and pushed and got someone to beat his ass bloody? Well... That was a kind of pain that was visceral and real. The rage was real, the anger that burned inside him like a fire that burned bright.

 Rich and fuelled by the fact that everyone in Hawkins hated everything about the only person that ever seemed to truly see him. The only person that wasn't afraid to be himself. Everyone else was too busy being fake. Being what was expected. Hiding in their perfectly crafted lives of absolute bullshit. Happiness was a distant memory now; the last true time Dustin had felt it - was the day in the field. Letting out a pained, broken sound - he tugged at his hair again, struggling to get his breath. 

Never change Dustin Henderson, promise me...

Sobs wracked his body, broken - harsh. He couldn't stop them from escaping. No matter how much he wanted too, no matter how much he fought it. He was broken. Scattered like pieces of a mirror, reflecting back a broken world. A world that smashed into a million pieces the moment that he lost Eddie. And he didn't know how to collect those pieces back together.

Dustin had changed; he hadn't been able to keep that promise to Eddie. He replayed that night over in his head, it replayed like a horror story - haunting him forever on replay till he shut it out. Buried it deep inside. Ever since that night he'd been left searching, stumbling - trying to find some kind of steady ground. But that just didn't exist anymore. His stomach lurched painfully, and he was on his knees, fingers digging into the ground.

The coarse stones slighting cutting into his fingers, the sharp sting of it almost a blessing as he vomited. Dustin couldn't remember the last time he'd actually eaten anything though, so it was mostly just  the acidic bile of the too sweet bourbon he'd stolen from his mother's liquor cabinet. Dustin wiped his mouth, swearing and spitting to get out any last remnants.

He stared out over the darkness, the moonlight glinting off the dark inky water below. The quarry, so still - not matching the chaos inside him. Standing on shaky legs, Dustin swayed a little - the wind wiping his hair into his face again, the black coat he was wearing curled around his body. 

He stepped slowly, closer to the edge - the darkness almost whispering to him. Come a little closer, jump - I'll take away the pain for good. Dustin took another swig from the bottle, staring at it - swearing again because it was empty.

"Well fuck." His voice sounded foreign, hoarse and not like he remembered it sounding at all. He swung his arm and then threw the bottle into the darkness - letting out a scream at the same time.

It echoed in the air, ricocheting - the sound of the bottle smashing somewhere down below in the darkness, like thunderous rage. It sounded like he felt. The exhale of breath came out in a rush, and he let out a strange, distorted kind of laugh - not even sure why.

"Fuck you." He muttered darkly, before screaming out, "FUCK YOU." It again echoed around the space around him, coming back as he curled his arms around himself, kicking at the ground.

Dustin didn't want to go home; he didn't want to face his Mother. Her overly concerned face - her sweetness. The over bearing smothering. But he had nowhere to go. Dustin could still taste the bile in his mouth, his stomach hurt - his body aching and too tired.

He rubbed his hands over his face, trying to ignore the way that they shook. The tremor never really stopped, not really - not anymore. He shoved his hands into his pockets, fishing out a pack of cigarettes - his hands still shaking as he put one between his lips and lit it. 

Walking slowly, swaying a little - he took another lazy drag, exhaling and then staring up at the sky. Stars glittering and the moon bright. Once he would have thought it was pretty. "Stupid fucker." He snorted, flicking ash, and taking another drag.

Dustin tugged his coat a little tighter around himself, letting out a soft little noise. But he closed his eyes at the sudden invasion of brilliant bright light. Headlights - shining directly in his face.

"Fuck's sake." He hissed, lowering his head - doing his best to cover his face. "Henderson?" Nope - no. Fuck off. "The hell are you doing out here? I've been looking for you everywhere man." Steve Harrington slammed the car door as he climbed out - "Your Mom is worried sick." He was too close, no idea of personal space - maybe a little hysterical, probably pissed off because he'd had to postpone a date with some girl.

Dustin said nothing, he just kept walking - if somewhat slowly, last thing he actually wanted was to talk to Steve. "You little shit, don't you walk away from me."

Steve was suddenly grabbing onto his shoulder, "Since when do you smoke?"

The older boys’ eyes narrowing a little, and then he made a face as Dustin exhaled into his face.

"Don't touch me." Soft, and yet hard, his voice was steady - despite the fact that Dustin really didn't feel that way at all.

"Have you been drinking?" Steve's voice was anything but calm, he was irrational - worried.

Dustin just snorted and then muttered, "No shit Sherlock."

He shook his head, taking a final drag on his cigarette before flicking it away.

"Where did you get it, the booze I mean - where did you get it from?" Steve watched the cigarette sail into the dark, before turning his attention back to Dustin - he was trying to get him to look at him, but Dustin just shrugged and then kept walking.

"God damn it!" Steve yelled, "Would you just stop and talk to me!"

Dustin turned around, both fingers up as he flipped the bird. "How about no?" He turned around, and once again kept walking.

"Why are you doing this? Dustin.." The older boy's voice was softer, Dustin closed his eyes tighter for a moment, letting out a shaky breath.

"Go home Steven." His voice quiet, no emotion. Don't break, don't break. The silence clung in the air between them; the cold made him shiver a little.

"Can I give you a ride at least?" Steve let out a sigh of his own, which sounded too loud.

"No thanks I'm good." Dustin replied, shaking his head - he kept his face forward, not wanting to look back at the older boy. 

He heard the sound of Steve getting back into his car, and breathed a sigh of relief - thinking he had finally decided to just go. But he should have realized that it wasn't what Steve was going to do, instead the older boy started the car and then proceeded to drive alongside him. Window down.

"I'm not just going to leave you to walk home in the dark Henderson." Dustin wished he had more booze, he rubbed the bridge of his nose, "What makes you think I'm going home?" He actually tilted his head towards the older boy then; his gaze was piercing - but there wasn't any humour in it.

Steve just stared back, "Well uh I mean where else would you... be going?"

Dustin just shrugged, scratching at his neck and then he stared back down at the ground - his hair falling and hiding his face. "Would you just get in the car? You... don't have to go home, we can just talk... or hang out, or... something." Steve's voice was soft, and Dustin hated it.

Hated that Steve was doing this. That he wouldn't just leave him alone. His stomach was churning, too tight - the ache there too much. "Please?" Steve slowed the car down, and Dustin growled out, "Jesus fucking Christ on a stick, you're a pain in the ass." 

Steve just watched him, and Dustin muttered, "Fuck you."

The older boy raised an eyebrow and said nothing - although Dustin knew he wanted to say something. Instead, he just curled his fingers against the steering wheel with one hand, while reaching over to open the passenger door.

"C'mon..." Dustin gave the older boy a dark look, but then reluctantly hopped into the car - slamming the door and staring out the window.

"...Seatbelt." Steve said softly, and Dustin muttered, "Oh fuck off."

The older boy sighed softly, and then he leaned in - pulling the seat belt across Dustin's body and then clicking it in place. It made Dustin back up into the seat, feeling over crowded. Steve just let out a soft exhale, and Dustin avoided looking at him - choosing to stare at the ceiling of the car instead. "Are you drunk?" Steve asked softly, pulling back a little - studying him, like he was some kind of bug.

"Shut up Steven." He lowered his gaze, Steve just staring at him.

"I don't think I've ever heard you swear..." A hint of amusement was in his voice, Dustin finally looked at Steve -

"I mean, I'm not used to seeing you.. like this either. Drunk.. or whatever." Steve shrugged, then he started the car.

"No.. don't suppose you have." Dustin said dryly. 

He stared out the window, curling his legs up and his arms around them. The quiet settling in around them both, until Steve let out a soft exhale - and Dustin knew he was staring at him again.

"Aren't you supposed to watch the road while you drive?" He just kept his own gaze out the window, Steve let out a soft laugh. "Yeah, I am..."

Dustin stayed quiet. Fingers digging into his legs a little. Watching as they drove past houses, most of which were dark. "It's pretty late man, what... were you doing all the way out there, were you at the quarry?" Steve's voice did this weird thing where it went kind of hoarse at the end.

Dustin stayed silent, the tight churning in his stomach making him close his eyes tighter.

"It's really late, your mom was worried - phoning everyone, but... she asked me to find you. You have everyone worried." Steve just kept talking, he was saying other things too but Dustin was tuning him out - he had to tune him out or he was going to lose it, he was going to fall apart and he didn't want too - couldn't do that.

"Dustin?" The older boy curled one hand against his arm, a little hesitant - "Don't." His voice was almost too quiet, as he pulled his arm away. Pressing himself up more against the side of the car door. The air felt too thick, his lungs tight - the churning in his stomach almost unbearable. Panic was crushing him, heavy and suffocating. When he opened his eyes, tears were blurring his vision and Dustin quickly shut them again, the silence hanging around them both weighing heavy.

He realized then, that Steve hadn't taken him home. They were parked in the driveway of Steve's house. The house in darkness, he bit down on the inside of his cheek. Willing his tears away, pushing the emotion away. Burying it - "C'mon." Steve said softly, getting out of the car - he waited for Dustin to do the same. His legs felt shaky as he climbed out, not slamming the door this time but shutting it with a soft click.

Eyes on the ground, he scuffed his boot - waiting till Steve moved, before he followed. He didn't really want to follow, he really just wanted to run - but he was tired, exhausted and didn't think he had the strength to run anywhere.

"My parents aren't here, like that's anything new..." Steve let out a soft laugh, as they walked inside, Dustin just stayed quiet. "What's with... the new look by the way, I’ve uh been meaning to ask, but you know - trying to actually find you these days is pretty hard, never mind an actual conversation." 

The new look - Dustin didn't answer, he just kept his gaze on the floor - wondering for a moment if he should have taken his boots off. The older boy was right though; he wasn't wearing what he would have once upon a time. Gone were the bright colors, the loud happy clothes. Instead? Dustin was wearing black, all black - he'd pretty much gotten rid of anything he'd used to wear. Throwing it out after the summer. Replacing it with things he'd scrounged up from preloved places.

Dark and dusty - unwanted. Torn and jaded. But all black. His Mother had said he should have kept his old clothes for when this phase was over, he didn't think it was a phase. He'd not said anything to her and he didn't really know what to say to Steve either. But black suited how he felt, he wore it like armour.

"I wish you would talk to me." Steve murmured the words softly, his hand kind of hovering before he pulled it back.

"What do you want me to say?" Dustin said sharply, annoyed - not bothering to hide it.

"I just want you to say something, anything, instead of nothing." Steve's irritation was obvious as well, although he was trying to reign it in. "I can see that you're struggling, that you're not okay - but you won't let me help you. You won't let anyone help..." 

Dustin cut him off, "I'm fine." The coldness in his voice made Steve flinch, the older boy flicked his hair out of his face. "That's bullshit. Just look at you man..."

Dustin held his arms out either side of him, mocking, "Take a good fucking look. Don't like what you see anymore? Well fuck you! And fuck everyone else. You don't need to look, I don't need your help, and I sure as hell don't need or want anyone else's. I might have, months ago - Where was your fucking help then? Huh? You know what's bullshit? This.. this is bullshit. I'm leaving."

He shook his head, and then turned - but Steve suddenly grabbed hold him, and pulled him in close. Into his body, he curled his arms around him. "No." The word was soft against his ear, Dustin could feel the way his entire body went tense. But Steve didn't let go. "No." Steve repeated softer, and Dustin closed his eyes.

"You're not leaving." He could feel the warmth from the older boy’s body, curling around him and it made Dustin let out a shaky exhale.

"Fuck you." He whispered the words, no real anger in them though. His body still tense, tight like a bow string. "Let go of me." 

Steve didn't let go though, he just held on a little tighter, like he thought Dustin might bolt the second he did. It was strange, this quiet weird tether between them. Time shifting, and yet Dustin wasn't sure how long they stood like that. Embarrassingly, his stomach let out a rumble - and Steve said softly, "You hungry? I can make you something, or... maybe we can get pizza? The pizza place is probably still open."

Dustin didn't really want to eat anything, even if his stomach seemed to disagree. The older boy slowly let go of him, but then he curled his arm around Dustin's shoulders. "When's the last time you ate something?" Steve's voice was still soft, and Dustin hated him for it.

"Dunno." He muttered back, feeling the painful twist in his gut again. "I need to use the bathroom?"

Steve nodded, "Yeah okay, you can use the one in my room. I'll be up in a minute."

Dustin gave Steve a brief glance, not really sure he actually wanted to do that. But the older boy just stared at him, "Go on." Dustin scratched at his neck, then he headed upstairs - pausing briefly, because he could hear the older boy on the telephone. 

"Hey Claudia, yeah - I found him, yeah he's okay. Mhmm yeah, yeah I will - yeah okay I think that's for the best tonight. Okay, yeah you too.. goodnight."

Dustin sighed softly, once again wishing he had more alcohol, he quietly slipped into Steve's bedroom. A room which he'd never actually been in before - despite the fact that they'd known each other now for a while. It was a bit of a mess, the bed unmade - random shit everywhere.

Dustin went into the bathroom and shut the door, not bothering to turn on the light - he didn't look at his reflection, he didn't need to see his face. He knew what would stare back at him. His teeth had finally grown in; he'd lost his baby fat - he'd lost that sweet cherub face as his Mother liked to tell him. Dustin had shadows under his eyes from lack of sleep, haunted eyes - the shadows that were in his nightmares chased him into waking hours.

He splashed some cold water on his face, gripping the sink as the feeling of nausea gripped him again. Closing his eyes tight for a moment as he struggled to catch his breath a little. When he opened his eyes, Dustin stared down at his hands - which were shaking again, always shaking. 

The rings on his fingers, he wore them because Eddie had given them to him. The fingerless gloves only just covered them, they did little to keep his hands actually warm, but he still liked wearing them. He shrugged off his coat then, the Hellfire t-shirt half slipping off his shoulder and he raked his fingers through his hair, the black long-sleeved shirt underneath clinging to his arms.

When Dustin left the bathroom, Steve was sitting on the edge of his bed. "I.. phoned your mom, told her you're staying here tonight...I made you a bologna sandwich."

Dustin set his coat down on the chair in the corner and then sat on it. "Uhuh." He muttered, wanting a cigarette - his fingers picking at imaginary lint on his pants.

"Dustin?" The older boy's voice made him look up, the two of them actually just staring at each other, but then neither of them said anything. Dustin lowered his gaze again, he muttered, "I need a smoke." He stumbled a little as he got up, fishing them out of his coat pocket, his hands still shaking. 

"You can smoke in here, it's fine." Came Steve's reply, and Dustin had been going to go outside. He just paused, and Steve murmured, "It's fine. I don't mind." Dustin didn't really know what to do, he felt frozen - and weird, hands still shaking he struggled to get himself to actually move. Steve moved instead, coming closer and then he took the packet out of his hands, pulling one out and holding it out for Dustin, he glanced up - Steve staring down at him.

"It's a bad habit ya know." Steve said softly, but there was a hint of a smirk - amusement in his voice. Dustin just gave the older boy a dark look, trying to light it, till Steve took the lighter and did that for him as well. Dustin exhaled slowly, moving away from Steve; moving so he could sit in the window seat, opening the window a little bit - the soft strange light from Steve's fish tank really the only light in the room.

"I'm not used to you being this quiet." Steve said as he sat on the bed, closer to Dustin - Steve let out a heavier exhale, and then he added - "Do you want a drink, to go with your sandwich?"

Dustin didn't look at Steve, watching the wind outside as it blew through the leaves in the tree outside the window. "You're just going to give me soda or some shit... I'm good thanks and I already told you I'm not hungry." 

"What were you thinking, hard liquor?" Steve snorted softly, and Dustin bit back, "I'm already drunk, the fuck does it matter."

The silence hung there again - Dustin flicked ash out the window and he could feel Steve watching him, studying him. "Take a fucking picture why don't you." He looked at Steve this time, annoyed - gaze dark.

"Are you really drunk?" Dustin shook his head, "Not really." This came out softer, less angry and instead he just sounded tired. "Not like I wish I was." He finished the cigarette, flicking it out the window - shivering a little.

Steve was quiet again, watching him again. Dustin shifted, slipping out from the window seat, stretching a little - "You've lost weight, like... a lot of weight." Dustin moved closer to the fish tank, watching the little fish swim around - "I'm really worried about you."

This came out softer, and Dustin shrugged "Don't worry about me Steven, I'm fine - like I told you." He curled one arm around himself - Dustin scratched his neck again.

"The gang says they hardly see you, are you going to school?" Dustin closed his eyes.

"Dustin?" Steve was relentless, the questions - the worry, and Dustin just wanted him to stop. Stop talking. "Can you just shut the fuck up! Jesus! Stop with all the fucking questions! Just stop!" 

He felt himself tense up, flinching as Steve got to close all of a sudden. "Look at me man."

Dustin didn't, he kept his gaze down - and then Steve gripped his chin, tilting his face up. "I'm here." The older boy said softly, and Dustin just stared back, till he lowered his gaze. Steve moved backwards, bringing Dustin with him - then he just pushed, the two of them sitting on the older boy’s bed.

"This is bullshit." Dustin muttered softly. "It isn't bullshit, I want you to talk to me." Steve was too close again.

Dustin wanted to punch him in the face. "Fuck off." He growled the words out, and Steve said softly, "No."

Dustin shoved Steve, but the older boy didn't budge - he just snorted and then reached out, actually touching Dustin's hair. "You can be as pissed with me as you want, it's not going to make me stop being worried about you Dustin."

Dustin - not Henderson. He shrugged, "Fuck you." He muttered, Steve let out a soft laugh. "You kiss your mother with that mouth?."

Dustin just stared at Steve, who was still touching his hair. "Why can't you just leave me alone." Dustin whispered this time, and the smile on Steve's face was replaced by a look of sadness. 

"Because now that I actually have you close enough, I can't.. I can't leave you alone -" Steve went quiet and he sighed softly, actually curling his arm around Dustin. The warmth was immediate, sinking into him and Dustin didn't know what to do with Steve being so close, with him trying to be nice. He didn't know what to do with himself.

His body was tense, yet shaking - he was actually terrified. Scared to hug Steve back, scared to let go. Scared, so fucking scared. "It's okay." Steve's voice was soft, his arms curled around him tighter - and Dustin let out a broken, harsh sob - he couldn't stop it, no matter how much he wanted too. The air was sucked out of his lungs; the tears wouldn't stop. Like they were pulled out with the air, and he couldn't pull it back. It was like the wall came crashing down, and the dam was broken.

Steve just held on and curled his fingers against his back, and in his hair - and Dustin held on like Steve was the only thing stopping him from completely drowning. He didn't know how long he cried for, but eventually he fell silent, his body trembling with it. Somewhere in the midst of it, he had ended up in Steve's lap, he wasn't sure if he'd done it - or if Steve had pulled him there.

Steve's arms were curled around him, and Dustin was still clinging onto him. His fingers moving slowly, soft curling claws against Steve's chest. Dustin had his eyes closed, breathing out shaky breaths against Steve's neck. The older boy just stayed quiet, one hand against the small of Dustin's back - the other had curled into his hair. 

Dustin could feel the embarrassment, the heat in his face - he shifted slowly, gaze down and Steve loosened his grip in his hair. "Let me.. go." His voice was all shaky and hoarse. Steve let out a soft exhale, "Dustin."

He didn't want to look at Steve, he didn't want to start crying all over again, he felt too vulnerable - felt too much. He didn't want to feel anything.

"It's okay." Steve's voice was soft, and the hand that had been in his hair, he moved it - gently stroking Dustin's face, wiping away tears that Dustin didn't know were even falling. He lifted his gaze, just a little and Steve was looking at him.

"You don't have to go anywhere, I got you." Steve smiled, one of his soft little smiles and Dustin bit the inside of his cheek. He let his eyes close, letting out another shaky soft exhale.

"I hate you." He whispered the words, and Steve just pulled him in close again, Dustin buried his face against the older boy’s neck - and the two of them fell silent. He didn't want to cry again, he didn't want to let Steve see him cry anymore. I just want it to fucking stop.

Dustin let out a shaky exhale, and shifted - sliding out of Steve's lap, the older boy let him go this time. "M'really tired." Dustin's words were a little bit slurred, exhaustion catching up with him. He rubbed his hands over his face and Steve said softly, "You wanna go to sleep?"

He looked up at Steve, the older boy staring back at him - his dark eyes gentle and Dustin just nodded yes, not trusting himself to speak again. Steve nodded too, he stood up, "Do you wanna borrow something to sleep in?"

Dustin nodded again and Steve murmured, "Okay, let me find you something." While Steve moved over to the other side of the room, Dustin sat on the edge of the bed, he was so exhausted, all the crying had only made it creep up on him even harder.

He tugged off his boots, his pants - he startled when Steve was suddenly back at his side - "Hey, hey it's okay, didn't mean to scare you.." Steve's voice was soft again, "Need help?" Dustin was struggling and he muttered, "Uhuh yeah.." Steve let out a soft chuckle, helping him to get his top layers off.

Dustin shivered, once he was just in his boxer shorts, forgetting about the bruises he was covered with. Steve gently tugged Dustin to his feet, Dustin held onto the older boys arm as he used his other one to tug on the sweatpants. "What happened?.. Who did that shit to you." Steve's voice was soft, but had a hint of anger.

"Don't.. worry bout it." Dustin muttered, shrugging. "Don't hurt, doesn't matter." His words slurring again, he startled as Steve suddenly gripped his chin, making him look up at him. "You're going to tell me tomorrow. Bout...this...too."

Dustin shivered as Steve's fingers brushed over one of the bruises. "..Nuh.. I'm not gonna." Dustin whispered, resting his head against Steve's chest. "Tired, fuck...off." Steve was quiet, and Dustin was shaking, his legs felt like they weren't going to hold him up.

The older boy was moving again, helping Dustin to pull on a sweater. "Tomorrow." Steve said softly, before gently pushing Dustin into the bed, tugging the covers back. He was laying on his side, "Steve?" Dustin's voice so soft it was almost inaudible, but the older boy heard him. "Yeah?" Steve was staring down at him, and Dustin whispered, "Can.. you.."

They both just stared at each other; Dustin let his eyes close - not wanting to say the rest of what he was going to say. The older boy shifted, "Want.. me to?" Dustin curled his fingers against the bed beside him in reply and Steve whispered, "Yeah okay." 

The silence curled around Dustin and so did the warmth that came from Steve's body. The older boy was laying on his back, his arms above his head as Dustin lay there on his stomach. He let out another one of his shaky exhales, trying to push away the thoughts in his head. He felt like his entire body was made of stone, to heavy to move - aching and just too much in that moment. He slowly pulled his arm into his body though, then turned his head the other direction away from Steve. He was shivering, exhaustion making the cold sink into his bones again.

Dustin closed his eyes tight, biting down on his bottom lip as he felt Steve shift, the mattress moving as the older boy curled in behind him and then the warmth saturated his back. Steve tugged the blankets up over them both, and Dustin opened his eyes, he shifted again, slowly - and was startled to find that Steve was just lying there staring at him.

Like he'd been sure the older boy would have had his eyes closed, and to see those dark eyes just staring? Dustin lowered his gaze. He could feel the weight of it, and he wasn't entirely sure he liked it. "Stop it." His voice was as shaky as his hands, and he looked up at Steve, the older boy said nothing, but Dustin whispered, "Go to sleep Steven." 

Steve shook his head no, and Dustin let out a soft little breath. "You're fucking annoying." The older boy had a little smile, and then he said softly, "I could say the same thing about you, but.." Dustin let his eyes close, and Steve added softly, "Are you cold?"

He nodded yes, but left his eyes closed - not really wanting to move or say anything else. Steve shifted a little, and then he pulled Dustin in close, all his heat encompassing Dustin and he let out a soft little noise.

"Better?" Steve's voice rumbly soft, right by Dustin's ear as he leant in close, "Uhuh.. yeah." He nuzzled his face against Steve's chest, the older boy whispered, "Shit your nose is fucking cold."

That actually made the two of them laugh, which Dustin hadn't actually done for a while - he went still, tense and Steve must have felt it - his fingers gently stroked into Dustin's hair and he let out a soft breath, able to hear the steady thud-thump of Steve's heartbeat.

"Go to sleep.." Steve's voice was soft, his fingers gentle - Dustin could feel the warmth taking place of the cold. "I've got you." Dustin tried to fight it, but he felt safe - for the first time in he didn't know how long. He felt himself sink into the warmth, sleep claiming him.

Chapter Text

Steve felt the moment that Dustin slipped into sleep, the younger man’s body relaxing against his. The tension leaving. His cold nose nuzzling against his chest. His arm held the younger man a little tighter, the fingers in Dustin's hair still gently curled, but then they stilled. His heart ached; he had spent months - watching as Dustin slipped away. It wasn't a slow process, but it had gotten worse.

He'd gone from the happy, sweet and bubbly kid - into something else entirely. Steve knew that all the kids had changed, grown up - and of course it was inevitable. But they'd all grown up much faster. But with Dustin? It was different, Steve knew the reason why, or - at least he thought he knew the reason why. Maybe there was more to the story, more to it because of just how much it had changed the younger man. Because gone was the boy, and in his place was this very different creature.

Steve looked down at Dustin, letting out a soft exhale of his own. Dustin wasn't a baby anymore; he wasn't a baby-faced cherub. The little boy was becoming a man, but at the same time he was some place so far beyond Steve's reach - and it scared the hell out of him. The two of them had always had something, a connection - Steve scratched his eyebrow, letting his eyes close.

It was like all of them had been thrown into chaos and nobody knew how to really deal with it. They did to the best of their ability, but the kids? Steve let out a heavy exhale, staring at Dustin. The kids had literally lost their childhood. The whole world around them had never been the same, literally turned upside down. Inside out. Everyone was walking on eggshells, waiting for the next thing to happen. Steve felt like most of the time he wasn't really contributing much, at the beginning he'd been the babysitter - a job he hadn't really been impressed with.

But the kids, the kids - the little shits had wormed their way into his heart. Got under his skin, Steve knew he'd lay down his life for them if he had too. But Dustin? Steve frowned as the younger man made a noise in his sleep, his fingers gently pushed Dustin's hair out of his face - which seemed to settle him again and Steve tugged the blanket up a little more.

He was fighting a war, and had been inside his head for a while - falling apart, but trying to keep his shit together. Steve felt guilty, he felt like a failure. Their plan had failed in the upside down - and Eddie, who everyone? Including him at one point, had thought was a loser. A metal head waste of space. Turned out that Eddie Munson had been a really good guy, he’d had a massive heart. The two of them had both had a connection with Dustin.

Tears blurred Steve's vision, he breathed out slowly - his tears sliding down his face. Steve didn't know the entire story, nobody did - because Dustin hadn't told anyone the full story. Nobody had asked him; nobody had been able to ask him. Dustin had just shut down at first, then eventually he started shutting everyone out. Completely isolating himself. He hung around the group like a shadow in the background - there, but not there.

He'd just said that Eddie got hurt and lost during the Earthquake, that was the "story". Basically, they were told Eddie fell into the gate when they'd been climbing out. Dustin had told that story, and everyone accepted it – he really hadn’t given them anything else, so they'd all been forced to accept it. But Steve couldn't accept that Dustin was slipping away. Fading away - pushing him away. They'd been close, but now the rift between them was so big that Steve had no idea how to close it.

Every week they got together - the whole group. Going through plans - Hopper like a well-executed Drill Sergeant. Joyce like the Group Mother. The older kids kept an eye on the younger ones, or tried too to the best of their ability - and everyone was expected to be at the meetings, and because Dustin was smart as hell? He made all these contraptions - Steve didn't even know what half of that shit was to be honest with you.

But Dustin would appear with something, explain how it worked - then he'd disappear again. Even worse, he seemed to explain the shit to everyone but him. It was like he couldn't stand to be near him, that just made Steve frustrated even more. For months they hadn't been in the same space without it being awkward and tense. Dustin got kind of mean too. Not just with him either - but with everyone.

The gang started walking on eggshells around him too, not sure what to say - not sure how far to push. But then the younger man just disappeared more than he was around. And it seemed that out of everyone? It was Steve that Dustin was avoiding the most. Steve was tired, he was tired of it. And it hurt. It was like being haunted, haunted by a ghost of someone that was still there - but he just couldn't reach him. Steve desperately wanted to do something, help him? Save him, bring him back.

But Dustin was always running in the opposite direction, slipping further and further away. This was actually the first time that Steve had seen Dustin in a month or more. It was terrifying to see - to see the light dying, to be replaced with darkness and pain so visceral that you could see it consuming Dustin, and Steve couldn't do anything to stop it. 

He knew that the younger man was getting into fights, or rather getting his ass kicked by the jocks at school. Lucas had intervened, but Dustin kept pushing. Determined to not let Hellfire die with Eddie. Everyone in Hawkins still carrying on the ridiculous idea of Satanic panic, long after the supposed earthquake - after the supposed satanic ritual murders. Dustin was wearing the damn shirt, or had been. Steve stared at it, and shook his head.

He knew the bruises were from the fights, he was almost tempted to hide the shirt. But then at the same time, he didn't really think that would cause anything but more shit. Dustin kept wearing it like statement piece. It was like a fuck you to all of Hawkins. He shifted a little, Dustin muttered something under his breath - Steve whispered, "I'm sorry." The younger man just let out a soft little exhale, before burrowing himself closer to Steve. He let his eyes close, hoping that when he woke up, Dustin would still be there.

***

When Dustin opened his eyes? He was confused, his mouth felt like it was full of cotton wool. Dry and he was too hot, he didn't even know where he was at first. Sweat clinging to his body - he felt the heavy weight of someone draped around him. Panic set in, "Shit..." Dustin could feel his heart hammering in his chest, shifting - even more confused when he saw who it was. Steve. Bits and pieces of the night before started to come back to him, the quarry - Steve finding him.

Dustin crying. Shit - shit - shit. He frowned, rubbing his hands over his face - he was wearing Steve's clothes. He needed water - something. Dustin also needed to leave. Before Steve woke up.

Dustin just sat there quietly, staring at Steve - the sunlight coming through the curtains and he could see the dust, dancing in the light - he blinked slowly and then slipped out of the bed. Steve didn't stir, and Dustin let out a soft breath - gathering up his clothes he slipped into the bathroom and shut the door. Dustin stared at his reflection, before turning on the cold water and cupping his hand - slurping some and then he splashed some onto his face. The coldness making him a little breathless, he stripped off the sweater that he was wearing, using it to dry off his face. 

Dustin slipped his own clothes back on, then he tugged on his coat. Steve was still asleep as Dustin moved quietly out of the room and down the stairs. He lit a cigarette as soon as he was outside, hands still shaking, he took a drag and started walking, he didn't care that it was raining - Dustin tilted his face up a little, and just kept walking. By the time he got home, he was soaked through - cold as ever. He slipped inside, hoping to get to his room before his mother saw him.

"Dusty?" Shit. His Mother, he could feel himself tense up, as he froze in the hallway. Not looking at her, because he didn't want to see the concern, the heart ache in his mother’s face.

"Are you okay? Where were you?"

He kept his gaze straight ahead, down the hallway. "You know where I was, I was at Steve's." She was doing that weird thing, where she was trying to reach out, but then pulling back. "No, I know - I meant before that."

Dustin's gaze flicked briefly to his mother; her eyes were sad - he hated himself even more in that moment. He didn't know what to tell her. "I'm worried about you Dusty, please... please just..."

Dustin just walked down the hallway and into his room, sliding the door shut - he locked it and then he flicked on the stereo - blasting out Metallica. Drowning her out. 

***

School was bullshit, Dustin couldn't focus half the time - each day was a blur of the same thing, like a never-ending loop. He was paralyzed or drowning, or just struggling to get through each day, each hour - each minute. Voices, noise - chaos and he couldn't stand it. He didn't hang out with his friends anymore; they were all fucking broken like he was anyway. Lucas spent all his time between the hospital and school, Mike and Will - they were dancing around each other, but not together.

And Dustin didn't know what they were doing, other than avoiding the blatant truth and they had been for years.

Dustin didn't really blame them for that though; it wasn't like he wanted to face the truth either. Nobody knew what to say, maybe there was nothing to say. Dustin spent most of his time hanging out alone, out the back of the gym where you could smoke. He'd even smoked weed a few times with some of the kids that used to buy it from Eddie. They never said much. Nobody pushed. Nobody expected him to spill his guts.

When he wasn't doing that, he was in the library, or just hiding out in one of the older bathroom stalls - in the older area where nobody really went. 

But he wasn't doing any of those things right now, he'd left school. Skipping because he just didn't want to be there - having actually gotten into a fight with Lucas. The other boy had pushed too hard, accusing him of never wanting to hang out with them anymore. He was right, but Dustin wasn't going to admit that. Fuck him. So Dustin was at the cemetery. Sitting on top of Eddie's grave. Which of course had been defaced yet again. He tried not to think about the fact that Eddie wasn't actually in the grave.

"Fuckers.." He muttered under his breath, his hands shaking as he soaked a bandana with some paint remover. Dustin scrubbed at the paint, feeling the tightness in his chest. The weight in his shoulders. "Don't worry, eventually they'll get bored...." He heard a snap behind him and half expected it to be Andy and his goons. "Shouldn't you be in school?"

Dustin let his eyes close, "Does it really matter Steve?" He hoisted himself up, shoving the stuff back into his bag, before slinging it over his shoulder. "Are you fucking following me?" His voice coming out shakier, rather than angry and Steve shook his head, "...No actually, I was coming here and you just happened to be here." 

That kind of surprised Dustin, he just fell silent, and curled his arms around himself. "You're not the only one that lost him you know." The older boys voice soft, and Dustin growled out, "I never fucking said I was!"

This time it was angry and he shoved past Steve, the painful twist in his gut making him want to run again. He half skidded down the side of the steeper hill, and let out a strangled sound as he landed on the ground, the air knocked out of his lungs. "Fuck, are you okay! Henderson." Steve's hand on his shoulder, Dustin choked out, "Don't fucking touch me!"

He hauled himself up, Dustin could feel the anger surging through him - he threw a punch, connecting with Steve's jaw - the older boy yelled, "Hey!" Grabbing hold of Dustin and pushing him up against the nearest tree.

"Fucking stop." Breathing out in a rush of air, Dustin was trying to get free, but Steve's grip was firm. "Calm down Dustin."

The older boy breathing out heavily too, he spat some blood out of his mouth - Dustin hissed, "Let go of me..."

Steve just tightened his grip, shifting his weight a little, "Not if you're going to fucking hit me again, Jesus." 

The two of them were both trying to catch their breath, "You calm?" Steve loosened his grip on his arms and Dustin tugged himself free the second his arms were let go.

Glaring at Steve, he spat out, "Fuck you. Stay the fuck away from me." The older boy licked at his lip this time, and Dustin raked his fingers through his hair - tugging on it, before picking up his bag.

"You just left without saying goodbye." Steve's voice was soft, and Dustin glanced over his shoulder. The older boy was leaning against the tree, just staring at him.

"Goodbye Steven." Dustin shook his head, "I miss you." Steve's voice was soft, that he hadn't been expecting the older boy to say. He knew Steve was following him, he could hear the leaves crunching behind him.

"I don't miss you." He growled out - lies - he did though, so much.

"Can't we just... I dunno, hang out? Seeing as you've already ditched school." Dustin paused, and that of course sent Steve crashing into him from behind. Too close.

"You hit really hard you know." Steve's voice was soft against his ear, and how did he end up that close? Dustin turned around slowly, "I... don't think it’s a good idea." His words came out soft, not the way he wanted them too.

"Why not? What are you going to do instead?" Steve exhaled against his face and Dustin could smell the mint of his toothpaste; he lowered his gaze and shrugged.

"Probably smoke weed and get in a fight." Steve gripped his chin, "Smoke weed? Jesus Henderson."

Dustin pushed his hands against Steve's chest, "Don't you have some girl to go and harass?" The older boy shook his head, "Nah not really, I'd rather harass you."

The little smirk made Dustin want to smack it off his face, "Piss off." But instead, Dustin reached up and then wiped a small trickle of blood from Steve's lip - and he didn't know why, but he sucked it from his thumb. Steve was just staring at him, an odd look on his face - and Dustin shoved his hands into his pockets, staring down at the ground.

"Do you wanna smoke weed with me?" Steve asked suddenly, and Dustin lifted his head, "What?"

The older boy shrugged, "I can smoke weed with you, no more uh fights though... okay?"

Dustin muttered softly, "You're not just talking shit, you actually want too?"

Steve raked his hand through his hair, "Yeah." He bumped his shoulder into Dustin's, "C’mon..." Before Dustin could say anything else, the older boy had slipped his hand down and interlaced their fingers - surprising him again, Dustin got a weird fluttering in his stomach. Steve tugging Dustin back towards the carpark.

Dustin stayed quiet in the car, staring out the window - Steve was talking as he drove. But Dustin wasn't really listening. It was only when he realized the car was parked, that he finally looked at Steve. They were at Steve's house again, and Dustin just glanced back out the window - not saying anything as he climbed out of the car. Steve was quiet too, leading them both into the house - shutting the door behind them, the silence was nice.

He leaned up against the wall in the hallway, "You, okay?" Steve asked as he took his coat off, "Yeah." He muttered softly, following Steve as he led them into the living room.

Dustin sank into the sofa, while Steve went into the kitchen - but he could still feel the older boy watching him. He kept his eyes on the task in front of him though as he fished his tin out of his bag and started rolling a joint.

"You're too good at that..." Steve sat down beside him, setting down two cokes in front of them. Dustin didn't reply to that, he set the joint down briefly - before shrugging himself out of his coat and then he sat back, "I learned from..." He didn't continue, instead he just lit the joint - taking a deep drag from it, before passing it to Steve.

"From Eddie?" Steve watched as Dustin exhaled lazily, the smoke curling out of his mouth - and then he took a drag from the joint himself, coughing a little. "Fuck..." Dustin said nothing to the question, a darkness in his gaze, before he lowered it.

"I know..." He whispered, "I know I'm not the only one that misses him." Steve seemed to still beside him, but then he shifted a little closer, "What was that?" His voice soft, he took another drag before passing the joint back to Dustin, who took it with shaking hands - "Doesn't matter." He muttered, "Shut the fuck up."

Dustin relit the joint, taking another drag - "We shouldn't be doing this..." Steve said suddenly, and Dustin snorted softly, "Why?" They looked at each other, Steve shook his head, "Because... it... I dunno... we just shouldn't be."

Dustin held the joint out to Steve anyway, a little smirk on his face. Raising one eyebrow, "Too late to stop now."

Steve cracked open his coke instead and seemed to gulp it down, and Dustin shrugged, taking another drag on the joint - amused, relaxing against the soft cushions behind him. "It's not like your corrupting me Steven, relax..."

Steve muttered softly, "Corrupting you? Jesus."

He studied the joint in his fingers, his gaze following Steve as the older boy took the joint and then dragged on it again. "It feels good." Dustin said softly, "Makes me feel good." He let out a soft breath, letting his eyes close.

"Do you just spend all your time getting high or drunk?" Steve's voice wasn't harsh, but his words made Dustin open his eyes again - made him tense. "If you're just going to be an asshole, I'll just leave." Steve grabbed his wrist, and Dustin felt himself tense up more. "No... you don't have to leave."

He didn't really know what to say, like his brain had turned to mush inside his head, or maybe it was just that he was high. "You're always so damn cold." Steve muttered softly, and Dustin shifted a little - but Steve curled his hand down and they were holding hands again. Dustin let out a soft little noise, he liked Steve holding his hand, liked it too much.

"Please don't leave." The older boys’ fingers curled against his, and Dustin said softly, "You're holding my hand hostage." Steve let out a soft laugh, "Sorry." He didn't let go though, and Dustin didn't pull his hand away either. Steve finished the joint, putting the blunt in the ashtray.

"Guess you really did miss me." Dustin muttered, watching Steve from behind his hair as he ducked his head - choosing to take a swig from Steve's coke rather than open his one.

Dustin curled his fingers against the sofa - before letting himself relax back against the cushions again. The older boy fell back against them too and Dustin stared out of the windows, "That's good weed." Steve murmured, having tilted his head a little closer - Dustin nodded. "Yeah, told you - it's nice." He shifted his head, staring at Steve - the older boy's fingers curled against the sofa, and Dustin bit down on the inside of his cheek - but then slid his fingers back so they interlaced with Steve's again.

"I missed you too." He whispered.

Dustin turned his head away, and closed his eyes. That tight, ache in his stomach again, he didn't want to feel it. Dustin shifted again and then he just curled up on the sofa, "Dustin..." Steve's voice broke, and the silence between them was heavy, Dustin hated the way that his voice came out all weird and shaky, "Don't...don't say anything else."

He could feel that sensation of not being able to catch his breath, but before he could move - Steve was pulling him close, "It hurts, don’t..." The older boy ignored him, Dustin let out a heavy exhale - his body going tense as Steve's arms curled around him. He didn't really remember Steve hugging him before, yeah, they were close - but this? Dustin didn't know what to do with this. 

"I'm right here." Steve said softly, "You can... talk to me, or... not, just... I'm here Dustin."

Dustin breathed out shakily, Steve just held on tighter - and Dustin wanted to fight him, bite and kick and scream - tell him to fuck off. He didn't want to miss Steve, missing him meant giving a shit - and he didn't want to do that. He didn't want to lose him too.

"Fuck." Dustin's voice came out hoarse, "Fuck!" He couldn't breathe; the air was being sucked from his lungs.

"It's okay.." Steve slid his hands up, and gripped Dustin's face, pressing his forehead against his. "It's okay." He whispered again, "Breathe with me, slow..."

He couldn't though, but he could feel each breath, each exhale - from Steve, the older boy whispered, "That's it.. just like that.." The panicked, painful breaths slowed as he breathed with Steve, and the older boy whispered, "I'm here."

Dustin's eyes fluttered closed, he could feel Steve's breath - as it danced over his face. Opening his eyes again, he didn't want to meet the older boy’s gaze. Not right then, he let his hands curl against Steve's side. 

The weirdest thought floated into his head, the night at the lake - when him, Lucas and Max had been watching Steve, Eddie, Robin and Nancy through the binoculars. Ew when did Steve get so hairy. He felt like disappearing. How had he wound up sitting in Steve's lap? Again.

Dustin curled his fingers in Steve's shirt, a rush of heat making his face flush red. Steve was stroking his fingers through his hair, all lazy and slow - and Dustin's breathing was a lot calmer, despite the fact that he felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest.

Later that night after he, Lucas and Max had been questioned by the cops - Max had confronted him in her typical invasive way, found out the truth that he'd never wanted to admit to anyone. Teasing him about perving on Steve, Dustin had denied he had been - but after getting mad, he'd got upset and then well, Max found out that Dustin was gay. Found out how he felt about Steve Harrington.

She'd kept his secret, and the two of them had been closer ever since. Teasing him relentlessly about his love of theatre and singing with Susie. Everyone else thought Susie had been his girlfriend, only Max knew that she had never been. That seemed like a million years ago. Dustin had hidden behind the fake girlfriend, and the cringe of their singing escapade - because it had been so easy to do it. And nobody but Max knew the truth.

Dustin shifted a little in Steve's lap, still trying to figure out how he even got there. Why was Steve so warm, he thought about pressing up closer, but then he knew he shouldn't - couldn't do that. Steve liked girls, Steve wasn't a pervert. Steve wasn't wrong like him.

"Hey.." Steve murmured softly, "Look at me Henderson."

Dustin didn't, he felt shame, felt stupid, unshed tears burning behind his eyes. "You're a million miles away, what are you thinking about?"  The older boy leaned back, and as he did? His shirt rode up a little, and that was when Dustin saw them - the scars. It was like everything stopped, or shifted extra slowly - Dustin frowned, feeling his body tense up.

"What's..." He pushed the older boy's t-shirt up and said shakily, "What the fuck is this?"

Steve tensed up a little, letting out a hiss - "Fucking cold hands, Jesus.." He lowered his gaze, lifting his shirt up "It's nothing, I mean.. I got bitten by Demo-bats but its fine now."

And of course Steve didn't know, he didn't know because Dustin had never told him - but Dustin could feel an irrational wave of emotion hit him, too fast, and too much - too intense. "You got bitten and you never fucking told me?"

Dustin breathed out harshly, and Steve frowned - "Well I mean, we knew that we had to create a diversion - we told you that, you and Eddie - but no I didn't mention this because I was fine, and we had other shit to take care of..."

He reached out, and Dustin smacked Steve's hand away - the older boy didn't understand. Steve flinched, trying to touch him again, Dustin shook his head. "Don't - don't touch me."

Steve murmured, "I’m... sorry? I'm fine really, all healed up and everything." Dustin curled his arms tight around himself, "Dustin."

When he opened his eyes, Steve breathed out slightly shakily himself - Dustin shook his head, tears blurring his vision. "I can't do this, I... need to go."

He shifted to move off the older boy’s lap, before he could though - Steve just tugged him in close and Dustin let out a whimper, "Don't - just let me go... please Steve."

The words were whispered against the older boy’s neck, Dustin was just so tired, so tired of everything. It just hurt too much. Steve nuzzled his face against Dustin's, his voice soft as he murmured, "Just stay here for a little bit."

Dustin shook his head no, but he didn't move. The older boy let out a soft breath, and Dustin whispered, "Don't... say anything else, and I'll stay." 

Steve was staring at him again. He knew without looking, when he did open his eyes, Dustin kept his gaze on the split in Steve's lip from where he'd hit him. "I'm sorry."

He lifted his gaze, Steve stayed quiet - and Dustin brushed his lips feather soft against the split. He felt the rush of warmth as Steve exhaled, but also the way the older boys body tensed up. Shit. Shit. Shit. Dustin sprang off Steve's lap, "Dustin..." Steve's voice was strange, but Dustin knew he'd made a mistake. He'd gotten too emotional - he didn't want to stay, he knew that he couldn't after that - Dustin knew he shouldn't have kissed Steve, but it was too late to take it back now. Fucking idiot, you stupid fucking idiot!

Somehow, he managed to scrape together his stuff, and then he bolted - the front door slamming behind him - and Dustin ran. Shame and fear, mixed with everything else he felt burning in his gut - it was only when he finally made it home, when he had locked himself away in his bedroom did Dustin let himself sink to the floor in the middle of his room. 

The only sounds in the house were his broken sobs, as he clawed at himself, wishing he could claw his skin off. "Disgusting...dirty... should have let them get you too... fucking pathetic waste of space..." He cried knowing that Steve had been ripped to shreds by demo-bats, only he'd survived it. Survived it and never even told him. Dustin's stomach lurched, and he dry heaved - nothing coming up, because there was nothing in his stomach. "Fuck."

He was reminded of the fact that not only had he lost Eddie, that he couldn't save him. The thought of Steve being gone because of him - made Dustin slap himself, clawing at his skin again. "So stupid, so stupid". He'd messed up kissing him. Dustin curled into himself on the floor, arms over his head as he kept whispering it tearfully. Eventually exhaustion claimed him and he fell asleep on his bedroom floor.

Chapter Text

Steve was with Robin, Vicky, Nancy and Jonathan. And Jonathan's weird friend Argyle. They'd been at the Squawk, but Steve's mind was a million miles away. "I'm telling you man - it's not what it seems." Argyle and Jonathan were both stoned, Steve was sure of it - Nancy didn't look impressed, but she was trying her best to keep her attention focused on Robin and Vicky.

Steve was fidgeting, and he couldn't stop thinking about what had happened with Dustin. But he also didn't know what to do about it, or how he felt about it. Or maybe that wasn't entirely true - he rubbed the bridge of his nose, stepping out of the room and standing in the hallway outside - letting out a slightly shaky exhale.

"You okay Stevie?" Robin slid her arm through his, raising her eyebrow as she looked at him - and he gave her a soft smile. "Just tired..." She stood on her tip toes, giving him a kiss on the forehead, "You're not a very good liar." They both laughed, the both of them turning their heads as Vicky joined them in the hallway. "Is all the fun happening out here?" The smaller girl was a little hesitant when it came to Steve, "Sorry I didn't mean to steal her away."

The two girls gave each other a look, Vicky blushing - and then Steve actually curled his arm around Vicky and gave her a gentle hug - "I'm just having a bit of an identity crisis amongst other things. Robin knows me better than anyone else..." Tears welled up in his eyes, Robin said softly "Steve?" Vicky looked up at him and then she said softly, "Well, if you need help, I'm here for you too." Her cheeks were pink and Steve smiled, the both of them hugging each other a little tighter at that.

Steve's gaze met Robin's, and she made a heart with her fingers. Vicky said softly, "Sorry if I... haven't been the easiest to get close too." He let out a soft little chuckle, "It's okay... everyone, and I do mean everyone thought me and Robin were a thing - trust me when I say this, I'm not a threat - I'm just a goofball with hair and yeah you're a much better catch."

He made a face at that and Robin laughed, "Ew... I love you Stevie - but you are so not my type, I prefer cute little redheads..." Vicky laughed and then shoved Robin gently, the door opened again and Jonathan slipped into the hallway. 

"Shit I think Nance is going to rip Argyle a new one..." He shook his head, "When is he going home?" Robin asked, Jonathan gave a shrug, "I think he's scared of flying on his own?" The two of them laughing, Jonathan gave Steve a quick glance, "You okay man?"

The fact that Jonathan was even asking him, took him by surprise - and Steve nodded, "Yeah...just, shit... you know." The other boy sighed heavily and murmured, "Yeah... I know." He scratched his neck, before he added - "If you need help, or... whatever man, I'm here."

Robin was smiling, and Vicky was looking between the two of them - the two girls went back into the other room and Steve let out a soft breath. "Thanks Jon." The other boy gave him a nod, "...Maybe you need something to take the pressure off." He raised an eyebrow - before handing Steve a joint from his pocket.

Steve felt sad at the sight of it - and it must have shown on his face. "You don't have to take it if you don't want it." He slipped it into his pocket, "It... I'm just being stupid, thanks... no I'll take it." He didn't trust his voice, and Jonathan narrowed his eyes, studying him quietly. 

Steve rubbed his hands over his face, Jonathan added softly "Do you need to talk? Nancy's busy, I don't think she'd notice if I wasn't here for a bit?"

This entire conversation was totally weird, and Steve just stared at the other boy - but then he nodded, "Yeah, okay?" Jonathan asked, "Okay - wanna go for a drive? We can smoke that blunt."

This day was so fucking weird. The other boy left him standing in the hallway temporarily, saying over his shoulder - "C'mon man." The two of them made their way outside, climbing into Jonathan's car. Which was a piece of shit - it grumbled to life and Steve stayed quiet, the other boy driving.

"Do you even smoke?" Jonathan gave him a smirk, and Steve let out a soft laugh - "Sure, I mean I'm not a stoner like you - but yeah... sometimes." Jonathan raised his eyebrow, "Who would have thought, Steve Harrington - pot smoker." 

They ended up parked up under some trees not that far away from the squawk, "I used to smoke with Eddie." Steve said softly, he took the joint out of his pocket - Jonathan handed him a lighter - "You and Eddie? I wasn't expecting that, I heard he was well... nothing like you... you were friends?" Jonathan seemed shocked, amused - and then sad, a mixture of all those emotions all at once and Steve took the joint as Jonathan passed it too him, taking a drag on it.

"Yeah... I know that's hard to imagine." The other boy took a deep drag, exhaling slowly - "Well stranger things have happened, look at us." That made Steve laugh softly, and Jonathan smirked again. "...I didn't know him, but you know what the assholes in this place are like - you show any sign of being different and they're on you. I know the kids liked him, or at least Nance said... you know...Mike and Dustin." Jonathan's smirk faded, and he passed the joint back to Steve. 

He took it, taking another drag - going quiet, "Is that what's bothering you?" Jonathan shifted in his seat, and Steve glanced briefly at him - passing him back the joint. Before letting out a heavy exhale, and staring out the window.

"We can all see it, that he's not okay." Jonathan flicked the blunt out the window, and Steve said quietly, "When I first met Eddie? I didn't like him, in fact I couldn't stand him - and I didn't really know why, because it wasn't just that I thought he was a loser like everyone said... it was because Dustin wouldn't shut the fuck up about him. They played that stupid game together and Dustin was always talking about him - about how cool Eddie was, it drove me nuts..."

He exhaled heavily, and let his eyes close. "But then when shit with Vecna started up and Eddie got tied up in all that shit... I got why Dustin liked him. It was hard to hate him, we hung out a lot - him, me and Robin and Nance. But him and I became friends; I guess I never really had a friend that wasn't a total asshole." 

Jonathan let out a soft laugh, "Yeah, your old friends... dicks!" The two of them were both laughing, and then Jonathan said softly - "It must have been hard for you too, when he went missing."

Steve nodded, and then he said quietly, "Yeah it was, is? I don't know man. I didn't just lose that. Dustin said Eddie went missing - but ... I lost Dustin, I don't know how to fucking reach him - something happened, something..."

Steve stared out the window and he rubbed his hands over his face. He could hear Eddie's voice in his head, "It drives me nuts, the kid fucking worships you." Steve didn't want to cry, but felt like he might - he felt too much, and he said softly, "Fuck everything is just so messed up."

Jonathan let out a soft sigh, "I know, look... I'm not that great with talking - not really, but I'll try." Steve looked at the other boy, and Jonathan gave him a soft smile. "I know things are bad, but we just have to not give up hope that they can get better you know? Don't lose hope of that Steve, no matter how dark shit gets - we just have to keep fighting. Fighting for the ones we love." 

Steve felt his stomach clench up at the other boys’ words, "If anyone can reach him... it’s you." Steve raked his hand through his hair, not entirely sure if he actually believed that anymore - not after what happened, and how he freaked out about it. "Shit..." He whispered, not sure he could even mention that part.

Why had Dustin kissed him? The even bigger question, why had Steve liked it. He shouldn't have liked it. He was so screwed. It wasn't like he hadn't confronted certain things he felt before when it came to the younger man - he just pushed them away, because he had too. He stayed quiet as Jonathan drove them back to the Squawk, not wanting to think about it - and being stoned meant he really didn't have too.

"Hey Jon?" The other boy looked at him, "Thanks man." Jonathan nodded, "Any time." Steve hauled himself out the car, muttering to himself, "Fucking weird as shit."

***

The hospital in the late hours of the night was eerie, silent - too quiet. Dustin slipped into Max's room, nobody else was around - he'd seen Lucas leaving and assumed it was for the night. He didn't visit when anyone else was there, least of all the other boy. Dustin couldn't stand seeing the pain in Lucas's eyes, he really couldn't. He didn't trust himself, that he wouldn't say something that would end up hurting the other boy. Because all Dustin ever did anymore was fuck everything up - and say the wrong thing. He didn't know how to say anything else anymore. As he sat on the edge of Max's bed, he curled his cold fingers around her wrist.

"Sorry I'm late Zoomie." His voice had its usual slightly hoarse quality that it always had these days, maybe it was the screaming - he'd screamed till he couldn't anymore. Or maybe it was the cigarettes. Max's skin felt warm, and he remembered when she'd first been in the hospital - her bones broken and he'd been too afraid to touch her. She wasn't broken anymore, at least not her bones. 

Tears slid silently down Dustin's face, and he leaned down - softly kissing her forehead.

"You need to wake up, he needs you - El needs you. They need you. But Lu? He needs you the most." Dustin's voice was softer now, like he was telling Max a secret. "I... got to go Max, I don't think I'll be coming back."

Dustin gently brushed Max's hair, not aware of the fact that Lucas had silently come back into the room and was standing in the dark behind him. "I... won't say goodbye, you were my best girl - the only girl. Don't tell anyone my secret when you do wake up, okay?"

He reached around his neck, undoing the chain he was wearing - and then he put it around Max's neck instead, hanging from it was a tiny skateboard. "I love you Zoomie..." Dustin gave her another kiss on the forehead, pulling himself back up - he froze though when he saw Lucas. The other boy's face was wet with tears, and Dustin let out a shaky exhale.

The two of them just stared at each other, Lucas wiped at his face - and Dustin muttered, "I'm leaving."

Lucas suddenly pulled him in close, into his body - and Dustin was caught off guard, stumbling a little, till he curled his hand against the other boys back to get his footing. Despite the fact that they'd been friends for years, hugs between them weren't really a common thing. Lucas held on tight - and Dustin didn't really know what to do, he knew he was tense - "We need you too, we need you."

Lucas pulled back slowly, wiping at his face again - he looked at Max, then back at Dustin - sadness, worry on his face - "...You don't have to leave, you can stay." Dustin let out a soft breath he didn't know he'd even been holding onto. "I... uh I should go." His voice coming out raw and hoarse, avoiding Lucas' gaze - the other boy said shakily, "Please Dustin, please don't go... I don't want you to go, I know you love her too - she's your friend too, I haven't seen you for ages."

He gave Lucas a nod, "Yeah, okay...for a little bit."

The other boy pulled up another chair beside the other one, sitting down and motioning for Dustin to sit too. The silence curled around them both, just the sound of the machines in the room, and Lucas' shaky little breaths. Dustin let his eyes close, tilting his head up to the ceiling. Lucas curled his fingers against the arms of his chair, and Dustin stared down at his hands, the black nail polish he was wearing was chipping off - "...What have you been getting up too?"

Lucas was trying to fill space, uncomfortable with the silence - and Dustin tilted his head towards the other boy, just looking at him. Lucas stared back, leaning in a little - "Are you wearing eyeliner?" Dustin said nothing, and Lucas added "Suits you, makes you look badass." He was nervous, the entire situation was strange - there had been a few times at school, when Lucas had stepped in - to stop a fight, to stop someone from kicking his ass. Even if Dustin never asked him too. 

"Least you haven't got a black eye." The other boy frowned at that, and Dustin murmured darkly - "I don't need you to step in and save me, I can fight back." Lucas snapped back, "You shouldn't have to fight back! Those assholes should leave you alone, and you should stop trying to wind them up."

Dustin could feel the anger licking inside him like a flame, "I'll do whatever the fuck I want to do." He pulled himself up out of the chair, "Why are you like this!" Lucas grabbed his arm and Dustin pulled himself free, "Why are you being such an asshole?"

Dustin got in Lucas' face, "You want me to stay, you don't want me to leave - if I'm such an asshole why the fuck do you want me here?" Lucas tensed up, "I'm trying." Dustin scoffed, "Well I didn't ask you too, did I?" The other boy gripped hold of his shirt, and Dustin smacked his hands away - making Lucas shove him, and then Dustin shoved him back. "Do it..." Dustin got in Lucas's face, "Do it, you're pissed off and you wanna hit someone - so do it... hit me.”

Lucas just stared at him, breathing out heavily - it had never been a secret that the two of them had always snipped at each other. But Lucas had never hit him - and Dustin had certainly never tried to provoke him into doing it. "The hell is wrong with you man; you're seriously messed up - you need to get your shit together." Lucas slumped back down into his seat and Dustin said darkly, "You're a fucking pussy, there's nothing wrong with me."

He stalked out of the room, and down the corridor - Dustin made a stop along the way. Slipping into one of the rooms - he took a couple of containers of pills out of one of the cupboards, knowing they wouldn't be missed. He slipped them into his bag. Once Dustin was in the elevator, he leant up against the wall, letting out a soft exhale - and then once outside he fished a cigarette out and lit it up.

"Henderson?" He lifted his gaze, the smoke curling out of his mouth lazily - one of Lucas' basketball team mates. Jay Calvarez? He was an asshole - Dustin knew that much. "Can I bum one?" The other boy scratching his cheek, Dustin raised an eyebrow - but then held out the one he'd already lit. "Thanks..." Jay took it, and Dustin fished out another - "Fuck..." Swearing because of his damn shaking hands, and then tensing up as the taller boy stepped in closer, held onto his hand, leaning down as he lit Dustin's cigarette with his already lit one.

"Thanks..." Dustin muttered softly, "No worries...were you visiting Maxine?" Jay asked. Dustin shrugged.

"I saw Lu earlier, but ...that was depressing." Jay stretched a little, and then he leaned in a little closer - making Dustin eye him a little wearily. "You want a ride somewhere?"

Dustin motioned to his bike in the bike rack, and Jay let out a soft laugh - "I can throw it in the back, if you know..." Dustin wasn't sure why the other boy was even talking to him - never mind offering him a ride. "It's cold as fuck out here, I can give you a ride where ever you wanna go."

"Yeah... okay." Dustin took another drag on his smoke; the other boy gave him a smile. He wasn't even sure why he was agreeing to let the other boy give him a ride. Maybe it was the fact that he was actually tired. He also knew that Jay brought weed from Eddie. Dustin took another drag on his smoke, a dark look on his face as the two of them headed across the parking lot after Dustin grabbed his bike.

Jay picked it up and stuck it into the back of his truck, and Dustin muttered - "Are you going to take me to the rest of your goons so you can beat me up?"

Jay shook his head, "Nah man, look…" He raked his fingers through his hair, pushing it out of his face. "I just play on the same team as them." Amusement flickered over his face, before he added "Basketball anyway - but I don't agree with most of the shit that they do, I know they're assholes...hop in." 

Dustin gave the other boy a dark look, but climbed in. Jay glanced at him from behind his hair, and then turned the heat on - it was true that the other boy hadn't been involved with the beatings. But he was still friends with them.

"So where do you wanna go? Home or?" They were already out of the parking lot, and Dustin shook his head - "...I don't wanna go home, I'm sick of my mother fucking hovering - suffocating me with her bullshit." He stared out the window, "Fuck - if I have to see her crying one more time I'm going to lose my fucking shit."

Jay let out a soft laugh, flicking his cigarette out the window - "I feel you, uh I don't have my parents nagging me - but Coach does... Drives me crazy - I do alright with school, and you know... sport obviously - but the nagging, he says it’s because he wants me to focus, get a scholarship or whatever...that and my parole officer, she fucking likes to ride my ass all the time too." 

He raised an eyebrow at that, "Parole officer?" Dustin wondered why the other boy also mentioned he didn't have parents to nag him. Jay started the truck, "Yeah.. I got into some shit before I came to Hawkins, went to Juvi. I had to redo most of my school work..." He let out a soft laugh, "I sure as fuck don't miss the nagging."

Dustin nodded, "...Yeah, I've always been a mama's boy? So..." He rolled his eyes, heat in his cheeks as Jay smirked, "So she's losing her control and doesn't know what to do about it huh…" Dustin nodded, "Yeah... something like that."

He flicked his own cigarette out the window too, "Do you still play D&D?" Dustin kept his gaze out the window, "No." The ice in his voice, made Jay let out a soft whistle. "Okay remind me not to mention that again." Dustin gave the other boy a dark look, and Jay murmured "I'm sorry man... I really shouldn't have brought that up." Dustin just kept his gaze on the other boy, and Jay held up one hand - "Promise I won't mention it... chill out Killer." Dustin snorted softly and Jay grinned, "Seriously you're really fucking intense - I wasn't sure about even trying to ask you for a smoke."

Dustin lowered his gaze again, "You wanna get something to eat?" Jay asked suddenly, and Dustin really didn't - but he was thirsty. "Whatever man." He murmured, the other boy nodded "Cool - I'm kind of hungry, so seeing as you're such a ray of sunshine? I'll buy you whatever you want."

Dustin rolled his eyes, but actually couldn't help the smile that made its way onto his face. The other boy grinned and pulled into the carpark of the diner. It was an okay place - and the two of them headed inside, Jay holding the door open and Dustin slipped past him. For that time of night - there were a few people from school, but fortunately - nobody that was worth worrying about.

"What do you want Sunshine?" Jay shoulder bumped him, and Dustin wished he had sunglasses on - the light too bright.

"Just a coke." The other boy nodded, "You sure? I guess if you change your mind I'll share, I'm just that nice." Dustin gave him the finger, which made the other boy laugh - and Dustin actually found himself smiling again as the other boy went to order. 

Jay leant up against the wall, eyeing him and Dustin muttered, "What?" The other boy leaned in closer and whispered, "I'm gonna make a list, things that piss Sunshine off. So, you know - I don't piss you off."

Dustin leaned in a little too, "Oh... does this mean we're going to be friends? Hang out... braid each other’s hair?" Jay laughed softly, "Could be? Your hair I could braid... Not so sure about my rats nest though." His eyes were full of mischief, and Dustin snorted softly - "You're dreaming - we can't be friends, it goes against the laws of nature... You're a golden boy, star athlete - and I'm..."

Jay bumped his hip against Dustin's, "The prince of darkness?" Dustin actually laughed at that, shaking his head - and Jay grinned, "...A Dark Lord? You have this whole vibe going on..." He waved his fingers at Dustin, "All mysterious and broody, like I said - intense... it’s kinda sexy."

He gave Dustin a wink, the number for his order being called out - and Dustin just ducked his head, heat in his cheeks as Jay added - "I'll be right back sunshine." He let out a soft exhale, because the other boy was clearly flirting - Dustin wasn't stupid, but... flirting with him?

"Dustin?" He felt his body immediately tense, and he didn't move - his body pressed against the side of the wall a little more. Steve. He wasn't alone either - some blonde girl with him. "I'll be there in a second." Steve told her - and Dustin just pushed himself off the wall, he pushed the door open, and stalked back outside. "Henderson!" The older boy following him, "Dustin don't just fucking walk away." He breathed out harshly, turning to look at Steve. "There's nothing to say."

He backed up as Steve stepped closer, "Of course there is..." Steve said softly, "Fuck... are you okay you just... I mean." Dustin shoved at Steve as the older boy reached out, "Dustin, c'mon…" Steve tried again, and Dustin shoved him away again. "Don't fucking touch me!" The older boy said shakily, "I'm sorry, fuck - I... you kissed me!" Those three words made Dustin feel as though he'd been slapped.

"Fuck you..." He whispered shakily, tears blurring his vision - Steve said hoarsely, "I'm sorry - I don't know what to do? Okay! I - please..." Dustin spat out, "Just fucking go back to your date..." He felt sick, felt like he was going to vomit right there in the parking lot. His vision blacked a little, and Dustin felt dizzy - so he hunched over, trying to get it to stop.

“Dustin..." Steve was too close again, "Do you want me to take you home?" Dustin lifted himself up slowly, "Fuck off." His voice was shaky, but suddenly from behind them Jay asked, "You okay Sunshine?" He slipped past Steve, "You heard him you creep - he said fuck off."

Steve just looked at Dustin, then back at Jay - "Dustin?"

He couldn't stop shaking, his legs felt like they weren't going to hold him up for much longer. But before Dustin could say anything else, Jay curled his arm under Dustin's, "It's alright - let’s get outta here yeah?"

Dustin just nodded, and the other boy whispered, "Alright..." He glared at Steve, "Move out the fucking way man." Steve backed up - and Dustin tried to ignore the urge to be sick again. He ignored the way that Steve called out, "Henderson!"

Once they were back in Jay's truck - the other boy said softly, "You should have some of your soda, you need to eat something Sunshine, you were about to pass out back there." Dustin just sat there with his eyes closed, really struggling to fight the dizziness. He could hear the sound of the paper bag rustling, and then Jay said softly - "Here... curly fries."

Dustin opened his eyes; the other boy put them in his lap and then put the coke he'd got into the cup holder. Dustin hung his head a little, just so his hair would hide his face - picking up one fry, he put it in his mouth - chewing it but not really tasting it. "Let’s get outta here." Dustin didn't say anything, he really didn't know what to say - he didn't want to have to think, feel - fuck Steve. It hurt; the pain was almost too much. The shame.

The fact that Steve was on a date with some girl - and then harassing him because he didn't want to talk to him. Dustin didn't want to eat - he was really trying not to fall apart. Jay didn't push, didn't ask any questions - he did turn on some music, some strange stuff - that Dustin had never heard before. It seemed like time moved too slowly, and eventually Jay pulled to a stop. 

Dustin lifted his head, and he breathed out sharply - not sure what the hell they were doing here. The trailer park. He looked at the other boy, and Jay stared back at him. "You feeling, okay?" Jay asked softly, Dustin just sat there. Was this some kind of fucking joke? Jay didn't know - but why were they here, of all fucking places in Hawkins. Dustin felt frozen, the other boy shifted - "Let’s go inside yeah?"

Dustin just blinked slowly, his vision blurring out - it was like slow motion, like he was on autopilot. They were moving - but Dustin was lost, paralyzed - Jay led him inside his trailer - and he found himself staring out the window - staring across the park, right at the trailer that had been Eddie's. Jay lives here too? Of course, he fucking does. - Dustin didn't know why life was such a bitch. Why it liked to play a cruel joke and slap him with it whenever it could. Now he knew why Jay had been at Eddie's a couple of times - they'd obviously been neighbors.

"You, okay?... Should I not have brought you here? I just thought you might wanna hang out here, you said you didn't wanna go home." The other boy closed the curtain, and Dustin felt the exhale of breath come out in a rush - his legs gave out, and then he was just on the floor. "Shit..." Jay knelt down beside him, Dustin curled his fingers in the carpet - and then he said hoarsely "I'm sorry."

The other boy shook his head, "You don't have anything to be sorry for, nothing... okay? Not with me anyway." He rubbed his hands over his face and it was at that moment that his traitorous stomach chose to rumble again. "Wanna try and eat your fries?" Dustin whispered, "I... yeah okay." Jay smiled, and then he got up - he stared down at Dustin, "Wait there." He looked up at the other boy, who suddenly grabbed a bunch of the cushions off his sofa - throwing them down on the floor, and then he grabbed their food - flopping down on the cushions, Jay patted the space beside him. "Get comfy."

Dustin shifted his body slowly, and then he laid down - the other boy gave him his fries and Dustin picked at them, putting one in his mouth - the other boy held out another bag. "Nuggy?" He lifted his gaze, "They're good..." Jay shoved one in his mouth, Dustin took one - and then took a small bite. His stomach growled again, and Jay whispered, "Feed me Seymore." Dustin let out a soft laugh, and Jay grinned. "You're a secret nerd." Dustin mused, and the other boy laughed again, "Maybe."

They both went quiet again, and Dustin stared up at the ceiling - but he dropped another fry into his mouth, "Sorry.. for being fucking weird." His voice trailed off, and Jay shifted lying beside him. "You don't have to apologize, and who gives a fuck if you're weird..." Dustin looked at the other boy, "Why are you...being nice to me."

Jay held out another chicken nugget and Dustin shook his head, but the other boy gave him a sad face - "Seymore needs another nuggy." Dustin let out a soft laugh, and then he bit the nugget - eating it right out of Jay's hand. "That's more like it." The other boy smirked, and then he said softly - "It was all a ploy to get a smoke I swear, even if... I was kinda scared to ask and I dunno I guess I was curious about you."

Dustin muttered softly, "Well, I hope I lived up to your expectations." Jay laughed softly, and Dustin snorted - "I guess you're not that bad." The two of them went quiet for a bit, Dustin felt a bit sick to the stomach.

Jay said quietly - "...If you need to get away from your mom, and her nagging - you can stay here. I don't mind." Dustin rest one of his arms over his face, hiding it. "Why? Why would you even let me do that..." His voice came out slightly shaky, and Jay tugged Dustin's arm away gently. "Because I think it’s what you need? You just need some space to breathe... right?"

Dustin nodded, and Jay let out a soft exhale - staring up at the ceiling.

"I know what it feels like, to feel like your drowning - like everything around you is pulling you down and you can't move, you can't get it to stop and nobody sees you - you don't want them too, and yet you do. You want it to stop; they all look at you? They want to fix you - and they can't fucking fix you."

Dustin let out a soft breath of his own and Jay turned his head towards Dustin.

"Can I tell you something? Something that nobody here knows - But I know I can trust you."

Dustin lowered his gaze, before lifting it again. "Yeah..." He said softly. Jay nodded, and then he sat up slowly - clearly a little bit nervous as he pulled his legs up to his chest. "So, you know I only came to Hawkins last year." Dustin murmured, "Yeah...with a criminal record." Jay gave him a smirk, "Hey... I'm opening up to you, no mocking me." Dustin smiled, a soft little smile and he shook his head, "Not... mocking you, I swear."

Dustin just watched him quietly, he tugged his bag over - and fished out his smokes - giving one to the other boy, who gave him a grin "You read my mind." Dustin let out a soft laugh, the older boy lighting both of their cigarettes. Jay took a lazy drag and then he exhaled slowly - reaching for the ashtray from the coffee table, he set it between them and Dustin blew a smoke ring - watching Jay from under his lashes, waiting for him to continue. The other boy looked down at him, before raking his fingers through his hair - "Promise you won't freak out on me.." He whispered this, and Dustin took another drag on his smoke - "Mhmm I promise." He murmured back. 

"Okay..." Jay was staring at his cigarette, and Dustin lifted his gaze to the ceiling instead. "My parents were super strict, super religious - my father’s a minister. I am a huge disappointment to them." The older boy let out a soft exhale, and Dustin could tell he was nervous again. "I'm gay, they found out and threw me out. Disowned me, I'm not their son anymore. But - I got involved with some kids, well I... fuck this is... I had a boyfriend; he was older than me and I just..."

Jay looked at Dustin, "I got really fucked up, really bad - into a bunch of shit I didn't know how to stop doing. I thought he gave a shit about me, and yeah, he didn't - but by then I was too fucking gone. I went kinda crazy, set fire to his house with him in it. Did a bunch of other shit and got thrown in Juvie and when they let me out? I couldn't stay living there - so I wound up here instead."

The stillness between them wasn't exactly tense, maybe it was - but it was different. Jay was staring down at his cigarette again, before he took another drag on it - and Dustin lifted himself up slowly so he didn't get dizzy again. "I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry you got hurt." Dustin's voice was soft, and the other boy whispered - "Yeah, I haven’t... I mean I just don't talk about it." Dustin bit down on his bottom lip, and Jay said softly, "So that's my... big secret, but I know what it’s like, drowning." 

Dustin let his eyes close, exhaling slowly and he took one final drag on his smoke before putting it out. He looked at the other boy, and then he lowered his gaze again - "Nobody knows, except you...well the cops here know because obviously - whatever." Jay added softly, "If you don't wanna stay here I get it."

Dustin curled his own fingers into his hair, “Why wouldn't I wanna stay here?" The older boy stared at him, and Dustin muttered softly, "I don't care that you're gay, I'm sorry that your parents are assholes." He exhaled slowly, curling his fingers into one of the cushions - so tightly that his knuckles went white.

Not looking at the older boy, Dustin squeezed his eyes shut. "I won't say anything to anyone, I…am too... I mean, Uh - Queer." Dustin's grip loosened on the cushion, "The only people who know... One is Zoomie, I... mean Max - Lucas' Max - she guessed? Fucking knew probably before I did."

Dustin tried to push the nausea away. "And Eddie... Eddie knew." He whispered as he curled his arms around his legs and rest his head against his knees. Jay asked softly, "Eddie, was he... your boyfriend?"

Dustin breathed out harshly, "No - not my boyfriend, but he made me feel okay, he was everything - fucking fearless, he was everything that I'm not..." Dustin curled his fingers tight in his hair, and Jay said softly "Yeah he was something else... I'm so sorry Sunshine - that you lost him."

What could he say to that? Dustin said nothing, tears blurring his vision as he stared down at his lap. "Nobody else knows about me either..." Dustin whispered, "I'm not brave. Not about that."

Jay reached out, and then he gently lifted Dustin's chin, "You don't have to tell that secret until you are ready to, okay? Fuck - it’s not a joke, its serious. I won't tell anyone Sunshine, just know that you're not alone. If shit gets too much, and I know that it does sometimes - because it does for me too? You can come hang out and talk shit with me."

Dustin said softly, "Yeah?" Jay said softly, "Yeah." The silence curled around them again, and Dustin laid back down against the cushions - Jay laid back down too, his blond hair flopping into his face.

"If Harrington gives you anymore shit... let me know, I'll kick his ass for you." Dustin closed his eyes tighter and Jay added softly, "I didn't mean to upset you again - should I had that to the list?"

Dustin muttered softly, "He's an asshole." Jay added, "You don't seem afraid of anything." The other boy made one of his little humming noises, and Dustin murmured, "Don't I?"

Jay said softly, "Yeah, like I said - you seem intense. A little scary. Do you wanna talk about it? Him?" Dustin muttered, "No, I really don't - it's just fucking stupid - the whole thing." The older boy let out a soft chuckle, "If looks could kill man, I'd be dead as hell... He was acting like a jealous boyfriend."

Biting his lip, Dustin suddenly poked Jay's cheek, "Shush. I'm tired, I think I need to sleep." Jay gave him a salute, "Yes my Lord, so the sofa pulls out into a bed - or you can sleep in my bed and I'll take the sofa." Dustin shook his head, "I can sleep right here...s'fine." The older boy smiled, and then he curled his hand around Dustin's "Okay then."

He kissed Dustin's hand before letting it go and then he pulled himself up - and Dustin curled into the cushions. The older boy tugged the blanket off his sofa and draped it over him. "Goodnight Sunshine."

Dustin watched Jay move into his bedroom, "If you need anything just help yourself okay?" Dustin let his eyes close, "Okay..." he said softly, before adding, "Jay?" The other boy leant against the doorframe, "Yeah Sunshine?" Dustin murmured, "Thanks..." Jay said softly, "No need to thank me... I'll see you in the morning Sunshine."

Dustin laid there in the dark, watching the shadows move across the ceiling - the darkness curled in around him, and Dustin watched the shadows - but sleep didn't really come.

Chapter Text

The weekly meeting was a fucking drag, and then he had got stuck driving Jonathan around in the van during the crawl - all because Dustin hadn't shown up full stop. And Jonathan and him had been at each other’s throats - the other boy had his bitch mode on full swing, because he had some delusion that Steve was going after Nancy again. It wasn't true. After a brief and crazy period while the Byer's had been in California - Steve had thought him and Nancy had a shot at getting back together. But it was obvious it was never going to happen. Nancy and Jonathan were soulmates - and Steve knew it; Jonathan was smoking too much of that shit is what he was doing.

And their very fragile friendship? Steve was beginning to question it - Jonathan was being a jackass. Everything was pissing him off - Steve was on edge, snapping at everyone and he knew he was being ridiculous - he couldn't stop himself. He couldn't help it. Tried to stop, but he was tired. He was worried, and it was only getting worse. Ever since that night outside the diner, Steve had been locked inside his head in an eternal replaying reel of hell. Dustin not wanting to look at him or speak to him. And of course he'd freaked out about the kiss. And then Steve had been on a date - why had he run into Dustin right then and there. The date had been a total bust - he'd spent the entire night obsessing about Dustin (like that was anything new.)

And why had Dustin been with that Jay kid? Steve didn't know why that was a thing? When had that become a thing? Why had he been swooping in and acting like he was Dustin's best friend. Touching him and he had no business touching him. Steve breathed out sharply.

"Get it together." He muttered to himself, raking his fingers through his hair for the hundredth time that day. He was on edge and maybe he should be laying off the pot too - but most of the time it had been helping him to relax. Except for when it didn't. When it made him even more paranoid and on edge and worried. Steve was obsessively thinking about the kiss. He couldn't sleep. There was something seriously wrong with him.

"Steve?" He blinked - looking at Robin, and she raised an eyebrow, "Are you in there?" He breathed out harshly, "Yeah... yeah sorry." She shook her head, "You're a million miles away. And seriously are you blushing?" His voice came out all high pitched, "No! I'm not blushing, why would I be blushing - you're being ridiculous."

Robin narrowed her eyes, "You're lying. What are you blushing about?" He muttered softly, "Shut up." Laughing softly, she came and stood closer, "Hot date? Dirty thoughts?" He just shook his head, not about to elaborate on anything at all. 

Steve lowered his gaze; Lucas was sitting talking to Mike and Will. "...He tried to get me to punch him right there in the hospital room - I'm telling you; he's completely losing it."

Mike added, "He wanted you to punch him?" Lucas nodded, "He was baiting me, and pushing...it really freaked me out." Will was quiet before he added softly, "Today he only got to school after lunch, he seemed pretty out of it." Mike and Lucas gave each other a look, and then Mike said, "Out of it?" Will nodded, "Yeah but I don't mean stoned like when Jonathan's high on his weed - it was something else. I don't know if it was drunk either because... yeah, he didn't smell like booze?"

Lucas shook his head and then sighed heavily - "He's got a new friend too, which is weird as fuck - but he's been hanging around with Jay." Mike wrinkled his face - and seemed to press a little closer to Will, "Jay's in my art class - he is actually nice.." Will said - and Mike made another face, "He's a douchebag."

Lucas smirked behind his hand before adding, "He's kinda secretive - doesn't really let his guard down you know? Hard to get to know - Which is why it’s weird that all of a sudden him and Dustin are friends... Why has Dustin ditched us - for him?" 

Steve just frowned - heat in his face because Robin gave him a look with her eyebrow raised, "...Steve." He ignored her - thinking about the fact that Dustin had been with Jay at the diner. "Hey!" Robin squealed as he grabbed her hand and dragged her outside with him. "What the hell is wrong with you!"

She crashed into him once he paused in the hallway. And Steve paced, back and forth - and then he said hoarsely, "I don't know what to do - I fucked up, or...well he kissed me and I freaked out and made everything worse and now he won’t talk to me at all... I don't know why he kissed me, I didn't kiss him back, because that would be weird? Right? Yeah, so don't freak out."

It came out all in a rush - and Steve couldn't breathe properly - wide eyed, and panicked. "What? Who kissed you?" Robin stared at him - trying to process what he had said. "Dustin." Steve said shakily.

"Dustin? Wait..." Her eyes went wide - "DUSTIN?" He covered her mouth with his hand and they stared at each other. She covered his hand with hers and patted it and so he let go. 

"Dustin kissed you?" She whispered and Steve nodded, "Yeah and then I freaked out and everything went to shit, even more than it already was." Robin said, "Holy shit. You're freaking out - wait, did you like it?"

Steve gave her a dark look, and hissed out - "That doesn't - shit, shut up Robin. I don't know what to do - you heard what they were saying in there, he's - out of it and trying to get Lucas to hit him, hanging out with that punk - I don't need to be freaking out about the kiss, I just need to help him." His eyes were burning and blurring and Robin hugged him tight. "Shit, yeah... I know - but... he still kissed you, that poor sweet baby - I hate seeing him like this too Steve."

Steve sighed heavily, resting his head against her shoulder and he whispered, "I can't stand that I hurt him. I hate myself for failing him." Robin said softly, "Hey, you didn't mean to hurt him - and I don't think you've failed anyone." She cupped his face, and then whispered - "And Stevie?" He looked at her, "The other thing, that's okay too. Okay?"

He swallowed hard, and shook his head, "No, it really isn't, it isn't okay because I don't even know what the fuck to do about it." Tears slid silently down his face - and Robin nuzzled her nose against his. "You can't help who your heart chooses to love, love is never wrong Stevie." She whispered the words, and Steve breathed out shakily.

"I just can't fuck him up any more than he already is." Robin whispered, "Stop saying that." He pulled back slowly, and raked his hands through his hair. The two of them linking arms and heading back into the main room. Steve sat down on the sofa, Robin beside him - and Hopper sighed wearily as he came out of the little office with Joyce.

Everyone was talking all at once, and Steve was trying to keep focused - "Does anyone know where Inspector Gadget is?" Hopper asked - but he was looking at Steve. He shook his head no, the older man sighed softly. "I need to talk to that kid, maybe I need to talk to Claudia." 

Hopper and Joyce sharing a look, and Steve felt his stomach clench. It was getting to that stage where it was serious enough, they wanted to get heavy. Steve knew if that happened, it might set off a chain reaction that there would be no bringing Dustin back from. "I... will find him." He said softly, "I'll talk to him." Hopper's gaze met his, and Steve added, "I'll ...fix it."

He rest his head in his hands, kind of tuning everyone out, he was aware of Robin gently rubbing his back. Was she right? Was Steve feeling so messed up because he felt even more than he realized? Yes, he knew he loved Dustin, cared about him - but... was he actually willing to admit that it was more? And how the hell was that even okay? Maybe it was just that he was confused, maybe he just needed to get laid. The little voice in his head whispered to him, “Yeah because you have such luck with the ladies.” He closed his eyes tightly, telling that voice - to shut the fuck up. He was so fucked. 

***

Minutes, hours, days - it just all blurred into one - a blissful sea of color and warmth and Dustin didn't have to feel anything through any of it. Not anymore - he chased the pills with booze and weed so he could drown out the pain. Push away the chaos in his head, and the darkness was chased away. Spending all of his time high, he felt good for the first time in a long time and Dustin didn't have any cares in the world. There weren't any shadows chasing him, no darkness haunting his every waking step. The air didn't get sucked from his lungs - he finally could breathe.

Dustin didn't see the concerned faces because they didn't exist around him, and he made sure that he was already gone before he could see his mother. Spending most of his time with Jay, who didn't mind if he was high. The older boy didn't pressure him to talk about shit that he didn't want to talk about - they just had a good time. And when he was at school, the time passed quickly - and when they weren't there, they'd spend their time driving around Hawkins - exploring like Dustin used to do when he was a little kid on his bike. Only now they'd do it in Jay's truck, windows down, the wind wiping through his hair. He remembered what it was like to actually laugh, the other boy made him remember – what it felt like to feel alive. He made Dustin feel okay in his skin. Just like Eddie. 

Dustin breathed out sharply, hands shaking as he shut his locker with a heavy clang, making the two girls next to him jump. He gave them both the finger before stalking down the hallway - heading off to the bathroom, before the bell rang for lunch. Not caring who he banged into along the way - "Watch it freak..." He pushed on, and eventually made it into the bathroom - he slipped into one of the stalls, locking it shut he rummaged around in his bag, finding the compact he'd stolen from his mother’s bedroom. Then the pills.

He crushed them against the mirror and then rolled up the dollar bill - quickly snorting the crushed powder up his nose. It worked faster that way, it burned - and Dustin swore under his breath, wiping his face. He had pills of every color, and description. Pills to sleep, pills to stay awake - and pills to make him numb. Pills to kill the pain. Those were the ones he snorted, he threw the compact back into his bag and then stepped back out of the stall. He wiped his nose, and then turned the tap on.

Splashing some water on his face, Dustin avoided looking at his reflection for too long - he didn't need to look. The dark circles under his eyes - the monster staring back, yeah - he didn't need to see it. The bell rang out, too shrill - and Dustin reached down to re-tie the lace on one of his boots. He'd had to start wearing extra layers, because he was just too cold all of the time.  The chains hanging off his belt swung as he left the bathroom.

Dustin wasn't going to the cafeteria to actually eat, he wasn't hungry - he was never hungry anymore. The thought of it made him feel sick to the stomach. But he was going there to give one of the former Hellfire members a D&D book he'd asked about one day while they were smoking pot together at the back of the gym. His eyes scanned the room as he entered, seeing Mike - Will and Lucas sitting at their old table. But he wasn't going to be staying, he didn't look their way as he kept looking - finally seeing Garrett sitting by himself. 

As Dustin scanned the room? He could hear Eddie's voice inside his head, whispering "Gather up all the lost little sheep..." He was feeling comfortably numbed by the pills - they were pretty strong if you took enough of them. But after snorting cocaine with Jay? He'd soon caught on that crushing the pills up and snorting them made them work faster.

He licked his lips a little, a dark look crossing his face as his gaze met Garrett's - the older boy kept eye contact, but looked nervous as Dustin stalked over to the table where they had all sat when Hellfire was in full swing.

Dustin sat in Eddie's old seat - sprawled in it even, and then he rest his boots on the top of the table, crossing his arms over his chest. He didn't just feel Garrett's eyes on him - he felt everyone's eyes on him.  "The fuck are you doing Henderson?" Without so much as acknowledging Andy - Dustin reached into the pocket of his coat and pulled out a cigarette, he then proceeded to light it and take a drag. "You fucking freak I said what the fuck are you doing?" 

People were getting nervous, some were getting excited - Dustin just stayed where he was, still staring at Garrett. The older boy's eyes were saying it all, "Are you nuts? What are you doing?!!"

Dustin took another drag on his smoke, exhaling lazily - "You can't fucking smoke in here faggot." Andy smacked it out of his hand - and Dustin stood up, getting in the other boy’s face as he did. "That all you've got for me Andrew? Can't you think of something else - a better insult, that one's getting kind of stale..." He smirked at the other boy, which of course only pissed Andy off even more.

"Hey! The fuck Andy, stop being a dick - leave him alone." Jay, the other boy moving in behind one of the other jocks.

Dustin didn't take his gaze off Andy's face, and Andy's jaw twitched - "Shut the fuck up Jay, anyone would think Henderson was your boyfriend - people are starting to talk..." That also earned a few snickers.

That was one of the other assholes. "Well? I'm waiting...?” He leaned in and whispered, raising an eyebrow - "..Are you going to try something else?" Somewhere someone yelled, "Fight!" 

Andy growled out, "Shut your fucking mouth you pussy." Dustin actually clapped, "Congratulations - what a comeback." The other boy's nostrils flared, "Hellfire is dead, just like your fucking boyfriend." Dustin's jaw tightened - Andy sneered, "You faggots make me sick." He looked over at Jay, "You better not keep hanging around this freak - you'll probably catch aids."  

Dustin got even more in Andy's face, "Hellfire lives... it breathes. I am Hellfire you fucking piece of trash." Dustin's voice was cold, and he let out a laugh, "Hit me... show everyone what a big tough man you are - or can you only do that when you have your other little bitches to help you?"

That got the reaction Dustin wanted, the other boy took a swing - it connected and he could taste blood in his mouth, Dustin smashed his own fist hard into Andy's ribs, before grabbing hold of the taller boy’s head - slamming him down against the table hard, knocking the wind out of the other boy. He leaned in close, "I'm done with your bullshit, you hear me? I'll fucking end you, bury you and nobody will ever fucking find you. You stay the fuck out of my way, and you stay away from them..." He made Andy look, across the cafeteria - the staring, was that of complete shock. 

Dustin gripped the back of Andy's head tighter.  Only to smack his head down against the table again, and he spat the blood out of his mouth on Andy, "You're the only bitch around here." He threw Andy away from him then, and proceed to kick him out the way "Get the fuck out of my face."

Then he leant down and picked up his cigarette. "...Garrett? Get the fuck over here I got the book you wanted."

Like he hadn't just done what he'd done, people were whispering - the hum of activity - and Andy slowly pulled himself up, Dustin took a drag on his smoke - "You're still here?" His voice was as cold as ice, the other boy half stumbled and then disappeared out of the cafeteria. "Yeah - you can follow after him now..."

He glared at the others, "Whatever faggot..." Dustin started to stand again, "What? What did you say?" The guy muttered and then pretty much ran out - the others making their way after Andy. "Yeah, you better fucking run, don't make me chase you..." Dustin growled out after the last one left the cafeteria.

"Jesus..." Jay let out a whistle, and then sprawled in the seat beside him - probably causing more tongues to wag as he stole Dustin's cigarette and took a drag.

"You're completely nuts... you know that right?" He was actually grinning though, earning some stares.

Dustin's gaze lazily moved over Jay and he just shrugged - lifting his gaze as Garrett finally sat down. "Uh... hey..." The other boy mumbled, looking at Jay - before staring at Dustin like he had sprung an extra head. "...Are you okay?"

Dustin smirked, but then he reached into his bag - pulling out the D&D manual. "Yeah... I'm fucking fine. Can't you tell?" He said darkly, Jay snorted softly - letting out a soft laugh.

Garrett was fidgeting a bit, but then he hissed out - "That was fucking awesome."

This actually made Dustin laugh, a proper one - and Jay nodded, "It really was - I wonder if he shit himself." Dustin lowered his gaze, Garrett and Jay chatting - the two boys bonding over the entire thing. Dustin kept his gaze on his hands, aware that he was being watched. He grabbed the apple off Garretts tray, polishing it against his coat.

"I'm restarting Hellfire, let everyone know..." Garrett let out a soft breath, "Yeah? Yeah... okay - is that even a good idea?" Dustin just looked at Garrett, "Why are you even asking me that."

The other boy nodded, "Yeah fuck them, fuck them all. Where are we going to play though? They'll never let us do it here." Jay bumped his shoulder against Dustin's, "My place - it should be okay yeah?" Dustin nodded, "Yeah... we'll figure it out."

Garrett glanced over at the table where Mike, Will and Lucas were sitting - "...Everyone right?"

Without looking in the same direction, Dustin said quietly - "The sheep will come back to the flock, if they're meant to come..." He took a bite of the apple, and gave the other boy a smirk - "And if they don't? We'll just find some..." He looked at Jay then, "New little lambies..."

The other boy laughed softly, "You're a shit head..." Dustin held out the apple, "Am I?..." Garrett watched the two of them, amusement on his face, and then he said softly - "It's like Eddie's still here man..."

The other boy didn't mean too, but that darkened Dustin's features - the happiness that had been their only moments before gone. "...Let’s get the fuck out of here." He stalked off, glaring but looking over his shoulder - "Are you fucking coming?!" Jay handed the apple back to Garrett, and then chased after Dustin.

Across the cafeteria, Lucas stared as Dustin - followed by Jay as they left. "The hell was that?!" He practically yelled it, and Mike's eyes were wide - Will was just sitting there - "Did... he really just do that? Did you see Andy's face? This is not good - what if they go after him... try to hurt him." Lucas was shaking his head. "What was that though?"

Mike murmured softly, "That was Hellfire, and I think Dustin can take care of himself?" Will said softly, "Hellfire?" Lucas was still shaking his head, "That was really fucking stupid - but.. I'm talking about him and Jay, that was weird right? You guys didn't think that was weird?"

Mike was too busy thinking, and Will was too busy looking at Mike, and Lucas was having a mental breakdown.

Mike muttered softly, "...Calm down Lucas. Maybe we should go talk to Garrett." The other boy shook his head, "No - I don't think we should do that Mike! Hellfire died with Eddie and that's the way it should stay."

Mike gave Lucas a dark look, and then he held his hand out to Will, "C'mon.." Will slipped his fingers through Mike's and the two of them left Lucas standing there. "It's a bad idea Mike! Mike?" 

Chapter Text

Steve watched as Lucas paced back and forth - arms flailing as he retold him the story of what had happened earlier that day at school. The younger man was clearly anxious - and also clearly exhausted. The fact that he'd come to Steve, he had to get the guy to stop pacing though. "Lu, you need to sit down man..." The younger man sighed wearily, and then he flopped down into the chair opposite Steve.

"Sorry...” His fingers digging into the arms of the chair. "It was... nuts! Nuts! Those assholes are probably going to kill him. He's playing with fire - Dustin's lost it, like well and truly - he scared me in the hospital that night but this? This... was way worse than that." Lucas rubbed his hands over his head - "I wish Max was awake, I wish that so bad, because she would know what to do - I don't know what to do..." The younger man suddenly burst into tears and Steve quickly moved and pulled Lucas into a hug.

"It's going to be okay, really... It'll be okay." Lucas just sobbed harder, "I don't think it is... not anymore, I tried - tried to stay hopeful, keep thinking that but... I don't know if I do anymore Steve." 

He grabbed a box of tissues and held it out to Lucas - who grabbed a bunch, noisily blowing his nose. Steve gave him a gentle squeeze and then sat in the chair beside him. "Everything's a mess. And... another weird thing - something is up, something fucking weird is up with Dustin and Jay, I've heard people saying things... you know..."

He breathed out in a rush, "Saying shit like... they're together or... you know..." He scratched at his neck, "...I dunno if that's true - but they seem extra friendly? Not that if Dustin was that would be weird - but its Jay? Something about that guy - I don't know... I don't know but he's a jock - Dustin's, well Dustin? - He's super fucking smart and why would he be into him?" Lucas made a face, and Steve just stayed quiet, trying to push away the thought of finding that punk and kicking his ass.

"I mean I used to think that maybe Dustin had a crush on Eddie, ...he's kinda, well he's like Eddie now but way more intense." Lucas curled his fingers against the chair arms again and Steve said softly, "...You think he had a crush on Eddie?"

That wasn't something that Steve had really thought about, had there been something like that going on? Was that why it hit Dustin so much harder? "Well, I mean... yeah." Lucas said softer, fidgeting a little. "Uh...let’s just say that I'm pretty sure I'm really the only one that likes girls in my group of friends?"

Steve blinked slowly, thinking about that - it actually made sense, - not that he knew much about being gay, or crushing on guys - but it kind of made sense.

"What about Mike?" He'd been with Eleven for a while, Steve didn't think he was into guys - wait, actually. "Dude c'mon he's been obsessed with Will for years..." Lucas snorted - Steve had been thinking the same thing, and he let out a soft snicker. 

Lucas laughed too, and shook his head - "I don't know if they'll ever admit to it - maybe one day they will and they can finally be happy for once. I am pretty sure Dustin likes guys too. Like... I said I thought he had a crush on Eddie... like big time."

Steve raked his fingers through his hair and Lucas added, "But... Eddie was awesome, Jay? - I don't really know him all that well but he just gives me a bad vibe or something. Plus, he's friends with those other assholes that like to beat Dustin up - although... after today I don't know if they're going to be beating him up again anytime soon."

Steve didn't like hearing about Jay, Jay and Dustin to be specific - it made his stomach churn. "...So, he snapped, I'm surprised he didn't do it sooner."  Lucas sighed, "...Although he did tell me he didn't need me to do it - stick up for him or interfere... but I've never seen him do anything like what he did..."

Steve licked his lips a little, and then he frowned - "...Do you think its Jay that gets him high?" Lucas murmured softly, "I don't know man - but the jocks, those guys like to party - and party hard so …maybe? I didn't even know Dustin was into that kind of stuff." Steve gave Lucas' shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Do you want me to take you home? I'm going to go see if I can find him."

Lucas shook his head, "Can you drop me off at the hospital?" Steve nodded, "Of course I can - give me a call later too and I'll come pick you up alright? You don't need to bike home in the dark." The younger boy gave Steve a smile, and then he hugged him, tight. "Thanks Steve, you're the coolest - first person I wanted to talk to about all this because I knew you'd not freak the hell out like the adults always do." Steve was freaking out though; he was just doing a good job of hiding it. 

***

He was trying to focus, eyeing his date a little wearily - before turning his attention to some of the other people at the party. But Hailey was annoying - her perfume was awful, and Steve realized that he didn't want to actually be sitting there with her. He just couldn't focus; he was worried about Dustin - and kept going over everything in his head. Replaying what Lucas had told him - the fact that Dustin was getting high, not just drunk - it wasn't just weed. Lucas had also said Dustin was restarting Hellfire.

Hannah laughed obnoxiously and he said, "Look I'm sorry Hannah... I don't think this is working out, I need to leave." She screeched out, "My name is Hailey!" Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, "Right... sure." She got up and glared down at him, "You're an asshole... I don't know why I came here with you!" She stormed off and Steve just gulped down his beer, muttering softly, "Yeah I don't know why you did either... Jesus." 

He stared down into his cup, gulping the last of it down - Steve got up, and then he went and got another drink. He felt like shit. Steve and Hannah? No Heather. He couldn't remember - had come to the party with Nancy and Jonathan, who had disappeared on him somewhere in the crowded house. And now he was on his own, on his own with his thoughts.

Robin was there somewhere too, with Vicky - and Steve was glad his friends were happy? But he couldn't help wondering what was wrong with him. Why he couldn't seem to find someone that made him happy. He gulped down the beer in his cup, all in one go - and then once again refilled it. He weaved his way through the room, heading outside. The colder air stung his face, and Steve raked his hand through his hair breathing out softly.

Steve's life had been a lonely existence. His parents did the bare minimum. There had never been any loving embraces, no family dinners. Just an empty house and disapproving looks. They provided all the material things, but that was as far as it went and until he'd gotten involved in all the craziness with the gang and the upside down?

His life had been all about keeping up appearances and being Mr. Popular. He'd always felt like he was there? But nobody really gave a shit about him. Steve had really believed at the time that he'd been in love with Nancy, but then that all came crashing down - and like she'd told him. That had been bullshit. The only person he'd felt a genuine connection too was Dustin.

Steve closed his eyes tighter, "Fuck..." He muttered softly, tears burned his eyes but didn't fall. Steve opened his eyes, breathing out slowly. "Get it together..." He whispered, "Stop being a pussy."

He gulped down the beer in his cup, crushing the cup in his hand and then he threw it in the bin at the side of the stairs. Steve rubbed his hands over his face, shivering a little - he couldn't get his shit together. He let out a soft laugh, "Like that's anything fucking new. You fail at everything. And you're talking to yourself, because that's what losers do."

He curled his arms around himself and leaned over as a wave of nausea hit. Steve was suddenly puking into the bushes and then bracing his arms against his legs, and even worse - he was crying as well. Steve was struggling to catch his breath, when he heard someone call his name. "Harrington? That you?" Steve wiped at his mouth, and lifted his head - he breathed out harshly at the sight of Dustin's new best friend.

"You okay man?" Jay was just standing there, looking all perfectly put together, the complete opposite of him - and Steve wanted to rip his face off. "Fuck off." He growled out, the other boy fished a cigarette out and lit it - taking a drag.

"Okay..." He dragged the word out and then shrugged, and Steve moved closer, "Stay away from him..." His voice was hoarse, and Jay tilted his head - playing dumb, "Sorry? I don't know who you're referring too?" Steve growled out, "Yes you fucking do, you fucking asshole - stay away from him..." 

Jay blew smoke at Steve, "That's not really up to you though, is it?" The two of them just stared at each other and Steve breathed out slowly, trying to stay as calm as he could - wondering if Dustin was actually here too. And as if Jay read his mind, "He's not here - and if he was? Well... you know he wouldn't want to talk to you anyway."

Steve glared at the other boy, the blonde just stared back at him - and then he smirked, and Steve lost his control - he slammed his fist as hard as he could into the other boy’s face. Sending Jay sprawling into the ground, the other boy spat blood out of his mouth - "I mean it, stay away from him." Steve growled out. Jay slowly pulled himself up, and then got in Steve's face - he had a smirk on his face again, but he looked at Steve with a look that actually gave him the creeps.

"We'll see." Jay murmured the words, "Maybe... I want him for myself." Steve felt himself tense up and the other boy backed up, still smirking - "Maybe he wants me too.." The coldness in his voice just made Steve uncomfortable, and Jay gave him a wave - "Bye Steve, I'll tell Dustin I saw you." He spat more blood out of his mouth, and laughed as he walked away. "Shit..." Steve whispered, did Dustin want him? Or was Jay just messing with Steve. One thing he did know - he didn't like it one bit.

Chapter Text

Dustin's entire body was tense, his jaw clenched - he was staring straight ahead, not speaking and hadn't spoken the entire time he'd been in the truck with Jay. The other boy's lip was busted up pretty good, Jay didn't seem bothered by it at all, but Dustin? He was pissed.

When the other boy had picked him up, at first, he hadn't wanted to tell him what happened - but eventually he had. Dustin was pissed for a lot of reasons, but the main reason was because he didn't know what the fuck Steve Harrington thought he was playing at.

He shifted his gaze, staring out the side window instead - Jay was quiet beside him, the blond was actually driving Dustin to his meeting at the Squawk, not that Dustin actually wanted to go. But at the same time - he did - because was fucking done. And it was time to make sure that everyone knew it.

"I'm sorry Sunshine..." Jay suddenly said and it made Dustin snap out of his thoughts, he turned his head. Dustin said, "Why? What are you sorry for?" He shook his head, "You didn't do anything."

Jay let out a heavy exhale, he said -"I saw him hurling in the bushes and just asked if he was okay, and then... like I said he told me to stay away from you, then he lost it."

They pulled up outside the Squawk, and Dustin shook his head again - gripping Jay's chin suddenly he brushed his thumb over the other boys' mouth. Dustin asked, "Will you wait for me?" He leaned in closer and whispered, "I'll be back soon."

Dustin brushed his lips against Jay's, just a feather soft kiss. They hadn't kissed before, and despite how angry Dustin was - the kiss was gentle. "Yeah, I'll wait for you." Jay said softly as he curled his warm fingers around Dustin's wrist. "You don't want me to come in with you?" Jay added.

Dustin shook his head, "I'm not staying long." He let out a soft little exhale as Jay let go of his wrist, just that small touch seemed to have settled him slightly - he slipped out of the truck.

Of course they'd been seen, because everyone was hanging around outside - well not everyone. But Lucas was staring, and Dustin stared back - Dustin growled out, "You got a problem Sinclair?" The other boy shook his head, "Nah man..."

Dustin slammed the door open and went inside - Hopper growled at him, "Nice of you to join us for once - where the hell have you been?" Lucas and Mike were following behind him, and Dustin didn't reply straight away - his gaze landing on Steve who was in conversation with Jonathan.

Dustin's gaze went back to Hopper and he said coolly, "I've been busy." The older man raised an eyebrow, "Excuse me?" Dustin was not fazed by Hopper in the least. "Did I fucking stutter? I said I was busy."
 
"Dustin!" Joyce was looking between him and Hopper, and the older man gave him a glare - Hopper barked out, "You watch your mouth! From now on you come to the meetings every time we have one - you get it!"

Dustin snorted, "Or what? Are you going to arrest me? Oh no wait..." He gave Hopper a cold, bored stare - before he said coldly -"You're not the chief anymore. You're not the fucking law - and you don't get to tell me what to do, you get that?"

Jim looked like Dustin had slapped him, clearly getting angry - "Dustin calm down buddy." That was Jonathan, Dustin turned his gaze to him - "I'm not your fucking buddy - so you can stay the fuck out of it..." Dustin threw the bag he was holding down on the table.

"That's the last contribution I'm making to this bullshit... I'm done." Dustin said, as Hopper stepped closer, and Dustin growled at him, "I'd rethink that..."

Everyone was silent, the tension was so heavy in the room that it could have been cut with a knife.

Dustin's jaw twitched and he spat out - "I'm done. I'm out. This shit is finished. I'm done pretending that any of this is ever going to make a fucking difference." He turned his gaze then, staring at Steve - "...And you..." Steve just stared back at him, "Stay the fuck out of my life, and stay the fuck away from him."

Everyone started talking all at once, over the top of each other and Dustin just kept staring at Steve - the two of them - gazes locked.

Then Dustin walked out, slamming the door behind him - "What the hell does he mean he's done? Stay away from who?" Hopper yelled, "You get back here!"  

Steve was just frozen in place, and outside Dustin breathed out harshly as he made his way back to the truck.

"Dustin!" He glanced over his shoulder, "What do you want Mike?" The taller boy was breathless, and he said "Wait?" Dustin came to a stop, Mike finally caught up and then he said softly - "...Hellfire?"

Dustin just stared at the other boy; Mike's dark gaze didn't leave his - till he glanced briefly at Jay's truck. "...I've really missed you." Mike's voice was soft, and Dustin let out a soft little exhale. His jaw twitched, but then Dustin's stormy eyes met Mike's.

"Friday night at Tate's - it isn't a game, but if you want in - it’s the start." Mike's dark eyes seemed excited and he nodded, "Cool."

Dustin tensed up as the other boy suddenly hugged him – but then Mike let go just as quick, Dustin scratched his neck and then got back in the truck.

"Let's go..." He muttered softly, staring out the window. "Stupid question I know, but are you okay?" Jay asked him.

Dustin looked at Jay, "No not really."

Jay reached out and then interlaced their fingers and Dustin squeezed his hand, staring out the window again.

"They think that I shouldn't be able to just walk away from them, like I owe them myself... I don't owe them shit." Dustin said quietly, but angrily.

Dustin's jaw was twitching again and Jay's thumb stroked soothingly over his skin.

"Max nearly died for their bullshit, Eddie... Eddie fucking did die for their bullshit!" Dustin was yelling, breathing hard and he yanked his hand away - suddenly punching the dashboard, and he kept hitting it.

Jay pulled the truck to a stop - and the older boy shifted, pulling Dustin into his arms and he held on tight.

Dustin breathed out harshly - he wasn't crying, just shaking with rage and trying to breathe. Jay didn't say anything, and Dustin buried his face against Jay's chest.

He couldn't stop shaking, his hand was hurting from punching the dashboard.

"Fuck..." His voice coming out hoarse, "Fuck!"

Jay's fingers curled into the back of his hair, and Dustin let out a shaky exhale - the rage easing.

"I don't know what kind of weird shit you're tied up in with them, but if they hurt you this much - walking away from it, you don't owe them any explanation Sunshine." Jay's voice was soft and rumbly against his ear. Calming. 

Dustin nodded, not trusting his voice - not trusting himself that he wouldn't start crying.

Jay kissed the top of his head and Dustin slowly pulled away. His hands were shaking as bad as ever, and he stared out the window, as the older boy started up the truck. He let out a soft breath as Jay interlaced their fingers again, Dustin held Jay's hand while the older boy drove.

"I gotta go to work, but do you want me to drop you off at my place?" Jay was looking at him, even though he was staring out the window.

"Yeah..." Dustin said softly.

Jay's fingers squeezed his and when Jay pulled up outside his trailer, Dustin was about to get out the truck, but Jay tugged him in close and then he murmured softly "If anyone hurts you like that again, I can't promise I won't hurt them back."

Jay kissed his forehead, and Dustin tilted his head - and whispered, "Yeah?"

Jay smiled, and murmured, "Yeah Sunshine."

Dustin whispered, "I kind of like that." He kissed Jay, another feather soft little brush of his lips - and Jay whispered back, "Yeah?"

Dustin murmured, "Uhuh." He slipped out of the truck, Jay driving off and Dustin curled his arms around himself - he didn't go to Jay's trailer, he went inside Eddie's.

***

Dustin sat right under the spot where the gate was. It's pulsating vines writhing - the red light bathing him and he thought about climbing through it. Nobody would know, he could just slip away and be another missing teenager in Hawkins. Dustin was exhausted - his throat felt raw he'd lost track of time and didn't know how long he'd been there for.

He laid down against the dirty mattress, breathing out harshly - "Dustin? Are you alright." Jay's voice was faint from the front of the trailer, and Dustin just let his eyes close - he knew the other boy couldn't get in because he'd locked the door.

Dustin didn't want to see him either.  

He let out a sob and curled in on himself; he laid there letting out shaky breathless sobs - struggling to breathe and staring up at the gate in the ceiling. He pulled himself up slowly and then went and grabbed the bottle of vodka that was on the table.

Dustin had hidden out in the trailer many times before - when he'd gone missing and nobody knew where he was? This is where he'd been. He'd stashed stuff there, making a plan to go back into the upside down on his own and let himself die there too. Dustin wasn't even sure how Jay knew this was where he was.

Jay called out again, "Dustin, let me in?" 

He laid back down, and unscrewed the bottle - gulping some of the alcohol down, and letting out a hiss as it burned his throat. Dustin rummaged through his bag, popping open the bottle with one hand he shook out some pills and swallowed them down with more of the vodka.

The gate was a reminder of his lie to everyone; it was a reminder that Eddie didn't go missing when everything went to hell. He breathed out in a rush; it was a reminder that he couldn't save Eddie. Dustin was assaulted by the memories of everything that happened, holding onto Eddie as he laid in his arms bleeding - dying and Dustin whimpered, "No... no... no. no..."

He smashed the bottle tugging at his hair and breathing harshly as panic set in - Dustin let out a shaky hiss as he cut himself on a piece of the glass, the pain was instant - but it made the chaos in his head quiet just as fast. The cut on his arm was deep, but not deep enough to be dangerous.

The quiet felt like bliss and Dustin sucked the blood away, his eyes fluttered shut, rolling back into his head briefly - and maybe it was the pills too, but the warmth washed over him. He slowly dragged the shard of glass against his arm again, his stomach clenching and then he let it fall to the mattress.

Dustin just laid there, a quiet calm washed over him - hitting him like a landslide, and he finally felt numb again. 

***

Steve wasn't sure why he'd let Mike Wheeler talk him into it - he should have said no and run in the opposite direction. But he hadn't, he'd foolishly agreed. And so there they were, him - Mike, Lucas and Will - along with Garrett and another kid named Jace. All piled into the beamer and now parked in the driveway of some kid called Tate's.

Steve had no idea how to even play D&D - Eddie had tried to explain it to him, or talk him into it? But then they'd got high and started listening to music and talking bullshit instead. He stared at the house, and then glanced at Mike, "I can... just come pick you guys up later." He was nervous, and didn't want to do this anymore.

Mike rolled his eyes, "Don't be a pussy Steve, it'll be fun - you and Dustin need to fix your bullshit. So, you punched his... um boyfriend? I don't know if he's his boyfriend... Who cares... its Dustin. It's You and Dustin."

Everyone was getting out of the car and Steve whispered, "I think he did mean it." He climbed out anyway, and Mike added "Besides he said we're not playing tonight - so it’s just like probably getting together to talk about stuff." Steve wanted to get back in his car and just leave.

Mike had his arm draped around Will's shoulder, and Will said softly, "...I'm kind of nervous, I hope nobody starts any shit? No fighting." Steve let out a soft exhale, and Lucas said - "Doesn't look like Jay's truck is here, maybe he's not here..." Steve felt sick.

They all got inside - Tate was a small, almost elven looking kid - with eyes as black as soot. "Hey Mike, good to see ya!" He gave Wheeler a hug, and then he gave Will a smile - "Ah... and this must be Will the Wise, heard a lot about you Sir." Will blushed and Mike grinned, Steve couldn't help but think the whole thing was both cute - and yet kind of dorky. He just hung back a little, fidgeting and feeling anxious.

"Is Dustin here?" Lucas asked, and Tate pushed his hair out of his face - "Yeah... he fell asleep on the sofa in the basement?" Steve frowned a little at that, why was he falling asleep when he was supposed to be having this Hellfire meeting? Lucas' gaze immediately met his, like the younger boy was thinking exactly the same thing.

They made their way downstairs, and Tate said softly to Lucas - "I tried to get him to eat dinner with us but... yeah he didn't want to do that, said he already ate." Lucas muttered, "Which was bullshit." Mike was hanging back with Steve - and Steve's gaze landed on Dustin once he spotted him on the sofa.

Will had moved closer, his voice gentle as he said softly, "Dustin? You awake?"

Dustin looked like hell - the confusion on his face obvious as he opened his eyes, like he wasn't sure where he was - or why Will was there. Steve was pretty sure he hadn't realized that he'd even fallen asleep.

"Will?" The younger man's voice was rough - and Dustin rubbed at his eyes, Will gently stroked Dustin's hair and said softy, "Hey sleepy head, yeah it’s me Will." Steve just hung back, not sure that Dustin seeing him yet was such a great idea. Dustin's eyes were out of focus, and Steve realized then - he wasn't just tired, Dustin was on something. He was high.

Steve breathed out in a rush, not even realizing that he'd been holding his breath. Mike looked at him - then at Dustin, then back at Steve - and Steve lowered his gaze. "Hey... hey..." Dustin smiled lazily and then stood up, but he wasn't steady on his feet, and swayed - Will grabbed hold of him, and Dustin let out a giggly laugh.

"Whoopsie..." Lucas was quiet, just staring - then he muttered, "Look at him, he’s off his face - needs to eat - he never eats."

Mike frowned beside him and then Dustin curled his arm around Will, giving the other boy a nuzzle to his face. "Hi Will." Will let out a soft laugh, but he lifted his gaze to Steve and Mike - beside them Tate said softly, "He seems a bit out of it right? I'm not imagining it?"

Steve looked at the other boy, and murmured, "Yeah you're definitely not imagining it." Dustin must have heard him - because Steve felt the weight of Dustin's gaze.

"Steve?" It was confusion in Dustin's voice - and Steve said softly, "Hey..." It was like the younger man had no recollection of the last time they'd spoken - when Dustin's anger ridden stay the hell away had been thrown at him.

"Steve!" Dustin untangled himself from Will and then he was suddenly pressing himself into Steve instead. The younger boy, sliding his arms around his neck. He hadn't really been expecting this reaction at all, and Steve breathed out slowly - "Steve..."

This time his name was whispered, and Dustin nuzzled his face in against his throat. Everyone was just staring and Steve could feel the heat in his face - but he curled his arm around Dustin and murmured softly, "Hi Dustin." Tears burned behind his eyelids as he let them close, because he really didn't know what to do. 

Beside him, Mike said quietly - "Do you think coffee might help?" Steve opened his eyes, and Mike bit his lip - Steve couldn't really find his voice - but Mike added, "I’ll... go and uh make some." Dustin was pulling away again - and Steve let out a shaky exhale, his eyes following Dustin - watching as he swayed to music that only he could hear.

Lucas' gaze met his but then shifted away as the sound of voices coming down the stairs got his attention. "Yeah, but I mean it was a shit win so fuck it." Jay looked around at everyone - his eyes landing on Steve, a couple of other guys behind him.

"Harrington - surprised to see you here." Steve said nothing, Lucas gave him a dark look - the other two boys were talking to Garrett and Will. Steve leant back against the wall, watching as Jay made his way over to Dustin - leaning in and saying something to him.

"...No... fuck off..." Dustin muttered to Jay, and Jay said quietly - "You should do this some other time Sunshine..." Dustin pushed Jay away from him and said darkly, "Get out of my face... I don't need you telling me what to do!"

Steve lowered his gaze, and as much as he didn't like the guy - he actually felt bad for Jay, clearly, he was trying to get Dustin to maybe cancel this Hellfire meeting till he wasn't so out of it. Steve glanced at Lucas, and Jay flopped down on the sofa - watching Dustin, who had curled his arms around himself - and was just staring up at the ceiling.

Mike had come back down the stairs - the other guys were all starting to sit, getting comfortable and Mike said, "Hey Dustin - I got you some coffee..." Dustin lowered his head, staring back at Mike - but then his gaze shifted to Steve, and he just kept staring - "I'll set it down here for you..." Mike scratched his cheek and then went and sat with Will and Lucas.

Steve stared back at Dustin, but then he lowered his gaze - Dustin curled his arms tighter around himself and made a strange noise - Steve felt himself tense up again, Jay reached out and Dustin half hit him - but then clung onto him and Steve felt like he'd been punched in the stomach.

The blond gave Steve a dark look as he led Dustin out of the room. He wasn't sure how long they'd been gone for exactly, but Steve felt like he was going insane - what were they doing? He felt twisted up inside - jealous - so jealous he seethed with it. He'd not felt such a visceral desire to actually hurt someone.

He wanted to rip Jay to pieces - and the longer they were gone, the more the feeling built. Steve could feel it building in the pit of his stomach, his entire body was shaking with rage - and when Dustin came back down the stairs, seemingly having recovered from being so out of it - to a lot more clear headed? Followed by Jay - Steve felt it even stronger.

He didn't understand, how Dustin had gone from being so out of it - to not, at least not at first. But watching them both, it was clear that they'd both taken something else - Jay kept sniffling, rubbing his nose - and he was edgy and twitchy.

Dustin was sharper, much more so - and had an edge to him. His jaw kept twitching, and the difference was like night and day. Dustin's gaze didn't land on him once; everyone was excited about Dustin's plans for Hellfire. Dustin excused himself again, and Steve decided to follow him - wanting to talk to him alone.

He saw Dustin slip into the bathroom, and so he followed - shutting the door behind them, he pressed himself up against the door. "...Surprised that you're even here..." Dustin's voice had a hard edge to it, and yet it was still soft.

"I can leave if you don't want me here." His own voice came out soft; he watched as Dustin splashed some water on his face - "Are you going to watch me take a piss?" He stared at Steve in the mirror, and Steve felt the heat in his face, "Sorry...no... I’ll..."

Dustin smirked, "I'm joking Jesus, calm down..." Steve moved closer, and then he turned the water on - splashing some on his own face, Dustin stared at him - his pupils were huge, dilating as Steve looked at him. "What'd you take..."

Dustin leaned in close, "Why? Do you want some?" Steve breathed out against Dustin's face and whispered, "No... that's not... what?" Steve felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest, Dustin stroked his fingers against his stomach - under his shirt.

The younger boys’ fingers were cold against his skin - and Steve's eyes closed. Dustin nuzzled his nose against Steve's face and murmured, "Is that really what you followed me in here for?" Steve couldn't remember why he'd followed him, "Do... you want some?" Dustin whispered, and Steve felt himself shiver - "Want... some?" He repeated the words back, but he didn't know what he was asking. 

Dustin was casting some kind of spell on him; he breathed in through his nose - smelling the sweet musky scent that wafted from the younger man. Steve braced himself against the bathroom counter, wanting to touch Dustin, but not sure if he should - "Open your mouth."

Steve breathed out heavily, and did as he was told - and Dustin put something into his own mouth, and then he leaned in - brushing his lips against Steve's, but then he licked - and Steve let out a soft, dirty moan from his throat - Dustin's tongue brushed his and he felt the pill hit his tongue.

But Dustin's tongue stroked against the roof of his mouth, teasing - and Steve lost control, he tugged Dustin in close and kissed him hungrily. It seemed to catch Dustin off guard - like he hadn't expected Steve to do it.

Steve's tongue chased Dustin's, that possessive jealous rage was there in the pit of his stomach again - everything else faded into oblivion. Steve took what he wanted, he wanted to make Dustin his - even if it was just in that moment. Dustin had slid his hands against Steve's back, digging his fingers in - as he kissed him back. 

Steve pulled back, reluctantly and he sucked softly Dustin’s bottom lip. They were both breathing hard, desperate to catch their breath - and yet needy and wanting to taste each other again. Steve watched as Dustin shifted, turning and he pressed himself up flush against the younger man's back.

Their gaze met in the mirror; Steve's pupils were blown just like Dustin's - "What did you... give me."

Dustin shifted a little, and Steve pressed his body flush against Dustin's pinning him in place, as he lifted one hand and moved Dustin's hair away from his neck.

Steve kept his eyes on Dustin's as he murmured against his skin, "You smell so good..." Dustin shivered, his voice soft as he moaned out, "Fuck... I gave you ecstasy. I didn't think you'd want cocaine -"

So Jay and Dustin had done cocaine? But Dustin had given him ecstasy - Steve whispered, "And before that? What were you on when we first got here."

Dustin whispered back, "No... I'm not telling you that." Their eyes met, and Steve breathed out heavier against Dustin's neck - as Steve rolled his hips, his cock hard against Dustin's ass. "Why..." 

Dustin let out a shaky exhale, "I don't want to tell you." And then he put a pill into his mouth too. "Are you sure you should be doing all these drugs..." Steve murmured against Dustin's ear. The younger man pulled Steve's hands and placed them against his stomach. "Steve... shut the fuck up..." There was no anger in his voice though, "Touch... me..."

Dustin rolled his hips back against Steve's and Steve moaned softly, "Yeah? Yeah okay..."

He slid his hand down and into Dustin's pants, curling it around his cock - "You're so hard Steve..." Dustin let out a shaky soft whimper, Steve stroked slowly "So are you, fuck."  

All while rolling his hips, Dustin let out another moan. They rocked together - and Steve teased his thumb over the tip of Dustin's cock. Steve watched as Dustin's eyes closed, his head falling back against Steve's chest, "Yeah... so pretty."

Dustin shifted the angle of his head a little, licking at Steve's mouth, and Steve growled soft in his throat. He didn't hesitate this time - Steve's tongue chased Dustin's, kissing him deeply. The angle was a little awkward - Steve pulled away, Dustin was breathing out in heavy little pants - letting out a whimper as Steve pulled away. 

Steve slid his hand out of Dustin's pants, he tugged them down - and lifted Dustin up so he was sitting on the bathroom counter. Then he stepped in closer, and kissed Dustin hungrily. The kiss quickly became possessive again.

"Touch me... touch me again." Dustin gasped out against his mouth, Steve curled his hand around Dustin's cock again - Steve sped up the movement of his hand - Dustin breathed out in shaky, soft little gasps against his mouth, "Steve..."

The way that Dustin moaned his name, made Steve's cock twitch in his pants, he let out a raspy -"Are you close Baby.. hmm? Come for me." Dustin gasped out, and Steve kissed him hungrily - both of them moaning into the kiss. He didn’t think he’d ever felt this turned on, ever in his life – no girl had ever done this to him.

Steve rolled his hips against Dustin's leg - feeling Dustin tug on his hair, watching Dustin's eyes flutter closed, the way his breath caught - was probably the most beautiful thing Steve had ever seen.

Forbidden things that he’d pushed away danced in the back of his mind - and when Dustin came, Steve felt the heat of his own orgasm hit hard - coming with Dustin.

They were sharing each other’s breath, Steve kissed Dustin again softer this time. He pulled back slowly, and he felt Dustin shiver again as he brought his hand up and then tasted Dustin's cum, sucking it from his fingers.

"Holy shit..." Dustin's voice was breathy and soft, and Steve murmured -"You taste good."

Dustin licked into his mouth, and they were kissing hungrily again - Steve's tongue teased against Dustin's and he whispered against the younger man’s mouth, "You good?" Dustin whispered, "Uhuh...you good?"

Steve said softly, "Yeah... yeah I'm good."

Dustin slid his fingers into his hair, and Steve let his eyes close - "You... didn't... cum though..." The younger man's voice was soft, his words a lot more shy - and when Steve opened his eyes, Dustin's stormy blue eyes were watching him.

 "I'm good." He brushed his lips against Dustin's cheek, then his jaw - "You don't want me to..." Steve whispered against Dustin's mouth, "I already did..." Dustin shivered and he whispered, "Oh! Oh..." He breathed out slightly heavier, his cheeks flushing - and Steve could feel the warmth in his own cheeks.

"...Got me off just watching you." Steve said softly,

Dustin whispered, "...Fuck... yeah?"

Steve murmured, "Yeah."

Dustin whispered, "That... that's so fucking hot..."

Steve whispered against Dustin's mouth, "Never done that before."

They kissed again, and Dustin whispered, "...Is this real?"

Steve murmured, "Yeah... it's real."

They slowly pulled apart and Dustin watched him quietly, Steve breathed out slowly - "What... are you..." His words trailed off, Dustin had pressed in closer, his hand sliding into the front of Steve's pants, "Fuck..." He groaned out, Dustin breathed out against his mouth, curling his hand around Steve's cock - which made Steve shiver.

He felt too sensitive - already half hard again. 

He felt Dustin's fingers stroke through the sticky slick of his cum, then Dustin pulled his hand out - sucking his fingers into his mouth. Steve felt like his brain short circuited - or maybe it just turned to mush.

Dustin looked at him from under his lashes, as he whispered against Steve's mouth, "Just a little taste."

Steve gripped Dustin's chin and he kissed him again; the kiss was possessive and Steve felt like he couldn't get enough - Dustin let out a soft little whimper, they were both breathless, trying to catch their breath. Dustin resting his head against Steve's chest.

Dustin lifted his head back up and they both just stared at each other - not speaking. Dustin's fingers brushed his - and Steve knew that it was because they were going back downstairs.

Steve didn't know if he wanted too. He didn't know if he could.

Dustin interlaced their fingers and led Steve out of the bathroom - it was only when they got to the top of the stairs that Dustin let go.

Steve watched him go down the stairs, he felt frozen in place. He closed his eyes - he could hear laughter, heard someone – no, fucking Jay ask where he’d been, if he was okay.

He knew he couldn’t go back down there when he heard Dustin say, "Yeah I'm fine - just had to get some air, have a smoke..."

What was he supposed to say to explain his absence? Steve raked a hand through his hair, and instead of going back downstairs? Steve left. 

Chapter Text

Things had gone back to exactly how they were before that night in the bathroom - like it never happened, and Dustin was back to avoiding him - Steve went spiraling down into a dark pit of despair and chaos and self-hatred. He was supposed to be helping Dustin, not sharing drugs and having one of the most erotic experiences of his life.

It made him question everything he thought he knew about himself, but not just his sexual identity - it was much deeper than that. He was really beginning to question if he was doing okay mentally - that he didn't seriously have something wrong with him.

Steve had never felt this way, this twisted up - this angry, this jealous. It was a burning, visceral thing that was consuming him from the inside out. He regretted that night in the bathroom, because it was scarred into his brain. And all he could think about was doing it again.

Steve was actually scaring himself with the way that he felt, because this was obsessive - and he didn't feel like it was okay. How could it possibly be okay? He was older, and he should know better. The younger man was not okay, and he'd crossed a line that couldn't be uncrossed.

And because things had gone back to the way they were before that night? Those obsessive thoughts ran rampant. Steve couldn't stop thinking about what Jay had said to him that night when he'd hit him - were they together?

Everyone seemed to think so, and what happened between him and Dustin, had clearly only happened because of the drugs - at least that's what Steve kept telling himself. Just like he told himself that Dustin had only kissed him that day on the sofa, because of the weed.

Because he'd been emotionally vulnerable - and then of course he also kept thinking about the fact that maybe there had been something more between Eddie and Dustin - and that made the dark twisting jealousy inside him burn even hotter. Because he'd already been jealous, had felt like Eddie was trying to take Dustin away from him.

Steve breathed out sharply, gripping his steering wheel so tight that his hands hurt. "Fuck.." He whispered, getting out of his car he headed across the parking lot of the Squawk - slipping inside and giving Robin a wave, but he didn't say anything as he sat in the corner. 

The meeting was under way, Hopper giving him a look - and Steve just stared down at the floor. He knew he probably looked as bad as he felt, because Steve hadn't been sleeping - "Okay, that's it for now unless anyone has something they wanna talk about?" Joyce's voice was calm and soothing as always, Steve felt Hopper's hard gaze as the older man stood beside him. "You doing okay kid? You look like shit."

Steve let out a soft laugh, "Yeah. Yeah I'm.. okay."

Hopper shook his head and then he murmured, "Come with me."

Steve lifted his head, and the older man said "I'm not going to tell you twice kid."

He glanced again at Robin, but then followed Hopper outside. The older man motioned to his truck, "Get in - we're going for a drive."

He didn't even bother to argue, and Hopper lit a cigarette as they drove - Steve stayed quiet, and when Hopper pulled up outside of Eddie's trailer - Steve said quietly, "What are we doing here."

Hopper took a final drag on his smoke - flicking it on the ground as he got out of the vehicle. How is this even still here?

The older man didn't answer him, and Steve sighed, but he followed Hopper inside.

Steve asked, "How is this thing even still here I thought it would have been destroyed after the..." He just stared - because the gate was still in the ceiling of the trailer - the place was a wreck, but it was obvious that someone had been holed up there at some point.

Hopper said, "...You would think so huh."

Hopper's gaze moved over Steve, and then he glanced at the ceiling again. "He hasn't told the truth, not from the beginning - something else happened. Because Munson didn't fall into a crevice did he." Hopper said quietly, the older man frowned then.

Steve whispered, "So what the hell did happen?"

Hopper murmured, "Good question - because we do know one thing for sure, only Dustin got out - and he lied about what happened to Eddie."

Steve rubbed his hands over his face,  he said quietly -"Why would he lie about that though? I mean he had no reason to."

The older man's voice was firm, but it made Steve's stomach sink. "You, Robin and Nancy only just survived on your end - Dustin? Whatever happened, I don't think he's surviving it - he's haunted by it." 

Steve felt the sting of tears in his eyes.

Hopper sighed heavily - his voice heavy as he said -"We just all pushed on and thought he was doing okay, I figured all of you - were strong enough because you seemed strong enough, I don't check in and I've failed you, all of you - I keep pushing, because I want all of us to survive this shit.. And I forgot that you were all still kids, Jesus."

Steve let out a soft exhale, and Hopper said - "I know what trauma does to you, I know what it makes you do to escape it. He's just a kid, Jesus fucking Christ."

Hopper rubbed his hands over his face, and Steve felt guilty all over again, sick to his stomach.

"Every time I try to talk to him, it... I don't get very far; he doesn't want to talk to me. He won't talk about Eddie." Steve's voice cracked and curled his arms around himself, tilting his head up and falling silent as he looked up at the ceiling. "It's so fucked up." He whispered.

Hopper was staring at him, Steve knew without looking at the other man. "It usually is when you're in love with someone." Hopper's voice was soft.

The words made Steve's entire body tense up, and he lowered his gaze to the floor.

Steve tried not to cry as Hopper added. "I'm not going to judge you alright; we just need to help him." 

Steve swallowed the lump that was rising in his throat.  Hopper said in the same quiet voice. "You look like shit - I think you beat yourself up enough without anyone else doing it too."

He really didn't know what to say, the older man suddenly laid his hand against Steve's shoulder - "You're one of the good ones, you're not the asshole you keep telling yourself you are. I spoke to Claudia this morning, she's thinking that maybe Dustin needs to go to a facility - rehab, maybe a hospital. I'm not sure about that though."

Steve let out a shaky exhale, and he whispered - "Yeah I don't think that's a good idea."

Hopper nodded, "Let's get the hell out of here."

Steve bit his lip, taking one last look around the room. He wondered if Dustin had been staying in the trailer, if it was where he'd been going when he'd disappear sometimes. When they got back to the Squawk, Steve felt wrung out, exhausted.

"Where did you two disappear too?" asked Murray being nosy, as usual.

Hopper snorted, "Mind your business, Murray." He gave Steve a look, and Steve nodded - Murray looking between the two of them, while he raised an eyebrow.

Hopper ignored Murray completely and Steve let out a soft breath, deciding that he was going to head home. He slipped back out the door, and was almost at his car when Mike called out to him. "Steve!"

He slowed down, the younger boy catching up to him. "Hey..." The youngest wheeler gave him the once over, and then he frowned - "You look like shit."

Steve snorted softly, "Gee thanks Mike."

The other boy let out a soft laugh, "Sorry... uh I just wanted to know if you are going to come to Hellfire? If you actually want to play. You know - I can help you figure it out and shit."

He was fidgeting and being all awkward and weird, and Steve mumbled softly "I... dunno."

Mike leaned up against the beamer, his eyes dark and yet excited - "It'll be fun, you'll have fun... what's wrong with having fun and trying something new? And I'm excited because I think Dustin's gonna be bitchin as our DM."

Steve didn't even know what that meant, but Mike was so enthusiastic. "I don't even think he'd want me there."

Mike raised an eyebrow, "Why would you say that? Is this because of that Jay asshole? Fuck Jay - just come, it might just be a planning session seeing as that really didn't happen last time..."

Steve was losing his train of thought - Mike was still talking, but he was suddenly thinking about what happened in the bathroom again. "Earth to Steve - you there?" 

"Huh?" He blinked and Mike snorted softly, "So."

Dragging the word out, and Steve scratched at his neck. "I'll think about it." Mike gave him a grin, Steve let out a soft laugh - "You're a pain in the ass."

The younger boy smirked, "Nope." Popping the p, he was moving and fidgeting again and then he fished an envelope out of the inside of his jacket.

"Dustin made these, this is yours... so I don't exactly think he doesn't want you there."

Steve stared down at the envelope, his name written in fancy handwriting. "...He made these?"

Mike grinned, "Yeah we all got them - invitation only." He brushed his finger over his name, letting out a soft little exhale. Mike was actually quiet beside him, having stilled his erratic fidgeting.

"Hey... uh... can I ask you something?" Steve looked at the younger boy, "Course you can." Mike nodded, and then stammered, "O-okay cool..." He just stared down at his shoes, and Steve waited. Mike looked extremely uncomfortable, "Mike..." The other boy whispered, "Shit... this is embarrassing I don't even know how to ask you."

Steve leant against the car too, "Just say it." His voice soft, and then Mike let out a shaky exhale, "R-right... yeah, okay...s-sure." Stammering again, and then he looked away.

"So, you're into girls right... you're like... Steve Harrington - course you like girls..." Mike muttered under his breath, "You're stupid, get it together Mike."

Steve let out a soft little chuckle, "I uh I've been questioning that recently."

He felt the younger boy relax a little beside him and Mike squeaked out, "Really?"

Steve nodded, and then Mike whispered - "...so you like boys too?" Mike's face flushed pink and Steve said softly, "Well... just one. One boy."

Mike seemed to relax even more, kind of resting against his side. "Me too, just...one boy."

Steve smiled and then he bumped his shoulder against Mikes. "Is it freaking you out?"

Mike let out a soft groan. "Freaking me out so bad, but like... I don't know why - because I've always felt it."

Steve nodded, "Yeah, yeah I know what you mean."

Mike said softly, "Is it okay? I mean...its not gross or weird?"

Steve looked down at Mike, "Don't be afraid to be who you are."

Mike's eyes welled up and he ducked his head, and Steve ruffled Mikes curls. "Are you afraid?"

Steve let out a soft exhale, "A little bit yeah, I'd be lying if I said this shit didn't scare the fuck out of me - I scare myself, but it’s... complicated."

Mike nodded and he pulled back, wiping at his face. "I'm scared to death if...If he finds out, he'll hate me - and I'll lose him again, I can’t..."

Mike was struggling to hold himself together, and Steve said softly - "But what if you never tell him and spend all of your life with a what if?"

Mike just looked at him, and Steve gave the younger man a soft smile - "Shouldn't you be taking your own fucking advice?" Mike giving him a dark look, "Hey... I told you it’s complicated."

Mike snorted softly, and then he muttered, "You're full of shit Harrington."

Steve gave Mike a soft shove, and Mike gave him one back - the two of them laughing and then play fighting - "Mike? It's time to leave, hey Steve..." 

Nancy looked at them both, amusement on her face - "Hey Nance." He and Mike gave each other one last shove, "...Later Steve." He laughed softly, "Later baby wheeler."

Mike gave him the finger, and Steve gave him the finger back. "I love you too asshole." Mike said in a singsong voice getting into the car.

Steve laughing as he got into the beamer, "See you at Hellfire!" Mike yelled it out the window as Nancy pulled out of the parking lot.

He stared down at the envelope in his hand, biting down on his bottom lip - did Dustin really want him in Hellfire? The invitation in his hand sure as hell made it feel like he did. He let out a soft sigh, thinking about what Hopper had shown him - the trailer, the fact that Dustin had lied about what really happened.

Steve realized something in that moment, not only was Dustin not a baby anymore - but it was becoming more and more obvious that there was a lot that he didn't know about the younger man. That there were parts of Dustin that maybe Steve had never known. 

And it hurt, hurt more than he even realized - because it felt like the rift between them was even bigger. Steve wanted to close that rift, he wanted to know all the things about Dustin that he didn't know. It was both terrifying, and exhilarating at the same time.

Steve went home, and laying in the darkness of his bedroom - he let his eyes close. All the intensity of everything he felt was hitting hard again, and that's when he realized the truth. Steve wasn't just jealous, he wasn't just obsessed - he wasn't just having an identity crisis, he was in love.

He was in love with Dustin Henderson and there wasn't a damn thing he could do to stop it, or change it.

There was nowhere to hide from it, it was the reason why he couldn't connect with anyone else. Steve was staring at the envelope in his hands - thinking about the fact that Dustin had touched it, written his name on it - "...Love sick fool." He muttered to himself, opening the envelope up - Steve's eyes looked over the invitation, but something else fell out of the envelope. It was just a piece of paper, but written on it in Dustin's regular chicken scratch - were the words, I can't stop thinking about your hands on me. I hate you.

Steve felt his cock twitch against his zipper and he rubbed it through his pants. "Fuck sake..." He felt like his skin was too tight - the heat in his belly, he read the words again and bit down hard on his bottom lip.  He breathed out softly, wondering what the younger boy was doing right then.

If he would be at home, or if he was with Jay somewhere. Thinking about that made Steve clench his teeth - breathing out through his nose, he suddenly felt a burst of rage. Steve glanced at the clock on his night stand - it was just after eleven p.m. and a school night, surely Dustin would be at home. He hauled himself up, and then headed out - fueled by those words - he had to find him. 

***

The air was cool against his sweaty skin, it felt good - Dustin wasn't cold for once. He was flushed and bright eyed - felt alive and like every nerve ending in his body was sparking like a live wire.

He'd been focused a little more at school, which felt weird in a way - but he was getting better grades again and the reason he was feeling so good right then was because he'd gone to a party with Garrett and Tate. It was more like an impromptu concert? Dustin didn't know what you'd call it - but it was fun.

The music had been a strange collected mis-mash of covers and the three of them had enjoyed themselves.

Dustin had even eaten dinner with his mom before he'd left the house, and she'd nearly been in tears with happiness. Which was kind of embarrassing when she'd smushed him and been kissing his face all over - calling him her sweet little Dusty - he groaned at the memory of it.

"Jesus." He snorted softly and sprawled his legs a little, tipping his face up and resting back on his hands. 

He was by himself now though, having made his exit after the other two boys decided to head back to Garrett's. Dustin didn't feel like ending the night watching a movie - he was sitting at the bus stop, and just taking a breather, not really sure what he was going to do next - but just knowing that he wasn't going home yet.

He had sent everyone the formal invitations to Hellfire, and word spread that it was happening. People had their tongues wagging, both at school - and in Hawkins in general. He didn't care what people thought, Dustin didn't care if people didn't like it - he intended to raise Hell from the ashes literally. He'd burn the whole fucking town down around him he felt that strongly about it.

Dustin let his eyes close, letting his thoughts wander a little - and then he opened his eyes at the sound of Jay's voice, "Sunshine..."

He gave the other boy a lazy grin, having called the older boy from the payphone on the corner. "You got here fast..."

Dustin got into the passenger seat and Jay laughed softly, "Can't leave you hanging on these mean streets alone."

Dustin smirked, "I can handle myself..."

The other boy eyed him up and down, "Oh I know you can... I was saving the people of the streets from you..."

He gave Dustin a wink and Dustin laughed hard, then let out a soft snort. "Dork."

Jay grinned and he murmured softly, "You're a killer."

Dustin lowered his gaze, and Jay added - "I wouldn't wanna cross you on the streets late at night..."

They both laughed at that - "...Did you have fun?" Jay asked him as he started the truck's engine.

Dustin nodded, "Yeah I did - the music was a bit fucking weird, but... yeah...I had fun."

Jay smiled, "Good, I like seeing you happy."

Dustin let out a soft little breath as the older boy reached out and interlaced their fingers. They were both quiet as Jay drove, Dustin staring out the window - lost in his thoughts. Jay's thumb grazing lazily over his skin, and Dustin found himself thinking about Steve again. No stop it.

"Do you want me to take you home? Or... do you feel like having some more fun?" Jay's voice was soft, and Dustin turned his head - just watching him quietly.

Jay tilted his head a little, and then said suddenly "...I heard about a party we could go check it out?"

Dustin nodded, "Yeah, sounds good..." Jay gave his hand a gentle squeeze, "You okay?" Dustin curled his other hand over Jay's, essentially holding it in both of his. "Mhmm…" The other boy raised an eyebrow - but then turned his eyes back to the road.

Jay said softly, "I gotta make a stop and pick something up first."

Dustin went back to staring out the window - he felt a weird twist in his stomach. Guilt, shame maybe. It wasn't that him and Jay were together - they'd never done anything serious, just held hands and hugged sometimes - well a lot. A couple of kisses. They flirted - but there was something there between them, bubbling under the surface. That felt like something real? But then there was Steve. Dustin closed his eyes tight. 

It wasn't like what happened with Steve was likely to ever happen again. It'd just been the drugs, that's all it was. A moment of madness. Steve was straight, Dustin wasn't. Dustin had feelings and Steve did not. Dustin had always had feelings - and he had to bury them. He had to shut them down and let them go.

Jay pulled into the carpark of the diner, "You wanna come in with me or wait here?" Jay asked. The other boy's voice snapping Dustin back into reality, and he turned his head back to Jay.

Dustin said softly, "You want me to come with?" Jay gave a nod of his head, and Dustin whispered, "Then I'll come with."

They both climbed out, and Jay tugged Dustin in close, curling his arm around him.

“You're not worried people will see us and say shit?" Dustin said softly. 

Jay leaned down, brushing his lips soft against Dustin's temple -  Jay murmured back, "I don't give a fuck." Dustin actually felt the heat in his cheeks. Jay said with a smirk, "Let them fucking talk..." 

Dustin pressed in closer, still holding Jay's hand - and then he said, "Let them fucking talk."

They went into the diner, a few people from school eyeing them up, but Jay was clearly looking for someone - and then Dustin's eyes landed on a much older guy, who gave Jay a nod and then headed for the bathroom. Jay murmured against his ear, "I'll be a second, and then... come find me hmm?"

Dustin nodded, and then sat in a booth - playing with sugar packets, and watching as Jay followed the guy into the bathroom. It was only a short time later the older guy came back out, giving Dustin a nod before leaving the diner. Dustin knew already, that Jay was probably buying drugs off him - there really wasn't any other explanation.

"That was such a lame movie!" Dustin lifted his gaze at the sound of Will's voice, the whole gang was piling in through the door and he inwardly cringed - not wanting to have to see any of them, or make small talk. 

"Dustin!" Robin's brightness was always intense - and her happiness radiated out of her on the best of days, but she was genuinely overly-happy to see him.

He gave her a small wave, and suddenly everyone was piling into the booth with him, Dustin immediately got to his feet - "You here by yourself?" Jonathan asked, and Dustin kept his eyes on the sugar packets, well aware of Steve's gaze as the older boy sat down.

"No... I need to go - and use the bathroom..." He walked into the bathroom, everyone was staring at him, but then talking together - Dustin's eyes meeting Steve's briefly, and then he was in the bathroom.

"Jay?" He called out the other boys' name and the blond opened the stall, "In here..." Jay called back.

Dustin tried to ignore the way that his heart was hammering in his chest, and the way his stomach suddenly churned. Jay shut the door and he said softly, "You okay?" Dustin shook his head and let out a shaky exhale, his hands shaking badly as he curled his fingers against Jay's hoodie. 

The older boy let out a soft hum, and he curled his hand into Dustin's hair, "I leave you alone for five seconds and look atchu..." He was teasing, but Dustin felt so weak in that moment - overwhelmed and he just wanted to hide, hide from being confronted by the people that used to give him so much comfort. Hide from Steve - hide from the churning in his gut - and Jay tilted his head up, gripping his chin. "I was just teasing..." He murmured.

Dustin's eyes closed, but the tears already escaped - sliding down his face, and Jay let out a heavier exhale, "Who made you so upset, hmm? Tell me..." Dustin just curled in close, the other boy murmured softly against Dustin's cheek, "I got something that will make you feel better?"

He reached down and pulled a small bottle out of his pocket, "I don't wanna do coke..." Dustin whispered, and Jay murmured, "It isn't coke, it's something better...I know you don't like coke..." He already could tell by the edginess to the older boy that Jay had already done some cocaine.

Dustin's entire body was still on edge, and he whispered, "Can we just go back to your place?" Jay whispered, "Yeah... definitely, you don't wanna go to that party?" Dustin shook his head, and then he brushed his finger against the older boy’s nose. "You got a little somethin..." Jay sucked Dustin's finger into his mouth, and Dustin let out a soft little gasp. Jay sucked lazily and then he murmured against Dustin's mouth, "Hmm sweet."

Dustin breathed out softly, and Jay licked at his mouth - it was teasing and it made Dustin press closer - breathing out shakily against the older boy’s mouth. "So sweet." Jay murmured again. Dustin wanted Jay to kiss him, kiss him properly - but the older boy smirked and then pulled away, he undid the lock on the door - and Dustin just stood there, trembling and he didn't really want to leave the bathroom. "C'mon Sunshine..." Jay held his hand out, and Dustin took hold of it. 

When they exited the bathroom, Dustin felt the way that Jay's body tensed up as he pulled him in close. Jay of course spotted everyone sitting in the booth - and he knew that was why Dustin had freaked out. He let out a soft little exhale, and Jay looked down at him - his eyes intense, he sniffed a little, and then gripped his chin - and right there in the middle of the diner? Jay kissed him.

It was a statement to anyone that was looking, and Dustin knew exactly who was looking. But in that moment, he just didn't think about that - Jay's kiss was deep, and it was possessive - but it was also calming. Dustin found himself whimpering in his throat, and then standing their breathless and a little stunned as Jay pulled back.

The older boy stared down at him and cupped his cheek, brushing his fingers - "Fucking faggots! Get the fuck outta here!" Some asshole yelled in their direction, while in a booth a woman commented, "How disgraceful, there are children here." Jay sneered at the woman and said, "You should have your children all tucked up in bed, don't you know the Devil is rampant in Hawkins?"

Dustin actually laughed, and Jay gave him a grin - the other boy gently gripped his chin and then whispered, "Fuck em all... right?" Dustin nodded and whispered back, "Yeah... fuck em all."

Neither of them caring that they'd just outed themselves officially in the middle of the diner. Jay pulled him in closer, and then he led them both over to the booth. Dustin kept his gaze lowered, licking his lips a little - "Scootch over Wheeler..." Jay sitting next to Mike, and then he just tugged Dustin into his lap - everyone was staring, and quiet - and Jay stole one of Lucas' fries.

"What's up?" Everyone was talking all at once, over the top of each other - and Dustin just played with one of the rings on his fingers. He knew, he could feel it - without looking he knew that Steve was looking at him.

"...So, you just outed yourselves right in the middle of the diner." Robin was overly excited - and Jay let out a laugh, "Oh come on - it isn't like most of Hawkins wasn't already talking shit about us."

"Seems pretty reckless." Steve's words seemed to make everyone still - the noisy conversation halting. "Well not everyone has to be scared like a little bitch." Jay bit back at Steve, and Steve growled out - "You're not from here, so I don't expect you to get it."

Dustin must have tensed up more, because Jay turned his head, softly kissing his temple - the others were talking again, "I can't believe you just made out in the middle of the diner, that was so hot..." Robin and her lack of a filter - and Steve growled at her, "Shut the fuck up for once in your life." Nancy said, "Steve!" He snarled at Nancy, "Shut it."

Jay turned his attention back to Steve - and he smirked at him. Just staring, Steve glaring back - Dustin said quietly, "Can we go?" He still didn't look at anyone, and it was Nancy who said softly, "Are you okay Dustin?" Jay's gaze landed on her and he said, "He's fine - it’s just you fucking people and your shit, you do realize that right?" Nancy looked as if Jay had slapped her.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Lucas said, glaring at Jay, "You don't even know us, you've been here for five minutes and you don't even know Dustin!" Dustin hissed at Jay, "I want to go... now!" Steve was staring at him again.

Jay wasn't listening as he said to Lucas - "All your pressure, your constant nagging and riding his ass about every fucking thing - roping him into whatever bullshit you have going on. Ever think that maybe he doesn't need it? Never asked for it? I might not have been here all that long, but I know him better than you think - I know him better than you because I see him. You people have been right here this entire time and not one of you..."

His gaze landed on Steve as he dealt another barb. "Not one of you ever fucking saw how much he was hurting, so fuck you..." Dustin breathed out sharply, and Jay eased him to his feet, "C’mon..." Dustin was shaking, freaking out all over again - Jay's words weren't wrong, but he still didn't want anyone to know that. 

"Get your fucking hands off him..." Steve growled it - and Jay just gently pushed Dustin behind him, "Excuse me?" Everyone was looking between Steve and Jay - "You heard me." Jay let out a soft laugh, "We've already had this discussion Steve, remember? It's not up to you..."

Steve snarled out, "You god damn son of a bitch, I'll break your fucking hands off."

Jonathan was suddenly grabbing hold of Steve, and Jay turned, looking down at him - "Do you want to come with me?" Dustin nodded, and Jay looked back at Steve, "...Like I said, Dustin's free to make up his own mind..." Jay interlaced their fingers, and tugged Dustin with him, "You fucking asshole!" Steve was yelling at them, and Dustin could hear everyone talking all at once again.

Jay shook his head, "That guy - seriously, who the fuck does he think he is..." Dustin breathed out slowly, before he could say anything - Jay let out a "the... fuck..." 

Steve was on him, punching Jay - and slamming him into the ground, "You mother fucker, goddamn piece of shit..." Dustin yelled out, "Stop it! Stop!" He tried to pull Steve away - but Steve just shoved him, and hit Jay again - Jay let out a snarl of his own - and punched Steve back. "Stop it!" Dustin screamed at them both, but neither of them were listening - to busy hitting each other and Steve was apparently losing it - "Steve! Stop it!" Dustin was crying as he yelled at the older boy to stop, Jonathan finally managed to pull Steve off Jay - who was laying there, breathless and looking like a wild animal himself - bright eyed - and actually amused it seemed.

"Who knew you had so much spirit?" Jay laughed, and Jonathan yelled at him, "Shut the fuck up man..." Steve hissed out, "I'll fucking kill you; I'll fucking kill you..." Dustin's lungs were burning, he couldn't get enough air - Jay spat blood out of his mouth, and Steve snarled "Let me go fuck!!" 

Dustin hunched over, bile rising in his throat - he was puking, hacking between sobs - he wasn't sure who but he felt someone rubbing his back. And Dustin's legs gave out, he sank down into the grass - and his vision blurred, "It's okay..." Will's soft voice, made Dustin whimper - and Will curled his arms around him, pulling him into a hug.

Dustin just let him, "Get Steve out of here before someone calls the cops..." Nancy - quiet and calm, her hand resting on Dustin's shoulder, "I think you should let us take you home, or... come and stay with Mike, Will and Lucas they're having a sleepover?" Dustin was still trying to get his breath; Will was gently rubbing his back - "Or I could keep you company at home if you want."

Dustin shook his head, trying to pull himself together - "I... don’t..." He didn't know what he wanted right then, Nancy said sternly, "I don't think you should go anywhere with him right now - and I also don't think you should be alone."

Dustin untangled himself from Will, legs still shaky as he stood up - his gaze landed on Jay - who was leaning against the side of his truck, bleeding and yet lighting a cigarette. He looked wild, and a little crazy - and he exhaled slowly, staring back at him. Dustin's gaze shifted back to Nancy, and then he said quietly - but his voice cold, "I really don't care what you think. You and your bright ideas - keep them to your fucking self. We never should have listened to you..."

Nancy's face paled, and Dustin spat out - "If we hadn't gone along with your fucking brilliant plan? Eddie would still be here; Max would still be here - so no, no I don't want to listen to you, or the shit that comes out of your mouth - because even though you seem to think that Jay is dangerous to me? He isn't..."

Dustin was well aware that Will was staring at him with a shocked face as well. Dustin made his way back over to Jay, cupping his face - and he said softly, "Are you okay?"

Jay gave him a smirk, and then he gave him a soft kiss - "Yeah course I am... are you?" Dustin wasn't - they both knew he wasn't but he whispered, "Yeah...I just really want to get out of here."

Jay let out one of his soft little hums, but then he opened the passenger door, "..My Lord," Dustin shook his head, gently stroking his fingers against Jay's cheek, "Nutter."

The older boy laughed softly, and Dustin climbed in, watching as Jay walked around to the driver’s side, and once he was in the truck - Dustin shifted closer, he curled his fingers either side of Jay's face - pressing their foreheads together.

"Thank you." He whispered, the other boy murmured back, "For what?" Dustin whispered, "Seeing me." They both went quiet, and then Jay kissed him - it was deep and slow, and Dustin let out a soft little noise in the back of his throat.

The kiss left him breathless, and Jay said softly, "You shine so bright, all I can see is you..." Dustin's stomach did a strange little flip-flop flutter. And Jay gave him another softer kiss this time, "...I've wanted to kiss you for ages..." Dustin felt the heat in his face, "Yeah?"

Jay gave him a side eye, eyeing him lazy and slow as he said softly, "Oh yeah...probably ever since that night outside the hospital..." Dustin let out a soft laugh, "So the first night." Jay smiled, and started up the truck, "Mhmm...and you taste every bit as good as I thought you would..." The older boys voice was a lot more husky, and Dustin lowered his gaze - the heat in his cheeks burning hotter - and he fell quiet as Jay drove them back to the trailer park. He lifted his gaze, watching Jay - Dustin's mind though went somewhere else entirely, back to the night in the bathroom - Steve. Steve touching him - Steve's heat all pressed up against his back, Steve tasting him.

Dustin breathed out sharply - and Jay turned his head, "You okay?" He whispered, "Stop....stop! I need to get out." Jay frowned - but he pulled over, and Dustin slid out of the truck - the air felt too tight - like he was suffocating. Jay was watching him - and Dustin was breathing harshly, his skin felt too tight - and then Jay was suddenly there, Dustin whispered shakily, "Don't...please... don't ...not... right... now." 

The other boy just backed up, and Dustin wished he had water - something - anything so he could cool himself off. "...Did I say something wrong?" Jay's voice was still husky soft, and Dustin said shakily - "No…no it’s not you..."

Jay pushed him up against the side of the car, and Dustin whimpered "Don’t... I... I'm so, so fucked up..." Jay murmured softly, "Why... hmm? Tell me... what's in that pretty head of yours that's got you all twisted up..." Dustin gasped out, feeling like the air was being sucked from his lungs, and Jay stroked his fingers against his stomach - under his shirt, making Dustin shiver.

"...Can I take a guess?" Jay's voice had a little dark edge to it, and Dustin stared at him - eyes a little wild, and the older boy smirked, "...So, what happened the night of the Hellfire meeting - you and Harrington were gone a really...really long time..."

Dustin gasped out shakily against Jay's face, as the older boy cupped his cock through his pants, "...Did you and Steve do something naughty in the bathroom?" 

His heart was hammering in his chest, and Dustin was both terrified and turned on all at the same time. Jay whispered against Dustin's throat, "Or do I just have a really dirty mind..."

Dustin tilted his head back, letting out another whimper as he rocked his hips into Jay's hand, the older boy bit down against his throat and sucked hard - "Wanna leave my mark on you, just to make him crazy.." Jay's voice was all dirty, and he licked teasingly at Dustin's mouth, "You want it so bad don't you Baby boy..."

Dustin just whimpered, "Fuck...stop, stop talking..." The older boy let out a soft little chuckle, and whispered against Dustin's mouth, "Do you want me to get you off, right here...you can close your eyes and pretend I'm him if you want..."

Dustin bit Jay's neck hard, making the older boy hiss - "Fuck... fuck you..." Dustin pushed Jay away from him - eyes dark, anger there - "You're so fucking hot when you get angry. You didn't answer my question though... did you do something naughty with Stevie in the bathroom?"

Dustin didn't know whether he wanted to punch him, or kiss him - "Jesus shut the fuck up Jay!" His voice was hoarse, and Jay let out a soft laugh, "...Why aren't you pissed about it?"

Dustin's voice was breathless, and Jay stepped in close again - "Because... I can make you forget all about him..." Dustin felt himself tremble, and Jay gripped his chin - "I'll love you like you deserve to be loved and I'll let the whole fucking world know... the whole fucking world can burn because I'll set it on fire to show it how much I want you."

Jay wasn't teasing anymore, and tears slid silently down Dustin's face - because burning the world down - raising hell, he understood that only too well. "I would worship at your fucking alter, and I'd burn it all down for you. I will make you forget about all the shit that hurts."

Dustin curled himself into Jay and the older boy held on tight, they stood there like that for who knew how long. Jay had his fingers in his hair - lazily stroking his scalp and Dustin said softly, "Will you come home with me? I really want you to meet my mom." Jay stared down at him quietly, before he whispered - "I'd like that."  Dustin whispered back, "Me too."

Chapter Text

Apparently, they were glued at the hip, apparently, they were closer now than they'd been before - and it made him sick. Steve felt physically sick. Steve was still working at the video store - and so he picked up conversations. And Hawkins was a hot bed for rumours - so that night of the fight was still talk of the town. People eyed Steve and whispered behind his back - the gang tried not to talk too much about anything to do with it at all. Steve just wished the ground would open up and swallow him into it. He'd avoided the Hellfire thing completely - Mike giving him sad puppy eyes, and Steve just couldn't. He didn't even want to go anywhere near it.

How could he? If they were even more joined at the hip, that was the last thing he wanted to be witness too. Dustin hadn't stayed away from Jay - he'd just run even closer to him. Nancy had been super quiet since that night, hurt in her eyes - and she'd told Steve what Dustin had said. Steve had been shocked that the younger man had said something so deliberately cruel, because it wasn't Nancy's fault that Eddie hadn't made it out, and Nancy of course didn't know that Dustin was lying about Eddie going missing. 

Steve couldn't tell her that though, and yet he also knew there was no way now he was ever going to be able to reconnect with Dustin. Not the way he'd originally thought he could - it seemed like helping Dustin had become an impossible task. And now that he was with Jay, and shit had gotten so complicated - it was a certainty. Guilt ate him up inside, because if he hadn't been so useless maybe he could have done something about it.

But it was too late now - and Dustin didn't want, or need him - or his help. He was sitting parked across the street from the Henderson's house, not because of Dustin - but because Claudia had phoned him, asking him to come and see her. Truthfully, he wasn't even sure he wanted to do that either - and yet there he was, sitting in his car. He got out and walked across the street, knocking softly on the door - and a few moments later Claudia opened the door.

"Steve!" She pulled him into a warm hug, and Steve felt the lump in his throat. "It's so good to see you sweetheart, it feels like it’s been forever, come on in.." He stepped inside, the house smelt like cinnamon - and the older woman linked her arm through his, leading him into the living room. 

"It's just us for dinner; I made your favourite." Steve gave her a soft smile, and she gently cupped his face - "You look tired, when did you last eat?" She was fussing, and Steve felt like he was going to cry, he didn't want to cry - and her being so nice, just made him feel even worse.

"I... can't remember." He answered truthfully, and Claudia tutted softly. "Well, I made lasagna and then apple pie and ice cream for dessert." She brushed his hair out of his face, and Steve whispered - "That sounds good."

Once he sat down, she said softly - "...I think Dustin's out somewhere. With... him." She frowned, and then she smiled again at Steve, "I worry about you, being all alone in that big house - it must get lonely?"

Steve lowered his head, and Claudia added, "Oh sweetheart, I... I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you." He was actually crying, trying to stop it - Claudia cuddle him in close, and Steve just let her.

"I'm sorry... I don't know why...I'm sorry..." He whispered and she said softly, "Don't be, it's okay to cry - let it out. I'm a big crier..." Steve felt ashamed of himself though, and yet - it was nice to be cuddled. 

"I really have missed your sweet face around here. You know out of all of Dusty's friends, you're my favourite." Claudia gently brushed his tears away and then she got up, disappearing into the kitchen. She came back shortly after - and Steve was given a mug of hot chocolate. It smelt really good. "Just a splash of cinnamon, like you like."

Steve said softly, "Thanks Mrs. H." Claudia laughed softly, "Call me Claudia Stevie, I've told you..." He smiled sheepishly, and then she added softer, "Or you can call me Mom, I don't mind that either." Tears welled up in his eyes again and he whispered shakily, "Aw shit... sorry..." She let out a soft laugh, "Shit it’s okay..."

They both looked at each other and she patted his shoulder. "I wanted to... talk to you about a couple of things actually." Steve took a sip of his cocoa before setting it down, and he nodded. "So, I know that you and Dusty don't see each other all that much right now..."

Steve stared down at his lap, "He came out - finally!" Claudia let out an exasperated sigh - and Steve couldn't help the little laugh that escaped.

"Honestly that boy, if he didn't think I knew years ago? It wasn't that difficult to figure out. Anyway... he was terrified about it - like he thought I was some monster that wasn't going to love him anymore."

She was holding Steve's hand, and she said softly, "You never stop loving your babies - even when they start growing up and don't need you anymore."

Steve lifted his gaze, and Claudia smiled softly at him - "That includes you too, yes." Steve smiled and the older woman said softly, "This is going to sound maybe silly, but... I used to hope that maybe someday you and Dusty would be boyfriends." Steve's eyes widened and Claudia let out a soft little giggle - "Of course that's silly because I know how popular you are with the girls, but... you know... a mother can dream."

He could feel the heat in his cheeks - and he ducked his head a little. "...I don't like his boyfriend." Claudia's voice was calm and yet - when her gaze met Steve's her eyes were stormy and reminded Steve of Dustin's. "He introduced me to him, and... I mean I'll try for Dusty's sake - but." Steve tried not to start doing a victory dance.

"I know that something changed with Dusty, after Eddie went missing - I know that he's never gotten over it - I mean I don't think he's ever actually dealt with it." He breathed out softly, and Claudia added softly - "And I'm not sure that this thing he has with Jay is good for him either. I know that...things aren't good with you at the moment - but... please don't let it destroy your friendship, whatever is happening - has happened? He still needs you."

Steve closed his eyes tight, and Claudia said softly - "I think you still need him too, don't you..." He nodded, and breathed out heavily - turning his head away. "Oh Sweetheart..." Steve swallowed the lump in his throat, and he said hoarsely - "I feel so lost, I don't know what I'm doing anymore."

Steve was sitting there, crying - trying not too - Claudia pulled him in close and Steve let out a soft sob. The older woman rubbing his back, "I'm just really tired of feeling like shit...so tired."

Claudia was rocking him, and Steve's tears seemed to fall harder. "He made me feel less alone, less unwanted, he made me feel like I was special and then he just disappeared on me."

Claudia whispered, "Oh sweet boy, you're not alone - never unwanted. Everyone loves you." Steve just cried, cried because as much as he wanted to believe her - he just didn't.

Claudia stroked Steve's hair and she said softly, "He worships the ground you walk on, he's just a little lost." He'd heard those words before; Steve shook his head - "I'm a loser."

The older woman cupped Steve's face in her hands and she said sternly, "You are not! You're a kind, sweet and beautiful boy. Who fights for everyone around him and loves them with everything he has. You do that even if you were never shown that same love - and that is what makes you so precious. I don't want to ever hear you say that again. Do you hear me, Steven." He nodded, and she peppered his face with kisses. 

"Good, because I will not hear you put yourself down. You look exhausted, why don't you go and have a nap for a little while - and I'll wake you when dinner is ready?" Steve sniffled and he whispered, "Nap?" She nodded, "In Dusty's bed, go on..."

He really wasn't sure that was a good idea, but Claudia said softly - "He probably won’t come back, and if he does - well he can just stay out here till you wake up!" She huffed softly, and Steve rubbed at his eyes. "Are you sure?" She nodded, "Yes I'm sure..."

He whispered, "Okay..." Steve made his way to Dustin's room, rubbing his eyes - he went into Dustin's bathroom and splashed some cold water on his face. He looked like shit - his face was all blotchy and swollen. Steve couldn't even remember the last time he'd cried that much.

"Loser." He muttered to himself, going back into Dustin's room, Steve kicked off his shoes - and then shimmied out of his jeans - he felt a bit weird being in Dustin's bed, but he climbed in under the covers and fluffed up the pillows - he let his eyes close and breathed in. It was like being surrounded by Dustin, and Steve shivered a little, burying his face in the pillow. That musky sweet scent curled in around him - and Steve was asleep almost instantly.

***

Dustin was hungover, and had a splitting headache - and he really just wanted to crash out, and not have to think. When he kicked off his boots in the hallway, he stubbed his toe. "Fuck!" He swore loudly, and then gave his mother a dark look as she hovered in the doorway behind him. "Hush! You're making too much noise!" Claudia left the doorway and Dustin just blinked at the now empty space - because o-kay? What the hell was that even about. She suddenly reappeared and said quietly, "Get in here - and be quiet."

Okay she was being extra weird - weirder than normal. Dustin followed after her, "The hell is wrong with you?" He snorted, and Claudia gave him a disapproving look. "You know Dustin I am getting really fed up with your attitude. I want you to be quiet because I have a guest here sleeping and I don't want you to wake him up." Dustin made a face, "Ew... Mom Jesus - I don't need to know about your secret boyfriend being here."

Claudia let out a hysterical giggle, and Dustin found himself actually joining in - she hissed again, "Okay seriously - be quiet." Dustin's laughter stopped and he flopped down in the sofa, "You're being cagey - you do know that right?" His Mother shrugged, and Dustin just stared - "Well this has been a great talk, I think I'm just going to go to my room now and crash." She stood in front of him, "No! You can’t..." Dustin frowned, "Uh why not?!"

Claudia said calmly, "Because my friend is sleeping in your bed. He used to be your friend too - till you started behaving this way.." She motioned her hand at him, and Dustin frowned, "Behaving this way? Who the hell are you talking about?" His mother said softly, "Yes behaving this way and pushing everyone away - and being so mean and spiteful." Dustin just stared at her - glaring because she still hadn't told him who was asleep in his room. 

"Steve. Steve is asleep in your bed." Dustin felt like the floor had just dropped out from underneath him. "What?!" He hissed, and Claudia sat down - "...So you'll just have to wait here till he wakes up, because he was exhausted and well... who knows when you're ever going to show up. We have plans together to eat dinner. If you want to join us you can." Claudia was gulping down some of her lemonade and Dustin was just staring at her - completely in shock - because what the hell? "I'm not even allowed in my own room? Because of fucking Steve?!"

His mother looked at him, "Don't you swear at me Dustin." He muttered under his breath, and she huffed back at him. Dustin growled out, "Fuck this - I'm not sitting here - he can just get the hell out of my room..." He stalked down the hallway, "Dustin!" His mother hissed at him, and he glared at her - before slipping into his room, and he locked the door behind him. 

He rest up against the door, his heart was hammering in his chest. It'd only been three days since Steve had leapt on Jay outside the diner and punched the shit out of him. It felt like four lifetimes ago, Dustin had come out to his mother - introduced her to his "boyfriend" and everything was still too much. Dustin let out a soft exhale, eyes on Steve - who was sound asleep - in his bed. He bit down on his bottom lip, and pushed his hair behind his ear.

He never thought he'd ever see this in his life. Dustin's heart was still hammering like a bird’s wing against his ribcage - he moved slowly, his hair falling into his face again as he picked up Steve's shoes and moved them - so he didn't trip over them later? He didn't know what he was doing. Dustin's fingers hovered over the jeans, and his eyes shot up to the older boy - He's not wearing his pants and he's in my bed? Holy... shit. Stop it.

Steve wasn't wearing his hoodie either, Dustin put the clothes on the chair with Steve's shoes and he let out a soft little breath. Like he thought if he breathed normally, he'd wake him up. He felt like some little pervert, creeping on Steve - lurking in the dimness from Turtles tank. The older boys back was littered with little moles, and even though Steve was relaxed - Dustin could still see the muscles of his back. Dustin curled his fingers against his stomach, resisting the urge to touch - because he wanted too, and he knew he couldn't.

Dustin had always thought Steve was beautiful, but sleeping he was exquisitely beautiful. His dark lashes kissing his cheeks - he looked like an angel that had fallen from the Heaven's - sent to torment him. "So pretty." He whispered, and he really didn't want to kick him out of his bed, or his room - not anymore. He looked so peaceful, Dustin curled his fingers against his stomach again, digging his fingers in a little. He froze as the older boy made a noise in his sleep, shifting and then Steve was laying on his back instead. 

Dustin knew then that the Gods hated him. He was being punished - unjust and cruel that's what this had to be. Because what even was this? What was Steve even doing here. Dustin bit down on his fingers, and moved a little bit closer. His bed was plenty big enough he thought, he wasn't going to touch Steve - he'd just lay down beside him. So, he could look at him while he slept. Because that wasn't at all creepy.

Dustin shrugged off his coat, and threw that on the chair with Steve's clothes - and then he climbed onto his bed - heart pounding again, he paused - looking at Steve who didn't stir, and didn't wake up. Dustin let out a soft shaky exhale and then he laid down - he could feel the heat coming off Steve - and Dustin bit down on his bottom lip. It was unfair. So unfair. I hate you, I hate you so much. Dustin shivered, and just laid there quietly - his gaze landed on the scars on Steve's stomach. 

***

Steve stretched slowly, eyes still closed - and then he rubbed at his cock - and stroked his fingers lazily against his stomach. He felt so comfortable - and warm, and then he remembered where he was. "Ah fuck..." His voice was raspy from the crying earlier - and he knew he'd have to get up, but he just wanted to stay there for just a little bit longer. The sweet muskiness of Dustin all around him - his bed was so damn comfortable - he stroked his fingers lazily against his stomach. The thought crossed his mind about jerking off - and he muttered softly, "You are a sick puppy Harrington."

He knew there was no way he was actually going to do it - but still, he thought it. He sucked in his stomach and then exhaled slowly - and then Steve's radar hit, he still hadn't opened his eyes - but he always knew, always - he knew without opening his eyes that he wasn't alone. He could always feel when Dustin was looking at him. Heat pooled deep in his belly and Steve felt his cock twitch - but his fingers still against his stomach and he finally opened his eyes. 

Dustin was laying right beside him - those stormy blue eyes just watching him, and it made Steve's heart skip a beat. He felt heat in his cheeks, the younger man wasn't speaking - just staring at him and Steve let out a soft breath, Dustin's gaze lowering to his mouth - before lifting, and meeting Steve's again. He felt like he couldn't form words, like his brain wasn't going to work - like it didn't quite believe that he was really even experiencing what he was. Maybe he was still asleep and dreaming.

The air felt too hot, or maybe it was just him - Steve licked his lips a little and Dustin rolled onto his stomach, a little bit closer but still not touching - and Steve wished he was, wanted him to touch him. He curled his fingers against his stomach, and Dustin's eyes fluttered shut - Steve not realizing that Dustin had been doing the same thing while he slept. Like it was preventing him from touching - even though he wanted too. I can't stop thinking about your hands on me. I hate you.

Dustin's note floated through Steve's head, and his fingers dug in deeper against his belly. He stroked his fingers a little - and let out a slow exhale, he wondered if either of them were going to speak - what they were going to say if they did. He shifted his head a little, and so did Dustin - both of them breathing out at the same time - still not touching. Only their breath danced across the other's face, and it made Steve ache.

Dustin let out a soft little noise in his throat - and Steve was so hard it hurt. Dustin was breathing out in shaky, breathless little pants against his face - and Steve wondered how it was possible for something to be so erotic, when they weren't even touching. But it was - every breath, sent waves of heat through every nerve ending in his body. Lighting fires inside him - and Dustin looked completely wrecked, and he was so beautiful - Steve wanted to make him come undone completely. 

Steve watched as Dustin rolled his hips, right there - shamelessly rutting against his mattress - and Steve lost it, lost any tiny remnant of control that he had. The kiss was possessive, and deep and Steve's tongue slicked against Dustin's coaxing and claiming and making Dustin whimper oh so sweetly. They kissed until they had to get air, breathing hard against each other’s faces - but then Dustin was kissing him again, just as possessive, Steve's entire body sang with it.

It was like he'd been starved and now he was being restored, given salvation. Dustin's fingers hovered, like he wasn't sure, and Steve said huskily, "Touch me..." Dustin's entire body trembled, and he stroked his fingers against Steve's face - then down against his throat. Despite the desperation in their kissing, this was slow and almost torturous.

He let out a dirty soft groan, and Dustin whispered, "Please....please." Steve kissed him again, and then he moved - moved over Dustin - who stared up at him - face flushed and hair spread out against the pillow. His lips swollen and wet - Steve wanted to burn this into his memory forever, to never forget how beautiful he was. Dustin was panting softly, and then he reached up - stroking his fingers against Steve's face, but he rolled his hips up and Steve growled against Dustin's mouth,

"...Fuck..." Dustin's breath caught - and Steve rolled his hips into Dustin's, he felt Dustin's fingers dig into his back - it wasn't just him that was hard; Dustin was too - it made both of them moan against each other’s mouths. Steve let out a soft, dirty grunt as Dustin's fingers suddenly dug into his ass - his bare ass. Pulling him in and Steve hadn't even felt him put his hand in his boxers. They were rocking together and Dustin tilted his head back - Steve leaned in and sucked hard against Dustin's pulse.

The knock on the door made Steve freeze - Dustin gasping out - "Dustin? Dinner's ready." Steve's eyes fluttered closed as Dustin rocked up into him, slowly and Steve stared down at him. "...We'll be there in a minute.." He called out to his mother, voice all wrecked - and Steve sucked on Dustin's bottom lip, then kissed his jaw - then bit his throat and sucked.

They were both still on the edge, both still not wanting to stop - but Steve pulled himself away, and Dustin whimpered softly - Steve breathed out heavily, he shifted so he was sitting on the edge of the bed - and then he looked over his shoulder. Dustin kept his eyes on Steve, as he gripped himself through his pants, Steve's own cock twitched in his boxers - and he stood up getting his jeans off the chair he tugged them on, trying to ignore how tight they were against his cock. Then Steve tugged on his hoodie, and Dustin had already scooted to the very edge of the bed, Steve leaned down - and then he kissed him deep and slow.

"Steve..." Dustin whispered his name, and Steve brushed his thumb over the younger boy’s mouth. "...We better go out there..." His voice was still all raspy, and Dustin whispered shakily, "I don't think I can, I can't...sit there - pretending - thinking about your hands on me."

Steve whispered back, "We can get through it...and then after, we can touch each other..." Dustin licked at his mouth, and Steve murmured, "Witch..." Dustin smiled against his lips, and Steve kissed him soft once more before he stepped back, and Dustin followed him out into the living room.

Somehow, they got through it - Steve was quiet as Dustin and Claudia talked, he tried not to think about how he was molesting Claudia's sweet little angel - little devil? His eyes landed on Dustin, and Claudia said "So have you boys made up?" Dustin looked at his mother, and then he looked at Steve - Steve's heart skipped a beat, and Dustin said softly, "Uhuh yeah..." 

Claudia was ecstatic and Steve felt the heat in his face, "My two favourite people being happy again - Oh I am pleased Dusty, Stevie is my sweet little kitten." Dustin raised an eyebrow, smirking as he looked at Steve. "Oh, is he now?" Steve let out a soft laugh, and Claudia let out one of her musical little giggles. "I mean just look at that face - did you have a good nap Sweetheart?"

Claudia was ruffling her fingers through his hair, and Steve knew he was blushing like a tomato - Dustin was staring at his mother, amusement twinkling in his eyes and he looked at Steve, "Yeah... Sweetheart - did you sleep well?"

Steve lowered his gaze, and Dustin let out a soft little giggle of his own - which made Steve's stomach warm, he'd missed that little giggle. "Yeah..." He murmured softly, "I haven't been sleeping very good, I slept...like a baby." Dustin was just watching him, in that intense way that only he could. 

"Well, it’s good, I know you were upset earlier - sometimes sleeping is good after you've been crying." Steve lowered his gaze, Dustin's voice was even softer, "You... we’re crying?" He didn't lift his gaze, mostly because he really didn't think he could right then. "Hush Dusty..." Claudia added, "We were having a heart to heart - it doesn't concern you. "

It got a bit quiet, and Claudia got up - "Who wants desert?" Dustin shook his head no - "We're going to be going out for a bit." Steve lifted his gaze; Dustin was still just staring at him and Steve let out a soft exhale. "Oh... well you can always eat it later."

Dustin murmured, "Yeah...save it for later…" Steve felt his heart hammering in his chest again, and Dustin stood up - he stared at his mom, and then he kissed her forehead. "We're going to leave now, okay?" Claudia looked a little confused, "Oh.. - right now?" Dustin just nodded, and then he was right in front of Steve. "...Let's go."  Steve didn't know where they were going? But he let Dustin interlace their fingers - the younger man tugging him to his feet and out the door. 

Chapter Text

They were in Steve's car, "Where do you wanna go?" He asked softly. Dustin had been staring out the window - but he turned and looked at Steve, the way he was looking at him - it made him ache, but it also made him feel like there was something Dustin wanted to say - but he didn't want to say it yet. "Eddie's trailer." The words were soft, almost inaudible and Steve breathed out sharply.

Dustin looked away, and Steve silently started the car. It didn't take very long to get to the trailer park, and the whole drive over - Steve's heart was racing, his stomach was all in knots. He didn't know whether to say anything or not -and Dustin wasn't speaking, and Steve's mind was working on overdrive. When they finally got there, Steve turned the engine off and just waited.

Dustin was looking across the trailer park - into the dark and then he got out the truck, "C'mon..." His voice soft, and Steve followed. Once they were inside - Dustin locked the door behind them, the red glow from the gate pulsing - Steve bit the inside of his cheek, he hated pretending that he didn't already know about it - but he didn't want Dustin to get upset and then not talk to him. He'd clearly brought him here for a reason. 

Steve followed Dustin into the other room, the other boy was quiet - but then Dustin sat down on the mattress, and patted it. "Come... sit..." And so, Steve sat, waiting - Dustin crawled in closer, and Steve let out a soft exhale "Hopper brought me here a couple of weeks ago." He said quietly.

Dustin turned his head away, his body tense. "So, everyone knows that I lied?" Steve wanted to touch him, but he kept his hands to himself. "No... just me, me and Hop." The younger man pulled his knees up to his chin, and Steve watched as Dustin's hands shook, before Dustin slid them into his hair and gripped it.

"Dustin you... don't have to do this if you're not ready..." His voice was soft, Dustin was just sitting there - his head low, hair hiding his face. When he lifted his head? Tears were blurring his eyes, sliding down his face - "I want too, I just don't know how."

He finally reached out, and gently brushed Dustin's tears away, "Are you sure you wanna tell me here? Would it be easier somewhere else..." Dustin leaned into Steve's touch, "I come here sometimes when I want to be alone - sometimes I think about going back in there..." 

Steve whispered, "To do what..." Dustin turned his head away from him again, "To Die." He felt like the air had got punched out of his lungs - "Dustin..."

Dustin's entire body was tense, and he just wouldn't look at him, Steve's voice was hoarse. "Why...why the hell would you say that...fuck..." The empty, almost emotionless reply from Dustin made his stomach churn., "Because sometimes it's what I want."

Steve held the younger man’s face in his hands - "My Mom said you were crying, that - when I saw you...I thought. I don't know what I thought. I don't know what this is..."

Dustin looked at him, and Steve let out a soft breath. "I... thought if I pushed you away - it would hurt less, that... that I would be okay without you - that... you'd be okay because you didn't know... you couldn't know - I'd never tell you, and you'd be safe... and that's all that mattered..."

Steve whispered shakily, "What the hell are you talking about, it never stopped hurting - and seeing you in pain, and not being able to help you...it’s been fucking destroying me too, seeing you like this... Be safe from what?" 

Dustin wasn't answering him, and when Steve reached out - touching Dustin's face, the younger man flinched, "Dustin?" He felt the tight knot in his stomach, the lump in his throat - and Steve really didn't want to cry - not again. But he was holding on by a thread, and Dustin was shutting down all over again - already pulling away.

"Please... please don't do this." His voice was betraying him, cracking at the end and Dustin whispered, "I'm sorry... I don't think..." He just stared down at his lap, and Steve reached out - but Dustin shifted away.

"You... you don't have to tell me anything..." Steve hated how desperate he sounded, how he was pleading - "Just... don't do this... please don't do this again, I... can't..."

Steve's was struggling to get air into his lungs, breathing in harshly and Dustin suddenly was close again, "No. no... don’t... don't cry... please... don't cry..." Steve hadn't even realized that he was - he should have, but he hadn't - "It will be easier if you hate me, just let me go... don't you see that?"

Dustin was crying too, and Steve shook his head, "No.." 

"I can't stand it, please... don't do this." He wiped at his face, and Dustin said softly - "You don't need me Steve, what is this... this thing between us - what is it? We've been friends because of all the shit with the upside down, but..." He tugged on his hair, and Steve just sat there staring at him - his traitorous tears blurring his vision, "...I could never hate you." He whispered.

Dustin lifted his gaze, "I'm not the same person anymore, I'm not... him, that old me." Steve breathed out in a rush of air, and he said hoarsely - "I know that, none of us... we've all been changed."

The younger man lowered his gaze and then he said softly, "He died in there with Eddie." Steve's hands were shaking, as he wiped at his face. "...I know you don't mean it. You want this... you want me too." Steve felt the heat in his face, and Dustin breathed out softly - not meeting his gaze. "Please don't lie to me... don't do this. What about... earlier..." He hated the way his voice was trembling, Steve whispered, "I know you're lying to me."

"We had made it back here... I got back through the gate, and he fucking left me here - trapped me here, and told me he was going to buy you guys more time. I threw myself back in, but... but I landed wrong - hurt my leg, and couldn't move fast enough."

Dustin's voice was almost inaudible, but Steve looked up at the pulsing red light above them. "He...was ripped to shreds by them, bleeding out and I couldn't do a damn thing about it... by the time I got to him - the bats, the bats had ripped him to pieces."

Steve wiped tears from his face, and Dustin said tearfully - "And you got ripped apart by them and didn't even fucking tell me!" The rage in the younger man’s voice, made Steve bite down on his lip.

"You and him - you ...just so fucking reckless! You didn't even tell me because I didn't matter enough. Obviously, I didn’t... But... Eddie, he fucking abandoned me to go and try and be a fucking hero - to impress who? You??!"

Dustin was screaming the words at him - and Steve flinched, before whispering shakily, "So you blame me..." It wasn't a question, but Steve felt sick to his stomach.

The silence after that - seemed to be almost deafening. Dustin was breathing harshly - and then he was sobbing, and Steve didn't know what to do - "...There was so much blood, so much... he died in my arms - he kept trying to talk, he... told me that he loved me. And I... I couldn't save him. I couldn't bring him back - I... couldn't save him."

Steve closed his eyes tightly, wishing he could take Dustin's pain away, to make everything okay, to bring Eddie back.

"I miss him, I miss him so fucking much - he just knew, he knew and he made everything so much better and lit the world up and now it’s just dark, dark and cold and it fucking sucks - and now... now it’s just all shit... everything feels like shit and I don't wanna be here... I don't wanna be here!"

Steve flinched again, each of Dustin's words felt like little daggers - "I'm sorry." He said hoarsely, "...I'm sorry that he's not here." I'd swap our places if it meant you got to be happy. 

Steve got now why Dustin didn't want to see him, he blamed Steve - he blamed Nancy, he blamed everyone for what happened - but most of all he blamed himself. And nobody was ever going to change his mind. He got that now. He also realized that Lucas had probably been right all along - the crush, Dustin must have had more than a crush. Dustin had been in love with Eddie, and watched him die - and Steve had gotten it all twisted and wrong - he wasn't the one that Dustin loved and never had been.

The silence between them was deafening - and Steve felt like every part of his body was aching, tired and worn too thin. Why would Dustin love him? Nobody had ever loved him. Whatever had happened between them had just been - a mistake, and then fuelled by drugs and nothing else. Steve felt like he was going to be sick, and he got up suddenly, his fingers shaking as he fumbled with the lock and then finally got outside. 

He was vomiting harshly onto the grass - legs weak and he wasn't surprised that Dustin hadn't followed after him. Steve wiped at his mouth - he'd wanted to know the truth. He had wanted to know the truth and now he did, only now he wished he didn't know. Steve's stomach lurched again, and he found himself only dry heaving - nothing left to vomit.

"Harrington? Why is it every time I see you, you're either vomiting - or throwing punches?" Jay's voice, the other boy was climbing out of his truck - parked across the way. Steve breathed out sharply - Jay lived here? The blond leant against his truck, lighting a cigarette.

"...What are you doing over there?" Amusement in Jay's voice, and Steve said hoarsely, "Fuck you." He made his way slowly towards his car, and the blond added - "Are you okay?"

Steve growled out, "Like you even give a shit." Jay took another drag on his cigarette, exhaling lazily - "Yeah... you're right, I don't - but you look like shit, and Eddie was your friend - I liked Eddie."

Of course, this prick knew Eddie. "Stop talking to me." Steve said hoarsely, finally getting into his car - he just sat there raking his fingers through his hair, door still open. He figured Jay had given up, maybe he'd gone inside or something - but suddenly the other boy was right there, "Did you come here by yourself?" Jay looked at Eddie's trailer, and then he kicked his boot against Steve's shoe, "Hey..."

Steve said hoarsely, "What, what do you want from me? Just...stop." He could feel the tears burning behind his eyelids, and he sure as hell didn't want to cry in front of this asshole. Jay was doing this weird humming thing, and Steve opened his eyes.

"You're pretty when you cry." Steve glared at him and Jay shrugged, "Sorry..." He reached into his pocket, and then he handed Steve a rolled-up bundle of tinfoil. "Might make you feel better. Help with...this..." He motioned with his hand. "You're a fucking hot mess."

Steve just looked at him - confused. "It's some weed Harrington."

Jay flicked his hair out of his face, "...So Dustin's inside?" Steve said nothing, and the other boy hummed again - it was weird, and Steve muttered, "I need to go." The other boy stepped back and Steve climbed into the car, Jay shutting the door - before he leaned in and then said softly, amusement in his eyes - "Don't worry hmm?"

Steve tensed up as Jay stroked his finger against Steve's arm, feather light - "There are plenty of other boys to play with - don't get so hung up on the one you can't have."

Steve's eyes met Jay's, and he spat out - "Fuck you, you piece of shit - you fucking don't know what you're talking about."

Jay just laughed, "He said you were both naughty in the bathroom at Tate’s..." Steve felt the heat in his face, and Jay smirked at him - "...Look at you blushing, - who would have thought you were the shy type..."

Steve growled back, "Fuck off and die." That just made the other boy laugh again, "...Bye Steve..." He was shaking, as he finally drove away - feeling more lost than he had when the day first started. He tried to ignore the jealousy flaring inside him at the thought of Jay being anywhere near Dustin. "He doesn't want you, so just stop it."

***

Dustin was tired, bone deep tired - lying to Steve - of course he had to lie to Steve. And it just hurt. Everything hurt - it always hurt. He was laying on his back staring up at the ceiling - he could hear the sound of Jay's voice outside - and he wondered if Steve and Jay would fight again. But then it went quiet - and he heard the sound of the trailer door closing - the sound of Jay's boots, and then the other boy was flopping down beside him.

"Hmm what ya doing in here...?" Jay lifted his gaze up - "The fuck is that?" Dustin turned his gaze to Jay, just watching him. Jay was studying the gate, curious – yet instinctively wary.

It was strange - to realize that Jay had no idea about the upside down, or any of the shit that Dustin knew about. That any of them knew about. Jay stared down at him - and then he was moving over Dustin, "...I always knew this town was fucking weird - but...it’s even weirder than I thought isn't it." It wasn't a question, and Dustin murmured softly, "Yeah... yeah it is..." Jay nuzzled his nose against Dustin's cheek, and he whispered, "Harrington looked broken, what did you do to him?" 

Dustin tensed up, and he curled his fingers into Jay's shirt - "Nothing." The other boy stared down at him, studying his face - "We just talked, and then he left." Dustin's fingers loosened their grip, and he muttered "I don't wanna talk about it anymore." Jay shifted so he was lying beside Dustin - "Alright, fair enough..."

He interlaced their fingers - and Dustin whispered, "I'm tired..." Jay said softly, "Wanna stay here or go back to mine?" Dustin shivered as Jay stroked his fingers into his hair, soothingly stroking. "Just...stay here for a little bit?" Jay hummed softly, and Dustin smiled - "Yeah... So, Baby… do you wanna explain to me what the hell that thing is?" Dustin let out a soft breath - and then he muttered, "Yeah... okay."

***

It was close to 3 a.m. and Dustin was wide awake - after having talked about the upside down, and all the shit that went along with it. Or at least some of it - not every detail.  The two of them had made their way back to Jay's trailer. Eventually falling asleep. Jay was still asleep, draped over him - but Dustin felt too awake. He untangled himself from Jay and then headed into the bathroom, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Dustin sat down on the toilet; he had his razorblade in his hand before he even had time to stop himself from doing it - Dustin was dragging it over the inside of his arm. He let out a hiss, and did it again - grabbing some toilet paper he pressed down on it the cuts. His hands stopping shaking and Dustin breathed out slowly.

"Fuck...fuck." He whispered - suddenly he was thinking about what happened in his bedroom, with Steve - and he started crying. "Shit, stop it… fucking stop it." Dustin covered his mouth with his hand, trying to be quiet - not wanting to wake Jay up. 

He was shaking again, and Dustin once more took the razor blade, he pushed his sleeve up and dragged it over his wrist - breathing out shakily, trying to contain the sob - Dustin stood up slowly, letting the razor blade drop into the sink. He rinsed the blood away, splashing cold water on his face - his eyes were puffy, and he looked like shit. Dustin felt on edge, - and he was still tired but he knew he'd never go back to sleep, not now. He dried off his razor blade - put grabbed his jeans, putting the blade back into the little pocket at the front.

The door opened behind him, and Jay leaned in the doorway "Hey Sunshine..." The other boys voice was husky from sleep - and he was rubbing his eyes, "Hey." Dustin's was slightly shaky, and Jay stepped in closer, curling his arms around him - he placed a kiss on Dustin's shoulder. "You can't sleep?" Dustin muttered softly, "Yeah... shit did I wake you up?" Wondering if Jay had heard him crying.

Jay nuzzled his face in against his hair, "Nah... had to take a piss." Dustin let his eyes close, and Jay let out a soft exhale - "You okay?" Dustin opened his eyes, and Jay was staring at him in the mirror - it made Dustin think about Steve again – and he hated himself for it. Dustin whispered, "Yeah..." Jay didn't say anything else, but his gaze was studying Dustin - in that quiet way that he sometimes did.

The other boy moved to the toilet, taking a piss, he looked over his shoulder at Dustin, "...You want me to take you home?" Jay finished his piss, and then flushed the toilet - washing his hands, and Dustin just stayed quiet - almost like he was frozen in place. He let out a soft breath as Jay suddenly cupped his face, rubbing his thumb over his cheek - "Or… do you want to try the present I got you."

Dustin had forgotten about that, Jay kissed him, soft and feather light. "Yeah okay..." Dustin said soft against Jay's mouth, the older boy whispered, "It'll make you forget about all the bad shit." Dustin let out a soft little breath, he really - really liked the sound of that. Jay interlaced their fingers - and then tugged Dustin back into the bedroom - he pushed Dustin so he was sitting on the bed.

"Sit back against the pillows and get comfy..." Dustin moved back, watching Jay from under his lashes as the older boy moved around the room - he grabbed a candle, lighting it - and setting it on the bedside table.

"Why are you so good to me..." Dustin said softly, "I'm just a fucking mess and you're just..." Tears welled up in his eyes, and he closed them, exhaling shakily - and he let out a soft little breath when he felt Jay's weight settle above him.

"Hey...hey look at me..." Dustin opened his eyes, Jay's fair was falling into his face - but he cupped Dustin's face, gently tilting his head up. "It's all the shit in here..." He stroked Dustin's temple, "All the shit out there...that hurts you."

Jay placed Dustin's hand on his chest, and he could feel the steady thud of Jay's heartbeat under his fingertips. "It's safe here, I'll take care of you..." Dustin breathed out softly, and the older boy murmured, "I'll make all the bad shit go away, that's what you want... it's what you need...isn't it Baby?"

Dustin shivered, and whispered "So much, I want that... so much."

Jay tugged at the hem of Dustin's shirt, and Dustin let him pull it off - the older boy, saw the cuts on his arm - and he curled his fingers around Dustin's wrist, eyes on Dustin's as he sucked the blood away. He let out one of his little hums and Dustin felt his face flush with heat, Jay didn't ask why he did it - he didn't tell him he shouldn't do it - he just licked over the cut and then he leaned up closer and gave Dustin a deep, slow kiss. He could taste the coppery tang of his blood, mixed with the taste of nicotine and a taste of chocolate. It was Jay, and it was delicious. 

Dustin was left breathless, and Jay gave him a smirk as he pulled away - "I'll be right back hot stuff..."

Dustin let out a breathy little laugh, watching as Jay went into the other room. He stroked his fingers against his stomach, curling them there. The older boy came back - sitting in front of Dustin on the bed - he set down the spoon he was holding, and then he handed Dustin the little glass bottle, "Hold that for me for a minute."

Dustin did, and Jay placed the spoon on the bed beside them. He shifted again - opening the bedside drawer, he took out a thin belt - and put that on the bed too. Then he grabbed the candle, giving that to Dustin as he took back the little glass bottle. Dustin just watched everything that Jay was doing - the older boy shifted again, moving into the bathroom. When he came back, Dustin's heart hammered against his chest when he saw what Jay had in his mouth. 

It was a packet, but in the packet was a syringe. Jay's eyes met Dustin's - the two of them staring at each other, and Jay said softly - his voice a little husky - "Do you know what it is now?" Dustin wasn't stupid, he had heard of it before - just never knew, or had ever seen it before. "Heroin." He whispered, his heart hammering - Jay opened the packet and set the syringe on the bed beside them. "Do you trust me?" Dustin whispered, "Yes... yes you know I do." Jay leaned in closer, the candle illuminating his face - and he murmured against Dustin's lips, "You can say no."

Dustin's heart skipped a beat, and he whispered, "I want too, I want to do this with you." Jay kissed him, and then sucked on his bottom lip and Dustin was shaking - the older boy pulled away and then he murmured, "It’s... intense it's probably the most intense thing you'll ever feel." Dustin watched as Jay poured the contents of the bottle into the spoon, and then he held it over the candles flame.

It hissed, and started to bubble, an almost sickly-sweet smell in the air - and Dustin let out a soft breath, Jay's gaze lifted to meet his - "Take the belt and tighten as tight as you can bare around your arm." Dustin did as Jay instructed, his hands shaking so he fumbled a little - but then he did it, and Jay took the syringe, "Put the candle back on the nightstand Baby..."

Dustin set the candle back down and Jay put the syringe between his teeth - moving so he was straddling Dustin, he set the spoon on the bedside table too. Jay slid his fingers into Dustin's hair, and Dustin kissed him - breathing out soft against Jay's face, the older boy took hold of his arm, and Dustin watched as Jay rubbed and then slapped at the inside of his arm. Then he slid the needle in - and Dustin let out a little hiss, "Oh..." He gasped out, the rush of heat the surged through his body was instant. 

Being cold was almost a constant state of being for Dustin, and so this - was the complete opposite of that. Blissful, radiating heat washed over him - all through his entire body, all at once - it chased away the cold, the cold that was always bone deep - chased away, by the warmth that rolled in like an endless wave. It felt so good that Dustin let out a moan, it sounded far away - almost like it didn't come from him, it chased away the pain, chased away the fear, the guilt - it chased it all away. It wasn't like when he took pills, or drank booze - this was like some spiritual cleansing of everything.

His entire body was alive, singing with it - "Jay...oh..." He whimpered and his eyes rolled back in his head briefly, his body was lax and Jay's voice murmured, "That's it Baby, just let it make you feel good..." Dustin opened his eyes, and it was like everything was brighter - more vibrant, Jay was almost glowing, and he watched as Jay removed the belt from his arm, and then put it around his own - Jay slid the needle into his arm and let out a mumbled, "Fuck yeah." 

The two of them curled up together, and Jay pulled the syringe out of his arm - everything but Jay just disappeared - it was like the two of them were locked away together in bliss and Dustin curled in close, Jay lifted the sheet up over their head, breathing out in a rush as he said breathlessly - "Feels... fucking good yeah? Yeah... I told you... fuck... c’mere. You’re too far away."

Dustin felt like he wanted to crawl inside of him and stay there, Jay breathed out against his neck - and Dustin's eyes rolled as his head fell down against Jay's chest, Jay's legs tangled with his, and the older boy was muttering against his skin - the two of them nodding off - into oblivion. 

Chapter Text

Steve wasn't sure how it had happened, but somehow Mike fucking Wheeler had convinced him - that his house was big and empty - and would be perfect to have a party? Steve didn't feel like having a party - and he sure as hell didn't want to have to be socializing with anyone. But those stupid puppy-eyes, he couldn't say no. So - Mike fucking Wheeler, was having a party at Steve's house.

Why he couldn't say no to a Wheeler - that was a serious issue. Steve raked his fingers through his hair, and just skulked outside - smoking and pacing back and forth, watching the steam rise from the pool. He didn't have to mix with anyone; he could just go and hide out in his room. Steve was pretending everything was fine, because he had too. It seemed to be working. Nobody was asking any questions - so, it was working. It was a couple of weeks since the night in the trailer. Steve just went to work, went to the meetings at the Squawk - and went home. 

He'd spent most of his nights, drinking till he passed out. It wasn't ideal - but it was how he was dealing, so for now it was the way it was. He put on a smile and acted as happy as he could when he was around the others. Steve didn't hang around too long to make small talk; he just kept himself busy - and buried himself in whatever task he was doing. Steve was chain smoking, when the ranch slider door opened, and Jonathan stepped out.

"Hey..." The other boy raised an eyebrow, "...Are you going to come inside - or just stay out here all night, Nancy's getting concerned about you." Steve shook his head, "I'm fine, you should go back inside - have fun." Steve's voice sounded too hoarse, and Jonathan added - "Steve."

He said sharply, "I'm fine alright - you and Nance can just leave if you don’t wanna hang around. I'll keep an eye on them... from out here." Jonathan sighed, and then he said quietly - "...Dustin's here." Steve tensed up at that, and he wasn't expecting that - but he kept his face as blank as he could. 

"Well Mike said he was going to try to get him to come, so whatever." Steve didn't look at Jonathan, and he growled out - "Just go Jon!" The other boy seemed to hesitate, and then he muttered, "I give a shit about you, I want you to be okay, so...that's all I'm going to say."

Steve tried to ignore the lump in his throat, "Yeah I know, fuck off Jon." He gave the other boy a smile, and Jonathan nodded - disappearing and leaving Steve on his own again. Steve sighed heavily, and muttered, "Fuck."

The music was blaring from inside the house - and Steve didn't even know who half the people were in his house - Mike probably didn't know half of these people - who the hell were they? Steve flicked his cigarette butt into the tin he had on the ground and then he went inside. He raised his eyebrow at Mike, who was standing over in the corner - face all flushed and eyes bright and clearly a bit drunk. 

He was waving his arms around and Will was laughing - and Steve actually smiled softly, "Fucking punks..." He did love them though, little shits. He headed for the kitchen and grabbed himself a beer - because he wasn't going to stay sober - he'd be a drunk babysitter, in his own house.

Steve cracked his beer open and chugged most of it down in one go - and then grabbed another one, "Hey Steve." Garrett was a big guy, and he gave Steve a half-hug. "Hey man..." He replied, clinking his beer bottle against the other boys.

"...Who the hell are all these people?" Steve laughed, "Beats me..." They were both just leaning against the wall, and Garrett sighed, "Hellfire hasn't really...sparked back up, shame."

Steve lifted his head, looking at him - "Well maybe when Henderson can pull his head out of his ass, you'll get your wish." His voice was hard, and Garrett's gaze wandered - "Oh... yeah. Maybe." Steve's gaze shifted, following Garretts - "Fuck."

Dustin was watching them, or more specifically his gaze was on Steve. Steve just stared back - trailing his gaze over Dustin - and then he took another swig of his beer. Dustin was wearing super tight pants, that probably should be illegal - and some kind of black top that looked like it was strapped to his body. His hair was wet looking, the curls hanging down around his shoulders - and he had smoky black eyeliner lining his eyes.

He looked sexy as hell, and Steve gulped down all of his beer - "Want another?" He asked Garrett, the other boy said - "Yeah sure that'd be good..." Steve nodded, and then went back to the fridge, he fished out two more - and handed one to Garrett, who was already talking to Lucas - "Hey Steve."

Steve murmured, "Hey Lu, how's things." Lucas scratched his eyebrow, "Yeah... okay... hey Dustin." Dustin was there, right there - "Hey..." The younger man's voice was breathy and Steve didn't even look at him, he just gave Lucas' shoulder a gentle squeeze and then he clinked his bottle against Garrett's again, "Later Bud."

He headed back out to his spot outside - sprawling in the chair - he sighed softly and then reached into his pocket, pulling out the joint that he had there. Steve had already smoked the weed that Jay had given him, he'd been smoking more of it than he usually would. He really didn't care at that point. Steve put it between his lips and then lit it - taking a deep drag, and exhaling slowly - he heard the door slide open and shut, and Steve kept his eyes closed - he knew who it was.

"...You're not even going to speak to me?" Dustin's voice was soft.

Steve opened one eye - looking at the younger man he said with a snort, "Oh... I'm sorry, you want my attention so I'm just supposed to give it to you when it suits you? Is that it?" The younger man flinched and Steve stared straight ahead, taking another drag on his joint - "No." Dustin said softly, and Steve exhaled slowly - "Is there something you wanted?"

Dustin was just standing there, and Steve didn't want to look at him - he studied the joint between his fingers, waiting - and then he said darkly, "Did you bring your asshole boyfriend with you?"

The younger man curled an arm around his body, "Why are you being such a dick..." Steve growled back, "Isn't this what you wanted? Huh?"

Dustin breathed out sharply, it was loud enough for Steve to hear it, and he hated the twist in his gut - “...Right... yeah... sorry." Dustin's voice sounded small, and when Steve looked up, Dustin was already gone. 

***

He wished he hadn't let Mike convince him to come. Why he'd come he didn't know - he should have just stayed away. He should have stayed as far away as possible, but Dustin was stupid - and he was an idiot. And he'd gotten exactly what he'd wanted - because Steve was pissed, he was angry - and he hated him. And that's what he'd wanted. To push him away – to make him hate him. And now he'd done it - and he'd gotten what he'd wanted.

But why did it hurt so much. Dustin should never have come to Mike's stupid party at Steve's house. All the Hellfire gang was there, except Jay hadn't come with Dustin because - well he'd decided not to, and he'd had to go to work. But Dustin kind of wished he was. The older boy had dropped him off - and so Dustin was supposed to be going home later. He didn't really wanna see his mom, he hadn't been home in almost two weeks. 

Dustin left the bathroom, and almost crashed into Will. "Hey Dustin..." Byer's had gotten a lot taller - "Hey." He said softly, and Will whispered, "You look awesome."

Dustin let out a soft laugh, "Thanks?" Will gave him a grin, and then said shyly, "You're so brave… you know, I... yeah I... miss you, Dustin." Dustin frowned, and then he said softly, "I'm really not, and I miss you too, like... a lot." He really did.

Will's eyes were full of tears, and Dustin whispered, "Shit... don't cry man - get in here..." He tugged Will into the bathroom with him, and shut the door. He let out a shaky exhale; Will was wiping his face. "I'm sorry."

Dustin just shook his head, and then he used his sleeve to wipe Will's tears. "Come, sit." He pushed Will so he was sitting on the edge of the bathtub. Will just looked up at him, and then Dustin gripped Will's chin and tilted his face. Dustin fished his eyeliner out of his pocket, and then he put some on Will - gently smudging it. "Perfect..."

The other boy stared at his reflection in the mirror, and Dustin smirked - "Go bat your pretty eyelashes at Wheeler and he'll be falling apart."

Will's face went red, and he stammered, "D-Dustin!" Dustin laughed softly, and bumped his hip against Will's, "C’mon... you don't have to pretend with me, it's just us."

Will let out a soft little breath, and then he said softly - "I can't tell him, I'm not brave like you... I'm too scared."

Dustin curled his arm around Will and said softly, "You are brave, so brave all the shit you've been through." Will wrapped his arms around Dustin, and they were cuddling. "You shouted who you are from the rooftops, you're my fucking hero."

Dustin whispered, "Shut the hell up." They both laughed, and Dustin gave Will's cheek a soft little kiss, "Come on - lets go show Mike your sexy bedroom eyes." Will was blushing again, and Dustin smirked "He's going to lose his shit... you wait."

***

Steve was buzzed, and yet not completely shit faced - he was currently dancing with Vicky and - she was laughing, Steve was twirling her - and Robin was watching them while in avid conversation with little Wheeler, who was doing that fidgeting thing he did, whenever he was without Byers. Vicky grinned and said, "Hey... my friend Blake is coming by... you might like him."

She wiggled her hips as she smushed his face and Steve laughed, murmuring against her ear, "Oh really." A slower song started playing and they were slow dancing - "Yeah, Robin mentioned you have been down in the dumps."

She looked up at him, "Maybe... having a new friend might help?" Steve wasn't sure what to say to that, but he spun her around and then brought her back in - "Maybe." He murmured, and he saw Dustin with Will - who was now also wearing smudgy eyeliner, and Dustin looked at him - but then quickly averted his gaze. 

Robin had disappeared, and Mike was just staring at Will - the flailing had stopped, but he had gotten as close to Byers as he could - "God that boy is so in love." Vicky murmured to him, and Steve laughed - "Yeah..." Will was blushing, and Mike was now fully focused on him - Dustin was smirking, and Will was leaning in to Mike, to listen to him better.

"Hey Vic," A deep voice, made Vicky pull back, and Robin said, "Unhand my woman Harrington..." Steve rolled his eyes - and then he turned his attention to the deep voice.

"Steve, this is Blake... Blake this is Steve." Vicky said - and Robin let out a soft little, "You should dance... dancing is so much fun!" She grabbed Vicky, and left the two of them standing there.

Blake was handsome - Steve wasn't blind - "Hey Steve..." Blake had a bit of a drawl in his voice, and Steve said softly, "Uh... hey..." He felt nervous, "Want a drink?" Blake let out a soft little chuckle, "Sure..." Steve nodded, wishing he knew what to say. 

He went and got a couple of beers, and then handed one to Blake - "So this is your place?" Blake cracked his beer open and took a swig - and Steve realized that he was staring, heat in his face - "Uh well it’s my parents…"

Blake laughed, "Yeah sorry - I'm not .. I mean I'm nervous." Steve breathed out softly, "Fuck... yeah? Yeah, me too...." He laughed, and Blake said softly, "Do you smoke? I'm hanging out for one..."

Steve nodded, "Yeah.. come on..." He led the other boy outside, and Robin gave him the thumbs up - Steve gave her the finger, and she laughed. As Steve headed out, he felt eyes on him - and his gaze met Dustin's, Steve lowered his and then went outside. 

***

Blake was a musician; he'd been in band with Vicki and Robin back in high school - and moved out of Hawkins to go to college. "I came home to see my folks for a little bit, and well ...didn't leave." He smiled at Steve, his eyes were all sparkly - and Steve nodded, "I just...never left."

He laughed and shook his head, "You... you don't sound like you came from here originally though."

Blake smiled, "Yeah, nah I was born and raised in New Orleans... moved here with my parents when I was about thirteen? You don't remember me because I was a major dork. You were Mr. Hotstuff..." He sipped his beer, and Steve said with a laugh, "No... I was an asshole in high school."

Blake laughed, "Yeah just a little bit." Steve could feel the heat in his face and Blake leaned in closer, "Never knew you were into guys..." Steve let out a shaky breath, "Yeah... me either."

He lowered his gaze, staring at his beer in his hand - "I... that’s only something I've recently figured out..." His voice sounded weird, and Steve could feel the lump in his throat - and he whispered shakily, "Fuck..." Blake placed one of his hands on Steve's knee. "No pressure or anything here, okay? You're just figuring things out, if you just need a friend - we can just be friends, if you wanna be something more - we can see where that goes... no pressure."

Steve lifted his head, and he said shakily - "I'm a fucking mess, I.. appreciate that..."

Blake smiled, and Steve found himself smiling back - "I always thought you were cute though..." Blake gave him a wink, and Steve let out a soft laugh, "...Even though I was an asshole."

Blake chuckled, "Well, yeah... you'd strut about the place - damn... you know?" Steve let out a soft laugh, "I don’t... even remember you." Blake smirked, "I don't blame you... I wasn't much to look at; do you have your yearbook?" Steve laughed, "Yeah... I wasn't friends with Robin then either, but yeah..."

Blake raked his fingers through his hair, "I've gained a lot of muscle and height - I was a lard ass." Steve suddenly hissed, "Blake Milton?" Blake nodded, "Yep… The one and the same. So, you do remember me."

Steve just stared at him - "...Well I mean, yeah but... holy shit." They both laughed and Blake smirked, "I was good at blowing on a trumpet... came in handy..."

Steve nearly choked on his beer, and Blake laughed - "Easy there, you don't wanna choke on it." He shook his head, and the ranch slider opened - Robin and Vicky, Will and Mike came outside.

"Having fun?" Robin asked, and Vicky sat in Blake’s lap. "Yes, definitely having fun - enjoying watching Steve blush..." Blake teased, and Steve laughed softly, "You're a fucker..." Blake gave him a wink as he took a swig of his beer. "It's hot inside." Mike said, and Will was sitting in Wheeler's lap. Dustin stepped outside - with Lucas, but he didn't make his way over to them.

Lucas did, but Dustin stayed a bit further away - lighting a cigarette and avoiding them. Steve found himself watching him - and not listening to the conversation around him at all. Steve let out a soft exhale, Dustin must have felt him staring because he suddenly lifted his gaze and they were just staring intensely. "Earth to Steve?" Robin poked his leg, and he shifted his gaze, "Hmm? Sorry..." His voice husky, "You okay?" She said softly to him, and he nodded, "Yeah... I gotta go take a piss..." 

Steve got up, flicking his cigarette away - Robin sat in his seat. He walked slowly, and closer to Dustin. He saw the bare skin at the younger man's waist where his pants sat low on his hips, it was too much temptation, he knew he shouldn't, he should have stayed pissed at him. Steve's fingers brushed against the bare skin of Dustin's back as he went past, he headed into the house - Dustin's gaze meeting his through the window, and Steve didn't break it. He felt the surge of heat in his belly as Dustin moved, following him and Steve looked over his shoulder.

As he moved up the stairs, he was glad there was nobody else up there - he'd made sure it was off limits from the get go. He got to the stop of the stairs, and Dustin's hands were resting - then curling against his back. He could feel the tremor in them, and the coolness of them through his shirt. He glanced over his shoulder, those stormy blue eyes staring back at him - and Steve reached around, taking hold of Dustin's hand - he led him into his bedroom, and shut the door, locking it with a soft click behind them.

Chapter Text

The sound of the lock snapping into place - sounded really loud, the strange light from the fish-tank casting shadows around them and Dustin let out a soft exhale as Steve moved away from him. Dustin was waiting for Steve to say something, but he didn't - instead he put a cassette into his stereo and then music started playing. It was some old song - he didn't really recognize it, but Steve just stared at him, and Dustin felt himself tremble, he could still feel the heat of Steve's fingers against his back - even though he wasn't touching him.

He licked his lips a little, and was about to speak - but then Steve pulled him in close, real close - his body, his heat and his hands slid down Dustin's back. He could feel the heat from Steve's body through his shirt; he wanted to feel it against his skin. Steve growled against his throat - "Don’t... speak."

Dustin's breath caught in his throat, and he curled his fingers against Steve's chest. Steve was moving them both to the music, and Dustin let his eyes close. The older boy's fingers slid down his back, and he dipped Dustin down, swaying their hips - he felt Steve's lips against his throat, Dustin found himself moving with Steve - he'd never danced with anyone, and sure as hell never like this.

He could tell that Steve was relaxed from drinking the booze he'd been sipping on pretty much all night - he wasn't drunk though, or at least it didn't appear that he was. He didn't know that Steve could dance like this, I wonder what else I don't know about you. Dustin curled his fingers against Steve's chest, and Steve stepped back - then he pulled his shirt off and Dustin felt the warmth in his belly. Steve just watched him quietly, and Dustin tried to ignore the way his heart was suddenly pounding in his chest.

Steve pulled Dustin's shirt off slowly and let it fall to the floor; he then pulled him in closer - bringing his arms up around his neck. Dustin let out a soft little gasp at the feeling of his bare skin against Steve's, it made him shiver, and Dustin couldn't help feel like somehow Steve had been reading his mind. That he'd known what Dustin had been thinking about only moments before.

Dustin let out a soft breath as Steve stroked his fingers down his back. It felt like he was igniting a spark where ever he touched. Dustin stroked his fingers against Steve's chest - feather light, and he lifted his head a little, looking at Steve's face. He had his eyes closed, his ridiculous eye lashes kissing his cheeks.

Dustin moved his fingers, slotting them against Steve's ribs, then down - resting, and then digging them into his hips. Steve made a soft noise in his throat, and Steve leaned in - breathing him in. Dustin shivered as Steve breathed out, and then his tongue licked - Dustin felt his cock twitch as Steve sucked against his throat. Their bodies swaying to the music, Dustin let out a soft moan as Steve's fingers dug into his ass - pulling him in just that little bit more.

Dustin moved his hands, and curled them against Steve's back - his fingers dug in, just above the waist of Steve's pants. Dustin felt Steve's hand slid into his hair, and the older boy tugged his head back. Steve breathed out against his face, staring at him - and Dustin stared back, the song changed, and Steve lowered his gaze down to Dustin's mouth.

He curled his fingers against Steve's back, and then Steve kissed him - it wasn't what Dustin was expecting, Steve licked into his mouth - and Dustin whimpered in his throat, opening his mouth and letting Steve in - and Steve, Steve took his time - savouring every second. It was possessive, but oh so slow. Steve's tongue stroked his, Dustin trembled, his entire body shook with it, and he wanted Steve to consume him.

Dustin whimpered again as Steve pulled away, chasing his lips - wanting more, but Steve just breathed out against his face, and stared at him - the dim light casting shadows and making his gaze intense as ever. Steve didn't take his eyes off Dustin, as he pushed shimmied out of his jeans. Dustin bit down on his bottom lip - fighting the urge to speak.

Steve hadn't been wearing underwear under his jeans - so once he pushed them down, he was standing there naked. His cock was hard, and big - and really pretty. He realized how intently he was staring; Dustin lifted his gaze. Steve was staring down at him, he kicked his jeans away, and he stepped in close again.

He leaned in closer, murmuring against Dustin's mouth, "I need to touch you..." Dustin licked at Steve's top lip, his fingers feather light against Steve's chest.

"You... can..." He whispered, as Steve's eyes fluttered closed.

Steve curled his fingers against Dustin's cock - rubbing through his pants, and Dustin let out a shaky exhale - his heart was pounding, and he wanted to touch but he was a little bit scared. Scared that this might not even be real. But then Steve undid his pants and tugged them down. Dustin felt like his legs were made of jelly, but Steve suddenly picked Dustin up, like he weighed absolutely nothing at all and curled Dustin's legs around his body.

"C’mere...'' Steve's voice was all rough, and it made the heat inside him burst brighter. He held onto Steve; he was trembling so much he was scared he was going to start shaking apart.

Steve sat on his bed, now with Dustin in his lap - Dustin let out a soft little whimper, and pressed in closer. And this time it was Steve that shivered. The feeling of Steve's skin everywhere, the hardness of his cock, pressed so close up against his body. Dustin's cock was hard, and leaking as he pressed in closer, it twitched between them and Steve let out a soft "Fuck..."

He slid his hands against Dustin's back, and Dustin kissed Steve, hungry and almost desperate - rocking his hips down into Steve's lap. Steve's fingers gripped his hips, and Dustin slid his fingers into Steve's hair. They just rocked together, and Steve was licking against his throat again, and Dustin tilted his head back as Steve bit and then sucked hard as his fingers dug into his ass. The moan that escaped Dustin, made Steve growl - and Dustin felt Steve's cock get harder.

But Dustin's breath caught in his throat, as Steve murmured against his mouth, “Tell me to stop, tell me... or I'm not going too." Dustin felt his entire body tremble, and Steve whispered, "Tell me..." He let out a gasp as Steve growled and then sucked on his fingers, before pushing them into Dustin's mouth, rolling his hips up into Dustin's - and Dustin sucked on Steve's fingers, Dustin knew - he knew that he was never going to tell Steve to stop.

"Yeah, get them nice and wet for me..." Steve's voice was wrecked, and Dustin looked at him from under his lashes. Steve breathed out heavier, and then he slid his fingers out of Dustin's mouth, rolling them over - he used his legs to spread Dustin's, "I'm not going to stop."

Steve stroked his spit-slick fingers against Dustin's tight little entrance, and Dustin whimpered, Steve slicked one inside - pushing it in slowly and he growled soft against Dustin's mouth, "I am going to bury myself so deep inside you..." Dustin let out a needy noise his breath coming out in stuttered little exhales and he didn't know whether to push down to get Steve's finger out, or clench around it, so he did a mixture of both.

Steve growled against his mouth - he moaned in his throat, and rocked his hips a little - letting out soft a whimper this time. Steve kissed Dustin deeply, his tongue claiming - and Dustin's fingers gripped and curled against the bed as Steve eased his finger out, and then pushed back in with two.

He tensed up a little, and Steve murmured "Let me in.." Dustin was panicking a little - fear licking at the edges, "Tell me to stop, tell me..." Dustin whimpered, and he stared up at Steve - relaxing again and Steve pulled his finger out, only to add another. They were panting, sharing each other's breath - and Dustin's eyes fluttered, as Steve's fingers pushed deeper, he curled them and touched someplace that made him see stars. Making Dustin cry out, and Steve said huskily, "Fuck you're so beautiful..."

Dustin gasped out, "I... I'm going to... Steve..." Steve slid his fingers out, and Dustin whimpered at the sudden emptiness. Steve breathed out and whispered, "I want you to cum with me inside you." Dustin stared up at Steve, and he whispered shakily, "...Oh god... yeah... yeah..." Steve murmured, "Yeah? Tell me to stop, or... I’m... not going too." Dustin moaned against Steve's mouth, "...Steve..." Steve pulled back, staring down at Dustin as he spat into his hand, and then wrapped it around his cock - slicking himself slowly, and Dustin just stared at him - "God damn it... Steve..."

Steve curled Dustin's legs around him, he whispered "I'll try and go slow..." Dustin's heart was hammering in his chest, and Steve licked at his mouth - Dustin gasped into the kiss, and Steve swallowed the cry as he pushed into Dustin's body, his cock burying deep and slow - getting the first thrust over with, they were both shaking - Steve's cock pulsing inside Dustin, as his own body clenched tight around Steve - making the older boy moan in his throat. Tears slid down Dustin's face, and he was gasping - fingers digging into Steve's back, "Oh fuck, fuck it hurts."

Steve murmured, "I know... I know it does..." He sucked against Dustin's throat - Steve growled softly against Dustin's ear, "But you'll never forget I was inside you..." Dustin felt his cock get harder almost the instant he heard the words leave Steve's mouth, his fingers digging into Steve's ass - holding him in place. He felt his body clench, his ass tight around Steve's cock and he tilted his head back.

Steve reached back and then pinned Dustin's hands above his head - then he rocked his hips, they stared at each other, and Steve slid his hands up - interlacing their fingers, as he slowly eased out and then slammed his hips, driving his cock back in - making them both cry out, and Steve groaned "Fuck, you feel so good." Dustin arched his, body - into Steve's.

Dustin could feel everything like his entire body was hyper sensitive. Every breath, every touch - every time Steve pulled out, and then moved his hips - he felt like Steve was splitting him in two but setting him on fire. He was going to burn into a raging inferno and there would be nothing left but ashes. He kept letting out soft keening little moans, getting swept up in Steve's kisses, his tongue making him catch fire all over again.

Time fell away, nothing else existed but them. Every touch, every breath - Dustin wanted to memorize every moment. Steve rocked his hips, and Dustin arched his body - clenching tight as Steve hit into that place inside him that made him feel like he was going to burst apart.

Steve let go of his arms and Dustin curled his fingers against Steve's hips, then dug them into his ass - Steve was breathless as he growled against his mouth, "You're mine, mine always..." He kept thrusting his hips into that place and Dustin's vision exploded into white, he could hear desperate cries - not realizing that it was him doing it.

He felt his cum bursting from his cock, so intense and it hadn't even been touched. He was crying too and struggling to get air into his lungs - and still Steve kept thrusting into him, it was almost too much - he was going to shake apart, holding onto Steve because he was the only thing anchoring him - to where ever they were.

He felt Steve's hips still, but he thrust one last time - arching Dustin's hips off the bed, and Dustin whimpered again as he felt the heat of Steve coming inside him. "Steve..." Dustin's voice was completely wrecked, and Steve rocked his hips slower, making Dustin whimper again. Steve licked against his throat - holding Dustin closer. His voice was ruined, raw as he said possessively - "You'll never forget that you belong to me... I'll be burned into you, forever."

Dustin was shaking, from the inside out - his cheeks flushed, he had his eyes closed. But he had never experienced anything like what he was feeling - he felt like he was on the of coming again, he was still hard - and Steve, he curled his fingers around Dustin's cock - and it was because of Steve's words, "You'll feel me, even when I'm not inside you..." Steve whispered, "Where I belong."

Dustin's breath caught in his throat, and it happened - he came again, and Steve growled softly against his mouth, "I never wanna stop." Dustin moaned softly, "I don't want you too. I don't want you to stop." Steve was trembling too - and Dustin stroked his fingers up Steve's back and into his hair. He watched as Steve licked his cum from his fingers. "Jesus..." He whispered shakily and Steve stroked his fingers again, only this time he rubbed

Dustin's cum against his own skin, like he wanted to wear it like it was perfume. Dustin clenched his body tight around Steve's cock and he whispered breathlessly, "What...are you doing..." Steve murmured, "I want you everywhere..." That fire burst inside him, all through his body - singing through his veins and Dustin whispered, "Fuck...you're going to kill me."

Steve's moved lazily, and started to slowly ease himself out of Dustin's body - Dustin whimpered at the loss of him almost immediately. Heat in his face - because he felt empty, felt it and didn't like it. Steve rubbed his fingers against Dustin's side and then he laid back down, resting an arm over his face - and Dustin stared up at the ceiling, but then he whispered, "Steve..."

The older boy didn't say anything, and Dustin bit down on his bottom lip. Steve was suddenly a lot closer, and Dustin's breath hitched as Steve said huskily, "I wish I knew how to quit you..." The older boys’ words made Dustin's stomach feel too tight. I don't want you to quit me. Dustin tried to ignore how much that actually hurt.

Steve brushed his thumb over Dustin's bottom lip, Steve whispered, "Just one more taste..." Dustin licked at Steve's mouth, tasting himself and the sweetness of Steve's mouth, his heart hammering in his chest, Steve pulled back slowly - and Dustin whispered, "...Can I... stay with you, tonight..."

Steve just stared at him; Dustin lowered his gaze - he was starting to feel too much. And he didn't like it. He was almost expecting Steve to say no. He'd deserve that. But Steve didn't say that at all. Instead, he kicked the covers down on the bed and laid down - just looking at Dustin, and then he murmured, "C’mere."

Dustin felt the heat in his cheeks, he felt stupid for feeling shy after what they'd just done - but he did, he slid in next to Steve - the older boy was still quiet, and Dustin pressed his face in against Steve's chest, the older boy tugged the sheet up over them - and Dustin let out a soft little breath as Steve slid one of his legs through Dustin's and tugged him even closer. Dustin realized that the two of them had just completely disappeared from the party, he wondered if Steve cared about that - his mind was racing with all kinds of things. He closed his eyes tightly, realizing that he'd just had sex for the first time with the person he loved. Who he'd loved forever.

Things had got so twisted, all because he was a mess and fucked it up. He made a mess of everything. Steve had been so angry with him earlier, and he deserved it. He thought about that guy, Blake - who clearly Robin and Vicky had been trying to set Steve up with. Did Steve like him? Were they going to be a thing? What was Dustin going to do if that became a thing - What... was he going to do? Dustin was trembling, and he had thought that Steve had fallen asleep - the sound of the older boys' voice startling him.

"You're thinking is noisy..." Steve's voice was all soft and raspy, and Dustin said softly - "Thought you'd gone to sleep..."

Steve shifted, looking at him - just watching him before he said, "Planning on taking off?"

Steve's words were soft, but they were hurt, and Dustin shook his head - "No... I wasn't going too." His own voice soft - and Steve reached over him, opening the bedside drawer he pulled out a packet of smokes and a lighter.

"You smoke now huh..." Dustin's voice soft, and Steve said husky soft "Yeah I picked it up from this little punk I know..." Dustin smiled, and Steve gave him a smirk - fishing one out he lit it up, took a drag and then held it out to him.

Dustin took it - and Steve grabbed a skull ashtray off the bedside table. Dustin took a drag and then he handed it back - Steve took it, the two of them sharing it till it was gone, and then Dustin put the ashtray on the bedside table.

Steve was playing with his lighter, flicking it on and off - and Dustin reached out, taking it away and Steve breathed out soft and slow - "...Steve..." The older boy wouldn't look at him, and Dustin moved in closer, "Will you talk to me?" Steve murmured, "What do you want to talk about?"

Dustin felt the fluttery, ache in his stomach and he whispered, "Anything, anything you want."

Steve wouldn't look at him, and Dustin said softly - "...I.." The older boy suddenly kissed him, and Dustin whimpered in his throat, Steve curled his fingers into his hair - deepening the kiss, Dustin stroked his tongue against Steve's - the older boy shivered and then he pulled back, licking his lips and Dustin mumbled, "That was...a good talk..."

Steve let out a soft, little noise and then he muttered, "I thought so too."

Dustin shifted closer and Steve whispered, "I don't think you wanna hear anything I have to talk about... so... let's just not do that."

Dustin breathed out a little sharper, and he whispered, "Steve..." Steve shook his head, and then he added "It's fine. We don't need to talk about anything..."

Steve wasn't looking at him again, and Dustin felt like shit. He'd broken Steve. After what they'd just done, what they'd just shared - Dustin didn't want to go anywhere, he didn't want to be any place but with Steve, but what was he supposed to do.

Steve had an arm over his face, and Dustin said softly, "Do you want me to go?"

The older boy said nothing, and Dustin's eyes welled up with tears. He didn't want to go - he didn't want to leave at all. He wanted to tell Steve the real truth, but he couldn't do that. It was better if he hated him. Dustin's hands were shaking as he pulled his clothes on, he looked at Steve, who was now laying facing the wall. "Steve."

Dustin's voice was shaky, there was nothing but silence - Dustin whispered, "I'm sorry..."

He left Steve's room, standing outside - debating about going back in - he heard the snap of the lock on Steve's door, the finality of that - Steve was locking him out, and he couldn't go back even if he did want too.

Dustin closed his eyes tight as tears slid down his face. He deserved it. It was better this way. All he could feel was Steve, everywhere - inside, all over his skin - inside and out. He pressed himself against the locked door, and whispered, "I love you."

Dustin didn't really remember leaving the party, it was just a blur - he walked home in the rain. Letting it soak through to the skin. It didn't wash away the feelings - he just felt strangely detached from himself in a way that he didn't remember feeling before. The house was empty, and he guessed that his mom was at work.

Dustin locked his bedroom door behind him - and went into his bathroom. Dustin was so cold, Steve's warmth - already gone. He turned the shower on and pulled his clothes off - and then he climbed into the shower.

He didn't know how long he sat on the shower floor, crying - but it was silent tears, washed away by the water - Dustin could feel Steve everywhere, but it was making him feel sick instead of good. His cum was leaking back out of him, and washing away and Dustin was crying harder, broken - he was so fucking stupid. He had bruises on his hips - and he didn't want them to disappear but he knew eventually they would.

Dustin was struggling to breathe - he washed himself, scrubbing and then he just sat there staring at his wrists. Dark thoughts swirled in his head, Just do it... spill your blood and take it all away you know it'll stop the noise. He was actually a little scared of how much he wanted it.

His body was actually aching, his ass hurt. His bruised hips hurt - and yet... he wanted nothing more than to feel Steve take him all over again. Dustin slowly pulled himself up, his legs felt too shaky - dizziness hitting him again, and he braced himself by leaning against the wall as his vision danced with dots. He waited till that subsided and then he got out of the shower.

Dustin dried himself off, he flicked the light on above the mirror and stared at his reflection. He tilted his head, and stroked his fingers over the hickeys he had. Dustin flicked the light off again, "Aw shit..." His mouth flooded with warmth and then he sank down, dry heaving - and then vomiting up mostly bile.

Dustin took his little metal lock box out of his bathroom hiding spot and went back into his room. He pulled on some thin black sleep pants and then sat down. He didn't bother with turning a light on as he opened the box. He took out the candle and then lit it - getting the drugs ready. He laid back against his pillows, and then tied the belt around his arm.

Dustin had become an expert at getting high on his own, Jay preferred Coke - he did this with Dustin sometimes, but for Dustin... this was his Salvation, it had become his Salvation and it gave him peace. He didn't use as many pills now - he did - but Heroin silenced everything. Dustin sprawled back against his bed - he didn't even have a chance to get the needle out of his arm before blissful oblivion washed over him.

Replacing the pain with the beautiful ephemeral weightlessness that it provided him. The first stages he drifted in and out of consciousness - nodding lasted for as long as it lasted, and once it was over Dustin was high until he had to do it again. He didn't have to feel anything but good, heavy and weightless all at the same time. It just shut out everything else.

Dustin eventually came back to himself - not sure how long he'd been drifting for. He swore softly, and slid the needle from his arm - undoing the belt. Dustin put his gear away and swayed slightly as he hit it back in his bathroom. He scratched at his neck and then climbed back into his bed. He laid down and just let his eyes close. The warmth washed over him and he felt the comfortable wave of numbing peace - mixed with memories of Steve and it didn't hurt.

Chapter Text

He tried not to think about that night - tried to block it out of his mind. But of course, it was pretty much impossible, was all that Steve thought about. He was obsessed, and he knew it wasn't healthy - but every thought, was about Dustin. He physically ached, and now it was even worse. Steve was running on fumes - on autopilot. He had just dropped the boys off at school, and was just sitting there - music blasting out of his car - sunglasses hiding the bags under his eyes. He felt on edge and wanted to go home and get drunk. Steve had been drinking way too much - he breathed out sharply, gaze lifting almost automatically as he saw Jay's black truck park.

But only Jay got out - no sign of Dustin. The other boy headed into the school building, and Steve lit a cigarette - taking a slow drag - he exhaled and then started his car. He had been going to go home - but instead found himself at Dustin's.

Steve flicked the cigarette away - and he went around to Dustin's window, knocking on it. He wasn't even sure if Dustin was even there - of if he was at Jay's, he lifted his gaze though when the window opened and Dustin stared at him. Steve licked his lips a little, wondering why Dustin hadn't gone to school - Why wasn't he with Jay?

Dustin was shirtless, his hair seemed to be longer - damp from a shower. Neither of them having said anything, Steve let out a soft exhale. Dustin was the one that finally spoke, "...You look like I feel." Steve raked his fingers through his hair, and he muttered - "I don't know why I came here... fuck..." He rubbed his hands over his face, and Dustin said softly, "You wanna come inside?" Steve did - and they both knew it. "I should just go."

Dustin was scratching at his stomach and Steve was watching him do it - the shadow of Dustin's room casting its darkness across the younger man's skin. "Okay." Dustin's voice was soft, almost inaudible - Steve breathed out slowly, and then he hoisted himself up - and Dustin stepped back, Steve climbed in through the window and landed ungracefully -

"Fuck’s sake..." He felt the heat in his face, and then Dustin's cool fingers were curling around his arms - helping him, and Steve muttered, "Thanks."

"Sure, no... problem." Dustin whispered.

The two of them were standing close, breathing in each other’s breath - Steve let his eyes close, and Dustin's fingers stroked down his arm, making him shiver. They hadn't seen each other since the night of his party - and Steve wasn't sure how long ago that was, he couldn't keep track of time. Dustin shifted, and Steve's eyes opened. He realized that Dustin had a towel around his waist, and that he must have just got out of the shower.

Dustin had his back to him, rummaging through one of his drawers. The younger man glanced over his shoulder at him - and Steve sat down, on Dustin's bed - Dustin tugged some pants on and then he threw the towel into the bathroom. He sat in the chair across from Steve, resting his hands in his lap.

"Are you okay?" Dustin's voice was soft, and Steve looked up at him - the two of them staring at each other. Steve didn't really know what to say, Dustin let out a soft exhale, and Steve lowered his gaze and murmured, "I don't know what you want me to say to that."

Dustin's exhale was heavier, and Steve curled his fingers against the covers on Dustin's bed as the younger man moved closer - he was standing in front of Steve, his fingers curled into his hair - and Steve said softly, "I know you don't want me here, I... don't know what I'm doing here."

Dustin slid into his lap, and Steve let out a heavy exhale - wrapping his arms around Dustin, holding onto him - the tension in his body leaving as he pressed in closer. Dustin's fingers lazily stroked his scalp and Steve breathed out against Dustin's throat.

"Steve." Dustin said his name softly, and he murmured, "I told you both not to be heroes... I told him, he didn't listen. I didn't know he was going to do what he did." Steve was shaking, and Dustin's grip on him got a little tighter.

"I'm sorry it... I.." Steve let out a harsh sob, and Dustin whispered, "I'm sorry, I... was angry, I know it wasn't your fault... Steve... Steve please - don't cry." He couldn't stop though; he turned his head away - not wanting Dustin to see him do it.

"It is though; it is." His words coming out broken between his shaky sobs. Steve wiped at his eyes, using his shirt - and Dustin curled his hands against Steve's face, but he tilted his head away again.

"I didn't mean it that way." Dustin's voice was shaky, and Steve finally looked at him. "Yeah, you did." His breath came out harshly, "I... get it, I need to go - I.."

Dustin was just staring at him, and Steve lowered his gaze. "Can you..." He motioned for Dustin to get out of his lap, but Dustin just stayed where he was. "Fuck." He muttered, and Dustin whispered, "I hate it when you cry."

He felt Dustin's cold fingers brushing his face, brushing away tears and Steve lowered his gaze - eyes on Dustin's arm, there was bruising - up the inside of his arm.

"What’s... this..." He murmured, his fingers gentle as he took hold of Dustin's arm - his other hand, his fingers trembled as he brushed his fingers of the younger man’s skin, over the bruising. It didn't look like normal bruising - Dustin was trembling again, having gone quiet. And Steve's gaze lifted to Dustin's face.

Dustin was so still, too quiet - staring down at Steve's fingers - rather than at him. Steve kept stroking his fingers, the bruises were too dark - against Dustin's pale skin. His gaze moved and then he saw the cuts - some old, some new. Steve felt like he couldn't breathe. The bruises, he wondered if Jay had done this somehow - the cuts, he looked at Dustin's face - "Did you cut yourself?" Dustin just let out another soft, shaky exhale and he nodded yes.

Steve thought about when Dustin had told him he had thought about going back into the upside down, through the gate - to die. Fear curled in his belly, "How'd you get these..." Stroking the bruises again, Dustin of course wouldn't answer him.

Steve growled softly, "Did he do this?"

Dustin whispered, "No. No he didn't." Steve was suddenly angry, he gripped Dustin's face in his hands, and he growled "Don't fucking lie to me, are you letting him hurt you? He fucking did this... I'll kill him."

Dustin was breathing out against his face, his voice soft as he said "He didn't Steve, its... It's okay, I'm okay." Steve shook his head, growling against Dustin's mouth, "No... no you're not, I'm going to rip his fucking arms off, I don't want him touching you again."

Dustin whimpered softly, and then they were kissing - it was needy, desperate - possessive. Steve digging his fingers into Dustin's hips as he held on and Dustin's fingers were in Steve's hair. Steve didn't want to stop, and Dustin held on - the two of them chasing each other, the moment they paused to catch their breath - they were chasing each other again, drowning in their kisses - addicted to each other.

"Mine..." Steve whispered it against Dustin's mouth, the word slipping out - and Dustin trembled, sucking and then biting down against Steve's bottom lip. Steve had dark thoughts, dangerous ones - and he curled his hand around Dustin's wrist, staring at the bruises again. "Steve."

Dustin's voice was breathy and soft, and Steve just stayed quiet - "What are you thinking about."

He lifted his gaze to meet Dustin's, and then he growled against Dustin's mouth, "Do you really want to know?"

Dustin nodded yes, and Steve nuzzled his nose against Dustin's cheek - then he whispered against his ear, "How I'm going to make him suffer. How I'm going to fucking destroy him."

Dustin let out a soft little breath, Steve murmured, "...Have you let him..." Dustin's breath hitched, Steve heard it and he looked at the younger man's face - Dustin's cheeks were pink and he whispered, "Steve..."

He growled back, "Have you?"

Dustin lowered his gaze and he whispered, "No.."

Steve felt the jealous, rage burn brighter - and he said angrily, "I'm going to rip him to pieces."

Dustin was watching him quietly, and Steve was so angry he was shaking all over again. "Steve... he, we haven't done that... Ja..." Steve kissed Dustin, not wanting to hear him say the other boys name.

He cradled Dustin's head in his hands, the kiss was possessive - yet slow this time and then he whispered against Dustin's mouth, "I'm going crazy, I'm going crazy and I don't think I can stop it..."

Dustin breathed out shakily, just staring at him. "Why aren't you at school." He muttered it softly, and Dustin whispered, "I don't know, I was tired... are you tired?"

Steve blinked slowly, and mumbled, "Yeah... haven't been sleeping."

Dustin whispered, "Do you wanna try and sleep now? Here... with me..."

Steve nodded, but he wasn't sure he actually would be able too. Dustin slipped out of his lap, tugging Steve to his feet - before he tugged the covers back, eyes on Steve's as he undid the older boys’ jeans and tugged at his belt. Steve just let him, kicking them off - then he climbed into Dustin's bed, curling into the other boy as Dustin slipped in beside him. Steve felt the exhaustion, he curled himself around Dustin though - the younger man whispered, "Close your eyes."

He did, the gentle stroke of Dustin's fingers in his hair making his eyes feel heavy. "I missed you..." He heard Dustin whisper, and he nuzzled his face - but he didn't reply. Steve was already drifting off.

***

When Dustin opened his eyes, he was confused at first. He was laying on his stomach, and he could feel the warmth and weight draped over him. Curled around him like they wanted to keep him exactly where he was. Then he remembered, and Dustin nuzzled his face in his pillow - before he shifted slowly, and snuggled in closer to Steve. The older boy was still asleep, and Dustin felt the warmth in his belly, he'd wondered if Steve would still be there when he woke up. Or if he'd have left. Which was rich coming from him - because it wasn't like he was known for staying either. As he lay there watching Steve, Dustin bit softly on his bottom lip.

The way Steve had been before he'd gone to sleep, all angry and possessive - clearly jealous. Wanting to hurt Jay, all because of how he felt about him - Dustin shivered just thinking about it. He liked it - far too much. It made him ache; it made it harder to stay away - especially because he really didn't want that at all. Steve who had shown up outside his window - his dark eyes so full of things that Dustin felt too.

He didn't know what to tell Steve about the bruises on his arms, he didn't think he could tell him what they were really from - and he also didn't think he wanted too, or could stop doing what he'd started. The drugs made him feel good, so much better.

And deep-down Dustin knew it was dangerous - the more he did it, the less likely he'd stop. But it was a secret that he knew nobody would understand. Except for Jay. Dustin breathed out slowly, that was so complicated - Jay made Dustin feel things, of course he did. He looked at Steve, and he gently brushed some hair out of the older boy’s face.

Steve didn't stir, and Dustin hated himself more than anything for hurting him. He hadn't meant to make Steve think it was his fault about Eddie, Dustin blamed himself - not Steve. He laid back against the pillow, staring up at the ceiling. Dustin bit his lip again, then he slipped out of his bed and headed into the bathroom. Dustin made a mistake though; he didn't lock his door.

***

Steve stretched slowly, rubbing at his eyes - and frowning because the bed was empty beside him. "Dustin?" His voice a little rough, and he felt the twist in his gut - Dustin had left him again. It was like a twist in his belly, and he pulled himself up. "Stupid fucking idiot." He muttered under his breath, getting out of the bed - Steve decided he needed to take a piss, then he'd leave the same way he came in - out the window.

Because he wasn't up to bumping into Claudia Henderson right at that moment. When Steve opened the bathroom door however - he wasn't expecting to find Dustin in the bathroom, but even worse than that? He wasn't expecting to find the younger man - with a needle hanging out of his arm.

"Jesus!" He felt his heart start pounding hard in his chest, Dustin's head was tilted back and his eyes were closed, and for a terrifying moment - Steve wondered if he was dead.

"Dustin?" His voice sounded all rough, and raw - kneeling down, Steve's fingers were shaking as he eased the needle out - "Steve?" Dustin slurred his name, his eyes unfocused - till they weren't, and Steve let out a sigh of relief, "Fuck’s sake..." He muttered softly.

Dustin murmured, "Hey, you were asleep..."

Steve cradled Dustin's head, getting him to sit up - he set the needle down, "Yeah I woke.. up."

He couldn't believe this was even happening, how long had Dustin been doing this? "Oh." Came the younger man's reply, and he rest his head against Steve's shoulder - he slid his fingers into Dustin's hair, and the younger man lifted his head up - his head rolled back, and Steve watched his eyes flutter again.

"Dustin?" He brushed the younger man's hair back, Steve's fingers were trembling as he loosened the belt, taking it from Dustin's arm.

Then he picked up the needle, part of him wanted to throw it away - including the drugs. Steve stared at the spoon, it was twisted - the candle was still burning so he blew it out. By the time Steve had put everything back into the little metal box, Dustin was watching him again.

"...Shit, shit Steve..." Dustin's voice was shaking - and Steve lifted his gaze, "What is this?"

He had an idea, but he wanted Dustin to say it - to tell him the truth, "Steve... don't."

Steve was trying to stay calm, he really was - Dustin was reaching for the box? But Steve picked it up and threw it against the opposite wall - Dustin tensing up, and curling his arm around himself. The sound of the metal hitting the wall loud, "It... please don't get angry its... nothing."

Steve's vision blurred, tears sliding down his face despite the fact that he lost his control, "Like fuck it is nothing!" He yelled at Dustin.

"You've gone from smoking weed and getting so drunk you can barely fucking stand up to this?! What the fuck Dustin!" Steve breathed out harshly, "How fucking long have you been a junkie?"

Dustin flinched at that and Steve yelled, "How fucking long?"

The younger man was digging his fingers into his stomach, not saying a word - and Steve closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down. "You wanna fucking die so badly, this is the way to fucking do it - I can’t..." Steve felt like he was going to throw up, he slowly let himself sink down to the floor.

"I'm sorry..." Dustin whispered it, and Steve shook his head - "No... no you're not. I'm so fucking stupid... thinking that I'd be able to save you, you never wanted me too."

Steve flinched as Dustin touched him, he just looked at Dustin - "You just want to die, you just want to go and be with him..." Steve spat the last word out like it made him sick. Because it did - right then it did. Dustin didn't say anything - and Steve curled his fingers in his hair tugging on it.

"I can’t..." Steve whispered, "I can't do this." He got up, and Dustin just let out a soft whimper.

Steve hated that whimper, he really did - hated the way he wanted to hold onto him and never let go. But Dustin didn't want him, never had - he didn't want Steve - he didn't love Steve. He sure as hell didn't want Steve's help and he'd never wanted it. He was on a self-sabotage, suicide mission to be with Eddie, and it made him crazy - he was going crazy and he was in love with someone that was never going to love him the same way. He had to quit this - he had to stop. Steve left. He drove around mindlessly lost in his head, in his pain - eventually he went home.

Steve drank till he was numb, till he didn't feel the pain anymore. He still couldn't believe that any of this was even real, Jay - that bastard had obviously got Dustin into Heroin. Jay, he realized was how Dustin got his drugs - it had to be. Steve looked at the baseball bat in the corner of his room, the one with the nails - the one he'd used on the Demogorgon. He picked it up, and then he stormed out to his car. Seeing red, those dangerous thoughts were back - and Steve was past the point of caring anymore.

Chapter Text

How fucking long have you been a junkie? Those words kept playing over in his head and Dustin couldn't stop hearing them. The way Steve had yelled at him how long. He just let out a slow exhale and stared up at his ceiling. Steve had convince himself that Dustin wanted to die, so he could go and be with Eddie. That him losing Eddie, watching him die - having him die in his arms, was the only reason that Dustin wanted to die. But Steve didn't know that he'd been running from demons his entire life - that he'd had secrets he kept, that he'd always kept.

That behind his smiles, behind his giggling - he'd always been running from the darkness inside him. Steve didn't know, nobody did. Except maybe his mother - she knew some of the horrors because she'd endured them too. Screaming - beatings, hiding in closets, waiting for the yelling to stop. And then of course there were the things that even his mother didn't know. That he could never tell her. Monsters that hid in the darkness, in the real world. In the right side up - and not ones from another dimension. Monsters that hid behind the name of father. A monster that drank to much, like to beat his mother - beat him - play games.

Yes Dustin had secrets, and he buried them so deep - that sometimes they screamed to be let out. And it wasn't just the secrets, it was the noise in his head - the voices, that brought up all his fears, his insecurities. That laughed and mocked him and called him a freak. It was his own reflection, that voice in his head that told him he was ugly - that he was a monster. That he was broken - that nobody would ever love him or want to touch him because he was wrong. He was strange. And rage screamed inside him - it always had.

He just had been able to hide it - bury it. Keep it silent. He found a connection not just with Steve - but he had one with Eddie, and with Eddie it was different. Because Eddie was chaos - he was free and he was someone that believed in fucking everything up and letting it burn down - just to make a point. He was everything that Dustin longed to be, he was everything that Dustin could be if he wasn't so fucking scared of his own shadow. Because he was his own worst enemy. Nobody else was - he had no fear of anyone else.

Dustin had no fear of having the shit kicked out of him - he didn't care about pain, he knew pain well - it was an old friend. Pain was real, it was visceral. Physical pain was a distraction from the pain that made him want to kill himself - to rip himself to shreds, to scream till he couldn't scream anymore. The pain of hating himself was far worse than anyone else doing it. That was... until he pushed Steve to the point where he hated him. Thought he was a junkie.. and he really did want to give up on him. And there was nothing he could do about it.

Steve had called him a junkie and left. And Dustin couldn't do anything about. He was bruised and stained with Steve, and he wanted more - he was addicted to Steve, and he couldn't stop wanting him - no matter how much he tried. He was as addicted to Steve as he was to the Heroin in his veins. But Steve just thought he was a junkie, in love with Eddie - and he was disgusted with him. He breathed out in a rush and Dustin splashed cold water on his face, when he stared at his reflection - his eyes almost looked black they were so dark.

Dustin snorted the lines of cocaine that he'd cut on the mirror - rubbing the access of with his fingers and then he sucked it, rubbing it against his teeth. Jay gave him a lazy smirk, "..You wanna go have some fun Sunshine?" Jay's green eyes were bright, and Dustin said darkly, "Sure.. I wanna fuck some shit up, that's what I really want to do.." Jay said, "You're in a mood.. huh.." Dustin's jaw was twitching and he said, "...Do you think I'm just a junkie piece of shit?" Jay raised an eyebrow, "...No, I don't - that would be pretty fucking shit of me seeing the amount of drugs I do." Dustin rubbed his hands against his face, and then he scratched at his throat.

"I am though.. I am.. you know? I 'm a fucking junkie.." He muttered it and Jay moved closer, "Hmm.. what's got you all twisted, you've been too quiet all day, brooding.. a storm brewing.." Dustin gripped Jay's throat as he slid into his lap, "I'm not in the mood for your shit... don't fucking test me." Jay breathed out softly and he murmured, "You wanna hurt me? What's wrong.. hmm?" Dustin moved from Jay's lap, "Fuck off.." He sniffed another couple of lines and Jay murmured, "..You're so ..tense, like you're ready to snap."

Dustin snarled, "Maybe I fucking am.. I told you.. I fucking told you, I want to fuck some shit up... I want to... break something.." Jay stroked his hands against Dustin's back - and Dustin could feel the muscles in his back twitching. "Wanna go.. and find something to smash?" Dustin's voice was rough, had a hard edge to it - "I want to do fucking something... I'm...fucking ..." Jay murmured, "I can feel you shaking with it - you're so pissed.." Dustin growled, and Jay murmured, "Raging.. let's go burn off some of this energy.. hmm?"

He spat out, "That fucking prick - judging me.." Jay said softly, "Who?" Dustin said nothing, and Jay gripped his chin - "C'mere sexy boy." Dustin's eyes were stormy, but he went with Jay into the bedroom, Jay smirked, "...Can you beat the living shit outta someone?" Dustin was pulling on a pair of leather pants, when he pulled off his turtleneck jersey - Jay curled his long fingers around Dustin's neck - brushing over the hickeys. He let out a soft hum, and Dustin placed his hand over Jays, making him grip his throat tighter. "...You been doing naughty things again.. haven't you." Jay smirked and Dustin just pulled Jay into a bruising kiss.

Jay kissed him hard, deep and possessive and Dustin kissed back just as viciously - biting and sucking and Jay growled, "I'll fuck your brains out if you keep pushing." Dustin felt Jay hold his arms behind his back, and he bit hard against Jay's collarbone - and Jay let out a dirty chuckle, "...You'd like that.. hmm, you want to get rid of him, don't you. Get him out of your head, get you locked in a haze so you can forget about him."

Dustin hissed against Jay's throat, "Shut up, shut up.." Jay's grip on his arms got tighter, and he said darkly - "Did he call you a junkie? Huh Baby boy? Was it him, that got under your skin - he marked you up good didn't he.." Jay ducked his head, and bit against Dustin's already bruised throat. Dustin got his arms free - shoved Jay away from him, but then he punched Jay in the face. "I told you to shut your fucking mouth!"

He yelled, eyes dark and wild - Jay licked the blood from his lips, laughing as he stared at Dustin. Jay had that same equally, amused, yet feral wild-eyed look. That he'd had on his face the night Steve had attacked him outside the diner. "Hmm are you going to shut my mouth for me? Huh Baby boy. You're so fucking hot when you get all pissed off, you're beautiful... Raging against the light.. you hate it don't you, you don't know what to do with that shit."

Dustin curled his fists, "You hate the darkness so damn much, but it's literally who you are." Jay murmured, "Do you want to hit me again? Huh?... It gets me hard, fucking makes me crazy seeing you like this - or we can just go find someone else to fucking beat the shit out of... beat them till they're bloody, and then ...hmmm.. the things I wanna do, fuck.."

Dustin breathed out in a rush as Jay slammed him up against the wall, "You wanna fight? Or you wanna fuck... or you wanna do both... Did you.. let him fuck you? Huh? That's what's got you so twisted, I know.. don't I.." Jay whispered, " You let him get inside you, and he got in deep and you hate it.. you hate it because he makes it so fucking noisy."

"Stop, shut the fuck up!." He yelled at Jay, punching him again - but then Jay punched him, hard and Dustin felt a rush of both pain - but also heat in his cock. "Fuck you.." Jay growled before throwing Dustin down into the bed, Dustin snarled back, "Fuck you, fucking bitch."

Dustin was so angry - he was seeing red, and Jay smirked, "Yeah.. fuck you, what you gonna do now." Dustin breathed out heavy, and Jay murmured, "If you want me to follow you into the fire, I fucking will.. I told you that. I will worship at your alter.. just show me what you wanna burn down.."

Dustin licked the blood from Jay's mouth and Jay gripped his chin, sucking on Dustin's own busted up lip. "...You wanna hit me some more, it gets me all excited.." He smirked though, and then murmured, "Oh... seems I'm not the only one, you like it too don't you sweet Baby."

Dustin let out a soft snarl as Jay gripped his hair, and tugged his head back, Jay sucked against Dustin's throat - his voice had a dark edge to it as he murmured against Dustin's throat, "..Was it the first time? The first time you had someone inside you.." Dustin gripped Jay's throat and Jay licked at his mouth, they were kissing angrily again - but Jay was the one that won the possessive battle.

Jay murmured darkly, "..I wanna know what else you think about.. when the demons are screaming inside your head.."

Dustin breathed out harshly and he shoved Jay off him - "...That day you attacked Andy in the cafeteria.. when you said you'd kill him, bury him where nobody would find him... Would you actually do something like that?"

Jay curled his fingers against Dustin's stomach, "..I don't think you wanna know where my mind goes..." His voice was hard, a little raw and Jay pressed in closer, "Yeah.. I do.. I told you, the darkness in you... I.. really fucking like it."

Dustin breathed out slightly calmer as Jay rest their foreheads together. "...Have you ever seen a fire.. like a big one?" Dustin shook his head, and Jay whispered, "Do you want too.." He murmured, "...Yeah.." Jay gave him a lazy smirk, looking at him from under his lashes.

"Did you kill your ex- in the fire .. you said you.. set fire to his house with him in it.." Jay looked at him, "..I wish... I wish that mother fucker burned to the ground..."

Jay's eyes were wide - big. Fear. It was so raw, that Dustin felt the shift strait away. He said, "What'd he do to you." Jay rubbed his fingers against his nose, and Dustin tipped his head a little - and murmured, "...He hurt you?" Jay whispered, "Yeah.. bad hurt.. he.."

Jay seemed to lose his spark - and Dustin saw it almost immediately, and it made him grip his chin again - "..What.." Jay whispered, "He.. got two of his friends.. they all took turns.." Dustin's jaw twitched, "..Are you telling me they raped you?" Jay's eyes met his and he whispered, "..I was a junkie - a stupid piece of shit junkie, that's what he called me... worthless - a worthless piece of ass that was going to do whatever he said.." Dustin's rage was burning even stronger. "...So he's still alive?" Jay murmured, "Unfortunately."

Dustin's eyes were so dark they were almost black and Jay just stared at him - he said softly, "What are you thinking about." He curled his fingers into Jay's hair, and then he kissed his throat. "Burying him where nobody will find him."

Jay actually shivered and he whispered, "Fuck.. You mean it too, don't you." Dustin looked at Jay, "You're not worthless." Jay gripped his chin, "Nobody has ever really given a shit about me.. or got so angry.. that someone hurt me. Nobody has wanted to hurt someone that hurt me." Dustin growled softly, "I don't like the thought of anyone hurting you.. even though I know you're crazy and you hit like a demon."

Jay smirked and he sucked on Dustin's busted lip. "...Steve called me a junkie." He murmured it against Jay's mouth - and Jay growled out, "He's a fucking asshole.. he treats you like shit, then acts like he's your savior - but he keeps doing it. Like hook and bait - but then he throws you away.. and you keep fucking letting him do it."

Dustin breathed out shakily, "...You keep letting him fucking get in your head, under your skin... you... let him fuck you.. didn't you." Dustin breathed out slightly heavier, and Jay curled his fingers against Dustin's throat - stroking his fingers over the hickeys. "...He did this.." Jay slid his hands down, and tugged his pants down a little - "And this.." Dustin let his eyes close as Jay touched the bruises on his hips. "Why.. do you keep letting him do this shit to you.. everyone says that I'm bad for you... he's fucking bad for you.. he's obsessed with you but he won't give you what you want.. what you need. Had you ever let anyone fuck you before? Was he your first?"

"Shut up.." Dustin growled back, "Just ...shut up.." Jay murmured against his mouth, "He can't give you.. what you need. I can.. I can make you forget him - forget everything... if you let me.."

Dustin breathed out slowly and Jay whispered, "You're so scared, to let go of him.. you keep clinging on.. I know you, I fucking see you.. my dark prince... I see you.. shadows and all and he never will. He wants to fucking rescue you and change you into something that you don't know how to be.." Dustin breathed out slowly and Jay whispered, "I'd rise like an ember in your name and burn it...all down. You know I would."

"Whatever you wanted, whatever we had to do to be.. free of all of this shit.." Jay whispered, "Everybody else thinks you should be someone else.. they don't see you, they don't.." Dustin curled his fingers against Jay's throat and Jay whispered, "Don't you want to just be free.." Dustin's eyes closed and Jay slid his fingers into his hair.

"...We don't belong here.." Jay whispered it against his mouth and Dustin let out a hiss as Jay bit his lip, hard - drawing blood. He sucked it - "...He doesn't understand you, he never fucking will." Dustin shoved Jay away from him - and Jay smirked, "You know.. you fucking know I'm right.. He just wants to rescue you... Do you need rescuing Baby? Hmm?"

Dustin stormed outside, and Jay followed after him - he pulled Dustin into his body, and he murmured against his ear - "He just.. wants to change you, but he can't. He fucking cant because you can't be saved, can you.."

"Shut up... shut the fuck up!" He yelled, and Jay pushed Dustin into the car. "Get in.. get in Baby boy." Dustin was fuming, raging and Jay smirked, "Hmm.. my dark prince, so angry.. I can feel you shaking apart.. who do you wanna go beat the shit out of?" Dustin looked at him, "Right now? You.."

Jay leaned in and he wrapped Dustin's hand around his throat, "You're only angry.. because you know what I'm saying is true.."

He shoved Jay away from him, and Jay snickered softly, "You're not even mad at me... you're just made because you're mad at yourself.."

Dustin growled, "Fuck up.." Jay started the truck and then drove out of the trailer park - he kept giving him side glances, and Dustin was feeling more on edge, more angry - and Jay reached out and curled his fingers into Dustin's hair. "...You wanted to hurt him.. Thomas, when I told you what he did to me.."

Dustin breathed out softly, "Yeah.. yeah see you don't wanna hurt me.."

"...I'd cut his fucking cock off and make him choke on it for doing that too you." Jay reached out and interlaced their fingers - "...He didn't even get burnt in the fire, just smoke inhalation."

Dustin said darkly, "Its because you needed to tie his ass to a fucking chair and make sure he couldn't get free." He turned his gaze to Jay's and he said, "...Would you actually do that?" Dustin said icily, "To that rapist piece of shit I would."

Jay smirked, "..Just... because he hurt me?" Dustin growled, "..Just because? The fuck is that - that's disgusting, getting his friends to take turns.. fucking raping you? And he was supposed to be your boyfriend? I should hunt him down and cut his fucking heart out."

Jay just went quiet, and Dustin snarled, "Fucking piece of shit. I'm so sick of people - It's like the way people treated Eddie, still.. the shit they say - they didn't fucking know him." Jay said, "Was he really not your boyfriend? You... loved him a lot."

Dustin snapped, "No! Jesus fucking Christ he was not my fucking boyfriend! Just.. don't even talk about him you don't know Eddie. He fucking died in my arms.. he was.. he was fucking torn apart.. Jesus!" Jay curled his fingers against Dustin's, stroking his skin and Dustin breathed out harshly. "...Steve thinks I wanna die to go be with Eddie. That.. that's not the entire reason I don't wanna be here. I cant..."

Jay looked at him - "..I can't stop it.. it won't fucking stop.."

Dustin was yelling again and Jay pulled the truck into a carpark - "What won't stop.." He pulled Dustin in close, pressing their heads together.

"The noise.. the fucking noise in my head, the .. its always too much. Replaying shit, memories - voices.. things whispering, yelling at me.. I can't.. I can't fucking breathe its crushing me... its .. drowning me - and I can't fucking make it stop. " Jay whispered, "The shadows,... the demons following you. Bad things." Dustin was shaking and he whispered, "...Nobody understands, and.. I can't tell them."

Jay said softly, "I do.. I do Baby." Dustin was shaking, and Jay whispered, "..Someone hurt you, really ..hurt you.."

He said nothing and Jay whispered, "Was it your Dad?" Dustin closed his eyes, and Jay whispered - "He hurt your Mama too." He sat silently shaking and Jay kissed him feather soft, "You can tell me all your secrets Baby, whisper them to me.. I'll bury them and take the pain away. Just let go.. let go.."

Dustin curled his fingers against Jay's face and he whispered, "..Stop, stop... Jay... fucking stop.. You're going to make me.." Jay whispered, "Good.. fucking good.. lose control." He whispered, "Let go, just fucking let go and let me take care of you.. stop fighting so hard to keep all your rage and pain from getting out."

Jay murmured, "Just.. trust me." He sucked on Dustin's bottom lip - making him hiss, and then he got out of the truck. Dustin breathed out slowly, but then he got out too and followed Jay. He didn't know where they were, or what they were doing exactly. He realized that they weren't actually even in Hawkins anymore - but closer to being deeper into Indiana. He hadn't even realized they'd been on the road for that long.

Jay took his hand, and he tugged him inside one of the buildings - it was a huge warehouse - packed with people, and bright pulsating lights - Dustin had never seen anything like it. He wasn't even sure how Jay knew about things like this. It seemed like people were doing different things, in different areas. Jay smirked at him, looking at him over his shoulder and Dustin just watched him - eyes dark.

His gaze got darker still when Jay slid his arms around his neck, but he nuzzled his cheek and made him look in the direction of where the booths were. An older guy, handsome but he gave off the vibe of being a creep.

"That's Thomas." Jay mumbled against his ear. Dustin glared at him - the asshole, was sitting with his asshole friends, and he had some kid in his lap - the boy was clearly off his face, he looked about fourteen - possibly a bit younger - and Jay said softly, "He gets them wasted, and then he films it.. films while his buddies fuck whichever boy they decide to drug - he made me watch the video they made of me.. he gets off on pain.."

Dustin frowned, and Jay whispered - "This is his club."

He stared at Jay, and Jay murmured, "He's a fucking piece of shit - that kid - he's just a Baby, he... likes little boys Dustin, likes to.. do shit to them, he did it to me.. I was just a fucking baby. He took advantage of me. Made me think he loved me, I was so fucked up after what my parents did. But he got me crazy, made me crazy and while I was out - unconscious - I.. it makes me feel sick." Dustin's jaw twitched and Jay whispered, "He's a monster... I.. was stupid enough to think he actually cared about me." Dustin curled his arm around Jay and then he let go, silently heading over to the booth where Thomas was sitting. Jay just watched and Dustin reached out - taking hold of the boys hand. "Hi.. what's your name Baby?"

He draped himself around Dustin and said softly, "Caleb.. I wanna go home." He was out of it - and yet he seemed to recognize that Dustin was safe. "Who the fuck are you, and what do you think your doing?." Thomas sneered, getting up, and Dustin gently pressed Caleb behind him - He cupped his cheek, making him look at Jay. "Do you see my friend just there baby.." He looked at Jay, and then he said, "Yeah.." Dustin murmured, "I want you to go with him.. okay?" He smiled, but his eyes were glassy. "Okay.. who are you?" He said softy, "Doesn't matter.. just go with my friend there, good boy." Caleb made his way over to Jay - and then Dustin turned his attention to Thomas.

He was suddenly glaring in Jay's direction, "Jayden? The fuck are you doing here. and who is this mother fucker.." He started laughing, "Is this some kind of joke?" Dustin grabbed him by the throat - the other guys that were sitting at the table just sat silently and Dustin snarled, "We're going to get up and take a little walk together." Thomas just stared at him, and Dustin said, "Say goodnight to your friends.." Dustin yanked him free from the booth and then shoved him in front of him. As he went past Jay he said darkly, "Get him outta here." Jay said softly, "What about you?" Dustin looked at him, "Just take him home.. come back later.." Jay looked at him, and then at Thomas.

Thomas muttered, "This is bullshit.. you know you're supposed to stay away from me you fucking loco puta.. I should get you locked up the fucking nuthouse." Dustin smacked him hard around the head, "You don't talk."

Caleb said suddenly, "He hurt me.. he .. he hurt me.."

He started to cry and Jay just said softly, "I'll take you home."

Dustin's gaze was dark as he looked at Thomas, "You like to hurt innocent little boys you sick bastard, does it make you feel big? Powerful? Get moving mother fucker.." He shoved Thomas through the crowd, "Who are you to judge me, you know you're boyfriend is a junkie fucking psycho - he talks a lot of shit, lies - I never did shit to him."

Dustin got Thomas into the bathroom and then he punched him in the face - breaking his nose, "You're gonna wanna stop talking." He hit him again, and again - and Thomas didn't even have a chance to fight back.

"I should cut your fucking cock off, you piece of shit - raping little boys? You and your sick friends - while you filmed it, And you did it while they were drugged? What kind of sick bastard does that... but worst of all.." Dustin slipped the razorblade out of the small pocket of his pants, "You tried to say he deserved it." Thomas spat blood out of his mouth, and he muttered, "You'd be a sweet fuck too, you're a little junkie bitch right? Be such a sweet fuck too - not complaining. When you're off in fairy land its like fucking a sweet dead pussy."

Dustin put the blade into the knuckle duster and then he smashed it into his face - the older man let out a pained groan, and Dustin did it again, the blade cutting into his face. Then he kicked him in the ribs - and did it again. "I'll fucking kill you, you fuck.."

He breathed out harshly, Thomas had his hands over his head - over his face and Dustin kicked his arm away - and he stomped his boot down hard on his arm. He heard the bones crack, and Dustin snarled, "You'll never touch him, ever again.. nobody will find you. I'm going to set you on fire, and nobody will ever fucking find you." He leaned in closer, and Thomas made a gurgling sound, blood filing his mouth from Dustin breaking his nose - "I know just where to fucking put you - nobody will even know where you disappeared too. It's called the Upside Down - its the perfect place for you. Empty and void, you'll burn there and nobody will ever know your ashes will float in the air, the flames will burn you and nobody will hear you scream."

The older man made a gurgling noise - his face was all cut up, bloody and busted up. "..Pity I can't take a photo and show it to all the boys you fucking raped you piece of shit. But... at least Jay will be able to see you suffer... hear you scream, you'll still scream as you fucking burn - and you're the bitch."

Dustin sat down beside Thomas and he lit a cigarette - taking a drag, the door opened and someone - a guy stepped in - "This bathroom is occupied, you should leave." Dustin's voice was cold and the guy said, "Uh.. right.. sorry." He left and Dustin looked at Thomas, "The monsters in there love the smell of blood.. If I left you out for them you'll be begging for me to slit your fucking throat." The door opened again and this time it was Jay - he looked at him, then down at Thomas - "...Jesus.. Christ.."

Jay's eyes were darker and stared down at Thomas he took Dustin's cigarette, taking a drag - and Dustin lifted his gaze, "...You've really fucked him up.." Jay stared down at him, and Dustin took the smoke back, taking another drag.

"We need to take him to Eddies trailer." He pulled himself up, and then tugged Thomas up. "Okay Sunshine.." Jay was just staring at him - "What?" He growled out, and Jay breathed out in a rush, "Nothing.. just.." He moved in closer, and then turned Dustin's head so he could see himself in the mirror. He was covered in blood from Thomas, from beating the shit out of him and Dustin's eyes were so dark, they were almost black.

Jay breathed out shakily, but Dustin realized it wasn't because he was scared - Dustin asked, "...Did you get him home safe?" Jay murmured, "Yeah.. I did.." Dustin nodded, and then he muttered, "Give me your hoodie."

Jay tugged it off and Dustin pulled it on - tugging the hood up, and then he lifted Thomas up, "Time to go asshole." Jay helped him and together they got him out of the warehouse and out into the carpark. Dustin threw him into the backseat of Jay's truck and then they both climbed in - Jay gripped the steering wheel tightly, and Dustin growled, "You gotta keep this shit between us... you can do that. Right Jay.."

Jay looked at him and he said huskily, "You'd even ask me that? You really have to fucking ask me?" Dustin breathed out slowly and Jay tugged him in close, kissing him hungrily and he whispered, "I'll fucking keep all your secrets, I fucking told you that." Dustin breathed out softly, and Jay licked his face - lapping the blood from his skin.

Dustin tangled his fingers in Jay's hair, and they kissed desperate and hungry - Jay whispered, "..Fuck I'm so.. fucking turned on right now - I'm so messed up. You're a fucking psycho and I want you so bad." He licked his lips, and then he murmured, "You're gonna hafta help me get this worthless sack of shit into the upside down.."

Jay whispered, "I will.. I will Sunshine." He was just staring at him and Dustin knew - he knew he wanted to ask him something else. "...What is it." Jay lowered his gaze, and then he whispered shakily - "You.. didn't even hesitate to do this, like..." The way he looked at him, the cockiness gone - the vulnerability - Dustin stroked his cheek, smearing some blood against it. "...I mean Jesus..." Jay's eyes closed and Dustin murmured, "Why would I hesitate? He's a fucking piece of shit, raping little boys... He fucking hurt you... No I didn't fucking hesitate, I'd do it again too. You wanna burn the world down with me... worship at my alter?"

Jay breathed out shakily, and Dustin murmured - "Then I'll fucking rip the mother fuckers throat out with my teeth. In the upside down. I'll turn him into bait." Jay whispered, "I wanna hurt him, I wanna help you hurt him.. You... Fuck's sake Sunshine - you're all covered in blood and I wanna lick it off you and .." He breathed out in a shaky rush and Dustin murmured, "You're hard right now, aren't you.." Jay let out a laugh, "Oh.. Baby boy.. I've been hard ever since you punched me." Dustin tangled his fingers in Jay's hair. "Lets get out of here.."

***

Dustin and Jay were in the Upside down, they'd managed to get Thomas through the gate - it was like dragging dead weight - despite the fact that Thomas wasn't actually dead. "He's one heavy sonofabitch." Jay grunted, and Dustin muttered, "Fucking bastard."

They were outside Eddie's trailer, in the Upside Down and Thomas made a grunt - "..What was that fuck face?" Dustin smirked, "He's having trouble talking, its not that bad I mean I just smashed his nose - I was going to stomp on his throat, I just stomped on his ugly face... I should have stomped on his throat." Jay just looked at him and Dustin shrugged, "He probably wouldn't have had anything useful to say anyway.."

Jay reached into Dustin's pocket, pulling out his pack of smokes. "You were going to crush his throat?" Dustin looked at Jay as the other boy lit a cigarette for him - "... Yeah but then I thought if I did that, we wouldn't hear his screaming if we set him on fire while were here."

Jay licked his lips, "I... can't even.." They shared the cigarette, something that had become a regular thing with the two of them. "This place is.. kinda cool - I mean creepy but its cool.." Jay lifted his head up and actually let some of the white floaty particles land on his tongue like it was snow. "...I don't exactly feel that way about it.. but okay.." He shook his head, and Jay smirked, "Sorry I can't help it."

Dustin laughed, "It's okay.. I just don't feel that way." He hauled Thomas up, over his shoulder and Jay muttered, "You're just going to carry him? How fucking strong are you? He's dead weight for fuck's sake."

He just stared at Jay - "..Well we have to move him to where the bats like to ..swarm..." He shrugged and then said, "C'mon.." Jay followed him - and Dustin got quieter, the further they walked. He eyed the old church and then he said, "You need to go in there, the lower level - they can't get in."

Jay looked at him - "You're coming with me... right?" Dustin looked at Jay, "Yeah.." Jay breathed out slowly, "Dustin.."

He just stared at Jay, "I'll come." His green eyes were dark, and Jay whispered - "You fucking better, you better not leave me alone - with you dying out here.. don't you do that or I'm fucking coming with you..." If you die, I die. "I will come after you." Jay curled his fingers into Dustin's hair and he whispered, "Promise.." Dustin murmured, "I promise."

Jay brushed his mouth against Dustin's, and then he just stood right beside him. Not moving and Dustin let out a soft breath, he dumped Thomas down on the ground - and Jay still wasn't leaving. Dustin stared at him, and Jay murmured, "If you think I'm leaving, you're even more crazy that I thought." Dustin's hands were shaking as he stared down at Thomas. And then he looked at the sky - the bats were swarming and Dustin just froze up. He was staring at them - but pale, and not moving.

"Sunshine.." Jay cupped his face, and Dustin just blinked - frozen and Jay shook him, "Dustin?" His eyes moved slowly to Jay's face and Jay said soothingly, "Baby we shouldn't just stand here right? We need to do this or move."

Dustin was starting to shake, and it sounded like Jay was under water - he couldn't hear what he was saying. Jay looked up and the bats were screeching - starting to swarm, and Dustin was just staring at them, and instead of moving - he just sank to his knee's.

"Dustin.. no Baby you can't do that.." He grabbed hold of Dustin, leaving Thomas bleeding on the ground - he carried Dustin into the church and shut the door. Dustin was still frozen, and the screeching, and flapping of wings was almost deafening.

But then there was the sound of blood-curling screams - and Dustin just stared blankly into space, and Jay realized what a mistake this had actually been, bringing Thomas into the upside down had been a mistake - because this was just more trauma for Dustin. The screams mixed with the bats screeching - was an awful sound - and Jay curled his arms around Dustin but the younger man was clearly reliving whatever he'd endured with Eddie. Jay curled his arms around him and pulled him in closer.

Jay wasn't sure how long they sat in that church, in the middle of the apocalyptic hell dimension. But eventually the noise of the bats went quiet and Jay whispered, "Sunshine?" Dustin blinked and he whispered, "Sunshine, please... I need to know that you're okay, that you can hear me."

His voice was strange - almost detached, "I'm sorry.. I just.. the.. I don't know what happened -" Jay curled his arms around him and whispered, "I think they're gone, its quiet.." Dustin stood up and Jay said, "Dustin?" He watched as Dustin just went outside - and then he peered down at Thomas who was chewed on - bloody, Dustin said in that same weird voice. "He's still alive.."

He actually picked Thomas back up and Jay said, "Dustin.. Dustin what are you.." Dustin just stared at him with a strange look on his face - and Jay followed as Dustin carried him back in the direction of the trailer park. Dustin was sobbing, not because of Thomas - clearly, but Jay's heart hurt, because he was watching what Dustin had to have done.. when Eddie died.

Dustin dragged Thomas into one of the dilapidated empty trailers in the trailer back. Jay watched as Dustin spread what appeared to be some kind of liquid - Thomas was still alive though and he sputtered. Dustin stared down at him and Jay breathed out sharply as Dustin callously stomped on his throat, the sound of his windpipe cracking.

Jay knew that he hadn't done it to Eddie - but.. watching Dustin - he realized that Dustin's dark side was actually truly something he'd never seen before. It was beautiful, but at the moment it was heart wrenching. Dustin drenched the liquid all over the trailer and then he shoved Jay out the door. He lit his lighter and then flung it inside - it didn't take long for it to turn into a raging inferno. The flames burst bright - illuminated the red sky, the white floating particles already looked like ashes - and the sound of Thomas screaming.. Dustin didn't seem so rattled.

He fished a cigarette out - along with another lighter; and lit it, taking a drag and hen he handed it to Jay, the two of them sharing it. They both stood there watching the flames leap up into the sky, and Dustin took hold of Jay's hand, they finished their cigarette, and he was quiet the entire time that they climbed back through the gate - back into the Right-side Up.

"Dustin.." Jay's voice was soft and Dustin looked at him - his eyes were still as dark as night, he and Jay stepped in closer. "I... I'm okay." His voice was quiet, a little detached and Jay murmured, "Are you sure."

Dustin just stared at him and then he rubbed his hands over his face, tears welling up and he made a strange noise - and he was breathing all shaky, struggling. Jay pulled Dustin in close, and he whispered, "C'mere Baby." Jay scooped him up and carried him out of Eddie's trailer, Dustin wrapped himself around Jay, burying his face against his throat. Jay carried him inside the trailed, and into the bedroom where he gently laid him down against the bed.

Dustin just laid there, breathing labored - his face covered in Thomas' blood, fingers gripping the covers and Jay said softly, "I'm gonna take care of you.. its okay Baby boy."

Chapter Text

Steve had looked everywhere - driving around all of Hawkins looking for Jay. "Fucking asshole." And of course he 'd not been able to find him. Steve knew he worked at some furniture making place but he wasn't sure where that was, and he didn't really want to go to his work place and beat his ass. He drove to Jay's trailer but it was dark and the asshole didn't appear to me there either. Steve went back to Dustin's and his house was in darkness. He felt like shit - Dustin was missing, and for a moment - Steve felt panicked, if Jay's place was dark - if Jay wasn't there, and Dustin wasn't with him - where was Dustin. Fear curled in - because Dustin wouldn't have gone to the Upside down to kill himself - but ever since the younger man had told him that, Steve had been worried that he might.

He couldn't believe that Dustin was actually using heroin. Steve was terrified at the thought of it - and he knew he'd freaked out, lashed out and yelling at Dustin about it was probably not his best move. But it was too late, he couldn't fix what he'd done. "Shit.." He whispered, driving around aimlessly. Steve also had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach - that he might have just pushed Dustin further away again. Because he kept thinking about the way Dustin had whimpered when he'd yelled. He was still pissed, he still wanted to hurt Jay - but that anger was slowly being replaced by actual worry. The fact that he couldn't actually find either of them. Were they together?

Steve went home, he tried to sleep - but that wouldn't work, and in the early hours of the morning he wound up back in his car - driving by Dustin's house. Claudia's car parked in the drive way - but when Steve slipped out of his car and crept around the side to Dustin's window - he pushed it open, and climbed inside. But Dustin still wasn't there. He snuck into the bathroom, rummaging in Dustin's bathroom he found the lock box, and Steve took it with him as he climbed back out the window.

He drove past the quarry, climbing out - Steve threw the lockbox in, and he breathed out softly - getting back in his car. Steve drove back to the trailer park - there were lights on - Jay's truck was now parked out the front. And Steve wound the windows down - lighting a cigarette, he saw there with his jaw twitching - glancing at his bat every so often. Are they together? Steve could feel his obsessive thoughts - Would Dustin let Jay touch him. He closed his eyes tightly, chain smoking - and really Steve wanted to go and smash Jay's skull open with his bat - to hear him crack open like a rotting melon.

***

The only lights that Jay had on were the ones in the bathroom - and a small lamp in the living room. And Dustin was grateful for the lack of bright light - his head ached. Dustin whispered, "I couldn't move... I couldn't fucking breathe.." Jay said softly, "It's okay Baby.."

He just stared at Jay, who murmured softly - "..You just panicked when you saw them, you didn't know what was going to happen." Dustin nodded, and he said "I hurt my leg, when Eddie pulled the sheet back through - I landed wrong, so.. I couldn't - after when he was dead, I couldn't bring him back through the gate with me." Jay was stroking Dustin's hair out of his face. "I had nothing to bury him with, I couldn't carry him, couldn't bring him home - his fucking grave is empty!"

Dustin started laughing, almost hysterically - and then he spat out, "Its fucking empty because I burned his body in a trailer - I was going to stay there with him, I could.. I was soaking wet with petrol, I found it.. I could have just stayed, let myself fucking burn.. I should have let myself fucking burn with him. He fucking... he didn't need to go back in, but he did - he chose to fucking leave me. He left me alone in this fucking shitty fucking existence." He was breathing harshly again and Jay whispered, "..You didn't do anything wrong Dustin."

He whispered, "I did.. I couldn't save him. I should have saved him. Sometimes I can still feel his blood all over me, its always so sticky.." He whispered, "There's something wrong with me, something so fucking wrong.. so fucking wrong..." He was shaking again and Jay shook his head, "No.. no there isn't.." Dustin pulled himself up, he moved almost too quick - into the bathroom and the door slammed shut, "Dustin!" Jay yelled at the shut door, "Sunshine open the fucking door." Dustin was screaming behind the door, and Jay could hear him smashing things up - raging all over again, "..Jesus." Jay whispered.

"Baby, open the door.. c'mon.." Jay pleaded, and Dustin was still raging - then the door opened, and Jay breathed out sharply - Dustin had slashed his arms up, "...give it to me." Jay growled, and Dustin refused, of course he did. "Give it to me!" Jay grabbed hold of Dustin, they were struggling - Dustin grunting, breathless as Jay pinned him down against the bed. "Stop.." He growled against Dustin's ear, "Give it.."

"Fuck.. you.." Dustin's voice was ice, and Jay bit him - "Give it.." Dustin was breathing out in harsh breaths, and Jay held Dustin's arms in a vice-tight grip - finding the razor blade, and Dustin started screaming - just loud, animalistic screams - his eyes wild, "Stop it.." Jay growled, and Dustin didn't. He was thrashing to get free - and Jay threw the razorblade somewhere behind him. "I'll fucking kill you, its mine... give it back! Give it back you cunt."

Dustin managed to get his arms free - and they were hitting each other again, Jay letting out a "Fucking stop!" As Dustin body slammed him down into the floor - knocking the air out of his lungs. Jay could see that his bathroom was pretty much trashed. "I'll fucking kill you.." Dustin told him again, and Jay said breathlessly, "What the fuck did I do.." Dustin wasn't listening though, he was crawling on the floor - and Jay said, "You fucking pick that up and I'll knock your fucking teeth out I swear it."

He found the blade - staring at Jay as he stood up, "Give it to me.." Jay moved closer and Dustin suddenly held it to his throat - "...I'll fucking do it don't you come any closer." Jay just stayed where he was - breathing out slowly, they both looked like hell. Wild-eyed and bloody and Dustin rest back against the wall - his hair falling down around his face. He slid the blade back into his pocket - and Jay remembered to breathe. "There's nothing wrong about you." His voice was soft, and it made Dustin lift his gaze, the younger boy just stared at him - and Jay stepped in closer, he slid his fingers into Dustin's hair and he said softly, "...Not a damn thing."

***

Steve had wound the window's down, and crawled into the backseat - and there had been no sign of activity from Jay's trailer. He must have fallen asleep at some point - but he was jolted away by the sounds of shouting, and the sound of something breaking - and then what sounded like screams? Steve sat up and he heard someone from one of the trailers further back yell, "Jay if you don't shut the fuck up I'm gonna call the cops on you and your fucking boyfriend."

Do they do this a lot? He felt the twitch in his jaw - and then he heard what sounded like an animal, more noise that he didn't know what it was. And then everything just went quiet. Steve felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. He wasn't sure whether he should do anything or not - the light's in the front of Jay's trailer suddenly went off. "Fuck." Steve felt tense - he looked at the bat again, and he really wanted to go and make sure that Dustin was okay.

He decided to hold off - to wait. There was nothing but silence, he could wait a bit longer and then check in the morning. Steve was still anxious though, he glanced at his bat - "Just fucking chill out Harrington." He muttered to himself.

***

Dustin breathed out slowly and he let his eyes close. Jay didn't say anything, but he went into the bathroom - Dustin could hear him cleaning up his mess that he'd made. He laid down on the floor - and stared up at the ceiling. Eventually Jay knelt down beside him, and he murmured, "Come get cleaned up." Dustin stared at Jay, "Don't wanna.." He muttered - not caring that he was filthy - Jay pulled him in close, and then he lifted him up and Dustin didn't both fighting - he just let him. Jay had lit some candles in the bathroom, the soft flickers were casting shadows - Jay had run a bath, the water smelt like pine and mint, it smelt really good. Jay undressed him, and Dustin let him.

Jay gently tugged his hand and then helped him get into the tub. Dustin curled his fingers against the sides, looking at Jay - the older just stared down at him, letting out a soft exhale. "You want me to get in with you." It wasn't a question, and Dustin didn't answer - he just stared up at Jay, who murmured softly, "Okay Baby."

He watched Jay take his clothes off, his golden skin - the lithe muscles. He was elegant and graceful, and yet powerful, strong all at the same time. Jay was facing him - and Dustin just stared, Jay's voice was husky as he murmured, "..The way you look at me sometimes." He lowered his gaze, seeing that Jay had Elvish tattooed on his hips, I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone. Dustin let out a soft little noise, and he curled his fingers against the edge of the tub. The ink didn't look old, and Jay's eyes met his.

"..I was going to show you eventually." The husky softness in his voice made Dustin's eyes close, and he whispered the Elvish to Jay - the older boy said softly, "Of course you know how to speak it." Dustin sank back in the water, sinking in and then he came back up and rest back against the back - spreading his arms out, and he went back to staring at Jay - the older boy undid his pants and shimmied his hips, and Dustin curled his fingers again. Drinking Jay in - because holy shit he's pretty. Dustin actually closed his eyes, and bit down on his lip.

He could tell, that Jay was feeling nervous - and he wasn't sure why, until Jay turned and then climbed into the tub. His back was now facing him - and Dustin breathed out sharper - Jay's body was tense, and he was holding onto the edge of the tub. Dustin pressed in closer and he breathed out slowly - Jay's back was covered in pale, almost silvery white scars. Some were worse than others - but they were like a road map - Dustin shifted closer, pulling Jay a little closer he slid his legs around Jay and then he brushed his mouth against the older boys skin.

Jay let out a soft, shaky exhale and Dustin just stayed quiet as he placed soft feathery kisses over Jay's skin - like he could kiss each one away. Jay was trembling, and Dustin curled his arms around him, holding him and he knew that Jay was crying. He could feel the way his body trembled with it - Dustin grabbed the soap, it smelt like pine - smelt like Jay, and he got it all sudsy and then washed Jay's back, slicking his skin and rubbing his fingers into Jay's muscles.

He could feel how Jay's body relaxed, the tension leaving him and Dustin moved his hands, washing lazily - and Jay let out another soft little hum. Dustin was happy that he'd smell like Jay - he pulled Jay a little lower, and held him as he dunked his head a little into the water, then he pushed him back up, taking Jay's shampoo, which was of course mint - and chocolate. Dustin washed Jay's hair, lazily moving his fingers and digging them into Jay's scalp.

"So.. good.." Jay mumbled, and Dustin smiled - he cradled Jay's head as he rinsed the shampoo out. He sat quietly, for a few moments and then Jay said softly, "Your turn Baby boy." They shifted in the tub, and Jay added some more hot water, he whispered against Dustin's ear, "...Lay back." Dustin sank back in the water, but he was laying against Jay, and Jay moved his fingers - rinsing the water through his hair - humming softly as he did.

"So.. much blood on you.." Jay murmured, and Dustin let out a soft groan as Jay washed his hair - fingers digging in and massaging his scalp and it made him feel so good. Jay rinsed his hair out, and then washed his body, and Dustin let out a soft breath as Jay's hand gripped his chin and he tilted Dustin's head, he licked at his mouth and Dustin moaned - kissing Jay deeply. He twisted breaking the kiss for only a moment - facing Jay instead and Jay pulled him in closer.

Jay laid back and then he pulled Dustin into his lap. They were kissing again, and Jay gripped his ass - rocking Dustin into his body, their skin was all slippery so it made rocking together easier. Jay breathed out against his mouth, "You.. have a black eye.." Dustin moaned softly, "I don't care.. fuck.. I.. bruised your cheek, I'm sorry.. and your mouth.." Jay bit and sucked on his busted lip and Dustin hissed, tasting blood and Jay licked, "You're so beautiful.." Jay murmured and Dustin whispered, "Not like you.. you're crazy.."

"I am, but you are beautiful.. my dark prince.." Dustin shivered, and Jay curled his fingers against his lower back, they rocked together again, splashing water out of the tub and Jay whispered, "...You fucking destroyed him... Jesus you stomped on his fucking throat and crushed his bones.." Dustin felt his cock twitch against Jay's stomach and Jay whispered, "You fucking killed him... for me.. you destroyed him.." Dustin whispered, "I'd do it again... I'd do it again... did he do that to your back?"

Dustin already knew, that Thomas didn't - but he wanted Jay to tell him, who did - if he wanted to tell him. Jay visibly trembled, and his green eyes met Dustin's - "...No, that.. was the handy work of my so called father.." Jay sat up, curling his arms around Dustin - and he was breathing out slowly, Dustin felt Jay's fingers ghost over his face - and he whispered, "I'll never forget you, your face - so beautiful, your eyes dark.. wild.. like a God, covered in the blood of my enemy.. like you sacrificed him.. or I did - at you alter.."

Jay kissed him again his kiss leaving Dustin painfully hard, and breathless. "Your face covered in his blood, you eviscerated him.. the way he screamed when you set him on fire, I will never forget what you did.. I would never have been able to do that, because even though I know how to fight, defend myself - I couldn't fight him because he scared me so much. But.. now he's gone. He's gone and you did that.. you fucking did that.. for me.." Jay's voice was rough, tears in his eyes and he whispered, "I'm falling in love with you more and more, I love you Sunshine."

Dustin breathed out softly, "You.. don't have to say it back - just... just know that I do, I love you and.. I need you to know, I need you to know because I can't keep it a secret anymore. Not after tonight." Jay's tears had escaped, and Dustin curled his fingers against Jay's face, he kissed his tears - tasting them on his lips. "Jay.." He whispered.

"You don't have to say it, not if you can't." Jay said husky soft, "Jay..." Dustin said softly, "I want to say it... I do... fuck.. I feel so much, but I'm so fucked up... you know I'm fucked up.." The were kissing again and Jay kissed against Dustin's throat, "You're fucking beautiful.." Jay said huskily, "My beautiful dark prince.." Dustin shivered as Jay licked against his skin and then nipped softly, "Even if you can't say it yet... I feel like you already have, ..with what you did."

Jay was cradling his head, their foreheads pressed together, the two of them sharing breath. "...I'm not giving you up.." Jay growled it soft against Dustin's mouth, and Dustin's breath caught in his throat, "I'm not going to let him... or anyone else fucking treat you like shit, do you hear me Baby boy.." Dustin breathed out softly, "..And you shouldn't either.. you should make them all bow down and worship you.." Dustin's gaze met Jay's, and he whispered, "Yeah?"

Jay murmured, "Definitely... I think they'd all re-think fucking with you." He hummed softly and Dustin said softly, "..You're not like anyone else I've ever known, I thought you were like Eddie - you are a little, I mean a lot... but you're even... you see me even more than he did." The realization of that made Dustin shiver, heat bursting in his stomach, and Jay said softly, "Before I spoke to you that night outside the hospital... I'd watch you, sitting by yourself - I kind of watched you a lot, saw you sneaking into Eddie's trailer, .. I always I mean I wanted to talk to you but I wasn't sure how to approach you."

They were staring at each other again, and Jay said softly - "I felt like something was pulling me to you, I wanted to know you. Because I could see you, see the darkness - but also your light, the fire - the way you were burning so fucking bright, and all I could see was you." Dustin let out a soft exhale, and Jay said softly - "I could see the same thing in you that was in me.." Tears blurred his vision and Dustin whispered, "...Like a mirror."

Jay nodded, and he whispered, "A mirror that was reflecting back how broken you were, because I was too. And the demons - the noise, the shadows.. you're running from yourself - because you think you're wrong.. you're a monster. But you're not. Your raging against the light.. because you can't embrace your darkness." Dustin had his eyes closed, and Jay said softly - "You want to die.. because it hurts too much to live.." Dustin's breath caught in his throat, and he didn't know how Jay knew that.

"I know because I feel that way too." He whispered, "Until I met you." Dustin let out a shaky exhale, Jay was brushing his tears away from his face. "...I've felt like that for so long, looking for an escape. Wanting to shut the chaos down.." Jay murmured, "..The happiest I've been in a really long time is when I'm with you." Dustin opened his eyes, and Jay was looking at him. They just stared at each other and Dustin said softly, "Me too.. you made me remember what it was like to feel happy, to just... feel good in my own skin.

Jay smiled softly, and Dustin whispered, "It hurts less when I'm with you. I actually laugh.. like.. properly. It doesn't hurt - I don't feel guilty for being happy." Jay said softly, "The windows down, sun on our faces - music playing while we drive somewhere.." Dustin nodded, and Jay said softly. "You know what else I really love.." Dustin whispered, "What?" Jay said softly, "When you eat, when I get you to eat and you forget about punishing yourself."

He cradled Dustin's head in his hands again, "When you eat from my fingers, just those tiny little fucking bites make me so fucking happy - because you're not scared, you just give in and do it." Dustin let out a soft little sob, and Jay pulled him in close, holding onto him. Dustin pressed in as close as he could and Jay said softly, "The fact that you trust me enough to do that, you let me take care of you Sunshine. Because you're not afraid to just let go."

Dustin let out a soft little whimper, and Jay murmured, "It isn't forced, it just.. is." He whispered, "We.. you did that the very first nice we met." Jay said softly, "I know.. you've always let me. I think Baby, the only time you do eat is with me... isn't it." Dustin realized it was true and he nodded, tracing his fingers over Jay's collarbone. "Wanna get out?" Jay hummed softly, "..Wanna go to bed?" Dustin said softly, "Uhuh... yeah." Jay murmured, "What you thinkin about.."

He let out a soft little exhale and then murmured, "You.." Jay let out a soft little hum, and then he reached down and pulled the plug out - Jay held him tighter, and then carefully pulled himself up, still holding Dustin, and he curled his legs around Jay, tighter and Jay murmured, "I've got you Baby." Dustin breathed Jay in and Jay grabbed one of his big towels wrapping it around them both. Jay moved them back into the bedroom and then went back into the bathroom coming back with the candle he set it down and Dustin shifted - moving further back against the bed.

Jay threw the towel into the bathroom and Dustin watched Jay from under his lashes. "You shouldn't look at me like that.." Jay's voice was all husky soft and Dustin let his eyes close, Jay crawled up the bed and then whispered, "It makes me want to do naughty things to you.." Dustin whispered, "Oh yeah?" Jay murmured, "Oh yes.." Dustin breathed out soft, and Jay kissed him - it was so hungry that Dustin curled his fingers into the bed and whimpered in his throat. It was deep and slow and Jay whispered against his mouth, "..Roll over.."

Dustin felt his stomach get all tight, but he did - rolling over onto his stomach, and Jay curled his fingers against his back - he brushed Dustin's hair away from his neck, and he kissed the back of his neck. But then he was gone, and Dustin breathed out softly - looking over his shoulder, and Jay got something out of the drawer, but Dustin couldn't see what it was. Jay moved in behind him again and he murmured softly "I'm going to make you feel good.. I promise.."

He breathed out soft, a little shaky then he felt Jay pour something onto his back. It smelt really good, spicey and warm all at the same time - and then Jay straddled him. But it was Jay's hands, working into his muscles - fingers pressing in deep and kneading out the tension and Dustin was oh so aware of the fact that they were both naked, he could feel Jay moving his hands - but feel the press of his cock against his back, he was hard, but he wasn't focused on doing anything other than massaging the tension from his body.

Dustin let out a dirty, soft little grunt as Jay worked his fingers into his lower back - "That hurt there Baby?" Jay kneaded his fingers, and worked out the tension and Dustin pushed his hips back, shameless as he ground his cock into the bed. Jay leaned down and murmured against his ear, "Hmm where else do you hurt.." Dustin was panting softly, his voice was rough as he moaned out, "Jay.. feels so good.." Jay let out a soft little chuckle against his ear, and his fingers dug into Dustin's legs, moving into his ass cheeks where he dug in his fingers.

Dustin moaned Jays name, and Jay stroked his fingers, slick with more of the oil, between his cheeks - against his hole, and Dustin groaned, "Please... please do it.." Jay stroked them in and Dustin's eyes fluttered closed, he gripped the covers - and Jay worked his fingers slowly, making Dustin crazy - he was moaning, and pushing back against Jay's fingers. He whimpered, keening as Jay eased his fingers out again, "No.."

Jay let out a soft, dirty groan - and then he leaned in close, "Your making me crazy, moaning so pretty for me.. wanting my fingers deep in your tight little pussy.." Dustin gasped out, and he felt the heat in his face - Jay smirked, he could feel it as Jay kissed his shoulder. "Roll back over for me.." Jay's voice was still all husky, and Dustin whimpered. Jay let out a soft rumbly noise in his throat and then he breathed out against Dustin's skin, licking down his spine and Dustin moaned, Jay licked over the bumps of his spine and then he was lifting Dustin's hips, spreading his cheeks - "Oh... fuck!" Jay's hot breath hit his hole first, but then Jay's tongue was inside him, the hot wet heat of it pushing in and he sucked.

Dustin curled his fingers, and he didn't know whether to push back, or try to get Jay to stop - it felt so good, and yet a little weird at the same time. Dustin could hear strange needy whimpers - and he went all hot, flushing when he realized that it was actually him making the noises. He was begging - pleading for more, and Jay growled deep - the vibrations he could feel that too. Jay kept going, and Dustin moaned louder, breathless - then Jay was pulling back again and Dustin was shaking, he whimpered at the sudden loss - Jay eased in him onto his back and he curled Dustin's legs over his shoulder, burying his fingers in deeper this time.

Jay stared at him, and Dustin stared back - "So beautiful.." Jay said huskily, "Spread your legs, push back against my fingers, take them deeper.." Dustin did what Jay told him to do, and Jay murmured, "Good.. that's it .. fuck show me how much you like it.." Dustin clenched himself around Jays fingers as he pushed down and Jay moaned, "Fuck.. hmm your sweet pussy is so tight.. you taste so good Baby." Dustin's cock twitched - he was leaking precum, and Jay curled his fingers of his other hand, and then he kept his eyes on Dustin's as he licked the tip of his cock and then sucked Dustin's cock into his mouth.

But then he sucked Dustin all the way in - "Jay... Jay!" Dustin was a babbling mess - ass clenching around Jay's fingers, but he wanted to thrust his hips forward into Jay's mouth, Jay was relentless, Dustin felt Jay's fingers curl deeper and he gripped Jay's hair, their eyes meeting as Dustin groaned - hips thrusting as he held Jay in place, and Jay just buried his fingers deep, Dustin felt Jay's gag reflex kick in and he gasped out, "Fuck... fuck m'sorry..."

He loosened his grip and Jay said breathless, "You can fuck my mouth...cum down my throat...god.. I wanna fuck you so bad.. pound your sweet pussy.." Dustin came hard, without any warning, clenching around Jay's fingers - his cum hitting Jay's face. Jay stared down at him and Dustin's stared up at Jay, watching as Jay wiped his face - and then sucked his fingers clean. Dustin reached up and pulled Jay in closer, licking the rest of his face - and then they were kissing, Jay was moving his fingers again and Dustin breathed out as Jay hit his prostate, he moaned shakily and Jay groaned, breathing out heavy against his face.

"Closer.." Dustin whispered breathless against Jay's mouth - Jay pulled his fingers out of Dustin's ass, and Dustin pulled him in closer but then pushed Jay onto his back - he stared down at him, Jay curled his hand into his hair and pulled him into another kiss. Dustin could taste their blood in his mouth - their lips having opened again. He shifted himself, his precum slick and stick against Jay's belly, and Dustin stared down at Jay - as he reached back, and held onto Jay's cock - sinking himself down slowly, the two of them both moaning as Dustin slowly took Jay inside him.

Jay slid his fingers slowly against his back, and Dustin curled his fingers against Jay's chest - riding him slowly, Jay just stared at him - like he was mesmerized and Dustin let out a soft breathy moan as Jay shifted, pulling himself up and then Dustin was sitting in his lap - Jay's cock suddenly felt a lot deeper. Jay cradled his face, they shared their breath - and Jay whispered, "I love you.. I love you..." Dustin's breath caught and he whispered, "I love you too.." And Dustin knew it was true, he didn't have to think about it - he just knew it was true. Jay kissed him again, but this time it was hungrier, deeper - possessive, like he was claiming Dustin.

He whimpered in his throat into Jay's mouth, Jay's fingers curled around his wrists and he brought Dustin's arms up around hiss neck. Dustin tangled his fingers into Jay's hair, and he felt Jay hold his hips, but as he did, he was taking over - and Jay eased out and then guided Dustin's hips, back down, setting a faster, deeper pace - Dustin rest his forehead against Jay's, Jay rocked his hips up and drove his cock deep - and Dustin whimpered again as Jay, rolled them and Dustin was on his back again.

Jay murmured, "I could do this ..for hours, bury myself inside you.. you feel like the safest place I've ever been." Dustin felt his breath catch and Jay whispered, "You made me feel safe, when you saw my back.. I've never felt that safe.." Tears welled up in Jay's eyes, and Dustin whispered, "I'll keep you safe..." He had tears in his eyes too, and Jay kissed him again, Jay thrust into his prostate, and Dustin gasped out, "...I'm.. so close.."

Jay whispered, "Me too.." Dustin's eyes fluttered closed and then opened again and Jay murmured, "...Let go... I'll catch you.." Dustin whimpered softly, and Jay kissed him, Dustin kissed him - deep and slow, and Jay curled his hand around Dustin's cock, stroking him - and Dustin gasped out shakily, "Jay.." "I've got you.." Jay murmured, "I'm gonna catch you Mami." Dustin felt rush of warmth inside him as Jay let go, and Dustin came, Jay stroking him through it.

Dustin breathed out against Jay's face - Jay rocking his hips as he rode it out - and the candle light flickered - casting shadows across their faces. Jay stroked his fingers - much like he had earlier ghosting his fingertips over Dustin's face. "I'll memorize your face." He hummed softly, "You look so beautiful, like this... I don't wanna forget." Dustin reached up and he brought Jay's hand down and kissed his fingers, "You don't have to forget.."

Jay murmured, "I'm taking a picture." Dustin's voice was a little rough, and husky - "Jay?"

Jay kissed him, and he murmured, "Hmm?

Dustin curled his leg a little more around Jay's body and then he said softly, "When did you get your tattoo.. on your hips." Jay was stroking his fingers against Dustin's chest, and then lower. And Dustin's breath came out shaky as Jay said, "Oh.." He hummed softly, "About two weeks ago.." Dustin felt Jay suddenly rock his hips, and he let out a soft little breath, Jay was getting hard again - he could feel it. "Its beautiful..." He whispered, and Jay murmured - "Well you are... so it works."

He didn't know what to say - and he whispered, "Oh.."

Jay suddenly curled himself in around Dustin and he kissed him deeply, slowly - and Dustin shivered, kissing Jay back - Jay's kiss left him shaking apart, and Jay murmured against his mouth, "I got you now my Sunshine boy.." Dustin's cheeks were warm, and Jay added, "And nobody is taking my Sunshine away."

Dustin moaned, breathy and soft - and then Jay was rocking his hips and taking him all over again - "Told you... I'm gonna do this.. all night.." Jay whispered against his mouth. And Dustin kissed him.

He lost track, of everything but Jay, of everything else. Dustin didn't know how much time passed - he didn't know anything else existed but him and Jay. Every time Dustin thought they were done - thought that Jay would finish, they'd start all over again. Eventually Dustin fell asleep, Jay still buried inside him - cradling him in his arms. Falling asleep together that way. Caught up in the sway, the ache felt almost violent, Dustin was actually scared to let go, Dustin didn't want Jay to let him go. And Jay hadn't - not once.

Dustin woke up first, Jay was still holding him - his head resting against Dustin's, sound asleep - breath soft, his inky black lashes kissing his cheeks. Dustin was studying Jay's face, the little scar above his top lip. The light brush of tiny moles on his shoulders - the scar above his left eyebrow. Little things that he'd not noticed before. How was he so blond and yet his lashes were black as soot. He noticed that Jay also had a tiny black bird tattooed on his neck, up under his ear - a crow. He leaned in and kissed it, breathing out softly. Jay let out a soft exhale and Dustin stared down - brushing his fingers over the Elvish.

Dustin was suddenly painfully aware of his need to pee. "Shit." He winced as he managed to get himself untangled from Jay - without waking him up. His entire body ached, probably from their fighting too. But his ass hurt - but now he felt empty and Dustin didn't like it - he whispered, "Fuck's sake." He didn't know what the hell was wrong with him, heat in his cheeks Dustin felt the slick of Jay's cum - and his stomach fluttered, he got up and tugged on Jay's hoodie but went into the bathroom to pee.

He realized that he'd left his coat with his smokes in Jay's truck - he sighed softly, and didn't flush the toilet because he didn't wanna wake Jay up - but he did wash his hands. He opened one of Jay's drawers and pulled out a pair of Jays pants - they were too big, so they sat on his hips. Dustin quickly headed outside - it was cold, really cold - but he wanted a smoke and he didn't know where Jay's were. He shivered, and found them. Taking one out he lit it up and took a drag - staring up at the sky. It was only just starting to get light - he jumped as Jay curled his arms around him, "Hmm morning Baby.."

Jay's voice was all rough with sleep and he slid his fingers into Dustin's hair, kissing him deep and slow - Dustin kissed him back, Jay's body was warm, he was only wearing sweatpants that sat low on his hips. "I couldn't find yours.. so I had to get mine." Dustin said softly.

The older boy hummed soft, Jay swayed them a little - taking a drag as Dustin placed the smoke between his lips - and then Dustin took the last drag before clicking it away. Jay smirked and Dustin let out a soft laugh, "What are you smirking about hmm?" Jay didn't answer him with words, instead he just picked him up and kissed him hungrily and Dustin kissed him back - Jay's hands moving into his pants, gripping his ass - and then he carried him back inside.

***

Steve had been watching as Dustin came outside - wearing clothes that were obviously Jay's - he had actually been going to leave when he'd heard the trailer door open. Dustin had a swollen bruised lip - and a black eye. Steve gripped the steering wheel - because he knew they'd been fighting. "Jesus.." He wanted to get out - and he was about too. Dustin was smoking a cigarette - but then Jay came out of the trailer - shirtless, and looking just as battered.

And Steve felt a painful, sickening twist in his gut - watching as Jay curled his arms around Dustin, and then they were kissing. And sharing the smoke - but then Jay, the mother fucker - was picking Dustin up and kissing him again, but Dustin was kissing him back - and Steve felt rage, burning hot - jealous rage. Jay had his hands in Dustin's pants - clearly gripping his ass. And then they were gone - and Jay had carried him inside.

Steve breathed out in a rush - he didn't even remember holding his breath. But he felt a strange mixture of jealousy, rage - and sick. Sick because if they'd been fighting - then Dustin clearly gave as good as he got and that just seemed even more fucked up to Steve. But the yelling and the screams.. had that been Dustin screaming? Steve also wondered, and it made him feel the jealousy burn even bright - had Dustin let Jay fuck him?

He's mine. He's mine you piece of shit.

Steve stared at the bat beside him. Don't do it. Don't do it. He really wanted to go and smash Jay's skull open. But Steve started the car - and then he drove home.

Chapter Text

It was only a couple of days after Steve had seen Dustin and Jay outside that morning. He had just kept himself holed up - not left the house. Steve didn't really trust himself, he couldn't talk sense - he was on edge and knew that the thoughts in his head were dangerous - they were obsessive. He kept thinking about what he'd seen, and it was making it worse. Steve wasn't sleeping, and hadn't done for who knew how long. He was struggling to keep his grip on reality. Finding himself losing track of most things.

Hopper had called and left a message about an important meeting - and Steve didn't even want to go. He just didn't want to leave the house. But he took a shower, pulled on some clean clothes - managed to eat, and then he climbed into the car and headed for the Squawk. When he arrived, El was actually sitting with Lucas - her dark eyes studying him quietly. She looked at him and then she patted the spot on the sofa beside her. Steve sat down, and she gently curled her hand around his arm. She didn't say anything, and neither did Steve.

El wasn't really one for in depth conversation - nor was she known for showing a lot of emotion. But the way she sat, gently grounding him? Steve felt calm for probably the first time in days. Steve realized that Lucas had his arm around her shoulders, and El rest her head against Lucas' chest. Lucas had his fingers lazily curling into her hair - and El looked at Steve, and gently stroked his hand. Steve just relaxed into the sofa, and then Lucas seemed to be in a bit of world of his own - he kissed El's forehead softly and El let her gaze drop. Does he even realize what he's doing?

Lucas looked so tired Steve realized. And Steve felt bad - they were all going through their own versions of Hell. On the opposite side of the room, Mike was asleep in Will's lap? Will was just staring out the window - and then he looked at Nancy and Jonathan - the two of them where quietly whispering to each other, Jonathan let out a soft laugh and Nancy reached out and brushed Jon's hair out of his face. Steve lowered his gaze and Hopper came into the room - but he wasn't alone. Dustin was with him, and so was the asshole. Joyce gave Dustin a hug - and Hopper said, "...I uh appreciate you considering coming back. I don't know what I'm doing with all this tech bullshit."

Dustin wasn't really looking at anyone - not even Hopper. "Well.. I'm only here because of Jay.." Steve had to hold in the urge to snort, or be sick on the spot. Hopper's gaze shifted to Jay, and he said, "Yeah I guess I owe you one." Jay gave Hopper a smile, it wasn't a smirk - just a regular smile. "Well you know, it's not every day your motorcycle breaks down and you need to get it fixed in the middle of nowhere right?" Jim Hopper actually laughed, everyone was watching them.

"I still can't believe you actually ride a motorcycle." Dustin muttered, and Hopper snorted, "Why...am I really that old?" Jay laughed and he slid his arm around Dustin's shoulders, Dustin just curled in and Steve wanted to look away - and yet he couldn't. Rage was burning - "It's not that your old it's that your so damn serious - It was a shock." Joyce laughed, "He was a rebel like you.." Dustin actually laughed, and Hopper smirked, "Not always been this serious kid.." Jay smirked, and god Steve hated that smirk.

"Well .. I mean if we hadn't been coming home on the back road - you might have had to walk home and leave your bike out there." Jay laughed, Hopper shook his head, "... Somebody would have found me eventually." Jay snorted, "Yeah probably in five weeks from now - nobody uses that road.. unless they have too." Hopper was studying Jay in that intense way he often did when he was figuring people out. Jay seemed perfectly at ease talking to Jim - Lucas murmured, "Asshole."

Steve looked at Lucas, and El said in her quiet way - "He's good for him - for Dustin." Steve felt himself tense up, and El was studying him just as intensely as Hopper was. The two lovebirds still looked like hell. Robin was sitting on the chair not far from them - and she said, "Did you too get in a bar brawl?" Dustin looked at her, "Something like that.." Jay's gaze landed on Robin, then Hopper said, "Well I appreciate the help - and you're sure you wanna fix it.. I mean I can take it to a shop.

Jay shook his head - "It's fine.. I don't mind. I'm good with my hands, I'll sort out the other issues you mentioned too - I mean I know I have work and school, but its fine." Jim placed his hand on Jay's shoulder, "I'll pay you for your time kid.." Dustin was very quiet, he seemed calm - and it made Steve feel jealous in a totally different way. "You don't have to do that.." Jay gave Hopper another smile - not a smirk, not winding him up or being an asshole. Steve didn't like that either.

"I ...need to take a piss." Dustin said softly, and then he just suddenly gave Hopper a hug - it caught the older man off guard - but Jim Hopper curled his arms around Dustin and Joyce looked like she was going to burst into tears. "You're alright Kid, you're alright.." Hopper said softly. Jay's gaze shifted - and then he was staring at Steve. And he wasn't smirking - but Steve fucking knew he was at the same time - he could feel it. Dustin pulled away - and then he curled his hand around Jay's "Come with me.." He said softly, and Jay's gaze was back on Dustin. "Sure thing Baby boy."

The buzz of the room shifted again, and Steve watched them leave the room - and he could feel his jaw twitching. They were gone a long time - or at least it seemed like they were. When they came back, they went and sat with Will and Mike, Jay was laughing and joking with them. Dustin was drawing, or he seemed to be - till his gaze landed on him, and Steve just stared back. Dustin lowered his gaze and Steve saw him close his eyes - Robin went and sat next to Dustin, bumping her shoulder against his and Dustin lifted his head looking at her. Steve watched as Robin leaned in, he didn't know what they were talking about.

But Robin reached out and gently touched Dustin's face - her eyes shifting to Jay briefly, the blond was still talking to Mike and Will - and Dustin just stared down at his paper. But then he was drawing on Robin's hand, and she stared at Steve - concern on her face. He looked away and stared out the window. El shifted beside him - and then she moved, taking Lucas' hand - she moved closer, and then stared down at the piece of paper that was in front of Dustin.

She looked at Dustin quietly - and he just stared up at her. "The things that are in your head, one day.. one day you will change the world with these things."

Dustin just breathed out soft, and she said simply. "If you make this. I can use it .. I can use it to bring her back." Lucas's mouth opened in shock. Dustin just stared at El and she stared back at him. "It will be a much stronger frequency - stronger than any radio - she's in a place that a normal frequency can't reach." El rest her head against Dustin's "And you knew."

Everyone was just watching them, they never took their gaze from each other. Dustin whispered, "..It's.. It's just a drawing." El said calmly - "No.. it isn't and you know it isn't. You see this, when you hear the noise in your head. You think if you make this, you can turn the noise off."

Steve had no idea what was really going on - but Dustin suddenly got up and he left the room. Jay's gaze followed as he left - and then El looked at Jay. "Help. Help him." Jay nodded, and then he went after Dustin. Lucas said shakily, "...El?" Her eyes were tearful, "...Max is in a different place, someplace I can't reach because the frequency is not.. its a darkness? But it doesn't come from me - its.. like a broadcast - I.."

She looked uncomfortable. Her eyes landed on Hopper. "I don't think I should talk about this here." The older man said, "You can tell Lucas in private - I don't have an issue with Lu, you know that."

That was interesting. Mike glared at Hopper - and Jim just narrowed his eyes at Mike. "Screw you." Mike muttered, and Hopper glared at him. "You damn punk ass."

El took Lucas' hand, and then she said, "Come with me.." They went out into the hallway - and Steve said "Can I leave now?" Hopper muttered, "...If you want." He said, "Great." Shaking his head, he was surprised to find that when he got outside, Jay and Lucas were sitting in Jay's truck - but that El and Dustin were in the backseat.

"Great everyone fucking loves him.." Steve snarled, and then got into his car. "Fucking assholes." He lit a cigarette and exhale slowly. He jumped at the knock on his window - narrowing his eyes at Jay. "The fuck do you want." He spat, and Jay kept his voice neutral. "Lucas said that you knew how to get access to the radio shack building."

Steve sighed, "...Why didn't he come and talk to me, why .. are you here."

Jay snapped angrily, "Because he's crying his eyes out right now, grow the fuck up asshole - not everything is about you and your obsession."

Steve's jaw twitched. "So can you get me in there or not, I have a bunch of shit I need to get - either that or I'll just have to break in, but I have a record so - I'd rather you help than be an asshole." Steve growled, "I'm not helping you. You have a record? Of course you do.." Steve said darkly, "I'd be careful, you might get busted and thrown back where the fuck you came from."

Jay just looked at him, and then he smirked, "You're doing a really good job.."

He breathed out slowly, "What?" Steve muttered.

"Of proving me right.." Jay's voice was dark - it had an edge to it. "You're a real asshole." Jay banged his fist on the roof of the beamer, then he turned around and went back to the truck.

Steve looked at them in the car, Dustin and El were doing that intense weird thing again he couldn't really see Dustin's face, but their foreheads were touching. Dustin's hair was covering his face. - they were in the backseat, Lucas looked like hell - crying it seemed and Jay had his hand on Lucas' shoulder. "Fuck you, you bastard." He muttered, Jay could go fuck himself. He was moving in and they were all being fooled by him. Steve's jaw twitched, "You're full of shit."

***

Dustin was breathing out shakily, and El said calmly - "You feel it, that darkness - I.. when I spied on you, its like you amplify that frequency - it flows in you, a part of you. You pick up on it - Max is in a place, where that frequency is also there. I think... it has more to do with Vecna - but.. maybe it is because he also has this ability to hear it. Does am I making sense?"

Jay said from the front seat - "I don't know who Vecna is, other than from D&D? But.. you do make sense to me."

El gave him a smile, and Lucas said shakily - "But why does Dustin hear it?" El just stared at him Lucas, "...I think it has something to do with trauma, with pain - it.. breaks the person, and they have the ability for the darkness, the frequency to be tapped into? I am not sure if I'm right." El looked at Jay, who was watching her quietly.

Lucas looked at Jay too and then he said simply, "He has it too." It wasn't a question and El said simply. "Yes."

El said softly, "I think Vecna targeted people, ones that had trauma - could hear it.. when he chose them to curse them." Lucas said softly, "So Max.." Dustin was sitting staring down at his hands, the shaking getting worse, and it was Lucas who reached out and held his hand. "I'm so sorry, so fucking sorry.." Dustin just kept his gaze where it was.

Jay said, "This is about the Upside down?" El and Lucas looked at him, and Dustin said softly - "I told him about it, not everything." El looked at Jay, and then she said in her soft calm voice. "...We've been fighting this for a long time, if you aren't prepared to fight - there is nothing wrong with stepping away. It isn't your fight."

Dustin was almost too afraid to move - but Jay just said calmly, "I stand with Dustin, so I'm not going anywhere."

Lucas was just staring at Jay - and then he looked at El, who gave Lucas a soft little smile.

Dustin breathed out softly and El looked at him - cupping his face. "You.. have been through so much, and learned to shut it out - block it out, or you tried too. But.. then you didn't know how anymore. Its so powerful that if you build the thing you drew, together we can amplify the signal and I can use it to find Max in that place I can't reach. I think she is in Vecna's mind. His mind has absorbed the Darkness. And you can help me tap into it.. We can bring her back Dustin."

Dustin exhaled softly, and he looked first at El, and then he looked at Lucas - "Of course I'll fucking do it." His voice cracked and he whispered, "If it brings her back to us, I'll do it as soon as I've built it." Lucas said softly, tears streaming down his face - "We can bring her home... we can really do this?" Dustin grabbed Lucas and pulled him into the backseat, and him - Lucas and El all hugged each other tight.

Jay's gaze met his and Dustin kissed Lucas' forehead - "You'll be able to have your girl back." Lucas said shakily, "Our girl, your Zoomie.."

Jay gave him a little smirk and a raised eyebrow and Dustin smiled, but he said tearfully, "The only girl I actually wondered if I wasn't gay about." Jay grinned and Dustin laughed as Lucas said, "You were a total shit head - I thought she was into you.. nearly broke me." El let out a soft little giggle, and Dustin whispered, "I've really fucking missed you guys." Lucas said softly, "...I've missed you too you shit bird." El looked at Jay, and then she said quietly, "..Did he want to help?"

Dustin looked at Jay, he already knew the answer. Jay just shook his head, "It's fine.. I got it." Lucas frowned, and then he looked at Jay - "I got it too, I'll help you man." He held out his hand, and Jay took it, but then he pulled Lucas into a one armed hug. "We got this." Dustin let out a soft exhale, "I can help too.. I know what the fuck to look for at least." Jay laughed, "Yeah I can break in - but the parts?"

Lucas snickered, "I can keep watch for cops?" El's dark eyes looked at Dustin, and then she said quietly - "...I want you to come and spend some time with me, at the cabin - Hopper never lets me leave much.. but.. will you do that?"

Dustin nodded, and then she looked at Jay - "You too?" Jay gave her a smile, "Definitely." She gave Jay a bright smile and then she said softly, "Good - I like you, I like you very much - you are good for Dustin." Dustin let out a soft little exhale, and Jay smirked, "I been telling him that.." Lucas was just watching them - and El looked at Lucas, lowering her gaze. "...How long will it take you to build it.." Lucas asked - looking at him.

".. I'll build it as fast as I can." He said softly.

"Why'd you start drawing that?" Dustin scratched at his arm, his voice soft - "I've got all kinds of stuff that I've designed, like.. I don't know..." He stared out the window, going quiet again and El gently stroked his hair. "We've been so divided, its made things a lot harder. You have so much in your brain - I told you, you're going to change the world with the things that are in here."

Dustin just bit down on his fingers, and curled in on himself - Lucas shifted and then carefully pulled Dustin into another hug. "Is it okay if we tell the others?" He said softly, and Dustin nodded.

"I'm really tired, can we meet up again tomorrow and plan it out - the.. great robbery of Radio Shack?" He leaned into Lucas and El said softly, "Lucas is staying at the cabin with me, having a sleepover - you and Jay can come tomorrow?"

Dustin nodded, but then he said softly - "Wait... Hopper lets you sleep over at the cabin?" El was blushing, and then Lucas cleared his throat - "Uh.. yeah, we you know hang out and.. I've been helping El with school work, and.. reading - we watch movies and stuff."

Jay was just watching the three of them quietly, and then he said "We should do that sometime - have a movie binge night - or play D&D, do you play El?" She looked at Jay, and she said softly "I always wanted too.. but Mike never wanted to teach me." Dustin rubbed at his eyes, and Jay said, "Well... we can teach you, Sunshine's a really awesome DM - and I can help you figure out what type of character you'd like to be?"

El's face lit up and she said, "Really?"

Jay grinned, "Yeah it'll be fun."

Lucas laughed, "...You know what man? You're nothing like.. I thought you would be." Jay gave Lucas a wink - "Everything you've heard is locker room bullshit Sinclair. I'm a fucking delight.."

Dustin let out a soft little giggle, and Jay smirked. Lucas just looked at the two of them - "You both look like you were in a bar brawl." Dustin let out a soft exhale, and Jay murmured - "Oh yeah something like that. We survived though.." From outside - Hopper yelled, "El? Lucas.. Its time to get going." They both gave Dustin another hug, and then El looked at Jay - "...Tomorrow then?"

Jay smiled, "Definitely tomorrow."

They both got out of the truck, and Jay glanced up as Hopper appeared at the window. "Hey kid." He looked at Dustin in the backseat - "...I wanted to say thanks again, for helping me out. Let me know how much the parts are going to cost to fix my bike." Jay nodded, "Yeah.. no problem Chief."

Hopper ducked his head, looking at Dustin - "..Eat something for me will you?" Dustin looked at him and then he nodded, Jay said, "Don't worry.. I'll make sure he does." Jim patted the door and then he said, "Alright.. let me know Jay." Dustin shifted into the front seat, and Jay looked at him.

"He really likes you." Dustin said softly, "Normally he's a bad tempered asshole." Jay laughed and Dustin smiled softly. "You tired Baby boy?"

He nodded, and then said softly, "Hmm yeah my boyfriend kept me up all night.." Jay smirked and murmured, "What an asshole.." Dustin let out another soft little giggle and Jay cupped his face, "So sweet.." He nuzzled his face against Dustin's and then he said softly, "So do you wanna come back home with me? Or do you wanna go see your mom."

Dustin curled his fingers against Jay's hoodie, and then he buried his face in against his neck. "Both?" Jay murmured, "Okay, we'll go see your mom - and then go back home." Dustin nodded, and Jay kept his arm around him, Dustin let his eyes close - and Jay started up the truck. "You okay?" Jay said softly.

He snuggled in closer, and whispered - "I think so? I... can't wait for you to meet Max, she's... as abrasive as fuck - but, you'll love her." Jay curled his fingers into his hair, keeping them there as he drove.

Dustin opened his eyes, and then he pulled away - sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest, he looked out the window. He knew that Jay was looking at him every so often. But they both stayed quiet. When they finally pulled up outside his house, they both climbed out but Dustin curled both of his hands around Jay's. The older boy made one of his soft humming noises, and then he murmured, "I'm not going anywhere Baby boy.." Dustin's face flushed with heat, and he looked at Jay from under his lashes.

When they got inside, Claudia said "What happened to your face Dustin?" She looked at Jay - then back at him - "What happened to both of you." Dustin sighed, "Nothing... can you please not do this.." He sounded tired, "We're alright Mama C." Jay said quietly, "We thought we'd come visit you, Dustin really missed you." Claudia let out a soft little noise, and then she said, "Oh Baby, I missed you too." She tutted and then peppered Dustin's face with kisses, and Jay let out a soft laugh. Claudia let out one of her giggles and then Dustin of course followed suite.

"That's where you get that from." Jay grinned, and Claudia laughed - "...Its catching." Dustin was sitting in her lap, having cuddles and Jay said, "Would you like me to make dinner?" Claudia looked a bit surprised and she said, "You want to make dinner?" He nodded, "Yeah I can do that - you two can have cuddles and catch up and then we can eat?" Dustin just smiled and hid his face and Claudia let out another giggle, "That sounds lovely." Jay nodded, "Alright - I'll get started."

Claudia watched Jay go into the kitchen - and she curled her fingers into Dustin's hair, Dustin said softly - "I know you don't like him.. but give him a chance, because.. I really, really love him. And I need you to try, because I need him.." His breath got all shaky, and then tears welled up and Claudia said softly, "Oh Baby, I will I promise.." He buried his face against her - trying not to cry, the sound of Jay moving about in the kitchen - and there was the smells of something delicious frying. "Are you okay Dusty?" His mother whispered, and Dustin said shakily - "I... I'm just.. tired. Feeling too much, but.. its not bad.. I.."

She gently brushed his hair out of his face. "You can talk to me, you know that don't you?" He let his eyes close and he nodded. Jay suddenly appeared and he handed Claudia a drink, "A Mojito for you Mama C, I know you like a little special cocktail." She blinked, and then took a sip - "Ooh.. that's delicious." Jay gave her a wink and then disappeared back into the kitchen. "Can I have a taste?" Dustin asked, and she giggled, "Sure." Dustin did and he said, "Damn.. that is delicious." They were both giggling again - "..Have you seen Steve?" Claudia asked, and the happiness immediately went from Dustin's face.

"I... need to use the bathroom." He muttered, and then he got up and left the room. "Dusty?" Claudia sighed softly, "There I go again putting my foot in it.."

Jay came back, and she looked up at him. "...I upset him, I'm always upsetting him." He curled his fingers through his hair - and she said softly, "I asked him about Steve." Jay frowned, and then he sat down on the edge of the coffee table. "..I'll go make sure he's okay." Jay added softly, "I know you don't really like me very much, but I care about him a lot - I don't want to cause any trouble, but you should know that I'm not going anywhere. I don't plan on going anywhere so.. I really hope that you might end up changing your mind."

Claudia nodded, and she said softly - "I haven't really even gotten to know you, I'm sorry about that Jay." He said softly, "Well.. we can start now? I'll go make sure he's okay - dinner should be ready in about thirty minutes, I made enchiladas with your leftover chicken and a salad - fresh salsa too, figured it would go nicely with your Mojito's." Claudia said, "You made more than this?" Jay laughed softly, "You have a pitcher in the refrigerator." Claudia smiled, ".. I don't have anyone really cook for me.."

Jay said softly, "Well.. maybe you do now. Plus.. you know, if it gets him to eat more.." Their eyes met and Claudia sniffled, "..Yes, that its really hard to get him to do that these days." He nodded and then he stood up, "I'll go make sure he's okay." Claudia gently cupped his face, "Thank you." Jay leaned into her touch and then said softly, "You don't have to thank me, I love him." He got up and then headed for Dustin's room, he slipped inside and looked at Dustin - who was laying on his bed.

"You okay?" Jay laid down beside him, and Dustin muttered, "Please.. just.. I don't wanna talk. Please.." He let out a shaky exhale as Jay curled his arm around him and murmured, "Okay." Dustin curled his fingers against Jay's arm, bring it in and then he let out a soft little noise. Jay nuzzled his face into his hair and then Dustin said softly, "I ..wanna go back home with you." Jay let out a soft little hum, "I know, and we will." Dustin shifted, curling into Jay and burying his face against his chest. "I wish she'd stop asking me about him..."

Jay murmured, "Don't think about him. It's just us." Dustin breathed in Jay's pine-minty scent and Jay murmured, "You smell like me.." Dustin shivered and he whispered, "I love how you smell.." They both went quiet, and then Jay stroked his fingers into his hair again. Dustin had drifted to sleep, Jay was still awake when Claudia knocked on the door and she opened it - "I think the foods ready. "Jay smiled and she said, "He's fallen asleep?" Jay nodded, "Maybe we can eat together and he can eat later." Claudia said softly, and Jay nodded. "That sounds like a good idea, I don't really want to wake him up." Jay kissed Dustin's forehead and then he untangled himself, covering Dustin with a blanket. The two of them headed back out to the living room - the two of them sat down at the table and ended up having a good meal and talking about all kinds of things.

Chapter Text

Steve breathed out shakily, Jay's truck was parked outside - which meant him and Dustin were there. He crept across the street and then outside Dustin's window and opened it - but Dustin was in there by himself. Steve's heart was beating hard in his chest - and he moved, sliding the bedroom door shut - and he locked it.

He could hear Claudia and Jay talking - the sound of them laughing, and he grit his teeth. Now he was winning Claudia over as well? Steve's thoughts were dark, irrational - he was lying to everyone. Nobody knew that Jay was evil, nobody but him. Steve breathed out sharply - and then he backed up from the door, and moved back over to Dustin.

His hands were shaking, but he brushed his fingers against Dustin's face, and he knelt down beside the bed - "Dustin.." He whispered, leaning in closer - Steve said softly, "Wake up.."

Dustin's eyes fluttered, and then he muttered softly, "Jay?"

Steve grit his teeth and then he growled, "No... It's me.."

Dustin breathed out slowly, and then he said sleepily, "Steve?"

He just stared at him and Steve muttered softly, "I... want you to come with me." Dustin looked confused, and he rubbed his eyes - "What? What are you doing here." He sat up, and Steve pressed his hand over Dustin's mouth, Dustin pushed Steve's hand away - "Don't.."

Steve frowned and he muttered softly, "I want.. you to come with me, we can leave now."

Dustin pushed his hair out of his face, "I don't want to go with you, what are you doing here Steve?" Steve gripped Dustin's chin, and he whispered, "What did he do to you.. look at your fucking face."

Dustin tugged his face free, and he said shakily - "You.. don't know what you're talking about."

Steve growled, "I fucking heard you screaming.. I heard you."

Darkness crossed Dustin's face and he said coldly, "You have to stop this bullshit.. you don't know what you're talking about. I want you to leave. I want you to leave me alone.."

Steve shook his head, "I can't... I can't do that."

Steve whispered, "I want you to come with me... we can leave, right now. Dustin.."

Tears welled up in Dustin's eyes and he whispered, "No." Steve breathed out against his face, and Dustin whispered shakily, "I don't want to leave with you, I want you to leave - I'm just a junkie remember?"

Steve growled, "He did that to you... He fucking did that too you - just like he did this... He hurt you." Steve leaned in closer and he whispered, "Come with me, we'll just go." He kissed Dustin softly and Dustin shoved him and said tearfully - "I said no!" Steve pulled him in closer, and pinned Dustin's arms behind his back, "You know I ..didn't mean it.. I was just so fucking scared - finding you like that."

Dustin breathed out in a rush against his face, and Steve kissed him again - and Dustin whimpered, not kissing him back - trying to get his arms free. Steve growled softly, "Don't you love me anymore?"

Dustin shivered and he whispered, "Stop it..." Steve whispered, "Run away with me..." Dustin whispered tearfully - "No... No Steve.." Steve kissed him again, and Dustin whimpered - Steve's tongue stroked his, possessive and slow and Dustin could feel himself giving in - kissing him back, and Steve brought Dustin's arms up around his neck - Dustin held on and Steve murmured, "Run away with me."

Dustin was breathless, feeling strung out and confused - "...I need to get high.." He said shakily.

Steve growled softly, "You can't... I got rid of it."

Dustin hit him, slapping his face - and Steve stared at him, "Fuck you.... Fuck you!" Dustin let out a shaky sob - "You bastard, you have no fucking right! It was mine! Mine! Fuck you!"

Steve covered Dustin's mouth, and he whispered, "We can get more - he has more.. right?" Dustin couldn't breathe properly, and Steve whispered, "He give's it to you - we'll go get it.. and then we'll leave, we'll go somewhere.. together... you and me. Just us..."

Steve's voice was rough, shaky and Dustin whimpered, "I hate you.. I fucking hate you stop doing this to me.. stop doing this to me.."

Steve whispered, "I need you... I fucking need you." Dustin was crying, and then burying his face in against his neck, shaky tearful breaths. "You need me too, I know you do... I know you do I feel it.." Steve growled softly.

Dustin whispered, "I hate you... I hate you.. get out of my head.."

Steve said husky soft, "...You're in my head too, you're everywhere I can't get you out.. I can't.. take it anymore, I'm going to die without you." He curled his fingers into Dustin's hair and tugged his head back, "I'm going insane without you. I'm going to kill him.."

Dustin hissed out, "No.. no you can't I need him.."

Rage burned inside Steve, and he growled, "No... no you don't need him - you don't need him don't say that.." Dustin was crying, and he whimpered, "It hurts - why'd you take it away, why! You fuck.." He shoved at Steve, and Steve pinned Dustin's arms above his head, "Be quiet.." His voice low and rumbling.

Dustin shivered and then Steve whispered, "Will you leave with me." Dustin breathed out against Steve's mouth, "...I'm going to take you with me anyway, so just say yes.."

Dustin curled his fingers, and Steve murmured, "Mine.." Dustin's breath caught in his throat, and he whimpered tearfully - "Stop." Steve growled, "I can't." nuzzled his face against Dustin's throat, and then he whispered, "Please..." Dustin breathed out, "Where do you want to go.."

Steve stared down at him, and Dustin looked up at him - "Anywhere you want.." Dustin nodded, and Steve let his arms go. He stood up and Dustin sat up slowly, Steve raked his fingers through his hair - and he helped Dustin get his boots on, kneeling in front of him as he tied up his laces.

Steve slid his fingers into his hair and Dustin breathed out shakily, "Let's go.." He whispered and Steve stood up - Dustin climbed out the window first, waiting for Steve and then Steve took his hand - interlacing their fingers, Steve pulled Dustin with him - and he still didn't let go of Dustin's hand as he drove.

Dustin was staring out the window - too quiet, and Steve didn't like it. He breathed out slowly, pulling up outside of Jay's trailer, Dustin looked at him - his eyes stormy. They both climbed out, and Steve followed Dustin inside.

Dustin went into the other room, and Steve stood there waiting - but then he followed Dustin, eyes landing on the bed. Which was unmade - the sheets a mess and Dustin came out of the bathroom, holding another smaller lock box.

Steve's jaw was twitching - and Dustin whispered, "I.. need to do it - then.. we can go."

Steve growled, "No... you can do it when we get out of here." Dustin breathed out sharply, "I need it now.."

"I said no!" Steve grit his teeth, and Dustin yelled, "Fuck you! You fucking asshole, I'm in pain and I need to do it now. You don't get it.."

Steve bit back, "No I guess I fucking don't.. I'm not a junkie.."

Dustin closed his eyes, and he said hoarsely, "Get out."

Steve shook his head, "No.. I'm taking you with me."

Dustin said emotionless, "I'm not going anywhere with you. I lied to you. I just want to get high - I don't want to go with you."

Steve moved in closer and Dustin breathed out shakily, "I'm just a junkie, I need my fucking fix - so fuck you Steve. Get the fuck out of my face."

Steve growled, "You need him now? You fucking need him.. he beat the shit out of you and you need him - he's got you strung out, and you need him? You don't need him, you just need this bullshit.. you want that poison."

Dustin stared down at his lap - "You don't know everything Steve, you don't know what you're talking about." He whispered.

"No maybe I fucking don't - but I do know that I'm not leaving you here. I'll fucking tell your mother - I'll tell her and you can go to rehab. You just need help, that's all this is - you need help and you'll get better." Steve  muttered, as was he paced. "You'll forget about Eddie, and you'll be okay - we can be happy."

Dustin let out a shaky laugh, and Steve looked at him. "...Don't you understand, I was broken before Eddie died - I wasn't in love with him, he wasn't the one that broke me - it didn't help, it just.. broke the seal that I could use to bury my demons.. now I can't anymore."

Tears blurred his vision. "...I've been broken for years Steve. My father made sure of that when he made me dress like a girl and raped me, and beat me because I was the sick freak. So - no Steve, Eddie is just one of the reasons I want to die - I have too many to count."

Steve just stared at him - frozen in place and Dustin said in a strange detached voice, "I need you to leave now."

Steve didn't know what to say - he felt like the air had been ripped from his lungs.

He moved closer and Dustin backed away, "Get away from me.." He breathed out harshly, "Threaten to put me in rehab? Really? Really? Fuck you!" Dustin screamed, "Fuck you! You keep wanting to fix me! This is me, I've always been this! I am fucking twisted up and fucking broken! And you can't fucking rescue me..." He just laid down and sobbed, breathing in harsh shaky gulps.

Steve curled his fingers against Dustin's leg and then he climbed onto the bed - pulling Dustin into his body, and Dustin whimpered - Steve curled himself around him and Dustin kicked him, "Don't fucking touch me."

He felt Steve scoop him up, and he whimpered, "No asshole, fucking no.." Steve left the lockbox on the bed, but he picked Dustin up and he carried him out to the car - placing him into the backseat of the beamer. Steve climbed into the drivers seat and then he drove back home. Dustin was staring up at the roof of the car - and Steve still hadn't spoken, but he pulled Dustin in close again, and Dustin was so tired, he just let him.

***

Dustin breathed out shakily, Steve placed him down on his bed - and Dustin, he backed up against the wall, Steve sat down - curling his fingers against the bed. "What you haven't got anything to say anymore?"

Dustin's voice was rough, and soft - he breathed out shakily. "Don't wanna touch me now that you know I'm dirty and used up..."

Steve looked at him, "I wasn't a virgin, wasn't pure and sweet - not an angel." Tears spilled down his face and Dustin closed his eyes, feeling like he was going to be sick.

"I never said that.." Steve's voice was hard - and he growled, "Stop putting your own fucking words in my mouth - I don't think that."

"You were always so happy. Why did you never say anything?" Steve asked, and Dustin just stared at him –

"...What? What was I supposed to say? My father abused me and my mother - and she doesn't even know how bad it was, and I can never tell her. And you're asking me why I never said anything?" Dustin’s voice was shaking; he closed his eyes. It was hard enough just talking about it now.

Steve breathed out slowly, and he muttered - "...You could have talked to me."

Dustin just looked away, "Sure... I could tell you... you seem to think it’s like talking about the weather. Jesus fucking Christ Steve."

He curled his arms around his legs, and hid his face in against his legs. "He was already gone before I met you. I was good at burying all my shit.. hiding it. I don't know how to do it... since Eddie died, and... after what El said - it’s probably got something to do with it too."

"Yeah... they told me about that. I... I'm sorry I said I didn't want to help." Dustin was resting his head on his knees, but not looking at Steve.

"We don't need your help. We'll do it ourselves." His voice was soft, and Steve growled back, "...We don't need him to help, we can do it without him."

Dustin breathed out sharply, "I don't want to do it without him..." He lifted his head, looking at Steve - "I don't want to do it without him..."

Steve's jaw was twitching, "So... you don't give a shit about me at all? Is that what you're saying."

Dustin's eyes closed and he said shakily, "I didn't say that... I just said I don't want to do it, without Jay..."

Steve growled, "I'm going to fucking kill him."

Dustin breathed out slowly, "No... you're not." Steve got in his face and he said shakily, "Yes... I am."

Dustin shook his head, and he murmured, "No Steve, you're not... because I won't let you."

Steve let out a shaky exhale, and Dustin whispered, "The same way I'd never let anyone hurt you..."

Steve's eyes closed and Dustin said softly, "I won't let you hurt him, or anyone else... he's been hurt too much already, and I know...I know the kinda hurt that's been done to him."

Steve was staring at him again, and Dustin said softly, "I won't let you."

"So... you don't want me? - you ... you fucking push me away, like I'm some piece of trash, but you want him?" Steve asked, and he was so angry, Dustin could feel him shaking with it.

"You know how much I want you, you know how I feel about you..." Dustin shook his head. He was shaking too, and he curled his fingers in his hair - tugging, "But I... Steve, I ... you want to rescue me, and I'm trying to tell you that this is me... this is me I can’t... be saved because there's nobody to save."

Steve breathed out against his face as he gripped his chin, "But you can ... be happy, you don't have to do all this shit..." Dustin said tearfully, "You're not listening to me. I am this - this is who I've always been, I'm not him, that was someone I pretended to be. And he died when Eddie died - I don't know how to be him anymore."

Steve breathed out against his face, "It's because of him... he fucking did this to you, you... could be happy again, happy if you just let yourself be happy. It could be like before; you don't have to keep doing this - you don't need.” He muttered.

"You don't see me." Dustin whispered, wiping his face. "You don't want too; you just want me to be someone that I don't know how to be anymore. I don't know how to be that anymore. And I don't know what else to say. I love you; I love you and I need you but I can't ... I can't be someone that I'm not. And if I have to keep doing that - that is what is going to kill me. Because it has been. I can’t... I need to find some kind of peace, some kind of quiet... or I'm going to completely lose myself to my chaos."

"It's just because of him; you didn't think this way before." Steve's voice was hoarse, "He's fucking messed you up - poisoned you with that shit... and now you think that you can't be happy."

Dustin said quietly, "I never said that I don't think I can be happy. I just said I can't be someone that I'm not. Jay hasn't messed me up Steve, he's made me understand that it’s okay if I'm not like other people, it’s okay if I just am the way that I am. He doesn't want to change me... and I'm sorry if you can't understand that. But... that's the way that it is."

Dustin whispered, "I made my own choices about the drugs, despite what you think, I am capable of deciding for myself. Jay didn't force me to take anything. I did that for myself. And - it helps me, I don't expect you to understand - and if you feel like you need to tell my mom and I go to rehab, and I'm forced to give it up - you will be killing me."

Steve muttered, "But maybe your right, he didn't change you - Maybe I just never fucking knew who you were at all." Dustin tensed up, and he said quietly "No, maybe you didn't."

The silence was heavy between them and Dustin curled his arms around himself, Steve's words really hurt - the reality of them making him feel sick to his stomach.

Dustin whispered, "I don't think you love me at all. Because if that's how you feel - how can you love me."

Steve lifted his gaze, they stared at each other - Steve finally said, "Yeah, you're right - I don't love you. I just enjoyed fucking you, I mean we had a good time, right? Every time we were either on drugs, and I mean - I'd been drinking the night I fucked you - so... you were just somewhere warm to put my cock. Not really any different from fucking a girl."

Steve's jaw twitched and his words felt like daggers, piercing and driving the pain of them deep into Dustin's soul. "I mean why would it be love; it was just a good fuck. You're right - a mistake."

Dustin didn’t want to listen to him anymore, he just got up and walked out, he part stumbled down the stairs.

The weight felt like it was going to crush him. Dustin made his way back to the trailer park and he didn't turn any lights on - he picked up the lockbox and then walked back out again - going across to Eddie's trailer, Dustin climbed up through the gate, and landed on the other side.

He went into the bedroom; it had more memories of Eddie than right side up.

Dustin let out a soft exhale and he laid down, the tears fell silently, he felt dirty and hallowed out. Dustin slipped the razor blade out from his pocket in his jeans and he shivered - the thought of carving deeper, felt like too much of a temptation. That he could just bleed out and go to sleep.

Bleed out and then it would be over. Dustin placed the blade on the bedside table - and then he opened the lockbox, he got everything ready - and then he pulled the belt tight around his arm, slipping the needle in - he knew he didn't have to worry about anyone finding him, so he just let himself drift - the noise, the whispering - Steve, his horrible words - it all just disappeared.

Dustin slipped the needle out - and then he picked up the blade, and he cut against his skin - the blood seemed to flow quicker and Dustin had forgotten to undo the belt. He undid it and then his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

Chapter Text

Dustin was drifting - floating in an ocean of the most beautiful crystalline water he couldn't feel any pain, he just felt weightless - free and it was warm. The warmth curled into every part of him. He opened his eyes, and the colors were beautiful and the water shimmered around him like it was full of diamonds.

He looked down at himself and he couldn't see his body - he was just weightless light.. dancing through the water.

The light reminded him of when he'd been a really little boy, the colors beautiful like the light through the stained glass in a church he'd been in once. He remembered how the light had filtered in, dancing through the air - staining the floor and the glass had shone like crystals.

He wondered if he was in that church - it didn't seem very likely, Dustin couldn't remember where he was anymore - and it didn't really seem to matter. There was no time, no specific place that he had to be. The water and light was so warm, that he let it wash over him - take away everything.

It seemed to shift around him, and when he looked up it was like he was under a sea of stars instead - he remembered that he'd been in the upside down, that he'd got high - maybe he was dying. The thought of that didn't seem so bad - if this was dying, it seemed pretty peaceful.

Dustin where are you - I need you to tell me...

He heard El's voice, sweet and clear - and he wanted to tell her that he was okay, that he was ready to go - she didn't need to find him, because he was safe. He was finally going to be free of it all. And then he heard her voice again - but she wasn't alone.

I need you to show us, Jay will come and get you - show me where you are. Sunshine, don't you leave me - don't you do this.. show me, show me where you are - let me find you, please.. you promised me..

Dustin felt a rush surge through him - and then he was somewhere else entirely - surrounded by black - water under his feet. He wasn't in that beautiful place anymore.

"You're inside my mind." El was standing beside him - but Jay was standing in front of him.

"Sunshine, what happened - where are you Baby?" Jay's eyes were bright green - they looked as though they were lit up from the inside, the gold seemed super bright.

"What have you done sweet Baby." Jay touched his face - and then they were standing in Eddie's bedroom in the trailer - in the upside down, they both could see his body on the bed - Dustin could see himself - blood soaked into the bed, he was as white as a sheet - Jay breathed out against his face and he whispered, "Don't you leave me.. I'm coming, I'm coming.." He brushed his lips feather soft against his - and then Jay became mist - and Dustin was back in that beautiful place.

But he could hear El's voice again.

She needs us Dustin, she needs you. Please don't leave. I need your help.

Dustin's eyes fluttered and he felt like his body was too heavy - he could barely keep his eyes open. The ceiling was illuminated with the red lightening and Dustin let out a soft breath, labored and he was trying to keep his eyes open, but he could feel that strange warmth wanting to pull him back into that crystalline ocean.

But then he heard Jay's voice, it sounded far away - but it wasn't in his head.

"Sunshine, you gotta stay with me Baby, I'm here." Jay cradled his head, and Dustin whispered - "I'm sorry.. I.. think I.. need to go now.." El looked down at him and she said quietly, "This is going to hurt, I am sorry Dustin."

He felt a strange sensation in his arm, a pulling and then he screamed - Jay was holding him, and he was looking at El - she held her hand out, and Dustin screamed as she knit the skin of his arm back together - stopping the bleeding. She wiped the blood from her nose, and she looked at Jay.

"I can't do anything about the drugs - I can't stop that, but.. he's not going to die from blood loss."

Jay said softly, "How'd you do that.."

Dustin whispered weakly, "She's a mage.."

Jay rest his forehead against his and El shifted onto the bed beside them, she cuddled them both and then said softly, "Why did you do this..."

Dustin just let his eyes close and she lifted her gaze, staring at Jay quietly - "We should take him back home - to your trailer."

Jay nodded, "Dustin you didn't take too much H.. right?"

He whispered, "No.. no more than usual."

Jay murmured, "Okay.. good."

El said softly, "I will get him out of here, then we'll get him across the road together."

Jay just watched as El levitated Dustin and then guided him through the trailer, pushing him through the gate and then gently placing him on the mattress on the other side.

"I can't believe this.. I'm not hallucinating." Jay said - and El laughed softly, "No.. this is real. You next.."

Jay pulled himself through the gate, and then El moved through too.

Jay and El between them got Dustin back to Jay's. Jay laid Dustin on the bed and then he came back to the living room. Jay said softly, "El... we can't tell anyone about this."

She looked at him - and she said, "Because they'll send him away somewhere." Jay nodded and El said, "I won't tell anyone, but... Jay.."

She held his hand and whispered, "He.. tried to die."

Jay's eyes were wet with tears and he whispered, "I know - and.. I know that its bad, but.. something happened, something happened - and.. I'll find out what it was..."

He breathed out harshly, and the tears spilled down his cheeks - and El pulled him into a tight hug. Jay just hugged her back and she said softly, "...I'll tell Lucas that we need to wait a little bit before we make our plan for the radio shack robbery."

"No... I can get a list from Sunshine, and I'll go and do it. Don't tell Lu, I'll do it - Dustin will make the transistor. But I'll do the robbery. Don't dash Lu's hopes." Jay said softly, "We will still come to the cabin, it might not be tomorrow but we'll still come."

He looked at Dustin, laying on the bed - and El said softly, "...Will you be okay?"

Jay just looked at her, and then he said softly - "Yeah. I...I think I have an idea of who.. contributed to this happening.." His eyes darkened and El said quietly - "You said he just vanished from his room."

Jay whispered, "His room was locked and his window opened, I was there we were supposed to be eating with him mom - I... I'll talk to him."

El said softly, "It makes me so sad, that he hurts this bad."

She said softly, "Please call if you need any help, even Hop will come."

Jay nodded and he said softly, "I've never met a real life Mage before." El let out a soft laugh, "..Well.. now you have. I must go Hop's truck is coming.." The sound of a rumbling engine was outside and she said, "I won't tell him. What happened ...with the wanting to die."

They hugged again and then El left and Jay waved to her and Hop - then he shut the door and headed into the bedroom.

***

Dustin was laying there in the dimness, the light was only just making its way through a tiny spot there the blackout curtains weren't quite shut. He could just make out the soft voices of Jay and El - but he didn't know what they were saying, and he didn't really care what they were saying either.

He tugged the blanket up over his head and curled into a fetal position, he tugged at his hair and then clawed at himself, panic was setting in and he just wanted it over with.

Dustin let out a strangled sob and he was crying when Jay found him - He didn't want Jay to touch him.

Dustin pushed Jay away from him, and let out a pained whimper. "No.." He shook his head, and then clawed at his stomach - at his arms. "Make it stop.. make it stop.." He was gasping for air and Jay pulled him into his lap, holding him and he said hoarsely, "What the fuck happened, ...tell me."

Dustin just looked completely broken - haunted as he looked at Jay, but wasn't really seeing him.

Jay cradled Dustin's head in his hands as he whispered, "Breathe, breathe Baby boy."

Jay gently ghosted his fingers of Dustin's face and he whispered, "I remember your face, I got you... I'm right here.." His light touch made Dustin's breath slow.

"That's it...it's me.. Sunshine, my sunshine boy." Jay's voice was rough and Dustin whimpered, "Hurts. Hurts."

Jay said softly, "Who hurt you, tell me." Dustin shook his head, starting to cry again and then he hit at Jay, but it was weak and Jay just curled his hands against Dustin's back, stroking his fingers into his hair.

"No.. he's too noisy in my head -" Dustin just curled up against Jay and whispered, "Hate him."

Jay murmured softly, "It's okay Baby, I've got you - I'll make it all better."

Dustin whispered tearfully - "I wanted it to stop hurting, that's all - I just wanted it to be quiet again.. I...don't wanna be here anymore. He took my box - he threw it away... he doesn't see me.. never did - he never saw me. He.. just keeps hurting me, he tore me to pieces. Dirty, I’m dirty, and worthless."

Jay knew who Dustin was talking about, he said quietly - "He came while you were asleep - when I was with your mama."

Dustin let out a sob, "He said he never knew me.. never loved me. After.. I told him what my father did.. he threw that in my face.. he was the first person.. and he said that to me.. I'm just worthless and dirty and he made me feel like nothing. I let him do it - I let him fucking do it.. I'm.. so fucking stupid."

Jay breathed out softly, and then he cradled Dustin's face - "...You told him what your Dad did to you." He whispered, "Oh Baby.."

Dustin said tearfully, "He acted like I should just go back to pretending to be happy, like I did it before - so why can't I do it now... I told him I couldn't because of seeing Eddie die in my arms.. and .. I told him.. my Dad used to fucking rape me and he acted like I was talking about the weather... he.. said.. that.. that I was just.. somewhere to put his cock.. that we only messed around while we were high. That he only fucked me that night because he was drunk.."

Dustin crawled off Jay's lap and he laid down against the bed.

Jay breathed out all in a rush - he felt sick to the stomach himself - How the fuck could Steve be so heartless? "Jesus Christ.."

Dustin whispered, "...I.. I he fucked me up in the head all over again... I let him.. I let him do it... I let him fucking do it... because I'm just a stupid junkie fucking whore." He was clawing at his arms again.

Jay shifted closer, "No.. no you're not.." Jay said softly, “You’re not.”

Dustin was breathing harshly again. "No, I am... I am... he told me that I was just a junkie. He told me he was going to kill you, that he was going to kill you because you did this to me - made me this way, I said I wouldn't let him hurt you... that I needed you... and then he... just..."

Jay murmured, "So he was angry and saying all this bullshit from the minute he showed up? - and then got worse before you left?"

Dustin nodded – lying there with his eyes closed, he whispered "I don't want to think about him anymore, I just... want to go to sleep... I want to fucking go to sleep."

Jay murmured, "Baby... you cut your wrist open, really deep - you would have.. bled out if we hadn't got to you."

Dustin just laid there and then he rolled over - turning his back to Jay. "I know. I'm sorry.. I wasn't thinking about anything except making it quiet again... I... I'm sorry."

Jay moved so he was curled up behind him - and he whispered, "...I want you to know that all of that bullshit he said, the shit he called you it isn't fucking true. Fuck him he's a fucking asshole. And I wish I could take all the pain he's made you feel and make it go away. Because I know that you.. gave a part of yourself to him that he never fucking deserved if he said that shit and that's what he really thinks."

Dustin moved and curled up burying his face in against his throat. "I... wish I could just erase it. He made it into something disgusting. I felt ...it felt that way after too - because he wouldn't talk to me - I felt wrong after it happened."

Jay gently stroked his face, and Dustin had his eyes closed - "Last night with you didn't feel like that.." His words whispered. 

Jay said softly - "Then.. if it helps, pretend that was your first time.. instead." Jay felt Dustin's tears against his skin and he whispered, "I'm so sorry Baby. I would do anything to take the pain away."

Dustin whispered, "I wanted you to never let me go... I still feel like that. I didn't want to go with him; I should have just .. I should have..." He started crying harder.

Jay said softly, "..I love you, you don't have to worry sunshine, my sweet sunshine boy - if you don't want me to let you go.. I am never going too."

Dustin said tearfully, his voice soft, "You still love me? Even though you know..."

Jay frowned, "Know what your Dad did?" He murmured.

Dustin nodded, and Jay said - "What did you do, when you knew what Thomas did to me? - I’d do the same thing to your father - to anyone that ever fucking hurt you. I love you, I'm never going to stop loving you; and especially not because of something that was never your fault. You were a little boy, an innocent baby - and your father was a fucking monster. Of course, I still love you. You're not dirty, you're not worthless - you're beautiful, and fierce - you're my dark prince..."

Dustin breathed out in a rush, and Jay said softly, "You're my beautiful Sunshine... my sweet Beautiful Baby."

Jay kissed Dustin softly, and Dustin whimpered softly - kissing him back and Jay whispered against his mouth, "I would have followed you.. if you.. if I'd lost you.. I'd have followed you."

Dustin whispered, "I'm sorry.." Jay murmured, "You don't have to keep saying that Baby, I just... I don't think I coulda handled losing you."

Dustin whispered, "I should have just come back to you.. I shoulda.."

Jay said softly, "Yeah, you shoulda..."

Dustin whispered, "I ...want you to hold me and never let go..."

Jay shifted, he laid back against the pillow. "C'mere Baby."

Dustin moved and then laid down, and Jay curled him into his arms - he whispered, "I love you." Dustin shivered and he whispered, "I love you too." Jay nuzzled his nose against Dustin's and he whispered, "Shall we go to sleep hmm?"

Dustin whispered, "Uhuh... I'm. tired." His eye's kept fluttering closed and then he'd try to open them again and Jay said softly, "Let them close sweet Baby... It's okay, I got you.."

Dustin's soft little exhale hit his face, he tried to fight it, trying to stay awake. But Jay kept stroking his fingers through his hair, and Dustin lost the battle - he just fell asleep - and Jay breathed out softly, thinking about Steve had said - "Piece of shit.."

Jay knew he was going to make sure that Steve stayed away from Dustin completely - Jay wasn't going to give Steve another shot to hurt Dustin again.

Chapter Text

It was strange what you could talk yourself into - what you could tell yourself was real and what wasn't to make your reality something tolerable, something that you could try and make easier to swallow. Except it hadn't - nothing was easier.

He felt like he was drowning in darkness. In shit - and he didn't know what to do anymore. So, he had taken a page out of Dustin's book. He'd turned everything that he felt in the opposite direction, and told Dustin complete and utter lies - to completely push him away.

Told him he didn't love him, that it meant nothing. That Dustin meant nothing. Because he was so angry - so fucking hurt. Because Dustin pushed him away first.

Steve knew it was pathetic. But he wanted to hurt him. And he was pretty sure it worked with the way that Dustin had left without saying anything. The fact that Dustin had told him his father had hurt him though, sat in his stomach like weighted rocks, he felt sick with it.

And Steve hated himself for saying what he did as a weapon to make what they shared a weapon to hurt the only person he'd ever really felt anything for. Genuinely.

Sure, he thought he'd loved Nancy Wheeler. That had never worked, because he'd never been himself with her. Steve fumbled his way through shit with girls, mostly drunk - never sober. He couldn't relate to them; they made him uncomfortable in his skin. The truth was Steve wasn't much of a lady killer at all. He fumbled his way through it, and was more awkward than anything. And the only girl he'd had actual sex with was Nancy.

But like Robin often quoted - Nancy Wheeler was just his fucking Tammy.

He was sitting outside, in the dark - watching the mist rising up off the pool again. And Steve wanted to take back everything, but he knew that he couldn't. The little voice in his head whispered, You never deserved him anyway. Why the hell would anyone love you. You're a empty - rotting sack of shit, nobody's ever loved you, you're alone - and that's never going to change.

The truth of the matter was that Steve had never found it particularly easy to connect to people, not in any deep and meaningful way. He'd just been King Steve for so long - Mr. Popular - and the entire thing had been a performance. He'd never really had a deep connection, to anyone but Dustin. 

It was another reason why he'd reacted badly when Dustin said that Steve never really knew him. Steve knew how to put on an act and play a role and it was like Dustin was calling Steve out on his bullshit.

Steve lit a cigarette, and took a drag - exhaling slowly, he let his eyes close. He'd fucked everything up with Dustin - and then turned on him, and it was because Steve was fucking terrified - he was terrified because he was just as fucked up, and he didn't know what the hell he was doing.

When Dustin had said he didn't know how to pretend anymore since Eddie had died in his arms. Even that had scared Steve - Steve didn't know how to pretend anymore, but it was because Dustin had completely torn down Steve's ability to pretend he was just Steve.

Regular stable Steve. Dependable Steve. Steve the fucking Babysitter. He didn't know what the hell he was doing anymore, and he was so overwhelmed with all his feelings - that he was literally going insane. He had been playing a goddamn role his entire life too - and now he didn't know how.

He had been trying to save Dustin, - Dustin had been right about that. But Steve had been trying to save himself too by clutching onto what he knew so he didn't completely fucking fall apart when Dustin kept pushing him away.

Steve had thought that if they got closer, if he left his defences down - if he finally let that happen. Dustin would need him, would love him and they could be happy. And it all went to fucking hell in a handbasket - and now Steve was cracking apart. He had no idea what to do and he was losing his mind.

And that fucking asshole - that asshole was taking everything and everyone away from him. But the most important person was Dustin. And Dustin didn't even need him anymore, he'd said Steve didn't know him, didn't love him.

And so Steve got pissed off - and toxic. Now he'd just made it worse. He kept thinking about Jay smirking at him and telling him, that Steve was just proving Jay right.

Steve muttered to himself, "Goddamn piece of shit.." The fucked up thing was, Jay was actually right. Steve had let it get so bad - that Jay's plan to make him look like the Saint, and Steve became the fucking villain.

It had fucking worked. Steve sighed, and then he picked up his bat - he spung it, swinging it between his fingers - he stared at the pool and then muttered to himself, "Well fuck you asshole, you wanna fucking play.. then game on bitch."

He got up, and headed back inside - grabbing his car keys, Steve drove to the trailer park - he'd started following Jay's movements - he knew now what nights he worked, and tonight was one of them. He also knew that Dustin wasn't going to be there, because of that.

Steve climbed out of the car, "Bastard.." He growled, Steve swung the bat at the door of Jay's trailer - and then did it again, and again - the nails leaving holes in it - and Steve kept swinging, the metal ending up all twisted - and Steve snarled the door only just hanging on.

He went inside, and then started swinging again - smashing whatever the bat came into contact with. Which was pretty much everything it touched. He was breathing harshly, covered in sweat - and Steve kept swinging.

Till he was so exhausted he just collapsed on the sofa, breathing hard - and the bat dropped to the floor with a soft clunk. Steve was hunched over on himself - so exhausted his entire body was shaking.

He knew that Jay would be back soon, he usually finished work around 2 a.m. and it was only a short time after that the blond got home - unless he was going to see Dustin, but that was only if the bastard didn't have school - which he did.

Steve was still breathing harsh, trying to catch his breath - when he saw the lights of Jay's truck outside. Then foot steps.

"The fuck..." Jay stormed into the room, and kind of skidded to a stop - crashing against the door frame, and Steve didn't look up. Jay was just taking in the chaos around them both - and Steve. He was waiting for a smart assed comment, but strangely Jay was quiet.

Steve reached into his pocket, taking out his smokes - he placed one between his lips and lit it - his foot on top of the bat, he dragged it closer - exhaling slowly - he finally turned his attention to the other boy.

Jay was just watching him, but leaning against the wall. Steve picked the end of the bat up, and took another drag on his cigarette - "The fuck are you doing?" Jay's voice was steady, but lacking his usual cockiness.

Steve raised an eyebrow, "Taking a short break." Jay snorted softly, he glanced at the bat - then back at Steve.

"Do you want a beer?" He moved over to the fridge, and Steve said nothing - the fucking audacity of this kid.

Jay grabbed two, handing one to Steve. Jay pulled himself up onto the counter, screwing the lid off - and taking a swig. "There's an ashtray right there, under the coffee table." Jay nodded to the floor, and Steve used the bat to pull it over - picking it up he put out his smoke.

Steve unscrewed the beer and then gulped it down - almost all of it in one go. "Slow down tiger.. did your rampage make you thirsty?"

The blond raised an eyebrow, but just sat there looking at him and Steve, he just stared back. "Yeah a little bit, you're a fucking asshole." Steve growled.

Jay just shrugged, "Well I think we've already established that a while ago - and yet you're the one that trashed my place, tell me something Steve - what did I do this time?"

Steve drained the bottle in his hand, setting it down by his foot. "Are you planning on smashing me up with your rather nasty looking bat?" He looked at the bat, and then at Jay - "Maybe.." He muttered, and Jay swung his legs a little, actually smiling?

"You're fucking messed up, you know that right?" Steve told him as he breathed out slowly, and he sat back against the cushions. Jay smirked and then he raised his own eyebrow at Steve, "This coming from the guy that did all this.. You look like shit Steve. Who's messed up?"

Steve closed his eyes briefly, because well - the fucker wasn't wrong was he.

Steve scratched his stomach, "You want another one?" He shrugged, and Jay was already sliding off the counter and grabbing another couple of beers out of the fridge. He moved slowly towards him, and then he held one out to Steve. "Thanks." He muttered, and Jay smirked - "You're welcome."

He pulled up an ottoman, sitting right in front of Steve, kicking his boot against Steve's shoe - much like he had that day outside Eddie's trailer.

"Did you smoke all the weed I gave you?" Steve lifted his gaze, "Yeah.." He took a swig of his new beer, "Want some more? You seem kind of uptight." Jay's eyes were amused, and Steve growled out - "I'm not fucking uptight."

Jay tutted softly and murmured, "Just a little bit.. hmm?"

Steve could feel his jaw twitching, and he held the bat a little tighter. "...Easy, I'm just teasing.." Jay's boot kicked his shoe again and Steve breathed out in a rush.

"Why'd you get him using that shit.." Steve growled as he suddenly reached forward, gripping Jay by the throat - and the other boy just stared back at him.

"I offered, he wanted too. I didn't force him - I've already told you this before Steve, Dustin's in charge of himself.." He curled his fingers around Steve's wrist, "But if you want to blame me, then fine. Yes I gave it to him - He's been hurting so much, I hate seeing him in pain. Does that make me a monster? To want to make him feel good?"

Jay gave Steve's wrist a gentle squeeze, and Steve let go of his throat. "..Fucking heroin!"

Jay just shrugged, his throat was red where Steve had been gripping - "Don't knock it till you try it." He breathed out sharply, and growled out "Fuck off." Jay shrugged, and then shook his head, "...Not everyone turns into a massive junkie, I'm not."

Steve frowned, "You do it too?" Jay took a sip of his beer, "Sure.. I mean I prefer coke - but yeah, I do it too. I do lots of drugs Steve.. So did Eddie."

Steve sighed heavily, "Touchy subject?" Jay asked, leaning in closer to Steve - he murmured, "Were you upset about how close they were?" Steve gave Jay a dark look, Jay added - "He won't talk about Eddie with me, I don't push - but I've asked if he was his boyfriend, he always says no. I'm still not sure though."

They were just sitting there staring at each other, and Jay said softly - "I think maybe its just too painful for him to say if it was more."

Steve nodded, taking a gulp of his beer this time. "..Yeah." Jay was quiet, and then he leaned back. "You need to know something, and I'm only going to say it once." Steve lifted his gaze and Jay leaned forward, taking one of Steve's cigarettes, he said, "You might want this."

He put it between his lips and lit it and Steve frowned, taking a drag. "..Whatever you said to him - whatever you fucking said that broke him into pieces? You're not going to say anything like that again.. do you fucking hear me?"

Jay's voice was calm, and yet it actually scared the shit out of Steve - just the way he said it, the cool finality of it. "You tore a piece of him out, and I don't know whether he'll get that piece back that you stole. But it'll be the last time you ever do that again." Steve felt like he couldn't breathe.

"Don't say anything because I'm not fucking done." Jay snapped, and Steve took another drag on his smoke - "I can see right through your mask you wear too. Do you know they still talk about you, like some God that still walks the fucking halls of Hawkins High.. King fucking Steve. The big shot - you were all the rage for such a long time.. hmm?"

Jay leaned in closer, "What happened to him? The ladies man, the party boy.. Where did he go?"

Steve said quietly, "Shut the fuck up. You don't know me."

Jay smirked, but he said just as quietly - "Oh but see.. I do, I do because like I said - I see through the mask that you wear. Because he was just pretend, wasn't he.. you were never King Steve, you never knew who you were - and you still don't fucking know. And you used Dustin to hold onto someone that made you feel like you were a good person - trying to save him, because you couldn't save your fucking self. And then you broke him.."

Jay suddenly gripped Steve's throat, his grip was vice tight. "You broke him because he loved you, and because he was scared, so fucking scared of losing you like he lost Eddie, someone that he loved and who died in his arms.. You destroyed him and because he doesn't know how to be the person you want him to be. And he tried to fucking kill himself because he couldn't stand the pain, he felt like he was worthless - and I'm not telling you this because I want you to try save him again."

Steve could feel his entire body, too tense - Jay was too close, and Steve felt sick. No, no he didn't. He didn't do that.

"Why'd you do that? What the fuck is wrong with you." Jay asked.

Steve just whispered, "I don't know."

Jay let him go, backing up and Steve swallowed down more of his beer. "Yeah, you fucking do know - and we both know its because you're just as fucking scared as he is. But I also know this.. he gets hurt because of you again you mother fucker and I'll cut your fucking heart out and give to him on a platter."

Steve's gaze met Jay's and the blond just raised an eyebrow, "...You got something to say pretty boy?"

Steve scratched at his neck, lowering his gaze - before he looked at the chaos around the room. Then he sighed again - "...Want me to help you clean this shit up?"

The blond let out a soft laugh, "You don't wanna use the bat on me anymore?"

Steve muttered, "Maybe some other time."

Jay snorted softly, their eyes meeting. "When is the last time you actually fucking slept man - you look like fucking hell."

Steve muttered, "I don't know, I.. yeah don't remember. I.. fuck I." He didn't know why, but everything felt like it was closing in on him - and Steve buried his face in his hands, feeling like the air was being sucked out of his lungs - tears burning behind his lungs as panic kicked in and dialed up full whack.

Dustin had tried to kill himself, and he knew - he knew it was because of what he'd done. His tears spilled out, before he could stop it - and the silence was extra deafening the only noise was coming from him.

He was taking in harsh, gulping breaths and Steve felt the exhaustion like a dead weight. It was crushing him, and he just wanted the ground to open up and swallow him down - he felt the familiar tap, of Jay's boot against his shoe, and he lifted his head, wiping his face and he said hoarsely, "Fuck.. I .. fuck.. I'm I don't know.."

Jay said quietly, "Tell me, you're what.."

Steve breathed out harshly, feeling sick to his stomach. He muttered, "He's doing everything he can to fucking die - he's been doing that ever since Eddie... and I can't stop that, you stopped him this time - but you, you won't be able to stop him if he really wants to do it." His voice was shaky, and Jay just stared at Steve.

"I'm not actually talking about Sunshine right now, I'm talking about you Steve." Jay leaned in close again, "How do you feel."

Steve's eyes met Jay's and he didn't say anything.

"Why the fuck did you say what you said, fucking rip him apart like that, that's just fucking seriously messed up." Jay shook his head, "You don't do shit like that to someone that you love."

Steve said hoarsely, "I don't know, I don't fucking know!" He was crying again.

Jay growled back, "Yes you fucking do. Fuck.. I don't know what I'm even doing right now; I should just kick you're bullshit ass outta here, but I fucking feel bad for you - you're broken and fucked up, I feel like you might do something stupid, because look at this fucking place. You're fucking running around like a whack job."

He couldn't catch his breath properly, and Jay shifted in a little closer - "Dude seriously, you need to breathe or you're going to fucking pass out." Jay murmured, "I'm gonna touch you, you're not gonna go all psycho and hit me with that thing are you?"

Steve was just trying to get air back in his lungs - Jay placed his hand on the back of Steve's neck - then he rest his forehead against Steve's.

"Fucking calm down.. you need to calm down.." Jay said quietly, and Steve made a soft, strangled noise and Jay made one of his weird humming noises.

Steve focused on that, and then Jay breathed out soft against his face.

Jay said quietly, "You're alright, just breathe." Jay's hand against the back of is neck was warm, grounding him back in reality - and Steve was finally able to breathe, "..I.. I'm okay." He said hoarsely, heat in his face.

Jay murmured, "Well good.." He let go and then pulled back.

Steve lowered his gaze and wiped at his face. "I.. thanks." Steve muttered.

Jay hummed softly, and Steve lifted his gaze as Jay got up - disappearing into the bedroom, he came back and sat in front of Steve again, "Wanna smoke?" Jay asked as he held up a joint.

Steve said "Yeah.. okay." He sat back against the cushion raking his hands through his hair.

Jay lit the joint, taking a drag - he coughed, and then passed it over.

Steve did the same thing - coughing after taking a drag, he said - "Jesus wept, fuck that is strong."

 Jay's voice was hoarse as he said, "Yeah.. fuck.. tastes a bit like cat's piss." Jay made a face - and they both laughed.

"...Dipped in pinesol." Steve added.

"Your not actually wrong.." Jay said, before he laughed and then took another drag anyway, raising his eyebrow as he handed it back to Steve.

Steve let out a groan, "Do I even want that taste back in my mouth.." Steve took another drag.

Jay was coughing again, and he muttered, "Nah.. that's just not fucking okay."

Steve let out a snort giggle - and then Jay laughed, ".. You did not just do that."

Steve laughed, "Apparently I did.. fuck that's vile, where did you even get it from."

Jay gave him a lazy grin, watching him from under his lashes, "Well... believe it or not.." He leaned in closer, as if he was telling Steve a secret. "I got it off Joyce."

They both started howling with laughter, and Steve said, "Well that fucking pot sucks.. that pot you gave me was actually really nice.. smooth."

Jay smirked, "Oh so you've become a pot connoisseur since then have you?"

Steve muttered softly, "Well.. I kinda smoke with Jon a lot more too.. I.. yeah it.. makes me feel less on edge.. either that or.. I drink till I black out."

It was suddenly quiet, too quiet.

".. How long you been doing that for?" Jay asked.

Steve's mouth felt too dry, and he licked at his lips - "I dunno.. a while, I stopped for a bit.. but." He shrugged, "I dunno why I said anything to you about it. I don't talk to anyone about it. It's not a big deal - its not like I'm an alcoholic or anything."

Jay just relit the joint, took a drag and passed it back to Steve. "I didn't say that you were pretty boy. Want another drink?"

Steve nodded, heat in his cheeks again and he muttered, "This is probably the worst thing I've ever smoked."

Jay laughed, then he smirked - "Yeah.. I think so too, and I've smoked a shit load of weed."

Jay came back with another couple of beers, he cracked them both open and then sat back down, handing Steve his one. "...Can I ask you something?" He looked at Steve.

"Yeah.. okay, whatever.. fuck face." Steve gave Jay a dark look. 

Jay laughed softly, "...Did you hate Eddie as much as you hate me?"

Steve took a swig of his beer, and he said, "Yeah.. at first, I hated him - I was jealous as fuck, ..I've ..fuck's sake.." He took a deep breath in and then breathed out - "...I was always jealous of how close they were, Dustin seemed to be obsessed with him - he thought he was the coolest person ever, drove me nuts.. fucking wanted to kill him every time he touched him."

Jay smirked, "So... you were all obsessed and secretly hot for Baby boy, and thought Eddie was going to steal him off you."

Steve growled out, "It.. yeah.. fuck off - yes okay? Happy."

Jay laughed softly, "Did Dustin even know?"

Steve shook his head. "Nah.. I was.. good at pretending to be someone I wasn't." Tears welled up in his eyes almost instantly.

"Ah.." Jay's smirk disappeared, and he said softly - "And that's why you got so vile, so vicious and you hurt him. Because he called out your bullshit - or you felt like he was, by him saying he'd been doing the same thing.. Were you wasted when you abducted him from his own bedroom?"

Steve kept his gaze down on the floor, "I'd been drinking.. not that it excuses what I said - I'll never forgive myself, I.. just.. I .. why am I even fucking telling you this! You fucking stole him off me."

Steve was angry again; he could feel the rage building up inside him and he glared at Jay. "You got him fucking hooked on that shit I don't give a fuck what you say."

Jay stretched a little and then said, "You can get pissed about that as much as you want, but that's none of your fucking business, and I didn't steal him off you - because he wasn't yours - he didn't belong to you like he was a piece of property. Jesus Christ man. You think you can play with him - put him back on a shelf and then use him again when it suits you. He was technically my boyfriend and you were fucking getting high with him and jerking him off in a bathroom. He was technically my boyfriend and you were fucking him in your bed - so don't tell me that I fucking stole him off you."

Steve breathed out sharply. "You're in love with him." It wasn't a question.

Jay nodded - doing that strange humming thing he did.

"You've...fucked him.." Steve asked - He felt the twisting clench in his gut.

"Why are you even asking me that bullshit - that's a stupid fucking question, you like tormenting yourself?" Jay asked as he shook his head, "I know you and him are all twisted up with each other. I'm not a fucking idiot Steve. Jesus man. You're obsessed with each other, but your not exactly good for each other. And not when you keep hurting each other so bad.."

Jay raked his fingers through his hair, "He lost his shit one night - You are under his skin, in his fucking veins - he's as addicted to you as he is to H. You gotta stop fucking hurting him - we're lucking he's not fucking dead you asshole! You fucking asshole!" Jay got up, and he was pacing... trying to calm himself down.

"...Why'd you hit him?" Steve asked, "Why'd you fight?"

Jay turned his attention back to Steve, "Because he slashed his fucking arms up with a razor blade and then held it to his goddamn throat - you wanna know? Huh Steve? - He was so close to the edge, the fucking chaos in his head, twisted up because he had so much pain he couldn't escape and he slashed his arms up - telling me before he went into the bathroom and screamed and raged and tore that to shreds that he was fucking wrong!"

Steve breathed out harshly,  and Jay growled out -"I had to fight him to get the fucking thing out of his hands - then he still used it, to cut himself open - after he went into the upside down to get high, to try to fucking kill himself! After you told him that he was just a fucking wet hole to shove your cock into."

Jay's rage was obvious and Steve said hoarsely, "I didn't mean it.."

Jay snarled, "You still fucking said it you prick! And you had the audacity to tell me to stay away, like I was the bad guy? - What the fuck have I done that is so bad. Even his mom, didn't like me - because all she could see was you. Dustin told me that he wished she'd stop asking about you, because it hurt too much - and she still did.. like you are some kind of fucking saint. You're a piece of shit - and oh yeah.. lets not fucking forget that when I asked you to help with the radio shack thing.. you threatened to call the cops on me?"

Steve was staring down at his hands.

Jay growled, "...You'd stoop that low, that fucking low - I'm surprised you haven't threatened to tell his mom about the H so he has to go to rehab."

Steve looked at Jay, and Jay stared back - a hard edge to his voice as he said, "Oh.. Jesus fucking Christ.. You did that too! No wonder... no wonder he did what he did. Jesus.. fucking Christ I should kill you right now."

Jay looked like he was going to either vomit, or pick up the bat himself. "I don't fucking care how much you hate me you asshole." Jay's voice suddenly got quieter, more dangerous and Steve felt his heart bang erratically against his chest.

Steve let out a slow exhale, as Jay moved in closer.

"But if there is any part of you, that feels bad about what you did - if you.. really do love him? - then you will never threaten him with rehab, not with that. Because if he does ever want to stop?" Jay was in Steve's face, his jaw twitching - "That is something he needs to decide for himself, and it has to be a slow process - weaning him off.. not fucking rehab.. rehab they just cut you off.."

Steve could see the gold flecks in Jay's green eyes, but he could see.. the emotion, the pain and fear?

Jay said in that quieter voice, but his jaw was still twitching - like he was struggling to reign in the rage that was bubbling under the surface.

"That's the worst fucking pain you can ever think off, you beg for death to fucking come. You don't want that for him, not even a little bit... you don't want that for someone that you hate. Even having to endure that, that pain for a short amount of time.."

Steve watched as Jay backed up again, sitting down.

"I was a heavier user before, when I went to juvi I had to go through withdrawal. It was the worst thing I've ever gone through, and then when it was over, having to.. exist - that was even worse. I think some part of you - understands what I'm saying even if you don't want to admit it." 

Jay looked at him. "When you're fucking broken, you try to find ways to exist so you can.. actually live. You pretend as best as you can. And then.. sometimes you find a way to live that okay; it might not be the healthiest way to live - but you're able to and you can be happy. Happy in the best way you can be."

"If he can be happy, even if its just.. in a way that you can't understand - if he's happy, if he's calmer.. isn't that what matters?" Jay scratched his eyebrow.

"Yeah.." Steve said softly, "..I didn't really think about it like that."

Jay muttered, "No of course you didn’t - because you've been too busy being an obsessed bullshit asshole." He took a swig of his beer and Steve said quietly, "..I'm glad you got him outta there."

"Yeah fuck.. me too El had to do some weird mind surgery on his arm." Jay sounded tired, and Steve muttered, "Jesus, I'm sorry I fucked up your place."

Jay laughed, "..You fucked up my front door man.. shit - It wont even close you're a fucking psycho why has that thing got nails in it?"

"Killed a Demogorgon." Steve muttered as he scratched his stomach.

"That's one of those flower faced monsters that rips people to shreds right?" Jay asked.

Steve let out a laugh, "Flower face? Yeah with rows and rows of razor sharp teeth."

Jay made a face, "Delightful."

They both laughed, and then Jay said - "So you killed it with the bat?"

Steve shook his head, and he said -"Well no.. Nance and Jon helped - I just beat it up with the bat. It was a team effort. But.. this other time too.. Dustin found a baby one in the garbage - Dart, he was so in love with it.. he didn't wanna give it up, he didn't know at first that's what it was. He was being all sneaky and shit.. hiding it from everyone.."

Jay laughed, his eyes all twinkly as he said - "Because he totally wanted to keep it, he wanted to be its Mama."

They were both looking at each other and Jay scratched his neck. 

Steve nodded, "It wasn't a baby for long... we had to lure him into the junk yard - it was our first real time hanging out, he was such a little shit head.. but.. he needed me, and... yeah." He trailed off and Steve could feel the heat in his face again.

"You do that a lot... blush." Jay said, taking another swig of his beer, and Steve muttered, "No ... no I don't."

"You totally fucking do, you're doing it right now." Jay smirked.

Steve said, "Fuck off..."

"So, you had the hots bad for baby Sunshine and it makes you get all flustered... I get it. What happened to Dart?" Jay asked, he got up and was rummaging around in his coat that was hanging over the back of a chair - fishing out his smokes.

"...Well, he ended up being not quite full grown, but he did wanna eat everyone... Dustin was hand feeding him three musketeers though." Steve was staring a this beer as he smiled – “I mean it was a fucking monster and he wanted to keep it.”

Jay actually laughed, his eyes crinkling up and he lit a smoke, offering it to Steve who took it - and then Jay lit another one. "...I can totally imagine him getting all pouty and protesting about not being able to keep him too."

Steve laughed, "Yeah him and Lulu had a big fight - because Dustin threatened the laws of the party... or some bullshit I don't know."

Jay narrowed his eyes, "The laws aren't to be trifled with Steven."

It was like talking to another Dustin, and Steve actually laughed hard - Jay raised his eyebrow, "...I'm being serious."

Steve took another drag on his smoke. "You all take it way to seriously, Jesus."

Jay smirked, and Steve shook his head, "Eddie tried to teach me about it... I just - I dunno it didn't sink in; we just got high and started listening to music... he thought I needed educating because I didn't know who Ozzy Osbourne was; he said I pulled an Ozzy move because I ripped a demo-bat apart?."

Jay let out a gasp, "You tore a demo bat apart? And you... heathen... you didn't know who he was? Black Sabbath? The original Prince of Darkness." Jay whispered, "Sorry Sunshine."

Steve muttered, "What?"

Jay laughed, "... Nothing, I just..." He hummed, "It’s what I call him sometimes, my prince of darkness - it’s how Sunshine actually came about too. Because he's always so intense so... I said since he was such a ray of sunshine, I'd get him whatever he wanted to eat... after calling him the prince of darkness... I call him the dark lord too..."

Jealousy flared in his stomach again, and Steve took a drag on his smoke, "...You seem to get on well." His voice was tight, and Jay was watching Steve through a cloud of smoke.

"Well... yeah, I mean we were friends before... it changed, we'd talk about all kinds of stuff... sometimes we didn't even talk, you know? ... haven't you ever just spent time not talking, but it’s still good? Or... just its comfortable talking shit. Or the person you're with does. Or its just comfortable silence." Jay said, as he yawned.

They were both quiet again and Steve stumped his butt out in the ashtray.

"You want to help me do the radio shack thing?" Jay said suddenly, and Steve lifted his gaze.

"Yeah?" Steve asked.

"Mymm ... I got the list - I mean everyone thought you were the guy for the job in the first place, so..." Jay said as he scratched his face, looking at Steve.

"Yeah… yeah I can help." Steve muttered softly.

"Tomorrow night then?" Jay stubbed out his own butt, and Steve nodded, "Yeah, tomorrow night. And I... what you were just talking about, it was like that with Eddie - he did most of the shit talking." He took a swig of his beer again.

"Why isn't he here with you now?" Steve muttered. "Dustin..."

"Oh..." Jay hummed, and he said with another yawn - "He wanted to stay at Mama C's because I had to work, I don't think he wanted to be here on his own... I don't think he likes being alone either, he's like you... likes to be close, you know…"

Jay was watching Steve, and he rubbed his eyes, "You can sleep on the sofa if you want. It does turn into a bed. But I gotta crash - I'm really fucking tired."

Steve said, "You're letting me sleep on your sofa? After I trashed your place. Why?"

Jay shrugged, and then he said softly, "Because I know you don't like being on your own." He went into his bedroom, and then came back with a pillow and a blanket. "I should kick your ass out, but... I'm not actually an asshole. Get some sleep. We'll clean up this mess tomorrow." He paused, leaning against the doorframe - and then looked at Steve, "You're not gonna fucking hurt him again Steve. I won't let you."

When Steve was left alone, he realized that it was the same thing Dustin had said - that he wouldn't let Steve hurt Jay. He let out a soft exhale, trying to ignore the curl of jealousy - but he put the pillow on the sofa, and then he kicked off his shoes and curled up under the blanket. It was soft, and yet he could smell the sweet musky scent of Dustin - mixed with pine and mint.

It was a mixture of Dustin, and he realized Jay. Steve stared up at the ceiling - and he let out a soft exhale, feeling too much and not really knowing what to do with it. Steve closed his eyes, and then curled up more, and eventually he fell asleep.

Chapter Text

Dustin was just lying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He couldn't sleep and hadn't been able too since El and Jay had gotten him out of the Upside down. He tried too, but it just wouldn't come. He'd tried to take pills to take the edge off, not even getting high helped.

He sighed softly and then pulled himself out of bed - he went into the bathroom, turning the shower on. Dustin stared at his reflection, something that he really didn't do very often. He brushed his fingers over his neck - and then closed his eyes tight.

"Stop it.." He whispered, and he climbed into the shower, he missed Jay. And that little voice in his head whispered, You miss him too. Dustin finished showering and then headed back into his bedroom.

He was sitting on the edge of his bed, a towel around his waist when his mom walked past but then paused, "Morning Dusty." He looked at her and said softly, "Morning Mama." She paused, but then she came and sat beside him. "I was wondering about something."

He looked at her and she said, "You got your driver’s license, but well we never did get around to getting you a car - what do you think about.. maybe going and taking a look at some?" His eyes went big and he said, "Really?" Claudia let out a giggle, and of course so did Dustin. "No shit? Really?"

"I thought maybe we could go take a look at some this morning, and if you see one you like, well... you can drive it home?" Claudia smiled and looked at him, her eyes all sparkly and amused.

Dustin threw his arms around her, "Yes! Yes please!"

She smiled, "Okay Baby well get dressed, and we'll have some breakfast? Then we'll go?" Dustin never got dressed faster in his life. But when it came to breakfast, Claudia watched as he just pushed the food around - but he didn't eat one bite.

"Are you going to see Jay today?" She asked softly.

Dustin lifted his gaze, "Hope so.. he had to work last night.. so.. later today, I hope.."

Claudia could tell that something was going on, that he was sad - but she didn't push. "..Shall we get going Baby?" She asked him

Dustin's eyes lit up again and she laughed, "I take that as yes."

***

Dustin was torn, he was so torn that he looked at his mother - "I don't know which one I want.." He was torn between a truck - but then he kept going back to the mustang. It was black.. and metal as fuck and Claudia said, "Take them both for a test drive?"

He whispered, "Can I?" The car sales man, Jake - he laughed and said, "Which one do you wanna try first?"

Dustin decided to try the truck first - he took it for a short drive - and then he came back to the lot.

His mom and Jake were drinking a coffee - "It drives well, I like it.."

He dropped the keys for the truck back on Jake's desk - and Claudia gave Jake a little smirk, "Well.. here's the keys to the mustang."

When he saw it, Dustin let out a soft little breath - it was so beautiful. It was shiny and he stroked his fingers over the surface - it was like black obsidian glass. Dustin opened the door and then he slipped in, it had that new car smell, but it also had a sweet vanilla, cinnamon scent and Dustin's stomach got all tight. Why does it smell like Steve. He could imagine Steve actually driving it - he could see Jay driving it too.

"Oh my god stop it.. you're obsessed with them both." Dustin pushed that out of his mind. He started the engine and it rumbled, and then he revved it - and Dustin almost got a boner on the spot - he fell in love and he hadn't even left the lot.

And then he was off, Dustin raced - down the back roads where him and Jay had found Hopper broken down only days before.

As he sped - the leaves all blew up and Dustin wound the window down - and Dustin knew that this was his car. His hair was wiping in the wind and Dustin gripped the steering wheel, he decided that he was going to go and show Jay, so he headed to the trailer park.

As he pulled up, he saw Steve's beamer parked outside Jay's trailer and the mustangs engine he let it idle as he stared at the car - then he turned the engine off. And climbed out.

The door was full of what looked like holes - and barely hanging on. Dustin's heart started pounding and he immediately panicked - he ran into the trailer, which was completely smashed up, stuff everywhere - the bat was on the floor.

Dustin picked it up, and held it tightly, "Jay!" He yelled, "Jay!"

He saw Jay come out of the bedroom, shirtless - he must have only just pulled his pants on because he hadn't done them up.

"The fuck happened.." He said breathlessly.

Jay said, "Long story.."

That was when Dustin realized - that Steve was on the sofa. He had no shirt on and he was under Dustin's blanket - he was looking at him and Jay - "The fuck is he doing here?! What the fuck did you do!" Dustin snarled, and he swung the bat smashing it into the wall - and Jay yelled, "Baby stop!"

Dustin yanked the bat free of the wall - and Steve's eyes were big and wide, "You mother fucker!" Dustin swung the bat again and he smashed right through the coffee table.

He turned his attention to Jay - and then looked at Steve, "The fuck is going on here.." Dustin's voice was ice cold - "What is he doing here?"

He turned his gaze to Jay's eyes having darkened to almost black, and he of course was Steve, but he didn't want to talk to Steve - "Baby.. Sunshine give me that bat." Jay pleaded, voice rough - and Steve just sat there.

Dustin smashed the bat into the wall and when he pulled it out - there was now multiple holes and half the wall panel actually came out along with it.

"Jesus Christ.." Steve managed to get out, and Dustin turned his eyes to Steve, "...Why is he here, half naked sleeping on the sofa with my fucking blanket!"

"He was - well he smashed the place up and then we'd been having a couple of beers - we talked a bit and he was upset - I went to bed and he slept on the sofa." Jay was trying to make it sound rational, but it really didn't - not even to him.

"I can leave.." Steve muttered.

"Why!" Dustin snarled, "Why is he here... Did you fuck?"

Jay said, "What? No!"

Steve made a face, "No.. Jesus.."

Jay said, "Steve, stop fucking talking."

Dustin narrowed his eyes, "You lying bitch.. You're lying... He's a fucking asshole! He fucking hurt me and you have him sleeping under my blanket - your both half naked - was he in our bed? You're a fucking liar!" Dustin smashed the bat again, "He fucking treated me like a goddamn whore and you have him here? Fuck you.. fuck you Jay! FUCK YOU."

Dustin smashed the door completely off its hinges; then he saw the beamer - and Jay had run outside after him. "...Baby he was never in our bed, I swear."

Dustin snarl yelled, "Mother fucking piece of shit.." He started smashing the bat into the beamer, it bounced off and then Dustin picked it back up - Steve was yelling "Hey! The fuck.."

Jay said, "For fuck sake Steve, do you want him to smash you with it? Shut the fuck up!"

Dustin smashed the windscreen, then all the other windows - and Steve just watched him as he raged - looking at Jay, who said, "Yeah... no."

Steve had never seen anything like it - and he just stared. Holy shit.

Jay said "Baby.. c'mon nothing happened - not like that.. put the bat down.."

Dustin yelled, "You fucking bastard, you bastard.." He was moving towards Steve and Steve was looking at Dustin but frozen in place, "Jesus - what are you doing Harrington do you have a death wish?" Jay shoved Steve and then Dustin smashed the bat into the hood and dragged it - scratching it up.

He was completely annihilating the Beamer. "Fucking prick.. I'll destroy it.. your precious f-fucking car.." Dustin glared at it, and then just kept hitting it - over and over and over till the hood ending up completely twisted and Steve just kept staring, Jay was amused by then - and Dustin glared at Jay. "Think its funny do you? Fucking betray me with Him. Fucking piece of shit.. you're both cunts."

Jay paused, "Baby... no - no I don't its..."

Dustin snarled, "Yeah.. you think its a fucking joke - rubbing my face in it.. we'll see how fucking funny you think this is.." He smashed the bat into the windscreen of his truck.

Jay's mouth opened, "Baby boy, my Sunshine - Nothing fucking happened - We don't even like each other. He's an asshole." 

Steve just breathed out slowly, eyes on Dustin - how could someone so small actually be that strong? He didn't even seem exhausted. Dustin smashed the bat into the windscreen again.

"How could you!" He spat at Jay, "You.. you're just as fucking bad as him.." He was crying now - "Fuck you both. Fuck you Jay.." He went and climbed into a black mustang. 

Jay growled out, "Baby! I didn't do anything with him - you're being irrational."

Dustin sobbed, and then the car roared to life - "Fuck you, you fucking prick, go and fuck each other - lying bitch." He drove off, speeding down the road, kicking up dust.

Jay growled out, "He's probably stolen that thing.. Jesus.." He dragged the word out again, "Stop lusting after my boyfriend and get fucking dressed - I need to try find him - and well, we can't take your fucking car.."

Steve just blinked and said, "Hmm?"

Jay snorted, "..Don't cum in your pants."

Steve blushed and he muttered, "It's not my fault that was hot as hell.."

Jay just smacked Steve around the head, "Would you knock it off. I don't think you should be coming with me to find him - hell I'm not even sure I should be looking for him, he thinks.. we're fucking.."

They both made a face and Steve muttered, "Not if you were the last guy on earth.."

Jay laughed, "Yeah my thoughts exactly pretty boy."

Steve glared at him, "Stop calling me that.."

Jay laughed, "Okay He Who Blushes A Lot."

Steve stared out the window. "I thought he was going to hit me with the bat."

Jay muttered, "Oh he definitely wanted too - He wanted to hit us both with it. Because now he's pissed at me too... he's fucking jealous.." Jay gripped the steering wheel tighter.

"He wanted to kill you because you're an asshole." Steve sighed, "Can you stop fucking calling me that? I know I am.. okay? I don't need to hear it every five seconds.."

***

Dustin went back to the car yard - he was shaking, still vibrating with anger - and his Mother knew, she knew straight away that he wasn't okay - but she just pretended that nothing was happening, and Dustin was grateful.

"I want this one Mama." He said, his voice was emotionless almost - despite how he felt. She filled out the paperwork with Jake, and she kept sneaking glances at him.

Dustin went outside, sitting against the hood of his new car - he chain smoked, his entire body tense - tight like a bow string and then his mom stepped outside, giving him the keys and she said quietly.

"What happened?" He just looked at her, "I don't want to talk about it okay?" She nodded, and he breathed out slowly - recognizing the look of fear in her face.

Dustin let his eyes close and then he moved in closer, and he whispered, "Thank you Mama, for doing this.. I'm sorry that I'm a bad son... that I hurt you, that I'm a monster, like Him."

Claudia let out a shaky breath and she said, "No.. no Dustin.." He looked at her, and he said softly - "..I am. And I wish I wasn't, but I am.. and we both know that I am."

Her eyes filled with tears and he said quietly, "I ..tried for so long to be like you, to be good.. sweet, but that was never real. It was just a part I played. I'm rotten Mama and dark and there's nothing good about me. I'm sorry I can't be a good son - I do love you, I love you so much. But this is who I am."

She gently stroked his face, "..You're not those things."

Dustin gave her a sad smile, "...I am though. I.. am going to go for a drive - I just need to clear my head, it's.. I.. am going to really hurt someone if I don't."

Claudia kissed his forehead, "...Did something happen when you get to Jay's?" Dustin said icily, "Yeah.. him and Steve were together, they probably fucked.. so.. fuck them both."

Claudia said, "Dusty!"

He snarled, "Well what the fuck else would they have been doing.. and your precious Kitten called me a whore.. then they're doing fuck knows what.. fuck them.. Fuck off!"

Dustin wanted to punch something - he got back in the car, revving the engine - and then he pulled out of the lot and sped off down the road. Leaving his Mother staring after him in shock.

***

Steve and Jay hadn't found Dustin - they'd driven around all over the place - Jay stopped off at a windscreen repair place - the two of them sitting on a bench - eating hotdogs while they waited.

Jay raised an eyebrow, "You're fucking ridiculous - You didn't want to come back downstairs because you were jealous of him and me sitting together? And you just jerked each other off in the bathroom?" He snorted at him and then took a slurp of his soda.

"Shut up Jay - for fuck's sake." Steve breathed out heavier, "...I had to go home."

Jay smirked, "...Oh.. right cos you came in your pants?"

Steve growled, "Shut the fuck up - I'm .. just shut up."

Jay's eyes were full of mischief, and Steve wanted to punch him - he was deliberately winding him up.

"You're so easy to rile up Steve. Especially when I tease you about Sunshine. You are blushing again too." Jay said as he laughed, "Do you blush when he teases you?"

Steve kicked Jay's boot and Jay kicked him back - the two of them having a kicking match - and the windscreen guy eyed them, amused, "Your good to go.."

Jay nodded, "Cool man.."

Steve said, "I'll pay for it - its my fault that it happened. It was my bat."

Jay looked at him, "You don't have to do that.."

"Shut the fuck up.." Steve kicked him again. "...It's fine."

Jay watched him go inside to pay, "Fucker." He muttered, and sighed - Steve came back out they both got back into the truck.

Jay smirked and said, "..So one night, not long after the bathroom incident? We were getting all hot - I was kissing him, and he was getting all needy -"

Steve's jaw was twitching, and Jay smirked - "And you know when he makes those sweet little breathy noises? Yeah, hmm he was doing that, and then he whimpers - and begs me, to stop.. but he's still rubbing himself all up and down on me."

"Would you shut the fuck up.." Steve growled,

"But I haven't finished the story.." Jay continued, still smirking, "So.. he was so needy, and desperate - but it was because he was thinking about what you and him did in the bathroom, he was begging but I called him out on it.. asked why you and him had been gone so long that night at Tate's - he was so worked up, thought I'd get mad at him about it. He was shaking so bad.. you had him all twisted up.."

Steve breathed out slightly heavier and stared out the window – Please stop fucking talking. Steve was so hard he could barely breathe.

Jay said with a smirk, "He begged so sweet, for me to touch him - but we both knew it was you he was really asking for. I told him I wasn't mad because he was so beautiful, I didn't really care - I just wanted to make him feel good, I said he could close his eyes and pretend it was you touching him if he wanted, or... I could help him forget. He came so hard. I bet you don't have to guess... that he was probably imagining it was you..."

Jay said with a chuckle, "Of course... now he likes it when I touch him.. so.. he doesn't need to pretend it’s you anymore."

Steve said with a growl, "I don't need to hear about you touching him."

Jay growled back, "I know... but I had to hear about you touching him so... fuck you, ya know? Fuck you Steve."

Steve looked at him and Jay just stared back, "..Like I said, you were sneaking around with him - not the other way around... and you kept doing it. So.."

Steve breathed out softly, "...Well I can’t... not touch him."

Jay nodded, "Well fucking learn not too! Jesus, I know you’re obsessed with him. He’s… obsessed with you. You keep fucking hurting him – because he can’t fucking say no to you. You’re a poison. I get not being able to not touch him. I… get that man. But just fucking don’t?...”

Jay breathed out heavier and then growled, “Hah well - you saw to it that you won't be touching him anytime soon... didn't you. So, you did me a favor."

Steve growled, "Fuck you, you fucking asshole."

Jay laughed, "...Only now he thinks were up to something, so.. maybe I shouldn't be laughing - fuck.. I wish I knew where he was.. when he's raging like this.. he'd burn the whole fucking world down.. literally."

Steve watched as Jay let his eyes close. "You.. Did he hit you?" Steve's voice less angry, and Jay's eyes opened, "Yeah - so... its not that bad. I mean I hit him too so.."

Steve muttered, "That's fucked up though."

"So? We kissed and made up.. so why does it matter.." Jay murmured, staring out the window - "What do you wanna do, keep looking or do you want me to drop you somewhere?"

Steve said, "Do you think we're actually going to find him?"

Jay laughed, "Maybe? Depends on what he's doing... I.. fuck I wanna find him." He rubbed his hands over his face.

Steve said, "..Then maybe you should dump me off and keep looking, I'm just.. I mean he doesn't wanna see me."

Jay sighed, "Okay.."

***

Dustin was sitting in his car - parked across the street from Steve's house - he had smoked all of his smokes - and Steve still wasn't home. But then he saw Jay's truck pull up and Steve climbed out - Steve said something and Jay laughed, but gave him the finger and Steve did it back, "Fuck you asshole."

Steve gave Jay a dark look and Jay said - "Fuck you too."

Steve said, "See ya."

Jay said, "Later - don't fall into a bottle for the night alright.. go and get some fucking sleep, you still look like death."

Steve laughed, "Fuck you."

Jay tooted his horn and then drove off - and Dustin narrowed his eyes, he slipped out of his car, and then followed Steve up onto the porch.

"The fuck do you think you're doing." Dustin shoved Steve into the wall, and Steve breathed out slightly shaky, "Stay away from him."

Dustin breathed out as Steve breathed in - and Steve whispered, "..I didn't do anything."

Dustin gripped his throat, "But you did - you went there and fucking trashed the trailer, why were you still there this morning.. what happened."

Steve said softly, "Nothin.. I just slept on the sofa - we talked.. that's all."

Dustin growled, "Talked about what.."

Steve shifted his head and murmured softly, "I don't know, stupid shit.. He told me he wasn't going to let me hurt you again."

Dustin's jaw tightened and he hissed, "I should fucking rip your throat out. You piece of shit."

Tears welled up in his eyes, and Steve whispered - "I.. I'm sorry, I..."

Dustin backed up, and he hissed - "You stay away from him, you stay away from him because you try to hurt him, try to hurt him and I'll fucking kill you.."

He started to back away and Steve curled his hand around Dustin's wrist, bringing him in closer - "I didn't mean it, I swear it.. I didn't mean any of it.. I fucking love you, you know I love you - I've always loved you."

Steve whispered, "And.. I know .. all about pretending, I know.. I know because I did it too.."

Dustin breathed out shakily, and Steve whispered - "I wanted to hurt you, and I'm so sorry I did, Jay... told me that you tried... you.."

Steve kissed Dustin, deep and slow and he whispered, "I'm so .. if I love you less, will you love me more - I go back, you come forward - we just do the same thing, we're afraid of the same thing, because we're the same."

Dustin was shaking, and Steve sucked softly on his bottom lip, "We're... I pretended to be someone I never was too, until I met you - and then I was just me, but.. I didn't know that you were pretending, that you were hurting even then."

Dustin whispered tearfully, "When I was with you, or with Eddie - I still felt all the chaos but before Eddie died, you both made it less noisy. When he died - it's like I couldn't fight it.. couldn't push it away. I started drowning - and the fear... the fear of losing you, losing you because I was so fucking wrong..."

Steve slid his fingers into his hair and Dustin whispered shakily, "I.. you really hurt me with what you said, really hurt me badly.. Made me feel worthless."

Steve breathed out shakily and he whispered, "Will you... let me show you, show you that I didn't mean it, let me love you.."

Dustin had his eyes closed, and he shivered - Steve whispered, "Even if.. its just once, just.. once.. and if you don't want too.. if you don't want to ever again then.. I'll.. leave you alone."

Dustin breathed out against Steve's mouth, and he whispered, "You and I both know that if we touch each other again - it won't just be once... it'll never be once.."

Steve whispered, "Because you love me too, like I love you.. want me.. like I want you.."

Dustin trembled and Steve cradled Dustin's head in his hands, the took of them looking at each other, and it had started to rain - the both of them getting wet.

"..Just one little taste.." He whispered, repeating Dustin's words from the night in the bathroom.

Letting out a soft moan, Dustin whispered, "Just.. a little taste.."

Then they were kissing, hungry and needy - Steve's tongue possessive and they were clinging to each other, Dustin whimpered in his throat and Steve said husky softly, "You were so .. beautiful smashing everything up.. so angry.. and wild.. god.. damn."

Dustin sucked on Steve's bottom lip and he whispered, "You think so?"

Steve murmured, "Yeah... I do.. "

Dustin breathed out against Steve's mouth, and Steve nuzzled his throat, "...Just a taste.."

Dustin whimpered softly, ".. We shouldn't.. we shouldn't because we'll hurt each other.."

Steve lifted Dustin into his body, and Dustin curled his legs around him - and Steve carried him inside.

They didn't even go upstairs. Dustin pulled away and he looked at Steve, breathing out slowly - he tugged off his coat, "Wanna go for a swim?" He asked softly, and Steve looked out at the pool, it was raining heavy - but they both knew the water wasn't going to be cold.

"Yeah.." Steve's voice was husky and he dimmed the lights down more and they both stepped in closer - they kept kissing between tugging their clothes off and Dustin whimpered as Steve picked him up, "I missed you, " Steve said softly, carrying them into the pool.

Dustin whispered, "I miss you.. I always fucking miss you, I hate the way I feel.. the way it hurts.."

Steve sank them down into the water - the heat of it felt good, and Dustin said softly - "..I'm scared."

Steve whispered, "Of.. me?"

He whispered tearfully, "Of how much it hurts when..."

Steve murmured, "Let me show you, let me love you.."

Dustin felt Steve shift his hips, and he gripped the side of the pool, Steve murmured softly, "Jay.. told me that, when he first touched you.. hmm.. it was me you were thinking about.."

Dustin shivered, and he moaned softly - "Fuck.. sake.."

Steve growled softly, "..And when he was telling me.. I was so fucking hard, because I wanted to take you - and make him fucking watch.."

Dustin moaned, "Steve.."

Steve licked his throat, and curled Dustin's legs around his waist, "..I'm so addicted to you, he says you're addicted to me.. so.. if we are.. why are we denying what we need, why ..."

They were just staring at each other, the rain falling down and then Steve, pushed inside him slowly and Dustin tilted his head back - moaning against Steve's mouth, "I don't know.. don't know why.."

Steve whispered, "I ..need you, need you - and I can't - tell me you need me too, please Baby.. please it hurts so bad Dustin, I hurt so much without you.." Steve was trembling, holding him and Dustin moaned softly, "I do .. I do need you, Steve.. I hurt too, I hurt because I love you - I wanted.."

"You die, I die.." Steve whispered against his mouth. He rocked his hips, and Dustin curled his arms - sliding his fingers into Steve's hair, "You die, I die.." He whispered back.

Dustin licked the rain from Steve's face and then they kissed again, Dustin bracing himself and pushing back to meet Steve's thrusts, Steve kissed Dustin again, their tongues meeting and they were leaving each other breathless - Steve buried himself deep, holding Dustin in place he shifted them - and then lay Dustin against the large step - the water lapped against the skin and Steve said softly, "I love you, I've always loved you, if you'd told me... if you'd told me - even then, even then I loved you."

Dustin's breath caught in his throat and he whispered, "You.. loved me even back then?"

Steve murmured, "Why do you think I was so jealous of him.."

Steve stilled his hips, buried in against Dustin's prostate, he murmured, "...know you, the sweet baby you - the sad broken you, the wild raging beautiful you.. all of those versions of you.. they're all mine, and I love every part of you.."

Dustin let out a soft breath – his body trembling, and Steve kissed him softly, slowly easing out, only to bury himself back inside Dustin just as torturously slow.

"Steve.." Dustin moaned his name so soft, and Steve said softly, "...And the only time I feel loved, feel happy, anything good is when I'm with you. You don't have to be anyone, you just have to be you.. however that is.."

Dustin held him closer, and he whispered, "You mean it.."

Steve's voice was husky soft, "I do.. I mean it.. I'm sorry I was so fucked up I didn't know how to say it.."

Dustin stroked his fingers against Steve's back, and this time Dustin kissed Steve, slowly - stroking his tongue and Steve moaned into his mouth, they moved together - and Dustin whimpered softly against Steve's mouth, "You.. have been so crazy... crazy but... but.." He cried out as Steve thrust into him deeper.

"But you like it.." Steve's voice was rough, "I like it too... like it when you got so worked up today... even if you'd hit me with it - I'd probably have died getting my rocks off.."

Dustin curled his fingers against Steve's ass, digging his fingers in, and Steve sucked on his split lip - making Dustin moan, "..More.. harder, fuck..me harder.."

Steve breathed out against Dustin's face, and he lifted Dustin up a little more, out of the water, Dustin stroked his fingers against Steve's chest - and Steve took hold of his arms - staring down at him as he interlaced their fingers.

"..Harder? Hmm? Tell me again.. what do you want Baby.." Steve's voice was wrecked, and Dustin moaned breathily, "Fuck me.. take me.. make me yours, ..fill me up.. "

Steve moaned deeply and he whispered against his mouth, "My sweet Baby, I'll do whatever you ask me to.."

Dustin cried out - squeezing Steve's fingers, arching as Steve thrust harder and deeper - "So beautiful, look at me.."

Steve kept his eyes on Dustin's and Dustin cried out again, Steve relentless, and Dustin gasped out, "Yeah.. yeah like that.. fuck I'm gonna cum.. cum inside me.. give it to me.."

Steve groaned out, "Jesus, so fucking needy.." He thought about what Jay had said and Steve growled out, "Fuck.." He didn't really want to be thinking about that - but he couldn't stop the thought, and Dustin curled his fingers against his back.

"Steve.. Steve..." Dustin was sobbing, totally wrecked and Steve curled his hand around Dustin's cock, Dustin's eyes closed - and he clenched vice tight around Steve's cock.

Steve gasped out - and he came hard, Dustin crying out, "Yes.." And moaning incoherently, they were kissing again, riding it out - and Dustin just held on, like he was terrified Steve was doing to disappear.

Dustin breathed out shakily, and Steve said softly, "Are you getting cold Baby?"

Dustin's voice was shaky, he was breathless, "N-no."

Steve cradled him closer, and Dustin whispered, "Please... please don't let go.."

Steve shifted, sitting Dustin in his lap but bringing them closer together - "I'm not going too.." He murmured, and Dustin let his eyes closed, and Steve could see how scared he was - "I'm not going to let go, I promise.. I promise Baby."

Dustin whimpered softly and hide his face against Steve's chest. He slowly eased himself out of Dustin' and Dustin clung on tighter - "No..." He whispered shakily, Steve felt it like a punch, "Its okay, it's okay.."

Steve kissed Dustin possessive and slow, swallowing his soft teary sob, and Dustin tightened his legs around Steve, he shifted them out of the pool and carried Dustin through the house and upstairs.

Steve murmured, "I'm not letting go, I love you... I've got you Baby."

Dustin whispered, "I don't want you to hurt me, hate me.. I don't want that.. I don't want you to leave me."

Steve breathed out against Dustin's face, "I won't.. I promise.." He laid them down in his bed and Dustin whispered shakily, "I.. want Jay... I want him too.. I want you both.." Tears were in his lashes - and Steve breathed out slowly, just staring down at him, Dustin was trembling and he whispered, "I want you both.. I need you both...I know that isn't fair... I don't want you to hate me."

Steve whispered, "I don't hate you, I could never fucking hate you..."

Dustin sobbed softly, "I don't want it to hurt anymore.. I don't want you to hurt anymore, I know how much you hurt, and I don't want you too... I.. please don't leave me.."

Steve pulled the sheet up over them - and it was like they were in a cocoon of white. The sheet shutting out the rest of the world. "Look at me.." Steve said softly, "..I .. know you love him too, and I know he loves you.. I.. I will try not to get all fucked up and jealous.. I.. for you I'll try okay.. so.. you can have him too." Dustin was just staring up at him - his face all wet with tears, breathing shaky - and Steve murmured, ".. I can't promise I won't get jealous. But.. I'll try."

Dustin whispered, "I got jealous cos.. I thought you and him.. " Steve kissed Dustin and made a face, "Not if he was the last guy on earth.." He smirked and Dustin let out a soft, breathy laugh. "..I love you.." He whispered, Steve knew he was still scared – he whispered back, "I love you too.."

He cupped Dustin's face, brushing his tears away. Dustin's cheeks were pink and Steve laid down, pulling Dustin into his arms. They were both laying there - quiet, and he suddenly realized what Dustin actually meant. Steve murmured - "Do you, I mean you want us both, in bed with you at the same time?.."

Dustin's breath came out all shaky and he hid his face against Steve's throat. "Well fuck." They both stayed quiet, Dustin curling his fingers against his chest - and Steve stroked his fingers lazily against Dustin's spine.

"When were you thinking about that?" Dustin sucked against his collarbone, and Steve murmured, "When you drove off in your rage?"

Dustin shifted closer, straddling his lap - he kissed Steve and shifted, his hair falling into his face - his cheeks were all pink, and he whispered, "I want you in me again.." Steve groaned softly, as Dustin licked his hand, and then curled it around Steve's cock - stroking him - and Steve licked at his mouth, he was getting hard in Dustin's hand.

"..You.. want us all together?" Steve asked. Dustin moaned softly, "Yes.. Steve.. I want you in me, and then Jay.. and I want to be inside you.. and him inside me."

Steve's cock twitched in Dustin’s hand and Steve moaned, "You... want to fuck’s sake - you want me like this too."

Dustin whispered, "I want that with you, and with Jay.. I want it all... I love you and I love him... and I want you and him to love each other.."

Steve breathed out slightly shakily - and Dustin was suddenly sinking back down, taking him deep inside - and Steve moaned huskily, "This you feel so good, hmm this feels good.." Dustin rode Steve slowly, and Steve just stared up at him.

"...Does Jay know all that?" Dustin shook his head no, whispering against Steve's mouth - "Only you, I know you don't like each other, I know.. I know I can't have it....I was thinking it, about it today after I drove off... its too much and I'm being greedy, but I wanted.. you to know.. I want you to know that I'm.. I.. want you, I love you..."

Steve moaned into Dustin's mouth, Dustin moaned softly, "I need you.. but I can't.. I need him.. I can't give either of you up... and It hurts to think about not having either of you... it hurts to much.."

Dustin whispered, "And I don't want either of you to hurt each other.."

Steve knew, that Dustin was actually telling him - that he didn't want Steve to hurt Jay, because after the last 24 hours - Steve knew Jay at any point could have hit him, and Jay hadn't - he'd let him sleep on his sofa.

Steve whispered, "Don't cry, ..don't cry sweet Baby. I love you, so much. I'll try not to get jealous, I promise.. then you.. can still have us both.. maybe.. not in all the ways you want, but.."

Dustin whispered, "I love you, I love you."

They kissed deeply, they let themselves get lost in each other - Steve moaned feeling Dustin drag his fingers against his sides, and he curled his hands, holding Dustin's behind his back - they breathed each others breath, staring at each other and Steve murmured, "I... need.. to.."

He held Dustin's arms, and then he thrust deeper - making Dustin grunt into Steve's mouth, dirty soft, and they both did it as Steve hit harder, their skin getting sweaty - Steve letting out a dirty groan as Dustin came between them, not being touched this time.

Steve felt Dustin clench around him and he whispered, "Yeah.. fuck.. fuck your so tight, how are you so fucking perfect. Take my cum, fucking fill your belly."

Dustin was whimpering and Steve let his arms go - Dustin held on, and Steve whispered, "You like that.. hmm.. you want it so bad inside you.."

Dustin was shaking, needy and he whimpered, "Mine... give it to me." Steve came in hot, bursts and he liked it too. He wanted to bury his cum in Dustin as much as Dustin wanted it.

"Oh...oh.." Dustin sucked hard against Steve's collarbone, and Steve could feel tears against his skin too. "I got you, hmmm I got you.. I'm gonna stay right here.."

Dustin whispered, "Stay...stay Steve." He was breathless and not really able to talk - and Steve's voice was raw, husky - "I'm staying right there.. my sweet Baby." He could feel Dustin's heart pounding against his. And Dustin was placing soft, sweet kisses against his chest. Then he laid his head against Steve’s chest, and they both fell quiet.

Steve stroked his fingers lazily against Dustin's back, and he felt the way that Dustin's body relaxed even more - the soft breaths, and he knew that Dustin' had fallen asleep in his arms. He slid his fingers up into Dustin's hair, and he curled his arms around him a little tighter - tugging the sheet up without moving too much.

Steve let his eyes close, he thought about what Dustin had told him. It’s crazy - that would never work...he's an asshole. He nuzzled his face against Dustin's hair. "...I love you, my sweet Baby." Dustin snuggled in closer, and Steve stared up at the ceiling. 

Chapter Text

When he opened his eyes, Dustin let out a soft little noise from the back of his throat - Steve was awake - and watching him. "Hi." Dustin's voice came out all soft and scratchy, and he cleared his throat, nervous flutters in his stomach. Steve lowered his gaze his ridiculous eyelashes kissing his cheeks - "Hey.."

Dustin bit down softly on his lip, forgetting about the split in it - "Ah shit.." He let out a hiss, because it stung - and he could taste blood. Steve's gaze shifted back up - his voice was all husky and it was making the fluttering in Dustin's stomach more intense.

"Your lip's bleeding.." Steve propped himself up on his elbow, staring down at him - and then he leaned in, brushing his thumb over Dustin's lip - then he sucked it into his mouth.

Dustin's breath caught in his throat, and Steve's gaze lowered to his mouth - "The... day in the cemetery. After you hit me.. did you want to kiss me then?" Steve asked, and Dustin nodded yes - Steve leaned in and then he licked at Dustin's mouth.

"You still look like an angel when you're asleep." Steve murmured, before he sucked Dustin's lip into his mouth, and Dustin curled his fingers into Steve's hair. It stung - but he didn't care, Steve could bite his fucking face off and he wouldn't have cared.

"You're crazy.." Dustin whispered, "You... you're an angel, so beautiful."

The way Steve's cheeks went pink, Dustin nuzzled his nose against Steve's cheek – he murmured, "So pretty. How is it even fair - I think you got thrown out of Heaven and sent to torment me.."

Steve smiled, and then he whispered, "Well... If you really are the Prince of Darkness, I think it was you that got cast out.. right?"

"Oh.." Dustin whispered, and Steven murmured, "Mhmm.. exactly."

They just laid there, quiet - staring at each other.

"So, I... was thinking while you were sleeping." Steve stroked his face, pushing his hair back. "Thinking about.. how we do this, you know?" His voice was so soft, and it almost felt like he was casting a spell on him. Dustin nodded, and he pressed himself closer.

"I... what do you want to do, I mean.. I know what you said last night, about.. wanting us both." Steve gently gripped his chin, and he said softly - "But... you were also right about us hurting each other and I don't want to hurt you anymore either. Do you want.. this, us.. out in the open or - am I making sense?" Steve's voice was all husky soft and he breathed out against Dustin's face, making Dustin shiver and he could feel the flutters in his belly turning into fear.

"Are you.. you regret what happened?" Dustin's voice was shaky, and Steve murmured - "No.. no I'm not saying that at all, I just.. I guess I'm trying to ask if you want to be out in the open about me and you - or keep it a secret till you've talked to Jay."

He could feel the flush of heat in his face, and Dustin whispered - "Oh.."

Steve murmured, "I don't regret a damn thing.."

Dustin slid his fingers into Steve's hair, "So, you.. still want.."

Steve licked against his mouth, and Dustin opened his - the kissed was deep and slow - Steve's tongue stroking his and Dustin's tummy curled with heat again. He moaned softly in his throat, and then Steve was over him, Dustin whispered - "You won't get upset if we don't say anything yet.."

The rough edge, to Steve's voice made Dustin pull him in closer. "As long as I get to keep touching you, kissing you I don't care if I'm your secret.."

Dustin whispered, "Oh...fuck what are you doing to me right now.."

Steve's hands stroked against Dustin's legs and he murmured, "Stealing you, taking you hostage.. casting my spell on you.. is it working?" He lifted Dustin's legs up and Dustin moaned against his mouth, "Yeah.. uhuh.." They both moaned as Steve pushed slowly into Dustin's body.

"I kind of like the thought of sneaking around, hmmm.. taking you just like this.. making you crazy with wanting me.." Steve growled it against his ear as he rocked his hips.

Steve thrust into Dustin's body deeper.

"Oh.. god.." Dustin moaned breathless against Steve’s mouth. I can’t quit you.

Steve smirked, and whispered, "No... just Steve..'

Their eyes met, Dustin's voice all breathless, "You.. are making me crazy..." Steve pinned Dustin's arms above his head - and Steve moaned as Dustin clenched his body around him. "Good..." He growled, "Because now you know how I feel... fuck I think about you.. all the time, every second, I can't stop.."

Dustin arched his body as Steve thrust into his prostate, "Oh.. m'gonna.. soon.." His voice was shaky, breathless and he whimpered - "I.. don't want this to stop.."

"I love you.." Steve breathed it out against mouth as he curled his fingers against Dustin's hips, holding him as he rocked - and Dustin kept his arms where they were - their eyes meeting again and their gaze locked, "...Steve.." Dustin reached down and he started stroking himself - Steve let out a deep moan, "Fuck.. I never wanna forget this, wanna remember every time I do this.. I wish you could see how beautiful you are.."

"I love you too, love you - oh.. oh shit.." Dustin's eyes fluttered closed, Steve driving him over the edge – and then he was coming - his eyes opening again and he stared up at Steve, "...Love you, you feel so good.." His voice was just as wrecked as Steve's, breathless - and he gasped out as Steve started to come inside him.

Steve's fingers were digging into his hips, and Dustin curled his against Steve's - watching Steve's face - the way his mouth hung open just a little, the bliss washing over his face - the way he moaned, the trembled in his body.

"Steve…" He moaned softly, and Steve leaned in closer - Dustin whispered, "I love you." Steve kissed him, just a feather soft brush of his lips - fighting to catch his breath.

Then he kissed Dustin's throat. His fingers shifted from Dustin's hips - stroking soothing, "I love you too, sweet Baby." The rasp in Steve's voice made Dustin curl his toes. Steve stroked his fingers against Dustin's cum, and then he sucked it into his mouth. "Oh... you kill me..." Dustin whispered.

"I don't want waste it..." Steve murmured.

Dustin was blushing, and Steve was too. "...You have a thing for my cum." Dustin murmured soft against Steve's mouth.

Steve let out a soft little growl, before he kissed him, relaxing into Dustin - and then he gripped his chin.

"And you don't?" Steve looked at him, "You want my cum inside you, you like it deep in your belly." He rocked his hips and Dustin let out a soft little noise in his throat. "Yeah, you do..." Steve smirked against his mouth; Dustin's blush was deepening. "I like it too, but... I'm a dirty Bad Steve..." Dustin curled his fingers tight into Steve's hair.

Steve felt the way that Dustin clenched his body around him, "Yeah, you like that too." He sucked softly against Dustin's pulse - feeling it against his tongue.

They were laying there, staring at each other again - and Steve stroked his fingers against Dustin's cheek, "I like the way you taste... hmm." Steve murmured.

"You're trying to kill me." Dustin whispered back.

Steve murmured, "I'd have to give you mouth-to-mouth..." Dustin let out a soft little giggle, "Oh please Mr. Bad Steve... I need you to save me.." He fake swooned, and Steve laughed.

Dustin lazily stroked his fingers through Steve's hair, and then Steve slowly eased his cock out of Dustin's body - "No.." Dustin whimpered, and Dustin felt the heat in his face - trying to hide in Steve's neck.

Steve murmured, "It's okay, you can have more later." Dustin huffed softly, and Steve let out a dirty little chuckle. "I am actually starving, need to eat. Are you hungry?" He kissed Dustin softly.

"Uh.. I guess so?" He replied back, not really hungry - and Steve cupped his face. "I can actually cook; I can make you whatever you want." Dustin whispered, "I.. I can eat whatever you have?"

Steve said softly, "Okay, hmm what about some French toast and bacon?" Dustin nodded - playing with Steve's hair, "…Okay, oh yeah. is that car yours? The mustang?" Steve smirked, "Jay thought you'd stolen it? He thinks you're some kind of super villain."

"Oh yeah... Mama and I ... she got it for me yesterday, and I'll have you know.. I'm the Prince of Darkness, peasant." Dustin said with a smirk of his own.

"Ah yes, sorry - forgive me my dark one." Steve said solemnly.

They both laughed, Dustin giving Steve a soft kiss. "You are forgiven... uh... I yeah I’m... sorry for... fucking up the beamer." He let out a soft breath.

Steve murmured, "Yeah I kinda forgot about it... I don't even think I can get that shit fixed."

Steve pulled himself out of bed, and Dustin was just watching him - Steve pulled on a pair of sweatpants, looking over his shoulder. "I see you perving on me." His voice still raspy, and he smiled. "You getting out of bed?"

"Just admiring the view pretty boy." Dustin murmured, "Yeah... I'm getting up..." He got up slowly, Steve's blush had deepened and Dustin smirked, "You... like that, being called pretty boy." He lowered his gaze as he pulled his own pants on, his eyes closing and he didn't say what he was almost going to say. Jay likes calling you that. Which means you blush when he says it too. Interesting.

"You always make me blush." Steve said softly, "...You do it too ya know. You're blushing right now."

"It's because your cum is leaking back out of my ass and I don't want it too." Dustin growled back, staring at Steve as he stood up and moved in closer. "You blushing is the sexiest thing ever... mind you - everything about you is sexy as hell. And beautiful, you're beautiful Steve Harrington." He moaned softly, and cupped his cock through his pants. "Mr. Bad Steve - makes me want to do such naughty things..."

Steve breathed out softly, "You're a Witch - your spell isn't working. We're going to go downstairs and have breakfast - or we're just going to end up back in bed." His voice raspy.

"And that is a problem because why?" Dustin asked with a smirk.

"Stop it Witch, you're insatiable." Steve laughed, and then he nuzzled Dustin's cheek. "And beautiful - and let’s go - because I have no will power to stop myself.'

Dustin let out a sweet little giggle, "I win."

***

Dustin was poking at the food on his own plate - sitting there quietly. Half way through breakfast - Robin and Nancy and Jonathan had arrived. And so Steve was engaged in conversation with Robin and Jonathan - Nancy was sitting there quietly - adding to the conversation every so often, but she was mostly just keeping quiet.

Dustin hadn't really contributed much - and he kept his eyes on his plate, even though he hadn't really touched his food. He could feel Steve's gaze, always he could feel him - "I'm going to go have a smoke." He said softly, keeping his eyes down and then he slipped outside - he felt a bit exposed, only wearing pants.

Steve was too, but Steve was gorgeous. Dustin – he was just.. well not. He felt the heat in his face. It's not like he was anything to look at - "Can we talk?"

Nancy. "Uh... yeah..." Dustin replied. She followed him outside and sat opposite him on one of the loungers. Dustin lit a cigarette and Nancy actually reached across - took a drag and then handed it back. He lifted his gaze, and she said softly. "I.. know you hate me, I know you do - and... I wish that I could change what happened - that I could..." Her eyes closed and she breathed out shakily, "That I could go back and we could... fix what happened. I know there's a chance you and El... can bring Max back..."

Tears slipped down Nancy's cheeks, "I wish... I wish there was the same chance that we could bring back Eddie..." Dustin felt sick, he felt sick and awful seeing her cry. "Nance..." His voice cracked and he shifted, kneeling in front of her he tugged her into his arms, throwing his cigarette away. Dustin said tearfully, "I'm an asshole, I'm a mean fucking asshole. I don't blame you, I never should have said that, I... It wasn't your fault, or... Steve's... It... was mine, It.."

Nancy cuddled him close, "You're wrong, it wasn't yours either - it just... happened." She cupped his face - brushing his tears away. "I'm so worried about you. So worried." Dustin breathed out shakily, "I'm okay... I am..." She whispered, "Look at you... you're all beat up, your too thin - you're not okay sweetheart. Please... please let us love you and help you... I don't want to see you like this anymore, it hurts to see you in so much pain."

Dustin breathed out softly, "I... I'm okay." He whispered back. Dustin let his eyes close and Nancy said softly, "Who did this to you."

"No body, I..." Dustin sighed, and he shifted away - "I don't want to talk about this, please... I'm okay."

Nancy said softly, "Alright. I just - if it’s your boyfriend, if its Jay, that's hurt you... that isn't okay Dustin. Someone that loves you - shouldn't be hurting you."

"Well, I hit him, so... you shouldn't worry about Jay." Dustin growled. Nancy looked at him and she said softly, "Oh."

"Yeah... Oh. You're assuming that he's the problem. Don't assume Nancy. Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups. He's not the fucking monster. Alright? I told you that. I'm the monster." He rubbed his hands over his face and Nancy said quietly, "Well... if you ever hit Steve? I'll fucking kick your ass myself."

Dustin just looked at her, and she stared back at him - but then she lowered her gaze - a hint of fear showing. Not able to hold her defiance. "Don't worry Nancy, I just took my wrath out on Steve's car." He was joking, even though he did. But she stared at him with wide eyes. "...You did what?" Her voice shaking.

"Yeah... I'm totally bad for him. I'm bad for everyone - didn't you know? I got Eddie killed, I punched Jay in the face and I smashed Steve's beamer up with his demo-bat. I'm a menace to society. Now you know why I try to avoid everyone. I'm here because I was actually going to kill him last night - I changed my mind though." He had a hard edge to his voice and Nancy just stared at him.

"The hell is wrong with you." She said shakily, "...You used to be so sweet."

Dustin smirked, eyes stormy and full of mischief. "Oh, that was just an act... I've always been this way - I was just really good at pretending." He let out a sweet little giggle, "I'm so sweet and good, and nobody would ever think anything different." She just stared at him - "But you see... the thing with that is?" The dark edge was back, "Is it gets really fucking boring, especially when I have to really fight the urge to fucking rip someone's face off because they piss me off."

"Or ... I have to put up with stupid fucking people that don't know what I'm talking about and I have to keep explaining the same fucking thing to them over and over again because they don't get it the first fucking time." He growled - "That really annoys me too. How hard is it... learn to fucking use your goddamn brain."

Nancy said softly, "Not everyone is as intelligent as you - your problem is that your mind is too aware, it’s too hyper focused - and you get bored because other people aren't at the same level. You just work to fast."

"That's actually probably true." Dustin said softly. "But... I still can't help the way I feel. I can... still be sweet and ... all of that bullshit - but... I just... I get tired. I get so goddamn sick of all this shit. I get sick of assholes."

Nancy raked her fingers through her hair. "...I do too."

"That's because you're smart too, and you're also a bit of a psycho." Dustin grinned and Nancy actually laughed. “...a Control freak as well actually - in fact you might actually be a psychopath Nance, I say that with nothing but Love for you though."

"You're such a little asshole." She shook her head.

Dustin laughed softly, "Bet you still love me though."

Nancy smiled, "Always, you're still my favorite."

Dustin said softly, "I am sorry that I hurt you."

Nancy shifted, moving to sit beside him. "Is that your car parked out front?"

Dustin nodded, "Uhuh yeah."

She whispered, "Oh my god... I love it... It's a sexy fucking beast of a car."

They both giggled and Dustin whispered back, "You just giggled Nancy Wheeler." She looked at him and whispered, "I know, and if you tell anyone - I'll kill you."

Dustin smirked and Nancy said, "Oh my god, stop doing that - you're just stop. Go back to being all sweet and innocent - I can't cope with this..." She laughed softly and Dustin bumped his shoulder against hers, "Hmmm doth you find me sexy Miss Nancy."

She whispered, "Shut up." Dustin was blushing he could feel the heat in his cheeks. "If I was straight... I'd totally steal you off Jon... I'd be a threat." She laughed and he smirked, "So... we’re, okay?"

"Yeah, we're okay - evil little devil." She said softly, and Dustin pulled her in - hugging her tight.

Steve, Jonathan and Robin came outside - "What's going on out here?" Robin asked, flopping down on Dustin's other side. "We're having our reunion.' Nancy said with another squeeze around Dustin.

"We're having a secret love affair." Dustin said with a smirk. "Damn.. I want one too." Robin whispered. They both giggled and Nancy pulled back. Robin pouted, "When do I get my cuddle Dusty-bun." Dustin gave her a dark look, but then he gave her a cuddle. "That's the stuff of magic." Robin giggled and Dustin laughed. "You're totally cooked - but I love you." Dustin muttered.

Dustin yawned, laying down with his head in Robin's lap, and Nancy scooped his legs over hers. He could hear them talking - but he was drifting, Robins fingers stroking into his hair. "S’nice..." He murmured, "Good, you can go to sleep right here if you want... my little snookie." Dustin let out a little giggle and Robin said softly, "Steve... hey... hey Stevie."

"What?" Dustin heard Steve's voice. "You should take Dustin's sexy car for a spin - we should." Robin's voice was soft. "No later. you're my soft pillow." Dustin sniffed and he could hear Steve snickering. "There you go the answer is no." He felt Steve's fingers in his hair and then Robin said - "Don't be molestering my little angel... Bad Steve."

Dustin opened his eyes, watching Steve from under his lashes. "I was just getting his hair out of his face." Steve muttered softly, looking at Dustin.

"Well... you're not his boyfriend, so...." Robin tutted, "I actually like Jay - you gotta respect boundaries Stevie... okay?" Steve gave Robin a dark look, "You're supposed to be my best friend."

Dustin could see the jealousy written all over Steve's face, "Stop being a jealous bitch, Steven." Robin said quietly - voice firm.

Steve muttered, "Sorry."

"You're forgiven." Robin said in her usual bubbly voice. "Why don't you let Blake take you out - he's really nice you know." Dustin sat up slowly - and him and Steve were staring at each other again. Robin curled her fingers back into Dustin's hair. "You okay sweetling?" Dustin gave her a kiss on the cheek, when at that moment he really wanted to bite her face off for bringing up Blake.

"Yeah I’m... okay." He said sweetly - Nancy looked at him, and he looked at her. She lowered her gaze - eyeing Steve, and then she actually smirked. Dustin looked as Nancy stared at Robin, "Maybe Blake isn't really Steve's type." Nancy's voice was dry and she reached out, stroking her fingers through Jon's hair. "You, okay? She asked him, "Yeah... sorry - I was a million miles away." Jonathan gave her a smile, and Nancy shifted, sitting in Jon's lap.

"You're the sweetest." Dustin said softly - and they both smiled at him. Robin said "Blake and Steve would be sweet too." Nancy looked at Dustin - and she rolled her eyes. And Dustin smirked, "Blake is as boring as a slug in a garden." Jon said wearily - "Sorry but he's not that interesting."

"That's not true, he's great!" Robin said, "You had good conversation the night you met - although you did kinda disappear on him..."

Steve's gaze met Dustin's and Dustin licked his lips, which made Steve blush - his voice all husky as he said, "Yeah... I had a headache, had to go to bed."

Nancy was looking at the two of them, and Dustin stretched - "I need to uh... go and get dressed, I think. I should probably go - I ... gotta go and do some stuff." He was so aware of Steve watching him, and he scratched his stomach. "You guys have fun... okay?" He looked out at the pool, and then he leaned down - giving Robin a soft little kiss on the cheek. "Oh, sweet little snookie." She gave him a quick cuddle. "Don't get up to any mischief." She wiggled her eyebrows.

"I always get up to mischief, you know that." He smirked and she giggled - so they both had a little giggle convention. Steve was just following his movements with that intense gaze - Dustin moved, and then he gently gripped Nancy's chin, and gave her a soft kiss on the lips. "Aw... I didn't get that." Robin pouted.

Dustin smirked, "Shush you."

Nancy was blushing - and she said softly, "Little Devil." Dustin whispered, "Be good." She pushed her hair behind her ear - Jon raised his eyebrow at him, "Don't worry - you can have a kiss too if you want." Dustin smirked and Jonathan laughed softly.

"I don't know why you're kissing my girlfriend, but I know you're not into girls..." Jonathan said softly, "So I know I don't have to kick your ass."

"Well... I don't think you'd really want to do that - he's pretty fucking handy with a bat." Steve's voice was all raspy again and Dustin looked at him, then he kissed Jonathan's forehead. "If I wasn't gay? You'd totally have a threat..." He added with a whisper, "Nancy would totally run off with me, wouldn't you Nance."

"Get out of here Romeo." Steve growled at him - and Dustin grinned. "Bye Juliet." He stroked his fingers in Steve's hair; he wanted to kiss him - but he didn't. As he was going upstairs, he heard Robin say, "You... and him - you fixed things?"

Steve said, "Well... I mean as much as we can at the moment yeah... I still want to kick Jay's fucking ass - but... I miss Dustin, I... want to still have him in my life so I gotta.. stop this bullshit. He... loves him - ass face... so... You know."

Dustin let his eyes close. Warmth in his belly. "Well good... because that's so true... and? Well, I hate to say it cos I know you don't like him, but everyone else seems to. Jay's not a bad person Steve. He actually is a really nice guy once you get to know him. Just...you know?"

"Yeah. Okay - just don't expect me to be his best fucking friend... okay? He's still - I can't help it if I don't like him. Don't try and force me too." Steve growled back, "Fucking just stop pushing me." He sounded pretty pissed off, and Robin said softly - "I'm not saying that, I just... mean I don't want you to lose Dustin. Just... think about him - he seems happy with Jay. That's all."

"Fuck you, I know that." Steve snapped. "Steve... don't be mean." That was Nancy this time. "Can you guys just... stop!" Steve snapped back. "Yeah, leave him alone..." Jonathan said with a bit of snap in his voice too - "I still don't like him either Steve, I'm on your side my bro." Steve said, "I'm glad someone is..."

Robin said with amusement, "You two and your weird bromance thing..." Nancy snickered, "I know it’s... really fucking weird right?" Robin said, "Totally weird."

"Well, if Dustin wasn't gay, you'd run off with him. If I was gay? Steve? I'd run off with you." Jonathan said - Dustin had to fight the urge to giggle so nobody knew he was listening, especially when Steve said, "Bro - that's even too fucking weird for me. I love you - but that's just not right."

They were all laughing and Jonathan said, "Yeah... that really fucking is out of order."

Dustin went back upstairs - he pulled his clothes on and bit his lip softly, hissing because he forgot about his split again.

"Shit... hmm." He could taste the blood in his mouth again and he moved into the bathroom - he splashed some cold water on his face and then raked his fingers through his hair. He knew he really needed to take a shower, but he also knew he didn't really want too either. Dustin wished that he could just have Steve to himself for a little bit longer.

"Fuck..." He whispered. You’re so addicted to him, and you know – you know he’s just going to hurt you again.

Sighing softly, he also knew he had to go and talk to Jay - because he'd acted like a total psycho. And he also missed him.

"You're such a slut..." He told his reflection. Dustin tugged on his hair a little, wondering if he should cut it, then he made a face, because he didn't want too. It was actually getting longer. He sighed and flicked the light off as he left the bathroom - and then he grabbed his car keys and decided to actually go home first to clean himself up before he went to Jay's. You don't want to go see your boyfriend with Steve's cum still up your ass. Slut.

"Shut the hell up." He muttered to himself. Getting into his car - he revved the engine, it rumbled like an angry beast and Dustin whispered, "Oh how I love thee... my sweet beauty." He sped off, taking the longest way home possible - and when he got home? He was actually surprised to see Jay's truck parked behind his mom’s car - Dustin pulled into the space beside his mom, and then he walked inside.

Jay was sitting with his mom at the kitchen table. The both looked like they hadn't slept at all.

"Where have you been Dustin?" His mom's eyes full of tears.

What was he going to say to her? More importantly - what was he going to say to Jay. Who was sitting there - quiet, green eyes blazing with intensity. And his body was tense, Dustin muttered, "I'm going to go take a shower."

"Dustin!" Claudia was angry too it seemed. "You just took off yesterday - you've been missing for hours! Where have you been!" She was relentless, not giving up.

"Jesus Christ mom get off my back!" He yelled back, "I'm... I'll be back when I've had my damn shower. Fuck's sake." He shut his door and locked it.

Chapter Text

Jay was exhausted, he'd been up most of the night - and hadn't been able to find Dustin - hadn't even known where to look. He had even gone back into the Upside down, to make sure he wasn't there - and he fucking thought the place was a lot more creepy when you went there on your own. And he hadn't found him there of course, but he still went and looked. Then he'd gone and spent the night with Claudia, who was pretty rattled after Dustin had left the car sales yard. Jay was just relieved to know that Dustin hadn't stolen the car on top of everything else. But the fact that he'd been missing the entire night - and then just shown up like it wasn't a big deal? Yeah - that wasn't okay.

Claudia kissed his forehead, "Will you be okay?" She said softly.

"Yeah, I.. I mean I'll talk to him. I don't know how that's going to go - but.. yeah I'll be okay." He murmured. Claudia said quietly, "I think I'm actually a bit too angry to talk to him at the moment. I.. don't want to start another argument, and I probably will. I'm tired - and I have to work tonight. I think I need to get some sleep."

Jay gently took her hand, "You want me to make something for you to take to work? For your dinner?" She cupped his face in her hands, "You are tired too Bunny, you don't need to do that. I'll get something from the cafeteria. You need to get some sleep." Jay actually could feel the heat in his face - She totally just called me Bunny. "Okay, are you sure?" He asked softly. Claudia kissed his nose. "Yes, I took your enchilada's to work and everyone loved them.. Nurses are always living on leftovers."

He laughed softly, "..Leftovers are so good though."

Claudia let out a sweet little giggle, "They really are aren't they. You're very sweet, you came and kept me company and were up all night.. Did you have school today?"

Jay nodded, "But.. I wasn't going to go, I mean.." He frowned and Claudia said softly, "If you need me at all, just come and get me okay?" Jay nodded, watching as she left the room.

He sighed softly, and then stood up - stretching, and scratching at his belly. Then Jay slipped out the back door, lighting a cigarette and taking a drag - he leant against the railing - hair falling into his face as he exhaled lazily. "Hey.." Dustin stepped outside, and Jay looked over his shoulder at him.

"Hey.." He murmured, Dustin's eyes were stormy - the blue piercing and bright and Jay just kept staring, till Dustin lowered his gaze. And Jay knew - he knew straight away where he'd been. Jay looked away and he took another drag on his cigarette. He wasn't fucking stupid - where the hell else would he have gone. Dustin let out a soft exhale and the he curled his arm around him and he was resting his head against Jay's back. He could feel the tremor in his hands, and Jay pulled Dustin's around him, and kissed his hands Dustin relaxed into him.

"Where have you been all night?" He tried to keep too much emotion out of his voice, is stomach tight - and he wondered if Dustin would tell him the truth - or, if he'd lie. I guess you're about to find out.

Dustin curled his fingers against his chest, and then he said hoarsely - "With Steve." Jay let his eyes close, relieved - actually fucking happy that he didn't lie to him. "Oh.." He murmured.

They both were quiet. Jay flicked his cigarette but into the tin and then he said, "Shall we go home - or do you wanna stay here? I'm really fucking tired, I need to crash for a bit." His voice was still quiet - and he looked at Dustin, who was staring at his chest - Jay gripped his chin, he murmured -"We can talk about this later.. I'm.. I just can't right now."

Dustin let out a soft breath, "Wanna go home?" Jay asked and Dustin nodded, he kissed Dustin's forehead. "Yeah okay." He picked up his keys, sliding his jacket on - and then he looked at Dustin, "I'll see you there." He walked out, and then climbed into his truck - looking at Dustin's car. Damn, that's nice. He looked at Dustin who was coming outside, but he didn't look happy - their eyes met, and Dustin climbed into the mustang, Jay listened to the roar of the engine - and then he started up the truck - then he drove out the driveway - but Dustin was already peeling out - leaving him in the dust. "Well fuck." Jay smirked.

***

Dustin was scared, and he knew that Jay was upset - he was so quiet. Jay was not usually quiet - he couldn't tell if he was angry, or if it was because he was hurt. Or both. But at the same time Dustin knew that the moment he'd seen Jay's face - he couldn't lie. Steve had said he was okay about keeping the fact that they had slept together a secret. But Dustin didn't want to keep where he'd been a secret from Jay - he couldn't do it. The little nagging voice in his head whispered, Steve wants to keep it a secret.. that should be telling you something. Does Jay keep you a secret?

Pulling up outside the trailer park, Dustin sat in the car - he opened the door, waiting for Jay to arrive - he lit another smoke and then took a drag - looking at the damage that between Steve and then himself had been done. "Fuck's sake.." He muttered softly - no wonder Jay had spent the night with his mom. Dustin got out the car, his cigarette hanging between his lips - and then he opened the trunk - he took the crowbar out, and then went across to Eddie's trailer - he jimmied the bolts out and then removed the door, he took the bolts and then headed back over to Jay's.

Jay pulled up, while Dustin was in the middle of re-attaching the door. Jay leaned up against the hood of the mustang, watching him. "..Did you steal Eddie's door?" His voice was soft, and Dustin looked at him over his shoulder, "Well.. it's not like he's gonna need it is he?" He added, "Besides.. we can just board that up - or use the fucked one.. You actually need a damn door on here.." Jay moved in closer, and he took the smoke from him, taking a drag and then he put it back between his lips.

"Yeah.." Jay said softly, and then he went back to his truck, rummaging around in the back - he pulled out a bunch of stuff - and then shut the door with his hip. Dustin lowered his gaze, and then he finished fixing the door. He picked up the old one - and the old bolts, and grabbed the hammer out of his trunk. "You have a tool box in there or something?" Jay's voice was amused, and Dustin blushed, "Pretty much.. yeah.."

The sparkle in Jay's eyes made Dustin smile, and he said softly - "I build stuff.. I have tools.." Jay smirked, "Obviously.." Dustin started hammering the door back into shape - and Jay just watched him, "You should finish your smoke first.." Dustin took a drag and then he handed it up to Jay - who took a drag, "You finish it.." Dustin said softly, exhaling and blowing out what he had in his mouth - he looked at the door, and then he picked it up and took it back to Eddie's trailer - reattaching it. "Bit holy - but it'll work."

"You know you could have just left it like that one my trailer." Jay murmured.

"No.. I wasn't leaving a hole filled door on your trailer." Dustin frowned.

Jay flicked the butt away, and then he rubbed his eyes, "Ok Baby boy." Dustin put the tools back in the trunk and shut it, he looked at Jay - "...Do you want me to stay." He looked at Jay - who just stared at him, "Don't even ask such a stupid fucking question." Jay growled at him, and then he went inside. Dustin breathed out in a rush - and followed him inside. Jay threw his stuff down on the floor - and then he flopped down on the sofa. "I haven't even cleaned this place up." He muttered, yawning again.

"I'll do it.." Dustin said softly. Jay looked at him - and then he stared down at Dustin's blanket - which was still on the couch. Dustin breathed out softly. "You know - yesterday you fucking lost your shit.. went off your fucking head - accused me of fucking him... and then you disappeared, I.. fucking worried about you all night. And you went to him?" Jay's voice was hoarse, "You.. did you let him fuck you?"

Dustin said softly, "Yes."

Jay's silence - scared him. Dustin said softly, "I.. I went there to tell him to stay away from you.. I.. was angry, I was still angry - and then.. I."

He watched as Jay stood up, he dropped the blanket on the sofa - and then he stepped in closer. "I don't wanna talk about this anymore. I'm going to bed." Jay's voice was hard, like he was struggling to keep his emotions in check and Dustin whispered, "Jay.." He gripped Dustin's throat, "Not...now." He pushed him away and then went into the bedroom, shutting the door.

Dustin breathed out shakily, he bit down on his hand - hard - not wanting to cry. But tears still escaped and he felt like he couldn't breathe. Fear, curled in his belly. Because he didn't want to lose Jay, and he was terrified that he actually might. He cried as he tidied up, doing it to distract himself - Dustin had the place looking as good as ever - he just had to get rid of the broken coffee table. Dustin was still crying when he'd washed Jay's work gear, their clothes and his blanket - and he was hanging them outside in the sunshine.

He had unpacked Jay's big bag he used for work - the thing was nearly as big as Dustin. "How the fuck does he manage this thing - ridiculous." He muttered. Jay carted it around and he tried to keep all his work stuff clean but he had so much stuff to do that sometimes he didn't get it done. But now everything was clean and fresh and hanging out on the clothes line. Dustin sniffled, hands shaking as he smoked another cigarette - he'd already smoked all of his and now he was smoking all of Jay's.

Jay still hadn't come back out - and Dustin even drove to Malvald's getting them both more smokes. He went to the grocery store and got some stuff. Dustin went into Eddie's trailer, and found the boxes of cassettes, and he put those into his car. He went back inside - and kicked off his boots, Dustin took a piss and then washed his hands and he got his fix ready - then he took it back to his car with him, along with a joint too. One of the things he liked about his new car was all the windows were blacked out.

You could see out, but not in. He shut the door and put one of the tapes into the player - he pushed play and then climbed into the back seat. Dustin smoked the joint first - it was gone in a few deep puffs and then he took the belt he'd brought with him and tightened it around his arm - Master of Puppets started playing and Dustin sank back into the seat - taking the syringe he held it between his lips, slapping his arm till he saw the vein pop up and the he slid the needle in.

He let out a soft breath, relief as the bliss took over. Dustin's eyes rolled back and he slumped - then he lifted his head, slipping the needle out - he let it drop to the floor and then just laid back. Smiling softly and then muttering, "I wish you were here Eddie.. fuck you.." He slipped away as he nodded, just letting it take over.

***

When Jay woke up, he could hear muffled music - not sure where it was coming from, but he figured it must be one of his asshole neighbors having a party or something. He stretched, scratching his chest, then his belly. He sighed softly, and then sat up - remembering the reason why he was sleeping alone. It wasn't that he was pissed off with Dustin, no - not with Dustin. It was that fucking asshole Steve. Dustin had been so angry, volatile the day before that when he'd gone to Steve's to tell him to stay away from Jay?

Steve had taken complete advantage - Jay wanted to kill him. He was so sick of his fucking bullshit - He was sick of him worming his way back and constantly fucking with Dustin's head. And of course he kept touching and fucking Dustin, Jay growled and then tugged on his hair. "He's mine you fucking piece of shit.." He got up and opened the bedroom door, Dustin wasn't in the living room - but it was spotless. Nothing broken - everything clean. "Sunshine?" His voice was a little gritty, and Jay cleared his throat. "Baby? Are you still here."

He checked the bathroom - he could smell the faint sickly-sweet smell of H, and Jay whispered - "..Fuck."

Maybe Dustin had just gone home, but at the same time Jay couldn't help but feel a little bit anxious - because he hadn't really been in the best mood, and Dustin didn't like being alone - and panic rose in his chest. Jay went outside - and the music was coming from Dustin's mustang, which was still parked outside. "Shit.."

Jay couldn't see inside because of the tinted windows but he went to the drivers side and opened the door, Dustin was in the back seat - and he was shirtless, he'd taken his boots off - and he was out for the count. Jay shut the door - and he turned the music down.

"Sunshine.." He said softly, climbing into the back seat - there was no reply, and he checked for a pulse. "Fuck.." Jay's breath came out in a rush, Dustin's pulse was steady - even though his skin was freezing cold. But Jay knew that it wasn't unusual for Dustin to be cold - he just ran colder naturally than anyone he'd ever actually met before.

Jay opened the back passenger door and scooted out, and then he grabbed hold of Dustin and lifted him out, carrying him back inside - he laid him down in the bed, and then took his jeans off. Pulling the covers up. And then he went back outside and picked up the needle and the belt - Jay turned the music off and then went back inside. He put the gear back in the bathroom, and then he went back to the bedroom. He could tell that Dustin had been crying - and he breathed out softly, brushing his lips against his temple.

He went back into the living room and then Jay saw his empty bag, he actually saw Dustin's boots too - he hummed softly, realizing that Dustin had not only cleaned the entire trailer - but he'd done all his laundry. He looked out the window - seeing it all hanging out on the line, mixed with Dustin's clothes and he got a fluttery warmth in his belly. Jay bit softly on his lip and then he forgot that he'd not brought any milk - but he did have some juice, he opened the fridge to get the juice - and he got more warmth in his belly. There was milk - and other bits and pieces, that weren't there earlier. Dustin was buying food and milk and doing his laundry and it was so fucking simple, but it meant the world to him.

Jay loved Dustin so damn much, and he loved seeing his clothes mixed with his on the clothes line - he liked that Dustin wanted to take care of him too. He breathed out softly and then took a swig of juice - wiping his mouth, he put it back in the fridge. Jay hummed softly as he grabbed a plate and poured out some bits and pieces of stuff, there were baby pretzels, yoghurt covered raisins, M&M's, popcorn. Jay figured, to get Dustin to eat, variety was a good way to go. He chopped up some celery and carrots and added some hummus I a bowl, and some peanut butter in another.

He knew that like El, Dustin had like the vegetarian stuff. So he made a point of cooking some tiny vege dogs and adding those to their snack platter. Careful not to have to much so Dustin didn't get too overwhelmed, Jay carried the tray into the bedroom, and he the tray down, he crawled onto the bed and said softly, "Sunshine.. wake up Baby boy."

Dustin rubbed his eyes, and murmured softly, "...Jay."

Jay said softly, "Yeah Baby.." He could see the confusion on Dustin's face - "I brought you inside." He murmured, kissing Dustin's chin - then the top of his lip.

He let out a soft hum as Dustin curled his arms around him and held on tight, shaking - his breath coming out all harsh and Jay said quietly - "Its okay Baby.. It's okay I wasn't angry with you, okay? I .. just needed to be alone for a bit, get some sleep... but I wasn't angry with you Dustin." Dustin let out a harsh sob, and Jay pulled Dustin into his lap. "Hey... hey its okay." His voice came out all husky, and he had tears in his eyes too.

"I thought you hated m-me.." He managed to get out, and Jay tilted his head up, gently gripping his chin. "No, I don't hate you.. I fucking love you.." Dustin curled his fingers against his face, "I love you too.." He whispered shaky still, and Jay kissed him - deep and slow, stroking his tongue against Dustin's, then against the roof of his mouth. "My sweet Prince, I was worried about you too.. so.. I didn't get any sleep last night. I was pissed off.. because of fucking Steve."

Dustin buried his face in against his neck and he was breathing him in - Jay murmured, "I got you." Dustin kissed him this time, and Jay felt the heat burst into flames inside him, how he loved this beautiful boy. So wild and broken and crazy and dark - and he was the most precious thing Jay had ever known. "I love you so much." Dustin whispered against his mouth, "Jay.." He whispered his name, and Jay said huskily, "I love you too, hmm.. so much." He ghosted his fingers over Dustin's face - his sweet boy's eyes fluttered closed and he murmured, "I remember your face."

Jay watched as Dustin instantly relaxed, his breath calmer - the tenseness in his body easing and Jay whispered, "I made us something to eat." Dustin opened his eyes, the stormy blue was a little bit hazy - but he said softly, "You did?" Jay smiled and he murmured, "Mhmm.. You wanna try some?"

Dustin nodded, and Jay murmured, "We got a bit of this, and a bit of that. Not to much - just enough.." He pulled the tray over and Dustin looked at him from under his lashes. "So pretty." Jay murmured and Dustin blushed, "Nuh-uh.." He said back.

"Yes-huh." Jay said, and Dustin bit at his jaw. Jay laughed and he picked up a tiny vege dog. He took a bite and then he held it out to Dustin. Dustin ate it and then Jay said, "Want another my Prince?' Dustin nodded, and Jay grabbed another one - this time Dustin ate the entire thing by himself. "Good hmm?"

Dustin said softly, "Really good.. I like them.. better than normal sausage."

Jay smiled, "I actually made these."

Dustin looked at him, "Really? They're really yummy." his voice was all soft.

Jay kissed his cheek, "You wanna try something else?" Dustin opened his mouth, and Jay let out a little chuckle - he popped some hummus on the end of a carrot.

Dustin ate that too and then he whispered, "Raisins?" Jay grabbed some and popped some into Dustin's mouth, but then Dustin picked some up and actually ate them all by himself and Jay felt like doing a happy fucking dance - "You like those?"

Dustin said softly, "Yeah, they're good cos they're sweet but no too sweet." Jay gave him a kiss, and then he ate some pretzels, and Dustin opened his mouth again - and Jay fed him a pretzel.

Dustin nuzzled his nose and he said softly, "..You make me feel so good."

Jay said softly, "I'm glad I do my sunshine, you make me feel good too.. I .. see that you cleaned up, fuck.. did my laundry, our laundry.." Dustin looked at him, and he fed Jay a pretzel.

"You're always so tired, with school and work and.. I just wanted to do it."

Jay whispered, "I see you brought milk and stuff too." He had tears in his eyes and Dustin whispered, "Oh.. you, you really like it.."

Jay murmured softly, "I do.. I like having you here with me, in our bed - you said that yesterday, fuck... in our bed, our .. place I like that so fucking much.."

Dustin whispered against his mouth, "I love you.."

"I fucking love you too, I want you here with me...here with me all the time.." He held Dustin closer, "You.. wanna live with me Sunshine?"

Dustin whispered, "Yes.. I want to live with you."

Jay kissed him deeply, Dustin kissing him back - but he let Jay take control of the kiss - he claimed Dustin's mouth, and he only paused to put the tray down on the floor - then he kissed Dustin again and murmured against his mouth, "Baby... I don't want to share you with him.."

Dustin's eyes closed and he whispered, "I... I know.."

Jay knew how much that hurt - he could see it, but he also knew how much Dustin loved him. You're my forever, I'll stand with you till the end. I'll protect you till my last breath. "I.. will ..stay away from him." Dustin looked up at him, and Jay stared back at him.

Dustin buried his face in against his throat, and Jay's heart broke for an entirely different reason - one that he didn't expect. Well fuck. I can't do this to him. Jay pulled Dustin in closer, and he murmured, "You tired Baby?"

Dustin didn't answer, but he curled his fingers and pressed closer, every part of him as close as he could get. Jay pulled the blanket up around them both.

Dustin was breathing him in, Jay felt him kiss over his heart. Jay's eyes burned with tears, and he slid his fingers into Dustin's hair.

"I can't live without you." Dustin said softly, "You're good for me... so good for me and I know that, I know it." He lifted his head and looked up at him. "You're a part of me now, and I can't.."

Jay felt Dustin's breath against his face, Dustin whispered "Don't cry, my love.. my fairy.. you have fairy lights in your eyes.. I don't know where you came from.. but, I feel like you were sent here.. you found me, and helped me find myself.."

Jay was crying, a harder sob left him - and he held onto Dustin - who whispered, "I'll protect you till my last breath."

Jay's breath caught in his throat - How did he know I'd just been thinking the same thing moments before.

Dustin whispered again, "Don't cry, don't cry Love."

Jay felt Dustin's breath against his face, the gentleness of his fingers as he brushed his tears away. Whether this boy was raging, or gentle - he was the most beautiful creature. And he'd stolen his heart, locked it up and it belonged to nobody else. Dustin laid down, and he curled Jay's head against his chest.

"Lay down, close your eyes." Dustin said softly, ".. Let's go to sleep, I know you're still tired - I'm tired. You don't sleep unless you're with me.."

Jay breathed out softly, and he let his eyes close. It was true, and he curled his fingers against Dustin's stomach. As Jay lay there, he realized that he didn't want to cause Dustin pain, in any way - he knew that Dustin had fallen asleep - but Jay thought, that he could try, try and let go of his bullshit jealousy with Steve. He just wasn't going to let Steve hurt him. "Asshole.." He muttered. Jay buried his face in against Dustin's throat - breathing in his sweet smell.

Chapter Text

Dustin and Jay were in Jay's truck - He was sad that they weren't in his car - Jay let out a soft laugh, "Baby.. its only because I have to take Hop's bike back - you can take me for a ride later.." Dustin looked at Jay, and he murmured - "Oh.. really?" Jay smirked, "Behave yourself." Dustin smirked - "But where's the fun in that?" He asked teasing.

They both laughed and Dustin stared out the window, "You're very naughty.." Jay said with a smirk - and Dustin looked at him, all innocent - but he was staring at Jay from under his lashes, "But.. you like it when I'm naughty.."

Jay breathed out softly, "You shouldn't look at me like that.." His voice all husky soft and Dustin murmured, "Look at you how?" He was still doing it and Jay growled softly, "..You know exactly what your doing.." He breathed out slightly heavier and Dustin pouted, "No I don't.." Jay growled softly, "I will punish you later."

"Promises, promises." Dustin said softly, and then he giggled.

Jay smirked and then he sighed, "Why'd we agree to go out tonight?" Dustin smiled, "I don't know - I guess its because we have to be sociable? Like that's what people do or something.." He rolled his eyes and muttered, "Bullshit if you ask me.. I'm quite happy only being sociable with you."

"I like just being with you too Sunshine." Jay murmured, and he pulled up outside the cabin.

Dustin gently tugged Jay in closer and then he kissed him softly, "You have fairy lights in your eyes again." He whispered.

Jay laughed softly, "You're crazy."

Dustin stroked his cheek and he said softly, "It's true.. you do, golden fairy lights - I think you're a changeling.. too beautiful that you were ever from here."

Jay felt his stomach get all warm and he murmured, "..So sweet."

Dustin slipped out of the truck, and Jay did too - Joyce opened the door, "Hello Boys." She cuddled them both - and then she said to Jay, "Do you want some more pot."

Dustin raised an eyebrow, and Jay said, "I'm good Joyce, I got some left."

She nodded and whispered, "Okay.. well let me know if you need anymore."

She went out to the little shed, and Dustin said, "What the hell was that?"

Jay snickered, "She gave me a joint - it was the worst pot I think I've ever smoked, I thought me and Steve were going to die from the coughing."

Dustin said quietly, "You and Steve?" Jay stared down at Dustin - "Mhmm we smoked it, the night he fell asleep on the sofa."

"Oh.. okay." Dustin was biting on his bottom lip, and Jay slid his fingers into his hair - they went inside, and El jumped up - throwing her arms around Dustin. "Hi." She said to Jay, but she pulled Dustin in closer and then into her lap.

"You missed me huh?" Dustin asked with a soft laugh.

"I have been worried, ever since - you know." She said quietly, patting the sofa beside her and looking at Jay. "Come sit." She held Dustin's arm, brushing her fingers over his new scar. "Does it hurt?" 

Dustin shook his head, "No.." 

"That's good. I am glad it doesn't." She looked at him, quiet again - and Dustin just stared back at her.

Jay sat down and she smiled at them both. "I get lonely sometimes. I wish that ..I could.." She looked sad as she rest her head between them. "Why are you not allowed to leave?" Jay asked, and Dustin said softly - "Hop's always worried that the military or the lab assholes are gonna grab her." Jay said softly, "Oh.. yeah I get it.. but .. I mean there must be a way you can spend time with everyone?"

"I wish I could, apart from Lu coming here.." El's eyes filled up with tears, "Sometimes Will, but.. I get so lonely." Dustin kissed her forehead. "Well - uh, Jay.. and I.. we're gonna be living together.. maybe we can talk Hop into letting you come spend some time with us?" He looked at Jay, and Jay said softly - "Definitely.. I'm sure we can find a way to snuggle you to our place."

Dustin giggled softly, "Don't you mean smuggle?" El smiled, "Snuggle you to your place sounds good too."

Jay just smirked and said, "All the snuggle, smuggles."

El looked at them both and she whispered, "Really? You're going to live together?" She looked at them both, "Nobody else knows - you're telling me first?"

Dustin nodded, and she wiped her tears from her face. "...I hope Hop lets me. Maybe we can get you another shed Dustin to put near the trailer - so you can build your gadgets."

Jay said softly, "I'll talk to him later okay honey?" El gave Jay a hug and Dustin said softly, "Yeah we should do that, there's not much space in the trailer for building things." El snuggled up against Dustin and whispered - "I.. miss Max, I miss her so much."

Dustin curled his arms around her and he said softly, "We'll get the stuff from the shack - I'll get started on the transistor."

Joyce came into the room, "Hey - Karen just phoned, and we're all going to their place for dinner - everyone. Everyone." She looked at them, "...Nobody is to get out of this - its important."

Dustin laughed, "Okay we get it Joyce, we have to be sociable. You know what it is don't you." She grinned - almost bouncing on her feet. "Yes.. Yes Dustin I do - and its really really exciting, well..." Tears welled up in her eyes and she said, "...I am so happy, and.. we need happy news!" Jay gave Dustin a soft kiss, and Joyce said softly - "...Jay shall we get Hops bike loaded up?" Dustin nodded, and then he said, "I can help?"

Joyce moved in closer and she curled her hands into his hair, peppering him with kisses, "Sweetheart, El...told me, she didn't tell Hop.." She cupped his face in her hands, "..If you are ever in that much pain again, I want you to find either Jay - or me.. Please, please don't do that again, even if you can't talk - I can always cuddle you close. My heart couldn't take it if you weren't in this world.. It really couldn't." Dustin felt his tears blur his vision and he hugged her tightly. "You are such a beautiful boy Dustin. You've always been so sensitive like my Will. You're a good boy, it would just break my heart."

"You stay here with El, she wants to talk to you about something." She held her hand out to Jay, "Come on Mr." Jay stood up, and he kissed Dustin's head, murmuring softly, "Love you my Sunshine."

Dustin breathed out shakily, "I love you too.." He whispered, even though Joyce and Jay had already gone outside. El looked at him and then she held out her own hand, "Lets go to my room."

Dustin nodded and he said softly, "Okay." El led him into her bedroom - and she shut the door, pulling him down so they were sitting on the big cushions on her floor. El took hold of both of his hands. "I would like to try something, if.. you are okay with that?" He nodded and said softly, "Okay.." El said softly, "You know I told you that I think you are connected to that frequency - that is in Vecna's mind - well I think its a bit more than that... when I connected to you, when you were in the upside down? I.. brought you into my mind, but.. Dustin you.. brought me into your mind."

He said softly, "I .. don't understand." She said softly - "The crystalline water, the stars.." Dustin whispered - "That was.." She said softly, "Beautiful - but it was your mind.. I saw it. And when I was looking for you - when Jay couldn't find you, he contacted Hop - Hop got me to look for you. You weren't just able to show me that you were in the upside down. You pulled me into your mind. And I've not had anyone do that before."

"Then how did I do that?" Dustin asked softly. "I don't know." Replied El - "But.. I want you to try and do it again now - do you think we can try?"

Dustin said softly, "I .. well I mean I don't know how I did it - but okay?" She pulled Dustin's head in closer - resting her forehead against his, and then she held hands with him again. "Close your eyes, and breathe out soft breaths. You saw my mind - it was black, with the water - yours is very different. Yours is light, crystalline - with those stars, but.. still water... think of the water, its what connects our minds. And then pull me to you."

Dustin said softly, "Okay." He could feel El's soft breath - and then he could feel his own too - and El's voice was in his head, Focus on the water, can you feel it - like before. But its not going to pull you away - stand in it instead. Dustin felt a whooshing sensation - and then he could see El in front of him, but they weren't in her bedroom anymore - they were standing in the crystalline sea - and Dustin whispered, "How is this even real."

El looked up and so did Dustin - above them was just stars as far as they could see. El said softly "You did it - we're inside your mind - but.. Dustin I think this is a memory." Dustin said, "A Memory? I don't understand..." She said, ".. It feels like a memory to me - Memories inside someone's mind are vivid - but they can be powerful and sometimes a little surreal like a dream."

"But I don't ever remember being here? Except when I.. was high and.. bleeding out." Dustin said softly. El said softly - "Well whatever this is, you have something inside of you - a power, or an ability that may have been there all this time - and its part of the reason why you hear the frequency from that other place. Maybe.. its.. I don't know - maybe you are from there.. from before."

"From there? I don't understand." Dustin stared up at the stars again. El said softly, "I don't think you are like most people Dustin. You're not the same. You're also not evil - Henry turned evil, you were just born different.. he traps people in his mind - but you.. look at this.. if this is a memory of another place.. it doesn't feel evil."

Dustin shivered, and El cupped his face - "The frequency - Henry manipulated it - you just don't know how to use it, maybe we can learn how - with your machine, the transistor if you can use the right frequency - Henry can't use it to hurt you." He breathed out sharply, "You think that he cursed me?"

"I think he tried to yes - but because of what, or who you are - it didn't really work - it just amplified you ability, and kind of messed with it - and, losing Eddie didn't help either." El said softly. Dustin looked at her, but then he said softly, "...What's that.." El looked over her shoulder where Dustin was moving too and he reached down into the water. He picked up a rock - which was threaded with sparkly veins - that looked like threads of stars. It glowed in his hand - and El's face seemed to illuminate - "Where's that light coming from?" He asked.

"It's coming from you." She said - and then they were suddenly back in El's bedroom - El was just staring at him, and Dustin felt strange - like he wasn't quite in his body. "Dustin?" El whispered, holding his hands a little tighter and Dustin just blinked slowly - and he let go of her hand, he turned his palm up - and they both looked down. The hand that he'd been holding the rock in - was glowing, but there were also some strange kind symbols, in his skin and then flowing up his arm - Dustin could feel them moving, and then they sank into his skin and disappeared.

El's eyes were big, and she said, "What the heck was that." Dustin knew what the symbols were - he'd seen them before, but it wasn't possible - "It's sacred geometry. and Enochian alphabet." El said, "What is that." Dustin said softly, "...Er Angel alphabet, occult stuff.." El said, "I don't understand. You said Sacred geometry is the Mathmatical language of everything, physics.."

Dustin nodded, "Yeah.. but Enochian alphabet is what they used to control fallen angels and demons. In Occult practices. What the hell was that. And why was that in my memory in my brain." El said softly, "I don't know - but... we should, should we keep this a secret till you can do research?" Dustin blinked - "I.. yeah. The fuck is happening. You don't think I'm a normal human - so what the hell am I?"

El said softly, "A fallen angel or a demon?" Dustin just stared at her - "...Great. So this ...other place - is it Hell?" They just stared at each other. If the Upside down and everything associated with it was real - then anything could be possible? "This is really fucking weird. Am I that - in a human body?" El said quietly, "...I think so? I think its why Vecna's curse didn't work."

Dustin breathed out softly, "...It's why I've always been this fucked up. Why aren't you freaking out." El said softly, "Why aren't you?"

"Well shit." He replied and El said softly - "We'll be able to learn more too when you can build the transistor." Dustin said quietly, "What if I build it and ..it causes chaos.. I mean we don't know - I want to free max - but what if she isn't in Vecna's mind - and she's trapped somewhere else?"

"If she's trapped somewhere else - maybe its you that can go and get her. Did you think about that?" El asked - and Dustin said softly, "...But." El cupped his face again. "Whether you're a fallen angel or a demon - I don't care, you are still Dustin. And you don't need to tell anyone this. I don't think you're evil."

He rest his forehead against hers and she said softly, "I knew when I spied on you that you were the only way we could get her back.." Tears were in her eyes again - "I.. need to get her back.."

"We will, we'll get her back El, I promise." He said softly - he still felt a bit strange - and El said, "Shall we go outside?" Dustin nodded - and then they both got up, El holding his hand as they went outside. Joyce said, "We're having a bit of trouble getting the bike onto the truck."

"I'll help." Dustin said - and he jumped into the back of the truck - Jay and Joyce had been trying to push the bike up a make shift ramp. Dustin just lifted it into the back of the truck and started tying it down. "How the fuck did you just do that?" Jay looked at him. "Do what?" Dustin asked - continuing to tie the bike down. Jay looked at Joyce, who looked at Dustin.

"You just lifted that into the truck." She said - and Dustin said, "It's not even heavy?"

They both looked at him like he was insane. "It's heavy as shit - you're ridiculous." Jay laughed and gave him a kiss, Dustin smirked and kissed him back "It's not.." Jay whispered, "It's like when you tossed Thomas around like he was a bag of sugar and not dead weight." Dustin peppered his face with kisses. "I'll toss you into bed later." Joyce was blushing and Dustin said, "Sorry.."

She laughed softly, "It's okay - just my ears are innocent." Jay laughed and El said softly, "Its sexy when you kiss - especially with tongue." "Eleven Jane Hopper!" Joyce said tutted, "Well it is!" She added, "Well it might be, but you don't say things like that Honey." Joyce was now beet red.

Jay smirked, lighting a cigarette - he took a drag and then passed it to him and Dustin laughed softly, "It's okay - we don't mind. Its true anyway." He winked at El, who smirked and then raised her eyebrow at Joyce - "See... it's not a problem for my boys, so .. don't be so uptight Joyce - go an smoke some of your stinky plants."

Dustin thought Jay was going to choke on his cigarette smoke. "I can't we have to go to the Wheelers tonight remember?" El said, "Oh yes.. that's right. Awkward times.. what fun." She rolled her eyes. Jay climbed down out the back of the truck, and he held his hand out for Dustin.

"I thought you and Mike were getting on better since you broke up?" Dustin said as he took Jay's hand and stepped down. Joyce looked at Dustin - and then she said, "I didn't know you had a tattoo?" Dustin said, "I don't?" Joyce laughed, "Oh honey.. I'm old but I'm not stupid." She said as she tugged his shirt away from his neck. "What's that then?"

Jay looked at him - then at Joyce - and El's eyes went big - then she looked at Dustin. He casually went to the passenger side of the truck, and opened the door - pretending he was lighting another smoke and having a drink of his soda - which was warm and disgusting. But he looked in the mirror, the Enochian letters were like silvery scars on his neck. "Dustin - that doesn't look like a normal tattoo, did you cut that into yourself?"

Dustin took a drag on his smoke - avoiding looking at Joyce. "It looks like scars Dustin." He sighed and then he said, ".. Yeah I did .. I dunno why." Jay just stared at him - knowing that he was lying. Dustin looked at him, and Joyce said softly, "Oh Baby.."

"I'm sorry." He said quietly. Dustin stood up and she moved closer - cuddling him. "Please take care of yourself. Let.. Jay look after you." He nodded, and then Jay said softly "He does Joyce, I promise."

She stole Dustin's smoke, and he let out a soft laugh, "We'll see you both later at the Wheelers?" She took a drag, "Keep it.." He kissed her cheek and then looked at Jay, "Lets.. go home?" Jay nodded, and he gave El a cuddle, and then he smirked at Joyce - putting his pack of smokes in her pocket. She said softly, "Oh no you shouldn't..."

"I can buy more, its fine.." He kissed her forehead. "We'll see you both later."

Jay got into the truck and then they headed off - Jay reached out - "You gonna tell me what that is.. because you didn't have that this morning Baby boy."

***

On the way back home - Dustin had told Jay what had happened. Jay was sitting on the sofa - and Dustin had pulled his shirt off. The symbols were up his arms and down his spine. Very small - but they looked like scars. "That's really crazy - but..." His green eyes looked at Dustin, Jay said softly - "It also isn't too. At least not to me. Some of the Enochian scrolls I've seen are like seals - spells and they were used in occult rituals - magick rituals to bind Fallen angels into Sheol."

Dustin breathed out softly, "You know a lot about this stuff." He murmured, - and Jay pushed his hair out of his eyes. "I'm... I'll be back in a minute." Jay got up - and he left Dustin standing there - Dustin walked over to the window, watching as Jay went into Eddie's trailer - when he came back out - he had a bunch of books in his arms. Jay dumped them down on the sofa beside him. "Eddie was into all that occult shit - well.. not shit it was actually interesting. But.. its tied into religion and the occult as well - which is why I know about it. My father was a minister like I said."

"I was rebellious - hated him obviously, so... I went the other way, I studied all kinds of occult stuff - black arts, witch craft - anything to stick it to him." He laughed softly, "Anyway so way back in 1581, these two occultists in England, John Dee and Edward Kelley - they recorded the Enochian alphabet after saying that they were in communication with Angels. But .. there are people - that say they weren't just good Angels, but Fallen ones -"

Dustin looked at the books. "And Eddie was into all this stuff too?" He asked - "What the hell is this?" He picked up one of the books - and Jay said, "That's the Liber Loagaeth, well half of it is - the other half of the book is the Glossolalia, they're both books to translate Enochian - I knew Eddie had them."

Dustin sat down, and he raked his fingers through his hair - and Jay said, "So.. we can try and do that - if you want too. I already know what this part here says.. because I've seen it before..." Dustin lifted his head, and he said - "What? Which part, where have you seen it."

Jay looked at Dustin, and then he breathed out softly - Dustin could see the gold in Jay's eyes, bright as he took off the leather bracelets that were around his wrist - Dustin had never seen him take them off, he held his hand out and Dustin took hold of his wrist.

"Shit.. Jay." He breathed out softly - Dustin's fingers stroked over the scar that ran up the inside of Jay's wrist - it was the opposite arm that Dustin had cut into - Dustin held his arm out, and the crude way El had put his arm back together left an ugly scar, still raw and pink - but they were pretty much matching. Jay's however was covered by a tattoo - for symbols. "What do they mean."

Jay stroked his fingers over Dustin's arm, and then he brought his wrist up, kissing over his scar - and Dustin, he shivered and Jay murmured, "You have these same symbols - between your shoulders. They mean Luciftias Londoh." Jay stroked his fingers over Dustin's back and then he kissed his skin. "Or in English, the light bearers kingdom on earth." Dustin shivered and he said, "..Why'd you tattoo it on your wrist."

"Because my Father thought I was a Satanist?" Jay said quietly, "Light bearer - is another name for Satan.. the devil."

Dustin shivered as Jay said softly, "He thought I was possessed and that's why I was queer." Dustin turned around and he whispered, "Why the hell is it on me though." Jay murmured softly, "Maybe its because you're a fallen Angel.. I told you, you're my Dark Prince...Maybe this is an Enochian seal - we'll have to work on translating the entire thing. Could take us a while."

"But .. I mean not.. really, I'm not really a dark lord..." Dustin whispered, and Jay kissed him - "Maybe you are though.." He kissed him again, and Dustin sucked softly on Jay's bottom lip - "You never told me you.. tried to kill yourself.." Jay whispered, "I know.. I mean, I told you I went crazy - this was part of that."

Dustin said softly, "Why did you chose those.. specific symbols, the light bearers kingdom on earth - like." Jay murmured, "Because I wanted to believe that I could have power strong enough to never be afraid of anything ever again.. maybe.. I willed you into my life... maybe you heard my prayer."

Dustin let out a soft exhale and he whispered, "How.. do you always do that - I .. was thinking that just.. this morning I was thinking that I felt like you'd been sent to me..." Jay whispered against his mouth, "Well.. maybe you did - but either way I know that I love you."

They kissed again, deep and slow and Jay said softly, "Whether your Lucifer himself or just my Sunshine.. you're so beautiful. And I will do anything for you, I told you.. that I'd worship at your alter.."

Dustin whined softly, "I don't wanna go out! I don't wanna!"

Jay laughed softly, "Aww we can go for a little bit - and then sneak off? We can take your car..." Dustin huffed softly, "Stupid socializing.. I just want to stay home with you, fuck all these people who like us and want us to do shit with them."

Laughing softly, Jay murmured, "You're so cute when you get all petulant."

Dustin pouted again, "I just want you all to myself." Jay kissed his throat and whispered, "Let's get this over with - you'll be sad if you don't go." Dustin whined again and then he tugged Jay with him, "Can we at least have a shower together?" Jay swatted his ass - "No.. because then we'll never get out of there.. you need to have a shower, and then I'll have one." Dustin gave Jay puppy-eyes, "...No.. don't do that.."

"Jay...c'mon.. don't you wanna shower with me.." He whispered, "I'll give you a special kiss." Jay growled, "Oh yeah?"

"Uhuh.. special kisses.." Dustin licked his lips and then he sucked on Jay's thumb. "You are a dirty, bad boy.." Dustin giggled and then he pulled Jay into the bathroom with him.

"We're going to be late." Jay muttered. "Who cares.." Dustin whispered as he kicked the door shut.

***

Steve was bored out of his skull - he'd agreed to meet Blake for a drink before going to the shin-dig at the Wheeler's and he really, really wished that he hadn't. Because now he was stuck with him for the night - and he just wasn't feeling it. Sure he was handsome - but he was mind numbingly boring. He would rather have his skull drilled into at this point. He kept talking about boring shit, his trumpet playing - and Steve couldn't have cared less about the damn trumpet.

Whenever Steve would try to start up a conversation - Blake would just change the subject and start talking about something just as boring, or then talk about his trumpet and music again. Oh god please kill me. I'm not even drunk enough to deal with this. He'd already started drinking before Blake had even picked him up - and even being drunk didn't make him any more interesting. 

And the worst thing was to Blake didn't seem to be picking up on the fact that Steve wasn't into him. He kept touching him - and was overly friendly. Steve was trying to be a bit stand-offish and the guy wasn't picking up on his signals at all. They eventually left the bar, and when they arrived at the Wheeler's everyone was happy, and there was good food - Steve had a couple more beers, and the big announcement hadn't happened yet - whatever that was. "I think that's going to happen when Dustin and Jay get here.." Robin said, she looked like she'd been crying and Steve frowned, pulling her into the downstairs bathroom.

"What's the matter Bobbin." He asked her - stroking her hair out of her face. "I think.. I.. think Vicky is tired of my shit - I think she wants to break up with me." She got all teary and Steve said quietly, "Well that sucks.. I'm so sorry.."

Robin bit her lip, ".. Have you been drinking?"

Steve said, "Well yeah.. its a party?"

Robin whispered, ".. I can't talk to you when you're like this.."

He frowned, "When I'm like what? Jesus .. why are you riding my ass? If you get like this with Vicky no wonder she's breaking up with you.. nag, nag, nag..."

Robin glared at him - tears welling up again, "You're an asshole.." As she left the bathroom, she crashed into Dustin - "Robin?" He said softly.

Jay held her arms - because she nearly lost her balance. "Hey.. you okay Sweetness?" She shook her head - really struggling not to cry - Steve came out of the bathroom, sneering at Jay - and then giving Dustin a look. Dustin tensed up and looked at Robin - who looked completely miserable.

"..Should have realized you'd have something to do with it.." Jay said darkly, and he said softly to Robin - "Do you wanna go with me and Sunshine, to talk?"

Robin said softly, "Maybe later? I.. I need to stop crying first."

Dustin rubbed her back, and Steve said, "You two are just everyone's fucking councillors." He scoffed and then stalked off down the hallway. Dustin frowned and whispered, "Asshole.."

"He's been drinking again, and ..he's always an asshole when he's been drinking.." Robin wiped at her face, and Jay snorted - "As if he needs a reason to be an asshole.."

Karen Wheeler said, "Dustin! There you are..." She looked at Jay - "This him?" She smiled, "Hello Jay - I'm Nancy and Mike's mom, Karen - you boys are late you know." She said, looking at Robing. "Oh honey.. what's wrong."

Dustin said, "Sorry Karen.." Jay held out his hand, and he took Karen's but kissed it. "Nice to meet you Ma'am."

Karen said, "What lovely manners, you can call me Karen too Honey..." She curled her arm around Robin - "...I don't know why you're still dating Steve honestly he's a lousy boyfriend and an even worse drunk."

Dustin looked at Jay - and Jay stared back at him.

Robin said, "Oh no.. he's not my boyfriend Karen.. uh.. but he is a lousy drunk."

Karen huffed softly, "He was a lousy boyfriend to Nancy too - I think he's in the closet." Robin laughed softly, and she covered her face - bursting into tears all over again. "Oh Honey.." Karen said softly, "Come outside and get some air with me for a minute."

The two women did go outside and Jay murmured, "She's nice.. now I know where Mike gets his sad eyes from."

Dustin said softly, "Word of warning - Ted Wheeler is a massive homophobe - probably why Mike is too fucking scared to .. you know." Jay nodded, and he murmured - "So.. be a bit more careful?"

Dustin nodded, "Well I just don't want Mike to have to put up with his shit. He's just an asshole."

Jay gently stroked his fingers into Dustin's hair, "Are you okay?" He whispered against his ear.

Dustin said softly, ".. I .. just don't know why he has to be an asshole to Robin, she's like the sweetest person in the whole world... I don't know."

He gave Jay a soft kiss, and then whispered, "I guess we should go socialize." He rolled his eyes and Jay laughed softly, "These people are your family Baby.."

Dustin sighed softly, "...I yeah." Jay realized that Dustin didn't look particularly impressed at that.

The two of them headed into the living room and kitchen area, there were hugs, and lot of talking all at once - but it was Jay that notice that Steve was actually at the party with someone. A guy - someone.

Nancy was fixing them a drink - and she looked at Jay, "..So welcome to the nuthouse.." She gave him a polite but small smile.

Jay laughed softly, "Is it that bad?"

Nancy sipped her soda, "It's actually worse than that sometimes.." Her voice soft.

Dustin was talking to Mike and Will, when an older guy - who Jay assumed was Ted? Came into the room.

"I think you should introduce your boyfriend - don't be rude Dustin." Ted said, and everyone stopped talking - Dustin stared at him - and then said calmly, "Right, sure - Ted, this is Jay - Jay this is Mike and Nancy's dad Ted."

Jay held out his hand, "Nice to meet you Sir." Everyone but Jay and Dustin seemed to be waiting with baited breath. Ted shook Jay's hand - "Nice to meet you, no hanky panky in my house - no swearing, not around my youngest and we have no problems. Michael - don't be rude - make sure that everyone has a drink."

Mike was kind of frozen like a deer in headlights, "Don't worry Ted - we got it." Dustin said, and Mike let out a shaky breath. "Jay, Jim said you are handy and know your way around vehicles - do you think you could check my car out for me sometime? Last time I took it to McKinnon's.. well it came out worse than when it went in."

Nancy looked at Dustin, smirking into her cup and Dustin just grinned. "Sure Ted, that shouldn't be a problem.. I can usually do stuff like that on the weekends - I have school and work during the week." Jay said, and Ted gave him a nod - "Good hard working American.. I can respect that." He wandered into the living room, eyeing up Steve and his friend - and that's when Dustin saw them.

The grin disappeared and Jay watched the way his eyes went dark, but then Dustin just turned his head and Jay felt Nancy's gaze - he met it and she took his cup, filling it back up and then she gave it back, refilling hers too.

Jay suddenly was side swiped by a tiny blonde creature. "Dusty!" Holly practically threw herself at him. "I haven't seen you in forever!"

Dustin picked her up and spun her around - and Jay smiled, that shadow was gone again and Dustin said happily, "How are you Princess Pea."

Holly snuggled into him. "Much happier now -" She looked at Will, "Will has been teaching me how to draw."

"That's really great, you can show me?" Dustin asked, but then he said - "I want you to meet someone though." Will gave Holly a soft little kiss and Holly said, "I love you both - but I know Will is going to marry Mike.." She was whispering it to Dustin, and he laughed - she said "We're going to get married someday, and live in a castle - right?"

Dustin said softly, "I.. want you to meet my boyfriend Princess Pea."

Holly gave him a sad face and then sighed, "Goddamn it!"

From the living room, Ted said, "LANGUAGE" Holly frowned and flipped him off - Jay laughed softly, "Ah you have sass.." Her big blue eyes landed on Jay - and then she looked at Dustin - then back at Jay.

Dustin said to Jay, "Sass amongst the Wheeler woman is common." He winked at Nancy who blew him a kiss. Jay laughed softly, and he moved in closer. Holly touched his face - "Holy shit.." She whispered and then she looked at Dustin. "Holy shit!" Everyone was laughing and then she said to Jay, "...I approve." She pouted though, "Fine.. You can get married - but! I am still his Princess."

Jay said solemnly, "Oh I wouldn't dream of coming between that M'lady.." He took her hand and kissed it. Holly giggled and then said, "...Okay lets go.." Dustin laughed softly, and they followed her into her bedroom. She showed them both all her drawings - and then she said, "You're pretty." Looking at Jay, "..I think you should get a puppy."

"She wants one desperately, Karen and Ted won't let her have one." Dustin whispered.

Jay laughed softly, "..Well.. what kind of puppy would you want if you could have one?" Holly looked at him - "I would like a grey puppy." Jay looked thoughtful, "So.. just a grey one?"

"With blue eyes." Holly said with a giggle. "Well.. we will see what I can find." Jay murmured, and she looked at him. "...And a girl too." Holly added, "I would love you forever like my Prince."

Jay looked up at Dustin, and he said softly, "So... I'm not the only one that thinks you're a Prince hmm?"

He was blushing, he knew it. "Well yeah.." Dustin said softly, and he whispered - "A grey puppy with Blue eyes?"

Jay smirked, "I can work magic too you know.."

Dustin laughed softly and whispered, "Oh I know.. its the fairy thing.." Holly suddenly snapped matching friendship bracelets around their wrists. "Besties forever." Of course she had a matching one.

"I like it - its fairy sparkle.." Dustin said with a giggle - and Holly giggle back, "It totally is! Except yours has angel wings.. I guess you can pretend they're fairy wings?"

Dustin just stared down at her and she said softly, "Did I make you sad my Prince?" He shook his head, "No Pea, you didn't.." He gave her a cuddle and she said softly, "Jay yours has angel wings too."

Jay smiled down at her, "Thanks Niblet, I will never take it off." She beamed up at him and then said, "I have to go and give Will and Mike theirs.. I have some for Lulu and El when they get here.." They headed back out - and El and Lucas had arrived with Joyce and Hopper. Dustin hugged El, and Mike said - "How come you guys are always together?"

"Mike, leave them alone.." Dustin said softly - Mike frowned and he muttered, "I.. okay?" Dustin gently squeezed his hand and Mike's eyes softened - and then he just gave them both a hug instead. Will looked at Dustin, his eyes sad and he gave Dustin a cuddle. "You working your magic." He whispered to Dustin.

"Silly boy." He muttered and Will laughed.

Dustin smiled as Hopper gave Jay a nod but motioned for him to come talk to him. The two of them standing off in the corner talking quietly to each other - and so Dustin curled his arms around Will and whispered, "You're looking very pretty tonight." Will blushed and whispered, "Hush you. You should talk, with the curls and face." Dustin grinned, "You with your eyelashes, and the muscles."

Mike just pouted into his cup and muttered, "This party is bullshit - we're not even allowed booze." Jonathan whispered, "I think I have some we can drink later." Mike gave Jonathan a grin, and Will said, "I think Steve's had enough booze for everyone." 

Dustin glanced over where Steve was sitting with Blake. He knew it was Blake because he remembered him from the night of the party at Steve's house. "That's that Ben guy right?" Lucas said, and El looked at Dustin - he could feel her eyes on him. "No his name is Blake."

How did she know? She wasn't even there. El was still staring at him - and then he heard her voice in his head. I can hear you silly. 

Dustin nearly choked on his soda - and Jay rubbed his back, suddenly back at his side. "You okay Baby?" Jay asked.

"Yeah... I'm okay." He said hoarsely, rubbing his throat. What?! How? He said back to El. She just smiled at him. Same way you just did that. 

El curled her arm through his, and she smiled - as soft little smile, "I talked to Hop, we're a good to go with operation snuggle smuggle." Jay smirked - and El stared up at him - her eyes teary. "Really?"

Jay hummed softly and gently stroked her hair. "He said as long as Lucas is with you, yes." Lucas looked at them and then he smiled at El. Dustin couldn't help but wonder why Hopper was so adamant about that. El reached out and held Lucas' hand - Mike's eyes met Dustin's and Mike raised an eyebrow. 

Jonathan came inside - and he looked at Nancy, "Everyone here Babe?" Nancy smiled at him, "I'm pretty sure that everyone's here.." He gave her a grin - and she grinned back at him. "Okay.. lets.. do it?" Nancy nodded, her face flushing pink and Dustin just stared at the two of them. Karen came back inside with Robin - who was much happier, the two of them laughing and Robin snuggled into Will and then she held Dustin's hand and whispered, "I feel much better now."

She looked up at Jay - "Thanks Jelly Bean." He gave her a lazy grin, and then he said, "Don't think I forgot - I will still buy you jelly beans Bobbin."

Dustin laughed and he said softly, "You must have a million pet names by now - it's adorable."

Jay smirked and whispered against his ear, "It's because I'm a likeable rogue."

Dustin curled his fingers against Jay's hand and they interlaced their fingers.

"Everyone - lets go into the living room." Karen said, she took Jonathan's hand "Joyce?! Baby where are you.." Joyce curled her arm around Karen's and Hopper reappeared and Dustin was pretty sure that Joyce was stoned - Jay whispered against his ear, "Pretty sure she's cooked." Dustin giggled softly. But he watched as Jay's gaze met Steve's? The two of them both looking at Joyce - and then Steve actually started laughing, and Jay was snickering too - the two of them sharing some kind of private joke?

Dustin just watched them - not sure what that was about, but he got a little flicker of warmth in his tummy at the fact they were actually laughing - instead of biting each others faces off. But then Steve lowered his gaze, must have seen their hands and he just stared into his cup - frowning and then gulping it down. He got up and refilled it and then sat back down. Dustin looked at Blake - who was leaning in and saying something to Steve.

Steve laughed, the two of them talking - and then Karen said, "Okay.. Jonah, Nance - ..the floor is yours." Dustin looked away from Steve - and he looked at Nancy and Jonathan. Everyone was - except for Steve, who was staring into his cup again. "Okay so.. I'm going to let Nance do the talking because well.. she's better at this than me.." Jonathan said, he kissed her cheek, holding her close. And then Nancy held out her hand. "We're engaged!"

Everyone went crazy at the same time - and El was squealing, "Yay I get to wear a pretty dress? To your wedding oh my god.." Her and Nancy- and Robin, and even Will were all gushing about the ring. "Oh its so pretty." Holly was excited too. "We're going to be family for real!" Then Ted said blandly - "You knocked her up - its the right thing to do." That made everyone quiet again and Jonathan said, "You know what Ted, for once in your goddamn life - shut your fucking mouth! I love Nancy, and I would marry her now, or twenty years from now - We are going to love our Baby, so shut the fuck up and don't ruin this - don't be an asshole."

Nancy looked like she was going to burst into tears - Dustin frowned, and he glared in Ted's direction. "What a prick." Jay muttered, and Dustin gave his hand a squeeze - but he let go, and then curled his arm around Nancy, who had tears in her eyes. "Let's just go outside for a minute hmm?" She nodded, and Dustin took her hand, going outside and around the back to the seats near the fire pit. Dustin pulled her into his lap and Nancy whispered, "I hate him, I hate him so much he's such a fucking asshole."

Dustin held her close and he whispered, "Want me to kick his ass?" She sniffled and hid her face against his neck. "You totally should. But.. he isn't worth it." Dustin stroked her hair. "So... you're going to have a Baby, are you excited?" Nancy whispered, "Scared.. I'm scared. I'm.. not sure yet if I'm excited. I want, I love Jon I want to marry him.. I hope I'll get excited, but .. I'm just really scared." She let out a shaky breath and Dustin whispered, "You don't have to be scared, Jon loves you, you have family that loves you - real family - you don't have to be scared because you're not alone."

Nancy whispered, "How'd you get to be so damn wise. I feel like you're an old man." Dustin whispered back, "I feel like that sometimes. Sometimes I'm just so damn tired."

Nancy said softly, "I know you are." They sat there quietly for a little bit, and then Dustin said softly - "I wish I could have babies." Heat in his face and Nancy said with a soft smile, "You'd be a great Mama, maybe one day you can adopt babies?" Dustin sighed softly, "I don't think that'd ever happen - can't even legally get married." He whispered, "We're freaks remember." Nancy said softly, "No you're not - don't ever think that, I think its beautiful - who you love, your beautiful - don't ever think that you're not." Dustin's eyes welled up and he whispered, "I'm supposed to be comforting you here."

She let out a soft laugh, "You are, just being here with you I feel better." Dustin sniffled and he whispered - "I'd still run away with you if I wasn't hopelessly gay." The both laughed and Nancy said softly, "You're ridiculously gorgeous. I told you everyone would fall in love with you." Dustin was blushing so much he was sure he was going to set them both on fire. "Stop." He dragged it out and Nancy laughed. "Shall we go back inside?" She asked - and Dustin said, "You want too?" Nancy nodded, and they both stood up - but Nancy lit the fire pit up. "I want more cuddles later." She told him and Dustin grinned, "No problem here." 

As they made their way back inside - everyone was still buzzing. But Karen glared at Ted, "You really know how to ruin a good thing - you're an embarrassment." Joyce whispered, "Just ignore him honey..." She glared at Ted - "You asshole you always have to suck the life and joy out of everything!" Hopper actually had to down his drink to stop himself from laughing.

Dustin hissed to Mike, "I think your mom is high too." Robin said, "Men! Who needs them!" Karen said, "Exactly! I should just become a lesbian and get a hot girlfriend .. Fuck you Ted."

Mike looked like his eyes were going to pop out of his head - and Robin let out a little giggle - Jay looked at Dustin.

Nancy smirked and said "I told you.. welcome to the nuthouse."

Jay gave Nancy a hug. "..I'm so happy for you both. Congratulations." Nancy was blushing again and she said softly "Thanks Jay." Jonathan pulled Nancy into his arms and he said softly, "Are you okay Baby - don't let him upset you. Everyone else is happy for us." Nancy said softly, "I feel okay - Dustin gave me a cuddle and we talked." Dustin smiled, and Jonathan squeezed his shoulder, kissing Nancy's forehead. 

Karen was pouring Joyce and Robin a glass of wine - Hopper was talking to Blake and Jay. Dustin got himself another soda and Steve was suddenly standing right beside Dustin. "Congratulations both of you." He gave Nancy and Jonathan both a kiss on the cheek. "I need to get out of here.. well.. Blakes taking me home - so.. this was fun." He looked at Robin, and then he tugged her in close, murmuring softly in her ear and then Robin cuddled him tightly. "I love you too Stevie.. be good."

Steve gave her a smirk, "Maybe.. maybe not." He laughed and then he said, "Did you smoke pot with Karen and Joyce?" Robin made a face - "Unfortunately." She took a sip of her wine, looking over her shoulder as Karen said, "Honey are you coming out for another smoke?" Jay and Steve both snickered again and Robin laughed, "A Cigarette this time? Sure Karen." She turned to look at Jay and Steve. "You've smoked it too?"

Jay laughed, "It tastes like cat piss.."

Dustin pushed his hair behind his ear, he whispered to Mike, "You're mom is hilarious." Mike snickered, "I think shes hitting on Robin - or am I crazy?" They both laughed and Will whispered, "Your Dad looks pissed." Mike muttered - "Fuck him, he's an asshole." Dustin and WIll both grinned - as Mike curled his arm around Will's shoulder and then he kissed his cheek - being bold, Will actually kissed him right on the lips. "Yeah.. fuck him."

Dustin just grinned, and Lucas said -"This night is nuts," He whispered it and Dustin said softly, "Totally." He was listening to the conversation going on next to him too though, Jay and Steve had smoked Joyce's nasty pot. They were clearly still amused about it.

"And pine cleaner." Steve added. Blake was standing beside Steve - and Jay said, "..So who's your friend?" Steve said - "Blake this is asshole, asshole - this is Blake. Oh.. and this is Dustin." Steve looked at Dustin, and Jay was too.

Both Steve and Jay - didn't get the reaction that they had been expecting from Dustin. He looked at Blake from under his lashes - and then he said sweetly, "Oh.. hey.. you don't have to go yet do you? Steve don't be a party pooper.."

Jay watched Dustin, with amusement in his eyes - Steve didn't look pleased about this at all. "Oh.. well yeah I mean.." Blake smiled, and he scratched at his throat - looking at Steve, "We can hang out a bit longer?"

Dustin smiled and gave him that innocent little baby face again - he curled his hand around Blake's wrist. "You have a nice accent, where are you from?" He was leading Blake away - and Jay was still smirking grabbing another drink. He handed it to Steve - "The.. hell is that?" Steve growled.

"I believe that is you getting your ass handed to you." Jay laughed softly and poured himself another drink. "Are you not bothered by him flirting with him?" Steve said - looking at Jay.

"Not in the least - he's not flirting with him - he's just talking to him. You didn't even introduce your friend to anyone." Jay said, "Your the only one that has an issue right now."

"Well he's a boring asshole." Steve growled, not happy - why was Dustin even talking to him. 

Jay smirked, shaking his head as they all made their way outside. "Get a grip Harrington - if you don't like your date, why do you even care?" Jay said - of course they both knew why - it had nothing to do with Blake. Steve was being his usual obsessed - jealous self. 

Everyone except the adults ended up outside in the backyard - hanging around the Wheeler's fire pit. Dustin giggled, "Oh so you play the trumpet? You don't seem like the type to play a trumpet." He was practically sitting in Blakes lap - and he said, "Jay he plays the trumpet."

"Fascinating.." Steve muttered, and Jay actually laughed - Dustin smiled, and he whispered to Blake. "Steve's being an asshole, he's kinda like that...when he's not the center of your attention he gets jealous.." Blake laughed and he said softly, "I kinda noticed somethin though Darlin." His new Orleans accent a little thicker because he'd been drinking.

"Oh? What's that.." Dustin asked, "Well it seems to be when he's not getting your attention.." Dustin said softly, "Oh.. he doesn't like it because he hates my boyfriend.." Blake said, "Jay seems like a nice guy.."

Blake lit a cigarette and Dustin said, "He is.. he's the sweetest.."

Steve was now glaring at them both and Dustin said, "Can I have a drag?" Blake said, "Sure Darlin." He handed it to Dustin - who took a drag and then he whispered something in Blakes ear, and Blake laughed. "Oh yeah?"

Steve actually got up and pulled Dustin out of Blakes lap. "Get the fuck away from him." Dustin breathed out sharply, "You're acting like a fucking slut right now you now that right?" Steve growled at him.

Dustin said shakily, "Let go of me - you're hurting me. I haven't done anything, I'm just talking to him - Jay's my boyfriend." Steve actually gripped his face and growled, "Fuck Jay! You had my cock in your pussy last night, didn't seem to have a problem with that did you..." Everyone was quiet, and Jay's wrath was raging.

"What you want Blake to fuck you too? I fucking saw you, you're acting like a whore - you spread your legs like fucking peanut butter!." Steve was yelling now - and Dustin yanked his arm away, "Stop Steve."

Jay got up - he gripped Steve's shirt, yanking him away and then he punched him hard, shoving him away from Dustin. "You keep your fucking hands off him." Jay snarled - and Steve punched Jay in the face, Dustin moved - getting in the way and Steve's next punch hit Dustin - he stumbled and then crashed into the ground. And everyone was panicking. Blake dived up and grabbed Jay before he could attack Steve - and Jonathan pulled Steve back.

"Shit let me go - Dustin! I didn't mean too..." Steve yelled, and Jay yelled at Steve, "You mother fucking piece of shit.. I'll kill you."

Dustin hadn't moved much and when Lucas reached down he just pushed Lucas' hand away and whimpered. Nancy said softly, "Dustin.." He let her touch him, and she glared at Steve - "Get the hell out." Steve said, "I didn't mean.. too Dustin.. please..." Nancy said icily, "I said get the fuck out.. Get out!"

She looked at Jonathan "Get him out of here before I get my gun and do something I regret." Jonathan nodded and said, "Let's go Steve.." He looked at Blake, "You going with him or what?" Blake frowned, "I don't think so."

Steve snorted, "Whatever you're boring as fuck anyway.." Jonathan said quietly, "Just get going before you embarrass yourself anymore.." Jay got free of Blake's grip and then he looked at Nancy, "...Let me." She seemed reluctant, but Jay said softly, "Sunshine.." Dustin wouldn't look at Jay either, and he whispered, "I don't feel good.. Nance can I stay with you." Nancy looked at Jay, and she said softly, "Of course you can Baby."

Jay breathed out slowly and Dustin whispered, "I.. think I'm going to be sick.."

Nancy looked up, "Robin can you take Dustin upstairs to my room." Robin said softly, "Yeah definitely."

She waited till Robin had got Dustin inside, and then she said softly, "..He's going to have a black eye again... I'll get some frozen peas or something. Look.. wait a little bit and then go up. I'll share the basement tonight with Jon and Will can go share with Mike." She pulled Jay into a hug - "Steve used to be an asshole like that in high school he just... doesn't think. He can be a sweetheart but.. he can be really fucking mean and do stupid shit too - he drinks too much, he always has but.. this is bad, really bad I can't believe he fucking did this."

Jay growled, "...I want to actually hunt him down and break every bone in his goddamn body... don't try and justify his bullshit to me Nancy - he's fucking dead. Next time I see him, I'm going to kill him." He left everyone and headed upstairs - he sat outside Nancy's room, wanting to just go in - but he waited. Nancy came up a short time later and she gently stroked his hair. "I'm going in now. Soon as he's okay, I'll get you okay?" Jay nodded and she whispered, "Okay."

Jay ended up falling asleep in the hallway, Mrs. Wheeler covered him with a blanket and gave him a pillow at some point. And Nancy didn't come out of the room. Jay kept drifting in and out of sleep. When he woke up, the sun was just coming up and Nancy was gently shaking him. "Jay.. wake up." She said softly.

"Hey.." Jay's voice was husky, and she said softly, "He left.. I tried to get him to stay, he left you the keys to his car and said he was going to walk home - .. maybe you can pick him up on the way back?"

He rubbed his eyes and said softly, ".. Yeah, I .. can do that." Nance said softly, "He.. was so broken last night, he didn't want me to leave him - I'm sorry I should have come and told you."

"It's okay Nance." Jay said softly, "I'm gonna go and see if I can find him on the way home." She whispered, "Okay... I'm sorry that I misjudged you, I.. find it hard to trust people.. I was wrong."

Jay smiled, "It's okay, I get it.." He gave her a hug, and Nancy said softly - "..He really loves you, you know that right?"

Jay smiled again and he whispered, "I'm really glad to know it, I love him too." She helped pull him up and Jay said softly, "Thanks for looking after him last night."

He made his way downstairs, and then outside - climbing into the car, the mustang rumbling to life - and then Jay pulled out of the driveway, and he headed back for the trailer park. He went the long way - because something told him, that is the way Dustin went. And about half way home - he saw Dustin. He pulled up along side him and rolled the window down.

"My Sunshine.." Jay said softly, Dustin didn't lift his head, but he did climb into the passenger side, leaving the window down. "...Baby boy, look at me." Jay asked, and Dustin lifted his head, his eye was so swollen he could barely open it - and Jay breathed out sharply, Dustin turned his head away again and curled in on himself.

The anger hit Jay, rolling over him and building even more intense than it had the night before. He drove them back home - and Dustin shrugged his coat off, he was so quiet - and that is what worried Jay. The quiet, worried him more than when Dustin was raging an wild - the quiet mean that he was hurting, and hurting bad.

Dustin hung his coat up and then he headed into the bedroom, he came out again with some clean pants and then he went into the bathroom and shut the door and Jay breathed out softly, sitting on the sofa - he wanted to give Dustin his space, but at the same time he was worried. Jay got up again - standing in front of the bathroom door. He couldn't hear the shower going yet - and he said softly, "Will you let me in Baby?" There was no reply, and Jay wondered if he'd locked the door.

He hated this, because once again - Steve had hurt him, and now he was fucking broken again - and he breathed out sharply, he'd promised he wouldn't let this happen.

"I'm going out for a little bit, okay? I'll be back soon.. I love you." Jay grabbed the keys to his truck and then he climbed in - he checked his glove compartment and then he shut it again. And then he drove to Steve's house. Jay pulled up across the road from his house. He grabbed the knife out of the glove compartment, slipping it into his belt as he climbed out - slamming the door too the truck - he headed across the lawn and then he banged on the front door.

Chapter Text

Steve was laying on the floor in the downstairs bathroom - and he was pretty much nearly on the verge of black-out drunk. Laying in a pool of puke. The house was a complete fucking disaster. There were empty bottles everywhere, beer bottles, large empty whiskey - vodka bottles. Rubbish everywhere. Clothes piled up. The place looked like shit. Steve just hadn't been looking after himself.

The last time he'd cleaned up was the day before Dustin had last been there, and after than he'd just not bothered. He hadn't even bothered to really make any effort the night he'd gone to the party at the Wheelers with Blake. He knew that he'd hit Dustin - and that he'd been told to leave. But whatever else he'd done was a blank space.

So he'd just spent the next day, and all of that night - getting shit faced. Because he knew he'd fucked up. What had sent him off on this bender? He hadn't see Dustin since he'd last seen him - and then he'd visited Claudia, and found out that Dustin was moving in with Jay - and Dustin hadn't said anything, and Steve knew it was because Dustin had chosen Jay - had made his choice.

He wasn't going to see him. And it fucking hurt, it hurt so bad and Steve just wanted to block it out - and he didn't think about the face that he'd turn into a drunken asshole. He just wanted to stop the pain he felt. And it was the only thing he knew how to do.

He could hear someone knocking, banging on the door - and he let out a broken sob - waving at the air. "Not home fuck sake.." He somehow managed to pull himself up - at some point he'd actually pissed himself too. So he was covered in puke - it was all through his hair, he'd pissed his pants, he was stinking rotten drunk and he was bawling like a broken baby. Steve picked up the bottle of vodka, the door knocking getting louder.

"Fuck m'coming damnit.." Steve slurred, and then he opened too door, "The fuck...do want." He slurred, and said. "...Get outta here...fuck sake."

Jay just stared at Steve, and he growled out - "Jesus fucking Christ.." Steve stunk, of piss and puke - and he was so wasted he could barely stand up - looked like he could barely fucking walk too. "Juss go.. you.. don't need to be hurr." Steve pushed at Jay weakly and then he just slumped in the door way and landed on the floor.

"You fucking loser." Jay growled and then he sighed and hauled Steve up out of the doorway, lifting him up and he rest him against the wall - shutting the door.

Steve said something, but Jay needed an interpreter at this point - Steve started crying and Jay muttered, "Stop it..." He got Steve into the living room. Jay looked at the mess everywhere. "..What the fuck.." Steve curled his fingers against Jay's side and then he puked all over Jay's back and the floor.

"You sonofabitch.." Jay muttered, "...You goddamn sonofabitch."

He sighed and then pulled his shirt off, throwing it on the floor and then he made a face - "Shit.. M'sorry." Steve muttered, and Jay used his shirt to wipe Steve's face off. "Shut up you prick." Jay growled, "Where's the closest bathroom?" Steve waved in the direction.

"That's really helpful asshole." Jay muttered, "Don't choke on your puke while I go take a look - actually.. maybe you should. Save me the trouble." He sat Steve on a chair and Steve was crying again, rocking and Jay said softly, "Jesus.." He made his way down the hallway - eventually finding the downstairs bathroom. "Okay.." He muttered softly, coming back to find that Steve was lighting a cigarette, and swaying, "Oh that's fucking great you stupid shit - set yourself on fire."

"Shut the fuck up - ash hole." Steve let out a sob, and Jay sighed - "Where's your bedroom." He asked - wanting a smoke himself.

"The fuck you wanna know where my bedroom is?" Steve was holding one eye shut - and looking at him.

"Is that supposed to help you see me better?" Jay actually laughed, and Steve said, "It dosh work.. can't see two of you now.. One is bad enough.." He made a face and said, "Fucking. two Jay's what a nightmare."

Jay lit his own smoke, and Steve was just staring up at the ceiling - blowing smoke rings. But he had tears sliding down his face and Jay actually stared down at his hands - taking another drag. "..I... really don't .. " Steve just went quiet and he let out a soft little grunt, "Fucking bullshit."

Jay scratched his stomach, and then Steve mumbled, "Why are you here?" Jay looked at him and he said, "I came here to kill you."

Steve said, "Oh.. okay well.. yeah okay." He let out a shaky exhale "I .. deserve that.. so.."

Jay sighed, "Well I'll do it another time.." They both finished their smokes, and Steve said hoarsely - "I.. why you got no shirt?" He was looking at Jay, while covering up one eye again and Jay snorted, "Cos you puked all over me you muppet."

Steve said, "Oh.. sorry.." He just looked miserable and Jay shook his head, "C'mon - get up."

Steve frowned, and then he said shakily, "I can't.. I'm.. I can't." Jay moved in closer, "Hold onto me shit bird."

Steve stood up slowly, and he gripped onto Jay's shoulder, and then his waist. "Okay, we'll just go slow - okay?" Steve muttered, "Yeah.. I.. okay."

Eventually the got into the bathroom and Jay said - "You're not going to drown if I leave you in here by yourself right?" Steve just suddenly rest his head against Jay's shoulder and muttered, "Huh?"

"Fucking hell." Jay muttered, "Maybe you just need to do this later when you've slept it off." Steve turned the water on though and just stepped in - the water not even warm -

"Fuck.. its cold." He slumped against the wall, and Jay said, "Why'd you do that asshole."

Steve didn't say anything and Jay said with another sigh - "I'll just stay here."

Steve was just sitting there - and Jay really didn't know what to do, he hadn't come here to do this - that was for damn sure. Steve tugged his shirt off and threw it out the shower and then he stood up, but was swaying - and Jay sighed again, he got up and then muttered, "You're useless.'

"Fuck you." Steve said hoarsely and Jay just gripped his throat and tipped his hair back - rinsing the puke out before he grabbed the shampoo and started washing Steve's hair. He tried to be quick about it - because he was pretty sure that Steve was feeling the same way as him. This was just awkward. He rinsed the shampoo out and then he grabbed some and washed his own hair - "You can wash yourself right? I need to wash my hair because you puked all over me."

Steve was half slumped against the wall. "Mhmm yeah." He muttered, but he wasn't doing anything - Jay rinsed his hair off, and Steve mumbled, "I.. didn't mean too.. I.. didn't."

He breathed out harshly, and Jay only just caught him before he slipped - "Fuck.." Steve breathed out shakily and he said tearfully, "I.. don't know what to do anymore, can't.. I can't.." He was struggling to breath, and Jay said, "Hey.. get it together, you can't do this shit - you'll hurt yourself.."

Steve just said hoarsely, "I.. don't wanna be here anymore - I.. he I hurt him again I said I wouldn't.. I said I wouldn't.." Steve was falling apart, and Jay pulled him in close - "It's okay, Steve - it's okay just breathe."

Steve said hoarsely, "No.. no it isn't.. I don't even like you.."

"Yeah well I don't like you either, but.. do you see anyone else helping you right now." Jay asked - shaking his head, and Steve said softly, "I.. feel like shit.."

Jay nodded, his voice soft, "I know you do.. it's okay though, I mean you need to lay off the booze - get some sleep, I'll clean up while you do that."

Steve rest his head against his shoulder and Jay placed his hand against the back of Steve's neck. "Is.. he okay?" Steve asked, and Jay said - "Well he's not spoken to me since it happened, so no.. I don't think he is."

"Fuck.." Steve's voice was hoarse, and then he just started crying again.

"You wanna get out? Most of you is clean." Jay asked - and Steve just breathed out harshly - Jay muttered, "C'mon. Steve." He helped Steve get out again, and Steve mumbled against his face as he pressed in closer - "..I.. didn't mean to."

Jay said quietly, "I know, but you did - and you fucked up. But forget about that right now - you need to go sleep this off." Steve muttered, "..I .. can't."

"Yeah you can." Jay sighed - and he pulled Steve out of the shower and turned it off - "Where do you sleep?"

Steve muttered, "I don't sleep.."

Jay growled, "Where don't you sleep."

Steve muttered, "Upstairs.."

Jay sighed, "Where - I need to go get you something to change into.."

Steve just muttered, "I don't need anything. "

Jay said "You're just going to stay in wet jeans?."

Steve pulled back and then he just undid his jeans and took them off - "I'll just sleep naked."

"Jesus." Jay growled out, "I don't need to see your naked junk."

Steve kicked his pants away - and he was swaying again - holding onto the wall. Steve muttered something under his breath, and Jay said, "I'll get you some pants. "

Steve swayed and then he was suddenly in Jay's face, "You.. do I.. what?' Jay sighed and he murmured, "What are you even talking about - nonsense." he grabbed a towel and put it around Steve, who was breathing out and then he muttered, "You smell like him.'

"Steve.. shut the fuck up." Jay muttered, he pushed him away - gently so he didn't fall over and then Jay sighed, "You might not need new pants but I do."

He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist, undoing his jeans he shimmied his hips out of them and then he sighed, Steve was just sitting there staring at the floor. But then he got up, and he mumbled "Ok.. we can get some.." Jay nodded, "Alright.." Steve led him out of the bathroom, and it took him a while - but Steve got up the stairs. Jay following him.

Once they were in Steve's bedroom though, Steve just sat on his bed - head down and he wasn't moving again. "Steve.." Jay mumbled his name, and Steve just said, "You can just leave.. You don't need to do this shit.. I'll be fine."

Jay let out a soft little hum, and Steve said hoarsely, "Just.. fucking go Jay. Go and make sure he's okay." He lifted his head.

Jay said softly - "...You're lying to me right now, I leave and you're going to do something stupid.. you've sobered up enough, and you're going to .. do something fucking dumb. I can't now..."

Steve exhaled shakily, and he said hoarsely - "I'm not your fucking problem.. so just fucking go."

Jay raked his fingers through his hair, and Steve breathed out shakily and then he said quietly, "I shouldn't be here."

Jay growled back, "You say you don't want to hurt him, that isn't not hurting him." Steve said tearfully, "I.. can't.. I can't fucking do this! I don't know how to do this!" He was breathing all wrong again and he said shakily - "Just fucking go.. get out!"

Jay moved in closer, and then he said softly, "Do you want to come back with me? I know.. what happened, but.. I .. I don't know, do you want to come back with me?"

Steve just breathed out harshly - and he just stared at Jay. "You're insane.." His voice coming out all rough and breathless.

"You can sleep on the sofa, you don't have to be here alone." Jay said softly, "I don't know, it has to be better than that right? I'll talk to him, ..hopefully he wont lose his shit and try an kill you in the morning.. although you probably deserve it - lets be real."

Steve breathed out shakily and then he mumbled, "You know what .. happened, you know what I said to him - I.. I'm such an asshole."

Jay sighed, and then he said, "But... he still fucking loves you, and I love him and I can't ..fuck you man okay? If you hurt yourself you hurt him... I can't let you do something stupid. Ok?"

Steve muttered softly, ".. I don't know why you're not.. kicking my ass." Jay said - "For the same reason, the exact same reason. I came here to hurt you - but.. that would just be hurting him, and I can't. But.. the moment that it changes, if he changes his .. mind, all bets are off, and I will fuck you up." Steve breathed out softly and he nodded.

"Okay - we need fucking pants asshole." Jay growled softly. Steve got up and he pulled two pairs of pants out - "They should fit." He was blushing and then tugging on his and Jay just watched him quietly, but then he tugged on the pants, they did fit although they were a bit loose.

Steve was swaying again - and Jay sighed, pushing him so he was sitting back down.

"...You can have a proper shower when you're not at risk of fucking falling over." Jay murmured, shaking his head. "I'll get you some clothes for tomorrow."

"Why are you.. being nice.." Steve asked, his voice was shaky - and he sounded like he was going to cry again.

"Dustin. He's the one and only reason." Jay's voice cracked - "You are a bastard. I don't like you and I'd happily fucking end you right now. You miserable sack of shit."

When Steve looked at him - Jay growled, "Don't fucking look at me with those wounded eyes I'll fucking cut them out your damn skull." Steve breathed out all shakily. "..You even pissed your pants, and you said you aren't an alcoholic? Jesus Harrington.."

Steve said tearfully, "Fuck off.. I.. not.. M'not." Jay said softly, "I think you fucking are. You're a nasty fucking drunk."

Jay shoved some more of Steve's clothes into a bag - and Steve said hoarsely "I.. it never used to be this bad.." Jay looked at Steve over his shoulder. He was staring up at the ceiling - and he was clawing at his chest. Jay dropped the bag on the floor and then he stepped in closer. "Are you okay?" He asked softly.

"Hurts.. to breathe." Steve managed to get out - and Jay sighed softly. He knelt down and then brought Steve in closer - "It's because you're so worked up you're going to have a fucking heart attack at this rate." He rest their foreheads together, and let out one of his soft little hums - his hand on the back of Steve's neck.

"Close your eyes and just breathe." Steve let out a shaky exhale - but he closed his eyes.

"You seem to have panic attacks a lot." Jay said quietly.

"Yeah.. fuck's sake." Steve's voice was rough - and he was taking sharp gasps of air - Jay slid his hand up into Steve's hair and gave it a little tug. "Focus.." He let out another hum and breathed out "Follow my breath, and just try to relax."

Steve held onto Jay's arms - and he exhaled shakily, "..Trying.." He said - "It's.. I..." He opened his eyes and just stared at Jay - who muttered softly, "It's what?" Steve breathed out slower - and Jay said, "See.. that's all you gotta do, just.. nice and easy - just focus and you'll be okay pretty boy." The name slipped out - and Jay could feel how Steve's breath actually hitched - before he exhaled.

Steve's blushed deepened and then he let go of Jay's arms, his voice raspy soft - "I'm.. okay now."

"Good?." Jay nodded, and Steve nodded - scratching his neck, looking down at him - "Yeah I'm good." Jay stood up, raking his fingers through his hair - "Okay.. then lets go hmm?" Jay asked.

Steve breathed out softly, "Yeah, ..uh.. are you sure this is a good idea?" He tried to clear his throat, and Jay actually smirked - "You're scared."

"No.. I'm not." Steve's voice soft, but he added - "Okay maybe a little."

Jay threw Steve the bag he'd put the clothes into. "Look.. we'll figure that out in the morning okay. Just you aren't really in the right state of mind to be on your own - If I left you here, that would be an asshole thing to do. Even if I don't like you and do think you're a dick."

Steve murmured, "Okay." Jay just looked at him - and then he looked around the room finding Steve's shoes - "Here.." Steve grabbed some socks and pulled them, then his shoes on - just sitting there again. Jay kicked his boot against Steve's shoe, "Come on.."

Steve mumbled, "Okay.." Jay looked over his shoulder as they made their way back downstairs. They got into the truck and Jay threw Steve's bag into the backseat. "..Why'd you hit the bottle so heavy?' Jay asked, his voice soft - and he lit a cigarette, taking a drag and Steve just looked at him - letting out a shaky exhale, before he took the cigarette and took a drag - then he handed it back.

"No.. reason." He averted his gaze though and Jay hummed softly.

"You're lying." He said simply and took another drag - he held it out to Steve again, who took it - Steve's shaky exhale before the took a drag made Jay realize that he was struggling to keep it together. "I.. don't wanna talk about it.. I'm tired." He looked out the window instead and Jay murmured, "Alright.."

He drove them back to the trailer park - and pulled up outside. There were no lights on, so Jay figured Dustin must be asleep. "Don't make too much noise." He sighed softly and then climbed out - waiting till Steve was out of the truck before he led him inside. "You fixed the door?" Steve asked.

"No.. Sunshine fixed the door." He said, unlocking it and then going inside - Steve was curling an arm around himself but he followed Jay inside. "Oh..." Steve said softly.

When they both got inside, Jay threw the keys in the bowl and Steve curled his arm a little tighter around himself. The place was tidy - not a sign of the place being trashed. Jay side-eyed Steve, who was looking around like he expected Dustin to suddenly jump out of the shadows.

"Do you want a coffee?" He asked, and Steve said hoarsely, "Uh.. yeah, yeah okay." Jay nodded and then he muttered, "Go and sit down."

Steve went into the living room - noticing that there was a couple more chairs, a new coffee table. A few more touches that he knew were Dustin - tears burned his eyes and he closed them tight. There were a lot of books - books that he knew were Dustin's too, Steve felt like throwing up again.

"...I'll just stick your bag here." Jay said - looking at Steve, who was looking a little pale. "Are you going to be sick again pretty boy?"

"No." Steve's voice was barely audible - and Jay sighed, he went and got a bucket - bringing it back, he set it down. "Just in case - I don't want you exorcist puking in here.. fucking hell." Jay went back into the kitchen, and he came back with two cups of coffee - "Not use how you take it, that's black with two - but I can get you creamer or milk?" Steve shook his head, "Nah.. that's good." Jay sat in the chair opposite Steve - kicking off his boots, he put his feet up on the ottoman.

Steve just stared at his black and white striped socks. "...You drink it the same way I do - hah.. Sunshine has a butt load of creamer." Steve said with a soft snort, "That's not even real coffee.." Jay smirked, "It's mostly just cream and sugar.." They both laughed and Steve rubbed his eyes, "I do like hot chocolate though, Mama C makes a pretty good one.."

Jay murmured into his cup, "Yeah? Yeah... he likes it too - I'm not really a fan of it.. I hate the marshmallows.." Steve looked at him - "The marshmallows and cinnamon is the best part, you heathen." Jay smirked and Steve huffed, "Loser, who doesn't have marshmallows." They both went quiet and then Jay said, "...So, did you get upset because you heard from Claudia that Dustin's living here with me?"

Steve kept his eyes on his cup, and Jay knew he was right. He hummed softly, and Steve growled at him - "You're such a sanctimonious asshole, you don't have to fucking rub my face in it.." Tears welled up in Steve's eyes, and Jay said, "I didn't say anything else - I just asked if that was the reason you were drowning in the bottom of a bottle."

Steve just buried his head in his hands and said nothing. "You.. can talk to me you know." Jay said, before the fished out a cigarette and lit it - he took a drag and added, "Maybe talking to someone might help you.. you know? And no I'm not talking about any of this shit .. with you and Dustin. I'm just talking about actually you having someone to talk to."

Steve just let out a harsh breath, and he wiped his face - "I don't wanna talk, and especially not to you." He finally growled at him.

"Okay, suit yourself.." Jay said with a shrug, "Just sometimes it helps to get shit off your chest."

Steve muttered, "I don't like you, why the fuck would I want to talk to you - about my fucking feelings."

"Well because sometimes its easier to talk to someone that you either don't know, or you don't like - than to someone that you do. I've been in your position yeah? I've been where you are. Fucked up and lost and broken and not because of someone else - just because of me being that way. I was fucking messed up, my parents were strict and overbearing - my father beat the living shit out of me because I was queer and they even tried to send me to a conversion therapy camp - aka turn me straight, or torture the demons out. None of it ever worked. I was so fucking lost - that I thought I was evil I was sick. I was wrong. My Mother didn't give a fuck about me - she let him do whatever he wanted."

Steve just stared at him quietly, and Jay said softly - "I know what it feels like to feel unloved and alone Steve. I know what it feels like to stand in a room full of people and nobody fucking sees you. SO you put on a show and you become the Big Man. I used to be that way too. I was everything I'm not now. Once the party guy - the big time guy wore off? I went the other way, I went so fucking dark that I couldn't get myself out of the damn hole I dug. And then I was in another hell altogether. I was sucked into a world where I was raped, used - mentally fucking abused and broken and I went crazy. I ended up using Heroin so much that I'd wake up in places and I didn't know how I got there."

Jay's hands were shaking, and he had tears falling by that stage and Steve was just staring at him - wiping at his face.

"There was this bunch of .. kids well some of us were kids - we'd get high in this church... but they were all into really fucking dark shit. They weren't into God, if you catch my drift - I tried to fucking kill myself, slit my wrists, but that was after I burned down my ex's house with him in it. I got picked up by the cops, thrown in the nuthouse first. My parents disowned me - I got done for arson, assault and fucking ritual abuse to animals.. cutting out rabbits hearts is frowned upon." Jay snorted.

"Jesus." Steve whispered, and he stole Jay's cigarette again.

Jay raked his fingers through his hair, and said shakily - "Then I got juvi, thrown in - and there was no easing off the H slowly - it was cut off instantly. Back then I'd shoot up multiple times a day.. so.. coming off - it was fucking hell - I would scream for hours for someone to kill me. The pain never stopped - and you know, nobody did kill me." Jay closed his eyes. "It happened about four times before I finally got off it. Every time was worse than the previous time."

Jay picked up his coffee and took a sip, and Steve did the same thing - but then Jay added, "But then trying to live with all the bullshit in my head - clean? I.. yeah it was even worse than before I ever got into anything. It was just chaos in my head all the time. Like the fucking door had been ripped open and it couldn't be shut. I realized that it had always been open, was just the drugs and booze and ever other fucking thing I did that kept it shut."

"I... I've been the opposite, I mean.." Steve said shakily, "I never really had anyone, my parents have never given a shit - they've never been around much most of my life. I've just always been on my own. I don't know how to really get close to anyone, to let them in because I just.. I don't trust anyone." Steve's voice was shaky, too soft - scared. "I don't even remember my parents ever hugging me, they've never said they love me. It's like I don't exist. They're just not there. And so its always just been me on my own - then during high school, I don't know I was good at sport - you know, like everything just came easy and people seemed to like me for some stupid fucking reason. But it was just the fake bullshit Steve. I would get drunk and I'd feel confident enough. And even if someone didn't like me I didn't care.."

Jay said softly, "Cos you were drunk and you'd just become an asshole."

Steve nodded, "Yeah and.. I mean girls liked me - which again is bullshit. I've only ever slept with Nancy." Jay was actually surprised by that.

"So you've never fucked anyone else?" Steve blushed and then he muttered, "Only.."

Jay smirked and said softly, "Right.. I meant girls."

"Yeah.. right, uh no.. no other girls.. just messed around but.. didn't really like it all that much." Steve muttered into his cup - before he gulped down more coffee.

Jay just watched Steve quietly, "So... not really a lady killer." Steve snorted and muttered, "Not at all - Just ask Bobbin, she'd have better luck with the ladies than me."

Jay laughed softly, and Steve had a small smile on his face.

"So.. keep talking pretty boy, get the shit off your chest." Jay said, as he curled his legs up underneath him instead. "You're doing good."

"I... told you about when Dustin and I first hung out - when I helped him find Dart." Steve murmured, "We just spent so much time together, and he was such a little shit - but, I really cared about him. I felt like he needed me. I felt good - he made me happy, and I was sure that I made him feel that way too. It was the first time I ever felt connected to anyone, which scared the crap out of me." Steve curled his arms around himself, his eyes were shut tight - like he could only say what he was saying if he had them shut.

"He was just, so.. I .. I felt so much, and it felt good - but it also felt really fucking wrong. I felt wrong, so.. I tried to bury it." Steve whispered, "I fucking loved him I wanted him even then." Jay said softly, "And he didn't know, and you didn't know - but he felt the same way about you."

Steve breathed out harshly, tears had slid down his face - "We got stuck in this fucking elevator in the Star court mall - fucking Russians.." Steve muttered, "I was opening this box, we didn't know what was inside and I told him to get back - and he said all panicked, No Steve - If you die, I die.." Steve started crying again, and he curled his arms around himself. "Why, why would he even want to fucking die for me.. I'm a worthless piece of shit.. I'm not worth dying for."

Jay let out a soft exhale, "Would you die for him?" He asked softly.

Steve whispered tearfully - "Of course I fucking would. But...its too late now. It's too late.. just I don't wanna talk anymore. I'll leave before he wakes up.. I.. please.." Jay sat there quietly, and Steve curled up on his side. Jay knew, that Steve had hit the bottle because he'd found out the truth - that Dustin was living with him. That Dustin had chosen Jay over him - and it sent him spiraling. And instead of feeling satisfied - Jay just felt sorry for him.

And he also felt bad that it had resulted in Dustin getting hurt again in the process too. Jay got up and he took the empty mugs into the kitchen, he rinsed them out and sighed softly. Then he went back into the living room - Steve had fallen asleep, but Jay tugged his shoes off and put them in the corner where Dustin's boots were, then he put his boots there too and looked at Steve - who let out a soft snort.

"Asshole." He said softly, tugging the blanket off the back of the sofa. Jay draped it over Steve and he gently pushed his hair out of his face. Then he pulled his hand back and frowned, making a face at himself. Jay shook his head and then flicked the lights off - making sure the door was locked before he headed into the bedroom. Jay shut the door - looking at Dustin who was asleep - curled up with one of Jay's pillows - the swelling of his eye had gone down, but it was pretty black.

Jay tugged off Steve's pants and then climbed into bed, Dustin was only wearing one of Jay's t-shirts, and when Jay curled in close, Dustin made a soft little noise and pushed one of his legs through Jay's. Jay just smiled, and then curled his body around Dustin's, nuzzling his face in against his neck. He only hoped he would wake up before him - so he could tell him why Steve was on their sofa - unless Steve did what he said, and left first.

Chapter Text

Dustin breathed out softly, feeling Jay's warmth all around him - he was drooling into the pillow - that he thought was Jay at first. "Shit." He whispered, blearily looking at Jay - but then it was the pillow. "Oh." He muttered, his head hurt - his face hurt. He wiped at his mouth, realizing that Jay was all curled around him, and he thought about just laying back down - and going back to sleep. But he had to piss - and he also needed to maybe take something to ease the pain in his head.

"Fuck.." He mumbled softly, Jay didn't stir as he slowly slid out of the bed - and Dustin gently slipped the pillow in his place. Jay made a sleepy noise and then cuddled it fiercely. Dustin resisted the urge to giggle - but he did stroke his fingers through Jay's silky soft hair. "My sweet fairy." He whispered, and then kissed him feather soft.

"Bursting to pee." He whispered to himself as he slipped out of the bedroom, gently shutting the door - because he wanted Jay to be able to get some more sleep. He didn't notice anything unusual - and Dustin hadn't bothered to pull pants on so he was still only wearing Jay's over size t-shirt. It went down past his knees, It was miles to big on Jay too - Dustin wasn't even sure why he actually had it. But he'd claimed it for himself, and it was comfortable.

Dustin did pull on a hoodie though - not sure where he'd got that from either. "Do any of these clothes belong to me?" He muttered, it looked vaguely familiar - but he couldn't place it. "Hmm soft." He mumbled, and pulled the hood up. He went into the bathroom and did a piss - "Bless'ed relief.. sweet Lordy." He was still talking to himself as he washed his hands - going back through the living room.

Dustin picked up his smokes - and he pulled one out - placing it between his lips, he let it hang there and went into the kitchen. He made coffee, shivering a little - he exhaled slowly and then looked in the sink, seeing two coffee cups. He frowned because they hadn't been there last night - then Dustin felt it, felt someone watching him and he breathed out softly. Dustin didn't have to look to know it was Steve.

Why is he here? He actually started shaking, and it was fear - Dustin didn't move, he just stayed where he was - hands shaking, and he waited for the coffee to finish - it seemed to take forever. Dustin knew that Steve was awake - but what was he doing?

The coffee was finally ready, and Dustin took his mug out and poured coffee into it - then added sugar, a lot of it - he kept his head down as he opened the fridge and took out the creamer, his hair hiding his face. And the entire time, his heart was hammering inside his chest - Dustin didn't want to look at Steve, he didn't want to talk to him - he just wanted to get his coffee and leave the room.

Dustin had spent the night before, alone - and thinking. And after Jay had left - he'd realized that Steve had found out somehow, that Dustin had moved in with Jay. It had to have been from his Mom. That it had sent him off the rails again - and he'd turned on Dustin. Again.

It wasn't just the fact that Steve had called him a whore, attacked him by calling him names again. He had pulled him away from Blake like he'd been doing something wrong when he'd just been talking to him, and yes - okay so he might have been winding him up a little, but he didn't think Steve would literally attack him like that. Because Steve had left bruises on his wrist too, yanking him like he was just some toy he could abuse.

Treating you like his slut. Tears welled up in his eyes and Dustin breathed out shakily. He didn't want to go back into the living room - he didn't even want to have to go through there to go back into the bedroom. Dustin had been going to tell Steve - that he was going to move in with Jay, his mother just beat him too it.

And Steve had just turned on him anyway - he didn't even give him a chance to tell him. Dustin knew that Jay must have gone to confront Steve last night - but why had he brought him back here? He wished he hadn't. Dustin felt sick, he didn't feel safe - and that scared him even more.

He breathed out shakily, and left his coffee on the bench - he left the cigarette and his lighter there too, knowing he had seen Jay's jeans in the bathroom - he wanted to go and get them, he didn't care if they were dirty - they'd be okay for now, least he'd have pants on. So Dustin breathed out slowly, If he tries anything - just fucking hit him.

Dustin moved through the living room, and Steve said shakily, "Dustin.."

He ignored him, and went for the bathroom - but Steve was up, following him. "Baby boy.." His voice sounded like it was full of grit. and Dustin breathed out sharply - his eyes meeting Steve's before he shut the bathroom door on him. His eyes full of fear.

"Shit.." Steve whispered shakily, tears welling up. "Dustin.. Baby.. please.." He said soft and shaky. "Please.."

Dustin was leaning up against the door on the other side - and he closed his eyes tightly, breathing harshly - he saw the jeans, and grabbed them out of the dirty hamper. Jay had forgotten to take his knife out of his belt. Dustin took it out of its sheath - and he breathed out slowly, he held it and stroked his finger over the edge, letting out a hiss as it cut him. Dustin licked the blood from his finger - and then he opened the door.

Eyes dark as he looked at Steve, "Get away from me." Dustin's voice was quiet - ice cold, and it didn't show the fact that inside he was terrified. He held the knife tightly and when Steve tried to move closer he held it up and hissed, "You get back.." Steve's eyes didn't leave Dustin's - even though he saw the knife.

"Please.. I'm sorry.." He said softly, and Dustin said, "I'll fucking cut you.." Steve said softly, "I.. I'm so sorry Baby, I didn't mean to - I swear it.."

He reached out and Dustin swiped him with the knife - "Jesus.. what the fuck Dustin?" Steve moved back - his arm had a gash on it.

Dustin had tears in his eyes, but his voice was still too quiet. "Stay the fuck away from me.. I'm not a whore.. I'm not a slut.." He breathed out shakily the fear was obvious in his eyes, "I don't want you to touch me, get away from me.."

Steve said hoarsely, "I know you're not.. I .. I didn't mean it.."

"Yes you did. You said it - you meant it. You still treated me like I was your whore. Couldn't wait to tell everyone that I was just your hole to put your cock in." Tears blurred his vision and Dustin said in his too quiet voice. "You won't touch me ever again."

Steve whispered tearfully, "You.. don't mean that.. I know you don't." He reached out again and Dustin slammed Steve up against the wall, gripping his throat - he raised the knife and then held it at his throat - and Steve breathed out against his face.

"I'll slit your fucking throat - right now.." Dustin's voice was now ice cold - deadly - the fear was gone and he hissed - "You think you can just keep treating me like I don't fucking matter? I am not your fucking toy, I'm not yours to break - not yours or anyone's to fucking break."

"You fucking moved in with him... and you didn't even fucking tell me!" Steve growled back, and Dustin's eyes darkened. "I didn't even have a chance! We had only just decided it - and that shouldn't have made a difference, that's not an excuse for you to treat me like shit! I was going to tell you, but you just decided to do what you always do - and turn on me. Well you're not going to again.. We're fucking done.. do you hear me? This.." Dustin waved the knife between them. "Is fucking done."

Steve breathed out harshly and he whispered, "You don't mean that." Steve tried to reach out again.

Dustin snarled and he snapped, hitting Steve's arm without even looking - more of a reflex, he smacked it against the wall and pinned Steve's throat again - holding the knife tight in his hand, the arm that was bruised. "Did.. I do that?" Steve was breathing harshly, "Dustin?"

"Who cares it doesn't hurt." He hissed, and stepped back - Steve rubbed at his throat, "I'm sorry." Steve said hoarsely, "I.. love you, I'm sorry I'm so fucked up."

Dustin just stared at him, and then he said icily. "I don't care anymore. Tell someone that cares."

His hands were shaking though, and Dustin stepped back - "If you try any of your bullshit with Jay, I'll fucking kill you. You don't touch him, you stay away from him. You stay away from Me. Or I swear I will tear you apart." Steve closed his eyes tightly, "I'm done." Dustin turned around and he picked up his coffee and the cigarette he'd left on the bench. He lit it and took a drag - and then he sat down in the chair, putting the cushion in his lap.

Steve's arm was bleeding, it wasn't too deep - but it was still bleeding. He sat down - and then said hoarsely, "I don't know where Jay put my shoes.."

Dustin growled, "Well I guess you'll have to fucking wait till he wakes up so you can ask him then, or walk home with bare feet.. either way.. I don't care asshole."

Steve felt sick, and Dustin just took another drag on his smoke - "You're pathetic." Dustin snorted, "Get it together Steven."

"Stop it.." Steve whispered, and Dustin sneered, "Stop it? Fuck you.. you can dish it out - but you can't take it? Did I call you a whore? a slut? Fuck you - you can go fuck yourself."

Dustin sipped his coffee, and then took another drag on his cigarette - and Steve said, "I love you." Dustin just stared at him, "Stop talking bullshit. You don't."

"I do. I do love you." Steve said softly.

"Well I don't believe you anymore." Dustin said softly. "You just wanted to keep me your dirty little secret whore. That's what you love. Nice little whore that you could fuck and control and you're not doing that anymore. I'm not falling for your lies anymore, you hear me you prick! FUCK YOU!" He yelled the last part and held the knife tighter. "I'll cut your heart out and eat it." He hissed, and Steve just stared at him - and Jay had come out of the bedroom - staring at Steve - and then at Jay, "Is.. everything okay?" His voice was husky from sleep.

"Everything is fine my sweet Fairy.." Dustin looked at him from under his lashes, like he hadn't just been yelling at Steve and threatening to cut his heart out and eat it.

Jay looked at Steve - who looked freaked out, and "Are you sure? I heard you yelling."

Dustin sipped his coffee, and he smiled - but it didn't meet his eyes. "Oh we were just talking, weren't we Steven." Jay could tell by the edge in Dustin's voice that things were most definitely not okay. "You want some coffee Steve?" Jay asked, and Steve just gave him a nod.

"Oh.. how rude of me, I should have asked you if you wanted some." Dustin clinked the knife against his mug - and Jay realized that he had it and hadn't seen it before. "My sunshine, whatchu doing with that Baby?" Dustin tilted his head, looking at Jay - "Nothing?" He looked so innocent - "Just keeping myself safe... from him.."

Steve breathed out sharply, and he said hoarsely, "I.. uh where did you put my shoes.. I should go."

Dustin got up out of his chair, and Jay watched him go into the kitchen - "What the fuck happened." He hissed at Steve, and Steve said quietly - "I.. it doesn't matter, I need to leave."

Jay grabbed Steve's arm - "He do this?" Steve shrugged, "I.. it doesn't matter." Dustin came back into the room - "Aww.. are you bonding?" He stepped in closer, to Steve and then snarled, "Or are you trying to steal him off me again.. and you call me a whore.. you bitch!"

"No! I'm not...doing anything with him." Steve stammered - and Dustin slammed Steve down into the sofa - knife against his throat again. "Liar.." He hissed, "I saw you.. I've seen you.. blushing when he talks to you.. you want him.. you're trying to take him from me.."

Jay said with a growl, "Baby, Sunshine - nothing is going on.. give me the damn knife."

Dustin glared at Jay - "Don't you even start with me.. You went to him last night.. you went to him and brought him back here.. again!"

Steve reached up, and he stroked his fingers against Dustin's face, "Nothing is going on.. with me and Jay.." Dustin let out a pained whimper, and hissed, "No.. don't you touch me.." He breathed out shakily - and Jay said softly, "Baby.. he didn't mean to hit you - it was an accident."

Dustin held the knife to his own throat, and Steve said shakily, "Don't.. don't do that.." Dustin sobbed and he whispered, "I hate you.. I hate you.. why...do you do this... why!"

He pressed the blade in just a little - and Steve growled, "No.. stop it.." He grabbed hold of Dustin's hair and he whispered against his mouth, "Do it to me, cut me I don't care.. fucking cut me.." Dustin whimpered against his mouth, and he whispered tearfully - "I'm not a whore.. I'm not.. I'm not.."

Jay moved in closer, and he said softly - "Give me the knife Baby.."

Steve breathed out and whispered, "I know you're not, I'm a monster - I'm a jealous, possessive monster and I hate it - I say stupid shit because I can't stand anyone touching you.." Steve curled his hand around the knife, and he kissed Dustin softly, "Give it to me.." He whispered.

It was like waiting for a shoe to drop - the tension too heavy, Jay could feel his heart pounding in his chest - and Steve murmured husky soft, "Don't hurt yourself.. give it to me.."

Dustin whimpered, "No.." Steve licked against Dustin's mouth, and Dustin's grip on the knife loosened, Steve took it and he handed it to Jay - kissing Dustin slowly, distracting him - "I hate you." Dustin whimpered, but then he was kissing Steve back.

Steve knew he shouldn't be, but he stroked his tongue into Dustin's mouth - deepening the kiss, because if it was the last time - he was going to make it last. Dustin had pressed closer, and Steve tangled his fingers into Dustin's hair - Jay let out a soft cough, and Dustin pulled back - looking at Steve from under his lashes, and then he whimpered softly - biting down on his fingers, and he looked at Jay, all eyes and lashes and Steve was so hard he could barely breath.

"Fuck.." Jay let out a soft growl, "You're very naughty.."

Jay moved in closer, and then he kissed Dustin - it was hungry and possessive, and Dustin moaned, it made Steve curl his fingers against Dustin's hips - and Dustin whimpered against Jay's mouth, Jay breathed out slightly heavier, and then he growled, "Give him another kiss.." Dustin whimpered, and then he looked at Steve - and Steve gripped his chin, and then kissed him - just as hungry, and it was him this time that moaned, Dustin was shaking - trembling as he pressed in closer. Steve remembered what Dustin had told him, about wanting them both - and he kissed Dustin till he left him breathless, both of them letting out shaky breaths, Dustin stared at Steve, and Jay murmured against Dustin's ear - "...Are you still mad at him?"

Dustin tilted his head, looking up at Jay - and Jay murmured, "Hmm?"

Steve just watched them - and he couldn't help but think how beautiful they were together. Dustin seemed to calm instantly with Jay - it was like Steve stirred the storm, and Jay calmed it. "No.." Dustin said softly, his voice breathless. "So you're not going to try and stab him?" Jay smirked, amused and Steve watched as Jay stroked his fingers against Dustin's throat - and Dustin's eyes fluttered closed. "No.. more stabbing.." He whispered, and Jay said softly, "So.. breakfast?"

Dustin nodded, and Jay murmured, "Good." He kissed Dustin slowly this time, and Dustin curled his fingers into Jay's hair - Jay pulled back - his fingers ghosting over Dustin's face, "I remember this face.." Steve smiled and Dustin whispered, "I love you.." Jay's eyes met Steve's but then he looked back down at Dustin, "I Love you too my prince.."

Dustin looked at Steve, and his eyes were their usual stormy blue. He looked almost tired - and he seemed much calmer. "...Steve needs a proper shower." Jay smirked, "So I'll get breakfast sorted, Steve's gonna go have a shower, and then we'll all eat?" Steve breathed out softly, and Jay muttered, "I need a shower too.. fucker.."

Steve felt the heat in his face and Dustin said softly, "I should put pants on.." Jay licked his lips, and he looked at Steve again, but he didn't say anything - and Steve leaned in and just breathed in Dustin's smell. He couldn't help himself. "I'm sorry Baby." He whispered.

"Steve.." Jay growled softly, "Don't..." He suddenly scooped Dustin up out of his lap, and murmured, "C'mere Baby..." Dustin curled his legs around Jay's waist and he whispered, "I.. like your knife.." Jay laughed, "Do you?

"Uhuh.. hmm I wanted to cut his heart out.. and eat it.." Steve's heart actually thumped against his chest - because Dustin was still thinking about it? Why do you think its so hot. You're just as nuts as he is.

"..You're a little crazy this morning huh Beautiful." Jay laughed softly, and Dustin said softly, "It's his fault though.. He pissed me off.." Dustin looked at Steve and whispered, "I could bite him.." Steve felt his cock twitch and Jay smirked, "I think.. he'd let you too.." Steve looked at Jay, and Jay said "Wouldn't you pretty boy.." Dustin nipped Jay's throat and he moaned, "I could eat Steve for breakfast.." Jay smirked and said against his ear, ".. You're being very naughty.."

"You like it when I'm naughty.." Jay's eyes closed and Steve felt his breath hitch as Dustin said softly, "You.. could fuck me, while I eat him up.. " Jay breathed out heavier and he was looking at Steve again, "Steve you should go and have your shower now?" His voice was all husky, and Steve nodded - "Yeah.. uh okay.." Dustin looked at Steve and he moaned softly against Jay's ear, "We could all play together.." Jay growled softly, "Baby..."

Steve picked up his back that was next to the couch and he went into the bathroom, he turned the shower on - and he could hear Dustin whimpering as Jay growled softly - "The hell you doing baby.." Dustin moaned, "..Nothin.." Steve cupped his cock through his pants, and he let his eyes close - "Please.." Dustin whimpered, and Jay growled. And Steve stripped off and got into the shower - He could hear them - Dustin whimpered, and then soft moans and little breathy grunts - and then louder moans, and Steve knew what they were doing - and it was the hottest thing he'd ever listened too.

He jerked off, resting one hand against the shower wall - and he grunted softly, hearing Dustin plead for more - he knew what he looked like when he did it - and he moaned huskily, "Fuck.. fuck.." Steve came just as hard, as he did when he was coming inside Dustin. He breathed out heavy and let the water wash it way. Then he finished showering, getting cleaned up. He could still hear them, Dustin was crying out - and Jay was too, and Steve breathed out slowly - wondering what they actually looked like, I want to see. I want to watch them. Fuck.

Steve felt good once he'd finished his shower. Clean and fresh - he had a bit of stubble, but at least he was clean. Even if you are dirty for getting off listening to them fuck.

He waited a little while, and then he came out of the bathroom - Dustin wasn't in the living room - and Jay was in the kitchen, cooking something that smelt really good - Jay's eyes met his and he growled softly, "All clean? Or are you still fucking dirty.." Steve's stomach clenched up and he could feel the heat in his cheeks. "Uh.. yeah clean." He said softly and Jay smirked. "Good.. If you want to shave, I can give you a new razor." Steve shrugged, "It's okay.. I can do that later."

Jay hummed softly, and then he handed Steve a cup of coffee - "Whatever." He muttered and then he went back into the kitchen. Dustin came out of the bedroom and he looked at Steve, and he stepped in closer and then whispered, "Come with me.." Steve looked over his shoulder, but Jay wasn't looking so he whispered, "Okay.." Dustin curled his fingers in Steve's loops on his jeans and gently tugged him into the bathroom, Jay saw them and he just kept cooking. "Is he going to .."

"Don't worry about him.." Dustin said, as he pushed Steve so he was sitting on the toilet - he'd closed the lid down and Steve just sat there. "..What are we doing." He asked softly, "You're keeping me company.." Dustin said, as he stripped off and Steve breathed out softly, "Oh.." Dustin got into the shower, and then he said softly - "Or you can get in with me.." Steve knew he'd just had a shower, but he wasn't going to say no. He took his jean's off, and then got in with Dustin.

"What about Jay." He muttered.

"Jay's cooking breakfast... I don't think he wants to shower with us." Dustin looked at him, an innocent look on his face. "And I don't think he wants.. to play.." He looked sad, and he whispered - "I think maybe I made him angry.." Steve breathed out slightly heavier, "Won't this make him angry?"

Dustin whispered, "I don't think so.. he saw you coming in here with me.."

Steve murmured, "Yeah.. he did.."

He curled his fingers against Dustin's face, and then he kissed him softly - "Want me to wash you hair Baby boy?" Steve gently brushed his lips over Dustin's face, "When you get all psycho, fuck its sexy - scary as hell, but sexy."

Dustin whispered, "I was going to hurt you.. I wanted to hurt you.. I was so scared when I saw you.. and yes.. you can wash my hair, I still want to hurt you..." He stared up at Steve - "I.. still want to cut you."

Steve said softly, "I...fuck, I you do?" He didn't know why that turned him on so much. Him being so dark, fucking makes me crazy. "I need to stop drinking so much, I know I become a real asshole." His voice soft.

He gently tipped Dustin's head back, the two of them staring at each other as he washed Dustin's hair - gently and taking his time, massaging his fingers and Dustin said, "That feels so nice."

Steve said softly, "Yeah? Good.." He rinsed the shampoo out and then he washed Dustin with the body wash - "This smells nice.." It was pine, but cedar like pine.

Dustin washed him with it too and he whispered, "We'll both smell like Jay." He kissed Steve softly and Steve said softly, "Are you hungry?"

Dustin said softly, "A little bit.." Steve turned the shower off once they were finished and he grabbed the towel - drying off Dustin's hair, and then Dustin dried himself off - Steve dried himself off and then got dressed again.

Dustin said softly, "Did you jerk off.. while we fucked.." Steve felt the heat in his face and Dustin smirked, "You did.. I knew you did...god.. so hot.. I wanted you to be in the room with us, I wanted you to be with me.."

Steve let out a soft moan as Dustin kissed him, hungrily and possessive and Steve murmured, "What are you doing to me.. turning me into a perve."

"It's.. not.. is it?" Dustin whispered, "..I... think about you touching me while he's inside me, I want you so bad.. and him.. I just.." He shivered and he whispered, "If it makes me a pervert, then I guess I am.. I am.. and I can't help it.. I want it.."

Steve whispered back, ".. You're making me crazy." He brushed his fingers against Dustin's mouth.

Dustin sucked on his fingers and Steve let out a soft moan, Dustin whispered, "I'll just have to imagine things in my head." He looked at Steve, "I can.. share my dirty thoughts with you.. hmmm cos you like them... don't you.." Steve breathed out heavily and Dustin murmured, "I think you do... I think you would be easier to convince.."

Steve kissed Dustin hungrily, and Dustin moaned - the bathroom door opened and Jay growled, "When you've finished sucking each others faces off? Breakfast is ready." They both watched him walk away.

Steve pulled away, and Dustin sucked on his bottom lip - Steve lowered his gaze, and Dustin slipped his hand down into Steve's pants and whispered, "Yeah.. you would.."

Steve groaned softly and he whispered, "I .. don't.. like him." Dustin smirked and then he whispered, "But you're still hard." He stroked his thumb over the head of Steve's cock and whispered breathily, "And wet.." He slid his hand back out and sucked on his thumb.

"Fuck's sake.." Steve growled and Dustin smirked, "Just a little taste.." He tugged Steve in closer and then kissed him soft and sweet. "Let's go.." Steve breathed out - and Jay handed him a plate with scrambled egg, toast and bacon.

"Thanks.." Steve said huskily and Jay muttered, "Your welcome."

Dustin was sipping coffee - and scratching his tummy - his pants low on his hips. Jay had two plates, one for himself - and one for Dustin.

Dustin just sat there - staring at his, Steve was eating his and he mumbled, "This is so good fuck I'm starving.."

Jay smirked, "Been a while since you ate pretty boy?" Steve blushed and then he slowed down, "Sorry-.." Jay shook his head, "No I didn't mean that.. just.. I was teasing, with all the drinking and you probably don't eat.." His gaze shifted to Dustin - who was just picking at his.

"You wanna try some Baby boy?" Steve asked him, and Jay just watched - Dustin was biting on his thumb, and then he just looked at Steve - and Jay took another bite - he looked at Steve, and then Dustin said softly, "Ok."

Jay wanted to do a victory dance with Steve. Steve smiled and then he patted the seat beside him and Dustin shifted, he was fidgeting - which Jay knew meant he was feeling anxious and he wasn't sure he really wanted to eat it. Steve scooped some up, and then he held it out and Dustin breathed out shakily - "I.. don't... know.." He said quietly, and Steve ate it first. Then he got some more, "It's really good, Jay makes the best scrambled eggs I think I've ever had." Jay actually gave Steve a wink and Steve grinned, Dustin said softly, "He does?"

"Mhmm.. wanna try?" Steve asked softly.

Dustin said softly, "Okay.." He ate it and then he just stared down at his lap and Steve thought it looked like he was going to cry. Jay said softly, "Sometimes its hard to eat some things."

Dustin said softly, "It.. I don't know why." Steve gently brushed his fingers against Dustin's cheek, "You want some more?" Dustin shook his head no and then he whispered, "Okay Baby boy."

Dustin got up though and he went and sat back down with Jay, and Jay crunched on a piece of toast - and Steve let out a soft little chuckle as Dustin opened his mouth and Jay smirked, feeding it to him.

Steve curled his arm around himself, and sipped his coffee. "...That toast is really good." He thought the coffee was too. "Its probably cos Jay made the bread." Dustin said, eating another bite from Jay's hand. And Steve thought it was too cute. "You're like a little baby bird."

Dustin blushed and he said softly, "I'm.. sorry I know you wanted to feed me, but.. but I like when Jay does it."

"I don't mind Baby boy, its just really - really good to see you happy and enjoying eating." Steve said softly, "If it makes you feel safe and good - then that's all that matters."

Jay kissed Dustin's forehead but he looked at Steve and said, "That's exactly right." He hummed softly and then he said, "We're gonna come an help you clean up your house Harrington." Dustin ate the entire piece of toast - and then he started eating the one off his plate too. And he looked at Jay - "Is it a mess?"

Steve said softly, "You don't need to do that." Jay looked at Dustin - "It really is.. its sad as fuck - he needs our help." He looked at Steve, "..It's fine, okay? You don't need to be all alone by yourself. And if it helps you stay out of a bottle for a night.. then.. you know."

Dustin was looking at the both of them and he kissed Jay's jaw. "I can't believe Nancy and Jon are.. not only getting married, but they're gonna have a Baby.."

"Yeah.. that's really awesome." Jay smiled down at him and he nuzzled his nose against Dustin's.

"Nance is probably freaked out." Steve muttered softly.

Dustin said softly, "Yeah she is.. we spent the night together, um.. and yeah. We talked about all kinds of stuff. I love her so much." Dustin's eyes got full of tears and he whispered, "I Don't feel good." He got up and went into the bathroom - shutting the door. And Jay whispered, "Fuck.. He's probably going to throw up."

Steve breathed out slowly, "..The food he just ate." Jay nodded and he murmured, "He does that sometimes, not all the time - but.. yeah."

As they sat there, Steve realized how hard things must be sometimes for Jay. And he said softly - "You know.. I.. I wanna say that I watch you with him, and him with you and you are good for him... You are really good for him." His voice was soft, and he fidgeted a little.

"Thanks Steve." Jay's voice was a little husky, and he murmured, "Sometimes its hard, but.. that's just the way it is sometimes."

Dustin came back out of the bathroom and he picked up their plates and took them into the kitchen and then he came back and sat down, snuggling into Jay's side. "I didn't throw up, I thought I was going too but.. I didn't." He looked relieved, and he whispered, "I'm cold."

Jay said softly, "Yeah? Want cuddles?" Dustin laughed softly, "Uhuh, all the cuddles.."

Jay nuzzled his face against his cheek and cuddled him closer, and then he looked at Steve - "I think Steve needs a cuddle too." Dustin let out a soft little giggle, and then he pretty much pulled Jay with him - "You too then." Jay groaned and Dustin smirked, and he climbed into Steve's lap, but made Jay sit right beside him.

"This is just a conspiracy." Steve muttered at Jay, and Jay laughed - "Completely."

Dustin looked at them innocently, "Nuh-uh.. lies!" Jay shook his head and Dustin smirked, "Just cuddle, its only a cuddle.. I'm not asking you to suck face.." Jay sighed softly, and Steve curled his arm around Jay's shoulders, "Just get it over with." He muttered against Jay's ear, and Jay looked at Dustin, and mumbled, "Yeah okay.." He curled his arms around Steve and cuddled him - "See that's not so bad right?" Dustin looked like the cat that got the cream. And then he curled his arms around them both. "Hmm a kiss for you." He kissed Steve feather soft, "And a kiss for you." Then he kissed Jay.

"What was the story with the pot Joyce had." Dustin asked, still curious.

Jay laughed and Steve said, "Eww that was so nasty." The filled Dustin in and he laughed, "Cat's piss? Gross.. remind me to never take Pot from her." He was watching them quietly, a little smirk on his face. "Something funny Sunshine?"

"Oh no.. just.. you're still cuddling." Jay realize he still had his arm around Steve, and Steve still had his arm around Jay's shoulders. "Oh... yeah okay." Jay pulled away and Steve looked at Dustin - who looked at him from under his lashes.

Jay stood up, stretching and then he yawned, "Why am I still tired.." Steve was looking at Jay's back - the elvish on his hips, and Dustin was watching Steve. He smirked and then he stood up, and said softly to Jay, "My poor sleepy Fairy."

Steve said, "I can always go and you guys can have some peace. I can clean up my own house." He stood up, and Jay suddenly gripped his shirt, "We already said we'd help you.."

Jay was a lot closer to Steve than Steve had originally thought, and he said - "Okay?" Dustin felt his stomach get all hot and Jay murmured, "So.. stop trying to take off then." Steve just nodded, and Dustin whispered, "He freaked you out last night, you thought he was going to ..." Jay looked down at him, "Yeah I did.. he shouldn't be on his own." His voice soft, he turned back to Steve - "You're not checking out - that's bullshit."

Steve breathed out softly, and Jay tugged him in a little closer and then murmured, "Sunshine needs you, don't you Baby.." Dustin looked up at Jay and he whispered, "You're not.. upset?"

Jay licked at his mouth, and Dustin whimpered softly - kissing him back, and then Jay murmured, "..No, I just want you to be fucking happy." He looked at Steve, "Think we can.. try and not be jealous of each other?"

"Yeah.. I'll try..." Steve's voice was soft, "If you do."

Jay growled softly, "Yeah.. that's what I'm saying asshole."

Steve nodded, "Okay then."

Dustin tugged Steve closer, and he kissed him - and Jay breathed out - they were all too close, or Steve was - and Dustin licked at his mouth, straight after kissing Steve - he could taste a new taste in Dustin's mouth, and he growled softly in his throat.

Dustin whispered breathily, "He tastes so good.. just a little taste.." Steve whispered, "Fuck's sake.."

Jay breathed out hot against Dustin's face, and he was surprised when Steve licked at his mouth - then they were kissing, and Dustin curled his finger in Jay's hair - and he moaned into Steve's mouth, he could taste that sweetness, and he chased it.

Steve breathed out heavily - his face flushed and Jay growled softly, "Yeah... okay.." He kissed Dustin again, and Dustin whimpered, and he pulled back slowly - "Holy shit.." Dustin whispered, "Watching you kiss..." He shivered visibly and Jay let out a breathless laugh.

Steve licked his lips and he was blushing again - Dustin whispered in Jay's ear, "..He's so pretty when he blushes, you know he does it all the time when you say just about anything." Jay murmured, "I've noticed." He kissed Dustin's jaw and he whispered, "You're a naughty boy."

Dustin smirked, and he whispered - "But.. its just a little taste.. a sweet delicious taste.."

Steve was shivering, Dustin was watching him and then he said softly, "Steve.."

Steve looked up at him - his eyes were sad, and Dustin pulled him in closer, nuzzling their noses together, "Why are you sad.." He said softly.

Steve whispered, "I don't know.. I'm.. just tired."

Jay reached out and then he gently pushed Steve's hair out of his face - "Then maybe we do need more sleep before we go clean up your house." Steve just breathed out soft against Dustin's face, and yet both Steve and Dustin were looking at Jay.

Dustin, said softly, "...Jay.."

Jay looked at Dustin, and then he murmured, "Come on then.." He lifted Dustin into his arms - and then he looked at Steve, "You coming?"

Dustin let out a soft little breath against his face, and Jay murmured, "Sleep.. little minx." Steve breathed out slowly, and then he said softly, "Yeah?" Jay curled his fingers into Steve's shirt.

"Yeah.." Steve nodded, "Yeah.. okay.."

The three of them went into the bedroom and Dustin climbed into the middle of the bed, Jay got in on his usual side, and Steve climbed in on Dustin's usual side. "Comfy bed.." Steve said softly.

Dustin whispered, "Even more comfy now." Jay let out a soft little chuckle, and he kissed Dustin softly, "Yeah?" He looked at Jay, and whispered, "I love you so - so much." Tears welled up in his eyes, and Jay said softly, "I love you too my sweet Baby."

His gaze shifted to Steve and then he murmured, "He's already asleep." Dustin looked at Steve and he breathed out against Jay's face, "I...I.."

Jay just kissed Dustin deep and slow, and then he murmured against his mouth - "I can't make you choose between us, that isn't right.. I.. just can't. I don't know what you know.. with me and him - not sure but.. I can't hurt you."

Dustin whispered, "Did you like kissing him?"

Jay kissed Dustin again, deeper - stroking his tongue against the roof of Dustin's mouth, leaving him breathless. Dustin whispered, "Hmmm I think so.."

"Go to sleep, my dark prince.." He said with a soft growl, and Dustin whispered, "You are so delicious." Jay smirked - "Extra seasoning huh."

They both laughed softly and Dustin whispered, "You can taste him in my mouth too, I can taste him in yours.."

Jay murmured, "Yeah.. sweet Baby, with a taste of extra spice."

Dustin whispered, "Uhuh he tastes and smells like vanilla and cinnamon - like a cinnamon cookie.."

Jay smirked, "A little lemon too - the icing."

Dustin's eyes were full of mischief. "Yummy.. I have my pretty fairy, and my cinnamon cookie.." Jay laughed softly, burying his face against Dustin's neck - "And we both have you.. what to do with you.. our little dark twisted prince.. god you're beautiful, thought you were going to cut him apart and eat him."

"I wanted too.." Dustin whispered against his ear, "I wanted to cut his heart out.. I think there's something seriously wrong with me Jay..." Jay smirked and he licked against Dustin's throat, "Your violent nature is beautiful... wild and crazy, and so is your sweet soft gentle side - all of you is.. you're so beautiful, inside and out."

Dustin lifted his head, looking at him - "..Do you really think so?" He said softly.

"I know so.. you are my beautiful light bearer... my Dark Prince.. You're so beautiful it hurts, I know you don't think you are - but.. I promise you, you are.. and I'll keep telling you, until you believe it too. my Sunshine.." He whispered.

Dustin snuggled in and he whispered, "Sweet crazy fairy."

Jay laughed softly, "You and your fairy theory."

Dustin giggled softly, "My changeling.. s'true.. too beautiful for this world with your witchy eyes and magick." He stroked his fingers over Jay's chest - then he kissed and whispered, "My heart is so happy."

Jay stroked his fingers into Dustin's hair, and he murmured, "Good, I want that my angel."

Dustin breathed out softly, and Steve snuggled into him from behind - Jay smirked, and then he whispered against Dustin's ear, "You're gonna get fucked so good, you're not going to be able to walk.." Dustin gasped and looked at him.

"...You can still can be shocked, good to know." Jay said huskily.

He was blushing, and Jay murmured, "I'm going to have so much fun.. teasing you both. So much fun."

Dustin bit his finger and sucked softly and Jay breathed out slightly heavier, "We're supposed to be going to sleep." Dustin sucked softly, and then he released Jay's finger - "We are.. you're the one that thinks I'm going to suck your pretty cock.." His voice all breathless, and Jay whispered, "You're so evil.."

Dustin looked at him from under his lashes, "Oh I know.. but you love it.."

Jay laughed softly, "I really do.." Dustin curled in close again, pulling Steve's hand up so he could kiss his fingers as he looked at Jay from under his lashes again. Jay leaned down and he kissed him hungrily, leaving Dustin breathless. "I'm going to sleep now." His voice husky soft, Dustin whispered back, "Okay my sweet fairy." He watched as Jay fell asleep, and Dustin shifted so he was laying on his back - trying to sleep, but it just wouldn't come. 

Chapter Text

Dustin just laid there quietly, he realized that there was no noise in his head, it was just still - quiet - peaceful. Dustin thought about how scared he'd been when he first saw Steve - how irrational that fear had made him feel. And then how he'd also thought that Steve wanted to take Jay from him. He breathed out softly, and shifted so he was laying on his back between them.

Dustin gently brushed his fingers through Steve's hair - had the strangest thought go through his head. What if I'm the one that doesn't fit... Maybe I don't belong together, but they do. They could be happy together if I wasn't here. Suddenly the noise in his head was back - full noise, rage building in him and making him feel angry again.

"No.." He whispered, "They're mine." They're not yours, they're going to both abandon you, you're a fool.

He tugged on his hair and then he climbed out of the bed - Dustin slipped out of the room and he lit a cigarette - pacing back and forth and then he saw Jay's knife on the table. And Dustin swiped all the stuff off the table - and he started carving - he chain smoked, and by the time he was finished - his hands hurt. Dustin stepped back, looking at what he'd just done.

There was a large strange double layered Star, surrounded by a double circle. Enochian letters between the two circles. And then he'd covered the rest of the table with the alphabet as well. The entire table was now covered - and Dustin knew that it was a Key, a Key to unlock his power. The rock he'd found in his Memory, had been a tablet - the tablet was the Ritual to unlock himself.

He breathed out softly, his head hurt a little - and he smelt copper, Dustin had blood dripping from his nose and the voice in his head whispered, Stop you shouldn't do this - it's dangerous. You don't know what you're doing. Go back to bed. Dustin snarled, "Get out of my head you sonofabitch!" He realized, that the voice was Vecna - or Henry. But He was trying to stop him and had been this entire time. He though about what El had said - that Vecna had cursed him, or attempted too. "I'm going to help kill you, you hear me?" He growled softly, "You killed Eddie - you're going to fucking burn!"

Dustin climbed onto the table - he took Jay's knife and he cut across both of his palms - then he bled onto the symbols - he laid on his back and place his arms at his sides, and then Dustin started speaking, "Gah s díu chis em micálzo pilzin sobam Micalz harg mir babálon od obloc samvelg dlugar marprg arcaósgi od Acám canal sobólzar f-bliard caosgi od chis anétab od miam ta viv od d Darsar sol-peth bien Brita od zácam g-micálzo sob-há-ath trian Lu-iá-he odecrin MAD Q-a-a-on."

{"Blessed be Thou! Leader of Armies is Thy Name, I have dominion, Depart unto your abodes and habitations. May the blessing of Micalz be upon you. Be there ever peace between us; and be ye ready to come when called., Spirits of Fire, adore your Creator!, Be ready to serve in the secret places that are borne upon the Banners of the South, OIP TEAA, Spirits of Fire, adore your Creator! In the Name of EDLPRNAA, great King of the South, Spirits of Fire, adore your Creator!, The Light is free, the Light is free - Cast into a prison - I am released!)

There was a rushing warmth - and the alphabet on Dustin's skin that had appeared while he was in his mind with El - they faded completely from his skin, and the ones that he'd carved into the table burned bright like fire. The fire actually leapt up around him, burning into his skin and taking the Seal he'd carved from the table - burning it clean away. Dustin's eyes burned with the same fire and then everything just stopped. Dustin laid there silent, quiet - not moving, and barely breathing. Then he opened his eyes, stretched - and cracked his neck, "Zir Iadpil! a micaolz gah! vgeg de lasdi, gohed." He whispered.

{I am He! Micalz The Highest Light! (Strong in the feet - the Everlasting Flames}

Dustin was still holding the knife - but the cuts on his hands were gone, he looked at them - and then he slipped off the table. The table was singed but the carvings were gone - he stroked his fingers over it and then Dustin pulled on his coat, without pulling on a shirt - he grabbed his car keys, and then went outside, slipping the knife into his belt. Dustin got into his car and he drove to the hospital - ignoring the strange looks from the nurses. He went into Max's room - he shut the door, and looked at the machines that were keeping her alive.

Dustin closed his eyes and then he growled, "You'll release her now Henry, she is not yours to keep." The machines started beeping, and Dustin's eyes closed - there was a rush of wind, that blew his hair - and Dustin's body seemed to swirl with heat, and then the flames swirled around him and he pushed it - burning it through Vecna's mind, and he screamed inside Vecna's head. You will release her! She doesn't belong to you! I will burn you're mind, and any place you are hiding, so let her go - now.

He used the frequency and amplified the fire - sending the message to El that he needed her to help, and he could feel her, even though he couldn't see her - their minds connecting and she asked him, how he was doing it - "Later." Was the only word that came from his lips. The machines speed up - and El said, "I can't its too much, too hot." Dustin blocked her out, and Henry tried to push him out too, but Dustin searched - finding Max hiding in a cave system inside Henry's mind.

She looked at him, as wild and brass as ever. "Dustin?" He just looked at her, "Max, you need to come with me - its time to leave, show me the way out." Max was just staring at him stunned, but she took his hand, and led him out through a small opening in the caves. They were standing together - inside Vecna's twisted mind scape - but looking at Max's hospital room. Where Max was in her bed - and Dustin was standing there - eyes closed, looking like he was on fire.

"The hell is happening Dustin." Max said, her eyes wide. "Go - now.." He said, and Max ran - Vecna approached him and Dustin turned around - "Who do you think you are." He asked, and Dustin just raised an eyebrow, "I am the wrath in the world - in all worlds, this one and the others and you don't get to keep her, or anyone else prisoner.. We'll be back to finish you off soon enough asshole."

He smirked and then said, "In the meantime... Have a parting gift." He pushed with his hands, and Vecna was sent flying backwards on fire - and screaming in pain. Dustin stepped out of his mind and back into his own.

Max was lying in the bed, and she looked at him - "Holy shit.. holy shit!" She screamed in excitement and Dustin said calmly, "Hi Zoomie." She was struggling a bit, and Dustin said, "Lights too bright?" He flicked his hand and they flickered and then dimmed. Max said, "What the fuck happened to you - you look like you've stepped out of a Iron Maiden video or something." He stared down at himself. No shoes, barefoot - no shirt - just his pants and black coat. He looked at her sheepishly, "..I guess?"

She said, "Hug me now you fucking shit bird!" He laughed and then dived on her and they hugged tightly. "How did you even do that." She said tearfully, "I've been stuck in his fucking mind hell for so damn long.." Dustin said softly, "So it turns out that I'm not really a normal human, I gotta ask my mom some serious questions." Max rubbed his cheek "You look like your covered in ash, or soot - maybe its both."

He rest his forehead against hers, and he said softly - "We thought I needed to build a machine to help find you... turns out I am the transistor. I'm kind of a fallen angel.. so there's that." He muttered softly and Max just said tearfully, "I don't give a fuck what you are, you're my best friend and I love you."

Dustin said softly, "You're my best girl too." She said shakily, "Holy shit did you set that bastard on fire?" They both laughed and Dustin said, "Seems I have a thing for Fire.." He held up his hand, and then flicked his fingers, some fire appearing - Max touched it and whispered, "It doesn't burn me." Dustin said, "Its because I can make it harmless - or it can literally burn the entire world down." Max said softly, "Holy shit.." They both laughed, and she looked at him - "You're different... I don't just mean this."

He laughed softly, "Yeah... a lot has changed while you've been gone. I'm out of the closet? I have a boyfriend.. I live with him.. Jay, he's amazing - and then I'm also... well kind of involved with Steve too?" He said, and Max said - "What?!! You.. What?!" She cupped his face - "And you're like rocking this bitchin look - your too fucking skinny though, where is your sweet chubby cheeks huh! Where are they! My little cherub cheeks.." He laughed and she smirked, "You better get them back or I'm gonna kick your flame wielding ass I don't even care."

The door suddenly opened and El and Lucas came rushing into the room. Lucas already had tears streaming down his face - and he just looked at Max - then he grabbed her and they were cuddling each other tightly - El looked at him. "You never needed the machine." She said in her quiet calm way.

"Nope.. I was the transistor - we can use me to help you." El hugged him tightly and she said softly, "You were magnificent, it was burning me too though." Dustin said, "We can figure out how to fix that." Max said, "I need cuddles El!" El grinned and then she dived on Max, holding her and kissing her face - the two girls whispering to each other. Lucas moved to Dustin - and then he just pulled him into a super tight hug. Dustin smiled and he hugged him back. "I... can't even, I don't even know what to say.." Lucas said softly.

"You don't have to say anything at all, I had to bring her home - I figured out that I knew what to do." He said softly. Lucas rubbed his cheek, "You look filthy man - what the hell." He said and Dustin smirked, "Oh you know... it was a bit of Booom BOOOM BOOM." Lucas laughed, and said - "You're crazy."

"Just a little bit." Dustin said with a smirk. He pushed Lucas gently, "Go give your girl a kiss for fuck's sake." Lucas laughed, ducking his head and then he sat on the bed - and Max said softly, "I knew you were here, ...I didn't need the music - if... I could have escaped but I missed out, all I needed was you.."

She had tears sliding down her face and then she said softly, "And you Shit Bird." She looked at Dustin. "How hot does he look?" El giggled, "Totally hot." Dustin flipped her off, "I love you too Red." She grinned, "I should be calling you that, Captain Flames."

"This is the best fucking day ever." Lucas said wiping his face and then grinning - and Max threw her arms around him, El smiled and then she took hold of Dustin's hand, "Lets go and replenish your battery." She said softly, taking hold of his hand.

Dustin said softly as he kissed her temple. "Sounds good."

***

They made their way down the hallway - and El looked at him, "You don't even have shoes on." She said, "Or a shirt - you didn't put clothes on."

He laughed and she put some money into the vending machine - handing him a three musketeers bar, and then getting some M&M's for herself, then she got them both a Gatorade. "Do you want to go outside so you can smoke?" She asked.

"Sure - lets do that." He replied, opening his drink, he took a gulp and then drank most of it in one go. El opened hers too and took a swig - she was very quiet, and Dustin bumped his hip against hers, "What's wrong?" His voice soft.

"Nothing at all, honestly." She said softly, but Dustin knew something was bothering her. "Elly welly woo woo." He teased her, and she laughed - "Friends don't lie." She sat down, and Dustin sat beside her - his hands shaking as he lit a smoke. "..You need your special medicine." She said softly, and he said, "Well.. yeah.." He sighed and then looked around to make sure nobody else was around, then he gave her a wink, and flicked his fingers - lighting his cigarette.

El laughed softly, "That will come in handy." He took a drag and grinned - "Yeah.. it will for a junkie with shaking hands." She gently stroked his cheek. Looking sad again and he murmured, "What's wrong?"

"I... am happy, I am so happy.." Tears welled up in her eyes and she bit her lip - "But you're in love with Lucas." Dustin said quietly.

El just stared at him in shock - and he said, "Don't worry I don't think anyone else has figured it out." She breathed out slowly, and she whispered, "We've.. become close since Max.. and I don't know what to do anymore. Because now.." Dustin took another drag on his smoke and El stole it - taking a drag and coughing, "That's disgusting." She handed it back and Dustin said softly, "Does he love you too?"

"He.. told me he does." She whispered, just staring at him and Dustin said softly - "Oh... hmm you've..." She blushed and nodded and she whispered, "But I know he loves Max, I... love Max." Dustin said, "You.. love Max like.. love Max?"

El looked at him and she said bluntly, "I want to kiss her and touch her, yes I love Max. We did that.. once when I dumped Mike's ass and she dumped Lucas.. Lots of kisses."

Dusting smirked, "You sly fox."

El laughed, wiping the tears from her face, "But she.. loves him and I don't think she loves me the same way." Her voice all shaky.

Dustin said softly, "Well just... see what happens? You just never know."

El sighed softly, snuggling into his side - and Dustin curled his arm around her - kissing her temple. "We must look very strange." She said suddenly pushing an M&M into is mouth. Dustin snickered, "Who cares... fuck em."

"Fuck em." She repeated and then sipped more of her drink. Dustin yawned, finally starting to feel tired. "Are you going to drive us home?" El asked, "You haven't given us a ride in your new car yet."

"Yeah I can definitely do that, we should all hang out tomorrow - we can operation smuggle snuggle you to the trailer.." Dustin rest his head on hers and she said, "You need to eat your candy." He said, "I'll eat it later." She gave him a dark look, "Don't argue with me, eat it now."

"Fine. Jesus." He glared back at her and she huffed, "Don't make me force feed you. I'll get Max to help me." Dustin looked at her and then he undid the wrapper and took a big bite. "That's more like it." She smirked, "Max would hurt you." He laughed, and then held it out to her - El took a bite and then she took his hand and poured M&M's into it. Dustin ate those too and she said, "I am going to go and tell them we're going to go home, I think Lu will stay with Max tonight." Dustin nodded and she said, "Okay I'll be back soon."

Once El had left, Dustin spat the M&M's out of his mouth and rinsed it out with the Gatorade, and then he threw the rest of the candy bar in the trash - he finished off the rest of his drink and then threw the bottle in the trash too. He rubbed his hand over his face and then started walking along the concrete edging along the garden. "Henderson is that you?" He narrowed his eyes, Andy the asshole douche bag - was sitting in his car, in the parking lot.

"I'm not in the mood to engage with you tonight Andrew." He said - his voice bored. Andy snorted - "What the hell are you wearing... are you stoned?" He asked.

Dustin just looked at him, "Bye!" He kept walking, and Andy got out of the car - walking along side him on the carpark side. "..Is there something you want?" Dustin looked at him.

"So, I know you know how to score pills and shit.. I want to buy some off you." Andy shrugged. Dustin snorted, "And I would do that why?" Amused as he kept walking.

"Because I would do whatever you wanted?" He said, and Dustin just looked at him - "...What could I possibly want from you?"

"Look man, I need a fix - I'll fucking suck you off." Andy shoved his hands into his pockets and Dustin just stared at him. "So you're a secret queer and you are hot for me huh?" Dustin asked, a smirk on his face, "I knew it.. that's why you can't keep your hands off me."

He laughed and Andy said, "...I'm not a faggot.. I just need something." He raked his fingers through his hair, looking on edge and Dustin just pouted, "No.. I don't think I can help you. I'm not sorry."

"Maybe I should ask your boyfriend then." Andy's voice was quiet, but Dustin paused - and then he jumped over the garden. "What did you just say?" His voice cold, the amusement gone. "I was just joking." Andy said as he backed up, "I mean.. I know he's got drugs too. But I know you have pills." Dustin gripped Andy by the throat and slammed him down into the ground.

"Listen to me you piece of shit. You're not going to ask Jay for anything, you'll just stay away from him. Do you copy?" He tilted his head a little, studying Andy like he was a bug. Andy just stared at him and Dustin gripped his throat tighter.

"Nod if you understand!" He growled. Andy nodded, and Dustin slapped his face and then he got back up again. El was just standing there - looking at them. "Hey Elly Welly." He smiled at her, but the smile didn't meet his eyes. Andy pulled himself up - and he just stared at her. "Aren't you that missing chick?"

Dustin slammed Andy into his car and he snarled, "You didn't see her. And if you say anything I'll find you - and cut your eyes out of your skull." He breathed out sharply, and El said, "Dustin.. let him go." He growled in Andy's face, "I'll fuck you up, and trust me.. I really want too.." He smirked and whispered against his ear, "I wonder what your friends would think if they knew you prostituted yourself for some mickeys."

Andy's face paled and Dustin let out a sweet little giggle. He tutted, "I think that might be more fun to release to the public - see you're reputation crumble to ruins." El said firmly, "Dustin!" He looked at her and pouted, "He's an asshole, don't be a party pooper." She sighed, "It's time to leave." He looked at Andy, "Remember what I said.." He pulled the knife out of his pocket. "I would just love to use her on you.." He held it to Andy's throat. "Spill your blood.. let me.." He smirked and then he shoved Andy back into his car.

He walked backwards and then let out a "BOOM." El followed him and said softly, "Why do you do this - get all crazy, its not safe." Dustin blew a raspberry. "Its called having fun! You should have fun."

She just gave him a dark look and he giggled, "You're an agent of Chaos." She said simply and Dustin growled, "You're damn right I am..." He hopped into the car and she slipped in, "I like the black windows." El said, and she said - "It smells like Steve." Dustin grinned, "We can drive around and nobody will see you.." She looked worried, "What if he tells people he saw me?"

"I'll cut his eyes and tongue out - he wont be saying anything to anyone." He said with another smirk. El just looked at him, "I'm worried that you would actually do it."

Dustin giggled, "Don't worry about me... I'm going to burn this fucking shit hole to the ground.. We'll rebuild it from the ashes.." He looked at her - his eyes dark and she said softly, "You sound like Henry."

He murmured softly, "..He's just like any other broken human."

"And you're not a human - you just wear a human skin." El said - looking at him. "Something like that." He smirked, "I think you get the point though." She curled her fingers into his hair, "You released your own power, how'd you know how to do that." She asked, biting on her bottom lip.

"Well when you showed me how to go into my mind? I found the map to unlock the key.." Dustin gripped her chin and whispered, "I was always in here - I just was bound. You showed me how to find the key that was inside my head in a memory.. from a really long time ago. Isn't that just a sweet little trick?" El breathed out softly, "Are you dangerous Dustin?"

He giggled, "Well probably, but what are you going to do?" Dustin looked at her, "I don't think there's much anyone can really do about it. Not anymore." She just stared down at her hands. "We'll destroy Vecna you'll be the hero, and everything will be fine. You'll see." He kissed her forehead. "You're not.. I don't like this." She whispered.

"Oh well." He said simply, much like she would. "Lets get you home hmm?" He raised his eyebrow - "...Dustin?" She said his name softly, "Yes Elly Welly?" His face ever so sweet and innocent. "You're scaring me." Dustin tutted softly, "Don't be silly, I'd never hurt you - you don't have to be scared of me Eleven."

He started the car, and then revved the engine - pulling out of the carpark he sped off - and El was watching him - he looked at her, "Relax - don't be so serious!" He drove down the back roads - and then he slowed down, "Wind your window down."

He wound his down and then he said, "Nobody comes out here so you don't have to be scared.." He shifted a little in his seat, and then he reached out and took her hand, "I will never let anyone hurt you or take you captive - you don't have to be scared of me." She let out a soft, shaky little breath and he said softly, "Do you trust me?"

"I ... yes, I do even though you make me anxious right now." She said softly. Dustin took her hands in his and he said, "You want to be free - don't you?" She nodded and said softly, "Yes." Dustin placed her hand against his chest, "Then I swear to you I will make sure you are. Cross my heart and hope to die."

She threw her arms around him and Dustin cuddled her close - "Not even Hopper is going to stop me." She let out a soft little laugh, "He's scared of you, he thought you were going to punch him that day at the Squawk." Dustin smirked and whispered against her ear, "Oh.. I was thinking about it." She giggled softly, and he laughed, "He's a grumpy old boot. Fuck him too."

El was rubbing his cheek again and he said, "Am I really that dirty?" She laughed, "Yes." He smirked, "Wanna have a sleep over? We can paint our nails and shit." El smiled, and then she said, "I will need to phone Hop and Joyce to let them know." Dustin nodded, "We're going to go to Steve's and help clean his house, but we can still smuggle snuggle you.." She said softly, "...Thank you.." Her eyes welled up again and Dustin said softly, "You've spent most of your life in a cage... not anymore Lil bit." She blushed and whispered, "I like that." Dustin grinned, "See? I'm not that terrifying."

"You actually are you know." She laughed and shook her head. "You are, but.. its beautiful too." Dustin snorted and she said, "You don't believe you're beautiful?" Dustin was blushing and he muttered, "Not in the least." El laughed softly, "You are, you are shiny and bright - luminous, everyone loves you." He gently gripped her chin and kissed her softly. "Silly Elly Welly." He started the car again and then he said, "Are you ready! To feel the Booom." She giggled and then he revved the engine and they were off - El hung out of the window the wind wiping her hair. And Dustin laughed as she howled.

***

When they got back to the trailer park, the sun was just starting to come up - Dustin and El climbed out of the car and he took her hand, bringing her inside. "You sit here - I'm gonna go take a shower, seeing as I'm so dirty?" She flopped down and said, "Yes - ashes and soot." Giggling at him - "I love your car, that was bitchin." He laughed and then blew her a kiss, when he snuck into the bedroom - Steve was asleep on his side, back to Jay - and Jay was asleep back to Steve. So, they hadn't even known he'd gone anywhere. Dustin grabbed some clean clothes and then he headed for the bathroom, El was eating more of her M&M's.

Dustin took a shower, not mucking about - he got out once he was clean and then he dried himself off - and he tied his hair back in a messy bun instead of drying it off. He tugged on a pair of tight black pants that sat on his hips, and poked at his stomach, and then he stroked his fingers - tugging on a loose black t-shirt. And then he grabbed some sparkly black nail polish and headed back into the living room.

He paused and then he pulled the phone over and gave it to El. She smiled and then phoned Hop. Dustin went into the kitchen, and then he grabbed the dish that had the snacks on - taking it out he came back and set it down in front of them, then he went back and got them both a soda - and came back. "He said its fine, because I'm with you." She said softly.

"Good." He said softly, "Hungry?" She smiled, "Ooh vege hot dogs." She grabbed one and ate it, and then looked at him.

"You too, Micalz." Dustin looked at her and she said, "That's the name when you unlocked the Key."

She ate another vege dog, and Dustin said, "But how do you know I did that?" She said, "I heard you.. like when I hear the radio static, but it wasn't static. What does it mean?"

Dustin ate a vege dog. "I don't know." He lied. "It means lots of things, I'm still just Dustin." He shrugged and El said, "Its a strange language, can you speak it?"

"Zir Iadpil! a micaolz gah!" He said softly and El handed him a vege dog, which he ate - "What did you say?" She giggled as he bit her fingers. "I am Micalz, the highest light."

Dustin shifted closer and took the nail polish, giving it a shake and then he held his hand out. El put her hand in his, "It's beautiful - what language is it? Do you know?" From behind them, Jay said husky soft, "It's Angel language." Dustin looked over his shoulder at him, and Jay just sat behind Dustin on the coffee table, stroking his fingers into his hair - but not saying anything else. El said softly, "Angel language?" She smiled softly, and then she whispered - "Oh.. so you're not dangerous." Dustin started painting her nails, his hands still shaky, but Jay kept stroking his hair, and then he said softly - "Light bearers kingdom on earth."

He shivered, and Jay whispered against his ear, "Luciftias Londoh." Dustin tilted his head up and he kissed Jay softly, "Silly fairy boy." He whispered and Jay smirked, "You're silly." El giggled and she said, "You're both precious." Jay grinned at her and then he threw her a vege dog. "Yummy for my tummy." El giggled as Dustin opened his mouth and she fed him the vege dog instead. "Yummy for Micalz' tummy." Dustin growled and bit her finger and she just smiled - "Ooh its sparkly polish." Jay was smiling, and then he let Dustin's hair out - stroking his fingers through it. "Are you going to braid my hair?" Dustin said snarkily, and Jay smirked, "I just might.."

El giggled, "You should.. put some glitter spray in it - to match your glitter polish." She was so cute that Dustin laughed. "You're totally enjoying yourself." He said and he blew softly on her hand to dry off the polish. "I really am.. because I'm not stuck in the cabin, and I'm with two of my favourite people." She said softly, and Jay was actually braiding his hair. "Steve is still asleep." Dustin asked, "Mhmm yeah he is." Jay murmured. El's eyes went big and she was blushing. Dustin swapped to El's other hand, and she said, "He's in your bed?"

Dustin looked at her and smirked, and she giggled again - looking at them both, "Are you going to kiss him too?" She was all breathless, and Jay said - "You're very naughty miss El." And her blush deepened. "She's just in love with Boys' kissing." Dustin said with a smirk. "I mean I know guys like girls kissing - so why wouldn't girls like watching boys kiss?" He winked at El and she just giggled, and whispered, "It is naughty, but.. oh.. so hot.." Dustin giggled too and Jay said, "You're both very naughty."

"I like it when he says that." El said, whispering to Dustin, "It just sounds naughty." They both giggled, and Jay laughed - "You're putting ideas into each other’s heads right now - aren't you." El smirked and Dustin laughed, "I plead the fifth." El grinned, and then she said, "Dustin freed Max from Vecna's mind - she's awake!"

Jay looked at her and then he said against Dustin's ear, "And you did that without the transistor?" Dustin tilted his head and looked up at him - "Turns out I didn't need it to do that... we're still going to need it though." He just looked up at Jay, and Jay hummed softly - and then ghosted his fingers over his face, whispering - "I remember your face."

Dustin just let his eyes close, and El said softly, "I hope I find someone that loves me as much as you love each other." Jay hummed softly and then kissed him softly and Dustin almost forgot where he was for a moment - he blinked and then he looked at El, "Sorry.. hmmm, and you will - you will Elly." He'd finished her nails and she blew on her other hand - Dustin closed the bottle and then he shifted - sitting in Jay's lap - and he nuzzled his face into Jay's neck, pressing in close and holding onto him.

Jay stroked his fingers into Dustin's hair - and Dustin played with his one braid - "...Nice." He giggled softly and Jay laughed - "I'm tired." El said softly, rubbing her eyes and Dustin said softly, "You wanna go to sleep?" She nodded and Dustin kissed Jay's jaw. But then he got up - and got the sofa ready for El. She curled up and then he pulled the blanket up over her.

"Sweet dreams Elly." She said softly, already half asleep, "Nightorning Micalz." Dustin laughed softly and then he looked at Jay - but he picked up the snack plate and took it back to the kitchen, and put it back in the fridge - and then he came back and took Jay's hands, bringing him in closer he whispered, "I need kisses."

Jay murmured, "I need your kisses too." Dustin curled his fingers into his hair and pulled him down, in closer and then he kissed him deep and slow - moaning softly as Jay licked into his mouth, and Jay lifted him up. Dustin curled his legs around Jay's waist and he whispered, "I love you." Jay sucked softly on his bottom lip and said softly, "I love you too.. my dark prince.. Micalz.. it's pretty.." Dustin shivered and he whispered, "..I like it when you say it.." Jay whispered, "..the highest light.." Dustin pressed his fingers against Jay's mouth and he whispered, "Shall we go back to bed?"

Jay kissed him again, possessively and he carried Dustin back into the bedroom - he laid Dustin down and he whispered, "Ssh." Pressing a finger to Dustin's mouth, he smirked and Dustin breathed out softly biting down on his bottom lip as Jay went under the blanket's and he curled his fingers into the mattress as Jay kissed his stomach, sucking against his hip bone.

He let out a soft moan as Jay's fingers curled in his pants, and then he lifted his hips - Jay slid them down and Dustin's eyes closed - Jay spread his legs, soft warm lips kissing against his thighs. "Jay.." He moaned his name softly, and then he covered his face with his arm - biting down against it as Jay licked against the skin of his thigh.

Dustin's fingers curled against the bed, and his breath caught in his throat as Jay's fingers gripped his hips and the hot wet heat of Jay's mouth surrounded his cock - "Oh ..fuck.." He gasped out, and Jay held onto his hips, holding him so he couldn't rock them. Dustin tilted his head back, and Jay sucked him all the way in - bobbing his head, and moaning softly around him.

His fingers stroking his legs, and then his stomach, and then Dustin moved his hands under the covers - tangling them into Jay's hair, Jay moved his hands up, and Dustin's fingers moved - their fingers interlacing, and Dustin moaned louder, rocking his hips, Jay bobbed his head again - and then he took Dustin all the way in, and Dustin moaned - breathless and dirty, rocking his hips and fucking into Jay's mouth - he was shaking, and whimpering Jay's name, and he felt it - felt the intense heat, Steve.

Steve was looking at him, and Dustin gasped out - Steve was breathing out slightly heavier- and Dustin moaned, "Oh.. fuck.." He rocked his hips, and Jay moaned around him - Dustin and Steve's gazes were locked, and Dustin's eyes rolled back as he came hard, Jay squeezing his hands and Steve was breathing hard - Dustin was shaking, and gasping for breath - and he felt Jay let go of his hands.

Jay sucked on his hip, and then he came out from under the blankets. He smirked at Steve - who was still breathing hard, and Dustin whimpered softly, and Jay growled softly against his mouth, "Can you move, or do I need to move you.." Dustin licked at Jay's mouth, kissing him hungrily - and Jay kissed him back, leaving Dustin trembling and shaky and he whispered, "I c-can.."

Jay growled softly, "Then move into the middle, face Steve - lay on your side.." Steve breathed out soft - and Dustin said breathlessly, "Okay.." He moved, and Steve shifted closer - Dustin breathed out against Steve's face - the both of them just staring at each other, and Jay moved in close - pressing up against Dustin's back he whispered, "You taste so good...so sweet.." Jay sucked against Dustin's throat, and Jay looked at Steve, smirking and Steve breathed out heavily - Jay opened the bedside table and then he shut it.

Steve let out a soft groan as Dustin curled his fingers into his hair and pulled him in closer - "Kiss me.." Dustin whispered, and Steve brushed his lips, Dustin opened his mouth and Steve stroked his tongue inside, kissing Dustin possessively. Jay lifted Dustin's leg and he draped it over Steve's - but he pressed in closer - Dustin let out a gasp against Steve's mouth as Jay's fingers, now slick with the massage oil stroked against his hole, Jay teased him - and he growled softly, "I'm gonna bury my fingers inside you."

Steve sucked on Dustin's bottom lip, and Jay grabbed hold of Steve's hand, he slicked up Steve's fingers with the oil too and Steve let out a dirty groan against Dustin's mouth - Jay moaned against Dustin's ear, "We're both going too." Dustin gasped out, and Jay interlaced his fingers with Steve and guided two of their fingers inside Dustin' - "Fuck.." Steve moaned, and Dustin panted softly, clenching around their fingers. Jay moaned and he rocked their fingers, pushing them in and curling them, Steve kissed Dustin hungrily and Jay whispered against Dustin's ear, "Feels good baby? You like having both of our fingers in your pussy, fuck it's so warm inside you.."

Dustin moaned, and he clenched around their fingers. Steve whispered breathlessly, "Fuck's sake.." Jay moved their fingers rocking their hands, and Dustin cried out - tilting his head back as he clenched and rocking his hips, "Fuck you're so fucking pretty, cum for us.. let us see you cum." Steve growled softly and Jay buried their fingers inside Dustin as deep as he could with out breaking Steve's arm, Dustin cried out and Steve growled, Dustin was coming again - overstimulated he was trying to get free - pleading with them to both stop. Jay slid their fingers out and Dustin was shaking hard, he was fighting to catch his breath, and Steve was breathing hard - Jay watched as Dustin laid back, staring at them both and whimpering.

Steve leaned down and licked Dustin's cum from his stomach - making Dustin's cock twitch and Dustin whine softly. Jay breathed out slowly - and then he tugged Steve up, they were both still hard and Steve breathed out slightly heavier - Jay kissed Steve, dirty - rough and Steve moaned into it. Jay stroked his tongue against Steve's, tasting Dustin's cum - and Dustin moaned softly, enjoying watching them as he laid there trying to catch his breath. Steve didn't know what to do with his hands and Jay growled against his mouth - "You can touch me.."

"Fuck.." Steve's voice was rough, and Jay murmured, "Yeah? Yeah.." He pushed Steve down against the bed, and then he curled his hand around them both, stroking them fast - and then slow, and he kissed Steve dirty and slow - matching the pace he stroked them with. Steve tangled his fingers into Jay's hair, and Jay moaned - Steve rolled his hips up and Jay gripped Steve's hips instead, and they were breathing hard - Steve let out a breathless moan and Jay growled softly, "Fucking asshole, pretty boy."

He grabbed hold of Steve's arms, pinning them above his head and they just rocked together - it was Steve that kissed Jay this time, almost a little shy - like he wasn't quite sure, and Jay liked it - he kissed Steve slower, and when he sucked on Steve's bottom lip - Steve's eyes closed as he came.

Jay let out a breathless, "Fuck.. yeah.." as he rocked his own body into Steve's - coming too - Jay breathed out against Steve's face.  Steve looked up at him. Jay let out a heavy soft breath and then he stroked his fingers down Steve's arms, feather light - making Steve shiver. He moved - Steve's pants were all wet with his cum, their breathing heavy. Jay shifted off him, and Steve just shivered.

Dustin was watching them both from under his lashes and Steve said huskily, "Gross my pants.." Jay smirked and then he moved back closer to Dustin, "Oops?" Dustin shifted closer to Steve and he whispered, "Take them off.." Jay was still smirking - and he watched Dustin help Steve take them off. Jay lit a smoke; he sucked his fingers that had been inside Dustin clean - and Dustin and Steve both watched him do it.

"Its edible oil.." He held his fingers out - and he smirked as Steve sucked them. Dustin shivered and he whispered, "Oh god." Steve stole Jay's smoke and took a drag and Jay felt his stomach get all tight. Steve gave it back, and then he gently stroked Dustin's face and Dustin gave him a soft little kiss - whispering to him. Jay took another drag on his smoke - and Dustin snuggled into his side. Letting out a soft little breath.

Jay passed the cigarette back to Steve the two of them sharing it till it was finished. Dustin had fallen asleep - glued to Jay's side and Steve was staring up at the ceiling. Jay hummed softly - and then he looked at Steve, who met his gaze - but then he got all shy and awkward and lowered his gaze again. "You're pretty when you get all shy.." Jay said softly, "Hell... you're pretty all the time."

Steve just blushed and then he mumbled softly, "Shut up you prick, you pretty much dry humped me." Jay smirked and he said huskily, "I didn't see you complaining pretty boy.." Steve rolled over so he was pressed up against Dustin's back - but he was looking at Jay from under his lashes. "Next time..." Jay said softer, his voice getting all raspy, "I'll hump you with no pants on.. if that will shut you up.."

Steve growled back softly, "Yeah.. that would be better." Jay smirked, "Yeah? Okay.. You can always sit in my lap and hump me too if you want.." Steve just looked at him - and Jay snuggled into Dustin, and he murmured softly, "I think.. we can find ways to make sure we don't have to be jealous.. a team effort?"

"Yeah.. sounds like a plan." Steve said just as softly, "He wanted this.. wanted us both - he.. told me."

"Did he." Jay hummed softly, "You'll have to tell me what he told you.." His voice was all husky, "Was he being naughty?."

"Mhmm.. he was.." Steve said, breathing out softly. "All I've done all day is sleep.." He muttered, and Jay murmured - "Who cares, you needed it... you still tired hmm?" Steve said softly, "Yeah.. I haven't sleep this good in a really long time."

Jay moved his fingers from Dustin's hair - and then he gently stroked Steve's hair out of his face. "Then go back to sleep... You're safe here, with us." Steve let out a soft shaky little exhale and he whispered, "I feel safe." Jay's fingers stilled and he murmured, "Good."

Steve let his eyes close and Jay curled his fingers against Dustin's side but Steve's fingers brushed his and they held hands. They didn't say anything else. But Jay let his eyes close - and he felt Steve's fingers relax, knowing that they were both asleep - Jay let his eyes close, and he fell asleep too.

Chapter Text

Steve opened his eyes and he left out a soft exhale, not sure where he was at first - the room was almost pitch black, he had no idea what time it was - there was just a small crack of light coming through the curtains where they didn't quite meet up. Oh.. that's right.

He rubbed his hands over his face - Dustin was still fast asleep beside him, mouth open just a little -the black eye stuck out like a sore thumb and Steve still felt sick to the stomach looking at it. He had a splitting headache, pressure behind his eyes - and his mouth felt dry, like it was full of cotton wool.

He sat up slowly, and stretched - looking at their clothes on the floor. Steve's gaze landed on the black hoodie - it was his, and Dustin had been wearing it yesterday - he scratched his stomach, and then looked down at Dustin.

He wasn't sure how or when he'd taken it - but he liked him wearing his clothes. Steve shifted and then he laid back down on his side, gently stroking Dustin's face. Steve's hands were shaking, and shaking bad. He pulled his hand back, and flexed his fingers.

It'd been happening for a while, actually years - once he didn't have a drink, he'd start to shake - sometimes his hands shook so bad he couldn't really pick stuff up, so he'd have a couple of drinks just to take the edge off.

Steve rubbed his hands over his face again and then raked his fingers through his hair. And you still won't admit that you have a problem. Steve frowned, feeling a bit sick in the stomach - he got up and then sat on the edge of the bed - the nausea hit him like a wave, and he rest his head in his hands - willing it to go away.

Steve shivered as he felt Dustin's cool fingers stroke his back, "Hi.." Dustin whispered, then he was pressed up against him.

"Hey.." Steve replied, his voice a little rough. Dustin breathed out softly - and then he was stroking his fingers up into Steve's hair - and Steve let his eyes close. The touch was soothing, and it made the nausea go away.

His body had been tense, but he could feel himself relaxing - Dustin placed a soft kiss between his shoulder blades and the two of them just stayed quiet. Steve felt an almost overwhelming rush of emotion, and he closed his eyes tighter - he could feel the burn behind his eyelids, and he really didn't want to cry.

Dustin slipped out of the bed, he moved quietly over to the drawers, pulling on some clean pants - and then he came closer, standing in front of Steve. "Here.." He whispered, helping Steve to pull on some pants - that he guessed must have been Jay's because there was no way he could fit Dustin's.

Steve stood up, and Dustin pulled them up - his hands were shaking as he buttoned them up and Steve murmured, "Your hands." Dustin looked up at him, and he said softly - "Yeah, they don't stop."

Steve held out his own, and Dustin took hold of them - bringing them to his lips, he softly kissed Steve's fingers. Steve let out a shaky exhaled and Dustin whispered, "Don't cry.." He closed his eyes tight, and Dustin pulled him in close, cradling Steve's head against his body - he stroked his fingers through Steve's hair again, and Steve held onto him - curling his fingers against Dustin's back.

"It's okay love, it's okay." Dustin knelt down, and then he whispered - "You don't feel good, hmm?" Steve said hoarsely, "No.. I feel like shit. I.. I feel like shit because of what I did to you. The fact that I scared you so much, that I hurt you."

Dustin cradled Steve's head and he said softly, "It was an accident, you didn't mean too. And.." Steve breathed out softly against Dustin's mouth, "I hate myself for hurting you, I'm not good for you - you know I'm not good for you.." They were sharing their breath, and Steve whispered - "I am going to make us both fucking crazy."

Dustin said softly, "...What are you trying to say, just.. say it." Steve looked at Dustin, tears in his eyes, "...I think I'm bad for you, he isn't. He's good for you - when you decided to move in with him, you were going to tell me that you couldn't be with me anymore."

"Are you saying you don't want me?" Dustin's voice was soft, he had his eyes closed and Steve whispered, "You already chose him. Maybe we just, need to try. Maybe you can finally be happy - I'm the problem, I've always been the problem because I just can't fucking stop."

Dustin pulled back, and Steve breathed out shakily. "Okay then." Dustin's voice was quiet, maybe too quiet - and Steve wiped the tears from his cheeks.

"I love you; I'll always love you - but I love you enough to know that I have to stop. I have to stop and let you be happy." Steve's voice was hoarse, and Dustin just stared at him - and the way he was staring at him - Steve had never seen Dustin look at him that way before. It was like he'd shut him out - the light in his eyes had shut off and they were almost blank.

"I... I'm just going to be cruel and hurt you - I say I can try and not be jealous but it’s never going to work... you fucking know that." Steve's voice was shaky.

"Alright Steve." Too quiet. Dustin gave Steve the hoodie and then he started picking up the clothes off the floor - his back to Steve.

"Will you say something?" Steve whispered.

"There's nothing else to say." Dustin said softly, "I'll wash your clothes and you can take them back home."

"You don't have to do that." Steve said hoarsely.

Dustin opened the curtains - his face was pale, and Steve felt sick all over again. "We'll still help you, and then we'll just..." Dustin shrugged, "Whatever." He muttered - leaving the room without looking at him.

***

Jay and El had been making breakfast - he looked up as Dustin came out of the bedroom, he didn't look at either of them as he went and dumped the clothes in the washer - and then he disappeared into the bathroom. Jay frowned, and El said softly - "Does he seem upset?"

"Yeah, he does." Jay murmured. When Steve came out - he was wearing Dustin's hoodie, and a pair of Jay's pants - and he looked like shit. He also had been crying.

Steve wasn't talking either.

"Hi Steve." El said softly, as she gave him a hug.

"Hey El." Steve's voice was raw, and he had his eyes closed as he kissed the younger girl’s head. He wouldn't look at Jay at all - "Something wrong?" He asked, and Steve just curled his fingers in El's hair and then he said, "Just got a headache."

Jay knew something was up, but he couldn't push if Steve wasn't going to talk - he looked at the bathroom door, and Steve muttered - "I don't need you guys to help me clean up at home, I can do it myself."

"We can help you." El said - handing Steve a cup of coffee. He just shook his head and Jay growled, "We already talked about this - clean up duty is on.. fuck you."

El giggled softly, and Jay grinned at her - "He's a stubborn sonofabitch." Steve rubbed his hands over his face - and Jay gave him a cigarette. Steve lit it and then he went and sat outside with his coffee - smoking it.

"I'll go talk to him." El said quietly, and Jay nodded - he went into the bedroom, staring at the bed which Dustin had already stripped bare. Jay sat on the end of it - Dustin walked into the bedroom and Jay said softly, "What happened?"

"Nothing happened." Dustin's voice was quiet, quiet was not good.

"Sunshine..." He murmured.

"I said nothing happened, I don't want to talk about it - so just fucking leave me alone." Ice - still quiet, but Dustin was definitely not happy. "I'm going for a drive - you can do whatever you want." He stalked out the room, and Jay walked over to the window - Dustin didn't even speak to Steve, or El - he just got in his car, music blaring as he peeled out and then took off up the road. Jay hummed softly and then he made his way outside.

"He's really angry." El said softly, looking at Jay - she turned to look at Steve. "No... I don't think he is actually." Jay's voice was calm, but it had an edge to it. "The fuck did you do this time Harrington."

"Nothing happened." Steve said quietly.

Jay narrowed his eyes. The exact same answer and it was still bullshit.  Jae said quietly, "Well, you're lying, not that it's anything new - El we'll bring you back here later, we're going to fuck face's house."

El nodded, and Steve just sighed. "Everyone's going to meet us there." El said with a smile, "Everyone needs to fuck off and leave me alone!" Steve glared at Jay - "I don't need a goddamn babysitter."

"No, you need an AA meeting, but we'll work towards that - get in the fucking truck asshole - don't make me throw you in there." Jay growled back.

On the way to Steve's - nobody was talking, Jay kept wondering where Dustin actually was - when they got to Steve's, everyone was there - including a red head with piercing blue eyes. "Jay, this is Max - Max this is Jay." Lucas grinned at him.

Jay smiled, and she narrowed her eyes at him - assessing and then she said, "Hmm.. I can see why he likes you.. bit of a looker aren't you." Jay laughed and he pushed his hair out of his face. "Where is my flame throwing saviour?" Steve was standing there with his sleeves over his hands - being all weird and shifty, Nancy was giving him a death glare - still not happy with him.

"Okay why is everyone being so fucking weird you bitches better hug me!" Max snapped at them.

Everyone was hugging Max - and Steve reluctantly unlocked the door, letting everyone inside. But the rumbling sound of Dustin's mustang made Max say - "Holy shit... the fuck?"

Jay turned his head and Dustin hopped out of the car - he had sunglasses on, hiding his eyes - but he slammed the door shut and then sauntered over - he totally ignored Steve, but gave Will a little squeeze - whispered something to Mike. And then he stepped in close to Jay, curling his fingers through his and he lifted his sunglasses - "Did everyone introduce you too Red?" His voice was rough, like he'd been eating grit - or smoking too much, or crying. Or two of those things.

"Is that yours?" Max eyed Dustin and he gave her a smirk, "Mhmm.. you wanna go for a ride?" She grinned back, "Uh yes? And yes - we've been introduced, all I'm going to say is - nice.. very nice. You're a bit.. shifty though mother fucker." Jay just smirked, and Dustin looked at her - "Why do you say that.." He was stroking his thumb over Jay's hand, and Max said - "Weird vibe, but then.. you're fucking perfect for Dustin - so.. you're both dark as shit.."

Dustin just gave her a little smirk, and she said, "Don't do that, fucking, why are we here anyway? Has Harrington had a nervous breakdown."

It was just the two of them and Max still outside, and Dustin snorted, "Who fucking cares." Jay looked at Dustin - who just looked bored, eyes blank. "We're here to help clean up his alcoholic nightmare." Jay said.

Dustin snorted - "Speak for yourself, I couldn't care less.." He gave Jay a dark look - "I'm just here to see my girl." Max blushed and he said, "You can't clean, I don't want too - so..."

Dustin looked at Jay, "Are you coming?" He asked.  Jay wanted too - but he'd been the one to push this whole idea in the first place.

"You and Max go." He said, Jay realized the moment he said it? That it was probably a mistake.

"Fine." Dustin's voice was cold. "Go help your new best friend. Come on Zoomie.. let’s get the fuck out of here." He grabbed the handles of the wheelchair and started pushing her.

"Sunshine.. I.. can.." Jay said quietly.

Dustin flicked his sunglasses back down, "No don't bother, we'll be back later." He shook his head and then pushed Max over to his car - helping her into the front seat and Jay swore softly under his breath. He heard Max say, "The hell is going on with you?"

"Fucking mind games as usual." Was Dustin's reply, before he added, "Fucking done. Fuck it all. I don't give a fuck anymore." Max let out a laugh, "Fuck em all Baby!" Jay breathed out softly, watching as they left - and he went inside.

***

Steve let out a soft breath, everyone was sitting outside by the pool - the only person that hadn't spoken to him - not one word was Nancy. They'd cleaned up, and Steve was embarrassed - now everyone was sprawled out, talking and eating snacks - Will and Lucas were in the pool - El was sitting with Nancy, the two of them talking quietly. Mike was sitting with his legs dangling in - Jonathan was sitting with Steve. Jay was laying on one of the loungers with Robin - smoking and staring up at the sky. Dustin and Max were still not back yet.

"So how's things?" Jonathan asked him, and Steve sighed - "Great." He stared down at his hands and Jonathan muttered - "No they're not man, c'mon.." Steve glared at him - "Just.. leave me alone alright?" Jay was playing with Robin's hair, and she was laughing. He really was so sick of him - why'd everyone like him so much. "So.. how's things with Vicky?" Jay asked Robin, she sighed - "Okay? I still think.. We might break up though."

Jay said softly, "I'm sorry." He gave her a hug, and Robin said softly - "You okay?"

"I.. dunno - shit is a bit weird and I'm not sure why." He murmured and he lifted his gaze - meeting Steve's who looked away and frowned down at his hands.

Everyone was talking amongst themselves, but it was Nancy who lifted her head when Dustin wheeled Max outside. "Hi Fuckers!" Max grinned, clearly drunk and Dustin laughed - "Look at you losers, sitting around moping." Max pulled Dustin into her lap and she whispered something to him. "Hmmm I dunno, maybe?" He smirked at her and it was Lucas that said, "You're drunk? You were supposed to be here helping clean up and you took my girlfriend that's just got out of hospital out to get shit faced? While Steve is trying to not drink? That's a dick head move man."

Dustin snorted and Max said, "Uh hello? Since when are you my boyfriend - we weren't together before I got Vecna'd we were planning on a fucking date but I'm not your goddamn property Sinclair - and if I wanna get fucking drunk I goddamn will." Dustin smirked - playing with her hair, and he said darkly - "Well Steve is a dickhead - so.. fuck Steve, and fuck you too.." Steve felt himself tense up and Jay said softly, "Guys.. calm down."

"I am so sick of your bullshit.. and so what are you saying? That you don't love me Max? We're not together?" Lucas asked.

"Did you even fucking ask me?" Max spat back - "No of course not.. stop telling me what to do." She glared at Steve, "And you.. you fucking piece of shit - you're lucky I'm in a wheelchair because if I wasn't I'd knock your fucking teeth out." Dustin buried his face in her hair - and Jay had to hide his smirk behind his hand. Dustin had been right - she was definitely a fire cracker.

"Fuck you Max." Steve growled at her.

"No fuck you! Fuck you Steve you piece of goddamn trash!" She yelled at him, "You stay away from Dustin - he's too fucking good for you." She was stroking her fingers in Dustin's hair too and Lucas said, "You're full of shit - both of you should just fuck off. Fuck you Max, I spent nearly two years waiting for you.."

"I never fucking asked you too!" She yelled back, "You fucking asshole piece of shit! Besides - you've been keeping yourself fucking busy.." She glared at El, "...You found yourself someone new to fuck." El breathed out sharply, and she stared down at her hands. "You told her?" Lucas stared at Dustin - pissed off and getting up, Dustin stood up - getting in his face, "You got something you wanna say?" Dustin said darkly.

"Fuck you, you fucking asshole." Lucas yelled - and Steve knew shit was about to get ugly - Jay reached out and Dustin smacked his hand way - "Don't touch me.. C'mon Lucas.. Do it.."

"I told her." El said softly, looking at Max.

Lucas looked at El - and Mike said, "The hell is going on.."

"They've been fucking for the last eighteen months - they're in love." Max snorted, and Lucas just stared at El.

Dustin sneered at Lucas - "Fuck you... accusing me you little bitch." Lucas punched Dustin hard in the face - and Dustin snarled, and then hit him back, hard - and Lucas breathed out sharply - but then Dustin had the knife to Lucas' throat - "You take one more step and I'll spill your guts all over the concrete."

Everyone was just frozen - and Lucas was staring at Dustin with wide eyes.

Max growled out, "Cut his balls off - he fucking deserves it."

Dustin smirked, "You want me too?"

Jay said, "Jesus Christ, will you put the knife down."

Dustin looked at Jay - "No, I don't think I will. I want you to apologize." He hissed at Lucas - who was just quiet, and trembling, "No? You're not going too?" Dustin slammed him away from him - and Lucas landed in the pool. "Cunt, I'm done with this bullshit." He looked at Max, "Wanna leave?" She huffed, "Yeah - lets go..." He slipped the knife back into the sheath on his jeans and Jay said, "Sunshine..."

"Oh no - Its fine - you wanna stay here with your friends, right?" Dustin's jaw was twitching, "And you're new play thing... so whatever Jayden. I'm going to go get high and we're going to have fun. Bye!"

Jay rubbed his hands over his face and then he just left, following after them. "...You, why are you being like this - just talk to me."

Dustin had already put Max into the car - and he looked at Jay. "I'm not being like anything. Steve and I are done - I thought you'd be happy. It's done; it was all bullshit. I'm moving on. So, let’s just forget about it okay?"

Jay let out a soft breath, he asked, "When did that happen?" He looked at Dustin's face - he wasn't looking at Jay,

"This morning, he decided - so it’s done. And I'm done - so I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to be here at his fucking house - I don't care what he does. I don't fucking care." Dustin whispered, "So just... you don't have to do this." Jay knew he did care.

"Okay." He said softly and Dustin lifted his gaze - his eyes were dark.

"That's it? You're just going to say, okay?" Dustin let out a strange, detached laugh. "Okay Jay." He looked at him. "So, you kissed him and dry humped him and now you wanna fucking play his saviour..." Jay felt a bit guilty, and sick in the stomach.

"You go ahead and do that...I'm done." Dustin whispered, "I guess I'm not that important to you after all huh."

Jay reached out – and he said, "I love you; I just want to help him..."

Dustin backed up, "Don't touch me. When I freaked out about him stealing you from me... I wasn't fucking wrong in the end..." He was pale, and Dustin smacked Jay's hands away as he reached out for him again - "Those times when you had him at home... you lied, you lied to me then too... didn't you..."

Jay shook his head, "No... I told you nothing happened."'

The pain in Dustin's eyes, the fear - Jay felt so sick - he didn't know what to do, what was he doing? Why was he not just telling Harrington to go fuck himself. Because you can fix this so they can still be together too. They need each other.

Dustin said in his too quiet voice, "I don't believe you. You want him, and even when he hurt me - you still brought him back. Even when he hurt me again, told me that he wanted to end it - properly, you... still chose him - you keep choosing him and I don't know why. So fine - you keep him, you can have each other. I'll be fine on my own."

"Sunshine, nothing happened those other times, I told you - and... he's fucked up he doesn't know what he's saying, you love each other - he loves you." Jay said softly, "You're just being irrational." You shouldn't have said that.

"You're trying to convince me to keep doing this bullshit with him, he told me he doesn't want too - that should make you happy. Now you're trying to convince me that he loves me? He told me he's a toxic piece of shit and he's just going to keep hurting me. So, what am I supposed to do with that. And now you want me to what? Go and beg him to still keep fucking my mind up? I'm being irrational?"

Tears were streaming down Dustin's face - but his voice was still too soft, "You fucked each other before, and you lied - you still want too - this entire time he was fucking with my head, but now? Now you're doing it - right now you're doing it and I don't understand why. He ended shit - and now you still want him, and he wants to take you from me - and you want him - so... just - I don't want to talk about this anymore. You chose him over us - I... just can't."

Jay's voice broke and he said shakily, "I... nothing happened till last night - that doesn't even matter, I love you - you know I love you."

"Do you?" Dustin asked in his to quiet voice. "I don't even understand what you're doing - It feels like you are so far away from me, I don't know anything right now. I'm d-done with this conversation."

Dustin went and got in the car, turning it on he let the engine rumble - revving it and then he was gone and Jay couldn't breathe - he couldn't move. What the fuck have I done? Jay felt panic, and fear - and he knew he'd just ripped Dustin's heart out. He couldn't blame that one on Steve. Why was he doing it all on his own. You fucking idiot. What did you do!

Chapter Text

Everyone had left after Dustin and Max had taken off - El was sitting quietly in the corner, crying - Robin cuddling her. Steve still had a splitting headache - things were messed up with everyone and all he wanted to do was drink himself into oblivion. But when Jay came back outside - he looked on edge and he just sat in one of the loungers near Steve, not saying anything as he chain smoked.

Robin said softly, "Uh.. Jay are you able to give El a ride back to the cabin? Dustin.. kind of.. left her stranded." 

Jay lifted his gaze - his eyes were dark, and he said quietly - "Yeah I can do that." Robin nodded, and she glanced at Steve - he looked at her and then she said, "Is everything okay?"

Steve looked at Jay, who was staring down at his hands and he let out a strained laugh, "I don't think so no." His voice was shaky and then he lifted his gaze and looked at Steve. "The fuck did you do this morning you fucking asshole." His voice cracked and Steve just stared down at his hands - "I don't think we wanna talk about this right now." He muttered. 

Steve breathed out sharply as Jay snarled and got in his face, "You fucking prick! It was good - it was fine and you just had to go and fuck it up! Why did you do that! What the fuck is wrong with you!" Steve breathed out sharply.

Jay's eyes were full of tears and he said hoarsely, "You fucking broke him - and then he .." Jay just let go of him, he looked at El - "Lets go Niblet, do you need a ride Bobbin?" Robin nodded and Jay growled out, "Then lets fucking go." 

He sat there, shaking - and Jay snarled at him - "We're not done with this conversation." Robin looked at him, and Steve just lowered his gaze. Once he was alone? Steve went and got a couple of beers out the fridge, he drank them - and then had another one. The shaking finally stopped in his hands - and he went and took a shower.

Steve was still sitting outside - just staring into space, watching the steam rise up from the pool. The only light coming from it - the rest of the house in darkness. He breathed out slowly, letting his eyes close because he didn't want to think about the night in the pool with Dustin.

Steve blew a smoke ring, staring at his cigarette - tempted to burn himself with it, but then he flicked it away. Raking his fingers through his hair - he got up and headed back inside, grabbing another beer out of the fridge. Steve opened it and took a swig - and then he nearly jumped out of his skin as Jay growled at him, "Straight back into it then."  

Steve muttered, "The fuck do you want." Jay leaned up against the doorframe, "..I told you we weren't done with that conversation." 

Steve growled back, "Well I am so.. fuck off." Jay raised an eyebrow, "Why did you do it?" Steve just stared at Jay, "What do you want?" He asked again, and Jay said, "Did you get scared? Shit get to real for you so you ran away. You just wanted to run away and hide here and keep drinking huh."

"Fuck you, I don't have to listen to your bullshit - and I don't have to talk to you either." Steve backed up, and Jay used his boot to stop Steve from shutting the door. "..Fuck sake whatever man." Steve muttered, he left Jay standing there and headed through the living room and back outside to his lounger - he didn't look at Jay as the blond sat on the end of it and looked out at the pool.

"You want a smoke?" Jay asked him as he pulled one out, "Yeah.." Steve muttered, and Jay lit it, and then held it out, Steve took it and Jay was staring out at the pool, going quiet. 

Steve let his eyes close, he really didn't know what to say. "I just don't want to hurt him anymore, he's happy with you - he's better off with you. All I'm going to do is fuck him up and hurt him, I can't anymore. I can't." He took another drag, and Jay reached out, taking it and having one - before he handed it back.

"So you just decided - just like that." Jay asked, turning his head and staring at him, "What about your obsessive bullshit - you can just switch it off and stay away from him?" 

Steve said darkly, "It's none of your fucking business asshole, you fucking got what you wanted so what the fuck do you care? Why are you even still here. It doesn't matter anymore, I will just stay away." 

Jay snorted softly and Steve growled, "Go fuck yourself - I don't need your fucking smirking face pissing me off. Shouldn't you be at home with him?"

"Well considering the fact that I'm pretty sure he broke up with me - I don't think he's going to be there." Jay flicked his hair out of his face, and Steve glared at him - "What the fuck are you talking about - why would he break up with you."

Jay was staring out at the pool again, "Because I stupidly was on your side for some fucked up reason - I didn't know what you did, and he took it the wrong way. He said I chose you over us - because you hurt him again."

Jay let out a harsh laugh, "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing - but I thought if we helped you, if you got your shit together he could have everything he wanted to be happy. I guess I was stupid enough to actually think that was even possible. So you fucked him over again, and in the process you fucked us - and now he doesn't trust me. He thinks I don't love him and I hurt him... I fucking hurt him..." Jay looked at Steve and snarled, "Because of you - you fucking piece of shit."

"I didn't mean for that to happen." Steve said quietly, breathing out shakily - "I... I didn't know he was going to freak out on you - he still was talking about wanting to help this morning."

"You're the fucking problem no matter which way it fucking goes.." Jay's voice cracked, "But I didn't help, and you don't get it - you really don't fucking understand him at all do you? Do you even talk to him? Do you know him?" Jay breathed out harshly, "Because I know him, I know him - and he gets stuck in his own head - he gets trapped in the fucking noise and what starts out as something, turns into something else. You said he still wanted to help? By the time he came out the bathroom he'd switched off - you were gone and he left, remember how he left? And where ever he went he spent all that time thinking. Brooding and stewing in his shit. And you fucking did that! I had no idea what was even happening to him."

"I'm sorry.." Steve said quietly, "I...I guess I don't know him as well as I used too, not.. like you do. He - he's not the same because he was pretending he was happy. He wasn't like this before. Or if he was he never fucking showed it. Then Eddie.. that happened and he pulled away, not just from me but from everyone - he's never been the same since then. So no man - fuck.. I don't know this version of him like you do - you wouldn't have known him before. I can't fucking help that... I.. just know I hate hurting him - I saw you with him, I saw how happy he was, and it fucking killed me to think that I would ruin that.." He was breathing out shakily and staring down at his hands.

Jay raked his fingers through his hair, "Now he's convinced himself, that I lied to him this entire time and we've been sneaking around - screwing behind his back. He thinks that you broke things off with him because you want to steal me from him - he thought that when he pulled the fucking knife on you." 

Steve muttered, "Fuck sake we've been at each others throats this entire time - why the hell would we have been sneaking around on him, and why would I want to steal you? I was trying to steal him." 

Jay growled out, "He does know that, he just spent too much time with his noise. And now .. now fuck - you saw what he did here tonight with Lucas. I don't know Max, but she wasn't helping  it seemed like she'd helped him get more agitated. I.. just fuck - I didn't even stop when he asked me to go with him I said no, I did all the wrong fucking things... I hurt him, I fucked this up and I..." He just went quiet and tugged on his hair. 

Steve bit his lip, "Do you want me to talk to him?" Jay breathed out harshly, and he growled, "No... I don't want you to fucking talk to him you asshole - you've done enough!" Jay was looking at him, but his eyes were full of tears. "You fucking asshole, I tried to fucking help you and you fucked it all up, and now... now I fucking lost him. Because of you. It's always because of you! You're fucking toxic. Fucking piece of shit asshole."

Jay just broke down, and Steve didn't know what to do - he breathed out shakily and then reached out, touching Jay's arm - "Don't fucking touch me!" Jay snarled at him, smacking his arm away - Steve said hoarsely, "I'm sorry, ..fuck. I'm sorry."

Jay turned his head away, and they both just sat there - Jay was struggling to get himself back in control, and Steve wasn't sure what to do. He just felt like shit, and really bad - because he hadn't meant for this to happen. 

Eventually Jay got up, and he muttered - "I gotta take a piss." He went back inside and Steve got up and headed into the kitchen, he took another beer out and screwed the lid off - taking a swig, and he leant against the counter. When Jay came back - he gave Steve a dark look, "Really?" Steve sighed, "Shut the fuck up, either have one as well or piss off." Jay took the bottle from Steve and he drank it - gulping most of it down and then he handed it back. "..You need to talk to Hopper, about going to a fucking meeting with him. This is bullshit Steve."

They just stared at each other, and Steve said - "I'm not an alcoholic. " Jay snorted, "Yeah, you kinda are actually. What's the longest you've gone without a drink?" Steve actually didn't know.

"You can't even answer that can you?" Jay muttered, "You know you had puke in your hair and you'd pissed your pants?"

Steve glared at him, "You're a fucking drug addict, don't lecture me about drinking."

Jay snorted, "You just love to throw that in my face, in Dustin's face - does it make you feel less bad about yourself?"

Steve said nothing and Jay muttered, "Yeah, shut the fuck up you lush." 

"Fuck you." Steve growled.

"Nah fuck you." Jay took the beer off him and drained it and Steve growled, "Just get out of my face - if I wanna get drunk, I'm going to get drunk." 

Jay snorted, "Dunno why you're so judgemental, kind of a hypocrite." His voice was raspy and Steve said, "Wanna smoke?"

"Weed? Yeah.. okay as long as it wasn't from Joyce." Jay smirked, and Steve laughed - "Nah.. I got it from somewhere else.." Jay raised an eyebrow, "Oh yeah? Who?"

Steve rolled his eyes, "This really annoying blond asshole."

Jay laughed and Steve smiled, "Are you hungry? I'm kinda hungry - should we get food or something?" Jay scratched his neck, "Yeah I want chicken nuggy's." 

"Hmmm so you really are obsessed with them." Steve muttered. 

"Are you even serious, there's nothing better to eat when you're going to get baked." Jay raised his eyebrow and Steve laughed, "So you're going to drive us there?" 

"Well obviously, because how much have you had to drink Harrington? I've just had a few sips of your beer." He shook his head, "Come on then lets go." Steve sighed, "Fine - but I want pizza so we have to get that too." 

They climbed into Jay's truck and Jay put in a Black Sabbath tape - Steve said, "This is Ozzy right?" Jay smirked, "Yes Steve, its Ozzy - you really bit a demo-bats head off?" Steve laughed, "Well - out.. more than off." Jay snickered, "..That's totally metal. And you did that why?" Steve lifted his shirt and Jay said, "Jesus Christ Harrington... you were attacked by those things?"

Steve eyed him, and then he said, "You've seen them?" Jay breathed out softly, going quiet as he gripped the steering wheel. "When did you see them?" Steve was watching as Jay bit down on his bottom lip. "I...once when I was with Sunshine." Steve frowned - "What were you guys doing there?" Jay just looked at Steve, "Exploring.. its none of your damn business Harrington." 

Jay just stared at him, and Steve murmured - "Fine, Jesus.." Jay gave him the finger and Steve laughed - "I just - they scared the shit out of me so.. the fact you bit one? Jesus you're nuts." Jay shook his head. "Maybe.." Steve shrugged. 

They stopped off and got Jay's food first and then headed to the pizza place, they were sitting outside waiting for it - and Jay was eating his nuggets. "I thought you were eating them when we smoke?" Steve asked, "I think you'll share your pizza with me fool." Jay smirked, and Steve laughed - "I think you underestimate me." They were both laughing and Jay held out his nuggets, "Fuck you I'm willing to share you rat bastard." 

There was a familiar sounding rumbling engine - and they both stopped laughing - their gazes moving across the street. Dustin got out of the mustang - he'd seen them but he acted like he hadn't and sat on the hood of his car - waiting for someone it seemed. "Fuck." Jay whispered, and Steve raked his hand through his hair. But Jay tensed up beside him, and then he growled out - "What the fuck.." Steve watched as a tall guy, long hair and tattoos everywhere it seemed approached Dustin and stood in front of him. 

Dustin took his sunglasses off and then he slipped off the hood and the tattooed guy gave him a smirk and laughed at something he said. Then they walked up the street a little - and Dustin climbed into a car with the guy, they drove off and Steve said with a growl of his own. "Who the fuck is that?"

Jay was actually shaking, and Steve said, "Jay? Who is that.." Jay looked at him and muttered, "A guy that I used to buy drugs from, I know Eddie brought shit from Seth too - I didn't know that Dustin..." He breathed out slowly, his jaw twitching and Steve said, "I thought he got them off you."

Jay looked at Steve, "Most of the time yes - but.. he must have been getting H off him."

Steve frowned, "Where does he get the money from?" Jay growled, "I don't know Steve... Jesus I don't fucking know." 

Steve could tell that Jay was worried - and it wasn't just because Dustin was with this drug dealer guy - it was because Dustin had seen them together. "Do ...you think Dustin's selling shit? Drugs I mean." Steve said softly.

Jay muttered, "I didn't think so until you just said it, because Seth's the type of guy that would definitely give favors if you sold them for him. I never did - but he was pretty friendly if you catch my drift." He had a dark look on his face and Steve whispered, "Jesus."

***

Dustin had seen them - sitting there, laughing - having a good time and he felt the rage burning through his veins. He'd gone back home - his mom had been at work so he'd just crashed out for a while and then when he'd woken up, Dustin had felt like shit. Knowing he needed a fix, and knowing he didn't have any gear - it was still at the trailer and he didn't want to go back there. He had to get some. 

Dustin had taken a shower, got dressed and then he'd phoned Seth. He'd been selling bits and pieces for him for a little while, mostly weed and pills - and so Seth let him get drugs off him for himself too. Especially H if he couldn't get it from Jay. Which was probably a good thing, seeing as he wasn't likely to get any from Jay anytime soon. 

But seeing them together - just made him feel sick. Because it just made it feel like everything he'd said to Jay was true. They were still together, and Jay didn't seem the least bit bothered by the fact that Dustin wasn't with him. And that asshole Steve - fucking assholes the both of them. So he'd parked his car and sat waiting - ignoring them. 

He didn't have to wait long and Seth's impala pulled up just up the street. Seth stood right in front of him, "Hey Babyface, how's it going.." Dustin slid off the hood and slipped his sunglasses off and Seth said, "Jesus who gave you that shiner?" Dustin shrugged, "An asshole." 

Seth said, "Well - I got some good shit for you, so your nights about to get a lot better." Dustin smirked, "Yeah? Well good - I need to get some more mickeys off you too, to sell though." Seth laughed, "You sell shit fast.. probably the best I have working for me." Dustin laughed, "Really? Well, I always get the best price too, so.." 

Seth grinned - "Come on.." They walked up the street to Seth's car and climbed in and Dustin rubbed his hand against his cheek. "Did you get a new car?" Seth asked him and Dustin grinned, "Yeah.. I'm so in love - I get all excited every time I get in." They both laughed and Seth said, "Nothing better than hearing that rumbling purr, I know - I miss my mustang."

They pulled up outside of Seth's house, and went inside - Dustin said, "I didn't know that Meg was having puppies." Seth grinned, "Yeah.. hey you want one? Being pit bulls they're a bitch to get rid of."

Dustin lit a cigarette and he took a drag, "Yeah? You'd let me have one? How much do you want - they're purebreds right?" Seth curled his arm around his shoulder, "You can have the runt for free - she's a tiny little thing like you."

Dustin narrowed his eyes, "Are you calling me a fucking runt?"

"Easy Killer, no - I think you're petite and yet totally dangerous." Seth smirked and Dustin laughed, "You're a real prick - but okay.. can I have a look?"

Seth grinned, "Yeah course I'll go get the stuff - they're in there in the pen." 

Dustin went into the other room - Meg was a Blue Nose Pitbull. Dustin knew straight away which one was the runt, except she was super small. He'd never seen a puppy so tiny. Dustin let his smoke hang between his lips and he scooped her up. Her color was a blueish grey, and she had bright blue eyes. 

Dustin grinned and she wagged her little tail - he took his smoke from between his lips and she licked his face. "Hello my sweet girl, you wanna come home with me?" He kissed her face and she started whimpering, and getting all frantic - "Aww you're just too cute, I'm in love - you're my sweet little baby.." 

Seth smirked as he came into the room, "So you're going to take her then?" Dustin laughed, "Hell yes I'm taking her, I... am already in love." Seth laughed softly, "She's in love too by the look of it - what are you going to call her?" Dustin looked at her little face, "You're my sweet little Bon Bon, aren't you.." Seth snorted,  and Dustin laughed, "Bonfire.." 

"Cute.. Dustin and Bon Bon - You always did strike me as being a bit of a pyro.." Seth said as he started measuring out some bottles of H. Dustin smirked, "I ..am, I love fire.." Seth smirked, "Hey Seth?" Dustin sat next to him on the desk, "Can you give me another lock box?" 

Seth lifted his gaze, "Sure thing - you okay Babyface? You seem  a bit on edge." Dustin nodded, "Just.. yeah no - I am, shit has been a bit fucked up." Seth frowned, "Is it Jay?" He nuzzled his face against Bon Bon and Seth said - "I saw Mack the other day - he said he heard you guys fighting.." 

Dustin shrugged, "It.. was nothing, that's not it - just.. I dunno. I guess we broke up." He whispered the last part and Seth said, "I'm really sorry to hear that Babyface - hey.. look me and Magda are going to a club on Friday night - its well its a big concert thing? Her brother's band ZIllah's playing, you remember Tristan right? - you wanna come? I can get you tickets - well Mags can." 

Dustin smiled, "Yeah? ..And Yeah I love Zillah, it could be fun. Maybe a distraction will help." Bon Bon licked his face and Seth nodded, "Magda still wants to do your first tattoo too, whenever you're ready." Dustin grinned and he said, "I love Mags, I haven't seen her for a while, where is she tonight?" 

Seth laughed and he said, "Oh you know... she's at some club dancing around poles.." Dustin smirked and he said, "You don't get jealous about your wife dancing around poles for other men to stuff money in her panties?"

Seth smirked, "It isn't just men that stick money in her panties Baby." Dustin laughed  and Seth smirked - "Nah.. I don't get jealous, if she wants to you play with someone else - I don't mind, she's always careful - sometimes I join in." 

Dustin blushed and he said, "So.. its not being a perve or whatever.." 

Seth laughed softly, "You know sometimes I forget that you're still innocent and sweet as well as a total fucking psycho.. no there's nothing wrong with it - or at least I don't think so. But then maybe its cos I am a perve.." They both laughed and Seth was looking at him, "Why'd you and Jay break up?"

Dustin went quiet and then he said, "It.. It's a mess. I.. I don't really want to talk about it - I'll just end up losing my shit." Seth nodded, "Fair enough Baby. So you'll come Friday?" He scribbled down an address on a piece of paper and then he got up - grabbing a bigger, lock box. He slipped the paper inside along with the drugs. 

"So you got your H, pills some weed - and then the shit to sell." Seth said - and Dustin stroked his fingers against Seth's face and then he kissed his forehead. 

"Thank you." He said softly. "Will you tell Mags that I'll come see her soon, so we can.. talk about my tattoo." Seth laughed softly, "Definitely, oh hey you know how you built me that charger? Man.. its been working - all my tools for the shop work much better now. I don't know how you come up with all that shit - but its saved me so much fucking time. Having a legit business and a.. well not so legit one." They both laughed, "I need all the help I can get." 

Dustin smiled, "Well you always help me, so its.. only fair I can help you too. Ya know?" Seth's eyes crinkled up and he said softly, "I know that Eddie loved you, he loved you so damn much D, its a good thing I can keep an eye out for his baby brother." 

Dustin's eyes welled up and Seth said softly - "Aww shit man." Seth gave him a cuddle and Dustin whispered - "I really, really fucking miss him - he would have loved Bon Bon." He scratched behind her ears and Seth let out a soft chuckle, "Bonfire - its actually really cute." 

Dustin grinned, "We're gonna have so much fun driving in our care Bon, you can have your head out the window when you get big - and howl like wolf." Seth snickered and then he said, "Hold on a minute." He got up and when he came back he had a little leather arm cuff with spikes. He clipped it around her neck and Dustin grinned, "...Perfect." Seth carried Dustin's lockbox and they went back outside to his car. Then headed back to Dustin's. 

***

Jay and Steve were still waiting for their pizza  - when Seth's car came back. Jay saw the lock box Seth was carrying - and Dustin had something inside his coat - Steve muttered, "The ..fucking .." He knew what was in the lockbox. They watched as Seth opened the back of the mustang and put it in the back seat. 

"Fucking he's.. why is he cuddling him." Steve grit his teeth and Jay said - "...I told you, he is friendly." Dustin opened the passenger side and took something out of his coat - setting in the passenger seat, and then he came back around to the drivers side. Dustin and Seth hugged and Steve felt Jay tense up beside him. 

Seth laughed at something Dustin said - "I'll see you on Friday yeah?" Steve and Jay both were sitting there frowning. "Yeah.. Friday." Dustin said and he slipped his sunglasses back on. "Why is he wearing sunglasses at night.." Steve muttered and then he growled, "Stop touching him asshole." As Seth gently stroked Dustin's cheek. Dustin bumped his fist against Seth's and said, "Later.. Give Mags a kiss for me." Seth laughed, "Later Baby." Jay was breathing heavily and Steve felt Jay launch himself up - and then he was across the street.

"Sunshine.." Jay said breathless, and his voice a little rough. 

Dustin just tensed up, his hands were shaking - "What." His voice was still too quiet, and Jay said softly - "...Will you please talk to me." 

"You look a little busy. We don't have anything to say. Are you at the trailer right now?" Dustin still wouldn't look at him and Jay said - "Later... I.." He placed his hand on Dustin's back and Dustin shrugged - "So I can go and get my shit then." Jay breathed out in a rush and he whispered - "So.. you're leaving?"

Jay pressed himself in closer and he whispered against Dustin's ear, "I don't want you to leave... I don't want to lose you."

"We don't always get what we want." Dustin said, his voice too soft and barely any emotion. He opened the car door and got in - locking it and Jay stared at it - not being able to see Dustin. He stepped back as Dustin turned the engine on - it roared to life, the vibration of it felt like it was going through his entire body. Jay stepped back and then Dustin pulled out slowly - and he sped off up the street. "Fuck.." Jay curled his arms around himself and stared up at the sky - Jay made his way back across the street. 

Steve finally had the pizza he was staring at Jay, and Jay tugged his hood up and muttered, "Lets go - I.. can't go home for a bit, he ..wants some space.. to get his stuff." 

Steve frowned and he said softly, "I'm.. really fucking sorry Jay."

Jay said nothing, and they got back into the truck - Steve watched as Jay curled his arms over the steering wheel and he wasn't sure what to say - Jay started the truck, and then started driving - "Why don't you just go and talk to him." Steve said softly, "Just.. drop me off and go talk to him Jay.." 

"I can't." Jay's voice was rough, and Steve knew he was crying. He let out a soft exhale and he said softly, "Do you want us both to go and talk to him?" Jay breathed out harshly and he said shakily, "Steve.. just.. stop... okay?" Steve went quiet, and he said softly, "Okay."

When they got back to Steve's - Jay went outside and he sat out there with his hood up, smoking and staring into the pool and Steve put the pizza on the kitchen counter. He flopped down on the sofa and sat their biting on his thumbnail. He fell asleep on the sofa before he even had to drink himself into a blackout.

Chapter Text

Later that night when Jay left Steve's - he realized that Dustin hadn't been there, at least not yet. There was no sign of him having been at the trailer at all - his stuff was all still there, in exactly the same place it had been that morning. Jay breathed out shakily, and he laid back against the unmade bed - on the bare mattress. He stared up at the ceiling and rubbed his hands over his face. Jay got up and stripped off his shirt - and then lit a cigarette, he took a drag - exhaling slowly and then he went into the bathroom staring at his reflection - he flicked the light on and he rummaged around in the drawer. 

Jay took out the electric shaver and then he shaved all his hair off - brushing the hair off his body he took another drag on his cigarette and cleaned up the hair. He ran his fingers over his scalp - you could now see the scar across the side of his head that had been hidden before by his hair. 

You could see the crow tattoo under his ear. Jay went and sat on the sofa - flopping into it while he finished his smoke. Without his hair - he had a sharper, slightly edgier look - and he blew smoke rings into the air. Jay used to always have a shaved head - he'd only grown it out before coming to Hawkins. The familiar soft fuzz felt good under his fingers - it made him look older, Jay finished his smoke and then he went and took a shower. 

He sighed as he sat back on the bed and then he just laid down - he didn't even make it, he just laid there staring at the ceiling - not being able to go to sleep. He got back up when the sun peeked through the crack in the blackout's and went into the kitchen, drinking black coffee and then getting dressed. He didn't want to go to school, it seemed completely mundane and pointless. Jay did though - he ignored the looks - and when lunchtime came around, he slumped into his seat - Will was just staring at him. 

"You - shaved your hair off." He said quietly, and Jay looked at him from under his lashes. "Mhmm." Was his reply. Mike sat down - "Holy shit.." Jay smirked, "It's just a hair cut boyo's don't have a fit." They both laughed, and Mike rubbed his head suddenly. 

"It's bitchin - makes you look badass." Mike snickered, and Will said - "Have you guys seen Dustin at all yet?" Mike shook his head, and he elbowed Will who went quiet and Jay growled out, "Lucas - anyone seen him?" 

Mike said softly, "Nope.. I think he's been hanging out with his jock buddies." Will reached down under the table and he curled his fingers with Mike. "I can't believe they had fight.." Will said softly. 

"Lucas is lucky Dustin didn't kick his ass worse than he did." Mike was smirking and Jay stayed quiet. Garrett sat down next to Jay - "Hey guys." He offered Jay his apple and Jay laughed, "Why do you always get them if you don't like them?" Garrett shrugged, "I figure you need to eat them." Jay snorted and across the cafeteria Lucas was sitting with the jocks. 

"He's being a total asshole." Mike said, "He totally tries to claim Max, she disses him - and the entire time he's been sneaking around with El? Seems pretty dodgy and Hopper still thinks I'm an asshole?" He scoffed - "Wonder if he knows they've been screwing." Will said softly, "Why do you even care?" 

"Because - even though El and I didn't work out, she doesn't deserve to be treated like she's a dirty little secret - that's why. Nobody should be treated that way - it's fucked up." Jay watched as Mike actually gripped Will's chin and then he kissed him - not caring at all who was watching, and Will was just left stunned - breathless and Jay smirked, "That's dead fucking right Wheeler - who gives a fuck, don't hide your love away like its wrong." 

Mike was blushing, but he said - "Fucking Steve.. Max told me what he was doing to Dustin - that's fucked up. He's a douche bag.. and Nance said he.. at the engagement party.." Mike was just staring at Jay - "You were never fucking ashamed, Eddie would have been so fucking proud of you, you and Dustin."

Jay gave Mike a fist bump and poor Will - he was still lost in fairy land. "Huh.. yeah.." He said softly - and Jay smirked, "I think you killed him with your pillow lips Wheeler." Mike gave him the finger and Jay laughed. They looked up as Max made her way slowly over - she'd regained her strength but still took a little while to get around. 

She sat down next to Jay - and she looked at him, averting her gaze and then she picked up his apple and took a bite. "See someone always eats it." Garett muttered beside him and Jay snorted.

Max reached up and rubbed his head - "Bitchin." She peered at Will, "You okay?" She held out the apple and Will took a bite - getting juice all over his face - and Jay thought Max was going to fall out of her chair as Mike licked his face an then kissed him again. 

"Okay what the hell?! Since when did you two fall out the closet - I thought you were both stuck so far in there you were in fucking Narnia." Jay laughed hard and Max snickered - "I'm in the fucking twilight zone."  She was suddenly glaring across the cafeteria - and then she gave Lucas the finger. "Fucking shit bird stalker." She looked at Jay, "You seen the flame thrower?" Jay just watched her quietly, "No.." He murmured, "You?"

"Not so far today - I think Tate said he saw him.. behind the gym, so he was either smoking weed - or he was dealing.." She shrugged and Mike said - "Dealing?" Max sighed, "Jesus Christ Wheeler I've only been back five minutes and I know more about what Dustin's been up to than you do and you've been here the entire goddamn time." 

She shook her juice and then opened it - sharing it with Garrett who offered her his twinkie. "Yum, thanks." She shoved the entire thing into her mouth and Jay just laughed - "You're.. somethin else." He said softly - She gave him a smile, mouth full of twinkie and he shook his head. 

"So are you actually going to play D&D with us now?" Will asked her. 

"Maybe, Dustin's been teaching me some shit.. so.. we will see Will the Wise." Will bit her finger as she pointed at him - "The hell is going on over there." Max narrowed her eyes - and they all looked in the direction she was looking. 

Dustin had walked right up to Andy - ignoring the insults from his cronies. 

"Andrew.." Dustin smirked, "Wanna come with me and discuss that thing you were talking about a few nights back?"

Andy just looked at him, not throwing any insults - "Uh.. yeah?" He looked both nervous and uncomfortable, and Jay felt a flutter of heat in his stomach, just watching Dustin. "Well hurry up then.." 

"The fuck are you doing Andy?" Ben - one of the other assholes said, "Shut the fuck up." Andy said - and then he looked at Dustin, "Where are we going." 

Dustin rolled his eyes, "Well I don't think you wanna talk about it here.. so lets go." 

Garrett murmured, "Lets hope he doesn't shit his pants like last time." Him and Mike started snickering - and Jay said softly, "I'll be back - gotta piss." He kept a distance but followed them. And sure enough Dustin and Andy went into the bathroom. 

***

"Why did you change your mind?" Andy asked him and Dustin looked over his shoulder - "I don't know actually, maybe its just because I know what its like.. to want a fix and you can't find one." He checked the stalls and they were all empty, "In here.." 

Andy just stood there and Dustin said, "Do you want to buy them or not asshole, I haven't fucking got all day." Andy scratched his neck and he looked nervous. 

"Fucking shit bird.." Dustin said darkly, shoving him into the stall and he shut the door. Locking it. 

Andy took his hat off, raking his fingers through his hair - and Dustin smirked, taking it from him - he put it back on Andy's head but backwards. 

"Calm down Andrew." Dustin moved in closer and Andy looked terrified, "I'm not going to bite." 

Jay had stepped into the bathroom and he pulled himself up onto the sinks - listening - and he was a bit anxious himself, he almost felt like Steve at that point - obsessed and  following Dustin like a stalker. 

Dustin smirked at Andy, "Unless you're into that kinda thing - but even then, you're not my type - I don't like uptight repressed assholes." 

Jay smirked at that and lit a cigarette, and he heard Andy say - "I'm not.."

Dustin raised his eyebrow, "A homophobic asshole?"

Andy sighed, "Gay."

Jay felt his jaw twitch as he heard Dustin say, "So why'd you offer to suck my cock that night then.."

Andy muttered, "I told you, I need.. pills - I.. fuck are you just messing with me?'

"No.. I have them, I am just messing with you." Dustin said softer, "I don't expect you to do anything, how many do you want." 

Andy muttered softly, "How many have you got?" 

Dustin pushed Andy so he was sitting on the toilet and then he reached into his bag and held out a bag of pills. "Two hundred." Andy nodded and then he opened his own bag, fishing out the money and he handed it to Dustin. "So.. can I get more off you if I need them?" 

Andy was looking up at him and Dustin smirked, "Yeah if you behave yourself."

Jay took another drag on his smoke - they were both talking so softly, that he was having trouble hearing them. 

"Hey.. thanks man." Andy rubbed his hands over his face and Dustin just leaned back against the door - "You're welcome Andrew." His voice was soft, the amusement obvious and Andy said, "Why do you always call me that.." Dustin laughed softly, "Because - you like it." 

Andy muttered, "Fuck off."

Jay flicked his cigarette in the sink. And he bit his thumbnail. 

"Do you do other drugs, or just pills?" Dustin asked him and Andy said - "Weed, I don't really do much else though - do you?" 

Dustin laughed, "Yeah.. I do all kinds of drugs."

"I thought you were a total fucking nerd loser - and a weirdo - you know.. into all that Satanist bullshit." Andy grabbed his Gatorade out of his bag and took a swig - and then he offered it to Dustin. "Hmm.. Well I am still a weirdo, and into all that Satanist bullshit.." He smirked and gulped down some of the drink.

"You're really a satanist?" Andy was looking at him and Dustin smirked and leaned in closer - "Oh no.. I'm the Devil."

Jay actually grinned and really had to try not to laugh. 

"The fuck is wrong with you - you're crazy - what were you on the other night when I saw you.." Andy said, "You were high as balls or something - you looked like you had been digging around in dirt." Dustin smirked and then right next to Andy's face he whispered, "Booom." And his hand he flicked his flames and it reflected in his eyes which were dark. 

"What the fuck!" Andy yelled it and Dustin laughed, letting them go out again. 

Andy looked completely terrified - and Dustin smirked, "Relax, if I wanted to set you on fire - you'd know."

"....What the fuck." Andy was just staring and Dustin used the sooty ash on his fingertips to right Hellfire Lives on the stall wall. 

"..Want me to show you a trick with the pills?" He asked, amusement and mischief still in his voice and Andy whispered, "Are you gonna set them on fire too - fucking Christ Henderson."

"No.. not Christ.. something else.." He patted Andy's head - "Okay, here." He took the compact out of his bag and then a couple of pills - grinding them up he rolled up a dollar bill and then snorted one of them up and held it out to Andy. "Works faster, but.. start slow if you've never done it before. You don't want to burn your nostrils out." 

Andy looked anxious and Dustin said softly, "It works, trust me.." He raised his eyebrow, and Andy muttered, "Okay.. yeah.." He snorted the other line and then hissed, "Fuck that's horrible -" 

"Stop being a pussy." Dustin growled softly and laughed. "..You've never snorted anything before?"

Jay looked up as two of his fellow teammates came into the bathroom. "What are you doing in here Calvarez? Where'd your boyfriend go.?" Jay just ignored them. 

Andy was looking like a deer in headlights, and Dustin leaned in closer - pressing his hand over Andy's mouth - his eyes still dark and amused. "Ssh.. you don't want them to know we're in here together. Don't worry about Jay... he's just spying on me. Probably thinks we're in here having hot sex." 

Andy pulled his hand away and whispered, "Shut the fuck up." 

Dustin just grinned and Andy actually grinned back, "You're crazy." Andy whispered, and Dustin laughed loud - Andy's eyes going wide. "Oh you want me to get you off?' He said - and Andy was panicking. 

"Fucking gross - who is that.. fucking faggots everywhere in this place." Ricky said, looking at Jay - "We should just beat the shit out of you right now, infecting the place with your dirty perverted bullshit." Then he smashed his fist into Jay's face and Jay snarled and hit him back. Dustin tensed up and then he looked at Andy, "Stay here." He opened the door and stepped out, and Andy locked the door behind him. His gaze met Jay's - who was breathing out harsh and breathless, but Dustin knew he was both turned on, and wanting to burn shit down. 

"What were you just saying?" Dustin stepped in closer and then he smacked the palm of his hand hard into Ricky's face, making him bite his upper lip. "Fucking asshole."

Dustin threw him at Jay - who started hitting him hard and then Dustin grabbed the other asshole and took him into a stall, "I should wash your mouth out.." He snarled and then dunked his head in the toilet and flushed it - "You're the fucking disease you piece of shit." 

He punched him in the face - and then slammed him into the floor - Jay had a bloody nose and he was breathing hard - Dustin thought Jay looked crazy and wild. And he stepped in closer - "Are you okay.." He asked softly, Jay breathed out heavily and then he pulled Dustin in closer - resting their foreheads together. 

He let out a soft exhale, and Dustin curled his hands into fists at his sides, wanting to touch - but he didn't. Jay was watching Dustin's face - Dustin opened his eyes, staring up at Jay quietly. They were both still breathless - and then he realized that Jay had shaved his hair off. 

He suddenly reached up and stroked his fingers over Jay's head, and Jay breathed out heavier - his eyes closing this time. Dustin stroked his fingers, he let out a shaky exhale and stepped back. 

Jay's eyes opened and Dustin looked down at the two boys they'd just beaten bloody - he looked back at Jay from under his lashes, and then he wiped Jay's nose against his sleeve gently. Jay just kept staring at him, and Dustin stepped back again - the stall door opened. 

Andy looked down and he said, "You two really fucked up Ricky and Scott." He was high, and lax and he grinned at Dustin. "You're totally fucking psycho Henderson - and you scare the shit out of me."

"Well you should be scared." Jay's voice was rough, and had a dangerous edge to it and Dustin shivered a little. Andy just stared at Jay - and then he said, "We weren't doing anything - he just.. I brought some pills - I didn't."

Dustin just stared at Andy, "You can go now Andrew." 

The other boy nodded, and he said softly - "Yeah? Yeah - okay.. Shit.." He quickly went past Jay - who was just staring at Andy and he stepped forward, Andy nearly skidded into the wall. Dustin gripped the back of his shirt - and corrected his path. 

"There's the door Andrew." Amusement in his voice. 

"Fuck yeah shit." Andy mumbled, and he looked at Dustin, "Thanks.." Dustin just gave him a nod - and Andy looked at Jay, who growled at him and Andy practically ran out the door. 

Jay let out a soft exhale - and Dustin lifted his gaze, "So you've been dealing?" Jay asked as he stepped in closer. Dustin stepped back, his voice quiet - and still a little breathless. "Yeah. Is there something wrong with me doing that?" He went back into the stall and picked up his bag, slinging it over his shoulder and then he washed his hands - splashing some cold water on his face. Jay was leaning back against the wall near the doorway. "No, I just didn't realize you were dealing for Seth." His voice still rough - and Dustin could feel the intensity of his gaze. 

"It's nothing to be concerned about, I've been doing it for a while." He said simply, and his gaze met Jay's in the mirror. "Seth's dangerous." Jay growled and Dustin just smirked. Which made Jay feel irrationally angry - "Oh Jay.. c'mon.." Dustin laughed, "Really?" He turned around and then looked at him from under his lashes - "You think I can't take care of myself? That's cute." His voice was ice cold and Dustin's gaze was dark - he was pissed, and Jay breathed out slowly. "You don't always think about the shit that you're doing." Jay growled. 

He really wasn't thinking before he spoke. You really need to shut the fuck up - What are you doing?

"That's right, I forgot - I'm irrational, anything else you wanna say Jay? All of a sudden I can't take care of my own shit? I need you to protect me and keep me safe? Between you and Steve - I'm a goddamn wreck, I'm irrational, I'm a junkie - what else, oh yeah - I'm a slut and a whore." Dustin's voice was too quiet again and Jay felt his stomach get too tight. 

"Don't treat me like I'm fucking stupid. I'm not stupid - you want to help him? So go fucking help him - hold his hand - He chose to run away, again - and you know after all the times of him treating me like shit - he wanted me to talk to him. What was I supposed to fucking say - I give up. I'm sick of it - sick and tired and I can't do it anymore. And now you actually want me too. Instead of being on my side like you have been - you want me to keep doing it.." Dustin said softly, the coldness still there. 

Dustin said almost inaudibly, "You did a complete three-sixty turn on me, and I don't fucking care if you think I'm irrational or crazy - its what you did. And you were still doing it last night because you were still with him. And I don't believe that you weren't fucking around with him this entire time. If you weren't you want too - that's why you want to help him - I have only got myself to blame, I thought I could have both - and I lost you, because of him - its always because of him. Don't concern yourself with what I'm doing anymore. It doesn't matter - I can take care of myself.." 

Jay breathed out sharply, and he reached out - curling his fingers around Dustin's wrist as he tried to leave the bathroom. "Sunshine... please." Jay said softly - "No." Dustin whispered, "No Jay. Let go of me." He breathed out shakily and Jay murmured, "Don't let him destroy us." 

Dustin whispered, "You let him destroy us, you chose him - so - do whatever you want, save him or don't but I don't care anymore. And I'm not going to let you break me either - I'm not letting either of you do it. I'm only hanging on by a thread - there isn't much of me left..."

Jay gently pulled Dustin in closer and he murmured, "I love you.." He ghosted his fingers over Dustin's face and whispered, "I remember this face.." Tears slid down Dustin's face and he whispered, "Please.. please don't do this to me." Jay murmured, "Come home - come home.. please, please come home to me, where you belong.." 

Dustin let out a pained whimper and then he pushed Jay away, and ran out of the bathroom. Jay breathed out harshly - it hurt to breathe - but it also hurt because what Dustin had said was true, he hadn't stood with Dustin in the right way. 

And now the worst possible thing had happened - his stomach lurched  painfully and Jay ended up vomiting in one of the stalls. He left school and went back home - but it felt horrible without Dustin being there - Jay didn't know what to do. He felt like he was losing his shit - he breathed out harshly, his stomach hurt and he couldn't sleep - he couldn't sleep without Dustin next to him. He was starting to understand why Steve hit the bottle every night. He was starting to lose his damn mind - just like Harrington. 

***

"Fuck!" FUCK!" Jay yelled at the ceiling - and Jay breathed out harshly, hearing knocking at the door - he wiped at his face and breathed out shakily - he slid off the bed, when Jay opened it he just stared at Steve and said hoarsely, "What the fuck do you want Homewrecker."

Steve looked like shit, his voice rough as he said, "I walked here - I don't know." 

Jay muttered, "Fuck sake.." He just left the door open as he walked away and then flopped into sofa, pulling Dustin's blanket over himself. Steve walked inside and he shut the door - he sat in the chair that Jay usually sat in - looking at Jay curled up under Dustin's blanket. Then he just stared up at the ceiling. Steve curled his arms around himself and let his eyes close. "Fuck you, fuck you - you fucking asshole." Jay was muttering under the blanket. "Why don't you just fucking fuck off." He pulled the blanket back and Steve said - "You cut your hair off.." Jay pulled one of his boots off and threw it at Steve, yelling at him "What do you want!"

"I don't know. I wanted to drink - I wanted to drink and I thought if I came here - I wouldn't." Steve said hoarsely.

Jay just stared up at the ceiling. "You should drink yourself to fucking death." He spat. Steve flinched and Jay threw his other boot at him too. It hit Steve and Jay snarled, "Asshole." Jay just started crying - and Steve said softly, "Jay.."

"What?! What do you want!" Jay got up and he got in Steve's face - "What the fuck do you want!" He growled, and Steve pulled Jay into his lap - and then he kissed him. 

Jay let out a strangled noise in his throat, and Steve gripped Jay's hips - holding on and he licked into Jay's mouth. Jay felt his body tense up and he broke the kiss - "Fuck is .. the fuck is this?" His voice was rough - he still had tears streaming down his face and Steve muttered, "Just.. kiss me.."

Jay breathed out harshly, "Fuck you, no.." Steve leaned in and he licked against Jay's throat and Jay gripped his hand against Steve's chest - pushing him away. He's going to take you from me.  

Jay breathed out harshly, and Steve's fingers gripped against his hips - "It's okay.." Steve murmured against his mouth, and Jay let out a shaky exhale. "It's okay Jay.." Steve's fingers stroked under his shirt against his bare skin and Jay whispered, "This is not fucking okay.."

"Yeah... It is, it's just you and me." Steve's voice was husky and soft and then he licked into Jay's mouth again and Jay growled, and he kissed Steve back - he wasn't thinking about the fact that he shouldn't, he just wanted too. 

Steve deepened the kiss, and he sucked on Jay's bottom lip - and Jay growled, "The fuck are you doing Harrington.." 

Steve murmured, "It's just a little taste.." Jay curled his fingers against Steve's chest, and Steve's hands left his hips - his fingers slid under his shirt against his back and Jay breathed out sharply. 

Steve shifted a little, and then he tugged his own shirt off and Jay muttered, "I don't want to do this." Steve stroked his fingers against his back again and Jay let his eyes close - "I think.. you do." Steve said softly.

"Fuck you.." Jay breathed out, Steve lifted Jay's arms above his head - lifting his shirt off and Jay let out a shaky breath as Steve's fingers stroked feather light down his arms, just like Jay had done to him the night in the bedroom. 

Jay felt himself shiver and Steve licked at his mouth again, his voice husky as he said, "Kiss me." 

Jay stared at him and Steve murmured, "You want too, you've wanted too ever since we first did.." Jay breathed out against Steve's face and he growled, "I fucking hate you."

"I know, but you're still hard - you still want to touch me. Want my tongue in your mouth." Steve murmured - "I wanna make you feel good." 

Jay bit his lip as Steve gripped his hips, and ground up into him - Steve was hard, and Jay was losing his damn mind. "Let me." Moaned it against his ear, and Jay groaned softly, "Fuck.. stop it.."

Steve breathed out against his throat and murmured against his ear, "I wanna fuck.." 

Jay growled out, "You're not fucking me." Steve whispered, "Then fuck me.." Jay gripped Steve's hair - and he growled, "We... I can't, I don't .." 

Steve kissed him hungrily and Jay kissed him back, they were fucking each others mouths, the kiss was brutal almost - needy and deep and Steve moaned, "You want too, you.. wanna fuck me." 

"Shut the fuck up.." Jay growled and Steve murmured, "He already thinks we have.. so.. he wanted us too anyway." Jay gripped Steve's throat and then he hissed - "Why are you doing this." 

Steve whispered, "Because you taste like him, and I want him - I want you.." Jay actually shivered, and Steve murmured, "You.. think it too - and if we can't have him.." 

Jay actually wanted to punch his face. He'd broken Dustin - ended it, and then Dustin had ended things with him - and now Steve was going after him.

He's going to take you from me. 

Jay pulled himself free and he got out of Steve's lap. "You need to get the fuck out." He growled. Steve stared up at him - and Jay breathed out shakily. "We...can get him back Jay.." Steve said softly, "..we can get him back." 

Jay breathed out shakily, "You want him back?" He realized that Steve had never stopped wanting him - "You stupid asshole. He was right this entire fucking time - you got scared and pushed him away again and you fucked every thing up." Steve had tears in his eyes, and Jay flopped back down in the sofa - staring at the ceiling. "And now we're both fucked. I'm so sick of your fucking bullshit.." Jay said hoarsely - "You.. did all of this for nothing. I love him, and because of you.." Steve moved closer and Jay growled, "Get away from me.."

Steve moved over him and Jay growled, "No you asshole!" He slapped at Steve's face and Steve murmured, "We can get him back.. both of us.. he loves us - you know he does. You can help me.. you have helped me, Jay.." 

He breathed out shakily and then Jay tangled his fingers in Steve's hair and he kissed him angrily, biting at his mouth he growled "Shut the fuck up. Shut up!" Steve moaned softly, and Jay grunted softly - "Take your fucking pants off." Steve shifted, taking his pants off and Jay tugged his off and then he pulled Steve back into his lap. They both moaned, rocking together and Steve gasped against Jay's mouth as Jay tangled his fingers into Steve's hair. 

Jay sucked against Steve's throat, biting down and they rutted together, both of them desperate to get each other off - and Steve spat into his hand and then curled his hand around Jay's cock, and Jay tilted his head back, Steve licked against Jay's throat and he whispered against his ear, "I want you to cum for me.. and I'll lick it all up, fuck..." Jay grunted softly, and Steve pumped his fist - Jay suddenly took hold of Steve's arms and pinned them behind his back. 

"Shut up." His voice breathless, and Steve sucked against Jay's bottom lip - they kept rocking together, and then Jay bit against Steve's bottom lip as he came, Steve gasped  and Jay licked against his mouth kissing Steve and silencing him as Steve came too, both of them riding out their orgasm - and then Jay relaxed back into the sofa and Steve breathless, shifted and Jay watched with heavy eyes as Steve lapped up their cum from Jay's stomach, "Fuck sake.." He muttered - Steve licked his lips, and Jay tugged him back up - kissing him and licking into his mouth, tasting them both.

Steve kissed Jay back - the two of them going quiet, and Jay stared up at the ceiling. What the hell are you doing. Steve shifted and Jay lay down on his back and Steve laid down beside him. Jay let out a soft shaky exhale. He really just wanted Dustin - he was tired, but he wasn't sure if he was going to sleep. Steve pulled the blanket up over them - and Jay let his eyes close. with Steve's warmth, an the smell of Dustin on the blanket - Jay actually did drift off - for the first time since he'd last been with Dustin. 

Chapter Text

He'd thought that if he'd gone to the trailer while Jay had been at school he wouldn't have been there. And he had been wrong. So fucking wrong. Dustin's heart was broken. He let out a soft breath, tears slid silently down his face. Bonfire wagged her tail and licked his tears away and he breathed out shakily - laying in the dark he curled his fingers against her ears, wishing he hadn't gone at all. That he'd just stayed away. So he hadn't seen what he'd seen - so he could just erase it from his mind.

Because suspicion was a lot different than reality. And reality was also a lot different from fantasy. A stupid, stupid fantasy of wanting someone - two people that you believed that you loved. That you thought loved you. And realizing that he'd been wrong. He was always so wrong.

Dustin raced from his bed into his bathroom and dry heaved, he vomited. Not much in his stomach as usual - he closed his eyes tightly. Dustin had gone to the trailer, during school hours to get his stuff - and when he'd got there Jay's trailer had been there.

He had been hesitant about going in and he should have just left - he should have listened to his instinct. But Dustin just proved how stupid he actually was - and once he'd gone inside? The image that he saw, would be forever burned into his mind. The reality of it - the pain, crashing in on him like a tonne weight. The fact that he'd been lied too. Jay and Steve were naked and tangled up together on the sofa - asleep.

Dustin didn't know how he did it - but he quietly collected his personal things, and that's all he took. His books and clothes and his crap out of the bathroom - not making any sound and then he just left.

He didn't rage, he didn't cry - he didn't confront them. He just operated on autopilot and then went back to his moms. It didn't feel like home anymore. Jay had felt like home and now that was gone. His whole world felt like it had been pulled out from underneath him again. Dustin got up off the bathroom floor and flushed the toilet - he splashed cold water on his face, and then he went and crawled back into bed. He bit softly on his bottom lip.

Bonfire was playing and being silly and he rubbed her soft little tummy as she laid down beside him. Her bright blue eyes looking at him - Dustin kissed her little wet nose and whispered, "It's just you and me Bon Bon. Boyfriends suck - who needs them."

She licked his face and he whispered, "Yeah.. fuck em." He let out a sob and buried his face into his pillow, gasping out painfully - his stomach hurt, his chest hurt - everything hurt. Dustin went and took a shower - he got dressed and put his eyeliner on so his mom wouldn't realized he'd spent most of the night crying.

He didn't speak to her much - she left for work and Dustin scooped Bonfire up, wishing her could take her with him to school - he didn't even want to go to school. Dustin sighed softly - he just wanted to stay in bed and not think - just go to sleep.

He gave her lots of kisses and whispered, "I'll see you later my sweet baby girl." He made sure she had her toys and food and water. She looked at him and whimpered, and Dustin sniffled, "I'll.. come back soon." He scratched behind her ears and then put his Walkman in his bag and headed out.

***

When Jay woke up - he untangled himself from Steve and headed into the bathroom to take a piss. He was still half asleep and struggling to wake himself up - but when he washed his hands, Jay felt his stomach churn, because he realized straight away - the drowsiness of sleep replaced by the cold hard reality that Dustin's stuff was no longer in the bathroom.

He checked to make sure - but all his hair stuff, his nail polish - his bath stuff. It was all gone - Jay went back into the living room, and Dustin's books - his other little bits and pieces, they were gone too. And then when he went into the bedroom - the wardrobe was open, and all of Dustin's clothes were gone.

The air felt like it was sucked from his lungs - "No.. fuck." Jay breathed out shakily, because he knew - he knew that Dustin must have come and gone, while him and Steve were asleep. Which meant he saw them - and the fact that he'd just come and gone silently - that meant he was fucked, Dustin had just left.

Jay rubbed his hands over his face - knowing how it would have looked, and the fact that there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it - scared the crap out of him. It was like the universe was punishing him - he'd known it was a bad idea, and this just proved it.

Jay curled his hands over his head, he just wanted him back - he felt sick for even doing what he did with Steve, it made him hate himself even more. He was a piece of shit like Steve - he hated Steve too.

All he wanted was his Sunshine, his beautiful Boy. Jay breathed out harshly - they'd been so happy together just the two of them, and now everything was fucked. He got up and walked into the living room and Steve was sitting up, yawning.

Jay saw red, blind fury - he lunged at Steve, and snarled, "Remember when I told you if it changed and he hated you I'd fuck you up?" He punched Steve hard and yanked him off the sofa. Steve growled back, "What the fuck is wrong with you." Jay hit him again, in the face and snarled, "You piece of shit - he's fucking gone, he's left me - and its your fault!"

Steve punched him back, but Jay was faster - and he punched Steve again in the ribs, getting in a few hits - and then he just hauled to his feet again and dragged Steve to the door and threw him out - "Get the fuck out of my face before I kill you!" He yelled, throwing Steve's boots out the door as well, and then he slammed it shut.

***

Steve was so confused, he'd woken up and then Jay had stormed into the room - psychotic and raging at him, and then attacked him. He spat blood out of his mouth, he'd paused on the way to pull his boots on. "Fucking psychotic asshole." He muttered, his face hurt - and his ribs.

He walked home - and then the reality of what Jay had been raging about sank in and Steve ended up puking on the side of the road - because he understood his rage and then he was scared because it meant that Dustin had come and got his stuff and said nothing - he hadn't even gotten angry.

He'd seen them, and then left. Steve was sobbing as he walked - his hands were shaking - and Steve managed to get home. The silence was deafening - he washed his face and rinsed his mouth out. Sitting on the bathroom floor, Steve laid down on the floor - feeling the coolness of the floor against his back he breathed out shakily.

It made him think about the morning he'd last spoken to Dustin - the cool gentleness of his fingers and Steve wished he could just go back, and take it all back - and not have done or said what he did. He missed him, missed him so much it physically hurt. Steve was so fucked up because now he had feelings for Jay too and he wasn't even sure what the hell to do with that because Jay still hated him. Now more than ever.

Steve stared up at the ceiling and then he slowly got him and he went into his bedroom - he bit softly on his lip and then he dialed Hopper's number the churning in his stomach was making him feel nauseas - his hands were shaking so bad he could hardly dial the number.

And when Hop answered, Steve said shakily, "Hey Hop - it's Steve." The older man said gruffly "Hey kid - what's wrong?" Steve felt embarrassed as he burst into tears, but he said hoarsely - "I need help, I need help and I cant.. do this anymore." Hop said softly, "I'll be there soon kid." They hung up and Steve curled up on his side, and closed his eyes.

***

Dustin had gotten to school, but once he was there he really wished he hadn't gone. Classes went by in a slow torturous blur, he couldn't focus - and when lunchtime came, he felt like he was suffocating.

Dustin had his headphones on, and instead of sitting with the gang - he was sitting hidden under a block of stairs - hood up, hair hiding his face, music in his ears - he felt like throwing up. He didn't even want to go anywhere near the cafeteria. He got up, his legs didn't feel good - like they weren't going to hold him up. 

Dustin made his way back outside to the parking lot and he unlocked his car, nearly jumping out of his skin when someone gripped his shoulder, knife out - he held it to Andy's throat.

The other boy looked like he was about to have a nervous breakdown. Dustin slipped the knife back into the sheath and then slid his headphones off - "Fucking hell Henderson, what the fuck was that." Andy's voice was shaking.

Andy stepped back, rubbing at his neck and Dustin muttered - "Didn't hear you, what do you want?"

Andy scratched at his neck and then he said, "Uh. I didn't really say thank you properly the other day - Jay made me nervous." Dustin paled at the mention of Jay's name, and Andy reached into his pocket of his jacket and then handed him a piece of paper.

"I had a spare one, thought you might like it - I saw you uh, had a poster of theirs in your locker." Dustin looked at it and he looked at Andy.

"Uh, its funny I was thinking about going to this actually I just.. never got around to doing anything about it - I know one of the guys in the band, well and his sister." His voice soft, Andy said, "Yeah? I've seen them play before, they're one of my favorite local bands. You can still have it, now you don't have to hunt down a ticket."

Dustin just stood their awkward, and feeling a bit weird. "..I mean I'm not saying you have to go with me or anything."

Andy said quickly, "I mean you can if you want.." 

Dustin said quietly, "Do you want me to go with you Andrew?"

They both just stood there, and Andy said - "Uh.. do you want to?"

Dustin said quietly, "I'm not sure I'd be the best company, but.. I mean I guess? Sure.. why not. It's not like I'd be doing anything else.. sorry that sounded kind of shitty."

Andy just laughed, "Well its not every day you get invited by a guy that used to harass you."

Dustin smirked, "You'd be surprised actually."

Andy leaned up against the side of his car and he said, "You doing okay? You don't seem like yourself."

Dustin murmured, "Truthfully I've been better. Just.. yeah, I don't even know. I think I'm going to just ditch the rest of the day and go play with my puppy."

"You have a puppy? Tell me more? Unless you're like leaving now. I have one too his name is Roobix, well he's a little bit older than a puppy but he's still a goofball." 

Andy laughed - "He's a Brindle Bull terrier." Dustin opened the door and climbed in and then opened the back door for Andy - "Have a seat. My puppy's a blue nose pitty.. she's just a baby, her names Bonfire - Bon Bon."

Andy sat in the back seat, and Dustin lit a smoke, taking a drag and Andy said, "We should hang out take them to the lake - they usually love swimming Roo catches weeds."

Dustin laughed softly, "Bon just licks me all the time. And chews up my moms shit - she doesn't chew up my shit, just my Moms."

"I thought you lived with Jay." Andy paused, before he added - "I mean.. that's what you know - people say."

Dustin was staring down at his cigarette, "Not anymore." He said softly. "We're not...anymore." 

Andy said quietly - "That's why you're not you're usual self. I'm sorry man." 

Dustin shrugged and just went quiet, flicking his smoke away. "So you wanna go Friday?" Andy asked, and Dustin nodded - "Yeah I can do that." 

He gave Andy a soft smile, "This is kind of fucked up though - I mean."

"Well maybe its just time I grew the fuck up." Andy sighed, "I've been an asshole, and I'm sorry man. Genuinely - it all started because of Jason and his fucking obsession with Eddie. And I mean Jason was always jealous of Eddie's connection with Chrissy."

Dustin nodded, "Yeah I know."

"Plus, you really helped me out with the pills - I.. fucked my knee up with basketball, and have been in a shit load of pain - couldn't get any relief, I can hardly sleep most of the time. So.. yeah I mean I appreciate it." Andy was still wearing his hat backwards and Dustin just noticed it. "It's okay, I.. yeah like I said - I know what its like when you need a fix and can't get one."

"What I said too, about Eddie dying, that was a low blow - like shit low." And muttered, "I really am a cunt - like a lot, I don't really I'm just sorry."

"He wasn't my boyfriend by the way. Just like my big brother, slash best friend." Dustin smirked, "I'm not into incest." Andy laughed, "Gross man.. shit."

They were both laughing, and Andy said - "Hey.. um this is gonna sound really fucked up - that.. girl, the pretty one that was with you at the hospital - she is that missing girl, right?" 

Dustin eyed him and smirked, "Yes.. but we don't talk about her, remember?" Andy chewed on his thumbnail, "..What's the chances of her being at the concert with us?"

Dustin laughed, "Ahh so you want to meet her hmmm? Thank god I thought you were trying to secretly hit on me - it was getting kinda fucking awkward Andrew, I'm not even gonna lie."

Andy laughed, "Dude no.. I mean you're cool an everything, but you got the wrong bits."

"Bits? Oh bless your heart, you're a virgin." Dustin smirked and Andy was blushing - "Jesus Christ Henderson stop being an asshole."

Dustin laughed softly, "I'll talk to her, see if she'd be interested in coming with us. She's kind of shy though and well I dunno, it might not happen though okay? - and I warn you now, I am extremely over protective, not to mention that her Dad is too - so  if  you do something you shouldn't? I will hurt you Andrew, and painfully."

Andy nodded, "I understand, but you don't gotta worry - I just.. damn.. I saw her and, my heart man." He got a dreamy kind of look on his face.

Dustin just laughed, "Jesus you haven't even spoken to her properly and you're already whipped."

***

Jay had snuck out the back of the gym to have a cigarette and Dustin was sitting in his car talking to Andy - he looked completely miserable at first - till he started smiling, and then laughing and Jay felt the  jealousy burning hot and also anxiety, they seemed to be hanging out a lot. And he wasn't sure he actually liked it - simply because he really didn't like Andy, he was an asshole - or he acted like one most of the time.

He wasn't sure if it was because he was just an asshole - or if he was a repressed queer, or what his problem actually was - but the fact that he had Dustin's attention bothered him. Jay's heart hurt, he ached to be able to hold him, to be able to breathe him in. It was good to see him smiling, and Jay was happy - happy to see him laughing.

But Jay missed him so damn much he felt physically sick. He rubbed his hand over his head, seeing Andy give Dustin a one armed hug and then a fist bump. He let himself relax - it just seemed friendly but not anything else. It also seemed genuine.

Jay was biting on his thumbnail - he wanted to go and talk to Dustin, he wanted too desperately. But at the same time he didn't want to do it at school, or right then. He was deep in thought when Andy nearly crashed into him - scared eyes, and nervous. "Uh hey, um.. we weren't doing anything except talking." Andy said quietly.

"Did I say you were?" Jay asked, his voice was raspy from crying too much and Andy just looked at him, blushing and looking awkward. 

"Um yeah no - sorry." Andy muttered, he was holding his sleeves of his letterman jacket over his hands, and avoiding eye contact and Jay suddenly realized that Andy was absolutely terrified - it radiated off him in waves, and Jay placed his hand on the other boys shoulder. "Relax man, I'm not going to fucking hurt you." Andy visibly winced, and Jay frowned - removing his hand.

"Are you alright?" Jay asked, and Andy let out a soft exhale - "Yeah." He said quiet - too quiet. Jay looked at him, the way he was favoring his right side - the pain pills, the fear - "Andy?" Jay asked softly, the other boy finally met his gaze and Jay said quietly, "Is someone hurting you?" 

The other boy breathed out sharply, and he backed up - "No? No I'm fine man, its fine.." Andy was lying, nervous and Jay said - "If you're in trouble and you need help - you just need to ask for it, just ask someone that you trust for help - don't let it keep happening."

Andy breathed out all in a rush and then he said sharply, "I'm fine man. Are you going to the show to see Zillah play? Dustin and I are going - you should go." He was wincing again, and Jay was pretty sure he was having trouble breathing.

"I got tickets but forgot about it.." He muttered softly - "It's still at the Warehouse?" Andy nodded, "You should meet us there." Jay raised an eyebrow, "You do know we're not together... anymore."

"He mentioned it - but he fucking loves you, so.. whatever happened - fix it you total dumbass." Andy snorted at him - "Like seriously, fucking fix it - what's wrong with you, are you even serious about breaking up with him?" Andy muttered, "He's actually really cool, of course you know that - I should just shut the hell up." 

Jay laughed and then he said softly, "He broke up with me. But thanks for the tips Andrew."

Andy groaned softly, "Not you too fucker." He rolled his eyes and then said, "Later dude.. I need to go and.. snort some pain pills." Jay watched him leave, and he hoped that Andy would talk to someone - because he was seeing the signs that Andy was hiding being abused. 

Jay knew that abused people were often also assholes that became bullies - he knew that, because he'd been that way once. It was a way to vent your pain by causing pain in someone else. And it never worked - it just made you feel more shitty.

Jay rubbed his eyes, he knew he had to go and talk to Steve.

***

Steve felt so embarrassed - he couldn't stop shaking, his entire body hurt - and not just because Jay had kicked his ass seven ways from Sunday. You fucking deserved every bit of it too. You ruined everything for them, they are so good together. Good for each other. Jay made him happy and you ruined it. You broke it because you're a worthless piece of shit. No wonder nobody loves you. Steve couldn't stop crying either. When Hop arrived, the older man looked at him and said quietly - "How long has it been this bad for Kid?"

"I dunno, a really long time - too long for me to even remember when it started." Steve said hoarsely, "I .. don't remember but its worse now. I can't function unless I'm wasted. And I have to drink more to get wasted. I.. got so drunk the other night that I woke up in a pool of puke and I'd pissed myself. That hasn't happened before." He started crying again and Hop said softly, "Jesus Kid. And is that what made you finally pick up the damn phone?"

"Well kind of but.. no not really." Steve breathed out shakily, "Jay.. it was Jay - said I needed to go to a meeting with you. But.. its all the shit I've been doing, hurting people that I love - doing crazy shit.. acting crazy.. I.. I'm really fucked up Hop - I'm starting to fucking scare myself. I'm.. really fucking scared." 

He tensed up, scared when Hop suddenly hugged him - "Hey, relax kid - it's going to be okay. I'm not saying that this shit is going to be easy, because its not.. but you made the first step in the right direction and that's the best step."

Steve just started crying, harder and Hop gently rubbed his back -  Hopper said gently, "You're alright, you're a good kid Steve - you got all of your family behind you. We all love and care about you and you're not alone in this. The meetings are just part of it but.. they do help. When my Sara died, I hit rock bottom - the only way from there is up. You got this okay?" 

Steve breathed out harshly, tears and snot everywhere and Hop's hug felt nice. He wiped at his face and whispered, "I'm sorry, what an embarrassment."

"Bullshit - you're allowed to fucking cry Steve, I cry - admittedly usually on my own, but I fucking cry. I think its gotten worse for you too cos you're always stuck here alone, brewing in your own shit.. I.. need to check in on all my kids a lot more. I'm sorry I've failed you kid." Hopper said with a soft sigh.

Steve whispered, "Shit is just messed up."  

Hopper nodded, "It is - but you can have the good shit too, you're allowed to have good shit. I never thought I'd have anything good - now I have Joyce, and El - and my boys. I have a family - and I have all you other punk ass's as well."

Steve smiled, and he said softly - "Little shits worm their way in huh." 

Hopper laughed, "Yeah they do.." 

Steve rubbed his eyes, and then the older man said, "So I heard that your beamer got annihilated - I have a truck you can have, its a bit of a piece of shit? But it goes - I'd like you to have it." 

Steve said hoarsely, "You don't have to do that.." 

Hopper snorted, "You haven't seen it yet - might want to get Jay to take a look at it.." Steve breathed out shakily and he whispered, "Yeah.. uh.. ok."

"First meeting tomorrow night, see how it feels - if you like it, might take a bit to get used to it - might feel a bit fucking weird at first." Hopper gave him a smoke and then he lit his own, and Steve's hands were shaking so much, Hop lit his one too. 

"Okay.." Steve whispered.  Hopper looked at him, "Another thing, okay? They always tell you quit cold turkey, the so called professionals." Steve lifted his gaze, "It's bullshit alright? It doesn't help, its too fucking much to deal with. You ease yourself into it and ween yourself off. Your a heavy drinker and have been for a really long time so doing that is probably not a good idea."

Steve thought about what Jay told him about cold turkey coming off Heroin. "Do you do anything else, other than drinking?" Hopper asked, "No pills or heavy drugs?" Steve said hoarsely, "I smoke a lot of weed." 

Hopper snorted, "Nothing wrong with that, unless its Joyce's weed - steer clear of that." Steve actually laughed and Hopper smirked, "Had experience with it huh - goddamn terrible shit don't even know how that came about."

They were both laughing, and Hopper shook his head - "They tell you in AA no romantic relationships, and especially not with another addict - but.. I mean I think Joyce saved me from myself.. so I don't think so much of that either. I break all the goddamn rules." Amusement in his voice.

Steve said softly, "Cause you're a rebel." Hopper smirked, "Damn right.." He bit his thumbnail and then he murmured, "Why not with another addict?" 

Hopper eyed him quietly, and Steve's heart started beating hard in his chest. "...Because when you're an addict you don't just get addicted to substances, you can become addicted to another person - obsessed with them even, it can be unhealthy and two addicts together - you know, makes you use.."

"Oh... yeah. Makes sense." Steve said softly and Hopper took a drag on his cigarette, "Why did you ask that kid?" 

Steve didn't look at him - "No reason." He muttered, the older man said, "Alright.." 

But Steve could feel the anxiety building - and he didn't want Hopper asking anymore questions. "So I will drive the truck over tomorrow - after the meeting you can drop me off okay?" Steve nodded an said softly, "Okay.." Steve finished his smoke and Hopper said, "If you need anything, you just call me or Joyce - don't just sit here stewing in your head alright? Or call someone else, my point is - don't be alone, it will make you crazy and you'll be right back where you started.'

Steve said quietly, "Yeah I will." He walked Hopper to the door and when he opened it - Jay was standing on the porch. 

Hopper said, "Hey Jay." Jay gave Hopper a smile, even though he looked like he hadn't slept in a week, even though he'd sleep last night. "Hey Jim, how's it going." Jay's voice was rough and Jim looked at him, then at Steve - "You look like hell too, you boys need to look after yourselves." Hopped gave Jay a side hug, and then he rubbed the top of his head. "Nice haircut." He smirked and Jay gave him a soft laugh.

Hopper gave them a wave as he climbed into his truck, and Steve let out a soft exhale - "Can I come in?" Jay asked quietly, and Steve just nodded and then went back to the living room - Jay shut the front door and followed him. 

"Look man, I'm sorry about this morning - about.. losing my shit and hitting you." Jay rubbed his hands over his head. 

Steve just sat staring down at his hands, and then he said hoarsely, "I deserved it.. so." 

Jay sat down next to him - "So you .. called Jim - does that mean what I think it means?" he asked.

Tears welled up in Steve's eyes and he whispered, "Yeah.." 

Jay gently tugged Steve into his side and he whispered, "I'm proud of you asshole pretty boy.." He brushed his lips soft against Steve's temple, and then he just curled his arms around him. 

Steve buried his face against Jay's neck and curled his arms around him - not saying anything, because he didn't know if he could. 

Jay let out a soft exhale, and then he murmured, "I'll come with you if you want.. yeah?" 

And with that - Steve was crying - shaky broken sobs, Jay rubbed his back and said softly - "It's okay, it's going to be okay - you're alright. I'm sorry about... this morning. I just.. he'd left and I freaked out. It fucking hurts."

Steve whispered shakily, "I know, I know and I'm sorry - I'm sorry I fucked everything up, I miss him." 

Jay said softly, "Me too." 

Steve whispered, "Hop said... addicts shouldn't date addicts.." 

Jay growled back, "Hop can kiss my Latina ass.. he doesn't know everything." 

Steve breathed out against Jay's neck and he said shakily, "...It's not the reason me and him are so fucked up over each other?" 

Jay stroked his fingers into Steve's hair and he muttered, "It's because you're both terrified of how intense you feel - of what you feel, neither of you know how to deal with it."

Steve curled his fingers against Jay's back and Jay murmured, "We'll figure it out okay... Stop getting stuck in your noise - I told you that night, I told you that night you were safe - and you fucking ran away the very next morning.. " Jay pulled back and then he gripped Steve's chin, "Did you feel safe or were you bullshitting about that too." 

Steve closed his eyes and Jay growled, "Don't do that, look at me and tell me." Steve looked at Jay's mouth, then met his gaze. "I did, but then... I woke up.. feeling fucked up and then.. he was so gentle and.. I got scared and.."

Steve breathed out shakily - "And he was there, he was still there - and I felt like I was going to fuck up everything.." Jay let out a soft breath and Steve's eyes closed, "So you ran way." Jay murmured. 

Steve whispered, "Yeah... and I really wish I hadn't, I wish I could take it back.."

Jay curled his fingers in Steve's hair and just lazily stroked them. "How about this? If... by some fucking miracle we can actually fucking fix this - because, I really don't know if we can.." He closed his eyes, "But.. if we can, before you start fucking freaking out - you talk to me. Let me help you figure out what's happening in your head. Think you could try doing that?"

Steve shifted a little, staring at Jay - and Jay suddenly opened his eyes. 

"..Um." He could feel the heat in his face and he stammered out, "You want to try and fix things.. with me still around?" Jay shifted, sitting closer and then he gently gripped Steve's chin.

Jay's voice was raspy,  "I don't even know if it can be fixed, but.. yeah I am saying that. I.. fuck sake Steve. I don't know what the fuck - this is.. but I wanna help you, I give a shit. Okay?"

Steve whispered, "Oh.. you.. give a shit, about me?"

Jay growled softly, "Yes pretty boy, about you."

Steve could feel the heat in his face and he didn't really know what to say - he lifted his gaze and Jay muttered softly, "Fucking asshole." 

Steve snorted, "You're the asshole, goddamn psycho - throwing your boots at me - you gave me your boots." 

Jay actually laughed - sticking his feet up on the coffee table - they both looked at them. Jay was wearing Steve's shoes. "I wondered where they went too." Steve laughed softly, "I had to wear them home - I.. don't even wear boots - we're like the same size." Jay gently pulled Steve into his side and he muttered, "You have more muscle than I do - your pants are a bit loose. But everything else we're the same."

"You're just.. all lean and lithe and shit." Steve said softly, and Jay smirked - "You've totally been checking me out, perving on me."

"Shut it.. I haven't." Steve laughed softly, and Jay said, "Liar liar.." Steve rest his head against the back of the sofa - looking at Jay. "...You'll really come with me?' He asked quietly. 

"Mhmm, yeah I'll come with you." Jay turned his head, he asked in his raspy voice -"You're scared hmm?" 

"Yeah, I.. I am - I'm really fucking scared." Steve said softly. 

Jay had his fingers in his hair again and Steve let out a soft exhale as Jay tugged gently - "Don't be scared, no matter what happens - alright? I'll be here for you Harrington. You got this, I believe in you. You can do this."

Steve really didn't know what to say - he rest his head on Jay's shoulder - and then he said softly, "Thanks Jay."

Jay let out a soft little noise, and Steve lifted his head a little - Jay had fallen asleep. Steve whispered, "I'll fix this Jay, I promise."

Chapter Text

Dustin was sitting outside, Bonfire was laying in his lap asleep - cockroach style - legs up and he was sitting in the big comfortable chair, he hadn't been able to sleep again - he still had the one lone braid, and he kept playing with it - hadn't been able to bring himself to actually undo it.

He stroked his fingers against Bon Bon's soft little tummy - not lifting his head as his mom came outside, bring with her two cups of coffee. "Morning Dusty.." Her voice was soft, a little husky from sleep and he didn't lift his head - but she gasped a little as he took his cup from her. "Morning Mama." His own voice soft and quiet.

"You're hands are like ice Baby, how long have you been out here for?" Claudia sat beside him, watching her Baby quietly - her heart breaking, because he was just so far away from her and she didn't know how to reach him. Dustin said softly, "I don't really know.. a while." He let out a soft little exhale and she said, "Dustin? Please look at me."

He lifted his head, looking at her - and they just stared at each other - for what felt like the longest time. She reached out, and Dustin interlaced their fingers. "I love you, my sweet Baby." She said softly, "I love you so much, and I want you to know that."

Dustin's eyes welled up and he whispered - "I do, I do know that - I..." He let his eyes close and then he said softly, "I.. don't think - I mean I thought I was doing better, that.. but it wasn't real, I'm.. nothing good ever lasts, I can never have anything good - it just all turns to shit."

"Oh Dusty." She set her cup down and then curled her arm around him. Dustin started crying, shaking with it and Claudia whispered, "What happened my sweet angel." He breathed out shakily, nuzzling his face in against her neck.

"You know that we broke up, he.. him and Steve - they... he broke my heart, he fucking broke it - Jay, he tore it out and I don't know what to do, it hurts worse than anything." He felt like he couldn't breathe, and Claudia said softly - "I wish I could take your pain away, make everything hurt less. I'd do anything to make that happen. You've already had to deal with so much, I... I feel like I've let you down."

Dustin whispered, "No, I let you down - I'm no good."

Claudia stroked his hair out of his face, "That's not true Dustin." He looked at her and then he whispered shakily, "Who am I?" She looked a little taken aback, trying to cover up her surprise at his question. "You're my sweet Dusty."

He asked again, "Who am I?" Her hand was shaking and she said softly, "What... are you asking Dustin." The way he was looking at her, eyes too knowing - something had shifted, had changed and Claudia said softly, "Micalz." Dustin let out a soft little breath and she smiled, "...So you figured out how to wake up I knew it would happen eventually. But.."

Dustin curled his hand around hers and he said, "Am I still me? Still your son.. I don't understand." Claudia said softly, "Of course you are.. You'll always be my son, but - you're also someone very special who was assigned for me to take care of - you were chosen, I was - a long time before you were born."

She whispered, "I'll be back in a minute." Dustin was shaking, and he stroked Bonfire's stomach again, when she came back, she had some photo albums - ones that he'd not seen before.

"I was waiting, for you to find yourself - to free yourself before I could show you this." Claudia said softly - "I don't want to overwhelm you or upset you. It's.. some of who we are is a lie. I'm sorry about that." Dustin just stared at her, and he whispered. "He wasn't my father, was he."

Claudia said softly, "No... No Dustin he wasn't - which is another reason why I hate myself for even having you in that situation." They both had tears streaming down their faces, and Dustin interlaced their fingers again - he pushed away the feeling of nausea, trying to focus instead on what his mom wanted to say.

"It's always just been the two of us, because... I grew up in a very religious - catholic family, and I met your Father, your real one - this is him." She opened the album, and took out a photo - Dustin took the picture, and he had his Father's curly hair, pale skin - his mom was tan, olive skinned. But his Father was pale like him. "I look like a mixture of you both." He said softly.

Claudia smile softly, "You remind me of him, especially when you smile - he used to light up the entire room with his smile, just like you do." She brushed her finger over the picture and Dustin watched her quietly.

"His name was Dominic Henderson, so.. we have his last name - you're named after him." She said softly - "He was, different Dustin - came from a very different world than I did, believed in things I never dreamed was ever possible."

She looked at him, "Things - that are very, very much real - magick, and spells and different worlds - much like that game you love so much. And he was so intelligent, just like you - brilliant like you. He.. was.." 

"A Satanist." Dustin said quietly. She let out a soft breath, "Yes he was, I became one too - and we were involved in some very serious and very powerful circles. When I became pregnant - we were so devoted to our beliefs, to the possibility - that a ritual was done, you never had.. just a normal soul inside you - you have always been a sleeping angel, a fallen angel. And a seal, a key was placed in your mind - one day when the time was right, you would find it and unlock it."

Dustin gave his hand a little flick and showed her the flames and she whispered, "Hmm its beautiful." She smiled and he looked at her - "I have a strange connection to this other place, I hear it all the time - in my head."

Claudia said softly, "It's because of who you actually are - that was your cage, part of you here sleeping - and part of you there. You were caged because of who you are, because of the power you have. But the ritual, the key that kept you locked up - your father found it, its very old. It was kept secret by our enemies. It being unlocked - freed you from your cage. You can travel in different worlds - because you're not bound to just this one - there's more than one, I know this sounds insane.. but I swear its true."

He let out a soft breath, "I know it is. I - I know it is Mama, I believe you." They held hands again and Dustin said softly, "What happened to him? To Dominic." Claudia bit her lip and then she said softly, "He had been working with the government in a secret program they were running - but he'd also been tied up with some people that he got into trouble with - he stole an artifact, a very dangerous one. And he was killed. We had too, you and I - I had to protect you, we had to go into hiding."

"And we ended up here.. living with.. him." Dustin whispered, "I... I'm really glad he isn't my father." She said softly, "You don't hate me.. do you?" Tears welled up in her eyes, and Claudia said shakily, "I'm so.. so sorry Dustin, I .." She started to sob, and Dustin gently place Bonfire in her little doggy bed and then he scooted over, sitting in Claudia's lap - he held onto her tightly.

"No, no, no.. I don't hate you - I could never hate you, I love you so much Mama." They were both crying, and Claudia curled her fingers into his hair, rocking him.

"Mama?" He whispered, his heart was pounding in his chest. "Yes my angel." Claudia cupped his face - Dustin just stared at her, fear in his eyes and she whispered, "What is it.. tell me." 

"He... hurt me, worse.. than you know - worse...than .." He breathed out shakily, "I.. could never tell.. never tell because it made me disgusting - but.. bad things, really bad." Dustin closed his eyes tightly, and Claudia let out a shaky breath, holding him even tighter - she said darkly, "I am going to kill him."

Dustin whimpered and she whispered, "My sweet Baby, my beautiful angel - it was not your fault, there's nothing wrong with you.. he is a sick disgusting - piece of shit, and I'm going to kill him." He breathed out harshly, sobbing again and Claudia kept rocking him. 

"Why does it always hurt, I always hurt - it never stops, please.. please make it stop hurting.. please Mama.." Dustin begged her, pleaded and she gently kept rocking him - curling her fingers into his hair. "I'm no good.. no good... Just a dirty, disgusting whore."

"No.. no you're not Baby," Claudia said softly, "You're my sweet beautiful Angel boy, my Micalz. You're the most beautiful of all of them.. and, all this pain - all this sorrow, it has made you so strong and fierce and brave. It's rebuilt you from the ashes - like a phoenix. No matter how much life  has tried to break you, you keep rising from the ashes.."

Dustin shivered and he whimpered, "I'm tired.. I'm tired Mama.."

Claudia gently cupped his face - staring at him - and he stared back at her. She brushed away his tears and whispered - "I told you that I was meant to protect you, I have tried my best, but I didn't just mean as my son - as Micalz, I am your servant, that sounds a little silly - but in our Order .. you are our God, we worship You - the highest light, the most beautiful. You have so much power inside you - you can change the world."

"Burn it all down." He whispered. Claudia smiled softly as Dustin's eyes closed. "And rebuild it from the ashes. Yes Baby.. You have had so much trauma - that it seems like its the only thing you do have. But there is so much more. You'll have to meet your family, my family - our family bound by blood and sacrifice."

Dustin looked at her. "...Are you still.." She said softly, "Yes, I'm a grand mistress. Have been for a very long time. When all that satanic panic nonsense was going on.." She rolled her eyes, "Honestly."

They both giggled and she gently brushed his face. "...You already know one of our family members." Dustin's heart skipped a beat - and he whispered, "Eddie."

Claudia nodded, "And Charlie - his Uncle, he just.. couldn't stay in Hawkins after Eddie died." Dustin let out a soft breath. "...Why did Eddie never say anything." Claudia said quietly - "He was sworn to secrecy Dustin, but he loved you and cared about you very much. I actually have something that he wanted you to have - if anything ever happened to him."

Dustin just stared at her, "..You...what? He.. what?" Claudia showed him another photo, and in it there was a picture - with his  mom, Eddie, Eddie's uncle, another woman Dustin didn't recognize - and Murray?

"Murray?" Dustin said, stunned. "Yes.. Murray." She laughed softly. Dustin said softly, "....Dude is off the chart - no wonder he's so odd. He calls me Bilbo Baggins." Claudia let out one of her little giggles and even though Dustin was still covered in tears, so did he. "He keeps an eye on you for me. He cares about you a great deal you know. I know he's a bit strange - but he's a very sweet man." Dustin said softly, "You're not always working night shifts at the hospital huh."

"Very astute of you as always my Angel." She smiled, "No I'm not - and... this.." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a black velvet box. "This is for you, from Eddie." Dustin's hands were shaking bad as he held it. He looked at her, but then he opened it and he let out a soft little breath. Inside was a silver vial on a chain - it had all kinds of Enochian symbols, and tiny red stones set into it.

"It's beautiful.." He whispered and Claudia said softly, "It's powerful protection, Eddie made it himself - it's blood magick. Eddies blood, He wanted to give you his strength and power, it's extremely powerful, blood magick is sacred - it's done for someone that you love very much." 

Dustin didn't even have any words. She took it and put it on him - and Dustin felt it - felt the power shit and fall in around him, the symbols glowed softly - and Dustin just felt a soft warmth move over his skin.  He curled his hand around it and then brought it to his lips, kissing it softly.

Claudia kissed his forehead and Dustin said softly, "Are you secretly dating Murray?" His mom blushed and said, "Hush now.." He smirked, "You don't have to secretly date him Mama - you can date him out in the open, I don't mind." 

She said softly, "You won't be upset?" Dustin snorted, "I mean he's a total kook - but we can actually talk about all kinds of shit - and if he makes you happy, and he's happy then that's what matters. No I don't mind Mama. You deserve to be loved and happy.."

She cupped his face, "My sweet Angel." He snuggled into her and she said softly, "I'll bring all the books and stuff, photos - home tonight, and you can peruse at your leisure." Dustin smiled softly, "Okay Mama." 

They sat quietly for a little while and then Dustin said softly - "..I think I might go take a nap.. I am really tired. I'm going to see El later." She kissed his temple, "Okay Baby, would you like me to babysit your little rascal?" They both grinned and Dustin nodded, "Yes please, she kept chewing on my hair.."

They both giggled an Dustin kissed his mom's forehead again, going back to his room - he laid down in the dark, and curled his fingers around the vial. I love you, I'm happy that you loved me too. Thank you for being my brother, my best friend - for making me feel safe in my own skin, I don't feel so cold anymore. I feel you with me. 

He pulled the blankets up around himself, and snuggled into his pillows - and he fell asleep - without any noise in his head.

***

Dustin got out of the car, stretching lazily - the wind ruffling through his hair and he yawned - rubbing his eyes. Hopper gave him a soft smile - his voice a bit gruff. "Hey punk ass." Dustin gave him the finger and smirked, "Old man." Hopper laughed and then he gave him the side-eye,

"Can I bum a smoke?" Hopper asked. Dustin snorted and then rolled his eyes - but he handed one over, and placed one between his lips. Hopper was watching him - in that too intense, quiet way as Dustin's shaky hands lit his smoke and then Hopper wrapped his around Dustin's leaning in to light his own. That's odd.

"So, how are you doing? Haven't seen you around for a little bit - haven't seen you with Jay." Hopper murmured, and Dustin said nothing - scuffing his boot. Then he said in his too quiet voice. "We're not together anymore and I don't want to talk about it - so just drop it."

The older man was staring, Dustin knew he was but he didn't look at him. "I want to ask you something, about El..." Dustin did lift his gaze and Hopper said, "Go on then."

"I'm going to a thing tomorrow night - it's public obviously, but she will be safe because she'll be with me and I'd never let anything happen to her - I want to take her with me, but I wanted to talk to you about it. I'm not asking for your permission, I'm just telling you that I'm taking her. You need to stop with this controlling bullshit - you're suffocating her, I know you love her but you're killing her - she's not a bird in a fucking cage - she's not going to break. Have some fucking respect for who she is, how powerful she is - let her spread her goddamn wings." Dustin growled it at him - eyes dark, and he added - "I'm not going to let you do this bullshit to her anymore."

"Okay then." Hopper said simply - taking another drag on his cigarette, and exhaling lazily - and Dustin said quietly, "Good." Hopper smirked, "Good." Dustin looked at him, "Yes - excellent." They both fell silent, and then Hopper said, "You're not going to ask me why I'm not fighting you on it?"

He looked at Hopper and said, "No - I'm not a child, and you understand that I'm not an idiot - I wouldn't put her in danger. I also want you to know that Lucas isn't the saint you think that he is - and El can sometimes be taken advantage of in her innocence. I'm not letting anyone do that to her again either."

Hopper looked at him, quietly - and then he said softly, "You're a lot older than you look - fucking punk ass." He pulled Dustin into a side hug, and then he said softly - "I trust you, and that's all that matters. You keep my girl safe, and that's what matters."

Dustin nodded, "Okay good. I'll see you later Old man." Hopper watched him walk inside, Dustin snuck quietly into El's bedroom - not really wanting to engage with Mama Joyce. He flopped on top of El who huffed softly - rubbing her eyes.

"Micalz." She said, giggling at him and Dustin laughed softly, "Lilbit, my Elly Welly woo woo.." He blew a raspberry on her cheek and smirked as she giggled hysterically, "Ew that is nasty. I have your goobies on my face." He smiled down at her, propping himself up on his elbow.

"You love my goobies." He said solemnly and she smiled - "I do, I have missed you." She gently stroked his face and he said, "What do I have soot on my face - I was pretty sure I had a shower."

She giggled, and Dustin laughed - snuggling up with her. They were both quiet for a little bit - and then El said softly, "You are sad again." Dustin took hold of her hand and kissed her fingers. "Hush, I'm fine. I have come to bring you good news though." She looked at him in her quiet way - and then Dustin said, "So I talked to the Old Boot."

She giggled as he bit her fingers softly. "What did you talk to him about?" She asked nuzzling her face against his cheek. "I pretty much told him that your days of being kept in a cage are over." He whispered, their eyes meeting again.

"You... you did?" She whispered, tears in her eyes. "Mhmm.. so you wanna come to a gig at a warehouse with me on Friday, probably can get everyone else in on it too? This band called Zillah is playing - you'll enjoy it, we can dance - have fun. You can just breathe.. you're going to do that a lot more from now on. I think we should talk to Hopper and Joyce about you coming to school with us. Would you like that?"

El breathed out all in a rush - and let out a soft sob, and Dustin said softly, "C'mere Lilbit." He held her close, she was shaking as she cried - and he just gently stroked her hair. 

They stayed like that for a long while, till El slowly pulled back and she whispered shakily - "I would love that, to feel normal - to feel like everyone else. To be with my friends.. I want that so badly, so badly it hurts - I'm so lonely Dustin, so sad - it hurts so much... thank you, thank you for seeing me - for understanding me.."

He whispered, "I love you, you don't have to thank me - you are so beautiful and amazing, and powerful - and nobody should hide you away. You're not just a fucking weapon - you're so much more than that. And you deserve to be free."

El whispered, "I love you too, so very much. I feel like you are my brother - we are the same. You are a soldier - I am too. We fight and fight - and always get back up no matter how much it hurts - but sometimes I am so tired, so tired and you see me - nobody see's me the way that you do. You just.. know me. It means so much to me." 

Dustin gently stroked his fingers against her hair. "You remember Andy, the guy in the parking lot?" She sniffled and then said sternly - "The boy you were being mean too, yes.. I do - he had sad eyes."

Dustin let out a soft little hum, "You thought he had sad eyes?" He asked softly, and El gave him a little smile - "Yes. What about him - he wants to be your friend, you should not be so mean."

Dustin gently stroked her cheek again, wiping away some more of her tears. "He wants to meet you, he's going to be coming with us on Friday - I think he might have a bit of a crush, he said he saw you and his heart melted."

El blushed hotly, her cheeks felt hot against his fingers and she said softly, "How strange - but also, that's sweet isn't it?" Dustin let out a soft little laugh, "It is - and we've been talking - me and him, I'm trying not to be mean.. he used to bully me sometimes. But - he's actually not that bad. We're going to take our puppies to the lake tomorrow too."

El narrowed her eyes at him and then bit his fingers. "What is this? You have a puppy and you didn't tell me? That's outrageous Micalz."

Dustin laughed softly and she giggled, "...So.. yes I.. what is his name, this pretty boy with sad eyes?" Dustin smirked, "Andy, short for Andrew." She smiled a soft little smile. "Andrew.. okay. Yes - you'll have to help me, wear something pretty." Dustin grinned and then he said softly, "Wanna come sleepover tonight and you can meet Bonfire? We can maybe fish you out something to wear - I have some things."

She looked at him, "Bonfire? Is that your fur child." They both giggled and Dustin said - "You're going to melt, I swear to god.. I still have to go and introduce her to Princess Pea." 

El smiled, "Sweet Holly Dolly, I miss her cuddles. And.. you have some girls clothes?" Dustin blushed and he muttered softly, "Yeah.." She cupped his face, "Girls clothes, boys clothes - any clothes, you're still beautiful." Dustin whispered, "Lies.... LIES I tell you."

They both laughed and they laid their quiet again. "..I think I might phone my friend Magda, see if I can get everyone else in too." El said softly, "Micalz.." He looked at her, "You talked to your Mama didn't you." 

He nodded, and then he showed her the pendant around his neck. "Oh.. that's beautiful." She didn't touch it though, and she looked at him. "It gives off a strong frequency, I know not to touch it. It's very special."

Dustin said softly, "It is." He kissed her forehead, "Have you spoken with Max yet Lilbit." El went quiet, and then she whispered - "No.." Dustin gently stroked her cheek again, "That.. day we went and got drunk together, she was crying - really crying, and not.. because of Lucas." El's gaze met his. 

Dustin said softly, "She doesn't hate you, she's just.. hurt. Feels like she lost her  best friend. You know how tough she is, she's not good at dealing with her feels." They both giggled softly. "I love her so much, I know I hurt her.. I just felt so alone - and he.. he.."

El started crying again, and Dustin pulled her in close, "He made you feel wanted. I know, I'm sorry that you are hurting because of that Lilbit." El whispered against his neck, "I just want to be loved, Mike never loved me - what is wrong with me?" 

"Nothing, nothing is wrong with you - not a damn thing." He said fiercely, gently gripping her chin. "Mike loves you, just not the way you needed because he's a raging gay for Will." They both giggled and Dustin added, "As for Lucas? He's a total shit bird, he should have known better that -  then he fucking runs away like a little bitch, and acting like that once Max was awake. I should cut his fucking throat out."

El shivered and then whispered, "You're very passionate when you get vicious." She said softly, "I know he was lonely too - don't hate him too much." Dustin growled and bit at the air, and she giggled. "Piece of turd, I don't like him - and trying to blame me.. rat bastard."

El just laughed softly, and Dustin muttered against her neck, "Hurting both my girls, I should just set him on fire.." El giggled again and whispered, "Boooom."

They both giggled and then El said softly, "Should we see if Max wants to have a sleepover with us?" Dustin grinned, "Yeah? You wanna?" She nodded and he said, "Okay.. lets go then hmm?"

El squealed as he picked her up and then piggy-backed her outside. "I'm to heavy!" She curled herself around him. "Nonsense - utter nonsense you're as light as a feather." He smirked as she scoffed at him. "Don't argue with me, I could lift you and Max up at the same time - that would get some tongues wagging at school." 

They hopped into the car and El said softly, "What if people are mean to me - like in Lenora." He looked at her - "Oh no.. they're not going to do that.." He smirked at her and she stared at him, "Why?" She asked, biting on her lip. "Because your our Mage - and everyone's terrified of Hellfire." He smirked and El giggled "So they're terrified of you, you mean." Her voice amused.

Dustin said with a smirk, "Same thing I guess." He started the car up and they drove over to Max's - when she opened the door she screamed behind her. "BYE MOM." Dustin laughed and she grinned at him, "She's driving me Batshit crazy." She muttered.

He turned around, "On board." Max laughed and he piggy-backed her to the car, he opened the back door and she looked at him. "What I'm banished to the backseat.." She looked at El in the front and then at him. "Hi Max." El said softly and Max stared at her. "Yeah.. Hi." 

Dustin got back in and he said, "So, we're having a sleepover tonight - and then tomorrow we'll go shopping for clothes, and Friday night we're going to a concert - gonna go see Zillah." Max said, "So you're taking me hostage? You better have plenty of booze and cigarettes." She smirked at him and Dustin laughed, "Of course.."

Max chewed on her bottom lip and then she just held her hand out for El, "Come sit in the back with me?" El blushed and then she took hold of Max's hand and climbed into the back. Dustin smiled and then he started the car up - heading back home. By the time they got there, the two girls were back to their usual happy selves, whispering and giggling - and Dustin thought to himself, Not sure poor Andy stands a chance here.

Chapter Text

He opened his eyes slowly, a bit confused - completely surrounded by warmth from both sides - the sweet smell of strawberries and cotton candy. Dustin muttered softly, "No I don't like Donuts." There was a giggle - and some feathers touched his face, he waved at them - "No birds today, Jesus Christ."

Another giggle and then a voice whispered, "It's time to get up shit bird, we have stuff to do." Dustin muttered, "No its comfy here, nice and warm... leave me be.." He buried his face in the strawberries and snuffled, "That tickles."

El giggled and Dustin opened his eyes. "Hey.." His voice rough and Max smirked at him, "Having fun nuzzling into El's boobs there? Are you sure you're not a little bit straight?" Both El and Max giggled, and Dustin looked up at El, removing his face from her chest. 

"Jesus.. sorry Lilbit.." He gave her a sheepish grin, his face pink and Max just laughed, "You're fucking adorable. He's adorable." She said to El, who curled her fingers in his hair and pouted, "He really is, so cold though."

Max snuggled into him and he said softly - "You're both so nice and warm." He growled and then tickled Max, who shrieked and hissed out, "No.. my Dark Master - please, no tickling.. I'll pee all over you.." She dived out of the bed, hitching up her pants - and giving him the finger as she went into the bathroom. Still laughing though.

El giggled and Dustin snorted softly, "Nobody can withstand my tickling." He smiled at El, who was laying there quietly - watching him.

Dustin stretched, and then yawned - nuzzling back into her neck. "Warm you smell like strawberries." He muttered, already wanting to go back to sleep. "Last night was fun." El said softly, "I love Bon Bon, oh my gosh... and it was nice talking to Andy on the telephone."

Dustin grinned against her neck. "Thought it was a good idea - and so now we're all going to hang out today - before tomorrow night, so you'll have a chance to talk and stuff but in person this time."

El said softly, "Max smells good too doesn't she." Dustin smiled, "Yeah like cotton candy." Max suddenly dived into the bed, laying on them both, "I smell like cotton candy?" She said with a smirk, looking at El - "Do you wanna eat me up?"

El giggled softly, and Dustin just smirked - pulling Max in closer he murmured, "You're being naughty." El let out a soft little breath, looking at him and Dustin gave her an innocent face.

"I like being naughty..' Max said with a smirk, "I haven't been naughty in such a long time." Dustin laughed and Max said while looking at El, "So... you're going on a date with Andy."

El was blushing and she said softly, "I think so?" Max stroked her fingers against the inside of El's wrist - "Well.. I'll be coming too, so.. if he tries anything funny - or upsets you I'll kick his nuts in.'

Dustin laughed and he played with Max's hair. "So, I'll buy you both something to wear tomorrow - whatever you want." Max raised her eyebrow - "Yeah?" Dustin smirked, "Mhmm." El whispered, "Really?" Dustin laughed again, "Yes.. really. I need some new pants I think my ass is getting fat." The girls both giggled and Dustin pouted, "Fat asss." Max smirked, "I think Latina's like a tasty booty."

Dustin went quiet and El pulled Max on top of her, whispering something. "I'm going to take a shower okay? You guys can go help yourself to breakfast and coffee, I gotta wash my hair." El's eyes met his, and he heard her voice in his head. You need your special medicine? Don't worry, we'll be fine. Dustin blew her a kiss and then he went into the bathroom and locked the door. 

***

He was pretty high, blissed out - and so the noise was quiet again. El and Andy were getting on like a house on fire - El was genuinely enjoying his company and Andy seemed relaxed and the two of them were laughing, they were walking in front of him and Max - radiating closer together, and Dustin smiled when El brushed her fingers against Andy's - pulled her hand away, and then Andy gently pulled it back and interlaced their fingers. 

"They're disgustingly cute already aren't they." Max said with a smirk, linking her arm through his. "Yeah they kinda are - he's actually just as shy as her, I guess all his bullshit bravado was an act."

Dustin said amused, and Max paused - the took his sunglasses off, looking at him. "Are you fucking high? No fair - what'd you take and you didn't share with me?" She pouted, and Dustin breathed out and she just looked at him, "Hmm.. something you can't share huh.." Her voice soft - and Dustin slid his hand down, interlacing their fingers instead.

"You.. hide your pain better than you think. You've learned to master that since I've been gone, it scares me a little bit." Max said softly, "Scares me knowing how fucked up you are and you can hide it."

Dustin said quiet, "I'm fine." Max said softly - "I don't believe that for one minute, why didn't you say that you and Jay broke up?"

"Because I don't want to fucking talk about it!" He growled and untangled their hands. 

"Jesus.. okay sorry." Max's voice soft, and hurt - and Dustin breathed out shakily - he interlaced their fingers again and Max whispered, "I'm sorry, it hurts really bad huh." Dustin said quietly, "I'm barely hanging on right now, so.. please I can't. I can't."

Max bit her bottom lip, and then she tugged him in close to her side, "Okay." She said softly. He was quiet for a while after that - sitting with his eyes closed while Andy and the girls ate some food.

"You doing okay?" Andy gave him a gentle nudge with his elbow, and Dustin had actually been drifting - he slurred a little, "Shit.. what now you saying." Andy whispered as he leaned in, "Are you high? Did you snort some pills." 

Dustin licked his lips and muttered back, "Nah.. not.. that." Max was watching them, and El said softly - "He's not having a good day today." Max whispered, "I upset him this morning, when I said Latina's like some booty - I didn't mean too, I didn't know they broke up." El said softly, "I'm sorry I should have told you." Max just gently squeezed her hand, and whispered, "It's okay."

Andy whispered in his ear, "After this shall we take the pups to the lake for a bit?" Dustin smiled and then he just rest his head on Andy's shoulder. "Sounds good, yeah.. that's good Andrew." Andy looked at the two girls, and then he just wrapped his arm around Dustin's shoulder.

"Okay, good. You have a little snooze my bro." Max grinned at Andy - and Andy laughed, "Maybe I'm a comfortable pillow." El giggled and she said softly, "He was asleep on my boobs this morning." 

Andy blushed, and Max said, "Aww look at you blushing, I bet you'd like to sleep on her boobs too.. right Andy?" His face was even redder, and El whispered, "You're so naughty.." Max smirked and curled her arm around El's shoulder, "I have to say - I wouldn't mind that either." Andy just stared at the both of them, and Dustin whispered against Andy's ear, "They're all hot for each other." Andy muttered, "Damn man.." Dustin laughed and he said, "Still blushing?" 

"Yep, he's still blushing." Max said with another smirk. "We're going to take the pupperoo's to the lake after this - you girls up for that?" Andy asked, stealing one of Max's fries and El said, "Yes definitely - I can't wait to see them playing together." Dustin lifted his head, and he said, "Hey - I know you aren't having much luck finding anything to wear here, so .. we should swing by a place I know - if you want." 

Max looked at him, "Well if we find anything as good as what you've been getting around in lately - I'm all for it." Dustin laughed, "Okay good.. I can stop by and talk to my friend Magda, it's her brother that's the singer in Zillah."

Beside him, Andy said - "No shit really? Tristan Lefele is your friend's brother - damn man I'm not gay but ... holy shit if I was." Dustin smirked - "You sure you're not a little bit gay?" Max laughed and El said with a smirk of her own, "Maybe everyone is a little bit gay." Andy just blushed and muttered, "I'd so be gay for him, holy shit he's sex on legs." Dustin laughed and Max smirked, "And you know him Dustin?" 

He snorted, "Last time I saw him - he probably thought I was the geekiest goofball ever. I didn't even know what to say to him - I was having a gay crisis. I was with Eddie and he was like - holy shit he was pretty, Andy is not wrong - he's definitely sex on legs." Him and Andy both snickered, and Max said - "Aww a gay crisis? And you're friends with his sister too." 

"Uhuh yeah, Magda she's gorgeous as well they have really good genes - She's the wife of my friend Seth, she's a tattoo artist by day and a hot pole dancer on the side." Andy grinned "You know all sorts of interesting people." Dustin laughed, "I met them through Eddie, but now Seth's my dealer/boss.. I work for him. So you know. Plus I wanna see Mags because I'm thinking about getting a tattoo." 

El and Max were staring at him, Max said with a raised eyebrow, "So you really are dealing? Tate was telling the truth?" Dustin laughed softly, "Yeah Max, I am." She smirked, "You're just full of surprises, you little shit." El giggled and whispered to Max, "He was having a gay crisis, and in love with Steve." Max smirked, and looked at him - "Hot pretty Tristan, making you have gay wet dreams about Steve." Dustin glared at her - "Shut up, you both suck." The girls just giggled, and whispered to each other.

"A tattoo? Of what." Andy asked, he pushed his sleeve up, showing Dustin the tattoo he had that ran up the inside of his of arm. Dustin took hold of his arm - and stroked his fingers over the words, "What does it mean?" Andy was quiet for a second or two, and then he said - "It's Latin, but it means, I lay between the shadow of the sacred and the profane." The two girls were quiet, and Dustin said softly - "You really like Zillah." He grinned and Andy grinned back, "You knew that straight away. I know most of the words to most of their songs."

Dustin raised an eyebrow, "Okay.. so what song is this lyric from then." He sang softly, close to Andy's ear his voice soft - but Andy and the girls could hear him just fine, "A little messed up, do you feel it?, Just a taste, like Blood and Chocolate in My Mouth, Wanna know which way I'm leanin', Am I really made of this, am I really made of that?, And is it so bad if you crave me?, Like I Crave You."

Andy looked at him - and then he muttered, "You can fucking sing too?" He breathed out softly and then he added, "It's from Cyanide Lips, ..not too many people know that one I'm pretty sure."

Dustin laughed softly, "It was on their very first demo - so no.. not many people do."

Andy smirked, "So you totally cheated."

Dustin laughed, "Maybe I did? You still knew what it was though."

Max threw a chip at them, "Hey shit birds shall we go?" Dustin smiled, "Yeah lets go - I'm not really hungry." Andy said, "You barely touched anything."

Dustin shrugged, and he muttered softly - "Not hungry." El got up and Max took Andy's hand the two of them walking ahead, and El linked their arms up, "You sing really pretty." Dustin blushed and he whispered, "It's nothing."

"Not nothing, you never think you're good at anything, you are though." El held his hand in both of hers. "I think Andy may be a little gay for you." She giggled and Dustin snorted, "Nah.. hmmm." She kissed his cheek and they caught up with Andy and Max.

They all piled into Dustin's car and he drove them to his favourite place to go look for clothes. It was a large thrift store - and his favourite girl was working today. "Hey Trudi." Dustin said, giving her a fist bump. "Hey Dusty, how you doing bubba - you brought your friends." She gave him a grin, the little fangs she had in were his favourite. "I did - this is Max, El and Andrew." 

Andy gave him a look and Dustin smirked at him. "Well nice to meet you guys. Dusty knows this place well - I'm sure you'll find what you need." Dustin had already spotted a pair of pants - "Are those leather?" Andy asked.

Andy looked at him and Dustin smirked, "Yes Andrew, they have lace too - in fact I think they're woman's pants." Max gave him sexy eyes and Dustin laughed, she grinned and El said, "Oh.. this place is magical Micalz." Andy looked at him, "Micalz?"

"It's my middle name." He smirked and Andy laughed, "Is it polish?" Max laughed, "Yeah - he's polish you goose." Andy just looked at him, "Nope its foreign, you wouldn't recognize it." Dustin murmured, grabbing the black shirt that was behind Andy.

"Do you always wear black?" Andy found something that he liked, and Dustin smirked, "Black is the color of my heart Andrew, yes I always wear black." The other boy laughed softly, "Micalz.. Its pretty, does it mean something?"

"Mhmm.." Dustin didn't say anything else, and Andy was watching as El pulled Max into the girls changing rooms with her. "What does it mean?" Andy asked and Dustin said quietly, "Highest Light, light bearer... the morning star."

Andy said, "So Lucifer then." Dustin smirked, "Mhmm.." Andy bit on his lip and then he said, "Was I just high the other day or did you really do that... you know with the fire." Dustin laughed softly, "I think you were just high.. I don't know what you're talking about." Andy laughed, and Dustin said, "I'm gonna go try these on.. you trying yours on?"

Andy nodded, and Dustin said, "Well c'mon then." Andy picked up a shirt too and then followed Dustin into the changing rooms. It was only a small space separated by dividing curtains and Andy said through the curtain - "You have a nice voice by the way." 

"Do I?" Dustin knew he was definitely getting the pants - they were a perfect fit - and his ass looked really fucking good.

"Hey can you tell me if this looks okay?" Andy asked and Dustin slipped into Andy's side - "Jesus Christ what happened?" Dustin breathed out - Andy's side was black and blue - his ribs and shoulder, "Oh.. uh its nothing." Andy was holding his shirt awkwardly and Dustin stepped in closer, "It doesn't fucking look like nothing." He frowned, "Did someone do this?"

Andy was just standing there, staring at his t-shirt balled up in his hands, and then he pulled on the shirt he'd found - covering himself up. It was black and had studs around the sleeves, fitted like a glove and wasn't normally what Andy would wear.

"It looks really good." Dustin said softly. "Yeah? It...feels nice - its kinda slippery." Andy let out a soft laugh, and then he looked down, "Those pants.. fuck sake." Dustin laughed, looking at himself in the big mirror, "They're bitchin right? Damn I have a good ass in these pants."

Andy was quiet - but their eyes met and Dustin blushed, "I  mean.. for a fat ass its not that bad.." 

Andy laughed softly, "You don't have a fat ass.." He was blushing too and Dustin muttered, "Okay.. well.." They both awkward stood there, and then Dustin said, "Try those pants you found with the shirt, I'll be back in a minute when your done."

He slipped back into his side - biting his lip as he pulled on the shirt he'd found. It was a little bit see thru and lace - and also a woman's shirt, but it matched the pants perfectly, and so paired with boots - it'd be perfect. Dustin heard Andy swear, and he said, "You okay in there?"

"Yeah.. shit.." Andy replied back, and Dustin said, "Need help?" There was silence, and then Andy muttered, "Yeah.." Dustin stepped back through the curtain - Andy had the shirt stuck half way - the jeans he had on were tight and sitting on his hips.

"Hurts to.. I can't lift it.." Andy's voice was pained and Dustin stepping in and then carefully pulled the shirt off. Andy was struggling a little to breath, and Dustin gently touched his face. "Have you taken something for the pain?" 

Andy hissed out, "I didn't wanna be too out of it.." Dustin sighed softly, "Hold on a second." He went back to his side, fishing out some pills and then his bottle of water from his bag. "Take these. I'm high as a kite right now.. no reason for you to be suffering okay?"

Andy swallowed them down with the water, and Dustin took the bottle back. "The pants look really good by the way." He smiled, "But if your in that much pain, are you going to be okay tomorrow night?" 

"Yeah, I'll be okay.." Andy was a little short of breath, and he rest back against the mirror - looking at him, "You look good." He lowered his gaze, "You're fucking tiny - like.. I never realized how tiny you are before."

Dustin laughed softly, "Yep that's me - a midget." Andy shook his head, "No.. I mean I guess its because you kicked my ass.. I mean.. seriously kicked my ass and you're like this little whisp.. you're insane." Dustin grinned and he muttered, "I'm stronger than I look."

"That's for damn sure." And let his eyes close, and Dustin stepped in a little closer - taking Andy's hat off, he ruffled his fingers through Andy's curls. "Tell me who hurt you?" His voice soft, and Andy breathed out in a rush, "...My Dad." He whispered, and Dustin gently stroked Andy's cheek, putting his hat back on. "He.. drinks to much and.. I dunno likes to use me as his punching bag." 

Andy was really tense and he was scared too. Dustin said softly, "Don't be scared of me Andrew, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm glad you felt like you could tell me." Andy had tears in his eyes when he opened them up. "I... guess I know I can trust you." 

Dustin gently pulled Andy's head down, resting their foreheads together, "You can. I know we got off on the wrong foot, but I have this weird feeling - like I am gathering troops to go to war almost."

Andy smiled, and Dustin said softly, "Remember when I said I was fiercely over protective of El?" Andy nodded, "Well.. when I care about someone, when they become my family - I take care of them. So.. if you need me, if things get really bad - just remember that, okay?" Andy whispered shakily, "I...shit." 

Dustin said softly, "Gathering my lost little lambs. I'll protect you if you need me too." He softly kissed Andy's forehead. "Do you need help putting your other shirt back on?" Andy had tears sliding down his face and he whispered, "Thanks Micalz."

Dustin said softly, "Silly Andrew." They both laughed, and Dustin helped him put his shirt back on. They both got their stuff and headed back out - "We good?" Dustin looked at the girls, "Did you find what you want?" 

Max noticed that Andy looked upset, and she said softer, "Most definitely, you?" Dustin grinned -"I did, I found some sexy pants.. my ass looks fucking good." El giggled and she looked at Andy, her eyes softening and she said softly to him, "Are you okay?" He nodded and she took his hat, putting it on her head - and then she played with his curls, and Andy just kind of melted. "Disgustingly cute." Max muttered and Dustin laughed. 

***

The four of them met up with Mike and Will, and both Dustin and Andy had picked up Bonfire and Roobix - who were now running around playing together and having the time of their lives. "He's a big moose." Will laughed as Roobix came running over and dumped a bunch of wet weeds in his lap. "He's in love with you Byers - bringing you his kills."

Andy laughed and Mike snickered - "He's cute, but.. but!' He made a sweet face and said "Come here Bon Bon! Come here and give me kisses!" Mike using a baby voice and Bonfire stomped her foot and barked like a tiny sneezing chicken.

Which made them all laugh hysterically - and then she stomped around, and pounced into Dustin's lap, licking him and then sitting on his chest - sneeze barking at Mike again. "Nope she's not having none of that Wheeler - she's a mama's girl." Max laughed and Bonfire did a tiny howl in agreement.

"Oh my god!" Max and El melting and Max said, "She's the cutest thing ever!" Roobix charged over to Mike this time, licking him and then flopping into his lap. "You big silly sausage." Mike giving him cuddles and Dustin laughed, "He thinks your gorgeous with the eyes and the hair - and the lips." Will laughed and Dustin said, "I think he's fallen in love look at him."

Roobix was just laying in Mikes lap staring at him with adoration. Andy laughed, "He's definitely in love." Dustin shifted, sitting up - he place Bonfire in Andy's lap, and then he said, "I'm just gonna go use the payphone okay?" He got up, "Be back in a second."

The others looked at him and then Dustin went and phoned Magda, who said she'd be there soon. He sat back down and Will laid down in his lap so Dustin played with his hair. Mike yawned a little - and then there was the rumbling of a motorcycle - and everyone was looking as a long set of legs in leather made their way over.

Mike was just staring - so were El and Max and Dustin stood up as Magda took off her helmet. She was an absolute stunner - high cheek bones, eyes like a cat - the prettiest green, she looked like she'd just stepped off a run way or something. Andy smirked at the faces of the others and Will whispered, "Who's that?"

"Hello Darling." Magda said, pulling Dustin into a hug. "Hey Mags, how're you doing?" She smiled and then followed him back to where everyone was sitting - "I'm going good, hello everyone." She had a soft voice, almost kind of mesmerizing.

Dustin said, "Everyone this is my friend Magda, Mags - this is El, Max, Andy - that's Mike, and Will." She smiled and then she just cupped Dustin's face, speaking to him softly in French, and he blushed and she unzipped he leather jacket - and Mike was still staring - "Michael, eyes up."

Dustin smirked, Mike was blushing brilliant red, and biting on his lip. "Sorry.." Mike frowned at himself, tugging on his hair. 

Dustin stroked Will's hair again, and Will let out a soft little exhale as Mike curled their fingers together. "So here are the tickets Mon Chere." Dustin grinned, and she stroked his cheek. "Seth said he saw you.."

Bonfire was stomping around again and she did a little howl at Magda, "Oh yes I know sugar - you found your Mama didn't you, yes and you are so happy now.. sweet Bebe.." Magda scooped her up and gave her kisses, her green eyes on Dustin, "She loves you so.. mhmm."

Dustin grinned, "I love her too." Magda chuckled, her gaze shifting to Will, "Oh.. you are a pretty little one.." Will blushed hotly and then he was doing the same thing Mike had been doing, just staring.  

Magda smiled, and then she looked at Andy - then took Dustin's hand, "Ils sont tous si beaux, mon ange." (they're all so beautiful, my angel) Dustin laughed softly, "They are aren't they."

She smiled - "So, tattoo hmm? I had a dream, about you being reborn from fire.." Dustin let out a soft breath, and she added, "La lumière la plus brillante, renaissante du feu." (the brightest light, reborn from the fire) El's gaze met Dustin's and he smiled. "I think that you understand what I mean - so.. I thought this perhaps?" She reached into her jacket again and then pulled out  another piece of paper. Handing it to him.

Dustin opened it, and he looked at her. "It's beautiful. Un phénix renaît de ses cendres." (a phoenix is rising from the ashes) He could feel the eyes on him and Magda let out a soft little laugh, "Yes, you are indeed." He smiled and said, "Well.. looks like that's going to be it.."

She kissed him softly, "So - tomorrow night yes? Now all your friends can come, and Tristan will be please to see you." She sighed, "I don't speak English good, sorry.." Everyone seemed to be captivated by her and Dustin said softly, "You speak just fine." She smiled, "Not as good as Tristan, I still try too though but..." 

Dustin smiled, "Well you taught me some French, I taught you some English." Magda smiled, "My Seth he tries - but.. I get angry and shout at him in French." Dustin whispered to her, "I think they're all in love."

Magda laughed softly, "Okay, well I must go - back to work. I will see you all tomorrow Darlings." She gave them all a soft kiss - and then she cupped Dustin's face in her hands, "Come see me at home too little light, okay yes?" Magda said softly. And then Dustin felt strange - like he was suddenly in a dream, not able to focus - like it was just her and him and every thing else faded away. 

He smiled, and she whispered, "Your Mama, she told you yes Micalz.." He just stared at her, and then she whispered - "Your people are all around, we waited for you mon chere.. your flock. I will tell you a story, when you come to see me yes? A very important one, sweet Prince." Dustin felt kinda of hazy - and she said softly, "He aches for you, as you do for him.. can you hear him?" Dustin just breathed out shakily and she whispered, "You need to rest, get some sleep - you're tired aren't you mon chere. Go to sleep Micalz." 

Dustin just felt really out of it - and he was staring at the sky - "Dustin?" Will was staring down at him and Dustin said, "Huh?" 

"I think you passed out or something. Your beautiful but strange friend left and then you kind of went into a trance or something." Will said, and El was just lookin at him.  Mike said softly, "Think you need to eat something Dusty?" 

Dustin didn't know what happened, and El said softly - "Give him some space to breathe." Max gave Will her bottle of soda, and Will cradled his head and Dustin drank some. "I'm.. okay." He muttered, sitting up slowly. Everyone was staring at him, and Bonfire whimpered, and he scooped her up, giving her kisses.

Andy gave them a packet of chips out of his bag. "You should eat." He said softly, "You're tiny Micalz." Will, Mike and Max said, "Why do you call him that?" El said, "Its our nickname for him." They shrugged and Max said, "It's to do with your fire thing right?" 

Dustin nodded and he said softly, "I.. guys I think I need to go home - I feel really fucking tired. I'm sorry." Will said, "Your friend.. she's kind of majestic.." Mike said, "She's hot." Will laughed, "Yeah that too, it felt like she was casting a spell over me." Max said, "It was like she was a puppy whisperer."

Dustin could feel Bonfire burrowing in against his neck and his voice came out all raspy as he said, "She's a witch, and yeah - she is a puppy whisperer, her and Tristan were raised down in the bayou - didn't hardly speak any English at all. Tristan does - but.. that was mainly swear words and shit cos you know what Eddie was like."

Everyone laughed and Andy said, "Do you want me to drive you home, I can .. walk back into town - its fine."

"Yeah, that.. that'd be good." He whispered, and Mike frowned, "Dustin I don't like this, are you sure you don't need to see a Doctor or something, I'm really freaking out." Mike's voice was shaky, and he was fidgeting anxiously.

Dustin grabbed his hand, and he said softly, "I'll be okay Mikey, I just.. I'm tired." Mike let out a shaky exhale and he whispered, "Okay.." Mike and Andy helped him to get up and then everyone was getting into his car, Dustin had both Bonfire and Roobix laying all over him. "Sweet Babies." He gave them kisses and Mike was all curled up, still fretting. 

"Mikey, I'm okay." He said softly, and Will stroked his fingers into Mikes hair. El hugged Mike, and then Max said from the passenger seat in the front, "Feel my love around you shit birds." Andy laughed and Max grinned at him.

When they got back home, Dustin crawled into his bed, Bonfire and Roobix in the bed with him and Andy said, "I can always get him tomorrow, seems he wants to stay here with you." Dustin smiled sleepily and he said softly, "Okay." Andy said, "Have a good sleep."

Dustin shivered, and the pups snuggled closer. As Dustin started to fall asleep - he could still hear his friends talking and laughing  in the living room, none of them had gone home - he breathed out softly and drifted - he let out a soft little whimper, "Jay.."

Dustin was crying in his sleep, burying his face in his pillow - his sleep wasn't peaceful he kept whimpering every so often - and calling Jay's name.  Tears on his cheeks, Bonfire would sit there and look at him - letting out soft little baby howls. 

Chapter Text

Jay had been spending most of his time actually staying at Steve's instead of being at the trailer. He didn't like being there on his own - it felt too fucking strange, to empty - and he didn't want to be there when Dustin was gone.

He'd just been mostly falling asleep when he was just too tired to keep his eyes open. He'd just fall asleep without any warming. He'd been hanging out with Steve, Robin and Jonathan - and he'd just fallen asleep on them - no warning , just crashed out in a fitful sleep, dreaming weird shit - waking up panicked and uncomfortable.

And he never slept for very long. Time was slipping out of his grasp he lost track of it - and he didn't know how long it had been since he saw Dustin in the car park with Andy - he didn't know how long it had been since he last saw him in the bathroom. He would just sit staring into space - hood up, smoking and not speaking.

Steve was there, and sometimes Jay would talk - but most of the time he couldn't. Steve was quiet too, and tonight they were going to Steve's first meeting. He was scared and Jay knew he was - Steve would shake so bad, and Jay would just curl his arms around him, the two of them lost in the pain of missing Dustin. And it really wasn't that much time - but it felt like forever.

They hadn't done anything else together, Steve didn't push - and Jay didn't, he couldn't. Steve didn't seem bothered about it though - about the only thing they did do, was touch each others hair, they'd taken to being close to each other when they were sleeping, or in Jay's case trying too - or passing out  from exhaustion.

And Jay would reach out, and curl his fingers around Steve's, he touched his hair too. Just gentle touch. Because Jay couldn't do anything else. He still hadn't spoken to Dustin about what he would have seen when he came and saw them. Steve had still been drinking but not to blackout stage. On Friday, him - Steve, Robin, Vicky, Nancy and Jonathan were all going to see Zillah - just to try and have something normal for once.

Jay went to Steve's first meeting with him - it wasn't a big drama, it was actually pretty uneventful, and Steve just sat there quietly - he got all fidgety and weird at one point, and Jay had just reached out and wrapped his hand around Steve's not saying anything - and Steve seemed to settle.

Steve got rattled in an entirely different way to Dustin. He internalized most of his shit and would go extremely quiet and stuck in his head - where Dustin raged like a beautiful wild creature.

He breathed out slowly, he'd gone back to the trailer - wanting to be alone, and now he wasn't sure he actually did want to be alone. Steve was with Robin and Vicky, he'd got the truck from Hopper - and it was actually fine, Hopper thought it was a piece of shit but it just needed an oil change and a bit of a tune up. It was as good as new. Jay was laying shirtless on the bed - he'd finally remade it, and he of course couldn't sleep.

Jay breathed out slowly, and then he got up - rubbing his fingers over his head - he tugged on a hoodie and then his boots and he left - when he pulled up across the road from Dustin's - he let out a soft exhale. Dustan's car was parked in the driveway, but Claudia's car wasn't there. Jay wasn't sure if he was really doing the right thing, he wasn't sure if Dustin would even want to speak to him. But he couldn't stand it anymore.

The street was quiet, the houses all dark - not much noise coming from anywhere.

The air was cold, and Jay went across the street - standing on the porch, he knocked on the door - but there was no answer, and he knocked again - louder, and there was still no reply. Jay didn't want to go and knock on Dustin's window, not really because it was something Steve would have done - and he just.. didn't want to do that. But at the same time - he wasn't sure that Dustin was even going to hear him knocking at this point.

And then Jay remembered that the was a spare key in the flower pot at the back door, and he breathed out slowly - he felt anxious about using it, but he rubbed his fingers over his head and then slipped around the back. He found the key and unlocked the door - he put the key back in the flower pot and then shut the door, locking it behind him again. Jay kicked his boots off, not wanting to ruin Claudia's carpet - and Jay set them by the front door.

He knew that Dustin usually had his bedroom door locked, so if he didn't want to talk to him - he'd leave. Jay noticed though that there was some bowls and what looked like pet toys in the hallway. And when he got to Dustin's room - the door was open a little, instead of being completely shut. Jay also noticed a litter box - a bit too big for a cat or kitten. He heard a strange noise from Dustin's room, a squeaky kind of snorting and then a small grey pup came bouncing out of the room.

Charging at him and sneeze barking. It was the cutest thing he'd ever seen - "Hey.. hi little thing." He whispered, and it looked at him - its blue eyes were as clear as crystals and then it whimpered at him, wiggling its little butt and tail, and stomping. Jay reached down and scooped it up, its little studded collar wasn't a dog collar - a leather wrist cuff, and Jay resisted the urge to baby talk. "Hi.. Hi.." He checked, "Hey baby girl."

She sneezed at him again and he took her back towards the kitchen, having a look in the fridge he found her milk and food and dished her some out. She ate it hungrily and got milk all over her face. Then she bounced around and dived on a teddy that was bigger than as she was, growling at it and chewing on it furiously and then she dragged it over and dumped it on his feet. Looking at him and wiggling her butt.

Jay laughed softly and then he played with her, and she attacked the teddy - till she got bored and stomped her little feet at him and then sat on his feet, whimpering.

Jay reached down and scooped her up again, and she licked his face and he said softly, "You're too sweet, hmm I bet your Mama loves you sweet girl." She licked him furiously and made little whimpers, wriggling and then she had the hiccups. Jay laughed softly and then he kissed her head - she snuggled into him and he rubbed her little tummy - she had one floppy ear, and one that was more straight. 

Jay rubbed her tiny paws and then she started getting all sleepy - so he put her in the little bed.

He rubbed her tummy and then he stood up, breathing out softly - Jay moved quietly back to Dustin's bedroom, and he stroked his fingers over his head - he heard Dustin talking, and he paused. "No, I never knew my real Dad - and the person I thought was my Dad was a piece of shit." 

He couldn't hear the person that Dustin was talking too, and he realized that Dustin was talking to someone on the phone. His voice was soft, raspy and Jay let out a shaky exhale - wondering who he was talking too.

"Yeah? But it isn't your fault, you know that right? It's not your fault Andrew. No, I wasn't asleep, it's okay.. you didn't wake me up I haven't been sleeping properly, its .. its okay." Dustin's voice was soothing, and Jay felt his stomach tighten up at the way he said Andy's name. So now they were talking on the phone too.

Dustin said softly, "Are you going to be okay, or do you want me to come and get you?" Jay breathed out sharply at that. Jay wondered, if Andy had told Dustin who was hurting him - if it was his Dad. "I told you, I told you if you need me to help you.. to call me. I told you remember? It's okay, please don't cry - don't cry.." 

Jay breathed out sharply, Dustin's voice was so soothing and soft, he was worried about Andy, he cared about him - and Jay closed his eyes. It made the ache inside him even stronger - he missed him so fucking bad he could barely stand it.

"Okay, yeah.. you're sure?" Dustin let out a soft laugh and Jay let his eyes open - "You still wanna play that game?" Jay heard Dustin shifting - and then he heard him say softly, "Mhmm okay, shut the fuck up - I do not..." He was getting shy, and Jay breathed out slowly when Dustin started singing? Jay wasn't sure what the song was - but he liked the lyrics, and Dustin's raspy voice - he really liked that too, he didn't even know that Dustin could sing.

"Hey, young blood, doesn't it feel, Like our time is running out? I'm going to change you like a remix, Then I'll raise you like a phoenix... Wearing our vintage misery, No I think it looked a little better on me.. I'm going to change you like a remix, Then I'll raise you like a phoenix..."

Dustin laughed softly, "Mhmm yeah." He went quiet, and then after a little while he said - "Oh.. so you can sing too huh.. so are you going to sing with me tomorrow night then?" Jay remembered that they were going to the Zillah gig together, and that was what Dustin was talking about. "Will you be okay? Okay.. mhmm, okay I'll see you tomorrow, yeah.. I'm.. well you know." He sounded sad, and Jay felt like he couldn't breathe properly. "Yeah I.. dunno what happened, I.. was fine and then all of a sudden I wasn't.."

Jay stared at the half open door, wondering what he meant. "She's precious right? You still got the melty heart thing?" Dustin went quiet again, and then he said softly "So.. a little bit gay." He laughed, and he murmured, "Yeah.. they're a little bit gay for each other mhmm..  just a little bit. Oh... I was thinking about my inner wrist, to yeah.. yeah to cover it up. You think so? Yeah, She's gorgeous right, I know."

He sounded like was giggling into his pillow - "I am not, bullshit - you lying mother fucker. I'll kick your ass Andrew. Uhuh. I know - mhmm." Jay wished he could hear what Andy was saying  - because it seemed like he was maybe teasing Dustin. Had Jay been wrong? Was there more going on?

Dustin let out a softly laugh, and then he said, "Okay, mhmm yeah I'll come get you tomorrow before - yeah... yeah El and Max, oh I never thought about that - okay, sure.. alright, I'll see you tomorrow - night Andrew, sweet dreams.. no you hang up, no you - stop.." He laughed again - "Fine I'm hanging up now.."

Then it was quiet and Jay breathed out slowly, and he wondered if he should just leave - he was standing there thinking about what to do next - and then Dustin was standing there - right in the doorway, looking at him - and he wasn't speaking, he was just staring, frozen in place.

"Sunshine.." He said softly, and Dustin shut the door - he heard him lock it too, and Jay breathed out sharply - "Please, please talk to me."

***

Dustin had been laying in bed in the dark when the phone had started ringing and it was Andy - upset and it had been because his Dad had started his bullshit and he'd been scared - and they'd talked till Andy had felt calmer, and it was a good distraction for him too. He didn't feel the crushing weight of feeling like his heart was being torn out of his chest. He didn't have to think about the image of Jay and Steve naked and curled around each other. 

That left him feeling like he couldn't breathe.

They'd played the lyric game again, only this time Andy had sung to him too - and he had a good voice too. But then Andy had got tired, and Dustin was once again left on his own to face the dark and the crushing weight of his thoughts again. When he got up to go and get a drink? Dustin didn't know why the hell Jay was standing outside his bedroom - in the dark, in the hall way. 

Dustin not only felt sick - but he felt like he couldn't move, and so he'd shut the door.

He locked it - and heard Jay's voice, heard him pleading with Dustin to talk to him. Dustin sank to his knees back against the wall - and he clawed at his throat - tears blinding his eyes as the air got ripped from his lungs, it was paralyzing, and terrifying. Dustin curled his arms around his knees and he laid down curling up into a fetal position. He didn't know why Jay was there - why he wanted to talk to him? - What could he possibly have to say - He just wants to fucking play more bullshit games.

Dustin was gasping for air as he sobbed and Jay said softly through the door - "Please, open the door - let me in."

Dustin didn't want to talk to him - he didn't want to open the door and let Jay in, he closed his eyes tightly, and he whimpered - tugging at his hair, "Go away, just leave me alone - please.. please you.. you need to leave me alone. I can't.. your fucking killing me - you're killing me you need to stop.. you've ripped me apart, why are you here.. why.. please.. please leave me alone." His sobbing was broken, and just became more intense, till all he was doing was crying and gasping for breath. 

***

Jay hated the sound - the way that Dustin was crying, he didn't think he'd heard him cry like the way he was right now. It was completely broken - desperate and when he heard Dustin say you're killing me you need to stop.

Jay felt sick, he said shakily - "Baby boy... please." He could hear Dustin's sobs become more strangled - because he was having trouble breathing, he wanted to break the door down.

He said hoarsely, "I know you don't believe me, but until that night with you - we never did anything,  I swear."

Jay breathed out slowly, tears welling up in his eyes, "I.. I know you saw us.. and we - it was just.. fuck it was we both missed you, we still didn't fuck. I promise." Jay was crying, and he could still hear Dustin's shaky, harsh sobs. "..please... I miss you, I love you so much, I.. don't know what to do without you."

He let his eyes close, Jay could hear a soft - pained sound from Dustin. "I love you Sunshine." He said softly, "I swear to you, I'm telling the truth. And.. I know you feel like I wasn't on your side, I was.. I am. I .. wanted to help him because I wanted.. you to have everything, wanted you to have both of us because I know you didn't want to have to choose - I.. thought that it could happen. I didn't know he was going to freak out and get so scared.. because he did - he told me that."

Jay said hoarsely, "But.. fuck.. he still loves you, he's still just as.. obsessed, and in love with you as you are with him.. and.. that's why.. you saw us together. It.. fuck." He rubbed at his eyes, "It.. wasn't about us sneaking around, we just.. we both missed you and, it just happened. But I know you're scared, but I promise its the truth. I miss you so goddamn much.."

***

Roobix jumped down off his bed and laid down beside him, whining softly and licking at his face and Dustin let out a pained sound as Jay told him that he missed him, that he loved him - that he didn't know what to do without him. He wanted to believe it, but it hurt too much. Fear had curled its way in - bone deep, and shaken him to the core and Dustin couldn't push it away. He could push it away and ignore it because his instinct was to protect himself.

Dustin didn't feel safe - and yes he had wanted them both - but now that just felt like a horrible twisted nightmare, not something good at all. His fingers curled against Roobix' soft silky fur as he laid beside him - his stripey colors and white bib almost camouflage in in the light from Turtles tank - making him look black. Dustin smiled tearfully as he held his paw out for Dustin to shake it. He held his paw, and let out a shaky, exhale. 

Jay was still talking, telling him more bullshit - about Steve, Steve loving him and being obsessed with him. Dustin felt like being sick. That because they missed him, they fell naked onto the sofa together and fucked? Dustin was starting to get angry. He breathed out sharply, as Jay said, "It wasn't about sneaking around, we both missed you - it just happened. I know your scared but its the truth." Dustin was so sick of the lies, first off with Steve and all his fuckery. 

Now Jay too? And Dustin closed his eyes tightly. Because Jay really thought that Steve wasn't trying to steal him off Dustin? He believes Steve, Believes Steve's bullshit lies, but he doesn't believe you - because he thinks you're crazy. You're irrational, you do shit before you think. Dustin pulled himself up slowly, feeling slightly woozy - but he got his equilibrium back and then he opened the door. Roobix went running out the bedroom, probably looking for Bonfire. Dustin stared at Jay as he stood up, having been sitting on the floor.

***

Jay heard the door unlock - and then it slid open and a slightly bigger puppy came bowling out of Dustin's bedroom. He gave Jay a sniff but he ran off down the hallway - not really interested in him, and clearly looking for the smaller grey one. Jay lifted his head - Dustin was staring down at him, and he felt his heart pick up and start to pound hard in his chest. Jay let out a soft shaky exhale and when Dustin stepped out of the light from behind him, he was so pale in the regular light that it scared Jay a little.

"You need to leave." His voice was ice cold - and Jay knew he was pissed.

Dustin still had tears on his face - in his lashes, but he wasn't crying anymore. Jay said, "Please." Dustin was on him before Jay even had time to blink, the knife at his throat - "I told you that day in the bathroom, I told you that I wasn't going to let you break me - not him, or you.. and you did it anyway. You.." His jaw was twitching, his breath came out soft, and Jay could see the way that Dustin's entire body was literally vibrating. With Rage.

"I should have expected it from Him." He spat, "He's so fucked up he doesn't know what he's doing. I should have seen it coming that he'd turn on me and run like the pussy that he is." Jay could feel the edge of the blade, nicking his throat a little and Jay felt Dustin's gaze darken even more - he'd been angry like this, the night he lost control and killed Thomas, and Jay? He knew - he knew he had to be very careful with what he said. "You.. you betrayed me. He came to you, didn't he.. pathetic and telling you fucking lies.. He missed me." 

Dustin snarled, and then spat out, "Lies, did he touch you? Fucking put his hands on you.. fucking touch your cock? Did he?" He was breathing harsher, the rage was literally making Dustin's muscles twitch and Jay's breath caught in his throat. "And he kissed you, put his fucking tongue in your mouth... and you let him. You fucking let him and you believed his bullshit. You believed his lies.." Dustin hissed, "He didn't miss me he just wanted to fuck... He told you that too, didn't he.. huh? Said it to you.. got you hard and made you want him."

Jay swallowed hard, and felt the blade nick him - "No.." He said softly, his voice husky. And Dustin snarled, "You're still fucking lying to me. Even now - still lying and you expect me to trust you? I know him, I know him.. and I know you.. and it was never about me - he was lonely, drunk and horny and he just wanted to fuck - and you fell for his lies. Maybe you didn't really care, you just got hard and horny and wanted him too. I wasn't even on the radar. Neither of you gave a shit."

He breathed out slowly, and Dustin hissed, "And you wanted to be his Savior, he's easier to save.. right? You can't save me - neither of you can, but you can save him." Jay saw the pain flicker over Dustin's face, hard, brutal and raw - it was there briefly - but it was so raw that it made Jay breathe out harshly, and then it was gone again and Dustin whispered, "So go save him, and you can live happily ever after. Because I can't be saved... and I don't need to be." 

He stepped away from Jay - Jay's gaze landed on the necklace that was around his neck, it was new - and he saw the Enochian symbols, the tiny blood red stones. It was a blood rite. Jay lifted his gaze and Dustin had been watching him look at it. "Yeah, turns out he was the only fucking person that loved me and never fucking hurt me."

Dustin's voice was too quiet again. "You need to leave, I don't want to talk to you, just get the fuck out Jay." So the necklace was from Eddie? "How did you get that from Eddie?" Jay murmured, and he should have remembered to be careful. Dustin's eyes were almost completely void of any emotion - blank and they'd been like that the morning Steve had pushed him away. 

"None of your fucking business asshole." Dustin spat out at him, the venom was real and Jay breathed out slowly. "Blood magick is serious, like.. really serious, you don't just do that for... I think you've lied about Eddie, I think he was your boyfriend." Jesus shut the hell up you fucking idiot - you must want him to stab you to death. He was being a jealous prick. 

Dustin actually stabbed the knife into the wall right by Jay's head, and he hissed, "Unlike you, you fucking asshole - I have never lied, Eddie was my brother, my best friend - my fucking family, and yes, yes I fucking loved him - he loved me.. but it was never like that, he never fucking touched me, or hurt me - he never did anything to me but love me and make me feel safe! And you're just the same as Steve, trying to turn it into something dirty and gross because you're both jealous. He was good to me! He fucking died! Fuck you, fuck you - It wasn't like that, It was never like that!"

Jay breathed out shakily, Dustin had the knife again and he sobbed as he said, "He loved me enough to give me his blood for protection, he still wanted to keep me safe if he couldn't be here. Steve just wants to fuck with my mind and keep trying to mess with me. He doesn't love me - he's never protected me. All he does is fuck me, whether it's my head.. or my body - he doesn't love me."

He was breathing harshly, and then he said - "But you?.. You hurt me the worst.. Because you let me think I was safe, you let me believe that I was protected - you made me think I had found my home..." Dustin's voice went really quiet, "And then you ripped it away and everything I thought ...it was never real."

Jay felt like he couldn't breathe, and he reached out - but Dustin slammed him into the wall - "No." His voice was hard, and he whispered without looking at him. "I have to keep whatever I've got left, so don't.. just don't try to take anymore of me." He let out a soft whistle - sharp and piercing and the two puppies came running obediently, and went back into Dustin's bedroom.

He didn't look at Jay as he said slightly shakier - struggling not to cry, "I can't survive anymore.. just leave me alone.. please." Dustin shut the door to his bedroom again and Jay felt the tears slide down his face as the door locked - he ached to hold him. 

He left the house quietly - Jay drove back to the trailer, it was when he was sitting in the dark - that he cried - because he felt every word Dustin had said, and the pain almost felt too much. Jay didn't think he could fix it - going to talk to him, he'd not fixed anything - all he'd done was realize just how much pain he was in. Jay went into the bedroom and laid down - he whispered shakily, "I'm so sorry... so sorry." 

Another thing that sat in Jay's stomach like weighted stones - was that Steve had actually done everything Dustin had said. And Jay couldn't shake that off. You made me think I had found my home, and then you ripped it all away and everything I thought... it was never real. Jay closed his eyes tighter, he really didn't know what to do. All he did know - was that he didn't think he could do nothing. Jay knew he needed him - needed to fix this, needed him back. 

Chapter Text

Steve felt like he was stuck in some strange weird time cycle where nothing really made any sense. It was too fucking slow - the days creeping by, but it didn't feel like things were moving properly, two slow. Not  fast enough. He'd gone to his first meeting and it was the most boring fucking thing he'd ever done in his life - Jay had sat beside him too quiet - to fucking still, and Steve felt like he was going to crawl out of his skin.

On edge and Hopper had been right there too, like some sturdy dependable rock - and Steve didn't know how to cope with it. With people giving a shit. The really fucked up thing was too - he could see how fucking broken Jay was, and it hurt. Hurt seeing him that way and knowing it was Steve's fault.

Jay wasn't sleeping - and if he did it was in broken, stolen moments. He'd just randomly fall asleep, and then he'd stare into space but he wasn't really seeing anyone. Steve felt like he was waiting for Jay to slowly reach a point where he was going to unravel completely - maybe snap.

And yet he didn't know what to do - Steve had tried to go and talk to Dustin, but every time he did - Dustin hadn't been at home. They kind of mostly sat together in silence - Steve not knowing what to say, and maybe a part of him was actually scared to talk.

Even though Jay told him to talk about the shit in his head - he really didn't want to burden Jay with his bullshit. Because Jay was breaking, and that was already his fault.

Steve wondered why Dustin and Jay had broken up - he'd thought it was him that was the problem, but if he'd taken himself out of the equation - shouldn't they have been happier without him? Steve missed Dustin, he missed him so much that he could barely breathe. He thought about all the times when they had been happy, and then all the times when everything got so messed up.

Steve felt like all he did was cry, he was so fucking tired of crying - of the constant lump in his throat.

He'd completely lost the respect and friendship with Nancy, she just looked at him with disgust and shame. And it hurt - it really did. He deserved it though - after what he said and did to Dustin. He was sitting in his favorite spot. Smoking and staring at the water. Steve had been too another meeting, Jay hadn't gone with him this time - he'd gone back home and Steve hadn't wanted to bother him. He didn't like bothering anyone.

"You can handle your own goddamn bullshit." He whispered, staring down at his hands - the tremor in them was bad, and he closed his eyes tightly. Steve could hear a knock at the front door, so he slowly pulled himself up and then headed through, surprised to find Lucas standing on the front porch. "Hey Lulu." He said softly.

"Hey Steve, can I .. come in?" Lucas asked him, scratching at his neck and looking tired. This kid always looked tired. "Yeah.. course man, come on in." Steve said softly.

Lucas followed him inside, and Steve murmured, "You want a drink?" Lucas was watching him, and then he said, "Nah.. its cool, how are you doing?"

Steve grabbed a beer, and Lucas said quietly, "Okay I will have one." Steve nodded, and grabbed another one - handing it to Lucas, and then he sat down.

"I'm doing okay, I suppose.. I don't know... fuck." Steve muttered, raking his fingers through his hair, and then he said, "No.. actually I'm not - I .. feel like shit, and I can't really talk to anyone I don't know."

Lucas said softly, "Same. I feel like shit, everyone hates me - and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore." Steve looked at him, and Lucas had tears in his eyes, he was staring down at his hands - and then he chugged down most of the beer in one go. "Easy Lulu.." He said softly and then sat down next to him.

"I just.. I can't fucking breathe, I'm so fucking tired Steve - I'm tired, I miss my friends, I miss Dustin... he hates me and I... I miss Max and she hates me.. " He started to cry and Steve gently put his hand on the younger man's back. "I miss El, I fucking miss her so much... fuck.. I.. I can't breathe.." He was struggling to get air - to breathe normally and Steve pulled him into a hug.

"It's okay." Steve said softly, "It'll be okay."

Lucas held onto Steve like he was scared he'd disappear - "I'm here, you can always talk to me. " Steve said softly, "I mean I can try to help even if its just to listen.." Lucas' voice broke as he said hoarsely, "I.. love her, El... I fucking fell for her, and.. yes I still love Max, even though she hates me.. but El's so sweet, and she cares about everyone so much. I never meant to hurt her - I wasn't trying to hurt her, Mike lost his shit at me and told me I was a skeevy asshole for keeping her a dirty secret.. I.. wasn't it.. wasn't like that. I just, I didn't want everyone to know because I liked having her all to myself."

Lucas let out a shaky exhale, and he whispered - "I.. liked knowing that she was mine."

Steve murmured, "That when you were alone together, it was just the two of you and the rest of the world - all the bullshit, the dark stuff - the pain... you could push it all away and just be.. just be with her."

Lucas looked at him, and he said softly, "Yeah.. yeah exactly that. You felt like that too.. with Dustin?"

He nodded, "Uh.. this might be too much information for you or something so.. sorry in advance? But.. it's always felt like that with him, even before we started sleeping together. I mean he's smart as hell you know that - most of them he'd tell me something and I really had no idea what he was talking about, he'd get frustrated trying to tell me again - like.. I'd have to get him to repeat it and it must have really pissed him off, because he'd stop telling me..'

Lucas said softly, "He's an asshole too you can say it Steve.. he isn't the easiest fucking person to be around, to deal with - you don't have to worry, I'm not going to go and tell him that you bad mouthed him. He really is a fucking asshole. It's not all on you okay?"

Steve looked at Lucas and then he drained his beer, and Lucas drank the rest of his. "Want another one?" Steve asked and Lucas said, "Yeah okay." He nodded and got up, grabbing two more and then he opened them, handing Lucas his one.

Steve sat back down and then he said - "Lu, don't be too hard on him okay - the things he's been through - I'm not sure I would have survived any of it. In fact I know I couldn't have."

Lucas bit on his bottom lip and Steve said softly, "He lied about Eddie, he didn't just go missing during the earthquake. He was ripped to shreds by demo-bats and he saw it happen, Eddie died in his arms. He watched his best friend, his brother - die in his arms."

Lucas said tearfully, "W-what?"

Steve murmured, "Yeah. I can't even imagine what that was like."

Lucas wiped at his face - "He fucking loved Eddie, and we both know Eddie loved him. He's never been the same since then - I... know how much the whole thing with Max fucked me up.. but.. Jesus she didn't I mean.. she came back... she came back Steve - and Eddie didn't."

"I know.." Steve said softly.

Lucas rubbed his hands over his face - "I thought.. I really thought he was going to kill me the other night. I thought he'd told Max - betrayed me."

Steve said softly, "He doesn't do that, if you tell him a secret - he keeps it. You should talk to him."

Lucas said softly, "I will. I.. need to talk to Max, and El too.. I just.. I'm too fucking scared to do it."

Steve gently pulled Lucas in and gave him a hug. "I'm scared of just about everything Lu, when you're scared - you know its fucking real. If it wasn't real you wouldn't be scared."

Lucas wiped at his face, he asked quietly - "...You really love him, Dustin. How come him and Jay broke up?"

"Because something happened, something because of me - and I ... I should just.." Steve started crying, harsh sobs - and Lucas said hoarsely - "Fuck... I'm sorry, Steve - Steve don't cry.."

The younger man didn't know what to do - and he held Steve, and said against shakily, "Please you're freaking me out - should I call someone?"

Steve shook his head - "No.. no don't call anyone." His voice cracking, and he tried to get his sobs under control. "I'll be.. fine in a minute.." His chest hurt and Lucas said shakily, "Scaring me.. fuck."

They were both sitting there, Steve ugly crying - Lucas shaky and tense and trying to keep his shit together too. When Jay suddenly walked into the room.

"Jesus Christ we all look like shit." Jay had been crying too - he walked over and then kissed the top of Lucas' head - "He'll be okay, won't you pretty boy?" Jay's voice sounded raw and Steve just looked at him. He felt like his stomach was going to get ripped out it was that tight - churning.

Jay glanced briefly at Lucas - who was just staring at them both, but then he knelt down in front of Steve and he placed his hand against the back of his neck - bringing their foreheads together. "It's okay, breathe.." His voice soft, and Steve exhaled all in a rush - not having realized he'd even been holding his breath.

"I... I.." Steve tried - but he couldn't and Jay growled softly, "It's okay, you've been doing what you shouldn't be doing.. hmm? Getting stuck in your head and locking me - locking yourself down with your monsters.. with your shit.. breathe... keep breathing." The last part, Jay whispered - and Steve let his eyes close.

Lucas said softly, "I should go."

Jay looked at Lucas, but he'd curled his fingers against Steve's interlacing their fingers. "You don't have to Lu, you don't have to be alone with your shit either. I can see that you're in pain - you trust Steve, you don't need to leave just because I came here."

Lucas let out a soft exhale - and then he said, "The hell is going on with you two.."

Steve felt the heat in his cheeks, and but his gaze met Jay's - they hadn't done anything else since the night before Dustin saw them together. He lowered his gaze again, not wanting Jay to think that he was a homewrecker, because that's what he'd called him. He felt bad enough that he'd caused Jay to lose Dustin.

"We're both in love with Dustin - that's what's going on with us." Jay's voice was hoarse, and the he added, "And Steve's been going through some bad shit with his boozing up.."

Lucas said softly, "I know.. fuck man - we're all fucked."

Jay said quietly, "...Yeah, yeah shit is fucked up. You wanna come with me and Steve, Bobbin, Vicky and Nance and Jonathan tomorrow night to see a band play? We're going for a night of fun and normal." Lucas was wiping his face and then he said, "Yeah.. yeah that'd be cool. I.. mean its not like the party - wants or even gives a shit about me."

Jay said quietly, "That isn't true, they're just.."

"It's fine Jay, Dustin's stolen them off me." Lucas muttered it darkly - and Jay growled back, "You're lucky he didn't fucking eviscerate you - don't talk bullshit to me about Sunshine." Steve saw the darkness, the rage - and he realized that Jay hid his shadow well, but he had the same wild creature inside him that Dustin did.

He let out a soft exhale - Jay's fingers were tighter in his hair, and Lucas said softly, "Sorry.."

The younger man stood up, resting his hand against Steve's shoulder. "Will you be okay?" Lucas asked softly, and Steve looked at him - pulling Lucas into a hug.

"I'll be okay Lulu." Lucas said softly, "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow." He gave Jay a somewhat weary look - and then Jay grabbed his hand, holding him closer - and Jay rest their heads together.

Lucas let out a soft breath and Jay said softly, "You piss him off when he's hurting - its dangerous, he's dangerous okay? Apologize to him and you'll fix things - the rule of law, you know that."

Lucas nodded, and Jay whispered, "He'd fucking die for you he loves you that much - you're his family." Lucas had tears in his eyes, and he looked at Jay - then at Steve, his voice soft "And his brother died in his arms.." Jay breathed out sharply, and Steve said softly, "Yeah.. he did."

Lucas nodded, "I'll talk to him." Jay kissed Lucas' forehead and then he let go.

Once they were alone, Steve said quietly - "...What happened." Jay had his eyes closed and then he just rest his head against Steve's lap.

Steve gently stroked his fingers against Jay's head, soft soothing strokes with his fingers - and then light down his neck, and Jay let out a harsh, shaky exhale. "I... went to go talk to him." His voice was gravelly and raw and Steve kept stroking his fingers.

"Tonight?" Steve asked softly.

"I...yeah.." Jay said hoarsely. "I'm so tired Steve, I'm sorry .."

"Why are you sorry? You don't have to be sorry - you're tired because you've hardly slept.." Steve said softly.  

"I.. can't sleep without him." Jay whispered, and Steve felt the way he started to shake, he said softly, "Do.. you want to try? Stay here.. If you want, with m-me." His voice was shaky, and his stomach was all tight, and Jay lifted his head - just watching him quietly.

Steve's breath caught in his throat, and Jay shifted, moving into his lap - Jay gripped his chin and then he said quietly, "Did you do this on purpose, cause all of this on purpose?"

Steve's tears welled up in his eyes and he said shakily, "No.. No I swear I didn't mean for it to happen, I just.. I got scared - I.. you and him, you.. you were so beautiful together - it... hurt it was so beautiful and when he .. wanted, when you both wanted me, I got scared.. when you told me I was safe with you both.. I got scared Jay - I t-told you.." He was stammering, terrified, and he whispered, "The next morning, Dustin was.. he was so gentle, so sweet- I felt like shit, my hands wouldn't stop shaking. He... hadn't left he was still there.."
 
His tears had slid silently down his face but Steve was struggling to breathe, "I.. I panicked, I didn't mean too.. I know you hate me.. I'd do anything to take it back - to change it.. I swear to god I would.." Jay breathed out soft against his face, and Steve closed his eyes tightly.

"It's okay.." Jay's voice was soft, and he murmured - "I believe you pretty boy.." Steve shivered, and Jay whispered - "You wanna go to bed?" Steve felt Jay brush his tears away, and he whispered shakily "Okay.."

Steve opened his eyes, and Jay murmured - "Are you tired?" He nodded, and whispered - "Yeah.. I didn't sleep much last night." Jay said softly, "Yeah.. me either." Steve gently stroked his fingers against Jay's scalp, over the scar in his head.

"Hmm making me sleepy." Jay murmured, and Steve smiled - "You're like a cat." Jay opened one eye - "You better watch out, I'll be purring soon." He smirked, and Steve's stomach got all hot and tight. "Want me to stroke you.." He whispered, and Jay growled softly "You're being naughty."

Heat in his cheeks, Steve said softly, "...Just a little.." Jay leaned in closer, and Steve let his eyes close - realizing that Jay was breathing him in. "You smell good.." He murmured it against Steve's neck, and Jay made a soft little sleepy noise, "M'so.. tired." He mumbled, and Steve said softly, "Do you still wanna go to bed? Or.. just stay here, with me."

Jay breathed out against his neck and then he was curling himself into Steve, and Steve laid back against the cushions - "I don't hate you.." Jay's words were soft, slightly muffled against his skin an Steve said softly, "I don't hate you too." Jay breathed out soft, and he curled his fingers against Steve's side. Steve shifted them so they were laying on their sides, and he reached up - tugging the blanket off the back of the sofa, he draped it over them both.

"Go to sleep, I've got you." He whispered, and Jay curled his fingers against his face - Steve's stomach got all hot and tight again, and Jay was looking at him with heavy eyelids, "I'm..sorry." His voice was all rough and sleepy and Steve whispered, "For what.."

Jay's eyes closed and he said softly, "..I don't think I.. can get him back, I.. don't think I can. I think he hates me, I think I hurt him - really hurt him.. broke him.. I can't...get him back."

Tears slid down Jay's face and Steve just pulled Jay's head in gently, "Go to sleep, it's gonna be okay.." He said softly - "We can do it together, get him back.. I'll get your Sunshine back... I fucking promise I'll get him back."

Jay buried his face against Steve's chest and he went quiet. "I hurt bad Steve, I haven't hurt this bad in a long fucking time." Jay whispered.

Steve said softly, "I know.. I'm sorry, I am so sorry." They both held onto each other a little tighter, Jay let out a soft noise in his throat - and Steve whispered, "It's okay, I've got you.. your safe.."

Jay curled his fingers against his side, "Go to sleep.." Steve said softly.

***

When Steve woke up? Jay had gone - there was a note on the coffee table beside him Jay had nice hand writing - Steve snorted at himself, "Get a grip, Jesus." He scanned over the words, Jay having written that he'd gone to take care of some things, that he'd see him later. Steve let out a yawn and stretched - and then he headed upstairs having a shower and brushing his teeth - his hands were still shaking, but he didn't want to start drinking at eight o'clock in the morning. He got dressed, tugging on a white t-shirt and some black jeans.

Steve grabbed the keys to his truck, and then he headed out - he sat across the street from Dustin's, he wasn't sure if this was actually a good idea or not. He got out of the truck and then went across the street. He knocked on the door softly and Claudia opened it.

"Stevie.." She gave him a soft smile, dressed for work she stepped outside with hm - and took hold of his hands, "...How are you Sweetheart." He let out a soft exhale, tears in his eyes and she whispered - "..I don't know if its such a good idea for you to be here right now, I miss you and love you - but.. Dustin's not in a good place.."

He nodded and said softly, "I... please, can I just see him. Talk to him. If he tells me to leave.. I will." She stared at him, and then she said softly - "Steve."

He whispered, "Please.." His tears slid down his face and she cupped his face, "I'm sorry Sweetheart, I can't let you in."

The door opened and Dustin said, "Mama you forgot..." He just stared at them, at his mom - her hand on Steve's face, Steve crying and he threw her lunch at her. "Fuck you.." He spat out - and then walked away.

"Dustin!" Claudia picked up the lunchbox, and she just wiped at her face - Steve wiped at his face, and she let out a soft sob - "I'm.. I.." She whispered, "I have to go to work." He watched her go to her car - and then she left and Steve frowned, going inside her shut the door and followed after Dustin.

"What the hell is wrong with you - you didn't need to do that to her!" Steve said, "She's still allowed to talk to me even if you don't want too." Dustin didn't look at him, he said annoyed, "You're being a selfish asshole."

Dustin let out a snarl and then he dived on him - hitting him and biting him and Steve let out a pained growl as Dustin's punch got him in the gut - but Steve grabbed his arms and held on tight.

"Let go of me!" Dustin was fighting him, struggling to get free and Steve had him pinned against the wall.

Breathing out against Dustin's ear, he said breathlessly, "Stop it... stop.."

Dustin growled, "I'll rip you fucking throat out, you piece of shit.. get your fucking hands off me.."

Steve buried his face in against his hair, and he murmured softly "Stop.."

Dustin kneed him in the balls and Steve growled out, "You little bitch."

They were both fighting again and Steve got Dustin down on the floor under him, Dustin was breathless - and panicked, and his fear was obvious in his voice, "Get the fuck off me.. get off me!"

Steve had his arms pinned above his head, "Calm down.. you don't have to be afraid of me.."

His voice was husky and soft and Dustin was just staring up at him, "I'm not going to hurt you Dustin."

Steve could feel Dustin's heart pounding in his chest, he whispered, "Are you going to hit me again.." Dustin snarled at him - wild-eyed and vicious, and so beautiful. Steve kept Dustin's arms pinned above his head with one hand, and then with his other hand - he brushed Dustin's hair out of his face.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Dustin growled, and he bit at Steve's hand - "Don't touch me, you asshole.. fucking asshole - fucking ....piece.. of ...shit." He was struggling to breath - and then he closed his eyes.

"Let go of me." In that too quiet voice - like that morning in the bedroom.

"Dustin.." Steve murmured softly -

"...I said let fucking go of me you sonofabitch!" Dustin went from too quiet - to yelling it and then he bit Steve's throat, hard and it hurt like hell.

"Fuck! Stop fucking biting me.." Steve hissed, and he gripped Dustin's throat with one hand - Dustin whispered, "Fucking do it... fucking kill me... just do it.. just ...do it!"

Steve frowned, and he stroked his fingers into Dustin's hair, "I don't want to hurt you.."

"Well too fucking late for that!" Dustin hissed, "Too fucking late.. What do you want, why are you here.. you told me you'd stay away from me.. so what the fuck are you doing here - did you come to rub my nose in it? That you got what you wanted you fucking bitch. I'll cut your fucking heart out and eat it. I'll cut it out! you let me go and I'm going to kill you..."

Steve breathed out softly, and Dustin was struggling to get himself free from Steve's grasp again - Steve said softly, "Will it make you feel better? To do that.. to cut my heart out, if it will.. do it.. I'll let you cut it out.. then you can give it to him and you can both eat it.." Dustin breathed out shakily, "Shut up." He hissed and Steve murmured softly, "I'll be your sacrifice.. I'll give you whatever you want, I'll do whatever you want.. if you want my heart - take it.. its already yours, it belongs to you.. so take it."

"Stop it.." Dustin whispered, "You... stop.. stop it! You get out of my head, I hate you... I hate you, you stop it.. You always do this, I'm not letting you do this... I don't want you to touch me." He was breathing harsh again, and Steve murmured softly - "..Don't you?"

He felt the shiver that ran through Dustin's body - and he whispered, "...I ...want him to be happy, I want you to be happy - that's all I wanted, that morning.. I .. said what I did because I wanted you to be happy - you and him, so beautiful.. you... showed me, I was so jealous - so crazy, but you showed me how much you loved him, how much he loved you and I didn't want to ruin that anymore.."

He had tear in his eyes, and Dustin was trembling  breathing shakily, and he whispered "Stop...stop telling me lies.. so many lies you're fucking sick."

Steve said softly, "It's not .. not lies - I love you, that morning I just.. I was so fucking scared, I'm always scared Dustin. Scared that you love me, scared that it could even be real.. the night before I felt so safe with you both, I.. felt safe with you always and it scares me..." He closed his eyes, his tears falling "The morning I told you I had to let go, I knew I'd never be able too - I wouldn't be able to stop loving you, but I had to try."

"I had to try, because I didn't want to ruin you with my shit anymore. I knew he was good for you, perfect for you.. better than me, better than I could ever be." His voice hoarse, he breathed out shakily - "I.. wanted to do the right thing - and I just made it worse."

Dustin said shakily, "...Stop, stop!" He was crying and Steve stared down at him, stroking his fingers down Dustin's arms - and he whispered, "I ..I'm so sorry.." Dustin snarled and then he gripped Steve's throat tight - but then he suddenly flipped them over and pinned Steve's arms above his head instead - "Shut the fuck up.." He whispered, and Steve breathed out heavier, "Stop talking.."

Dustin whispered, "You just... never know when to shut your fucking mouth.."

Steve let out a soft, desperate noise as Dustin licked against his ear, and he whispered - "Did you beg him, you fucking did ...begged him to touch you, and you say I'm a slut.. you begged him didn't you.. to touch you, to kiss you - you stole him from me.. now he wants you.. fucking liars.. both of you. I should rip you apart.."

Steve felt his cock twitch and he let out a shaky breath as Dustin bit against his throat and whispered, "...Did you... tell me.."

Steve moaned softly, "I wanted.. him to kiss me.. touch me... because I wanted you - and.. him.. I could taste you in his mouth still... smell you and him at the same time.."

Dustin breathed out against Steve's ear, "You begged him to fuck you..."

Steve moaned softly, "Yeah... fuck.."

Dustin pulled away - and he stood up. Steve was panting softly, and he stared up at Dustin, looking up over his shoulder. "Fuck.." His voice breathless - the way Dustin was looking at him, Steve felt strung out - and desperate, "Get up.." Dustin growled at him.

Steve just stared at Dustin and Dustin reached down and tangled his fingers in his hair, "...I said get up.."

Steve bit down on his bottom lip and then he pulled himself up - he was blushing, and felt too hot - Dustin pushed him against the wall and he gripped Steve's throat, "Did he fuck you.."

Steve whispered, "No.. not he didn't fuck me.. I sat in his lap and .. he held my hands behind my back and we ..humped..."

Dustin's eyes seemed impossibly dark, and he growled, "So he didn't fuck you.."

Steve whimpered, "No.. he didn't fuck me.."

Dustin growled softly, "..Why...are you whimpering...tell me.."

Steve breathed out shakily - trembling, and Dustin leaned in, and Steve knew.. he knew that Dustin already knew why - why he whimpered, why he was shaking apart - needy and desperate.

"Tell me..." Dustin breathed out against his face.

"Because... I .. I'm glad he didn't.." Steve said softly.

Dustin murmured, "Tell me why.."

Steve whimpered against Dustin's mouth, "Because I want you to be my first, I want.. you to do it first.." Dustin growled softly, almost a purr in his throat and then he kissed Steve deeply, and Steve felt needy and desperate - kissing him back, his entire body trembling.

They kissed until they were breathless, and Steve tangled his fingers in Dustin's hair - Dustin slid his hands against Steve's back, gripping his ass - and then he just picked Steve up and Steve felt a rush of heat through his entire body. How is he so fucking strong. Dustin made a soft little noise in his throat - and then he carried Steve into his bedroom.

He laid Steve down against his bed, looking at him - then he's stepped back, picking up a small grey puppy - and then whistling soft to another brindle striped one "Come Bubba." He said to the bigger one - and Steve watched as it followed him obediently.

Steve was shaking, needy and flushed - and then Dustin was back. He slid the door shut and then locked it - and Steve said softly, slightly shaky - "When did you get them?" Dustin looked at him from under his lashes, and Steve's breath caught in his throat as Dustin pulled his shirt off.

He didn't reply to Steve's question - Dustin just moved in closer, and he slid his fingers into Steve's hair, staring down at him. Steve let out a soft breath, and for a moment Steve was frightened again. Not sure if Dustin was going to be cruel, what he was going to say. Tears welled up in his eyes and Steve breathed out shakily.

Dustin's cool fingers stroked his face, and brushed away his tears, and Steve felt his body tremble as Dustin reached down and tugged his shirt off. He threw it behind him and Dustin brushed his lips, feather soft over Steve's face, and then soft against his mouth - sucking on his bottom lip, before licking inside.

And Steve let out a soft, breathy moan - opening his mouth and letting Dustin kiss him deep and slow. Dustin didn't rush, he just took his time - and Steve shivered as Dustin's fingers kept stroking - touching and then he pushed him down against the bed.

Steve let out a soft, needy noise as Dustin kissed against his stomach, his cool fingers stroking over his scars, but then down lower - and Steve lifted his hips as Dustin undid his pants - and tugged them down. He didn't know, how long - Dustin kept touching, kissing him till they were shaking apart and breathless - driving Steve crazy, and he moaned against Dustin's mouth, "Please... please.. Baby boy.."

Dustin murmured, "Shush... I'm not rushing, you'll just have to suffer.." Steve moaned soft and needy - and Dustin tugged Steve's pants off, and Steve watched from under his lashes as Dustin took his own off.

They were both hard, and Dustin stroked them together, slicking them both up - and he moaned staring down at him, Steve bucked his hips up and Dustin growled softly, "Stop.. trying to rush this...fuck.. I want to drive you crazy... you fucking deserve it.."

Steve was panting and he moaned shakily, "I'm gonna cum.." Dustin licked his hand, and then he curled his hand back around himself, and said, "Not yet your not.." He was stroking himself, and Steve whimpered, "You fucking want it so bad.. don't you hmm?" Dustin growled softly, "Look at you, so fucking pretty Steve.."

Steve reached down, stroking himself, and Dustin growled softly, "No.." He pinned his arms above his head, an Steve groaned out, "Fuck touch me.. I need you.. I need you - it hurts, I need to cum.." Dustin moved, and then he gripped the base of Steve's cock, sucking him into his mouth - and Steve felt like he was going lose it right then, Dustin looked up at him - and Steve moaned his name, breathy and soft - they'd never actually done this before either.

Dustin moaned around him and his eyes fluttered closed - Steve rocked his hips and Dustin curled his fingers against Steve's stomach, their eyes meeting again. And Steve was surprised when he heard Dustin's voice in his head, Just let go.. let go and fuck my mouth - do it.. I want you too.. god you look so pretty, fuck my mouth.. and then I'll fuck your sweet pussy, I'll give you everything you want.. you want it so bad.. cum down my throat, then you can taste yourself in my mouth.

Steve felt himself get even harder in Dustin's mouth and he gripped Dustin's hair rocking his hips, and Dustin's eyes rolled into his head as he sucked him in deeper, all the way to the back of his throat. breathing out through his nose and he whimpered. Steve growled, and rocked his hips, fucking into Dustin's mouth - and he moaned out, "Oh fuck, fuck Baby." - he was also thinking about when he saw Dustin getting blown by Jay - Dustin stroked his fingers against Steve's thighs, Steve breathed out heavily, "You look so fucking pretty with my cock in your mouth.."

He pulled Dustin's head back, saliva and precum sticky and wet trailing from Dustin's mouth and he kissed Dustin deeply - they were both trembling, and Dustin whispered, "You like it.. you like having my mouth around your cock.." Steve said huskily, "I fucking love it... I love you.." Dustin pressed his fingers against Steve's mouth - and Steve sucked them in, while Dustin reached into the drawers and pulled out some lube. Steve felt his cock twitch again and Dustin sucked on his fingers, as he squeezed out some lube, and started slicking up his cock.

"Fuck.. you're driving me crazy." Steve's voice sounded wrecked, and Dustin's fist made a wet squelching noise as he stroke himself, Steve moaned, "Fuck.. fuck you're too much.. just fuck me.. please.." Dustin smirked, and Steve felt his cock twitch again. Dustin moved over him, spreading his legs - Steve felt Dustin squeeze more lube and he let out a gasp as Dustin suddenly buried his fingers, "Hmm your so tight, so tight.." Dustin's face was flushed - Steve could feel his ass clench around Dustin's fingers. But it felt like he was getting hotter, as Dustin's fingers fucked him deeper, stretching him out. "It.. oh.. so hot.. its getting hotter."

"It should be.. its heated lube.. hmmm I want you desperate for my cock inside you.." Dustin murmured against his mouth, "...You.. planned this?" Steve's voice was wrecked, and he gasped out, "You.. fuck.. you wanted..."

Dustin growled softly, "I didn't plan this exact moment, but I told you... I told you, I wanted to be inside you, I told you .. I fucking.. told you.." He rocked his fingers, curling them deep inside and Steve gasped out - the heat making him breathless and so hard - he whimpered, "I.. I'm gonna cum.."

Dustin pulled his fingers out and Steve curled his fingers against Dustin's arms, "...Please.."

Dustin shifted, moving closer, and he lifted Steve's legs around his hips. His fingers dug into Steve's hips, sliding down a little and then he eased his cock into Steve's body - Steve's breath caught in his throat, and Dustin stared down at him, "Let me know when your ready.. let me know okay?" He whispered it against Steve's lips, the two of them sharing breath, and Dustin's eyes closed.

Steve watched Dustin's face, it was different - of course it was, but seeing Dustin's face, the way he was trying to keep himself still, not wanting to hurt him - Steve whispered, "I love you so much.." The muscles in Dustin's arms were twitching - his body trembling, and Dustin opened his eyes, Staring down at him. "I love you too.' Dustin's voice was soft, and Steve felt like he was going to burst from the inside with fire. It hurt, hurt like hell - felt like Dustin was going to tear him in two. But he wanted him to move. Steve breathed out against Dustin's face, trying to relax.

"You.. you can move now." Steve whispered against his mouth, holding onto him and Dustin whispered, "Fuck.. you feel so good around me.. so good.." Then Dustin kissed him and Steve moaned into the kiss, they got lost in it - lost in each other, and Steve stroked his fingers against Dustin's back, digging his fingers into Dustin's ass, and holding on - pulling him in deeper. Dustin held onto his hips, easing out, before thrusting back into Steve deep and slow. He moaned against Steve's mouth - "Want you to cum with me, let go .."

Steve whispered, "I don't want you to stop." Dustin moaned softly, "Now you know.. now you know why I never want you to stop... you get in so deep and under my skin, so deep I want you to stay there.." Steve stared up at him, Dustin had tears falling down his face.

Steve whispered breathlessly, "I love you, I love you I'm so sorry Baby..my sweet Baby.." They both rocked into each other and Steve whispered, "Fuck.. I missed you, miss you and your right here.." Dustin curled his hand around Steve's cock, stroking him as he kept rocking into his body, hitting into his prostate.

"Cum inside me.. fuck .." Steve moaned, and Dustin thrust deeper, hitting into that spot - making them both breathless and Dustin grunted softly, "Mine.. mine..." Steve let out a breathless sob, coming undone - he cried out, "Yours.. I'm yours.. always.."  

They both got pushed over the edge, coming together. They kept rocking together, holding on and not letting go - both of then sweaty, and breathless. Dustin rolled them, holding Steve's head, he cradled his face and then brushed his tears away - kissing him deep and slow - and Steve clenched his body around Dustin's cock, and then he slowly eased himself free.

Dustin watched Steve make a face, and then he laid back down. Steve then looked up him, before licking Dustin's cum from his stomach, and Dustin growled softly - Steve rubbed Dustin's cum that was on him into his belly, and Dustin tugged him in close - kissing him hungrily, and leaving Steve shaking and breathless. They laid there quietly - and Dustin had his eyes closed, Steve said softly, "..I.. missed you." Dustin stroked his fingers down Steve's back and he murmured, "Missed you too pretty boy." Steve blushed and he whispered, "..My ass hurts."

Dustin smirked and then he whispered, "But..it feels good too.." Steve whispered, "Yeah.. I don't like now that your not in me.." Dustin's stomach got all tight and he stroked his fingers against Steve's face, then into his hair, "...So.. you enjoyed it... I.. was.. good at it?" Steve stared down at him, "I loved it, yes.. you're fucking excellent at it." He smirked and whispered, "Fucking hurt like a mother fucker.. at first I thought you were going to rip me in two." Dustin blushed and he whispered, ".. I liked ..doing it too.."

Steve murmured softly, "I mean you're the only one I've officially gone all the way with - but you're amazing at both ..I'm not an expert on all things gay, but I know they say tops and bottoms or whatever." Steve was brilliant red - "Am.. I good at both.. I.. mean.." Dustin smirked, "When you.. fuck me you're amazing, and.. being inside you is perfect.." His voice soft and Steve nuzzled his nose against Dustin's.

"...So, you... and.." Dustin bit his bottom lip, and Steve said softly, "Just...humping sweaty slippery humping and kissing - while wanting you to be there.." Dustin breathed out sharply, just staring at him and Steve whispered, "I think you can have what you wanted, all of it sweet Baby."

Dustin just stared at Steve from under his lashes, Steve brushed his thumb over Dustin's bottom lip as he murmured, "He worships the ground you walk on - he doesn't know what to do without you.." Tears welled up in Dustin's eyes, and Steve gently gripped his chin, "Look at me Baby boy."

Dustin breathed out in a rush and Steve said softly, "He helped me, literally knocked sense into me.. I've been to two meetings, he came with me.. even though he's been going through hell without you.. he still helped me. He's a good person, and he's so good for you, perfect for you. You.. come alive with him, you're so happy with him. I can't even hate him or be jealous anymore.. seeing you with him, I .. wanted you to have that, I thought I would just ruin it.. Jay said, that we can.. you know try to get along so you can have it all.. and.. fuck... I .."

Dustin pressed his fingers against Steve's mouth. "I'm happy that he's helped you, truly I am.. the problem is, he still hurt me Steve - and I'm scared. It hurt - it hurts in a way that I didn't think I could hurt." Steve gently pushed his hair out of his face, and he said softly - "You love him in a different way, it hurts different."

Dustin nodded, and he whispered - "..I don't want to cause you any pain, I'm not saying that I don't love you, because I do.. but.. with Jay - it.. it's always been different - and so it feels different. I feel stripped bare, down to the bones. Like my foundation is gone. And I'm scared, he scares me because I feel too much, and he made me feel safe and then it got taken away - and maybe its not what I thought but he still played a part, I can't turn off how I feel."

Steve gently stroked his face, and he said softly - "It's like when I scared you.. when you pulled the knife on me.." Dustin breathed out shakily, tears blurred his vision - "Jay's never scared me, not like this - and I...I don't know. It's stupid, I'm stupid. He made me feel safe - made me feel like I'd found my home.. and now I feel like its all been ripped away."

Dustin started crying, and he rolled away from Steve, trying to hide his face. Steve curled his body in around him and murmured softly, "You... can find it again, have it again - you don't have to be scared Baby, I hope I can make you feel safe again too - earn that back."

Dustin said tearfully, "We did, have that - till I pushed you away, that wasn't your fault Steve. Now I just find it hard, to connect to you that way, to .. everyone else too, does that make sense? It doesn't mean that I don't love you, I do. I just.. with Jay.. just he... he makes..."

Dustin just curled into a small ball beside him, sobbing softly and trying to hide his face. Steve gently pulled him in close, "It's okay Baby boy." Dustin breathed Steve in and he whispered shakily, "I don't feel okay Steve, I'm really fucking scared I can't.. do this anymore - any of it.. I'm scared you're not even here and I'm imagining it."

Steve murmured, "I'm here, you're here.." He breathed out soft against Dustin's face, resting their foreheads together. "Have you been sleeping? Tried to .. eat something sweet Baby?" His voice soft.

"I... can't sleep properly.. and I'm not hungry." Dustin whispered tearfully. Steve gently stroked his face, "..You're exhausted, wanna snuggle and try and sleep for a little bit?" Dustin nodded, and he curled in closer.

Steve stroked his fingers against Dustin's back, "The puppies, the grey one - she's mine. Bonfire.. the other one is Roobix - he belongs to my friend Andy.." Steve kissed his temple, "They both seem pretty devoted to you.." Dustin whispered, "They're so cute, Bon Bon is my sweet baby."

Steve smiled and he whispered, "You're my sweet Baby. " Dustin looked at him - and then he lowered his gaze, "..Will you stay and hold me.." Dustin whispered, "Yeah, I'll stay and hold you." Steve's voice was all rumbly soft, and they interlaced their fingers.

"...Steve.." Dustin whispered, and Steve said softly - "Yeah Baby?" Dustin whispered, "I've missed you ..really missed you, missed my best friend, everything about you.. I didn't mean to push you away.. it just hurt so much when I lost Eddie."

"I know, I know it did - and I was.. I guess I didn't try to ask you how bad it was because I was fucked up - and I .. this is going to sound really fucking bad, but I was so jealous .. part of me was glad he was gone.. and I know how shitty that is... I.. wanted you all to myself.." Tears welled up in his eyes, "I know how fucking bad that is, I loved him too - and I miss him, he was a crazy sonofabitch - but he was special and I didn't hate him, I just hated that he had your attention and it made me crazy." Steve's voice was shaky, tears blurring his vision.

Dustin snuggled into Steve, and he said softly - "I was so in love with you, pretty much right from the beginning -  my heart would beat so fast - and I couldn't stop looking at you. I.. would try to get under your skin by teasing you and giving you shit.. and you'd get so .. offended.. it was so sexy, especially when you got all flustered and would blush."

Steve muttered, "Drove me nuts you little shit.."

Dustin smirked and whispered, "So.. you did notice.."

Steve breathed out slowly, "Course I did.. you were fucking adorable, and made me crazy - I wanted.. to fucking do all kinds of things to you, Bad Steve.." Steve murmured - "I.. wanted to do naughty things.."

They were both staring at each other, and Dustin whispered, "I would have let you.. I would have let you corrupt me.. put your hands all over me, and god... I still want you to do that.. I lose control, you make me crazy."

Steve shifted, moving over him and he said huskily, "You make me crazy too sweet Baby, I'm addicted to you... hopelessly.. my obsession takes over and I can't control it.. I want to destroy everything so I can make you mine.. I want to fuck up everything, just so I can have you.."

Dustin curled his leg up higher and Steve kissed him deeply, stroking his tongue into Dustin's mouth, and then he took the lube off the bed side table and squeezed some onto his fingers, and stroked them against Dustin's body, "Tell me to stop..." He murmured, "Tell me or I'm not going too.."

Dustin shivered and he whispered, "I ... can't tell you to stop, I can't.." Steve growled softly, "Hmmm no you can't.. cos your sweet pussy, needs my fingers inside you.. wants it.. don't you Baby." He slid them in and Dustin gasped out, "Uhuh.. yes.. I need you, need you inside me.." He rocked his hips and pushed back, and Steve said huskily, "God.. hmm yeah fuck yourself on my fingers Baby.. show me.." He whispered against Dustin's mouth, "You want them deeper?"

Dustin whimpered, "Yes.. yes.. more.." Steve stretched them out, scissoring them and Dustin gasped out, he held Steve's wrist, and stared up at him as he pushed his hips down, riding his fingers and he gasped out, "Hot.. its so hot.."

Steve felt his cock twitch - he was sticky and wet and Dustin made needy - desperate noises, and he whispered breathlessly, "I want you to make love to me, make me come apart." Steve was so hard, they kissed hungrily, and Dustin whispered breathlessly - "Steve... Steve..." Steve took his fingers out of Dustin's body, making him whine, and then he gripped Dustin's hips, slowly burying his cock inside him.

Dustin's moan was needy and desperate and Steve felt the tight, hot heat of his body suck him in and clench around him. He interlaced their fingers taking his time, and driving his hips - his cock slowly into his body.

Dustin held onto Steve, crying out and Steve deliberately took his time - they rocked together, building up into sweet tangle of sweaty and slick and Steve moaned against Dustin's mouth, swallowing Dustin's breathless cry as he came.

Steve sat up with Dustin in his lap, and he cradled him close, staring at him as he brushed his lips over Dustin's face and then he felt Dustin clench tight around him again, "You.. just want.. more.. don't you.." His voice was totally wrecked, and breathless.

"Give. it to me, fuck.. don't stop.. don't stop.." Dustin whispered against his mouth and Steve held onto Dustin's arms and he laid back, kissing Dustin possessively - growling, "You want me to.. give it to you.. huh Baby.. tell me..."

They'd built themself into a frenzy, it started out so passionate and slow, but now it was needy and desperate and Dustin moaned shakily, "Make me scream, pound my pussy.. take me.. fill me up with your cum Daddy.." Dustin whimpered, hiding his face - and Steve growled out, "Fuck.. fuck..." He held onto Dustin's arms, the two of them so turned on by that one little word - and Dustin gasped out as Steve pounded his hips, thrusting deeper and harder into Dustin's body. "Fuck me.. Daddy.." His voice was wrecked and breathless - and Dustin couldn't move - all he could do was take Steve's cock.

Steve was breathless, grunting into Dustin's mouth, and Dustin whimpered, writhing - coming hard against his stomach as Steve's cock filled Dustin with his cum. Steve had orgasmed multiple times, so each thrust of his hips was making wet noises as he tried to fuck his cum back inside Dustin and keep it there. They curled into each other, fighting to catch their breath, and Steve curled himself around Dustin, holding him close.

Dustin was trembling, his entire body - he was shaking apart. Lying there with his eyes closed. His blush on his cheeks as Steve murmured huskily, "Fuck's sake Baby...you called me Daddy.." They stared at each other and Dustin whispered, "I'm sorry..." His blush was so bright that Steve could feel the warmth of it against his fingers as he stroked Dustin's cheek.

"You don't have to be sorry, I think it's sexy fuck... I liked it.." He murmured and Dustin whispered, "Yeah? I.. couldn't help, my I was so hot, you felt so good and it just came out.. it...you don't think I'm weird?"

"I think you're sexy as hell, and you kill me, hmm you're fucking beautiful. My sweet Baby.." Dustin let out a soft moan, holding onto Steve tighter, he whispered, Don't let go of me." Steve sucked softly against Dustin's throat and then he whispered, "I.. won't Baby boy, I'm not letting you go."

Steve let out a soft little noise in his throat as Dustin clenched around him, "I've.. had that fantasy before, you.. you're not the only one." His own cheeks were pink.

Dustin was looking up at him, "You have?" His voice was all soft, and Steve's stomach felt all tight, Dustin seemed so innocent, and shy - and Steve said softly, "Mhmm.. Bad Steve."

Dustin whispered, "Bad Steve, likes to be naughty.." Steve brushed his lips softly against Dustin's and he murmured, "Very naughty. He wants to spank you when you misbehave." 

Dustin whispered, "So.. Bad Steve, he'll have to come and play with me.." Steve let out a soft laugh, and Dustin giggled - "Oh yes.. I think so.." Steve murmured, Dustin just laid there, staring up at him - and then Steve said softly, "I love you."

Dustin's fingers stroked his cheek - and he said softly, "I love you." Steve whispered, "What time is it?" Dustin nuzzled his face against Steve's chest before laying his head down. "I don't know - but... I wanna stay here with you, for a little while.." 

Steve felt the way that Dustin breathed out - his breath shaky, and he tugged the sheet up over their heads - Dustin stared up at him, and Steve murmured softly - "I'm not going anywhere Baby.. I know you're frightened, but.. I promise, I'll prove to you.. I'll prove to you that I can protect you, I can be ..safe again.."

Dustin's tears slid down his face, and Steve whispered - "C'mere angel." Dustin let out a soft little whimper, and pressed himself as close as he could, breathing him in and Steve whispered, "I'm sorry, so sorry that I've hurt you, hurt us.."

Dustin whispered tearfully - "Me too, me too Steve, I... its not all you - I'm sorry for everything I've done too. I'm sorry for being so fucked up."

Steve murmured, "You don't have to be sorry for that, we.. we can't help it - maybe we just need to learn how to just be... we'll figure it out - be as happy as we can as we are?"

Dustin whispered, "Yeah.." They just stared at each other, and then Dustin said softly, "I am irrational sometimes.. angry... I.. can't help it.. I get so angry I want to ..."

Steve murmured, "I must be psychotic I just think you're beautiful and sexy as hell.. fuck.. I get so hard I just want you to go insane."

Dustin breathed out softly against Steve's face, "...Yeah?"

Steve murmured, "Oh yeah, even when you told Jay you wanted to cut my heart out and eat it - ...I'd have cut it out and fed it to you.." Dustin shivered and he whispered, "I'm insane.."

Steve growled softly, "Well I must be too then..I.. fuck I'm so obsessed, I.. I.. get so jealous whenever anyone even looks at you, I.."

Dustin said softly, "I.. feel that way too - I didn't want Blake to take you home.." They both were just staring at each other again and Steve's voice was husky as he growled out, "He was such a boring fuck.. honestly I'd have gauged my own eyes out before I ever let him do anything with me."

Dustin let out a soft laugh, and Steve smirked - "But.. hmm you didn't want me leaving with him.."

Dustin nodded - "Yeah.. then you got so angry with me.."

Steve growled softly, "No I was jealous and crazy and.. I lashed out and I... just wanted to steal you, steal you away and keep you all to myself.." He felt Dustin's breath hitch - "I...get.. crazy - I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear.."

Dustin whispered, "..Steve?"

They were staring at each other again, and Steve said softly, "Yeah Baby?"

Dustin's eyes closed and then said shakily, "Do you really think I'm.. a slut, a w-whore?"

Steve gently gripped Dustin's chin - "No.. no I just.. was being an asshole, a jealous asshole - I .. had been drinking to much and I.. got mean, and I'm sorry Baby - I don't think you're a slut or a whore."

Dustin breathed out slightly heavier and he gently pushed Steve, "...Get off me.. now please.."

Steve eased himself free and Dustin whimpered, like he instantly regretted it - shaking and Steve wrapped himself around Dustin and whispered - "Baby..."

Dustin let out a shaky sob - and Steve said softly, "I am.. so sorry."

He rubbed soothing circles with his fingers against Dustin's back, and Dustin kept his eyes closed, but he breathed out against Steve's face - and Steve's breath caught in his throat as Dustin pushed his fingers back into his body, holding Steve's hand as he clenched around his fingers. "I.. don't want it to come out.." His voice was all shaky, and Steve let out a soft groan - curling his fingers, Dustin whimpered, "Sweet Baby.." Steve said husky soft.

"I'm a pervert." Dustin whispered against his mouth, "I am.. I'm.. sick, so dirty and wrong and I'm so obsessed, fuck.." Steve kept his fingers inside Dustin - and he growled huskily, "So.. so am I - I don't even care, I fucking love you and I love that you're my dirty sweet Baby." Dustin whimpered, and he stared up at Steve - letting out soft little breathy pants as Steve kept rocking his fingers, pushing them against his prostate. 

"You wanna cum for me..." Steve's voice was wrecked, their gazes locked - "Cum on Daddy's fingers.." Dustin's eyes rolled and he gasped out holding Steve's hand with both of his as he came - "Yeah.. yeah such a sweet Baby.. my Baby.."

Dustin moaned breathlessly, "Yours, fuck." Steve reached down, and scooped Dustin's cum up with his fingers, and used it to slick up his cock, Dustin watched him - and Steve moaned, "You're so fucking pretty, look at you.. fucking making me crazy - holding my hand, keeping my fingers inside you."

Dustin whispered breathily, "Cum on me.. I want it all over me.." Steve grunted softly, and Dustin let Steve's hand go - he let out a shaky moan as Steve eased his hand free, and then he shifted a little - so he as lying down closer - "Do it.." His voice all breathless, "Cum on me.." Steve moaned as Dustin's fingers curled around him, his hand was still cold and felt so good - he stroked Steve's cock in a slow torturous way, and Steve stroked his hand into Dustin's hair - as Dustin sped up his hand, and then Steve groaned out, "I'm gonna... fuck.." 

He heard Dustin moan as he started to cum, he just stared up at Steve - and Steve said huskily, "Fuck's sake - Dustin." He leaned in, breathing out soft against his face - Dustin let out a soft little whimper as Steve rubbed his cum into Dustin's skin - "Mine.." Steve whispered, and Dustin whimpered back softly, "Yours." 

Steve laid down beside him, watching Dustin - the way his eyelids were getting all heavy - completely blissed out, and relaxed - contented. Steve felt that way too, warm and blissed out - peaceful. He said softly, "You sleepy?" Dustin made a sweet little noise and pressed in close - his cool fingers stroking Steve's face, then his chest, and Steve shivered - Dustin's voice was soft, "Uhuh.. don't.. don't leave me.." Steve pulled the sheet up and he pulled Dustin in close, stroking his fingers through Dustin's hair, "I'm not going anywhere Baby."

Dustin whispered, "I.. don't wanna go to sleep. Because when I wake up - this will just be a dream.." Steve whispered, "No Baby.. when you wake up - I'm still going to be here." Dustin whimpered softly, and Steve said softly, "I promise Baby, close your eyes.. go to sleep .. I'm still going to be here.."

He kissed Dustin's forehead, and stroked his fingers - lazily against Dustin's back feeling the soft - little breaths, the way his body relaxed - he knew that Dustin had fallen asleep, and he whispered, "I'm going to fix everything, I promise."

Chapter Text

When Dustin opened his eyes, he breathed out shakily - he looked at the alarm clock - it was just before lunchtime. He had been dreaming weird shit again - rubbing his eyes, he felt the intensity of Steve's gaze, and he shifted his head - "Hey Baby.." Steve murmured, and Dustin said softly - "Hey.." He could feel the heat in his cheeks, and the way his stomach got all tight - the flutters there.

Steve gave him a soft, lazy little smile and it made his heart skip a beat. "You have a good nap?" Steve's voice was all raspy and warm and Dustin nodded, Steve gently tugged him in close - and Dustin just buried his face, terrified and happy all at the same time. Steve murmured, "It's okay sweet Baby.."

Dustin slid his fingers into Steve's hair, "Wanna get up, have some coffee?" Steve murmured, "I.. could make you something, you hungry?" Dustin really wasn't - but he wanted to try, "A little bit.." He whispered, tears were burning his eyes, and Steve said softly - "What bout.. I go and buy some breakfast, I think I know the perfect thing.. you can have a shower, you're freezing, and I'll get us coffee and my secret breakfast plan.. hmm?"

Dustin whispered, "Okay.." Steve murmured, "Brunch.. not really breakfast no more.." Dustin said softly, "You're silly." Steve laughed softly, "Maybe you just don't like breakfast at breakfast time?" Dustin said softly, "I.. dunno."

Steve kissed him softly, and Dustin whispered - "Just a little taste." Steve licked into his mouth and they both were shivering, Dustin deepened the kiss, they kissed till they were both breathless. "Get up Witch.. hmm casting your magick on me with the kisses and the sweet lips.."

Dustin laughed, and Steve smirked, "I have no ability to fight against such power." Dustin stroked his fingers against Steve's cheek, and he said softly - "Okay.. I'll go have a shower.." Steve whispered, "Hmm your fingers feel so good against my skin, nice and cool.."

Dustin gave him another soft kiss - and then he climbed out of bed. "..You're always so warm, hot even.. I.. always feel like I'm stealing heat." Steve murmured, "You can steal my heat whenever you want.." He gripped Dustin's chin. "I'll be back soon okay?" Dustin nodded, watching as Steve pulled his clothes back on. So wrong to watch him doing that.

***

Dustin had a shower - he didn't take a long one though, he knew he could take a longer one later. His hands were shaking - and yet he didn't feel strung out, he didn't feel the need to get high yet. He got dressed in an oversized, black long sleeved hooded t-shirt - that Dustin was pretty sure was actually Jay's, he didn't even know how he'd ended up with it. 

But it was super soft, and smelt like him. Dustin sat on the edge of his bed, crying as he pulled it around himself. I miss you so much. Dustin pulled on a pair of his pants and then he went out to the living room. 

He was laying on the floor playing with Bon Bon and Roobix - giving them kisses and rubbing their bellies when Steve came back into the room - coffee cups and a brown paper bag in his arms. "So which one is yours?" He sat down and then said - "Wait.. let me guess with my psychic powers." 

Dustin snorted softly - taking the coffee from Steve. He let out a giggle as Bonfire wiggled her butt - whimpering at Steve and yet not sneeze barking. "Yes it's you - I knew it.. Hi.. Sweet girl." Dustin bit on his bottom lip as she whimpered for him to pick her up. 

"Oh you're just too cute." Steve was baby talking to her and she wasn't even protesting. "Hi.. Helloo! You want kisses?" Steve laughed and Bonfire licked him like crazy, getting all frantic and Steve whispered to her, "You smell just like your Mama, all sweet and musky and oh I think I could just steal you - you want some special breakfast?" 

Dustin laid on his side on the floor, giggling - "You're being so cute right now its ridiculous." 

Steve scratched Roobix behind the ears and gave him kisses, "Don't worry sweet boy, you can have all the kisses too." He whined softly and held his paw up for Steve to shake.

"Aww.. you want some love from Steve too?" Steve's baby voice made Roobix whine sweetly and Steve shook his hand - "Hi Bubba, nice to meet ya.. You got big paws which means you're gonna be a big boy when you grow up." 

Bonfire was now wriggling to get free and she sneeze barked at Steve - getting stroppy because she wanted him to let her go. "Oh sorry little lady.." Steve set her down and she stomped at him and sneeze barked - Steve laughed hard - "Oh .. what the hell.. you little monster.." She nipped him for good measure and then went running back to Dustin, wriggling into his shirt. 

"The hell you little shit - hiding with your mama after attacking me." Steve laughed and Roobix just nuzzled him, "Aww she's a tiny menace - you're a big sweet softy." 

Dustin laughed and stroked Bonfire's head "Don't listen to Bad Steve, he's the menace Bon Bon.." 

They both looked at each other and Steve smirked - "So.. who does Roobix belong too?" Dustin took a sip of his coffee and then he murmured, "Andy.." 

Steve raised an eyebrow, "Is that the Andy that kept giving you shit? The one with the friends that was beating you up? That Andy?"

Dustin was just staring at the floor - "He's.. not that bad, we're friends now. He's been through some bad shit too. Is.. going through some bad shit. He's a good person, I don't know." His voice was soft - and Steve sipped his own coffee, and then he said - "So.. you're baby sitting his puppy how?" 

Dustin lifted his gaze, ".. We were hanging out yesterday, and I.. dunno, I got dizzy or passed out - something.. had.. this weird thing happen, Roobix didn't wanna leave me.. so he stayed the night with me and Bonfire."

Steve said softly, "You got dizzy and passed out?" 

Dustin muttered, "It's not a big deal - Mikey freaked out too, wanted me to go see a Doctor - I'm fine.. okay, it.. I'm fine." He sat up and he could feel Steve's gaze, intense and he whispered - "Don't look at me like that, I'm fine Steve." 

Dustin let his eyes close, he didn't want to start arguing - he didn't want to  have to face a bunch of questions. He just wanted to have Steve there, without any bullshit. "So.. breakfast." Steve said softly, and Dustin opened his eyes.

Steve moved in closer, and then he said softly - "I buy these a lot, they're from a place not far from my house, this lady bakes them every morning - I think they're kind of addictive." Dustin could smell them before Steve opened the bag, cinnamon scrolls. "They have lemon drizzle.. god they're so good.. but they're perfect for you, because they're like petite little things - so you know.." 

Steve murmured softly, "You don't have to feel too overwhelmed." Dustin felt the warmth in his tummy, and then Steve fished one out - they smelt so good that Dustin's stomach actually rumbled.

Steve smiled softly, and Dustin took a bite - right from his fingers. It was warm and sweet - and the lemon frosting was so delicious. He looked at Steve from under his lashes and Steve let out a soft little exhale. Dustin took another bite - eating the entire thing. And then he licked Steve's fingers. 

"Delicious.." He said softly - "Now I know why you taste like that.." Steve kissed him, a soft brush of his lips but Dustin licked at Steve's mouth - and Steve deepened it, Dustin shivered - sliding his fingers into Steve's hair and Steve made a soft noise, happy as he murmured, "Yum.. you taste delicious."

Dustin let out a soft little laugh, "So do you.. pretty boy." 

Steve was blushing and Dustin pulled out one of the scrolls - and this time he fed it to Steve, licking the frosting from his fingers. "This coffee is good too, a little stronger than I usually have it.. but its nice." Dustin said softly.

Steve said with a smirk - "Baby your coffee isn't coffee - its sugar an creamer." 

Dustin narrowed his eyes, "I like my sugar and creamer asshole." 

Steve laughed and Dustin pouted, "Making fun of me.. just because I don't drink it black.. so mean.." 

Then he looked at Steve from under his lashes - "I think you need to apologize with a sweet kiss from Bad Steve." 

Steve smirked, "Only if you eat another one..." 

Dustin muttered, "A conspiracy.. fine.." He moved in closer, and then opened his mouth, Steve broke a piece off - and Dustin ate it, and then he opened his mouth again and Steve fed him another piece.

"Last piece Baby.." Steve held it and then Dustin ate it, sucking on Steve's fingers this time. And the Steve held his face, giving him another kiss - stroking his fingers, against Dustin's face and into his hair. 

Dustin breathed out against Steve's mouth breathless from the kiss - Steve whispered, "This is nice.. waking up together and not being scared, not freaking out." 

Dustin said softly, "It is... really nice." He kissed Steve again softly, and then pulled back. 

The knock on the door made Dustin look up - "Ah.. I forgot - shit it must be getting late, hold on a sec.."

Steve watched Dustin get up - and he bit the inside of his cheek, when Dustin reappeared with some kid - he eyed Steve, and Steve eyed him - "Steve, this is Andy - Andy this is Steve."

Andy gave him a smile, and a little wave. "Hey dude, how's it going." He flopped down into the armchair - and Roobix climbed up with him. 

"Hey buddy.. did you have fun having a sleepover with Mama D? Huh?" He was giving him kisses, and Roobix was licking him furiously. 

Dustin laughed and then let out a snort. "Did you just call me Mama D?" 

Andy smirked, "Mhmm yeah - you gotta problem with that." He asked, and then he laughed as Bonfire sneeze barked and ran up to the side of the chair. 

"Hey you little rascal." Andy scooped her up and placed her on his chest.

"Nah.. I'll let that slide for now Andrew.." Dustin smirked, took a sip of his coffee and then he sat back down - looking at Steve, who was now quiet - intense, and jealous. 

Dustin licked his lips, "You feeling better?' Dustin asked Andy, who nodded, "Yeah.. he eventually drank himself to sleep so.. you know.." His voice got softer, and he glanced at Steve almost wearily. 

Dustin held his coffee out and Andy took a sip. "Douchebag.. if.. it gets too much, just call me and I'll come get you okay? You don't have to deal with that.. I don't.. you know." 

Andy said softly, "Yeah?"

Steve opened the bag of cinnamon scrolls up again, "Cinnamon scroll?" He held it out to Andy - jaw twitching, and Dustin reached up - gently stroking his fingers into Steve's hair. 

Andy was blushing as he watched Dustin touch him, and he looked at Steve, "Sure.. damn they smell really good." He took one and Steve growled softly, "They are.." 

He suddenly gripped Dustin's chin and then he kissed him - possessively and pulled him in closer.

Dustin kissed him back - and Steve said with a soft growl. "I.. should get going, I.. gotta.. go to a meeting and.." Steve kissed him again and Dustin whispered, "Okay.."

He looked at Andy, "Nice to meet you.." 

Steve stood up - and Dustin just stared up at him - "...See you later?" Steve said in that husky raspy voice. 

"Uhuh.." Dustin said softly.

Once it was just the two of them, Andy said quietly - "Holy shit man - the hell was that. I .. thought - never mind, its not my business." His face was red - and Dustin licked his lips, breathing out slowly. "..You can ask me whatever you want Andrew.." 

"Is that why you broke up with Jay? Cos you're.. messing around with Steve Harrington - that was Steve Harrington right?" 

Andy was still all flustered and Dustin let out a soft laugh - his voice breathy as he murmured, "I.. it's not exactly like that. And yeah.. he is Steve Harrington."

"Holy shit.. yeah, I thought so - I.. yeah.. Can I eat another one of those?" Andy scratched his neck - and Dustin nodded, "Sure.. Steve and I have been friends for a really long time." He held the bag open for Andy, who took a scroll out and then he said, "..Do you kiss all your friends like that?" 

Dustin smirked, and said with an innocent face - "No?" Andy took a bite of his scroll - and he muttered, "... Well it was fucking hot, not gonna lie - Jesus Henderson." 

Dustin let out a soft little laugh, "I think you might be just a little bit gay.." 

Andy was blushing again and he muttered, "No I'm not.." He broke a piece of the scroll off and offered it to him. 

Dustin shook his head, "I'm.. full, Steve already fed me."  

Andy said softly, "Shit, uh yeah okay.." He ate it and then Dustin giggled - before he said softly - "..So.. did you take your pills yet?"

Andy nodded, "Yeah I took some this morning.. I'll take more later.. I you don't mind helping me get ready for tonight - not sure I can get that damn shirt on by myself." Dustin said softly, "Course I don't mind, I told you if you need me to help you, I'd help you." 

He reached out and took Andy's hat off - "You should leave this off tonight.. let your hair breathe.." Dustin said softly. 

"Yeah? Yeah.. okay you have nice hair - so.. I'll go with you on that." Andy laughed as Dustin ruffled his curls. "Yes I'm only a hair expert cos of Steve." 

"So is he.. I mean. Shit don't I am being nosy.. Fuck just tell me to shut up." Andy muttered, and Dustin laughed softly - "I told you, you can ask me whatever - just... not about Jay, okay.. I can talk about anything - but him." He added softly.

Andy said softly, "Okay I won't ask about him. Just - fuck were you cheating with Steve? Like.. uh - " 

Dustin said softly, "No that isn't why we broke up - I mean it does involve Steve? But it's complicated. I'm not technically with either of them anymore, I just - fuck's sake. Steve.. we're bad for each other, but.. we can be good for each other too, or.. well we could be.. I.. dunno.. fuck's sake maybe I am a slut.." Dustin knew he was blushing, and he hid his face in his hands.

Andy shifted a little, he said softly - "So.. like you couldn't say no to him, like addicted to wanting him?." 

Dustin nodded, "I always tell myself that I can.. that I will. Like I was supposed to be so angry at him.. but fuck.. he touches me - he looks at me from across the room, I feel him .. I feel him looking at me and its like he consumes me. I want him too - its.. he feels that way too. It's been that way even before.. before we - we were already twisted up, and addicted to each other, its just more intense now."

"Holy shit man, uh I mean yeah before you ever fucked?" Andy was biting on his bottom lip. 

Dustin mumbled softly, "Yes.. Andrew, Jesus Christ.. before we ever fucked. I wanted him - I craved his attention, I used to piss him off just so he'd give me attention."

"I know you don't really normally talk about shit like this with your friends or whatever." Andy said softly, "I mean.. my so called friends are all fucking assholes.. but.. I had this crush on someone but it was fucking stupid, really stupid." 

Dustin said softly, "Why was it stupid?" Andy muttered, "Because it was a he, and he had a girlfriend and was not the least bit.. fuck I'm so confused about how I feel about everything."

Dustin said softly, "So maybe a little bit gay?" Andy let out a shaky laugh, tears in his eyes - "Yeah.. maybe a little bit." 

Dustin shifted closer, he wrapped his arms around Andy - giving him a hug. "You don't have to have everything all figured out, and wrapped up in a box with a bow." 

Andy rest his head against Dustin's shoulder, and Dustin said softly, "You.. can just.. go slow, figure it out. Maybe you like girls and guys, it doesn't matter. And anyone that judges you for something like that is a piece of shit." 

Andy said softly, "..We got stoned together, made out once." 

Dustin raised an eyebrow, "So he's on the basketball team?"

Andy just shrugged, and Dustin let out a soft laugh, "..Well he must be. A repressed asshole. I hate repressed assholes." Andy laughed.

Dustin said softly, "It must be scary though, having to hide amongst a bunch of assholes all day, every day.." 

Andy nodded, "It.. gets tiring having to be something that I'm not all the time. My.. Dad would kill me." 

Dustin stroked Andy's hair, "But you still like El?" 

Andy nodded, "Definitely, she's smart, and a little bit kooky, and beautiful." 

Dustin laughed, "She is, but.. just promise me that you won't hurt her. If.. you don't think that it is going to work out, don't string her along okay? Promise me that. Just.. be honest." 

Andy said softly, "I will.. I'm.. sorry, I just.. I feel comfortable, you know.. with you. I can talk to you and you don't judge me. I.. fuck.. I'm sorry I was such an asshole."

Dustin said quietly, "We are going to put all that shit behind us. Right? Plus, we have to get ready for our night of fun." He smirked and then whispered, "Will you tell me who the boy was you kissed?"

Andy groaned and then whispered, "No.. I can't." 

Dustin giggled, "Why not Andrew... just.. whisper it to me?"

He just stared at Dustin, he muttered, "I can't.. I really can't.." 

Dustin pouted and then he said, "Fine...don't tell me - was there tongue?" 

Andy laughed, "Stop it.."

Dustin grinned, "Was their sweet sexy tongue, or hot dirty tongue.." 

Andy shoved him and Dustin laughed, "Oh Andrew." He made kissy faces and Andy laughed, "You're such an asshole.. I'm not telling you anything.." 

Dustin smirked, "Was his girlfriend there too?" 

Andy shook his head, "Nah.. but if she had of been, I woulda kissed her too cos she's hot as hell." 

Dustin laughed - "Oh... so.. you'd have made out with them both?" Dustin made a face and added, "I can't imagine touching a girls pussy, just.. no man.. no it's not right - boobs, are nice to sleep on?"

Andy laughed, "Yeah you thought El's boobs were comfy to sleep on." 

Dustin laughed, "Well I was sleeping with her and Max, so.." 

Andy said softly, "Damn man.." 

Dustin smirked, "Just sleeping, totally gay here - not just a little bit." He stood up and pulled Andy to his feet, "You know Nancy Wheeler? She'd totally run away with me if I wasn't gay.. she'd be my Sugar Momma." 

Andy snorted, ".. Didn't she used to go out with Harrington?"

Dustin smirked, "Mhm.. but he was gay, of course I didn't know that back then? Or I woulda jumped on his cock so fast." 

Andy laughed, "Jesus Henderson.. you were just a baby right?... Watching you make out.. holy.. shit.." 

Dustin laughed softly, "...Shut up Andrew -" 

Andy smirked, "I think he wanted to .. never mind.." He coughed and then shifted a little. 

"Oh my Andrew.." Dustin said teasingly, "Are you.. you're being naughty.. you should behave yourself.." 

Andy blushed and he muttered, "I'm not doing anything... You should behave yourself." 

Dustin let out a soft giggle, "You keep squirming.. someone's got all excited.." 

Andy muttered softly, "Fuck you." But then he laughed. 

Dustin tugged him with him to his bedroom, Andy picking up his bag on the way. He was still munching on the mini cinnamon scrolls - "Want another one?" 

Dustin shook his head, "Nah.. I'm okay, you finish them." 

Andy dumped his bag on Dustin's bed, and sat on the edge - "Go on... tell me who it was.' He said again, sitting beside Andy. 

"Jesus. no." Andy laughed and Dustin pouted, giving him puppy-eyes. "Give me a clue.."

Andy shook his head, and Dustin sighed, "Please...I need to know." Andy held up the last scroll, and said - "If you eat it, I'll tell you."

Dustin huffed softly, "Fine Bitch.." He took it, and then ate it - and then Andy smirked, "Nope.. still not telling you." He laughed and Dustin narrowed his eyes, "Oh you're going to pay for that treachery Andrew." 

Andy smirked, "Ohh.. I'm so scared - I'm terrified." Dustin smirked, "You should be.." Andy muttered, "I'm quaking in my shoes." They both laughed and Dustin licked his fingers, "...Fuckery. that's what that shit was, tricksy little hobbit." 

Andy laughed, "What the hell is a hobbit?" Dustin looked at him - "Are you serious?.. Blasphemous, traitor.. You should burn in the fires of Mordor." 

Andy squealed as Dustin poked his finger, wet with his spit into his ear, "That's what you get for tricking me... are you squealing?" 

Dustin laughed hard, and Andy said shakily, giggling - "No! I'm not.. you lie mother fucker!" He winced and let out a sharper exhale.

"Shit.. am I hurting you?" Dustin realized that he was on top of Andy and tickling him. 

"No.. well a little.." Andy said softly - "Just.. fuck.." He was bright red and had his fingers dug into the mattress. 

"Oh.." Dustin said softly, he could feel how hard Andy was underneath him, and Andy said shakily - "I'm sorry ...shit.." 

Dustin said softly "It's okay - perfectly natural, I'll just.." He gently shifted, and Andy muttered - "Fuck... I'm sorry.." 

Dustin said softly, "I don't want to hurt your ribs.." Andy had his eyes closed, and Dustin laid down beside him. "I'm.. sorry.." Dustin said quietly - and Andy murmured, "...It was.. you.. and your Steve making out already had me.. fuck.. shut up ...shut up.." He breathed out slightly heavier and Dustin said softly, "Andy.. its okay, you're okay - don't get upset." 

Andy whispered, "I'm.. fucked up." 

Dustin said softly, "No your not." 

Andy breathed out shakily, and he whispered - "It was Lucas."

Dustin thought he must have heard that wrong. "Lucas?" 

And breathed out in a rush - "It was ages ago - when Jason was still alive - before all the shit with Eddie, before Chrissy died - before everything went to shit. It was when he was first on the team.. first hanging out with us - we.. got high and we kissed. He kissed me - and then he freaked out about it. I.. freaked out I wasn't going to fucking tell anyone. And I mean you know what.. they're like.. you know what I was fucking like..."

Andy said hoarsely, "I told you it was fucked up, that I'm fucked up." He started crying, and Dustin said softly - "It's okay, c'mere.." He gently pulled Andy into a hug, and Andy hid his face. 

"It's okay." Dustin said softly, curling his fingers into Andy's hair - soothing him as he cried. "So.. when you said, his girlfriend was hot.. you were talking about Red - I mean Max." 

Andy whispered, "Yeah.. fuck, and then when she was - you and her, and El.."

Dustin said softly, "And them being a little bit gay for each other, messed you up." Andy nodded, - "I kinda provoked my Dad last night, then I freaked out.." His voice shaky. 

"Its okay, we all get messed up sometimes." Dustin gently wiped Andy's face, "I mean obviously having a crush on someone that is never going to .. I mean he only kissed me because he was horny and she'd dumped him at the time." 

Andy muttered, "It was nothing. Just a kiss." 

"He's an asshole." Dustin growled softly, "Do you still have a crush on him now?" Andy shook his head - "Nah.. it was ages ago... he's an asshole." 

Dustin murmured, "..He's a prick anyway, fucking pussy assed little bitch." Andy said, "I thought he was your friend." Dustin growled, "I nearly gutted him like a fish - he's lucky I didn't."

"Fuck sake man." Andy muttered softly. "I .. he, we made out a few months ago too - he was messed up about Max, we were at a party, he .. hit on me. Then he freaked out and punched me in the face, said he wasn't queer, I... came after you the next day and you kicked my ass."

Dustin breathed out softly, "...That when you mentioned my dead boyfriend?"

 Andy nodded - "I'm sorry." 

Dustin said quietly, "It's okay, that's behind us now. And.. well we're friend now right?" 

Andy said softly, "I hope so? Yeah.." 

Dustin said softly, "Right now... Are upset about Lucas? Or.. this.. getting hard and telling me all this.." 

Andy was blushing again, "Fuck getting hard, I.. feel embarrassed - ashamed of myself for being such an asshole - and.. telling you all this..  - it's not Lucas. Fuck him."

Dustin muttered, "Don't get upset - about it, okay? You're allowed to get excited about.. well you know.." 

Andy murmured "Yeah but.. we're friends and I don't wanna be a weirdo - I.. don't wanna make things weird, make you uncomfortable.."

Dustin snorted softly, "Hate to tell you? But you kinda are a weirdo, and it sorta comes with the territory - I attract weirdo's - we're like a posse." 

Andy laughed, and Dustin grinned - "I'm just messing with you, don't stress out about this shit okay.. you're a guy, you get horny or excited you get a boner - its not like we can control that shit.. I think about all kinds of shit and I get a boner, its just the way that it is." 

Andy muttered, "But.. I yeah I'm not gonna keep saying that sentence." He was blushing again and Dustin laughed softly, ".. Steve is sexy, I get it." 

Andy bit his bottom lip, "It wasn't.. because of him."

Dustin felt the heat in his cheeks and he said, "Oh.." 

Andy murmured, "Yeah... Oh.." 

They sat there quietly for a few minutes, and Dustin jumped up at the sound of his mom "Dusty? El and Max are here." 

Dustin yelled back, "OKAY!"  He looked at Andy, and then he said softly, "Well I guess we should start getting ready?"  

Andy gave him a smile, then he said back, "You excited?" 

Dustin let out a soft laugh, "Definitely.." He gently curled his fingers into Andy's hair and then he let go - suddenly Max was diving on him, and he gave her a wolf whistle - she smirked and then gave them both a twirl. 

"Damn Red.. you look good." Andy gave her a smirk and she winked at him - "Why thank you Andrew, very nice of you to say so." She said as she sat in Andy's lap, playing with his curls.

Dustin laughed softly, and Max said - "These pants are so comfy.. Almost feels like I'm not wearing any." She smirked at Dustin and he laughed, "Little minx." She had skin tight black pants and a corset like top that was sapphire blue - it had black lace, and brought out the color of her eyes, as well as a leather jacket and boots.

El had been talking to his mom - and when she walked into his room - she waved, "Hi." Dustin gave her a wolf whistle too, and El blushed - he took her hand and gave her a twirl, she giggled. "I feel like Madonna." Dustin made a face an El pouted, "She is my hero - don't be mean to me Micalz."

Andy said, "I like some of her music." 

El grinned at him and she sat in his lap too. "You look gorgeous." Max told her and El said softly, "So do you - your hair looks so pretty." 

Max's hair was all curly, and El's was pretty much the same, but El had sparkly glitter in hers. El's dress was black, with a peacock tail and was pretty much all lace. She had fish net stockings on that looked like bandages wrapped around her legs, and she had a purple faux fur coat. 

"You both look gorgeous." Andy said, giving them both a soft kiss. Both girls giggling and El was blushing.

Dustin smirked, and Andy licked his lips a little - watching him. "Do you wanna have a shower first, I'll go after?" Dustin asked him, and Andy nodded - Dustin murmured, "Okay.." 

El and Max held hands, "We're going to go play with the pupper's while you guys get ready." Max said, and El added, "Mikey and Will are gonna meet us there." 

Dustin nodded, and El whispered something to Max, and Max laughed softly - she stepped in closer to him, and then she whispered, "You have a little something on your mouth.. looks like cinnamon sugar." 

Dustin laughed, "Oh.. yeah I'll get it off -in the shower."

She winked at him, "Behave yourselves." 

Dustin snorted - "Yes Mommy." 

Max laughed and she curled her fingers through El's - El leaned in a little and Max kissed her cheek, "You smell like strawberries again." 

Dustin looked at Andy - who was looking at him. "..Girls." Andy muttered and Dustin laughed, "C'mon." Andy took his hand and they went into the bathroom - "I'll turn the water on and then I'll help you with your shirt." 

Dustin turned the water on - and stepped closer, careful as he lifted Andy's shirt off - "Thanks Micalz.." Dustin ruffled his fingers through his hair - "S'okay. I'm gonna go get my clothes organized, enjoy your shower." 

He smirked, and Andy said softly - "Fuck's sake.. you're evil.."

He laughed and Dustin place a soft kiss on his cheek, he smirked again as he whispered - "..Just a little bit.." 

Dustin left the bathroom and he put some ecstasy into some little bags, he packed them into his jacket pocket - as well as his smokes and a lighter.

He got his clothes ready for after his shower - and then Andy was out, he'd already pulled on his jeans, his hair was wet - and Dustin smiled, ".. Those pants are definitely.. the right pants.."

Andy blushed - "Yeah?" Dustin grinned "Definitely do you wanna put your shirt on now? Or wait till I've had my shower." 

Andy stretched his arms out as he sat on the bed, "I can wait - I'll put my socks and boots on first."

Dustin nodded, "Okay I'll be back soon." He disappeared into the bathroom - Dustin took a long shower, using his favorite sandalwood soap blushing even though nobody could see him because he had to wash away Steve's cum, and it made him feel all flustered, and hot - and then sad, and he just didn't know why he was so obsessed with being full of cum. He bit his lip softly, I wish I had Jay's.. I miss him. Stop it, stop it.

He washed his hair, trying not to think about that - he didn't want to start crying and making himself depressed as fuck again. When he'd finished his shower - Dustin put argan oil in his hair, the sweet musk was so perfumed that it filled the bathroom. He let his hair dry for a few minutes - and then he dried it off with the hair dryer. Dustin undid the lone braid - and he sprayed the glitter hair color spray over the extra curly strands. It was blue - and brought out the color of his eyes. Then Dustin tugged on his new ass hugging leather pants. No underwear underneath.

Up the side of each leg was lace - and so you knew he wasn't wearing underwear. The he pulled on the shirt, his pendant hung down low against his chest - and Dustin leaned in closer to the mirror, lining his eyes with his eyeliner. He just put on a little bit of clear lip gloss making his lips shiny and then he headed back into his room - his rings back on his fingers, all he needed was his boots. Andy had put his boots on too - and he lifted his head, "Holy shit Henderson.." 

Dustin laughed softly, "So I look okay?" He fidgeted and Andy said, "Okay? You're crazy - you look fucking hot as hell."

Dustin snorted softly, blushing. "Thanks Andrew." 

Andy laughed, "You do.. fucking hell." He shook his head, and Dustin stepped in closer - he did Andy's hair, adding some Farrah Fawcett spray and then fluffing the curls. Andy stayed sitting and Dustin helped him pull on his new shirt.

"It does feel all slippery.." Dustin said, as he stroked his fingers. "Oh.. hmm..' He reached over, opening his bedside drawer and then he said, "I.. have these for you, they're a little bit stronger than what I gave you, so.. be careful. Just.. one should be enough."

Andy looked up at him, and Dustin lost his balance a little - "Shit.." 

Andy just held onto his hips, "You good?" Dustin nodded, "Yeah.. just a little bit Dizzy." 

Andy frowned and then he patted his knee, "Sit." 

Dustin sat, and Andy took one of the pills out, he popped it into his mouth, and Dustin handed him a bottle of water. 

"...Is this what you were on yesterday?" Andy asked him, and Dustin shook his head - "...You.. don't want what I'm on.." Andy played with the blue strands of his hair, and he said softly - "...It's serious shit, right?" 

Dustin nodded, "Mhmm.. yeah.."

Andy grabbed Dustin's eyeliner and he said, "Will you put some on me?" 

Dustin grinned, "Yeah, course I will." 

He gently gripped Andy's chin - and put some on, smudging it a little - and then he smiled, "Perfect." 

Andy said softly, "...Is it Heroin?" 

Dustin breathed out sharply and he looked at Andy. 

"...My cousin.. yeah he's into it - he's been in an out of rehab.. it never helps him, he is always so fucking miserable when his parents.. they keep doing it - he.. said he's going to run away - go to California. He hates being off it, says it hurts really bad." Andy said quietly.

Dustin said softly, "It.. feels so good, so fucking good - it makes everything just.. stop. I don't feel anything bad at all. I just float through this beautiful maze of bliss.. nothing hurts anymore, I feel free. It takes all my pain, all my sadness - everything is quiet." 

Andy said softly, "Why don't you eat?" 

Dustin tensed up and Andy said, "I'm sorry you don't have to answer that, I just... I know you don't, and you're so tiny - like.. you're so tiny that I feel like you should break - but you don't your like ridiculously strong. But your like this.. tiny whisp - you don't eat hardly a thing. I care about you now, you're my friend now - so I just worry that you'll do some damage, to your heart - you need to try and eat more, don't get mad at me for saying it. Just know that I care about you and I want you to live. You're slowly killing yourself doing this."

Dustin got up and he said softly, "...I do eat, I ate today." He was using his too quiet voice, and Andy seemed to pick up on it. "Micalz.. you need to eat. You need to eat and look after your body, or your heart won't be strong enough.. you keep getting dizzy, it's getting dangerous when you start getting dizzy." 

Dustin nodded, biting on his bottom lip and Andy said softly, "Shall we head out?" 

He said softly, "Yeah.. Andy?" 

Andy looked at him, "Yeah?" Dustin curled his arms around him and gave him a soft kiss to the jaw. "Thank you." He whispered, and Andy just curled his arms around him. "It's okay, you're just - you know Micalz, you gotta keep being all shiny and bright. We need you around.. you know?" 

Dustin smiled softly and he whispered, "Silly Andrew."

The both headed out to the living room - Max curled her arms around him and whispered, "Hi flame thrower, are you ready for this concert?" 

Dustin laughed and he nuzzled his nose against her cheek - "I am, are you?" She smirked, "You bet.." They were both watching as Andy took El's hand and gave her a twirl, El laughing and then curling her arms around his neck, "He's got a thing about you, you do know that right?"

Dustin whispered, "Shush.." 

Max smirked, "Sorry, but its true - he's a little bit gay, I'm a little bit gay.. you're all gay.. and I think El's a little bit gay too." 

Dustin snickered, "You're gay for El, she's gay for you.. you should just.. do naughty things together.." 

Max murmured, "I.. want too, trust me.. But look at them.." 

The were both watching Andy and El again, "They're dancing.. with no music. Disgustingly cute." Max muttered, and Dustin laughed - "Come on guys, lets go get some supplies for tonight.." He cuddled his mom - who put money into his pocket, "Mom  I don't need your money." She just shushed him and then put a packet of cigarettes in his pocket too. "Mom!" 

***

Jay breathed out softly, he'd been watching Steve - who was acting strange. He was laughing with Robin and Vicky - the three of them joking and Jay had been just quietly observing him. Because Steve was definitely in a better mood. He wasn't moping around, he wasn't drunk - he was joking, being happy - and then it suddenly clicked into place. 

Steve had gotten a fix, that's what he was acting like - like he'd gotten high or he'd gotten laid. Maybe both - he'd said he'd gone to a meeting. But it was like watching an addict that had gotten a fix. He was on edge, but not strung out - he looked like he wanted to talk about something that was bothering him or pissing him off - and yet he didn't say anything. 

Steve was fresh out the shower, wearing tight black pants and a white shirt - and his hair was all over the place  - sunglasses on - and it amused him to think that Steve had been asking only a couple of nights back why Dustin had been wearing sunglasses at night - and now he was doing the same thing. 

That's when Jay got the painful twist in his gut - Steve had got laid... he'd got his fix - he'd gone and seen Dustin... Jay fucking knew he had. And jealousy burned inside him - he fucking knew. Knew that is what he'd done. How - had he wormed his way back in - gotten to touch him, to hold him - to kiss him. Jay felt the jealousy the rage - he wanted to punch Steve's face.

He breathed out sharply, Steve was relaxed and happy - and Jay felt like hell. But Steve also had a twitch in his jaw - clearly not completely unbothered - but he felt Steve's energy - and he was still jealous. Jealous because Dustin had been heart broken and didn't want to see him - and yet.. he'd let Steve back in, he'd let Steve touch him - fuck him.. Jay knew and he was pissed off. 

"You okay?" Steve asked him, and he was suddenly too close, smelling like fucking cinnamon and lemon and too fucking pretty with the dark eyes, and the eyelashes.

"Mhmm yeah.. I'm fine." His voice was all raspy. Jay pulled into the Sinclair's driveway - honking the horn and then Lucas came out and climbed in the back "Hey.. sup.." Lucas was stoned - and he gave Robin and Vicky both kisses - giving Steve a fist bump, and Jay a wary side eye. 

"Don't you look at me like that Sinclair.." He growled and Lucas gave him the finger. 

"Nance didn't wanna come with us - so her and Jon went with Will and Mike... they're going with Dustin's group." Robin told Lucas.

"Makes sense.." Lucas said - staring out the window - "Did you know he's hanging out with his former bully?" Lucas snorted and Steve said - "Who's the former bully." Jay side eyed Steve - because Jay already knew Lucas meant Andy. 

"Andy.." Lucas said, "He used to beat Dustin up.. now they're best friends." Steve frowned - jaw twitching and Jay thought to himself, So you saw him with Dustin, that's why you're jealous.

"Why would he be best friends with someone that used to beat the crap out of him?" Steve growled and Lucas said, "Because I think they have a thing for each other - I think Andy's queer he's always had a thing for Dustin." Jay was watching not just Steve's face - but he'd started studying Lucas. He's jealous that Andy likes Dustin. Interesting. 

"Well whatever, I guess he can be friends with whoever he wants." Jay said, and Steve was looking at him - the jealousy was burning in Steve's eyes, and he just breathed out sharply - Robin said, "You should chill out Steve - you're obsession with Dustin is kind of fucking creepy - its not like he's your boyfriend." She looked at Jay, her eyes were sad and she stroked his head. 

"Shut up Robin.. are you ever on my side? Some best friend you are... I fucking love him - Jesus." Steve growled out.

Jay breathed out slowly, and Robin said - "I know, but you're being insensitive. Chill out." 

Steve was staring out the window - and Jay suddenly felt Steve curl his fingers around his wrist, Steve stroked his thumb over the top of his hand. Jay still felt the ache deep in his belly - knowing that Steve had.. seen Dustin - he still felt jealous. He wanted Dustin - he wanted him all to himself, to have him back. 

Steve was suddenly watching him - Jay breathed out softly, Steve gave him a soft little smile and Jay realized - he realized that Steve was trying to get him back - and it was working. At least for Steve. 

Jay might just have to do some more work on his end too. Jay shifted his hand and Steve interlaced their fingers. Robin was staring at their hands - he eyes meeting hers in the rearview mirror, and he let out a soft breath. Robin gave him a smile and Jay gave her a wink. Robin blushed and Steve said huskily beside him, "Fuck.. lets hope this is actually fun tonight.." 

Chapter Text

They were having fun - Jay didn't really know Zillah's music that well - but they were good - and they were having fun. Mikey and Will had radiated towards their gang - and eventually so did Max and El. Steve had apparently made up with Nancy, and he was dancing with her and Jonathan.

Steve was obviously doing his best to not focus on Dustin - which unfortunately, Jay couldn't stop doing. He was looking like sex on legs, leather pants that should have been illegal - lace up the sides, and he wasn't wearing underwear. 

Jay was suffering. He really was. Trying to focus on the music - he was also trying to resist the urge to go and kill Andy. Max mentioned something about El and Andy's date being a bust - because Andy and Dustin were more wrapped up in each other. She didn't say it to him of course - she had said it to Robin and Nance. 

El and Max were avoiding Lucas - Lucas seemed to be content getting stoned and dancing with Vicky and Robin. Jay looked over - Dustin was laughing at something Seth was saying - because Seth and Magda were with Dustin and Andy, he looked up Magda's brother Tristan on the stage - who suddenly said to the crowd, "Hey everyone! Thank you so much for coming tonight, we hope you are having a good time!" 

Everyone was clapping and hollering, and Jay's gaze went back to Dustin, Max, El and Andy. "Ay.. this next song is for Notre petite lumière." Magda let out a piercing wolf whistle and she grabbed Dustin saying something in his ear, making him blush.

"For those who don't know what I said, that means Our little Light..  this one it's called The Phoenix." Then Dustin grabbed hold of Andy, and El and Max were moving off, heading off in the direction of the bathrooms.

Jay realized it was the song that Dustin had been singing to Andy on the phone the night before. They were dancing and both singing at the tops of their lungs - and Dustin laughed as Andy bounced around. Dustin was singing - losing himself in the song, dancing by himself - he was in a world of his own - flushed and bright eyed, and Jay thought he looked beautiful. Andy laughed and then they were holding hands and bouncing again and Jay wanted to kill him. 

Put on your War Paint

You are a brick tied to me that's dragging me down
Strike a match and I'll burn you to the ground
We are the jack-o-lanterns in July
Setting fire to the sky
Here, here comes this rising tide so come on
(Put on your war paint)
Cross walks and crossed hearts and hope to die
Silver clouds with grey linings

So we can take the world back from the heart-attacked
One maniac at a time we will take it back
You know time crawls on when you're waiting for the song to start
So dance alone to the beat of your heart

Hey, young blood, doesn't it feel
Like our time is running out?
I'm going to change you like a remix
Then I'll raise you like a phoenix
Wearing our vintage misery
No, I think it looked a little better on me
I'm going to change you like a remix
Then I'll raise you like a phoenix

But then El and Max were back - and Andy was dancing with the two girls, and Dustin was dancing by himself again - but then his eyes were on Lucas. Jay breathed out softly, trying to push away the dark jealous rage. Lucas was just kind of standing there watching - watching the girls dancing with Andy. Dustin was suddenly moving, he was subtle - but then he tugged Lucas in and Jay watched as he leaned in, saying something to Lucas - and he had their foreheads pressed together. 

Lucas' looked like he was struggling not to cry - and Dustin gave him a soft kiss, then he was dancing with Lucas, but slowly moving them closer to Andy, El, and Max. You little shit.

He couldn't tear his eyes from Dustin - he was all sweaty and flushed and he pushed Andy towards Lucas? The two boys were looking at each other and then Dustin tugged Lucas in close - saying something to him and then he was bouncing off and singing at the top of his lungs - eyes bright and having fun - then his gaze met Jay's, and Jay felt like the air got punched out of his lungs. 

Dustin watched him briefly, just for a few seconds.

But then Dustin's gaze shifted, and he was looking at Steve - and Jay saw Andy and Lucas dancing together - with both Max and El. Dustin just seemed to be content on his own, and he suddenly pulled his shirt off and tucked it in the back of his pants. Fucking hell. Steve raked his fingers through his hair, and Jay felt his stomach clench, getting all tight as the song changed to another one. 

Dustin knew this one as well - it was slower, and Dustin was singing, "Love is in the air, I just gotta figure out a window to break out, Buried alive inside my dreams, But it was all a fake out.." Beside him, Steve growled softly - "Fuck this.. I'm sorry Jay.." He moved closer and then Jay watched as Steve curled his fingers against Dustin's hips and tugged him in close. Jay grit his teeth, You Bastard.

Steve had his front all pressed up into Dustin's back and they were swaying to the music, Dustin had his eyes closed - Steve said something against his ear and Dustin just tilted his head up, staring up at Steve, they were just staring at each other, and it made Jay crazy. He wanted Dustin to be looking at him like that.

Steve was saying something to him again, and Dustin laughed - Jay let out a soft exhale, Steve suddenly twirled Dustin and they were dancing properly, Steve was twirling him and Dustin was laughing, eyes bright - and Steve was laughing, they were dancing like nobody was watching. Who knew Steve could dance. He was dipping him and everything - and then he was pulling him in and Dustin was blushing, and Jay was witnessing their addiction, their passion - their obsession.

And it was beautiful. And instead of feeling jealous - Jay just felt an ache, he felt like watching them, he was watching something beautiful and intimate - something that was usually just shared between the two of them. Something that they hadn't even been able to really share together because they'd been so fucking scared too.

Dustin was just staring up at Steve, he looked so content. And Jay felt his heart aching, because he knew - that Dustin needed to feel that, to feel his connection and love coming back from Steve. He lit a cigarette and took a drag, and raised an eyebrow as Andy moved closer - You better watch yourself.. Steve will kick your ass.

Dustin untangled himself from Steve - and Steve was standing there - jaw tight, and Jay took another drag on his smoke as Dustin curled his arm around Andy and kissed him on the cheek. Steve looked ready to commit murder.

Dustin was saying something to Andy, and then Andy was laughing, and blushing. Jay watched as Andy glanced at Steve - then he slowly untangled himself from Dustin, resting his forehead against Dustin's - before he gave him a kiss on the forehead - and Dustin slipped Andy a little bag, Ecstasy.

Andy gave Steve a small wave, Steve just gave him a dark look, Andy went off in the direction of El, Max and Lucas - and Dustin looked at Steve over his shoulder. Jay knew, he knew he'd been right - they had slept together, he wasn't sure when they had - but he knew they had.

They only had eyes for each other, and Jay let out a slow exhale, he knew what it felt like to be the center of Dustin's attention and he wanted it, he wanted his beautiful boy - his dark prince - he felt almost sick with the ache. But he knew that at the moment - he'd hurt him, it didn't feel like it was possible for him to have Dustin - he could only watch.

Jay felt like his lungs were too tight. He felt Steve's gaze on him - and he breathed out sharply, his breath caught in his throat - because Dustin was looking at him. But then he had his eyes closed and Jay took another drag on his smoke. Steve was saying something to him and Dustin was looking at him again. Steve's gaze met his and Jay flicked his cigarette but away, and slowly moved closer.

Dustin whimpered, and Jay pulled him in closer - burying his face against Dustin's neck. 

***

Dustin breathed out slowly, feeling the intensity of Steve's gaze - he looked over his shoulder, and Steve's jaw was tight - he looked like he wanted to eat him alive. Dustin's breath caught in his throat and he stared back at Steve, he could feel Jay watching too - Steve's gaze shifted - and Dustin knew Steve was starting at Jay - Dustin shifted his gaze, and Jay was staring at him.

Those beautiful green eyes, so sad - too much emotion, lit up with gold - even from where he was standing Dustin could see the gold. He breathed out in a rush - he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, so he closed them tightly - as he let out a shaky exhale.

Dustin whimpered softly, as Steve curled his arms around him - his heat all pressed up against his back and he murmured against his ear, "You miss him sweet Baby, why are you punishing yourself.." Dustin's breath came out in a rush, and Steve said softly against his ear, "He misses you too, he cries - he can't sleep without you.."

Dustin stared at Jay, who hadn't taken his eyes off him - and he whimpered softly, "Want him to come hold you?"

Steve whispered, "Give you sweet kisses.."

Dustin shivered, and he tilted his head - looking at Steve, he had tears in his eyes and Steve murmured, "You can have his kisses, have him hold you..." Dustin's breath caught in his throat and he looked at Jay. Biting on his bottom lip he didn't know that Steve was looking at Jay too - but he saw Jay moving closer, and then he whimpered softly as Jay pulled him into his arms, and Dustin remembered how to breathe.

He pressed himself flush, holding on and Jay buried his face in against his neck Dustin was trembling, he was so scared - Jay's body was so warm, he smelt so good. Dustin was crying - he whimpered though - and his hand reached out for Steve too, Steve pressed in closer, up against his back and Dustin was surrounded by their warmth.

He could feel Jay's heartbeat, Dustin slid both of his arms around Jay, and he buried is face into his neck - his fingers curling against Jay's back. 

Steve brushed his lips against the back of his neck, against his shoulder - nuzzling into his hair, and Steve lifted his head, Dustin knew that Steve was kissing Jay. He felt his stomach get all tight, warmth deep in his belly. Jay whispered, "Thank you pretty boy." Jay breathed out shakily, and then he was nuzzling into Dustin's hair, breathing him in and Steve was brushing his hair off his shoulder, kissing his neck again and breathing out against his skin. 

Dustin let out a soft breath, and he lifted his head - staring up at Jay. 

***

Jay could feel Dustin's entire body trembling - he was cold - yes his skin was sweaty from dancing and bouncing around. Cool against him - Steve was pressed into Dustin's back - Steve stared at Jay - intense eyes, and Jay reached up and rest their foreheads together, Steve kissed him - soft, teasing his tongue lightly and Jay kissed him back, he whispered, "Thank you pretty boy."

Steve kissed him back softly, the three of them were getting some stares from their friends - as well as from people around them.

Jay had tears in his eyes, he nuzzled Dustin's hair - breathing him in. Pulling back as Steve brushed his lips against Dustin's shoulder as he brushed his hair out the way. Dustin lifted his head, staring at Jay and Jay ghosted his fingers over Dustin's face, "I remember your face.." He said softly and Dustin shivered, just looking at him, and Jay said softly, "I love you my Sunshine.."

Dustin's eyes were full of tears, and he whispered, "I love you too."

Jay kissed him deeply, stroking his tongue against Dustin's slowly - claiming his mouth, Dustin moaned softly, Jay kept kissing him, teasing his tongue - feeling Dustin's fingers curl against his body, the kiss leaving both of them breathless - Dustin was trembling and Jay said huskily, "You wanna give Steve a kiss too Baby?"

Dustin was just staring at him, from under his lashes - all breathless, so beautiful - Jay wanted to eat him alive, but he couldn't help but think - He's still so quiet. Jay stroked his fingers against Dustin's stomach - and Dustin whimpered softly, tilting his head and looking at Steve, who cupped his face and then Steve kissed him in that possessive way that Steve loved to do whenever he kissed Dustin. 

Dustin let out desperate noise - and Jay pressed in closer, one hand curling against Dustin's stomach, then his side and he kissed Dustin's throat as Steve and Dustin kissed. His other hand he curled it against Steve's back, and dug them in. 

Steve moaned into Dustin's mouth - the needy sound from Dustin made Jay's cock twitch - the sound from both of them. Steve growled soft in his throat, murmuring against Dustin's mouth, "You taste so sweet." He turned his head - staring at Jay, and he licked at Jay's mouth.

Dustin was trembling between them watching them, breathless and Jay thought, too quiet. Steve curled his fingers against Jay's head - bringing him in closer, Jay growled softly as Steve kissed him, the two of them fighting for control, Jay stroked his tongue against the roof of Steve's mouth, but Steve deepened the kiss - and Jay let him take control, breathing out shakily as Steve broke their kiss. 

Steve growled softly, claiming Dustin's mouth with another possessive kiss. Jay felt like he was losing his mind. As Steve and Dustin kissed - Dustin was stroking Jay's skin, digging into his back, like he didn't want to break contact.

Watching Dustin left breathless, his lips all swollen and the way he was gasping softly, Steve was staring down at him - his fingers cradling Dustin's face. They were so beautiful - and Jay was aching, he just wanted to have them both. Jay leaned in and licked against Dustin's throat, tasting the sweat on his skin and Dustin breathed out against Steve's face, shivering and whimpering softly.

Jay breathed out hot against Dustin's neck and then kissed Dustin's chin. They were all just trying to catch their breath - and Jay nuzzled Dustin's cheek, Steve whispered against Dustin's mouth, "Sweet kisses, hmm?' Dustin let out a soft little noise, and he licked at both of their mouths. Still all breathless, Steve growled softly - "We're getting a lot of attention." 

Jay growled softly, "Fuck em.. let them stare.." 

Dustin was quiet, and he shifted, burying his face in against Steve's chest - Steve nuzzled his face in against his hair, Jay felt heat curl inside him. Because Dustin was just watching him quietly, from under his lashes. Then he closed his eyes, and stroked his fingers under Steve's shirt - and he felt a twist of jealousy. Raw and powerful and Jay wanted - god he wanted Dustin all to himself.

He wanted it so badly he could barely stand himself. 

Jay pressed himself in closer and he said softly, "My Sunshine boy." Dustin whimpered softly, breathing out slightly heavier.  Jay stroked his fingers feather light along the bumps of Dustin's spine, against his cool sweaty skin - and then he kissed his shoulder, pushing his hair back and then he kissed his throat and whispered, "I missed you." Dustin shivered, and he let his eyes open - just staring at Jay. 

Jay said softly, "C'mere?" He breathed out and Dustin shifted - curling his arms around his neck. Jay stroked his fingers against Dustin's back - Dustin's hands slid down, and then his fingers dug into his ass, and he was burying his face in against his neck, breathing him in. 

Steve suddenly let out a soft, "The fuck Robin." and Steve growled as Robin said, "Jesus are you guys trying to get arrested for public indecency? ..You might wanna find a bathroom or ...something.. holy shit.." She added a soft little, "Fucking hot as hell but.. Jesus!" 

Steve smirked and Jay looked at Steve, and then at Robin. 

Dustin rest his head against Jay's chest, he just stayed quiet - his gaze shifted  - seeing Seth and Magda. He blushed as Magda gave him a smile, and then made a heart with her fingers. Seth just winked at him and Dustin hid his face against Jay's chest. 

Dustin breathed out softly, he still felt fear - he was feeling too much, like it was coming in too hard and fast - he was feeling like he was going to spiral with all the feelings. He was trying to ignore it. 

Robin smirked at Steve, and Jay said huskily, "Get out of here Bobbin." She grinned, "Giving all the babies wet dream fantasies - holy shit." 

She looked at Steve, "Dirty Bad Steve." Steve growled, "Robin!" She smirked, "Sorry.." Then she looked at Jay and Steve, "Don't break him.. look at him he's only little.." 

Dustin  shifted his head to look at Robin and he said softly, his voice all breathless - "Maybe I want them to break me." 

Robin was blushing and she said, "Jesus... Okay - I'm going back over there.." She made her way back to the others - Dustin breathed out slowly, he was shivering and Jay murmured, "You cold Sunshine?"

Dustin stared at him from under his lashes and he whispered, "Uhuh yeah..." Jay just stared down at him quietly - he knew, he could see it in his eyes. Dustin was still frightened. Jay brushed his thumb over Dustin's bottom lip, and then he kissed him softly. 

Steve stepped in closer, and he murmured against Dustin's ear, "You wanna get out of here hmm?" Dustin tilted his head, looking at Steve again and he breathed out shakily, and Steve said huskily - "Tell me.. what you want.." 

Jay just watched them - the way that Dustin's breath caught, as Steve worked his magic, and Dustin melted for him - "I want.. to go home.." 

Steve cradled Dustin's face, and he licked softly at Dustin's mouth and he said softly, "Yeah.. you wanna go home with Jay?"

Jay's cock was so hard, it hurt - his breath shaky, Home - Home where you Belong. 

Dustin whimpered softly, and Steve said softly - "Tell me ..tell Daddy what you want." Jesus. Jay stared at them - the way that Dustin bit on his lip, fingers curling against Jay's chest, breath coming out all shaky and then he whimpered, Jay knew how needy he was - Steve was making Dustin come apart right between them. 

"C'mon.." Steve said huskily, "Tell Daddy.." Dustin gasped out against Steve's mouth, "Uhuh.. I want.. wanna go home, home with Jay.." He looked at Jay again - his lips all swollen and wet from biting them, and all their kissing.

Jay growled in his throat and then he kissed him hungrily, possessing his mouth, and Dustin kissed him back - so hungry, desperate and Jay wanted to take him apart right there, claim him right there - he didn't care who was watching, or where they were. 

He growled softly against Dustin's mouth, "Is Steve getting you all hot?" 

Steve growled and Jay lifted his gaze - staring at him and Dustin whimpered, "Yeah...Bad.. Steve" He whimpered as Steve kissed him - licking into his mouth, and Jay curled his fingers against Steve's throat and Steve pulled back, kissing Jay deeply, and Dustin whispered, "I want.. fuck.. that's so pretty."

Jay was breathless from Steve kissing him and he said husky soft, "What do you want my prince.." Steve growled against Jay's ear, "He wants you to make love to him...and then... after that, pound his sweet pussy, till he can't stand it anymore.. till he comes apart and begs for more..." 

Steve murmured against Dustin's mouth, "And then Daddy will fill you up, give you his cock too.." 

Jay breathed out heavy, and he whispered, "Why the fuck are you calling yourself Daddy.. Jesus Steve."

Steve growled softly, "Cos our sweet Baby likes it.. he called me Daddy.." He kissed Dustin slow and deep, "Didn't you Baby.." 

Dustin was wrecked, so needy and he whispered breathlessly, "Yeah...Please." He let his eyes close and he murmured softly, "I feel like I'm going to go crazy... please."

Jay brushed his lips against Dustin's throat, feeling the way Dustin's pulse was fast and erratic against his lips. "Please... Jay..." Dustin was begging - so sweetly, and Jay said huskily, "Yeah we can go.. I need you, want you too my sweet baby. My beautiful sunshine." 

Dustin let out a shaky exhale, tears in his eyes and Jay whispered against his mouth, "Don't cry Baby, I got you.." The tears slid down Dustin's face and he exhaled all shaky. 

Steve's voice was all rough as he said, "I'll give Robin my keys - she can use my truck to get everyone home - we'll take your car Baby boy." Dustin breathed out shakily, Steve looked at Jay, "Go.. I'll catch up with you hmm?" Jay nodded and then Steve left them. 

Jay saw Steve talking to the other's - he saw Andy looking at them, and he curled his arm around Dustin, holding him closer - and his eyes became dark, a shadow over his face as he snarled at Andy, "Fuck off."  The other boy just looked away, heat in his face.

Jay knew he was being an asshole - Dustin breathed out shakily, his eyes opening and he whispered, "Who? Who are you talking too." 

Jay murmured, "Nobody Sunshine.." He interlaced their fingers and then he said softly, "C'mon.." Dustin pulled back slowly, pushing his hair out of his face - he was shivering, and Jay let out a soft exhale. 

The two of them just staring at each other quietly - Steve reappeared, and then he murmured against Jay's ear, "...Take him home, I'll see you both tomorrow?."

Steve whispered, "Do it.." Jay nodded, and then he murmured, "I wanted to be alone with him.." Steve smiled, and Jay felt his stomach get all hot and tight again. Steve whispered, "I know, and you need to be alone together."

Jay breathed out in a rush and then he rest his forehead against Steve's just letting his eyes close.  

Dustin was looking at them both - then Steve let go of Jay and he moved in closer to Dustin, he said softly - "Jay's gonna take you home okay Baby,  I'll see you tomorrow okay?" 

Dustin felt his heart start pounding hard in his chest again, he was scared - scared because he was feeling so much - too much.

Steve was going to leave. He'd be alone with Jay - alone with him. To feel all the feelings, too much. The heat in his belly, got more intense - burning bright - and he whispered, "Okay." But the fear was obvious in his eyes. 

Steve gently cradled his face - and Dustin whispered, "I love you - I'll miss you.." Steve kissed him softly and he murmured, "I love you, I'll miss you too - my sweet Baby." Steve gave Dustin an eskimo kiss, and Dustin bit down on his lip as Steve pulled away - tears in his eyes, and Steve said softly - "Tomorrow Baby."

Jay was watching them, watching as Dustin curled his fingers against Steve's chest - he looked like he was in pain at the thought of Steve not being with him. Dustin nodded, but didn't say anything and Steve kissed his forehead, and then he moved back over to Robin and the gang.

Dustin's eyes followed - and then he looked at Jay. 

Jay held his hand out and Dustin stepped in closer, Jay interlaced their fingers - Dustin let out a soft exhale, he was still trembling - and Jay led him through the crowd out to the carpark.

Dustin said softly, "I'm parked over this way.." 

Jay let him lead him to the car, and Dustin looked at Jay over his shoulder - heart pounding in his chest as he pulled away. 

"...Sunshine." Jay's voice was husky and soft and Dustin breathed out shakily, he stared at Jay - tears welling up and he gasped out "I...can't.."

Jay growled out, "What..."

Dustin whimpered as Jay stepped in and then cradled his head and growled out, "..You can't what.." He breathed out against his face, and then ghosted his fingers over Dustin's face - "I remember your face." Jay whispered, and Dustin let his eyes close - tears slipping down his face.

"You're my beautiful sweet prince, my Sunshine boy.. I'm not letting you go.." Jay said huskily, "I'm taking you home.." 

Dustin whimpered again and Jay whispered against his mouth, "You can't what.. Can't love me.. lies.. I fucking know you love me... I know you are hurting, I know you want me.. you need me just like I need you." 

Jay felt Dustin's entire body tremble and he whispered, "I'm taking you home."

He interlaced their fingers and then placed Dustin's hand over his heart, "You're safe here, you always have been, you always will be - you belong here..."

They were both crying and Jay murmured against Dustin's mouth, "Light bearers kingdom on earth.. You're my kingdom, my heart - my soul, I'm not letting you go."

Dustin breathed out shakily, and Jay murmured - "I'm taking you home, my beautiful dark prince.." He whispered, "My Micalz.." 

Jay curled his arms around Dustin as he whimpered softly and pressed himself in closer - Jay kissed him feather soft, then he opened the door and Dustin slipped into the passenger side. Jay shut the door, his hands were shaking - and then he climbed into the drivers side, and drove them back to the trailer park - he couldn't stop shaking. 

He looked at Dustin, who was watching him - eyes intense, dark - a mixture of fear and want, and Jay reached out, Dustin held his hand in both of his - staring out the window while Jay drove them home. He's still too quiet.

Chapter Text

He was scared, terrified - he didn't want to do this. Dustin could feel the way his body was shaking - he couldn't stop it, Jay's fingers laced through his - as he pulled him through the crowd - then into the carpark.

He'd told Jay he couldn't - and Jay had just growled at him - and been too close, Dustin had been shaking apart - whimpering. Scared, too fucking scared. As Jay did all the things that made him feel too much, telling him.

I remember your face.

Jay didn't know, he'd never known that every time he did it - It felt like Jay was singing to his soul, something old and ancient and powerful.

Singing to him, some mystical thing that made him feel like the rest of everything fell away till only they existed. Like he had known Jay forever - like he was tattooed into the fiber of his being. That he could soothe every part of him - that he whispered, to all the shadows, to all the chaos - and made him still.

It was like he felt the ghost of his touch - like a feather, the silent beat of a wing - everything stilled, and he was reborn.

While he was chaos and fire, that burned too bright - raged too bright - Jay was the sweet golden kiss of secrets and stars, the promise of a rainbow after the storm - that washed away everything and left him pure again. While he was cold to the bone - Jay radiated warmth - he was the Sun, while Dustin was the Moon.

Jay was Home in a way that nothing else had ever been before. Jay saw into him - knew the secrets of his heart, the weight of the shadow there. And he wasn't afraid of him, he thought he was Beautiful - loved all the things that he had always hated about himself.

Dustin had been watching Jay, the darkness surrounding them as Jay drove - the street lights hitting him every so often - he held Jay's hand as the other boy reached out, held them between both of his. Staring out the window, his hair falling down and covering his face.

Dustin remembered, when he heard Magda's voice in his head, "He aches for you, as you do for him.. can you hear him?" He'd been doing nothing but dreaming strange dreams about Jay, whenever he did sleep - not that he'd slept much.

But he felt like that's all he'd done, was ache and miss him.

Yes he was still scared, scared of feeling so much - scared of how terrifying it really was. Dustin was scared to live without him - scared of what that meant. Tears welled up in his eyes as he stared out the window. Jay had told him he was safe, that he belonged in his heart.

The tears slipped down his cheeks, and Dustin let out a shaky - heavy exhale, he pushed Jay's hand away, and beside him - Jay said softly, "Sunshine.."

He curled his arms around himself, and pulled his legs up - and when Jay reached out - he slapped his hands away. Jay went quiet, and he didn't try to touch him again.

Dustin breathed out harshly - and when Jay pulled up outside the trailer - Dustin was shaking so bad he let out a shaky soft little whimper as Jay said softly, "Baby.." He felt like his heart was racing, beating too fast and hard in his chest.

Jay got out, and then he was opening Dustin's door - and Dustin whimpered, "No.." It was soft, and shaky and Jay said softly, "Baby, I'm not going to hurt you." Dustin breathed out shakily, and Jay whispered, "Wanna go inside?" Dustin shivered, and Jay gently shifted - and he just lifted Dustin into his arms, "I got you.." He murmured softly, and Dustin buried his face in against his neck, closing his eyes.

Jay shut the door and locked the car up and then he was carrying Dustin inside.

Dustin slid his legs down, and then he pushed Jay away from him again - Jay growled softly, "Sunshine.. Baby boy ...please.."

Dustin whispered tearfully, "You.. I...can't.." He hit at Jay, "Fucking don't.. don't touch me.." Jay didn't listen to him though, he curled his arms around him and held onto him.

"No...don't." Dustin bit Jay's shoulder, and Jay bit him back - sucking hard and Dustin let his eyes close.

"You wanna fight me?" Jay growled softly, "Hmm?"

Dustin tilted his head back and Jay licked against his throat - his voice all husky and soft, "You wanna hurt me... Or do you want me to make love to you.."

Dustin shivered, and he let out a soft little breath - Jay stroked his fingers into Dustin's hair and then he whispered against his mouth, "I love you, I loved you the moment I saw you... I'm always going to love you."

He cradled Dustin's head in his hands and Dustin just stared up at him - and Jay ghosted his fingers over his face, "I remember your face.."

Dustin's breath hitched, his eyes fluttering closed and he let out a sweet little whimper. You sing a song only We know.

"No more fighting.." Jay said softly, and then he lifted Dustin up again and carried him into the bedroom. Dustin let out a soft little whimper as Jay laid him down on the bed - and then he scooted away and just sat up near the pillows.

Jay said softly, "..We don't have to do anything if you're not ready. I can just.. hold you.." He just stared at Dustin, who was watching him the same way he had been before they'd left Steve.

"You're so beautiful.." Jay's voice was soft, husky and he added - "I.. can't sleep without you, I miss you too much.." Dustin was holding onto Jay's pillow, and Jay realized he was breathing in his smell. He whispered, "...I.. lost your smell when I had to wash the pillowcase.." Tears welled up in his eyes, and Dustin whimpered.

They were just staring at each other again, and Jay said huskily, "I don't wanna sleep in our bed when your not beside me."

His tears slid down his face and Jay let his eyes close. Jay felt the soft exhale of Dustin's breath against his face, and then the cool soft stroke of his fingers - but when he opened his eyes? Dustin was still sitting in the same place.

Heat curled deep in his belly, and Jay growled softly, "How'd you do that.."

Dustin just let out a soft little breath, looking at him from under his lashes - and Jay felt the brush of his fingers, stroking against his face - Dustin's eyes looked like they had darkened to almost black - but they almost glowed with flames.

Jay felt his heart thump in his chest and Dustin buried his head in against the pillow - the muscles of his back were almost twitching, and Jay let out a soft exhale - Dustin's skin looked like it was glowing too, like candle light - but under his skin.

It was beautiful, Dustin lifted his head - and then he said softly, his voice all husky, "Elo Gigipah, Cro-Od-zi.., G-Macalz - Izizop."

Jay breathed out slowly, the words felt like a caress inside his head, and Jay knew it was Enochian - he could understand it in his head, "First breath, the beginning, presence - (Highest Vessels.)."

Jay just stared at Dustin, who let out a slow exhale and spoke again, "Ladnah laiad, Tal gon druxgraph - I, ladpil - Io-Iad." "Ark of knowledge and secrets, my heart, to you - is forever."

Jay didn't move closer, he just sat on the end of the bed as Dustin watched him.

"Lap L-o loncho, londo.." "I am the first fallen, from the Kingdom." Dustin let out a soft, little pained noise - "Locked away." His voice was hoarse and rough. Like he was in pain.

"Mirmic Pir." "Torment upon Holy ones." Dustin breathed the words out - still watching Jay from under his lashes.

Jay whispered, "Dustin.." He let out a soft exhale and then he murmured, "Micalz."

Dustin had tears streaming down his face and he whispered, "Ethar, Gon urmed vangraph gonmedvan." Jay felt like his heart was going to leap into his throat. "Brother,- I love you, mine heart - punished, I fell for you."

Jay heard what Dustin was saying - but how could that even be possible? Dustin was shaking, and he whispered again, "Iils Saisch, mica-olz - nidali nazps." "Thou, is Michael, your God's mighty sword."

Dustin curled his fingers in the pillow, and then he said softly - like he was tired, "Lonshin lsring, Ed-nas - ALLAR A-AI-OM, Emetgis emina - farzm." "Power stirs, receivers - placed amongst them, I heard you. Seal inside you - I can wake."

Jay just stared at Dustin - who was just staring at him. "Gon urmed vangraph gonmedvan." "I love you, mine heart." Dustin just stared at him, from under his lashes - and Jay said softly, "..I don't understand." Dustin's voice was raspy soft, "Yes.. yes you do. You've always known. We're the same."

Jay felt his stomach get all tight, "You even have the same words tattooed on your body. You said maybe you called out for me." Dustin whispered.

"Turns out you did." Dustin's voice was so soft.

Jay said softly - "But.. how is it possible."

Dustin said softly - "..Does it scare you? That it is?"

Jay shook his head, "No.. I just.. want to know how."

Dustin bit down on his bottom lip - and then he whispered, "...We can find answers." Jay nodded.

Dustin just stared at him, breathing out softly - and Jay crawled in closer - "...Does it upset you? Is that why you're so scared, how long have you known this?" He asked, his voice soft.

Dustin whispered, "No... no it..."

Jay knew he wanted to say more, but Dustin wasn't - he was holding back. He gently stroked his fingers into his hair and Jay said softly - "How did you speak in my head?"

Dustin whispered, "I didn't - you just heard what I was saying." He looked up at Jay, and Jay said softly, "We've always been like that, known what each other is thinking.." He gently stroked his fingers against Dustin's face, and Dustin's eyes fluttered closed, "...I."

He leaned in closer and whispered, "You what.. tell me my prince.." Jay saw how Dustin visibly trembled, and Dustin whispered, "You sing to me, a song that only we know." Tears welled up in Jay's eyes and Dustin whispered, "You know my heart, you just know me.. You are my Home, always. I don't know how to breathe without you."

The tears slid down Jay's face and Dustin whispered, "I love you in a way that has no words, it just... is."

Jay shifted and pulled Dustin into his arms. They curled up together, and Jay let out a soft exhale as Dustin's fingers brushed over his face - ghosting just like Jay did to him. "Faonts He Ethazi." "Peace song dwells within." Jay felt the warmth spread all through him, a gentle buzzing sensation and he felt so calm, and relaxed - and Dustin whispered, " Ozazm limlal." "My treasure."

Jay breathed out softly, and then he ghosted his fingers over Dustin's face, whispering "Ozazm limlal. My Sunshine."

Dustin whispered, "You can hear it.."

Jay nodded, and he murmured, "Do.. I do that to you, when I do that?"

"Yes.." Dustin whispered. "You sing to me..."

Jay cradled Dustin's head in his hands as he looked down at him. "So, you called me Saisch?.. Michael." Dustin nodded, and he whispered - "Yeah.. I think maybe Magda... just something she said to me. She.. said you were calling me, asked if I could hear you.." He just stared up at Jay, and he whispered - "...Jay."

His voice was husky soft, "Yeah? My sunshine boy, you're so beautiful.." Jay breathed out against Dustin's face and Jay murmured, "I think.. if I am ..Saisch, I must have followed you.. you said you fell for me...  I think I fell for you.." Dustin whimpered softly and Jay suddenly pulled Dustin into his lap and kissed him deeply.

Dustin clung to him and kissed him back, needy - holding onto him.

Jay whispered, "I told you, I'd worship you.. I'd worship at your alter.. I'd burn the whole fucking world down, for you.. I love you with my entire being.."

Dustin let out a shaky, harsh breath and he whispered - "I'm scared of how much I ...feel."

"I know.." Jay said softly, "But.. you feel that... I feel it too, I just want to love you. Protect you, like you want to do for me. You.. are afraid because you feel so much. But you don't have to be frightened my sweet prince."

Dustin whispered, "Scared because it hurts. Hurts so deep in my bones. I.. need you, need you to never let me go."

Jay whispered, "I need you too, and I don't ever want to let you go."

They stared at each other quietly and then Dustin whispered, "..We're... brothers."

Jay whispered back, "..I don't care." Dustin whispered, "Well our souls are." Jay murmured, "I wouldn't care even if our human bodies were.." Dustin blushed and he whispered, "Oh.."

Jay laid Dustin back and he murmured, "You're mine.." Dustin breathed out softly against Jay's face and he whispered, "I am, I'm yours.."

Jay stroked his fingers against Dustin's stomach, and Jay murmured - "And I'm yours.."

Dustin let out a soft little moan, he whispered "Shall we try and sleep? He sucked in his tummy as Jay stroked, his eyes fluttering closed.

Jay murmured, "Is that what you want... or do you want me to touch you.. do you.. want to touch me." He leaned in and then kissed him deep and slow, stroking his tongue into Dustin's mouth.

Dustin stroked his fingers down Jay's back, he broke the kiss - so he could pull Jay's shirt off. "Want.. this.." He whispered, and threw Jay's t-shirt away.

Jay smirked and he murmured, "Good.. I want this too.. God.. I need you.." He let out a soft little growl and then he leaned in, sucking against Dustin's stomach, as he started to tug his pants down. Pausing to suck against his hipbones.

"Fuck.. please.." Dustin whimpered softly, stroking his fingers against Jay's head. "Please Jay.."

Jay breathed out softly, and Dustin whispered - "Wait.."

They were staring at each other and then Dustin whispered - "Turn the big light off?"

Jay cradled his face, giving him a sweet kiss - and then he got off the bed, and turned the overhead light off. Jay breathed out softly, and then all the candles in the room suddenly flickered and they were lit.

Dustin looked at him and Jay murmured softly, "Hmm.. you look beautiful.."

Dustin pulled his shirt out of the back of his pants and threw it at him and Jay smirked and breathed in his smell. He dropped it on the floor and Dustin said softly, "You should take your pants off.."

Jay murmured, "Yeah... I should." He undid the buttons on his pants and shimmied out of them.

Dustin whispered - "Much better."

Jay smirked and he kicked his pants away, Dustin said softly - "You're so beautiful." He was shivering, and biting down on his bottom lip, watching Jay from under his lashes again.

"You're ridiculously gorgeous when you look at me like that." Jay said huskily as crawled back onto the bed - and he tugged Dustin's pants down all the way off.

Jay said huskily, "These pants...goddamn I wanna bite into your delicious ass.."

He growled and Dustin let out a breathless little laugh, "Oh yeah?"

Jay said huskily, "Yeah Mami, sweet juicy ass, like a little plump peach, I wanna bury my tongue inside your pussy and eat you all up.."

Dustin whimpered, and he gasped out, "Oh.. fuck..." Jay kissed him hungrily and Dustin whimpered into Jay's mouth, "You like it.. hmm when I call you Mami.." Dustin nodded, his cheeks pink, and Jay murmured - "You're absolutely gorgeous - tonight.. I wanted.. god I wanted to take you, make you mine - right there, I didn't care who saw - who was watching, fuck.. watching you with Steve, you were so beautiful..."

Dustin kissed him needy, stroking his tongue against Jay's and he whispered, "Watching you and Steve - god.. you're.. I forgot how beautiful it is.. I'm.. I'm sorry I got all crazy.." Jay sucked on Dustin's bottom lip, as he dragged his fingers against his bare legs.

"...So.. beautiful.." He leaned down and licked up the inside of his legs, sucking softly and then he murmured - "You don't have to apologize for your feelings, I'm sorry I made you crazy, we.. just have to make sure we all talk to each other.. you.. still want both of us.. don't you?"

Jay let out a deep moan as Dustin sucked on his fingers, and then bit down on them - breathing out shakily as he moaned, "Y-yes..." He stared up at Jay, and he curled his hand around his cock, stroking himself, watching Jay as he did - shamelessly whimpering, ".. I need.." He gasped out, his cock was hard - and wet with precum and Jay growled huskily - "You've been this hard, the entire time.. haven't you hmm... sweet Baby.."

Dustin whimpered, and stared up at him.. "Yeah.. yeah it hurts.." He moaned breathy and soft and Jay curled his hand around Dustin instead, slicking his hand as he spat down onto Dustin's cock - letting out a dirty, "Fuck.." As Dustin's cock twitched in his hand. He pumped his fist and Dustin rocked his hips up into his hand, "Jay..." He whimpered his name, and Jay moaned against his mouth, "You look so beautiful,  all needy and desperate.. fuck.. you've been driving me crazy all night.."

Dustin licked into Jay's mouth, and he gasped out - "I.. need.. I need to cum, it hurts.. fuck.."

Jay kissed him, dirty and slow - his tongue stroking Dustin's, possessive but it was torturously slow. He swallowed Dustin's moans, growled into the kiss - and then he held his hand still around Dustin's cock, feeling him get harder.

Dustin whined, moaning breathlessly - "Please.. please Jay.." He shifted, and breathed out against Dustin's face as he spat into his hand again and slicked up his cock, gripping it and then he thrust into Dustin, deep - slow and Dustin groaned out, "Fuck.. fuck yeah.. Jay.. oh.."

Dustin let out soft, breathy little noises - staring up at him, and Jay had to fight the urge to just pound into him hard. Dustin's lips were all swollen from their kisses - and he was still making those breathy little noises, and Jay curled his fingers around Dustin's throat - and Dustin grunted softly - leaning into his hand - clenching tight around Jay's cock.

"Fuck.." Dustin whimpered, and Jay moaned huskily, "You.. fucking like that.." He thrust deeper and Dustin panted, "Uh.. fuck.. yes.. yes I like it."

Jay had wanted to go slow, to take his time - but he knew, he knew that right now - Dustin didn't need or want that, he wanted Jay to take him - to possess him and pound him into oblivion. They could do sweet love making later. "Fuck.. me.." Dustin moaned breathlessly and Jay kissed him dirty and hungry - gripping Dustin's throat again as he thrust hard and deep into his tight ass. Groaning dirty - "How are you so perfect, so tight.. fuck your perfect.."

Dustin was trembling, his legs curled tight around him and he whimpered - "Harder, fuck.. fuck... more Jay...don't stop.. " Jay growled, and then he pulled out, making Dustin whimper - and Jay flipped Dustin over onto his belly, ass up he spanked him - making Dustin whimper again, and Jay kissed against his back, then he murmured against Dustin's ear, "I'm not going to Baby.'

He thrust back into Dustin, and held him in place as he rocked his hips, making Dustin take him - driving his hips forward, and holding Dustin's body, his cock hitting straight into his prostate.

They both groaned, Dustin because the angle was just right, and Jay because -  Dustin clenched vice tight - the warmth around his cock, perfect.

"Hmm fuck, sweet Baby .. shit.." Jay kept rocking his hips, driving himself deeper and Dustin was crying, whimpering and gasping out - "Yeah.... Jay - please.. please Jay." He was sobbing and not making any sense as he tried to talk, just going quiet - except for his sobs and soft breathless little grunts, and Jay kissed between his shoulders.

And then Jay slowed down, rocking his hips slowly - torturously slow, and he murmured against Dustin's ear, "I love you, my sweet baby..." Dustin whimpered, sweet little whimpers - and he gasped out, "I love you too, oh.. oh.. I love you so much."

Jay breathed out against Dustin's back, easing out of his slowly and then he kissed down his back, making Dustin whimper softly - and then he buried his tongue deep inside him, fucking him slowly with his tongue, making Dustin cry out again - clawing his fingers against the sheet.

Jay pulled back and Dustin breathed out shakily - Jay kissed up Dustin's spine and then he said huskily, next to Dustin's ear - "Roll over Baby boy." Dustin rolled over and Jay kissed him deep and slow, and he used his legs to spread Dustin's, pulling Dustin in close again.

He kissed Dustin feather soft - as he pushed inside him again, this time he kept his movements slow and torturous. Dustin stroked his fingers against Jay's back, whimpering sweetly against Jay's mouth, "Love you, I love you."

Jay took his time, building them both up till they were both desperate. Jay moaned against Dustin's mouth "I love you too, my beautiful Baby.. Just let go Baby boy, I got you." He curled his fingers against Dustin's hips, pulling him in flush - driving his cock deeper.

Dustin let out a shaky, breathless whimper, and Jay moaned against his throat, "My sunshine.." Dustin gasped out, "Don't stop, Jay..."

They kissed again, and Dustin moaned against Jay's mouth, "Please..." Jay's voice was raw, husky - "Please what.. tell me.. tell me what you want.." Dustin cried out as Jay thrust deeper, driving Dustin's hips up, "Please.." Dustin whimpered - their eyes were locked on each other, and Dustin whispered - "Love your eyes, I love when you look at me... You have golden light, stardust in your eyes - you're magick."

He was so breathless - so painfully beautiful and Jay whispered back, "Your creation beautified Death. Praise him, he is crowned my God." He breathed out against Dustin's mouth, and added - "When I.. made a sacrifice to you... to you - that's what I whispered into the flames. I know... I fucking know I called you, I know I did and I'm never letting you go."

Dustin's breath hitched, that fire like glow back in his eyes - "Jay..." Jay ghosted his fingers over his face, rocking into him again. Tears welled up and spilled down his cheeks - Dustin let out moan, clenching his body around Jay, his fingers stroking down Jay's back. Dustin panted soft against Jay's mouth - he whispered back, ""Qa an un, vovina teloch. Res-el moman Ror." "You the Sun, I the moon - together the truth."

Jay rocked his hips, slow and deep and Dustin's eye's fluttered closed - "Ozazm limlal." "My treasure." Jay whispered the words, and Dustin's breath hitched - he came between them, and Jay let out a soft moan, as Dustin stared up at him, so quiet - as bliss washed over his face. Jay curled his fingers against Dustin's legs, thrusting in once more and he let go his own orgasm making him moan deeply - Dustin curled his fingers against Jay's back and he whispered, "I.. love you.."

Jay murmured softly, "I love you too, my sweet dark Prince, my little Light.."

Dustin let out a soft noise - almost like a purr.

Jay smirked, kissing his jaw - and he whispered, "I love you so much, my treasure." Dustin was stroking his fingers feather light against his back and Jay kissed over his pulse, it was still erratic under his lips.

He looked down at Dustin, and Dustin said softly, "Do you love me?" His voice was so soft, too quiet.

Jay cradled his face in his hands - staring down at him. "Yes... yes I love you." They stared at each other, for what felt like forever - getting lost in each other. Dustin whispered, "I love you, I... love you more than anything.." His eyes closed and Jay could see the tears in his eyelashes. There's something he's not saying.

"What is it.. that's bothering you?" Jay asked softly, shifting them so Dustin was laying on top - but Jay stayed where he was, buried inside him.

Dustin just laid down, resting his head against his chest - curling his body around him and he stayed quiet. "Sunshine?" Jay murmured, sliding his fingers into Dustin's hair - he still wasn't answering him, but Dustin shivered - he buried his face in against Jay's neck, and he could feel his tears - feel the way he was trembling.

Dustin breathed out in a rush and Jay said softly, "Please.. please talk to me, you're so quiet... please."

"I... I'm tired." He whispered, and Jay stared up at the ceiling. He had an awful feeling in the pit of his stomach - deep in his bones that despite what they'd just shared, Dustin was still not one hundred percent back with him. Something just didn't feel quite right. Jay pulled the blanket up around them, wanting to make sure Dustin was warm. He felt Dustin's cold nose nuzzling him and Jay asked softly, "Do you love me?"

Dustin slotted his fingers into the space between his ribs, he replied softly - "Always."

Jay's eyes welled up, and he let out a soft exhale.

Dustin's lips softly brushed over his heart, and Dustin said softly - "I need, to feel you like this.. more, I need you...like this."

Jay curled his arms tighter and he said softly, "I love you, so much - you can have me as much as you want, always my dark prince.." Dustin was trembling, and Jay whispered - "You wanna go to sleep? He let out a soft little moan, as Dustin's heat clenched around his cock and he whispered, "Yes.. stay ...stay like this."

Jay remembered the first time they spent the night together, and he gently gripped Dustin's chin, making him look at him. "Just like the first time.."

Dustin's gaze lifted, and he whispered, "Uhuh.." He had tears in his eyes, in his lashes and Jay murmured, "Baby..." Dustin just breathed out all in a rush of air - tears sliding down his face again and he pressed his fingers against Jay's mouth, "Please.. not.. now? Just.. hold me. Just...please?" Dustin said softly. Too quiet.

Jay saw the fear in his eyes again, and he felt his stomach churn. He didn't know what Dustin wasn't saying, but it was real and it was terrifying him and Jay wanted to desperately take that fear away.

"Please... Jay.." He whispered again and then he buried his face against his chest, trying - Jay knew he was really trying not to cry.

Jay just held him, his voice raspy as he tried not to cry too. "Okay sweet Baby, it's okay..." Dustin held onto him like he was terrified that Jay was going to disappear. He curled his fingers into Dustin's hair - and he stared up at the ceiling.

Jay thought that maybe Steve could find out what was wrong - or that they could find out together.

Because Jay really didn't like seeing the fear in Dustin's eyes. It terrified him.  He let his eyes close, and breathed out slowly - Dustin was relaxing in his arms, and Jay knew it was because he was falling asleep. Jay heard him whimper softly, and then Dustin actually whimpered his name.

Jay stroked his fingers against Dustin's back and he whispered against his ear, "It's okay sweet Baby, I've got you." Jay let his eyes close, cradling Dustin's head he started to drift off - he was in that space between awake and asleep - and he heard Dustin whimper a different name, "Saisch..."

Hearing it - did something strange to Jay, it made him feel even more protective, it made him feel an ache deep inside him - he felt the coldness of Dustin's skin, and he frowned.

The candle's flickered - and Jay trailed his fingers against Dustin's back.

"Saisch, daolim ozazm." (Michael, sin with me..) Dustin whimpered the words and Jay kissed his temple again, he felt himself started to get hard again, and Jay whispered, "Fuck sake's." You're getting hard because he's dreaming about committing sin with you from another lifetime.

Jay watched his face, he had been having odd dreams when he had managed to sleep. Was Dustin having dreams too? 

"No.. no.. you can't take him." Dustin whimpered.

Jay brushed his mouth against Dustin's temple and he whispered, "Ssh my prince, I'm here.. I'm here." That seemed to settle him, Dustin made a soft, sweet little noise and then he went quiet again.

Jay shifted a little, and made an attempt to ease himself out of Dustin, "No.. no..' Dustin whimpered and then he was holding onto Jay and pulling him back in, breathing out against Jay's throat as he said sleepily, "Mine.. mine!"

Jay breathed out in a rush, his fingers gently dug into Dustin's hips, and Dustin let out a soft little moan right next to his ear as he rocked his hips - making Jay get harder, and he let out a soft, dirty little, "Fuck.. hmm you're riding me in your sleep."

Dustin moaned sleepily, "Mine.." Jay smiled, and he whispered, "Yours.." He stroked his fingers against Dustin's back, and Dustin nuzzled his neck, clenching around him and Jay let his eyes close - he didn't stop Dustin, his eyes closed Jay let out a soft moan and Dustin said sleepily, "Stay.. stay, Saisch.." Jay felt his cock twitch and he whispered, "Stay.." Dustin shivered, and he curled his fingers against Jay's side, moaning softly, "Mine.."

Jay tilted his head, and he nuzzled Dustin's cheek. "Love, you..my brother." Dustin mumbled it sleepily, and Jay held him tight - heat washed through him and Jay tried not to think to much about how that made his cock get harder. I am a dirty bitch.

Dustin curled his fingers, slotting them into the space between his ribs again. But he kept rocking his hips - and Jay had his eyes closed - but he felt Dustin breathe against his mouth, when he opened his eyes - Dustin was staring down at him, sleepy - but awake.

Jay kissed him, licking at his mouth - and Dustin moaned softly, letting him in and deepening the kiss. They kissed, and chased each other - leaving them breathless, and Dustin pulled back, staring down at him as he rocked his body and rode Jay slowly.

Dustin took Jay's hands and he kissed his fingers - then he stared down at him as he placed them on his hips. Jay moaned huskily, "God damn you're.. so beautiful.. ride me.. yeah.. that feels.. really good.."

Dustin moaned as Jay held his hips, he curled his fingers over Jay's hands, and let his eyes roll back - "I .. love you.." He moaned, his voice all soft and breathy and Jay gripped his hips a little tighter, "I love you too my sweet Sunshine.." Jay's voice was wrecked, he just watched his beautiful boy - as he arched his body, and stared down at him again.

Jay felt like he was covered in goosebumps - shivers through his body, and Dustin moaned softly - "You feel so good, so good.." He was biting down on his lip, and Jay lifted himself up - he lifted Dustin a little in his lap, and then gripping his hips angled them so he hit into Dustin's prostate. It made Dustin cry out, and he cradled Jay's head in his hands, panting softly against his mouth.

They moved together and Jay said huskily, "You gonna cum for me? Huh?" Dustin stroked his fingers against Jay's face, whispering breathily - "Yes..."

Jay laid Dustin back the other way, taking his hands - he pinned them above his head, and Dustin moaned, interlacing their fingers - Jay rocked his hips, and Dustin's eyes fluttered closed - "Let me hear you.." Jay moaned against Dustin's mouth, "Let me hear you Baby..." Dustin let out a shaky, whimper and Jay growled out - "Let me hear you.. c'mon.."

Jay thrust his hips, his cock hitting into Dustin's prostate, and Dustin cried out - his vision whiting out, as pleasure slammed through his body - "Yeah.. that's it.. scream out for me.." Jay sucked against Dustin's neck, biting down - he let go of Dustin's arms. 

Dustin curled them against his back, arching his hips - and Dustin dragged his nails  down Jay's back - making Jay groan deeply, Dustin was crying out every time Jay slammed into him, curling his legs and whimpering - "Don't.. stop.. don't stop!"

Jay sucked hard against Dustin's neck as he came, rocking his hips through it - and Dustin was a wreck, breathless and crying - whimpering as he came between them. They were both sweaty and shaking, the muscles in Jay's arms twitching. He laid down against Dustin - Dustin's heart was pounding in his chest. Jay let his eyes close, the both of them coming back down to earth - he was trying to catch his breath, Dustin was still crying - sobbing quietly, one of his arms now, covering his face.

"Hey... hey Baby.." Jay's voice was wrecked, he shifted - knowing that Dustin didn't like it when he pulled out straight away, but he needed too - Dustin was really crying.

He pulled out, and Dustin's sobbing got louder, he was struggling to breathe - "Baby... sweet Baby.."

Jay pulled him in close, cradling him into his body - "It's okay, I got you.." His voice soft, and Dustin breathed out harshly - Jay rubbed his back, soothing strokes with his fingers.

"I love you, hmmm it's okay my Sunshine." Jay took Dustin's arm away from his face - his beautiful boy had his eyes closed - and Dustin was still struggling to breathe.

"Hey.. breathe with me.. I got you Baby boy.." His voice soothing, and he gently exhaled - then ghosted his fingers over Dustin's face, Dustin instantly calmed - and Jay breathed out again. "That's it Baby.." He murmured, gently wiping his tears away. Dustin was breathing with him, soft - shaky little breaths. But much calmer.

Dustin made a sweet little noise, as Jay kissed him softly - brushing his cheek.

He realized how pale he was - and Jay said softly, "Okay now my Sunshine?" Dustin nodded, but he didn't say anything - Jay kissed him softly, and Dustin's eyes fluttered but he kept them shut - his cheeks flushing as he blushed. "You are so beautiful.." Jay said softly, "Sweet Baby."

Dustin snuggled in closer, he was still trembling - and Jay stroked his cheek, gently gripping his chin he tipped Dustin's head a little and then peppered his face with kisses.

He opened his eyes and Jay whispered, "Hi.." Dustin whispered back, "Hi.." Jay nuzzled his nose against Dustin's and Dustin's blush deepened, he let his eyes close and Jay murmured softly - "Did I kills you this time?" He smiled, a soft little smile and Dustin whispered back, "Uhuh... yeah." His voice all breathy as he looked at Jay from under his lashes.

Jay kissed the top of his lip, and Dustin's eyes closed. Jay laid back and Dustin curled up into his side. He let out a soft little exhale - and then he said softly, "I need to get a glass of water." Jay watched him get up, and he propped himself up against the pillows.

Dustin left the bedroom, and Jay lit a cigarette - he smoked it lazily - blowing smoke rings, Dustin came back and then laid down beside him - they shared the smoke, and Dustin was being too quiet again.

His hands were shaking as he handed the smoke back to Jay. "...I think I'm going to go home." He said quietly, and Jay felt his stomach tighten up - "I.. I'm just going to keep you up all night, not being able to sleep." Dustin wasn't looking at him as he said it.

Jay took another drag on the cigarette - "You are home." He murmured, and Dustin's back tensed up - he didn't look at him, he just reached for his pants and started pulling them on.

"Why... are you doing this?" Jay asked, trying to keep his voice calm - trying to keep it steady.

Dustin pulled his shirt on and then he pulled his hair into a messy bun and tied it back then he said quietly, "...I will see you later okay."

Jay growled out, "Will you fucking look at me? Jesus Christ what the fuck are you doing?" Dustin didn't bother putting his boots on, he just picked them up - along with his jacket and Jay stood up, he blocked Dustin's path, staring down at him.

"Fucking talk to me!" He was still trying to stay calm - but Dustin wouldn't talk, he wasn't even looking at him.

He was angry - not able to control it, or hide it. Jay yelled, "Fucking talk to me?"

Dustin just kept his head down, "Can you move out the way." His voice soft. He flinched when Jay yelled at him.

"What the fuck is wrong.. you can't just leave?" Jay was still yelling, he gripped Dustin's throat and slammed him up against the wall - "Will you fucking look at me? Tell me what is wrong - talk to me.. something!"

Dustin let out a shaky exhale, then he whispered, "We.. can't do this anymore."

"What?" Jay breathed out sharply, "What the hell are you talking about? What do you mean we can't do this anymore." His voice cracked - "You.. we just.." He realized that Dustin was trembling, that he had him pinned to the wall by his throat - Jay let go, stepping back.

"I told you, I told you I can't and you didn't want to listen. I told you."  Dustin whispered - and then he pushed past Jay - taking his car keys - he slammed the trailer door behind him, and Jay just stared after him - hearing the deep rumbling of the mustangs engine as Dustin drove away.

Jay felt like he'd just had the ground ripped out from under his feet. The air punched from his lungs. I told you, I told you I can't and you didn't want to listen. I told you. He blew all the candles out - leaving him in darkness, and then Jay crawled back into the bed - he didn't cry, he just laid there - not really sure that what happened was even real.

He was still laying there - just staring into space when the sun came up, he hadn't moved - Jay eventually got up and took a shower - he stripped the bed off, and then he trashed the room - punching his fist through the wall - till he was so exhausted he could barely stand up, and he sank to the floor and then cried - he cried till he couldn't cry anymore. What the hell happened?

Chapter Text

Steve raked his fingers through his hair, when he pulled up at Jay's - he was a little surprised to find only Jay's truck parked outside. He frowned a little, wondering why Dustin's car wasn't there - but then he thought maybe the two of them had gone somewhere together.

He climbed out of his truck though - and knocked on the door, there was no answer - and Steve lit a cigarette, taking a drag and he figured he'd wait for them to come back. He sat on the steps - and then he heard the door open behind the screen. He stood up and Jay said hoarsely, "The fuck do you want."

Jay looked like hell - and Steve flicked his smoke away - "What.. the hell happened?" His voice was soft, and Jay growled at him - "Fuck off Steve, just.. fuck off.." He tried to shut the door, but Steve managed to stop him from doing it - pushing his way inside, and Jay backed up - leaning against the opposite wall.

Steve shut the door and then he said softly, "What happened?" Jay just stared at him, and then he said, "I don't fucking know.. and I.. don't care." He shook his head and then went to fridge - Steve watched him take a beer out, Jay unscrewed the cap and then threw it in the sink. He gave Steve a dark look and muttered, "Fuck off."

Jay went and sat on the sofa, and Steve followed him. "What do you mean you don't know - and you don't care, you left last night and everything was fine wasn't it?" Jay was just sitting there with his eyes closed, head tilted towards the ceiling - "Apparently not?!" He snorted and then just glared at his bottle of beer.

Steve flopped down beside him and then took the beer, having a swig and then he set it down on the coffee table. "Wanna stop being an asshole and tell me what happened?" Steve asked.

"No.." Jay growled back. He licked his lips a little and then grabbed the beer back and swallowed it down in a few gulps. Then he looked at Steve, and shifted into his lap - straddling him he said, "Do you wanna keep talking, or do you want me to fuck you.."

Steve just stared at him, and Jay smirked - "What... was that?" Steve breathed out slowly, and he mumbled softly "You're drunk, its like ten in the morning.. I don't think..." Jay growled, "Shut the fuck up Steve."

He tangled his fingers into Steve's hair and kissed him deeply, stroking his tongue and Steve let out a soft moan - his fingers digging into Jay's hips, and Jay licked against his throat and then tugged Steve's shirt off - throwing it behind him.

"Jay.. hmm fuck.. slow down.." Steve's voice was all husky and soft, and Jay muttered, "I don't want too... why are you still talking, just fucking touch me.. Jesus.."

"Shit..." Steve moaned as Jay undid his jeans, then he licked his hand - spitting against it, then he slid it into Steve's pants and started stroking him. "Fuck.. you have such a pretty cock - do you want me to suck your cock pretty boy..." Jay whispered it against Steve's mouth and he stroked him slowly, making Steve moan.

Steve had tilted his head back and Jay licked against his throat, "Jay..." Steve moaned softly, and then he kissed Jay hungrily, all possessive and Jay moaned into his mouth, stroking his thumb over the tip of Steve's cock. 

Steve suddenly pulled Jay's hand out of his pants, and Jay breathed out hot against Steve's face - they just stared at each other and then Steve said huskily, "You're fucked up, I don't think you should be doing this right now... You're not okay, I want you to talk to me and tell me what happened."

Jay's eyes welled up with tears and then he gripped Steve's throat, growling against his mouth - "Fuck you... I don't want to talk about it... fuck you!" He slapped Steve's face, not really with any malice and then got off his lap. Steve pulled his shirt back on, licking his lips a little.

He breathed out shakily, and then got up - he tugged his shirt back on and then he went into the kitchen to get another beer and Steve got up, moving in closer and he murmured against Jay's ear, "C'mere.." He pulled Jay in close - putting the beer back in the fridge before Jay could open it and then he curled his arms around him.

Jay breathed out harshly, "Stop.." He managed to get out - and Steve said softly, "Wanna come back to my place? Get outta here for a bit? I'll get you some nuggy's? We can smoke up - just relax.. you don't have to tell me anything."

Jay rest his head against Steve's chest - and he said softly, "Fucking asshole pretty boy.." Steve gently gripped his chin and he murmured, "Sound like a good idea?" Jay just stared at Steve, who stroked his fingers over Jay's head - and he let his eyes close.

"Yeah." He said softly, "Hmmm good, c'mon then." Steve replied.

Steve slid his hand down and interlaced their fingers - then he pulled Jay with him and Jay got into Steve's truck. Once Steve was in - he started up the engine, and Jay rubbed his hand over his head again. Steve said nothing as Jay held Steve's hand again. But he did gently stroke his thumb over Jay's hand. 

***

Jay was sprawled on the sofa - stoned and restless.

Steve was crunching on potato chips and throwing the odd one at Lucas who was stoned too and not really watching the lame assed movie that Steve had  brought home - "This is the lamest fucking movie Steve.." Lucas snorted and Steve looked at him - "Well nobody said you had to stay and watch it Sinclair.." He crunched on more chips, chewing with his mouth open and Lucas said, "Gross dude shut your mouth when you chew."

"Uh.. no? This is my house - my rules, little fuck face." Steve muttered, and Jay actually smirked.

Lucas looked at him and then he said, "...Uh..so can I ask you guys some advice?" 

Steve put the bag of chips down, wiping his hands on his jeans. "Sure, ask away.." He let out a huge burp and Lucas gave him a disgusted look. "Jay... can I ask you some advice?" Jay lifted himself up, "Sure thing.." He made a face of his own as Steve let a fart rip. "Jesus what are you?" He asked, and Lucas snickered.

"...A human? With human.. noises?" Steve snorted, "I'm gonna get a drink? You two assholes want anything?" He asked and Jay shook his head, "Nah.. I'm good."

Lucas said, "I'll have whatever you have."

Steve was covering one eye up, "Okay..." He walked off to the kitchen, and Lucas said - "The hell is up with that?"

Jay snickered, "Covering one eye - helps him to see better." Lucas just looked at him and Jay shrugged, "So he says anyway." 

Lucas laughed and then he shifted closer to Jay, sitting in front of him. "So.. um, you're into guys - I don't know why I said that. Fuck.."

Jay just patted Lucas' shoulder, smirking as he said - "Yes Lu. I'm very gay."

Lucas laughed, "Yeah I know - .. uh.. so I've kissed this guy a couple of times. I liked it but freaked out.. and well I .. I mean I don't think I'm gay because I still really like girls." 

Jay said, "Okay? and so.. what are you asking me."

Lucas breathed out softly - "We were kinda hanging out - and we were high, like.. we'd taken ecstasy - I was making out with Max, and.. then she was making out with El.. and I kissed him - but he freaked out, probably because the last time I kissed him I punched him. But... how do you I mean is it the same as asking out a girl? Do you just ask them out - or.. what?"

Jay just stared at Lucas and he said, "...So you're bisexual?"

Lucas looked at him - "I have no idea? He's the only guy I've ever kissed." 

Steve came back in with two beers - handing one to Lucas, "You kissed a guy?"

Lucas looked at Steve - "Yeah."

Steve grinned and then screw the cap off his beer - "Cool and now your asking Uncle Jay for advice."  

Jay looked at Steve, "You're such an asshole." He laughed though and Steve smirked, "You still wanna kiss me though.." He just stared at him and Jay licked his lips a little, and then he turned his attention back to Lucas.

"I've never asked out a chick - you might wanna direct any female related questions to him - but as far as asking out a guy? It's no different, you just ask him out - but.. if he freaked out, maybe.. its not such a good idea.." Jay went quiet and then he laid back down - staring up at the ceiling.

Both Lucas and Steve were watching him - he could feel their eyes on him. 

"He freaked out last night and took off." Jay said quietly.

"Dustin?" Lucas asked and Jay looked at him. "No Michael Jackson - yes of course I'm talking about Dustin."  

Lucas frowned, "Hmm. Why'd he freak out." He asked sipping his beer.

"I dunno." Jay said softly. 

Steve had curled his hand against Jay's ankle and he was rubbing it under the leg of Jay's sweatpants. He wasn't really paying attention to the movie - he was watching Jay quietly, and Jay said, "Keep going.."

Steve smirked and then he put his cold bottle against his leg, "You asshole that's fucking cold.." Jay growled and Steve just bit the air and then smirked.

Jay laughed softly, even though Steve had been drinking - he was still in a good mood, he stroked his fingers again and then he looked at Lucas. 

"Who's the guy you wanted to ask out?" His eyes dark as he watched Lucas. Lucas scratched his neck - "Andy."

Jay had already guessed that's who it was - but Steve raised an eyebrow, and then he turned his attention back to the television. Jay gave him a little kick - and Steve looked at him.

Lucas was watching them both and he said, "What? Your doing what my parents do - you're having an eye conversation.. stop it- its fucking weird."

Jay looked at Lucas, but it was Steve that said - "Andy has a thing for Dustin.. so.. maybe that's why he freaked out." Steve's voice had an edge to it, and Lucas just stared at him - "Dustin told me last night that I should stop being a pussy and go dance with him."

Jay said, "Maybe Steve's just being jealous.. ignore him." Lucas shook his head - "I know that Steve gets all weird and obsessed - but I already told you guys I thought Andy had a thing for him. So maybe Steve's not so far off... He didn't seem to mind dancing with him last night.. It's fine I'll just back off."

Steve threw a potato chip at Lucas - "Well.. you were making out with Max and El too - so..." Lucas shrugged, "I don't know - I think it was just because we were all high - it was just a lot of kissing. It was really, fucking hot though.." Lucas took another swig of his beer. "But .. Jay you were right though, because tomorrow Dustin asked me to meet him for coffee.. he's going to get a tattoo done."

Jay stared up at the ceiling and then he leaned in and gave Lucas a kiss on the forehead - "I told you, said you'd fix things - rule of law." He stared up at the ceiling and then he rest his arm over his face. 

"Want me to take you home Lu or do you wanna crash in the spare room." Lucas laughed, "If you guys wanna be alone - I can leave, if you wanna suck face."

Steve growled, "Lucas. Behave." 

Lucas snickered softly and he said, "Well... I mean you both can do whatever you want right? You're not technically with Dustin - so... you know.." Jay breathed out softly, it hurt to hear that - "I need some air.." He muttered, getting up - Jay put his hood up and then he headed outside, laying down in the lounger - he lit a cigarette and took a drag.

"Nice work Lu, Jesus..." Steve growled at him, and Lucas said, "Sorry ... I didn't mean to upset Jay - I mean.. Dustin's all over the place.. doesn't know what he wants. He was all over him and you last night and then he takes off?"

"You don't know what happened, stop bad mouthing Dustin - you're only doing that because Andy wants in his pants and your fucking jealous." Steve snapped at him and Lucas ducked his head.

"Stop being a little bitch - you said you want to make it up, then stop bad mouthing your friend." Steve got up, and said - "Go crash in the spare room."

Lucas stared at Steve, "Okay." Steve breathed out softly, and then he muttered, "Stop being an asshole - you're giving yourself a bad rep man."

Lucas whispered, "I'm sorry Steve." Steve muttered - "Just, think before you say shit like that - especially in front of the two people that love him." Lucas bit on his bottom lip and Steve shook his head - giving him a cuddle. "Fucking punk ass."

Steve stepped outside and then moved over to Jay, "Hey.. hmm you okay?" He asked softly.

Jay's gaze landed on Steve - and he shrugged - Steve took Jay's smoke and had a drag, then he gave it back.

Steve said softly, "Wanna crash out here tonight?"

Jay said, "You know I'm not gonna sleep.." He flicked the smoke into the tin beside them and then Steve moved in closer, "Well we don't have to sleep."

Jay murmured, "Oh.. so you're asking me to stay over with you?"

"Well the spare room is taken, so..." Steve breathed out soft against Jay's mouth and he whispered - "Yeah.. a sleepover. We can do each others hair.."

Jay laughed softly, and Steve smirked - "Talk about boys.. eat ice cream." Jay slid his fingers into Steve's hair and he tugged gently, "You're an asshole.." Jay said softly.   

Steve murmured, "I know.. so are you.." Jay tugged Steve down, and he murmured, "Pretty boy.." 

Steve kissed him, hungrily - all possessive and Jay tugged Steve in closer, Steve growled soft in his throat and he curled his arms around Jay's neck.

"So.. wanna stay over?" His voice was all husky soft, and Jay murmured, "Yeah." Steve nipped softly against Jay's jaw, "Good then you don't have to be alone with the shit in your head." He kissed Jay's temple and Jay curled his fingers against Steve's throat - brushing his thumb over Steve's pulse.

"He... we..." Jay let his eyes close - "He was too quiet, the whole time, he... freaked out, told me that I'm like him - the.. fallen thing, but then he said he wasn't freaked out about that. I don't.. fuck I don't know what he was freaked out about he wouldn't tell me Steve. But he was too quiet... like that morning when you told him it was over. He was like that. We.. he told me some things... really.. I.. and then he just fucking left."

Jay breathed out shakily, tears sliding silently down his face, his voice raw - "I'm.. I got pissed off, I probably freaked him out more.. he was too vulnerable, I shouldn't have pushed. We...I made love to him and he freaked out."

Steve murmured softly, "He said you're like him?"

Jay opened his eyes and he whispered, "He was speaking, and I could understand every word - I can't explain it, I just - with me and him, its just..."  Steve said huskily, "It's different.. he told me, hmm... he told me that he was scared Jay, scared of how much he feels - said he didn't want to hurt me, I think he thought I'd get upset, think he didn't love me - but he said that the way he loves you is different. That it terrifies him, that you are Home in a way that nothing else ever has been."

Steve had tears in his eyes, and Jay whispered - "He said that?"

Steve murmured, "Yeah Baby, he said that.. I don't know what was in his head when he was with you last night... all I know is that our Baby boy, he.. thinks that if he pushes us away - he'll somehow survive being on his own. I thought I could do that too, you know that - I literally don't know how to exist without him."

Jay let out a soft exhale, realizing that Steve had called him Baby. 

"I think you're the only one that hasn't tried to run off at this point." Steve said softly. "I know you're hurting, just.. I mean you said that you made love to him... you know he loves you, you know it. Just because he ran away - just because he said he couldn't - doesn't mean that you're not going to ever. He's just going through some shit, maybe he needs to figure it out - we'll help him. He'll come back to you Baby, because he's your Sunshine."

Jay said softly, "Steve?"

Steve murmured, "Yeah Baby?"

Jay leaned in closer and he said softly, "You've just called me Baby, like.. three times."

Steve kissed him softly and then he murmured, "Well I can still call you asshole if you want me too." He smirked, "Or.. fairy boy.."

"Asshole Pretty boy.." Jay laughed softly, and then he kissed Steve - deep and slow, and Steve moaned softly into Jay's mouth - Steve murmured softly, "I miss your hair.."

Jay smirked, "Oh yeah?"

Steve said huskily, "Yeah.. miss being able to grab hold of it.." Jay tugged on Steve's and Steve moaned softly, "Yeah.. like that.." 

Jay stroked his fingers against Steve's scalp and he said softly, "Wanna go to bed?" 

Steve whispered, "Yeah.. do you want me to hump you?"

Jay smirked and he licked at Steve's mouth, stroking his tongue against Steve's as they kissed - and Jay tugged Steve over the top of him as they kept kissing, Steve said breathlessly, "Is that a yes?" Jay sucked on Steve's bottom lip and then he murmured softly, "Do you want me to hump you pretty boy.."

He pushed Steve's hair out of his face, and then he whispered - "Hump your sweet pussy.."

Steve bit down on Jay's bottom lip and he whispered, "Yeah.. yeah I want you to hump.. me." He went red as he blushed and Jay kissed both of his cheeks. "So fucking pretty.."

"You get all shy on me and fuck.. It makes me crazy, you're too fucking pretty - those eyes, all dark and sweet.. blushing cheeks." Jay growled softly - "You want me.. hmm? Want me to make you moan for me.. pretty boy.."

Steve breathed out hot against his face and he said softly, "Yeah.. I do, I want you to make me moan.. and you're gorgeous, fucking ridiculous.." 

Jay whispered, "You think so?"

Steve murmured, "Definitely.. Have you seen yourself? Jesus Christ.."

They both laughed softly, Jay could actually feel himself blushing - and Steve said softly, "How are you so blonde, but have such dark long eyelashes.. your eyelashes are ridiculous. The girls are all jealous of your eyelashes you know."

Jay laughed softly, and he murmured, "I have no idea - I look nothing like my parents."

They both looked at each other. And as Jay stared at Steve he suddenly whispered, "They might not be my parents." He got a weird clenching tightness in his stomach, and Steve must have seen him freak out.

Steve said softly, "...If that's true - Baby they were cunts anyway, not your family - we.. all of us, we're your family now.."

Jay felt his eyes burn - and he whispered, "Fucking asshole pretty boy, stop ..making me cry."

Steve murmured softly, "But its true though... you've become a part of our family, everyone loves you." He gently stroked his fingers over Jay's head.

Jay whispered, "..Everyone loves me.'

Steve brushed his mouth, over Jay's pulse and he whispered, "Yeah... everyone loves you."

Jay slid his arms around Steve - his fingers sliding up into the back of his hair. "I...love everyone too." Jay murmured softly, and Steve was suddenly kissing him again.

Jay let out a soft groan, kissing Steve back - Steve's tongue stroked the roof of his mouth, he sucked on Jay's bottom lip and he murmured, "Lets... go upstairs.."

Jay stroked his fingers against Steve's back, and he tugged Steve in closer - his voice husky as he said, "Shall we reheat up our food?."

Steve breathed out softly, "And smoke up?." Jay murmured, "Yeah, watch a movie in bed?."

Steve smiled and he whispered back, "Sounds good, have our sleep over.." 

He kissed Jay again, and Jay let Steve tug him to his feet. "Steve?" He said softly, Steve looked at him - "Yeah Baby.." He looked at him, those big brown eyes made Jay's stomach all warm, "You want me to stay over?." 

"Yeah I do." He replied, like it was the easiest thing in the world. "Oh.." Jay said softly.

Steve brushed his fingers over Jay's head, and then he smirked - "I'm still not sharing my shoes with you again. You can keep your fucking boots asshole."

Jay laughed and Steve tugged him in closer, "I will share my clothes with you though.." 

Jay said softly, "Yeah? Why's that.." 

Steve said softly, "Because I love the way you smell..." He buried his face in against Jay's throat and then murmured against his ear, "Makes me crazy."

Jay smirked, "Well you smell like cinnamon scrolls I literally think Sunshine wants to eat you." They both laughed and then Steve murmured softly, "I went from hating you, to... hating not having you around.." 

They both went quiet, and Jay said softly - "I.. got a secret."

Steve breathed out softly, "Hmm?"

Jay murmured, "I liked winding you up... getting under your skin and pissing you off. I really liked it - and knowing you were getting jealous, I liked that too. I wanted to leave my mark on him.. just to piss you off.. He wanted me to do it too.. he liked driving you crazy too."

Steve growled softly, "I wanted to rip your fucking throat out with my teeth.. but.. I.. liked it too."

They both went quiet again, and then they both said at the same time, "He knew we liked each other."

Jay laughed softly, and Steve muttered, "He knew we were both obsessed with him. Little shit."

Jay kissed Steve and he murmured, "That night I told you he got all hot and bothered - he asked me why I didn't get mad and I told him he could close his eyes and pretend I was you.." 

Steve breathed out heavily, and Jay murmured, "He was so turned on.. he melts whenever you fucking touch him.. its so fucking sexy. You're sexy as hell pretty boy... especially when you get all pissed off an psycho over Sunshine."

Steve murmured, "He's sexy as fuck too.. little psycho."

"You.. hmm.. I haven't seen you unleash your dark side.." Steve whispered it against Jay's mouth, "But.. I know that you got one, I think you're hiding him away... and you're dark and dangerous like Baby boy."

Jay exhaled softly and Steve stroked his finger against Jay's scar on his head. "...You do, don't you." Jay bit softly against Steve's bottom lip. "...I didn't wind up in Juvi for nothing pretty boy."

Steve murmured, "I see little glimpses sometime, but.. what'd you do."

Jay looked at Steve, his voice husky as he said -"I told you I set fire to my ex's house with him in it. But that's not all I did - I was involved with a pretty fucked up bunch of people.. into dark shit. I was.. into dark shit. Did rituals, magick."

Steve pulled Jay up with him and they went upstairs to his bedroom - they could hear the television in the spare room, Steve locked the door once they were in his bedroom.

"So you were into all that occult stuff - like Eddie?" Steve asked as he sat on the bed.

Jay nodded - "I guess you could say that me an Eddie had a lot in common." He sat beside Steve and then he showed Steve his wrist, the Enochian tattooed over his scar. "I sacrificed my blood in a ritual to call for protection, but.. I think it.." He let out a soft breath as Steve took hold of his hand, stroking his fingers over the tattoo, "It called Dustin." He said softly.

Jay's eyes welled up and he whispered, "Yeah.. this.. whole thing is.. its too real for it not to be real."

Steve nodded, "But you're more entwined than you even thought." His voice was soft and he said - "You tried to kill yourself?"

Jay said quietly, "Yes - but it was still a ritual Steve. I rebelled against my parents, I didn't want to be a part of their so-called religion. I didn't believe in their god, their beliefs. How could I when they hated everything I was - you've seen my back. He tortured me because he thought I was evil. When it was them - they were evil. I found .. peace and safety with something else."

"Are you a witch? Is that even the right word?" Jay smiled a soft little smile, "It's not really that - well I guess it kind of is. But I thought this whole time that I was just drawn to the occult and all that stuff because I had been rebelling - turns out it was something else entirely. I'm not sure how its even really possible. But if I am.. who Dustin says I am.. then I don't know how that even is possible - he still hasn't really told me how its possible that he is who he is.. he.. I mean we broke up and.." 

Steve rest his forehead against his - "I think this has all freaked him out - maybe its not all just to do with this, look... Dustin's been struggling for a really long time. He told me that he doesn't know how to connect to me, and to the gang like he used too. But he said that he felt connected to you, that it scared him. I... don't know why he freaked out so bad, but.. just don't - try not to get to much in your head Jay, you know that he loves you." 

Jay breathed out softly, and he slid his fingers into the back of Steve's hair. "I've.. been having really weird fucking dreams when I do sleep.." He said softly, "I just can't remember them when I wake up."

Steve laid down, bringing Jay with him. "You're tired.." Steve said softly, stroking his fingers against Jay's stomach, curling an arm around him.

Jay mumbled softly, "Yeah I am." Steve nuzzled his head, and he murmured, "Close your eyes Baby." 

He closed his eyes, and Steve said softly, "What are you dreams about..."

Jay whispered, "...Sunshine. But.. he's taken away and I can't stop it. It scares me so bad, I wake up all sweaty and panicked - I can't remember everything."

Steve was kissing the back of his neck, and Jay murmured, "He.. called me Michael."

Steve said softly, "Like the archangel Michael?" Jay nodded, "I think so - but.. he called me Saisch.. it's Michael in angel language."

"It's pretty.. what's Dustin's.." Steve murmured, "I know what it is in English.."

Jay murmured, "Oh? Tell me.."

Steve whispered, "Lucifer." 

Jay rolled over to face him, "Did he tell you that?" He asked.

Steve shook his head, "No... I just know. What is it in angel language?"

Jay stroked his fingers against Steve's face, "Micalz." They both breathed out softly, and Steve kissed Jay softly - "So.. it's.. I mean if you're Michael, and he's Lucifer... you're brothers?"

Jay murmured, "Yeah."

Steve said quietly - "Isn't Michael supposed to fight Lucifer in the end - and throw him back in the pit?"

They both just looked at each other and then Jay said quietly, "Does Dustin know about mainstream religion?"

Steve said quietly, "Well he's a fucking genius - I think he'd know a lot of shit about everything."

The both smiled, and Steve said, "I know his Mom's not religious.. like she's never been a church goer. I don't think her and Dustin have ever been to church." 

Jay said - "Have you?"

"Nah.. I just know weird random shit too." Steve laughed softly, and he murmured - "I... know that Lucifer fell from Heaven after rebelling against God - and took a bunch of Angels with him. But Michael is supposed to be God's sword, , his Holy Warrior that's gonna kick his ass and put him back in the pit... Mind you that's just mainstream - I don't know the real story?"

Jay breathed out softly, "Yeah.. but.. if he does know that story - do you think it might have freaked him out? He called me that too, God's sword."  

Steve said quietly, "Yeah it might have? But anything we come up with could be, and might not be anything - ya know?"

They laid there quietly again, and then Steve brushed his fingers over Jay's tattoo, "What does it mean?" He said softly. 

"Light bearers kingdom on earth." Jay murmured.

"And he's the Light bearer.." Steve whispered against Jay's ear. 

He nodded, and Steve said softly - "Jay.." Their eyes met and Steve said softly, "I.. love you."

Jay let out a soft exhale, and then he murmured, "I love you too pretty boy." 

Steve said softly, "You do?" He gently gripped Jay's chin, and brushed his lips softly against Jay's. 

"Yeah.. I do I.. didn't want to at first, I mean I told you.. I liked getting you all riled up.." Jay's voice was all rough and husky, "Fuck I think maybe I did, maybe I'm full of shit and I was crushing on you as well and I just didn't know it - fuck.."

Jay breathed out shakily against Steve's face. "But I do I mean it.. I still felt jealous, that you were able to touch him and I couldn't.. but.. it was different."

"I know what you mean.." Steve said softly, "The.. that night, I .. just thought you and Dustin, together you were beautiful... so pretty. I could see how good you were for him. I.. didn't hate you anymore, I just knew that you were perfect for him, that you made him happy. You just.. when he's with you, its.. beautiful."

"I think that about you and him." Jay said softly, "It makes me ache, makes me want both of you." 

"Yeah?, yeah.. fuck me too." Steve murmured, "Makes me crazy in a completely different way. Anyone else looks at him and I wanna rip their face off." Jay smirked and he kissed Steve, sucking on his bottom lip, "Someone like Andy.." 

Steve growled, "Little bastard had his hands all over him.."

Jay growled softly, "We should kick his ass."

They both breathed out slightly heavier and then Steve murmured, "I lied.."

Jay looked at him, "Hmm?"

Steve whispered, "I'd share my shoes with you."

Jay grinned and then he laughed softly, and Steve laughed too - "You goose."

Jay pulled him in and just cuddled him. Steve said with a rumbly voice, "Cuddles are good, Steve likes cuddles." 

"Bad Steve?" Jay said with a smirk, Steve laughed softly, "Bad Steve is a pervert. No Just Steve."

Jay stroked his fingers against either side of Steve's face and he murmured, "Did he call you Daddy?" Steve growled softly, "Yeah.. fuck I loved it too.." Jay growled back, "Yeah.. it I nearly came in my pants.. Bad Steve.. Daddy Steve."

Steve smirked and then sucked against his collarbone. "He got all needy, and whimpered it to me.." Steve said huskily, "Begging me, while he had my fingers buried in his pussy - he was riding my fingers.." 

Jay let out a soft breath, and Steve murmured, "Yeah... it was fucking hot.."

Jay whispered against Steve's mouth, "The things I wanna do while he calls you that."

Steve growled softly, "Yeah? You wanna be Daddy too.."

Jay groaned softly and then he bit Steve's throat and growled softly, "Fuck yeah.." Steve shifted moving over Jay - and then he kissed him deeply, but he let Jay control the kiss - Jay moaned into Steve's mouth, and he gripped Steve's ass as he pulled him in closer. 

"Pretty Boy." Jay murmured against Steve's mouth, "Yeah Baby.. or.. should I call you Daddy.."

Jay growled softly, "Fuck.. I'll spank your ass."

Steve rolled his hips down into Jay's and Jay gripped his ass, and held him in place. "Will... you still keep seeing him, working your magick.. I gotta try and figure out why he's .. so scared, why he doesn't want me around."

Steve kissed him deep and slow - and he whispered, "Yeah... you okay with that? I mean.. I hope he doesn't get all freaked out about me again too."

Jay breathed out against Steve's face - and then he murmured, "I.. hope he doesn't too.."

Steve shifted up and then he tugged Jay's shirt off - throwing it on the floor and he pulled his off too. He murmured, "I.. might have another idea, to add to our arsenal.." Jay raised an eyebrow - "Oh?"

Steve murmured, "Why don't we... make him jealous, make him crazy. That could work too.. right?"

Jay just stared up at Steve and then he said huskily, "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Steve said huskily, "He was super pissed.. thinking that we'd been sneaking around - but if we're out in the open and he sees it.. it'll drive him crazy. You know it will. He might lose his shit - but we've already seen him do that before."

Jay just stared at Steve, You haven't seen what he's capable of. "Are you sure you want to do that?" Jay asked - "Because it could stir up a hornet's nest."

Steve smirked, "Or bring him right back to us..."

Jay laughed, "I think you're actually crazy, you crazy asshole pretty boy."

Steve murmured, "He will get jealous. I know he will. It'll make him crazy, and he'll come back - he'll obsess over you as much as he does me. He already does obsess over you."

Jay said huskily, "So.. what exactly does this plan of yours involve? To make him jealous."

Steve let out a soft breath, "We make sure - that he knows we're together, this whole time we've been apart - unless we're with Him. So.. he says he doesn't or can't be with you. Technically he's never officially been with me..."

"So.. we say that we're together - and we drive him crazy, right back to us." Jay asked - and Steve nodded. "Yeah, that's it exactly."

Jay let out a soft exhale - He's going to take you from me.

"I mean.. if.. we love each other, why can't we be together?" Steve asked softly, and Jay just stared at Steve - "And.. if you're.."

Steve murmured, "He thinks I'm with you - he's gonna get pissed and jealous with me.. at least till he realizes he needs both of us. He's crazy - he can't push both of us away - no matter how much he tries too."

Jay gripped Steve's chin, "And what if it doesn't work - if he doesn't come back?" Steve just stared at Jay quietly, and Jay murmured - "...Jesus Steve."

"...Fuck are you saying." He breathed out shakily, and Steve murmured - "We'll have each other." Jay murmured, "But then we'll be doing the thing he accused us of."

Steve shook his head, "No.. because when you were with him, you didn't do anything wrong... and you still won't be.. because right now? You're not together. And as Robin's always reminding me - He's not my boyfriend."

Jay tilted his head back as Steve kissed his throat, and whispered, "It'll work... trust me.."

Jay let out a soft moan as Steve shifted down and kissed his stomach, "Trust me.. Baby.." Jay stared down at Steve, who stared up at him - those dark eyes making Jay ache. "I'll make you feel good.." Steve tugged his pants down and Jay let out a soft groan as Steve threw his sweatpants on the floor. He stroked his fingers against the inside of his thighs, and then Steve gripped the base of his cock. 

"Jesus.." Jay groaned and tangled his fingers into Steve's hair, and Steve licked over the tip of his cock - sucking gently and then he sucked Jay into his mouth - "Fuck Steve.."

Jay's voice cracked, all husky and Steve moaned and sucked him in deeper, bobbing his head and moaning around him. "Shit.. so pretty, take more.." Jay growled and Steve hallowed out his cheeks, and Jay bucked his hips - Steve taking more of Jay's cock - gagging a little and Jay groaned, "Fuck..."

He stroked his fingers through Steve's hair, and Steve relaxed - and Jay hit the back of his throat, holding Steve in place - and then he eased back, Steve curled his fingers against Jay's stomach, and then Jay just tilted his head a little, watching Steve work his mouth.

Jay growled out, "Fuck.. so pretty, so pretty.. I'm gonna cum - you want me to cum down your throat? Huh pretty boy?" Steve moaned and Jay growled, "Yeah.. fucking knew you would, dirty little bitch.. fuck." Steve's eyes fluttered closed and Jay gasped out, coming into Steve's mouth - hot waves of heat whiting out his vision. 

Jay moaned Steve's name, rough and husky - loud - forgetting that Lucas was in the spare room down the hallway.

Steve swallowed Jay's cum down, and Jay rocked his hips, he tugged Steve up, kissing him dirty, and hungry - and Steve groaned, kissing him back and Jay pushed Steve over onto his back.

Steve was breathing hard - and Jay yanked his pants down, not even pulling them off, he just gripped the base of Steve's cock, and then growled, "Fuck my mouth.."

Steve moaned, and Jay deepthroated Steve easily - swallowing him to the back of his throat, no gag reflex, and Steve moaned "Fuck Jay.. fuck yeah I'm gonna fuck your mouth.." Jay stared up at Steve from under his lashes and Steve moaned, "Jesus fuck, goddamn pretty with my cock in your mouth - pretty shit..."

He rocked his hips and Jay just kept his eyes on Steve, he was already hard again, and jerking himself off, while Steve fucked his mouth, "Are you.. fuck.. you're jerking off while I fuck your mouth?" Steve growled - "I want you to cum on me.. " 

Jay's eyes never left Steve's, and he stopped stroking himself - wanting to give Steve what he wanted. He stroked his fingers against Steve's legs instead and Steve bucked his hips - then he was coming down Jay's throat - and he breathed out through his nose, swallowing down as much as he could - but some escaped, leaking down his chin.

Steve was breathing hard - his face all flushed and Jay pulled away, gripping Steve's hair and when Steve opened his mouth - Jay let Steve's cum drip back into his mouth, before he kissed him dirty - and sucked on his bottom lip. 

Then Jay shifted, and he gripped his cock, jerking off as he watched Steve - who was moaning - "Fuck.. Jesus you're so hot.. cum all over me.." Jay grunted softly, his voice rough as he said, "You're a little cum slut.. aren't you pretty boy, you fucking love it.."

Steve moaned, and when Jay started to cum, Steve licked it up off his fingers, and then he rubbed it into his skin. Jay moved over him and whispered, "Fucking gorgeous.." Steve moaned softly, "So are you.." Jay kissed him, and Steve was licking his face - licking his cum off Jay's chin. 

"Fuck.." Jay drew the word out, and then he laid down against Steve - who murmured, "You didn't even take my pants off properly." Steve kicked his sweat pants off - an they were both naked.

Jay growled, "I couldn't wait.. I just.. wanted to suck your pretty cock." Steve was blushing - and Jay smirked.

"I think you sucked my soul out through my cock." Steve said breathlessly.

"What a way to go though.." Jay added, and he kissed Steve again, "Hmm?" Steve stroked his fingers lazily against Jay's back. "Yeah.. fuck."

"Least I took your pants off this time.." Jay said with a smirk, and Steve laughed softly - "Fucking asshole.."

Jay reached down and he tugged the blanket up over them - and he murmured, "I didn't spoof all over your pants." Steve murmured, "No.. you came all over me, and I loved it.." Jay kissed him - slower, taking his time as he stroked his tongue against Steve's, Jay said soft - "Yeah... hmm dirty pretty boy." 

Jay rest his head against Steve's chest, and Steve said softly - "You tired Baby?" Jay was laying there, listening to Steve's heart beat - his eyes already getting heavy. "Mhmm.." He let out one of his soft little hums, and stroked his fingers against Steve's side.

"Good...go to sleep.." Steve said softly - Jay relaxed, Steve was stroking his head, and down the back of his neck. "...I'll take you to school in the morning." Steve said and Jay let out a soft little exhale. He let his eyes close, you feel safe with him - but it doesn't mean you are. be careful.

Steve let out a soft breath, and Jay murmured - "You're not going to try and go to him?"

"Not yet, not yet Baby." Steve sounded sleepy, murmuring the words against his ear. Jay curled his fingers against Steve's side - and he could feel himself getting really sleepy.

Out in the hallway - Lucas crept back into the spare bedroom, shutting the door - he realized that he had the perfect ammunition  to get back at Dustin - Fuck him. He's a selfish asshole - turning everyone against me. 

Chapter Text

The first couple of days after Dustin left Jay's - he locked himself in his bedroom and didn't come out. He just stayed in the dark, tormented by his dreams - by the things in his head. Terrified, and not able to talk to anyone about it. He sure as hell couldn't tell his Mother.

Dustin had dark bruises around his throat where Jay had gripped - had slammed him against the wall. He could still feel the steel grip of his fingers. It didn't hurt - but he could still feel it. He cried every time he saw the bruises on his hips, every time he thought about Jay inside him. Dustin could barely breathe - the mixture of fear, and wanting. But he knew that for now - he'd done the right thing.

Dustin would wait - wait till his mom left for work and then he'd come out - he had been meant to have met Lucas for coffee - but He hadn't. Dustin didn't go to school, he didn't leave the house. He looked like shit - pale, dark circles under his eyes.

He kept waking up screaming - not just dreaming about Jay - but dreaming about things that had happened to him. Being tortured - the pain.  He only slept when he knew his mom wasn't home. He didn't want Claudia to know he was having nightmares. 

When Dustin did first venture out of the house - he only sat on the back porch, Bonfire in his lap - smoking. He was doing this when Lucas showed up. "Hey.." Lucas said, not smiling but he sat beside him - sitting in his Mom's chair.

"Where you been? You never met me for coffee like you said." Lucas giving him the side-eye and Dustin felt uncomfortable, he felt like Lucas didn't belong - shouldn't be there.

He just shrugged - and Lucas said, "I guess you really were right man - I'm sorry." 

Dustin kept his gaze on his lap, on Bonfire - as Lucas told him that he'd been right. Steve and Jay had been screwing each other the entire time - Lucas had been staying at Steve's and heard them fucking.

Lucas wasn't sorry about hurting Dustin - in fact he was enjoying it, causing him pain. He was enjoying rubbing it in. Enjoying hurting him. Dustin just lit another smoke, and Lucas said - "Steve even dropped him off at school and they were making out. Everyone saw them."

Dustin exhaled lazily, his jaw twitching - Lucas kept talking. "Guess you're single now. You can find someone else." He laughed - "You seemed to be getting along with Andy. Although he'll probably turn psycho on you if you even go there..."

Dustin looked at Lucas - his voice cold, emotionless - "You can leave, thanks for updating me with all this information." He took Bonfire inside and Lucas said - "What you don't have anything else to say?" Dustin looked at Lucas, "No. I have nothing else to say to you, in fact - I don't have anything to say to you ever again. Stay away from me Lucas."

Lucas flinched as Dustin said, "We're not friends - I don't know if we ever were." He shut the door and locked it behind him - leaving Lucas on the doorstep.

Dustin carried Bonfire back to his bedroom and then he took a shower, getting dressed - he wrapped the baby sling around his body and then he put Bonfire's sheepskin inside and then her. She snuggled up in there and he covered her with her blanket. "Now you can come with me my sweet girl." He stroked her head and then he grabbed his jacket and pulled it on. 

He breathed out softly, feeling a little dizzy - Dustin closed his eyes tightly, and then he grabbed his smokes, lighter and put them into his jacket pocket. 

Dustin climbed into his car - and then he drove to Magda's tattoo parlor. She said softly, "Petite lumière, comment - comment." (Little light, come - come) She linked their arms together, "Lisse, you take care of things in here?"

The other girl that worked with Magda, said "Sure thing Boss." Magda said to him. "Tu as l'air fatigué." (You look tired)

Dustin said quietly, "I am." She cupped his face, then lifted his sunglasses off - she rest them on top of his head. 

"I have, some things for you." Magda said softly, and Dustin said hoarsely - "How did you know I was dreaming about him." Tears welled up in his eyes, and she said sadly - "Because you are Micalz, and he is your beloved. He doesn't know?."

She lead him into the house - and Dustin said, "I told him, as much as I could - but... I'm not sure he even believed me. Maybe it's better that he doesn't, that he stays.. as he is." He took Bonfire out of the sling and placed her in the pen with her siblings. 

"Toi et ton bien-aimé. Tu sais qui il est – quand tu rêves de lui, ce sont des souvenirs." (You and your beloved. You know who he is - when you dream about him, it is memories.) Magda waited till Dustin had taken his jacket and the sling off, and then she wrapped him in a big thick soft blanket.

Dustin started to cry, and she said softly, "Sweet Bebe, come and sit with me." 

He curled up in her lap and she rocked him, stroking his hair and she said softly, "Are you frightened?" He nodded and was struggling to breathe - Magda cupped his face. "You have realized that Tristan an I are in the Golden Dawn - same as your Mama. We will stand for you - our precious Little light. Don't be afraid - you are strong.."  

Dustin said hoarsely, "No... No I'm not - Not without him. But... I can't be with him. If his seal is broken if he wakes up - he'll hate me. He'll want to do what he's done before  - he he'll hate me and want to lock me back up again because its his job! It's who he is.. what he was made for. He's asleep now - how is he even here?"

He could smell Magda's rose perfume and she stroked his hair. "No.. I think you are wrong.. I think he was sealed the same way you were - hidden, he was hidden with a key from the dark side. I don't think he ever knew anything - although he got swept up into our world, did you know?"

He just stared at her, and Magda said, "He was up with Reese, and Tash - in Chicago, remember I show you to them once." Magda was struggling her way through her English. 

Dustin breathed out softly - "Reese was the one that brought me those rabbit hearts and wanted me to eat them raw?" Dustin raised his eyebrow and Magda nodded, "Elle t'a fait une offrande, un sacrifice." (She made you an offering, a sacrifice.)

Dustin said softly, "He knows all about occult stuff, and.." 

Magda murmured softly, "Il sait que parce qu'il est comme toi, il peut l'être Michael – mais il est comme toi. Je crois qu'il est tombé amoureux de toi." (He knows because he is like you, he may be Michael - but he is like you. I think he fell for you." She stroked Dustin's face - "Someone sealed him, hide him yes?"

Dustin breathed out shakily,  and Magda said softly - "Reese told me, he tried to take his life - but made a blood sacrifice to you - calling to you for protect. I asked you if you heard him calling." 

Dustin whispered, "I don't know when he did it." 

Magda shook her head, "No Bebe - the call is forever, blood magick is forever, it leaves mark? a mark. Especially when it is for your Beloved. Ton âme sœur." (Your Soulmate)

He breathed out softly, and Magda cradled his head in her hands. "When you spoke to him - he knew what you said, could hear?" He nodded and she smiled - then she stroked her fingers over his scar - "Same place, but his is the other arm. That is where he cut."

Dustin looked at her and he said, "How'd you know." She said softly - "Open your eyes Micalz, see - " She held her hand over his arm - and then Dustin felt a strange tingling sensation - and it looked like Jay's tattoo was etched into his skin - silvery and made of light. "That's the rite?" He asked hoarsely. 

"Yes.. it is the same as this one." Magda said, pointing to his necklace from Eddie - it is tied to your Steve." Dustin blinked - "But it was made by Eddie." Magda said, "Eddie protect Steve with his sacrifice - when he died."

Dustin's eyes filled with tears, and he whispered - "I .. there's so much I just don't understand."

Magda said softly, "Would you like too?"

He breathed out shakily, "Yes but.."

Magda said softly , "I can give you the book with all the seals, - but you will need to prepare yourself to do it mon chere. You must go somewhere that you can't be disturbed. It will take a week? Maybe longer to unlock every seal that you have placed on you. Once unlocked - you will be extremely powerful. You'll be truly free. I think it set you free from the Cage, fully free." 

Dustin bit down on his bottom lip and he murmured, "What will happen then?" 

Magda cupped his face - "I think you will be complete within yourself. I think you will be fully in harmony with your true self - not broken, not fracture. You understand?" 

He nodded, and then he said softly - "Saisch, .. Jay - Why do you think he fell for me?." 

Magda said softly, "Parce que les gens qu'il appelait ses parents l'ont brisé. Il ne sert plus le Dieu qu'ils ont servi. Il est tombé amoureux de toi parce que son Dieu t'a puni, toi, ton âme sœur. Tu es sa petite lumière, son frère - Et ce n'étaient pas ses parents, je soupçonne qu'il leur a été donné – pour le garder caché, pour servir la lumière."

(Because the people he call his parents broke him. He doesn't serve the God - they served. He fell for you because his God punished you, his Soulmate. You are his little light, his brother - And they were not his parents, I suspect he was given to them - to keep him hidden, to serve the light - to fight you, but I don't believe that is true.)

He bit his bottom lip, and Magda said softly - "If you listen to your heart mon chere - to his heart, you know I say true." I remember your face. Dustin let his eyes close and Magda said softly - "Would you like me to do your tattoo?"

Dustin said softly, "Yes.." 

Magda, took his hand and then took him into the sunroom - she sat him down in the comfortable chair - getting everything ready.

"I have a proposition to give you." She said, and Dustin looked at her. "You remember we were going to give Eddie our house by the Love Lake."

Dustin watched as she traced the Phoenix over his wrist. "Yeah.." He said softly, "We would like you to have it. You can have it and make it yours." She said softly - "Your Home."

Dustin said softly, "Really?" He breathed out shakily, "By Lovers Lake.. its pretty over that way - really quiet."

Magda looked at him, her cat-like eyes bright. "That is why we thought perfect for you. Perfect for you to.. begin.. awaken?" She stammered her way through her words, really trying for Dustin. "Cela peut être votre maison." (It can be your Home) She added softly.

Dustin let out a soft little sob, and Magda set her tracing pen down. 

She cupped her face in his hands, and then peppered his face with kisses. "Hush little angel. No more tears."

He breathed out shakily and then she said, "Are you ready?" Dustin nodded, and then she clicked the tattoo pen on - Dustin sat quietly, the soft buzzing and the needle going into his skin was a strange sensation - a little mixture of pain and pleasure - and Dustin let his eyes close.

Every so often she'd pause to wipe - and then continue. Dustin felt himself actually almost falling asleep. 

"All finish." She said softly, and Dustin stared down at his wrist - his scar was now hidden, by a beautiful tattoo of a phoenix rising from ashes. It was very delicate - black ink - no color. And it was perfect.

"It's beautiful Mags." He said softly. Magda smiled, "We can maybe add fire later, if you change your mind." 

Dustin murmured softly, "I kind of like it like this.." He flicked his fingers, the flames between them and then when he put them out again he showed Magda the sooty ash on his fingers. It looked like the ash his phoenix was rising from.

"Ah.. yes I do see.." She smiled. Magda wrapped his wrist - "You'll need to put the creme on - keep it from drying out." 

He nodded, and then he said softly - "Will you do one more for me?"

Magda let out a soft laugh, "I'll do as many as you like Little light."

Dustin grinned and the he said softly, "Between Light and Shadow, will you tattoo that around the other wrist."

Magda said softly, "Yes of course Bebe." Dustin watched as Magda did - her beautiful handwriting, she just wrote on his wrist with the tracer and then tattooed it in. "Looks really pretty, he said softly. 

Magda said softly, "What does it mean."

He looked at her and whispered, "..I'm the Shadow, he's the Light - Steve is the between." Magda said, "And without them you're not complete."

Dustin nodded, "We are the only ones that knows what it means. So.." He wiped his tears away and he said softly, "Can.. I move into the house.. now?"

Magda gave him a soft kiss - "Yes, It already has furniture - you can take anything else you want. Let me know if you need anything okay?"

Dustin nodded and he said softly, "Are you sure?"

She cuddled him close, "It is our honor to give you a place to live Micalz. You are our Beloved, our little Light - who really is the most Beautiful. Our Morning Star." She said softly, "... and if all else fails - We will love you, and when the time comes we will fight for you. Always."

Dustin said softly, "You're beautiful, I love you - thank you."

She kissed his forehead. "I love you too little Light. You let Seth know if you need a help with any big things okay? He will do it, or I will punish him."

He let out a soft little giggle and she rubbed his cheeks. "I am going to get some groceries for you - make me a list okay mon chere?"

Dustin said softly, "You.. have already done too much."

She pouted at him, "I am your Mama too?, let me love you. I be your mama too." He blushed and she smiled, "My sweet little Angel, I will bring them tonight okay?."

He whispered, "Okay." She wrapped the blanket around him more. "You keep this. I'll get the keys." 

Dustin sank into the chair, looking at his new tattoos. 

Magda came back, and she handed him a set of keys. "So I have to work some more - but you phone me the grocery list before tonight yes? And you tell me what Seth needs to pick up from your Mama's house. Or.. where-ever else you have things you want to take."

She stared at him, "You have stuff at Jayden's?" Dustin nodded, "I...didn't take it." He whispered. "Seth will get it, you tell me - I tell hm."

Dustin said softly, "Mags.. you wont tell anyone where I am will you?" She cradled his face - "Only Seth and I will know. I promise, unless you want someone to know - we won't tell."

He whispered, "Thank you."

Magda gently stroked her fingers over the bruising on his neck, a frown on her face. But then she brushed her thumb over his head - tracing something with her finger. "Protection." She whispered.

Dustin hugged her tightly and she said softly, "I know your heart hurts my love, try to rest when you get a chance.. okay?"

He whispered, "I'll try."

***

Dustin was sitting at the table with his mom. "I don't understand - where are you going?" Claudia was looking at him, tears in her eyes. "I'm.. going to be somewhere close just.. my own space. I can't stay here - you can still see Steve if you want to see him. I just.. can't." His voice soft. 

Claudia said softly, "What happened?" He stared down at his hands, "Him and Jay are together now. It isn't just something I made up in my head - it wasn't a lie, its real. I .. don't know why I thought I could fix it. I don't know why they thought it could be either." It was the easiest explanation to give her.

Claudia could see how broken he was - how terrified he was. Something else was happening to her son but he wasn't telling her the truth. "Micalz, please talk to me." He wouldn't even look at her, never mind talk to her.

Dustin said softly, "It's just better this way. They're better off together. You're better off without me around, you should ask Murray to come and live with you Mama." She breathed out shakily, "Where are you going Dustin? Are you leaving Hawkins?"

He pushed his hair out of his face, and she saw the tattoos around his wrists - she took hold of his hand, and she let out a soft gasp when she realized the phoenix was covering up the scar on his wrist. "When.. when did you try to kill yourself?" He pulled his hand back and said quietly, "It doesn't matter anymore." 

Claudia gently stroked his hair out of his face, "Is that what your really doing now? Going some place to take your life?" He looked at her, "No." She didn't really believe him. He looked down at Bonfire in the little sling - "I'm moving into my own place, I'm trying to get my life on track to sort out my shit. Please just let me live my life. I can't do that here - I'll come and visit you, but I just need some space."

She let out a soft exhale, her voice soft - "Are you going to look after yourself? Going to go to school?"

"I will." He said quietly. They both just sat there in silence and Dustin got up, kissing her cheek - he whispered, "I love you Mama, I'll see you soon okay?" 

***

The house wasn't small - it was big, beautiful and full of sunlight. It was warm and pretty. Dustin loved it the moment he stepped inside - he felt peaceful. There were lots of plants and big French doors that went out to a big deck. There was a pool, and a hot tub - "The hell this is like paradise."

The place was surrounded by trees on one side and then had a view of Lover's lake - you could make out Hawkins township far off in the distance on the other side. Dustin knew it was going to be pretty at night. 

He went back inside - and sat down on the sofa. It was a big soft cream colored thing - he scooped Bonfire out of her sling and she wagged her tail and then licked his face. "You like it sweet girl?" He set her down, fishing her teddy out of the box and she attacked it and then sat on it - just looking at him and then whined softly and hid her face.

"Aww are you sad? Do you miss Roobear?" She sneeze barked and then whimpered again. "Well maybe he can come play soon." She trotted off to explore and Dustin got up, he went through the house - the bedroom that he decided he would make his had a fireplace.

"I love this place." He whispered to himself. It was so quiet - which was a little bit weird. He started unpacking his bits and pieces, and then he went back to the living room - making a list of everything he needed to buy, everything he needed Seth to help him collect from his Mom's and from Jay's.

He frowned and then muttered -"I think I'll just forget that.. get new stuff." He crossed the Jay list off and just added it to the buy new list. 

He really didn't know what to add to the grocery list. He only had milk. "Loser." He muttered and then he sighed softly - Bonfire came running back in and he scooped her back up. "Wanna go have a nap?" She snuggled into him and he stopped by the bathroom - "Holy shit.."

He looked at the tub, it was huge - and had jets. "...Yes." He whispered. Then he went outside on the opposite side of the house - there were fairy lights strung up everywhere outside. "This is the best house ever." 

Dustin put Bonfire on the bed, and he looked at the fireplace. He set it up and then used his flames to light it - the fire was soon roaring and he sighed happily and then shut the curtains. The room was blacked out - and he tugged the covers back - Bonfire went and hopped in, snuggling into his pillows which he'd brought with him.

He went back out and locked the doors and then he went back to the bedroom, he kicked off his boots, then his pants and hopped into bed in his Hellfire shirt and socks.

He watched the fire - and Bonfire snuggled in under his neck. Dustin crashed out almost instantly - dreaming - about things that happened a long time ago. 

***

"You cannot do this Brother - you cannot defy our Father so... why,  tell me why can you not just do as he asks!" Michael looked at him - Lucifer sighed - wary, "Why do you want me to do as he says?" Michael stepped closer, curling his fingers into his brothers hair. "Luci you know this will not end well, just do as Father asks - do your duty.. it is not that difficult." 

Michael's tone was almost condescending. "You treat me like a child, you mock me.. you think I will not do it?" Lucifer asked, defiant as his dark eyes stared at Michael. 

"No.. but you are not as he is - he will punish you, you know that." Michael reached out, and he said softly - "Do not do this Luci.." 

"You know I despise them - I will not serve his dirt monkeys.' He spat the words out, "They're filthy and not worthy - I do not care what he says Michael."

"Luci you're being petulant, just like a child - you are my baby brother, just do as I say - if you can't do as he says, then just do as I say - do it for me." Michael pleaded, his green eyes filled with the golden flickers of stardust.

"No." Lucifer said, "I will not. They're a stain on creation - they'll ruin it all, he's a fool!" Snarling with anger - his blue eyes turning dark with shadow. Michael pulled him in closer, "Why do you get so angry little brother. "You will not even do it for me?"

"I already told you no." Lucifer sighed, and Michael brushed his fingers over his face, "I remember your face."

Lucifer went quiet - the shadow fading from his eyes, and he said softer - "I do it only for you." Michael's silver blond hair fell into his face as he nuzzled his nose into Lucifers curls. "My treasure."

A quiet moment passed between them, and then the door flung open - their brother Gabriel said - "We have discovered your betrayal Luci, you are to be taken before Father - Metatron has the records of your secret plan.."

Michael looked at Gabriel, "What are you talking about?" He then looked him - "Luci.."

"It's nothing Michael, he's making up lies - to turn Father against me." Lucifer looked at Gabriel - "Him and Uriel.. both of them. As if I can't see through you." He scoffed. 

"It's all in the book - you're going to be punished.. severely." Gabriel's eyes moved to Michael, "And you brother - you have some explaining to do of your own."

Michael's eyes met his, and Lucifer said quietly - his voice almost too soft. "Say nothing Michael, nothing at all." Those green eyes, the gold caught fire. "I will take the fall, the punishment."

And indeed he did. 

When they were all brought before their Father - Lucifer chose to Rebel. He was given an ultimatum - to be in service to their father's Mud Monkeys - his Children of Adam. Who he said he loved more than them. The stain on Creation - Serve them? Lucifer would rather die - he would rather perish than serve the inferior stain made from the mud of the place their Father had made, Earth. 

They were made from the infinite light of Creation, of the stars - the fires of all that was sacred. Lucifer was made from the Pistis Sofia, the divine Feminine and the Father's source energy. Stars and fire, he was not a Mud Monkey, with skin and bones and teeth that gnashed. He was light - pure and beautiful. The most beautiful. 

He was not going to bow before any one - not their Father, not his Mud Monkeys - 

The only one he would have considered bowing before was his beloved, his Michael. 

That was until their Father said that Michael would be the one to destroy him when the time came. That he was their Father's Holy Sword. Lucifer was to be separated from his entire Family - from his Home - cast out - forever - till he wandered the air - as the Prince of the air, reigning terror upon the World. 

Void and without any true form. He would be Fire and Shadow - creator of Chaos.

The end of Day's the Father said - a Great War, and then he would be the Great Dragon - destroyed, slain by Michael - cast forever into a lake of fire.  It all seemed a bit over the top to him. 

Because he didn't want to serve fucking Mud Monkeys? He thought - he'd recreate the World in his own image  - worlds in his own image, and let everyone do as they please. He wasn't a sociopath. Lucifer had stared at their Father and told him to do whatever he wanted. 

He hadn't been afraid - he had plans of his own. 

A third of all the Angels decided to rebel and fall with him. That was a lot of his brothers and sisters - a third of all Angels? Their Father was not pleased to say the least. He threw a tantrum like a spoiled brat - demanding that Lucifer beg for forgiveness.

He refused - He was Powerful, He was Strong - He was God. 

It just made their Father more angry - the Punishment all the more severe.

What Lucifer had not expected - was that he was thrown in a cage - to be locked away, his essence kept prisoner - half of him anyway. Sealed up - the rest of him -  Protected by those who chose to believe in Him. Sealed up by those who chose to believe in him to be the God - the true God. 

They were so devoted, they loved Him - He could hear their pleas, He could hear their devotions - they were like his beautiful children. Lucifer granted them their wishes - their prayers to him. He never denied their requests. 

While those that prayed to his Father? Theirs  went unheard - unanswered - ignored. 

Lucifer had so many seals put on him - keys, rituals he was locked up tight. The Vessel which was in the Mud Monkey world - didn't even feel Him. Wandered with Lucifer asleep most of the time. Locked away - sad and broken, a vicious heart broken little creature. Lost and alone - when his brother died, a true devotee - it wakened him to his presence. Began the process - Finally.

But he was getting ahead of himself - the night that he was taken away - Lucifer had been locked up with Michael. For the last time - for over a thousand years, they would touch - kiss, and love on each other. Before they became lost to each other.

Michael would be torn away from him.

Punished - told they had committed Sin, Lucifer crying out for his Beloved, crying out for his Brother - as he was beaten, tortured for corrupting Michael, their father's beloved Warrior. 

Lucifer had his wings clipped, a process where they were almost removed, then he was brought before the Court - stripped of his powers by ritual binding. His wings were not physically removed, clipping was a ritual punishment where they were bound with magicks. 

He was given a crown of thorns, an Angelic torture device, that tore into his head - tearing flesh, making him bleed - it used powerful magick to bind and torment the mind - causing chaos and confusion. 

Michael was made to watch - as he was then bound to the pillars, and whipped. His body torn apart. Later the crown of thorns was replace with a crown of Horns.

It was only ever used on Him. It took away his Form - shapeshifting him into something else. Turning him into something that could Shapeshift into many forms. The ark of Knowledge recording it - through time he became known as Satan, the Devil - the Beast. 

Hence the story of the Devil having Horns was born - it stuck through out the years too. Stupid Mud Monkeys.

And then Michael was whipped as well - told he was wrong and corrupted by Lucifer - if he agreed that he was, God would not clip his wings, he wouldn't punish him. 

Michael's eyes met his  and Lucifer told his brother, Agree to do whatever they say - mine heart, I am yours always. I will fall to protect you. Don't admit to anything. I will fall to protect you. 

 At the time, Lucifer believed that Michael had betrayed him - he was taken away.

He did not know till later, that Michael fell for him. He fell protecting their love - he refused to do as their Father told him. Heaven had lost its Sword - its Holy Weapon chose to fall with Lucifer. 

Michael chose him. 

Lucifer was cast into the Abyss - a World between worlds.

And Michael fell with their brothers and sisters. Not knowing where he was - as though he were like any other Human. When he fell - like their brothers and sisters. Nobody knew who they were once they were born into the Human vessels. 

They had to be awoken first.

Some did so naturally on their own - some later but they didn't survive it - they went mad.

They turned into Demons and went to Hell. The place where those who had never had a body dwelled - Demon's were the abominations that his Father cast into Hell because they were the Children of Angels and Human's. Some never given a Body - some their Bodies were distortions of Creation - they were cast into Hell as punishment for existing.

He thought they were still Beautiful. Lucifer loved them - they were his Children instead. Keeping watch from Hell - just one of his Kingdoms. 

The place that someday Lucifer would be cast into - or so that had been the plan. 

Till Michael fell for him. 

Now Hell was a place that Lucifer could go to freely once he woke up.  He had connected his physical body with his Soul Essence. He was free to go between Hell, the Abyss and where-ever else he chose to go. 

He didn't have all the keys and Seals unlocked yet. 

He didn't know if Michael still loved him - if Michael's Sacrifice to fall for Him, was still something he was glad that he'd done. He did not know if  Michael wanted to stay with him - or return to their Fathers' embrace. 

The last thing he remembered, before  he was cast out - was crying out his brothers name - and then he woke up in the cold, in the dark - surrounded by a cold that he could never shake. 

The Abyss was a place that was very lonely. Cold and dark. There was no warmth in such a place.

Alone - without Michael, he had always been so cold. He'd never known that before. Thousands of years - without Michael - was worse than anything he could have ever imagined. It was the ultimate punishment. The only punishment that their Father could have inflicted that actually hurt him. He endured it - but it left scars. Left scars on his vessel.

But now he had the chance to restore Himself. And once he did - He would get to work. He watched from the Shadows - giving his Vessel a little push. Wake up.

***

Dustin woke up abruptly - breathing out harshly and sweating - he forgot where he was at first. Then he laid there - catching his breath and watching the shadows cast from the fireplace dancing around the room. He got up, walking into the kitchen cradling Bonfire close to his chest he got a drink of milk, and curled up near the fire in his room - laying down in front of it. 

Dustin bit his lip softly and he drag his glass of milk, and then he climbed back into his bed. 

He curled up on his side, feeling a bit nauseas - he stretched his legs out and then rest his arm over his head - he didn't think he was going to go back to sleep, and yet he was still tired. He bit down on his lip, tears welling up - he breathed out shakily.

Not wanting to think about the fact that since he'd told Jay that he couldn't be with him. He'd not seen Steve either - he'd just decided to completely ignore him altogether.  he couldn't see him because he wasn't at his moms now.

But he till could have before he had left. Except he didn't want too. Now everyone knew that Dustin was on his own and Jay and Steve were a thing. He'd been in his new place for almost a week - he hadn't started doing any of his seal breaking yet. He hadn't felt ready to do it.

He got out of bed, and took a shower - he put Bonfire into the sling, and put it around his body. He locked up the house and then got into his car. He drove to school and was sitting in his car when he saw them.

Jay and Steve - sitting on the hood of Jay's truck, and they were talking to Lucas. Dustin just ignored them - as he got out of his car, he headed towards his locker. It was Andy that approached him, "Hey.. you okay? It's been a while since I've seen you?"

Dustin's hands were shaking - and he said softly, "..I'm.. I.." He felt like he couldn't breath, "I.. not really."  He didn't even know what to say,  he felt the tears behind his eyes and he whispered, "I just came to get some stuff.." Andy said gently, "Where have you been?"

He closed his eyes tightly, and Any gently rest his hand against his back. Dustin  whispered, "I.. have to go." Andy pulled him into his arms, and Dustin let out a shaky sob - and Andy said softly, "It's okay.."

Dustin shook his head, and Andy rest their foreheads together. "Want me to drive you back home?" Dustin said shakily, ".. I.. don't.. I don't live at my mom's anymore." Andy looked surprised, and he said, "Where.. are you living." 

Dustin just breathed out shakily, and Andy said quietly - "This place fucking sucks.. Lucas was shit talking - telling everyone.." Dustin pulled back, and he pulled his hood up. "I'll be fine." He said quietly, even though he really didn't feel like it.

Dustin pulled out the stuff he wanted from his locker, and he shoved it into his bag. Andy said softly, "I'm really sorry Micalz, I know that.. this place everyone's like a bunch of vultures - waiting to feed.."

"I don't care Andy.." He whispered shakily, "I don't care - they can say and think whatever they want. They already do anyway." 

Dustin slung his bag back over his shoulder, and Andy reached out - he curled his fingers around Dustin's, "Want me to come with you?" Dustin breathed out shakily, and then he whispered - "Okay."

Andy nodded and then he said softly, "Okay." They walked down the hallway and Andy said softly - "Give me your bag, I'll carry it." Dustin gave it to him. "It's not that heavy.." 

Andy said quietly, "I can take it.." As they made their way outside, Dustin just kept his head down - Andy glared at one of his team-mates who muttered, "You're new boyfriend?" Andy growled back, "Fuck off you asshole."  Andy chose to ignore everyone around them too - he saw Max and El by their lockers, he gave them both a smile - both girls were worried, and they approached.

"We haven't seen you for too long Flame thrower." Max curled her arms around Dustin, pulling him into her body. Dustin was tense and he whispered - "Sorry." It was El that pressed her body in, and then Dustin curled into her, tears in his eyes - and Andy said, "You girlies wanna come keep Micalz company too?" El said in her soft calm voice, "Yes - you want us to come with you?"

Dustin just nodded, and Max kissed his forehead - she looked at both El and Andy, and then she said softly - "Lets get out of here yeah?"

As they made their way to Dustin's car - Jay was watching them, from behind his sunglasses. 

Worried because Dustin had been missing from school for a week. Steve wasn't looking - he was talking shit with Lucas. 

But nobody had seen Dustin - and now he was there, and he was looking even worse than the last time Jay had seen him.

Andy took Dustin's sunglasses off and Jay felt his stomach clench up - Dustin was as white as a sheet, the dark circles under his eyes seemed even darker. Andy gently eased Dustin into the passenger seat - but then he was fishing out a packet of cookies, and trying to get Dustin to eat them. El climbed into the back with Dustin, while Max got in the front passenger seat.

Dustin didn't touch the cookies he just looked at Andy and then buried his face in against El's neck. El was suddenly staring directly at Jay - he knew she couldn't see him looking - but it felt like she could. Her dark eyes were hurt - angry, and it was directed at him. He felt the tight coil of anxiety in his stomach. Her gaze shifted to Steve - and then to Lucas. Her gaze darkened even more as it landed on Lucas and then she angrily shut the door.

Jay felt a painful twist in his stomach - he looked at Steve, who still hadn't even seen Dustin. Andy's gaze met his across the parking lot - Andy just stared at him, then he shook his head and just climbed into the drivers seat. The engine roared to life - and only then did Steve actually look up - Andy pulled the car out of the parking lot, and then they were gone. 

Chapter Text

When they got back to Dustin's - he said quietly, "I don't want anyone else to know where I am. I don't want you guys to say anything." Andy put Dustin's bag down on the floor and he said softly, "I won't say anything, this is your sanctuary.. I get that." Dustin nodded, and Max stepped in closer. 

"No offence - but you look like shit Angel face." He breathed out shakily as she pulled him into a tight hug, and she whispered, "We love you, we missed you - please talk to us, let us help you."

He buried his face into her hair, and nuzzled her neck - smelling her cotton candy scent. "I'm sorry." Dustin whispered. "I just..." He went quiet and Max said softly, "It's okay, we've got your back, okay?" He nodded, and Andy was chewing on his thumbnail. 

El waited till Max sat down and then she held her arms open, and Dustin let her pull him in - she tugged him into the sofa, and then she said softly - "Group cuddles." Both Andy and Max curled up either side of them and El said, "We just need Mike and Will and we'd really have group cuddles." Dustin breathed out softly and she said softly - "Is it okay if they know where you're living?" Dustin said softly, "Yeah but I don't.. want anyone else..."

Max said with a little edge to her voice. "You don't want Lucas to know." Dustin just kept his face buried in against El's neck. El said in her quiet - angry voice. "He's a fucking toxic piece of shit." Max and Andy both looked at her, surprised that she was swearing - it wasn't something El did very often. "I should break him." El hissed out.

Max stroked her fingers through El's hair, and El said angrily - "You know he has been spreading all kinds of lies... he did it first about Andrew, then he started doing it about you Max - then he started all the lies and rumours about Micalz."

Dustin pulled back slowly, and he just stared up at the ceiling. El added quietly - "He's not the person I thought he was, I don't know how I ever cared about him. He's an ugly person, hurtful - spiteful. He told everyone he .. heard Jay and Steve, I'm not sure if they even know what he's been saying." 

Max said angrily, "He's just a piece of shit. And.. the fact that those two.. I don't.." She just shook her head, looking sad. Andy was just quiet, and Dustin looked out the window - he twisted his hair into a messy bun and then he tied it back.

"I know you are all angry, and I appreciate you defending me. I don't care what Lucas says - what poison he tells people." The three of them were looking at him. "Lucas can do whatever he wants. I'll never forget what he's done, that he turned his back on me." Dustin's voice was ice, and very soft. He was just staring out the window. 

"He'll get what's coming to him, for hurting you - all three of you." He looked at them. "As for Jay and Steve.. I don't care." They all knew he was lying - pain was in his eyes, washing over his face, briefly and then the wall was up. 

Dustin's gaze shifted back to the window. "I was right, but it doesn't matter. Steve is bad for me, I'm bad for him." Dustin's voice was almost emotionless. He let his eyes close - "And Jay.." Dustin's voice was a whisper, barely audible - "It... is what it is." He curled his arms around himself and opened his eyes, staring out the window again. 

"I thought, I mean we thought you had gotten back together with both of them?" Max said softly, and Dustin looked at her. 

"No." He just stared at her, his voice was too soft - too quiet. "We can't be together. Jay is better off with Steve. I don't want to talk about it anymore so .. please just stop." 

He breathed out shakily, and Max, El and Andy all looked at each other. Dustin stood up and he grabbed a notepad off the kitchen counter - "Write a grocery list for me, I have no idea what to put on it.." He handed it to Max and she said, "Okay, all you have is milk?" 

Dustin shrugged, and Andy said softly - "Can I talk to you alone for a minute?" Dustin looked at him, and he nodded - "Yeah.. okay." 

Max and El were happily writing his grocery list, and Andy held his hand out - Dustin took it and they went outside, sitting in the sunshine. "What do you want to talk about Andrew." Dustin said softly.

"I just.. I mean fuck man.." Andy pulled him into a hug, and Dustin let out a shaky exhale - hiding his face. 

"I'm so sorry you're hurting." Andy's voice was soft. "I'm okay." Dustin muttered, and Andy shook his head, he fished out a pack of smokes and took one out - offering it to hm. 

Dustin let him put it between his lips, and Andy lit it - Dustin took a drag and he said softly, "Ah.. that's magic." 

Andy let out a soft laugh and Dustin smiled, "I ran out, forgot to get some." Andy bumped his knee against his, "You can have them, I can get more.. actually - you might need to drive us back.." Dustin smirked "Yeah you forgot you drove us here.."

"I love your car, its.. damn." Andy laughed and Dustin rubbed his eyes, "Yeah.. its pretty sweet. Don't worry - I'll drive you home when you guys wanna leave." Andy suddenly grabbed his hand, and he flipped his arm over - "You got it done.." He asked, looking at Dustin's phoenix. 

"Mhmm.." Dustin said softly, "And this one.." He showed Andy his other wrist. "Between Light and Shadow.." Andy murmured softly, "That's beautiful.." He didn't say anything else, but Dustin had a feeling that Andy knew what it meant. 

Dustin interlaced their fingers and Andy said suddenly - "Lucas he's such an asshole, I think he's got something wrong with him - like psychologically he said he was going to make me pay - because I took El's attention off him."

Dustin frowned, and then Andy murmured - "I think it was more about you though." They both stared at each other and Dustin said quietly - "Yeah that wouldn't surprise me, he couldn't wait to tell me - he was enjoying saying the things he did. I.. don't even know who the fuck he is anymore. He hates me - I feel it." 

They were both quietly smoking their cigarettes and then Dustin said, "He knows you like me, but he also knows that you have feelings for El, and he's all twisted up over her - and he is about Max too."

Andy was blushing, and Dustin said softly - "I know you like me, I.. care about you Andrew, a lot - but.. it can't be more than our friendship - I don't want to hurt your feelings, or hurt you at all. But I can't, I can't give you anything else... I'm.." Tears welled up in his eyes and Andy said softly, "I know, I know that Micalz - I know your heart is already full, I know you love Jay, and Steve. And I know that they're the other pieces of You." 

Dustin felt the tears slide down his face - he couldn't even speak. 

Andy said softly, "I know that your heart is broken too, I'm just happy that we're friends - that we got to become that. And I do like you, I love you - I know it won't be anything else, but.. I do love you. I love you the way that El and Max love you. I'd protect you, same way that you said you'd protect me." 

They were both crying - Andy said softly, "I've always felt lost, you know? Broken and not ever really felt like I've had anyone that ever gave a shit."

Dustin lifted Andy's hand and kissed his fingers. Andy said softly, "For the first time, I don't feel like that. El and Max, they're both really special - and so are you. After all the shit I did and said - I dunno how I got to have you as a friend, but I'm glad I do..." Andy leaned in when Dustin kissed his fingers, and he rest their foreheads together. 

"I hate that you're hurting." He said softly and Dustin breathed out shakily. "I'll figure it out." He whispered. 

Andy curled his fingers in his hair and Dustin let his eyes close. "We'll help you, with whatever you need help with." Andy said softly. 

Dustin murmured, "We should have a play date with Bon and Roobear."

Andy laughed softly, "Yeah.. we should. They had so much fun last time." Dustin smiled and he said softly, "I'm so tired, all the time.." Andy nodded - "You look tired, you.. look really tired." 

Dustin laughed softly, "I know I look like shit, its okay you can say it Andrew." 

Andy just curled his arm around Dustin's shoulders - "Yeah you do, but.. you're still pretty Micalz." 

Dustin blushed and he muttered softly, "Shush.." They both laughed and Andy whispered, "Especially when you blush."

Dustin just rest his head against Andy's chest and he said softly, "Thanks Andrew." He hid his face and Andy kissed his forehead. 

"So... I just wanna throw this idea out there, - if you wanna kinda make them jealous at any stage, I'll volunteer to be your servant - aka pretend boyfriend." Dustin looked at Andy, "...You're insane, but.. I really don't need to do that. I just.. you know. But.. you'd.. do that?" 

Andy smirked and he said softly, "Yeah.. I would, if you need my help in the future." Dustin smiled softly, and Andy grinned. "Just.. you know.. if you wanna get a little revenge. They're both assholes."

Dustin tugged Andy up, and he led him back inside - "...They have been fucking around the whole time." Andy said - "They must be insane." 

Dustin shoved Andy playfully - "Shut up.." 

Max gave them both a smirk, "Have a nice little cuddle out there?" Andy was blushing and he gave her the finger. 

Max laughed and she said - "We've made you a bitchin' grocery list." 

El said, "Yes totally bitchin' we'll have you eating in no time." She actually tugged Andy into her lap - "Andy makes the best grilled cheese." She kissed his cheek and Andy laughed softly. "You totally demolished a bunch of them." He told her - and she giggled, "Recharged my Batteries.." 

Max smirked blushing as she hid her face against El's neck. "What did you do that you needed to recharge your batteries?" Dustin asked.

"We all had sex together." El said bluntly - and both Andy and Max were beet red.

"Ah.. okay." Dustin said, smirking - and El said, "It was very, very nice." Andy looked at Dustin - "They were mostly.. doing the sexy.. I was mostly watching."  

Dustin smirked, "Uhuh.."

Max said softly, "You still played with us Sexy Boy." Andy smirked at her and she grinned. 

El said softly - "I still think Andrew is quite gay." Andy coughed and Max said softly, "Hush love, don't give away all our secrets."  

El blushed and she said, "Sorry.."

Dustin smirked, "Oh.. no you can tell me.. come over here Lilbit, and whisper them to me."

Both Max and Andy held onto El, Max said "No... don't tell him - he's a dirty pervert - he'll do nothing but tease us." 

Andy said husky soft, "Yeah - he's all evil you know."

"I'm innocent.." Dustin gave them all his best innocent face - but his eyes were all full of mischief.

Dustin smirked, and then he looked at Max. "Did you do naughty things to El and Andrew?" 

She breathed out sharply - ".. We're not telling you Flame thrower."

He smirked, and murmured softly, "It's okay... I'll get Andrew to confess his sins to me later."

Max and El were both blushing - and Andy just stared at him. "Won't you Andrew." He looked at him innocently. 

"Nope.. not working on me." Andy said, and he shook his head. 

"So... you say..." Dustin let out a soft, dark little chuckle. And El said softly - "He's being naughty... very naughty."

Max muttered, "Look at his sweet little face. But he has the face of an angel - and the soul of the devil."  They all laughed and Dustin bit at the air and Max laughed.

Dustin grabbed the phone, and he said - "I have to phone Magda, I'll be back in a minute okay?" He left a message on Magda's answer phone.

Max said - "Its fucking hot that you can speak French, so hot."

He laughed and said softly, "Are you in love with me Max." She pouted, "Yeah, I wish I was a sexy gay boy - so you could do naughty things with me." Dustin let out a soft little laugh, and he murmured, "I've missed you guys, so much." He laid down on the sofa, letting his arm drape over the side. He lazily stroked his belly - and just let his eyes close.

Dustin yawned, and then he said - "Shall we go pick up Mikey and Will later, come back here hang out?"

He opened his eyes, and the two girls were all curled up, just whispering to each other, Andy was cuddling Bonfire. "Sounds good Micalz." Andy gave him a smile, and Dustin smiled - "We want to make dinner once you get your groceries." El said, and Max added - "Yeah we should have a candle light dinner.. look at your table. It's perfect." 

Dustin laughed softly - "...Shall we get some wine to go with it?" El said, "Maybe Mike can steal some of Karen's wine."

They all laughed at that and Andy said, "Is his Mom a bit of a wino?"

Max laughed, "She's a total lush - and last time we all got together she was drunk, stoned and hitting on Robin." 

Andy grinned, "That's kinda fucked up..." 

Dustin laughed softly, "You guys can stay, sleepover - all of you can, I got plenty of room." El shifted and came and laid down on the sofa with him. "We noticed your hot tub - we should all hop in there." 

Dustin looked at her, "Its really nice - I was in there the other night, the stars are fucking unreal - there isn't a lot of light pollution, so... its crazy how amazing it is." 

Max said softly, "I'll go and get a bunch of movies - we can watch them?"

Dustin's gaze met hers, and she said softly - "I'll take them back too, when we've finished - don't worry Micalz." He just stared at her, quietly - it was the first time she'd ever called him that. And suddenly his eyes were full of tears.

"Hey... hey why are you crying Shit bird." Max's voice got all shaky and she immediately came and sat right beside him and El. 

"I just... I just realized how fucking much I missed you." He said hoarsely, "How much it fucking hurt that you weren't here."

Max let out a soft sob, and Dustin sat up and hugged her tightly, "My sweet Zoomie girl." He said softly - and Max was quiet, hiding her face in against his neck - he let his eyes close and she whispered, "I fucking missed you too Dustin. Thank you for getting me out - for saving me. I.. I'm not good with feelings, but I fucking love you. I hope you know how much you mean to me." 

Dustin just tugged her into his lap and he said softly, "You mean everything, I love you too. I'll always love you. Once we knew we could get you out - I was never going to leave you there."

Both El and Andy had tears streaming down their faces too and Dustin stroked his fingers through Max's hair. "I got you now, and Henry can kiss my lily white ass."

Max let out a teary little sob. "I just, I don't even know what to say... not really." 

Dustin gently gripped her chin - "You don't have to say anything, I hear you - I know, without you saying anything." He said softly. She just looked at him, and Dustin gently brushed her tears away. 

"I'll never let anyone hurt any of you." He lifted his head, and looked at all three of them - "I will keep you under my wings and protect you." Dustin's voice was soft, but had an edge to it. The shadow crossing over his face. "I won't let anyone hurt any of you ever again. If anyone tries? It'll be the last thing they ever do." 

Max let out a soft little exhale, and he gently cupped her cheek, kissing her forehead. "Shall we go and get Michael and William?"

El snuggled into his side, and she said softly - "I like it when you use their full names. It sounds nice." He kissed her softly and then he looked at Andy - "Andrew likes it too, don't you." Andy blushed and Dustin chuckled softly, Max whispered, "If you call me Maxine, I'll cut you." He grinned at her and she grinned back at him. 

"You're my little Lilith. I wouldn't dare call you Maxine." Max said softly, "Who's Lilith?" 

Dustin smirked and he said softly, "She's the mother of all Demons. Their protector - you suit that title."

She just looked at him, and he smirked - "Oh.. would you stop smirking at me!" Max growled at him - she smooshed his face and Dustin laughed - "Yes M'lady." He said solemnly. 

They laughed and El kissed Max's cheek, "Sweet girl, all blushy." Max kissed El, deep and slow - and Dustin just watched them. 

"Well damn.." He raised an eyebrow and Andy let out a dirty little chuckle. "Behave yourself Andrew." Dustin growled at him, and Andy just gave him a smirk. The girls were still kissing. 

"Ladies.. please - as hot as this is.." Andy said, and  Dustin smirked. 

El breathed out shakily and Max said softly - "Hmm delicious." Dustin laughed softly - "Yes it is, lets go hmm?" 

Max was shifting out of his lap and interlacing her fingers with El. "Pretty girls." Dustin said softly, giving them both a kiss on the forehead. 

"C'mon.. lets go." He tugged Andy up, and then he looked at Andy, "Well go get Roobear first?" Andy smiled, "Sounds good.."

Dustin smirked, and then he looked at Max - "Then we'll go to Family video, you can pick out what you want.. I don't want to get a new membership. You still okay with that?" 

Max said softly - "Yeah.. are you okay with going in there?" Dustin's eyes darkened and he looked at Andy, a little smirk on his face, "Yeah.. I'm fine with it." Andy was blushing and he smirked back. 

Max and El suddenly grinned and Max said - "Oh... you're - you're both.." Andy laughed, "We're not really together, I just.. told Micalz if he wanted to get a bit of revenge.. I'd help."

El said softly - "Good.. I.. think its wrong." She looked hurt - and angry, and she said quietly - voice angry. "They had been sneaking around the entire time - and then just decided to be together straight away? It's insensitive and hurtful - and they hurt you Micalz.. I don't forgive them." 

Dustin slid his fingers into her hair, lazily stroking her scalp - "Hush Lilbit.. I told you - I don't care." He lowered his gaze, and the three of them - still knew he was lying.

He put his baby sling on and put Bonfire inside. "Oh man... that's the cutest thing ever." Andy said, peeking inside at her. 

She sneeze barked at him and Max laughed - ".. You're carrying her around like she's a real baby."  El looked at Max, "She is his fur child... she is his Baby."

Max stroked her fingers against El's face, "Okay sweet girl." 

Dustin laughed, "She literally is my fur baby."

From inside the sling - Bonfire let out a soft little howl of agreement. "That's right, you're Mama's sweet little monster." Dustin told her and she whimpered at him.

El, Max and Andy all said, "So cute!" At the same time, and Bonfire let out her first, proper little bark. 

Dustin said softly, "Oh shit - you just barked!" Dustin grinned, "It was a bit squeaky, but you're doing great my sweet baby girl." She was looking at him - and he scratched behind her ears. "I love you too, my tiny love." 

The others were just watching him and he blushed - "Shut up." He muttered, and Andy laughed softly - "That's why I called you Mama D, totally her Mama.."

He smiled softly, and Dustin growled softly - "Hush Andrew..." They all piled into the car and Max laughed softly, "...You're too precious." El said to him, Dustin smiled at her - "You're my precious." He said back to her.

She giggled softly and he grinned. He realized while he was driving - as he listened to them joking, and talking - that it was the first time in days, that he actually felt calm. Dustin let out a soft exhale - and realized that maybe he could start getting ready, ready to do the work -  preparation for the rituals. Maybe I can start unlocking the other Keys.

***

Jay was tired - he'd been going through the motions - going to school, work - time seemed to all blur, he couldn't keep track of it. He knew what everyone was saying - seeing Dustin earlier that morning, had rattled him. 

Shaken him to the core - made Jay realized that this entire plan of Steve's was not going to work - it was crazy. It didn't feel like the right thing to be doing. Not to Jay. He'd become the talk of Hawkins high - the rumor mill was in full swing. 

He'd found out too that a lot of it had been started up by Steve's new best friend. Fucking Lucas. He narrowed his eyes as he walked into the cafeteria - it was nearly the end of the day, and Lucas was sitting with Ben, Ricky and a couple of the other guys from the basketball team. 

Jay gave him a dark look, "I want to talk to you." Jay's voice had a dark edge - his jaw was twitching. Lucas got up - "What's up." Jay punched him as hard as he could - sending Lucas sprawling into the table.

"The fuck is your problem!" Lucas spat blood out of his mouth, and Jay leaned over him - his voice was dark, his jaw twitching - "Don't act all innocent like you don't know what the fuck you've been doing - you little bitch." 

Lucas just stared at him. "You've been stirring the pot of shit this entire time, causing trouble and poisoning every thing. I know it was you that started running your fucking mouth off. I told you to keep you fucking trap shut."
 
He hauled Lucas back up by the collar, "You might think you're being funny, that this is all some joke? I'm not going to tell you again - If you fucking mess with my shit again, I'll cut your fucking tongue out." Lucas just stared at him, and Jay said "Do you compute?" 

Lucas let out a shaky exhale - and Jay threw him into the other boys - "I'll fucking cut your heart out and give it to him." Jay growled, "In fact.. if any of you pricks so much as look at him the wrong way... I'll use your skulls as my new ritual bowls."

They just looked at him - and Jay stormed out. 

He saw Mikey and Will standing by their lockers. Mike said - "..Ritual Bowls? Jesus Jay." He opened his locker and yanked out his books, shoving them into his bag. It was Will who smirked and then said softly - "I'd pay to see that actually." 

Mike said softly, "You're a twisted little puppy." He was looking at Will with his sexy eyes, and Will smirked and whispered, "Like you don't love it." 

Jay smirked and he said with a raised eyebrow, "Do you want a ritual bowl Will?"

Will just looked at him - "You have one?" Jay smirked, "Maybe I do.." 

They both looked at him, and Mike said softly - "I knew you were a twisted mother fucker, you have that whole vibe -  like the dark side, Eddie had that too.." 

Jay just looked at Mike, and he said - "Did you know what Eddie was really into?" Mike just looked at him, and Jay smirked - "Yeah... you did." 

Mike was blushing a little, and he said, "We did some shit, you know.. what I'm talking about." - He glanced briefly at Will, then he looked back at Jay. "Things that are secret." He added, and Jay nodded - "More to Hellfire, beneath the Curtain." He said softly. 

Mike smirked, "Yeah." Jay fist bumped Mike, and he said, "Yeah - we should talk sometime, I have some shit you might want." He looked down at Will, "Maybe Mikey, can give you a special Skull bowl." 

He winked at Mike, and he laughed softly - Will said, "Is it real?" His eyes were all big and yet he shivered and then nuzzled his face into Mikey's neck. "...I'll have to make you swear to secrecy before I can answer that William."

Mikey whispered into Will's ear, and Will just stared at him. "Holy shit.. yeah okay." Jay laughed and then he shut his locker. 

"...What happened with you and Dustin?" Will asked softly, and Jay just looked at him. 

"...He stepped away." Jay said softly. 

Mike leaned in and he stroked his fingers over Jay's head - "Then you gotta fucking step in and get him back - fucking Steve, what are you doing Jay. What are you doing?" 

Jay just stared at Mike, and Mike whispered - "...Get him back! You're like.. our Mom and Dad. Fuck sake you're not supposed to be getting a divorce." He slapped Jay's face lightly. 

Jay just stared at him, and Will said annoyed - huffing even - "It's true.. like what the fuck.. you're supposed to get married and have babies - the fairy tale is real, this shit? This shit is bullshit - that's what this fucking is. I want a Halloween themed wedding - Holly and me? We demand it you fuck." 

Mikey smirked and then said, "Yeah.. what my Honey baby said." Will was blushing and Mikey growled at him - "Sort it out, fucker." He gripped Jay's shirt, "We want our parent's back. Can't believe you and Steve - I mean... I love Steve, but.. what - the - fuck."

"He's a dumb shit, why'd you listen to him?" Will snorted - "Nancy is so pissed with you. Like Really?" He tugged Mikey with him, whispering, "We gotta go.. he's gonna be here soon." 

Jay frowned and he murmured, "Who's going to be here?"

"Mama.." Will said, kicking Jay's boot. "Dumb shit. If you and Steve think that you're plan is working - it isn't, you might be causing him to find... potential love somewhere else." He looked at Jay, those big brown eyes, like a deer - tearing up. "You're.. like going about this all wrong."

Mike growled out - "You know who's just waiting in the fucking wings.... right? Waited this entire time, and slowly been getting closer and closer to him."

Fucking Andrew. Jay breathed out sharply. 

Will said - "...Did you know Lucas was spinning a bunch of shit?"

"Yeah.. yeah I did know that. " He said quietly.  They both looked at him, and Will said, "We gotta go - just, unless you really are happy with Steve and only Steve? You might really wanna re-think what you're doing Jay." Will said softer, he curled his fingers through Mike's, and Mike added, "...We do know you love Steve, we can see it - but... Jay.." 

Mikey's voice got really soft, and he was doing his weird, fidgeting uncomfortable thing, "It's Dustin." 

Jay could see the sadness - Mike Wheeler was like a radio broadcasting all his feelings even though he had no idea at all how to process of deal with them. He got super noisy - and hyper with it. 

Jay gently curled his fingers into Mike's hair. "Calm down Michael, you're vibrating off the chart." 

Mike muttered, "I.. can't." 

Jay looked at Will, "...Calm him down. He'll make himself sick like this." 

Will nodded, and he whispered to Mike, who just looked like he was going to tear his hair out, tears in his eyes. "I.. I'm worried about him, about Dustin - have you seen him? He looks like hell - he's.." Mike was rambling, and fidgeting badly, and Will said softly - "It's okay Baby, you can see him soon, he's going to be right there.. breathe Michael."

Mike was struggling to breath, starting to panic - "No but remember when he passed out? He wouldn't go to the doctor - he never eats, he never eats Will - I'm scared for him - he's so tiny, so little - just like Andy said, he's.. he's disappearing, he - we should help him." Mike was stuttering his words. 

Will said softly, "We will.. Mike.." 

Jay stepped in closer, and he curled his hand against Mike's neck, and place his other hand against Mike's chest. Mike's heart was pounding - and he was breathing all wrong. "Focus Mikey, feel Will's hand in yours, feel him ground you." Jay gently tapped his fingers, slow - against Mike's chest. 

"Feel it, slow your heart beat to match." Mike's deer in the headlights eyes - he looked at Will, and then he let them close. "Warmth, and love - light surrounding you, can you see it?" Jay said softly.

Mike let out a soft, less labored breath. "That's it. Feel the beat - soft, calm. You're alright. Will has you - ground to the earth beneath your feet. He's your tether. Whenever you feel panicked, unsure - not safe, just feel him beside you, feel his heart beat with yours." 

Will looked at him and Jay smiled, Will had tears in his eyes, and Jay reached out, taking Will's hand, he placed it over Mike's chest. "You feel him Mikey?" 

"Yeah... yeah I feel him." Mike said softly, much calmer - his breath soft and calm. 

"That's good." Jay said softly. "You feel Will's warmth, his love and light surrounding you?" 

Mike nodded, tears sliding down his face, and Will said softly - "I'll always protect you Mike, I love you. You don't have to be scared." Jay kissed both of them on the temple. 

Mike opened his eyes, and he kissed Will softly, but then he wrapped his arms around Jay, and whispered - "Thanks Dad."

Jay laughed softly, and he murmured, "You goose, get outta here." 

Mike gave him a soft little smile, and Jay said softly - "Little shits. Get outta here." He watched them go down the hallway and he let his eyes close. He breathed out shakily, the ache - he really missed Dustin, it hurt - and he headed out to the car park. 

Jay got into his truck and drove to Family Video. When he stepped inside, Steve smiled at him, his pretty brown eyes watching him - while he finished up with a customer.

Steve pulled him in close as Jay slipped behind the counter. "Hey Babyface." Steve said softly, and Jay murmured, "Hey pretty Boy." Steve was quiet, and then he said - "You're upset, been worried too - ever since this morning." Jay breathed out in a rush, and he said huskily - "I didn't think you'd even seen him."

"I saw him - I'm just good at pretending I didn't." Steve said softly, "He... didn't look good." 

Jay nodded and he whispered - "I.. Steve I don't think this is working." Steve murmured - "Well its only been a week. He's still gotta see us together." 

Jay said softly, "I think Lucas has been stirring the pot and hurting him more than anything. Not just Sunshine - I suspect El and Max too, El... the way she was looking at me this morning." 

Steve said softly, "Like she wanted to kick your ass?" 

Jay let out a soft laugh - "If looks could kill - I'd be dead, six foot under - worms eating me." 

He let out a soft exhale, and Steve curled his fingers against the back of his neck - stroking his fingers against Jay's head. "Just.. give it a chance to work." He said softly - Jay lifted his head, and he just stared at Steve, quietly - and Steve murmured - "Do you trust me?" Jay breathed out softly, and he whispered - "Steve..." 

Steve murmured, "Do you love me?" Jay murmured against his mouth, "Yes, I love you." Steve said softly, "I love you too. Just.. give it a chance to work." 

Jay whispered, "...Mike and Will seem to think that Andy and Dustin are getting closer.." 

Steve frowned at that - "I'll fucking kill that little fuck..." The jealousy and anger full force - and Jay curled his fingers into Steve's hair. 

"You... need to be careful Steve - you've seen Sunshine's wrath, but... you haven't seen what he's capable of doing if he gets pushed over the edge." He whispered it, and Steve stared at him - Jay kissed him, and Steve kissed him back - it became hungry and needy.

Steve murmured breathless - "He did something really fucked up and bad.. didn't he.." 

Jay murmured huskily, "Yeah... yeah he did - for me. Because of a person that hurt me. He didn't even hesitate - you... haven't seen anything yet Pretty boy.." 

Steve muttered huskily, "Fuck.." They were kissing again when the door jingled, and they pulled apart slowly. 

Jay's heart leapt into his throat, and Steve was blushing. 

El, Max, Mike, Will, Andy - and Dustin - had all come into the store. Dustin was ignoring them like they hadn't been making out when they stepped into the shop. 

The two girls, were holding hands - and giving them dirty looks. Mike and Will were just staring at them both - not really saying anything, but glued to each other, their faces said it all. They liked seeing them kiss. Andy was avoiding looking at them altogether - and Steve breathed out hot against his face, Jay saw the way Steve was looking - following Dustin, he looked pained - his fingers, curled against Jay's loops in his jeans. 

Jay realized that Steve was suffering - not seeing Dustin, it wasn't just Jay that felt the ache. Steve's hands were shaking, and shaking violently all of a sudden. He's in pain. Jay stroked his fingers gently against Steve's arms - Steve let out a shaky exhale, he looked like he was going to vibrate out of his body.

Steve stepped back, "Hey.. gang." He said - trying to refocus. And Jay knew that Steve had been hiding just how much pain he was in - to protect him. 

Dustin was in the horror section, him and Andy were quietly talking to each other - Dustin had some kind of sling around his body. Jay curled one arm around himself - he sat in the chair behind the counter. Steve was making small talk with Mike and Will. 

Max was holding El's hand, El was just giving Jay the death stare. He looked at her and she looked him up and down and then she snarled and stalked out of the shop - the door banging angrily behind her.

Dustin's gaze followed her - and then he was leaning in and saying something to Andy. Andy was touching him - touching his arm, a soft brush of his fingers - and Jay had to look away. He felt like he wanted to go and rip his hands off. 

The door opened and Robin came in - "Hey Stevie. Hey Jaybird." She realized the baby crew were all there and she looked at Dustin - her grin replaced by a sad face. 

She walked down the aisle - and then she just curled her arms around him, pushing Andy away at the same time. I love you Robin Buckley. Dustin looked up at her, and she was peeking into the sling - Jay realized it was a Baby carrier. She said, "Oh shit - how fucking gorgeous!." Dustin had a soft little smile, "Her name is Bonfire."

Jay breathed out softly, it had to be the little grey pup. Andy was hovering - and Dustin reached out, taking hold of Andy's hand - pulling him in closer. Robin watching them - and she said, "Andy.. right?" Her voice was soft, and Andy said - "Yeah, ...uh sorry I don't remember your name?" 

Robin said, "Robin.." Andy gave her a smile, and Robin smiled - but she bit her lip. "Can you tell me where we can find the Exorcist?" Dustin was asking her - and Robin said, "Uh yeah - it's over here."

She led them to the next aisle - Steve's gaze was following their every move. Robin left them alone - coming closer, and then she said softly - "...Jesus Christ." She gave Jay a dark look - "...I don't understand." Robin said quietly to him. "I... don't.." She went out the back - and Steve was raking his fingers through his hair. 

He looked like he was going to throw up. El came back into the shop - and Mike wrapped his arm around her, whispering something to her. 

El kissed his cheek, and then she pulled Will in close - whispering something to him. Max had a stack of movies in her arms - and she put them on the counter - giving Steve a face. 

"What is your fucking problem?" Steve growled at her - she just looked at him, "Nothing. What's yours?" She asked, cool as a cucumber. 

El looked at Steve, and she hissed out, "You look like shit. Good." Steve just stared at her - tears welling up in his eyes, and El's wrath died - she let out a shaky breath and then she disappeared, going to look for Dustin and Andy. 

Max looked at Steve, and then she reached into her pocket and gave Steve a little packet of unopened Kleenex. "..Jackass." She muttered.

Jay stared down at his hands - and Steve muttered, "I... need some air." He walked out the front of the store - not saying anything else. Jay felt his stomach get too tight. He rubbed his fingers over his head. He heard Dustin laughing, and he breathed out shakily. 

Max said softly, "Jay..."

He lifted his head, and she said softly - "I love you." Jay's eyes filled with tears, and she said softly - "He's scared, really scared - I think you should talk to his friend Magda - you know her too right?" Jay nodded, and she said - "Yeah.. or, talk to his Mom... Maybe she can help you." He just exhaled slowly and he said softly - his voice hoarse. "Thanks Red." Max said softly, "He is doing this to protect you."

Jay just stared at her, and she just stared back. 

Max went and stood with Mike, Will and El - but she looked at him again. Jay shifted his gaze when he felt Dustin - his breath caught in his throat. Dustin was watching him, and Jay couldn't tear his gaze away.  But then Dustin lowered his gaze again, and he was brushing his fingers against the back of Mike's neck and into his hair. 

"You okay Mikey?" Dustin asked him softly, and Mike gave him a soft smile. Dustin held his arms open, and Mike gave him a cuddle - he towered over the top of Dustin - Jay heard Dustin say, "Silly boy, I love you, I heard you got upset?." 

Jay was watching Mike get all fidgety - and then Dustin just held his hand, the two of them going to the snacks. Mike was still all fidgety, and Dustin curled his hand around Mike's "Andy is going to make us dinner - I'll try okay? I'll try.." Mike said softly, "Yeah? I... I will too." Dustin actually had to stand on his tiptoes to give him a kiss.

Mike relaxed and he stopped fidgeting. "You pick the candy..." Dustin said softly - his voice was all husky, Jay knew he was trying not to cry.

Dustin looked over at Andy, and Andy gave him a smile - Dustin smirked, and Jay felt his heart hammer against his chest. 

"Andrew.. c'mere.." Dustin said - holding his other hand out. 

Andy walked over and Dustin took hold of his hand, interlacing their fingers - and Jay breathed out shakily. He watched as Steve walked back in - and he approached them - "Hey.." Steve said to Dustin, Dustin said quietly, "Hey.."

They were just staring at each other, and Jay watched as everyone else in the room disappeared. Andy saw it happen too - so did Mike. 

Steve was just staring at Dustin, and Dustin was staring at Steve. 

Dustin let go of Andy's hand and Jay thought to himself. Andy is nothing - he doesn't even exist. All he sees right now is Steve. 

Jay's stomach fluttered, and Dustin backed up - he was avoiding looking at Steve, he left Andy standing there with Mikey, and Steve said softly - "..Baby boy."

His fingers brushed Dustin's and Dustin smacked his hand away - but the damage was already done. 

Dustin let out a soft little pained whimper - and then he walked out the shop. 

Steve growled at Andy and got in his face - Mike said, "Steve... don't."

Steve breathed out sharply - "You'll just piss him off if you hurt Andy." Steve was pissed - Andy was still, not moving - and Steve stormed out the shop - Jay knew he was going to look for Dustin. 

Mike's gaze met Jay's and Andy suddenly said, "Holy shit - I thought he was going to fucking kill me." His voice was soft, and Mike said - "I did too." 

Andy let out a shaky laugh and Mike said, "...He was literally going to attack - I'm surprised he even listened to me."

Andy's gaze met Jay's - and they just stared at each other.

Then Andy muttered softly, "Jesus - yeah no." He muttered at Mike, who smirked at Jay and he said to Andy - "Steve's a pussy cat - till you mess with Dustin, dude's obsessed with him." 

Andy said - "Yeah... I.. figured, he was at Micalz' one day.. hmm got him to eat though."

Jay's heart beat a little faster at that. 

"He did?" Mikey said softly, a little smile on his face and Jay smiled - Mike was such a sweet little goober. 

"Yeah he did - got him these fucking yummy as shit cinnamon scrolls? I thought he was going to kill me then too - he kissed him and got all possessive." Andy said softly, rubbing his neck. 

 Mike said - "Was it hot." 

Andy said softly - "Dude.. so hot." 

Jay actually let out a laugh - the two boys looking at him.

Andy was blushing and Mike said - "...Yeah.. hot." He glanced at Jay, scratching his neck.

Jay looked up as Robin reappeared by his side, she stroked her fingers lazily over his head - and Jay caught her hand in his. "You.. okay sweetling?" She asked him softly. Jay murmured, "Not really Bobbin." She said softly - "Where is Stevie?"

Jay tugged her into his lap, and murmured - "Probably with Sunshine."

She looked at him - and she whispered, "He backed off - not you, or Steve." He nodded and she said softly, "I'm sorry I though it was because of you and Steve." Jay let his eyes close - and Robin said quietly, "Do you think he found him?"

"I don't know." Jay said softly. "Maybe?" He stared down at his hands - "...If he did, it's okay - if Steve can give him peace, if he can give Steve that too.." He whispered, and Robin said softly, "Oh Sweetling." She kissed his forehead and Jay said softly, "Can you tell Steve, I'll see him later Babe? I need.. to go - I'm.. you know.. I just..." 

She cradled his face in her hands, "I'm sorry you hurt Jay." 

Jay whispered, "It's okay." He whispered - "I'll be okay." 

Jay got up and Andy caught his gaze - the other boy walked over to the counter - he reached over and grabbed a post-it and then a pen and he wrote something on it. Then he came closer, and he put the piece of paper into Jay's jacket pocket. 

"He'll be angry with me, but.." Andy said softly - "...I'm prepared to face his wrath." Jay just stared down at Andy - the other boy said softly, "We're just friends Jay." 

Jay let out a soft breath, he gave Mike a soft little kiss on his cheek. 

"Eat Andy's grilled cheese okay?" Jay said - he looked at Andy, "Sunshine, he'll eat - if you break it up into small pieces. Not too much all at once." Andy nodded, "Alright Jay." He let out a soft exhale, and then Jay added quietly - so only Andy could hear him, "You told him who was hurting you." It wasn't a question, and Andy just nodded. 

"He'll protect you." Jay said softly. 

He left the shop, heading back to his truck - he could see Dustin's car still in the parking lot - but there was no sign of him or Steve. When Jay was sitting in his truck - he pulled out the post-it note. There was an address scrawled on the piece of paper. Jay breathed out softly, and he let his eyes close. The fact that Andy had said he was prepared to face His wrath, Jay knew it was connected to Dustin. Jay put it back in his pocket, he started the truck - and headed back to the trailer.

Chapter Text

Dustin felt that all too familiar dizzying pull as Steve approached him - it was like everything - everyone else disappeared, and Dustin couldn't breathe - he couldn't tear his eyes away. That soft little "Hey." and Dustin was caught up in his spell, he felt like his legs weren't going to hold him up anymore. 

Dustin had answered him back, with a soft "Hey." And he felt like he lost control - felt like the ground was going to give out from underneath him. It was such a visceral, brutal response - Steve was suddenly reaching out for him, "Baby boy.." He smacked Steve's hand away and then he bolted, he didn't even know where he was going. 

He wound up in the alleyway next to the store - his heart was pounding in his chest, all erratic - and he felt dizzy, his vision swimming with black spots. Dustin braced himself against the wall, and he realized he'd been holding his breath, he exhaled all at once - the nausea hitting him hard. Dustin curled his fingers against the brick wall and whispered, "Fuck."

Steve had followed him, Of course he fucking followed. He leant up against the opposite wall - watching him.

Dustin let his eyes close and he leant back against the wall behind him. 

Neither of them were speaking. Dustin could feel Steve's gaze - too intense. He exhaled slowly - trying to get his heart to stop racing. Steve said softly, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Dustin's voice was shaky, too quiet - and he opened his eyes. 

Steve raked his fingers through his hair, his hands were shaking - shaking bad and Dustin let out a soft exhale. They just stared at each other, for how long - Dustin wasn't sure. He finally lowered his gaze.

Steve growled softly, "So you and Andy.." Dustin felt the heat curl in his belly, he knew - he could feel it - feel the jealous rage, the possessive wave that washed over him from Steve. Dustin lifted his gaze, watching Steve from under his lashes. 

Steve said darkly, "So you fucking him?" Dustin's jaw twitched, and he said icily - "And that's your business how Steven?" They both looked at each other, rage bubbling under the surface. Steve growled, "Because you don't belong to Him."

Dustin felt the shiver of need ripple through his body. "Last I checked, I don't belong to anyone." Dustin said in the same tight, angry voice. He lowered his gaze, and Steve said with the same growl, "Yes, you fucking do." 

Dustin's hair fell into his face where it had fallen out of his messy bun, and he let out a soft breath. "You seem perfectly happy with Jayden." He kept his head down, and Steve stepped a little closer. Dustin lifted his head, and he hissed out - "Don't." 

Steve moved in closer, and Dustin said - "Do you want me to hurt you? Because I will, I will if you don't back off." He lifted his head, and said angrily - "I will fuck you up, stay away from me." He exhaled slowly, and Steve said softer, his voice husky, "So.. do it then."

He was suddenly right there, too close - and he murmured, "I'm not scared of you." Dustin tensed up as Steve brushed his fingers against his face, and then he gripped his chin. 

Dustin grabbed hold of Steve's wrist, and he snarled - "I told you not to fucking touch me." He went to push Steve away - and Steve just pinned him against the wall. "So, what are you going to do? I'm touching you.. Oh no." His eyes dark, he lowered his gaze to Dustin's mouth, and he whispered - "I might even kiss you."

"I'll bite your tongue out of your mouth.." Dustin said softly, and Steve smirked - "So do it then.." He licked at his mouth and Dustin growled - biting at Steve's tongue, but then Steve curled his fingers - gentle against his throat, and he tilted Dustin's head - and licked against his top lip again, and he whispered - "Just a little taste."

Dustin shivered, and he whispered - "Fuck you, I'm not playing these games with you anymore Steven." 

"Oh.. but you love it, you can't say no to me... because you miss me.." Steve murmured, and then he licked into Dustin's mouth - and Dustin whimpered softly, pushing at Steve's chest weakly - and then he curled his fingers and Steve said softly, "Kiss me.. my sweet Baby.." 

Dustin whispered - "I don't want too.." But he licked into Steve's mouth, he tasted so good - and he could taste Jay, he could taste Jay and Dustin kissed Steve hungrily, whimpering into his mouth - and Steve cradled his face in his hands - taking his sweet time, torturing him with the kiss. 

Dustin was left dizzy, breathless - and he breathed out shakily - "You.. taste so good." Steve said huskily, and Dustin said softly - "You're a slut." Steve murmured, "So are you.. as soon as I see you, I can't... I want you, you want me too... I know you do. You want my hands on you - my skin against yours. I need you so fucking bad, it hurts.." 

Steve breathed against his face, and Dustin whispered - "You're wrong, I don't.." He tilted his head back as Steve kissed his throat.

"Lies.." Steve murmured. Dustin curled his fingers against Steve's chest - and then he whispered, "I'm not a slut..." Steve whispered, "Yeah, you are.. you're my sweet, dirty Baby - you're addicted to me, to my hands touching you.. to my mouth, my cock inside you.. my cum in your pussy." 

Dustin was shaking, trembling and he let out a shaky, harsher exhale. "You know I'm right, I bring you back to life.. the same way you bring me to life.. fucking resurrect me - my salvation.. I can't live without you." 

Steve sucked against his pulse and Dustin gasped out - and then he was kissing Steve, hungrily - desperate and Steve moaned into his mouth, he wasn't stopping - they kept kissing, chasing each others tongues - and Dustin whimpered as they finally broke their kiss. 

They were both shaking - and Steve said with a soft growl, "I fucking love you, I love you and I'm dying without you... look at you - my sweet Baby, you're hurting - aren't you... hurting so bad - you need me too."

Dustin looked up at Steve, Steve murmured - "I'll die if I don't try, try and get you to see me. If I don't take away your breath, like you do to me.." Steve had tears in his eyes and he said huskily, "There's nothing calm about the way I feel, you make the storm rage inside me - and if he touches you again I'm going to kill him. I'm going to rip his fucking heart out and feed it to you." 

Dustin let out a gasp against Steve's mouth, and Steve growled - "You're mine, you're mine and nothing - is ever going to change that." He brushed his fingers against Dustin's face - wiping away tears that Dustin didn't even know were falling.

He let out a soft breath, whimpering as Steve brushed his thumb against his mouth and then pushed it inside. Dustin sucked on it softly and Steve said softly, "I know just by looking into your eyes, that you feel the same way." 

He bit down against Steve's finger - and Steve whispered against his mouth, "You crave me, like I crave you.. do you want me to prove it? Hmm.. What do you want me to do.. Tell me and I'll do it.. Do you want me to kill someone for you, cut their heart out and bring it to you.."

Dustin curled his fingers against Steve's chest, and he whispered breathlessly - "You shouldn't say things like that to me.."

Steve whispered, "Why not, its true...I'd do it, I'll do it - tell me.."

Dustin just stared at Steve, and he said softly - "You're insane." Steve was kissing his face, his jaw - then he murmured against his ear, "I'll do it.. whisper me the name, I'll fucking do it.." He shifted the angle of his head, and then they kissed again - Dustin felt Steve slide his fingers into his hair, his kiss was so delicious and Dustin slid his fingers into Steve's hair, he was breathless when Steve pulled away.

"I know someone.." Steve breathed out softly against his face and Dustin just stared up at him - "I know you're not living at your moms. She wouldn't tell me where you are.. but.. I know who I can hurt, someone that I can tear apart, and prove to you.. how much I fucking love you." Steve growled softly, "I know the perfect person."

Dustin's eyes fluttered closed and Steve whispered, "Will you tell me where you are so I can bring you his heart?"

Dustin gasped out softly, and he whispered "Steve..."

"Tell me, my sweet Baby.. Tell Daddy where you are - so I can come, and bring you your present.." Steve said husky and soft. "Tell me.." 

Steve whispered, "I'll bring it to you tomorrow night. You'll never think I don't love you. You can eat it.." Dustin whispered, "Why are you doing this." Steve growled softly, "Because I'll follow you into the flames."

Dustin whispered shakily, "It...the only house on the other side of Lovers lake."

"I'll see you tomorrow night, my sweet Baby." Steve kissed him again, softer - sweeter and he murmured softly - "Make sure nobody else is there.. just us." Dustin breathed out shakily, and Steve stepped back, they both just stared at each other - and Steve said softly, "I'll see you tomorrow.."

Every time we say goodbye, it hurts.

Dustin watched him walk away, his heart was beating erratically - he was still standing there - brushing his fingers over his mouth - He won't really do it.

Would he?

Dustin was shaking apart, and he made his way back into the shop - Steve wasn't there, he was shaking - shaking and on edge, and Jay was gone too. He was jumpy and feeling overwhelmed, over-stimulated. Quiet and lost in his thoughts as he drove everyone back to his house. He couldn't stop thinking about Steve, about what he said - I'll cut out his heart and feed it to you.

Dustin wasn't sure what bothered him - the fact that Steve wanted to kill someone - someone that Dustin couldn't figure out who. Or the fact that Dustin wanted it more than anything, he craved it. He craved Steve doing it - and even worse. 

He wanted Steve to feed him the heart. The heart of his enemy? Yes your enemy, He's going to kill for you. And that is how much he loves you. Loves you to the point he'll kill for you. Like you killed for Saisch. 

Dustin couldn't stop shaking. He tried to relax - Andy made everyone Grilled Cheese - they lit candles and had red wine. Dustin sat between Mike and Andy - he listened to his friends talking, and everyone knew he was on edge. Dustin's eyes were dark, shadows cast over his face from the candle light.

Mike said softly, "You okay?" 

He breathed out shakily, eyes wild - dark and Dustin sipped his wine, and then he said softly - "Yeah.. yeah fuck." Mike linked their pinkies and he said - "You seem on edge." Dustin whispered, "I am.. I am Mike, I ... can't .. I don't know.. I don't know.."

He breathed out in a rush - and Andy said softly, "What happened with Steve? Did something happen?" Dustin stared at Andy, "Yeah.. yeah.." He nodded. Andy said, "Wanna eat?" Dustin thought about eating the heart and he felt starving. 

Ravenous. "The fuck is wrong with me." He growled it out - everyone was looking at him. Mike squeezed his pinky, and Andy broke a piece of his grilled cheese sandwich off - and Dustin ate it, he ate the whole sandwich.

It was delicious - and Mike ate his too.

Dustin was shaking, and he ate another one, as Andy fed him that too.

Mike kissed Dustin's temple and he ate another one as well. Their pinkies still curled together. When they'd both finished - Dustin said softly, "Both of you come outside with me?"

They both nodded, and they slipped outside into the back yard - leaving Will and the two girls to finish their food. Dustin was pacing a little - Andy and Mike sat together on the porch swing. "I'm fucked up, seriously fucked up - I mean it.. seriously... fucked up." Mike took a mouthful of his wine - leaning against Andy. "Why? And who cares? You're perfectly fine." He looked at Andy, "Right?"

Andy was watching Dustin, "Yeah.. what are you getting so worked up about Micalz."  

Dustin breathed out in a rush - "I want to eat something, but its fucked up." Mike stretched out and he reached out and tugged Dustin into his lap. "Come and tell us." He raised an eyebrow, calm because of the wine - he murmured, "It can't be that bad."

Dustin said softly, "...Have you ever eaten something raw?"

Mike looked at him - "Like what."

Andy said - "I ate raw fish - rare steak... but yeah."

"I'm talking a raw heart." Dustin said - his voice rough. "I mean, this girl - well she.. once she offered me raw rabbit hearts, long story - and I thought it was kinda weird at the time. I didn't eat them." Mike was just watching him, dark eyes so dark and Dustin breathed out softly - Andy said, "Well what's weird about that - people use them in pate? That shit is raw."

Dustin's gaze flicked briefly to Andy. "I'm not talking about fucking pate Andrew."

"You're talking about eating it raw, because someone is going to do a sacrifice." Mike's voice was super calm, like he was discussing the weather. 

Dustin just stared at him, and Mike stared back - then he leaned in close, resting his head against Dustin's he said softly - "That's what the rabbit hearts were. They were a sacrifice - a gift to you. If you didn't eat them, did you burn them? Keep the ashes?"

"How the fuck did you know that?" Dustin's voice was grit. 

"You're not going to burn this one and keep the ashes." Mike smirked - "I think.." He whispered against Dustin's ear, "You're going to eat this one."

Dustin shivered, and he stared at Mike quietly. "The fuck Michael."  Mike's eyes lowered down to Dustin's pendant. And Dustin's eyes followed. 

"We have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body, through the Blood of our enemies." Mike said softly.

Dustin just stared at him - "You.. fucking - the hell Michael."

Mike said softly, "So yeah, Eddie and I.. you know, we didn't just play D&D."

Andy said quietly, "You're into some shit?"

Mike laughed softly, "Yeah, you could say that." He looked at Dustin - "He taught me a lot. I fucking miss him - I haven't been right since he died. But you know that better than anyone." Tears welled up in Mike's eyes.

Dustin breathed out shakily, "Is everyone into shit that I don't know?" Dustin said softly.

Mike murmured - "No and yes, but - I think Eddie, I don't know whether he knew - but he wanted to teach me stuff, so that I could help you if you needed help." 

Dustin whispered, "Is that why you've been so rattled - so worried about me?"

Mike nodded, "I was going to be initiated into the Golden Dawn - but when he ..went missing." He let out a soft exhale - "I.. just."

Dustin said softly, "My mom can do that if you still want to  be."

Mike said softly, "Yeah I do. I really do."

Dustin said softly - "Mike... he didn't go missing."

Mike said quietly, "I figured it was something worse than that - because of how lost you got, how you pushed us all away. If you can't tell me, I will wait till you can."

"He.. died in my arms. I couldn't save him - I got hurt, I couldn't bring him home - his body. I.. had to burn his body there.." Dustin said shakily.

Mike just cuddled Dustin in close and he said softly, "I'm so sorry, I know how much you loved him. I'm sorry you went through all that on your own." They were both crying and Dustin said shakily - "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you too. I know you lost him too. I'm sorry Michael."

Mike shook his head, "We're rebuilding our foundations - stronger and better than before. We're not little kids anymore - we're family, you're my brother. I'm your brother."

Mike stared down at Dustin's phoenix tattoo. "This is literally us - all of us. But especially you. All the fucked up shit we've all been through - ever since Will got taken. We've all been broken, broken apart - but we're rebuilding ourselves back from the ashes. Eddie would be so proud of you, he really would."

Dustin sat quietly, tears slid silently down his face. 

"We're all going to be family forever - this has forged our bond stronger than it ever was when we were little kids. You made me feel brave enough to be myself. To stop being fucking scared." Mike said softly, "You've done that for all of us, in different ways. I think, that you've changed yes - but its for the better. Because you're free now - free to just be you."

Dustin whispered shakily, "You gotta stop now Michael, I'm gonna fucking fall apart here."

Mike said softly, "And even if you do - you got all of us to help put you back together." 

They just sat quietly and then Mike said to Andy - "You probably need to be filled in about the Upside down and all that shit. You don't know right?"

Andy said, "Max and El filled me in. Not everything  - but yeah, I know that Will didn't die after getting lost in the woods."

Mike nodded - "Yeah.. that was the worst week of my life."

Dustin let his eyes close, and Mike said softly - "So.... if you wanna eat the heart - fucking eat it."

Andy and Mike were just looking at him - and Dustin said hoarsely, "But its fucked up?"

Mike shrugged, and Andy said with a soft little chuckle - "Has that ever stopped you before? Besides... you're the Prince of Darkness."

Both Andy and Mike laughed softly, and Dustin growled out - "I wanna fucking eat a heart for fuck's sake - it turned me on, and you bitches are laughing? I think you might be as twisted as I am."

Mike smirked, "Will got all turned on because Jay was threatening to turn Lucas and his bitch assed friends into Ritual bowls.. yeah no I don't give a fuck if you wanna eat someone's heart."

"Ritual bowls?" Dustin murmured.

Mike smirked, "Yeah... he totally beat the shit out of him in the cafeteria today." 

"He deserved having his ass kicked." Andy muttered softly, lighting a cigarette - he took a drag, and then handed it to Dustin.

"Ritual Bowls." Dustin said again - taking a drag on the cigarette - "Using what?"

Mike smirked, stealing the cigarette he took a drag - "Their skulls."

He exhaled lazily - and Dustin said - "You're a twisted little fuck, the face of an angel - all cheekbones and lips and pretty eyes. And you're a dark fuck."

Mike laughed softly, "You're Lucifer - You literally attract the broken and dark like Moths to a flame. We're your kindred - your our dark Sheppard. We're you're fucking lambs. Why are you ashamed to be who you are... I don't care if you wanna eat hearts, bathe in blood - fucking break bones and crack skulls. I'll fucking help you."

Andy muttered, "You're making me hard - shut the fuck up Wheeler." Mike laughed and Dustin said - "Be this free Michael, all the time - be happy like this. Okay?"

He kissed Mike softly, "You're always getting so upset, you don't need to feel that way."

Mike said softly - "Yeah?"

Dustin nodded and he watched Mike smoke the cigarette - "Andrew give me another one." Andy smirked and he held one out - Dustin took it between his lips and then clicked his flames from his fingers - lighting it and Mike said - "Damn.. can you do anything else?"

He exhaled lazily, staring up at the sky - "...Yes  Michael." Their gazes met. "But more soon." 

They were all staring up at the sky - and Mike said softly, "Look at all those stars." Andy murmured, "They're beautiful." 

"Every star, is the remnant of the Fallen." Dustin said softly. 

The other two boys looked at him, and Dustin said - "That is how many fell with me - their wings burned away - and left the stars behind."

"That's both sad, and Beautiful." Andy said softly.

"It is, it's their lament to me, that they chose to rebel.." Dustin's voice was soft, almost too quiet. "I know things, remember things now when I sleep - I should tell you both something else."

They both looked at him. 

"I will tell you soon, not yet." He murmured - "But soon." Dustin's gaze met Mike's, "I have some things I want you to help me with?"

Mike's dark eyes met his and he said, "Anything."

Dustin let out a soft exhale, "I need you to work with Jay, but say its for you. Can you do that?"

Mike just said softly, "You know I can." Andy was just watching them both quietly - and then he was staring up at the stars. 

Dustin pulled Mike in close and he whispered, "I do know, A-ai-om amiran apila matorb." (You are my family, I will protect you.)

Mike's eyes filled with tears, and he said softly - "I don't know what you just said, but... I feel it." 

Dustin smiled, a soft little smile. And he stroked his fingers through Mike's hair - his eyes glowed like there were flames in them. He gently stroked a symbol against Mike's forehead. "You feel it because you know. Pa-aox piap Michael." (Remain in Balance)

Mike looked like a wave of calm washed over him - and he said softly, "What... what'd you do?" Dustin said softly - "Do you feel better?" Mike said quietly - "Yeah.. yeah I really do." Dustin said softly, "Then that's all that matters, it doesn't matter what I did - just that you feel better."

Mike just stared at him quietly, and Andy said to Dustin - "Did you work your magick?" 

Dustin let out a soft laugh, "Hush you." He smiled though and then he said softer - "I gave Michael what he needs to be calm. So restless, so much worry - no more Mikey." Mike was still just staring at him. "Go and find Will, give him sweet kisses." Dustin said softly. Mike blushed and then he said softly - "Yeah... I, I really fucking missed you." Dustin said softly, "I missed you too Michael."

He watched him walk back inside, and Dustin shifted - sitting beside Andy - and he let out a soft little breath. "You okay?" He asked Andy, who looked at him - and then he said softly, "Yeah, I'm okay. Just.. thinking about what you said, that they're all remnants.. of the fallen." They both looked up at the stars. 

"I know that you appreciate the beauty of words Andrew." Dustin said softly. "There's a poet inside you." 

Andy let out a soft laugh, "I... you think so?" Dustin smirked, "Mhmm.. so.." He leaned in closer and whispered, "Remember.. you were going to whisper to me your Sins?" Andy blushed, and he said, "No.. you said that, I didn't." Dustin pouted, "But... you should still tell me.. because I wanna know your dirty secrets."

They both laughed and Dustin ruffled his fingers through Andy's curls. "I...fuck I did something and you're going to be pissed with me." Andy said softly - and Dustin let out a soft exhale. 

"Tell me what you did Andrew." He watched Andy quietly, and Andy whispered - "I ...gave Jay your address."

The silence crept in - and Dustin gripped Andy's face - "Why'd you do that?" Andy said softly, "Because you're in pain, because you love him and you need him."

Dustin sighed softly, and he rest his head against Andy's - "You're a pain in the ass." He kissed Andy's forehead. "I'll have to punish you now." He sighed again and Andy said - "You're not pissed?"

"I told Steve where to find me, it would only be a matter of time before Jay did... so no, I'm not pissed at you." He said softly, "Besides.. you did it because you care, I.. no - I'm not pissed at you. I just.. I don't know." He said softly. Dustin curled up and Andy held him in against his side. "I thought Steve was going to kill me." He whispered.

"What stopped him?" Dustin asked softly.  Andy murmured, "Mike." Dustin laughed softly - "Of course he did." Andy was stroking his hair, and he said softly - "I .. get what you said now, about how Steve affects you. How.. he gets - how you get." Dustin interlaced their fingers and he said quietly, "He... wants to give me someone's heart, someone that hurt me." 

"As in...kill for you?" Andy said softly, "...Fuck Micalz that's... like a whole other level. But.. am I fucked up - I think its Beautiful."

Dustin said softly, "It's because you're a poet Andrew. Yes... as in kill for me. I told you... Steve and I - we're both good, and bad for each other. He told me once that he wished he knew how to quit me. I...think I would die without him." He whispered the last part, and Andy said softly - "And, Jay too?"

Dustin nodded, "It's killing me without him, I feel like.. I'm...dying." He whispered. 

Andy said softly, "Then why... why did you walk away." Dustin stared up at the sky - "Because we'll destroy each other. We've done it before." He whispered it and Andy said, "But... you said you and Steve were bad for each other too."

Dustin's gaze met Andy's - "I will love them both for infinity - it doesn't mean that I am good for either of them Andrew. I will destroy them. Don't you understand? I will destroy everything in the End. I am.. the end of everything."

Andy just stared at him - and Dustin said, "Write poetry about that.." Andy gently brushed his hair out of his face, and then he said softly - "Maybe you're wrong, maybe you're the beginning instead of the end."

Dustin stared up at the sky. "I wish that were true." He said softly, "...but you're not stupid, it isn't true. I'm not even fully awake, and I know who I am." His gaze met Andy's again, "I'm not sure any of you realize what is going to happen. But I've been caged for thousands of years - and I'm not staying caged. They couldn't handle me being broken - I'm not sure they realize what is going to happen once I'm not broken anymore."

Andy leaned in closer and he whispered, "You think they don't know that you should have a warning label?"

Dustin gripped Andy's chin and he said icily, "I don't think you've read the warning label Andrew." He pushed Andy away - and he lowered his gaze, "I don't think anyone has."

Andy snorted softly, and he said, "You told us you would protect us, now you're trying to tell me that we should all be scared of you? You're full of shit, you're not scaring me off Micalz, so cut your bullshit." 

Dustin looked at him and Andy raised an eyebrow - ".. Fuck you." He said with a smirk, "You can go back to Hell if you think your getting rid of us now."

Dustin narrowed his eyes and then he bit Andy's jaw. "Fucker." Andy just laughed, "Plus, you're worried about Jay? He threatened to turn Lucas and his bitch assed friends into Ritual bowls.. dude.. c'mon."

He shivered and Andy pulled him in closer. "Full of shit you are. I know what a Hobbit is too now - by the way. El read some of the Lord of the Rings to me." He added, "The most boring fucking book - shit man someone needs to make a movie of that."

Dustin huffed softly and muttered, "Fucking tricksy Hobbit."

Andy just smirked, "Yes Precious." They both laughed and Andy grinned, "Did you like the Grilled Cheese?" Dustin muttered, "It was okay." Andy smirked - "So you did then." Dustin glared at him - "I hate you Andrew." Andy just gave him the finger. 

Chapter Text

Steve sat quietly - he just stared with dark eyes, watching him - as he squirmed. Steve took photo's. "What you're not going to smile for the camera?" He asked, smirking. The older man staring at Steve with fear in his eyes, he stunk of it - it oozed out of him.

Terrified, confused - not understanding what was happening. The red lightning crackled and lit up the trailer and he smiled, a soft - little knowing smile. "Who are you?" He asked Steve, and Steve just rest the knife against his lips - kissing the blade, "I'm a friend of Dustin's - you remember Dustin, right?"

He looked at Steve, the fear was deeper now - "You were supposed to protect him, keep him safe - isn't that what a Father is supposed to do?" Steve asked, "Funny thing about Father's - Mine never gave a fuck about me either."

"Well... I don't really remember mine? Or my Mother - they disappeared on me a long time ago." He had a strange little smile on his face again - "I think I might have done something to my parents... killed them. I think I did - I drink a lot though, so I don't really remember? I think I blocked it out."

"Sometimes I remember things, but mostly - I don't remember. I have black outs? I don't remember a lot - I'm an alcoholic.. I have issues." Steve scooted the chair closer - "I know I do things sometimes, I get these... urges. But I think I remember cutting out my Mother's throat so she wouldn't scream when I cut her insides out."

Dustin's father stared at him - "Don't look at me like that you fuck - like you're not a monster." Steve's voice was dark - "You raped him, tormented him - hurt him. And you hurt Claudia - beat them, they're both so good - he was so pure, so sweet, and you fucking hurt him. He's my family, they're my family."

Steve stabbed his knife right through his hand - and then dragged it, tearing through the tendons - that made him scream. They he did the same to the other one, "I should cut them off." He snarled.

"Go ahead and scream - nobody can hear you here. It's like my own private torture chamber. I like to inflict pain, I dream about that - doing things making them scream - they're always screaming." Steve smiled, a soft little smile - "I like hearing people scream, so.. go ahead."

He licked the blood from the blade and then he said - "It would have been nice to torture you in front of him.. I think he would have liked that - but? I'll just settle for torturing you and then cutting your heart out slowly."

"It'll make you taste all the sweeter." Steve leaned in, like he was telling him a secret - "You liked the fear when you hurt him didn't you. I should cut your cock off and he could burn it - I'd carry your body back to him in pieces - hmmm that's actually a good idea, I could do that."

He cut shallow cuts into his arm, more screams and Steve whispered - "This is just boring.. you're boring me, I just..." He slit along the inside of his wrist, "You'll bleed out slowly, while I cut it out."

Steve grabbed hold of him by his shirt collar. Then he ripped it open and stabbed the knife in - making him scream - "...Yeah scream, get all that fear flowing through your veins - into your heart." Steve lit a cigarette, taking a lazy drag.

Steve was all covered in blood and he licked it from his fingers. "Tastes good, even if you are a cunt." He gripped his face and he spat in it. Steve pressed the cigarette down into his arm, another scream - he threw the cigarette butt away.

"Are you ready?" He let out a soft little laugh, and then Steve straddled his lap - and he plunged the knife in - slicing through the flesh. He took more photo's. Steve growled in his throat - Steve's eyes darkened to completely black entirely - the whole of his eyes, but shone with a reddish hue. He removed the knife, stabbing it into the older man's knee - then he dug his hands in and pulled, and Steve cracked open his chest, it cracked like a nut cracking out of its shell.

Steve breathed in as he was covered in blood - and he let out an excited little growl - opening his chest up - "Shame you died so fast." He said, almost sad - but then he took the knife and carefully cut the heart out. Steve liked how it felt, all the blood covering his hands.

He carefully removed it - and put it into the box he'd brought with him. Steve stroked his fingers over it and then closed the lid. He licked his hands clean, and then put them back in - pulling out more of his insides.

Steve kind of lost himself in the visceral gore of his kill - ripping him apart and he almost wanted to drape his guts around his neck he settled for hacking him up into pieces - taking out the other organs, he put those into plastic bags.

He just stared at the mess everywhere.

"...Well look what you did - Bad Steve.." He tutted softly, and then he stepped back, and picked up the camera, Steve took more photo's - then he put everything into the backpack he'd brought with him.

He slung it over his shoulder - then doused everything with the petrol he'd brought with him from Eddie's trailer. Steve stepped outside, and then he lit another cigarette - taking a few puff's he threw it into the trailer and watched it go up in flames - he snapped more photo's of it burning, he knew Dustin would like that.

He said softly, "My sweet Baby." Then he headed back, climbing through the gate and he went back home first.

He went into his dark room, and worked fast - developing the photo's that he took. He let out a soft little growl, letting them dry out - he was hard, and he couldn't wait to show Dustin the photo's and to give him his present.

Steve was filthy, covered in blood - he probably had viscera all over him too. He didn't care though. He put the photos into an envelope and put that into his backpack.

Steve picked the bag up and then he pulled his hood up and went back outside - climbed into his truck - he drove out the back roads, and eventually he got to Dustin's house. It was quiet - the stars were everywhere, beautiful - it was peaceful out here. Steve turned the engine off, and then climbed out of the truck.

There were no lights on inside the house - at least none that he could see, but outside the fairy lights were on - Steve breathed in deeply and  then out slowly - he walked up around the back side of the house and then he knocked on the door - Steve leaned against the wall - and he heard Dustin unlocking it.

Dustin didn't turn the porch light on - the door opened, the darkness hid him from view - Steve stared at Dustin, who was staring at him, he stepped in closer. The light from behind Dustin made it easier for Dustin to see him, and Dustin let out a soft little noise, Steve didn't say anything as Dustin curled his hand against his chest - and he pulled him inside.

***

Jay let out a soft exhale, staring at Reese as she sat opposite him. She was sitting quietly - watching him. "So how have you been?" She asked him, her dark eyes studying him - he ran his fingers over his head, and she crossed her legs - "Not that great I'm guessing?"

He said, "No, not that great - I've been better." Jay eyed all the books that she'd set on the table - some he'd forgotten he'd even had. "They're all there - I didn't forget any of them. I kept all your stuff, figured one day - some day, you'd call me - ask me to bring them to you."

She looked hurt as she said quietly - "You just cut us off, our fearless leader and you just wiped us like we were shit on the bottom of your fucking boot." Jay let out a heavy sigh, "I know and I'm sorry about that - you know I was in a bad place. Lost."

Reese said, "It's been a year and a half - You know me and Tash met him? Micalz - We met him last year, Magda introduced us to him - he was so confused when I made a sacrifice for him, and yet he still knew to keep the ashes. He didn't eat them, the hearts - I think he really wanted too, but he was afraid of wanting too."

Jay just stared at her - and Reese said - "Of course he didn't even know who he was then - but we did, and we couldn't say anything - but... the power that was there, holy shit.. It was strong - We could hear him, even if he didn't know who he was."

She shivered and stared up at the ceiling. "He had no idea - and to think that he just thought he was a mud monkey." She let out a soft laugh, "Fucking unreal, can you imagine what Micalz would think knowing he's riding around in a Mud suit?."

Jay said quietly, "I know - when I first came here, when I first saw him... I knew, I felt it too... I felt him, I felt him even before I saw him."

Reese said, "It must have been fucked up - knowing who he was, knowing he was here." He stretched out - lazily stroking his stomach. "I used to see him going to Eddie's - and even after Eddie was gone, he was.. there. I'd see him Reija and I didn't know how to approach him."

She brushed her hair out of her face. "Did he know about you?" Jay shook his head - "No. He didn't know."

They sat quietly, and she said - "Have you told him the truth yet?" Jay said quietly, "No I haven't told him yet. I'm not sure how to tell him. He's figuring out some of it - a lot of it. But.. when he figures it all out.." He rubbed his hands over his head again. "I'm not sure what will happen."

Reese got up and she reached into the box she'd brought with her - taking out the long oak box. She opened it and then took out the dagger - and she set it down in front of him. Jay picked it up and he twirled it in his hand, the symbols on it glowed - and Jay dragged it over his wrists, it lit up the symbols tattooed into his skin - the gold in his eyes burned brighter and glowed - and Reese said softly, "You're afraid."

"Sister, I've lied to our Brother - this entire time. He's been asleep and I've been awake the entire time." Jay's voice was soft, and calm. "I've lied to him about too much."

"Only for his protection, there is nothing shameful about protecting him Saisch." Reese sat back down, "You have always protected him. You were unsealed long before him. And not all of him has been here. And he's been here - this entire time with Belial, a prince of Hell - so no, protecting him because of that? There is nothing wrong with it."

"I still betrayed him Reija." Jay sighed softly. "This place - you know it has a doorway to other worlds. Once he wakes up - he can walk through them all. If he learns all the things that have been kept from him - you know what he's like, he'll ... lose his temper, and maybe with Belial at his side, if Bel.. I just, that's not something I've factored in either - that may change things. I've hurt him too many times."

Reese said quietly, "But you do not serve our Father, you fell for him Saisch, - you Love him, a love beyond time. Beyond all the ages - Your love carried the scars from that sacrifice on your physical body - this body."

He stared at her - "I still lied to him, you can't know what that feels like. Because lying to him, it hurts to lie to him."

She said quietly, "You are afraid that if he rejects you - because of all of this, it will unleash the War."

He just stared at her - twirling the blade between his fingers again. "Yes, I am. Because our Brother doesn't take kindly to being lied too - you know that."

She sighed softly - "Are you going to tell him the truth, about your Vessels?"

Jay stood up and he moved across the room - "He'll figure it out - he's too smart, brilliant - as always Reija."

Reese said - "Do you want me to get everyone together in Chicago?"

Jay nodded, "Yeah, we need to have everyone ready - I don't want you hanging around here though - okay? We can keep in touch, I won't disappear on you."

She watched him quietly, and then she stood up - curling her arms around him.

"And Belial? How did he even possess the human?" Jay said - "I think it was the parents - they totally abandoned him - he's basically been on his own, abused I think. He doesn't talk about them - but, because he's so connected to Luci, to Micalz - I mean he's a Prince of Hell - But he used to be one of Us before he fell and ended up in Hell."

Reese said softly, "Falling broke him - turned him into a Demon. So many of our brothers and sisters were lost."

Jay nodded, his voice soft - "Reese.." She looked at him - "It's written in your face Brother,  both you and him - you've fallen in love with the Demon. I'm not surprised at Lucifer - he isn't a surprise, he helped make him, but you? I thought  you were only in love with Micalz."

Jay said quietly - "He is part of Micalz, just like I'm part of him. I don't know who he was before he Fell though - I think I was broken too, I couldn't remember who Bel was. I'm sure Micalz will find out eventually - but he's connected to all the Demons - they are all in his Kingdom - it's his Kingdom Reija - we're Fallen yeah - but we've never been to Hell."

Reese said softly - "Do you think maybe his vessel was once a Human, that Belial corrupted?"

Jay shook his head - "There was a faintness of one, Barely there, But Belial - He speaks with too much chaos."

She said softly - "Too much noise Brother?"

Jay laughed softly, "Yeah - they're all so damn noisy."

Reese hugged him tightly, "I will come back soon Saisch, all of your books and things - I brought all of it."

Jay kissed her forehead. "Thank you."

Reese laughed, and asked - "He really called you  a Fairy?"

Jay laughed softly - "He was nearly there, the wings - fairy lights in my eyes."

She snorted and asked, "His Mother didn't recognize you were awakened already?"

Jay shook his head - "I think maybe some of them did - they thought something was off about me. But none of them knew what it was."

Reese rolled up her sleeves, and she said, "Hold out your arms little Brother."

Jay sighed and pulled off his shirt - she took his hands and whispered - "Na-na-e-el ovof paget torzu est mino tsu." (I give my strength to you, blessings for the road ahead) The tattoos on her arms glowed bright red - and the energy from them travelled from her arms, and up through Jay's - making his eyes glow red.

Jay felt the power she shared with him. "Thanks Reija."

She gently cradled his face - "I miss him, he fell for us - freed us from tyranny, I can't wait for the day where I can hold our baby Brother." Tears welled up in her eyes, which were still glowing with red light. Reese slipped on her sunglasses. "When are you going to tell him the truth? She asked.

"Before he wakes himself fully." He said quietly.

She nodded - "..And with Belial?"

Jay let out a soft exhale - "I think that is better for Micalz to tell him - not me. I mean they share their connection on a level that is their own bond. Just like Micalz and I do. They're physically a part of each other. They don't understand that yet Reija."

She said softly, "Okay - I will go and speak to Magda, call me okay?"

Jay said softly, "Okay."

She said softly, "Promise me."

Jay laughed softly, "I promise." She squished his cheeks. "Ishani dei. For now Saisch." (Goodbye)

Jay walked her to the door, watching as she climbed into her car. He rubbed his hands over his face - letting out a soft exhale. How do I do this. He'd asked himself too many times - and he still didn't know how to tell the truth. He wanted too, he wanted too and knew he needed too. But he was scared, especially when he knew how scared Dustin was.

***

Dustin felt restless - he had taken everyone home. And he hadn't been able to settle. He still felt too on edge - he had tried to sleep but couldn't. He kept thinking about Steve, all day - he waited, He couldn't sit still, he'd read so many books, all the books and rituals and spells - he started working on small things, cleansings and little pieces of things.

But nothing major.

Dustin had put protective sigils up around his house. They were powerful, and he felt the ripple under his skin, he could feel himself shifting - becoming more aware of his Self.

Time moved faster than normal, or it seemed too. He'd been pacing - Bonfire had curled up asleep in her little bed. Dustin lit candles - all through the house, and he waited. His stomach was in knots, the ache for Steve to be with him, was more intense than usual. Every little sound, made him more restless.

He heard the sound of Steve's truck and Dustin stood in the hallway, his arm curled around his middle - waiting. Then the knock came and Dustin's heart was beating faster. He opened the door, the dark hiding Steve - but he let out a soft exhale.

Even in the dark, Dustin could feel the intensity of Steve's gaze - they just stared at each other - and then Steve stepped in closer.

Dustin let out a soft stuttered little noise, Steve was covered in blood. His eyes were completely black. Not dark - the sclera, everything. Who are you. Dustin curled his fingers against Steve's chest, and he pulled him inside.

The candle light flickered, casting shadow's over them both. Dustin shut the door - but he studied Steve, in an almost careful way - moving slowly around him. Steve stared back at him, he seemed unaware that there was something else going on.

Dustin locked the door with a soft click - and Steve let out a soft exhale, he was going to speak.

But Dustin pressed his fingers to his lips - silencing him. Steve stayed quiet, and Dustin looked at him from under his lashes.

Steve was just staring back at him, they both felt the same pull - only it felt much more intense than it usually did. Steve wanted to touch him, and Dustin stroked his fingers - soothingly against Steve's chest, then he gently stroked his face with both hands - and he took hold of Steve's hands, and led him down the hallway.

He looked over his shoulder at Steve, into the living room.

Steve put his bag on the dining table. He was staring at the candle's and Dustin gently cradled Steve's face - making him look at him. "You did it." His voice was soft, so soft.

And Steve said softly, "I told you I would." He opened his bag, and then he took out the envelope - he handed it to Dustin.

Dustin looked at Steve, and then he opened it.

Steve stood there, watching as Dustin looked at the photo's - Dustin brushed his fingers over each one, that strange candle like glow was rippling all through his skin - and Steve let out a soft breath. Dustin was so quiet, and then he held them close to his body, against his heart as he let his eyes close. He didn't say anything and then he looked up at Steve.

They just stared at each other, and then Dustin placed the envelope on the table and Steve pulled the chair out and said softly, "Sit."

Dustin sat down and Steve took the bag into the kitchen - they kept looking at each other, and Dustin could hear Steve putting something into the fridge, but then he came back with a wooden box.

He looked at Steve as he knelt down in front of him and then he put it into Dustin's hands, and he opened it.

Dustin brushed his fingers over the heart. It was still warm - still wet with blood. Steve took his hoodie off and just dropped it on the floor beside him.

Dustin's gaze shifted - and he looked at Steve, all bloody and he took the heart out of the box, and then he held it in his hands - his eyes were like Steve's as he exhaled, but the flames in them burned brighter, "Take the first bite." He said softly. 

Steve let out a soft exhale, and then he leaned in and bit into it - and Dustin's breath caught in his throat.

Steve didn't even hesitate, he took a bite and chewed.

Dustin breathed out slowly as Steve took the heart, and he reached up, cradling Dustin's head, he held the heart and he said huskily, "Just a little taste."

Dustin looked at Steve as he sank his teeth in and bit down - taking a bite - he felt the blood drip down his chin. "It's sweet," He said softly.

Steve licked the blood from his face - Dustin cradled his face, he whispered, "Who are you..."

Steve just stared at him, Dustin took another bite - but he kissed Steve and they both shared the bite between them.

Dustin pushed with his power, and whispered into Steve's mind, Show me who you are.

Every where they were touching - lit up, their skin illuminating and Steve let out a soft noise, and Dustin let out a soft gasp.

He heard Steve's voice in his head, What's happening. Steve curled his fingers in Dustin's hair, and Dustin whispered, "Don't be afraid. Show me, show me who you are. Remember me."

Steve let out a soft exhale against his face. They both saw the same thing - Steve had been someone else a long time ago, he'd fallen but he'd not survived his Fall.

He had been an Archangel, Saisch's twin - Aszri - while Saisch had always been light - Aszri, like him had always been darkness. But after his fall - he'd changed, becoming something else, a Demon. And not just any Demon. He'd been thrown into the pit's of Hell. Dustin trapped in the Abyss had made him his Prince of Hell - the highest, to take care of it.

Dustin whispered, "Belial, but...also my Aszri." Steve remembering Dustin, he said softly, "My Morning Star... How did I get here? I was in your Kingdom.."

"Reigning Prince of Hell, yes.. my love, my Prince - you got free, you have been here - hiding away all this time." Dustin cradled Steve's face - "I made you my Second in command, to keep it safe - to look after the other's, to keep them safe. How did you get free?"

Steve said softly, "I wanted to find you - to help get you free from the cold place. I missed you too much. I... went crazy without you, I loved you - I heard you, heard your pain. I could hear you from the Abyss. I climbed out."

"You climbed out of Hell?" Dustin said softly, "Of course you did, my love - my pretty boy."

Steve's eyes filled with tears, "I left Paimon to take care of things. I had to find you."

Dustin kissed him softly, licking at his mouth, and then he licked the blood off his cheek, he fed Steve another bite of the heart, "So beautiful."

Steve ate it and then he fed Dustin another bite - he put it back in the box, and he pulled Dustin into his arms, they held each other - and Dustin said softly, "Remember?"

He held Steve's hands in his, their skin lit up, but it was like black light, threading all through their bodies, under the skin.

Dustin said softly - "We're tied together, always, we're connected, for all eternity. It's why we feel the way we do, you flow through me, and me through you. We can't exist without the other. It's why it hurts so much."

Steve kissed him possessively, and Dustin let out a soft, sweet moan - "Why did I not remember who I was - who you were." Steve whispered it against his mouth.

"I think its because you were broken, hurting.. hiding yourself away - burying it deep inside. What you did tonight.. sacrificing my enemy - freed you, woke you up you did it, and came to me - we woke you up together." Dustin said softly, "Now you remember."

He tugged Steve up, "I want you to see something.." He whispered, and then Dustin led Steve into the bathroom, he took a candle with them.

They stood in front of the mirror and Dustin said softly, "Look how beautiful you are, you heard me through the darkness... I'll be the light that leads you back home to me. My voice you'll always know... when you're lost and alone.. I will never let you go my beloved Belial, I'll always break through, just like you did."

Steve was looking at himself, and then he said softly - "My eyes, they're like yours."

Dustin said softly, "You're a Demon, but before that - you were Fallen, an Angel.. you were Aszri, do you remember?" He kissed the space between Steve's shoulders, "Death makes Angels of them all and gives them wings, as smooth as raven's claws. You were the one, the one that always stood with me, always believed in me. You were the first to agree to Rebel with Me, to Fall with me - before anyone else, and you were so beautiful Aszri, Saisch was your twin - he was so full of light, it was hard for him to Rebel, but for you.. you who was always like me, dark.. it was never hard for you, you never hesitated."

He brushed his fingers across Steve's shoulder blades - "You gave your wings up, for me -but it changed you, made you into darkness... your face is truly beautiful to me Steve, look at you.. your echo, you haunt me.. with your devotion."

Steve was trembling and Dustin whispered, "I love you, my precious, my dark love." Steve had tears streaming down his face and he turned around, kissing Dustin deep and slow - and Dustin whimpered softly, kissing him back hungrily.

Steve growled softly, "You're happy with my gift?"

"I love it, I love you.. I love you so much." Dustin whispered, and Steve murmured, "I love you too my sweet Baby, my King, the most high."

Dustin whispered, "You look so beautiful, all covered in blood - your eyes, so dark - black as night.." He curled his fingers against Steve's chest. "Do you still have your camera in your bag?" He whispered.

"Mhmm.." Steve smirked, and Dustin let out a soft giggle, then he whispered, "Lets take a picture of us."

Steve lifted him up and Dustin curled his legs around Steve's waist. He carried Dustin back into the other room, and he took the camera out of his bag.

He set it on the small tripod and set the timer, and then Steve kissed him - the camera took a photo.

Steve picked the heart up out the box and he fed Dustin another bite, and the camera took another photo.

Steve growled softly, "Mine.."

Dustin whispered back breathlessly, "Mine forever." He licked the blood from Steve's face - and the camera took another photo. Steve laid him down on the table and he kissed him deep and slow, and the camera took another picture.

Dustin let out a soft breathy, "I'm hungry, for you.." Steve turned the camera off and he said huskily, "I'm starving for you.."

Dustin whispered, "Eat me all up.." Steve said softly, "Want me to show you what else I brought for you?"

"Yes." Dustin whispered.

Steve lifted him up, and he carried him over to the fridge - he opened the door and showed him the bags.

Dustin just stared at them - and then at Steve. "We could make pate?" He said softly.

Steve smirked, "Or just sauté them in garlic butter." He raised an eyebrow and then made a slurp sound as he licked Dustin's cheek.

"Yummy for our tummy's?" He whispered, and Steve let out a soft laugh, "You're yummy for my tummy." He said all husky.

Dustin said softly, "Wanna go to bed?"

"Yeah sweet Baby, I wanna give you .. sweet, and dirty kisses." Steve murmured.

Dustin shivered and he whispered, "I wanna lick you clean, and then make you dirty."

Steve said softly, "...You're not the least bit bothered by what I did at all are you."

Dustin said softly, "Not at all, it makes me ache - makes me want to do it with you... makes me want to watch you eviscerate someone.. you tore him apart, didn't you... tore him apart with your hands, your beautiful hands - which touch me, and are so gentle... you make me crazy when you touch me. And look what you did.."

Steve growled softly, "Where's your bedroom.."

Dustin whispered, "At the end of the hallway.."

Steve carried him into the bedroom and he looked at the fireplace. Dustin breathed out softly - and Steve murmured, "...This is nice, really nice.." Dustin let out a soft little moan, and Steve said, "You were planning on having your way with me.. weren't you little witch."

Dustin looked at Steve from under his lashes and he whispered, "Uhuh.. yes.. that's why the blankets are on the floor."

Steve smirked, and he laid Dustin down in front of the fire.

"You don't want me to have a shower?" Steve growled softly.

Dustin whispered against Steve's mouth, "No... we can do that later... I want you, like this... just like this."

Steve kissed him possessively, but it was slow and deep and Dustin stroked his fingers down Steve's back, he breathed out softly against Steve's mouth, and Steve murmured, "I ..don't want to be without you anymore, not anymore... promise me."

Dustin cradled his face, and he whispered - "I promise." They stared at each other and Steve's voice was all raspy, "I mean it... I mean it Micalz."

Dustin shivered, and he whispered, "I mean it too."

They kissed again, losing themselves in each other - letting everything else fade away - they took their time. They made love - the fire flickering its light over them - Steve murmuring softly, "If you die, I die.."

Dustin whispered back, "If you die, I die.."

He traced sigils into Steve's skin, magick and protection - Mine, my prince of Hell, of our home of eternal ice and fire.. I will protect you with all of my being. I will burn it all down for you, to keep you with me. You're forged from my being, my breath is your breath. My dark light is your soul.

Steve stroked his fingers against Dustin's skin, and he whispered, "I hear you whispering your words inside me." As they rocked together, Steve rocked his hips, driving his cock deep into Dustin's warmth and he whispered, "I get one taste, and we're moving through the golden cathedrals of your fire. I love you so much, break me - just to rebuild me."

Dustin gasped out shakily - "You lift me so high, I love you...my darkness, you make me walk on wire.. on the edge.."

Steve growled softly, "A beautiful riot - unleash the heavenly fire - let it fucking reign down on them all." Dustin dug his fingers in and Steve groaned breathless, "Come undone with me.."

Dustin clung to him, and he whimpered - "Steve..."

Steve growled softly, "Say my real name.."

Dustin's face was blissed out and he gasped out, "Belial.. My Azri, My Prince of Pain.." They both came together, laying together sweaty and trying to catch their breath.

Steve whispered, "I'll follow you forever."

Dustin licked Steve's face, and against his throat - "You were a torturer, do you remember?"

Steve shivered and he kissed Dustin slow and deep, "It's why I dream about the screaming.."

Dustin whispered, "That was just one of your jobs, you were my second in command over the legions of Hell. Most wanted by those in Heaven. And you crawled your way out, to find me."

Steve said softly, "I'd break into Heaven if you were still there, to free you." They stared at each other.

Dustin said softly - "I... need to tell you, that I have to go into isolation, I don't want to lie to you - its to finish what I started, I need to unlock everything, all the Key's - all the seals. I don't know how long it will take, but.. I don't want you to think that I am trying to push you away again."

Steve stared at him, and he whispered, "I can't be with you?"

Dustin let out a soft breath, "It might be dangerous. I.. don't want you to be in danger."

Steve said softly, "Please... I don't care if it is - let me be with you. I.. can just be in the background... Please."

Dustin stared up at Steve, and then he whispered - "Okay.."

Steve nuzzled his nose against Dustin's and he whispered - "...I can't anymore, I can't...without you - not anymore." He breathed out shakily, and Dustin whispered, "Not anymore."

They both went quiet, and Dustin whispered - "Lay down, rest your head right here.." He pulled Steve in close and when Steve rest his head against his chest, he lazily stroked his fingers through Steve's hair, "We can stay here...get up later." He murmured.

Steve was stroking his side - fingers lazy, and Steve said softly, "Mine." Dustin whispered, "Yours."

Steve brushed his lips against Dustin's throat, he whispered - "Mine." Steve whispered back, "Yours."

Dustin curled his legs around Steve, he let out a soft little contented noise. Dustin lay there, watching the shadows dance across the ceiling - he knew that Steve had fallen asleep.

He let out a soft breath, he let his mind float - listening into the frequency - his eyes fluttered, and Dustin could hear it - hear them - his children, his precious ones - calling out to him, asking for his help - it was like tuning into a radio station. Dustin let out a soft little giggle, "You're listening to Angel Radio F.M." He whispered, letting himself sink deeper into it. As he curled his fingers into Steve's hair.

Dustin let himself go deeper and he heard a familiar voice.

Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore - it hurts, I feel lost - dead inside. I don't wanna be here anymore. It's so fucking fucked up - I'm fucked up, I've lost everything, everyone - I've been the hardest to love, why doesn't he love me - like he loves everyone else. Why doesn't he give a shit about me too. Why.. it hurts. It really fucking hurts. He hates me, and I don't know what to do. I can't do this anymore. I have nobody. I feel like I'm drowning, I'm drowning and I can't fucking breathe. I'm standing in a crowded room and nobody fucking hears me screaming.

Dustin stared up at the ceiling again. Lucas.

He let out a soft breath, and he rubbed his hands over his face. He could feel all of his pain, his sadness - his anger. His confusion. And it hurt him. Dustin realized that Lucas was crying out for him. And he felt it. Dustin sighed softly - He pushed out a wave of warmth, he knew he had to talk to him - he had to help him. I can't abandon him.

Chapter Text

~*Two Years Ago*~

It was never supposed to be this fucking difficult - or at least it never should have been. It should have been easier, clearer - but then what had ever been? Jay raked his fingers through his hair, he needed a goddamn haircut. He narrowed his eyes, giving a final small wave to Jake - one of the guards that he'd actually become friends with during his stay in Indiana State Juvenile Correctional Facility - he was lucky he wound up there and not in big boy jail. He sighed and made his way through the gate as it buzzed and moved open.

On the other side waiting for him was the familiar sound of one of his closest friends - a brother in arms, and that wasn't just a catch phrase - Luci would have been so amused by this, the fact that we all have to ride around inside of a Mud Monkey. Even after all this time... He pushed that thought out of his head. Even after all the time that had passed - even after the years of separation, it was still painful. Extremely painful to think of Micalz, to think of his twin Aszri. Any of them that they had lost.

"Calvarez you sonofabitch.. what the fuck is that rats nest on top of your head?" Eddie smirked at him, and raised an eyebrow.

"Shut the fuck up." Jay laughed but pulled Eddie into a hug, the two of them holding on for a while before Jay kissed his forehead. "I didn't have access to anything to cut it.." He muttered darkly.

Eddie snorted, and said with a laugh - "Did they think you were what, gonna try and shave your wrists open?"

Jay smirked, "Probably?" Eddie grabbed his arm, staring down at the tattoos covering his scar. "Well - least you didn't attempt that shit again." Eddie said softer, not much humor this time. Jay draped his arm around his shoulders. "How's Uncle Charlie?"

"Yeah doing alright, he said to tell you he's sorry he couldn't come today - he had to work a day shift, he'll see you later tonight though." Eddie pulled out a  pack of cigarettes and put handed them to him, along with a lighter.

Jay fished one out, put it between his lips and lit it. "You know the way to my heart Eddie." Eddie grinned and Jay smirked - taking a drag and then he exhaled lazily, "Ahh that's magick." They made their way to Eddie's car. "The hell is this piece of junk.. Tempest's beard." Jay eyed the car some what wearily and Eddie laughed, "Hey its mine, it does - its a chariot actually, don't mock my ride man.. fucking rude. You bitch."

Jay smirked but hopped in, "I think you're dreaming, this thing is hanging on by a thread." He laughed as Eddie held up two fingers.

"Seriously though, are you doing okay? I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to visit you last month, with the move back to Hawkins - and there's been a bunch of weird shit going on - I just yeah.." Eddie raked his fingers through his hair.

Jay eyed his friend, studying him quietly - "I told you, its fine - I mean you did write to me, from what I could decipher from you hideous handwriting - I managed to make sense of your bullshit?" He added with another smirk, "So who's this Steve you've been crushing on?"

Eddie glared at him and growled out, "I'm not crushing on Steve fucking Harrington."

"Mhmm.. okay Eddie, if you say so - two pages of your letter were basically an Ode to Steve." Jay made air quotes as he said it.

Eddie started the car and they headed out.

"You're so full of shit, get off my ass." Eddie gave him a dark look, and he stole Jay's cigarette - took a drag, handed it back and said, "It isn't like that - I mean he's friends with another friend of mine. I need to talk to you about Steve. Well there's more to it." Eddie said with a sigh.

Jay flicked the butt out the window, his eyes back on Eddie.

He reached over into the back seat, fishing his water bottle out of the side pocket of his bag. Jay unscrewed it and took a sip.

"You know you're being kind of noisy." Jay said - "Your mind is racing, I can't keep up."

Eddie gave him the side-eye and laughed, "I always forget that you can tune in, Jesus." He was anxious, that much Jay could pick up on. "Calm down, breathe and then talk to me."

The older boy took a slow breath in, and then he exhaled.

"I'm pretty sure that Steve is a demon." Eddie's voice was husky soft, and he was gripping the steering wheel a bit tighter. That made Jay shift in his seat and face him. It got his attention.

Eddie glanced at him, and then he said - "He get's drunk, like really drunk and he becomes someone else, I think when he's not drunk, the Demon is asleep - sometimes he shows his face, but mostly when he's drunk."

Jay smirked, "Well we both know how you like Demon's." He let out a soft little chuckle.

"Would you stop?" Eddie was laughing, blushing - "I do not, have a thing for Steve, er his meat suit, host? Sounds like the invasion of the body snatchers." He was totally lying - it was complete bullshit.

Jay hummed softly, and then he said - "So... what has your panties all up in a bunch about Steve, your crush - being a Demon." Jay's voice soft, soothing  so Eddie wouldn't get all worked up and anxious. He was always on edge. Silly Goose.

Eddie held his hand out for Jay's water and so he gave it too him. He took a swig and then handed it back, "Saisch, I'm not just talking about any old demon here." His eyes darkened a little, "He was at my place one night, we'd been smoking - he'd been drinking too..." Eddie gripped the steering wheel a little bit tighter.

"And so you put him in a hold, then what happened?" Jay took another sip of his water.

"I asked him who he was." Eddie said, and then he looked at Jay. "He told me." Eddie's eyes were all lit up - he was excited, and it made Jay's heart beat a little bit faster.

They both said at the same time, "Belial."

Jay breathed out all in a rush - and Eddie said, "So - of course I asked him what the hell he was doing inside Steve Harrington - and he said he climbed out of the pit - and he's been riding around in his meat suit."

They both laughed, but Jay said - "Did you get to ask him anything else?"

Eddie looked at him, then back at the road. "No - he's fucking strong, and I couldn't hold him that long because I was stoned obviously - I needed Charlies help and probably needed the gang to be honest - I mean he's a fucking Prince of Hell, I don't know how the hell he's riding around inside of Steve Harrington. Steve Harrington. But - I mean fuck!" He was all excited, his energy was bouncing around them and Jay laughed, but then he went quiet.

Eddie said with that excitement in his voice - "I mean, if he's here.... it means that Micalz must be here somewhere too.. maybe not in Hawkins - but here. Or part way here - but Belial wouldn't have just climbed on out the fucking pit - I mean how did he even fucking climb out? It's not like they can just fucking climb out - he must have had help, right?"

Jay was staring out the window - "So, with Bel.. sorry Belial aka Steve Harrington - your crush." He smirked, "...You said he's asleep unless he's drunk? Has he remembered you called him and held him - or does he just reveal himself and not remember?"

Eddie said, "Yeah he doesn't remember which mean's he's still asleep inside the body I know - someone must be controlling him. But I mean, he's not just going to crawl out of Hell for nothing. He's tied to Micalz, like you are." His voice was soft - and Jay nodded. "Strange as it is, yes.. fuck.. I missed that evil little fuck."

They both laughed, and Eddie said - "Well he's coming over tonight, so maybe you can talk to him - I mean you're a fucking fallen Archangel. I'm just a fucking mud monkey warlock." Eddie smirked.

"I think you're much more powerful than you give yourself credit for little brother." Jay murmured, the gold in his eyes was blazing. Eddie smiled softly, "Besides - you're not just a Mud Monkey, the same as I'm not - we just have to ride around in them. A suite of flesh and bone."

Eddie snickered beside him and Jay laughed. "Bit of a kick in the balls for Micalz." He said with a smirk.

Jay said darkly, "Yeah Daddy's big fuck you."

Eddie said - "I mean, Micalz is going to hate that he has to be inside a Human body."

"Well.. they are kind of comfortable. They're pretty too." Jay said with a smirk. "You know that you're not just this. I'm glad that you survived your fall Shem." Eddie smiled, he looked thoughtful as he drove and then he said, "Saisch - if... this body dies? Where do we go, I mean... what happens to us, to.. our essence?"

Jay watched him quietly, and then he said softly - "I don't know little brother, you know we've been around so fucking long - and I have no idea how to answer that." They both fell silent, Jay stared out the window, thinking - that if Belial was inside this kid Steve, then Eddie was right - his beloved, his Micalz... He had to be somewhere - somewhere close.

He closed his eyes, scanning with his mind and tuning into the frequency - all he got was silence. Where are you my treasure, where are you...

Jay actually drifted off to sleep - but as Eddie passed the "Welcome to Hawkins" Sign - Jay was jolted awake, he could feel the shift, the pull - it wasn't as strong as it should be. But it was there - a warmth, a thrumming hum. Jay stared at Eddie, and he breathed out softly. "Eddie."

Eddie looked at him, he was chewing gum - erratic as ever. "Yeah? What's up - you fell asleep, didn't wanna wake you up - want some gum?" He held out the packet - and Jay made a face. "No I don't want to chew on mint flavoured plastic, Jesus." He frowned and then he muttered, "Brei." (focus)

Eddie smirked, "Sorry - I'm clouding your mind with my chaos."

Jay laughed and then he said calmly, "He's here - somewhere, here in Hawkins - which shouldn't surprise me. Because of Bel... Belial." He had to stop using Belial's pet name. "Micalz, his Vessel is here in Hawkins."

Eddie's eyes lit up like Christmas lights. "Well fuck me." They both laughed, and Jay said with a smirk, "Shem I know you like to mock and judge me for loving two of our Brothers - which is totally not appropriate, and one day I may kill you?, and as much as I do love you? You're not really my type Precious. Maybe you can get Steve to do that, shit piss him off enough and he'd do it while he's Awake, just be careful - he can be extremely dangerous when he's himself."

Eddie glared at him, "How many goddamn times do I have to tell you? - I do not have a crush on Steve fucking Harrington."

***

He totally does have a crush on Steve Harrington. Jay was smirking, watching as Eddie talked to Steve, it was amusing to Jay - watching Eddie giving his full attention - flirting and teasing, and not at all in any subtle way either. Steve was quiet, blushing and nervous. Uncomfortable in his skin. Jay was sitting there - studying him quietly. Steve felt uncomfortable because of Jay too - shifting anxiously. Noisy - so goddamn noisy. Jay focused in on Steve's mind.

It was absolute chaos. Darkness and shadow - he was masking everything, layers upon layers. Festering pain - deep and dark. Jay couldn't find much of the Human spark that was in there. It was so dim that it was barely even there. Just faint traces, it's broadcast so faint that the Spark was almost out. It made him feel sad, for the Soul. He pushed with his mind, but not too hard - he didn't want to suddenly push and have Belial suddenly take over.

Jay knew he couldn't actually wake Belial up permanently, that wasn't something that he was able to do. Only Micalz had that power, because Belial was tied to him in much deeper ways than he was.

"So yeah, Jay's my friend from Chicago, he just got outta Juvi." Eddie was rolling a joint - Steve's dark eyes were looking at him, Jay looked back and he smirked. "You're a quiet one huh pretty boy." He leaned in a little, watching as Steve blushed and then said with a scowl, "Fuck off.. "

Jay laughed, and he looked at Eddie, "So are you going to give us a drink, or are you just going to talk shit all night about you're.. D&D campaign?" He knew that Steve had no interest in it, so he played up to that. Steve snorted, before adding - "I don't give a shit about it Munson." Eddie said, "I bet you wouldn't say that to Henderson."

Jay said with a smirk, "I know right? What a bunch of Bullshit - I get so sick of hearing about it, its a fucking children's game, Jesus." He growled it out and Eddie pouted, "Well Dustin like's it - you could show a little interest, maybe play with us - you know that would make him happy." Eddie paused in rolling the joint, then he got up and went over to the fridge, getting out a six pack of beer.

Jay watched as Steve flushed at the mention of Dustin. "He's part of the reason I'm sick of hearing about it.." Steve muttered, and Eddie laughed - "Well he just wants you to play with him." Jay smirked, and Eddie said, "Yeah that came out totally wrong."

Steve was scratching his neck, "Jesus shut the fuck up for fuck's sake." The blush was deeper, and Jay said - "So... Who is Dustin?"

"An annoying, but totally adorable little shit." Eddie said with a grin, his eyes lighting up. "He's my new best friend." Eddie gave Steve a beer, "He totally worships you - annoys the fuck out of me because he never shuts up about you."

Steve screwed the cap off his beer and took a swig - then he just stared at Eddie, "Yeah?" He asked and Eddie laughed - "Totally, he's just trying to get you to play D&D because he wants you to give him attention." Jay took the beer that Eddie offered and he took the cap off. Watching the two of them. "He never shuts up about you." Steve muttered.

You don't like it, you're jealous of this Dustin liking Eddie. You're so pretty, damn. Belial's vessel is a sexy bitch. I gotta stop. Jay chugged down his beer and Eddie smirked at him, "Thirsty?"

Jay narrowed his eyes, "Fuck off." He growled and Steve looked at him - "He's an asshole right?" He laughed and Jay grinned - "He totally is.." Eddie continued rolling the joint, "Whatever, you two assholes can both gang up on me, I don't give a fuck." Eddie was pouting, "Why don't you love me Steve."

Jay smirked, sipping his beer. And Steve laughed, "You're an asshole, that's why." He did bump his shoulder against Eddie's though and then he yawned, "Fuck I'm tired - I'm really tired, you know what else?" Eddie looked at him, "What else?" Steve finished the beer, and Eddie gave him another one. "I'm sick of being a goddamn Babysitter, fucking pisses me off - oh we'll just get Steve to look after the kids - like really?"

Jay pretended he wasn't listening, lighting a smoke - he took a drag, and Steve reached out and stole it - taking a drag, and Eddie said with a smirk, "Since when do you smoke?"

Steve gave him a dark look, "I smoke occasionally.." He handed it back to Jay and licked his lips, opening the beer he swigged some down - before adding, "And you're not my goddamn mother so shut the fuck up." Eddie looked at Jay, and Jay knew he was telling him that Bel was not that far away from making an appearance. "Have you been drinking before you got here? You're being an asshole." Eddie asked, as he put the joint between his lips and lit it.

"Get off my back, Jesus - I'm not drunk am I? You sound like fucking Nancy." Steve took the joint as Eddie passed it to him. Taking a drag, and then he offered it to Jay - he held up his smoke, "Nah I'm good, you two share it." Steve exhaled, watching him through the haze - and then he handed it back to Eddie. Jay smirked, "Don't you just hate it when people nag?" He asked Steve.

"Yeah.. like shut the fuck up, right?" Steve rolled his eyes, and he added - "I'm not an alcoholic - they think I am."

Eddie took a drag on the joint, "It's because you drink every fucking day Steve, we worry you'll drink yourself to death at this rate." He said with a small cough, "Fuck that's strong."

Steve snorted, taking the joint - he took a deep hit off it and he said, "Don't be a little bitch.." Jay watched as Steve's eyes darkened - He sat up a little more - and Steve handed the joint back to Eddie, but then he looked at Jay.

"Oh for fuck's sake." Steve growled it, his eyes had the blood red glow to them - and beside him, Eddie let out a soft breath - "That's new." Jay looked at Eddie, and held a finger to his lips. Quiet. He said into Eddie's mind. And Eddie nodded.

"Hello Bel." Jay murmured, and Steve snarled at him - "The fuck are you doing here asshole." He took Jay's cigarette and took a drag on it - then he just sat there - "Turn your goddamn light down it hurts my fucking eyes."

"You know I can't turn my light off Bel, what are you doing here? How did you get out of the Pit." Jay asked, and Steve snarled at him - "Like I'm going to fucking tell you anything, you two faced fucking feathery bitch. Eat my shit." Beside him Eddie's eyes were bright, he was practically bouncing off the sofa.

Jay's voice was husky and soft as he said, "Do you know where he is? Where Micalz is?"

Steve growled back, "No, I don't fucking know where he is you piece of trash, and if I did - I sure as fuck wouldn't be telling you. You betrayed him, you turned your back on him! You betrayed all of us you.. fucking piece of shit!" He was up on his feet, and Jay stood up at the same time - "Calm down - I didn't betray Micalz, I would never betray him - or anyone else.. You don't remember, it was a long time ago."

Jay let out a soft breath as Steve grabbed him by the throat, squeezing tight - "I should rip you apart right now." He snarled it, and Jay just brushed his fingers against his cheek. "Hush, I just wanted to know if you knew where he was - so we could find him."

Confusion washed over Steve's face - "Don't fucking touch me." He growled it and yet he leaned into Jay's touch, his eyes closing. "I don't have to tell you anything - We all know who you are, what you're going to do to Him - in the end. Daddy's precious Sword. You'll get restored and get to go back to the Glory of Heaven." Steve snorted, "...After you destroy him." Steve whispered, "But we are Legion - and we're going to fucking annihilate you."

He opened his eyes, and then smacked Jay's hand away - "Asshole fucking Feather Duster."

"I'm not going to destroy Him, I fucking love Him!" Jay growled back. I love you too you dumbass. ""We spent time hiding out before they threw you into Hell, when we first Fell, you don't remember, but its true - I'm not your enemy Bel, the change, it broke your mind."

Steve growled back, "You're a fucking lying piece of shit, I'm not buying the bullshit that you're selling - You never fucking Fell, you never did - I can see your fucking wings ASSHOLE." He yelled the last word, and Eddie was just holding the joint, which had gone out - stoned but totally captivated by the two of them.

Jay just stared at him, "You don't remember everything, but one day you will - I want to find him, so we can all be together - so you can be with him too. I love you Bel, I am not your enemy. One day you'll remember, I just have to find him."

Steve snarled, his voice was grit and wrath as he spat out, "You're a lying Angel, an Angel. I'm a Demon, a Prince of Hell - a Torturer of Human souls - I get off on pain and suffering, why would I love one of Heaven's bitches?"

"I don't buy the bullshit your selling to me asshole." Steve looked him up and down - "I mean you are pretty, really pretty - but we're not really compatible, and well I love Micalz.. so.. sorry to break your heart."

Jay glared at him, "I'm not one of Heaven's bitches you stupid asshole. I know who you are - I've always known who you are, and I still love you. Our little brother is more fucking twisted and Evil than any of us put together and I love him, and have loved him for eternity. You're head is all messed up and your not remembering things right - but you love me too, so tell me what you know so I can fucking find him."

Steve just stared at him - "You're really desperate for me to be in love with you huh? Look I can't help you, I don't know where he is, I've tried to find him, but this fucking thing I have to ride around in? It's fucking broken. Broken as shit.  But.. tell you what, Just to see you crash and burn."

He started laughing, and he got up in Jay's face - "Because I'll find it entertaining - because he's going destroy you, maybe he'll let me eviscerate you. I'm going to enjoy that - you smug, sanctimonious asshole. But when I do know where he is? I'll be sure to let you know - because none of us believe that you actually Fell - you're just a spy, even Luci, he doesn't believe it either...and well." He tutted softly, "He's going to rip you apart, he might even ask me to do it.."

"I hope he does.." He whispered it, like he was telling Jay a secret - "I'll rip this pretty body you're inside of, rip you into pieces and give it to him."

Jay breathed out softly, he'd forgotten how much he loved this dark monster. "Fine." Jay said quietly.

"Fine." Steve replied back - looking completely bored.

"...So you don't have anything useful to tell me?" Jay asked. Steve raised an eyebrow - "Do you think I'm a moron?" He asked.

"No?" Jay smirked.

"I'm not telling you shit Silreth. (Betrayer) I'll gut you like a fish." Steve growled, "Don't test me I'll turn you into a feather fucking Boa."

Eddie actually let out a laugh - and then he quickly went quiet. Steve turned his attention to Eddie and gave him a snarl - but Jay grabbed hold of his face, "Don't worry about him, focus on me."

Steve made a dark rumbling growl like noise, and then he got in Jay's face, "I'll fucking rip you apart."

Jay had to respect him, he was definitely worthy of his title of a Prince of Hell, he wasn't going to budge an inch - if he did know anything, he wasn't going to tell him.

"Alright, I won't ask, I just.. thought you might want to actually find him too." Jay murmured, and Steve touched his hair, which he hadn't been expecting. "It's still the same color - I remember that."

That surprised him too. "Do you remember who you were before you Fell?" He asked.

"No I don't fucking remember you piece of shit." Steve snarled it and then shoved him hard, "I don't remember that."

He sat down, and then drank more beer from his bottle - breathing harshly, he stared at Eddie again, "What the fuck are you looking at, wait.. Shem? Ah fuck what the hell is this - an Angel torture chamber.. why don't you shine like he does - least you don't fucking hurt my eyes. FUCK!" He yelled the last word, and Eddie said - "Its because I wasn't an archangel, they don't lose their shine, not even after they fell."

"But he still has fucking wings.. lying sack of shit." Steve glared at Jay, "Yours didn't burn off - Shem doesn't have wings.. why do you! Liar, you're a fucking LIAR. I cant wait till you die." The venom in his voice was real, and it hurt - Jay breathed out softly, "I'm an Archangel Bel, our wings didn't burn off - they got sealed off with magic, I had to unseal myself. You'll remember all of this once he wakes you up. You're cloudy, can't remember - but you will, eventually."

"Bull-fucking-shit. He told us, told all of us Silreth. (Betrayer) All of us that Fell and ended up in the Pit. We changed, we changed into fucking monsters - and we know what you did! That's how you kept your fucking wings! He's going to beat you, he's going to destroy you and all those that oppose him. He's our King! He's our Righteous and Brilliant Beacon. You're all going to Die."

Jay just stared at him, he loved him, so much passion. "Shem fell, he lost his wings - he didn't betray Him, so did Reija and Teitz - many others. You know them, you love them - they're you're family, you just don't remember because what happened to you - it changed you Belial. But he will restore your memories, you'll remember your family, you'll remember me. I know that you may not remember being an Angel, but you were.. once. A long time ago."

Steve snarled, "I was never like you." He went quiet, because somewhere inside him - he knew he was, had been. Jay watched as his eyes shifted returning back to that dark chocolate brown - Steve rubbed his eyes and he yawned, "Fuck man.. shit - did I fall asleep?"

Eddie looked at Steve, "Yeah you did Harrington." His voice soft, "It's okay - you can crash out here if you want?" He looked at Eddie, "Yeah? Uh that'd be kinda good, I mean.. if you don't mind. I.. don't like being on my own." He was blushing and scratching at his neck.

Eddie said, "Yeah no its totally fine, you can crash out in my bed, me and Jay will share the sofa bed." Steve lifted his gaze, looking at Jay - and Jay just stared back at him.

Jay moved in closer to Steve, and he gently touched his forehead, Steve looked at him - confused - but as their eyes met, Jay whispered "Lomech ish." (Forget me.)

"Uh yeah.. okay, I might go crash out - I have a headache." Steve headed off to Eddie's bedroom, and once they were alone - Eddie said, "Jesus H Christ."

Jay sat back down, and he looked at Eddie - "Till you met him again hmm?" Eddie asked.

Jay hummed softly - and then he said, "He doesn't need to remember me at the moment, it will only make him feel things that will hurt him. When we do cross paths again, he won't remember that we've already met, just be careful with Him. His vessel is broken - but Belial, he's not someone you want to mess with. I know you're strong, powerful on your own - but you haven't had to deal with him before. You didn't know him before he was thrown into the pit. He was here only a short time before they captured him - a short time with me hiding, and they still found him Shem."

Eddie said softly, "You missed him - before they threw him in - Gabriel and Uriel." His eyes darkened.

Jay closed his eyes, "We could hear his screams, Micalz.. We hid together - me and Bel. Bel he... he was so broken - twisted and broken - torn apart. That was a long time ago - but they hunted him down, they hunted us both down. They imprisoned me - in Heaven, till they sealed me and put me in this vessel. But I could hear him screaming from Hell - screaming for revenge. I lost Micalz. Bel believes I betrayed him for my freedom. He believes I betrayed all of you little Brother."

Eddie came and sat beside him. "I know that you didn't I know what you endured to protect us. I know." Eddie rubbed his back - "Your vessel carries the scars from the torture you suffered. You were born with those scars. We, the rest of us that Fell were put to sleep until our Father decided the rest of our punishment. But.. what you had to endure - what Micalz had to endure - how are you not completely fucking insane?"

Jay's eyes filled with tears. "I want my family back, the three of us. I've been alone for so long - and then when I was born into this body - alone again. So fucking confused. We didn't just endure pain from our lives before - but then more in this life. All because of this eternity of suffering. When... Micalz does finally get free - I want to help him tear it all down.. I want to help him rebuild everything - because I want revenge, I didn't just Fall to dishonor our Father Shem, I fell because I disown him."

They both had tears in their eyes. "I disown him because he dishonored Us. He shouldn't even be called Father. I still don't know how he climbed out of Hell, we know why he did - but the how?" Jay rubbed his eyes, "I will need to go back to Chicago, but we'll get together again soon - we'll see if we can figure out what's been happening. Keep an eye on him, on Belial."

Eddie nodded, "I'll do things on my end, you on yours.." He said softly - before adding, "Charlie wants me to meet the Grand Mistress of the Golden Dawn here, so maybe she may know something about finding Micalz." Jay nodded, "That's good. I'm going to leave tomorrow - Reija has been getting pissed with me because I didn't want to see her while I was in Juvi."

Eddie laughed, "She gets pissed about everything. I think she's just angry all the time because we've all been sealed up in fucking broken vessels. I think her rage for Mud Monkey's may even be stronger than Luci's was at this point."

They both laughed and Jay said softly, "You might be right about that." He went quiet, and Eddie said softly - "Are you really doing okay? I mean.. you've been through fucking shit, you know? Really heavy shit the last couple of years man. Breaking your seals, fucking waking up. You lost your damn mind, you.. you're not going to try and kill yourself again right?"

"No I'm not going to try to do that again, I have a job to do." He said softly, "The chaos in my mind, its not as chaotic. I focus on what I need to do, the pain is still there - all the things that come from being Human are still there. Unfortunately we have a Human element now. I think that it was part of his punishment, that we suffer a Human existence - but it backfired on him, because we've eventually rebuilt ourselves. Forged ourselves from the ashes." Jay sighed.

"That's true, and once we all get together, we'll be even stronger man." Eddie rest their foreheads together, "I forgot to tell you, Seth and Magda moved her a couple of months ago, so I have had them to work with too, poor Mags can't speak a lick of English - Tristan has still been trying to help her but you know... He's doing his music and he's always on the road. My little buddy Dustin has been helping her though - that kid is smart as hell." Eddie smiled, and he added, "But... everyone seems to be gravitating to Hawkins, I mean even Charlie wanted to come back here."

"Why did you leave?" Jay asked, "I mean I know you were from here originally, but I thought you liked Chicago - you could have stayed?"

Eddie relaxed back against the cushions. "I dunno, I mean... I guess when Charlie said about coming back I thought why not? I didn't wanna stay with my parents - you know what that shit was fucking like for me."

Jay nodded and he hummed softly as he played with Eddie's hair. "Yeah... yeah I do know. Plus Charlie, I like Charlie - he keeps you from going off the rails."

They both laughed and Eddie said, "Plus I reconnected with my old crew, we started playing D&D again, Hellfire Baby!"

Jay smirked, "It's strange how we have to do mundane normal things - be these regular teenagers - when we're not regular at all."

Eddie laughed, "I know - it's fucking weird, I feel like this ancient thing - in a teenagers body, and I'm at fucking high school - perpetually too because I fucking hate that shit! Jesus... I want to die. I hate that fucking place and I can't escape it."

Jay smirked, "Well.. maybe once I get my shit sorted out I can come live here - keep you company. We can try and figure out where Micalz is. Get shit going."

"That would be awesome, I could use another ally - plus having my older brother, who technically is younger - around? Would be cool. That's if Reija is willing to let you go after not seeing you for so long." Eddie said and then he pouted, "It's not fair that she steals you from me all the time."

Jay laughed, "You're a goose."

Eddie shook his head, "He was so trying not to kiss you." Smirking,

"Excuse me?" Jay said - giving Eddie a side eye, "Who are you talking about." He knew of course. "Stevie - aka Bel, your sweet Bel - goddamn the wrath.." Eddie muttered, "So hot."

Jay smirked, "I knew you had a crush."

"Oh fuck off, I do not have a thing for him." Eddie growled back.

"You just admitted it." Jay said with a smirk, "And... yeah.. I wouldn't have cared even if he'd bitten my throat out with his teeth." He sighed, "He's so dangerous but he's sexy and we should stop talking about him because that can't even happen. But yeah." Jay sighed again.

"How long have you not seen him? Do you remember?"  Eddie asked him, and he was combing his fingers through Jay's hair - "Its so long man, you look like some weird surfer heavy metal rock god gone wrong. I bet it looked hideous with that orange jump suit."

Jay narrowed his eyes. "I was hot in my orange jump suit. And singlets." He smirked and Eddie snickered, "You totally were - and your braided pony tail thing." He added.

"And.. we hadn't seen each other for a really, really long time. Too long I almost can't remember." Jay said almost inaudibly. "Sometimes it feel like it was just all a dream."

Eddie said softly, "Why do you think we were even reborn into Vessels?"

"I told you, I think it was part of the punishment. Just.." Jay said softly, looking at Eddie. "Be thankful that our Father allowed most of you to be asleep before you were reborn - you weren't cast into Hell, and you weren't imprisoned in Heaven. Awake and enduring ..." Jay felt Eddie kiss his head, "It's because of that, that I asked you what happens if our Vessel dies. I ... wonder where we go."

Jay looked at Eddie, "Why are you asking about Death." He said it quietly.

Eddie shrugged, "I don't know - I... guess its because it fascinates me - Humans die, they either go to Heaven, or ...some form of it. Or they go to Hell. But - what happens to Us Saisch. We're Fallen - do we go to Hell? Do we go back to sleep? Do we... just cease to exist? Do we go back to Heaven?"

Jay gently cradled Eddie's face, "Don't worry about such things little Brother."

Eddie just looked at him, he said quietly - "But what if?"

Jay kissed Eddie's forehead softly, - "You're not going to die."

And of course, He had been wrong.

***

~*Present Day*~

Jay had moved to Hawkins - into the trailer park - right across from Eddie's. He kept mostly to himself - only really spending time with Eddie outside of school. He kept himself at a distance from everyone around him, just remained a ghost as much as he could. Things happened, strange things - something bubbling under the surface of the town - something insidious. Something that was festering and had been for a while according to Eddie.

He knew that Eddie was still keeping an eye on Steve - that Eddie had entangled himself in with Steve's group of friends. Jay didn't get involved - he could still remember the very first time that he saw him. Saw Micalz. Dustin was a tiny little thing - the sweetest little cherub cheeks. He was outrageously intelligent - he mocked and teased Eddie, but loved him with a passion. Jay felt like he was going to burst out of his body, with the need to touch him.

Jay wanted so desperately to touch him, to tell him everything - but of course he couldn't do that. He had to stay away - keep his distance. And he knew of course he knew that Micalz' vessel had no idea at all who he was. He was just a sweet, bubbling ball of energy. Jay couldn't escape the few times he was with Eddie when Dustin had shown up. He'd been curious about him - but Jay had kept his distance, he kept his distance from everyone around him. Even joining the basketball team - that hadn't really been what he'd wanted to do.

It just kind of happened. He became popular - but a popular Ghost.

Being a regular teenager really sucked.

But Eddie came alive around Dustin - the two of them had a bond that Jay knew wasn't just connected to their Human-ness. Dustin didn't understand, that it went much deeper. It was because they really were brothers. And Eddie also knew that Dustin' was Micalz' vessel. So when Eddie had come to him, and asked Jay about Blood Magick, Blood oath's - he should have realized who it was for.

Jay hadn't - but he should have. He'd made one for Dustin.

And then of course, Eddie went missing. Everything in Hawkins turned into Chaos - the town split apart.

Eddie never made it Home.

Jay watched from the sidelines like a ghost - as Dustin changed. Became a shadow of himself - and eventually - that bright bubbly person - the lights went out. Jay realized by then that it had been a mask he'd been wearing. That despite the fact that Jay knew how to read people?

He'd never been able to read Dustin. Even though he'd been asleep and had no idea who he was?

Jay realized that he was already extremely powerful and he wasn't even awake. But once Eddie was gone - the rumor mill went mad - everyone in Hawkins knew that Dustin was the last person with Eddie - and so .. it was spread around the place like wildfire that Dustin was the only one that knew what happened.

There was the entire Hellfire, Satanic panic - murder ritual bullshit too.

But Dustin no longer wore the Mask of a Happy -go- lucky kid. He shone so fucking brightly, like a beacon - but he was so dark, so dark and Jay felt strung out - like he needed to be close to him. He needed to help him, to help him see himself.

He couldn't stay away anymore. Once Dustin let go of the masks - stopped pretending to be who he wasn't, he started to figure himself out.

He was finding his way to finding his true self.  And at the same time - he was stepping out of the Light, and into the Shadow.

Drawing those to him that were lost and broken - and needed him to help them. Bringing those that were like him - to him.

Jay couldn't stay away anymore, and he tried - he really did try. But he could feel the tether, their bond - it was stronger than ever. And the more time they spent together - the more intense it became. It turned out that he wasn't the only one that felt it. Jay hated lying to him, every truth - had a lie beside it.

And then of course there was fucking Steve - their Dark Shadow. The Prince of Hell. Jay knew all about him - but he couldn't say anything.

It wasn't up to him to wake him, that had to be Dustin - Micalz had that power, and it was only his.

But teasing Steve, winding him up - drawing out his darkness? Pushing and pushing - Jay couldn't stop doing that either. And Steve liked doing it to him. And in the middle of it all - Dustin liked the attention from them both.

They were all caught up in each other and their addiction, their obsession with each other. Jay was the only one that knew the extent of it fully. Dustin was only at the tip of the Iceberg - Jay was the entire thing - and Steve had only just barely opened his fucking eyes.

It didn't even occur to Jay, that Dustin knew anything other than what he'd figured out. He didn't know why Dustin was pushing him away - he hated it, but he didn't know why and he wanted to fix it. Needed too. He didn't want to lose either of them. But he felt like he was going too, when Reija had asked him if he was scared? He couldn't tell her that he was terrified.

Jay couldn't tell her that he was terrified of losing Dustin, losing Steve...

Of losing everyone.

Because like Steve, Jay had never found it easy to connect. Something broken in him before he knew who he was. Before he knew he was Saisch - the Human part of him never knew love or connection. And since being in Hawkins, he found that - found more people that he genuinely loved, cared about and would fight and protect till he had no breath in his lungs.

He thought about Mike and Will, how they had called him Dad. It made him fucking ache, he wanted to protect them - keep them safe. He thought about how Steve had said the little shits get under your skin. He wasn't fucking wrong.

He loved them, all of them. And if Jay's lies - if it destroyed everything and he lost all of it?

He wasn't sure how he was going to deal with it.

So much more was at stake now. It wasn't just about the eternal struggle - it was about connection and family, which it had been - but this was another layer on top of that. Dustin was a perfect example of that.

He fell from Grace, because he chose not to love their Father's creation.

He was reborn - as part of a punishment - and trapped in a Human vessel. And now? On the verge of becoming his full self? He loved, and cared for Humans.  Jay knew that Dustin didn't believe he was Good, he thought that in the End he would destroy everything.

But he was proof, that he was capable of so much more.

Nobody knew the things to come. But Jay did know - that his little Brother, was far more powerful than even Dustin knew. He loved with his entire being. And he didn't even realize it.

Jay knew that he had to tell him the truth. He knew he had to. He just really wasn't sure how - he wondered if he could do it - with Steve's help. He raked his fingers over his buzzed head. "You know you need to do this." He whispered it to himself, staring down at the post it note. Andy's scrawling handwriting blurring out of focus as Jay's eyes blurred with his tears.

He was just so fucking scared. Scared to lose everything. I don't think I can survive it this time. I can't lose you again Micalz. I'm so sorry my treasure, please forgive me. Jay's stomach was too tight, he was too tense. He didn't know what to do, or how to even approach the truth. Jay wasn't even sure if he should even go to Dustin's house. If it was even a good idea. If he should just throw the post-it away.

"What should I fucking do." He muttered softly, "Fuck!"

Chapter Text

Jay rubbed his hands over his head, staring at Steve's truck parked in Dustin's driveway - there was no sign of Dustin's mustang. He let out a soft exhale and then he climbed out - he knocked on the door, but there was no reply - Jay could feel the powerful sigils, ancient Enochian magick. They were sealing all the windows and doorways. He's learning fast, of course he is.

Jay had to be let in, to gain access. So if nobody let him into the house - Jay couldn't get inside. "Clever Sunshine..." He said softly, the door opened - and Steve just stared at him.

"Hey pretty Boy." He said softly, giving Steve a smile - but Steve, he didn't smile back - he just eyed Jay with a strange look, not only that, but Steve didn't say hello back. "Uh... you're being kinda weird right now?" He reached out - to stroke Steve's hair like he always did, and Steve snarled - "Don't touch me." He backed up, away from Jay's touch - and Jay felt the panic rise in him immediately. Oh shit.

"Steve?" He said softly. Steve's face was confused for a moment - and then he let out a soft exhale. "You know me?" He frowned - "...How do you know me, you're... well - you're you, and I'm me - so there's that."

Jay breathed out slowly - he asked, "You don't remember me?" Steve scratched his eyebrow. "Well I do - but... then I don't? Because you're you." He said again.

Jay said, "And who am I?"

"Don't play dumb." Steve snarled, "You're Saisch... fuck's sake. I know I was in the pit for a long fucking time - but I can see your goddamn wings from here. Turn that shit off - fucking too bright. It hurts my eyes asshole.  I thought you lost your wings when you Fell?"

Jay's heart leapt into his throat. We've had this conversation before. "Archangels don't lose their wings, they're bound by seals - and can be unsealed. They were only burned off if you weren't an Archangel, or.. if you didn't survive the Fall." He said quietly.

Steve narrowed his eyes, "So why hasn't Micalz got his wings? You're full of shit - standing there bold as brass lying to my fucking face?!"

Jay let out a soft breath, "Micalz isn't.. he's not fully awake - not unsealed completely." His voice was soft, his heart was hammering in his chest. Fuck, this is really bad.

Steve narrowed his eyes, and then he tutted, "Oh.. So you've been lying huh?... so you've been lying this entire time. Pretending you were all locked up and didn't know who you were? And you've been awake? That's a bad trick." He tutted softly.

Jay let out a shaky exhale. This isn't good.

Steve smirked, and then he said - "I think someone's gonna get in trouble, because someone is going to be very, very angry with you when he finds out." He was saying it in a sing-song voice, and smirking again.

"I'm not your enemy, I'm not his enemy." Jay's voice was soft - "I know you've only just started to remember who you..."

"You don't know that.." Steve spat out angrily, "Who says that? Just because you were running around lying to Micalz - doesn't mean I was." He narrowed his eyes again. "You lied to him, you've been lying this entire time, haven't you - I do know something. He's going to be pissed off - you betrayed him. He doesn't like being lied too, that's something I do know."

Jay said softly, "I am going to tell him everything. It's why I am here - I didn't..." He stroked his fingers over his head - "When did you remember?" He asked softly, he had a painful ache in his stomach.

"Shut the fuck up, I don't have to tell you anything - We all know who you are, and you lying - the fact that you have kept this." Steve growled - while motioning with his hand. "A fucking secret just proves it."

"I fucking love him!" Jay growled back. "I love him and I'm not his enemy, I've never been his enemy."

They both just stood there - eyeing each other up. Steve finally growled, "This has been a titillating conversation - you can wait there.." Steve motioned to the porch swing. "He should be back soon, and when he does? You're not coming in here, even when he comes back. I don't trust you - and I'm not letting you break his wards."

 "Fine." Jay went and sprawled in the chair - and Steve sighed, "Fine.."

He sat opposite Jay, lighting a cigarette and Jay just stared at him. "...What triggered you remembering?" Jay asked softly.

"You're a nosy bitch." Steve growled at him - Jay took another drag on his smoke, and Steve slowly moved closer. He sat on the edge of Jay's chair - Jay held out the cigarette and Steve took it, having a drag and then he handed it back.

"I killed his not-father." Steve licked his lips - "We ate his heart." He smiled, a soft little smile - Jay's heart beat hard in his chest, Steve's eyes were closed - and he was so happy with himself. He's so fucking pretty, probably hard as hell and getting off on it in his head.

"You killed his not-father?" Jay asked. Does that mean Dustin knows who his real father is?

Steve looked at him - that bored look back on his face. "Are you hard of hearing? Did I fucking stutter? Yes - I killed his Father, pretend Father - his abuser, then I fed him his heart. It woke me up, he woke me up - helped me to remember both myself, but most importantly him."

Steve stretched his hand out - flexing his fingers, and Jay saw the black threads travelling up Steve's arms, it was their soul bond.

Jay said softly, "You both are in physical pain when you spend too much time apart. I always knew it - that... that is proof of it."

Steve looked at him, "You're not upset about it?" His voice was soft - studying Jay with his dark eyes.

"No, because like I told you - I love you both." Jay took another drag on his smoke, and Steve leaned forward taking it again.

"Seems a bit fucking strange that you'd love something like me - you're not like him, well.. maybe a little." He muttered.

Jay lifted his gaze, looking at Steve - "I am like him, you're just seeing what you want to see."

"Don't fucking try an use your feathery bullshit on me - I can see you right in front of my goddamn face." Steve snarled - "You don't look like a fallen."

Jay sighed, "You're  an idiot - I was an Archangel Steve. Do you even remember what we looked like compared to the others? Do you remember what Micalz looked like? He was, is the most beautiful of all of us. We don't look like the other angels. Do you even remember what you looked like? Before you fell? Before you turned into what you are inside of your meat suit?" His voice was hard, and had an edge to it.

Steve sat there quietly, and Jay could feel his own heart hammering in his chest. He wished he could remember who Bel was before he fell. But that was something he'd never been able to remember - all he could remember, was the broken deformed monster that he'd kept safe as best as he could, until he was torn out of his arms and taken away from him. Tears burned Jay's eyes and he closed them tight - flicking his butt away.

Steve's voice was harsh, angry - but on the verge of tears as he said, "No I don't fucking remember what I looked like before. I do remember falling and my wings being burned off - the pain, I remember that. I fucking remember being cast into the pit - tormented and cast into the pit because I became an unholy abomination!. I remember his light, his breath as he breathed new life into me from the Abyss - I heard him screaming in torment, crying out for you... he was in so much pain, and I couldn't help him. I remember that!"

But then Steve was actually crying. Shaking as he curled his arms around himself. "I remember my body changing, the power inside me shifting and becoming what I am now. I remember clawing my way out of Hell." Steve breathed out harshly, "I had to fucking claw my way out of the dirt - I crawled out of a fucking hole in the ground... this.." He motioned to his body, "Was laying in the middle of nowhere? It was so broken! So fucking broken - I just climbed on inside. It didn't even fight me - the Soul, its still in there a little bit, but it likes me. So it let me take over the reigns."

Jay could feel his tears sliding down his face and he wiped them away.

Steve said hoarsely, "I remember the broken body, this meatsuit - I crawled inside it. It was so broken. Its mind was broken - barely hanging on. But we fit together like two puzzle pieces because I was the same - broken, alone - it was broken and alone. Nobody love it - poor little broken doll. I saved it from itself. It was dead inside. And I didn't care because I was out - I was out and all I had to do was fucking find him! I could feel him here - somewhere but then... this body, this.. vile thing it was too broken. To fucking messed up in its mind - it shut me down. Blocked me out - I could only get free if it was drunk. It had to be drunk or I would be silenced. I wanted to stop his pain, I wanted to find you - but I didn't know how to do that - you were both hidden from me. Fuck.. I.. fuck I remember who I was before... I remember- but I don't want too.. I don't want to remember that.." Steve was crying harder - and he curled in on himself.

Jay said softly, "You wanted to find us both? So you do remember me."

Steve breathed out shakily, he said with a harsh sob - "Shut the fuck up."

Jay stood up and then he moved closer, and he whispered - "Asshole pretty boy, we've always been connected - the three of us. Just in different ways, I was hidden away - sealed up but trapped inside my vessel. Dustin was - he had one part sleeping inside him, the other in the Abyss - he's still got one part trapped there even now. He still isn't fully restored its why you can't see his wings. It's why you couldn't find him."

He gently stroked Steve's face, then curled his fingers into his hair. Jay said softly - "You... you were literally buried inside a vessel of a broken Human - you said that it was hurt and abused, broken.. alone - that's why I only saw a remnant of a soul. I met you, a long time ago - at Eddie's, do you remember? Eddie was our little Brother - Shem, he survived the Fall.."

Steve had his eyes closed - he muttered,  "It's still there a little the soul spark, but they killed it - the parent's, they did vile things to it - and its so faint its almost completely gone. When I crawled out of the pit - I took over. I killed them, the parents. I've killed a lot of Mud Monkeys. I like killing them, sending them to Hell if they're especially vile. They get special treatment down there, I fucking made sure of that.."
 
Jay gently kept stroking his fingers, soothingly through Steve's hair, he'd stopped crying - settling with Jay's touch. - "You said, ...that you remembered who you were before the Fall, I... will you tell me? I couldn't remember - falling broke my mind, the trauma, you were hurt so bad - burned so badly I..." Jay's eyes welled up again, "I couldn't recognize who you were, but.. I still did everything I could to protect you, to keep you safe before you changed - before Gabriel and Uriel, and the others took you away from me."

Steve lifted his head, looking at him and then he said softly - "Aside from you, who else did Micalz love before he rebelled."

Jay's breath caught in his throat and he let out whimper, the tears spilled out - and his heart was shattering into a thousand pieces - because it couldn't be true, he couldn't have really survived - become Belial. It can't be. But it made so much more sense. "Aszri." He whispered his twin's name - and Steve just pulled him in close, they held onto each other like they thought they'd never get to again.

Jay actually started sobbing, and Steve dug his fingers in against his back - his voice hoarse, struggling not to cry as he whispered - "I didn't know how to tell you, when we were hiding - I didn't know how to tell you that it was me, I thought it was better if you thought I had perished in the Fall."

That just made Jay's heart break all over again. "I don't care that you became who you became, I loved you no matter what, I fell in love with you because we survived together - we endured that nightmare together. You kept me safe too, even though you changed, I still knew you were my family I had to protect you... I heard your screams when they threw you into Hell - You thought I had betrayed you, betrayed Micalz - I thought I had lost you, my Aszri.. forever. When they locked me up - when they tortured me, I.. lost my mind. I knew I couldn't help Him - I couldn't get to him. And you Bel, were stuck down there. Alone.. both of you were alone - And what good was being the fucking Holy Sword then? Huh.. what fucking good was that then.."

Steve cradled his face in his hands and he said hoarsely, "That's why I wanted to get out - not just to find Micalz, but to find you as well. Do you remember the night before - when I came to you? And I told you... I begged you to Rebel. And you refused, you told me you wouldn't do it.. You pleaded with me, said I had to obey him - obey the rules.. begged me to plead with Micalz not to do it. You were so angry with me, because I was choosing him - I hurt you, but I couldn't... I fucking couldn't not do it.. but it wasn't because I didn't love you, you're my twin, we're the same being two halves - just like I am with him. I had to Rebel, because I had to go with him."

Tears were streaming down both of their faces. Steve said softly, "And it fucking hurt me to do it to you. But you wouldn't see the truth - and when I told Micalz that you weren't going to do it - it fucking hurt all over again, because he loved you so much, he - he then told me that he was going to take the Fall for absolutely everything. That he was going to make sure you didn't - that you weren't going to be involved - so we hatched the plan, that it was all on us - that He started the Rebellion, and that I helped him. And that he corrupted you, corrupted them all. The only thing our Father knew - was that he didn't corrupt me because I was already uncorruptible."

Jay said shakily, "And then I fell because I realized that it was all a lie - that you were both right and I'd rather fall with you both, than spend a lifetime being his servant and being used. I'd rather be free - but we were never free, never free and we were all separated and punished. We were still punished after it - Micalz and I were born into Human vessels.. and I've lied to him about being asleep - he's going to hate me Steve, he's going to hate me... and its even worse than that.. I.." Jay started crying again, and Steve just pulled him in close, holding him tightly.

"Its okay, it'll be okay Saisch, we'll figure it all out." Steve murmured, he was stroking Jay's neck - then his buzzed head and Jay couldn't stop his tears, he'd not cried like he was - for years. "You've been so strong, and brave - but lost and alone too, haven't you?" His voice soft and Jay tangled his fingers into Steve's hair.

Steve murmured, "It's okay, I'm here now. You don't have to be strong all by yourself anymore." He shifted them, sitting in one of the chairs - he pulled Jay into his lap. "He hates me, and he doesn't even know I've been lying, I feel sick, sick with all my lies - he's going to hate me, and I'll be alone again. You.. you'll be together and I'll be alone." Jay whispered, and Steve gripped his chin. "Why would you say that."

"Because I'm the real monster Aszri, that's why." He let his eyes close and Steve ghosted his fingers over his face - "Nonsense." He murmured, and Jay let out a soft little exhale. "I know I can't give you peace, because I'm not an Angel anymore, but I still remember what it felt like. Be still - you don't now what will happen, you're worrying about things that haven't even happened yet. You always were that way Saisch, you can't control the storm.. no matter how much you might want too."

Jay said softly, "As Humans we have similar stories you and I."

Steve said softly, "I know - once we got to know each other I realized, and yet I still couldn't really talk about all the shit this kid has been through - never said about it, but then I did some fucked up shit, I'm kind of a cunt - so.. I'm sorry for being an asshole? I yeah you know I can be an asshole - I'm kind of evil though? So I don't always know how to be good?."

Jay murmured, "Well he did have the Prince of Pain riding around inside him - only coming out to play every so often.. so you know.." He gave Steve a smirk and Steve laughed, he brushed his tears away and then he said, "I woke up and my head felt fuzzy - Dustin said it would take a while for everything to come back. He had to go and do some stuff with Mama C, he should be back soon though."

He nodded and said softly, "I hate knowing that you were out, stuck here alone - and didn't know where Micalz or I were. I don't think you ever knew how to deal with being alone."

Steve said softly, "No because it fucking hurts." He looked at Jay - "And you were alone too, and being abused, hurt by your parents.. hurt by your ex-boyfriend, the one you tried to set on fire." He had tears blurring his vision again.

Jay said softly, "Dustin... he killed him and we took him to the Upside down - its how I know about the Demo-bats, he.. killed him for me. Because he raped me, him and his friends.. they all raped me, I was only fourteen." Steve curled his fingers around Jay's wrist, and Jay let out a soft little breath.

Steve growled softly, "I'm glad the piece of shit is fucking dead."

Jay whispered, "Me too - it... when he did it, I should have told him the truth." Jay buried his face in against Steve's throat, breathing in his smell.

"The truth about what being awake?" Steve curled his fingers against his neck.

Jay said quietly, "About everything, I've already lost him - he's pushed me away and I don't know why. He's getting close to waking up fully - he's already so powerful, and I'm not afraid of him. But I am afraid to lose him. I'm afraid that I will lose you, and everyone here... You said .. that I was the only one that hadn't freaked out..."

Steve murmured, "This is you freaking out. Quietly. I've seen you do this before. I just want to remind you again - you don't now what will happen, you're worrying about things that haven't even happened yet. You always were that way Saisch, just... don't worry so much. Let the fucking chips fall where they may."

Jay breathed out shakily - just staring at Steve.

Steve's voice got all raspy and he murmured, "You're so goddamn beautiful. Those eyes, I remember them and they're still the same. And your hair."

Jay smiled and he said softly, "You remembered that before too." Steve let out a soft laugh, "It looks like the Moonlight kissed you, and stars got sprinkled in your eyes. You're the light, and we - Micalz and I are the Shadows. But you are, so beautiful. And no matter what happens? You will always have Me." Steve said softly, "I'll never stop loving you. I never have - I know my memory is still coming back to me, but I do remember that."

Jay rest their foreheads together and he whispered, "Did you.. really feed it to each other? The...heart." Steve growled softly, "Yes.. it was delicious.. I have photo's, and more to develop - so you can see." He whispered against Jay's ear, "He ate it right out of my mouth too.." They both moaned softly, and Jay murmured - "I think.. you being all dark delicious, you were always Bad Steve."

Steve murmured softly, "Well we know I was." He kissed Jay softly, and then he whispered - "There is still some left, maybe we can convince him to eat some more... and share it with you."

Jay shivered, and he whispered - "I... don't know - he might not want too." Steve kissed his jaw and he murmured - "I think you might be wrong about that. I can be very convincing."

Steve curled his arms around him and he nuzzled his face in against Jay's neck. "Eddie, was our baby brother Shem. I found Reija and Tietz in Chicago, or... well they found me." Jay said softly - "Reija was so worried about you being a threat to Micalz, she's going to lose her shit when she finds out that you ... are Aszri, that we never lost you... we had a blessing for you and the others we lost.." Jay let out a shaky exhale. "I...can't believe that you're here, that you've always been here."

"Don't cry." Steve whispered against his mouth. "I'm sorry I never told you, I was so hideous - so ...hideous I didn't want to tell you because I was ashamed."

Jay whispered, "No, no you weren't even though I didn't know who you were, you were still my family - it made me hate him.. even more.. our so called Father." Steve murmured, "It fueled the rage inside you to seek his destruction."

Jay breathed out against Steve's face, and he said softly, "Yeah, it really fucking did - and it made me realize even more that I never regretted my choice to Rebel, to fall - I should have never doubted you, never have doubted that it was always the right choice to make. It was never about loyalty to him. It was about loyalty to you and Micalz. My whole reason for existing."

Steve's grip on his shirt got a little tighter, and he said huskily - "Whenever you do decide to tell him, I'll be with you. I'll be at your side, so you don't have to feel afraid Saisch. Okay?"

Jay nuzzled his face against Steve's cheek. "I love you pretty boy." His own voice husky and Steve murmured back, "I love you too asshole."

He breathed out slightly heavier and then Jay said softly - "You wanted to tell him so he'd hate me."

"I'm a prick, a jealous asshole prick - you know that. I just - it took me a while to remember than I love you too. I'm sorry Baby, I'm sorry - I wanna be there when you tell him." Steve curled his fingers against the back of Jay's neck, "You smell good." He said softly, "Like mint and cedar."

Jay curled up with Steve and he said hoarsely - "Thank fuck you remember, you were scaring the hell outta me."

Steve muttered softly, "I think I might need some kisses - to help me remember more?"

Jay looked at him, and Steve wiped his tears away - "Sweet kisses?" He gave Jay puppy- eyes. "You are such an asshole." Jay growled, but he tugged on Steve's hair and then kissed him, and Steve let out a soft little growl, possessively deepening the kiss - and Jay slid his arms around Steve's neck, shivering as Steve's fingers stroked under his shirt against the bare skin of his lower back.

As their kiss broke, Steve said with a smirk - "I know.. but - you still love me." Jay bit his bottom lip.

"Asshole pretty boy." Steve lazily stroked his back, "Mhmm and you still have to make up with our sweet Baby, you should have a bite or two of the heart - with him.." He licked Jay's throat and made a slurp noise. "Yummy for your tummy." He growled softly.

Jay's voice was all husky as he said softly, "Jesus.." He dragged the word out, "Stop talking about it..."

Steve smirked and he murmured softly, "Bad Steve that makes our sweet Baby whimper and beg for Daddy's cock?' Jay breathed out heavier and he growled softly - "You're trying to kill me... stop it." They both lifted their heads as the sound of the mustang rumbling up the driveway got their attention.

Jay let out a soft little exhale, and Steve stroked the back of his head. "You know you love it.." He murmured, softly kissing Jay's throat, "Your hearts being all fast, don't be scared.."

Jay whispered, "...I'm not." He was fucking terrified. Steve slid his hand down, stroking his fingers against Jay's back again. "...It's your Sunshine." Steve said softly, "You don't have to do it right now..." Jay whispered, "Stop molestering me." Steve smirked, "Okay Robin Buckley." They both snickered, and Jay slapped Steve's hands away.

"I mean it asshole." Jay's voice all husky and a little bit breathless.

Steve moved his hands - looking all nonchalant, "Fine I no molester my pretty fairy."

Jay gave him the finger. "I'll bite it off." Steve told him and Jay growled, "I'll bite your cock off." They both had a nonchalant look on their face as Dustin appeared around the side of the house, sling on - muttering softly to himself.

***

When Dustin pulled into his driveway, he felt his stomach get all tight. Jay's truck was parked behind Steve's. He sat with his head tilted, eyes closed - trying to reign in his panic. But then he slipped out of the car, and headed around the side of the house where the deck was - he could hear the sound of Steve and Jay talking - their soft growling at each other making his stomach get fluttery - because they were teasing each other.

And Dustin liked it too much when they did that. He muttered, "Fucking assholes." As he came around - his hair was all over the place - hiding his face as he reached into his pocket to get his keys - then he realized he didn't need to unlock the door. "Fuck's sake." He gave them both a dark look - well especially Jay.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He growled at Jay - who was looking at him - eyes too pretty, all fucking green and glowing with golden dust - his looked at Steve, his dark look softening and Steve gave him a little smirk, "Grumpy Baby?" Steve asked and Dustin growled, "Don't test me Steven."

Steve gave him sweet puppy-eyes. "Nope.. not in the mood for that shit." Dustin stomped up the steps, and he actually got all dizzy and his vision got black spots. "Fuck.." He whispered weakly, and it was Jay who suddenly caught him.

"You okay Sunshine?" Jay's voice was all gravelly and soft, and Dustin held onto his arms - he said shakily, "Y-yeah.." He didn't really feel okay though. Dustin felt that wet feeling in his mouth like he was going to be sick.

"Hey just.. sit for a minute." Jay said softly, and he guided him into Steve's lap. Dustin let out a soft little noise and he let his eyes close - Steve gently took the sling off him and he handed it to Jay, then Steve curled his arms around him and he rubbed his chest, holding Dustin against his body.

Dustin rest his head back, and he whispered - "Thanks.." Steve stroked his hair back off his face - his voice was more of a growl as he said huskily, "You get dizzy again sweet Baby?" Dustin shook his head - lying obviously, and they both new it. Steve kept stroking his chest, then against his belly - and it felt nice. Soothing - and it made him feel less nauseas. He opened his eyes, and Jay was looking into the sling.

"Hi.. sweet girl." Jay scooped Bonfire out, putting the sling beside him. Bonfire looked all sleepy - but she wiggled her little butt and then gave Jay a soft, sweet little howl. "Aww so precious." Jay let her snuggle in against his neck, and she was quite happy to stay there. Jay's gaze met his, and Dustin just laid there - head against Steve's chest, watching Jay from under his lashes.

Steve nuzzled his hair and he said, "Feeling better sweet Baby?"

Dustin nodded, and he shifted a little - nuzzling Steve's throat, he hid his face there - breathing him in. "How's Mama C?" Steve said softly - turning his gaze to look at Jay and Bonfire. Dustin said softly, "Good, excited because Murray is moving in tomorrow. She's so cute."

Steve laughed softly, "They're cute together definitely. Murray calls me Kitten as well - which.. is just really fucking weird." Dustin let out a soft little giggle and Jay said darkly, "He calls me Bunny - its not okay - only Mama C can call me fucking Bunny."

Steve said with a smirk - "Why Bunny though, why Kitten?"

Jay muttered darkly, "She thinks we're cutesy little baby animals."

Steve snickered, "You probably have a little bunny tail." Jay growled, "I will kick your ass Steven."

Steve snorted, "I'm terrified." Jay growled, "You should be." Steve growled back, "I'm so scared... of a little fluffy Bunny boy with a tail.."

"Asshole." Jay growled.

"Fuck Bunny." Steve growled back.

Dustin suddenly slipped out of Steve's lap and he took Bonfire from Jay - he picked up the sling and said - "I'm going inside, I'm pretty sure I'm going to throw up." He went inside and left the door open, Steve and Jay just stared at each other.

"We should go make sure he's okay." Steve raked his fingers through his hair, and Jay said softly - "He asked what the fuck I'm doing here, I don't think it was an invitation to come in Steve."

"You should still come in anyway." Steve held his hand out, "C'mon." Jay bit his thumbnail again. He took Steve's hand and Steve tugged him into the house. It was really nice, Dustin had made it feel like Dustin. It was cosy, and warm - It felt like Home. It made him feel sad all over again. Get a grip on yourself for crying out loud.

Jay bit his lip softly - Bonfire had already found his feet because he'd kicked his boots off. She sat on them and whimpered for him to pick her up.

"She likes you - little shit tries to bite me all the time." Steve said with a laugh - but then he frowned, "He really is throwing up." Steve's voice soft.

Jay said softly, "Has he been eating? At all do you know? - and I'm not.. talking about the heart, although that could be why he's being sick?"

"I don't know Baby." Steve was kind of hovering - doing a Mike Wheeler, and Jay said softly - "Sit down.." Steve tugged on his hair again, but he did sit down.

Jay placed Bonfire in his lap - and she whimpered softly at Steve, licking his fingers and then she walked around in a circle twice and then curled up in a tiny ball - closing her eyes.

"Oh yeah, she's vicious - attacking you." Jay smirked and Steve said - "Well she usually does?!"

Jay sat down on the end of the sofa, and he watched as Dustin came back into the room. He looked at Jay, and then quickly lowered his gaze and Jay scratched at his neck - he looked at Steve, tears were welling up in his eyes and Steve yawned, "Hey... so I  have to go to work tonight, sweet Baby.. I think I need to crash for a bit. I can come back after my shift though? Do you want me to stay here with you. I don't have to leave yet, just asking you."

Dustin looked at Steve, his eyes were terrified - but then he said quietly, too quiet. "It... whatever you want to do, I'm.. uh." He shrugged.

Steve said, "Baby.."

"Just.. fucking go Steve." He said shakily, "I get it - you have to go to work, I'll be fine okay? It's fine."

Steve set Bonfire down in her little bed, he brushed his fingers gently against Jay's cheek, but then he wrapped his arms around Dustin's - "Sweet Baby, I can come back once my shift is over... what's wrong hmm?" Dustin curled his fingers against Steve's chest and he said tearfully, "I hate it when you go.."

Jay's stomach got all tight and hot, and he hated how sad, how vulnerable Dustin sounded.

"I know, I hate it too - but.. it's just for a little while?" Steve gently gripped Dustin's chin, making him look at him - and Dustin was just staring up at him. You're so Beautiful.

Dustin's gaze shifted to Jay, and his heart banged harder inside his chest - It was almost like Dustin had heard him.

But then Dustin looked up at Steve again, his tears in his lashes - his cheeks all flushed. "It hurts when you say goodbye." His voice was all soft, and Steve kissed him, soft feather light - and Dustin was breathing out all shaky. "I... I know I'm being super fucking weird, and I'm sorry." He whispered, "I'm sorry - I don't know what's wrong with m-me."

"I can always call you on my break?" Steve murmured softly, stroking Dustin's face he slid his fingers into his hair and he kissed Dustin again, he melted into Steve and then he whispered, "Sorry - I.. gross I.. puked I'm so sorry.."

That just made Dustin get upset all over again and Steve said softly, "Baby... sweet Baby - I don't care." Dustin was biting on his fingers, and then Steve said softly - "Jay...wanted to talk to you about something, but.. that could always wait till later, when I'm back? If you're not feeling good, maybe he could give you a cuddle?"

Jay let out a soft shaky exhale, Dustin looked terrified at the prospect - but he was blushing and curling his fingers against Steve's chest - hiding his face again.

Steve looked at Jay - his brown eyes intense and Jay just stared back.

Steve softly kissed Dustin's cheeks, but Steve now knew what Jay was talking about - Dustin was scared to death, of Jay.

"Baby.." Steve murmured softly, "Jay's not going to hurt you, you... you know that don't you?"

Dustin said softly, "I'm going to go and.. brush my teeth - don't leave yet?" He stared up at Steve. "I won't leave yet Baby." Steve said softly.

Jay said softly - "I.. don't have to give you a cuddle, I.. can come back some other time..." Jay looked at Steve, "Maybe I should just leave."

Steve breathed out against Dustin's face, he said softly, " Maybe Jay can just keep you company for a little while? So you don't feel bad?"

Dustin whispered, "Okay, yeah sure - I... teeth.." He left the room again.

"I'll take care of him." Jay whispered as Steve came closer, and Steve whispered, "Jay what the fuck is going on."

Jay whispered - "I don't know, I'll try.. and find out."

Dustin came back, he'd definitely been crying - but he snuggled into Steve, letting his eyes close. Dustin let out a soft little noise, and then he whispered - "You'll come back later?"

Steve murmured softly, "You know I will my angel."

Jay smiled and Dustin whispered, "Okay...my love." He curled his arms around himself and he said softly, "See you." He wasn't looking at Steve anymore either, and Steve frowned - he looked so torn, and like leaving Dustin was the last thing he wanted to do.

Steve looked at him, "I'll talk to you later yeah?."

Jay said back, "Later yeah pretty boy."

Once Steve had gone, Jay raked his fingers over his head - and he sat down on the sofa. Dustin was just standing there - curling his arms around himself and he scuffed his socked foot against the carpet.

Jay realized he had odd socks on. One was one of his - and one was Steve's. Sweet Baby. He said softly, "Do you want me to make you some tea to help settle your tummy?"

Dustin said quietly, "I.. don't think I have any."

Jay said softly, "Let me check. You might - because I know you like it.." He hummed softly - "Peppermint with just a little bit of honey."

Dustin was just staring at him, and Jay moved into the kitchen - he smiled when he opened he cupboard and saw a box of assorted herbal teas. "See? You do have some." Jay made a cup and then he brought it back, setting it down on the coffee table - next to where he was sitting.

Dustin sat down, but he was being too quiet, making himself small - or it felt like that to Jay. "Sunshine?" He carefully reached out and then he gently stroked Dustin's hair out of his face - he heard Dustin's breath catch, saw his eyes flutter closed - and he was sitting here biting on his lip.

Dustin whispered, "Please...please Jay... please don't touch me." Tears spilled down Dustin's face, and Jay felt a punch of hot burning heat in his stomach.

Because even though he was telling him that, Jay knew - he knew that he wanted him too.

Jay said softly, "...Baby."

Dustin said softly, "Please.. please don't do this.." He looked at him and Jay whispered, "Please tell me what's wrong..."

Dustin closed his eyes, tight - and he was biting down hard on his fingers.

"Don't do t-that.." Jay said hoarsely - he shifted closer, and Dustin clawed at his throat - Jay grabbed hold of his hands, his voice husky as he said, "Don't hurt yourself...don't do that my treasure.." Dustin just broke down, and Jay said tearfully - "Please, Baby... talk to me."

Dustin shook his head, "I c-cant... I can't.. Jay, please.. please you have.. to .. s-stop."

Jay said shakily, "I.. can't stand seeing you in pain, please.. just talk to me, let.. me.. hold you.." His voice was rough, and Dustin said tearfully - "Y-you cant.. please.." Jay couldn't bare it, he moved in, and then gently pulled Dustin in, he ghosted his fingers over Dustin's face and whispered - "I remember your face.."

Dustin just stared up at him, and he whispered - "You're killing me.. you're killing me."

Jay was looking down at him, and he murmured, "I don't want to.. I love you.."

Dustin whispered, "I don't love you anymore."

Jay didn't believe it - not one bit. Not for a second did he believe it.

Jay said softly - "I know you love me."

Dustin just laid there with his eyes closed, tears streaming down his face, he whispered - "Please, don't do this."
 
"Look at me and say it." Jay said softly, "Open your eyes, and tell me that you don't love me." Dustin didn't open his eyes, and he didn't say anything.

Jay shifted closer and he gently pulled Dustin into his body. He curled his fingers against Dustin's belly - and then stroked his fingers. Dustin bit down on his bottom lip.

Jay murmured against his ear, "I miss you, so much - I didn't mean to get angry the night you left.. I didn't mean to scare you." He leaned in and kissed against Dustin's throat, soft and feather light. Jay felt Dustin shiver and he whispered, "Let me kiss you my Sunshine, my treasure."

Dustin was blushing again, and Jay whispered, "Do you want me to kiss your tummy better.."

He was trembling - his breath shaky, and he whispered, "No... no Jay." He lay back as Jay gently pushed him down into the sofa - and Jay whispered, "Yeah.. you do.. don't you my sweet Baby, soft.. sweet kisses against your tummy.."

Jay pushed Dustin's t-shirt up, and he leaned in, brushing his mouth softly - and then he licked, and Dustin let out the softest, sweetest little noise - he was curling his fingers into the sofa cushion underneath him and Jay brushed his lips feather soft again.

He stroked the tip of his tongue, and then sucked down softly - before lapping softly with his tongue and placing more sweet kisses. Dustin let out a soft, breathless little - "Jay.. stop." Jay lifted his head, and then he used his fingertips to stroke Dustin's tummy, feather soft and Dustin was just laying there, staring at him from under his lashes.

Jay murmured softly, "Feel good?" Dustin nodded, and he was still all pink, Jay leaned in close again and he whispered, "Why are you blushing my treasure."

His breath hitched again and Jay murmured, "Whisper it to me... tell your secret.."

Dustin let his eyes close and Jay said huskily, "Do you want me to touch you... kiss you, my sweet Baby."

Dustin whimpered softly, "We...cant.."

Jay breathed out shakily and he murmured, "We can, we belong.. together I need you, I need to feel you.."

Dustin whispered, "It's wrong.. It's wrong.."

Jay growled huskily, "No.. no its not.." He kissed Dustin hungrily, his tongue stroking Dustin's - but Dustin turned his head away, and he gasped out - "Jay.. Jay stop.. stop.."

They were both breathing hard, Dustin was staring up at Jay - looking at him from under his lashes and Jay brushed his thumb over his bottom lip.

Dustin's eyes closed and he gasped out - "You need to stop, I... can't do this. I told you - We can't."

Jay stroked his fingers against Dustin's belly, and then he leaned down and kissed his tummy again and Dustin let out a shaky exhale. "You told me you loved me." His voice husky and soft, "What happened, I.. don't even get an explanation? You just.. walk out the fucking door and that's it?" He breathed out against Dustin's skin, and he felt Dustin suck in his stomach - a deep breath. "Please.. Don't do this.." Dustin whispered.

Jay sat up and he raked his fingers over his head and then just sat there - and Dustin sat up slowly, he was staring down at his lap - his hands shaking. "I told you, I don't love you anymore." He whispered it, and he wasn't looking at him.

Jay said quietly - "Alright, I'll go then."

Dustin said quietly, too soft. "Okay."

"Before I go I have to tell you something." Jay's voice was calm - quiet, despite the fact that on the inside he was the complete opposite.

"I know that last night, Steve did a sacrifice - he cut out the heart of  the man you thought was your father - and that you both realized who he is. Belial." Beside him, Dustin turned his head, watching Jay quietly from behind his hair. "He told me when I got here, but...I already knew who he was before either of you remembered." Jay was staring down at his hands as he spoke, but he was very aware of Dustin watching him.

"I knew who he was, the same way I've always known who you are." His voice was soft - and Jay added, "I've lied to you about some things, and I need to tell you the truth. I lied because I wanted to protect you until you were ready to complete your unsealing - which I know you're going to do soon."

Beside him, Dustin was so quiet - so still.

Jay just kept his gaze on his hands. "I didn't exactly set out to lie to you, it... I never meant too, and I hate myself for doing it." Jay's voice was gritty and rough - and he let out a shaky exhale, "Part of the reason is because I'm selfish - because I love you so much I didn't want to." Jay breathed out shakily and he rest his head in his hands. "But if you don't love me, if you don't... then there's no reason to not tell you everything anymore. I have nothing left to hide."

"I've known the entire time who I am, who we are. I know that I'm Saisch, Michael - that I'm your older brother. I've never been asleep, I was unsealed - unlocked three years ago. Everything that I told you about myself as Jay was true. I just didn't tell you everything. But I was raised by the parent's I told you about, I was abused by them - they never accepted me. But my birth Mother was just a fourteen year old child when she gave birth to me. I was born in a convent in Mexico - in Guadalupe, and my parent's adopted me. But at the convent - they knew I was different, they kept tabs on me - because of who my real father was." Jay was stroking his fingers over his head.

He said softly, "I was involved with a group, still am I just haven't seen them for a year and a half - although I saw one of our Sisters, Reija - this morning. I don't know if you remember her yet or not - she's our older sister. In Chicago, Reija, our younger sister Tietz  - they found me, and with their help and members of the Golden Dawn, including Eddie - I was unsealed. Eddie was our younger brother Shem, he fell for you - he came to Hawkins with his Uncle Charlie - and I got more involved in the Occult. Because of Eddie, because of him moving back to Hawkins - I knew you were here somewhere - I could feel you I just, I didn't know where to find you. I knew saw - met Steve long before - talked to him knew he was Belial, but he wasn't fully aware of himself till you woke him up properly last night, and he's still remembering. I didn't know that he was Aszri. You met our sisters last year. When you didn't know who you were, or who they were."

Jay said hoarsely, "I was.. really fucked up back then - using heavily, involved with Thomas - trying to escape my life, my parents - when they found me. I never knew who I was, where I belonged - I didn't fucking fit, I didn't even fit in my skin. I.. met this guy named Luis, he used to be a Priest, but he left the church - he was a follower of the Golden Dawn and he helped me figure shit out about myself, but I was already getting into serious bad shit. Before I wound up in Juvi - he found my birth mother, or.. where she had been. She killed herself after they took me away, she didn't even get to see me. She ..left me all these journals though - filled with all kinds of stuff, about how she was chosen, to be the mother of my vessel." Jay could feel the tears burning his eyes, and he let them close.

"Her name was Majandra Calvarez. But.. my father." Jay breathed out slowly, "My father is Dominic Henderson."

The silence was deafening and Jay wiped at his face - expecting Dustin to start yelling at him, scream maybe - but there was just silence. Jay turned his head - and Dustin was just staring at him, tears streaming down his face - and he was biting on his fingers again, and Jay breathed out in a rush.

Dustin let his eyes close, and he let out a shaky exhale. "I ...already knew, that you're my Brother, that we have the same Father. I.. found out.. before the concert. I.. knew then." He whispered it and Jay's heart was hammering against his chest. "I asked Magda to help me find out about you, about your vessel - how it all happened." Dustin's voice was still so soft.

He said shakily, "I didn't ask my mom, for obvious reasons. I had to find out the hard way when you could have just told me yourself - I felt sick when I found out because you fucking lied to me. You lied to my face, I thought you didn't believe me about any of this and you knew the entire time! You were already fucking awake Jay. And you knew... you knew the entire time, you knew every time you fucking touched me."

They were both staring at each other, and Dustin stared down at his hands. "I remember Reija and Tietz,  I remember them properly now, but I last year. I didn't know who they were then." He said it shakily, tears slid down his face and Dustin looked away, curling his arms around himself. "I wish I had remembered while he was alive, that he was actually my brother - I will never see him again, but I feel him - Shem, Eddie... I... the night of the concert - I told you I couldn't.. I tried I tried to say no, and I still couldn't. I.. fucking - you have fucked me up, my head - I'm so fucked up. You lied to me, you pulled everything out from under my feet."

Jay had tears streaming down his face, but his head was buried in his hands.

"I remember too much now." Dustin's voice was so soft, but to Jay it was loud.

Dustin said softly, "How could you do any of it Jay? How could you do this, do.. any of this." His voice got all shaky.

Jay whispered, "Because I'm the real monster. I don't think it was ever you before either. Everything I've ever told you is real. And the things I didn't tell you -  I just, Fuck I can't change it now, I remember everything I felt before, and it didn't change when I met you now..." Jay said hoarsely, "I always wanted to protect you, and keep you safe - to help you find yourself. Because I knew that you would. I... could see you, the real you." Tears slid down his face, Jay whispered - "It's never felt wrong to me... Loving you has never felt wrong to me. I.. couldn't turn it off. I tried too, I just couldn't"

Dustin exhaled heavily beside him and he said shakily, "But it is wrong Jay - It is. This entire thing - It's fucked up. We ..can't anymore. You...fucking lied to me! It's.. so fucking wrong."

Jay's voice broke and he said hoarsely, "I'm sorry I lied to you I... never wanted too, I swear I never meant too." He said hoarsely, "But I understand... I'll stay away from you - I'll give you the stuff I have - I'll give it to Steve, or.. Magda, someone.. else."

Dustin was just staring down at his hands, and Jay stood up, Dustin looked up at him - but Jay didn't look at Dustin.

"Ishani-dei Micalz." (Goodbye) Jay whispered.  He didn't look at him as he left - Jay couldn't, he got in his truck and he didn't make it back to the trailer - he had to pull over half way back. Jay got himself out of the truck, vomitting harshly into the grass - before he broke down - right there on the side of the road, he cried harsh broken sobs - his entire world had crashed down around him and Jay felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. He didn't know what to do anymore. What is the point anymore?

Chapter Text

Dustin breathed out slowly, trying to calm himself down - but he just didn't feel calm, he couldn't sit still - he couldn't stop the restlessness. He couldn't stop the shaking, he couldn't stop the nausea, the twisting in his stomach. He rocked a little, back and forth - biting down on his fingers, and scratched at his arms.

His body ached, Steve still hadn't come back - and ever since Jay had left, the nausea had got worse, he felt hot too and yet he knew that he wasn't. His head - the noise was chaotic.

Dustin whimpered and tugged at his hair, he got up and then paced some more - he'd started feeling overwhelmed and panicked as soon as he'd left the house that morning.

Steve had still been asleep, they'd woken up early hours of the morning and had a shower - and Steve had fallen back to sleep. Dustin hadn't been able to sleep, and when he'd been at his mom's he'd still felt on edge - and it hadn't gone away. He could feel the panic rising - when he'd got home and seen Jay, he'd felt it kick up a few more notches.

The truth had come spilling out of Jay's mouth. And Dustin hadn't wanted to hear it - he hadn't wanted to hear it, because it made it all real. The worst part of everything that he'd said, was that Dominic Henderson was his Father too.

Because he'd known it - he knew it the night they'd all gone to the Zillah concert, he knew it when he'd found out that the dreams he'd been having about Jay being Saisch were real. That they'd been brothers before. But the fact that they were brothers now too - it did weird things to him.

That Jay had known it from the moment they'd met, and lied about so much.

It was buried in his soul, in his bones - that Jay had found the pieces of him that he'd always felt were missing. Shone the light into him and seen who he was, who he'd always been and he loved him regardless. They'd been lovers, he'd been - and was in love with his own brother.

It was doing weird things to his head. And he didn't know why - they'd been lovers in their previous life. Why it fucked him up so badly. He knew it was because it was just another reminder of how fucked up he actually was.

Dustin was having trouble dealing with the fact that he wasn't normal. He was struggling to accept just how fucking twisted up and dark he was. He killed Thomas and loved it. Every second of it. He loved the thrill of doing it - he got off on it.

He ate the heart of someone that had hurt him - and loved that too. Loved looking at the photos Steve took of the brutality of it. He wanted to do it himself - completely fucking rampage and destroy.

But most of all, he wanted Jay with everything every part of him and it was messing him up. He was so fucked up and he couldn't stop it. He was sick and perverted - and he didn't want to stop, he couldn't but he knew he had too. He was obsessed and addicted to his own fucking brother. And with Steve. Jay knew that he suffered whenever he wasn't with Steve.

But what Jay didn't know - was that he suffered when he wasn't with Jay too.

He turned the shower on and climbed in - leaving the water cold. Dustin climbed in and he let out a gasp at how cold it was. He hadn't been eating much of anything with Jay not being around - just the grilled cheese sandwich a couple of days ago, and some of the heart.

Dustin let out a shaky sob, he clawed at his throat - and then shoved his fingers down, bring up mostly bile which burned his throat - he was so sick, a sick disgusting piece of shit. You're a fucking monster, a twisted sick fuck. Eating hearts and fucking your brothers. Not to mention you like Daddy Steve, you sick fuck.

Dustin curled his arms around himself, sinking down onto the floor. He felt like he couldn't breathe - he laid down on the floor of the shower and let the water fall down on him. He missed him, ached and wanted him so badly.

"Stop it.. stop it." He cried harder and curled his hands against his tummy again. Dustin could still feel the way Jay kissed his tummy, the warmth of his fingers stroking and he wanted it back, wanted Jay back.

He'd told him to leave. And he had. Dustin knew he had to try - try and stay away from Jay. But he already felt like he was dying. He looked like hell too. Pale and the darkness under his eyes was getting worse. He kept getting dizzy too. Dustin whispered, "Maybe I can just fucking die. Fade away slowly."

He felt too weak to even get up off the floor of the shower. "Don't care." He laid there, and whispered - "You're disgusting." Eventually he did slowly pull himself up, his legs felt like jelly - but he turned the shower off and slowly made his way back into his bedroom.

Dustin dried himself off as best as he could, he was so cold he felt numb - he looked at Bonfire who was asleep in her little bed that he'd moved in front of the fire. Dustin didn't even bother to get any clothes on - he just curled up under the blankets and closed his eyes.

He laid there in the darkness, the fire had pretty much died down to just embers - so it was almost completely pitch black in the room.

But he didn't have the energy to relight it. He tugged the blankets up over himself, shivering. Dustin couldn't sleep - he just laid there, crying silently and talking to himself in his head. You're so disgusting. Perverted freak. You're just a monster that's going to destroy everything and everyone. You should just go and jump from the fucking quarry and save them all before you can.

***

Steve had finished later than he usually did - and it had pissed him off, because he was worried about Dustin. Really worried - it was freaking him out how weird he was being. And it was freaking him out because when he'd gotten his break, he'd phoned Dustin - and he hadn't picked up. And then he'd phoned Jay - and he hadn't picked up either.

And something was wrong. He'd tried phoning them both again before he left - and there was still no reply, and Steve just knew something had happened. He also didn't think they were together. So as soon as he had locked up, Steve drove to Jay's trailer - his truck was parked outside, so Steve knew he was there.

He banged on the door, and there was no reply Jay wasn't answering the door - so Steve reached under the trucks hood and found the spare key to the trailer and he let himself inside. The place was a fucking mess. Steve sighed softly, it seemed that neither him or Jay had the ability to look after themselves or keep their house tidy without Dustin.

He saw a candle going in the bedroom and Steve say softly, "Jay?" He pushed the door open and Jay was just laying there staring up at the ceiling - but all around the room, bags were packed. Steve frowned and he said, "You going somewhere?"

Jay didn't say anything he just shifted so he was sitting up - and Steve bit his bottom lip when he saw all the scars on his back. "What are you doing here?' Jay's voice was almost completely void of any emotion at all. Steve said softly, "What happened?" Jay just looked at him, "I think you need to leave." Jay said in the same emotionless voice.

Steve moved closer, and then he sat down beside him. "I'm not doing that, what the hell are you packing up all your shit for." Jay didn't answer him, he just raked his hands over his head - and when Steve touched his shoulder.

Jay flinched and then growled out, "Don't fucking touch me." Steve moved his hand back to his lap - his voice husky and soft as he said, "So you're just going to leave? You weren't even going to tell me?"

Jay let out a shaky exhale and then he tilted his head up - looking at the ceiling. "There's a bunch of shit in the living room - give it to him. I'm going back to Chicago." He wouldn't look at him.

Steve said - "Saisch, tell me what happened." Steve reached out, not touching Jay's shoulder - realizing it was the scars that Jay didn't want him to touch. Instead he stroked the back of his head, and Jay said hoarsely, "I .. can't say goodbye, I'm not good at goodbye's Aszri."

Steve felt a horrible twist in his gut, and he said hoarsely - "You don't have to say goodbye, you don't have to leave.."

Jay murmured, "Yeah.. I do. Because I can't stay here. I can't. You should just go be with him, go be happy. I don't belong here, he has you. He doesn't need or want me. And I love you, I do - but it hurts too fucking much, and I can't do it. I can't - okay? I will always love you, but I love you enough to leave and at least let you be happy with Him. Even if he doesn't love me. He does love you, so please - don't tell me that I can stay here. Because I fucking can't - I can't stay here and pretend I'm not fucking dying without him."

Steve whispered, "Please.. don't leave, I need you too. I need you."

Jay turned to face him - just staring at him, and Steve whispered, "I love you, me.. will you not stay because I love you? We've only just found each other again." Tears fell down Jay's face fast and he said hoarsely, "You're fucking killing me right now.."

Steve pulled him in and kissed him, deep and slow and Jay kissed him back - tangling his fingers into Steve's hair, and Steve pulled him in closer, Jay's voice was all husky and rough - "I'm sorry pretty boy."

Steve growled softly, "I don't want you to go, and ..you can't, you can't go.." He bit softly against Jay's top lip, "I'll fucking follow you there and drag your ass back here.."

Jay breathed out against Steve's mouth, "You should have waited.. I told you to fucking wait till I got  back before you said anything.." Steve said huskily, "You fucking didn't listen to me.. what happened, what'd you do.."

"I told him the truth, about everything.." Jay murmured, "Told him we both have the same father, but he.. told me he doesn't love me anymore. That we're wrong, that I lied to him about everything...fucked with him.." Jay let out a shaky exhale, "I...didn't mean to lie to him, I'm a sick fuck - I know that..."

"Bullshit you are.." Steve growled, "And even if you are - who fucking cares?" He licked at Jay's mouth, and then whispered - "Don't let it get you all fucked up,  you're fucking perfect, everything about you.. I don't give a fuck if you're my brother from another life, if you were my brother now... I'd still fucking want you.." 

Jay growled softly, "It's because your a twisted fucking evil psycho you whack job."

Steve murmured, "Yeah.. I am, and you love it... I love it too, love how fucked up you are.."

Steve whispered, "And he loves it too, he fucking loves you... he's obsessed with you, he's just scared - he has those moments where he's so scared. He freaks himself out, and he needs us to protect him.. he needs his Daddy and Papi.."

Jay gripped Steve's throat, and he growled softly - "Dark twisted monster, I fucking love you.." 

Steve murmured, "So why the fuck are you running away...huh? Come with me right now and we'll go get our sweet little prince and make him ours. Feed him the rest of the heart.. He wants you Jay, he wants you so badly.. he's shaking apart with it.."

Jay breathed out heavily, "What are you saying hmm?" He asked and Steve said huskily, "You're not that dense - you know what I'm saying, haven't you seen the way he looks at you - the way he gets all shaky, the blushing - the way he's clinging to me, but he's looking at you."

He let out a soft breath, and Jay murmured - "You're saying he's fighting the urge.. the need."

Steve murmured, "He's as addicted to you as he is to me - and because he's been trying to avoid you, its getting worse - the upset stomach, the vomiting - I think it actually might be worse. I don't know if he's got sick like that without me, but he's definitely getting sick without you. He's starting to get a little crazy too - strung out.. like an addict wouldn't you say?" 

Steve curled his fingers against the back of Jay's neck. "I.. think he gets like that too, hmm.. when you cum inside him he gets all strung out and wants you to stay inside him.. you noticed that?" Steve whispered, "He does that with you too.. right Baby?"

Jay growled softly, "Yeah...but I.. whenever we do, I stay inside him - I love to stay.. and he loves it when I do.."

Steve was nuzzling his neck, breathing him in and he growled soft against Jay's ear - "He's addicted to it, same way I'm a fucking slut for both of you, your cum fuck I'll swallow it down like a greedy fucking bitch, get it all over me and rub it in.. He wants it so bad, he always wants me to cum in his belly and stay there, gets so desperate he practically begs me. He does it with you too, yeah?"

Jay whispered, "Stop.. that."

Steve smirked, "...I can't help it, It's all true."

Jay breathed out slowly, "He told me its wrong, that me and him... are wrong."

Steve gripped his chin, "We both know how he gets, but... he tries to push everyone away when he gets scared. I think he's terrified because he can't handle being so addicted to not just me - but to you. He's freaking the hell out, I mean he's had a lot to process."

Jay said softly, "I don't wanna hurt him anymore Bel." Steve murmured, "Then don't fucking leave, because that will - it will hurt him and I think he needs you more now than he ever has, and.. fuck if he does this unsealing thing, you've already done it - maybe he needs you to help him with that too."

Steve cradled Jay's head in his hands. "Listen to me, the human side of him - pushes people away, he pushes people away. Because he gets fucking terrified - and he needs you. He needs you and loves you and if you leave, you'll break your heart and his - and you may not ever get that back. Listen to me, don't do it - don't fucking do it."

Jay breathed out shakily, "Okay." He whispered.

Steve kissed the top of his lip softly, "I know what I'm talking about Papi." He murmured, and Jay let out a soft little laugh - "You're such an asshole." He whispered.

"I know, but.. Daddy still loves you." Steve murmured, "I love you my sweet beautiful Saisch, fairy boy. Let's go make sure he's okay - he didn't answer the phone when I tried to call him.. you didn't answer either, I came here first because it was closest. We can go in my truck."

Jay stroked his fingers through Steve's hair and then he said softly, "I love you too, fuck so much - I still... can't believe.."

Steve whispered, "Believe, I'm here - you're here, and we have to protect our Precious Light, we gotta free him...completely.  And I can't do that without you."

Jay slid his arms around Steve's neck and Steve held onto him, and Jay just let himself relax.

"I got you." Steve said softly, "You don't have to bare the weight of all this own your own. Just let me help you - we're two halves, made whole again - it's okay now Saisch."

"You're going to make me cry again Aszri." Jay whispered.

Steve gently gripped his chin and then he nuzzled his nose against Jay's, "Remember when you told me I was pretty when I cried? You're beautiful when you cry too - It's just not right, but... you're beautiful."

Steve stood up, and he picked up one of Jay's shirts - he pulled Jay to his feet and then he looked at him quietly - "You said it was your father that did that.. to your back, where is he... I wanna go an tear him apart."

Jay let out a soft breath, he took the shirt - pulling it on but he didn't bother doing up the buttons. "I was born with them, my vessel. They're scars, but like a birthmark - a remnant from my torture. Inflicted by being whipped."

Steve's eyes turned completely black - and Jay shivered at the sight of them, the blood red hue - Steve gently brushed his fingers over the Elvish tattooed around Jay's hips. "So not your human father."

Jay shook his head, "No - but that's what I told Dustin." His voice soft.

Steve murmured, "What does this mean.. it's not our language?"

Jay smiled and he said softly, "No pretty Boy - its Elvish, from the Lord of the Rings."

Steve looked at him, "Oh.. Tolkien, yeah - boring as shit." Jay laughed and he said, "Blasphemer." Steve grinned - "Shem and Dustin were all into that weird shit - said something about going into Moldore." 

Jay grinned, "Mordor Baby, Mordor..."

Steve snorted, "Moldy door - whatever..." He brushed his fingers again, "Its pretty too look at though, what does it mean?"

"I would rather share one lifetime with you, than face all the ages of this world alone..." Jay said softly.

Steve said softly, "Damn... yeah, that's really Beautiful - you got that tattooed on you for Baby boy."

"Yeah I did." Jay murmured, "But.. It literally is both of you, if I had to live for all eternity with both of you missing from my life again - I don't ..." He went quiet, and Steve pulled him in closer.

"You don't, and not ever again. Trust me, just... trust Me, hmm?" Steve said softly.

Jay nodded, and he just looked at Steve, who was eyeing him up in a lazy kind of way.

"You should come with a warning label, caution: could be hot - could cause you to catch fire." Steve said with a smirk. "Boy you are hot as hell." He added and then kissed him hungrily.

Jay kissed Steve back, the two of them kissing till they were breathless and then Jay said huskily - "You're ridiculous."

Steve smirked, "Well if you were running around with your shirt open, sexy tattoos - fucking pants on your sexy hips, people would start catching on fire." He growled, "Or they'd start trying to molester you."

Jay laughed, "You goose, shut up."

"It's true, I think I'll get you a caution he's hot label and slap that on your ass." Steve said, laughing and then he raised an eyebrow - "Are you going to put boots on, or just go barefoot..."

Jae stared down at his bare feet. "Don't tell me you have a foot fetish as well." He asked, and then he said - "Our sweet Baby was wearing odd socks, one of yours and one of mine."

"I don't have a foot fetish but I could develop one - and you didn't notice that he was wearing your pants? I don't think he owns his own clothes.. or if he does he's just not wearing them currently." Steve said with a smirk.

"He was wearing my pants? No.. I hadn't noticed, hmm I like it when he wears our clothes. " Jay said softly, and he pulled on a clean pair of socks and then his boots.

Steve murmured - "I like it too, hmm I like it when you wear my clothes too. Or I can wear yours.. It's a pity the heart will be cold, it was delicious warm."

Jay let Steve drag him out of the trailer, he locked the door up - watching as Steve put Jay's spare key back in its hiding place. He climbed into Steve's truck and then he said softly - "I can restart it, it'll beat and be warm, even though its not.. in the body."

Steve just stared at him. He breathed out in a rush and then he muttered - "...Okay that, yeah.. okay.. fuck's sake."

"What?" Jay laughed softly, and then he smirked - "That get you all excited Bels?"

"I could have used that ability when I killed the sonofabitch.. and.. yeah way to excited - because imagine giving him a beating heart.." Jay licked his lips, "Well you'll be able too." He said softly, and Steve growled huskily, "No... Baby you can." Jay felt his cock twitch, and he was suddenly rock hard. Steve started the tuck up and they were both quiet, but Steve reach out and held his hand, interlacing their fingers.

"I... think you should take him the heart, the beating fucking heart, and feed it to him... make love to him. I'll come in later.. okay?" Steve was stroking his thumb over Jay's hand - "You need some time alone together, just.. trust me okay?" Steve's voice was all husky, and he growled softly - "I'll have a soak in that fucking hot tub. Maybe cook up the kidneys, and liver."

Jay lifted his head, "Wait you have other organs?" He just stared at Steve.

"Well yeah, the liver, kidneys - adrenal glands - I didn't think he'd wanna the other bits though so I burned those up." Steve said, shrugging - and Jay laughed, and said "You're such a beautiful twisted mother fucker."

Steve grinned at him, "...Wait till you see the photo's I have at Dustin's, I still gotta develop the other ones.. hmm."

"I didn't know you took photos." Jay said softly.

"I have lots of photos, I just don't share them with anyone usually.." Steve's voice was all dark and it made Jay shiver. "...Are they Bad Steve photos?" He asked softly.

"Like you said earlier today Sweetheart, I've always been Bad Steve." Steve said it with a smirk, "Yeah.. they're my secret pictures.. But I think you and our Sweet Baby, I think you'll both like them - I think... you'll really like them."

Jay shifted in his seat, and he growled softly - "I really like Bad Steve."

Steve looked at him, and he murmured - "I know you do, our sweet baby - he likes Daddy Steve too." Steve lifted his hand and kissed the inside of his wrist.

"I can be Daddy for you too, if you want.." He licked the inside of Jay's wrist and Jay could feel the heat in his face, "...Focus on the road Steven."

Steve bit on same spot and Jay stared out the window. Trying to ignore how hot and tight his stomach felt.

"Yes Papi." Steve said with a smirk - and Jay laughed softly, "Fucking asshole." Steve kissed is fingers and he murmured, "Your pulse is racing, are you getting freaked out again?'

Jay looked at him, his voice a little breathy, "No.. you're making me fucking crazy, shut the hell up." Steve murmured, "Okay I'll try to behave myself, and stop being naughty."

"You're always fucking naughty.." Jay growled softly, and he pulled his hand free - rubbing his cock through his pants and Steve watched him do it, then he turned his attention back to the road.

They eventually pulled up into Dustin's driveway, and they both got out of the truck. Steve took hold of Jay's hand - and he frowned as they got to the porch - because the door was open, but the house was in complete darkness.

"He didn't even lock the door." Steve murmured.

They both walked inside - and Steve started lighting some candles - he went back outside and turned the hot tub on. Jay let out a soft exhale and then he kicked off his boots - Steve looked down - and sure enough, Bonfire had appeared. 

"She's got like a homing Beacon for when you turn up I'm sure of it." Steve said with a smirk. 

Jay laughed softly and he scooped her up, "Hi Baby girl - you hungry?" She whimpered softly, and Jay went into the kitchen - he dished her up some food and milk, staring at the plastic bags in the fridge.

Steve said, "Aww look at her getting all messy with her nom noms."

Jay smiled, "She could get the hiccups, she's a bit of a tiny piglet." They both laughed and then Jay said softly - "Do you think he's... asleep?"

"Maybe, want me to go see?" Steve asked, and Jay nodded.

Steve stepped in closer, he held Jay's head - brushing his lips against Jay's temple. "I'll be back in a minute."

Jay let out a soft breath, and then he went and opened the fridge. He took out the box - and closed the fridge. He opened the box and stared at the heart.

"He's asleep, I relit the fire - he's freezing cold, but he's asleep." Steve murmured it against Jay's ear, all pressed into his back and Jay shivered - his voice soft as he said, "Okay.."

"Show me.." Steve whispered it against Jay's ear, his fingers stroking Jay's hips - and Jay lifted the heart out of the box, then he let out a soft breath - his hands glowed and it started beating in his hands. He set it back in the box, and Steve stroked his hand down, rubbing Jay's cock through his pants.

"It's so beautiful, beating when its been cut out of the body." He murmured it against Jay's ear, and Jay let his eyes close, he could feel how hard Steve was as he pressed into him, and Jay said softly, "Yeah.. it is, touch it - its warm again."

Steve stroked his fingers over it and he held them to Jay's mouth, he sucked on Steve's fingers and Steve licked the back of his neck and bit down, and Jay moaned softly - "Steve.."

Steve sucked softly, and then he murmured, "Go wake him up, we can play together later.." He rolled hips slowly and Jay breathed out heavily, and Steve whispered against his ear, "Don't worry Baby, I know your secret.. I know what you want.."

Jay was shaking as Steve moved away - and he gave Jay a little smirk, pulling his clothes off he gave Jay a wink and then he was going outside and he got in the hot tub.

"Fucking asshole." Jay whispered, he stared down at the heart, and then he closed the lid. He was suddenly terrified again.

Jay went down the hallway - the glow of the fire the only light in the room. Jay shut the door and he looked at Dustin, he was tangled up in the blankets his face was all flushed and pale - his mouth open a little.

He moved to the other side of the bed, and set the box down on the bedside table. Dustin whimpered in his sleep and he gripped the sheets - Jay felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. Dustin was whimpering his name, "Jay.. Jay.."

He crawled onto the bed - not touching him, but he could see that Dustin's skin was sweaty and flushed and yet Steve said he was cold. Jay gently brushed his fingers, brushing Dustin's hair out of his face, and his skin was ice cold.

***

Dustin was dreaming strange things - he was dreaming about Jay, that he had left - and he couldn't find him. He was suddenly jolted awake - and he felt warmth, touching his face - fingers pushing his hair out of his face. Burning heat, and he was breathing shaky breaths - confused because he didn't know what was happening, the room was lit up - he stared at Jay, when had he come back? He'd left. 

After Dustin had lied and told him he didn't love him anymore.

He'd dreamt he'd left too. Only he'd left him for good. Dustin just stared at him - he felt like maybe he was going crazy, and that Jay wasn't really there - he felt like he couldn't breathe properly - Dustin let out a shaky whimper, and Jay whispered, "I...know you don't probably.."

Dustin was shaking so bad he couldn't really move fast enough but he shifted closer and then ghosted his shaking hand over Jay's face - and Jay's eyes closed. He opened them again and did the same to Dustin, and he breathed out harshly - letting out another whimper.

Jay whispered, "My sweet Baby, my treasure." He cradled Dustin's face in his hands and Dustin's eyes fluttered closed, he whispered shakily - "Are you real.. are you really here?"

He breathed out against Dustin's face, and murmured - "I'm here my Sunshine, I'm here."

Dustin's breathing was all fast and wrong, and Jay shifted, pulling him into his body - cradling his head close, "Are you in pain." Jay said softly, and Dustin looked up at him from under his lashes, "Hurts so much, I.. I'm so wrong, so wrong - it hurts, bad.. bad inside everywhere." Jay murmured, "Let me make you feel better, okay? Let me take the pain away. I... have to touch you, is that okay?" Dustin whispered, "Yes."

Jay nodded, and then he said softly - "Okay sweet Baby." He shifted and then gently laid Dustin back against the pillows. Dustin was biting down on his fingers, closing his eyes tight as tears slid down his face - but then he was watching Jay again, in that quiet way he had been every time they'd been together recently. 

Jay slid his shirt off and threw it in the chair next to the bedside table. He stared at Dustin and he realized, that it wasn't just fear - it was need, Dustin was terrified of how much he wanted him.

He let out a soft exhale, and Jay raked his fingers over his head - Dustin's gaze moved over him, and he was blushing - biting on his fingers again, and Jay felt a hot wave of heat punch through his gut, burning vicious and he ached with it. 

It was coming from Dustin, and Jay unbuttoned his jeans and tugged them down, he kicked them and is socks off and threw them in the chair too. Dustin's breath caught in his throat, and he was breathing all harsh again.

Jay slipped in under the covers and then he said softly - "I'm gonna take the pain away now my treasure." He lifted Dustin's head, bringing him in closer - shivering as Dustin's skin touched his, because he was just so cold. 

Dustin let out a whimper and pressed in close - Jay whispered, "It's okay my treasure." He reached down, and stroked his fingers along Dustin's arm and as he did - he let the light from his fingers move with his touch.

Dustin gasped out as he did it - staring at him from under his lashes again and his blush was back. He was fascinated by it - Jay lifted their hands, and Dustin watched - Jay's touch was feather light, but the spark, his warmth - his energy was taking the pain from Dustin's body, and taking some of the chill away, he couldn't take all of it. 

Because Dustin's body temperature was just naturally cooler. Dustin pressed in closer and Jay breathed out soft against his face, "Does your tummy still hurt my Baby." He murmured softly.

"Uhuh... yeah.." Dustin said softly, his breathing had calmed - and Jay said softly, "Want me to touch your tummy?"

He got a soft little breathless "Yes."

Jay let out a soft little hum, and Dustin shifted, laying on his back but still close, still watching Jay with that same quiet way - it was making him crazy with want. He stroked the tips of his fingers over Dustin's chest, down lower and then against his tummy, Dustin let out soft - sweet little noise. 

Jay shifted his head, murmuring soft against Dustin's mouth - "Do you want me to kiss your tummy?"

Dustin whispered back, "Yes.."

Jay shifted again, and Dustin curled his fingers in the sheet - Jay stared down at him and then he lowered himself down, breathing out against Dustin's stomach - Dustin's fingers gripped tightly in the sheet, and he sucked in his tummy. Jay kissed softly, feather soft - as well as stroking his fingers and then he placed his hands flat and pushed his warmth, the light - and he moved his fingers down resting them against his sides as he kissed again.

Dustin let out a soft moan, and Jay looked up, Dustin was biting down on his fingers again - and then he covered his face with his arm. Breathing out slightly heavier, biting down on his lip. Jay stroked his hands against his sides slotting his fingers into the space between his ribs and he shifted himself up. He said softly, "You feel better Baby?"

"Y-yes.." Dustin whispered, he moved his arm away from his face, and he was staring at him again. Jay said softly, "Good.. no more pain?" They were both just staring at each other, and Dustin dig his fingers into the mattress, "No...more pain." He said softly.

"Okay, good." He murmured. Jay moved, and Dustin dug his fingers into the bed again - looking terrified again as Jay laid beside him - propped against the pillows. But he let them close, he rubbed his hand against his throat, then his chest when he realized that Jay wasn't going anywhere.

Jay watched him quietly, and Dustin said softly - "You came back."

"Yeah." He murmured.

"I...had a horrible dream." Dustin whispered. "A...really.. really bad.. one."

Jay whispered, "What happened."

"You left, left Hawkins." He whispered back and Jay's stomach got all tight and hot.

Dustin was biting on his fingers again and Jay murmured, "..Why do you keep doing that Baby.." He reached out and took hold of Dustin's hand - he was shaking, really bad shaking.

"I.. d-don't know." Dustin whimpered.

Jay took the box from the bedside table and he said softly - "You hungry? I have something for you."

Dustin opened his eyes, looking at Jay from under his lashes and then he stared at the box, the blush was back, deep and going all the way down Dustin's neck.

"I.. I'm a sick fuck you should throw that away.." Dustin said shakily. "I'm.. a monster, a disgusting.. fucking monster."

So Steve was right, you're drowning in your chaos, my beautiful dark Prince.

"Look what I did for you." Jay said huskily, he opened the lid and took the heart out of the box. Dustin's eyes were all dark and wild - and his breath caught in his throat as he watched it beating in Jay's hands. 

"How... how is it doing that?" He asked, mesmerized by it - and he was looking at Jay from under his lashes again, he held the sheet a little bit tighter around his waist, but moved closer to Jay. Jay smiled a soft little smile, "I restarted it." His voice was still all husky and soft.

"Oh.." Dustin whispered, and Jay lifted his hands up - Dustin's eyes followed - "You want to taste it?" Jay said softly, his voice all soothing and raspy.

Dustin's eye fluttered shut and then he said softly, "Uhuh yeah.. yeah Jay."

Jay murmured, "C'mere.." He held his arm open, "Come and snuggle into me and I'll hold it for you."

Dustin let out a soft little breathless, "Okay.." Jay watched him - he was mesmerized, and hungry. He laid back, in close to Jay's body - watching and waiting and Jay held the heart close and Dustin bit into it and Jay felt his stomach get tight, his cock harder in his boxers - Dustin made a happy little noise in his throat - he had blood on his lips and chin and then he said softly, "You.. you want to taste?"

Jay bit into it and he could feel the blood in his mouth, it was warm and sweet - and it tasted like fear. "Can you taste the fear?" Jay asked Dustin - "What does fear taste like?" Dustin said softly, eyes on Jay's mouth, "Like the sweetest wine..." He hummed softly, and Dustin's breath caught - "Oh..."

Jay gave him a little smirk and Dustin whispered, "How do you know what fear tastes like?" Jay said with a soft little growl - "Because I told you, I've done some really twisted, fucked up things in my life, sacrifices being one of them.. when they're scared - they taste better. I'm guessing that Bel took full advantage of drawing out as much fear as he could in whatever time he had."

Dustin took another bite, his eyes on Jay.

Jay watched him eat it, but then Dustin was taking the heart from his hands, and he whispered - "One bite left, I want you to have it."

Jay murmured, "Okay Baby." He licked his lips, and Dustin visibly shivered - You still love me.

Dustin let out a soft little whimper, he moved into Jay's lap - he held it up to Jay's mouth, and Jay ate it from his fingers.

Their eyes met, and Jay cradled Dustin's head in his hands, he licked the blood from Dustin's chin - Jay brushed his mouth against Dustin's and they kissed - deep and slow, sharing that last bite. 

Dustin whimpered into the kiss, and Jay moaned into Dustin's mouth - he chased Dustin's tongue, deepening it more and Dustin pressed himself as close as he could. When Jay tried to pull away, Dustin whimpered and chased for more. They were both breathless, and Jay sucked softly on Dustin's bottom lip - he could feel how Dustin's body was trembling.

Jay said huskily, "I was going to leave, Steve stopped by... told me not to, he brought me here. Told me it was a mistake to leave. I don't want to hurt you, or cause you any pain. I'm sorry about lying to you, I.. want you to be happy - so.. talk to me, tell me what you want.. tell me, and I'll try and do whatever you want.."

Dustin was watching him in that quiet way, trembling - and he whispered shakily, "You were going to leave?"

Jay stared back at him, and he murmured softly - "Yeah, I was."

He watched as Dustin closed his eyes tight. He let out a harsh breath, panic - and then fear hit Jay hard - and Jay shifted a little, pressing in - he felt how hard Dustin was, his cock pressed in against Jay's stomach.

Jay moved his arms around Dustin's body, and he heard Dustin's breath catch. Jay stroked his fingers against his back, his voice all husky and soft, Jay said "Why are you so afraid of me, of us.. you know, you know we were together before, why is it so frightening now.. I.. know that I lied, and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry I did. I really am. But...we've always been Brothers.."

He felt Dustin shiver - his fingers curled and dug into his shoulders.

Jay said in his raspy soft voice, "I told you that night, that I didn't care if we were brothers now - I meant it, I don't care. The same blood flows in our Human bodies - and I don't care, you're my Baby brother, you've always been that. I don't care if it's fucked up, I don't give a fuck if it's wrong. I don't give a fuck if I'm sick - I don't care if anyone knows."

"You're mine, and I'm yours. My soul, my body - I belong to you whether your Micalz, or Dustin... Even if I'd never woken, if I never knew I was Saisch. I would have still felt the same, wanted you the same. Because you are my soul. I fucking love you. I rebelled, I fell - I'd follow you through the fire, I told you.. I'd burn the whole fucking world down, because its You."

Dustin was looking at him from under his lashes, biting on his fingers and blushing - all shaky.

Jay murmured, "I've changed, from when we last were together, being reborn as a Human - this life I've lived, even the time I had to exist without you. It's all changed me. But I never forgot you. I don't care about stupid shit, right and wrong - what is that? When I was the righteous soldier? Thinking I had to be perfect, had to be his fucking perfect soldier? I wasted so much of my existence - judging you, and judging Aszri."

"I could have just been happy. I let him control me - but you? You were always so free, and so was he. Being born again as this.. as Jay - taught me to be free, I didn't give a fuck about what I was supposed to do. Which is why I was always so fucking wrong in the eyes of everyone around me. I just didn't fit. You know that because neither did you. But the less I cared about what I should do, the more free I became. I told you I've done a lot of fucked up shit - I have no moral compass as far as it goes being normal. Bel... he's a twisted dark mother fucker, and I love that because he doesn't care about that shit either. I am who I am. I'm always going to be this way."

"I never gave a shit about being queer, about being different - being a freak, but I did endure a lot of bullshit that tried to fucking break me. And that was part of his punishment. I had to exist without you. Without Bel, and I thought that Aszri was gone - perished in the fall. I didn't even know it was him. We survived together, hiding together - I saw him turn into the Demon, but I.. still felt the love I just didn't understand why I felt that.. I knew I had to protect him. And then they caught him. Threw him into Hell and I never saw him again. You were both lost to me. And I got taken back to Heaven. I could feel you both, hear your pain.. hear his screams - and when they dragged me back, they whipped me - tortured me - and I never gave them anything."

Dustin had tears streaming down his face - he was just staring at him and Jay stared back.

"My scars are from that, years - I don't know how long, but they're scars from that. Eventually I think they got tired of it because they couldn't get me to return to their side. I refused. I disowned our so called Father, disowned all of them. I went insane, lost my mind - I lost myself, my mind was broken - I don't remember everything that happened. But then all of our brothers and sisters that fell were rounded up and put into a sleep. I couldn't do anything to stop that. And then the others that changed like Bel, were thrown into the pit with him."

"I don't remember what happened until I was unsealed and I was in my vessel. But I was so fucked up - I was still alone here. Reija and Tietz found me. I got.. into really dark shit, fucked up stuff - tried to kill myself because I was still insane. After I was unsealed my mind was still not right. I just went on a quest to try and destroy myself. I overdosed a couple of times before I finally got off the H. I was trying to punish myself - I just, I was in self destruct mode. I finally connected with Shem."

Jay murmured, "My parent's - I was adopted by my parent's - my birth mother was only fourteen years old when she had me, she left me all these journals - she believed that she had been chosen by our father to have me. Maybe she had been. But.. after she gave birth to me - I was taken away and given to my parents. She killed herself. I... the human part of me has never really found it easy to connect to others - I have that in common with Steve's human. Being here? Being in Hawkins, I feel like I finally have connected, have a family - people that I love and care about. It wasn't just You, that didn't like Humans, I never did either Micalz, it's a common trait amongst us, especially the ones that believe in you, followed you - we all felt Betrayed."

Dustin said softly, "Why were you going to leave?"

"Because if you didn't love me, if I was going to lose you - lose everything, what was the point." Jay said softly.

"Were you.." Dustin breathed out shakily - tears welling up again, "We're you leaving Hawkins or were you.. going to ..." He breathed out harshly, shaking he let out a harsh breath. "Jay.." He let out a shaky sob, and clawed at his throat again.

"Stop.. stop that." Jay said hoarsely, he gently took Dustin's arms and curled them around his neck pulling him in flush against his body.

"Oh.." Dustin gasped out, whimpering softly - he brushed his lips against Jay's jaw and Jay shifted his head, and then he kissed Dustin deep and possessive.

Dustin kissed him back, melting into Jay and relaxing - the tension in his body going and Jay felt the panic and fear going away too. He kept kissing him, Dustin chased his mouth and Jay said breathlessly - "I thought if I left, you would have Bel - you'd .. be better off without me here. I.. didn't want to hurt you anymore."

Dustin said softly, breathless from their kissing - "I'm so messed up in my head, its noisy again - I.. am so scared, terrified - I feel like a sick dirty pervert, wrong, desperate I can't.. stand myself. I can't stand myself ...I feel like a sick pervert. I .. know, I know we've always loved each other before, but.. you're my actual brother, I'm not even fully awake Jay - I'm still Dustin. I think you feel more like Saisch, less Human? But I'm not .. I mean I know I'm Micalz, but I'm more Human than I am Micalz - and things scare this shit out of me Jay. Scare me so fucking bad, how fucking dark I actually am. I... want to do such fucked up things. I want to eat hearts and kill people and I want to destroy shit - I want to create chaos, and I am so fucking angry."

Jay stroked his fingers down Dustin's back, he breathed out soft against his face - ghosting his fingers, "I remember your face." He whispered, Dustin's eyes fluttered closed as Jay used their bond too soothe him.

Dustin said softly, "I am terrified of how much you shake me apart, I.. you scare me because you are my Home, you're everything -Until I met you, I've never felt it. You're awake - you know who you are, I don't feel all of myself, just bits of me. And the bits I do feel? Jay I'm scared, I'm scared of who and what I'll be. I.. want you both so much I can't stand being in my skin. I... feel crazy, I'm.. wrong. I'm wrong Jay." He whispered shakily, "There's so much wrong with me."

Jay said softly, "My sweet beautiful prince, there's nothing wrong with you I promise you. When you do finally get all of yourself together - it'll feel a little strange at first? But I'll be here, Bel will be here. You won't be on your own - and part of the reason you feel so out of balance is because you're fractured. It's like being at war with yourself. That will pass once you're fully yourself. I promise. And.. as far as feeling like you're wrong.. I can't change the way you feel, but.. I do want you to know? That there is nothing wrong with you."

Dustin watched him quietly, and he whispered - "I'm not weird because I get all fucking needy and desperate and cry cos you're not with me?, because Steve isn't with me? It hurts when he has to go. It hurts when you go.. whenever you say goodbye, both of you - I feel like I'm going to break apart." His tears slid down his cheeks and he whispered shakily - "I feel so.. overwhelmed by it and I can't stop."

"You... feel that way with me too?" Jay murmured, he hadn't realized - just thought it was with Steve. He brushed Dustin's tears away. 

"Y-yes, I.. feel like I can't breathe.. I.. get so frightened, I don't like it but I can't stop it." He whispered it and Jay said softly - "I didn't know it was so bad my sweet Baby." Jay cradled Dustin's head in his hands and he whispered - "It's why you said you felt so terrified, losing Home."

Dustin nodded, whimpering softly.  

Jay said softly - "Why do you think you're a pervert, I mean.. I know part of it is us being actual brothers.. but is there anything else?"

He breathed out all shaky, the blush back and Jay whispered - "Tell me sweet Baby.."

Dustin was shivering again - and he breathed out soft against Jay's face - he curled his fingers against Jay's chest and Jay said huskily, "C'mon.. tell me, whisper it to me, tell me your secrets."

"The... cum thing, the staying inside me thing." Dustin whispered, he was hiding his face in against Jay's - whispering it close to his ear. "I.. want it so bad, need it. Makes me crazy, I hate fucking hate it when either of you try to leave me. I really hate it.." His breath hitched.

Jay felt his cock ache, then twitch in his boxers - and he really wished he wasn't still wearing them. Dustin must have felt it, he rolled his hips just a little into Jay's body and he said softly, "But.. I.. want it inside me.. deep in my belly, I want it, I.. want.." Dustin whimpered, Jay curled his fingers against his back - "You want what my sweet Baby, tell me.." Jay said husky and soft.

"Want your babies." Dustin whispered. 

Jay dug his fingers into his cool skin, he let his eyes close. "Yeah?" His growled softly, "You want our babies in your tummy." Dustin's voice was all breathless and teary, "Y-yes. I hate it when it comes back out, I hate it." 

Jay stroked his fingers up and down Dustin's back, "That doesn't make you a pervert, my sweet Baby."

Dustin whispered tearfully - "It doesn't?"

"No.. I think about it too, fuck.. it's so.. I'd love to give you a baby, put my baby in your belly." Jay murmured, "I think its sexy as hell, and... I'm pretty sure that Steve would think the same thing."

Dustin shivered and he whispered, "I'm not a freak?" Jay murmured, "Not at all my treasure, .. I love being inside you, staying inside you - keeping my cum inside, I'm the same as you. Feel the same - I think its why I always stay, I knew, I know why you love it so much."

Dustin whispered, "I... what about.. the.. Daddy thing."

Jay let out a dirty moan, and he slid his hands down - gripping Dustin's bare ass, that made Dustin moan all breathy and he whispered - "Oh... so.. no that isn't weird either?"

Jay shifted his head, staring at Dustin, who was blushing - and Jay said huskily, "It's fucking hot, sexy as hell. Every time Steve says it - every time you whimper and look like you're going to melt for him I want to bury my cock inside you and have you call me Daddy too, or Papi... just... no its not fucking weird. It's like when I call you Mami, do you like that too hmm?"

Dustin was just staring at him, he said breathlessly - "Yeah.. uhuh.. fuck I like it, I like it.. Jay.. I wanna be your Mami.. I want your babies. I want you to be my Papi, or you can be Daddy too.. I just... I want it all, everything..." 

Jay breathed out against Dustin's face and he said, "Hmm you do huh."

Dustin whispered, "Yeah.. I wanna be inside you too. I mean, I.. fucked Steve, he said  I was good at it.." He was blushing deeper, and Jay smirked, "You're...so sexy when you get all shy. Damn I think it might be one of my favorite things - all shy and sweet, hmm innocent.. damn." 

Dustin whispered, "Shush."

Jay smirked and then he whispered - "You can have all of it, whatever you want my sweet Sunshine boy."

Dustin whispered, "Yeah?"

Jay said huskily, "Definitely, is there anything else inside your beautiful head that's upset you or made you feel weird.. that you wanna tell me Beautiful?" 

Dustin was still blushing, and he looked at Jay quietly, and he whispered, "No.." 

Jay kissed him softly, "You can tell me anything, anything at all Baby okay? Nothing is ever going to make me think anything bad. I love you, everything about you. You can tell me anything, all your secrets, I will love you no matter what okay?."

"Okay..." Dustin whispered, he was still blushing - and Jay murmured, "Nothing to be ashamed of, does.. this mean you still want me around?"

"I always wanted you around, I just.. got fucked up in my head." Dustin said softly. "I.. I need you, I don't wanna be fucked up I.." 

Jay kissed him soft, then he licked against his mouth. Once Dustin opened his mouth Jay kissed him deeply, he took his time with it - and Dustin moaned into his mouth, rocking into him and Jay shifted them laying Dustin down against the bed, breaking the kiss Jay said softly - "So, we... could do two things right now.."

Dustin breathed out against his face, his cool fingers stroking down Jay's back and he whispered - "Two things?" 

Jay let out a soft little chuckle and Dustin's breath hitched, "Mhmm..."

Jay growled softly, "We... could stay here, I could make sweet love to you..."

Dustin shivered and he sucked on Jay's bottom lip, he whispered breathlessly, "The...other thing?"

"Well, its kind of three things actually.." Jay's voice got all husky. "We could go and join Steve in the hot tub, and cook up those bits n bobs in the fridge and give your sweet tummy some more nom noms."

"Steve is here?" Dustin shivered, and Jay murmured, "Mhmm... he finished his shift, couldn't get hold of either of us on the phone, came and got me and talked some sense into me about staying, he thought we needed to be alone. But yeah - he's here too."

Dustin whispered, "Can we not do all three things?"

Jay smirked, and then he said softly - "I was hoping you would say that."

Dustin was blushing again - he whispered, "Want all of it... but.. I really, really want you all to myself right now the most.." He ghosted his fingers over Jay's face, and Jay let out a soft exhale, as Dustin whispered, "You sing to me, a song only we know."

"I love you my treasure." Jay whispered. 

Dustin whispered back, "I love you too, so much - I'm sorry for being insane."

Jay murmured, "I think, we're all a little mad here."

Dustin let out a soft little giggle and Jay laughed - "You're such a nerd, and I fucking love it, I love you."

He slid his hands into the back of Jay's boxers and whispered, "Take these off Papi.."

Jay whispered against his lips, "..Sí, mi dulce angelito." (Yes, my sweet little angel)

Jay pushed his boxers down and then got them off and Dustin moaned softly - "Oh no.."

Jay raised an eyebrow - "What's wrong.." He smirked and Dustin murmured against his mouth, "I think we have another obsession."

Jay kissed against Dustin's jaw and he whispered against his ear,  "Podría ser esto?" (Could it be this?)

Dustin whispered, "Sí, sí lo es." (Yes, yes it is.)

Jay growled and then blew a raspberry on his neck, making Dustin giggle - Jay laughed, "My Sunshine boy, so beautiful..."

The stared at each other and Dustin said softly, "You're beautiful." 

They kissed again, sweet and slow - and Dustin let out a soft little, "Fuck sake." As his stomach rumbled.

Jay said softly, "Okay.. I think, we should - go and feed your Seymore. And then go and visit Steve, we can come back and be alone, and Steve can go sleep in the spare oom. But you're hungry Baby.."

Dustin whimpered, "I don't wanna.. I.. want.. you.. in me.. now."

Jay smirked, "You can have me, in you - when you've had something to eat." 

"I.. don't wanna." Dustin pouted, and Jay growled - "You.. are not going to win this one, so.. don't even try with the pouting."

Dustin gave him puppy-dog eyes. "Nope, not working little witch."

Jay kissed him softly, "C'mon." He got up and Dustin huffed softly but got up - "How can you resist me.. I am.. well - me." He giggled and Jay laughed, "You're absolutely gorgeous, and I adore thee so - but you're hungry my sweet Prince."

He gave Dustin his shirt and he pulled his pants back on. Dustin was all pink and pretty as he pulled the shirt on and did up the bottom buttons.

"Okay." He said softly - and then he pressed in close, and Jay murmured - "We will get our alone time, I promise - you.. really scared me when you got all dizzy, you haven't been eating much - have you Baby boy."

"I.. c-cant.. without you.. I.. t-try but.. I feel sick.." Dustin started to cry and Jay said softly, "Hey.. hey, c'mere.." He pulled Dustin in closer - "Don't cry my Sunshine, I'm here - I know you can eat with Steve too, we'll get you eating more. It's okay, don't panic."

Dustin breathed out shakily, "I don't mean to be like this.. I.. I'm so fucked up."

Jay whispered, "You're going to be okay, you're not fucked up - its just hard, but it's okay. Hush now, c'mon my sweet Baby." He ghosted his fingers over Dustin's face, "I remember your face."

Dustin breathed out slowly - and he whispered, "..Love you, m'sorry."

Jay took his hand and interlaced their fingers, "Lets go find Steve he's probably a prune by now."

Dustin sniffled and then he whispered - "Okay."

Jay murmured, "C'mere.." He lifted Dustin up into his arms and said softly, "Sweet little thing - I'm gonna carry you, don't be sad.."

He whispered against Dustin's ear, "You can have Papi's cock in your pussy later."

Dustin shivered and said softly, "I have to try and be good, now all I will be thinking about is that..." 

Jay whispered, "Who said you had to try and be good.." Dustin curled his legs around Jay's waist and he hid his face in against his neck. "Hmm you stay right here, I got you Mami - lets hope Daddy hasn't drowned in the hot tub." He smirked as Dustin bit his neck - "Evil." Dustin muttered against his skin. "Just.. a little bit."  Jay chuckled, and Dustin bit him again softly - as Jay carried him through the house - he was really glad he'd not left yet. 

Really glad Steve had convinced him to stay. And really fucking glad that his Sunshine was in his arms. 

Chapter Text

Dustin let out a soft, shaky little exhale as Jay carried him through the house. He gently pushed Jay's arms and said softly - "Put me down?" Jay kissed his temple, but then set him down and he looked at him, "You okay?" Jay asked, his voice all soft and husky. 

Dustin wasn't - he really wasn't, he looked at Jay from under his lashes, those green eyes - burning bright, the gold so vibrant. Oh how I love you. Jay's fingers slid into his hair, and Dustin said softly - "...I still want to ask you something, but.. it can wait for now."

Jay hummed softly, and Dustin stared up at him.

Steve was smoking in the hot tub, and staring up at the sky - Dustin's stomach got all tight, and he looked over his shoulder at Jay - "He's not drowned." His voice soft, the blush was back - he could feel it spreading across his cheeks - into his neck. Jay's voice was still all husky, and Dustin felt himself shiver. 

"No he hasn't." Jay smirked and then he stroked is fingers against his face - feather light against his neck, Dustin's breath caught in his throat and he whispered - "You.. need to stop.."

Jay pulled him in close, and Dustin buried his face against his chest, breathing out heavier - whimpering softly, and Jay murmured against his ear - "..I don't think I can." Dustin let his eyes close - and then he whispered, "You...really need too or.. I'm gonna lose control." That made Jay's breath come out all heavy, and Dustin stared up at him from under his lashes.

"When you look at me like that..." Jay growled softly, and Dustin whispered - "Gon urmed vangraph gonmedvan." (I love you, mine heart.)

Jay looked down at him, like he wanted to eat him alive. And Dustin stroked his fingers - slotting them into the spaces between Jay's ribs. He stepped back though - and then he went outside. Looking at Jay over his shoulder. 

He stepped outside, the cooler air hitting his bare legs - Steve murmured, "Hey sweet Baby." Steve gave him a lazy smile, holding the cigarette out to him - and Dustin took it, taking a drag as he sat on one of the steps of the hot tub, then he handed it back.

"Hell-o my Prince of Pain.." Dustin said softly, and Steve came closer to the edge - he curled his hand in the collar of the shirt and pulled him in closer. "Are you feeling better?" Steve murmured against his mouth, and Dustin whispered - "...A little bit." 

He let out a soft little noise in his throat, as Steve licked at his mouth - and then Steve was kissing him, deep and possessive and Dustin slid his fingers into Steve's hair, kissing him back needy and he wanted, he wanted so badly.

The kiss left him breathless - Steve growled softly, "Hmm.. so he didn't give you what you need huh? Are you still, frightened my sweet Baby?" Dustin was trembling all over again and he whispered, "We didn't want to leave you all alone out here, and... Jay wanted me to eat - I..." 

He just trailed off - his gaze lifting as Jay came outside. Steve looked at Jay, a smirk on his face and then he tutted, before he said softly - "You didn't make sweet love to him.. are you being cruel on purpose?"

Steve handed the cigarette to Jay, who took a drag and then flicked it away - "No.. of course not." Jay's voice was all rough, and he growled at Steve, "You're just being an asshole." 

Steve looked at Dustin, and he murmured, "You wanna get in? I'll give you what you need.." Dustin shivered and he just stared at Steve, "Yeah?" Steve murmured, leaning in closer, right to the edge - "Wanna come and sit in Daddy's lap?" His voice all husky.

Dustin breathed out all shaky - then Dustin whimpered, "I... I'm.. hungry."

Jay let out a soft little growl, Steve said with almost a purr - "I know, hmm... want Daddy to feed you Baby?" 

Dustin was gripping the step - and Steve whispered, "Want some sweet kisses?"

Dustin bit down on his fingers, Jay let out a soft little growl - "C'mere... Sunshine." 

Steve smirked, looking at Jay - then he murmured to Dustin, "...Decisions, decisions - whatever will you do."

"You're being a cunt." Jay said darkly.

Steve looked at Jay - "No I'm not." His voice was all rumbly, he gently tugged Dustin closer - "Just a little taste.." Steve licked at Dustin's mouth, he out a shaky breathless moan - letting Steve's tongue stroke his. Steve sucked on his tongue - then he kissed him all possessive.

Dustin was panting softly, and then he looked at Jay - he stared at Jay from under his lashes.

Steve said all dirty, "Yeah you fucking want him bad, so bad don't you sweet Baby, want him to just take you.. make you his, it's making you ache..."

Jay growled, "Steve - quit it - I'm not even fucking around, I just got him to settle and you're riling him up again - do you want him in pain?" 

Dustin was angry - all of a sudden - tears burning his eyes. "The night of the concert.. the night I spoke to you, called to you - why'd you lie to me? Why?... Why didn't you tell me then, the truth? Why didn't you tell me that you knew everything!"

Steve just stared at Jay, dark eyes - and Jay breathed out sharply - "Baby.."

Dustin said angrily, "No! I was hurting then too... so fucking afraid, terrified - messed up! It hurts! It fucking hurts - both of you hurt me." Tears spilled down his face, but Dustin was shaking apart - and not just with the ache of wanting. Rage bubbling up building - making him feel erratic and restless. "You pretending that you didn't know! That you didn't understand! How could you do that to me." He went back inside. 

Jay glared at Steve - "Look what you've done asshole!" He snarled it at Steve.

Steve climbed out of the hot tub, wrapping a towel around his waist - following them both inside.  Steve said, "Don't get pissed with me because you can't tell the truth. You would be better off in the long run - no more secrets, it'll be better."

Jay breathed out sharply, "I never wanted to keep the secrets Jesus!" His voice was rough, shaky - and Dustin yelled at him, "I.. fucking felt like I was dying, like I had lost my home, lost everything - I can't... fucking breathe without you. I didn't understand the dreams. And that night, that night I ...I was telling you, and you knew - you pretended like you didn't know. I felt like I was wrong, the way I felt, the way I wanted you. Why didn't you just tell me Jay!"

Steve sat on the sofa, and Jay reached out to touch Dustin - "No! Don't  touch me.." Dustin yelled - "I... oh ...fuck.." He curled his arms around himself. "You don't understand, I.. don't feel okay. I feel so fucked up. I feel like I'm losing my mind! It fucking hurts me Jay, I've never kept any secrets from you. I ...thought you were baring your soul to me. That you loved me enough to be yourself with me  - but I was only getting part of the picture. Do you know how fucking shit that feels? You lied to me from the very beginning?"

Jay breathed out all in a rush, raking his fingers over his head. Steve just sat there quietly.

"I... couldn't...fucking stand not having you with me, dreaming about you - all the stuff in my head, the feelings. The more I know, the more I want. The more I want the more afraid I get. And then.. its' like this part of me, unlocks and I finally understand why and you had the chance, that night you had the chance to tell me the truth - you could have told me then, but you still didn't." Dustin was breathing harsh, all worked up - rage right there. So close - and the tears.

"I know, I know and I'm sorry, I was scared too - scared I'd lose you." Jay said hoarsely, "I...I was terrified too. Please, I.. I.. don't want to fight with you, I don't want to do this."

Dustin let out a sob, "Everyone was here, the night that Magda came and dropped off the stupid fucking groceries, the night I was freaking out because Steve told me that he was going to bring me the heart the next day. I was already on edge.. so fucked up - you both fuck me up!" He yelled, " He.. you.." Dustin stared at Steve, "You fucking ripped my soul out when you told me that you didn't want to be with me, that you were going to stay away from me.." 

Steve said softly, "I told you I thought I was doing the right thing, for you and Jay."

Dustin said tearfully, "But you still stayed together - I had.. I had to see you together!" Jay and Steve looked at each other and Dustin said shakily - "And I wanted that, I did - because I knew I was wrong, so fucking wrong.. I knew how I would destroy everything, how.." He breathed out harshly. "You both fucking completely destroy me and I need you - but I can't handle this, I .. please.. fucking.. I don't know what to do!"

Steve breathed out sharply, and he said softly - "Sweet Baby."

Jay let out a soft, "Fuck you Bel."

Dustin said tearfully, "She told me, gave me...the information in an envelope - it didn't... I was so fucking ashamed, of myself. Of how fucked up I was - Magda didn't care, of course she didn't care she loves me, doesn't think there is anything wrong with me, all... I was so fucking messed up. I.. was outside, talking to Andy and you know what he said? He said that I was bullshit - that I was trying to push everyone away because I was scared and that it wasn't gonna work." Dustin breathed out harshly.

"I told him I was going to destroy everything - he said maybe I wasn't, maybe I was the beginning of everything instead - but... later when everyone had gone to sleep? I.. opened it, the envelope. I already knew what it was going to say.." Dustin started crying, "I already knew that you'd been lying, because I fucking felt it in my bones.. I didn't know you'd been lying to my face about being.." Dustin stared at Jay - "The dreams, the things I kept remembering.. It scared the shit out of me. I was terrified and not once, not fucking once did you tell me the truth you sonofabitch."

Steve lifted his gaze, watching Dustin - then looking at Jay. 

Jay said hoarsely, "I'm.. so sorry.. I.." 

Dustin walked over to the drawers near Steve and he pulled out an envelope - throwing it at Jay. "There it is in black and white. You're fucking birth certificate, my birth certificate - I.. can't, I feel sick - why'd you lie to me? I fucking hate being lied too."

Jay murmured, "I know, and.. I'm sorry - I.. won't lie to you again. I promise."

Dustin snarled, "Don't fucking LIE TO ME." His eyes were full blown white - glowing bright - both Jay and Steve just stared first at Dustin, then at each other. Steve was almost frozen to the spot - I forgot that his eyes do that when he's enraged.

Jay said softly, as calmly as he could - "Ozazm limlal." (My treasure) He stepped closer, then ghosted his fingers over Dustin's face, "Faonts He Ethazi." (Peace song dwells within.)

Dustin's eyes shifted from glowing white, to black with flames - and then he said shakily - "I feel a bit dizzy again."

Steve scratched his chest, and Jay said calmly - "You.. just uh, maybe need to sit down."

"Is he okay?" Steve asked, "Dizzy?" Jay shot him a dark look - "Steve, just... not now, lets go in the kitchen."

"Okay.." Steve said softly.

Jay exhaled slowly against Dustin's face, "It's okay, and.. I.. look I know - I know this is all fucked up, and it's really bad. I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I hurt you, that I lied - I promise, I promise you - I won't do it again. I'll never lie to you again my Sunshine."

Dustin looked completely exhausted and he whispered - "I'm.. I don't feel very good."

Jay lifted him up and he said softly, "Come sit down here, you just rest a bit. Steve and I, we'll make you something to eat.. okay Sunshine?"

Dustin let his eyes close and he whispered, "Okay." 

Jay pulled the blanket off the chair, draping over him and then he said to Steve, "Come into the kitchen with me, now."

Steve nodded, and he stood up - tugging on his sweatpants, he followed Jay into the kitchen - "...What the hell is going on - you look freaked out, you never look freaked out."

Jay paced a little, then he clawed his fingers over his head - then he paused, eyes on Steve. "...I think that was Micalz, reaching through from the Abyss, but.. He was just super ... fucking pissed off. He's never showed himself like that - not all this time, not to me - has that ever happened before with you or anyone else?"

"I don't think so?" Steve said, completely calm.

"You need to think Steve, this is fucking serious!" Jay growled, gripping either side of Steve's face - "At any time, do you ever remember that - white glowing eyes, that.. ever?"

Steve shook his head, "No Baby, no I don't... why is this bad?" He asked.

Jay said hoarsely - "Because I don't think - I mean, shit.. He's been in the Abyss for... how long? He's I think I always just assumed that he wasn't the one making Dustin angry - when he has one of his... rampages, I always thought it was just Dustin, part of Micalz - but if Micalz is actually broken - if he's that angry and broken? It .. I don't know what he's going to do when he takes control of his vessel fully."

Steve let out a soft exhale, "Saisch, Baby you're doing it again - over thinking - freaking out, you're getting scared. Calm down..."

Tears welled up in Jay's eyes - "But.."

Steve kissed him softly, "Hush... stop this Saisch, this isn't doing you any good. He just got himself all worked up, and I didn't help... I'm sorry, you're all upset - I provoked him, you'd gotten him calmer. I.. look - just, lets cook some food, eat.. you can talk to him, I'll go crash out in the spare room.. What is holding you back, hmm? Just make love to him. You both need it for fuck sake. You need it!" He kissed Jay's forehead - he opened the fridge - handing the bags to Jay.

"You're going to give yourself a goddamn heart attack.." He muttered, and Jay let out a deep exhale.

Steve looked at him - "Mhmm, breathe little brother."

Jay muttered darkly, "You're only five minutes older than me asshole."

Steve grinned - "Still older, feather duster."

Jay laughed softly, "Okay horned one." 

Steve narrowed his eyes, "I do not have horns!"

"Pitchfork?" Jay said with a raised eyebrow.

"I will end you." Steve said darkly, "Fucking Moldy Door."

Jay laughed softly - "Hand me that knife.."

Steve handed him the knife - "You know people used to think adrenal glands were the brains.. they're not though, they taste really good - its where adrenaline is made, fear.. you know - I can eat them raw - but they're better for human bodies cooked."

Jay watched as Steve started beating eggs, "You're pretty handy in the kitchen huh." He said with a smirk - Steve rolled his eyes and laughed, "Yeah - I'm alright, I don't really cook much even though I do know how..." He was dipping what Jay guessed was the chopped up adrenal glands in flour - then the eggs, and then breading.

"What's your favorite thing to eat?" Jay asked him, while he started smashing up garlic.

Steve smirked, "You really have to ask me that hmm?"

Jay growled softly, "Shut the fuck up, Bad Steve."

Steve made a slurp noise and he waggled his tongue at Jay between his fingers. "You're gross." Jay smirked and shook his head.

"You wont be saying that when my tongue is in your pussy." Steve said back.

Jay growled, "Who says your tongue is going to be in my pussy?"

"Oh.. It will be, and my fingers.. hmm and my cock." Steve let out a little purr, "So will our sweet Baby boy's - we'll make you come apart.."

Jay just stayed quiet and then Steve was growling soft against his ear, "Daddy knows your secret."

"Fuck off." Jay murmured softly, and Steve whispered - "Pay backs a bitch.." He kissed Jay's cheek, "Seems I'm not the only one that blushes around here."

Jay turned his head a little, and Steve kissed him softly, "We'll take good care of you, beautiful Fairy." He murmured and the he rubbed his nose against Jay's. He just let out a soft little hum and Steve smiled, a soft little smile - "Love you." He said before he turned his attention back to what he was doing.

Jay felt the heat in his cheeks, and the heat in his stomach, he loved how Steve went from filthy outrageous - to sweet and gentle. "I love you too, evil little monster." His voice soft and Steve just chuckled and then he said, "When these are breaded? I mean obviously they're usually eating animal, sheep ones - humans call them Sweet Breads." Steve scoffed.

"Because of the fear.." Jay added, "So, that's why they're called that."

"Mhmm.. did you taste it in the heart? Did he like it, still beating?" Steve's voice was all soft and husky again.

Jay said softly, "Yeah, I could - Sunshine could taste it, he just didn't know what it was.. hmmm till I told him." 

Steve started to fry them off - and he said, "How... do you know what fear tastes like?" He wasn't looking at him, but Jay looked at Steve's back, the way his muscles shifted.

Jay murmured, "Because I've tasted it before, stronger than that even.." His voice soft.

"Yeah... I didn't really take my time, I rushed it - pissed me the fuck off." Steve growled, and then he added - "...I told you I knew you had a dark side., I knew it." His voice made Jay shiver.

"Well.. like I told you, I didn't go to Juvi for nothing." He lifted his head as Dustin came into the kitchen, he pushed his hair behind his ear - his hands were shaking, and he was all on edge again.

Jay said softly, "Hey Sunshine."

Dustin said softly, "Hi." That sweet blush was there, and Jay wanted to kiss him all over. He watched as he slowly moved closer to Steve - and then he curled his arms around him and placed a soft kiss between Steve's shoulders.

"Hello my Prince." Steve's raspy voice made Dustin's eyes open and then Steve curled his arm around him and he pulled him into his side.

Jay smiled, and then Dustin said softly, "That smells good."

"Yeah?" Steve murmured, "They're sweet breads."

Jay started chopping up the kidneys and Dustin looked at him, "What you doing?" Dustin asked him, as he kissed Steve's arm.

Jay said with a smirk - "I'm gonna sauté these up with some garlic and a little bit of rosemary - maybe have some toast?" Dustin pouted, "I don't have your bread, its.. weird.. white bread." He made a face.

Jay laughed softly, "You miss my bread too Baby?"

Steve kissed his forehead, and Dustin looked at him from under his lashes, "I miss everything about you." His voice, oh so soft and Jay just stared at him.

Dustin curled his fingers against Steve, as he stared up at him again. "I'm sorry I yelled at you both. I'm.. such a fucking psycho." Steve smirked, his chocolate eyes on Jay - "I think we're both okay with you going psycho sometimes, we think its sexy."

Steve gently shifted, and he moved closer to Jay - whispering, "I told you it was still him, don't...get stuck in your panic." He kissed Jay's temple and then he shifted back to Dustin.

"Wanna try some sweet Baby?" Steve scooped them out of the pan, and then he looked at Jay - "Give me that, I'll cook it and you both can eat these."

Dustin said softly, "You're not going to eat them? What are these anyway?"

Steve cradled Dustin's face, "Not these - they're especially for you, I don't like them cooked. They're adrenal glands." 

Dustin just stared up at him, "Oh.. do they taste weird to you cooked?" 

Steve's eyes turned black and he whispered, "I like eating them fresh and raw."

Direct from the source you twisted Evil beautiful creature. 

Jay watched as Dustin pretty much melted. "So pretty.." He whispered and Steve's voice went all husky again, "You are. Oh so pretty, I could just eat you all up." He made that slurp sound and Dustin shivered and then whispered, "Yummy for my tummy." Steve pulled him in and kissed him possessively, gripping Dustin's bare ass right there in the kitchen and making Dustin moan into his mouth.

"Foods gonna get cold.." Jay growled out - and Steve gave him the finger. Jay smirked, and they eventually broke their kiss - Dustin was panting softly, and Steve handed him the plate, "You go and eat those up with Papi, and I'll cook the next lot."

Dustin said breathily, "O-okay." Jay had to resist the urge to molest them both, his cock hard in his pants. Dustin looked at him and bit down on his bottom lip, and Jay held his hand out, "C'mere my treasure."

Dustin curled his fingers through Jay's and Jay led them to the table. He thought Dustin would sit in a chair - but he sat in Jay's lap instead, looking at him - and he looked ever so innocent as he wriggled his ass down against his cock.

"Naughty little witch." Jay whispered, and Dustin just bit his bottom lip - looking from under his lashes. Jay grabbed the fork, and then stabbed it into the sweet bread - holding it out for him.

He noticed the envelope with a photo just peeking out - "Oh... this is really delicious." Dustin said softly, and Jay murmured, "Yeah? Some more sweet Baby?" He nodded, and Jay gave him the fork - Dustin just stared at him, not happy at all - but he took the fork, and Jay kissed his temple.

He took the photo's out, flicking through them - pretending that he wasn't still watching Dustin.

Dustin was now just poking the food, not really eating it - tears in his eyes, and Jay looked at the photo's. "Jesus.." He said husky soft, and Dustin let out a soft little noise - feeling Jay get harder, he bit down on his bottom lip, his eyes closing - Jay set the photos down on the table face down.

He stroked his hand against Dustin's bare thigh, and Dustin opened his legs, panting softly as he leant his head back - staring up at him again.

"Eat some more.." Jay murmured, "And I'll take you back to bed." 

Dustin breathed out all shaky. Jay whispered, "Do you want me to feed you?"

Dustin nodded, and he clenched his legs - trapping Jay's hand between them, Jay whispered - "Gotta let my hand go hmm.." They were sharing their breath, and Dustin let out a soft little noise in his throat.

Jay licked his top lip, ever so soft and Dustin let his hand free.

He took the fork - he set it down, and instead Jay picked up a piece and held it to Dustin's lips - Dustin ate it, and whispered, "Tastes really good, so sweet.. it's juicy in my mouth."

Jay breathed out heavier, and Dustin's eyes fluttered closed, "You're very naughty." Jay whispered, and Dustin whimpered softly - "So naughty.'

They were staring at each other again, and Jay picked up another piece, but this time he ate it - and he growled softly, "It is sweet, and juicy.. you know what else is juicy and tastes sweet?"

He picked up another piece and fed it to Dustin. "Your sweet juicy ass, like a sweet little peach - I could eat your pussy for days.." He whispered it against Dustin's ear, Dustin sucked Jay's fingers making a soft little whimper. "My Mami's ass is perfection."

Jay growled softly, "I wanna spank it while you ride me."

Steve was watching them from the kitchen, and Jay lifted his gaze - Steve gave him a smirk, and Jay smirked back.

"You wanna spank me?" Dustin said all soft - "Because I'm naughty?"

"Mhmm.. so naughty.. aren't you Mami.. eat some more.." He murmured, he gave Dustin the fork - and he stabbed it into a piece and then ate it. "Yeah, that's good - eat it up my Sunshine." Dustin lifted the fork to Jay's mouth and he ate a piece, "That's really good hmm.. do you know why they're called Sweet Breads Baby?"

Dustin shook his head, "No.."

Jay whispered, "Because they're sweet with fear." Dustin dropped the fork and then he shifted in Jay's lap - curling his arms around his neck, he whimpered - kissing Jay hungrily, and rocking into his lap.

Jay moaned into his mouth and slid his fingers under the shirt - his hands gripping his ass and rocking him. Dustin didn't want the kiss to end, he kept chasing and they kept kissing - Jay stroked his tongue against the roof of Dustin's mouth, and Dustin moaned out - "Please.. fuck I need you, I need you.."

Jay sucked against his throat, and he growled against Dustin's ear, "Yeah? Yeah Mami, tell me what you need."

Dustin whimpered, "I need you - ...need.."

"Tell me.. c'mon... say it, say what you wanna say... don't be shy.." Jay licked against Dustin's throat, and Dustin gasped out - "I need you Papi, inside me.. it hurts - stop.. stop teasing me.." Steve was watching them again and Jay sucked, leaving a hickey against Dustin's skin.

Jay said softly, "I'm teasing you? Hmm? You've been grinding against my cock this entire time you've been sitting in my lap.. Naughty.. little puta.." He spanked his hand against Dustin's ass and Dustin let out a shaky moan. "I should spank it good, hmm?"

Steve looked like he wanted to spank them both. Jay rocked Dustin's hips down into his own - kissing Dustin deep and slow, his tongue - claiming him and Dustin panted softly, reaching down he rubbed Jay's cock through his pants, his voice all wrecked as he said, "I want ..you now - I am your bitch, your dirty little bitch." Jay said huskily, "No.. my sweet dirty little bitch, you want my cock in your pussy huh?"

Dustin sucked on his lip and bit hard - making them both groan, Jay groaned because it hurt - and his cock twitched - Dustin groaned because under the shirt, Jay was stroking his fingers between Dustin's ass cheeks. Jay pushed his fingers into Dustin's mouth, and Dustin stared at Jay as he sucked on them - he moaned softly and then Jay growled, "Spread your cheeks for me."

Dustin was blushing again, and Jay growled, "Spread them for your Papi."

He did, and Jay stroked his spit slick fingers against Dustin's tight little hole, then he spat into his hand, and breathed out against Dustin's mouth as he pushed his fingers in, Dustin moaned, and Jay pushed them in deep, Dustin held onto Jay instead, and Jay rocked his fingers - kissing Dustin deep and dirty - both of them moaning this time, and from the kitchen, Steve let out a soft, "Fuck..."

But Jay kept his attention on what he was doing, kissing his sweet Sunshine, on burying his fingers deeper - scissoring them to stretch him out, Dustin gasped out - "Fuck.. fuck my pussy.." Jay sucked against his throat, and then he eased his fingers out - making Dustin moan shakily, "No.. no Papi don't stop."

Jay spanked his ass again, and then he paused - he pushed the stuff on the table away from them, further up the table - he lifted Dustin up, sitting him on the edge. Dustin was breathing out all shaky, and Jay stood up, he pushed his pants down - and Dustin went to touch his cock, but Jay grabbed hold of his hands and pinned them behind his back.

Dustin whimpered, "..No touching.." 

Jay said huskily, "Don't you want me to cum in your pussy?"

Jay's eyes met Steve's and he smirked, licking up Dustin's throat, "Hmm.. my sweet Baby.."

Dustin moaned softly, "Yeah.. yeah I want your cum in my pussy.. please Jay.."

Jay growled softly, "Who's cum in your sweet pussy?"

"I want your cum in my pussy Papi.." Dustin was so needy, his fingers gripping the edge of the table. Jay kissed him slowly, and Dustin whimpered soft in his throat - he stroked his tongue against Dustin's, shivering as Dustin licked the roof of his mouth, Jay pulled back slowly and he whispered - "..Do you want me to do it here, or take you back to bed." Dustin whispered breathily, "Now...here, bed later." Jay growled softly, "Want it all hmm?"

Dustin stared at him and whispered, "All of it.." Jay sucked on his bottom lip, but he pulled back - undoing the buttons on the shirt, and then he slid it off Dustin's shoulders - and whispered, "Yeah...all of it, Steve's going to watch me take you.. make you take my cock in your sweet pussy. Make you mine.. my sweet Mami.."

Dustin shivered and he looked over his shoulder, staring at Steve - and then he looked at Jay, the blush deeper - and Jay growled softly, "Did you forget that Daddy was watching?"

Dustin's breath hitched and Jay licked at his mouth, he lifted Dustin off the table, curling him in close as he sat back down. Giving Steve a good view of them both - and Dustin whimpered softly, Jay whispered against his mouth, "You.. want him to watch, ..as I make you come undone.." He licked his hand, and then gripped his cock, stroking himself. But Dustin spat in his own hand and wrapped it around Jay instead.

Jay moaned out "Uh.. yeah that feels good, much.. better."

Dustin breathed out hot against his throat and Dustin whispered, "Yeah...good? I wanna make him watch as you take me, claim your pussy, your pussy.."

Jay's eyes closed and he moaned, "Fuck.. I'm not gonna last if you keep doing what your doing." He pushed his fingers back inside Dustin and curled them in - making Dustin moan - and he bit down, sucking against Jay's throat.

Jay slid his fingers out and then he lifted Dustin's hips, guiding his cock in, he slowly pulled Dustin's hips down, letting out a deep moan as he pulled Dustin flush with his body, buried deep, and Dustin let out a sweet needy noise. Sucking against Jay's throat again - and Jay curled his fingers against Dustin's back - tilting his head back, and Dustin moaned softly - "So good... so good."

He stroked his fingers, and Dustin rocked his hips a little - pushing down more, and Jay said huskily, "Fuck.. I.. slow, or I'm not gonna last.." He slid his hands up, tangling his fingers into Dustin's hair - the two of them staring at each other, and Jay murmured against Dustin's mouth - "Gon urmed vangraph gonmedvan." (I love you, mine heart.)

Dustin let out a soft, breathless little gasp - and the rush, the frenzy eased - Dustin cradled his face in his hands, and Jay slid his hands back down - stroking his sides, resting his hands on Dustin's hips as he slowly moved hip up, and then rolled his hips as he brought Dustin back down. His thrusts slow - and Dustin whispered back, "I love you too."

Dustin kissed him this time, slow and deep - sweet, taking their time and Jay moaned into the kiss, holding Dustin with one arm - the other he curled it into his hair, "I missed you," Jay said softly, "My sweet Sunshine, missed you so much." Dustin's breath caught in his throat and he whispered, "I missed you too, miss you.. "

Jay buried his face in against Dustin's throat, breathing him in and cradling his body - everything else just slipped away - and Dustin was moaning sweetly, the two of them moving together - and Jay whispered against Dustin's skin, "Om-crimi lorlsq." (my sacred light) As he stroked his fingers against Dustin's skin, he let his fingers light up - giving him warmth and his love - wanting to heal his pain.

Dustin tilted his head back, and he cradled Jay's head again - tears were sliding down Jay's face, and Dustin whispered "Ozazm limlal." (My treasure)

As they stared into each other's eyes, Jay's gold burned vibrant - more bright than ever, and Dustin whispered - "Oh Saisch.." Jay let the guard down, let the wall that he'd had up for so long come down, showing Dustin all the things he'd kept hidden, kept buried so long - so he could survive without him. From before - and from this life.

I have nothing to hide from you anymore little brother, I never wanted to hide anything, or lie.. please believe me. All I ever wanted was to find you, to be with you again. Their skin glowed with a soft luminous glow, curling all around them. They both had tears on their faces - Dustin could feel a strong pulsing pull from somewhere outside of himself.

It was so powerful - and yet it didn't frighten him. As he looked at Jay - his eyes glowed white, and as quickly as it happened - they went back to their stormy blue. Dustin stroked his fingers against Jay's chest, and he whispered against his mouth, "I...feel you, every part of you - you will never lose me again."

Jay whispered, "I feel you too, I've always felt you." They rocked together again, with a little more urgency, and Dustin let out a soft moan against Jay's mouth as he let his eyes roll back - as Jay thrust up into his prostate, he gasped out - "Stay right there, right there - thats...so good." 

He clenched vice tight around Jay and they both moaned as Jay came, Dustin let his eyes close as Jay kept rocking - riding it out, and Dustin curled his hand around himself, stroking and then he came too - soft warm pulses against Jay's body.

The both just stayed curled together, catching their breath - not wanting to let go - both of them trembling, and Dustin brushed his fingers against Jay's face, wiping away his tears. Jay let out a shaky exhale - and Dustin whispered, "You okay?" 

Jay's voice was raw, wrecked as he said, "Yeah.. yeah I'm.. okay." Dustin peppered his face with soft feathery kisses, and then he looked over his shoulder - Steve was just watching them, tears in his eyes and Dustin gave him a soft, shy little smile - blushing as he lowered his gaze and then turned his attention back to Jay.

Steve started moving about in the kitchen again, and Dustin could feel the trembling in Jay's body. He cradled Jay's head in against his chest, curling his arms around him and he shivered - Jay held him tighter and Dustin whispered, "You sure.. you're okay?" 

Jay brushed his lips softly against Dustin's and he murmured - "That.. was really intense, I'm okay - just.." Dustin whispered, "...Thank you, for.. for letting me see, showing me." He had tears in his eyes, "...All the.. things you went through, I'm so sorry." Jay just brushed his thumb over Dustin's mouth and murmured, "It was a long time ago.."

Dustin whispered, "It...doesn't matter how long ago, it still happened - and it... you still carry the weight of, the pain of it. The.. scars from it." Jay's eyes were full of sadness, and Dustin let out a soft little whimper, Jay said hoarsely - "I'm okay." 

Dustin kissed his face all over again and whispered, "My beautiful sweet treasure, I will never let anyone hurt you again. Never again." Jay's mouth captured Dustin's in a sweet, deep kiss and Jay murmured, "I love you." Dustin whispered back, "I love you, so much. " He started to shift from Jay's lap, but Jay murmured - "No, not yet... not yet."

Dustin blushed a pretty shade of pink, and Jay whispered "Just stay." They both stared at each other, and Jay reached down - picking up the shirt he put it back on Dustin, and did up the bottom buttons. "Hmm.. so beautiful." He said softly, Jay gently cradled the side of Dustin's face, and then he murmured - "Wanna eat some more sweet breads?" 

Dustin snuggled in and he said softly, "Yeah.." He actually ate them, off the plate all by himself - pausing to feed some to Jay.

Jay kissed his fingers once they were all gone and then Dustin kissed his chin and then Steve came over with a plate with the kidneys and toast. Dustin looked at the toast - "The hell did that come from?" Steve looked at Dustin, all innocent - "I dunno I might have swiped it out of Jay's  cupboard." 

Dustin grinned at Steve and Jay let out a soft little laugh, "I don't have to eat that shitty white bread." He made a face, "It's.. vile." Steve scooted his chair closer to them and then he gently pushed Dustin's hair off his face, "I saw it and I dunno. I dunno what made me bring it."

Dustin kissed Steve's cheek, but then Steve gripped his chin and kissed him deeper - slow, and Dustin's heat clenched around Jay's cock, making Jay close his eyes. 

Jay felt Steve's fingers brush against his on the table and he opened his eyes again - Steve took Jay's hand and then he kissed his fingers, turning his arm over - he let out a soft exhale as Steve undid the leather bracelet on his wrist - Steve brushed his mouth over the ink, over the scars - and then he looked at both him and Dustin. "I love you, both of you - so much."

"I love you too pretty boy." Dustin said softly, "Both my pretty, pretty boys." He looked rather pleased with himself as Steve kissed Jay's wrist again. Jay curled his fingers into Steve's hair, his voice still a bit rough and raspy as he said, "I love you too Aszri." 

Dustin bit softly on his bottom lip, he could still see the sadness in Jay's eyes, hear it in his voice - the pain he'd suffered at losing Aszri, and him. Steve gave Jay's hand another kiss and then he started buttering the toast.

"You still hungry sweet Baby?" Steve asked as he put some of the kidneys on the toast and gave it to Jay. Jay took a huge bite and Steve smirked, "Hungry love?" Jay gave him the finger and Steve laughed, putting some more on his plate. 

Steve looked at Dustin, "Want kidneys on toast or separate Angel face?" Dustin was watching Jay devour the food and he looked at Steve - "Huh?" Steve smirked - "It.. I'll just let you eat Jay's, you don't want your own do you." Dustin blushed a deep shade of pink. "I can eat yours too?" He did pick up a piece of toast though, and start eating it - making little noises to himself.

Then Dustin said, "...I haven't even fed Bon Bon!" He started getting teary, and Jay said, "It's okay my angel, I fed her.." 

Dustin breathed out shakily - "Oh.. oh good.." 

Steve murmured, "You just relax and eat your toast, look I'll put some kidneys on here too, if you don't want to eat them off your own plate its okay. Hmm?" 

Dustin nodded, feeling overwhelmed though and he was getting all fidgety. 

Jay curled his arm around him and gently pulled him in close. "Nom nom nom." He stole  a bite of Dustin's toast and Dustin let out a soft little giggle.

Steve grinned and Jay winked at him. "Your toast tastes better than mine, wanna try mine?" He held his out to Dustin - which of course had kidneys. Dustin took a bite and then he said, "...No that's way more nice." He grabbed his fork from his other plate and then started eating the kidneys Steve had put on it - eating them with his toast. Steve just grinned at Jay, "...You're good at that."

Jay just smiled, a soft little smile - "It's just fun. It's all it is.. no pressure."

Dustin was happily eating - and then he said "Is yours better Bels?" Steve said, "Yeah mine has extra special seasoning." It didn't, but he smirked, "Wanna try?" Dustin opened his mouth and leaned in and Steve said, "Excellent, Daddy's secret recipe." He put a few pieces of kidney on and blew on it - Dustin ate them and he said, "That's amazing, what did you use?"

Jay was smirking behind his hand. "Just.. the power of moldore." Steve said solemnly. "Is that a new spice mix?" Dustin said - "Never heard of it."

"It comes from overseas." Steve said, and  Jay just burst out laughing. "Yeah.. from middle earth."

Dustin narrowed his eyes at Steve - "Are you making fun of me, because I love Lord of the Rings? You're so not funny, I don't appreciate you mocking me Steven."

He pouted and then leaned in to Jay, "He's always mocking me, like... why? What'd I ever do to him, except try to educate him in all things cool?"

Steve laughed and Jay whispered back, "He's a Heathen my love, my precious - He doesn't even know how to pronounce Mordor."

Dustin said with the same mock disgust, "Ugh.. Away with you Peasant." He let out a giggle - "It is delicious though."

Steve let out a soft laugh, "Well me and Jay both made this one."  

Dustin  said softly, "My two pretty, pretty boys.. cooking all the nom nom's for me tum tums."

Jay was just smiling, and Steve reached out and stroked Dustin's hair, "I'll cook for you anytime sweet Baby, for both of you.."

Steve leaned in and kissed Dustin's forehead, but he looked at Jay - who was still sitting quietly - eating his food and Steve said, "Wanna get in the hot tub again after this?"

"We definitely should.." Dustin held his toast up to Steve and Steve took a tiny bite. They were both staring at Jay.

Jay felt himself blush and he said huskily, "Yeah hot tub sounds good." He murmured softly, "Baby.. I think I need to move, I'm sorry .." 

Dustin whispered, "It's okay.." He shifted himself out of Jay's lap, and Jay reached down, pulling his sweat pants back on. "I'll be back in a minute." He kissed Dustin's temple, his fingers brushed Steve's that was in Dustin's hair and then he left the room.

"It... he's been through absolute hell." Dustin said softly. 

Steve gently stroked Dustin's hair, ".. I know about some of it - the.. shit we went through when we were hiding after the fall." 

Dustin was blushing and he whispered, "Shit." 

Steve said softly, "..Ah.." 

Dustin whispered, "Hush.."

Dustin was fidgeting, and then Steve murmured softly - "C'mere.." 

Dustin got all flustered and he whispered, "Steve.. no.. no you can't.." 

Steve growled softly, "You don't even know what I'm going to do.." 

Dustin gasped out, "Y-yes I do.. I.. do.."

"So... c'mere and let me do it then.." Steve growled.

Steve gently tugged Dustin in by the collar and he said huskily, "Hold onto the table." 

Dustin was whimpering and Steve whispered, "Its okay.. I'm just going to clean you up.." Dustin moaned, soft and breathless - "You're so fucking dirty.." 

Steve smirked and he sank to his knees behind Dustin - "I know.. I'm bad, so bad - but ... I can't help it.." He lifted up the shirt, and then spread Dustin's legs, licking up  Jay's cum from his thighs where it had leaked out.

Dustin gripped the table, and Steve moaned, "Taste really good, so good.." He sucked against Dustin's skin - and then he spread his ass cheeks, Steve licked against Dustin's hole, lapping Jay's cum up. He growled, "Fuck.. I love your tight pussy, especially with Jay's cum inside it.." Dustin whimpered, and moaned softly - "So... fucking dirty - oh...oh that's nice.. really nice."

Steve moaned and buried his tongue inside, sucking and pushing some of Jay's cum back in - he spread Dustin's cheeks apart wider and watched as it leaked back out, "Fuck.. push it out.." He said husky and soft as he squeezed Dustin's ass in his hands, and Dustin moaned - "Oh..no.. Daddy stop."

Jay came back into the room - and he just paused because Holy Shit - that's hot.

Steve growled out, "You want me to stop? You want Daddy to stop eating your pretty pussy.. fuck.." He buried his tongue back in and sucked more of Jay's cum out. Dustin kept making dirty, soft little grunts and Steve rubbed his hands down Dustin's legs. "Yeah.. fuck.." Steve growled out - and Jay said huskily, "Fucking hell I leave the room for two minutes and your.. sucking my cum out of his pussy you really are a cum slut Steve."

Steve licked his lips and Jay growled softly, "Fuck.." Dustin whimpered, looking at Jay - and Jay moved closer, "So fucking pretty.. You like Daddy eating your pussy?" 

Dustin whimpered, "I.. told him.. to stop.." Jay stroked his hair and he said all soft, "Yeah? You did.. he's bad, he didn't listen did he?" 

Steve growled and spread Dustin's cheeks again, spitting against Dustin's hole, he went back to burying his tongue inside again. 

Dustin's eyes fluttered and he whimpered, "Oh.. oh.."

Jay kissed Dustin hungrily, swallowing his whimpers and Dustin kissed him back, "Does it feel good.." Jay said huskily, "Tell me..." 

Dustin moaned against Jay's mouth, "Uhuh... y-yeah.. his tongue is so hot, feels good inside me.." 

Jay murmured, "Yeah?" Dustin's eyes fluttered closed and he moaned "Uhuh yeah, ohh.." 

Steve slid his fingers into Dustin's pussy, deeply and then he eased them out - "All clean.." He licked his lips and Dustin was panting against Jay's mouth, shaking apart.

Jay looked at Steve, and Dustin pushed the shirt back down - all flushed and breathless, he had his eyes closed, biting on his fingers.

Jay curled his arm around Dustin and eased him up.

Steve licked his lips, and Dustin just stared at him, pressing into Jay and then he sucked against Jay's throat and Jay murmured, "It's okay... He's just a mean fucker.." 

Dustin whimpered softly, and Steve smirked and then headed outside - Jay smirked, kissing Dustin's forehead, "C'mon sweet Baby, lets go and make him jealous.." 

Dustin moaned softly, "Yeah?... Yeah.. okay.." 

Jay interlaced their fingers and when they got outside and Steve was already in the hot tub.

Jay slid his pants off and Dustin was just standing there, looking at him - Jay murmured, "You wanna hop in too sweet Baby?" 

Dustin licked his lips and then he nodded, he watched Jay get into the hot tub, and then he looked at Steve, who was staring at Dustin. Jay and Steve were both watching Dustin as he slowly unbuttoned the shirt and then he just shrugged it off his shoulders and climbed in. 

He didn't sit with either of them - he stared up at the sky, and then he moved into the middle of the hot tub. Jay let out a soft breath, and Dustin looked at him from under his lashes.

Steve let out a soft little growl and he came into the middle and he cradled Dustin's face and kissed him, but it was Dustin that kissed him possessively - tugging on Steve's hair and then biting down on his bottom lip. 

Dustin licked at Steve's top lip and under the water he curled his hand around Steve's cock, stroking him and making Steve moan, "You wanna play, huh?" Dustin said breathlessly, "Wanna leave me all needy and desperate - we'll see how you like it.." 

Steve was trying to kiss him and Dustin said, "Oh.. no.. Daddy you've been Bad.."

Jay let out a soft breath, Dustin was making Steve crazy and it was fucking sexy as hell. 

"I can play this game too.." Dustin moaned softly, "I can make you crazy. You've been doing it to me all night.. winding me up.. Making me crazy.. well now you can be punished." 

Steve moaned as Dustin pushed him away and then he moved closer to Jay, and he kissed Jay hungrily, but he sat with his back to Jay, pulling Jays arms around him, he tilted his head and then kissed Jay, all dirty and whimpering in his throat - placing one of Jay's hands around his neck.

Jay growled softly, curling his hand around Dustin's throat - and Dustin moaned, "You're so hard Papi, hmm.. you want my pussy again..." Jay smirked and he murmured, "Oh.. yeah Baby, my sweet Mami.. I'll take you .. all night long.." 

Dustin whimpered, "Yeah? Give it to me all night, your pretty cock, its so pretty Papi.." He stared at Jay, and Jay stared back at Dustin - they kissed again and Jay murmured, "Sweet beautiful Baby, .. fucking little tease.." Jay brushed his fingers over his mouth and Dustin sucked on them.

Jay growled softly, "Hmm fuck yeah, I think about you sucking my cock when you do this, those pretty eyes looking at me - your mouth all around me.. making you choke on it.." Jay moaned softly, "Pretty when you swallow me all the way down, you're so good at it too.. aren't you.." 

Dustin sucked on his fingers and he said, "Yeah.. fuck you taught me how to suck your cock so good..." Jay smirked and Dustin smirked, "Do I suck your cock good Papi?"

Steve breathed out heavily, because Dustin had sucked him off that one time - and it was really good, and now he knew - why he knew how to do it - he was so hard, and watching Dustin suck on Jay's fingers. He raked his fingers through his hair. 

Jay's voice was all raspy, as he said, "Yeah my sweet Baby boy, you suck my cock so good - you.. swallow everything down too, don't even spill a drop." 

Dustin whimpered softly and he moaned, "I wanna be good for you.. such a good boy." 

Jay growled softly, "Oh you are.. my good sweet baby."

Steve moved closer and Dustin looked at him, "...You're mean, you sucked my pussy and took all my Papi's cum away - you didn't even ask!." He looked at Jay from under his lashes, "He didn't.. even ask, he just took it.." 

Jay said, "Aww Baby, you're sad.. you want some more?" 

Steve growled and then he pulled Dustin in close, and Dustin whimpered softly, "Papi.. he's going to try and put his tongue, or his fingers.. back in my pussy.." Jay leaned in closer and he kissed Dustin hungrily, and Dustin gasped out - "I love it when you kiss me." He was now trapped between the two of them, and he whispered to Steve, "You're bad... so bad Daddy.."

"Mine.. you're mine.." Steve growled back, and under the water, Steve pushed his fingers into Dustin's tight heat.

Dustin moaned, panting against Jay's mouth - then he whispered, "He's touching my pussy." 

Jay said huskily, "Yeah, but you like it.. you like it when he touches your pussy, don't you Baby." 

Steve tangled his fingers into Dustin's hair, and he kissed him hungrily - pulling him into his lap instead, and Dustin kissed him back, but pulled Jay in - "I need you.. need both of you, oh.. fuck.." Steve curled his fingers and Dustin moaned against Steve's mouth, "Daddy.."

Steve pulled his fingers out of Dustin and he moved back to the edge where he could sit - "C'mere.." He said to Jay - who moved in closer too - Steve pulled Jay in closer and he kissed him hungrily, and Jay kissed him back.

Dustin let out a soft dirty little moan as Jay curled his fingers into his hair and kissed him. Jay's tongue devoured his mouth, making Dustin shiver and he left him breathless - and Steve would take over the moment that Jay pulled away.

Dustin watched Steve and Jay kiss and he trembled, whimpering as Steve pulled him into his body - he kissed Jay and then growled against Jay's mouth, "Take him.. right here, while he's in my arms.." Jay breathed out hot against Steve's mouth and Dustin whimpered as they kissed again. 

Jay licked at his mouth and murmured softly, "I love you.. my sweet Sunshine." Dustin whimpered, "I love you too.." Steve curled his arms around his neck, "I love you my little light.." Steve kissed him , but Jay moved in closer, and Dustin was surrounded by their warmth. "I love you too." Dustin whispered against Steve's mouth.

Steve held onto his arms - stroking the other hand down he curled it around Dustin's cock - teasing him as he licked at his mouth and then he whispered, "Papi's going to take your sweet pussy, all over again.. I'm going to hold you."

Jay slid his hands down and Dustin was staring at Steve, but then he looked at Jay, who curled his fingers against Dustin's legs - the three of them so close as he felt not just Jay's, but also Steve's hands against his hips. and then Jay slowly pushed his cock into his body. Dustin whimpered softly, and Jay said huskily "Feel good?" 

Steve curled his fingers against Jay's - and Jay felt Dustin's heat clench tight around him. 

Dustin whispered, "So.. good.." He licked at Jay's mouth, and Jay kissed him - Steve murmured against Dustin's ear, "I can feel your whole body trembling - we got you.."

Jay shifted his head a little and he kissed Steve, and Dustin let his head rest back against Steve, feeling his heat all up against his back, Jay pressed in against his front - Dustin whimpered softly, "I like this.. this feels so good.. I ..feel safe.."

Jay rocked his hips, and Steve kissed Dustin's throat, murmuring softly - "You are, you are safe.. sweet Baby.." He stared at Jay, and Jay said soft against Dustin's mouth, "Hold onto me, feel us both around you.. We're never letting you go again, you belong to us.. and we belong to you.." 

Dustin felt Steve's hands as he spread Dustin's legs a little - holding him open for Jay and Jay growled softly "Fuck.. " He thrust his hips deeper driving his cock into Dustin and Dustin cried out, Steve held him in place and Jay curled his arms against his hips, growling against his mouth, "Fuck.. your so perfect, no matter how many times I.. take you, you're so perfect." 

Steve breathed out slowly, and Jay whispered against Steve's mouth, "When I pull out, you.. push in. We can share.. fuck. we can both.. " Steve kissed Jay hungrily and then he growled softly, "Yeah.. yeah fuck.." Dustin moaned softly as he heard them. Jay eased out, and then Steve felt Jay grip Dustin's hip, lifting him - Steve guided himself in and then pushed in deep.

Dustin cried out, biting down against Jay's shoulder - "It's okay..' Jay's voice raspy against Dustin's ear, "We've got you Baby, we've got you.. Just let us make you feel good.."

Dustin as shaking, and he moaned against Jay's mouth, "Uh.. fuck, please.." He was shaking and Steve thrust into Dustin hard, deeper - Jay swallowed Dustin's cries with his kisses, and then Steve pulled out again and Jay grunted softly, as Steve reached through, stroked Jay's cock, and then lifted Dustin's hips, Steve sucked on Dustin's neck as he pulled him in close again - and then he guided Jay's cock back, and Jay thrust in.

They were all trembling, and holding on and Dustin moaned out breathlessly - "So good, I love you.. both of you.." He laid back against Steve staring up at him and Steve murmured, "I love you.. do you feel good.. sweet Baby.."

He curled his hand against Dustin's stomach, stroking as Jay rocked his hips, deeper - making Dustin's eyes flutter closed and Steve said dirty and soft, "Yeah you do, look at your beautiful face.. we're both going to fill your sweet pussy with out cum, it's what you want... so bad isn't it.."

Dustin gasped out breathlessly, "Yes.. yeah.. so bad.." He licked at Steve's mouth - whimpering softly, "Oh oh..'

He was staring at Jay again though, from under his lashes - and Steve sucked on his throat, they were both staring at him and Jay moaned huskily, "So beautiful,  fuck.. I'm gonna cum."

Steve curled his hand around Dustin's cock and he stroked him - Dustin's eyes closed and he panted softly, Steve murmured, "Yeah cum on Papi's cock.. cum for me.. let us hear how much you like it.."

Dustin clenched tight, breathing out shakily as he came - and Steve was watching first Dustin' face, then he watched as Jay's eyes closed, Dustin and Jay kissing - sharing their breath, and Steve moaned huskily, "Fucking so pretty, my beautiful angels - fucking pretty.." 

Jay breathed out against Dustin's mouth, and he pulled him in close, easing out of his heat - and Dustin moaned, breathing out slightly shaky as Steve pressed in - Jay spread him open again, and Dustin grunted softly - dirty as Steve thrust into him again.

Jay and Dustin staring at each other as Steve lost control and pounded his hips - driving his cock hard and fast. "Oh.. fuck.." Dustin was crying out - breathless, and Steve growled against his ear - breathing hard "I can't... I need to fuck you hard..."

Dustin curled one arm around Jay, who was holding him close, tight - the other arm, Dustin held onto Steve as best as he could. While Steve licked against his shoulder and bit down again, Dustin's eyes rolled and he was crying out, Jay was already half hard again just from watching Dustin's face.

Steve suddenly kissed Jay, dirty and hungry - and Jay kissed him back - and then Steve was curling his fingers around Dustin's arms, shifting him away from Jay - Jay just watched as Dustin clung onto the edge of the tub, and Steve fucked him harder and deeper - "Jesus.." Jay said softly.

Jay breathed out shakily, they were lost in each other - and Jay thought it was beautiful. Steve pulled out of Dustin, and then he was turning him around they were face to face - and Dustin was kissing Steve hungrily, Steve pushing back inside him - and Jay heard Dustin moan, "Don't stop, don't stop.." 

Steve had both of Dustin's hands trapped behind his back, and then he was slamming into him again - making Dustin take everything he was giving him. No wonder they're obsessed with each other, Jesus.

"I'm never going to stop, never.. you're mine.." Steve growled, and Dustin was crying - actually sobbing, Steve let his arms go - and Dustin was clawing at his back, digging his fingers in and biting, and Steve let out a deep moan, holding Dustin in place - the two of them suddenly just staring at each other.

Jay let out a soft exhale - because Dustin wasn't the only one crying. 

Steve's voice was hoarse, his eyes black as night - but he had tears streaming down his face. "I love you my Light Bearer, you're so Beautiful."

Dustin said breathlessly, "My dark Prince, I love you too.." 

They both kissed, softer - calmer and then Steve turned, they both looked at Jay and Dustin held his hand out. Jay moved closer and Steve kissed him softly - "Love you pretty fairy." Jay wiped the tears off his face, "I love you pretty boy." 

Dustin whispered to Jay, "I love you, my treasure." 

Jay smiled, and he curled his fingers into Dustin's hair - "I love you too, sweet Baby." 

Dustin kissed both of them, and then he said softly - "Shall we.. go to bed?" Steve said softly, "You tired?" Dustin nodded, and then he looked at Jay, "You wanna go to bed?' Jay curled his fingers into Dustin's hair, and he moved closer to them both at the same time. "I don't mind if that's what you want."

Dustin bit his lip softly, and then he whispered - "If your not tired we don't have too." Jay murmured, "Baby, if you're tired you can go to bed - I'll clean up and then come to bed too." Steve kissed Dustin's shoulder, and Dustin said softly, "We were.. gonna have alone time, and now I'm just really sleepy.. you both.. wore me out." 

Jay let out a soft laugh, "Well we can have alone time next time.." Dustin blushed prettily again and he whispered "You're not mad?" Jay snorted, and whispered back, "No I'm not mad, pretty Baby." He kissed Dustin's pink cheeks, and Dustin blushed deeper. He kissed Steve softly and then he whispered - "I love you my darkness." 

Steve murmured, "I love you too." He suddenly lifted Dustin up out of the hot tub, Dustin's legs all curled around his waist - then he stepped out, and then held his hand out for Jay.

Jay climbed out too and Steve handed him a towel, Jay dried himself off and then wrapped it around his waist. Dustin whispered, "I can.. yeah.." Steve let out a soft little chuckle - and Dustin hit his chest, "Stop it.. making.. fun of me.." He was getting all shy and Steve murmured, "You're so adorable." He eased Dustin down onto his feet and then wrapped a towel around him too.

Dustin looked at them both from under his lashes, but then he looked at Jay, "I'm going to the bedroom. If... if you don't wanna come to bed - its okay.." He looked at them, "If.. you wanna.. you know be alone together.." His blush deepened, "You can.. always.. there's three other bedrooms to choose from." He left the two of them standing there wrapped in their towels and Steve breathed out slowly, eyeing Jay quietly. 

"Want help to clean up?" Steve murmured, raking his fingers through his hair.

"Yeah.. that'd be.. good.." Jay's voice was still all husky and soft. 

They both went inside - quiet as they cleaned up the kitchen, working together to get the job done it took less time - Jay ate some more of the leftovers, and he saw Steve munching on some cold toast. Jay bit softly on his bottom lip, he watched as Steve put the leftovers in the fridge - he'd actually put Jay's pants on, which mean that he'd pulled Steve's on. He stared down at himself, and sure enough he was wearing Steve's sweatpants. 

He felt the heat in his cheeks, and Jay let out a soft little exhale - Steve looked up and he gave Jay a soft little smile - it made Jay's stomach get all hot - "What you smiling about pretty Boy." His voice soft and Steve laughed, "Nothin.." He murmured, "Just.. you know.."

Jay hummed softly, and then he said - "Know what?"

"You're wearing my pants.." Steve's voice was soft, and a little rumbly. "I.. know - you're wearing mine."

"Well I had no choice - you'd already grabbed mine, it was either that or wear just a towel." Steve murmured as they finally finished cleaning up. 

"Yeah.. I.. guess." Jay said quietly, "Or.. be naked."

Steve smirked, "Yeah.. or that.."

They both went quiet, and then Steve said - "Are you tired?"

Jay breathed out slowly, not looking at Steve as he said, "Not.. really - I'm probably going to have trouble sleeping."

"Because of memories." Steve murmured. It wasn't a question - Jay didn't reply. He just let his eyes close.

"Wanna come hang out with me in the spare room?" Steve said softly.

Jay rubbed his fingers over his head, and they just stared at each other.

"Yeah." Jay whispered, "Yeah we can do that."

Steve said softly, "Good."

Chapter Text

Jay let out a soft breath, he felt a little bit stretched too thin - tired. Letting the wall down, he felt a little on edge, vulnerable. - Jay still didn't think he'd be able to sleep - his head was swimming with memories, things that he hadn't thought about in a long time.

They'd finished cleaning up the kitchen, Steve had gone to make sure that Dustin was okay - but that wasn't before he'd led Jay into the spare room, which was next door to Dustin's. Jay was sitting on the edge of the bed - this room had a fireplace too, which was on the opposite side to Dustin's. The fire wasn't going, and the room was a little bit cold - the only light was from a small lamp in the corner of the room..

Steve came back in and he said softly, - "He's asleep, so.. I think we must have worn really tired him out. I put Bonfire in the bed with him, she's snuggling." Steve shut the door behind him.

 Jay murmured, "Well.. its good, that he's sleeping."

He breathed out slowly and Steve said quietly, "You've been quiet, a bit.. in your head.. what happened?"

Jay shook his head, "It... I just.. let my guard down.." He breathed out heavier, and Steve moved in closer. Sitting beside him.

"..I.. haven't done that for.. a long time." Jay's voice was rough, and he shook his head - "I'll be okay."

Steve gripped his chin and he murmured - "You're too quiet, you say that he does that.. hmm.. you're doing it too."

Jay said hoarsely, "I'm.. okay Steve."

They were just staring at each other, and Steve whispered - "I...don't believe you, you're not going to do something stupid are you. Not going to fucking take off.. sneak off in the middle of the night.. nothing like that."

Jay breathed out against Steve's face and he murmured, "No.. no I'm not." 

Steve said softly, "Promise me."

He realized that Steve had moved over him completely and he was staring down at him. Jay breathed out slowly, staring up at Steve - he wasn't even sure how he'd ended up underneath him.

"I promise.." Jay said softly.

Steve breathed out against his face, and Jay just stared up at him - letting out a soft exhale as Steve stroked his fingers feather light against his arms as he moved them about Jay's head, and interlaced their fingers.

"I don't want you to leave." Steve whispered, "I.. don't think I could stand it."

Tears welled up in Jay's eyes and he whispered, "I'm not going to.."

Steve leaned in and he kissed Jay's throat, and Jay tilted his head back - breathing out softly as Steve stroked his fingers down kissing over his collarbone, and then he rest his head against Jay's chest - while he moved his hands down his side.

Steve suddenly cradled Jay's face in his hands and then he was kissing him deeply, and Jay was caught off guard - Steve moaned in his throat, and Jay tangled his fingers into his hair and kissed him back, their tongues fighting for dominance, but Jay shivered - and Steve was grinding down into him.

Jay groaned huskily, arching his hips up into Steve's. He could feel the heat of his body, the weight of him - but Jay also felt fear. He hadn't been in the position he was currently in, for a long time - and it made him feel anxious - both desire and fear.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to give up control - Steve pulled back, the kiss leaving them both breathless.  Jay was shaking, he could feel how Steve was trembling too. Letting his eyes close, Jay felt Steve's fingers curled around his wrists, Steve growled softly, kissing Jay again - and Jay moaned, letting Steve control the kiss - and Steve, he slowed the speed of it down, moaning - liking that Jay did, that Jay gave him the power.

Steve's tongue coaxing his, making Jay feel like he was going to set him on fire - heat bursting through his body. Steve's fingers curled against his skin, and then Steve broke the kiss.

They were both breathless, and Steve murmured against Jay's mouth - "You drive me crazy, you know that right.."

Jay's stomach got all hot and tight and he said huskily, "Do I?"

Steve growled, "Yeah you fucking do.. you know you do.."

He sucked on Jay's bottom lip and Jay moaned softly, "...Yeah.. you.. fucking make me crazy too, always have.."

Steve growled softly, "Your so goddamn hot... need that warning label."

Jay let out a soft laugh, he felt Steve smirk against his throat, sucking softly - and then Steve murmured - "You're beautiful... I want to touch you.."

He curled his fingers against the bed and Jay whispered, "You can touch me.."

Steve lifted himself up, staring down at Jay - and Jay lifted his hand up, stroking his fingers into Steve's hair. He tugged gently and Steve kept his eyes on Jay's.

Steve shifted - and tugged Jay's pants down, Jay breathed out slowly - and Steve murmured - "...I'm gonna take mine off too.." 

He got his off, and Jay murmured - "Yeah.. yeah okay.."

They kissed again - the warm wet slick of Steve's tongue teasing him made Jay crazy, and Steve moaned against his mouth - "Feel good?" Steve's voice was all husky and soft, and Jay moaned, "Yeah.."

Steve rolled his hips down into Jay's - and Jay arched his up, they rocked together - and Steve licked against Jay's throat, murmuring against his ear, "You're so hard, you're cock.. so pretty." Jay moaned softly, "Yours is.. fuck.. its big.." 

Steve sucked against his throat, and then he curled his hand around Jay's cock and stroked him slowly.

Jay was panting softly, and Steve murmured, "I want to feel you, .. I wanna be inside you.." He licked at Jay's mouth.

Jay's eyes closed and he whispered, "Steve...I.."  He was trembling, and Steve murmured - "I'll take care of you.. I promise, you don't have to be afraid.."

"How... did you.." Jay had his eyes closed, but tears slid down his face.

Steve whispered, "How did I know that it scared you?"

Jay nodded, breathing out slightly heavier.

Steve whispered, "I just knew Baby."

Jay felt the heat in his face, and Steve whispered - "I'll take care of you.." Jay moaned softly as Steve kissed him again, sweet and slow - lazy, he was making Jay feel like he was setting him on fire, "I'll make you feel safe.." Steve murmured softly.

Jay let out a soft moan as Steve's thumb stroked over the head of his cock, and Steve said softly, "You don't have to be afraid of me, I'll never hurt you my pretty fairy..."

Jay's heart was beating hard in his chest, and Steve stroked his fingers against Jay's legs - he grabbed something out of the pocket of his pants, before he threw them on the floor and he kissed Jay again.

He shivered as Steve breathed out against his face, "Do you want this? Want me.."

Jay was anxious, a little bit scared - but he whispered, "Yeah.. I.. want you, I want you.."

Steve murmured, "I'll make you feel free again, no more fear.." Jay let out a soft moan as Steve kissed him again, and he felt Steve's fingers, slick against his body - Steve stroked them against his hole, and Jay let out a shaky exhale.

Steve murmured softly, "Let me in, let me make you feel good.."

Jay kept his eyes on Steve's - as Steve stroked his fingers and teased him, he pushed them inside Jay's body, and Jay let out a soft little groan. He'd forgotten what it felt like, to be the one on the other end - Jay curled his fingers against the bed, his breath hitching - his voice husky as he groaned out, "Fuck.. Steve." He breathed out against Steve's face - his eyes closing. Panic was still there - and he didn't want to be afraid, he knew Steve wouldn't hurt him - but it was still there.

"It's okay, breathe, hmm let me in Baby, shit.. yeah push down and let me in.." Steve's voice was all soft and husky, and Jay felt heat coil in his belly, Steve whispered against his mouth - "Push down, that's it.." Steve watched Jay's face, and he whispered - "That's it Baby, just relax." He gently rocked his fingers. 

Jay groaned soft and dirty, he said with a soft little grunt, "Fuck.. I.. I haven't ..not even mine.." He stared up at Steve, as he pushed his hips down - the heat was starting to build, and it was staring to feel really good, Jay licked at Steve's mouth - almost shyly - "Steve.."

Steve sucked on Jay's tongue, and then he kissed him, not rushing - he moaned and kissed Jay till he was breathless, feeling Jay clench around his fingers, and he whispered - "I'm going to stretch them out.."

Jay moaned and Steve said softly, "Yeah.. you like that.. Baby?"

Jay whispered, "Yeah... feels good.."

Steve scissored his fingers, and pushed them in deeper and Jay groaned softly, "Steve..." Jay rocked his hips, eyes on Steve's and he Steve growled out softly, "Fuck.. you're so pretty, you're pussy is so tight.."

Jay bit down on his bottom lip, feeling the heat in his face his voice was all rough as he growled out, "Fuck.. don't.. say.. that.."

Steve leaned in and he whispered, "Why, hmm? Don't you like it,... I ..do, I like your pussy." He rocked his fingers, his voice all husky as he murmured, "Can you feel it? getting hot inside your pussy.."

Jay moaned huskily, "Fuck.. yeah.. so.. hot."

Steve murmured, "Yeah.. this is gonna get so hot, make you crazy.. special lube." Steve sucked on Jay's throat and he scissored his fingers again, Jay  suddenly curled his hands around Steve's trying to push them in deeper as he pushed back against them harder.

Both of them moaning into each others mouths.

"Fuck yourself on my fingers, make yourself feel good.. tell me when you want my cock.. in your pussy.." Steve moaned it against Jay's mouth, before he buried his face in against Jay's throat, breathing him in and then sucking against his throat. 

Steve he growled - "God I want to bury myself in you.. get in so deep.. you smell so good.."

Jay's eyes closed and he was moaning, desperate heat inside him - rocking harder as he tangled both his hands into Steve's hair - feeling Steve's cock hard as Steve ground against his leg.

"You.. always say I smell good.." Jay's voice was wrecked, and he moaned - "Steve.. please..."

Steve pulled his fingers out, and then he moaned against Jays throat, "It's .. cos you do, smell so good.."

Jay felt the shift as Steve lifted his hips, and he breathed out slightly shaky  as Steve eased his cock into him - slow, pushing in all the way, he curled Jay's legs around him.

Jay let out a deep moan, and Steve kissed him - silencing it.

He held on tight - digging his fingers into Steve's ass. Shit, shit it fucking hurts. Tears burned in Jay's eyes and Steve could feel how tense Jay's entire body was - how he shook with it. Steve kissed Jay slowly, and he reached up, cradling his face - Jay's eyes opened and he was panting softly, just staring up at Steve - the tears in his eyes.

"My pretty fairy.." Steve whispered.

"Just.. give.. me.. a second.." Jay said breathlessly - breathing out in soft little gasps against Steve's mouth - "Hurts." He let out a soft little moan as Steve stroked his fingers against his legs, and then kissed his tears away - so gentle, and then Steve murmured softly, "I love you.."

Jay whispered, "I love you too.." He felt Steve's fingers stroke lazily, soothing against his stomach - and Jay started to relax - Steve gripped his hips again, still stroking.

Jay curled his fingers into Steve's hair and he tugged him in closer, rocking his hips up again - letting Steve pulling him in close. Steve moaned into Jay's mouth and they were getting lost in the kiss, Jay moaned and he gasped out as Steve eased out slowly, thrusting his cock back in and making Jay's hips arch off the bed.

Jay groaned softly, "Fuck.. you feel so good."

Steve breathed out against Jay's mouth, "So do you, so good.. my Saisch, my brother.."

Jay felt the heat through his entire body, and he kissed Steve hungrily again - Jay dragged his fingers down Steve's back, gripping Steve's ass - they were getting lost in each other, Steve took hold of Jay's arms and he pinned them above his head, staring down at Jay as he thrust deeper, and Jay curled his legs around Steve.

Steve licked against his throat, and he growled soft against Jay's ear, "You're mine, mine.. mine again.. just like you always were.."

Jay stared up at Steve, he gasped out, "Aszri." Steve's hands gripped Jay's hips again and he eased out, and then slammed his cock in deep, making Jay moan louder, his voice wrecked as he said "Fuck Steve.."

He was coming apart, Steve kept thrusting into his prostate - making Jay see stars, making him cry out - his voice breaking and then he was cumming hard all over his stomach - and Steve growled, and he didn't stop thrusting - driving Jay over the edge again as he just kept pounding into his prostate, making Jay cum again.

Jay was trembling, sweaty and breathless - he thought Steve would have to be close - that he must be going to come too, but Steve paused - held his hips still, he just stared down at Jay, catching his breath? Jay was watching him, and Steve stroked his fingers against his stomach - licking Jay's cum from his fingers, watching him. And Jay moaned softly, Steve leaned down, licked at his lips - and Jay was give a sweet, almost gentle kiss. "Mine.." Steve whispered.

Then he flipped Jay onto his stomach, Jay gripped the covers in his fingers, feeling Steve pulled out almost completely - and then he pushed back into Jay's body, and Jay grunted out breathlessly - as Steve kept thrusting. From this angle Steve could get deeper - and Jay was crying out, "Steve.. Steve fuck.. fuck!.." Steve interlaced their fingers and he growled against Jay's ear, "Mine.."

All Jay could do was lay there and take it, as Steve drove him insane, alternating between deep brutal thrusts into his prostate, and then torturous slow ones - and Jay was a sweaty, over stimulated wreck - completely coming apart. He'd cum so many times he wasn't sure he could anymore. And Steve licked up his back, gripping his hips as he moaned and came inside Jay.

Jay cried out, moaning shamelessly as he pushed back on Steve's cock, clenching tight and Steve moaned, "That's it, my sweet Baby, take it.. all of it." He panted, is fingers curled into the sheets as Steve held onto his hands, his eyes closed as Steve kissed and then bit that back of his neck.

Steve rolled them onto their sides, and Jay was quiet - trying to catch his breath, he couldn't stop shaking. Steve curled his arm around him, stroking his hand over his chest - Jay shivered and Steve was kissing his back, over his scars - Jay felt the tears and he said hoarsely, "Stop.. I.."

Steve curled his arm and he pressed in closer, he eased out of Jay's body and then he pulled Jay into his arms, and Jay breathed out in a rush, his tears sliding down his face. He closed his eyes tightly and Steve murmured, "It's okay.. It's okay.."

Jay curled in and Steve murmured "I've got you Baby.." He just held onto him, stroking his skin - not asking an questions, and Jay felt like he could breathe again - the weight lifting. Steve kissed against his throat, and he said softly, "I love you, my beautiful Fairy.."

Jay whispered back, "I love you too my evil monster." Steve gently gripped his chin and Jay looked at him. "You're okay? I .. didn't hurt you.." Steve murmured softly.

"You didn't hurt me.." Jay whispered.  

Steve kissed him softly, and he murmured - "Good, I'm.. I didn't, I don't want to hurt you."

They were both quiet for a little while - and then Steve said softly, "I.. love you." Jay stroked his fingers against Steve's chest, and curled his fingers. "I love you too pretty boy,  fuck.." Jay started crying again and Steve curled his arms around him, just holding him. "Hey, its okay.. it's okay Baby."

Jay couldn't stop crying, and Steve said huskily, "I...don't cry, please Baby. I got you.." He laid them both down - stroking Jay's back, and Jay breathed out harshly - Steve whispered, "I love you, I love you Jay - its.. okay sweet Baby." He felt Steve actually lifting him, picking him up and then he was carrying Jay through the house - next door and into Dustin's bedroom.

He was still crying, and trying to stop - when Steve said hoarsely, "I.. think ...I need - he needs you."

"Jay?" Hearing Dustin's voice - Jay breathed out harshly, and he said - "I'm.. sorry, fuck." Steve stroked his head, and then he was laying Jay in Dustin's bed, he heard the door close - then Steve was climbing in behind him. Dustin said softly, "Don't cry love, why are you crying.." Jay let out a shaky exhale, he was staring up at the ceiling - laying between them, he was shaking, and Steve said quietly - "I .. it.. I .." He just went quiet.

Dustin was blushing, and he whispered - "...I.. heard you, both.." He reached out, stroking his fingers into Steve's hair - "It's okay my darkness, you haven't.. done anything wrong, he's just.. really overwhelmed." Jay felt Dustin's fingers cradle his face, and he said softly - "Aren't you my treasure."

Jay said shakily, "That.. was.. amazing. I.. just.. it was intense.."

Steve whispered, "It.. was good?" Jay's eyes filled with tears and they slid down his face - "Yeah.. so.. good." He whispered, and Steve's eyes fluttered closed - briefly before he opened them and then looked at Dustin - leaning in he kissed him softly.

Dustin leaned over Jay and he said softly, "You're safe, you're loved - nobody is going to ever hurt you again."

Jay curled his arms around Dustin and the pulled him in close, burying his face in against his throat. Dustin pulled Steve in and Steve curled up beside them.

"It's okay my treasure." Dustin said softly, he looked at Steve - and then he whispered against his mouth - "You should give him sweet kisses." He licked softly at Steve's mouth and whispered, "Sweet kisses."

Steve whispered, "Yeah?" Dustin whispered, "Uhuh."

Jay breathed out slowly, curling his fingers against Dustin's bed - and Dustin said softly, "Why don't I cuddle you, hmm.. and Steve can give you sweet kisses."

Steve let out a soft little, "Hey you little rascal." As Bonfire came out from under the pillows and nipped him. 

Dustin tutted and scooped her up, "You have to stop biting Daddy, I told you that." He put her in her little bed by the fire and she did her little two round walk before settling down and then she gave him a little howl. 

"Yes I love you too, but its sleepy time. You can have lovies with Papi later." She hid her face and then whined at him. "Sleepies now." She gave him a little howl. "Sleepies." He gave her a little scratch behind the ears and then climbed back into the bed.

Jay let out a soft exhale, and Dustin curled up behind him again - the flames from the fire gave a nice warm glow in the room and Dustin looked at Steve, "Sweet kisses." Jay relaxed into Dustin, he let out a soft moan as Dustin stroked his fingers against his side, and kissed his throat.

Steve moved in closer and then he kissed Dustin soft and slow, then Steve whispered against Jay's mouth, "I love you, I love you my beautiful Saisch."

Jay said huskily - "I love you, both of you.."

Dustin watched as Steve kissed Jay deeply, Jay's fingers curling into Steve's hair as he kissed him back - the two of them, beautiful. 

Dustin whispered - "I.. could hear you.. hmm I could hear you through the wall." He whimpered softly, "I wanted to see you both, so beautiful.." 

Steve broke the kiss, and Jay moaned softly - "Did you even fall asleep?"

Both Jay and Steve looked at him, and Dustin said softly - "No? I just.. .. wanted you to, be alone if you wanted... and.. I.." He let out a soft little noise as Steve kissed him deeply, and then Jay growled softly, "You could have been there while.. it happened."

Dustin gently stroked Jay's face, "...Are you okay?" He said softly. Steve curled up behind Jay, stroking his fingers down Jay's back. 

Jay was still trembling, and he said huskily - "Yeah.. just, feeling a lot of.. things, bit.. overwhelmed.. you.. how did you know?"

"I... feel it." Dustin said softly, he was just watching them both - and then he laid down beside Jay - the two of them just staring at each other. Dustin lowered his gaze, biting on his lip softly, and then he took Jay's hand, and held it against his chest. "Go to sleep my treasure." He whispered it, and kissed Jay's fingers. "You need sleep." 

Jay said softly, "Will you go to sleep with me." Dustin nodded, and Jay lifted his arm up. Dustin curled in close - Jay wrapped himself around him and then he gently gripped Dustin's chin, making him look at him, they were staring at each other quietly, and Jay whispered - "..I love you." Dustin shivered, and he whispered - "I love you too." Steve pressed in closer to Jay, and he growled softly - "I love you both." Jay and Dustin both smiled, and Dustin said softly - "We both love you."

Steve kissed the back of Jay's neck, and Dustin watched Jay's eyes close. "Was it good, did it feel good." Dustin whispered it against Jay's mouth. Tears slid silently down Jay's face, and he let out a soft breath. Dustin kissed his tears away, and Jay whispered, "Felt so good." Steve's breath was already slow and steady - he'd already fallen asleep. 

Dustin gently cradled Jay's face - and Jay's eyes opened - the gold burning bright, and Dustin whispered, "Did you want me there.." Jay whispered back, "I always want you with me." He curled his fingers into Dustin's hair and then they kissed - deep and slow, Dustin let out a soft, little noise in his throat as Jay stroked his fingers against his side - "I..." Jay started but then he went quiet.

"You what?" Dustin murmured, kissing Jay softly - and Jay had his eyes closed, his voice husky and soft - "No.. it doesn't matter, we should sleep." Dustin said softly, "Tell me.." He kissed soft sweet kisses against Jay's face, then his jaw - whispering against his mouth, "Tell me my treasure.."

Jay breathed out slowly, and Dustin just watched his face - Jay's eyes opened and they were staring at each other again. Jay growled softly - "..I.. want.." He curled his fingers into Dustin's hair and kissed him hungrily, rolling Dustin onto his back - and Dustin whispered, "You want.."

Jay looked at Steve beside them - who was asleep, his lashes kissing his cheeks - Dustin said softly, "He's so beautiful." Jay murmured - "Yeah he is.." The both looked at each other, and Jay kissed Dustin's throat, then he breathed in his sweet musky scent. "You want.." Dustin murmured.

"I want you.." Jay said husky soft, staring down at Dustin - he shivered as Dustin stroked his cool fingers down his back.

Dustin looked at Jay from under his lashes, and he said softly - "..How do you want me?" A little hint of a smirk - and Jay lowered his gaze - and Dustin slowly rolled them over - Jay lifted his gaze and Dustin said husky soft, "I think I know.." He brushed his lips against Jay's - and Jay murmured softly, "...You want too?"

Dustin curled Jay's legs up and then he teasingly stroked his cock against Jay's hole, he could feel the slick of Steve's cum - and Jay visibly trembled, Dustin was hard and had been the entire time he'd been listening to them from the other room. "Yeah.." Dustin said against Jay's mouth - "Yeah I fucking want too."

Jay let out a soft little, "Fuck.." against Dustin's mouth. 

Dustin breathed out against Jay's mouth and then he pushed hips forward, his cock sinking into Jay's tight heat, slick with Steve's cum - and they both groaned, breathing out against each others mouths. Jay stared up at him and Dustin stared down at him. Jay was breathing out in short, quick little breaths, and Dustin said husky soft - "You okay?" Jay nodded, and Dustin rocked his hips just a little - Jay grabbed hold of his ass and held him in place. "Not...yet." He said breathlessly.

"Okay.." Dustin said softly, his voice a bit rough - "Tell me when.." Jay stroked his fingers against Dustin's back and Dustin's eyes closed, then he kissed Jay deep and slow. Jay moaned soft into the kiss, and Dustin deepened it, he felt Jay relax - felt him slowly arch his hips and then Jay said huskily, "Okay.. okay.. oh Baby boy.." Dustin moaned softly against Jay's mouth, "Yeah? I.. you want me to move.." Jay was trembling, his whispered, "Yeah, fuck.. you.. oh.." 

Dustin cradled Jay's head, Jay just stared at him - and Dustin said a little breathless, "I.. you sure? Am I hurting you?" Jay curled his legs around him - and then he slid his fingers into Dustin's hair - "A little bit - but. Both.. of you, fuck.. but your, just.. don't stop.." His voice was all rough and breathy and Dustin felt his cock twitch, and get harder and Jay's eyes closed - his heat vice tight around Dustin's cock. "Fuck.. it feels.. you feel so good." Dustin whispered.

Jay kissed him hungrily, and Dustin moaned into it - kissing Jay back, he slowly eased out - rocking his hips as he pushed back in. Dustin didn't rush - Jay gasped out against his mouth - the two of them rocking, moving together slowly - Dustin stroked his fingers - moving them against Jay's body - and Jay's eyes fluttered closed, his husky soft moans and Dustin's muffed every so often by more intense kisses. Then Jay rolled them - and Dustin stared up at him, as Jay placed Dustin's hands on his hips.

Dustin's voice was all husky and wrecked as he moaned, "Fuck's sake - you're beautiful.." Jay rocked himself - riding Dustin he moaned softly, "You feel so good inside me.." He let out a gasp as Dustin gripped his hips and thrust up into him harder, and then he was sitting up, Jay in his lap held up by Dustin. "I love you.." Jay whispered against his mouth, and Dustin moaned softly, "I love you too, so beautiful."  

Dustin murmured, "I love being inside of you.." he said it as he thrust his hips, driving his cock into Jay's prostate, and Jay cried out - "My sunshine.." they kept moving together, pressed close as they could get, Dustin moaned breathless - "Let go.. I've got you." As they both let go, as they came - Jay's skin was glowing, all luminous - the light sinking into Dustin - they sank back down into the bed, and Jay was shaking - Dustin was shaking too. 

Steve said huskily, "Holy shit that was some intense.. loving." They both looked at Steve - and Jay said huskily - "...Yeah, sorry we woke you." Steve just laughed softly, "Hmmm don't be." He snuggled into his pillow, just watching them both and Dustin said softly, "Holy.. shit.. is right." Jay stared down at him, and Dustin looked up at Jay from under his lashes. "I love you my Sunshine." Jay said softly, and Dustin kissed him softly, whispering against his mouth, "I love you, I love you my beautiful Fairy." 

Dustin looked at Steve, and Steve said sleepily - "Love you my angels." 

Jay whispered, "Shit.. my ass hurts." 

Dustin whispered back, "Do you want me to.."

"Yeah..." Jay murmured softly, heat in his cheeks. He slowly freed himself - but then Dustin pulled him back into his arms - and Jay let out a soft exhale.

"Where you going.." Dustin murmured, "Come back here." Dustin curled into Jay, burying his face in against his neck. 

Jay breathed out slowly, he stared up at the ceiling as Dustin relaxed against him - playing with his hair. Jay waited - he waited till both Steve and Dustin were asleep - he stared at Dustin, tears slid down his face, and Jay kissed his forehead softly - "I love you." He whispered, "I love you so much."

He quietly slipped out of the bed, pulling on whatever clothes he could find that fit him. He picked up the envelope that Dustin had thrown on the floor - and he opened it, their birth certificates - and other documents of Jay's birth. But also a photo of a man, who Jay guessed was Dominic Henderson. Jay breathed out sharply - he mostly looked like Dustin - except he had green eyes like Jay did. Dustin had Claudia's eyes. 

Jay dropped the envelope back on the table. He wrote a note: I'll be back later, needed to do some stuff.. xox J

He left the house silently, making sure that the door would lock behind him. He knew he had a long walk back to the trailer park, but it didn't really bother him - he cried most of the walk back, lost in his head - he felt too much, he just needed to clear his head - to quiet the chaos. To breathe. When he got back to the trailer - Jay picked up the phone and he dialed a number, he waited a little bit and then when the person picked up Jay said hoarsely, "Hey, its me - you should bring Tietz and the others." 

Jay breathed out softly, "No.. I'm .. look I'm okay just.. tired - Rieja.. please, I.. I have.. Aszri." He started to cry, "...Belial...he's Aszri." Through the phone, Reija was talking loud - but Jay said hoarsely, "I..can't.. I.. I'm sorry." He hung up the phone - and just sat there in the dark, crying - rubbing his fingers over his head. 

He eventually pulled himself up and then went and took a shower - dumping his dirty clothes in the washer - Jay set it going, he smoked a few cigarettes while he waited - and then he hung it out. Jay sat outside, in the dark - he curled an arm around himself - flicking his cigarette butt away. The air was cool but it felt nice - his ass hurt like hell, his entire body did - heat in his cheeks, he muttered softly, "Fuck." Jay went back inside - locking up, he raked his fingers over his head, wincing a little when he sat down - and he pulled on some clean socks and his boots. Then he tugged out a long sleeved Henley and gabbed his keys, he had to go and buy a bunch of shit - he looked at the clock, it was nearly 4.30a.m. 

Jay's trailer was a mess, and looked worse because of the shit he'd packed up - he grabbed a piece of paper, and wrote another note - because he had a feeling he needed too, just in case Steve suddenly came looking for him, or even Dustin.

I love you both, I'm not leaving - I just have to get some shit done. Steve, stop freaking out. Sunshine, I have to go and get some things organized.. its to help you, I swear - I love you, I'll come back to yours before I come back here. I love you both. xox J

Jay slapped the note on his fridge. Then he grabbed his keys and left.

Chapter Text

Dustin opened his eyes, rubbing them and he let out a soft yawn - the bed beside him was empty and he bit his lip softly, he wrapped the blanket that Magda had given him the day he got his tattoos done; around him as he pulled it off the chair, tugging on his sleep pants.

Then he scooped Bonfire up, giving her soft kisses as he made his way out of the bedroom. It was quiet - and he saw Steve staring down at a piece of paper. 

"Steve?" He said softly, he felt a strange twist in his belly - Where was Jay? Dustin's eyes met Steve's - the chocolate brown was as intense as ever and Dustin breathed out shakily, he didn't have to ask. He already knew. Jay was gone. 

Dustin let out a shaky exhale, and tears just spilled out - no sound, and Steve moved in closer curling his arms around him. "He... said he had some stuff to do.." Steve murmured, giving Dustin the note. They both just stayed quiet, and Dustin's hands shook as he read it. 

He wasn't even sure what he was supposed to say, and Dustin knew that Steve wasn't buying it either - but neither of them were saying anything. Steve curled his fingers into his hair and he whispered, "I shouldn't have.. last night, I.. think I pushed him and he freaked out."

Dustin lifted his head, and Steve stared down at him. "Don't cry sweet Baby." Steve murmured, brushing his tears away - "I'm.. s-sorry." Dustin whispered.

They both stayed quiet again and then Steve said softly, "..Do you want me to go.. see if I can find him?"

Dustin let his eyes close and then he said softly, "..Maybe just, let him do what he needs to do, if... if he isn't back - if we.. don't see him later, then?"

He knew he was crying again, but Steve said softly - "Okay so.. we'll give him till tonight? And.. then we'll go .. look for him." 

Dustin nodded, and Steve was wiping his face again - "Okay Baby." Dustin bit his bottom lip, and Steve said softly - "..Please, don't cry.." Dustin lifted his gaze, and he whispered - "I'm scared Steve. He.. he said he was going too, going to leave - I dreamt that he did.. you stopped him, but.. but what if he has?"

Steve rubbed his hands over his face - Dustin said shakily, "I'm sorry, shit.." Steve kissed Dustin softly, "I am going to help your Mom, and Murray today - while you're at school, are you going to school?"

Dustin nodded, "Yeah.. I.. god its the last thing I feel like doing but yeah.." He looked up at Steve, "I.. you're helping them with the move?" Steve murmured, "Yeah, and.. strangely enough Blake offered to give me a hand doing it, he's not a bad guy." 

Dustin said softly, "Yeah. He's nice." Steve was watching him and he said softly, "Maybe you should just not go to school, could come with me - maybe it might be better, if you're at school you're just going to spend all day worrying about Jay."  

"I.. was going to find Lucas and talk to him." Dustin whispered. 

"Well.. maybe do that and then come to your moms?" Steve said softly, gently gripping his chin - "..I can always as Robin to swing by Jay's - see if he's there too.?" Dustin said softly, "I was.. gonna do that myself."  

Steve nodded, "Okay, well - do you wanna do that, swing by Jays - go find Lucas and talk to him and then meet me at your Mama's?" He asked softly, gently stroking his fingers through Dustin's hair. 

Dustin said softly, "Yeah, yeah that sounds like a plan." He suddenly held onto Steve tightly - burying his face in against Steve's chest. And Steve said softly, "I love you, my sweet Baby, I love you I promise it'll be okay." 

He stood on his tip toes and then he kissed Steve softly, "I love you too. I'll see you in a little bit." Steve nodded - then he grabbed his keys to his truck - "Little rascal." He kissed Bonfires head and then he kissed Dustin's nose. "Love you.." He said softly, and Dustin bit down hard on his bottom lip - feeling the ache as Steve walked out the door.

Dustin put the sling over his body and put Bonfire inside. He could feel the tears sliding down his face as he got ready to leave - Dustin slid his sunglasses on and then he locked up the house, climbing into the mustang he headed over to the trailer first. When he got inside, he put his sunglasses and car keys on the counter. 

It hurt - looking around and seeing everything packed up. That it wasn't like it was before, that he'd been living with Jay - not for long, but it still hurt. It felt like Jay was already gone and Dustin didn't like it. He found Jay's note on the fridge, and Dustin took the note and put it into the pocket of his jacket so he could show it to Steve later. He was still scared though, Dustin went into the bedroom, and he sat down on the bed.
 
He brushed his fingers over Jay's pillow and then pulled it in, smelling Jay's pine/minty scent - he let out a shaky sob, and Dustin held onto it - he didn't want to let it go. Dustin curled up in the pillows - cradling Bonfire in the sling, she made sleepy noises and then she buried her face into the pillow too, making soft little noises. "I miss him too." Dustin whispered, feeling tired - he said, "Let's just stay here for a little bit."

Dustin kicked his boots off - still wearing his odd socks. He pulled the blanket up, which smelt like Jay too - and Dustin went to sleep.

***

Steve was sweaty and hot - and he groaned out, "Jesus Murray - how much crap did you have?" Murray laughed - "Well .. yeah sorry about that Kitten." Blake laughed and said, "Why do they call you that?" Steve smirked, "Because I'm sweet and purr like one? I have no idea, ask Mama C?" They both laughed and Claudia said - "I have some beers for you boys - look at you all sweaty and hot.." She gave them all a bright smile, but was blushing at Blake." 

Steve muttered softly, "I think she has a bit of a thing for you hot stuff." 

Blake laughed, "Don't you be saying things like that, thank you Darlin." He said to Claudia as he took a beer from her, then he said to Murray, "We've maybe got two? Possibly three more loads to get - we maybe need to get some more arm power though."

Steve smirked, "Well Dustin did say he was going to come back after he'd been to see Lucas - but maybe we can get him to bring them with him - I.. dunno he should have been back by now." He raked his fingers through his hair - "You.. worried about him? Bout Dustin?" Blake asked, and Steve nodded - "Yeah... shit, Jay.. I dunno.." He pulled Blake away from the ears of Murray and Claudia, "He.. kinda left, he says he's coming back but.." Steve shrugged.

"Steve?" Claudia interrupted, "I just got a call from the school saying that Dustin hasn't shown up again - they're.. I dunno they're getting annoyed he's had so much time off - I tried calling Dustin but he isn't answering so.. I don't know what to do you said he was coming over to help." 

Steve breathed out heavily, and looked at Blake - "..Shit." He muttered - "Mama C, I .. things are a bit I'll find him okay? I .. I'll find him." 

Blake said calmly, "Look, I know that you are.. involved - they're together right? And it ain't my business to know what y'all doing - just, breathe for a second Darlin okay?" He put his hand on Steve's shoulder. "So the last time we saw each other, you and Jay were brawlin' like bar rats - and well Dustin he got caught in the cross hairs of that. Like I said I don't need to know all your business but I did want to help you - I like you. We're friends I hope?"

Steve said softly, "You're a nice guy Blake - I'm a shit head, I.." 

Blake smirked, "Well yeah you kinda are - you're still an asshole, but the thing is - I still wanna help you find him. So - where would he have gone, it he ain't at home, and he didn't go to school?"

Steve said softly, "Probably Jay's."

"Mhmm okay, so... why don't you go to Jay's and get him, then ya'll get to the school pick up some extra arm power, come back here and we can finish doing this shit for Mama C and Creepy Santa."  Blake said with a raised eyebrow.

Steve laughed softly, "Yeah he is fucking creepy." 

Blake smirked, "Just a lil bit  - man I don't even know.."

They both laughed, and Blake shook his head - "So, how did ya'll kiss and make up - cos.. I sense that things have changed a lil bit?"

Steve was blushing as he said, "Uh.. yeah - changed a fair bit. We just.. you know." Blake smirked - "So that mean you're not going to go around throwing out punches and insults? That's good to hear - and no more getting jealous of your little sweet thang?"

Steve murmured, "Yeah.. well, I'll try not to get jealous." Blake laughed - "You got no need to be jealous, he's obsessed with you and Jay - he was telling me all about you, before you went crazy." Steve said softly, "He was?"

Blake laughed and said softly, "Mhmm told me about how you were his hero - and done all this crazy shit, saved him from getting killed by Russians? Said you can play the guitar - you never told me that, that's when he said to Jay that I play the trumpet, then you went all crazy." Blake raked his fingers through his hair.

Steve scratched his neck, "...Yeah I - fucked that up that night." Blake nodded - "Yeah you kinda did." 

They both turned their heads at the sound of Dustin's mustang - the rumbling engine coming to a stop across the street - "Looks like you don't need to worry about him being missin no more." Blake said with a lazy smile, and Steve let out a soft exhale, "Yeah.."

Dustin climbed out of the car - and he stared up at Blake. "Hey." His voice soft - and Blake gave him a big smile, "Hi Darlin, you doing alright?" Dustin bit his lip and said softly, "I'm okay." He looked like he'd been crying though, and Steve said softly - "Did you go to school?'

"No..I.. haven't been yet." Dustin said softly, "I.. fell asleep at Jay's."

Steve gently tugged him in close and kissed his forehead, "That's okay Baby boy."

Blake could tell that Dustin was cold, he took a swig of his beer - and then he said to Steve - "Hold that for a minute," Steve did - watching as Blake went over to his Jeep, opened the backseat, and then came back with a big thick jersey.

"Here you go Darlin' put this on." Blake said to Dustin, helping him to get it on. 

Dustin looked like he was drowning in it - but he gave Blake a smile, blushing and he said softly - "Damn, this is warm." 

Steve laughed softly as Dustin burrowed into it and Blake smiled, "You keep it, it'll keep you nice and toasty." Dustin gave Blake a hug and he said softly, "I'm always cold, so thank you."

"I thought you might be, you're a tiny lil thing." Blake took his beer back from Steve, and he gave Steve a wink.

"So, you fell asleep at Jay's?" Steve asked softly. Dustin nodded - and then he handed Steve Jay's note.

Dustin snuggled into the jersey, looking up at Steve - tears in his eyes, "He said he's coming back." He whispered it and Steve nodded, "Notice he said Steve don't freak out." He snorted and Blake laughed, "Probably cos you fly off the handle?" Blake looked at Dustin, "...Hey lil one, I only saw Jay with you for a short time.. but I know that boy loves you - he says he's coming back? Darlin' he's coming back."

Dustin breathed out softly, and he murmured, "You think so?" Blake nodded and he said softly, "Definitely."  

Steve curled his arm around him and kissed his temple, "Mama said the school rang up, said you hadn't gone in.." Dustin sighed softly, "They're probably going to start getting pissed off soon - I've missed a lot of school.." He curled his arms around Steve and said softly, "I hate that fucking place."

Blake laughed, "I always hated it too - was never my favorite place." Dustin smiled at Blake and he said softly - "I saw your article, that one you wrote for Mr. Clarkes physics class in the old paper." Blake scratched his neck, "I.. that was embarrassing, nobody even knew what I was talking about except him." 

Steve said softly, "I'm just going to go talk to Mama C, tell her that we're going to go get some more help to move the stuff, I'll be right back Sweet Baby." He gently gripped Dustin's chin and gave him a sweet kiss. Dustin whispered, "Okay." He watched Steve head into the house, and then he let out a soft little exhale, curling the sleeves of the jersey over his hands.

Blake was squinting in the sun, Dustin rummaged through his bag, finding his spare pair of sunglasses - he put them on the older boy and said, "Trade ya, for the jersey." Blake let out a soft laugh, "Well alright then, sounds good to me." Dustin let out a soft little giggle and then Blake said, "You're still cold."

"Oh.. I'm always cold." He said softly, and Blake patted his lap - "Come sit, I'll keep you warm while we wait for Steve to come back." 

Dustin said softly, "Okay." He moved and sat in Blake's lap - and then he said quietly - ".. So your article you were talking about exotic matter and how unstable it is - how it can be used to build a wormhole between two different dimensions to create a doorway." 

Blake said with a chuckle, "Oh... Steve said you were smart as hell, you are - most people don't know what the hell I was even talking about." They both laughed, "I.. Mr. Clarke is my favorite teacher." Dustin smiled, "Physics is one of my favorite things. Did you ever figure out more about it.. you know I know it was just a theory.. but you didn't finish the article with any answer." Blake shook his head, "Nah.. I was just messing about you know.. I mean it ain't like I have a laboratory to be playing around with real exotic matter, I wouldn't want to destroy the world or anything.."

Dustin smirked, "I.. yeah I guess." 

Steve came back outside and he sat down in the chair beside Blake - "What you two chatting about?" Steve smiled, but Dustin could see his jaw - tight and his eyes were dark. "Oh we were just talking about exotic matter.. physics.. Blake's got an interesting brain.." Dustin said with a soft little giggle - he took Steve's hands and then kissed his fingers, "I missed you." His voice soft - and Steve instantly melted, the twitch in his jaw relaxed. "Blake was keeping me warm - he's like a big giant teddy bear!" 

Blake laughed and Steve smirked - "Yeah.. you kind of are actually." Dustin giggled - "So.. did you tell Mama?" He sighed softly, "I... don't even wanna go in there. I just want my little posse so we can kidnap them and come back here."

Steve said softly, "So.. that would be, El and Max, Mike and Will - Lucas?" Dustin nodded, "And Andy.." Steve frowned and Dustin said softly, "Andy.. he.. his Dad hurts him Steve."

Steve's gaze met Dustin's and they held it - Blake just watched the two of them quietly - and Steve held his arms out - Dustin's eyes were teary, he gave Blake a soft little kiss and said softly, "Thanks for keeping me warm." But then he slid into Steve's lap and curled in close.

"His Dad hurts him? Steve murmured.

"Uhuh yeah." Dustin whispered back, "He's just my friend Steve, someone that I wanna protect, keep safe - he needs to be safe."

"Alright Baby boy." Steve curled his fingers into Dustin's hair, stroking his back at the same time. "We'll keep him safe." Steve murmured softly, and Dustin whispered against his neck, "I love you so much my little monster."

Steve let out a soft little growl and then he kissed Dustin's throat, biting softly and tickling. "I love you too." Blake laughed softly as Dustin started giggling. 

"Noo.. no don't tickle me you piece of shit." Dustin leapt up out of the chair and flipped Steve off - "Nope. not tickling me.." Steve chased him and Blake laughed - "You should, that is the sweetest giggle ever." 

Steve laughed, "I know right?" He looked at Blake - "We should take your jeep, everyone will fit in it."

"Well alright then, come on lets go.." Blake laughed and Dustin said - "No.. tickling Steven!" He eyed Steve wearily - and Steve smirked, "No tickling I promise." 

They all got into Blakes Jeep, and Steve had Dustin in his lap - Blake leaned over and said, "Who is in here - I've been curious." He looked into the sling. "Well ain't that the sweetest lil face. Hi there."

Bonfire yawned and then whimpered softly, Dustin said softly, "This is Bonfire." 

Steve kissed Dustin's cheek, "Aka his daughter." Dustin said softly, "Our daughter?" Steve murmured, "Our daughter, she doesn't like me all that much though."

Blake chuckled and reached in, "Oops yeah she just nipped me."

Steve grinned - "She doesn't like you either." Dustin laughed softly, "Bon Bon! Stop biting. That's naughty." 

Blake chuckled, "She just likes you Mama." Steve smirked, "She loves her Papi too." Blake grinned at Steve, and Steve smirked - "She's just not a Daddy's girl." 

Dustin was blushing and he said softly, "Steve.." He hid his face, getting all shy and Steve curled his fingers into Dustin's hair. "What?" He gave Dustin his best innocent face. "You're being naughty." Dustin said softly, and Steve kissed his cheek - "So pretty when you get all shy." Bonfire poked her head out the sling, wriggling her little butt. "So cute." Dustin giggled and Bonfire did one of her little howls. Dustin howled back at her and she snuggled back down, just watching the two of them. 

"She's a Pitbull right?" Blake asked - looking at Dustin, "Uhuh Yeah - Blue nose." He replied, playing with Steve's hair. 

"I got a white Pitbull, his name is Ghost, and his sister is Yuli. They're a little bit older than Bonfire though - six months old." Blake smiled - "I take them camping with me, Yuli loves it, Ghost well.. he's a bit of a chicken." He motioned to the photo hanging from the rearview mirror. "That's them."

Dustin grabbed it and said, "Aw they're so cute - ooh.. look at his eyes, they're like Bonfire's." Blake chuckled - "Yeah he's a bit of a Daddy's boy. I spoil them rotten." Dustin grinned and he said, "Well there's nothing wrong with that." Steve said with a yawn, "I.. was never allowed to have pets.. I kinda always wanted a cat.. I like cats." 

Dustin smiled, watching Steve's face - "You tired Baby?" He said softly, and Steve mumbled, "Lil bit.. mhmm yeah." Dustin smiled at Blake, and then he said softly - "Thanks for helping you know with my Mom and Murray." Blake smiled, "It's alright Darlin' - I had nothing else to do today, and well Steve really loves your Mom, I know he cares about you a lot - so.. I don't mind helping out."

Steve rubbed his eyes, "I'm fuck.. yeah I can't go to sleep, work to do.. I'll go round everyone up okay? You stay here with Blake." He kissed Dustin's forehead, then nuzzled his nose against Dustin's. "Cold little nose." He murmured and Dustin blushed. "I can go get them." Steve growled softly, "No.. I'll go - they might kidnap you."

Blake pulled into the carpark, and Steve said, "I won't be long." Dustin hopped out of Steve's lap, Steve gave him a deeper kiss this time - leaving him breathless, and then he ran across the carpark. Dustin climbed back into the Jeep and Blake said, "I'll turn the heat on hmm?" 

Dustin said softly, "It's okay, then everyone else will just get hot and uncomfortable." Blake watched him quietly for a couple of minutes and then he said softly, "You're worried that Jay isn't coming back." Dustin lifted his gaze and then he whispered, "Yeah.. I am." 

Blake switched the heat on and Dustin said softly, "..You won't get too hot?" Blake shrugged, "Who cares if we do - you're like a little icicle, you need to be warm." 

He said softly, "..Okay." Blake chuckled - "You should get some thermals, they'll keep you warm." 

Dustin lifted his gaze, "Are they those things you wear under your clothes?" 

Blake nodded, "Mhmm yeah, actually I may have some spare - I'll check at home, I had them when I was living in Denmark, it gets really cold over there." 

"You lived in Denmark?" Dustin asked softly.

"Yeah I've lived in lots of places." Blake said, as he smiled, - "Denmark was probably one of my favorites - oh and Iceland, its ... like hardly a lot of people but its a beautiful place, wild and majestic - old.. feels old, you know what I mean?"

"Old like powerful?" Dustin asked.

"Yeah, that's it exactly." Blake said - "Old and wise, like from some other time and place. The earth has secrets - the air has secrets. It speaks."  

Dustin smiled softly, "I like that. Not to many places around here that feel like that, but.. I still know what you mean."

"I know you do." Blake said quietly - looking out the window. "You've been around before." He said with a chuckle.

Dustin giggled softly, "What makes you say that?" 

Blake looked at him, "Just a feeling. I thought that when I first met you. You're a lot older than you seem." 

Dustin nodded, "You're interesting."
 
Blake chuckled softly, "So are you.. Here comes Steve with everyone."  

Dustin smiled and then everyone was piling into the jeep - "Hey guys." Dustin said softly, he slipped out and Steve climbed back in - and then Dustin climbed back in and sat in Steve's lap. 

"Blake? This is everyone - you weren't really introduced properly last time." He looked at Steve and the gave Steve a soft kiss. "Everyone this is Blake - Blake this is, El - Max, Mike, Will - Lucas, and this little turd is Andrew.. Hi Andrew.." Dustin gave Andy's cheeks a smoosh and Andy laughed. 

"Hey everyone." Blake said with a chuckle. 

Lucas was sitting there quietly, and Dustin reached out, interlaced their fingers and he said softly - "We.. need to talk, just us." Lucas let out a soft exhale - tears in his eyes, and he said softly, "Okay." Dustin squeezed his hands, and he whispered, "Okay."

"So we're helping Mama C and Murray move in together?" Max asked, and Steve said, "Yeah - then when we've finished doing that, we'll .. go get some food? I'm starving." Everyone was chatting all at once, and Dustin saw Andy sneaking little glances at Blake, then he looked out the window. 

El was sitting between Max and Lucas, and she was biting her lip - very quiet - Lucas' hand was right next to hers, and she gently brushed her little finger against his. Dustin smiled softly to himself and then he curled his head and breathed in Steve's smell. Cinnamon and vanilla - and he just let his eyes close. He bit his lip softly. The voices of everyone all soothing and he said to Steve softly, "Thank you for going and getting everyone."

Steve slid his fingers into his hair and he whispered, "It's okay sweet Baby." Dustin gave him a soft little kiss and he whispered back, "More hands means it wont take as long." Steve smiled against his mouth and he murmured, "I love you my lil light." Dustin whispered back, "I love you too my darkness."

***

They got the move over with, everyone was piled into the living room - drinking soda's or beers and munching on snacks and sandwiches. Dustin was sitting with Andy, playing with his hair and they'd been whispering to each other. Dustin said softly, "I'm getting really worried, he's still not back.." 

"He'll come back, he said he was going too.." Andy said softly - "He.. wouldn't say that and then not come back. Right?" 

Dustin whispered, "I... don't know, I don't know anymore I really.. hope you're right." He could feel the burning in his eyes, and Andy rest their foreheads together - "Don't cry Micalz, he'll come back." He kissed Dustin's cheek softly and Dustin whispered, "I.. hope so." Andy said softly, "I'm gonna go get a soda, you want one?" Dustin nodded and he whispered, "Yeah.. I'm gonna go outside for a little bit, need some air."

As he got up, Dustin felt a bit woozy - but Lucas gently gripped his arm, steadying him. They both looked at each other and then Dustin said softly, "Come outside with me?" Lucas nodded - Dustin caught Steve's gaze as they left the room, and then Lucas held his hand, and they went outside. 

They were both quiet, and Dustin still couldn't really shake of the strange uncomfortable feeling. He didn't know why - but he just felt the strange disconnection, like he had the last time they'd been together.

"So I." "I wanna." They both started to speak at the same time.

Dustin let out a soft exhale, and then he said quietly - "You start."

Lucas said softly, "I.. wanna just start with I'm sorry, I.. I've been such a fucking asshole, a jealous.. asshole. I.. don't even know how to do this." 

"Jealous? Jealous of what?" Dustin said quietly - "What are you talking about Lucas."

Lucas whispered, "You love everyone else, but you don't love me." Dustin frowned and he said softly, "Why the hell would you even think that? It isn't true."

"It's not? It.. feels like that, like.. you wanted everyone else around - but not me, you... even made friends with Andy but you still didn't.. want me." Tears spilled down Lucas' face and he said hoarsely, "You wanted to ...kill me." 

Dustin said hoarsely, "Yeah because you fucking accused me of betraying you! After you'd been spreading bullshit lies about me. After you hurt El, hurt Max by sleeping with El - all the shit you'd been doing, it isn't that I don't love you, I just don't know what you're doing - and then you hurt me by accusing me of bullshit. I don't like liars Lucas, you told me that .. Jay and Steve were together - you couldn't wait to hurt me.." He had tears sliding down his face. 

"Because I was.. jealous and hurt - I wanted you to love me too." Lucas whispered - "I need you the same as everyone else does, but you just kept pushing me away. I had nobody, nobody and I needed you too.. I needed you." Dustin breathed out harshly, and Lucas said with a sob - "I needed you all this time, and you were gone - Mike and Will they had each other, I had nobody, till El... but then that got.. I don't know.. I don't know what I did wrong I wasn't trying to hurt her I swear... I love her... I love her.." Lucas was sobbing, and Dustin breathed out harshly.

He pulled Lucas into his arms and Lucas clung onto him tightly - "It's okay, it's okay Lu, It's okay." Dustin was rocking Lucas in his arms, as Lucas said brokenly - "I.. it hurts, it hurts so bad - I can't sleep anymore, I.. can't breathe, please don't hate me.. don't hate me I can't.. please." From the living room - Dustin could see both Max and El, hands curled together and they were both crying - Dustin looked at them, and he said to Lucas - "It's okay, I don't hate you, I love you I promise - just breathe, breathe... it's okay. We're okay."

His Mom and Murray both looked at Dustin ' and he gave them the thumbs up sign. El and Max came out and Dustin said softly - "It's okay Lulu. I don't hate you, I'm sorry - sorry that I scared you, we'll be okay." Lucas was just sobbing, and he said shakily - "He keeps showing me shit, bad shit... I think he's going to kill me.." 

Dustin frowned, "Who? Who are you talking about." Lucas breathed out in harsh breaths, "Vecna...he.. he never lets me sleep - I can't sleep, I.. can't.." Dustin frowned and then he said quietly, "Girls, go get in my car, we're taking Lucas back home. Steve - were going home. Blake can you bring everyone else home to my place - they can tell you how to get there."

"Dusty." His mom said softly, "Mom.. I need to get him to my place. He needs.. protection." He stared at her and she cupped his face - "Well come too." He nodded and looked at Murray - "We're going to need you're help as well on this one too." Dustin's voice was soft, calm and Murray put his hand on Dustin's shoulder - "It's my honor to help you Micalz." Dustin smiled softly, and then he held Lucas a little tighter in his arms. 

"It's going to be okay, alright? I got you - I'm going to make sure he can't get inside your head anymore." Lucas said hoarsely, "Are you carrying me around?" Dustin smiled, "Mhmm.. shut your face and let me." He looked at El, "Can you please bring Bon Bon." 

She looked at him, her voice sad - yet soft, "Yes I can do that." She looked at Max, as Max put the sling over her and then they put Bon Bon inside. Max gently cradled Lucas' head, "Why didn't you say anything shit bird?" She said softly.

"I.. don't know." Lucas whispered.

Dustin said softly, "We.. don't have time for this now, Andy." 

The other boy looked at him and Dustin said quietly - "I want to make sure you're not being affected by Vecna as well.." He looked at El, "We need to make sure Lil bit." She said softly, "Yes, we do." They all got into the vehicles, and Dustin put Lucas into the backseat of the mustang. He said softly, "Lu?" Lucas looked at him, shaking and Dustin took hold of his hands, "...Whatever bullshit he's been making you see, whatever he's been telling you."

Lucas breathed out shakily, and Dustin held his head in his hands - "It isn't true. Okay?" 

"I... try to shut it out, its just.. so fucked up." Lucas said hoarsely - "He.. told me, that I was going to end up alone - and.. it.. it happened, I have.." Dustin growled softly, "No.. it hasn't because you're not alone, you've never been alone. Look at me.." Lucas looked at him, "I'm your brother, and you're mine - fuck him, fuck Henry. We're your family - and you're not alone Lucas." 

He pulled the blanket he'd brought with him over Lucas and he said again, "...You're not alone." He shut the door and then climbed into the drivers seat - Steve held his hands and they interlaced their fingers - the two of them quiet as they drove back to Dustin's. 

"He's still not back." Steve said softly.

"I know." Dustin whispered. And Steve squeezed his hand gently. 

"Steve.. I want you to protect them - keep them safe, later.." Dustin's jaw was twitching as he stared straight ahead looking at the road. "Well I will but.. where are you going?" Steve asked, holding his hand tighter."

Dustin just kept his focus on driving. "Dustin.." Steve asked - "Where are you going?" 

He breathed out slowly, and then he growled - "Right now it doesn't matter. Right now I have to protect Lucas." He turned his head, his eyes meeting Steve's - "And I know, I know that you can protect everyone if I am not here, I need you to promise me that you will." 

"I promise." Steve said softly, breathing out slowly. "Good." Dustin whispered back. "Lets get him inside."

***

Steve raked his fingers through his hair, "Right now it doesn't matter. Right now I have to protect Lucas." When Dustin had turned his head - looking at him as he said it, his eyes had been glowing white. He knew better than to question him - to fight him, to argue. 

The fact that Dustin believed and trusted that Steve could protect everyone, was all he needed. Micalz was so close - that Steve could feel his power radiating out of him. It was like he could have almost stepped through from his cage in the abyss. Steve shivered and he didn't want to question why Dustin wouldn't be there. 

He was scared though, scared because Jay still wasn't back - scared because Dustin was vibrating with power with raw power and he was pissed. Dustin got everyone into the house - he was murmuring softly to his Mom and Murray - and his Mom was nodding, looking at her son - with quiet awe. Murray said "Everyone, guys - calm down a little yeah? Just calm down things are going to be fine, Blake - Kitten, help me feed everyone yes?"

Steve breathed out slowly, and they started getting some food organized. But Dustin and his Mom had disappeared into the room where they had taken Lucas. Blake and Andy were in the kitchen, and Steve snapped out of the daydream he'd been having - going into the kitchen, Andy said softly - "..Dustin said Vecna's been messing with Lu's head?" Steve nodded - "Yeah, it.. it's not good." 

Andy bit his lip and then he whispered, "Steve will he be okay? Lucas." Steve saw the tears, and he said quietly - "Come here kid." He pulled Andy into a hug, the other boy breathing out shakily and Blake gave Steve a soft smile, "I can get the food stuff sorted - Murray can you give me hand?." Mike and Will both appeared, "We can help too." 

Steve left them too it and Andy said shakily - "Fuck I'm sorry.." El gently pulled Andy into her arms, and they sat down - she stroked her fingers into his hair, and she said softly - "Close your eyes." Andy did - and she did too, Max sniffled - and Steve said softly - "Wanna cuddle?"

She eyed him and then nodded, curling up in his lap. Steve said softly - "Long day, long night hmm?" El said softly, "Andy is safe - Vecna hasn't done anything that I can find. But I think Micalz should still check you as well." She cuddled Andy close and they sat there quietly - she looked at Steve  - "...Dustin's very ..unstable at the moment, his.. he's very angry I can feel it - feel his emotions." El's voice was soft, but a little shaky.

"Yeah I can feel it too." Steve said softly.

Claudia came into the room and she said softly, "Murray - I need your help for a moment." Murray wiped his hands and he said, "Yes my love." He went with her and Steve let his eyes close - everything felt a bit too heightened - Steve could feel it - like a charge in the air. Murray and Claudia both came back - and Steve said, "What's happening?" 

Claudia said softly - "Dustin is going to be coming out in a moment to ask you all something important, if you don't want to do it - its okay." She looked at Blake, "You shouldn't be involved with this, you're a new friend to everyone, so.. we don't expect you to be a part of what he's going to ask of everyone else." She looked at Andy next, "..It's up to you Sweetheart." Her soft gentle voice she cupped Andy's face. "But its a serious thing, a powerful thing."

Dustin came out, and he was only wearing his pants - "Alright.." He looked at all his friends, "Michael, William.." He breathed out softly, "Max - El, Andrew.. I ask for your blood, for protection for your Brother Lucas, for a blood sacrifice, a rite - protection. He needs it, if you want to give it freely - it will be used to protect and seal him - if you want to give it freely, you will be bound by blood for the rest of your lives, don't do it - unless you love him and intend to honor the bond." 

Mike stood up and he held out his hand to Dustin, "I pledge my blood, my love and my fealty to my brother." Mike said softly, calm - and Dustin said softly - "I accept." He dragged the blade of his dagger across Mike's hand and the blood dripped into the bowl. Then Dustin gave the bowl to his Mom - who started whispering some words over it, but Dustin took Mike's hand and held his over it, his white eyes glowing brighter, and when Mike took his hand away, there was no sign of it having been cut.

Will stood up and did the same thing, "I pledge my blood, my love and my fealty to my brother." Will whispered, and Dustin said softly, "I accept." He did the same process, dragging the blade over Will's hand, taking some blood, then healing the cut. 

Both Max and El also did it - then Andy, but everyone was surprised when Blake stood up. He said softly - "I pledge my blood, my love and my fealty to my brother." Dustin said softly, but his eyes were on Blake, "I accept." He did the same process, but as he was healing the cut - he also added, "Welcome to the family."

Steve let out a soft little exhale, and Blake said softly - "It's an honor to serve you." He kissed Dustin's hand and Dustin said softly, "Go sit down." They stared at each other for a moment, everyone was quiet - and then Blake stepped back and sat back down next to Steve.

Dustin took the bowl from his mom - and then he disappeared into the other room. "He'll be back in a moment." Claudia said softly, "Don't worry - Lucas will be safe, Dustin? He knows what he's doing." She looked at Murray, "He... he's amazing Murray.. amazing.." Tears welled up in her eyes and she said softly, "He... he isn't even fully here and he's this powerful."

Murray curled his arms around her, "Well he is our beloved morning Star." Claudia whispered, "He's amazing." 

There was a strange hum in the air - and then the sound of Lucas crying out, a bright blaze of light that shot out through the air and El whimpered her nose bleeding, "Oh sweetheart.." Claudia said softly, grabbing some tissues and holding El close. "That.. oh that hurt my head." El said softly, Max said tearfully, "What was that."  The two girls were just staring at each other, Claudia gently wiping at El's nose.

Dustin came back out of the room, Lucas was with him - now wearing a gold vial around his neck - very similar to the one that Dustin was wearing that Eddie had made for him. 

Lucas suddenly grabbed hold of Dustin and held him tight. Dustin curled his fingers against the other boys' head and he whispered something that nobody else could hear. He let go and then he moved closer to El, holding his hand out to her - "Come here." He said softly, El breathed out softly - moving away from Max and his mother.

Dustin held up the different necklaces - but he gave El a silver one like his - he said, "You need protection from him as well. I know you don't believe you do, but you do. In fact everyone in this room does, except for Steve and Jay. And that's because.. well they're a bit different from you guys." His voice soft - he held one out to Mike, Will, Max, Andy - and Blake. "Mom and Murray, they're alright too." Claudia smiled, helping Max put hers on. 

Steve was helping Blake with his, when Dustin said quietly - eyes on Blake - "We should talk." That was all he said, and Blake just nodded - and Steve didn't know what was happening, but he felt like it was something. Something strange.

Dustin gently cupped El's face - "Sorry I made your head hurt and your nose bleed." She looked at him - "What happened?" Dustin said calmly - "I locked the door to everyone's minds - he can't get back in. They're sealed shut." He stroked his fingers against El's cheek, "Yours was wide open to him, that's why it hurt.. that's why your nose bled. Now... we can all talk to each other if we need too... up here.." 

He pointed to his head. "But - we'll work on that together. It can be turned on or off." El cupped Dustin's face and she said softly, ".. You're getting stronger - from over there from your .. cage." 

Dustin smiled, a soft little smile - "Yes.. little sister I am." She let out a soft little exhale, and Dustin just stared at her, "We'll talk later." He looked at Steve, "...I have to go and look for Jayden. You will stay here and keep them safe.. like you promised."

Steve breathed out sharply - and Dustin whispered into his mind - You promised me my dark love, keep them all safe - I have to go and find him. He hasn't come back yet. Talk to me this way, just push your thoughts into my head, only mine.

He breathed out shakily, feeling the cool whisper of Dustin's voice inside his head was almost hypnotizing. I don't want you to go, I.. want to come with you. 

He felt the coolness of Dustin's fingers touching him - even though he was still standing on the other side of the room. My dark prince, I know you do - but.. I want you to keep our family safe. I trust nobody else but you to do it, I love you - I will be back soon, if I can't find him... he has left us. I... don't want you to see me if he has left us I will lose my temper. It's best if I am on my own if that happens, okay?

Their eyes met across the room, and Steve gave Dustin a small nod. Dustin blew him a kiss and then he hugged Lucas, speaking to him softly. Steve's eyes welled up and he watched Dustin disappear into the bedroom. When he came back out a short time later he had a long sleeved t-shirt on and a coat. His eyes meeting Steve's again, I love you my prince of pain - I'll be back soon.

Steve breathed out shakily, I love you too my lil light.

Once he heard the rumbling of the mustangs engine Steve let his eyes close. He tried not to cry - he tried to keep his emotions in check - but he had to step out of the living room, he went into hallway, breathing out shakily as his tears escaped. He could hear everyone talking, the warmth of the house and their voices were soothing but Steve was still worried. Because the two people he loved more than anything were now both gone. 

He went into the room - where Dustin had obviously used it to heal? To remove the ties that Vecna had over Lucas. The bed had been pushed up against the wall, and a massive circle was drawn on the floor in white chalk - it was His key from the Ae Goetia. Steve let out a soft little breath - wiping the tears from his cheeks. The fact that Dustin just instinctively knew what to do, was impressive. Claudia has said she'd never seen anything like it. 

Steve went into the bathroom and dampened some cloths and then he went back and cleaned the room - whispering the cleansing rites to unbreak the chain. He also knew that's another reason why Dustin had asked him to stay to protect everyone. Being Belial - being a Prince of Hell, he was the only one that could do this. He had the power to break a Lesser Key. He had everything cleaned up. The bedroom back in order. 

He'd just finished up, when Claudia said softly - "Stevie?" He looked at her and she said softly, "My prince.." She did this strange little bow with her head and Steve whispered, "What was that for?" She smiled and cupped his face, "Because you are a Prince of Hell, and I am lesser than you, it is my duty to bow to you." 

Steve snorted softly - "You're my Mama, you don't bow before me." They both smiled and he curled her up in his arms. "I love you my sweet little kitten." She giggled and he smiled, "I love you too. Are you happy you have Papa Claus all moved in?"

She giggled softly, "Yes, you'll have to come for dinner - all three of you." Claudia looked at him, "You and Dustin, you're worried." He nodded - "Last night.. we.. thought that we. had finally made everything good, we.. woke up this morning and Jay had left.." Steve closed his eyes tightly, "I had a bad feeling Mama I thought.. he was going to do this."

Claudia gently wiped his face, Steve didn't even know he'd been crying. "Don't cry, he'll come back - he will." She said softly, "Dustin showed me the note. He was crying too." Steve opened his eyes, "Come and eat, you're getting too thin.." He laughed softly, and she huffed - "Don't you laugh at me Steven, who is your friend.. oh my he's rather fetching." 

Steve smirked and said softly, "Blake? Uh.. yeah he's a friend from school. He's only been back in town a little while." Claudia said with a giggle - "Oh he's very handsome and that accent." Steve just laughed and they made their way back into the living room. 

Everyone was eating and talking - more relaxed and at ease, Claudia was sitting with Murray - the two of them joking together and Steve was so happy for her - she was so clearly in love, and Murray was besotted with her. He was munching on some fries - and was sneakily giving Blake and Andy the side eye - the two of them seemed to be getting along quite well. Steve's eyes met Lucas who was watching them too, and Steve patted the spot beside him. 

Lucas got up and sat down, and Steve said softly - "You feel better Lulu?" Lucas said softly, "Yeah.. yeah much better." He curled into Steve's side as Steve held his arm up. "Good, that's good." Steve said softly. He gave Lucas a soft kiss on the forehead and they were both sharing Steve's fries. 

Andy snorted and said - "Oh fuck off, no - dude you gotta stop with the trumpet." Steve actually laughed and Andy grinned, "I mean I get that you play it.. but.. stop talking about it please!!" 

Blake laughed, "Do I talk about it too much? Fuck.. I'm sorry - just.. I get all weird and I don't know what to talk about."

Andy smirked "I'm sure you have way better things to talk about that your trumpet." He snorted and then he looked over at Lucas, shifting he went and sat next to him. Steve looked at Blake - "Really dude, your damn trumpet, don't you play anything else??" He threw a fry at him - and Blake caught it in his mouth." They both laughed and Blake flicked his fingers through Steve's hair - "You talked about your hair all night, and Farrah Fawcett spray."

Steve snorted, "Bullshit.. and anyway if I did - it was because I was bored." 

Blake smirked - "You're an asshole" 

Steve grinned, "Yeah I am, oh well... what you gonna do?" They both laughed and Steve eyed Lucas and Andy - they were talking quietly, and then Andy nodded - he let out a soft laugh, and Lucas looked all shy, but Andy leaned in closer and whispered something to him. 

Blake was watching them but pretending that he wasn't and Steve was smirking up at the ceiling - "I'm really tired." Mike said softly, rubbing his eyes. "Well if you need to go to sleep, I can show you were to go." Steve said softly. Will had already drifted off in Mike's lap and Mike looked at Steve - "Yeah.. that'd be good." Steve nodded, "Alright leave him there for a second and we'll come back and get him." 

By the time Steve and Mike came back, Claudia said softly - "Murry and I are going to go, will you be alright? You can call us if you need anything okay Kitten?"