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hey dave do you ever think about laying my neck down in one of those deli counter meat slicers and going to town on it like a salami by the meat machine (problemsloth) for cmdonovann
Fandoms: Homestuck
31 Dec 2022
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Summary
"So. Decapitation as a sexual activity."
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,047
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 30
- Kudos:
- 264
- Bookmarks:
- 51
- Hits:
- 2,819
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Summary
Hal finds himself stranded aboard a certain meteor, impact-bound for Houston, Texas circa 1995. And everything spirals out from there.
Because sometimes, when a system seems to be just short of defunct, all that is required is to take a step back and reevaluate the materials at hand and redistribute your available resources.
And so, with birth comes a countdown on a cycle that begins as it ends: In the red.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 417,175
- Chapters:
- 82/?
- Comments:
- 2,254
- Kudos:
- 947
- Bookmarks:
- 208
- Hits:
- 41,651
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Bookmark Notes:
Comment
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Yesterday is Tomorrow (everything is connected) by IAM_Kneazle (twicethet), twicethet
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
10 Apr 2026
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Summary
James Potter went five years at Hogwarts without realizing Lily had a little sister. Hermione would have preferred it if he never realized she existed. Now she's stuck, in Potter's circle of awareness, and maintaining the timeline. Not like he makes it easy, or something.
April 2026. Now complete.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 274,820
- Chapters:
- 30/30
- Collections:
- 68
- Comments:
- 5,041
- Kudos:
- 15,517
- Bookmarks:
- 5,976
- Hits:
- 627,836
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Bookmark Notes:
Probably one of the best fanfics I’ve ever read.
Not that dark, a NEW trio, characters saved and redeemed… amazing , glorious, 100/10 -
Bookmark Notes:
18
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Summary
Dream-sharing: a highly illegal little industry in which agents delve into people's dreams, and unearth their deepest secrets and memories.
Within this business, the Strider-Lalondes are known as the best there is — until Dirk Strider gets his fool-ass trapped within the confines of his own subconscious, with his Auto-Responder playing malicious prison warden.
To save him, the best and brightest dreamers in the world will have to form a team. Backed by the token rich friend, lead by the surliest extractor ever bribed out of retirement, haunted by the shade of the latest, greatest agent in the biz, and on the run through a dangerous tiered dream in a hostile mind... It's going to take a miracle to pull this one off.
11/11/21: FULLY REVISED WITH A "FIVE YEARS LATER" EPILOGUE
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 116,613
- Chapters:
- 18/18
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 736
- Kudos:
- 2,405
- Bookmarks:
- 688
- Hits:
- 55,160
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BBRae Week 2024 Day 5: I don't like the way he talks about her by Badbunny139
Fandoms: Teen Titans - All Media Types, Teen Titans (Animated Series)
09 Apr 2026
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Summary
A tabloid reporter keeps writing nasty columns about Raven. Beast Boy has something to say about that.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,010
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 2
- Kudos:
- 35
- Bookmarks:
- 4
- Hits:
- 289
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Bookmark Notes:
Adorable
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Summary
When Dirk decided to give his AR a body, he thought he would have a great in-home doctor alongside some sort of company.
The only problem is that Robots are not medical professionals, and Hal has a strange fascination with the complete and utter control he has over Dirk when he's got his fingers in the boys ass.Among other things,
Alternate title; I, Robot, the porn re-run.
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Summary
It's 1975 and Lily Evans lives a double life.
At home, she's the Irish Catholic daughter of a union organizer in a dying industrial town. At Hogwarts, she never puts a toe out of line, never gives her pure-blood classmates a reason to doubt her. Lily has big plans, even if she's not sure what, precisely, those plans entail.
James Potter has never had to be anyone but himself.
Why would he? Wealthy, good-looking, and intelligent, he knows he's lucky, but the war is bringing what's important into sharp relief. His ageing parents have joined the Order of the Phoenix, and James longs to fight alongside them.
When Voldemort's followers murder seven Muggle-borns in broad daylight just before the start of their fifth year, tensions at Hogwarts reach an all-time high. The so-called Dark Lord is recruiting from the student body, and the time has come to act. The trouble is, Hogwarts isn't split between good people and Death Eaters, and old prejudices die hard.
Lily and James have always been enemies - ask anybody. But now that they've found themselves on the same side of an escalating war waged in classrooms and corridors, will they see each other in a different light?
(Part 1 of 3)
Series
- Part 1 of The Things We Carried
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 309,048
- Chapters:
- 23/32
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 482
- Kudos:
- 126
- Bookmarks:
- 78
- Hits:
- 8,382
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Bookmark Notes:
tbr
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Summary
Just your average secret identity vigilante-style Homestuck fic, featuring heroes and villains and vigilantes and absolutely nothing else unexpected at all.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 305,112
- Chapters:
- 39/?
- Comments:
- 2,209
- Kudos:
- 1,133
- Bookmarks:
- 235
- Hits:
- 44,190
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Summary
“Four Dirks In Search Of an Author”
“The Unbearable Lightness of Being Four Dirks”
“Dirkencrantz And Gildensdirk And Two Other Dirks Are Dead”- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,689
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 134
- Kudos:
- 2,021
- Bookmarks:
- 662
- Hits:
- 44,760
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Summary
"I wanna be a little boy, too."
This be a Striders fairy tale, yo. Although one of the horror kind.
(Warning: It's a scary story involving puppets, so do not read if you have a phobia of puppets and ventriloquist dolls!)
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Bookmark Notes:
UNDISPUTED PEAK
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Bookmark Notes:
not digging the style but there are not enough horror stories
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Summary
Dave finds his brother's sex toy stash, and takes interest in one very particular item...
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Summary
The boys go on an expedition to a national park to explore nature. Incidentally, they also end up exploring each other’s bodies.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,041
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 9
- Kudos:
- 94
- Bookmarks:
- 15
- Hits:
- 726
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Summary
Thank god Caliborn isn’t here right now, you think, as Caliborn seeps into the room like a malignant devil who heard his name from inside your mind. He’s green and heat, and he is not welcome.
“SILENCE THE CHILD. OR ELSE I WILL DO IT MYSELF.”
(Dirk runs away from his abusive home in Texas all the way up to a cheap, abandoned house in Oregon that is haunted by an angry green poltergeist with Big Issues and a nasty mile-wide 'cruelty to the living' streak.Dave, the four-year-old little brother Dirk was not fully aware he had, follows him there.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 199,632
- Chapters:
- 14/17
- Comments:
- 289
- Kudos:
- 526
- Bookmarks:
- 155
- Hits:
- 12,134
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Summary
"Hope to me is about believing in stuff. If you believe in stuff, then everything feels like it's going to be okay."
- Jake EnglishAfter stepping through that pure white door...John did not expect to see a battlefield littered with his dead friends. After four years fighting against Lord English, he was the only one left standing against the cherub.
But...perhaps...fate is on his side. John, with the help of his half-dead friends, travels back in time to fix the dreadful future.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 841,881
- Chapters:
- 68/?
- Comments:
- 940
- Kudos:
- 1,556
- Bookmarks:
- 210
- Hits:
- 74,735
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Summary
Two weeks before the premiere of the biggest film of Dave's career, Bro kills himself.
“Dead,” Dirk repeats over the phone. “Bro is D-E-A-D, dead. The apartment is a shithole. Even though the man of the hour is staying in Chez Morgue Drawer, he did a number on the place first. I wouldn’t be asking if I could handle it myself.”
“Just call the Hoarders people. He’s your guy. I didn’t even know him.” Despite being iteration ten thousand, the lie feels less natural than it usually does. “I don’t need to be there. Neither of us do.”
“Totally.” Dirk sounds like sidewalk. “Yeah, no, that was my first thought, but then I slept on it and applied a modicum of critical thinking. In that 'Puppet Fetish Porn Studio Unearthed in Childhood Home of Indie Darling' is gonna boost neither of our ratings.”
Despite the tags, this is a comedy. Or is it?
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Summary
Dirk's final thoughts at the battle.
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Bookmark Notes:
OW my feeligns
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Summary
Jake is in search of a dom to finally have a relationship with clear communications. Dirk is trying out domming for the first time after a particularly bad experience. These two people meet on Grindr and go on a date, learning to get to know each other.
(The title of the fic is based off of To Love Again by Feldup.) -
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Summary
Just a series of depraved lemons set in the Homestuck universe, written based on reader request. You comment a pairing and a kink, and if I think it's good I'll write it. Really just using it to make me more active on this site, because writers block has killed my other story and I'd like to bring it back from the dead. I'll take any kinks besides vore, severe gore, and snuff, so whatever you think is hot, I'll write!
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crossing the line, pun not intended by beanseatingbeans333
Fandoms: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
14 May 2026
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Summary
Dirk was thankful he was in such an oddly large diner bathroom that it had a corner for him to hide around and yes, okay, he wanted to eavesdrop, what about it?
Tina burst into another fit of laughter at, presumably, Todd’s expense. “It’s so funny though!” She protested.
“I don’t care, stop it! Stop, like, dropping hints, or whatever you were doing back there, I don’t want her to know!”
“Tell her yourself then!”
“Wha- How? What do you want me to say? Good morning Amanda, how did you sleep, what are you having for breakfast, oh, by the way, I had sex with Cross!”
Dirk felt his eyes widen, and he stepped out before he could stop himself.
“You had sex with Cross?”
OR:
Todd makes a mistake one night that, for once, does not involve Dirk.
Dirk is extremely curious. Naturally.
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forget about your boyfriend (and meet me at the hotel room) by steelydeelydan
Fandoms: Homestuck
03 Oct 2025
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Summary
Dirk and Roxy try some bondage. It's just smut.
Series
- Part 2 of Oh No, He's Hot!
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,417
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 4
- Kudos:
- 45
- Bookmarks:
- 7
- Hits:
- 653
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Bookmark Notes:
wowowowoowowowowowowowowowoowowiee